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vettelsvee · 2 months

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INFINITY, a Sebastian Vettel fanfiction. 00. LOVE YOU GOODBYE

INFINITY MASTERLIST HERE!

warnings: seb and diana being MY favourite fanfic couple i've ever written, bad language, english not being my first language, break up. also, i wanna make a taglist so if you wanna be included just tell me in the comments so you won't miss future parts!

I dragged myself away from the cistern and composed myself, taking care not to get dizzy. I grabbed a piece of paper and wiped the corners of my lips to remove any possible remnants of vomit.

I headed to the bathroom almost automatically, and it didn't take me long to grab the toothbrush that I had gotten used to carrying since nausea had become part of my daily life. I tried to get rid of the acidity that had formed in my throat and the bad taste in my mouth, but as I already expected, and knowing that I had experienced it more times than I would have liked in the last month and a half, it was impossible for me.

"Diana, are you still there? Are you okay?" Britta's voice, accompanied by a few knocks on the door, snapped me out of my trance. I jumped, and I forced myself to respond even though it was the last thing I wanted:

"Yes, I'm coming!"

"Don't take too long," the woman replied. "Not because I don't want you to, but because Seb is worried about you."

Panic-stricken, I stifled the laughter that almost escaped me.

If only he knew what I was about to do...

"Don't worry, I'll be out soon," I replied.

I stared at myself in the mirror, contemplating my own reflection for longer than I would have liked. Minutes passed, and I lost track of them almost completely because I was aware that I had to put an end once and for all to that intrusive thought telling me that what I was about to do was wrong but inevitably the best.

I was going to break everything I had wanted since I was a child simply because things hadn't gone "well." Seb was at the peak of his professional career, continually surpassing himself in every race, making history while I, on the other hand, was still stuck in our hometown working in a dive bar, enduring drunks and brats who wanted to play at being adults because I hadn't been lucky, or maybe financially able, to study what I had yearned for since childhood.

I leaned on the sink, feeling the cold begin to penetrate my body. I felt a great tremor coursing through me, and it became increasingly difficult to stand. Tears filled my eyes as I faced the reality of what I was about to do, of the decision I had made.

If since my boyfriend began not only achieving his dreams but also making a name for himself in them, and thought I didn't deserve him because I was going in the opposite direction, now that I had become pregnant by him after the birth control pills I was taking had probably failed in who knows what way, I thought it even more.

Despite the love I still felt, and would probably always feel for Sebastian, since I took the pregnancy test with Hanna in one of the most remote shopping centers in Heppenheim, I knew that letting him know he was going to be a father was not part of my plans.

"Come on, Diana..." I said to myself, still looking at my reflection. "This is for Seb. This is for him and for his career."

I took a few deep breaths, feeling as if the lump in my throat was choking me. I looked at that blonde, German girl, full of insecurities once again. Her eyes reflected doubts and, above all, fear, and unfortunately, I sensed that it would continue to be so from today on, for life.

Controlling the tremor in my left hand, I slowly opened the bathroom door, as if I wanted to torture myself. Britta was sitting in one of the chairs, reviewing something in a notebook until I closed the door a little harder than I intended.

"Are you really okay?" she asked again, giving me an uncertain look. "I've been hearing you vomit for several weeks now. Don't you think you should see a doctor?"

The knot in my throat seemed to tighten a little more. See a doctor... Of course, I had seen a doctor! Four weeks and, today, four days of gestation was the answer, but nobody, beyond my parents and my best friend, could know.

"Yes, I'm fine," I replied quickly, trying to pretend as best as I could. "Don't worry. It's probably just a little stress," I added, praying that she believed me. "I haven't had time to go to the doctor, but I assure you, for heaven's sake, everything is fine."

And that's exactly why you're going to leave the love of your life today.

Roeske seemed to hesitate for a moment. Her lips remained slightly parted for a moment, as if she wanted to say something to me; not to mention her gaze: it gave me the feeling that she was far from convinced of what I was telling her.

"Whatever you say, Diana," she finally said, getting up from her seat. "But seriously, if you need to talk or anything else, I'm here for you."

"I know."

"Well, seeing that you're as smooth as silk, we'd better hurry," my still-boyfriend's public relations said to me again. "The final practice session is about to start, and Seb is probably worried about why we haven't returned yet."

I prepared to leave the room with her. I was more than determined to accompany her, but it was when we were almost out the door that I realized it was now or never.

I came to a sudden halt before we started descending from the driver's room to the garage, watching as the blonde hurried down the stairs, possibly knowing that we were running too late even though there were still about forty-five minutes left before the session began.

"Wait, Britta. Just a moment!"

I was convinced that my shout from the top of the stairs had been heard by more people than I would have liked. I prayed to become invisible as I saw some glances directed at me, including Roeske's, which made it difficult for me to articulate a word; not to mention the whirlwind of emotions I felt inside.

I had to calm down and act a little better, or else everything I had been pondering for longer than I would have liked would go down the drain.

"I'd like to talk to Seb... alone," I finally said.

"Diana Wagner," she said my name, now much more serious. "I know you've told me everything's fine, but... are you sure it really is? Is there really nothing wrong with you?"

No, everything is wrong, and yes, there's more going on than I'd like.

I knew I could trust Britta completely. I was sure that if I revealed the news to her before Vettel, she wouldn't say anything, at least not for the time being. I wanted to tell her; in fact, I would love to tell her because the woman was a second mother to me, but I knew I couldn't because, as soon as I left, there was the remote possibility that she would end up telling the blonde everything in a moment of weakness.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm great. It's nothing serious, don't worry," I replied with a sigh, trying not only to reassure the PR but also myself. "I just need to talk to him about... well, an unimportant matter."

"Of course. Go get him, I'll wait here. He's probably talking to Rocky or Horner about who knows what. He won't have gone far, especially considering how clear he made it that he was really looking forward to seeing you."

"Can you go get him?" I blurted out as if it were nothing.

I ignored what she had just said because now the nerves were gnawing at me. Britta also seemed to notice my anxiety, so I was grateful that she ignored it and acted as if nothing had happened.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her nod, and I couldn't help but thank her for what she had just done for me.

"Lie down on the physio's table and try to rest a bit, you look a bit pale," she urged me. Reluctantly, and after being told a couple more times, I ended up obeying. "Seb won't be long in coming. You know that when it comes to you, he's capable of dropping anything."

And it was true. Once the woman left, I remained lying down, tracing small drawings with my index finger on my stomach and, as I whispered to what would supposedly be my child, a whirlwind of varied thoughts flooded my mind.

A small pressure settled in my chest when I became aware that the idea of breaking up with Sebastian was getting closer to becoming a reality. I didn't want to face it, and I largely refused to, but I knew that, for the sake of both of us, and especially his, it was the best.

Hiding the truth from the boy I had been loving for longer than I would like to admit was precisely the opposite of what I should do, but precisely because he was the most important person in my life, and I knew him almost as well as I knew myself, I knew that there would be time to play mom and dad in real life.

The only thing I should focus on this year was winning his fourth Formula 1 world championship, not learning how to change diapers or feed a baby.

My thoughts vanished when the door burst open, making me jump. Seb appeared with his suit hanging from his waist, his hair completely disheveled, and a face that revealed a concern appropriate to the situation I had not yet presented to him.

"Sunshine! Britta told me you're not feeling well. What happened? Do you want us to go to the doctor? I don't care about missing the practice sessions: you're the most important thing."

The German quickly took hold of my cheeks. I hadn't even sat up yet, and he was already trying to warm up my face with the palms of his hands, moving them from side to side and examining me as if he were a doctor and had the solution to my problems.

"I'm fine, love, calm down," I replied, freeing myself from his grip.

"I know you much more than I would like, Di. You're pale," he pointed out, "and you rarely get pale. The last time I saw you like this was when the police chased us after they caught you doing a not-so-legal concert in the school square."

My anxiety increased at his perception. I couldn't hide the lie I had concocted with Hanna for much longer.

"Seb, really, I'm fine," I insisted, swallowing hard as I tried to find the right words.

Seb didn't seem to agree, once again, with my response, and he didn't seem to want to let it go so easily.

For a moment, I was tempted to reveal the truth to him, especially when I noticed his eyes fixed on me, with no intention of looking away until I managed to say what I really wanted to tell him... As if he wanted to know that I was going to have a baby next January, if my gynecologist's calculations and the latest technology were not mistaken.

I gathered enough courage to look him in the eyes. His concern overwhelmed me completely; when he made the gesture to hug me, and I leaned into his arms, I knew I couldn't keep avoiding the truth.

