#its the wine huh lmao

[zhongrin]

behind the screen

◇ characters ◇ zhongli

◇ tags ◇ yandere, sagau

◇ a/n ◇ ok ok ok story time liSTEN-

i was showing a friend genshin for the first time few weekends ago, and ofc i had zhongli out (she wasn't interested in him tho, sad) to walk around and basically show her around the world. and then we stopped a bit while i explained the whole thing about the usual party composition & the concept of gacha, and ofc zhongli starts talking about osmanthus wine-

so i rolled my eyes (cause i was in the middle of an explanation) and said "zhongli shush" and you know what happened? he. fucking. stopped. talking. the idle animation canceled. i almost pissed myself until i remembered the controller was in my friend's hand and she had moved the joystick. THAT ALMOST SCARED ME TO DEATH SLFJSLJFLS LMAO

so yeah have a drabble 'inspired' by that. toodles~

𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

he knows you love his voice.

it's something you always tell him, both directly and indirectly. you would drop in his voiceover menu every now and then, purposefully put him on idle so you can listen to his musings, and whenever he appears on scenes you would visibly deflate if the dialogues involving him are muted from your side. at such times, he takes one step closer to the idea of breaking this world's laws entirely, because if you wish to hear him then you should be able to - you should always get whatever you want, the deity that you are in his eyes.

like now, when you're gushing about him to what seems to be your friend. he's never heard of her before, but you seem close, and he feels the familiar twitch of his fingers, itching to reach out to you, to pull you close and smother you with his presence instead.

from the way you had to explain the basics of his world, he assumes your friend is a complete beginner entirely. but surprisingly she doesn't seem to be too impressed with him, despite the excitement that's filling your voice, and he can sense how agitated it made you. true enough, when he stealthily sneaks a glance, you're pouting a little before you launch into an explanation of how necessary of an addition he is to the team, and the workings behind the gacha system.

adorable.

... but your attention is slipping away from him. now that- he can't have that. he sighs and triggers the idle function with your favorite audio file that he frequently abuses, feeling his body and lips move as per the scripted codes.

"osmanthus wine-"

"zhongli, shush!"

...... what?

it was a reflex. a force of habit, you could say. no one likes to be talked over by someone else when they're talking, right?

"sorry, he's a little-"

you stop talking because suddenly, it's silent. the hair on the back of your neck rises.

"did you move the joystick?" you ask your friend, eyeing the now-still 3d model of your favorite character on the big tv screen.

"huh? no?" she answered, waving the gadget by its handle with one hand, "uh- didn't you say it has drifting problems? maybe it's that?"

".... yeah........ yeah, that's got to be it. anyway, as i was saying-"

zhongli is needlessly quiet for the rest of your little showcase. you continue to talk with your friend happily, the little event pushed to the back of your mind as you enjoy spending time with one of your favorite people, throwing jokes, laughs, and eventually turning off genshin to move on to celebrity crushes and a cute looking singer that's going to have his little concert in the city soon.

zhongli lets you.

for it would be the last time you could enjoy the such activity before he forcefully pulls you into their side.

to his side, where you rightfully belong to.

© zhongrin | 2022 ◆ no repost. reblogs much appreciated. feel free to reach out to submit suggestions, feedback, comments, or if you just want to talk!

◇ taglist ◇ @paintingsofdragonspine | @genshinparty | @abyssmal-skies | @hamdehlesmis | @depressivecomforts | @sophiethewitch1 | @why-am-i-here-someone-save-me | @sunnshineflxwer | @heartonthemoon | @yuutasbabe | @percyval-archives | @carbs-need-more-lovee | @rebeccka | @queen-belial | @stygianoir | @niverine | @silentmoths

ps. if you want to be removed/added from the taglist, just send an ask!

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #zhongli #zhongli x reader #yandere #sagau #rin writes

[hanafubukki]

Hey Hana!

Its me the anon from those accountant asks. Can I just say this guy needs to be a canon character immediately?!!! I dont need these other guys this spooder is all I need. Also the image of him in spider form swinging around looking at multiple papers is funny lmao. Hes your friendly castle spider-accountant! Oo also can I be spooder anon??

[Masterlist]

Hello Spooder Anon🌺🌻💚,

Yes! Of course you can be Spooder Anon ☺️💞💞

I’m happy to hear that you like the accountant fae. He has such a avid fan 💞☺️💚 I think he would be such a funny and relatable addition into the story 🤣🤣

I love to think that when he tries to escape, he just…attaches himself to the ceiling and hopes no one sees him 😂 , unfortunately for him though, he has other people who hangs upside down too; mainly Lilia. 🤣🤣

For you my dear Spooder Anon, I give you this:

“I can’t with these rich people.”

You were startled when you heard the same exact sentiment echo right next to you.

You turn around and saw a fae looking as surprised as you.

“Greetings,” the fae bow to you.

You offer your hand and shook his, “Nice to meet you, I’m YN.”

The fae introduced himself to you.

“I didn’t expect anyone to share my sentiments about…well,” You gesture to the room.

Only for you to be stunned as the fae went ahead and started rambling about how expensive it is to hold these balls, and not only that but the cost for food and decorations.

Let alone how perfect everything has to be, and it wasn’t easy appeasing Queen Meleanor.

Poor guy was clearly stressed, you guessed he must have been the castle’s accountant.

“I’m sorry!”

“You should have thought of that before you mentioned a Bog of Stench to the Queen.”

“On the bright side, you will have less snooty Senators to deal with.”

You smiled at him as he sighed.

“Fine. You’re right. Now shoo shoo before I have to deal with your husbands.”

“They aren’t that bad!”

“The General looked ready to throttle me and your Knight gave me a look that was much worse. I don’t know how it was even more unpleasant than the General’s, but it seemed like he was disappointed in me. Which made me more uncomfortable!”

You laughed as the accountant flopped onto his table in despair.

“I’m back!

“No! Not my balanced sheets!”

“Hey!”

“Why are you under the table?”

“To escape this misery.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“It’s worse! Who spends so much on a raffle!”

You didn’t disagree there.

“I brought you chocolates? Levan also passed along this expensive looking wine.”

