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shadowofahope · 2 years

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Fallen Star

Pairing: Hyunjin!Driver/bodyguard/alien x princess reader

Warning: Much angst, toxic family, controlling home life.

Premise: A mistake always turning to the stars for an escape. But it turns out the star you had always wished for had fallen right in front of you.

word count: 5.1K

Authors notes: *WARNING* LOVE LETTER INCOMING: I need to give credit to the truly amazing @jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue for being my never ending inspiration for this fic. Honestly, the ideas behind the story and the feel/details of the banner all of it I sneakily asked her questions and then used her answers against her. But in all realness, thank you so much for giving me support in my writing journey. Legit one of my most favourite people in the whole world, so if you have never read anything from her before I highly recommend it. You are missing out on some absolute genius, especially in the angst department!!

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If he thinks he can just marry you off for his benefit he seriously had another thing coming. An arranged marriage to an old man? Did he assume you’d go quietly? Or does he really just not care?

You laugh at yourself. Of course he doesnt. This was a new low, even for him. He couldn’t control you like your siblings so instead of having to deal with you he sells you off the highest bidder. You’d show him how much trouble you could be.

Staring out of the back passenger car window, you watch your breath fog a small part of the cold glass before it recedes. It blocks your view from what you really want to see, so you roll down the window. There’s no clouds in the dark sky tonight, no wind either. But the chilled breeze from the car speeding down the backroads rushes into the car. Making you wish you were driving away from it all and not back to it. You asked the driver to take a long way back, so you could gaze out into a world you only wished to be apart of.

“I’d give anything to escape from here…” You sigh, your mind wandering to the stars above. To what else could be out there. “...to be with the stars.”

“Anything?” A soothing melodic voice travels from the drivers seat. Unbeknownst to you the partition had been lowered.

You let out a startled noise, you knew that voice, and the angelic person who had that voice. That person was not supposed to be driving you tonight. His presence alone would be enough to make you antsy, but in this moment couldn’t have been worse.

“I’m sorry Miss, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He politely directs his worry to you through the rearview mirror.

You make eye contact with him through the reflection as you roll up the window, “No it’s ok. I was lost in thought.”

You can’t maintain staring into his alluring eyes, breaking away you let yourself once again stare at the night landscape.

“I did notice something on your mind when you got in. I know it may not be my place to ask but, is everything ok?”

“Hyunjin, I’ve told you before you can speak freely with me. We are the same age.” You let out an airy chuckle, shaking your head. Your eyes never leaving it’s chosen star.

“I know miss, sometimes I forget.” He laughs cheerfully back at you. “Bad news at dinner?”

“Apparently my hand in marriage has been accepted.” You huff. There’s no point in hiding your annoyance. As much as Hyunjin made the butterflies in your stomach act as thought they had been given some form of accelerant, he was the only one around you that you could talk to like this.

“Marriage?” If you didn’t know any better you’d say there was a bite to his words. “With who?”

“Lord Tun. He’s over twice my age.” You complain bitterly, the dress chosen for you for dinner becoming itchy, a burning sensation lingering. That’s why your parents had bought it for you. To appeal to the mans desires, your hopes of them wanting to buy you something out of the warmth of their heart dashed. You wanted to burn this vile, uncomfortable fabric…not to mention it’s ugly colour against your skin did you no favours. “He originally asked for my older sisters hand in good faith of the new trading merger. But my father said ‘Elise deserves better then he could provide’, so he offered me as substitute. He says it’s my duty.”

You sink back into your seat, quickly looking over to see his reaction. He doesn’t say anything. His eyes stay trained to the road. Maybe he’s just ask shocked as you are? He knows just as anyone working for your family how you are perceived in this world. The accident that could only ever be useless.

Growing up you had tried to follow the rules. You had been called an accident since you were young, and you understood exactly what that implied for you. But still you worked hard to achieve as much as your siblings. At first you had even surpassed them in most areas; quickly you realized just how much that didn’t matter to your parents. It never mattered if your grades were bad, you understood the family politics, you became fluent in every language that your family had ties with, the instruments you played…the list went on. Your place in the family never changed. Your parents still looked at you with a heavy detest in their eyes it eventually shut down your want to appease them.

So you stopped the extra lessons and changed your path. You took up watercolour painting and cooking. Even turning your studies to the stars and universe above you. Your parents never knew because they took no notice.

Infatuation didn’t even cover your love for the science of other galaxies, obsession might be a better word. Spending hours upon hours leisurely reading everything you could on them. A single wish of being able to see it all yourself.

But you were here, on earth, the last place you wanted to be.

“Duty….since when have I ever had a duty to uphold?” Looking to the moon for solace, you let your anger simmer. A hesitant silence looms over you both before he speaks again.

“You are a princess, miss.”

You could feel the bile from your stomach threaten to claw up your throat, “just because I’m a princess doesn’t mean I don’t deserve love.”

👑 👑

“Guards!” Your fathers aggravating voice booms through the castles library hall. The main doors fly open and two large men rush through, you don’t have time to react before they are each grabbing one of your arms. “Escort the princess back to her room.”

“You think locking me up will get me to agree?” Straining against the hard hands on you, you push forward.

“Agreeance or not, you will marry Lord Tun. It’s your choice whether you go peacefully or if I have to drag you the whole way there.” He threatens. His cold eyes trained on your blazing ones. “You should be thankful your life has a purpose, thankful that anyone would be willing to marry you.

“THANKFUL?!” Throat burning, the acidic taste from your stomach makes your voice hoarse. Your legs kick out in fury, shoving at the men surrounding you. “Should I be thankful that my existence means nothing to you?”

“Finally you can be useful to this family.” He slams the book you were studying before he entered onto the table. He’s watching your reaction, the calculation in his eyes making your blood boil. “No more of these ridiculous ventures. They have made you obstinate and disrespectful. Your empty head is only filled with pathetic knowledge, making you unusable in any other way. You owe it to this family to be obedient in this marriage.”

“You know nothing of me!” You scream, throwing your whole body at him. Never in your life have you ever wanted to use violence until this moment, even more so on your father. Your anger numbs you to the pain in your arms, the bruises forming from the two men holding you back. “I owe you NOTHING.”

“You owe me your LIFE.” He barks art you, slamming his foot on the hardwood. This time you do flinch. “And I will do with it as I see fit.”

Adjusting his robes he signals at the guards holding you.

“Take her. Her room shall be locked until I call for her presence.”

As they pull you away, your body goes limp. Every word you thought your parents felt about you had now been expressed out loud. You let them drag you into the room, throwing you onto the bed you catch yourself. Eyes and mind glazing over with tears and rage. But not enough to not hear one of them mumble ‘ungreatful’ under their breath.

The doors slam shut with such force it shakes the paintings on your wall. The loud metal clank of the door locking seals your mouth as you fall onto the bed, angry tears stream down your face as you let yourself give in to exhaustion.

👑 👑

It had been hours since your door was locked, food had been slid in on a silver tray but you had refused to eat it. The anger in your body making your desire for food vanish for the night. When they had collected the still full tray you had attempted to rush whoever was at the door to escape. However, your plans were in vain as there were two guards with the kitchen maid. It felt as though you had run into a wall when you collided with them.

You couldn’t tell how long you had sat there, curled up on the cold marble floor, the only warmth coming from your thin day dress. Tears drying up after admitting to yourself that you were an animal locked in a cage, and that’s all you would ever be. A small canary locked in a desolate, rusty cage watching the bright, endless sky in longing.

The sky had begun to darken through your balcony window, the shadows in your room first receding then becoming new in the moons light. Your glazed eyes only focused on the floor, silence cutting you deeper and deeper as the hours ticked by. Wishing for things that could never happen.

Wishing to be free…free to go where you wanted. Free to see the world, all worlds. Free to love. Love? The image of the beautiful long haired blonde man flashes through the stars in your mind. His slender silhouette in the forefront of your mind appears in the shadows on the floor, not sure if you’re imagining it or if it could be real. Either way you don’t move, you can’t. Body frozen in place.

“Miss?” A soothing concerned voice dances on the still air, stirring you from your trance. Your eyes gradually moving up to the glass doors, now open, the warm air covers you, the delusions of a man you can never be with melts away. The realization is slow to you, leaving the real man in your bedroom.

“Hyunjin?” You croak quietly, voice catching as it feels like it’s tearing through your throat.

He rushes over to you, warm hands cupping your cheeks searching through the depths to find you again.

“I’m here, princess.” He urges, the tone in his voice is something you can’t place, but you’re too lost in your sadness. His presense pulling you out little by little. “You’re not alone.”

Swallowing the saliva collecting in your mouth feels rough but it gives you just enough relief to speak.

“How come when you call me princess it sounds so nice, but from others it sounds like a threat?” Softly chuckling to yourself, you see a glimmer in his eyes. A smile forming on his angelic face. If not for your state of mind, you would never speak like this outloud around him. The butterflies normally causing chaos in your stomach are fluttering with a want to fall deeper into his eyes.

His thumb begins to caress the plump skin on your cheeks, “My princess.”

Realzing you’ve exposed yourself, you begin to feel your body heat up. Embarrassment invades your sense, your cheeks and eyes giving you away.