"Seb..." I began to articulate, slowly separating myself from him, "the truth is that something is wrong."

The boy clenched his jaw and became completely serious.

"Tell me, Di. Whatever it is, you know you can tell me."

"I know, love. I want to tell you everything, but..." I started off relaxed, only to have my voice break at the end. "This is different, and it's going to be a bit difficult for me."

"What do you mean by different and difficult for you? Diana, what's going on?"

My hands fidgeted nervously as I tried to find the most appropriate way to hurt him as little as possible. I noticed that the German's nervous and worried tone had dissipated, and now anger seemed to be consuming him.

"I want to tell you, but I don't know how to do it without hurting you," I admitted in a whisper.

There it was, I had dropped it.

I didn't know what else to say, so I decided to wait for a reply from Sebastian. Anguish had taken hold of him, and I knew he was awaiting my words as much as I was waiting for his. His behavior wasn't helping me; on the contrary, the feeling of guilt had taken hold of me, as I had already anticipated, but there was no turning back now.

It was impossible for me to even think coherently enough to say something sensible.

I watched as now my boyfriend's gaze turned into pure pain, into a pleading search for answers that I didn't dare to give him.

"Seb..." I spoke again, struggling to maintain composure and simultaneously seeking his hand. "I need you to listen to me, please."

"I just want you to tell me the truth, Diana," he called me by my full name. That was the indicator that things were not going well, and they wouldn't be back to normal. "Whatever it is, I can deal with it."

"I don't want us to be together anymore," I declared. "I'm not in love with you anymore. I haven't been, for about a month or so."

The silence that filled the room after my false confession was too uncomfortable. Tears filled the boy's eyes; mine did too, but for a different reason than his.

He thought I had stopped loving him when the truth was that every day, especially now, I loved him more than ever.

"Why are you telling me this? Why, Diana?" he wanted to know. "I thought we were doing great... I really thought we were better than ever."

"I don't know, Seb," I murmured through sobs, trying to hide my face so he wouldn't see how truly affected I was. "There are... there are couples that stop loving each other, and that's what I think has happened with us."

"What can I do to make you fall in love with me again? I can't lose you. I can't lose the sunshine of my life, not when we promised each other a life together."

"You can't do anything, Seb, and I truly am sorry," I falsely admitted with sadness, trying not to succumb to his desperate plea. "Sometimes, things just stop being as they were in the beginning, and, well... what we had is no longer what it used to be."

"Of course, it's not the same as before! Everything was getting better until you decided to drop this bomb on me, Diana!" Sebastian yelled. "I was even going to ask you to..."

"And that's exactly why I feel it's best for us to move on, but each on our own path!" I interrupted with another shout.

It's not real, Diana. Everything you're saying is a lie.

I breathed in and out more times than I would have liked, but it was necessary. This charade to try to make Seb's life a little better was not only costing me the end of our relationship but also my mental health in the long run.

"Is there someone else, Diana?"

Vettel's voice oozed with anger. He was consumed by rage at the possibility of an answer he didn't want to hear. His fists, clenched tightly, causing his knuckles to turn white, were proof of this.

"No, not exactly."

And, once again, the veiled truth.

"What are you saying?" he snapped, getting closer and closer to me, consumed by anguish.

"I mean not exactly, but... yes. There is someone else, Seb," I admitted.

Shouts, full of reproaches, insults, and curses, filled the room. I tried to tune them out. I thought all of this was part of an act, and I tried to convince myself that, in the future, everything would be fine, when I knew it would be quite the opposite.

"How could you do this to me, Diana?! How could you deceive me after almost seven fucking years together?!" Sebastian yelled, unleashing his aggression on a vase that was on his desk, and throwing it to the ground, causing the water and flowers he had given me just a day ago to scatter. "We've lived through millions of experiences. We've grown and achieved our dreams, together, and now you leave me for some guy you've slept with on a whim?!"

"Do you think this is easy for me, Sebastian?" I retorted, my words being true for once. "Stop lying, okay? The only person who has fulfilled their dreams here is you," I told him, showing my disagreement on a topic I knew hurt me so much, and of which I was aware he mentioned to hurt me. "While you've been living your life as a driver and being the focus of attention for everyone, I've been working in the same lousy bar full of lecherous old men since I left high school," I yelled, furious. I knew this kind of stress wasn't good for the baby, but at this moment, I didn't care. "I've been saving as much as I could to build myself a prosperous future even though my salary was a pittance, composing songs and singing them hoping they'll reach someone someday, and won't be forgotten."

"I've told you millions of times that you don't need to work in that hellhole to have a good life," he protested, now much calmer. "With my salary, we can both live comfortably more than enough."

"I know," I replied calmly, although I was on the verge of a panic attack, "but I also know that I can achieve things on my own without anyone's help."

The blond laughed sarcastically. Immediately, he crossed his arms, lifted his head, and looked at me:

"You've always been too stubborn, Diana. I can see the future expectations you have. Ultimately, I understand everything: if you never managed to get into the Berlin art academy on your own, and you're still working at the same place after all this time..."

I stood there, motionless, not knowing what to say or do because I knew exactly what he meant with every word that came out of his mouth. I felt as if my feet were glued to the ground with cement; his words hitting me continuously, wanting to hurt me more and more.

"How dare you say that to me?"

If I was already touched and almost broken after all this conversation, now I was completely shattered. Seeing my reaction, tears streaming down my cheeks incessantly, the guy seemed to regret it.

Quickly, he approached me, opening his arms with the intention of burying me in them. I, as stubborn as he said I was, refused not only the hug but any kind of physical, and not so physical, contact he wanted to have with me.

"Di, I'm sorry... I didn't mean that," yes, that was clear, but it was already said and done. I made a mistake. Please, forgive me."

No matter how much he kept talking, trying to apologize and rectify the mistake, there was nothing more to be done.

Without saying anything else, I began to gather all my belongings from the driver's room of what could now be considered my ex-boyfriend's. I didn't want to; I didn't want to start the no-contact stage with the guy I had been in love with since I was ten, the one who had loved me like no one else ever had, and like no one else ever would.

I was saying goodbye to the father of my daughter to venture into raising her alone so that he could pursue his dream in peace, and achieve all those successes he so desired.

"What are you doing, Diana?"

"Packing. I'm leaving."

My eyes were fixed on the ground, my hands feeling the few belongings I had left to put in the small backpack I used to carry to the paddock. Now, I would have to go back to our hotel room and pack everything, put it in the suitcase as quickly as possible, and rush to the airport and pray not to miss the plane.

"What do you mean you're leaving?" he frowned, incredulous. "It's Friday, Diana, we have the whole weekend together."

"Well, from now on you'll have all the weekends ahead alone," I shook my head, unable to bear any more of his comments trying to make me stay. “From now on, you won't have me here anymore on weekends, or in your life either. I'm leaving your life, and I'm not coming back."

I repeated, emphasizing the last negation.

Vettel was speechless at my declaration. He shook his head constantly; he approached me, trying to take my belongings, but I prevented him.

As much as he wanted it, no: I wasn't going to stay.

"What do you mean by 'leaving my life and not coming back'?"

"It means I'm going back to Heppenheim, Sebastian," I turned to him, trying to maintain composure. “I'm going back, you'll end up coming back too even if we live... you live in Switzerland," I corrected myself immediately, "but I hope we never see each other again."

The firmness behind my words frightened me quite a bit. Everything was turning into a lie that, as the conversation progressed, had escalated, to the point where I doubted what was real and what was just the opposite.

"I really hope you achieve everything you set out to do," I continued, insisting to myself not to break down right there. "I hope you win the championship this year and get the four consecutive ones, as you've been wishing for so long. You, more than anyone, deserve them, and I know you're capable of that and much more."

I didn't say anything else because I had stopped being strong. I left, without looking back, the room where I had spent much more time than imaginable, and one of the many places that made up the story starring Sebastian Vettel and me.

I carefully descended the stairs. I walked with a false sense of security through the RedBull garage, dodging any questions about why I was crying, where I was going, and if I had argued with the team's golden boy, including the thousands of questions Britta Roeske kept asking me and that I was trying to ignore at all costs.

I felt curious eyes following me wherever I went, but I didn't care in the slightest. It was all done.

Now, we only had each other, the little pea, or whatever the size of the baby, and me.

"Di, wait!"

Sebastian's desperate shouts echoed behind me, getting closer and closer.

I stopped abruptly, clutching the only handle of the backpack hanging over my shoulder. I turned slowly towards the place where the voices seemed to be coming from and saw the driver running, almost breathless, as he wiped tears from his cheeks and even the ones still falling from his eyes.