“Can you tell your family to stop with their extravagant spending? That would be a better bribe.”

“…I can try, but no promises.”

Poor Spider accountant fae 😂😂

I guess I should make a name for him now huh 🤔, I have such a difficult time with names 🤣, maybe I should just call him Peter the spider fae 😆😆

I have a funny scenario where YN once mentioned how she didn’t like spiders before because they are venomous and she hated getting bitten by them.

Only for the spider accountant to start rambling how not all spiders are venomous and that applies to the spider fae as well, and it was basically a Malleus level lecturing 😆🤣

#answered #anonie ask #🌺Spooder Anon🌺 #spider accountant fae #twst knight of dawn x reader x lilia vanrouge #levan draconia #meleanor draconia #twst knight of dawn #lilia vanrouge #x reader

[lovingaquarius]

💐 ANOTHER ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS BY MOI 💐 #3 i believe?

‼️ DISCLAIMER this is completely based on my personal experiences and observations do not take what i say literally i am NOT a professional astrologer‼️

🌸 there’s something with aquarius suns and when upset just going silent. i can attest to this but i’ve seen this alot like if i’m upset at you and can’t leave the immediate vicinity i go MUTE like i can not conjure up the energy or tolerance to say anything. i’m absolutely the type when i’m upset to be on the FARTHEST side of the seat closest to the door cause i just wanna GET AWAY

🌺 maybe it’s bc cancer is ruled by the moon which is a feminine but all the cancer sun males i’ve known have been more feminine or in touch with their feminine and kind of “emotional” (not to cater towards the stereotype that all women are emotional! but we are inherently more emotionally intelligent) they seem to take it rlly personal if you don’t like them back as well. the type who could not be friends with an ex yk

🌼i feel like virgo and capricorn are the placements that like colder, dimly lit environments with a whole bunch of candles lit and blankets -also i feel like cap placements are the ones to be more winter people than summer or spring? lmk if this is resonates with you!!

🌹 maybe some can relate but me and my mercury ruled friend group all will make the most random noises out loud at the most random times. it’s therapeutic honestly 😩 we usually have a random word we’ll make up and keep adding on to it over time until it becomes our own little language LMAO

🌷 idk if this is a gem moon thing because we’re known to be sharers of random knowledge but istg all my friends and some of my family come to me for answers about virtually anything but esp about spirituality. they will literally expect me to have all the answers in the world. i’ve said i don’t know a couple times and ppl have been like “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!!” LMAOO

🪻 can anyone with 6h neptune or maybe more specifically w piscean energy there (i have aqua sun, neptune in the 12 degree of pisces and than pisces uranus there as well ) have very vivid dreams to the point that you can’t figure out if some things that happened in your life were dreams or not+ frequently have dreams within dreams. i get deja vu at LEAST once a day or i think the correct term would be deja reve which means you feel as if you’ve dreamt that moment before. i’ve had dreams that became real but it’s never important things. for example: before i got my youngest cat i had a dream we got him a year earlier. and then just last week i had a dream that my washing machine started leaking and i ran in there and fell LMAO and then two days later my washing machine started leaking (and this has never happened before) thankfully this time i was careful and did not fall 😌

🌻 let me know if im alone in this but i think it’s kind of funny. i have 11h cancer saturn (rx) and i have all my life struggled with connecting with kids and have never really felt maternal but for my friends i suddenly morph into a whole mother, making sure they’re eating well and sleeping like HUH??

🪷 aries mars/aries 1h

-holding alot of tension in head ex: jaw, eyebrows, neck

^ also getting headaches after crying or getting angry+ have frequent headaches or some kind of headache disorder

a chiropractor could probably be useful for this placement. just ALWAYS be discerning when finding one, getting a good one you trust is essential.

+ face getting flushed easily

(my mom has aries in the 1h and i have aries mars and we both 1. cry when we’re mad, 2. face gets soo flushed from wine, and gets red fast when angry) like sometimes something will make me mad or annoyed and my face will flush and get so hot and red) -its also the same for when i get a LITTLE embarrassed which is NOT often it’s so annoying 🙄

💐 this is specific but as someone w a 7h pieces venus i attract a lot of men with venus in pisces for some reason and i finally get a taste of my own medicine bc they will project all their fantasies onto me and be like “i’m in love with you”…sir we have not had one conversation where you asked anything about me…

🌸 if you have ur moon in the 5h you may be a natural with kids or rlly want to be a mother/parent my mom has this and she is so unbelievably good with kids. all of her family would always drop their kids off at our house so she would take care of them and the PATIENCE SHE HAS WITH THEM?!? unreal. they will be having a whole tantrum and she’ll be holding them just joking around which either made them angrier or calm down but they always would come to respect her and listen. even if they are known to be bratty. they would send their naughty kids to our house and call it “angie boot camp” lmaoo

thank you for reading lmk in the comments if any of these resonate for you! until next time <3

#astrology observations #astrology

[lavaflowe]

JTTW READING CLUB CATCH UP

Pt. 2

@journeythroughjourneytothewest

Chpt 4 Thoughts:

•the fighting immediately at the gate should have tipped everyone off this wasn’t going to go well💀 doomed from the start

•the hand holding with Gold star of Venus and Wukong I am not okay, I’m exploding it’s so cute

•Holy shit the poem about Heaven is LONG

•Wukong handles being called a bogus immortal very well?? I thought he would be angrier about that… I guess he knows its true tho🤷‍♀️

•Wukong is fantastic at his job- the best horse girl around (for the 2 weeks he was there lol)

•tantrum™️ kicks over his desk and smashes everything with his ruyi bang, causes property damage and LEAVES

•interesting that I’ve seen a lot of adaptations have him release the horses and do a mini havoc in Heaven

•love that it’s just 2 random demons who suggest 齐天大圣 to Wukong, not anyone important or anything JAKDJSJ

•HE QUITS AND THE JADE EMPEROR CALLS FOR HIM BE CAPTURED BECAUSE HES A MONSTER??? HUH???(I thought Gold Star stepped in but I GUESS I WAS WRONG)(capitalism smh /j)

