#just wanted to do a breakdown since i started thinking about it

[satowooo]

kiss it better

Suguru always hated it when you break up with him when you're having a mental breakdown. So what's he gonna do to make his baby feel better?

contents. slight academic rivals to lovers (barely mentioned), suguru x reader, eventual smut, fluff, cowgirl, bottom suguru, slapping, rough sex, pet names, degration, not proofread.

Do what you gotta do, keep me up all night.

your relationship with suguru became on and off ever since you two started dating. he could vaguely remember why, but he knows one thing.

your relationship with him started off as enemies. he remembers how you were always so angry at him, your bratiness showing every time he was a step further than you in academics.

being a straight A student is something that he likes to brag about, knowing that you're right there to keep him on his toes because you're just as smart as him. he knows how you tire yourself to study every night and day, sleeping and almost living in the library whenever an exam week is coming, never going out of your room and not eating until you understood and memorized all your notes, and how you'd never talk to him the whole time you're busy studying. and what does he hates the most? you breaking up with him for it.

you're a top student, but you're always in second place because he beats you to it. it never fails to make you upset, but you don't really blame suguru for being good at what he does. rather, you blame yourself for not studying enough as if your brain is already not about to explode for every information that you try to force into your brain.

and suguru hates it enough that you have to break up with him just for you to torture yourself in the confines of your room with all the papers and academic works controlling over your body and mind. he hates it everytime because he knows how hard you are being to yourself.

“baby, i’m coming inside, okay?” suguru called outside your door after knocking several times. he didn't wait for another answer as he twists the knob, pushing the door open.

“suguru, no-”

he heard your sniffles. and his heart ache at the sight before him.

you were sitting at your study desk. papers scattered around in a mess, some of it drenched in your tears. your eyes reddened, and you looked at him in frustration as you stood up.

“i told you to leave me alone, suguru.” you said, wiping your tear stained cheek.

he looks over at your bed, to the crumpled sheets, feathers flying around from your pillow, knowing that you probably had been punching it in your frustration. he sighs and walks over to you, immediately cupping your cheeks to look you in the eyes.

“you think breaking up with me would solve the problem?” he whispers softly, kissing your eyes, your tears.

you looked away, tilting your head to the side so as to not look at him. “it's for the better. you're only distracting me from my studies.”

he closed his eyes tightly, before holding your jaw so you could face him properly. your hands clutched his shirt at the proximity between you. “i’m distracting you?” your words sting, his heart clenching at the way you're trying so hard to push him away. but he wouldn't have all that. “come on. i know you're mad. punish me then.”

“suguru-”

“i always tell you that i’m here to help. but you're too hard headed to ask for it.” his tone was firm, his eyes turning dark at the way you tried to get away from his grasp. he lets out an exasperated breath before loosening his grip from you. “don't hurt yourself, baby. hurt me instead.”

“suguru, you don't understand. i am angry, fine, i admit.” the grip you had on his shirt tightened, a shaky breath escaping from your lip as tears started to form on your eyes again. “i don’t want to take it out on you when i’m clearly a mess, suguru. you don't get it because you're always too good and i’m not enough. i can't be enough for you if i’m like this-”

once again, suguru cut you off. your words flying off his ear as he interrupted you with a fierce kiss. his tongue darting out for entrance and you didn't push him away. your words muffled from the way he pressed his lips, making you shut up and revel onto your desires as your lips parted, your tongue delving out to taste him.

all your worries easily slipped away. his thumb swiftly wiping the tear that escaped your eyes while not breaking the kiss. he pulled away for a moment before capturing it once again, this time gentler than the first.

to suguru, it was always the same words no matter how much he reassured you. so what's he going to do? make you feel like the queen you deserved to be.

“come on, princess. just like that.” he grunted, his hand gripping on your hips as he slammed you down on his cock. “come on, tell me how mad you are right now. let me hear you.”

“f-fuck you, suguru…” you gasps, your hips rocking back and forth deliciously on his shaft. your teeth were clenched in frustration, your anger still brewing inside your heart by the way he had you easily straddling him.

“that's it, baby. let it out, let it all out on me.” he coos, gently running his fingers on your spine. the action sent shivers all over your body, your thrust rapidly increasing by each second. “you're so mad, aren't you? you don't like it when i'm doing good?”

"s-stop... ahh..." you huffed, face flushed as your pussy clenched around him. your hips were beginning to ache for how harsh you were slamming against his lap. and he had that annoying look on his face that got you riled up.

you know exactly what he's trying to do. suguru wants a reaction. for you to let it out on him. to be mad at him instead of being mad at yourself.

he gripped your ass firmly, a knowing smirk etched on his lip. “do i make you cry, princess? because i’m better? in studies… and even in fucking you?”

that definitely strikes a nerve right there. your pace increasing, your nails digging on his shoulder from how hard you're holding onto him. “shut up… sh-shut up…”

“that all you got?” he said darkly, sweat forming in his forehead. he gave your ass a firm squeeze before landing a smack, making you jolt in pleasure. “you're so fucking pathetic, princess. you're really crying over that? you look so fucking dumb with my cock inside-”

a harsh slap on his cheek echoed all over the room. your breathing coming in short gasps, while suguru was smiling. he was fucking smiling.

the slap reddened his cheek but it didn't even look like it hurt him. he huffed and squeezed your hip. suguru was drowned in pure bliss as he groaned, your hips thrusting so harshly, squeezing his cock like there's no tomorrow.

