#leave my house in peace. ever. for so many stupid old fucking bullshit excuses again and again and again

[thekingofchungus]

mouth’s gotta do somethin

#chatbox #vent art #chungus draws a thing #eyestrain tw #gore tw #blood tw #ok w/those out of the way. i'm so fucking tired of being told how ~allowed~ i am to talk and then its like. no i'm fucking not lol #drew this between other stuff im ok just. u know. #i shouldn't have even fucking spoke like always but the previous bullshit conversation made me so tired of not being able to just #leave my house in peace. ever. for so many stupid old fucking bullshit excuses again and again and again #i should've just waited she said i could leave when m passport happened #but i dont even have fucking faith in that #sister has one and she's still barely fucking allowed to go off on her own and shes like 23 lmao i hate this #how the fuck am i supposed to be a functional human like this #god i've wanted to kill SOMETHING for the past several hours its exhausting. why the fuck do i speak #why don't i fucking think ever. think its bc m brain's exhausting #i cant fucking speak ever its fucking painful makes me not want to do anything at all #im so fucking stressed lol #displeased cat noises #uuuuuuuuuuu explode me

[sleepinabath]

“What happened this morning?”

Warnings: insecurities, body image, 

Story Length: 2k

Summary: You are the kindest person of your year. Always lifting up others and giving a hand whenever possible. Behind the front you are insecure and broken. You never show anyone your pain, but one day after speeding out of the great hall Draco sees a glimpse of your hidden side. 

A/N: This is my first imagine on tumblr. Let me know if I should make a part 2. (not my gif btw)

Y/n l/n was a kind Hufflepuff 5th year. She was the person that partnered with the new kid, the person who was positive through the tough times, the person anyone could come to judgement free, the person who always reminded her friends that they were perfect and beautiful. But when the sun went down and no one was there to tell her about their problems her mind filled with terrible thoughts. While everybody else in the castle was dreaming, y/n was reminded of all the things she hated about herself, all the things that made her less beautiful, all the things that she thought others hated about her. Fortunately y/n was good at hiding her pain, she attempted much more around her current boyfriend, Draco Malfoy, and so no one realized that all her happiness and confidence was a façade. 

Coincidentally that façade had gotten her the boyfriends she tries too hard to hide from. When he confessed his feelings for her she asked why. Why would Draco Malfoy, the Prince of Slytherin want her, a simple Hufflepuff? 

“For so many reasons y/n, too many to count. For starters you are beautiful, and positive...” 

That is where y/n stopped listening. Her faux optimism had landed her a boy that almost every girl in the school swooned over.

Tonight was no different. Y/n pictured the scenario that had tormented her during her waking hours and disrupted her sleep. Draco Malfoy walking into the great hall with Pansy Parkinson on his arm. They would walk over to her house table and reveal her deepest darkest insecurities. The remarks weren’t the same every time. Some times Malfoy would touch on Y/n’s body issues saying:

“How could I ever date anyone that fat?”

or 

“The moment I saw your body it was over.”

Sometime Parkinson would strike on her insecurity around cheating by saying things like:

“Did you really think he could have liked you? You were a cute charity case.”

and

“Did you not wonder why he never went further?”

Always after they spewed their hate and walked away the entire hall would begin to laugh and some of her closest friends would agree or worse point out how stupid she was to think that Malfoy would actually like her. Every time this played out in Y/n’s head she would cry. 

Tonight Y/n decided to go into the dorms bathroom so as not to wake up her dorm mates. She looked at her red cheeks and puffy eyes and began to agree with the dream Parkinson and Draco. Y/n began to examine her body, only making;  her cry harder as she traced her finger along the few stretch marks Y/n had on her hips and thighs, pulling on the little fat that clung to her calves and stomach. At this point y/n had ran out of tears and was exhausted, stepping out of the bathroom she looked around at the other beds. All these girls were beautiful and thin. 

Why can’t I be like that? 

Why can’t I have a body and face that I like?

~~~

Waking up the next morning y/n saw all her tired dorm mates starting their day as well. Some were brushing their teeth and humming a tune, some were picking out their outfit, and some like y/n were just waking up. You got out of bed reluctantly and started choosing your outfit for the day. Your options were all very similar, big jeans and a t-shirt with your robes. You decided on your favorite pair of white wash blue jeans and one of your dad’s old band shirts. You and all your roommates finished your respective morning rituals at around the same time and then walked to the great hall together for breakfast. 

Y/n ate about the same thing everyday for breakfast, an egg, berries, and if she was really hungry a piece of toast with jam. Beginning to eat everyone started talking about classes and homework, the usual beginning of day complaints or excitement. You added to these conversations while also watching the hall door to see when Draco walked in and if he walked in with anyone. 

Soon after you and your friends came into the hall Draco came in. He was accompanied by his standard group, Crabbe, Goyle, Zabinni, but today along with the usual crowd there was Pansy Parkinson right alongside him. Your heart dropped, you felt as though you were going to throw up. You didn’t let your feelings show on your face.

“Y/n what do you think will be more important on the herbology exam? Labeling or purpose?” asked her dorm mate, Diane. 

“Uh… I believe that Professor Sprout said the test would be 50/50.” y/n said coming out of your thoughts.

“Well I’m fucked. I only know the practical.”

“Come to study group tonight. We would love to have you.” 

“Thank y/n. You’re the best.” y/n had stopped paying attention at that point. y/n was trying not to notice as Pansy and Draco laughed together. It all became too much when she laid her hand on his forearm.

“Hey, I think I left something in the dorm. I’ll meet you guys in class?” y/n was just barely keeping her voice level. They all bid her goodbye and she walked very quickly out of the hall. 

Tears were starting to spill from her eyes down y/n’s cheeks when she heard footsteps behind her. Y/n began to walk quicker trying to get as far away as possible from anyone. 

You’re being so stupid. Crying over a boy

She was just trying to make you jealous, and you fell for it

She could not let anyone see her cry. Y/n was the confident, nice, Hufflepuff, and if someone saw her breakdown it would put into question anything she had ever said, every bit of advice would be watered down by doubt.

“Y/N!” This made her stop dead. It was Draco. She wanted to run until she was in the common room, run until he had given up, but y/n knew that Draco wouldn’t give up. Even if he had lost her in this moment he would bring it up again until he figured out what was troubling her. She didn’t run, but stopped quickly whipping her eyes and taking deep breaths as Draco caught up to her.

“Hey, what up?” Y/n said doing her best to sound nonchalant.

“You left the hall…” he paused now looking at your face. 

“Good observation.” she faked a laugh. She wanted him to go away so that she could cry in peace. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Of course.” Y/n moved to leave but he grabbed her wrist.

“Yes?” her voice broke a little.

“Have you been crying?” he face was painted with concern 

“No, just allergies. I was actually just about to-” a tear rolled down her face. “To get my allergy medication but...” It was all y/n could do to keep the sobbs out of her voice.

“Hey-”

“Draco I really need to go.” y/n knew that she wouldn’t be able to keep her tears in much longer. Walking away she felt the tears fall fast and hot down her cheeks. Thankfully Draco didn’t follow her.

~~~

Y/n missed her first class of the day. She made up an excuse to her friends about being nauseous. 

“Are you sure you want to go to class y/n?” Her roommate Diane said as you all walked to potions.

“Yeah, I’m fine now.” Y/n said quickly.

“Whatever you say.” 

Y/n’s second lesson of the day was double potions with the Slytherins. When you walked into class you avoided his piercing gaze. She knew that Draco would try to talk to you during class. To bypass his awkward questions you sat next to one of her friends named Annalise. 

“Not sitting with Draco?” Annalise asked.

“I can hangout with Draco any old time. Besides he’s not great shakes at potions.” y/n said this while pulling out your potions textbook

She made it through potions without having to speak to Draco. She was feeling more confident that he would drop it until you were leaving class. Y/n was walking with all your friends when she felt something cold wrap around her hand. She stopped creating a ripple effect among the crowd she had been enveloped in. 

“Can I speak to you?” Draco asked in a low voice.

“Hey, I’ll meet you in class.” Y/n said to her friends. They all giggled as you two walked away. She didn’t feel like laughing at all. She felt like throwing up. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to Draco about what happened this morning. Draco pulled you into an empty classroom, and began to pace.   

“What’s up?” y/n said cooly.

“What happened?” he stopped his pacing to ask.

“Nothing, I just wasn’t feeling well.” she moved to him. She tried to comfort him by rubbing his arm. He moved away from his gesture.

“Bullshit.” he didn’t yell, but said it fervently.

Y/n didn’t have anything to say. Half of her wanted to break down in front of him, too cry and tell him all the things that plagued her mind by night. The other half of her wanted to leave the room and make him so mad that he forgot about all things that had happened this morning. Y/n couldn’t bring herself to do either, so she just stood there in silence.

“What happened this morning?”

“Nothing. I just wasn’t feel-” y/n began to lie again but Draco cut her off.

“What’ the real reason?” he said looking at her with a mix of caring and frustration

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Draco’s only response was an irritated sigh. y/n was also starting to get annoyed. Why couldn’t he just drop it. It wasn’t as if the real reason mattered greatly. 

“You know what I realized today.”

“Enlighten me.”

“You have never once cried in front of me. You haven’t even confided a negative thought.”

“Because I don’t need to.” y/n stated flatly looking at her feet.

“Your telling me you have never once had a negative thought?” Draco asked doubtfully.

“Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“So if you do have other emotions besides inspirational, why have I never heard about them?”

“Because... Because I’m an optimist.”

“Optimist or not, no one can bottle up their emotions before losing their minds eventually.” She couldn’t think of anything to say. Y/n knew he was right. She had been so broke and defeated for so long now. All Y/n could think to do was continue looking at her shoes because she knew that if she met his eye she wouldn’t be able to hold it together.

“Look at me... please.” y/n could hear the concern all through his voice. Slowly she turned her face to his. Y/n was determined not to break down and just go to herr next class.

“We should go to class.” she said weakly barely meeting Draco’s eye.

“Class can wait, you can’t.” he spoke soberly which made it more confusing for him when Y/n giggled.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that if you knew what was going on up here.” She pointed to her forehead. “You wouldn’t have said that.” Draco moved swiftly to her and put his forehead to hers. 

“I want to know. I want to know it all. Every dark and twisted thought to your wildest dreams and fantasies. I want to know everything if you’ll tell me.”

#draco lucius malfoy #draco malfoy #draco x y/n #draco x reader #draco #harry potter #harry potter fandom #wizarding world

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.15

“Lance, it’s Keith. Are you in there?”

Hours. Lance had spent hours staring at his ceiling. He’d climbed into his wardrobe, grabbed his box of death soil, and cried himself to sleep. When he’d woken, he’d crawled over to his bed, his box of death soil sitting on his chest with his left hand resting on it as he stared upwards, simply laying there pretending the world outside didn’t exist

“Pidge called the home phone, she saw you’d left your car in town... I don’t know if you want to arrange a pick up, but it’s there”.

Keith being nice didn’t feel right. He didn’t like it all. He appreciated honesty and and Keith honestly hated him. Him being nice meant he was lying through his teeth

“Lance?”

Answering Keith felt like too much effort. So his car was in town, then that meant all he had to do was go pick it up. He could do that. That would mean he wouldn’t have to be home with “Keith the Liar”... That wasn’t being fair. Keith hadn’t... he was making an effort. He was doing the best he could under the circumstances. Keith had human emotions, so trying to get on fell within that range, but if you care for someone that makes killing them all that harder to do. Lance didn’t want to burden Keith with his death, nor did he want to burden Shiro the same way... This was why mixing with humans just wasn’t a done thing.

Climbing to his feet, Lance walked over to window, undoing the latch, a strong breeze filtered over his face as he looked downwards. Fuck it. Going out the front door wasn’t an option, so jumping out the window it was. It’d hurt, but he’d heal. The walk into town would give him space to breathe

“Lance?”

Yep. Fuck it.

Rolling his right ankle, Lance had barely limped around the side of his house and onto his drive before his escape was interrupted. Night was starting to fall, the air growing moister as the cicadas chirped away. Walking at night had never lost its charms when it came to thinking. He didn’t believe that vampires some how gained mystical powers from the moon like werewolves did, but it definitely gave him a pleasant buzz enough kind of buzz

“What the hell?!”

Jogging up along side him, Keith sounded annoyed

“Go back to the house, Keith”

“Did you jump out your window to avoid me?”

Talk about being sprung, Lance pushed down the discomfort of his ankle, speeding up his step, which Keith annoyingly kept up with

“Why would you jump out the window?”

“Why does anyone go around jumping out windows?”

“You could have come down the stairs”

Lance huffed, wondering if Keith intended to walk the 10 kilometres to town with him

“Then jumping out the window to avoid you would have been ruined... a bit like this”

Picking his pace up again, Keith jogged forward, standing in front of Lance

“Why are you being like this?”

“Like what?”

“This! What did I do now?”

Lance rolled his eyes

“Why do you think this has to do with you?”

“Because we’re the only two people in the house. If you’re upset, it has to be because of me”

Fuck. What was he supposed to do with that?

“And if I say it’s not you, it’s me, will you listen?”

“You’re acting weird and I don’t understand”

“You haven’t known me long enough to know when I’m acting weird”

“I heard you on the phone this morning, then you were crying, and now you’re jumping out of windows. I don’t understand it”

“Even vampires have shit days. You humans don’t have the monotony on that”

“That was more than a bad day...”

“You’re not being... you’re not acting right”

“Oh, please tell me how I act? Could it be that you have no fucking idea what’s going on in my life and insist that you’re some goddamn vampire that I apparently sired? No eres un vampiro! Non sei un vampiro! I don’t know how many other ways I can fucking say it, but you’re a human. You’re a human I’m sending back to stay in town!”

Keith clenched his fists, Lance not sure if he was going to cry, or if the hunter was going to punch him in the face

“That’s not what you said last night”

Lance waved his hand dismissively

“Blame it on fatigue or whatever excuse you need. You’re here to kill me. Don’t go blurring that line any more than you already have”

“You’re the one blurring lines! I don’t understand any of this!”

“Welcome to the club, sorry, we’re fresh out of jackets and medals, but I might be able to swing a free set of steak knives in used condition”

“Fuck you! You don’t know me, you don’t know the shit I’ve been through! You weren’t there when Adam...”

Keith shook his head

“I don’t owe you anything. I can’t believe I was thinking there was more to vampires than what I’d see, but you’re all a bunch of dicks. Go die in a ditch for all I care”

Shit.

“Keith...”

“Save it Lance. You don’t want to help me. You don’t want to explain anything you don’t want to talk about. You’re not the one going through changes. You’re not the one having nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat with your body aching. You’re not the one getting headaches and you’re not the one stuck feeling the changes I’m going through. No. You’re the one who lies to my face. Your just like every other selfish undead fucker who can’t keep their promises”

“You’ve been sick because you poisoned yourself. You clearly have some kind of trauma thanks to Shiro’s partner Adam”

Keith couldn’t hide the surprise on his face

“What the fuck do you know about Adam?”