“What are you doing here?” You whisper, enclosing his hands in yours and pulling them away from your face. Not really letting go of them, for fear of dropping again.

“I have to show you something.” He stares down at your hands on his, hesitantly feeling the soft flesh of your delicate hands.

Hearing footsteps pass by your door, you glance at the menacing wooden behemoths. Do you risk going with him? The possibilities of him being punished for helping you break out of your dim cell are endless. You have no idea what your father would do to him, but whatever it would be would be wishing for death.

Or do you throw all concers away? He risked so much to just come here, he knows how bad this could be…but still he came.

“Will you come with me?” There’s almost a pleading sound in his voice, strained in a way. You look back to him. On his knees infront of you on the marble floor, large hands in yours, dressed in black only with a wish for you to go with him. Something unspoken passes in his eyes, you vaguely see it before it’s gone.

“Yes.” You sound out of breath when you finally answer. His smile knocking the wind out of you. He jumps to his feet, pulling you up with him, never letting go as he runs the both of you to the balcony. You peer over the edge, 3 stories down is the lush green grass and flower beds. You assumed he had climbed up something, but you see nothing he could have used.

“How-?” You cut yourself off, dry laugh stopping you from even finishing your thought. From all the times you’ve known Hyunjin you’ve learned not to ask. Somethings about him could be explained, but others seemed too impossible to try.

“Do you trust me?” He dead pans for a moment before raising an eyebrow to you.

“Always.”

If tonight was the last night you could be yourself, to truly let yourself feel things you never let yourself before, then no more acting coy. No more covering it up. Honesty for one night, before the rest of your life lying, lies entrapping you to be who your family demanded of you.

He steps up onto the stone edge of the balcony, hand reaching out to help you alongside him. You don’t hesitate as you follow him up. The height dizzying you, you clasp harder onto him. He lets out a small laugh as his arms reach around you, one around your back and the other under your legs.

You squeak in surprise. You had not been expecting to be carried bridal style in this situation. Your arms loop around his neck, staring at him in disbelief.

“Still trust me?” Mischief cracks onto his features.

“Al~wa~ys~” You dare him.

“Close your eyes then.” He whispers into your ear, to which you do so. Now whether that was from the closeness of his voice and breath on your skin or just following commands, you didn’t know.

Regardless, before you can even process you feel a rush of wind race past you, your body feeling momentarily light before gravity restarted.

“It’s time to run princess.” His soft voice sings. You peer one eye open, the other quickly following when see that you are now on the grass. No questions, you warn yourself. He gently places you back on your feet, this time it’s you who extends your hand for him to take before running off into the surrounding forest.

You don’t know where you’re running, but it doesn’t matter. Everything that’s happening in these past moments, could all be a dream. Even if this turns out ot be one for now you would fully embrace it. Before long he’s overtaking you, his enchanting laugh fills your ears as he directs you deeper and deeper into the wooded dangerous area. The light of the moon beaks through the tops of the trees, your lunges inflating with an air you had missed.

You both burst through the tree line, illuminated by the stars and moon is a small clearing. A pond reflects back the night sky creating even more of an endless illusion. You walk past him as he slows, dropping his hand to full take in all that is around you. For the first time in what feels like forever your heart feels full, full of life, full of wonder, full of joy.

Your breath stops, heart beats wildly when you look to him. His hair even more golden by the moon, skin so smooth like diamond, eyes showing exactly what you see when you gaze upwards. You can’t think of what to say…. There’s so much unknown about him, so much more that you want to know. Trying to regain your thoughts when he appears like this proves futile.

“Would you honour me with a dance princess?” He bows, before reaching out a hand. You can’t help but laugh, thoughts returning to you.

“You’re supposed to be showing me something” You squint at him, smirk on your face.

He steps up to you, his breath on your skin makes you shudder. Closer then you thought you could have, but not close enough to what you wanted.

“One dance” His pointer finger shows the number as he pouts cutely at you.

“One.” You agree, giving in all too easy.

He takes a step back to allow himself room to offer you his hand. His smile taking a mischievous turn, you laugh as you accept it. Instantly the subdued butterflies are beginning to become jittery as they normally do when he is close to you.

Pulling you close he wraps his other arm around you, you fight against the sound wanting to announce your inner thoughts as his body becomes flush with yours. You remember yourself enough to lift your arm to rest on his shoulder. He starts you both off in a casual step, occasional spins making you feel more light headed… maybe it wasn’t the spins….becuase when you come back to him, his smile is blinding.

The dance becomes more complex, lifts and turns you’ve never done before. But here, in his arms it all seems familiar. Every move playfully calculated by him to make you laugh, to make you feel giddy and light. This is a moment you’ve only seen in your dreams, but somehow it’s real.

The warmth of his hand on your lower back. The firm safety of his arm around you. The sturdy comfort of his chest pressed to yours. You’re too afraid to blink, terrified to miss a single moment. A moment that could come crashing to an end in a split second.

A slow dip takes you by surprise as he pulls you back up this time faces only inches apart, his face aglow with a purple light. The whole clearing is now covered in purple. He keeps you close, continuing to dance with you eyes locked on your reactions. Your mind is spinning, confusion on how there could be light this far in. Curiosity gets the better of you, tilting your head back to look up.

In that moment, every unexplainable thing about Hyunjin is no longer out of your grasp. A purple beam of light trails straight out and down of the bottom of what to appears as a circular ship. Decorated with many white lights and grey features you cannot see in the midst of the shadows it is making on itself.

“It’s …” He slows your dance as he waits for your response. You don’t even register the fear in his trembling figure as you step back. Breaking contact to observe more carefully.

“It’s beautiful” A smile from your heart appears on your face, eyes showing the purple lights dancing in them. Everything you wanted to escape was right there, even if you weren’t meant to leave, your dreams of it existing was something astonishing.

“You’re beautiful.”

You feel your heart constrict. The heaviness now returning. Reality of what this meant for you…for him..for you both setting in.

“I see you.” Is all you can manage to say, body betraying you as tears stream down your face. He’s with you in an instant, cupping your face adn wiping them away.

“You see what I truly am. But you don’t know my heart. Not yet,” The pleading in his eyes returns. His voice shaking as he speaks. “The only reason i stayed, the only reason I took this job. Was to stay close to you, I adored the way you were. I wanted to be able to watch you become something magnificent. But I can’t let you go without telling you….”

“Telling you how much I love you.”

One sentence from him simultaneously breaks your heart and heals all of your past, in an instant. Choking on your tears you can’t find words. As much as you loved him, could you accept that he wasn’t from your world? Could you run away from your life and family just liked you always dreamed? Did you love him enough? Did you truly know what love was?

“You don’t have to say anything. Please just listen to my last request-” You can only nod at him. “In two days time I have to leave, I have to go back home to my planet, but I want you to come with me. I want to give you everything in this universe and more.”

Your wide eyes stricken with panic fill with more tears. He’s leaving? But he wants you to go with him… You didn’t know what to do.

“No, no, don’t panic.” He reads your emotions quickly. “I’ll be here before I leave, I can wait till then for your answer. I won-”

“Princess!” An angry dark shout breaks the moment, dreadful silence following after.

The ships lights turn out and it disappears completely, before you’re brain has time to catch up.

“There looking for me.” Now panic for a different reason rises. Your eyes dart around the edges of the clearing. Nothing visible yet, there’s still time. “You need to run.”

“What? No, princess.” His face morphing to confusion and concern.

“Please? For me, run. I don’t want you to get hurt.” You beg, holding his hands to your chest. To let him feel the calm stray rhythm of your heart. “Besides what can they do to me? Lock me in a room and marry me off to some old guy?”

Your joke lacks any humour, as you both know what your asking him to do.

“I promise to think about it, I promise to give you an answer, but you need to run.” You’re mind set, watching the emotions play through his eyes. “Please?”

He kisses your forehead before retreating back, the voices getting angrier as they approach.

“I’ll be here. I’ll wait.” He takes off running.

You become breathless as a cluster of Guards find you alone in the clearing. “You better feel lucky that we found you when we did, you’re father was demanding your head at one point.”

You roll your eyes as you’re dragged back to the castle, steeling yourself for the punishment you were about to recieve.

👑 👑

“I hate this colour…” You mumble to yourself, staring at the ballgown chosen by your family. Not only was it a colour you didn’t like, but it has a terrible silhouette, uncomfortable material, but it was also to mark you as the bride to be tonight.

You tsk angrily at it once again as you saunter over to your window. Barred balcony doors now only letting you catch a glimpse of the night sky.

A night had already passed since you were seized and detained at the palace again. He said he’d wait for you, but you had no way of getting there. No way of sending any sign of your situation. And of course tonight of all nights Lord Tun and your parents had decided would be the engagement party.

A knock at your door tears you away from your angry stupor.

“Come in.” You call, unmoving. You hear the door creak open and rustling drawing near.

“Princess, a gift has been delivered to you.” One of your families longterm maids informs you. She was the only person in this retched place that had any pity and remorse towards you. She learned quickly to never show it infront of your family, but you knew she was always worried for you.

“What is it?” You question, a gift? Who would send you a gift? “A dress?”