“fuck, baby…” he growled, the sting of your slap erotic and pleasurable that it got him ramming his hip upward. you could see the veins on his neck popping out, his eyes darkening as his fingers found your breasts. “fuck y-yeah… do that again, hm? show me how much you fucking hate me…”

you moaned, your back arching and body pressing against his chest. his lips latched on your nipple, while his other hand found your clit. he rubbed circles against it, making you cry and scratch your nails on his chest.

“you’re so worked up for all your studies, and for what?” he sneered, chuckling darkly at you. you bit your lip as another slap went across his cheek, feeling all the anger forcing its way to give him what he wants. you knew damn well that suguru was enjoying on riling you up, coaxing you to take it out on him by saying those words that he knew would gain the right reaction that he needs.

“fuck you, sugu… f-fuck you…”

“doing so well for me, baby.” he leaned forward to capture your lips, his lips grazing your earlobe. “you can do more than that, don't you?”

your thrusts became more erratic as his voice rang over your ears. you grabbed a handful of his hair, tugging it down so he could look at you. your face was a mix of both anger and pleasure, a sight that made suguru feel more aroused. he groaned as your hand flew over on his cheek again, his eyes glistening with lust.

“ohh, f-fuck!” the thumb on your clit increased its pace, as slaps after slaps on his face kept coming, eager to erase that stupid grin on his lips.

suguru grunted, his moans getting louder each second that it syncs with your sounds. your hand traveled up his throat, pressing on gently enough to restrict his breathing.

he let out a strangled laugh causing you to land another slap on his face. he can't believe that he felt so fucked out, enjoying the pleasure and roughness that you were giving him. the angered look on your face made his cock twitch inside you.

your hips thrusts up and down. up and down. unrelenting. it became frantic as his cock hit your right spots, driving you wild in ecstasy.

he could feel your pussy clenching around his cock, your thrusts became more urgent, your gripped on his neck beginning to tighten. his eyes were tied shut, suguru’s chest heaving as your wetness engulfed his cock.

“i’m cumming, baby. f-fuck, you gon’ cum, princess? you're doing so good- f-fucking hell…”

he hears your whines. his name rolling out of your tongue in desperation to reach your high. he bucked his hips, thrusting forward to meet yours, pistoning in and out furiously as the pleasure built up.

“suguru! ahh! hhk-” your hips shattered, your body convulsing with your orgasm reaching its peak. suguru let out a growl in pleasure, his hands squeezing your ass firmly. his own orgasm quickly approached, hot semen spurting right inside your sweet hole.

he breathes heavily, thrusting his cum right inside you slowly, making sure that nothing would come to waste. your hands released his neck, seeing how it turned red by the way you gripped so harshly. even his face was all flushed from all the slapping you did, with a small bruise forming on his temple, but suguru had a grin on his face.

his hair disheveled, chest heaving as you both catch your breaths. “still mad, baby?”

you shake your head, looking at him apologetically. “not anymore. i’m sorry, did i hit you too hard?”

suguru chuckled, his eyes half-lidded from the pleasure you just gave him. he took your hand in his, kissing your palm softly. “i fucking loved it, baby.”

he looks at you lovingly. suguru has already memorized you like the back of his hands, from your body to your heart and beneath your soul. and he'll do anything to make you feel better, to make you feel loved and cared for. he adores you so much that he wouldn't allow letting your insecurities pull you down.

suguru holds your hips, rocking yourself gently on his cock. your eyes rolling back, a soft moan escaping from your lips. he smiled, resting his head on the crook of your neck. “you're enough, baby. always remember that, okay?” he looked up at you before placing a kiss on your forehead. you basked into the aftermath of your lovemaking, your head falling on his chest as you nodded at his words. “don't ever doubt your abilities. failure is inevitable, it's a part of ourselves that symbolizes the efforts we do for trying.” suguru whispers, gently placing kisses all over your face. “and i love you for all your flaws and failures. don't ever think that you're not enough for me.”

🙂‍↕️ i genuinely want to make an academic rivals to lovers fic/series with suguru

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #suguru geto #jjk fic #geto suguru #jjk fluff #gojo satoru #ryomen sukuna #he's so hot god help #geto suguru x reader #suguru smut #jujutsu kaisen suguru #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #geto x reader #jjk geto #geto suguru smut #jujutsu geto #jjk suguru #getou suguru x reader #suguru geto smut #suguru fluff #geto fluff #geto smut #jujustu kaisen #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu kaisen au #Spotify

[nightixx]

sooo I may be overlooking at things right now but hear me outt

After moon's dream/hallucinations or whatever the hell people wanna call this, I noticed a purple smoke (or idk the word but you understand) behind him

And many more thumbnails. We know that in the canon game (security breach), the virus is almost always represented by this color and with those rectangles + the aura. Now I'm not talking about vanny or idk, idc about her cuz this isn't about the canon game rn

I have many thoughts about this, because things happened before that and it could be related.

As I saw on some blogs (I can't find the one who wrote it but I know I've reblogged it), before ruin betrayed them, he said he wanted to infect ruin's virus into his own code to think like him which could be true since he really tried for weeks to think exactly like him and to have his informations. During his day off after his first breakdown after he saw old moon, sun was present the entirety of the episode, which isn't logic at all since it's MOON's day off not an episode of sun bringing food for 15 minutes ? Moon was alone in the house after a breakdown AFTER he tried to think like ruin AFTERR he said he wanted to inject the virus into himself. And strangely after that he started to act all nuts, maybe not just at the second episode but you can tell he went insane quickly, too quickly and it's too suspicious for me.