"I love you, Di."

His voice was broken, and his hands acted on their own. Yet, that didn't stop him from taking my face in his hands and uniting us in a kiss that unleashed a whirlwind of emotions, where we tasted each other's tears as we had done so many times in our relationship. Where we exchanged millions of "I love yous" in a silence that only he and I knew perfectly.

"Please, don't go, Di," the German expressed.

"Seb, I love you too, but there's someone else."

At last, I had confessed... not in the most suitable way, but it was the right thing to do, especially considering what my goal was after this trail of lies.

"There's a new person in my life, and I'm afraid to tell you that, as much as I love you, I love her more than I love you, and I always will," I continued, knowing that each and every word I was saying about my baby, our baby, was true. "I love you, Sebastian Vettel, and I will never stop loving you, but that person, right now, is my main priority."

"Have you been cheated on me?"

Sometimes, silence was worth more than a thousand words. Just in this case, it was quite the opposite.

I stood still for a few seconds in front of him, internally debating whether to answer or leave as calmly as possible, without attracting any more attention than I already had. I chose the latter because neither my voice could come out nor could tears allow me to see clearly; not to mention my judgment, which had clouded to the point where I couldn't think clearly about what the next step should be to end this nightmare.

I ended up giving Seb one last look, whispering that I loved him and always would, even though it was over between us.

It only took me bowing my head, turning around, and continuing my path, fighting not to look back, to realize that I had made the biggest mistake of my life, and that I would never, for anything in the world, be able to forgive myself.

And I knew perfectly well that Seb wouldn't either.

next part: 01. LOVING HIM WAS RED (click here and you'll read it!)

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mbti-notes · 10 months

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Anon wrote: Hello, I am INFX, 21 y.o. After reading your blog, taking some tests and understanding functions (hopefully) a little better, I narrowed down my options to INFP and INFJ. If you are able to, I would gladly use your help in determining my type. As for important information: I have a generalized anxiety disorder, I had depression for several years and I am still prone to depressive episodes. English is not my first language.

I will start with INFP functional stack. Fi Dom: I have a fuzzy sense of identity, which is why I often don't know what I like or dislike, get stuck, don't trust my gut feelings, rely on others a lot in decision-making processes. I do tend to judge things as either good or bad depending on my beliefs, but the beliefs are weak. I don't trust them unless they are built on a solid framework of knowledge and evidence. I need to know rather than believe. My emotions emerge seemingly from nowhere. I can't identify what's the reason for them and how to deal with them. But for some reason I still think I make decisions relying on my emotions, it's just that if I always relied on them it would do more harm than good.

Te Inf: I have trouble understanding Te. I know Te is about external structure. Actually I rarely encounter extremely messy lifestyle as in Fi extreme and I can plan things decently, even if I don't like doing so. Structure helps me and I need it in order not to become chaotic, so I always have an agenda and don't like it when plans are cancelled. Especially in recent years I got better at structuring my life. Most of the time I know what to do to solve my problems, I just don't want to do it. So I don't think I've ever encountered Te grip (at least not from what I'm aware of). At my lowest points I did have trouble to take care of myself but I attribute it to depression.

Ne Aux: Ne is one of the few functions I can decently use and understand in a positive way. I often look for new activities to participate in, new hobbies (especially creative ones). I have 300+ tabs open at all times because I research many different topics at once. I can generate creative ideas (usually for my art) with the help of sensory experience (such as music). Often manifests in unhealthy ways - I use daydreaming to escape responsibilities.

I can find a lot of opportunities but I don't indulge in them or follow through, which makes my interests shallow. I like making lists (of albums to listen, movies to watch, stuff to draw, things to do in general), but I rarely do what's in those lists. I'd rather daydream about it than actually do something. This is one of my greatest struggles, because I have ideas and inspirations but they always stay in my head or on paper and never come to fruition.

What makes me think Ne is my Aux rather than Dom is that I am very risk-averse and not very extraverted (I know ENXP are the most introverted extraverts though), I have never been very positive either or extremely chaotic either.

Si Tert: I am prone to not stepping outside of my comfort zone. I want new experiences but at the same time I'm afraid of them. As I've mentioned before I am very risk-averse, not taking even calculated risks. Fear of failure holds me back. I'm afraid that the status quo may change not in my favor (it will all go downhill if I make a mistake, so I'd rather do nothing at all).

Moving onto INFJ stack: Ni Dom: I struggle with perfectionism because I have an ideal image of things I want to implement and I'm too afraid I will fail to achieve the ideal; I have a perfect version of myself in mind which I strive to be one day (but often fail to come even close to it). I don't have a clear picture of my future though.

I know that many people equate Ni with "insightful" thinking, which I cannot relate to. I "predict" the future in a negative way, always expecting a catastrophe and feeling paranoid at worst. I often jump to pessimistic conclusion way before anything bad happened. I keep telling myself that it's better to keep expectations low in order not to get disappointed.

Se Inf: I cannot engage with physical world because of escapism. When I'm outside I don't notice my surroundings at all. I go through life on autopilot. Even when I try to be present and focus on the current moment, my sensing is dulled, almost muted, and the engagement feels shallow. I'm always in my head, made-up scenarios are more comforting to me than the real world. I reflected on it for some time and decided depression is not to blame because my Se was unhealthy/unused before that as well, it just escalated.

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You've made it clear that dominant Fi and inferior Te don't fit. That is more than enough to rule out INFP, so I'm not sure why you're still considering it. The info you gave for dominant Ni and inferior Se sounds fine, but I'm not sure why Fe and Ti are missing. Did you not send them? Did I not receive them? In any case, I can't draw a firm conclusion without information about the entire stack.

#typing #ask

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lovemehatemex0 · 1 year

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this is going to be a long one. but it's about my life, my thoughts & my feelings. I purposely had to put the keep reading button on because of how long this post is.

From leaving high school 10 years ago, I never imagined I would be where I am today. I planned on getting my CPA & being an auditor. I assumed I would already be married by now because 18 year old Christine was obsessed with her shit head boyfriend. I thought I would've been out of my parents house by now. & i never knew guys could be such disgusting pigs in this so called dating world that I fucking hate it. I've also never been so bored in my entire life. I for the first time ever, feel boring. & I now know why I constantly stayed busy all the time going to college, getting my masters done & even just keeping up with it for another 4 years.

I'm honestly kind of disappointed in myself that I never tried to become a CPA. My downfall was I was never a good test taker. & I was too busy working/seeing my friends/ seeing my boyfriend to even care about it. At times, I even wish I didn't go into accounting. I never wanted to go to college. Was never good at understanding concepts & applying them to everyday life. I hated school. & everyone knew it. my first ever exam I took, I failed it. Got a 53 or something & that stayed with me ever since I was 10. if there were any other ways I could've earned money I would've rather done that. Because I still don't think this shit is it for me. I only passed college one way, & I'm not proud of it. But I wasn't spending all that money to fail.

This one is going to have a lot of feelings, & I already just cried over thinking of it. I thought for the longest time I was going to be stuck with my ex because of what he gave me. For at least 4 years I felt stuck. & I should've listened to my dad & got out sooner. Especially when he forced me into having sex with him when I was 16. That should've been the first time. Another time should've been when he left me for another girl. & then life throws you a crazy fucking curve ball & you're stuck with something for the rest of your life. But, I was honestly expecting to marry him. Until he started telling me he was going to propose to my at my college graduation & i literally freaked out & was like omg ive never even been with another dude & i cheated on him. I think all of the trauma experiences literally keep me from liking someone. & I think I'm so used to being on my own after feeling like i was stuck for so long, I don't want to give up that freedom either. & I will find the slightest thing wrong with someone just to not like them. I just stopped giving out chances already because I'm stick of the bullshit.

Aside from not wanting to give that up, my hearts in a place where i know it shouldn't be. & I'm so hopeful for the impossible & I know I shouldn't be at all. & I think that's another aspect that stops me from liking anyone else. I try not to but it does. I freak out in my head whenever I kiss another guy. I never expected to go down this path & I told myself I would never go for anyone that was. & I know I'm replaceable. & that's what scares me the absolute most about all of this.

I honestly was expecting to be married by 25. I was also expecting to weigh less than what I do now & to be moved into a house in either Fairfield, Shelton, or Milford. But like a cute little boxy house with the two windows that pop out of the roof on the second floor with a porch on the front of the house. I just think they're so cute. Or, it's not the worst scenario but I would love to be living in NYC. That was always my dream. I was also expecting myself to have at least one child by now. Do I think buying the Audi was a good financial investment? Honestly, no. It was more or something I wanted than a need. I should've been looking for a house or an apartment, but as much as I want to live alone, I don't want to be alone and have that financial responsibility on me either. Whenever I think of being on my own, I just think about how whenever I'm sad I can cry whenever I want & no one would be around to hear me. & no one would know how sad I am over certain things in my life & what I really want.