“What Shiro told me”

Not much at all. He’d done the math and now he was getting to the answer. Adam was Shiro’s partner that’d been killed, and for reason Keith felt guilty for whatever happened... maybe not guilt... maybe anger with anything less than human that’d do whatever had been done to Adam

“If you know about Adam, you should understand”

Lance had the feeling if he said he didn’t know anything, Keith would clam up and leave him in peace. But being a grade A arsehole to Keith took up too much energy. He didn’t want to know Shiro’s secrets, but he did. He didn’t want to know Shiro’s secrets because Shiro had dropped the “Matt bombshell” on him, but he did

“I’ve heard it from Shiro’s perspective, not yours”

“It’s the same thing”

It definitely wasn’t the same thing unless they were into that kind of a relationship

“Shiro was in love. You weren’t”

“What does that matter?! They fucking turned him! Shiro nearly lost his goddamn arm because Adam didn’t show his true colours! Shiro said he was... he was dead before he even got back... he dealt with it”

Keith’s repeated paranoia made sense now. Adam hadn’t been “noticeably” turned. Shiro had thought he was human, not knowing that Adam was no longer than man he’d once been. Keith was scared that he’d been turned and that he was headed down the same path as Adam. He was scared that he was going to lose his brother, and what would happen if his brother lost him

“You’re not to blame for what they did”

“I didn’t...”

“You can’t be superman, Keith. You can’t be in a million places at once. You didn’t know. You couldn’t have known. If Adam was already turned by the time Shiro returned, death would have been a release. We vampires have egos. That’s why we don’t last. That’s why our kind goes insane. You live to watch everyone you love die. You form bonds, only to have to break them because you don’t want the people around you to think you’ve lied to them the whole time, to think none of it was real. It’s not fun and games being like this. We never forget. We remember turning. We remember every single second of it. Your brother lost his lover and you want someone to pay. You want to kill everything you can, because you want to spare others that pain. Well guess what, you’re in pain too. You carry those deaths. You’ve seen shit you never thought possible and you’ve seen the fucking worst of it. That’s why you’ve got a chip on your shoulder, because they hurt your family. I don’t know if Shiro lied to you. I don’t know if Adam really was alive, but if they starved him after the turn, the fact your brother is still alive is something amazing. This life fucking sucks, and for your sake, I hope you find your way out of it. I live in penance for my sins, the sin of being this thing. I try to help as many kids as possible not feel even one scrap of what I did when I was a kid. Ever since you crashed into my life I’ve been going crazy. I feel like I’ve been turned over again, because you’re the first person I’ve ever drank from, and if you weren’t dying, I wouldn’t have done that. I can see right now you want to deck me, so if it makes you feel better, throw that punch”

“Don’t talk at me like you know my life!”

“I don’t and I don’t want to! When you move on, I’m the one who’s going to be stuck here wondering you’re still alive! In 50 years I’m still going to be wondering because I can’t get you out of my head! You’re going to end up dead, Keith. Long before your time of you keep throwing yourself into things head first!”

Keith took half a step back, looking down to the gravel beneath their feet. Adam was a sore topic for the man, and he didn’t know what kind of parents just let their kid run off and do dumb shit like becoming a hunter, but Keith seemed the kind whose home life seemed rocky at best. Raising his head, the hunter locked his eyes on his

“Then teach me”

What the what now?

“Huh?”

“Teach me! You’re a vampire! Teach me!”

Lance was the most unvampire vampire he knew

“Teach you what?”

“How to be stronger”

The what now? Keith was already physically strong, it was the mental side of things he needed to work out. He needed to clear the fog of anger when he fought and to think about the bigger picture

“I can’t teach you”

“Bullshit!”

“I can’t teach you”

“I have to be stronger. I have to get stronger! I’m all Shiro has and you have to help me”

“Then for Shiro’s sake, I’m going to recommend therapy. Your body isn’t the weak, it’s your mind”

“Then fucking teach me!”

“I can’t teach you!”

Lance didn’t get his rocks off working out. Training and teaching seemed like so much damn effort. He was old. He wanted to potter around in his garden and enjoy naps in the sun with his cat. He was starting to get another headache all over again, and for some unknown reason his heart felt like it was racing with the desire to do something

“Then fight me! Right here!”

“I don’t want to”

“Why?! Why are you being like this?!”

“Because I’m not to blame for your trauma. You have shit to work out in that thick head of yours. You’re so filled with anger that you’re going to get yourself dead. I doubt that’s the kind of life Adam would have wanted for you. I doubt Shiro wants to bury his brother because you let your anger get you killed”

“I have to become better! I have to protect him!”

“You can’t protect anyone if you can’t protect yourself first”

“That’s why you have to teach me!”

Lance shook his head

“I don’t have to do anything, other than to get my car that your brother decided he couldn’t be bothered returning”

“Shiro would have left it there so he wouldn’t be followed back to you!”

“Then maybe you both should have left when I told you to. Now get out of my way”

“No”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Either you fight me now, or you agree to train me”

“I’m not doing either. I’m going to get my car, then I’m going to drop your idiot arse off back in town”

“Fine! I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone!”

Lance sighed at Keith. What he needed was for someone to reach out and take his hand... but that someone couldn’t be him

“Keith, everybody needs somebody. That’s how life works. You need someone who will lift you up and support you, like Shiro. You need someone who isn’t me. I’m nothing more than a vampire”

“That’s why... that’s why I need you to help me. I need to be better”

“Idiot. You’re already good enough. Try making some friends and you’ll see. Bonds and attachments hurt, but good things come too. Having friends is fun. It’s okay to rely on other people”

“Like you rely on Hunk and Pidge. You haven’t even told them the truth”

“Because the truth would put them in danger. My time with them isn’t a lie. I never thought I’d find two friends like them, no matter how long I lived. But our time as friends has a limit and until then I want to enjoy myself with them as long as possible. Go back to the house and cool your head”

“But... I...”

Lance wanted to reach out and ruffle Keith’s silky black hair. He wanted to do something to take away the heaviness of his words. But Keith forming some kind of attachment would only hurt both of them. It was better to sever the tie before it even began

“I’ll see you later”

*

Pidge and Hunk were waiting in his car for him. They’d set themselves up in the back, playing uno and getting crumbs from their snacks everywhere. Noticing him first, Pidge threw her hand down, clambering out the back to throw her arms around him

“You fucking afk jerk! Where were you?!”

“Busy. You know it is, just another fun filled day being a lawyer”

“I tried calling you!”

“I broke my phone. I’m okay now”

“Good! You scared me. You didn’t even like call me back”

Lance wrapped his arms around Pidge, resting his chin on the top of her head. He wasn’t sure how much trouble he could have gotten himself in the last 20 hours, but he’d obviously scared her

“I’m sorry Pidgeon. I see you and Hunk let yourselves into my car”

“What kind of idiot leaves his keys on the front tyre? That’s like asking for it be stolen”

“I know. I’m the biggest idiot around”

“You are. Now, where’s Keith?”

Pidge stepped out of Lance’s hold to peer around him

“Keith’s back at the house”

“Why?”

“Because I had a few things to do in town? He’s stuck waiting until his brother can come pick him up”

“Soooo, he’s like free tonight?”

Lance groaned

“Pidge, noooo”

She was definitely scheming something he wasn’t up for

“I think you mean, “Pidge, yes!””

“Nope. I definitely said no. Whatever it is, no”

Pidge crossed her arms with a huff

“You haven’t even heard what I’m about to say”

“That’s because I know you’re always scheming in that evil genius brain of yours”

“I am not! But anyway, you know how they let us use the visitors centre... well, apparently someone saw an actual ghost there today! They called me and asked if we can come back”

Lance looked past Pidge to where Hunk was now shuffling the uno cards

“Did she tell you?”

“Yep”

“And did you say no?”

“Yep”

“And she didn’t take no for an answer, did she?”

“Nope”

“Piiiiiidge. You’re going to give him nightmares again”

“It’ll be worth if it we can capture it on film! Anyway, so, like, we’ll go back to your house, pick Keith up, then come back and get my stuff, then we’re all going to go film a ghost!”

Because seeing Keith so soon wasn’t going to be awkward as fuck...

“I don’t think Keith will be interested”

“Of course he will be! He might as well have “I want to believe” tattooed across his forehead”

Keith did believe... it kind of went with the territory

“Pidge...”

“Ah, ah, ah, nope. This is your punishment for making Hunk and I worry about you. And I’m totally driving”

“Not in this life time. God... you really want to do this, don’t you?”

“Yep”

“And Keith has to come?”

“Yep”

“And you’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”

Pidge beamed, knowing Lance was such a pushover that she could basically ask him for anything her mischievous little brain thought of

“Nope”

“Fine. Fine. Tonight, only. If we don’t catch a ghost, you’re in trouble, missy”

Pidge threw her arms around Lance again

“You’re the best! Let’s go get Keith!”

Ugh... Nope... Lance hoped that whoever was keeping track of his cosmic record was noting down that this was under pressure and he thought it’d be best to leave Keith alone. He’d told Keith to go find some friends, but now it seemed his friends we’re pretty set on making friends with Keith, taking away the whole “finding” part. Personally Lance couldn’t provide Hunk and Pidge with any higher recommendations that didn’t sound really fucking creepy, bordering on obsessive, and stalkery, he knew the best points of both of them, and their not so best ones, but he didn’t want to go recommending them to Keith because they were supposed to be his friends, and he was supposed to be getting rid of Keith... Fucking humans made things so damn complicated.

[darkwritingsnshit]

It’s Been a While

Chapter 4

Warnings: Bad Writing, angst I think? Dark characters with bad intentions

It turned out, divorce in America was much easier to file for than divorce in Norway. Your brother had almost no one on his legal team, Arne had dismissed almost all of your father’s staff and turned over most of his property to charities or left them alone unkept, so you had little help moving forward in your life. You took up residency in your mother’s old room in the large house, and began to piece what you could together.

You hired back staff first, help in the house and immediate estate, cleaned up and rented out the properties Arne had let fall into disuse. Then came filing for the divorce, which just so happened to be right around the time you were due. You decided to wait, getting Hvitserk to sign divorce papers while you were pregnant wouldn’t work, not if you hadn’t planned on telling him that you went through with the pregnancy.

Part of you loved Hvitserk, you knew that, it probably always would. But Hvitserk had walked out on you in the hospital, when you had been at your most vulnerable in your whole life, even more so than when your parents had died. By then you realized how used you had been. You had been used as a puppet since you were sixteen, by Aslaug, Ivar, Hvitserk too. Once the baby was gone, you were worthless to Hvitserk, that’s how you felt. That’s what he showed you by walking away.

It hadn’t been Hvitserk who had called, it was Ivar first, then Ubbe. You were settling in as much as you could, moving was stressful enough when you didn’t have a doctors’ appointment once or twice a week, and you had work to do besides moving. You knew it was coming though, that you couldn’t just disappear and Hvitserk would be done with you, let you leave, though part of you hoped for it. Still to be safe, you weren’t answering any calls what withheld Call ID, mostly because you were getting a lot of them.

Seven calls you skipped, that read only “No Call ID”, before ‘Boneless’ and a scowling Ivar popped up across your phone’s screen.

“What the fuck are you doing you stupid girl?” Ivar was hissing through his teeth over the phone as you put it to your ear. “You get back here NOW! You’re a Lothbrok, so get back to the estate. I can’t believe Hvitserk is letting you get away with this BULLSHIT!” he roared, and you held the phone away from your ear.

“I didn’t know you had such strong feelings, Boneless,” your voice monotone across the speaker. Ivar usually didn’t bother you anymore, he deemed himself more important than trying to get under your skin, though sometimes he would make a snide comment and smirk as he watched your eyes flash with rage.

“You are disgracing the family,” Ivar spoke evenly, “you don’t realize what you’re doing, do you?”

“I’m not disgracing anyone, Ivar, Hvitserk walked out on me!” You hadn’t spoken the words out loud, and now you yelled them at Boneless, your tormenter. Ivar didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Hvitserk is still in Norway,” Ivar’s voice grew icy, “you are in America. Tell me again, who is it that left?” Ice and fire, that’s how you would describe Boneless, hot and cold and ruthless.

“Leave me alone, Boneless.” You hissed out and hung up the phone. Ivar didn’t call again for a few days.

  Ubbe called next, though the conversation was much different. If you were to talk to any Lothbrok right now, Ubbe was the easiest, most diplomatic of the brothers.

“Hello?” You had been laying down as the doctors had told you, though you hated how often this pregnancy had you sitting or lying instead of keeping busy.

“Hello, how are you feeling?” Ubbe spoke lightly though you could picture his face speaking into the phone.

“I am alright, how are you doing Ubbe?” You waved of Arne, who had been sitting on the couch across from you, his head pricked up at the mention of Ubbe’s name.

“Neither of us are all right I don’t think.” Ubbe wasn’t going to let you lie to him. He sighed slowly, then spoke again, “Why don’t you just come back home? We’ll get you home in under 24 hours, we can forget about this.”

Ever the voice of reason; Ubbe loved making peace, making deals, quieting things down. He reminded you so much of Ragnar.

“I would also like to forget, Ubbe.” You were quiet for a moment. “All I want is to be left alone. And why can’t I?”

Ubbe let out a dry laugh.

“You can’t just fly to Los Angeles and expect your husband not to contact you, what the hell are you thinking?”

“Hvitserk still hasn’t contacted me, Ubbe.” It was true, he hadn’t, Ivar had called the day before, but no Hvitserk yet. It broke your heart every day he didn’t call, but what could you do? You could hear Ubbe groan loudly over the phone.

“Look, he’s not himself. He’s been out getting fucked up every day, or staying closed away in your room, he’s yelling at Ivar saying it’s his fault, he almost held a funeral for the baby. He’s out of his head, you need to come back home, he misses you, he needs you back.”

A funeral for a baby that wasn’t dead, Hvitserk really was out of his head. He sounded like a mess, and you had too many messes at this point.

“I’m sorry Ubbe, but I need some time. There’s a lot going on there, I need some time away. It’s quiet and calm at my brother’s house, and I need a rest. Besides, if Hvitserk is going out, he can’t be missing me that much.” Again, you heard a groan and Ubbe swearing under his breath.  

“Time, how much time?” Even Ubbe could turn cold if you pushed him. He clearly wanted you home as much as Ivar did.

“A few months Ubbe, I’m not sure.” You needed to be in California for six months before you could file for divorce. The timing worked out, as your baby would be born in four months, which would mean Hvitserk would never know that you had continued your pregnancy. You wanted the Lothbroks gone from your life, and you knew you could never be free of them if Hvitserk or his brothers found out.