Back to the thumbnail, you can see thumbnails after thumbnails while scrolling on the channel that his aura gets more purple any time he's showing.

Now if we do the comparaison between ruin and moon reacting to the virus :

The virus accentuated ruin's personality into insanity. As we know, ruin is a melange between sun and moon. So we can say he was playful (sun's side) but with a kill code (moon's side) which made him a dangerous individual. He also lost his objective during the take over. Because yes ruin wanted to venge his friends but in the beginning he had the virus and it distracted him from his objective.

Now if we look at moon. The virus could have accentuated his personality (which makes him worse than old moon) and his goals (protecting his family, bringing solar back etc..). He's also losing his objective which is bringing solar of course. He doesn't know why he's doing it anymore.

I also remember when moon told Monty that he looked in his code and he found nothing. Kinda suspicious to me- he tended to lie back then too. I think he did really check his code to see if the virus was the cause of that. And of course when you add his poor mental state to begin with as he was grieving it doesn't help at all and makes things worse.

Anyways maybe it's my own paranoia talking rn but I just can't accept that all this insanity arc happened by Davis snapping his fingers

#sun and moon show #fnaf dca #moondrop #sundrop #dca moon #fnaf sb #fnaf sundrop #fnaf moon #sun fnaf #virus #artists on tumblr #Theory sams #sams theory #sams thoughts #moon #solar #solar eclipse #Solar Sams #sun sams #tsams #sams moon #sun tsams #sun and eclipse #eclipse fnaf #eclipse #sams eclipse #sams #the lunar and earth show #sams fanart #mgafs

[artyartpile]

I don't sell my art as prints and I really don't have any intention to because a) it seems like a hassle to set up and b) I don't really need the money as I work a full time job which is taking up all my focus and resources on a day to day basis. But just as an exercise, I decided to do some evaluation of how much I would actually charge my previous art pieces.

Now, I wouldn't say I'm an industry standard artist. Like, as far as illustrators go, I think I'd be probably considered a junior. Anyway, my calculations as follows. This is based off my experience working almost 10 years in the creative industry, so I'm just making a lot of assumptions here but here we go.

Assuming I'm at an entry level job, if I was doing this professionally, I'd expect something like $1800 per month over 20 working days, working for maybe 8 hours each day. This would mean that I'd be roughly paid $11.25/hour for my work. I'd round this up to $12 to cover other expenses like idk printing and buying nice paper (which is actually more than $1, but y'know, having whole numbers is easier for calculation.)

I don't really work very long on my art. Most of the time my stuff ranges from 1-2 hours to complete, though on the weekends I usually push it to 3-5 hours. For stuff that I really wanna focus on, I can probably push it for 10-24 hours. Hence, my price range would be as follows, excluding shipping (have I mentioned I live in South East Asia? Shipping is a pain):

Simpler artworks - $12 - $24 More finished pieces - $36 - $60 Polished pieces - $120 - $288

I still don't intend to sell my art commercially, but this whole exercise was to break down pricing as a professional if I really wanted to be paid for my art and like. Earn a living wage so. Y'all. Respect artist prices when they price their work mmkay?

#pricing #just wanted to do a breakdown since i started thinking about it #since two people have asked me if i could give away my prints #and like yeah! idm!!! #but y'know. that's what my prints are worth. imo. #and this is just as a breakdown so that people are aware what goes behind the calculation for artist prices

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

#toronto maple leafs #HELLO EVERYBODY THIS HAS BEEN MONTHS!!! MONTHS IN THE MAKING BECAUSE i AM UNHINGED AND NEEDED THE PRECISE PICTURES THAT I KNEW I WOULD GET #like. seventy five percent of this has been done since the first time i posted this and while it has gotten better with time because #my narratives simply got more complex and there's so much of this that is For Me but don't worry i will explain but aLSO goddamn mitch coul #you have gotten married any later in the year. also willy you truly disappointed me by not getting an absurd haircut this year (now that #i've said this he's going to debut it on instagram like. tomorrow. but anyway that meant y'all got to enjoy my neuroses of #Loving Tyler Bertuzzi who is a goddamn leaf. the joys of having to wait to post this (was not a leaf at the time i started it) and anyway i #have at length i think had the breakdown about tyler in pigtails girl dad & how i got a bob & then tyler copied me which was rude. that's m #gender. ANYWAY starting from the top we got sheldon keefe documentation which was really just the personal decision that i wanted all the #coaching staff to be the markers in the poem/the bold & also at the TIME keefe hadn't re-signed &we thought it might be everybody out w/kyl #anyway the title of the scrap of an old lover's flannel is literally 'u think this is about sheldon & kyle NO it's about timothy liljegren' #bc. liljegren was on the marlies winning cup team & has had a contentious relationship w/keefe ever since & was healthy scratched in playof #& the narrative is sooooo. also at one point for the ryan o'reilly i was going to edit the stlb out of his grandma's shirt or cover it w/th #childhood dreams line but THEN i found the gio snapped stick one which was too perfect for 'crumbling copy' the ryan o'reilly To Me is so. #ur insane in ways u did not think for that one. like. how soft her hands were. his grandma you guys. he grew up a leafs fan. if he ever get #to lift the cup with her again i will lose my shit. the cup run a movie i remember nothing--OKAY the spezz one i knew i needed him stresse #but also i believe in the spezz/kyle narrative so. it comes up later don't worry ALSO SPEZZ FOLLOWING HIM TO PITT CAME AFTER I MADE THIS bu #the muzz tea one makes me a little sensy bc muzz was out with an injury for most of this season & it was a really scary spinal one & so yea #& then the simmer one just straight up makes me cry bc i love him so much & the work that he does for anti-racism in hockey means so much & #if you have that video open & watch it i promise you will cry i do every time it's so beautiful he had to be on comforted by beauty & sammy #boy is on the a man who doesn't know me because EYE remember the caps goalie tandems. baby lilya. the mo one is a little funny bc it is #solely due to wade's thread about mo rielly the coal miner homestead husband. that's why he moves to omaha also i think it suits him (quiet #OK NOW OLD MEN IN LOVE NARRATIVE this one's in contention for my fave bc it's spezz coping w/retirement fundamental meaningless of existenc #u heard abt tyler already that's for me the minchy picture was just too good i had found it earlier & i spent SO LONG looking for an empty #leafs rink picture for bathtub i have some cool construction photos but i wanted the melting ice ones (thought about tahoe lol) & the sprin #one i manip'd a lot bc i needed a spring picture bc playoffs clinch in spring & that one fit so coincidentally perfect bc it's 7 straight #seasons 7 guys so. :) & i KNEW i swore to god they did more milk advertising i knew i was gonna do this one from the minute i saw the poem #the milk patch & it took a hot minute BUT I FOUND THIS ONE this one's for funsies. AND THE PIC I WAITED SO FUCKING LONG FOR this is actuall #from kerf's wedding but i was like i know on god mitch is getting married this summer & that's about to be the drunkest shenanigans wedding #i'm waiting for the pics. & then i was BLESSED with this one which is beautiful & perfect & LOOK AT THEM. anyway the last one is bc