If there's anything in this life i hate more than anything, I hate this dating world. I hate how you have to hook up with someone to get to know someone, to get to see if you even like them, & then maybe, just maybe something could come from it. But I've had no luck. My last date I think was in December & I didnt hear anything from him since because I wouldn't fly down to Miami when he was going to sleep with him. & I swear to god if one more guy asks me for a threesome or to find a guy for me & him to have a threesome with so he can get action from the guy I will just stay single for the rest of my life & be all my friend's children's cool aunt. I purposely stopped saving people's number in my phone because I just know they're not going to be around for long. It's not worth it.

I literally told anna yesterday i've never been so bored in my life. Literally nothing is going on. I have no drama in my life. I don't talk crap (as much) like i used to. I'm not seeing anyone. Let's face it I'm not even talking to anyone. I literally want to be up in bed by 8 pm & do nothing but scroll on tik tok or cry my eyes out. I don't even want to shop because I don't need anything. I don't need more clothes or jewelry or shoes. & material objects are starting to become pointless to me. They don't make me happy like they used to anymore. I also wonder if I'm just starting to lose interest in things. & I wonder if I'm starting to become depressed again. It trickles on & off from time to time, like a roller coaster.

I don't mean to overthink so much. I just think of all the what if's that could happen & it makes me want to ask question and wonder well what the hell is going to happen. I expect the worse out of everything, even in a good scenario. Mainly because I am so used to getting hurt & being sad. So I try to prep both my mind & my heart to be hurt to help it when something actually does happen. I don't want to be like this. All I want is to just be happy. & get what I want. & go through life knowing I was happy with what I got & where I got in my life. When is it my turn to finally be happy & get what I deserve?

I guess all of these thoughts started coming up because my 10 year high school reunion is coming up & people I was friends with in high school who I didn't expect to be going are going because they want to show off what they achieved in their life. One wants to show "how pretty they got" another wants to "show all their successes" after getting bullied. I was literally an emo girl in high school who wanted to hide & stay away from everyone because I got told I was too fat & I was so big growing up I probably ate humans & people would tease me because I didn't run to they would purposely steal my shit & run away with it because I would huff and puff while trying to run. I also never joined the dance team when I got told numerous times I would make it because the girls who would bully me were on the team & i didnt want to get picked on even more. Since 2013, I got a little less scary looking from high school & I am in the position where I'm not proud of my life but I'm surviving.

I guess that's why I say I wish I was dead. So I didn't have to deal with this life and my actions & where I am today. I know people would be better off without me in their lives & I wouldn't be such a fuck up all the time. Secrets could die with me, desires would die with me, & all of my feelings would finally go away & I wouldn't be so god damn emotional all the time. I'm sick of wondering why certain things happened to me & why I'm put into certain positions I'm in.

Wow this felt amazing to write out & just get off my mind. & now I remember the true reason why I got tumblr when I was 14.

#10:55 pm

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ryosmne · 2 years

Text

Blue Mist.

Bartender!Dabi x FBartender! reader headcannons

Hello everyone, this au has been stuck in my head for ages, I really wanted to write a bartender duo. Guess who was the original character I had in mind for this. I've got a oneshot (maybe I'm lying and it's a series) in the works for this, let's test the waters with some Au headcannons.

Warnings: language, sexual themes, alcohol consumption, *MINORS DNI*

Y/n has been working at 'Blue mist' the bar/club Enji Todoroki owns for about a year to help sustain herself while being in college.

After getting through countless shifts working seven days a week and tearing herself in half to get all the bartending done herself, she asks her boss to hire another bartender to work along side her so the bar can keep running smoothly.

After job hunting for months with no luck, Touya ends up asking his father if there's any open position in any business he owns he can work in.

Enji calls y/n to ask her if she would be willing to show his son the ropes. He offered to double her pay for a week and if by the end of it she deemed his son acceptable, he would work alongside her. If not he'd get someone experienced.

Hearing that her pay would be doubled for an entire week, y/n agreed. Last thing she wanted to do was babysit a rich brat, but hey Shoto was a nice enough guy, she'd be happy to help him out.

Imagine her suprise when Touya came through the wooden bar door the next day. Hell no.

Touya, or Dabi as he preferred to be called and y/n attend the same college.

Y/n did her best to keep her distance from her boss' son at compus, there was no point in them talking anyway.

It didn't help that Dabi was rather infamous for his terrible temper to any form of authority add the fact that he threw girls out of his life before they even managed to enter it.

The fucker was a rich brat that had the nerve to constantly talk back even though he barely tasted hardship, at least that was the case from y/n's perspective. She saw Dabi as a guy who grew up with a silver spoon where as she had to work her ass of to get a degree.

Somehow y/n sympathised with him, she knows how hard it was to find a job without any work experience, hopefully Dabi would be a good sport.

Dabi was a nightmare. Guy was clueless, how the fuck is he in college without knowing what is in a mojito, on top of that he'd give attitude when he failed at something.

"Ok so now Dabi, make me a mojito.". "The fuck's in that? lime and what else?". "You're kidding right? I told you just a second ago." "Maybe if you were better at this, I'd remember.". "For fucks sake Touya, it's not my fault you're not paying attention". "Well tell me, you're supposed to be teaching me". "Bacardi, dumbass"

Yeah y/n had an even harder time with him than she did with Bakugo, and that's saying a lot.

She made Dabi clean every night after closing, occasionally ordering him to make her a drink.

By the end of the week, Dabi was more capable than half the bartenders who would've applied for the job.

Dabi would never admit it sober, but he's extremely thankful to y/n for putting up with him and giving him a chance.

Working at a bar was nothing like he expected, the job was fun. One would argue that one thing holding him was y/n, but still, he makes his own money and can get drunk on the daily without an excuse. (Pls drink responsibly everyone!)

Six months later, Dabi and y/n had grown a lot closer, you could say they're work buddies since they rarely talk outside of work, but on the clock there's a whole lot of flirting and bickering, depending on who gets on the others nerves.

Dabi's nightly attire is something simple, black shirt and black jeans. Always a t-shirt, showing of the tattoos on his arms and neck.

Even though his outfits were simple he always accesorieces them. He often wears chain necklaces, but you can catch him wearing a choker too. Loves rings, especially how they click when his hands make contact with glass liquor bottles. His nails are painted purple to "break the blackness of the outfit" but that purple is so dark, that it also looks black.

Dabi has 3 nostril piercings, a Medusa and a tongue ring. Loves earcuffs and matches his piercing jewelry to the rings and necklaces hes wearing.

He looks quite intimidating behind the bar, y/n swore he would never be able to keep a conversation going with a costumer, but Dabi proved her wrong. He is a lot friendlier than looks and even has his own regulars.

Dabi LOVES making personalised drinks, he asks one random question and fixes something up for someone.

"Hey y/n, what's your favourite position sweetheart?" Y/n just stared at him and was really close to blowing up on him "oh come on, I just want to fix you a drink, humour me love" "Doggy" y/n said half heartedly, Dabi scanned her up and down then turned and made a concoction for her. "Tell me what you think of it." Y/n gave the glass in her hand a swirl, she hesitantly brought it to her lips. "What the hell did you put in here Dabi? This tastes like heaven" Dabi smiled at her compliment, "glad you like it love, not so glad you didn't answer my question honestly though." Y/n chocked on her next sip.

Dabi hates beer, anyone who orders it is a stale person too, and no you cannot change his mind.

He loves making intricate drinks a lot more that just pooring some bourbon and throwing some ice in it.

Flirts his way to a better tip, he hasn't taken anyone home and always helps with closing when he has the final shift. Y/n thinks he keeps the numbers girls give him for when he's less tired, but Dabi usually throws them out.

Never dances, at least that's what he claims. If Dabi gets more than two shots in his system he grabs y/n and swirls her around behind the bar when a song he likes starts playing.

On hard nights Dabi makes y/n drinks and passes them to her, she naturally does the same so they always end up tipsy or way too drunk depending on how hard of a night it is.

#mha dabi #dabi x female reader #dabi imagine #dabi x reader #toya x reader #bnha touya #bnha x reader #au dabi #au toya #au bnha

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dangan-happy · 3 years

Note

KAME-HAME FORGET ABOUT IT!