 Hvitserk called by the end of the week. His voice was scratchy and a little bit slurred, you could picture him chain smoking cigarettes with a bottle in hand, probably standing somewhere he shouldn’t be standing.

“Hey darlin’,” it was a relief to hear his voice, even after everything that happened, though it was a short-lived relief. The happiness faded fast as he kept talking, you could tell he was fucked up.

“I’ve missed you so much, I’ve wanted to call the whole time-”

“Hvitserk are you drunk?” You cut him off, you could tell he was, he always liked to call and apologize or make excuses for something when he was on something or plastered.

“No, no I had a couple drinks but I’m sober enough I swear-”

“Are you high on something else too? Are you?” You were angry, you didn’t want to hear him sniffle and worm his way back into your life, you knew he was too fucked up to know what he was saying.

“Baby, no I- I want you to come home, it’s been too long, and I need you to come home now.” Hvitserk was more adamant now, though his speech was still slurred, and you could hear him sniffing.

“I’ll be back when I’m ready, Hvitserk,” you weren’t going to play his games, he was a wreck that you wanted no part of anymore. He had walked out on you, his behavior the last year had been shady to put it mildly and you were unconvinced he still loved you at all.

“No, we can come get you, you need to come home baby, please-” you hung up the phone on drunk Hvitserk and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

 Aslaug called next; you were surprised she wasn’t more furious. Somehow her edged calm was more unsettling than Ivar’s anger.

“Are you sure that this is the best decision for you?” You didn’t like her tone, it was almost honeyed calm, the same way it had been when she convinced a helpless teenager to marry into her family and steal her assets.

By then you were farther along, it had been two months since you left and settled into your brother’s large home. Two months and you hadn’t heard anything from the brothers or the family.

“What decision are you talking about Aslaug?” You were determined not to let her onto anything that was happening in your life, you knew by now she was a snake.

“I know what you’re planning dear,” Aslaug continued, your hand went to your stomach in fear. “You’re planning on divorcing my son.” She spoke with finality. You were relieved again; you were worried she had found out about your pregnancy.

“What are you talking about Aslaug?” you asked, still not wanting to let her onto your plans to get a divorce the minute time allowed. Her voice took on a darker tone, she was nearly snarling.

“You’re not as smart as you think you are, so don’t start playing games you don’t know how to win, do you understand?” You could picture Aslaug’s angry face taking on a dark look.

“Aslaug, I’m taking a break. This has been so hard on me, and the boys are busy with their business.” You weren’t lying, this was probably the most trying time in your life other than losing your family when you were a teenager.

You weren’t lying about the boys and their business either; the three brothers spent almost all their time in Ivar’s office, or “out”, while you weren’t allowed to ask questions, or if you did you got dead ends. Hvitserk was dodging questions and spent all his time away, empty promises when he came home in the early morning reeking of booze, Ubbe laughing and holding him up in the doorway.

“I would be careful about taking too much time away sweet girl, this is your home, and you will come back to your husband, I promise you that.” Aslaug’s voice was poisonous.

“You can’t bully me into coming home,” you were angry now, this woman had controlled you for years and you were finally free from her grip. “I’m not coming back until I’m ready. I am welcome here as I am in Norway, this was my father’s estate and my family home. I will come back to Norway when I am ready, do you understand?” You flipped her words on her, hoping to get under her skin. She huffed in reply, then ended the call.

#hvitserk lothbrok #dark!hvitserk lothbrok #my writing

[takeourpure]

songwriter!richie headcannon

- okay so everyone knows that richie would be into so many rock bands

- like he would be the biggest guns n’ roses + the cure stan and he would totally fit the punk profile with his ripped jeans and messy unwashed bed hair

- his bedroom walls would be plastered with posters of different bands that literally took up every surface of his small bedroom + he would sit for hours in front of his small stereo waiting for songs he knew so he could make all of his friend’s mixtapes.

- he knew stan absolutely fucking hated his loud music, so of course, he created a very special tape filled with the heaviest guitar driven instrumentals + the most aggressive screaming vocals he could find.

- “here you go sir uris, this one will really tickle your pickle”

- “how about you go fling yourself into the sun, richie.”

- driving eddie, ben, bill and stanley home after school would be like their own personal road trip through hell

- richie would absolutely blast the shit out of some ACDC through the small radio in his rusty pick-up truck and would be singing along to the lyrics obnoxiously

- and singing the guitar riffs

- and drum solos

- bill actually wouldn’t mind it and would be softly bopping his head to the beat of highway to hell in the front seat

- ben would be sitting in between eddie and stan in the back seat with his headphones over his ears, ignoring the complaining either side of him and pretending he wasn’t listening (even though no music was actually playing through his cassette tape)

- but oh man

- stan and eddie were not having his shit

- “richie do you even know the dangers of driving with music this loud? It can increase the chances of a road accident by 36% and-“

- “we’re here for a good time not a long time, eds”

- “just turn this shIT DOWN RICHARD.”

- but despite eds + stan not appreciating music the way he did, richie had beverly and mike to talk about it with

- he wasn’t good at talking about his feelings, and music would allow him to feel so many different things

- and his loud music wasn’t all about him singing it loudly to piss everyone off, it was his escape

- but he’d never admit that

- like he’d be sitting on his bedroom floor next to bev and instead of trying to word vomit what he was thinking about, he’d reach for the cassette tape under his pillow and play her a song he related to

- after doing this multiple times, bev suggested that he tried writing his own songs to express his emotions

- because even though he never shut his god damn mouth, she could see that there were things he couldn’t bring himself to say

- richie was like hoLY SHIT YES i’m going to be the next mick jagger

- so when bev left he grabbed his guitar and sat up on his bed with is notebook covered in scribbles and stick figures + got to work

- of course at first he was like

- “how the fuck do I write a song???”

- but then he thought about stanley

- and the rest of the losers

- and his parents

- and about every little thing that made him happy and sad and angry and lonely

- and then it came to him all at once

- four hours, several blisters and twelve pages of messy handwriting later, richie had some explanation for what he was feeling

- because fuck, richie was broken, and he didn’t realise it until his thoughts were written out in front of him

- and he knew it now

- as he read over the scribbles that were spread over those twelve pages, he felt happier than he’s felt in a while

- because for once he actually felt like he knew himself

- so he kept all his thoughts and songs in a box under his bed to leave there until he was ready to read over them again

- fast forward a couple weeks and richie starts acting weird

- all the losers notice of course because he stops coming to their hangouts and movie nights

- and at lunch he barely says anything, (if he shows up at all) + everyone starts to worry about him

- stanley claims with a snicker that he was enjoying the peace and silence his absence had bought, but they could tell that he was beginning to miss his trash-mouthed friend too

- but beverly knew what was up, so she shows up at his house one day after school, making up an excuse to why she couldn’t make it to their weekly hangout at bill’s house

- after making slight distracted small talk with richie’s uninterested father at the front door, she climbs up the stairs to see the black-haired boy lying on his bed, headphones over his ears and wet lines painted down his red cheeks

- “hey rich?”

- richie must hear her through the music in his ears as he tears off his headphones and scrambles up abruptly

- “wha-what? how did you- get?”

- “your dad, he uh- let me in.”

- “oh”

- bev would be so broken seeing her best friend looking so lost in his own home

- like guys this is richie, a very masculine teenage boy who makes offensive jokes and is as rough and playful as fuck

- and seeing this tired boy sitting there looking at her, with red puffy eyes and dry cracked lips would absolutely break her

- “what’s going on, richie.”

- and then he broke down

- he would start sobbing with his head in his palms, while beverly would sit there with her freckled arms wrapped around his torso firmly

- “i just can’t anymore, bev. i have too fucking much to worry about and i cant take it. my parents couldn’t give zero fucks about me and what i do, school is over soon and i’m not going to get into any colleges because my grades have gone to shit this year, and i have a stupid fucking crush that should never have turned into something more.”

- he hiccuped

- “everything is turning to shit around me and i don’t want it to hurt like this anymore.”

- bev would be absolutely beside herself hearing richie like this, knowing that she could’ve helped more when she was given songs to analyse, because she was aware of how he was feeling

- she would just clench her eyelids shut and bury her face in his shoulder, feeling so terrible she let him hurt like this

-”i’m sorry” she’d breathe, “i’m sorry i didn’t check up on you sooner.”

- richie mumbled an incoherent reply but hugged her harder

- but after a few minutes of silence she asked,

- “did you ever end up writing anything?”

- richie nodded, wiping some snot from his nose and reaching under the squeaky double bed

- he pulled out a brown box and handed it to bev and let her slowly read over the contents

- reading those pages would be like looking inside richie tozier’s brain

- love songs, angry songs, words about hate and darkness filled those pages

- there were names circled and small doodles littering the yellow paper

- bev went quiet, unsure of what to say and how she could possibly put this seventeen year old hazard back together again

- (if he ever was together in the first place)

- until she finally breathed,

- “we’re all here for you rich, you’re not alone. we love you too much to ever leave you alone in a fucked up world like this one.”

- richie sniffs once more and sighs, “i don’t even know how i could talk to the others about how i’m feeling, all i ever do is talk bullshit around them.”

- but beverly just smiles sadly and holds up the twelve sheets of slightly crumpled paper in her hand

- “i think i know how.”

richie lowers the guitar from his lap on to the garage floor and looks up at his six best friends shyly. the image of richie’s heartbreak and darkness was reflected on each of their faces, and stanley and mike reluctantly allowed the heavy tears rolling down their cheeks to be the physical representation of his life-long abuse. richie tozier had spent the past thirty nine minutes singing his heart out in front of the group of teenagers on the cold concrete floor, opening his impromptu mini concert with the six words, “this is everything i couldn’t say.”

#richie tozier #stanley uris #it 2017 #eddie kaspbrak #stozier #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #bill denbrough #writing #the losers club

[bangtan-yeonghon]

Oath | Ch.23.2 | Jungkook

Genre: Angst | Mafia!AU

Members: Jungkook | You/Reader | Yoongi | Taehyung | Namjoon | Hoseok | Jin | Jimin |

Summary: What if one day everything you ever wanted is taken away and your whole world comes crushing down? If you were to forget today, who would you be tomorrow?

| Previous Chapter | Chapter List | Next Chapter |

Word count: 4,644

A/N: I am so pleased with how this one turned out. Although I am not so sure about the ending, I might not like it in a day or two, but I really wanted to post it so I had to go with this. As always, thank you for reading my story, I hope you enjoy this part as well, and have a great day/ evening! ^^

D-DAY

"So you're finally showing your real face..." Jimin's low voice scared the life out of you. "Traitor," the disgust in his voice was triggering you somehow.

"I'm not..." you were too panicked to even make a sentence.

It was as if ever since Jungkook showed up everything turned upside down for you within the group. Everyone kept pushing you away from him, accusing you of stuff you did not do, doubting your loyalty, and always keeping you under their radar. It was exhausting.

"You're not what? So you want to tell me you weren't thinking of running away just now?" he was taking slow steps towards you, crushing the grass under his boots. "I'm not Taehyung, Y/N, you can't fool me with your pretty eyes and sweet words. I can see right through your bullshit."

"It's not bullshit!" you raised your voice.

"Hmph. You keep going against my words. You must really have a death wish or something. Where is all this confidence coming from, huh?" he was standing right in front of you, both frowning at each other. "Maybe if you kept your mouth shut every now and then it would have been better. I see Taehyung already had a say in this and I'm glad he did. You needed to be taught a lesson, and you got a good one I see. You better behave now."

"I am not a dog, Jimin!"

"Still at it, huh? Maybe you need another round. Should I force you to go down there again? I can do it with no problem."

"Keep your hands off of me," you slapped his arms away. "Remember that I'm also a member of this group! I'll not betray the family so stop with this fake heroic act of making me the bad one here. I swear to God you seem like a totally different person at times. I really don't know what your problem is, but don't drag me in it. I can't believe I used to consider you my friend, Jimin."

"You've become quite the arrogant one, Y/N. That was before you went there and helped that piece of shit. Have you ever seen us do that? No. Did anyone tell you to? No. Have you asked for permission at least? You haven't, you just acted on your own, like a thief in the dark, even after everyone told you not to go near this place."

"He could have helped us. He can help us!"

"He won't!! Are you fucking blind or just plain stupid? He is one of Black Tiger's men, the only thing he will do is destroy us! Get that in your head!"

"I'm not a traitor, Jimin!"

"Then don't act like one!"

"Excuse me for trying my best to help and for risking my life for this group!"

"It was you who chose this life! Don't play the victim!"

"Then would you have let me go that day? Just like that?"

"Probably not," he smirked.

"Exactly as I thought. There already was no going back for me, so why not try to integrate instead. My life outside this group was already a mess anyways. I had nothing to lose."

"Playing the brave girl like always...fine, have it your way, but one day you'll come to regret all of this."

"I'll take care of that!" you walked past him.

"Mark my words, Y/N, stop playing with fire or you'll get hurt!" his screams were echoing through the forest.

Your mind was clouded by all kinds of thoughts  now. How could Jimin help you in a job one day while acting as a friend and the next day turn into the coldest person, threatening you. Maybe this is how this world was: full of two face people, betrayal, and danger. Taehyung was even worse: it was as if he had several different personalities, going from sweet and loving to dark and seductive or to scarry really quick. Maybe this was the secret to his charm. He would make you feel secure and then shake the earth under your feet like it was nothing. His ever changing personality was draining you at times.

But with Jungkook it was different; it was like a walk on an isolated, pristine beach somewhere in the middle of nowhere, a place where your soul is at peace and everything feels warm and secure. It was not the kind that would enchant you like Taehyung's, but rather something that dragged you into it without even noticing.

You were slowly making your way up to your room when your eyes stopped on the feet of a man standing still at the end of the stairs, just like he was waiting for you.

"You're full of surprises, Y/N."

"Hoseok..." fear was covering you in its cold touch once again.

"This is the what? Third time you go against Taehyung's word? You got nerve, I give you that. But use it wisely, princess, we don't want any more lying bodies on the halls of this house. You are a special case for Taehyung, I could see that, not many escaped his rage outbursts. Everyone has their eyes on you now, Y/N. Helping a traitor is not something we do."

"Why can't anyone see that I am not helping him, but trying to get some info."

"Even so, that's not out way. You want info, you apply pressure where it hurts until he opens his mouth."

"What if he dies? You can't get anything out of a dead man. He could really die there."

"Not your business."

You were out of words. It seems like anything you said was not good enough, and was only making things worse.

"Take my advice: don't test Taehyung's limits. You need to make a decision, a clear one."

"I-"

"No need to tell me anything, I don't care. But whatever you do, you must take the responsibility for it. I think you know what that means. That's all I wanted to say," he was about to leave when you spoke again.