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

MY MUM JUST BOUGHT ME AND HER TICKETS TO SEE SIX?? UNPROMPTED???? SHE IS THE MOST CONFUSING WOMAN ALIVE??????? BUT YAAAAAYYYY

#she hates me but also doesnt but also does but not quite but does but doesnt but #see i have a worse relationship with my father but its so much easier because hes just an absolute bastard all round #my mothers flip flopping every day calling me an ungrateful waste of money one minute then buying me six tickets the next like?? #what am i meant to do about that??? #anywayz SIX TICKETS WOO FUCKING LOVE SIX #I WAS MEANT TO SEE IT RIGHT BEFORE COVID HIT AND I JUST HAVENT COME ACROSS IT SINCE #SHE SAW IT AND JUST BOOKED THE TICKETS FOR NEXT YEAR IM LIKE SO EXCITED #fr though why is she being so nice to be its kind of frightening #i think its because i had that breakdown in front of her before #she hasnt told me to get a job since then either #you guys dont understand how big of a deal that is #she always finds a way to tell me to get a job #anywayz everyone thank my mum for being a great mum <3 #for the moment as least #dont want to jinx it #maybe marrying my step dad last month changed her psychologically #omg maybe shes started therapy #am a little afraid because im in the process of starting testosterone (yay!) but havent told her and i should be on it by december so uh #its gonna be obvious by the time we go to see it #so im *scared* #she may very well take the tickets away but LETS HOPE NOT #im so sorry ive written an essay in the tags lmfao #mummy issues #mummy issues going wild fr

[permanentreverie]

my goals for tomorrow:

- sing loudly in the shower

- thoroughly clean room/bathroom as I blast music

- lay outside in the sun as I listen to Maisie's new album

In short: listen to good music because it's healing <3

#I know I know I haven't listened to the good witch yet forgive me #my life has been HELL #literally had two breakdowns in the last two days :) #and I just rotted all of today (which was my first day to myself since It All Went Down) #I have other things to do tomorrow as well but I just wanted to share these <3 #I have listened to the opening of the good witch! and I really liked it! #I'm excited to do the third thing I think it will heal me #also have been talking with my mom about maybe starting counselling/therapy #and I don't think it would do any harm

[thegalleonsnest]

Said this on twitter, but I wanna throw it here too

You can't rely on your mood/motivation/inspiration for every drawing session, sometimes you just gotta do it even when you don’t want to. Especially speaks volumes when your entire job is to create art on a regular basis.

I've had moments of time during college where I just did not wanna draw because I had no energy or motivation for myself, but there came a day where I was like "fuck it, even if I don't want to, I will do it just to have something." And then I ended up busting out a huge outlined illustration piece in about 2 nights. (I never got around to coloring it, but the fact that I even outlined it after sketching such a huge piece says a lot)

Yeah, art burn out is a thing, and I've been through it, but even though they can feel the same/overlap at times, there is definitely a difference between, "I don't want to draw" and "this looks/feels like absolute garbage".

#Galleon Talks #I've just been thinking about stuff since being out of commission for like a month #Like when I decided to pick up my tablet again I thought I was gonna have it rough #trying to get back into the swing of things #but instead I was still drawing like I usually was #even though my mood/motivation wasn't completely on point #Even during my lowest with stressful irl stuff #I still made a little something regardless of how I felt #I feel like there's also a difference between forcing yourself when you absolutely can't #but drawing something just to have something #Literally if you feel like you can't draw something you want to draw #just draw other stuff or do studies instead #return to the basics and do simple shapes #body shape breakdowns #anything really #It helps refresh the mind and you still threw something on paper #Or maybe start with a simple doodle and just draw stuff around it that comes to mind #Everyone's got a different relationship with their art #But anything can happen

[dadbots]

August… time to get spooky.