I would like to say thank you to mod taichi, mod rantaro and mod komaeda. I am the anon who was desperate, the one who struggles with academic issue, keep sleeping past midnight because of extra chores, and struggling with executive dysfunction. I don't know how to refer myself haha

It's funny, I saw the notification from your blog about my ask when I was REALLY in need of comfort unexpectedly. it was one of the worse day, I failed the selection to go to college I'm aiming for. there is an alternate way by taking a test but it was a huge and important thing for me, because other relatives would talk (or possibly brag) about how their children are doing wonderfully in academic stuff to my parents. I don't want my parents to feel embarrassed because of me. so of course, it gives me a LOT of anxiety. my heart is beating rapidly that my chest hurts so much.

Then I receive your response to my ask. It's very comforting, it calmed me down. I may teared up a bit. I really appreciate the advices, encouragements, and hugs. (I love hugs) Especially mod komaeda's advices. Thank you so much, I appreciate them. They really mean a lot to me. I didn't realize how much I needed all of these. To be honest, when I was re-reading my ask, I almost can't believe I typed all that. I didn't realize how much I struggled and desperate I am. It was truly a moment of weakness lmao

I've been struggling to respond your response because,, well. I'm still struggling haha. Unfortunately, after I send that ask, things are getting hella rough for me. It was one of those unlucky phase of time, where your days get worse each day, except this time is WAY worse because I'm going to graduate in a month and I have an important exam in two days. Then I got hit by other problems too like a member of my group project doesn't corporate so we were late to submit and it was even half done (it happened just a hour ago and it gives me an emotional breakdown because it was an important one but I'm fine now), I got blamed for something I didn't do (this happens a lot anyway but I'm very drained mentally and physically), I accidentally spat something that I've been keeping to myself to my parents and made them angry (I don't want to talk about my true feelings to them bc they only make me feel worse or worse, they get upset), more homeworks to catch up and more stressful stuff .

Basically anxiety is on my ass 24/7. It's the worst time of my life.

But whenever I hit rock bottom I would re-read your response and it lifts me up, you know? It always cheers me up reading your kind words about me, and as cheesy as it sounds, it makes me feel hopeful haha. But I never felt this hopeful before. So I'm very thankful for it, and thankful for the other mods who work hard helping other people too who come to this blog. Because even though I'm still struggling and facing the worst time right now, I'm not doing as bad as before.

Is it alright if I ask for another hug? Sorry, this whole ask ended up with me venting again haha. But I really am doing not as bad as before... I guess I'm doing better. Step by step maybe. Again, thank you so much!!

( By the way, this is out of topic but... hopefully people who know me don't recognize me on this blog for this question haha (if they do then oh well. shrugs): which one does look scarier for you, Once-ler from Lorax or the character designs from the movie called Cats (2019)? I'm not hating the movie, my friend and I are having a lighthearted discourse about it. u_u )

(Neither. Neither one is even that scary at all, for I fear nothing ~ Mod Hajime 🍊🌈)

---

O-Oh, welcome back, kiddo! Whoa, that’s quite the ask you got here. But it’s more or less an update, i-if I’m correct, and a decent one at th-that. Like you said, it’s all step by step progress, wh-which is still progress no matter how you look at it.

I-I hate to hear that there’s been a few extra bumps along the road since your last ask, b-but I’m at least glad to hear that you’ve been making some sort of progress. Progress is still progress, no matter what. I-I’m just glad that you came to us. I-I’m just some average programmer, but I will agree that Nagito and Rantaro did amazing. Nagito’s... quite the interesting kiddo, but he means well, and Rantaro’s a brotherly figure th-that everyone likes, one way or another. Me? Ah, well... I-I can at least give good hugs, I guess?

S-Speaking of hugs, I’d love to give you one. I-I can at least do that right, heh. I’ll give you as many hugs as you want, kiddo. I personally don’t mind at all.

Hey there anon, you don't have to worry about referring to yourself, I remember you just fine! Hey, how's that for awesome timing huh? I'm glad you could read our answers when you needed it. I'm sorry to hear that you were having a worse day, but hey, it sounds like there's a way to make that test up a different way, so I'd give your all to trying that route. Don't give up just yet ok? Damn, yeah, I'm no stranger to the whole family bragging thing, that's a whole lot of pressure I think both of us can do without. It's really thoughtful of you to worry about your parents in this scenario, but you can worry about yourself too ok? Regardless of what you do, they should still be proud of you, and if they aren't, they're completely oblivious to your intelligence level and the amazing things you can do. Aw, I'm smiling real hard hearing how much our response helped, I'm always worried that I didn't help, or I somehow made it worse. Not gonna lie, this did give me a confidence boost. Hey, it's ok, you were in a more emotional state. It wasn't a moment of weakness. Everyone breaks down like that from time to time, and I'm happy that we were here to help you at the time. So don't feel bad about that, you're only human, and it's ok to get like that.

You don't have to worry about having the perfect response either. As much as I wish we could, we can't automatically fix any anons' problems, we can only toss our two cents in and cross our fingers that it helps. The good news is that you came to us with your struggles again, so we can try to help some more. Eesh, yeah, those periods are never fun. Pretty sure Komaeda knows more about them than I do, but I can understand at the least. First of all, congrats on graduating! That's real impressive all by itself, so hopefully you can take some pride in that. Ugh, ok, wow, the second part of that. Damn I got hit with all the feels. I hate it when group projects go like that. I'm usually stuck with all the work, or the one who's up at one am trying to finish the damn thing. I think I'm getting kinda incoherent, so sorry about that. I'm glad you're doing better on that end though, hopefully things work out with that. Aw man, I'm really sorry to hear about the blaming thing. Is there any way to prove your innocence? I'm not saying go all class trial or anything, but is there any way for you to argue your case? Even if it happens a lot, that doesn't mean it's ok. You shouldn't have to get used to things like that.

Yikes, yeah I can totally relate to the last part too. I'm also the type to clam up about my feelings because I don't wanna make anyone mad, but that happens some times, and honestly you had every right to say how you feel. You're keeping this all in, and it's gonna take a toll on you. Yeah, that's a whole lot of stress for one person to carry. I'm really impressed you haven't crashed and burned under the weight, seriously, you're an amazing, strong, resilient/ person, and it just blows me away. Trust me, you're gonna get through this stressful time. You're getting close to the end of it, and I know that you're gonna make it through. Damn, I'm smiling and blushing now. I'm really really glad we were able to help you out that much. Good! It's not cheesy at all! I'm glad you're feeling hopeful! The little steps are just as valuable as the big ones, and the fact that you're at least doing a little bit better is fantastic. Of course you can have another hug! It's ok, we're here to listen to vents, so say whatever you want to, no one's gonna judge you, I promise. Yeah, step by step, that's how you do it.

Oh damn, that's an interesting question. Honestly, I unironically love the Lorax movie, so the Oncerler ain't scary to me. Cats however...that was a trip. I don't have a better way to describe it, it was just a trip. So the Cats designs are way scarier. Like if I met the Onceler in a dark alley, I'd be just fine, but if I saw a cat-human-thing in a dark alley, I'd run for the hills. However, if I met the onceler fandom in a dark alley, that's a whole other story. Ok, I think I'm rambling again, so I think I better stop talking. Keep making those small steps forward ok? You got this.

W-wow... my advice actually helped someone? Please tell me your joking, or better yet pinching me. I can’t believe my little words could affect you so much.... I think I’m tearing up... hehe. I gotta admit, Rantaro and Taichi did a better job than me! What else do you expect from two amazing Ultimates! Anon, I’m terribly sorry to hear that some things have turned up and made your life a bit more harder, but I want you to keep your chin up ok? You’re doing amazing Anon, I can truly tell! Having a partner that doesn’t help with group projects stinks too! It’s ok that you vented again, it’s always good to speak your mind when you feel bad! Helps to let other people hear to so they can help you! And hey, compliments from Taichi? So nice of you! Never heard myself being called an “interesting kiddo” it’s cute!

I thought you’d never ask! I’d love to give you another hug! As long as you’d let me, I get worried when people want to hug me since I’m utter garbage, but if it makes you feel Hope, then I’m happy to oblige! Ah, and the Onceler or the designs of cats? I’d say the cats, I remember everyone having the hots for the Onceler once, so he can’t be that bad, right?

#danganronpa #danganronpa roleplay blog #ask #taichi fujisaki #rantaro amami #nagito komaeda #mod hajime #mod rantaro #mod nagito

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razorblade180 · 4 years

Text

RWBY Melody 9

🔥Let’s shake this up! Now the category could be anything!!!!🔥

Oscar:(Oh thank god I might be saved)

Nora:Lucky you Jaune. Now you don’t have to sing to Weiss.