"I'm not a traitor..." your voice was soft, cracking a bit as your throat felt sore.

"Words are just words, Y/N, actions speak louder. Not to say that that's exactly what a traitor would say. You took a wrong step, fix that first, don't just throw excuses everywhere. That's how you survive."

He left right after finishing his sentence, leaving you speechless. You peeked at your left, worrying that Yoongi would come out of his office and scold you as well. He was the one you feared the most, since you put your life in his hands in exchange for a spot in the group. You took another step and looked around. Nobody was there. You moved your feet as quickly and quietly as you could and went straight to your room, sighing in relief once you leaned your back against the closed door. Your feet lost their strength so you collapsed to the floor as tears ran down your cheeks.

"How does that feel like, Jungkookie?" Taehyung spoke in a low tone, heading towards his victim. "How hoes betrayal feel like?" he spoke with an evil smile on his face. He had the eyes of a crazy man when Jungkook started laughing.

"I wouldn't know," he said. "Y/N never failed me...but it seems you can't say the same thing," he chuckled.

"Oh, seems our Jungkookie still has the energy to speak," he dug his nails into his wound, making him scream at the top of his lungs. "This is fun. Let's see how long you can keep it going, Jeon Jungkook."

"This...won't change a thing. Y/N...she's not yours," another scream filled the room.

"I just showed you she is. Still can't realize you'll never get her back? She even remembered you and still here you are. Alone! Abandoned! Forgotten! Left behind!"

"You don't know her. You think you do...but you don't. And you already made a big mistake...She already came back to me."

Taehyung grabbed his jaw, eyes digging into his as he squeezed it as hard as he could. Jungkook smirked.

"What's happening here? Having fun on your own?" Jimin chuckled from behind.

"What are you doing here?" Taehyung turned to him.

"Came to visit an old..."friend". Long time no see, Jungkookie," he was standing right next to Taehyung, examining Jungkook's face. "You don't look  too well. Oh, you even got a bullet. The shoulder? Really Taehyung? I thought you'd be better at this."

"That wasn't me."

"Then?" he faced Jungkook with a smile. "Aah! Y/N...So that's why she was trembling like a leaf a few minutes ago."

"You met her?!"

"Yeah, she was standing outside looking like a ghost with that white shirt and everything. Wait a second...where is your shirt?"

"I gave it to her."

"What did you three do here?" he chuckled. "You perverted freaks, you should've called me too!"

"Shut you stupid mouth!" Jungkook growled before spitting some blood on Jimin's shoes.

"You piece of shit!!" his hand flew to his neck. "Those were new!"

Taehyung pulled his arm and pushed him back a little gaining an angry and confused face from Jimin.

"What the fuck, Tae?!"

"For the 1st time...I agree with him. Watch your mouth, Jimin."

"That bitch got you all under her spell," he scoffed. "Do you even know she wanted to run away just now, Taehyung?"

"What?"

"You heard me! She was about to start running when I caught her. You should've seen the look on her face," he laughed.

"Where is she now?" Taehyung grabbed him by the collar.

"How am I supposed to know? She was heading towards the house. I gave her quite the scare, hope she didn't actually run away. Though I wouldn't mind it," he glanced at Jungkook. "She reached her purpose."

"Park Jimin!"

"What?!"

They were both clenching their jaws, almost as if they were both trying hard not to throw a great punch at each other. Jungkook was breathing heavily, fighting not to lose conscience even though he was on the edge of fainting.

"You and I will have a talk later. Keep an eye on him!" Taehyung released him and walked towards the door.

"Since when are you in charge here, Taehyung, giving orders and everything?"

"Are you really going to be like this?!"

"Don't worry, I wanted to have my moment with him anyways. Go to your beloved Y/N before she does anything stupid again and gets herself killed."

He ran up the stairs, jumping some as he went, desperate to find you. If you really ran away, that would be the end. Nobody could leave the group without Yoongi's permission. And that hardly happened. You would end up on a chair next to Jungkook, or with a bullet straight to your head.

"Jimin...if you did something to Y/N..."

"What will you do? Take a better look at yourself," he crouched in front of Jungkook. "You can't do anything right now. So how about this: you tell me what I need to hear, and I'll promise not to kill you."

"Fuck off..."

Jimin laughed and pulled Jungkook's hair back, making him groan in pain.

"Listen, kid, I'm kinda tired and have no time for bullshit. Y/N shot you, huh? So she really forgot about you...at least she wasn't faking that one. Let me tell you a funny story. She kinda turned me on when she came to my room acting all tough and shit. Tae, that bastard, ruined the moment though. What a waste...I could've made her scream louder."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he spoke slowly, barely even keeping his eyes open.

"Oh they fucked right after that. Quite the romantic type, Taehyung. He put music and shit thinking I won't hear anything. I would've joined them, but he locked the door. That was quite the turn on. Damn, I could have jerked off to that."

"Shut the fuck up..."

"I wonder if she moaned so much when you fucked her. Wait...did you even do it?"

"You're sick..."

"Oh, poor Jungkookie, that's why she must've forgotten you so easily."

"Is that why you can't get a girl?"

"There we go. That's the spirit," he punched him in the stomach. "This is getting fun. Do make me angry. I love a good fight."

"This...is not even...a fair fight."

"Nor was it back then at the docks. But that didn't seem to bother you."

"You know shit...about me..."

"I know just enough. Now, if you care to share, please do. Start with...uhm...everything about Namjoon's group. Wait, YOUR group, forgot for a second you're one of his dogs."

"Let Y/N go first..."

"Nope. Not gonna happen."

"You said...she's already done...her part," it was hard for him to speak; he was swallowing and breathing in between words, breaking the sentence into small pieces. "Let her go..."

"What part of "no" is so hard to understand? She is a member of the family now, no going back. And she can be quite useful at times, you know. Not the innocent girl you once thought she was. Did you see her at Namjoon's hotel? Oh wait, you shot her! What a drama! Tragic!" he smiled as Jungkook just stared at him. "It really breaks my heart! And now she shot you. Oh, I almost cried!"

"Fuck off, Park Jimin."

"Ah, this is really fun! Do you know how long I waited for this moment? And I thought I lost you in that car accident...too bad Namjoon got there first. But then again, all of this wouldn't have happened. Aah..." he yawned. "Seems like I'm getting tired. Well, I guess this is it for today....too bad, I wanted to play more. Don't worry though, I'll be back."

He left the room, turning off the lights before locking the door. In the deep darkness Jungkook's cries of pain and deep sights were the only sign of a living person being there. His body was slowly reaching its limits. It did not take long for him to fall unconscious and escape from the growing pain.

You heard footsteps coming towards you room at a fast pace and stood up and away from the door right before Taehyung barged in. Your pulse went through the roof at the sight. He was looking at you while out of breath from all the running and you were doing the same thing, not knowing what to expect. You did exactly as he wanted, why did he look so desperate? He pushed his body forward without saying anything, making you think he was about to hit you. And just when you closed your eyes in fear, you felt his arms wrapping around you so tightly it was hard to move.

"You didn't run anyway. You're here!" he released you from his embrace and brushed your hair. "Never run away, Y/N!"

"I won't..."

"But you wanted to."

You looked at him, not able to say anything. Jimin must have told him.

"If there's any place you want to go tell me and I'll take you there."

"There isn't..."

"Then don't do anything stupid," he noticed his shirt was painted red by the blood that was still rushing from your wound. Now that the rage faded away, he felt bad for making you go through pain again. "Take the shirt off, I need to see what's happening with your wound."

You sat in silence on the edge of the bed as he did his job. You were both calm, as if nothing had happened half an hour ago. When he was done he placed a kiss on your shoulder and helped you put a shirt on. Everything seemed good, only that you kept your head down, avoiding his eyes, as if guilt and anger played with your soul.

"You seem tired. You should rest, Y/N. I'll tell the boys to get you something to eat."

You gave a short, soft nod and he left, giving you the space you wanted. It took only a couple of minutes for you to fall asleep, finally giving your brain some rest.

"Oh, Taehyung, come to my office for a bit. I have something to tell you," Yoongi said just when Taehyung was closing the door to your room. Hoseok and Jimin were with him already.

"What's happening?" Hoseok said.

Yoongi handed him a fancy looking card that looked like an invitation to an important event. He read it out loud for the others to hear as well.

"Seems like you have quite the interest in me, Min Yoongi.

I appreciate your efforts of planting bugs in my office. Quite the thrilling experience, I admit.

If you're so eager to find things about me, how about we meet face to face?

10 PM tonight, Club 9.

And don't try anything funny. We wouldn't want our first meeting to turn into a bloodbath, would we?

Your beloved,

Kim Namjoon"

"This bitch is crazy," Hoseok started to laugh. "Hyung, what are you going to do?"

"We're going to do exactly as he says."

"What?"

Yoongi was smirking behind his desk.

"If he wants us to go there, we will. It's part of his game. And I already know what he's after."

"Jungkook..." Taehyung mumbled.

"Bingo! We have something he wants. And he's scared of what Jungkook would say now that he met Y/N too. That means he'll try to trade him for something. That is what makes me play his game."

"What if he has other plans? We can't just go there like this," Hoseok said.

"I'll have to take the risk."

"Shall we take some men with us, then?"

"You two are enough," he pointed to him and Taehyung. "He said no bloodbath, and I don't think he'd try anything there. Jimin I want you to stay with Jungkook, just in case. Get the boys to guard the house too."

"Got it!" Jimin nodded.

"You should all go and sleep...it's going to be a long night."

In no time darkness took over the city, clearing the stage for all the felons to do their thing. Yoongi was going over the plan for the night again with Hoseok, Jimin was already heading towards Jungkook and Taehyung towards your room. Your head moved in the direction of the door just as he entered.

"Oh, you're up. I thought you'd still be sleeping."

"I woke up a few minutes ago."

He sat on the bed next to you and caressed your face with his left hand.

"We have a job."

"Now?"

"Yeah...Namjoon..." your eyes grew wide at the sound of his name. "said to meet him at Club 9."

"No..."

"It's ok, Y/N, Yoongi thinks he won't make a move there."

"I'll get ready," you were about to get out of bed when he pushed you back in.

"No, Y/N, you're not coming. We can't afford having you there. Especially with that wound on your shoulder."

"But..."

"No excuses."

You looked at him, tears filling your eyes.

"Please be careful..."

He smiled and pulled you in for a kiss.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, I won't die so easily."

He looked at the clock and stood up, heading towards the door.

"Oh, one more thing...In order for things like that one earlier not to happen again while we're out I'll lock the door."

"What?"

"You have some food here and I'll leave the key to one of the guys in case you want to go to the bathroom."

"No, Taehyung!"

"I'll be back soon," just like that he closed the door, the sound of the lock making you jump out of bed and right at the handle.

"No! Taehyung!! Don't do this, please! Kim Taehyung!!" Your screams and bangs against the hard wood were heard throughout the whole floor and even downstairs.

"She didn't take it so well," Hoseok said.

"I wasn't expecting it either. Is the car ready?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

"Damn it!" you threw one last punch against the door.

You turned around and looked out the window. The sky was so clear that night. You heard the engine of their car getting lost in the distance. There was nothing to do now, you were trapped.

10:05 PM

They parked the car at the back of the club, the place designed for V.I.Ps, and followed the man send by Namjoon to escort them. The door opened to a rather large private room with black marble walls and no windows. There was a chandelier in the center of it, right above the table, with crystals hanging from it. Namjoon was leisurely sipping on some drink, sitting on the black leather sofa that seemed to go around the whole room in a "U" shape.

"The infamous Min Yoongi. I see you brought some friends along as well."

"I'd say the same thing," Yoongi looked at the men standing next to them.

"Oh, don't mind them, they don't bite..." his face turned dark "unless there is a reason for them to."

"You tamed them well, it seems." Yoongi smirked. "My boys tend to be quite wild, so I'd be careful."

"No need to. We are here to have a nice talk, aren't we. Come, take a seat!"

"What exactly made you send that card? I have a feeling it was not just because you wanted to see me."

Namjoon smiled. Yoongi was the kind of man he enjoyed having as an opponent. Playing with someone with his brains and skill was always fun.

"As expected, you didn't gain your name for nothing. I think one of my men is being held hostage and I'd quite want him back."

"Being held hostage is a harsh word considering he offered himself to us."

"He must have had his thoughts clouded by something, now I am sure he'd like to take that back."

"I wouldn't be so sure. He seemed quite keen to share information."

Namjoon clenched his jaw. He thought everything through for a second and then chuckled.

"Just a second, I need to make a phone call," he went out, leaving Yoongi and the boys to wonder what he had in mind.

"How's everything going?"

"We are ready, boss!"

"Good."

"We will go in at your word."

"Go ahead. Remember: find Jungkook and the girl. If you can't get both, each of them would do."

"Yes, boss!"

"Send me a message when you're done and wait for my call."

"Yes, boss!"

Namjoon came back in the room with one hand in his pocket and a proud smile on his face.

"I'm sorry for the interruption. Where were we?"

10: 30 PM

There were lights in the house and shadows moving behind the windows. A few men were smoking in front of the door. Except for that, everything seemed normal. That until gas bombs started flying through the windows, filling the room in a thick layer of smoke. Men wearing black costumes surrounded the house, taking down everyone they encountered as they searched for the two of you.

You jumped at the sound of glass breaking. You peeked out the window and saw smoke coming up. People were screaming, throwing things, and shooting guns downstairs, making you panic. The door was tightly shut, there was no going out. The window was not a good alternative either as the fall would most likely only hurt you more. You heard footsteps coming up followed by the metallic sound of something rolling across the floor and your heart stopped for a second. That was not good. You needed to go out fast. Door were being smashed open and more gas bombs were being thrown across the whole floor. One of them stopped right outside your door, filling your room with the dense smoke as you were trying to make a way out. The window was the only choice. You covered your nose and mouth trying to avoid it as best as you could, but by the time you managed to open the window your head was already spinning. Your feet lost strength, making you fall on your knees and then crash on your side. Your eyelids were getting heavier and heavier, senses fading one by one. You tried to reach for the window again, but your hand fell numb on the floor.

Tae...Taehyung-ah... were your last thoughts before everything went black.

Loud bangs were filling the silence as someone was trying to kick open the door. After a few minutes the door flew open, making way for them to search it. They saw your body lying on the floor and one of them came to examine you. You were still breathing. He picked you up and rushed down to the van. Everything was done with such speed and precision that nobody would have had time to fight back. The gas would kick out a person in seconds, it was something Jin worked on for months.

"Jungkook?"

"No sign of him, sir."

"Damn it! Ok, get in the car!"

With the squealing sound of the wheels, the cars were getting lost in the depth of the night, the only thing left behind as a trace of their visit being broken glass and bodies laying on the floors.