•NEZHA APPEARANCE WHOOOO

•Spreading Flower axe sounds so cool, prime design material

•”eyes glowered strangely like burning stars; past his shoulders two ears, forked and hard; his voice resounded like bells and chimes”<- poem about Wukong, so lovely

•Theme I’m noticing: Wukong treated like an animal until proven otherwise (makes sense but also not)

•asks Nezha whose little brother is he, and Nezha immediately spits back like 3 insults JAKFJSJSJ, he is not here to mess around🔫

•3 HEADED 6 ARM FIGHT: WUKONG v. NEZHA

•the old bait and switch then smashing Nezha’s shoulder (flash back to all the paintings of Nezha running off while holding his broken arm💀)

•Love that Wukong called himself the little brother of the fraternal 7

•Gold Star Of Venus more like Master Negotiator/Mediator

•….is Gold star lying??? WUH

•”Peace and Quiet” and “Serene Spirit”- it’s like they don’t know that’s gonna bore the shit out of Wukong💀 like watching a train wreck in slow motion- HES NEEDS ACTION AND SOMEONE TO PLAY WITH

Chpt 5&6 under cut:

Chpt 5 Thoughts:

•uses all his free time to make more friends

•Gold Star realizes that he may get bored so they give him an extremely tedious task that will also probably bore him JAKDJAJAJD

•HELP HE JUST STARTS EATING ALL THE PEACHES WHAT- he behaved for probably like 2 weeks (again) and then decided he couldn’t wait any longer to try the OLDEST AND RAREST FRUIT IN THE GARDEN!!! AND HE PICKS MULTIPLE, NOT JUST ONE

•I’m yelling he does this multiple times

•okay but him playing around and eating making him tired and taking a nap on the branches when he’s 2 inches tall?? Adorable, no longer mad he ate all the peaches, he’s just a little guy

•ah so he only ate the really good ones. Ofcourse.

•Gently breaking the news that he’s probably not invited to the banquet 😬

•immediately freezes the peach maidens- WHY??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???

•Identity theft smh

•he is feeling….mischievous

•RESIST UR IMPULSES OH MY GOD

•he is so wasted he accidentally wandered into Laozi’s lab

Wukong: I’ve never met Laozi….now is for SURE the perfect time to make friends, when I’m so drunk I can’t walk straight

•He keeps putting things in his mouth, very monkey™️ of him

•IMMEDIATELY sobered up and knew he was in deep shit

•he lived in heaven for over a century 👀👀, Wukong says half a year- so maybe like 175 days?

•he goes back to get wine for his monkeys 🥺🥺

•next day/year Everyone one complains about the Havoc LMAO, they just kept coming, I know the Jade Emperor is distraught HAJDJAJ

•Wukong was going to straight up ignore the heavenly army they sent if they hadn’t busted down his door😂

•all his demon Allies were captured while he did a 1 v 6 with Nezha and the 5 Devarajas

•Wukong starting to get lost in the sauce, doesn’t care his ally’s were captured as long as his monkeys are okay

Chpt 6 Thoughts:

•Guan Yin Rolling up their sleeves to fix this mess

•”nothing but an invitation to disappointment” THE DRAMATICS

•I wonder if the Greek constellations were actually listed or if that was a translation choice??

•interesting that he outlasted Moksa instead of outwitting him- I feel like there’s a deeper meaning to that

•Guan Yin: I have a solution…..call in your Nephew

Jade Emperor: GENIUS

•Erlang is PUMPED to fight Wukong

•something something Erlang Shen is HAWT

•Erlang Shen: I’m here to kick your ass and arrest you

Wukong: your MOM

Erlang already swinging:

•Warform fight pt 2: Electric Boogaloo

•”they darted as stars to fill the sky”

•Erlangs eye being called the Phoenix Eye sounds SO COOL

•spotted bustard has no standards-I stand by the whore joke

•Erlang having fun with their fight LMAOOOOO

•HELP WHY DID HE WASTE TIME ENTERING A TEMPLE??? WUKONG PLS💀💀 UR ARMY IS GONE AND YOURE CORNERED NOW IS NOT THE TIME

•Wukong defeated with an assist from Laozi and Xiaotian

•stabbed for his crimes

•it’s execution time

•really loved that the poems were used to describe all of the fights

#IM ALMOST CAUGHT UP #SOB #jttw book club #sun wukong #erlang shen #nezha #li nezha #jttw #journey to the west #my art #lava chatter #my thots™️

[enden-k]

Okay but maybe drawing something for this bit of information? (I hope this is an actual haikaveh crumb in the game)

But the one buying wine is Haitham? And Kaveh receiving the wine?

If you don't want to do it, that's okay! Feel free to discard! Love your art btw 💚💚

??? of course it is an actual thing. kaveh and haitham have interactions/mentions all over sumeru basically lmao (npcs, message boards,.....), this is why theyre so obvious, among their other overall interactions/etc akjbc

haitham (who is part of the mahamata) did buy a case of wine for kaveh as an apology aye

(on the topic of wine, haitham ordered several crates of wine only for kaveh to snatch them in his name akjcbsjk)

reminds me of the event where kaveh complained haitham just takes his beer. they rlly be just taking each others stuff freely huh

(anw several more boards show that haitham pays kavehs monthly tab of coffee and drinks regularly. its all true)

(rest is them having heated discussions over their different views on stuff and bantering in public)

anw ill see if i wanna draw this. thanks tho for liking my art !

#reply #own #genshin tag #long post

[deedala]

🍬⛅ Weekly Tag Wednesday ⛅🍬

thanks @jrooc (and @mybrainismelted) for the game this week, and thanks for tagging me🥞

🔠 Favourite nickname you’ve ever been given:  De-ity (not in practice though i just think its funny lmao)

🗺️ Where are you located? oooohioooo

🥶⛱️ What season is it where you are now? fuckin winter

🥳 Favourite tradition this time of year: making my peppermint cookies shaped like candy canes

🥧 Favourite holiday food: ..my peppermint cookies shaped like candy canes lol

☕️ Mulled wine, eggnog or hot apple cider? mulled wine!!