Jaune:You really think they won’t pull that card eventually?

Nora:Yeah your right.......

Tyrian:How unfortunate, I would’ve loved to sing to my goddess.

Watts:Tyrian the thought of you singing a love song physically makes me uncomfortable.

Ruby:Who’s next oh great bonefire!!! *points to Weiss*

Weiss:Hey!!!!

Ruby:What!? I want to hear you put you all into a song.

Weiss:Then buy my album.

Jaune:That’s not the same as a live performance. You’re breathtaking in person.

Weiss:*blushing* I.....can’t I just eat in peace!?

🔥I already know the next person to be put to the test...🔥

Flame chains shoot out and wrap themselves up around Whitley. Suddenly the sky’s turn reddish as a portal opens. The chains tug him slowly but with a powerful grip.

Whitley:What!?

Adam:(I thought I had it rough)

Jacques:What is the meaning of this!?

🔥So many of you more stubborn people always refuse singing until force is applied. So I’ll just start with force. The chains shall snap only if the boy sings strong and true🔥

Neo:This place never stops throwing curve balls.

Whitley:*struggling* Couldn’t you have done this to an actual villain.

Ozma:Struggling makes the chains tighter.

Whitley:I’m...realizing that. To go through all this trouble only means one thing?

🔥Sing about your family. The thoughts and emotions you feel about the household. You only get one shot.🔥

Each Schnee focused their attention on the youngest member. He refused to look at his two sisters that genuinely showed concern, man who raised him to rule, or the mother who finally seemed to show true interest.

Whitley:.....

Weiss:Whitley.....

Whitley:Shut up!!!! I don’t need to hear anything you have to say. What any of you have to say! *trembling*

.......

Watts:Hmph, Jacques’s blood through and through.

Whitley:!?!?! And what does that mean?

Watts:Bitter and willing to go down in flames before feeling anything. It’s a bit respectable.

Whitley:You don’t know me.

Cinder:And a kid knows himself? Apparently the only thing you know is what daddy dearest tells you. It’s adorable really.

Weiss and Winter:Leave him alone!

Cinder:Why? He’s destined to fail anyways. He can’t sing a honest song if he can’t form his own opinion. He’s being dragged of right now because he doesn’t know what to sing. Worst part is, no one can tell him or it isn’t honest.

An eerie feeling fell over the crowd. Whitley didn’t say anything. His eyes hidden slightly by his hair as he looked down at the chains that dragged him to unknown danger. No one dared to move. No one, except Weiss and Winter who stood up and stared at their father with unforgiving hatred.

Jacques:What’s with the look?

Winter:Do you have nothing to say for yourself!? Your own son is in trouble, but you don’t even looked phased.

Jacques:What is there to do? Yes I made him obedient, but that’s all. For him not to get out of this situation is a failure of his own making. I never told him to stop thinking.

Winter:No, you just punished him whenever he thought for himself right? Like you did to Weiss; like you did to me? *shaking* What about you mother? Are you just gonna sit there and watch.

Her sunken eyes didn’t meet Winter’s. Instead they flat out ignored her all together. Simply turning away and trying to force the problem out as she grabbed another glass of wine. Everyone watched the soldier slump over in defeat. She looked on towards her brother who himself looked broken as he quietly kept being pulled.

Winter:Why do I always expect anything from you two anymore? I should learn my lesson by now.

Weiss:......Someone start playing music.

Whitley:!?

Everyone:What!?

Penny:But it won’t count if-

Weiss:I don’t want him sing, just listen. No rules say we can’t motivate him. Now can someone-

R_BY JNPR: *playing instruments*

Weiss:I know you can think for yourself right? You’re just scared of going again father; I get that. This is life or death though!

Whitley:I....I’m not like you two. Besides, what do care?

Weiss:*tearing up* Because you’re exactly like us!

*embers erupt violently around her*

Whitley:W...Weiss!?

Weiss: 🎶Take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust.

Take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust.🎶

🎶Here comes a thought, that might alarm you. What someone said, and how it harmed you.🎶

🎶Something you did,that failed to be charming. Things that you said are suddenly swarming and, oh~

You're losing sight, you're losing touch. All these little things seem to matter so much, that they confuse you.🎶 *grabs his hand*

🎶That I might lose you.....🎶

Whitley:......

Weiss: 🎶Take a moment remind yourself to, take a moment and find yourself. Take a moment to ask yourself if this is how we fall apart?🎶 *grips chains*

Weiss:🎶 But it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not.

It's okay, It's okay, It's okay, It's okay, It's okay.

You've got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear.🎶

🎶I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.🎶*starts pulling*

Winter:...... 🎶Here comes a thought...🎶

Whitley and Weiss:!?!?

Winter:🎶That might alarm me. What someone said,and how it harmed me.

Something I did, that failed to be charming. Things that I said are suddenly swarming and, oh~ I'm losing sight, I'm losing touch.......... 🎶 *pulling chains*

🎶All these little things seem to matter so much, that they confuse me. That I might lose me.🎶 *trembling*

Whitley:.....

Winter and Weiss: 🎶Take a moment remind yourself to, take a moment and find yourself. Take a moment and ask yourself if this is how we fall apart?🎶

🎶But it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not. *smiles* It's okay, It's okay, It's okay, It's okay, It's okay.

I've got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.🎶

*pulls harder*

Winter and Weiss: 🎶And it was just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought.🎶

🎶It's okay, It's okay, It's okay, It's okay, It's okay.

We can watch, we can watch, we can watch, we can watch them go by. From here, from here, from here.🎶

Winter: 🎶Take a moment to think of justflexibility, love, and trust.

Weiss:Take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust......🎶 *embers fade*

Whitley:I thought you weren’t gonna sing.

Weiss:I was motivated. Whitley, screw are parents. Screw anyone who tells us what to do.

Winter:I refuse to let father just have his way but only you can decide that.

Jacques:Hmph....

Ironwood:Winter, your hands!

Ruby:Yours too Weiss!

They look down to see them starting to burn from the heat. Even so, they grit their teeth and grip it harder in order to buy as much time as they can. The trios feet slide frustratingly across the sand and get closer to the hellish portal. Their friends try to get closer before they’re promptly stopped by Ozma. The man smiles at them as he points at Willow who sits at a grand piano patiently waiting. Fingers anxiously over the keys.

Jacques:Willow!? What are you doing?

Willow:*tearing up* Whatever my kids need me to do.

Whitley:.......

Jacques:But-

Music starts magically playing the first few keys; catching her off gaurd. The crowd looks back a Whitley who’s eyes are closed as the chains shake. Willow quickly takes over the piano.

Whitley:🎶It's not simple to say, That most days I don't recognize me.

That these shoes and this apron, that place and its patrons...have taken more than I gave them.🎶

🎶It's not easy to know...I'm not anything like I used be.

Although it's true I was never attention's sweet center. I still remember that girl.🎶 *Looks at Winter*

🎶She's imperfect, but she tries. She is good, but she lies.

She is hard~ on herself.She is broken and won't ask for help.🎶

Winter:Hehe

*turns to Weiss*

Whitley:*smiles*🎶 She is messy, but she's kind. She is lonely.....most of the time.

She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie. She is gone, but she used to be mine.🎶 *frowns*

Winter and Weiss:*guilty* Whitley.....

Whitley:🎶It's not what I asked for. Sometimes life just slips in through a back door.

And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true, and now I've got you.🎶 *glares at Jacques*

🎶And you're not what I asked for. If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back~! For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two...🎶 *Looks at Willow*

🎶FOR THE GIRL THAT I KNEW!!🎶

🎶Who'll be reckless, just enough! Who'll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up!

When she's bruised~ and gets used by a man who can't love.....*sniffling*🎶

🎶And then she'll get stuck and be scared, of the life that's inside her.... *shaking*

Growing stronger each day, 'til it finally reminds her. To fight just a little, to bring back the fiiiiire in her eyes.......🎶

🎶That's been gone, but used to be......🎶

🎶MIIIIIIIINNNEEE~!!!!🎶

*chains shatter*

Whitley:*clenches chest*🎶Used to be.....🎶

🎶MIIIIIIINNNEEEE~.....🎶

Everyone:.......

Whitley:*crying She is messy, but she's kind. She is lonely..... most of the time. She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie.

*wipes face*

🎶She is gone, but she used to be mine.🎶

Willow’s hands slowly lifted off the keys as the song ended. Her eyes filled with sorrow and disgust for herself as she watched her son stare back at her in total agony. No one said a word; nor did the notice that the area was back to normal. Weiss wanted to break the silence but didn’t get the chance as her little brother took a look at all his family members with varying expressions. Then he started to walk off; not turning around once.