"How about we strike a deal? You'll give us Jungkook back and I will grant you a place in our group," Namjoon said.

Yoongi looked at him with dead eyes.

"Ha!" Taehyung scoffed. "Is this bitch serious?!" he stood up from his seat, but was soon put in his place by Yoongi who grabbed his wrist.

"I don't think you get the picture, so let me clear this up for you a bit. I have no intention of working hand in hand with you or Black Tiger. You are the one on the losing side here."

"Are you willing to sacrifice your whole group then?"

"Don't underestimate my men."

"Fine, then. This was a one in a lifetime chance for you, guess it can't be helped now."

"Don't make plans so fast, Namjoon, the game is not over yet."

"You are so confident you'll win. But I'm not so sure things will go your way."

"We'll see about that."

Namjoon's phone buzzed right as Yoongi was getting up. A smile spread on his face as he read the message.

"We got the girl!"

"Now, if we're done here, I have other business to take care of."

"So soon? The party was only starting though."

He looked back at Namjoon who was holding his phone up.

"Say hello to your precious girl," he chuckled.

They took a closer look at the screen. You were in the back of a van with black strips of material covering your eyes, mouth, and rope wrapping around your wrists and legs.

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

Taehyung pulled out his gun and pointed it right at Namjoon's forehead as he laughed. Soon everyone followed, pointing their guns at each other. If he was to pull the trigger, so would the guy holding his pistol against Taehyung's head, and then Hoseok would blow that guy's brains out and so on.

"What are you doing now, Namjoon?" Yoongi spoke.

"An eye for an eye. That only seems fair, don't you think?"

"You cheated," Yoongi laughed. "Going behind my back. That's a low move."

"You would know better. Now, care to reconsider my offer?"

"You can go and fuck yourself. Did you really think I'd say yes?"

"Well it was worth the shot."

"I'll make you pay for this, just wait for it." He turned to Hoseok and Taehyung. "Let's go."

"I'm looking forward to that. Until then I'll keep the girl, although I don't know how long she'll hold out. The clock is ticking Yoongi, don't make me wait too much."

They left the room just as Namjoon took another sip of his drink, visibly satisfied by the outcome. Things were finally going his way.

11:00 PM - Y/N gets kidnapped.

#networkbangtan #bts scenarios #bts mafia au #bts gang au #bts angst #jungkook #taehyung #namjoon #yoongi #hoseok #jimin #jin #oath

[pharmgirl71]

Oops :) Any pairing you want to write

First prompt done. Hope you like it.

#25 Rickyl

Sorry, No AdultingToday

 Daryl hadalways been the adult. Even when he was a child, he had to suck it up and moveon. He wasn’t allowed to cry, or throw a tantrum, or hold his breath till heturned blue. Any of those actions would result in a severe beating and possiblya weekend in the hospital.

As he grewinto a teenager and young man, he was the only person in his half-circle ofacquaintances who knew what being a responsible adult looked like. He watchedhis brother and his brother’s friends getting high, getting drunk, sleepingaround and breaking the law, and was always the designated driver or recipientof the one phone call.

He tried hisbest to take care of Merle, but the older Dixon was too much like their father;he had a chip on his shoulder and a God complex. He made stupid decisions andtook stupid risks, and Daryl was always there to rescue him.

It wasn’tall bad though; when the world went apeshit,he was well prepared. He took care of himself and his lazy ass brother, lettingMerle take all the credit. He did fight Merle on robbing the camp at thequarry, and only lost that argument because Merle was high at the time, andMerle could lift a bus when he was high.

After Merlewent missing, he could relax a little. He stayed with Rick and the group andlet the leader make the decisions. He watched from afar as Rick and Shane grewfurther apart; their rivalry for a disloyal woman risking their safety at everyturn.

Daryl tookthe responsibility for finding the little-lost-girlbecause no one else would. Everyone else was too busy thinking about themselvesand whatever petty situation was bumming them out at that moment. Daryl hadbeen completely honest with Carol when he told her he didn’t have anything elseto do at the time; his whole focus was saving an innocent, frightened girl whohad a shit life. He wanted to do for her what hadn’t been done for him.

When he wasinvoluntarily pushed into the position of Rick’s second in command, he acceptedit willingly; at least he wasn’t top dog, and he was happy to do as Rick toldhim even though he didn’t always agree with him.

As time wenton, Daryl settled into the group and his position within it. He formed bonds henever imagined he would have the opportunity to know and felt more at peacethan he ever had. The only thing left to want was a day off.

When Aaronand Eric took them to Alexandria, Daryl was leery. After Terminus, he didn’ttrust anyone but his family; all others were a threat, but Aaron seemed like atrustworthy man and the group was desperate for a home. He refused to give inat first, he resisted assimilation in fear of becoming weak and less likely toprotect those he loved.

Then camethe super herd, the Wolves, and the Saviors. All of which were vanquished,eventually. Many family members had been lost, Daryl had almost been lost, buthe had something to live for, and more accurately, someone.

*******************************************************************************************

One yearafter Negan was killed and the remaining Saviors surrendered to live amongst theAlexandrians, Hilltoppers, and servants of the Kingdom, life became as close tonormal as anyone had experienced since the dead rose. Everyone was adjusting tolife again, as they had to do every so often in this new world; without friendsand family that had helped them build this life.

The losseshit Daryl especially hard; they always did. He made himself directlyresponsible for every one of them whether anyone else blamed him or not. Hisfamily had tried to gently push him back into the community. Reluctantly, andonly because he loved them so much, Daryl had ventured outside again.

Rick hadslowly brought Daryl back into the fold as his second; giving him more and moreresponsibility as time went on. Daryl was acting in more of a vice presidentialcapacity than a henchman nowadays, but he was happy with it. He had killed toomany people and just wanted to rest.

*******************************************************************************************

There wereno alarm clocks in Alexandria; everyone ran on their biological clock,especially Daryl. His body brought itself to life every morning as the sunpeeked above the horizon. His routine would normally include getting dressed,having a quick breakfast of whatever he could find, and heading out to findRick and starting their day.

When hiseyes opened, Daryl groaned loudly. He tugged the sheet up to his neck andburied his face in the pillow. He was tired; not just physically, but mentallyand emotionally as well. He remembered, back before the apocalypse, hearingabout something called a mental health day. He thought it was bullshit then,just an excuse to get out of work, but now he was thinking he might just callin for the day.

Falling backasleep, Daryl was awoken a couple hours later by a knock on his front door. Hewasn’t interested in leaving the comfort of his bed to answer it and ignoredit, hoping that he would be able to go back to sleep and whoever it was wouldgo away.

Soon thesound of footsteps stomping down the hallway stirred him again. “Daryl! Wherethe hell are you?” It was Rick and he sounded worriedand pissed.

“GoddamnRick Grimes,” Daryl mumbled into his pillow. He didn’t care who Rick was orwhat he wanted, Daryl fucking Dixon was having none of his shit today.

“Daryl? Areyou in there?” Rick asked as he knocked on the bedroom door. 

“If I tellyou I got bit and turned will you go away?” Daryl asked back as he fought his wayout of the blanket cocoon.

“No,” Rickanswered, laughing. “But I will put you down. Hell, I’m tempted to do thatalready.”

Darylgroaned again and got out of bed. Rick jumped in surprise when the door flungopen with force. “What the hell do you want?”

Rick threwhis hands up in surrender. “It’s ten thirty; nobody’s seen you and your bike isparked out front. Thought you were sick or something.”

“Ain’tsick,” Daryl said as he crashed back onto the bed. “I can’t do it today; I justcan’t.”

“Do what?” Rickasked and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Deal withthose whiny ass bitches. You’d think that after everything they’ve been throughand seen they’d act like adults, but no. They reverted to what they were likewhen we first got here. Whiny. Ass. Bitches.”

“You’ve beenspending time in the library, haven’t you?” Rick asked with a smirk.

“Da fuck isthat supposed to mean?” Daryl said. He was about to throat punch Rick out ofthe house.

“You saidreverted. I’ve never heard you say that word.” Rick felt the heat of Daryl’sangry stare and looked around the room to avoid it. “I promised Carl and EnidI’d teach them how to drive. That boy drives like Lori; I can’t let thathappen. Come with us; it’ll be fun.”

Daryl sunkinto the mattress and pulled the sheet up over his head. “I don’t wanna and youcan’t make me. You ain’t the boss of me, Rick Grimes.”

Rick tuggedon the sheet a little and finally pulled it away from Daryl’s face. “NOOOHOOO!” Daryl whined like a four-year-old.

“Now who’s awhiny ass bitch?” Rick said with a straight face. “You’re a grown ass man,Daryl. As a matter of fact, you’re the adultiestadult I’ve ever known. Suck it up and start the day.”

Daryl sat upsuddenly and pushed Rick away. “You have no right to say that, Mr. I’m gonnahave a psychotic break at the mostinconvenient time”. You took a damn vacation and I took control. I made thedecisions, I took care of your kids, I fucking pulled your crazy ass out of theabyss, and you’re telling me to suck it up?”

Rick pacedin front of the bed and sighed heavily. Daryl was right, when Lori died and he checked out, Daryl took care ofeverything. He deserved to have time to mentally recover and recoup from thepast year and a half, but Rick was going to have some fun first.

“You’reright; I’m sorry. You deserve to have someone take care of you like you tookcare of me. Admit it though, you went to the library, didn’t you?”

“Goddammit!Why are you being an asshole? I just want to take a day off.” Daryl’s voiceshifted to a higher pitch and Rick thought, just for a moment, that he soundedlike Judith when she was upset. 

“I’m justmessing with you. If it means that much to you, I’ll leave you alone. I’ll telleverybody you have a cold or something and I forced you to stay in bed andsleep. You fought me pretty damn hard, but in the end, you realized that takingit easy would be the best way to feel better.”

Daryl lookedat Rick and quirked his eyebrow. “You forced me? You can’t say that shit; it don’t sound right.”

“Why not? Irun this damn place. If I tell someone to stay in bed and take it easy, they’regonna do it.”

“You’re toodamn full of yourself. Besides, how many people are you forcing into bed, Rick?”

“You know Iain’t forcing nobody to do nothing. They follow my instructions because theyrespect me as leader of this community, and I can be a real charming motherfucker too.”

Darylsmirked. “I ain’t gonna argue with you about that. I know how charming youthink you are.”

“I’vecharmed you outta your pants quite a few times, ya know,” Rick said, feigningshock at Daryl’s words.

“It wasn’tyour charm that got me outta my pants, lawman. It was your giant dick.”

Ricklaughed. “Well, thank God for it, then.” He grasped Daryl’s face with bothhands. “I don’t care what it was; I’m just glad it keeps happening.” Leaningforward, Rick kissed Daryl tenderly, then stood from the bed.

“I’ll letyou sleep, and make sure you get more days like this. You’re the most importantthing in my life, Daryl. I want to make sure you’re healthy and safe. Justpromise me one thing.”

“Anythingyou want, Rick.”

“Let me takecare of you; let me make you feel good. Why don’t you meet me at the RV tonightafter everyone’s gone to bed?”

Daryllaughed. “You gonna teach me how to drive too?”

“No,” Ricksmirked, “but I thought I could take you for a ride, anyway.”

  Â

[sincerelydayyy]

Well, Sherlolly if you must :P (OF COURSE! Pleeease) Let me think... actually, that is hard. Do I want it sad or not? Well.... okay "but, I love you." Sherlock confronts Molly after he learns that she wants to move to move on. (I can see that happen after TFP: "But I love you. I actually do love you.") But also of course earlier on. Whatever you feel like. ((I have listened to She used to be mine by Sara Bareilles too many times it seems... slightly out of context but the insp for this prompt))

*whispers* I have a bunch of Sara B songs on my sherlolly spotify playlist so I get you.

and here I am to deliver my brand: ANGST FOR A HOT MINUTE WITH FLUFF MIXED IN.

thanks for the prompt darling

also available on FF.NET & AO3

inspired by this post for those curious sorts ;)

John hadn’t ever seen Sherlock move as quickly as he did when he heard the words ‘Molly Hooper is moving away’ leave his mouth. They hadn’t completely addressed the fact that the pair of pathologist and detective had said a certain phrase to one another about a four days prior to this announcement.

John still wasn’t sure what to think of it, but it seemed as though Sherlock wasn’t going to sit still anymore on the subject. He had to act fast. John left him to it knowing that they didn’t need an audience this time to sort through their emotional baggage that had been there for more days than the four since Eurus did what she had done to two of the best people he knew.

Sherlock told the cabbie to step on it. He didn’t have a second to lose. He didn’t want to lose her after all. He had thought that she would have understood. That it was obvious where his affection - and heart - lay when it came to her. None of that had changed in the past few days. He had just been sidetracked by the rebuilding of his flat on Baker Street.

He had sent her a text when he had made it back, but she hadn’t responded. He had hoped that she would have by the second day so he left her to mend in peace. That wasn’t happening it seemed like. He couldn’t take the alternative. She belonged here in London with him. Always.

It was selfish and he knew that but he didn’t need another reason for his heart to chip anymore. Victor. Molly. Eurus. He had had enough of it.

Upon arriving at her home. He tossed the fare in the front seat and nearly tripped over himself getting out. He used the key that was in the plant to enter. He found her bent over a box tapping it down.

She immediately stood up upon hearing him enter the room. “You can’t go.” He started before she could yell at him or tell him to get out. He was tired of not saying was on his mind. This was driving him crazy.

“Sherlock...I...”

‘I meant it. You have to know that.”

Molly opened her mouth trying to find the words that wouldn’t cause her to start crying as a man who was very disheveled and unkempt had rushed into her house telling her what she couldn’t do.

“You can’t stop me.” She gritted out.

Wrong answer. He took quick steps towards her. “Let’s start over.” He said instead.

Molly blinked, confused as to what he was doing. “With what?”

“The circumstance of that moment. Let’s change it.”

She scoffed. ‘You can’t change something that’s already happened, Sherlock You can’t take it back either.”

“I would never. I told you.” He paused run a hand through his hair. “I tried to explain it but you didn’t answer. I probably should have come over when I got back. This wouldn’t have been happening then.” He sighed.

Molly wasn’t sure what to tell him. So she stayed silent. He was trying to work through this. She could tell. She still hadn’t processed anything but she had decided that she needed to take a step back - away from him - and find herself for a little while. She didn’t need him coming in here messing it up like he did.

“I can’t let you go.” He amended his earlier statement.

“Because you love me?” She replied taking a step toward him. She wasn’t asking it from the perspective of a forlorn girl with a stupid crush. She was bitter and angry and she needed him to be straight with her.

This was it after all.