#dadbots.txt #this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes. #I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh. #idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs. #best way to describe it LOL #been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just. #where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda. #just one of those moments yknow. #it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest - #- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing. #I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it. #I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month - #and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really. #don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often #and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow. #maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year. #not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat #though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all. #won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well. #and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really? #shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year. #I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now. #let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way. #hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽

[gibbearish]

tells my boyfriend im overwhelmed lately bc ive had 0 alone time for almost a full month now bc we have a friend staying with us until we can get set up in the new house and he goes "oh yeah that sucks im sorry :(( but hey soon ill be working till 10 every night just like (roommate) so whenever we both work youll have most of the day to urself!" i go hide in the closet come out to make a drink and he sits in the kitchen and silently watches me make the drink the entire time

#i get youre trying to help but im going to fucking explode #oh boy a couple hours to myself several days from now thatll surely fix the breakdown im literally currently going through #and i have to go grocery shopping because roommate ate all the food while we were gone and cant afford to get more so i have to #do rhat tomorrow because theres Fuckinf Nothing in the house and im the only one who actually does the groceries right #have to get my tires rotated get my oil changed probably get new tires entirely #im mentally exploding from a -100 social battery and he sits there w #just STARING at me making my drink fuck off!!! literally the whole reason its overwhelmning me is because i NEED soace to Just Exist #without thinking about how im being perceived or how the way i exist effects others this is the opposite of helping i just want to #fucking rest #and theres so much more to do stil it never fucking stops not even for a second #just leave me ALONE stop touching me stop looking at me stop thinking about me stop BEING HERE ALL THE TIME #we just got back from an 8 day trip to canada where we literally spent 24/7 together only excluding bathroom breaks you dont need to #keep staring at me just ignore me for a little bit or just go AWAY #and he always chews with his mouth open and usually i can deal with it but especially now its like. even if were not directly interacting #i still have to just Be Aware Of You Near Me and i need a break #even the days ill have to myself later arent gonna do much because roommate doesn't wake up for work until like 3 but #i wake up around 10 and since its a studio i have to just Sit Quietly In The Dark for hours until they wake up until they finally leave #and then i get what maybe 5-6 hours alone? which like i do Need but its not fucking enough #thats good for a regular time when i have lther alone time as well not just my One Source #EVEN LITTLE THINGS earlier i started boiling water for a cup of soup and travis is like oh sweet grab me one tlo #and im not mad about getting him soup thats easy its just. that i cant do a thing for mtself without it becoming a group activity #and then he poured my water for me without asking which is nice but i like to put a certain amount of water so now mines too watery and #but i couldnt say no cause hed already done it and i cant get mad because thats a dumb thing to get mad about and im #already irritable so i dont want to make him feel bad at all but its just like. just leave me alone please #im trying so hard not to be resentful or let little things get to me but im just so. tired

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i genuinely cant think of anything i want for Christmas. maybe skin tone copics but that's literally the only thing #im like the worst person to do things for honestly. there r so many rules and the things i want r so specific that its really not worth it #like i already have too much stuff. the amount of stuff i have rn in this tiny apartment stresses me out #i dont need more. i only work and draw so like i really dont need anything??? #so i honestly dont kno wtf to tell my family. like idk give me 25 bucks and ill buy a game on steam #except i wanna get games when break starts and now after Christmas so actually dont do that #idk just dont buy me anything. and dont make me buy anything. im already spiraling #and i might b moving across the fucking ocean in the next year so like idk i dont need more stuff #uuuugh im just avoiding doing things. like interview practice. and writing. and lab work #im just tired. maybe ill go to bed at like 9 lmao. avoid my problems until tomorrow #i would like to be excused from Christmas on account of having a breakdown. or just being a whiny brat #i really need to practice for the interview. bc im underqualified so i need to pretend it hasnt been 4 years since itook molecular genetics #and that i totally absolutely know lots about photosynthesis. definitely absolutely know what im doing. can i read? yes absolutely i can #understand words. ive never been sick in the head ever in my life and its a miracle. so pls give me money #uuuuuuuugh y brain? y dont u listen to me??? we have tasks! do them! pls! #unrelated

[transmascnepetaleijon]

life is funny bc it feels like itll last forever while also feeling like it will end at any second

#what ik saying is the present is eternal the past never was and the future is a lie we tell ourselves for confort or something #also am i the only one who can like centralize my thoughts. or something. like #sometimes ill ground myself on the present and those are the moments where i feel like time is endlessly dragging itself forward #sometimes ill ground myself in the past and then ill feel like im looking into a picture book where literally everyone is an unrealiable n #narrator #and then sometimes ill ground myself in the future and will go into these ahem. mental spirals #future specific mental spirals bc ive been having breakdowns about the state of my body soul and mind in the grand scheme of time since i #was a nine year old #idk future just brings me anxiety bro. so does the past. i have a complicated relationship with the present. #ok i noticed my description of the present sucked #here it goes: its like im stuck. its thos very persistent feeling that im stuck in the here and now. #i dunno man maybe im just pretentious but my existence and being is something im not really that fine about #like yk how some people hate themselves yeah so like i hate the very concept of me existing #which is concerning sure but somewhere in my life i started subconsciously thinking that not only i dont want to be here #i *shouldnt* be here. maybe its to justify some nasty thoughts maybe its how low self esteem is manifesting to me #maybe im dramatic or maybe i should get help. who knows #ik theres good atuff here obviously what im saying is im not really vibing with the whole ''be'' and ''exist'' thing evrn if i want to #so yeah. what does this mean? i dont know. ''i want to die'' maybe or ''i dont feel like im worthy of living'' or something. #in the lines of something that has to do with self hate idk im just speculating #txt