Whitley:I need a minute. Just gonna go clear my head.

Weiss:Al...alright.

Winter:......Hey, I hope you know-

Whitley:It’s alright, seriously. *stops walking*

Weiss:It really isn’t. We’re....sorry.

Whitley:......Not your fault. The three of us were all just caught in the crossfire. Still, thank you. I mean that. *walks off*

........

Both sisters go sit back down. This time closer to each other along with their friends.

Jaune:Are you....feeling alright?

Weiss:No, but I will. My mind is made up. I’m gonna sing my heart art, then use my earnings for Whitley.

Ruby:Well then we’ll help anyway we can.

Weiss:*smiles* Thanks.

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thesoujishow · 4 years

Conversation

S01E01 - Ken Sarukenka

[vaporwave lo-fi song]

Souji: Testing? Hello?

Ken: Yo? Sounds like it's working to me!

Souji: Ok. There we go.

[INTRO - glitchy transition music]

Souji: Hello, and welcome to the Souji Show. I'm Souji and this is a show where I talk about anything I want. 'Cause this is my show, and not yours.

Souji: This episode is sponsored by the peanut butter in Reese’s cups. They have the taste and the texture of a vitamin-enriched paste you squeeze from a tube directly into your mouth when you’ve been living in a bunker for 30 years because aliens invaded and it’s your birthday treat. Thank you Reese’s!

[MAIN - glitchy transition music]

Souji: For this very special, first-ever episode, we have a very special guest. You may know him as The Howler, or the other Ken, but to me, he's my monkey boy. Everyone, give it up for Ken Sarukenka!

Ken: Indeed, none other than the fantastical Ken Sarukenka.

Souji: Now Ken, tell everyone about yourself. Where are you from? What motivated you to go to Kyoranki? All that jazz.

Ken: I was born and raised in Kyoto and moved to Osaka around the start of middle school and been here ever since, my parents are Ippei and Meiko Sarukenka, better known as Great Ape and Statue, I am also a two time winner of middle school nationals in gymnastics, I was motivated to become a hero because all my life people around me have been heroes, my parents used to be, my brother is one and I choose this school because my brother graduated from here and it's reputation!

Souji: So, both your parents and brother are heroes. Was the decision to enrol at Kyoranki one you made on your own? Or was there added pressure from your family? How did they react when you got the acceptance letter?

Ken: Well, both my parents retired shortly I came into the world, I wouldn't say any of them pressured me but being overshadowed isn't very nice, yakno? I think it was mostly expected in a way, mostly because of my family really.

Souji: Speaking of being overshadowed, do you feel that you have the need to surpass your family in a way?

Ken: Yes, I feel that I have to surpass every single one of, my parents, my brothers I can't be remembered as the second or third best in my family, yakno? [dead serious tone]

Souji: O-ok. What was it like growing up with famous parents? Did people recognise you at all?

Ken: Well, growing up with famous people isn't anything special to me I get recognised every now and then, I met a bunch of other celebrities, I met a bunch of old guard heroes and a few newer once through my brother but it's not anything extreme I'd say. I'm more likely to get recognised now probably after I ended up on the news!

Souji: Speaking of being in the news, the Osaka Rising Star featured your fight at the provisional licence exams. Now I've heard from a little birdie that you didn't have the best time at the exams. Can you tell the listeners more about that? And what are your plans going forward?

Ken: Well... uh what can I say, I'll do the remedial courses and show the speaker that he was wrong to fail me right from the get go so he can go to sleep every night thinking that he almost stopped this world seeing the shining star of tomorrow! As for plans, train, complete remedial course and push forward the keys to everything in life.

Souji: Care to share on how you're planning to do that? What sets your apart from the rest of the Sarukenka heroes?

Ken: It's hard to say, are a bit different but if anything I'd say what sets me apart is the fact that I am none other than I and that I won't stop before I stand out even among them!

Souji: That's a very Ken answer. I respect that. [chuckle]

Ken: There is no other answers than the Ken answer, Souji. [little laugh]

Souji: Speaking of a shining star, let's shine the spotlight back towards the main focus of his podcast - me! Now, Ken, it's your turn to ask me questions. C'mon, don't be shy, ask anything you'd like.

[ASK SOUJI - glitchy transition music]

Ken: Well, I guess I'll throw the ball right back at you, why do you want to be a hero? Is it only because of Starlight or is there something more and how do you intend to stand out in this world filled with people like yours truly!

Souji: To catch the listeners up, I'm a big fan of Starlight. I guess I never considered a career in being a hero until I saw that special documentary episode of Speak with Starlight, what captivated me was his fans, there were a lot of them, each and everyone admired him and his heroic deeds and seeing the praise and attention that his fans are giving him, it sure was tempting. [laugh]

Ken: Inspiration is good, it helps you realise things doesn't it? Not everyone grows up in a family like mine where you are exposed to things the same way I was and I can surely see how it was tempting, I have been tempted by the shining lights that I have been surrounded with myself.

Souji: Inspiration can come from unexpected places, it's true that little things inspire us.

Ken: Indeed, I once felt inspired by watching a squirrel climb a tree! They always look like they are so free and have so much fun, so why shouldn't I do the same?

Souji: I'm great at climbing trees, we should really climb some one day.

Ken: I'd be down!

Souji: In all honesty, it was the fame and money that made me want to become a hero. It's a bit narcissistic, I know, but it is what it is. But during my time here, I saw what happened to the people around us. I want to be a helping hand in making a difference in people’s lives. Plain and simple. My family's poor so the money's still my number one motivator but it makes me happy knowing that I'll make the city a little bit better for everyone living in it.

Ken: I ain't gonna fault anyone's reasoning, being a hero is a profession after all just like being a policeman, fireman, doctor and so on, the only difference is the spotlight and the persona. Hopefully, you can throw your family a bone once you hit it off, eh?

Souji: Of course, I want to give back as much as I can. They might not be around as much, but I know they still want the best of me. Also, I want to travel. I've been stuck in Osaka for most of my life, and I love the city, don't get me wrong, but I just want to see what's out there.

Ken: Travelling is nice, but home is where the heart is wouldn't you agree?

Souji: Yeah, I wouldn't trade Osaka for anything. [pensive pause] Well, that got sentimental. Let's move on to our audience questions! These were submitted by our classmates in our group chat. Ready? Ok.

[Qs from the GC - glitchy transition music]

Souji: Fumi wants to know do you like bananas?

Ken: I like bananas in things but not really a huge fan if they are on, it's alright.

Souji: Kotoe wants to know your favourite genre of music.

Ken: My favourite genre of music is pop or rap, if it has a nice beat or a dramatic feeling I am usually down.

Souji: Kichiro asks, can you talk to monkeys?

Ken: No, I cant talk to monkeys believe it or not.

Souji: Taka inquires, does Ken-san take inspiration from Sun Wukong? That's some Chinese stuff, right?

Ken: Yeah my costume is mostly inspired by him, so his name hero name which means that one day soon I will be the Great Sage who rivals the Heavens!

Souji: Great Sage who Rivals the Heavens. [chuckles] Wow, that's quite the mouthful. We might have to workshop that Ken.

Ken: Yeah... A bit too long probably. [snicker]

Souji: I don't have any suggestions on the top of my head, but please don't pick a weird hero name like Monkey Boy, or worse - Monkey King! Plus, to be a sage, wouldn't you actually have to be, you know, wise?

Ken: In what world is that worse? I think you're going crazy over here and who says you need to be wise to be a sage? Not that it matters I am clearly the wisest person here!

Souji: Ken, that's literary its meaning, sage means wise. Well, it does sound very flashy, but maybe a bit too arrogant maybe? I mean, you can't even talk to monkeys, how can you call yourself the monkey king. You can still be Monkey Ken, though.

Ken: What do you think would be better then? I think Monkey King is a perfect fit if you ask me!

Souji: How about trying some alliteration?

Ken: Pfft, alliterations are overrated anyway.

Souji: I'm not sure if it's final but I was thinking my hero name to be the Neon Ninja. See, it's short, simple and easy to remember.

Ken: Neon Ninja? Sound like a flopped comic or video game, ain't ever gonna pack the punch you'd need it to!

Souji: Of course it sounds lame, that’s the point. You have to start from the ground up. Once people know your deeds as a hero, that’s where it becomes cool. Do you think Starlight’s name was cool when he just started out? No, man. Who name’s themselves Starlight? But, it became cool. I’ll make the Neon Ninja cool.