“In part.” He nodded, looking down at her. “Molly, it should have been different. My side of it shouldn’t have involved being put into a situation where I had no other choice but to go along with it. I should have told you sooner. But, I do...love you. I’ve been in love with you for a long time but it took that moment that push you gave me to figure it out. You always tell me to work it out when I’m being exasperating. I worked it out. I’m done working it out.”

“And if I call bullshit.” She said quietly. He could tell she was trying to fight it, him. She had every right to feel this way. This was far from a fairy-tale romance. This was real and he wanted it. Every fucking piece of this, her. Only her.

“Then I’d be the one breaking my promise to you. Do you remember what I said to you when I came back? Our second outing together after you broke it off with Tom. After the drugs had worn off and we were sitting on that couch with pizza and water because you were scared that anything stronger would have the opposite effect on me.”

Molly bit her lip looking down at her hands. “You said that even under duress you would never lie to me. No more hurting me, you said. Because it bothered you to make me feel pain. But, Sherlock you did. You said it and it hurt like hell because I didn’t want to believe you. You - said you could never do that because it was a distraction.”

“You’re not a distraction. You’re everything bright in my world. Always have been. I’m not here to make excuses Molly. I just want you to know that I can’t fathom you leaving me because you’re it for me. I used to ask my mum what it felt like - in fact I asked her again once she found out about my sister. She said, it feels like you’re drowning without the person but seeing their face for even a millisecond brings air into your lungs. I feel that with you and when I heard you were leaving I felt like I was dying again. So you see,” He drew in a deep breath, his hands balled up at his sides so he wouldn’t grab her and never let go. “I need you. Now. Until we’re old and I’m in the country somewhere retired from this reckless life that I won’t give up for anything. Because I love you, Molly Hooper so don’t do this to me. Not until I leave you first by the grave.”

Molly hadn’t realized that she had joined Sherlock Holmes in the land of tears until he reached out and wiped her cheeks with both hands. He felt cool to the touch but she could also feel the hum underneath his fingertips as he reached for her.

“I hate you so much.” She choked out as she bowed her head into his chest. She sobbed as he drew her into his arms. “I love you.” She mumbled into his shirt. “I do. So don’t go back on your word or I’ll end you first.”

“I’ll put it in my will. You’ll already in it, by the way.” That only made her cry harder.

This stupid man. He kept giving her reasons to hold on to.

“This is it?” Molly asked as he rocked her in a swaying motion amidst all the boxes she had already finished packing.

He nodded, braving a breathy kiss to head. “This is it.” He mumbled, throat full.

“You’ll help me unpack.” She told him as she wrapped her arms around his middle completing the embrace and giving him the answer he really needed to know.

“Of course.” He chuckled.

He could think of nothing better.

#sherlolly #prompt fill #post tfp #day's fics #autumn-grace #asks

[unqueenlybiscuits]

K-pop hates your nasally tone.