[girlscience]

y'all I have been in such a weird mood these past few days and I just know it's because I have this interview/meeting tomorrow with the professor at the aquatic sciences center. I am so unbelievably nervous and it's making me a bit panicky manic or something

#I keep thinking up all kinds of worst case senarios where at the end of the 30 minutes #he's like 'sorry you aren't what we are looking for. we won't take you in our programs' #and then I have a full breakdown lol and I have to tell everyone who was excited for me that Actually I am not going to grad school #I was reading papers yesterday that he is an author/co-author of because it was suggested to me to do that and come up with some questions #about their research to show I am interested and curious about what they do #and like I read several and I have zero questions 😭😭 #I don't know anything about rivers or fish so connecting what they researched to other things like idk how to do that #I mean I have questions like 'you do fish dissections will I get to help with those?' #'all this research is over a period of several years do grad students help with it or is it undergrad or just you?' #'since it's over several years did you know what the goal of the research was before you started or was it for something else' #'and then you realized it could also be this thing and made it into multiple research goals?' #'how do you pick a research topic because there's so much you could study how do you pick just one thing' #and like. those are FINE questions but they aren't ABOUT the research being done #more about the process of how a person be's a academic research scientist #which I mean. is partially what I want to learn in grad school for sure!!! #but it's probably not likely to garner me a spot in their program :(

[myname-isnia]

Violently swinging between still wanting to write that "Kuvira talks Suiren down from her manic cleaning spree" fic and not wanting to just rehash what I've written before/fearing I won't do it justice/genuinely scared of triggering myself again because I sink deeper and deeper with every breakdown

#and it's also like. what's the point #if only one person will read it. if there's a high chance I'll have to put myself through hell for close to nothing in return #maybe that sounds entitled and ungrateful. I don't care #I don't enjoy writing. never have. I'm not ashamed of admitting that if I force myself to write it's only because I'm looking for praise #and yeah. I know. this coming from the person who near damn deleted her fic after getting a genuinely nice comment on it? #make up your mind nia do you want engagement or not #but we're not talking about that right now #I guess my main worry is that I've already written astraphobia where while the inciting incident is different the gist is still the same #I'm drawn to concepts like these because I've put so much of myself into Suiren and her getting comfort is very spiritually healing for me #especially since my support network is literally limited to one online friend who doesn't always have the spoons to pull me out of my ruts #nor should it be her job to. I'm not implying that #but there's only so many ways I could write essentially the same thing. you know? #I don't think I could make it different enough for it to not be 'astraphobia but a little to the left' #and it sucks. because I've really been wanting to touch on Suiren's trauma responses that aren't completely shutting down #but I don't feel like I can pull it off #but no one else will but me.... #ugh. I'm gonna talk myself into a breakdown if I keep on like this #I need someone to slap me every time I start talking like this. maybe that will train me out of it #just wrote out like five other self depreciating tags before realising that I was doing it again and deleting it #I need to stop

[king-of-thracia]

Can we please start tagging even 'funny' posts about system denial. Please. I'm so tired.

#it is just. difficult for us to see. #we've been doing alright most the time #since we found out a year over ago. #but i fear if we see too much it'll start us on a denial spiral. #and. that is terrifying to think of. #perhaps I'm selfish but. i do not want to be thought of as fake. i do not want what work I've done to be ignored and attributed to another. #I've done too much for us. the others have done too much for us. #i love us. #i love us all and where we are going in life. #i cannot bave us breakdown about this.

[lina-lovebug]

I'd Fight The Devil

Pairing: Alastor x fem! reader

Background: reader is Lilith and Lucifers oldest, and resembles Lilith more. Lucifer has a hard time bonding with her because of this, and Alastor decides to step in.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"DAD'S COMING?!"

(Y/N) Morningstar, firstborn daughter of Lilith and Lucifer, was currently having a breakdown over the fact that her father was on his way to the hotel.

She'd have no issue leaving, of course, but Charlie tricked her dear old sister into staying by saying she needed help with the hotel. . .and told her their dad was coming when he was two minutes away.

It's not like she didn't miss him, but things became different once their mother disappeared. Lucifer threw himself into his ideas, and (Y/N) tried maintaining their relationship but he couldn't even stand the look of her.

"I'm sorry! But I thought maybe you guys could talk while he's here?" Charlie suggested with a gulp, twiddling her fingers.

"I'm done trying with dad. If he wants to talk, he can come to me," (Y/N) crossed her arms, firm on her stance.

"I never thought I'd meet someone with worse daddy issues, but here you are, cher," Alastor, with his famous grin, looked down at the Princess of Hell. She huffed, not in the mood for his side comments.

"Alastor, please-"

"He's here!"

"-please fucking hide me!" She ran behind him, despite the mass amount of blonde hair making it obvious.

He chuckled.

Honestly, since meeting the eldest Morningstar, Alastor deemed himself her Protector. Not that the girl wasn't capable or needed him persay, but he cared for her. Being on the aroace spectrum, he wasn't plagued by a selfish desire to fuck her, but it was a sweet concern that slowly turned into a need to be near her.

A need to make her his.

"Hopefully he doesn't-"

"Pumpkin?"

"Fuck," (Y/N) silently cursed under her breath before Alastor stepped aside.

"Hey dad," Lucifer felt a pang in his sinister heart at her tone. She sounded uncomfortable and wouldn't even look at him, but he also remembered that he couldn't look at her at times.

It reminded him of happier times.

Times he didn't want to be reminded of anymore.

"So how've you been? Heard you've got a fancy job now. Probably making loads of money, huh?" He chuckled nervously.