She hangs the large garment bag from the clothing rack. Unzipping the white cloth and revealing the most beautiful gown you had ever seen. Layers upon layers of a soft grey material, in sections almost seeming black incredibly detailed with silver lining. Sparkles catching the light upon every movement, dusted over the whole gown but concentrated around the hem. It was like stars in the night sky.

“Who?”

“I would assume the boy that sees the stars in you.” She offers. “I may be old, but I am not blind.”

“Do you think it’s too late?”

She contemplates your question only for a moment before giving a devilish smile, “I say, give them one hell of a show and start running.”

👑 🛸🪐

Running up each step, you’d lost your shoes long ago, dress hicked up so you won’t have to worry about tripping. You can’t afford to let anything slow you down, can’t look back.

You swing the wood door open to the maids quarters, the metal key on the bed as she said it would be. Dashing through through the chamber you grab the cold key, palms sweaty you hold it to your chest. Your feet are numb to the pain of fleeing the Engagment party. You turn down corridor after corridor, evading everyone frantically searching for you.

Your lungs burn from not taking in enough air, but you ignore it. Nothing would stop you from getting out of this palace. Nothing.

So close are you to the hidden back door, the door only the maids know about. Your only true escape route.

There was no way you’d be forgiven for the scene you caused at the party. Making a grand entrance in the dress he left for you. The anger in your heart you finally spoke allowed, watching as the perfect faces cracked as your voice words assaulted them like a flaming train wreck. Maybe flipping the cake onto your parents as you ran past them was on the petty side, but by the stars it made you feel better.

The shelving unit that hides the door comes into sight. Crashing into it, you push it aside, arms trembling with exhaustion. The key smoothly slides in the door, flinging it open you’re overwhelmed with the cool night air. Grabbing your skirt once again you waste no time. You take off running towards the clearing you have not been able to forget. The secret memories you’ve held onto for so long, flood your mind as you break the outer tree line.

Late nights sneaking out the court yards to watch the young boy train with the others. The pretty, soft face your butterflies first took flight for. His limbs long and thin, making him look awkward as he tried to keep up. You’d laugh at his endearing attempts, but your heart stirred. Eventually he grew into himself, his body being lean with muscle, every move becoming sure and strong. With that more fascination grew.

Sneaking around to catch glimpses of his combat training weren't enough. When he took on the roll of driver you were beside yourself when you found out he would be your alternate driver on occasions. That in itself made you show up at more family events, much to your dismay and parents approval of appearances. But having him for any moment for yourself made all the nights worth it.

Catching any sight of him in the palace walls made the torment more bearable. The first time you had a real conversation on a drive back from an event you thought for sure the beating in your heart could be heard from the backseat. Swallowing down the involuntary need to stutter or rush your words out in fear of saying something abrasive. But the more he spoke the more you wanted to listen, and the more he encouraged you to speak as well.

The feeling of normality but in something so extraordinary.

Everything in you is screaming in pain as you finally close in on the clearing. Your feet bleeding from the forest floor, lungs on fire, fatigue wearing on you. Still you hope on everything in this world he is there. Waiting for you.

Bursting through the thick trees, you see his figure standing in the middle of the grassy plane.

“Hyunjin!” You manage to scream, although it comes out hoarse and the burn bites back.

He turns to you just in time for you to lunch yourself at him, arms wrapping around his neck. You feel him freeze in shock for a moment then his arms wrap around your torso. He holds you incredibly close.

“Princess” He whispers into your hair, inhaling your scent as he tightens around you. You lean into him but shift to try to take the pain off of your feet, now that you’ve made it your mind and body are catching up with eachother.

He notices instantly, pulling back to look you up and down. You dress had ripped at the hem, must have caught on something as you were running. Because of the rip he can see you bloody feet. He kneels down infront of you, lifting one with a feather light touch to examine it.

“Are you in much pain?” The concern in his voice and his skin on yours, even how small it is, makes you feel as though you could dance forever.

“Not now.” You shake your head. He continues to look at the torn skin.”I see what you are…”

He freezes, eyes widening up at you.

“I know you are not from here, but far away.” You continue. “And that is a scary thought.”

You take a deep breath as his eyes start to swim with panic.

“But you are still you, no matter where you’re from.” You smile, letting your heart sing fully for the first time. “I don’t need the universe. All I need is you. So wherever you go, I shall go too.”

Instantly the clearing fill with purple light again, it surprises you to look up. The same ship as before hovers over you, the beam in a circular perimeter around you both. You study it in awe, forgetting yourself and the man infront of you.

Your curiosity is broken when he sweeps you off your feet, like that night, when he broke you out. You release a startled squeak, holding onto him now feels like second nature.

“My princess.” He coos at you, eyes shimmering with the stars in your heart.

“Yes. Your princess.” You breath as he leans in, soft lips gently brushing against yours. The lights around you becoming too bright to keep your eyes open. His electricity and heat course through you and you know that you’ve left this world behind.

All those nights wishing on shooting stars didn’t amount to anything, you should have wished on a fallen one.

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rivnedell · 18 days

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Tolkien saved me

Just some thoughts I need to write down / Mental health issues mentioned

Not the usual tone of my blog but I just felt a urge to write, sorry

Parental death tw

I'm marked with parental alienation. I was 6 when my mom took us three, her, my sister and I far away to escape. She saved us. But I couldn't understand the bravery and the strength she needed to do that, taking us, a few clothes and driving as fast as she could while he was at work, 900km back to her parents and sisters. We lived a while with one of my aunts then my mom met step-dad. My Dad in heart actually. Fortunately it's a tremendously amazing and caring person, and he helped us to go through the hell.

I was asked to choose between my (bioligical) father and my mom, well my father asked me so. He manipulated me to choose him if I was asked by social workers who do I wanted to live with. He kept insulting my mom in front of me, degrading her, and mocking her when I was with him. Then I was menaced, insulted, degraded, violated, forced to feel guilty about about everything, being under massive and constant psychological control.

And I still feel like I betrayed my mom when I was 7.

The hell lasted until I was 17 and half. I stopped going at his, and I could finally breath, make my studies away and my life from him. In 2018, I was 21, I reconnected with him, I tried to put the negative aside, but it became impossible. It grew as 'it's him or me' and I chose myself, for survival again. It just lasted a year. And for 4 years before he died in nov 22 I could live far away from all of this, far from him, no contact and that felt like a relief.

In reality, I just put everything under the rug and locked it secured.

His death brought back everything, even stronger than it already was.

It felt weird, because I guess I still had a tiny hope that he would change at some point, and that I could someday, be ready to face him and to tell him how much he hurt me, how much he frightened me.

But that will never happen. And all the traumatic memories resurfaced like I was living them in my present. And it's hard. What do I do ? Put it under the rug again and try to survive like nothing ?

No, I don't feel I wanna do this anymore. I'm tired of struggling in the dark. I'm exhausted. Exhausted of being on a constant level of survival mode, while I don't need it.

All of this causes me to deal with CPTSD and its consequences. And it's tough to hang on.

I'm currently at a upper max level of procrastination where I am now feeling so numbed in and like a cocoon I am freaked out to leave. I'm freaked out to make actions, to make things happen.

Impostor syndrome, rejection fear, not feeling legit at anything in life, struggling with the simple will of existing. I do want not to stop existing, but I am afraid of fully existing, because of all the above wounds and fears.

But still, I'm avoiding life, while his death awaken in me the fear of not existing anymore.

Paradox.

And, almost, nothing is helping me hanging on, helping me wanting to bring myself back in life.

All my life I've been hanging tight on Tolkien's work and Peter Jackson's vision to abandon myself into this fantasy land that is Middle Earth, to escape reality. The reality at home that was made of mental insecurity, psychological violence, control and manipulation. In my childhood I used to imagine myself fighting with legolas with a bow and going home in Rivendell after chasing some orcs with Aragorn, meeting Gandalf and Galadriel occasionally. All those characters are so engraved in me and dear to my heart. All this imagination, this entire world, mythological world, and languages seized me when I was 5. And I never let go, and never will.

Middle Earth saved me and helped me wanting to stay alive in a time I was crushed by violence and psychological pressure and control.

But my child self is still rulling me, and I'm trrying to take my actual own conscious power back.

She (little me) used to be afraid, to be frightened, to be insulted, to be violated, to constantly be on survival mode. And she still is, rulling me according her methods for survival.

While.. I, the 26 woman I am now, does no longer need.

So it's a battle between me and me. Because I no longer need to protect myself from a menace that no longer exist, literally.

It's really hard to let go, I think it's the hardest thing I would have ever havr to do in my life. Just let it go and leave the past to the past.

I feel alone and lonely sometimes. Feeling like I would annoy everybody with my whining..

I'm just sharing this with hope that it could awake something in someone and.. Though I'm feeling alone, I don't want anyone to feel like I feel so, I'm saying this to you, you're not alone, we're together, we're fighting.

It's not you're fault.

And to be honest.. I'm not gonna lie, it feels good to write it down.