🍗 Turkey, Ham or Nut Roast (Or Tofurkey?)? tofurky i guess? my favorite fake turkey roast is quorn brand (which isnt tofu, its fungus protein 😋)

🏔️🏖️ Would you rather spend the December holidays in:  A cabin in the woods surrounded by snow, or a house on the beach with sun and sand? i guess the cabin but im not thrilled about the in the woods part as that is somewhat spoopy

❄️ Are you pro-snow or anti-snow? pro-snow as long as its enough to cancel my responsibilities lol

⛄️ Have you ever built a snowman? so many

⛷️ Skiing or Snowboarding? no

🎍 Do you decorate for the holidays? a little bit...like bare minimum.

🎬 Favourite holiday movie? The Holiday!! hands down, THE best.

📖 Favourite holiday fanfic? oh fuck this is a genre i need to look into huh....

🎥 If you were to star in a Hallmark movie, who would be your love interest? https://www.tumblr.com/deedala/731125886048501760/

and now to tag in some nuggets that may want to play (or just feel warm and fuzzy 💖) @too-schoolforcool @darlingian @michellemisfit @suchagallabitch @heymacy @heymrspatel @energievie @creepkinginc @palepinkgoat @juliakayyy @mickeysgaymom @lingy910y @sam-loves-seb @metalheadmickey @mmmichyyy @gallawitchxx @gardenerian @transmickey @crossmydna @suzy-queued @rereadanon @tanktopgallavich @sleepyfacetoughguy @sickness-health-all-that-shit @callivich @shippergirl121fic @howlinchickhowl @milkmaidovich @ritualpyre

#tag game #weekly tag wednesday

[toomuchracket]

lmao learning things about me - do i have a breeding kink? what exactly did happen the baba went to bed and the parents enjoyed they’re sangria and matty let his intrusive thoughts win (typical)

babe i too have discovered i was into stuff via fic lol we love journeys of self-discovery!!

anyway, let's say it's a few days into your holiday, so you're all fairly settled into the villa and you're all feeling quite relaxed. you've been at the beach, and the sea air has really tired the baba out - after dinner, she goes to bed no problem at all, and you and matty both know she'll sleep right through until morning. and you watch him be all dilfy and sing her a lullaby and you're internally like "god this is hot he's so hot". anyway, once she's settled in her own room, you and matty grab a couple of glasses of sangria and head to sit outside in the garden in the late evening sunshine.

you have your wine and you chat and you laugh - it feels a bit like you're on a date, in the best way. before he goes to get you a refill, matty pops in to check on the baba, and he comes back like "she's alright, our perfect girl", and you're looking at him all dreamily like "you're so good at this, parenting. you're just amazing with her". and matty blushes and he's like "i'm just doing my job" and you're FEELING it so you're like "and you're looking hot as fuck doing it". matty just smiles and shakes his head like "nowhere near as hot as you, darlin'. total milf. like actually" before he kisses you. and then after the kiss he's all tender like "but really, you're the best mum in the world, as well as the sexiest. my girl, taking the best care of our girl... i love watching it. i love you. i love our family", before you kiss again (still sweet). and then matty thinks for a second before he's like "i have to ask - because of the wine, but i do mean it - do you ever think about us, like, having another? not that i want to put pressure on you or anything, because we don't have to if you don't want to, but i think it would be nice if baba had a sibling at some point. but its cool if not". and you're like "no i agree. when would you want to start trying for another?", and matty literally cannot control himself looking at you all glowy and frizzy-haired in your little sundress so he just blurts out "sweetheart, i'd gladly get you pregnant again now". and then he's like fuck that was too much and you're giggling but you look at him and just say "ok, let's do it". and matty just looks at you in shock for a second and says "for real?", and you move to straddle him and kiss his neck before whispering in his ear "please, want you to fill me up" and matty's like FUCK and literally lifts you and RUNS inside to your bedroom and drops you on the bed.

and it's not NOT sweet, but you've both been desperate for each other lately, after spending the days wearing next to nothing in front of the other, so it's quite a passionate moment. you've got matty's shirt off him within seconds, and he's pulling down the straps of your sundress so he can kiss all over your tits as you whine and tell him to fuck you already. and matty's like "need to get you ready for me first, darlin'" as he's pulling your underwear off, but you grind against his hand to let him feel how wet you are (soaked) and you're like "i've been ready since i saw you hold our daughter against your bare chest this morning", and matty groans as he yanks his own underwear off and he's like "you really want me to get you pregnant again, huh? fuck, that's so hot". and you're WHIMPERING out "please, matty, want it so bad", and matty kisses you tenderly before lining himself up and saying "good, because i'm about to" and just THRUSTING into you. it's fast, but matty's precise and just SO deep inside you, making you gasp as he whispers "good girl, perfect girl, taking me so well. gonna take my cum too? give me another baby? yeah, you are, best mum in the word, best girl in the world. so good, so good for me" directly into your ear. and then his hand moves onto your clit, and you're a goner, moaning into his mouth and wrapping your entire body around his as your orgasm hits - matty follows rapidly, thrusting through it, fucking his cum further into you to ensure it does its job. once he's sure it has, he stays on top of you for a while - still inside you - just kissing you and thanking you and telling you he loves you. and then i think you probably go for another round - you know, just to increase your chances lol (and you repeat it every night of the holiday, too, just to be on the safe side) <3

#mads muses #mads answers asks #matty asks #smutty asks #dad!matty

[astro-iplier]

In response to the butler stream comeback from @ghiertor-the-gigapeen I’m making MY notes abt it bc I want to… so here’s my shithole of a list:

- he’s suffering he needs something to do

- butlery in the family, long line of butlery.

- harvard school of servitude and mastertude are definitely real for sure

- goddamn parents worked for the queen and king got kicked out by daughter sent to america HUH 😭

- arrested for PUBLIC NUDITY because he covered for Mark’s arrest that’s so amazing

- Benjamin literally dresses Mark when he is drunk and passed out I’m so sorry Ben

- I actually think he’s innocent he doesn’t deal drugs he just gets them

- 3 wishes would be: Mark didn’t die, everyone could have a butler, everything to be clean

- chef and him do not mix nuh uh

- coco bathtub canon

- lightning still goes off when wkm ppl say murder

- uh oh colonel owes money big time

- lmao i think Tyler forgot DA is dead

- 1810 Chardonnay wine bottle

- he got everything in Mark’s will omg

- MARK SAID TO CHECK IN ON THE COLONEL EVERY FEW MONTHS WTF THATS. THATS NICE?? thats sad i knew he was a good dude

- ben needs the job man

- In the last months of his life Mark stayed hidden and didn’t even let Ben TOUCH HIM? oof

- people accusing ben of the murder wtf

- he likes brisk jogs that’s cute

- I refuse to accept Tyler’s math in his bday and graduate year fight me tbh doesn’t line for for me.