"Dad, it's my company. I made it."

And he couldn't even remember that she did that?

Any dad would remember that his child created her own business.

"Ouch."

"And it's got a fucking duck on the logo. God, dad," She rose her voice, "you can't even remember that?"

"I've been busy, pumpkin-"

"Too busy to call? Too busy to even fucking call?!"

Charlie flinched at the harshness in her voice. She's always been a firecracker but she's never seen her so angry.

"I'm not fighting with you, (Y/N)," Lucifer stepped towards her, "why do you insist on fighting? Especially when I'm here for Charlie."

"Oh, you're here for Charlie?" Her horns started to come up through her skin, rolling back like a rams.

Just like her mom.

"I'm not making this about me. I just wish you'd make the effort instead of it having to be me," She missed who he was.

And during this, Alastor could see the pain on her face. She was furious, and rightfully so.

But he let her fight her own battles.

"I'm sorry that I look like mom. Is that what you want me to say?!"

"Yes!"

He didn't mean it. Of fucking course he didn't mean it, but it slipped out.

"Dad! That's enough!" Charlie ran to her, seeing tears well up in her sisters eyes. "How could you say that?"

"Pumpkin, I-"

"Don't," She sniffled, holding Charlie close, "don't come near me."

But he didn't listen.

He hated being the fact that his little girl was crying because of him.

"I think you've come far enough," Alastor spoke, getting infront of Charlie and (Y/N). He is excellent at saving face, so his pure unadulterated rage was hidden beneath his smile.

She hiccuped behind him, sobbing into Charlie's shoulder.

"Don't make me move you," Lucifer glared.

"And don't make me fucking kill you for hurting what's mine."

His voice turned more static-like than before, his eyes a burning red and his horns outstretched. He was a fucking shield for his Princess, and not even the King of Hell could get through. Lucifer recognized this and humbly backed away, retreating with his tail between his legs.

_ _ ☆ _ _

(Y/N) spent the next hour crying in her room. Over the years, she had started to hate herself for looking like her mom, and Lucifers' confirmation only reaffirmed it.

"Need anything else?" Charlie asked her. Although her sister wasn't searching for redemption, she had her own personal room in the hotel.

"Can you get Alasto-?"

A knock sounded at the door.

"Was he there the whole time?" She sniffled, and a muffled "maybe" came through the door.

Her bed was surrounded by napkins that she quickly placed on her bedside as Charlie allowed Alastor inside.

Alone.

The two of them.

Might as well just throw them condoms and say get to it, is what (Y/N) was thinking. She's known about her crush on The Radio Demon for a few months now, having a fantasy dream here and there, but wasn't much of an active person herself.

"Thank you. I know he tried to fix it, but I couldn't stand to look at him," Her puffy eyes made Alastors eye twitch, still a small spout of anger for her father.

"Of course, my dear," He sat himself next to her on the bed.

"Because your father, although the King of Hell, is a fucking coward", is what he wanted to say but kept those words for himself.

"Did you mean it? That I'm yours?" She asked, her hand inching closer to his.

"I never say anything I don't mean, cher," He grabbed her hand, kissed it, and made the she-demon gasp.

"I thought you hated touch."

He chuckled, "Oh, I do, but not if it's you. Your skin is warm, and it brings me comfort. You bring me comfort."

"You'd have me, even if I want to be glued to your side? Even having petty fights with my dad?"

"Darling, I'd wear your skin if you asked."

"Oh, how romantic," She blushed before both his hands came up to her face, bringing her into a needy kiss. With her, he needed to feel her.

Someday, even all of her.

"And I'd eat demons with you," She whispered against his lips.

"Oh my heart may burst, my dear."

Taglist: @lorkai @droopingdatura @tr1coo @randomuser-89 @abbiedail @evelin1o1 @sseleniaa

#alastor imagine #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel imagine

[hairmetal666]

They start kissing on stage as a joke.

The night before the first time, they're at an afterparty, pounding shots, and Eddie is reading aloud a piece that just came out in Rolling Stone. "'One of the most noteworthy parts of Munson and Harrington's unlikely pairing is their chemistry on stage. It's like these two men--one on his way to being the latest metal god, the other an indie rock wunderkind--are two parts of one musical whole. Their singing, their playing, even their bodies twine and flow with assuredness; where one goes, the other follows without question. They share a single brain-cell and that cell is music'."

Steve giggles, pours some more Grey Goose into the glass. "If they say that now, could you imagine what would happen if we, like, kissed on stage or something."

"What the fuck, Harrington?" Eddie splutters, having just thrown a drink back.

"I don't know, other bands do it!"

Eddie snorts. "I'm cutting you off." He reaches for the bottle and the suggestion is forgotten for wrestling over the liquor.

Steve barely remembers it in the morning. Doesn't think about it at all as he gets ready to go out on stage.

They're playing one of the instrumental breakdowns when it happens. They're leaning into each other, Eddie smiling over his shoulder at him, their eyes locked, bodies moving together. "You wanna?" Eddie mouths at him.

Steve nods before the question actually registers and by then Eddie's warm, soft mouth is against his and he just-- completely forgets what he's doing. His hands still on the guitar strings, and he melts a little, going completely boneless when Eddie grips the back of his head, pulls him deeper into the kiss. t's over almost as quickly as it started, Eddie pulling away and swirling to the mic to start the next verse.

The kiss sinks into Steve's bones, and that's before it becomes a regular feature of their performances. After that night, they're never at the same time during the show, all initiated by Eddie, all over before he can catch his breath; each one chaste and surrounded by people but somehow more intimate than any make out.