Thanks if you red til here ❤️

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deathsbestgirl · 1 year

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squeeze (5.0 with how many posts i’ve made / reblogged — probably about to be my most annoying post ever bc i can’t stand colton)

under a cut because this is the most ridiculous post i’ve written (screenshots of other posts at the end ft, @the-spooky-alien & @mellowmanatee)

first tooms watching from the sewer made me think of the grimlocks from charmed. different vibes but equal creep factor.

i really can’t stand colton, he is such an ass. like he’s with scully at a nice restaurant for lunch, trying to flirt with her (and not that she doesn’t flirt back but there’s just nothing actually there like. it just looks like bad banter & obligatory flirting) but that isn’t what gets me. he’s so jealous of one of their old classmates moving up. scully just says “good for marty” and like the literal WHINING he does. why she makes him feel better i don’t understand. then he does the dumbest thing ever

have you had any close encounters of the third kind?

is that what everyone thinks i do?

no of course not. but you do work with “spooky” mulder

mulder’s ideas may be a bit out there, but he is a great agent

like. literally she just made you feel better and you’re making her feel like shit? exposing what you think of her work & her partner. giving her a taste of what mulder deals with frequently. and idk she seems so uncomfortable talking about this, maybe because she had that impression of mulder going in but focused on the work, didn’t hold what everyone said about mulder against him…and idk, it’s just bad manners to talk badly about your partner?! like what is wrong with this man, how would this endear her toward him? legit, he’s trying to steal her from mulder and he’s just so bad at it. it only gets Worse.

AND THEN he has the audacity to ask for their help on a case right after this

this looks like an x file

let’s not get carried away. i’m going to solve these murders, but…what i would like from you is to go over the case histories. maybe come down to the crime scene.

do you want me to ask mulder?

okay if he wants to come down and do you a favor, great. but make sure he knows this is my case…dana, if i can break a case like this one, i’ll be getting my bump up the ladder, and you? maybe you won’t have to be mrs. spooky anymore

LITERALLY TRYING TO STEAL HER. and what is his real motive? i don’t get it lol and i just hate him. but i guess it’s about to bring some of my most favorite moments so there’s that.

(also the way they’re discussing gruesome murders over lunch. she’s literally looking at pictures in the middle of her meal 😭 — flash forward to jersey devil when she won’t discuss the case with her lame date over dinner lol kinda funny cuz she could handle it, but regular civilians could not)

and so of course she brings in mulder — because she knows colton actually wanted her to & because she doesn’t work a case without her partner she was explicitly assigned to work with. this conversation simultaneously makes me giggle & hurts my heart

so why didn’t they ask me?

they’re friends of mine from the academy. i’m sure they just felt more comfortable talking to me

the way she breaks eye contact when she says the last part

why would i make them so uncomfortable?

it probably has to do with your reputation.

reputation? i have a reputation?

mulder, look, colton plays by the book, and you don’t. they feel your methods, your theories, are…

spooky? do you think i’m spooky?

he really doesn’t want her to think he’s spooky. i love the way she’s honest with him but doesn’t want to hurt or insult him, and she tries to do it so kindly (scully has the BIGGEST heart in the world and i adore her)

but then of course colton walks in, and mulder is annoyed & jealous so he decides to mess with colton. i think these two men being all territorial & basically having a cock fight over her really upsets her. and she just seems conflicted. she’s embarrassed by mulder’s behavior in front of colton, part of her wants to move up, but i don’t think she’s loved colton’s behavior so far. she gives them both several chances through this ep…

mulder always gets mocked but he continuously finds important evidence that other agents would never even think to look. (and colton tells scully about his shitty theory 🙄)

mulder loves to show scully old x files & evidence. it’s sweet honestly. too bad scully is annoyed with him and took his alien comments too seriously. she can’t take his theory seriously — how could she? a 100+ yr old serial killer and this is only their third case together.

scully’s conflicting thoughts & feelings are just. so palpable. she already feels a loyalty to mulder but it’s hard to reconcile with her own beliefs & fbi procedure and it’s even harder when they’re working with other agents who ~go by the book~ (but literally scully is TOO GOOD to go by the book when it’s wrong & isn’t actually serving justice yet always does her best to keep mulder in line)

the fact that mulder “asks” her to have a separate investigation. let colton have his and they can have theirs. unclear what her decision really is, cuz it seems like she’s working both — or is it just one to her?

the profile she writes & presents to VCS is pretty damn accurate. tooms looks somewhere between 25-35, he’s got a uniform, blends in when his eyes aren’t all yellow lol

but OOF idk how she gets through it when they start taking a shot at mulder & everyone laughs. she’s too kind & professional for that kind of behavior but saying anything could hurt her working relationship with these guys (and there is still a case to solve…) and it seems to be she’s contemplating a lot. about how mulder is treated, her choices & what she wants, what kind of work environment & partnership she wants…

i love the stakeout scene. it freaks me out that she’s alone?? doesn’t seem right even if others are on site. but of course mulder shows up and she gets all snippy 😂 he’s telling her she’s wrong, she thinks she’s right. AND FINALLY. scully turns out to be right and mulder actually says it. i love him for that.

(also does tooms crawl out of a *closed* vent? does that seem right if he was trying to do his job?)

the lie detector test. more reasons to hate colton & the vcs guys. tooms seemingly passed but the two questions mulder put in, he failed. vcs bros want to let him go but scully still thinks he’s the guy, mulder agrees. but asshole vcs guy let’s him go and colton tries to make scully feel better ~it doesn’t mean your profile’s wrong~ like you’re so dumb bro. literally. that wasn’t actually why she was bothered. but that’s how he’d be feeling, ego bruised.

now it’s one of my favorite moments !!!!!!!!

tom, i want to thank you for letting me put in some time with the VCS. but i am officially assigned to the x files.

i’ll see what i can do about that.

tom, i can look out for myself.

you said mulder was out there. that guy’s insane.

like. she says that after they’re so aggressive toward mulder. i get it, he seems crazy. but he’s an fbi agent for a reason. just because you don’t like what he investigates (because y’all would be so far out of your depth and USELESS like you are with this case) doesn’t mean you should be so aggressive & disrespectful. like where is the professional decorum. it’s so fucking embarrassing.

and besides that, the vcs guys don’t listen to her. and even when mulder doesn’t agree, he listens to her. even as he’s pushing his own theory. he listens to her and they follow the evidence.

sincerely the way colton treats her like a damsel is ridiculous. drives me crazy.

AND THEN THE SCENE. scully starts out frustrated but mulder is mulder

you knew they wouldn’t believe you. why did you push it?

maybe i thought you caught the right guy… and maybe i run into so many people who are hostile just because they can’t open their minds to the possibilities that sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of humiliation.

it seems like you were acting very territorial. i don’t know, forget it.

of course i was. [fingers get necklace & she looks down at his hand] in our investigations, you may not always agree with me, but at least you respect the journey. and if you want to continue working with them, i won’t hold it against you. [he walks away & she’s contemplating everything that just happened]

no-oh. i don’t know. you must have something more than your polygraph interpretation to back up this bizarre theory and i have to see what that is.

LITERALLY I WANT TO DIE. first he tells her that he thinks she caught the right guy *and* is honest about why he’s behaved the way he did. and then he validates her even more admitting he was being territorial. he focuses on the work because at this point, their relationship is professional (and it’s definite it comfort zone after being vulnerable). but he gives away so much more when he reaches for her necklace. that was a different kind of territorial. that was FLIRTY. it’s truly just the way he didn’t let her doubt that he was being territorial. yes, it was because of the way they treat him. and because he believes she’s right & respects her work. but it was also him being jealous & territorial. THIS IS THE THIRD EPISODE.

and then !! he gives her an out. mulder really wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to work with them, leave the x files, get away from him. and this is when she makes the choice. she follows him, asserts her loyalty under the guise of curiosity. he’s shown her so much honest respect. he’s validated her. he listened to her. it’s what they do for each other.

and so mulder shows her the fingerprints (the computer work is wild to me, he’s just pressing keys and shit happens — i know that’s a thing but i never learned that stuff lol)

i love scully’s stunned face. and the way she never believes his theories & ideas yet she always turns to him for answers, like he should have them all & know everything.

just a thought about tooms — how does he choose his victims? like we see him stalk them. but. why them? i would assume he wants healthy lovers to sustain him during his hibernation but how does he know?

(this feels like the first time we really see what a great team they make. this case has been impossible to crack, with no evidence until they came on the scene. they gathered the evidence, followed the evidence, creating profiles, set up stakeouts, found tooms, connected the past cases — with more to come. all the while being disregarded & shown contempt.)

and this scene lollll colton is freaking out at the latest crime scene, yelling at everyone when scully & mulder show up and of course, he tries to stop them.

look at this point i’m willing to give any theory a shot…any sane theory

what’s the matter colton? afraid i’m gonna solve your case? [he grabs mulder ?!]

tom, we have authorized access to this crime scene. a report of you obstructing another agents investigation might stick out on your personnel file.

look dana, whose side are you on?

the victim’s.

all of this was delicious.

one of the things that gets me about colton is how much he cares about moving up & looking good — not so much about getting the case solved. he’s so desperate. and i think scully thinks she wants to move up until she witnesses his behavior. because scully genuinely cares about justice, putting away murderers, solving the crime, finding the truth — and she isn’t going to prioritize herself / her career over that. she’ll do what it takes even if that means not getting full credit or any credit at all. yeah, she wants that approval & validation, but there are other ways to get that. i think this is the case where she really makes that choice. working with someone who values her work, mind & companionship — and who genuinely shows her care & respect — will win out over moving up. *especially* if it means shitting on someone & interferes with solving the case.