- top of his class in butlery, bartender, waiter, cleaner, friend🫶, driver AND pet groomer

- #1 ON BUTLER MAGAZINE 🙌

- he’s not just your butler… he’s your friend 😌

- he’ll make you a better person

- perfectionist lol. not in an asshole way dw

- 4AM bright an early, ready for anything 🫡

- does NOT recommend chef (I would)

- ✨Butler Ball✨ you’ll be the butler and I’ll be the other butler its a love story baby just say yeah

- OP cleaner

- all he would as is his own private quarters

- he gives great advice and is a great listener

- abe hospitalised after wkm

- the one time ben got sent off celine left :(

- ben thinks he’s es better than george bc he’s a butler and george is a dude who digs in the dirt

- chef 🤝 groundskeeper

- doesn’t believe in psychics (Celine L)

- gambling but only when it involves clothing 😏

- bro got frustrated because george wanted FOOD to LIVE

- he and Mark played with explosives together on June 4 🥰💥💥💥

- clean up after your own stuff ! he doesn’t tolerate other people being messy >:(

And that’s it❗️ A bit of this I wouldn’t consider canon— like Colonel owing Mark a lot of money. That’s pretty big and I’d say he just came up with it on the spot. Stuff abt the staff is pretty harmless tho, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Abe got sent to the hospital (mental or normal… he did get shot)

hc material tho this is all mwah. Thanks to Alighiertor for reuploading this!

#thats a lot #sorry not sorry 🤷‍♀️ #markiplier egos #wkm #headcanons #actor mark #benjamin the butler

[boxwinebaddie]

uncle nina be honest: is ravenstans type just tall white men?

EYE--

tHE SOUND I JUST MADELHSKDDSLKDHS this is so FUCKING FUNNY HELLLLLLLP PLEASE....jail FOREVER!!! LIFE!!!!!EVER!!!!!

also....yes it is...ye...s it is...thats soo...

...my hand is over my EYES, anon.

WOW!!!!!

WOOOOooOOOOOoooOOOOw!!!!!!

I'm Embarrassed! i just Know his mexican ancestors are Rolling like sharon...i'm so sorry, baby, i'm So glad you don't have to see this...

but okaokok...LIS!TEN....li sten...

so bc i want to Laugh ( im already laughing )...i feel like when they're dating he's on tiktok live drinking some jersey box wine while kyle cooks dinner nbd Just Sbboyfriend Things also wheeeew!!! house husband kyle my beloved <33 hes so FIONE and CAYOOT :'))) I Love U Baby...ur going to heaven... STAN tho??? HELL IS HOT!!! BOILING!!!

because people keep spamming him w/ a filter to do and hes kinda tipsy and mostly down bc hes bored...but it's the fkn Rank Your White Boy Of The Month From One To Ten filter & hes like gUYS I CANNOT DO THAT I WILL GET IN tRoUbLe STOP IT...but like looks over his shoulder and kyle is listening to music hes like not paying attention so reallyquietly hes like...okay...just Real quickLKHDSHDKSHD >.>

LIKE YOU ARE LITERALLY GOING TO JAIL!!!! HE HAS A PROBLEM!! THE CHOKEHOLD THAT TALL WHITE MEN HAVE OVER RAVEN LIKE THAT NEEDS TO BE STUDIED IN A LAB!!!! ITS THAT SERIOUS!

buuut i bet you in this auniverse kyle is probably On that filter so ravenstan is like you yknow what friends....its fine. we will just leave that top spot open just in case...Itll Be Fine...shhhhshsh ( smh......jfc )

and you know what it IS fine At First because like ew matty healy??? glen powell... like...truly low tier BUT THEN IS LIKE WHAT A MINUTE WHY IS ADAM DRIVER KINDA...HIS NOSE...WOW WAIT IS THAT THE GUY FROM EUPHORIA HOLD ON HES SO TALL WAIT A DAMN SJDHDSHDSD like its just...hes sWeAtiNg like this is WHACK GUYS hell is So hot! why would u send me this!!?...also...4...Obviously. SHKS

LIKE?S?DDSLJDJ:JDSS GO TO CHURCH!!! REPEEENT HARLOT!!!!

all while jerseykyle is Making Him Pasta!!! like what happened to got a white boy on my rosta he be feeding pasta and lobster!!!! HUH???? the BETRAYAL!!!! WOWWWW!!! s!m!H!

cue ravenstan like -looks over shoulder biting nails- u guys Cannot tell kyle about this like bEST FRIEND YOU ARE ON TIKTOK!!! LIVE!!!!

but yknow...he left that one and ten spot open...and its almost done theyre basically free...the thing is rolling and he squints like who is that...nOOOOO SHUT UP IS THAT SPENCER REID??? I HAD A FAT CRUSH ON IN CRIMINAL MINDS WAIT BUT LIKE WE CANT PUT HIM AT TEN LIKE THATS JUST...I CANT...LIKE WHAT ARE THE ODDS WERE GOING TO GET KYLE THATS NOT--ITS FINE!! *sweats*

and puts mgg at One and its rolling one last time and hes like itsfineitsfineitsfine EverythingIsFine!! aND thEN GETS KYLE AND IS LIKE.....OOoOoOF PLEEEASE PLZ SAY SIKE and house husband jerseykyle rolls up BEHIND HIM!!!!! like all concerned hand on hip in the star of david apron ( pls kiss me wow kyle im so sorry bestie ) like babe i am trying to fkn cook dinner why is my TickTack blowing up?? im trying to listen to ABBA like what the fuck is so important that dancing queen is being interrupted rn and also??? why are people telling me to fight the tall nerdy guy from that one CIA show???

and ravenstans like DOOONT WORRY ABOUT IT MY LOVE LMAO DONT WORRY ABT IT!! ALSO THEYRE NOT CIA THEYRE FBI AND HIS NAME IS SPENCER REI and then kyle looks and is like oH OKAY YOU WOULD KNOW ABOUT THAT HUH STAN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHO THE FUCK IS THIS WHY ARE YOU RANKING WHITE MEN ON THE INTERNET!!!!! HELLO!!!!.....and everyones like oh my gopd i cant believe my otp is breaking up on camera like....im laughing....Im...

anyways...stan permanently lives in tall white man jail. Life Sentence.