fuck you and your cow

You Don't Mess With The Zohan Script

   You don't mess with the Zohan!  Come disco.  No, no, no.I no disco, I make the fish.  Danny, come on, go disco.  Oh, okay. Disco!  Danny, that looks good. You're gonnabe a hit at your bar mitzvah.  So okay, Mr. Big Penachim,I no see you disco.  No, no, no. I making dagim.I no disco.  A real man, he can discoand cooking dagim.  So let's go.  Go, go.  I get the hummus for you.  And for you.  Little for me, eh!  No.  No.  Kapara, what is going on!  Just some bullshit-uchen.  Let's go!  Hey, I'm on vacation here.Can't you see this!  You promised me time off.Get someone else to do it.  Are they gonna hurt him!  No one can hurt the Zohan.  - Bye, Zohan.- Take care, man.  The terrorist known as Phantom...  ...was spotted yesterday at aHacky Sack tournament in Beirut.  He may be have been trying tobait us by surfacing briefly.  We believe he's being kept in a safehouse on the Lebanon border.  How is we lose Phantom!  Didn't I capture Phantomthree months ago!  What, you didn't hearabout the trade!  What trade!  Zohan, we gave back the Phantom.  No!  What do you mean,we give back the Phantom!  Zohan, relax.  It was a good trade.We got back Etan and David.  That's all we gotfor a veteran terrorist!  Come on, we got hosed here.  They threw in a spyto be named later.  Come on, Zohan,you have to like that deal.  Maybe they're talking about Ze'ev.  Ze'ev.Come on, he's not even a good spy.  He got caught, for God's sake.He's a stupid.  Our plan is to enter the building fromthe front with a team of eight men...  ...with an additional 12 menat perimeter positions.  Unfortunately, there is a highprobability of collateral damage...  ...including property and loss of life,on both sides.  Okay, here we go.  Excuse me!  Come on, is it not saferto send one man into building...  ...with minimal coverageto take out the target...  ...instead of blowing uphalf the neighborhood!  Well, who would do that!  Oh, "who would do that!"  You know you weregoing to ask the Zohan.  Zohan, why you say this!  I just laid out an entire planwhich didn't rely on you.  Come on, Yaron,you're setting me up.  All this talk of civilian casualties,then of course I end up doing it.  - But I'm not even asking you to do it.- All right, I'll do it.  Give me Avi and Koby as watch,I'll get it done without the mess.  Well, thank you. You didn't have to.  Oh, I didn't have to, bullschlassah.  Have some Fizzy Bubblech.  "Kiwi watermelon"! Yeah, is good.  "Avalon."  Chunky cuts.  Zohan, what are you doing!The girls are here.  I know, I was watching television.  Well, if you want to have fun with us,we're right next door.  - Good with the sticky, you should do it.- No, no, no.  I am going to dinner with my parents.Just leave me alone.  - All right, all right.- It is all right!  You don't giggle at the Zohan.  You hear me!No giggling at the Zohan.  You never giggle at the Zohan.  What's the matter, tatele?  You haven't touchedyour baba ganoush.  What would you think if I tell you...  ...I want to leaving the army,start a new life!  Why would you do that!You are good at it. It's steady pay.  You can't leave,you're one of their best.  Besides, you are too oldto take a risk.  Stay in the army, play it safe.  There's other things I can dobesides war.  You don't war.  - I was in the real war.- I know, I know the story.  1967.  We were surrounded on all sides,outnumbered.  - And in six days, we...- And in six days, we won.  You won. I'm sorry,I don't have a big, fancy war...  ...that lasted all of six days...  Six days and five hours.Your generation likes to forget that.  Dad, I've done so muchfor the country. When does it end!  They've been fighting for 2000 years.It can't be much longer.  All of my friends servedthe minimum three years.  Why can't I move on!Do something else.  Something more creative.  Creative, what!  You've caught so many terrorists,it's an art.  You're like Rembrandtwith a grenade.  What will you do!  Maybe go to America.  What, and haggle overstereo equipment!  Wait a minute, Ya'acov.  Uncle Levi will set you upat electronic store.  You make money, sow yourcreative oats, you come back.  No, I don't want to doelectronics store.  Then how will you make money!  I don't want to say.  Zohan, if you can't tell your parents,who can you tell!  Come, Zohanele.  I want to cut...  ...and style hair.  You... You fagala?  He's fag... Faga...  I like hair. It's pleasant,it's peaceful, no one gets hurt.  Well, you're only diggingthat fagala hole deeper and deeper.  Hello, down there!Hello, in the fagala hole.  Maybe he wants Vaseline.  Yes, it's so funny.  I just want to make peoplesilky smooth.  You know the Phantom will try to run,so be ready for this.  - Zohan, now!- So let's go.  The Zohan.  Freeze!  I get it, I get it,you guys don't like our country.  So we are the bad ones.  I'd love to sit and discuss thiswith you, but I'm short on time.  I'm just saying.It's not so cut-and-dry.  We settled herefor hundreds of years!  Good point.  None of my ancestors ever steppedfoot in this land. No, you're right.  Hey, don't walk away!  Come out, come out,wherever you are.  Hello, jackass.  You think you can oppress my people,landgrabber!  But I will never disappear.  No one can catch Phantom!  So let's go.  Very good.  Sorry. It's for the cause.  Zohan.  Zohan, bring it.  Why you do this! I feel no pain.  No, no, no. I feel no pain.  - I feel no pain. This is too much...- No, no, no. I feel no pain.  I have told you in other fights.  No, no, no. I kill you right now.  Look, look, look.  The piranha,it looks very painful for you.  Is good, is good.  Is very nice. Yes, yes.  Fizzy Bubblech for me.  You like what you see!  Time to die.  So let's go.  Okay, game over.  Yeah!  I kill!  I kill the Zohan!  Zohan is dead.  The Phantom!  Cutting the hair,this makes something beautiful.  Instead of shooting it.  That's why I had to fake to die.  I could have captured Phantom again,but for what! They trade him.  I love my country,but the fighting, it never ends.  It's like Mr. Scrappy, you bite Coco.  Coco, you bite him back.  Soon you are both having worms,eating your own poopech...  I understand. The pills.  Your parents thinkthey know what's best for you.  Sleep.  It's all about not getting recognized.  I know how great I lookedin the beard...  but I'll make this work for me,you'll see.  Rise and shine, guys.Good morning.  Is nice, huh!  It's the Avalon.  It says I care about the way I look,but I'm still approachable.  Oh, you like this!  Who wants to go next, guys!Who wants to look silky smooth!  Yes. Yes.  Oh, where are my two little babies!Oh, come on.  Come on out, Scrappy, come on out.Come to Mama, Mr. Coco.  Mr. Scrappy. Coco.What happened!  Who gave you permissionto do this, huh!  Who did! Answer me.  Scrappy, was it you!It was you, wasn't it!  You're always the instigator.  Bad dog. You are a very bad dog.Never again are you gonna travel.  Take me to the Paul Mitchellhair salon.  - First time in New York!- Yes, my friend.  So, what brings you here!  I have a dream.  I had a dream too.  What dream you have!  My dream was to come to America...  ...and make enough moneyto send for me brothers and sisters...  ...so that we all could enjoyfreedom together.  - This is good dream.- Oh, yes, it is.  - Is dream come true!- No, man.  Me brothers and sisterswere hacked to death.  But I love the Chinese food here.It's incredible.  - Hey, you forgot these.- Those are for you, my friend.  Good morning for you.I am here to meet Mr. Paul Mitchell.  And who are you!  Scrappy Coco.I am here to take a job from him.  He isn't in right now.  That's good. So I will wait, then.  You know what! I'll takeone Fizzy Bubblech, a raspberry.  You know,he actually doesn't come in too often.  Yes, just tell him I am perfect for this,so let's go.  - I am the best.- The best at what!  All of this. The cutting, the styling,the making it silky smooth.  I wanna know who cuts your hair.  Oh, you like this, eh!  This is the Avalon,straight from the Paul Mitchell book.  I haven't seen that stylesince Luke married Laura.  Sister, are you this Laura!  You tell Paul Mitchell,Scrappy Coco was here to see him.  If I find out he was here...  ...or you are keeping himhidden from me...  ...I will destroy you.  Believe me this.  What the hell was this, champ!I'm not paying for that!  This asshole cut me off,made me swerve into you!  With all due respect,I was in the bicycle lane.  You came like a madman.Be glad nobody was hurt.  I mean, somebody could've died.I mean, you came...  Okay, real mature, sir. Real mature.  You do not want to bethrowing bicycles.  Look, stay out of my business,Mustafa.  "Mustafa"! This is not my name.Who tells you this is my name!  Whatever.Salami, bologna, apple sauce.  Apple who!  My friend, if I were you,I would change the tone.  Avoid the pain.  Listen, go back to your goddamnedpretzel stand. We got it...  - Look what I've got. It's right here.- Please!  - I've got it.- Please, let me go.  I never work at pretzel stand.You like to insult people!  Was that your feet!  Yes, it's the feet. The feet uppercut.  Here comes the double foot.  This is good.  Smell it, smell it, smell it.Now take it.  - That's for you.- All right, let me go!  You said you wanted pretzel!  Okay, I'm good.  Beautiful.  You want some chickens!  No, no, no. I fix for you.  It's all b'seder.  What are you, bionic!  No, no, no. I only like the girls.  Thanks, anyways.  This is ridiculous traffic.  Anyway, George insistedwe have the party.  - I always get midnight shift.- Could you keep it down, please!  I no sleep,I no see World Series Poker.  Are you even watching the road!  Be nice. He could be a terrorist.  - Why Hamdi no get no midnight!- Could you at least change the station!  - Hey, that was amazing.- Oh, yes.  Where are you from, anyway!  Where am I from!  Australia.  Really!Because you sound Middle Eastern.  No, no, no. Similar accents.  - Kangaroo. You see!- Sure.  This is ridiculous. We're getting out.  - Come on, dear.- I've been working longer than Hamdi.  - You want me to get you home!- No, I'll grab a cab.  You've done enough.That was crazy.  Whose lockzie do I have to schluck?  Oh, you know you're boning me.I don't know that.  It's you.  - What is happening!- What's happening!  It's bullshaklaga.  - We have to go.- Go where!  - I'll run you.- What are you doing!  This is legal!  Scrappy, have another kneidlach.Come on.  You're very nice, Mrs. Klayman.  It reminds me of my mother's cookingin Australia.  Really!It's funny, you don't sound Australian.  Yes, no, no, no.This is because I am half Australian...  ...half Mount Everest.  So this is what you're hearing.  Well, Australia,it must be really nice there...  ...since they got rid of the apartheid.  Oh, yes, the weather is much cooler.  So, Scrappy,I understand you cut hair.  I will be workingwith Mr. Paul Mitchell...  ...as soon as I find outwhere they are hiding him.  Oh, Mom, Scrappydoesn't have a place to stay yet.  - Really!- Not yet.  Well, actually,there's a nice one-bedroom...  ...that just opened up upstairs.  Nice light, not huge.  And they redid the kitchen very well.  - This could be good.- Could be good.  Could be good.  Hey, Mom,do you know where the detergent is!  - That's very good.- Oh, my God!  What! What's the matter!  What's the matter! That's my mom.  - It's okay, Michael.- I know it's your mother.  She's very beautiful.  Michael, I haven't made stickyin two days.  - What do you want from me!- Couldn't you wait till I was asleep!  - Or dead!- No, Michael.  You do... What's he doing now!  Why'd that happen!Why'd that happen!  It's okay. Let me talk to him.  Oh, I can't get up.  No, no. You'll feel your legs againin two hours.  Michael.  Come on, this is nothingto feel bad about.  Me sexing your mother.  It's beautiful. It's natural.  No, I didn't bring you hometo do it with my mother.  Why not, huh!You don't want her to be happy!  Did you see her! Did you look at her!  I don't thinkI can ever look at her again.  Michael, her faceduring the big bang-boom!  You did not see!  She was glowing.  Patches. What are you...!  Michael, come on.  They'll be plenty of timefor you and me.  Tonight, I take you to disco, huh!How's this!  No, why would I wanna goto a disco tonight!  Michael, you should go. It'd be fun!  You could use a little stank.  Yes, you need your penachimto take a swim.  Yeah, a little chicken of the sea.It wouldn't hurt.  Disco, disco.Let's do this, Michael. Yes or no!  Come on, you get to disco.  - All right, fine, I'll go to the disco.- Okay.  I do your mother one more time,and then we go.  - Wha...!- Seconds already!  Oh, yes.  Hey. Look at this.  This is what you need, man,to let off a little steam, huh!  How many times a day do youmake sticky! Two! Five! Twelve!  How many times a day!I've had sex once in my life.  It was at tennis camp.It was awful.  You're too picky, Michael.Maybe that's the problem.  Every weed in the desertis still a flower.  Look at this. This a big one, eh!  But look at the tits.These will bounce nice for you.  Your mother, she has huge poopeh.  I mean, very wide.  But what I see are two big, strong legswrapped around my head, squeezing.  So who wants to get somepoontachen?  - I wanna get some poontachen?- Well, let's get some. Yes.  It's good for you. Nice spinning.  This is what I'm talking about.You play this.  - I ain't playing this corny shit.- No, no.  I need to set themood for my friend.  Get out,you Daisy Duke-wearing motherf...  - Disco, disco.- Good, good!  - Disco, disco.- Good, good!  Yes, hello. Hello.  Hey, Zohan.  Who you looking for!  It's okay, no one can hear mein disco, Zohan.  Can you believe the poontachatin this place!  I'm not Zohan.My name is Scrappy Coco, my friend.  What!Of course you are Zohan Dvir.  They all think you dead in Israel.I'm not going to tell.  Tell what!I don't know what you're talking about.  Zohan, it's okay.Don't worry, I'm a huge fan.  The way you took outAbdullah Meda in '94.  And when you made Melami Benazireat his own shit in '97.  I can't believe I'm meeting you, man.  So, what the fachmaare you doing here!  Come with me.  Look, I couldn't takeall the fighting anymore.  - What's it all for!- Are you crazy!  If I could blow a terroristinside out like you...  ...this is all I would do.I'd never sleep.  - This is exaggeration.- No, it's not.  You made Palami Habdallah's poodlesit on a live grenade.  - You gotta show me how you did that.- I don't remember. I was young.  So tell me the truth.Why are you in America!  I no want to tell you.  What! What! Come on.  You are the best, Zohan.Whatever you say is good.  I want to be hairdresser.  You a fagala?  I can't believe it.  A great warrior, but also a fagalawith the penachim.  No, no, no. I like hair.  Come on, man, I get you real job.  You come by my shop tomorrow.  Israeli electronics. Are you crazy!  - Everyone will recognize me.- No, you don't look like same Zohan.  You have silly haircut now.  - I have what haircut!- What!  - You say I look silly!- No, no. Who said this!  - You said this.- No, no. Nobody say nothing.  I don't need your job.  I get my own job on my ownat a big salon. You will see.  You ever cut a sister's hair before!  Yes. Sister, brother, grandma,grandpa, the whole family.  I'm good at this.  Have you ever workedwith dreads before!  This is what you do.  No more. This creature slayed.  It's not a problem. Okay, he's got me.He's got me. He's got me. Okay.  Okay. So we blind him in the eyes.We got you.  And we finish him.  You back away, I take hold of him.Go! Go! Go out! Go now!  Go!  This is hair. This is hair.  Oh, okay. The joke's on me, eh!  A big part of our job hereis making this a fun experience.  Of course, of course.  For a lot of kids, this is their first cut,and it can be very frightening.  - I can imagine.- I don't want a haircut.  Get away from me.  Let me go.  Young man, look what I found here.  A nice balloon.  Do you want it! It's right here.  You shouldn't jump around...  ...when this nice woman'sholding a sharp pair of scissors.  If you move, she could slip andslice your jugular vein on accident.  There's no way to stitch the jugular.  All of your blood will be on the floorin four minutes.  I've seen this. I've done this.You don't want this.  Well, then, at least it's a good time toshave his neck. I would get him quick.  When I was your ageI already killed seven men.  Maybe you should grow up.  I promise you you won't regret.  And come back.  "Fujigawa"! I don't know that brand.It really isn't...  It's not really Fujigawa.It's Sony guts.  - Wouldn't it be better with the Sony...- Oh, no, no, no. This is what you want.  - Four-hundred fifty.- But the ad says "Sony," and "300."  No, no, no. What you going to believe,me or the ad! Four-fifty.  Hello, Going Out of Business.Can I help you!  Sony, yes. Three hundred.  Come in, yes. Very good, very good.  Hi. I represent the new ownerof this building.  Good for you. Want a birthday cake!What do you want!  Yamaha is very good.  Did you receive our letterregarding your rent!  - This I don't know.- It's being raised to 20,000 a month.  No, no, no. This is too much.  Eighty-five hundredis all we'll give you.  - This isn't negotiable. We can get...- Ten thousand, that's all.  We both go home happy.  - I'm sorry. We can't settle for less.- Okay, no deal.  You come back when youwant to deal.  - Sir, you don't understand.- Go.  What you still here for! You like me!I have girlfriend. Go.  Thank you very much.  Hey, look who's here.  Come on, not so loud.  Don't worry, Zohan.I tell you, they don't recognize you.  Yosi. This is good man.This Chocolaté Coco.  - Scrappy Coco.- Scrappy Coco.  Cooking Who-co!  Yes, yes.  So you're going out of business!  No, no, no, no. Is just a sign.Is good for business.  Yeah, so you look me up, man.That's cool.  I come for job.  Job. So you not big hairstyle!  It's not really happening for meso far.  So I am here. So let's go.  No. No job.  What do you mean!You tell me to come here.  I can no let you do this.You want to be hair homo.  No, so I do this for now.It's all yofi tofi.  Is no now.  Once you start in electronics store,you never get out.  Look at Ephraim. You see!  I don't see nothing wrong with that.It's perfect.  Ephraim came to America...  ...to be racing car driver.  But he let slip away.  I can hear it. Look. Check your ear.  Pinchas wanted to bethe next Bill Cosby.  No. Is resistant, no proof.You don't understand!  But the store kept pulling him back.  Maybe you swimming with the watch.  - I'm not swimming...- Is resistant.  Yosi wanted to be a hand model.  What, you don't like this! Look at this.This is most beautiful.  But he got too comfortable here.  Press this button, it's free HBO.  The electronics storeis a dream killer.  And I won't let the Zohankill his dream.  You are a real mensch, Oori.  You the mensch.  Come.  What! What's this!  You may not go for this,but this place cross the street...  - Yes!- They maybe take you.  - Is good place!- No, is dump, but they take you.  Is on Palestinian side of street.  Palestinian!  No, no, no.Look, nobody kill you there.  Here nobody care.  First off, no one kill me anywhere.  But Palestinian, no.  I've done enoughto my parents already.  I just want job for the Zohan.  And it kills methe way Phantom bastard...  ...getting his buttochim kissedin Palestine now.  Buttochim kissed! What's this!  He have business.  He buy wives.  Him!  They say his ugly face everywhere.  Everyone is runningTo Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen  For the food the heroes eat  Kubeh, sambouesk,Delicious muchentuchen  You never know who you'll meet  You are going to get spoiled.  Phantom Muchentuchen!  Oh, yeah!  This month,order Muchentuchen Happy Lunch...  ... and get action figures fromPhantom Presents: Death to Zohan.  Unbelievable.  This animal gets to live his dream.But, me, l...  I can no work Palestinian, no.It's like... I can't do this.  Yes, you can.  Is your dream to cut hair.You want fight, or you want hair!  I want hair. But I'm scared.  Is America.You can do anything here.  You never done somethingpeople thought was impossible!  So you don't want to talk, huh!I'll make you talk.  I can do this.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  Disco, disco, good, good.  So you have never cut hair before.  I have cut my own hairand several dogs.  I have the Paul Mitchell book,I have the stamina, the desire...  But you have no trainingor experience.  Would you hire someonewith experience in something else!  In what!  Can anyone here do this!  Okay. I have never seen that.  That is very nice,but that is not going to help me.  No hands.  Besides, I have no openings.  If anything, I need to scale back...  ...since they just raised my rentthrough the roof.  Out of nowhere, some guy with a tiecomes in and tells me I need to pay.  Stop it!  I only wish to learn.  I will do whatever it takes.  Fine. You can sweep up haira few shifts a week.  - You won't be...- No pay.  No, no, no.But then, I will become stylist, yes!  That could be a while.  I will wait turn. You will see.  I will get nighttime job for money.  Soon the whole worldwill be silky smooth.  Zohan.  - Carmen Electra has the best tits now.- Oh, please.  Oh, my God.I wonder how much she paid for them.  They're so perky.  