ALSO i love how she has no problem using what she knows about colton to defend mulder & stake their rights on the case. colton is fucking flabbergasted & livid. and wholly inadequate to solve this one. he can’t even say anything else because he would just further embarrass himself.

(theres such a *sound* to 90s shows & the way they speak !! something about scully specifically reminds me of charmed. (of course this was first but charmed was my pre teen obsession so it always goes back to that lol) and i just LOVE IT. maybe it’s specific to supernatural shows, idk. and i have no idea how to describe/explain it.)

anyway. this is when mulder finds another of toms’s fingerprints & that he took a keepsake. something VCS hasn’t seemed to pick up on at all? (embarrassinggggg) and so they continue *their investigation* find out what they can about tooms — fake address, hasn’t been to work since he was arrested. they bounce some theories back — scully thinks it could be different generations. parents raising the kid, passing on the sociopathic behavior. but mulder doesn’t think that can explain the fingerprints. the way they always ask what the other thinks really gets me. it’s precious.

(and the way mulder couldn’t figure out 30 years from 1993 is hilarious. scully didn’t even have to think about it. he ought have an eidetic memory but scully is the true genius & nerd here. AND his “and you’re gonna be head of the bureau by then” line is my favorite. he thinks so much of her. he knows she could play the game to move up if she wanted to. and she really is that good and only gets better the longer they work together. FEELINGS.)

so he goes through birth certificates, marriage certificates & death certificates for gods know how long and can’t find anything for tooms. but scully finds the original investigator

“i’ve been waiting 25 years for you” he never let go of the case. never solved it. but he knew it was tooms, kept all the evidence. official & unofficial — including a picture of tooms looking exactly the same from 30 years ago & the same address they have on file — and gladly hands it right over to them. (idk how i feel about his comparison but his line ‘these horrible human acts gave birth to a human…monster’ is really something)

frank whatever-his-name-is was fully aware tooms took the livers *and* a personal belonging of the victims. crazy what you could learn from properly connecting cases !!! because even if scully is right & it’s generational, it would be logical to think they’d follow the same patterns. and if mulder’s right, it’s the same guy following the same patterns lmao

this scene always cracks me up too. find a creepy hole in the wall and just head right in. crazy people. they find the trophies & a ~nest~

oh my god mulder. it smells like…i think it’s bile.

is there any way i can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?

hilarious.

no one could live in thus.

i don’t think this is where he lives. i think it’s where he hibernates.

scully thinks it’s crazy but they decide to stake it out. cuz clearly tooms has been here & will return. little do they know he’s there right now and he takes scully’s necklace 😩 taking his trophy before he even gets the liver. marking her.

another damn instance of agents being dickheads to mulder. calling him spooky to his face, laughing at him. yet he just walks away. flash to colton confronting scully & being the biggest ass yet again. i love the way she wants to avoid the conversation “i have to meet mulder”

she’s finally lost all respect for him.

is this what it takes to climb the ladder, colton?

all the way to the top.

then i can’t wait til you fall off and land on your ass.

literally scully switching from tom to colton here is such a move. (he never called her agent scully, not even dr. scully. always dana despite this being a professional setting. he never actually showed her respect or courtesy. he was using her & trying to make it appealing to her. too bad he fucked up so badly.) and it’s so funny — what is a sign of respect, professionalism and eventually camaraderie & intimacy (of course also a way to keep some healthy distance in their partnership lol) with mulder is a demotion for colton. he lost the privilege of knowing her personally.

so, she lets colton makes the call, heads home & calls mulder. she so wanted to commiserate with him, but he doesn’t answer either (cuz he went to the stakeout 😩)

mulder, you must have gone out since colton has given us the night off. i say we file a complaint against him. i am furious. give me a call when you get in. okay. bye.

why is this SO ADORABLE?! like. yes they’re partners, they need to talk about this. but it’s so damn sweet the way she says all of this to him?!

and tooms is already at her places as mulder discovers her necklace among his trophies — which he obviously recognizes immediately and he speeds off to scully’s. cuz he knows where she lives. and he breaks down her door for the first time…

scully already got her warning though. the nasty bile so she’s able to go for her gun, but tooms still manages to surprise her gdi. and mulder is just in time to watch her escape him, stop him from escaping & cuff him to her bath tub. AMAZING. mulder was terrified for her but now he’s just in awe of scully. my favorite mulder.

{EDIT: also they really should report colton because he purposely interferes with their investigation — they had just cause for the stakeout. they literally found the trophies from the victims, going back to 1933 & 1903 and the current victims and his freaky nest. in no way was it an irresponsible use of man-hours. and i hope it destroys his career when scully is attacked & she catches tooms.}

cut to frank keeping a clipping of the newspaper article saying tooms was caught — cut again to tooms making another nest & mulder watching him, waiting for scully.

i guess there was a lot in this episode but i’m so glad they *finally* acknowledge she’s a doctor. (she ordered tests, many abnormalities yada yada) like why didn’t she have anything to do with the autopsies? bet she would have found ~something~ they missed. like mulder found the the fingerprints & realized he took trophies.

the way he’s contemplating that the general population has no idea there’s something else to be afraid of & protect themselves from. fancy alarm systems won’t save them from tooms. “it again enough” and scully SO SWEETLY touches his arm, slides her hand down to his bicep & squeezes until he turns to leave with her — she’s so touchy too !!! how many touches did i not notice in this season? like idk man. the comfort she wants to give him. she doesn’t use words, saying they caught him. no. she uses touch. a small one but it feels like a big deal to me. i can’t remember her touching him after getting him back in the second episode, or any time during. besides the handshake & the hug in the pilot, he was always the one to put his hand on her back or arm.

anyway. tooms is already plotting his escape & his next victims…can’t wait to watch tooms. more great moments to come there 😍

#txf txt #mulder and scully #dana scully #fox mulder #the x files #squeeze #tooms

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the-loveliest-lotus · 1 month

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On a random Tuesday while fiddling with the radio, your OC accidentally makes contact with aliens. The signal is crystal clear. They can understand the aliens and vice versa. -What do they say? What would be something they want to communicate with another life form. -Are they likely to cut the signal and ignore the aliens? Would they tell anyone about what happened or take it to their grave? -Where do they think the aliens are calling from? If given the opportunity would they go visit the aliens? -What if the aliens are more malicious than expected? How would they go about protecting Earth? Or would they be on the aliens side?

You mean THIS George Takei gif???

It only took me 4 months to write this one. XD I haven't edited it, but, here it is in its hammy glory.

Dethklok should have been in the recording studio today, but of course, Nathan had come up with some excuse not to be in there. Rather than sit and be bewildered about the fact that the man got writer’s block more often than she could even fathom, she decided not to push the issue and mess around with a new toy that she had picked up at a vintage shop. It was an antique radio from the 1950s that matched her record player set up perfectly.

As Lucy was tuning through the FM channels, she had this strange urge to click over to AM. “Do AM stations even come in anymore?” she asked herself as she scrolled. There was a noise on the radio and she tuned it in.

“Is there anybody out there?” asked a deep voice.

“Just nod if you can hear me,” Lucy said with a little smirk.

“Is there anyone at home?” the voice answered.

The hairs on the back of Lucy’s neck stood on end, ‘No fucking way,’ she thought to herself. She swallowed and dared to press on, “Come on now, I hear you’re feeling down.”

“Well I can ease the pain and get you on your feet again,” the deep voice said back to her.

Lucy audibly gasped. She wasn’t imagining this. “What’s happening right now?”

The voice chuckled, “This is just an observer from the stars, watching over your planet and seeing what it will do next. We’ve been enjoying the music that you’ve been putting out over the last century, very catchy.”

Lucy’s voice cracked as she laughed, “You’re from…” She turned and scrambled across the room, shaking Dick awake from his post sex nap.

“What, babe, what’s-“

“Who’s there with you?” the voice asked from the radio.

“One of my partners, Dick this is uh…”

“An observer from the stars, nothing more.”

Dick fumbled to find his boxers and pulled them on, walking with Lucy back over to the coffee table where the radio was, “Observers, huh? From where?”

“From just outside the Orion nebula.”

Dick's eyebrows raised. This was legit. And yet, with all the hallucinogens that he had done over the years, it really didn't faze him.

Lucy sighed dreamily, that was one of her favorite star systems to look at, “I bet it’s beautiful being so close to those stars all the time.” She’d love to see them in person. It made her wonder if that was within the realm of Mephisto’s powers, considering the demon had his own pocket dimension.

“It is a lovely sight to wake up to every day. Though the sight would be lovelier were Earth not in the way of our view, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

Lucy and Dick looked at one another, hair standing on end on both of their necks at how casually the observer had said that.