-uncle nina, breaking my silence to post This of all things

#this was so funny i started crying #i have no idea what compelled me to answer this or answer it in this unhinged manner but i saw the filter on tiktok and i was like ohhhh my #anyways...hell is hot....tall fashionable white man...probably prominent nose...kinda mean...literally jail #ravenstans ancestors doing backflips #i would blame sharon but sharon did the same thing this is so... its a generational curse...i cant believe it... #this seriously was so funny to me like i could be answering important plot questions but this was too real #ALSO LISTEN SPECIFICALLY SPENCER REID ITS NOT JUST MGG LIKE ITS SPECIFICALLY SPENCER REID FROM CRIMINAL MINDS #WHICH I GET IT BESTIE BUT ALSO YOURE GOING TO JAIL #but that tracks for him like thats reallly...KYLE WAS LIKE WOW CORRECTING HIS NAME AND EVERYTHING IS THAT UR BOYFRIEND ??!! HMMM??? SLKHDLK #screaming crying throwing up like Babe Please!!! IM SORRY!!! CAN WE tALK ABOUT THIS IM SORRY U KNOW UR #ONE IN MY HEART MI CORAZOOOON ;-;;; #where is the white boy rehab and how do i get stan there #in the TRENCHES also u know what his abuelo was also in white gay boy hell during ww2 like some1 needs to STUDY THIS #STAN LIKE PLS UR MY FAVOEITE WHITE BOY DONT DO THIS PLEASE ITS PASTA NIGHT #WERE CELEBRATING UR CULTURE PLEASE THE SONG OF UR PEOPLE IS PLAYING #like soy chicken alfredo and abba is the white experience and stan b experiencing it #he livelaughluvs white boys #unfortunately same i love jacob elordi so bad #Jail #edit: please know jeremy allen white was also high spec in the bear when he was yelling at everyone

[max--phillips]

Alright I found it. Liveblogging reactions below the cut, don’t wanna spoil anything for anyone if you’re not after that lmao

What an insane question to start with. “Did you like the coffin” PARDON?

I continue to be mad about how good he looks tbh

A man who can cook. Silva my love you keep a man who can cook

TO WHATEVER YOU LIKE

“I think you drink too much” he says, pouring him another glass of wine

Girl me too

LMAO ITS THE ASS SHOT FOR ME

I repeat: the ass shot

HELLO????

Oh come on Jake

LMAO THE FUCKIN SMIRK HE KNOWS WHAT HES DOING

WDKGJDBFKVKFNSNA

Ah. I see

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” I somehow doubt that

Anyway they’re a couple of old fuckin queens lmfao arguing like a married couple.

OOF

GET HIS ASS SILVA

Love a low register flute solo

Both of you that was not enough wine for that to be your excuse dkvkdnsnfjsns

Uh oh

Silva my man what exactly the fuck

HELLO??????????????

There’s a lot of imagery going on here lmao

Jake’s like “I hate you” and Silva’s like “yeah yeah yeah shut up you dumb bitch”

“Keep each other company” uh huh

What an interesting little film. There’s a lot to unpack in that half an hour fjdbfjdbsfnfbdns I appreciate that it was a messy as hell situation and everyone kinda sucks in it LMAO I love compelling stories full of unlikable people. Interesting way to end it.

#tori says things #max says things #max watches strange way of life #strange way of life spoilers

[birdmenmanga]

10 People You Want to Know Better

Tagged by @hexfloog​​ as well as @rainyfox3!! Thank you guys for the tag and sorry to rainy for the slight delay LMAO

---

Relationship status: Well... not taken by anyone, per se... but certainly there are people I'm taken with

Favorite colors: black white gray red <3 I want to cite scp for this but maybe it was birdmen after all

Favorite foods: oh... something salty for sure... red wine beef stew, maybe?

Song stuck in my head: Daisy - Zedd ft. Julia Michaels. this one's basically been on loop since Gary sent it to me. reishi song of all time btw. if you even care

Last thing you googled: water tank (images)

Time: 11:47 PM

Dream trip: Augh travelling is kind of a pain isn't it?? Planning a good trip and everything... that's pretty exhausting and I start wanting to draw after an unreasonably short time. I think I'd just like to go and meet my besties again... go up to NYC to see Fires, back to Florida to bump noses with everybody still there, visit Gary on the way, and then to wherever Emery is, whether that's Kentucky or Illinois or somewhere else. maybe hit boston since I've got a couple bosties (boston besties), and at one point california was on my hit list but not anymore, I don't think

Last thing you read: ?? Discord messages, probably?

Last book you enjoyed reading: lol! BIRDMEN. if we have to count text-only books, I suppose it's Kitchen (Banana Yoshimoto)

Favorite thing to cook/bake: oh... mushroom risotto maybe? Miso soup!! Mushroom soup...

Favorite craft to do in your free time: Huh... I haven't done this in a while, but since I don't consider drawing a craft, maybe Chinese calligraphy...?