Ken: Starlight packs more punch than Neon Ninja though! His is like cool and mysterious, yours just sound like a old school retro game people forgot about, why'd you ever wan to sound lame?! Whatever you say, if you prove me wrong I'll eat my words but if you can't I'll be there laughing!

Souji: How about this. Why would anyone want to name a technology company Apple? It's not cool, or futuristic, it's lame. But with time, people liked their product and the name got cooler. See? It might seem lame now, but just give it some time. Like grapes and wine.

Ken: I don't know, maybe something about the apple of knowledge and all that jazz? Didn't really play attention in religion class, so I ain't too sure but either way I think something more high impact is better!

Souji: Let's just agree to disagree, monkey boy. Finally, Haruto wants to know if do you know da wae?

Ken: I know my way, perhaps its the right way for others as well just follow along for the ride and see!

[ENDING - glitchy transition music]

Souji: Well, we're nearing the end of our the show, Ken, is there anything you'd like to remind our audience, maybe plug whenever they can find you online?

Ken: Hmm, well I do guess I could plug some things I am on [X-Social Media platforms] with [X-User names] feel free to follow me!

Souji: You've been pretty cool to talk to, so before you leave, I have a special surprise just for you. I've embroidered it myself, and the shirt is from a downtown thrift store.

Ken: Ooooh. You really didn't need to do that, but I love it, it's adorable!

Souji: Thank you for being my first guest, Ken. It means a lot.

Ken: I don't know what else you'd expect, it's always cool talking to me isn't it?

Souji: To keep with the show follow me @thesoujishow, and to support my small clothing business, follow @glitchgear on all social media platforms. Once again, this has been Ken Sarukenka and Souji Yoshihiro, and you’ve been listening to the Souji Show! A show where I talk about anything I want. 'Cause this is my show, and not yours. Until next time. Insert catchphrase here.

[vaporwave lo-fi song]

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existentialstatesofmind · 7 years

Conversation

Weekend Fun

Clare: smiled at Dakota. "Not me. I had to wait for high school. Now I've kissed four boys in less than two years." She listened to him explain how the girls he used to tutor thought he was a nerd. "Last year, I latched onto the kids in the gifted class and didn't try to make more friends until later on. It was my comfort zone. Not all of them wanted to be thought of as nerdy, but I didn't care as much." Clare made a face at the mention of the girl whose boyfriend cheated on her. "It was nice of you to help her get back at him. Especially since it had unexpected consequences. Degrassi boys are always doing that behind girl's backs. But my ex would flirt with a self-proclaimed boyfriend stealer right in front of me so I guess you could say I saw it coming." She just stared at Dakota when he got to the part where girls started thinking he'd hook up with them and described how he hadn't realized what was happening until some girl tried to take off his shirt. "I can understand letting people believe what they want. When there are rumors going around about me, I don't correct everyone if they're false. Just the person who started the rumor. I guess if it doesn't bother you to have that kind of reputation and no one is getting hurt, there's no harm." Clare shrugged. She giggled when he talked about making out on the roof. "Probably not the best place to rehearse at. Uh-huh. So after that you decided to keep making out with random girls?" She guessed. "Oh. Most nice girls would rather date the real you though. I was skeptical about being your friend because I don't like guys who treat girls like toys they can just throw away when they get bored and find a shiny new toy to play with. But don't worry, your secrets are safe with me." Clare promised Dakota. "It sucks but it was almost a year ago so I'm over it. I did try to stay friends with them, well with my ex anyway, but then she told him to use me to cheat on a math test I'd agreed to help him study for. He went along with it and I haven't spoken to him much since." She nodded. "That's what I was expecting. We were friends for half a school year before we started dating and K.C. and I knew a lot of personal stuff about each other. However, our actual relationship was very short lived." Clare grinned. "You do have a point. I think it would be very awkward if your girlfriend mixed you up with Dallas. Which means you're going to have to let a girl get close to you someday." Clare nodded and started to watch the show. When Dom and Ash piled onto the couch with them, Clare tried to ignore Dom's complaints even though she was the one who was squished inbetween him and Dakota. She gasped softly when Dakota moved her onto his lap. "No, this is much better." She murmured. "Maybe you should try to learn from him." Clare interjected, rolling her eyes at Dom. She laughed at how Emi dealt with him. She was so cute. Clare smiled and leaned back against Dakota.

Kota: smiled at Clare as she spoke and nodded. "I'm glad you had your comfort zone." he said honestly and looked at her when she mentioned her ex that left her for another girl. "I'm sorry. Guys can be dicks." he said honestly. Hearing her mention the rumors caused him to sigh. "I didn't care before, but now it's going to become harder for me to get a girlfriend. I mean I never dated before so it didn't bother me, I thought that if I'd get a girlfriend, I'd fail as a boyfriend. Then Emi came. I mean taking care of her, seeing her face light up from something I bought her or did or even something I agreed to makes my world that much brighter. It made me realize that I'd be a good boyfriend and that I actually want a girlfriend, though I have my reputation not many girls will take me seriously." he said honestly and smiled at Emi. "It's not that I make out with random girls. They're not so random and I guess that's why I got my reputation." he chuckled a bit. "The girl I helped with her boyfriend told her friends because of me she was able to be strong and leave him before he dumped her. After that girls have been asking me to help them so I'd make out with them if I had to. Currently the girls that needed my help are no longer in Degrassi. One of them after actually making out with her and getting close to her, she moved. That was in seventh grade to the beginning of ninth and everyone thought we'd end up dating. She still texts every once in a while, but that's it. She now goes to an all girl's school simply because she won't go to a regular school unless I'm there." he admitted. "It's your fault she moved." Ash stated. "It's not my fault. Rather than waking me up, she fell asleep too. No one told her to cuddle up to me like a little puppy." he stated honestly. "I always looked at her like a puppy, she's loyal, loves being rewarded, and loves being pat on the head." he explained. "Plus she'll follow you. She's followed Kota a few times. Wouldn't walk home by herself, latched onto him, and always sat in the dojo quietly as she'd watch us practice." Ash laughed. "I have pictures of us." he explained. "If she's visiting again this summer, she can stay here." his mom offered. "Dallas, Dom, and Ash would terrify her, don't forget." he reminded. "Plus she'll cling to me like glue again. If I have a girlfriend it'll be troublesome." he added and looked at Clare. "It's only natural for her to cling to you, you did almost get arrested for her and protected her for two years. Come to think of it besides you, she's the only girl that knows the real me." he said out loud. "The making out with her was different because at times it made her cry, but it was her choice to make out with me. Her boyfriend was really abusive and I saved her. She wanted to make out because she trusted me and thought that making out without crying would help her get over her fear of guys and help her move on from the incident." he explained. "But no I don't make out with random girls unless I have a reason to and even now since I want a girlfriend, I'm going to stop making out with girls and only help them if they really need it without agreeing to making out. When I get a girlfriend I want her to trust me completely and I don't want people to continue thinking that I'm a player." he said honestly. "You're getting close to me." he admitted looking at Clare. When she said she was comfortable on his lap he smiled as he continued to hold her and chuckled at her remark towards Dom. "So cute." Dallas said looking at his phone and causing him to look at Dallas whom revealed the picture he took of him holding Clare, in turn Kota stuck out three fingers like he was asking for three of something, but held his hand sideways knowing Dallas would get the idea to read between the lines as his way of 'politely' giving the finger. After twenty or so minutes, Kota started to get hungry since he didn't eat and looked at Emi. "Hungry?" he asked knowing Clare was already hungry. "Yea." Emi said and Kota stood up with Clare only to put her back on the couch. "I'm going to try to fry up some shrimp. I can make something different if you don't like it." he offered and walked to the kitchen once Clare answered. The minute it was done he walked to the dining room table with the food. "Ooh shrimp." Kelly said as she walked inside and took a bite only to spit it out. "It's gross and under cooked." she said and he watched Emi take a bite and eat it. "Emi don't eat it." he sighed and watched as she took another one. "Do you like it?" Kelly asked. "It's better than nothing." Emi said honestly causing Kota to cover his eyes with his hand and walked to the living room. "The shrimp was a fail." he said and watched Emi take the bowl of shrimp out of his hands and sat down with it. "Emi, you'll probably get sick if you eat it. I'll make you a better lunch." he assured and she reluctantly gave over the bowl. He walked back to the kitchen and made a large pizza. While it was in the oven, he walked to the couch and put Clare on his lap. "I'm making pizza." he said honestly. "One extra cheese, one extra cheese and pepperoni." he said letting everyone know.

#wf

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