“Yeah, real uh, real inconvenient of Earth,” Dick said. He mouthed to Lucy, ‘Call Meph.’

Lucy nodded and traced the mark on her neck and on her hip, calling one of her other partners, a demon known to some as the Blues Devil but to those whom he was close with as Mephistopheles. Lucy saw him appear and waved at him frantically to keep quiet, beckoning him to listen.

“So what exactly is it you guys are observing about Earth?”

“We’ve been watching for some time attempting to determine whether or not to level your planet for blocking our view.”

Mephisto’s eyebrows rose and he looked at the two of them.

Lucy tried to keep her voice calm, “And what have you determined?”

“We’ve determined that-“

Mephisto interrupted, “He’s determined that he still owes me 20 souls and he’s trying to get out of that deal by blowing up a planet that he’s got no jurisdiction to blow up.”

The line was quiet for a moment. “What are you going to do with 20 observer souls, Meph?”

“A bet’s a bet and you lost, I want those souls and I want them by the weekend or I’m tacking on interest. You tried to get out of it by scaring my wife and her boyfriend?”

‘Wife?’ Dick mouthed at Lucy who just shook her head and mouthed back, ‘I’ll explain later.’

“Well, we uh…” There was a hushed, irritated voice on the other line, “Why didn’t you tell me that was his wife?!” The voice came back onto the line, “We wouldn’t want to underestimate you, and we’ll make it 25 souls by the weekend, you can count on it.”

“You’d better, don’t make me chase you through the galaxy for those souls, and do not underestimate how petty I can be over a debt.”

“Understood, observers out.”

The line cut out and Lucy and Dick glanced back at Mephisto, stunned. “What-“

He waved a hand, “I got bored and broke into Area 51 last weekend.”

Lucy and Dick still stared, “And you didn’t invite us?!”

He chuckled, “Now that I know my way around, next time I’ll bring the two of you.”

The three of them spent the rest of the afternoon talking about whether or not it would be physiologically possible to trip on acid with an alien, and planning their chaotic break in adventure to Area 51.

#lucy skye desmond #dick knubbler #the blues devil #the blues devil mtl #writing prompt #mtl oc

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toastess-with-the-mostess · 8 months

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Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 5: The Princess Joins Up

Just from the episode title alone, I know my boy Sven is about to be tossed out like TRASH

I wonder what Zarkon wants with Allura, Lotor hasn't been introduced yet so maybe just a political prisoner or something

All the guards and prisoners are like ??? because haggar swears she'll upgrade the winner of this next gladiator fight so they can go against voltron if they didn't push the "all the soldiers were robots not people" narrative so much I'd agree but one of them asked how she could improve robots,, many ways sir and it's worse because she uses magic

Again some of these robeast and alien designs are so cool, very creative and reminds me biology is a suggestion when it comes to making a new species

A look into haggar lab, interesting actually it's just being used as a torture chamber where she infuses magic into them while they're still awake to feel the pain, horrifying

On Arus again, now it's the team calling out to the remaining Arusians into the tunnel to give them safety in the castle AND LANCE ALMOST FALLS OFF A CLIFF, GREAT START It's ok Keith grabs him before he dies

Pidge and Hunk are also trying to convince some people to come by, too bad their main selling point is wanting their cooking because it doesn't work with them either

I couldn't find a gif of the team sitting on this brick wall which I thought was super cute, and I don't want to screenshot that rn, so now it's up to imagination but fr trust me the team are all cuties

"I hate to give [Allura] the bad news :(" to "Sorry! No one wants to help!" PIDGE A LITTLE MORE TACT PLEASE LMAO

Something interesting, Hunk points out that they can't use Voltron to outright attack Zarkon and Allura agrees because he's a defender Knowing that they defeat everyone at the end after outright attacking castle doom, it seems kind of ironic BUT ALSO in Voltron Force (2011) we get an episode that revisits this legit subject and answers why or why not that would change That'll be a fun episode to review when I get to it

Again why would he want Princess Allura so bad, political prisoner is my best idea here This is probably where the Keith/Allura shipping started because after Coran mentions that Keith is super quick to threaten violence against the guy if he tries to touch her I mean ignoring the fact that it's one of the more obvious pairings lol

An attack! And they destroyed that satellite dish thing that Sven and Allura just finished building, rip

They routinely call the lions "space lions" which I guess makes sense but if Earth or at least the GG have been in contact with aliens for god knows how long it feels like it's kind of redundant to specifically say they're from space

Again with the GoLion references, I don't remember it being this abundant it's just them saying the name GoLion btw, nothing subtle LMAO

This week's robeast is called the Dieklops! They named this one pretty well, so there's some hope for the future, This one is heavier than the last one at only 4100 short tons!

I like to think that the team fights in the lions first before forming Voltron because they're trying to see what it can do, and it's a lot easier to annoy a robeast into showing its cards when there's more of you

Activate interlocks, dynotherms connected, infracells up, mega thrusters are go! They finally did the chant this time! Maybe it's because I religiously rewatch Voltron Force (2011) but I expected them to say "Let's go voltron force!" but instead they just shouted Voltron that's ok too I guess

I didn't comment on the transformation sequence last time, but it's pretty cool because it reminds me of some frankenstein's monster type stuff especially because there are a lot of electricity crackles and zaps seen and heard when voltron forms

AND IM FREEEE FREEE FALLIN

Ok but actually though that's a really interesting landscape near the castle, pretty secure in case of ground attacks but what about when natural disasters hit? It probably isn't that safe

I know the show just pulls phrases out of its ass to sound futuristic but "nucleonic circut" is wild

Alfor CREATED voltron?? Again I'm twisting it to my own version because I can't trust them telling a linear story here, but my thinking is that after Voltron was officially split into five, Alfor later discovered them and had them slowly rebuilt as mechs which is why they form like this now

Man these guys suck at dodging

oh shit now the castle is getting taken apart I know what happens next but it's still wild

HELLO?? CORAN WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER TO SURRENDER WHEN YOU SAID THAT ZARKON NEVER BACKS DOWN

I think it's a nice touch that Voltron has expressions whenever he fights, kind of hints at his magical nature even though in this show they're just treated as machines and nothing more

Alfor ex machina returns and confirmation that Zarkon is the one who killed Alfor

Goodbye decrepit old castle of Arus, hellooo new futuristic version!

OH SHIT WATCH OUT ALLURA STAYS STRAPPED ok maybe I was wrong about this episode being the one where Sven gets nerfed

Robeast is defeated but as Allura monologues they show a slide show of all the lions with their pilots on top, except the first one we see is blue and Allura on top lol that must've been weird for kids who saw it air

Episode end! Another short one it feels like, or is it because it was such a simple premise This is the last one for tonight, and hopefully I'll be able to do one tomorrow, but it's my busiest day of the week :/

#voltron #voltron defender of the universe #voltron dotu #80s voltron #let's rewind!#toast talks #unfortunately real life takes priority #reviewing old cartoons isn't my job 😭#that'd be cool though

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castle-dominion · 3 months

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skipping ahead of my family watch & my binge watch bc I feel like a change in pace:

7x16, the wrong stuff

Love space, I just read the martian last year. V nice. What I wouldn't give for a hot girl XD. This is a movie set right? We saw the sideways thing

Oh rick & alexis <3 <3 <3 OH NO IT IS NOT RICK, WHO IS SHE PLAYING WITH WHO IS THIS BOYF? Martha was here? WAIT MARTHA WAS WITH BENJAMIN HIS PJS??? it seems everyone is taking his life/stuff lol

Ryan's shoulder things, pretty. Also keep forgetting alexis is an adult.

Visitor badges lol wait mars lol, legit? Our victim is on mars!? "out of our jurisdiction" lol these are, not this is.

He signed up to go to mars? They made a yucky air place? CASTLE GETS TO WEAR A SPACESUIT he should ask her to remarry him, just say "Ryan be the officiant for twenty seconds, beckett say you love me, I do, I got married in space!"

Castle takes directions like me Doctor Haroun, interesting. SEALED 9M EXPERIMENT!?

Ryan is NOT INTERESTED IN GOING TO MARS!?!? or was it to be nice to castle? the gravity scene, this is amazing, I love this so much lmao, & the music too. "didn't have to go through astronaut training"

Castle doing his cute jumps

Luke Reichle my man! Or maybe they could survive the atmosphere for a few minutes, long enough to kill the astronaut & then get out with minimal rash-getting.

RC: (whispered) One small murder for man, one giant mystery for mankind. KB: (whispered) Even when you whisper, everyone can hear you. Radios Oh esposito, shaking his head like that

Audio editing my beloved This is so multicultural, just like The Martian. EW I HATE THE COMPUTER

She can /hear/ you yk...

THEY GET TO MEET THE INTERNED BILLIONAIRE!? if it is not a request then you need a warrant.

RC: There goes my rise of the machines theory.

There is going to be an animal that can survive there, they accidentally created life. Oh esposito is still on the ship in the sim! He's going to actually really really love it, start applying to astronaut programs (esp since the other ex-military astronaut got murdered) Oh yeah, to see if you can handle it too. I remember in The Martian, the crew had to spend a week in a cubicle-sized thing. The murderer stayed in there since the start of the experiment!?!? They would go insane from no human contact bro!