Most niche dislike: The equalizer in Audacity. the first audio editing program I used was garageband, and that let you mess with the equalizer WHILE the audio track was playing so it made it more clear what you were actually changing. Whereas in Audacity it just plays you the same 5 second clip, which might not even sample all the different sounds that are affected by the equalizer... And even the way you adjust the values on the equalizer just isn't as good. in garageband you have these nodes that you can drag around and it sort of affects all the frequencies in a natural and organic way. whereas Audacity's is all straight lines... well, it's a good thing I don't do too much audio editing (he says, clearly having done at least a decent amount of it)

Opinion on circuses: I've never been to one but I'm sure they exist

Do you have a sense of direction?  yea

---

Tagging: @tangentiallly @jeepers-its-the-void @musichenni133 @midnight-revelation @ashe-is-here @hellishnotions @udurghsigil @desfraisespartout @kitsoa @blazinfox555

Wow usually I think I have trouble thinking of people to tag but there're definitely more people in my heart I want to know better. if I didn't tag you and you're like. idk. my birdmutual. well know that I'm looking at you with pleading eyes. and of course if you're busy with life there's really no pressure to play <3

#tag game #just thinking thoughts... #lol I promise I'm in the detco fandom I prommy I really do #it's just that I feel like most people who were tagged by rainy AND hex are dcmk folks #I'm trying to introduce diversity into the ecosystem or whatever! ! !

[mejomonster]

Silent Reading chapter 31. Fei Du smdnnf it'd just really funny to me the guy wants handcuffs. Your mind sure is partly in the gutter these past 24 hours. Wanna cuff Captain Luo up huh? Meanwhile you're scarring your mother Tao Ran who had to HEAR that when apparently he's the most vanilla guy alive lmao (Tao ran saying he works so much amd he's so tired he hasn't even contemplated kink is kind of hilarious, I hope his future wife is a dominatrix and they have lots of quality time off uvu). I love Fei Du abruptly reminding LWZ and TR he's a playboy that has a lot of sex ToT its too awkward.

The interrogation room’s door opened, and two expressionless criminal policemen came in, flanking Zhao Haochang to each side and pressing him back into his seat. Shining handcuffs clicked, closing on his flashing wrist, the metal of the cuffs a distant echo of the metal of the watchband, the two weirdly complementing each other.

Magnificent, cold as ice, and sharp.

Looking on from outside, Fei Du narrowed his eyes and assessed, “Your handcuffs are very aesthetically pleasing. Could I get a set to take back as a souvenir?”

Tao Ran didn’t catch up at once. “What do you want handcuffs for?”

Fei Du turned to look at him, then, seeming to realize he’d been indiscreet, only meaningfully curved his peach blossom eyes.

Tao Ran belatedly groped his way to the meaning of this. As a conventional man whose life contained only overtime and home loans, Deputy-Captain Tao really couldn’t appreciate this bourgeois-style lakes of wine and forests of meat. Seeing Fei Du’s disgraceful behavior, he strongly felt his field of vision had been polluted. He then justly reprimanded, “Talk nonsense again and you can get out.”

Fei Du gave a dry cough, properly suppressed his magic powers, which were unsuited to the venue, and didn’t say a word.

#silent reading #lb

[faux-fires]

reached level 70 in the new wow expansion!

some dragonflight thoughts:

I really, really enjoyed levelling this expansion. I hit level 70 relatively quickly almost entirely by questing; I did every side quest, detoured to look at any interesting thing I found, stopped to talk to any NPC with a speech bubble and /pet any animal the game would let me.

The quests felt really personal and really thoughtful; I could feel the love the developers have for this game in every little detail. Loved the stronger use of personal dialogue options too, reflecting our individual characters; several times i got unique dialogue options in places where it was appropriate, like a vendor asking me my feelings on shoes and my draenei being able to point at her hooves! i was really drawn into the world and enjoyed it so much.

The newer generation of developers really have an interest in diversity in a way that I genuinely never thought I’d see in this game and I loved it. There was more lgbt content in one zone than wow had in its first six expansions, lmao.

Old characters coming back! it’s really nice to see all these old familiar faces and how they’ve changes (or haven’t). pan the kind returns as a stablemaster in a little camp in the azure span and still calls me huntmaster, the shipwright from kul tiras recruitment quest line is hanging about chatting boat building with the tuskarr, the melon-chopping zandalari has moved ON from melons and will THANK YOU not to bring them up... they didn’t have to be there, they don’t give quests or serve as anything but flavour, but it really helps the world feel more alive. still love the effort on giving wrathion unique bouncy hair, lmfao, although glad to see alexstrasza’s jewellery also moving in cutscenes. also, facial expressions!

other thoughts:

- the tuskarr in the azure span - FINALLY i get to be on the giving end of a “secretly a dragon” questline...

- i really loved the centaur in the plains, their culture was explained to you naturally through the course of the questlines AND there’s an achievement to /pet all their adorable working dogs! plus the khan being Deaf and the devs taking the time to program sign language gestures in for when she communicates with her aide, and put in a whole thing about not distracting her Good Boy service dog while he’s working...

- the black dragonflight bickering, lmao. i mean, im gonna choose wrathion, bro gave me THREE legendaries (step up ur game sab), but it’s good to see wrathion finally getting challenged. even if it feels like,

wrathion: woe is me for i am the last black dragon. woe. my life is terrible and lonely and hard. ebyssian: sup, you’re impulsive sabellion: you’re annoying and impulsive wrathion: wow i wish i was the last black dragon

- the zone art teams and the music designers really knocking it out the park, huh? when merithra let me into the dream area at the end of the plains questline i said “WOW” out loud and not in an accusatory “seriously?” way

- dragon riding is amazing and I love it. It’s so much fun and SO fast. i already sort of played at that system with previous flying - i liked to dive when my winged mounts played their “glide” animation, and weave through trees - so doing it for real has been utterly amazing. i spent hours after dracthyr came out just climbing up high places and yeeting myself off them with soar; soar does not hold a CANDLE to real dragon riding.

- all in all, i absolutely love it

- but blizzard still owe me real life money for subjecting me to the cheese vendor “gorgonzormu”, the wine vendor “zinfandormu” and for the pond full of “mudfin frenzy” piranhas, except for the two extra piranhas hanging out together at the back, who were called “best frienzy”. it’s the Moist Owlette situation all over again.