He and Eddie, they're friends, bandmates, collaborators. They've known each other since they first started out, forging an immediate connection with they stumbled upon each other hiding out in the garden at some industry bigwig's party. And as much as he loved his friend, never once in that time had Steve considered wanting Eddie.

But now, now he falls asleep with the ghost of Eddie on his lips, goes into each show with a thrum of anticipation, catches himself thinking how beautiful his friend is when he's all rumpled and disheveled from a night in the tour bus bunks.

They've always been easy with physical affection, but once the kissing starts they're constantly in each other's space, idly playing with hair, laying across laps, heads on shoulders, twisting together on the tour bus couch. Steve is ruined with every touch, every moment; he can't get enough.

The first time Eddie uses tongue destroys every last piece of Steve's composure. They've added a new song to the setlist, a remixed version of Eddie's hit "Prince Charming". It's hard, heavy, sexy, one of Steve's favorites. And in the middle of it, right in the middle, Eddie shoves him against a low platform, kisses him like he's trying to own him, tongues twining eager and wet and full of sinful promise. It's like that every show after, Eddie kissing him deep and thorough, like he's trying to lick up every drop of Steve.

He is, unquestionably, fucked. Unquestionably falling. Can't properly fathom how he'd gotten himself here, desperate for Eddie's kiss, as performative as it may be.

They're packing up equipment after a show. Eddie's hair is piled in a messy bun and Steve is trying not to blatantly stare at the curve of his neck, the stray curls against his pale skin. Eddie's gesturing at something, says, "Can you grab those cords, swee--Steve?" He hands them over without thought, notices that Eddie's face is shining red. He's called away to deal with packing the guitars, forgets all about it, but at their next show, Eddie doesn't kiss him.

They don't talk about it.

Eddie doesn't try to kiss him again.

A week after Eddie stops the kiss, they have a night off between shows. He needs to get out of his head, goes out with Robin. He gets back fairly early, but all the lights are off in the bus. It makes him panic in a way it shouldn't; they've always done their own things. Still, he rushes on board, flips on the lights, his absurd heart beating too hard.

Eddie is curled up on the couch, face pressed to the pillows and covered with his hands. The panic kicks up a notch.

"Eddie?" He steps closer, slowly reaching out to grip Eddie's shoulder.

He jerks upright, earbuds slipping free, phone sliding down his hip. "Steve?"

His face is wet, tears actively slipping free from his eyes as Steve watches.

"What happened? Are you hurt?" His hands flutter around Eddie's arms and face, searching for bruises or wounds.

"I'm fine, Harrington," he chokes out. "Though you were out with Robin?"

"Yeah, I was, but Chrissy called. You know how useless she gets. But that doesn't--you--you're crying. What's wrong?"

Eddie's smile is a wobbly little thing, refusing to stick on his face. "Oh, you know, the usual. Fell for the wrong guy."

Steve forces down the gut churning hurt at hearing that Eddie's in love with someone, intent on comforting his friend. He tries to slip his arm around Eddie's shoulders, but Eddie shrugs him off. It jostles Eddie's phone again, slipping it toward Steve and activating the screen. He has a split second where he's looking at the cover of his own first album, before Eddie's snatching it out of reach, scrambling up from the couch.

"I'm fine." He swipes his sleeve over his face. "It's nothing."

And Steve is putting it all together, the being in love and listening to Steve's music, the kissing and how it ended.--

"Eddie." He sounds all wrong, choked and garbled.

Eddie doesn't turn around, is stuffing his feet into his boots. "I'm--I gotta go clear my head."

He walks towards the door and Steve just--"I've been obsessed with you since the first kiss," he says. Eddie stops, hand curled against the door. "We've been friends all this time and I didn't--I never realized. And then we kissed and--it's all I've been able to think about."

Eddie turns then, facing him, expression unreadable."Steve, what are you--"

"I love you. I'm in love with you." It comes out fast, all jumbled, but he can't stand Eddie leaving, not now.

"You--?" Eddie blinks, bites his lip. "That's not possible."

Steve smiles, can't help it. "It is, though. Turns out, I can't get enough."

Their eyes lock; neither speaks. Steve's heart pounds so hard it might spring free of his chest. Eddie moves first, crosses the small distance between them to pull Steve into his arms.

It's not a kiss, but Steve buries his face against Eddie's neck, breathing him in, feeling the echo to the pound of his own heart. "How long?" Steve asks.

Eddie's soft laugh vibrates through him. "Since I saw you walking in that garden and thought, 'jesus christ, Prince Charming is real'."

Steve pulls away to stare at Eddie in disbelief. "But that's--your--the song?"

"They're kinda all about you, Stevie. But that one most of all." Eddie whispers. His eyes glisten.

"Fuck, Eddie." He doesn't mean to whine, but he's not in control of his voice anymore. "I'm sorry I didn't--" He shakes his head. "I'm all yours, Ed. Whatever you want."

Eddie's thumb catches against Steve's bottom lips, eyes transfixed on his mouth. "Everything, sweetheart. I want it all."

#steddie #steve x eddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #ficlet #bandmates steve and eddie #musician au #fluff #angst #eddie munson has a crush on steve harrington #oblivious steve harrington #eventual mutual pining #kissing on stage #it's a joke. until it isn't #this is because boygenius won a bunch of grammys #all award shows are fake and the grammys are the most fake of all but still #if the tour bus is rockin' etc etc etc #grey goose got your girl feeling loose