Nice intro!

Love a good bit of ass-posito (sorry) OH NO HE;S GOING TO END UP STUCK IN THE MARS SIMULATION WITH THE ALIEN/MURDERER & THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO HELP HIM HEHEHE

Yeah he probably WAS seeing things... Yeah I trust their security Or not ig lol When was the vic's "seeing things" vlog made? he is, after all, an internet guy Ah, if this pilot dies they'll have to get the second choice, like in the airborn series (which got way unrealistic by the end & had a lot of deus ex machina & he totally deserved better than that girl even tho he was also not such a great person)

Love castle's jacket btw

So did he ever get charged with attempted murder?

Out of the country? Very far away convenient alibis. Nova scotia? I thought he said he was in connecticut. Also heck yeah canada! You know, canada should be broken up: maritime provinces, ontario+quebec, the prairie provinces plus BC (Metis country babes), & the territories.

KR: Mars? Nova Scotia? This guy really loves barren landscapes.

KR: If I want to fly thousands of miles to see a lifeless orb I could just visit Jenny’s grandmother. Same hostile environment, same freezing temperatures, same noxious atmosphere. BRUH (& her gramma is still alive?)

Ryan's outfit, also castle & esposito, & also beckett, they are all so pretty.

It is probably a youre-in-close-quarters-your-lives-depend-on-each-other type relationship ALSO I TOTALLY GOT THE FEELING IT WAS GOING TO BE A GIRL, HAHA I KNEW IT, MY GAYDAR IS REAL! (no it is not)

Ew tom, listen, you shouldn't be flirting with the ppl you're going to space with. Genuinely.

Oh no he was going to be an astronaut but she got in w/o him so he became a facilities engineer... sabotage? girl I get wanting to be WITH her but let her go to mars for the both of you... & then ofc she broke up with you but still, you were part of the mission in a different way, if she didn't go & fall in love with someone else I'm sure that you two could have worked it out. Except that you would sabotage the trip to keep her instead of collaborating on a solution so maybe you SHOULD have broken up... better now than later.

George Reyes: I’m not so sure about that. Us: WAIT WHAT tunneled thru?

WAIT THEY ARE ACTUALLY CHECKING IF THEY TUNNELED THRU? What are these icky cobwebs?

KB: Castle, boost me up. (Typical XD) RC: Why am I always on the bottom? (lmao sexy) She just gives him a look. RC: Yes, dear.

She IS a scifi geek (get married in space y'all) SHE APPLIED TO GO TO MARS!? Love this version of the theme, sounds great. Duncan robert or smth? What's the composer's name? THE SCREWDRIVER! a snake? water? NEUROTOXIN? WAIT IS THAT A DOG-- IS THAT AN ALIEN (or fake alien? or a person in a mask that is not the typical spacesuit mask?)

He pushes KB’s hair away from her neck and runs his flashlight over her skin. KB: What are you doing? RC: Checking you for bites and scratches. Making sure you didn’t somehow get impregnated. KB can’t stop her eyeroll. KB: If you think that’s how I get pregnant we need to talk.

RC: IT SHED ITS SKIN

I like how she speeds up her talking to finish her explanation, then says "excuse me" then leaves to take the phone call.

Prints on the mask from when they put it on?

Ew spider webs lol I def heard stuff in there lol Oh, they take off their shoes outside the door...

AC, in front of her friends: Wow you two. Get a room. RC: We would. if there were any LEFT!

Ooh her hair is nice today & the rest of her outfit is good too. "Heyy Castles!" They are married! I love them so much! Wowie that outfit on ryan. He's had a lot of dark jackets with broad shoulders recently. His tie looks too fancy tho, smth I'd wear to an event. & his hair also looks like he's going somewhere. He would fit in at a funeral & I don't mean that in a sexy emo way. Actually I kind of do, he looks good I just don't like it.

Ooh Esposito's outfit too. All his layers. Very bisexual of him.

RC, in a voice: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of Castle and Beckett. (Beckett smiles at his antics.) Their ongoing mission: to explore strange new motives, to seek out new witnesses and new suspects for murder, to boldly go – oh, right over here.

Lol easy code. They probably change it frequently tho.

Oh! It's another space thing! corporate espoinage! Have we met him before?

It's like that time some author got investigated by the military. He saw the public floor plan for a boat but the rest of the floor plan was confidential. He then thought about it for a while & figured out the most efficient floorplan for a boat like that. The military said "how did you know our floor plan?" & he said "this is the best way to build a boat, of course you would make it like this". These things have the same end goal & so since they are both going for the best path to achieve that goal, they end up with the same (or similar) technology.

Interesting reaction.

That feels like it should not be the best way to decide who goes on your mission... But he was the first choice before he got emotional! But he did get emotional... SOMEONE was stupid enough to leave the murder weapon

SOMEONE ELSE ON THE INSIDE WAS IN ON IT Mikhail? No my beloved!

Oh no he's going to bust open esposito's helmet to the noxious gas OH & I REALIZED, THEN RYAN IS GOING TO HAVE TO GO IN & SAVE HIM & ofc they'll end it with witty quips about how ryan now wants to go to mars.

This is an awesome fight/chase scene JE: Come on, Mikhail. Are you crazy? Bro! Where’re you going to run? You’re on Mars! (I could clip that but I won't)

That's not the usual door they enter through... He was leaving &... never coming back??? wait what?

Oh they're def sad he's dead, even if they are guiltily glad in some ways. Oh it WAS a mars trip for the rest of their lives! Dang! Oh no, not sex Ah nvm they are time stamped lmao: So your alibi is that you were spying for Granger.

He edited the clock but not the reflection? THE ROVER WAS IN THE HUB THO

THE COMPUTER KILLED HIM lmao, edited in the rover was holding it? The rover did it? Oh well ig the rover is controlled by mira, so yeah mira killed him lol

data ARE wrong, castle, "data" is a plural word.

I kind of get it but they can't control it manually? That seems dangerous. Things need to have big clunky levers & mechanical parts, not just digital. So the computer did do it OR SOMEONE TOLD IT WHAT TO DO & TOLD IT TO DO IT AT A CERTAIN TIME SO THEY'D HAVE AN ALIBI

they are letting people from the outside in, that's not smth they'll get on mars irl.

The way she talks makes it move its mouth lol. RC: Well, at least she’s not asking for a lawyer.

That "how do you know" was WAY too human the fourth rule of robotics is you gotta make its eyes go red when it turns evil. She needs captions on her face in addition to the audio imo. How do you know they are optimal w/o running diagnostics?

WHAT? WHAT IS COMPROMISING THE MISSION MIRA? Castle, she can hear you. But why isn't she denying him tho? Protect everyone on it? She is protecting someone from leaving. ANGELA DIDN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH TOM, SHE DIDN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH A FEMALE ASTRONAUT, SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH MIRA Mira: Pilot, specialist... deceased idk why I found that so funny

Everything she's learned will be wiped? then she won't have the-- oh nvm you claim her memory will still be intact. But what if she's glitching out one day? What if you need to turn her off & on again? In that case she SHOULD keep her learned stuff. Unless this is a full reboot... idk bro I'm not a tech geek.

Ok she would TOTALLY just lock down the keyboard if it is a touchscreen keyboard. You would need a real keyboard, smth nice & clunky.

Where r your hats? HOW long term? You should be fine for a few hours. It shouldn't be THAT deadly, esp if your astronauts are there. Maybe long-term exposure would harm them by like, causing issues down the line but not rn. Like asbestos or lead in your bones.

Yeah YOU shut off communications. Nausea & a rash, not coughing like that... & like, would it really be that short of a time to take effect? idk. If it is that fast to take effect & it is that deadly, then it really should not be classified as "it won't kill you" babes. Then again, the spy had to wear stuff like that, he was probably not up there for long. I was under the assumption that it would be painful & nauseating & annoying (even if you only come into contact with it once) but it wouldn't kill you, even if you're in the atmosphere for hours, for days even. Maybe you would get a rash in your lungs & die like that. I just think it's kind of unrealistic to say it's non-lethal & then switch to it's lethal. Give them a bit more time. Define long-term. Say maybe "it is harmful but not deadly, at least in the short term, but if we're exposed continually for more than maybe ten hours it could lead to severe damage, & if we're too nauseous to get up & get help we could be exposed for more than 24 hours, which could potentially cause (harm that leads to) death."

lmao I love how they were so caught up thinking they were on mars that they forgot they had cell phones XD XD XD Oh no she fainted. Oh wait nvm we don't get an intense rescue. We had ice (dirty bomb episode), we had fire (arson episode for rysposito), we had air (mars episode), we had water (linchpin/pandora cia episode), now we just need earth.

This is how! The other astronaut got taken out, that's why they have the three suits for castle beckett & Jansen, & then they still had another one for esposito!

The mission data too? that's expensive af

I love how castle has his mask on properly while beckett is the one who doesn't have it on at all & jansen it holding it to his face but taking it off to talk

One of them? Which one tho? Tom himself?

ALL OF THEM?