#world of warcraft

[hard-core-super-star]

thanks, I really appreciate it, like, literally. fluff fics are so good for making your heart warm and melt, so yeah, I understand the therapeutic part. do you have any kind of reaction while writing this? or do you have a face like this 😐 the whole thing? even if it takes forever to write this it still shows that you put a lot of effort into making this good even if it's just a few headcanons. I'm itching to just say that forever is composed of nows lmao.

your unfinished sentences are really more obvious, but I won't talk about that now because WHAT? YOU JUST... did you just use my phrase against myself??? I didn't think it was fair!

yeah, you managed to achieve this successfully. oohhh look at you being all mysterious again. hdjskakakk I just think it should've been cool to be 19 on the 19th. but wow, you really have something with 19 huh? even got it tattooed. I wasn't expecting this much of 19 in your life, and now I see that it's not random at all.

definitely has my support because this game ages like wine. 5 year olds with a tablet bigger than them are grateful for your attitude. If I'm not mistaken, there is something about the recommended age for letting children start using phones, isn't there?

I don't know if a person wanting to take children's phones is someone who you would say has a “great sense of judgment”, but yeah? I think so? 🤐

so you actually turn off your writer brain sometimes? interesting. the things you rewrite in your mind are something you consider better than the original script? 🤔 they're not important? but they are cool as fuck, how is that possible?? this is disrespectful and I'm offended, don't talk about my boy and my old man like that again😭 I see here a Caitlin's defender in its natural habitat, I heard that this species feeds on crumbs and that it hunts Caitlin's highlights frequently... this is a docile species, until we start talking about the injustices that Caitlin suffers... we will do more research on this rare species, that was today's animalplanet. (well, as long as we understand each other even when we're almost asleep, I think everything's fine lmao)

– 🌟

you don't have to thank me :) lmao, it certainly depends, i think the best emoji to describe how i look while i write is this one 🫠 i'm half happy and half overwhelmed because words are hard. i honestly never thought about it that way, i thought it was just annoying that i take so long to write like...ten sentences. that's such a good reference, i'm proud. and i absolutely adore that poem

how are you going to tell me that i am in fact obvious and then walk away like that??? are you trying to give me a small heart attack? i'm going to assume that means you don't mind those half-finished, yet obvious, sentences then. and of course, i used your phrase, it's not very fun when it's used against you, is it? welcome to my world. i didn't think it was fair when you used it the first time so 😶

i'm glad to hear that. it was very cool to turn 19 on the 19th, you are correct. it's very much my favorite number and it's cool to me that so many things in my life connect with it. it's mainly coincidental but it's still cool.

gonna start playing it instead of scrolling through tumblr in between writing sessions. god, don't get me started on those kids and their massive tablets, especially if they're using it to watch TikTok because wtf. i honestly don't know what the recommended age is but it has to be at least 10/11 because younger than that is...yikes.

it was just a joke! so, don't judge that person for a very funny joke. i think that person would take great joy in you saying that but idk 🤷

only sometimes because, believe it or not, sometimes i like slightly crappy/ridiculous movies and shows. although, maybe it is my writer brain that makes me like them because i can analyze them and find something good in them. i wouldn't say better, i would say gayer lmao. I MEANT THE IRRELEVANT CHARACTERS ON THE FLASH. my bad for not clarifying lmao. STOP, the way that little joke was so accurate i- 😶 i can't even try to argue because you're not wrong at all. [i agree, i think we're fine]

#rubix replies #🌟

[theyarebothgunshot]

ohhhhh my god one of the reactors i follow on patreon just dropped her spn 15x18 reaction and i am not ready hhhhhhhh

#likeee shfdhsfh i am nervous FOR her i am deeply unwell #i think i am going to try and wait to watch it tomorrow night or maaaybe tonight #but probably tomorrow night cause thats when my weekend start #and i can justifiably drink some wine to sooth my nerves while i watch it lmao #also [slight buffy spoilers] another reactor is dropping buffy 2x17 today sdfsgfsg gonna watch that tomorrow night as well #tomorrow nights theme is gonna be pain done well lmfao #anyways i have to call a client in 45 minutes and i dont wanna #being an adult really has its ups and downs huh sdfhshfs

[frecklystars]

self care is distracting yourself from self-destructive thoughts by making a Genius Lyrics account solely so you could add ALL of Nick Blaemire’s songs and his lyrics because they’re beautiful and emotional and loving and soft and someone please appreciate them, dammit!!! 

#...one song i couldnt process was coffee and wine and so i cant write lyrics there #it's so fun to write out his lyrics and now his songs are in my head! #which is good! i havent had his songs in my head for like... what. two weeks. three weeks? #when was the abh album released lmao?? since then i dont think ive listened to a nb song #maybe one. only one. empty-handed is such a bop. but otherwise... forgot how much his music impacts me #literally nobody else ever has made me feel Like This and i dont know how to describe it in words #but its a sort of hopeful and longing and relieved relaxing kind of feeling #like... im gonna be okay... kind of feeling #like i should stay alive kind of feeling #just because his voice is so soothing and before i disappear i wanna hug him one day and say thanks #but i doubt that'll happen lmao #woof #blaemire blogging #i guess i really do have a tag for gushing abt my fave musician huh #i just started it for that one time i was anxious but u know what... lets make it... A Thing #just in case someone wants to blacklist. but also bc i would like to go through it one day #and go through all my posts that are basically just 'i had a bad day but nick kept me alive' #or 'i had a dream about nick telling me to stay alive' or something #or 'nick messaged me that one time to be happy and he wants to see my art and i gotta deliver' #i promised him a BIG GIFT and its an animatic but like... ive never finished one before #and i dont know if it'll even be Good... hm... #by the time i do finish it i doubt he remembers bc he gets messages All the Time #but !!! if i can make him smile!! even for just a small second!! like he's done for me!!! #then it'll be worth it. and i guess the act of just FINISHING an animatic would be thrilling in itself #i just. ah. gotta learn how to draw him. i've only ever drawn him as plankton... eyepatch... long dark braids #sinister grimace and sharp teeth. carries a lil copepod plush on him at all times. thats who i draw #i drew nick ONCE and it was for a dream doodles post and i cant imagine drawing that 1000 times #I WILL TRY THO #i just finished writing the lyrics for 'Let's Make Out' and there was only one part that I had to be like [???] #which is shocking! because! my hearing is so so bad!!! but i did my best and im proud of myself!!!!!!