You know, leave it to herto buy the best tits.  It's always first class with that one.  You know you don't have to catchevery piece of hair as it falls.  Yes, I do. You deserve a perfect floor.One single hair is unacceptable.  As you were.  Yes. I got this.  "Did you seethe new Kate Hudson movie!  I think she is even more vivaciousthan her mother."  Scrappeleh, that's wonderful.Now, let's practice on Michael.  Michael!Could you come in here, please!  What! What is...!  Oh, Scrappy needs to practicesmall-talking.  Can we do this another time! I havea shot at keeping my food down.  Michael, I want to practice now.  I'm afraid I'm terrible at this.Why won't you help me!  Oh, honey.You are good at everything you do.  - Got it.- Thanks.  So you're making her silky smooth,huh, Claude!  - Framing her face!- Yeah, Scrappy. I'm framing her face.  This is smart.  A nice layered stylewith the soft bangs...  ...is good for a bigger womanlike this.  - Coco.- Takes the eyes off the moon face...  ...and brings it toward the titzim.  Coco.  I need to speak to you.  In private.  Private. A secret!  They will never get it out of me,I promise you.  Coco, Claude is trying to work.  Yes. He's very good.  So I am ready to cut hair today.So let's go, let's get it on.  No. Let's not go.  But I am the best.  Don't tell me you're the best.  - I have the desire, the stamina.- You've been here two days.  I run this place for five years.  I think I know when you are readyto cut hair.  Okay, Jeez! Get a room, you two.  No, no, no.  I do not touch thiswith your penachim.  Out of respect for the working.  No, you don't eat where you shit.  Or shit where you eat.Whatever the...  The smell is bad.  This is called a comb.  - With the fingers!- Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.  - Scrappy.- I'm sorry. Here, I take your leg up.  I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry.  - Okay. All right.- I apologize.  - Take him where he wants to go.- Thank you. Okay.  - Good luck.- It will be fine.  - Your limousine has arrived, sir.- You're observant, Tyler.  Thank you, Big Mac.  I am really late for a hotel openingdowntown. The Walbridge Hotel.  I understand, sir. I know theneighborhoods inside and backwards.  - We will not let them stop us.- What!  I'm not in much of a hurry.  Oh, no.  You want some coffee back there!  No!  I will lose them.  Nobody is following us.  Oh, shit!  Have a good time, sir.  Debbie, you did a good job.  You look very bangable,Mrs. Rosen.  Mrs. Paulson, I must tell you...  ...when you first came in,you looked hideous.  There was nothing attractive.  But now, I must say,my schtitzel, it's about to burst.  - It could break these any...- What are you doing!  We are talking shop.  No. No.  - Look, Coco...- What!  You need to calm down now, okay!  I don't think these customerslike the way you talk shop.  Nobody say this.  Coco, remember,respect for the workplace.  I have betrayed my salon.  He's trying to kill himself.  - Scrappy.- I deserve this.  No, no. Just... Just...  Easy on the ladies.  I didn't mind.  Take care, Mrs. Paulson.  She did not mind.  Let me disinfect the scissors...  ...so someone elsecan make someone else silky smooth.  I'll just clean up.  Rafaela's Salon.  What! No.  Debbie, she quit.  - What!- Sorry.  Claude, did you know about this!  I should have told you.  She's been looking for a new jobsince those rent guys came around.  Then why you no say nothing,little bitch!  Don't worry,I'm not giving up on this place.  You're a good guy, habibi.I just... I don't know what to do.  So let's go.  Scrappy, I have enough problemsright now.  I not the problem. I the solution. I fix.  But if you screw up...  I can't afford a screwup right now.  No, no, no. I no screw up.I am the best for the job.  Yeah, but you push and push."When is my turn"!  I have to care about salon.  - No, no, no.- No, no, no.  You care about you. And don't fightin front of the customer.  Mrs. Skitzer,I am afraid our stylist is out today.  Would you care to wait for Claude!  Does he do hair!  He's not a regular.  Well, that's fine.  She say...I mean, only if it's okay with Dalia.  Okay.  You will not regret this decision.  Mrs. Skitzer, let's cut your hair.  Just lay back, Mrs. Skitzer.I'll take care of everything.  - Oh, thank you.- Thank you.  Sexy woman like youdeserves to be pampered.  Me, sexy! Sure.  Don't be humble.  You've got the ass and titsof a schoolgirl and you know it.  And everyone else knows this too,believe me.  Yes.  Let me get your earring off.  I love it.  Of course you do.I make you silky smooth. I tell you this.  All right, Scrappy.You can cut Debbie's clients today.  If they want you.  Thank you.  I'll get to you all soon as I'mall the way done with Mrs. Skitzer.  That all you got, Mrs. Skitzer!  Come on, baby. Go, baby. Yes. Yes.  So who's next!  Come on, Scrappy!  Thank you, dear.  - It's a lot of speakers.- Yes. Yes.  It's orgasmic.  Oh, my God.  Oh, yes!  Grab it, Scrappy!  For you. Yes.  I give this to you.  - No. I am sorry, Mr. Paul Mitchell.- Hear me out, Scrappy, please.  I'll give you stock options.I'll name a shampoo after you.  No, my loyalty is to here.I will destroy you.  I heard about this placefrom Joanne.  You have to ask for Scrappy.  Yes, is the primarycardholder present!  Excuse me!  Hello, I am callingfrom Spiegel catalogue.  Are you between the agesof 18 and 39!  We're trying to talk here.  Have you ordered from cataloguein past six months!  Could you get off the phonewhile you drive!  Hey, what's the matter!I trying to make a living, do my job.  This is your job.  This is job also.  This is not Iraq.  I am Palestine, I'm not Iraq.  And you're not getting a tip.  And you are a stupid cow.  Jeez.  - And we're done. Okay, you, skedaddle.- Thanks so much.  - I'll see you later.- All right.  I like this, the red hair.  I bet she has a pumpkin patchdown below, yes!  I don't know.  - Did you tap her tuchus?- No.  Why don't you go afterthe snatchacheem in this place!  They all want you, believe me.  Scrappy, I wouldn't be so sure.  I'm telling you,you're not picking up the signs.  Come with me.I'll show you a technique. It's beautiful.  Hello, Mrs. Haynes. How are you!You want the cut and color today!  Yes, please. Thanks.  Watch.  You see! She's going with it.It's good.  Yep.  - She has a free shoulder. Come join.- I'm good.  Mrs. Haynes,you're getting cold here.  Claude, come. Keep her warm.  Go ahead. Yes.  And gently move.Gently move the shoulder.  All you want to do is let her knowyou're here for her.  Now look awaylike you're not even doing it.  We're not doing this.  - Same rhythm.- Okay.  Push. Push. Push.  Oh, you're pushing harder.It's starting to feel good on my end.  I am trying to make moneyto start my own business, huh.  Would you say you read Spiegelonce a month, twice...  Would you just get usto the hair salon!  We're gonna miss our appointment.  I curse you, and I curse your hair.  What is big dealabout this hair place anyway!  They get worse every year.  Okay, we'll take them to the truck.We'll just talk to them. But we'll find a...  Did you throw this shoe at me,my friend!  No!  Sure looks like it was you.  Then who threw it!  Okay. You're lucky I'm in good mood.I'll let you off the hook.  Nobody spits on me.  Thank you for the goat, my friend.  Yes.  Goat!  Goat.  Goat!  Goat!  Goat.  I said, "Can we have the receipt!"  Yes. Die in hell.  Welcome.  We'll color your hair Bling-BlingBlond. This is what you need.  You know what else they go for!  The... I don't know what you have,but mine is the biggest.  This...It does not get bigger than this.  It's enormous. Scary. I mean:  What!  I have the biggest. It's the biggest.  Take a look at this.  Look.  - It's not that big.- It's not that...!  No, no, no. The bush.  The bush is the biggest.  And the girls like thisbecause it's cushion.  It is no bullshaklaga. He is the one.I never forget a face.  So, what do you want I do!  Wait. I conference you.  Hello!  Nasi, emergency meeting.You're on with Hamdi as well.  - Hello, Nasi.- Hello, Hamdi.  Can you believehow much they pay Delgado!  Yes. Why Mets do this!  This is serious. We meet!  I explain why is emergency.  This is not just manwho take my goat.  - Zohan Dvir.- Yes.  Everyone think Phantom kill him.  Phantom not kill him.  We will capture,then make trade with Israel.  We will be heroes.  But, Salim, we are not Jihadim. Wedon't know for sure that this is him.  Let's call Hamas, Hezbollah.Let them handle this.  - Leave it to the pros.- No.  Hezbollah shmezbollah.  Hezbollah will take all the credit.This is our shot.  Why not let Phantom capture him!  Screw Phantom. He hero already.  Where's my chainof muchentuchen restaurants!  Salim, don't make thisabout yourself.  This is about me.  And about him.  And about my goat!  Come on, let's go!  This is nice,the walking inside the outside.  The park, the people,the horses, the kid.  Well, you're always downtown.  You should seea little more of New York.  Yes, yes, this is good.  The talking is good...  ...to get to know each otherbefore the bang-boom. I like.  Oh, no, no, no.There will be no bang-booming.  I just wanted to thank youfor saving my business.  - This isn't a date.- No, no, no.  I feel you have helped me so much...  The right thing to dois to tap you so hard...  ...my schtitzel will come outyour poopech. That's what I think.  Look, why don't wejust enjoy the park!  No, no, no. This is what we do.  Hey, look, softball.  - You like softball!- Of course, I love softball.  What is softball! Teach me how to.  I learned softballwhen I came to the States.  When you're Arab, it helps to fit in.  Yeah, how long you move here ago!  Just a few years ago.  I couldn't take it there anymore.All the hate, on both sides.  Yes, especially yours.  Why you say this! You don't know.  No, no, I don't. I read this.  The Australian-Tibet mediais very biased.  Look, both sides crazy.  My own family...  My brother...  ...if he knew I work cross streetfrom Israelis, he would lose it.  - Really!- You have the hardcores on both sides.  They just want to fight and fight.  Nobody will win this way.It has to stop.  When will it end, eh! Yes.  Okay, so you must be thirsty, no!  Here.  Where you get this!  This! From specialty shopon West Side.  This Middle Eastern drink.You know this! Fizzy Bubblech!  No, no, no. It looks pretty good.  Oh, try, try. It's very good.Try, have a sip.  It's not for me.  No! Really!  This is his shop.  Here is photo for compare.  For how long this take!I close the newsstand.  Make sure you ask himif he ever hit by shoe.  And about the prize goatthat can fetch a bowl of onion soup.  Look in his eyes when youask him this, for they will be suffering.  - You know, I just got haircut.- Go.  Look at this. I feel like Hugh Hefnerwith all you little bunnies around here.  Okay, okay,let's see who is going next.  "Jorge Posada," where are you!  That's me.  Okay, good-looking guy,you take a seat there. You're next.  You know, you look likeyou already just got haircut.  No, no.  So I guessing you're looking forsomething in the silky smooth area!  - Well...- Because I see you have nice curls.  You don't want tocut into those curls.  We will talk about this over there.  Okay, Scrappy, I wait.  Is not like I have a shoe to throw.  Sure. Yes. Beautiful. Whatever.  I don't have time to go watcha goat fetch soap.  - What!- What! I don't know.  Listen, my friend...  ...you want to talk, it's good,but you have to wait your turn.  First I have to cut and bangMrs. Greenhouse.  - That's right.- Okay.  Well, I'm ready for it.  Oh, dear.  I am sorry, Mrs. Greenhouse.I am not man enough for you today.  Oh, Scrappy, it's fine.  I don't know what the problem is.I am going to lose business.  Oh, no, dear. You're still adorable.  The screwingwas really just a bonus.  You are an angel, Mrs. Greenhouse.  An angel with a magic throat.  Oh, Scrappy!  No, that could work.One more, please.  Let's see what we got.  And we're still nothing.  Well!  He was very cool.  Idiot. What did he say!  He think I have nice curlsthat go well with a full face.  - But was it him!- Well, it looked like him.  But hard to know.  I tell you this: he didn't seem to carewhen I talk about goat fetching soap.  Soup. The goat fetched soup.You ruin everything.  Soup! This makes no sense.  Screw you. It's him. I know it's him.  The goat fetched soup!This is unbelievable.  Go to hell.  You said it was urgent!  It's an emergency.Please, take a look.  Yes, yes.  Well, that's not a real problem.You can always shave it.  No, not the bush.  No, inside the bush.Look deeper. Him.  - I see.- He lays in there all day long.  Maybe it needs some more oxygen.It looks like it's being strangled.  So the Palestinian says to the priest:  "Okay, but let's skip the bath."  Why, are they not clean!  No, is good joke.  Honey, are you all right!You've been in there for over an hour.  What is this stuff! I mean, I took onesip and I repainted the whole toilet.  Is Fizzy Bubblech.You'll get used to it, relax.  I don't wanna get used to it.My car couldn't.  - All right, that's it for me. I'm done.- What! What!  Is everything all right!  - Is it about the pee-pee!- Stop it.  - The pee-pee!- He can't do with his peepeechosetz.  Really!He's usually as hard as trigonometry.  - Mom. What...!- When did this happen!  The last few days.  Of course. It's ever sinceyou went out with that Dalia.  Your hog is telling you something.She must be the one.  The one!  Is this possible!  Of course it's possible, man.  All the beaverim in the worldand he falls for Palestinian muffich.  Why should Scrappy careif she's Palestinian!  He's from Australia and Tibet.He's not Israeli.  - No, no, no.- Oh, no, no, no.  Exactly.  What was that, a motor boat!  You know, Scrappy...  ...a special woman is specialno matter where she's from.  Listen to your hog.  Someone special.  Maybe is good.  It's good! It's terrific!  I mean, you know,you guys won't be together anymore...  ...but Scrappy is in love.That's great, awesome.  Thank you for your support.  - Is a good boy.- Good boy.  This is fun. Let's celebrate.Where's the cat!  Let's cat-sack, huh! Throw it to me.  - Got you.- Let's play, man.  Take it, Michael.  Look at you.  I wanna try it.  Is good.  Welcome to Hezbollah phone line.  For membership information,press one.  For negotiation update, press two.  For bonus mile information,press three.  For terrorist supplies, press four.  We have currently suspendedour terrorist supply service...  ... as we are engagedin negotiations with Israel.  We will resume service as soon asnegotiations break down. Thank you.  Great.  Come on. Just think of a bomb.  They say you can make bomb fromeveryday's material. You combine.  Yes, okay.But what we combination!  Just think of chemicals.  Chemicals, like in science class.  Yes.  Who remembers this stuff!  Hello.  Well, can I help you fellasfind anything!  Yes, do you have...  ..."liquid nitrogen."  You need what!  Liquid nitrogen.  Yeah. Well, I supposewe have some of that.  Now, just a moment.  - This is it!- Yes, and that's the large container.  This works!  Oh, it works quite well. Yes.  You use!  From time to time. Sure.  We'll take 12.  Look, you can turn off the water...  ...but we will find a wayto keep on going.  Oh, you like when I spray you,Mrs. Skitzer!  Where's the $ 14,000!  I have your rent right here.There is no getting rid of me.  We don't wanna get rid of you.  Mr. Walbridge would actually like torelocate your salon in our new mall.  You mean the one you want to destroythis community to build!  It is not our intentto destroy this community.  I'll take the community, Pancake.  My name is Gray, and I'll be back.  Nice to meet you, Pancake.  Why Pancake!  Just for fun.  You were amazing right there.  Oh, my God.  What!  I have one.  What!  I have zikpah.  Look at it.  It is you.  Dalia, I don't know how to tell you this.I cannot make sticky with anyone else.  You are the special one.  I will only be stiff for you.  Who is Steve!  Stiff, with an F.  - Stiff. Stiff.- Yes.  Okay...  ...I know you meant thatin a good way...  The best of ways.  - so thank you.  Thank you.  Is crazy.  This has never happened.  One woman...  ...one zikpah...  ...one life.  You see his face!Scared Israeli son of bitch.  Salim, this is not bomb.  What you mean "not bomb"!  It's grade A liquid nitrogen.  Guys, I really need to go home.  Inaz have a soccer matchin the morning.  - I am hero.- Salim, this not bomb. It just go:  Well, just go with it.  I scraped some off the window.  Maybe you know what is!  It's Neosporin, it's nothing.I use it for cuts and genital sores.  We're beginning to thinkmaybe someone out to get the Zo...  The Scrappy.  You mean like a competing salon!That's heavy.  Don't be afraid, honey.Don't be afraid.  Well, I...  Yeah, lick this.No, she likes the tongue in the ear.  Oh, I like that bet... Oh, I like that.  Close with the brenski.  Come on, get some salivaon those bad boys.  - She likes it, huh!- Of course she likes it.  Okay.  I could look for clues. It's my shiftfor community night watch.  The what!The communism tight crotch!  Oh, it's the communitynight watch program.  You know, people in the neighborhoodpatrolling it, keeping it safe.  We kick some ass.  Hey, why don't you let Scrappy Cocotake your shift tonight!  - I bet he'd be good at this.- Oori.  What! For clues.  I know it sounds scary, Scrappy,but you are gonna be just fine.  Maybe I can manage one night.  Maybe you can pretzel some people.  - Thank you for getting the hummus.- The hummus.  Where's Patches!  Patches.  I'm terrified right now.I'm totally terrified.  "Shitting my pants"doesn't come close.  I wish I was shitting my pants.  It's just a patrol.  What if something goes down!  I don't know if I'd have the courage.  What if something goes downand someone got killed!  I would have to live with that.I'd be happier shitting my pants.  Much happier.  - Let's go.- We're supposed to call the police.  No. No time.  No, no. No. It's good.  Drop the paint.  Get out of here, Ahab,or I'll cut your eyes out.  - Maybe we should let him finish.- No, no, no.  What you cut my eyes out with!The Neosporin!  My blade, camel jockey.  My friend, the beating I give youif you stop the spraying...  ...is much less than the beatingI give you if you try to cut me.  What are you laughing at!  That was just with everyone.  They had it coming to them, right!  Yeah. Yeah, it seemed like it. Yeah.  - Okay, you take it from here.- I got it.  Everything's gonna be okay.  What you gotta say about that, huh!  You're telling meour guys can't handle...  ...some neighborhoodnight-watching losers!  We can't even put a scareinto these people!  The main guy who got in the way...  ...is the same one who's bringingold biddies into Rafaela Salon.  My aunt goes there.  She says besides the sex,the guy gives a pretty good haircut.  Don't talk to me about that dump.  I've got a huge,classy hotel standing there...  ...and it's staringat that cheap garbage.  I want it staring at the Supercuts.  Now, has anyone made any headwaywith any of these foreign people!  I spoke to the manager of GoingOut Of Business again yesterday.  I stated our priceand the urgency of the matter...  ...and he offered me two-thirds lessand a Toshiba DVD player.  The people at Everything Must Gowere just as difficult.  They offered me a Blu-ray discand a jar of hummus.  What's hummus!  It's a very tasty...  ...diarrhea-like substance.  Grant Walbridge has a vision.  A vision for Lower Manhattanto have the first indoor mall...  ...with its own 300-footroller coaster.  You know, you're lucky I havea world-class superhot girlfriend...  ...with a perfectly proportionedass-to-breast ratio...  ...or I'd be furious.  She is smoking, sir.  I'd payto spend an hour with her, sir.  Let me in on that.  Well, thank you.  But if you bitchescan't get those people out...  ...I will find other peoplewho will get the job done.  However, whenever.  Walbridge!  This is where I find them.  But I don't know if it's same peoplewho try to Neosporin salon.  But you caught them writing this crap,so, what do you do!  - You don't mess with the Zohan.- Check it.  - Disco.- Disco.  - Good.- Good.  Why did you do thisto Naseef's store, huh!  Why you blame the Israelis!  We come to work,go out of business.  No, no, no.Is not Israeli who do this.  I do community watch.Don't worry, it's all taken care of.  Not Israeli! Who else would write"Arab go home"!  Oh, I don't know,just maybe 99 percent of the world.  - You see what he says!- That was joke.  Come on, come on.You guys get along here, stop this.  Yeah, here it's okay. It's just there,the war is never going to end.  You know, we were so close to peacebefore the asshole shot Rabin.  Bush, he see the big picture.  Bush no want peace,he set it all back.  What about Bush's wife!This is a wife I would get sticky with.  I would do this. I would do this.  - Yes, yes.- What about Clinton! I would do Hillary.  The big legs.  Yeah, she look strict,like she's going to teach me a lesson.  - Yes, discipline.- You know what's funny!  I like Chelsea.  You're crazy.  She has beautiful legs.  If I want legs, I'll take Obama's wife.She has legs.  This is what happenswhen they talk politics.  No, no, no, wife of McCain!  She has the ass,and you know she's not getting any.