KB: [nods] Killing two birds with one stone. Tom, (who everybody hated), and Mikhail, who was selling secrets. She just said that XD Wow all the pilots kinda suck huh. This one everybody hated, the other one tried to run him over...

Didn't someone accuse haroum of smth before?

The two of them? Well yeah, that's how you get someone to break Or all three like I said before!

"You have no proof" is such a weird line. It's like saying "Yes I did it but you can't prove it" girl say "I am of the belief that you are mistaken; you have a lack of proof & therefore cannot sway my belief." or smth like that. "I didn't kill him, you don't even have proof to show me why you think that is the case." Interesting theory, but I believe it to be untrue, especially when you have no evidence to validate your theory. "I didn't kill them, where are you getting that idea? You don't have any evidence implying it is me so why are you saying that?"

Prisoner's dilemma. Captain, say "all three of us will turn around, write our statements, & hand them in at the same time." Or beckett is just saying that, lying the way cops do, to make them confess.

That's the moon probably, not mars... right? I see mars often, when I look up at the night sky. I have dates written in my agenda.

OH IT WAS A RUSE AHAHA. but lol cops & their lies. Castle really is becoming a cop. btw what sculpture did castle get from maya or whoever the girl in the s3 premier was?

KB: I think that when people are stuck together in a small space for a long period of time they lose perspective. Me: quarantine hhhhh also like when vacation space travel is a thing I'm going to be so excited. There are totally going to be seasonal jobs there where you can live on mars & be a hotel room cleaner for three months, then spend two days travelling back home after that bc space travel will be that fast.

NO--..

I'VE SEEN GIFS OF THIS OR SMTH

THIS IS WHEN MARTHA SAYS SHE IS MOVING OUT, ISN'T IT?

& ALEXIS DID MOVE OUT, AT LEAST TEMPORARILY,,,

frenetic, good word yes the odd hours lol sdjhfksjdfjdhgkjh marthaaaaaaa & I love her jewelry BABIES Martha martha martha I love her! so maybe the psychic was wrong, the beautiful woman who came to live in his loft & stay with him forever did NOT stay forever... then again, becks is there. Remember when martha half moved in with Chet? Yeah.

*quiet* Me: awkward *quiet* Me: OH WAIT SEXY TIME

indian restaurant? def loud lol

#castle 7x16 #castle 7x16 spoilers #castle 7x16 quote #the mars episode

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jupitermelichios · 5 years

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Smallville Recaps S1E18: Visitor

Chloe is barely in this one and she still manages to be the worst person in this. Also I’m pretty sure Clark kills someone off screen and the writers cover it up for him. Which at this point would be totally in character.

Someone explain why a kid who says he doesn’t care about school and isn’t going to stick around still cares enough to join in a non-mandatory science fair?

Is this our first pyrokinetic? That doesn’t sound right, we’ve had 37 episodes of teenagers being given random powers, it seems like there must have been a pyrokinetic before this, but I can’t think who it was.

Oh, hey Lana’s horse. Oh no wait, that’s not Lana’s horse, that’s apparently Whitney’s horse. What’s happened to Lana’s horse?! Did she leave it in another graveyard?

“Oh, hey Clark I know your dark secret… You’re stabling Whitney’s horse for Lana.” How is that a secret?! Do you start all conversations like that just because you enjoy making people suffer?! How are you the worse person in a show with actual supervillains Chloe Sullivan!!!

Oh good, Chloe has broken into a minor’s medical records and is now telling random students about how he used to be in a mental institute. Fuck you Chloe.

Wow, this kid just straight up thinks he’s an alien, and was sectioned for it, and based on nothing but that Chloe’s decided he’s right and definitely an alien. Who wrote that?! Who approved that?!!!!

Oh Jesus, I’d fucking forgotten that Martha was pregnant. I still have no idea

“I need a medical examination from the only doctor in the world qualified to give it.” “No, because she’s friends with Lex and I’d rather risk your health and the chance you’ll lose the baby than get over my petty and totally baseless grudge. Because I’m the perfect husband and father who will teach superman to the hero the world needs.” (I wish I was joking but that’s a legit plot point this episode.)

“This isn’t the time or place. There’s a horse that’s sick and you’re here talking about minor concerns like that chance that you’ll be sectioned against your will and lose your foster home!”

Everyone is way too chill with this kid having magical healing powers. Waaay too chilli.

So, they’ve officially run out of things to do with Lex and his angry-sex-in-cupboards doctor girlfriend, so now they’re just doing Bluebeard? Like, she has a key to everyone room in his house but one and ominous music plays when she goes near it, and there’s a 90% chance it’s just spaceship related, but much as I love him Lex is still a Luthor so there’s a 10% chance at least that there’s just a pile of dead ex-girlfriends back there. Or maybe just his mind-controlling fiancé from season one, because despite what TV execs in the 90s all seemed to think, rape doesn’t magically become funny when it’s happening to a dude.

Clark: sets a car on fire with his heat vision in front of dozens of witnesses. Cyrus: “holy shit you’re an alien” Clark: “why would you possibly think that? I mean it’s not like I just set something on fire with my eyes right in front of you. I’m a hero I would never gaslight you. You must be developing mental health issues.”

Godamnit anger-management cupboard-sex doctor, I was on your side! I said you were the only good love interest Lex had ever had! But no, we can’t have nice things so obviously the minute Lex asserts clear and reasonable boundaries like ‘there’s a room where I go to be alone and I’d prefer no one bothers me in there, you are free to choose your own alone-time room’ she freaks the fuck out. Way to go Smallville writers.

Okay what the actual fuck. Cyrus builds a machine to summon aliens and a) everyone is just chill with him doing this and provide him with parts and b) is seems to actually work but Clark is too interested in convincing Cyrus he’s crazy to be bothered to investigate. Is this like the whole thing where no one has ever bothered studying the meteor rocks?!

“He was completely fine last scene, but the writers didn’t know how to get rid of him and we don’t have the budget to pay any more actors, so he had a complete mental breakdown off screen and is in a secure unit now.” A) he was fine a fucking minute ago, what did you do to him Clark? B) STOP USING FORCED INPRISONMENT IN MENTAL HOSPITALS TO SOLVE ALL YOUR PLOT PROBLEMS!!! Jesus fuck this show.

“Hey if someone you knew was an alien, hypothetically, you’d never really trust them or want to screw them even if, hypothetically, they were your friend and lived just next door. Hypothetically.” God it’s a good think Lana’s dumb as a tumble dryer full of spanners with subtlety like can. Really, I can’t imagine why Lex would even think Clark might be an alien.

#smallville #smallville recaps #charlie watches a thing #can i retroactively commision a spin-off that's just lex eating icecream and reading comics #and not being mind-controlled/sexually assaulted/gas-lit/verbally abused/emotionally abused/physically assulted...#basically just lex having a nice time for the first time in his life #despite the writing on this show i am now invested enough in tiny gay lex luthor that i would watch the fuck outa that #oh hey i just realised the meteor kid this episode didn't kill anyone #or eat anyone #like he legit just wanted to contact aliens #yeah he set some shit on fire #but it smallville #that's just how they say hello #a smallville drinking game is a terrible idea #but if i made one rule one would be drink every time chloe sullivan anounces she believes in something objectively unbelievable

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offbrandezra · 3 years

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This time on me drawing content literally only I want to see; drew Ezra and Kanan but while listening to Soace Girl, gave them outfits inspired by some of mines, they’re distastefuly ooc though haha

#ezra bridger #kanan jarrus #art #star wars rebels #swr #it’s MY art I get to draw what I want #okay but Kanan is pan #like legit for the longest time I thought he canonically was pansexual #he just screams pan energy #he was definely wooing every attractive alien person he came in contact with before he met Hera

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professorabacus · 3 years

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hi everyone i just watched cogenitor and i am pissed

#star trek #ent #cogenitor #what shit 'moral'(if you can call it that/neg) this episode has #legit how do ppl see this as a good epiosde #like how?!?!?#the cogentiors are basically slaves all but in name #and this tries to make excuses for that just becuase their not human #setting adside the fact that archer has interferred with alien cultures multiple times #how fucking dare he(or actually how dare the writers)#try and make trip at fault for helping charles out #like 'someone died who wouldntve had we not made first contact'#no dumbass #if you had granted charles alsymu they would'n've died #GOD #this episode was not thought out #and honestly archer is OOC in this tbh #he's inteferred in mutlipe cultrure before #and helped ppl who didnt want to be helped until he came along #but it looks like the writiers forgot this #nothing suprsining there #and this episode is also a perfect example of how ENT's persistance to do the #TOS formant in terms character development and such hurt it tremendously #like think how differently this episode might have gone had hoshi or travis(ESP TRAVIS) had got to give their opinions #god i am so heated rn #this is gonna be filled with typos but idc #i just need to vent/vomit all of this out

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littleoldrachel · 3 years

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"well, it's the thought that counts"

for the wonderful @rachfielden-xo who literally sent this in a month ago (sorrrrry and thank you!!) and asked for well, it's the thought that counts with scott and alan from this prompt list.

this legit turned into scott teaching alan to make pancakes and i'm not even mad about it. the recipe the boys are using is [here].

[if you wanna prompt me, hmu!]

*~*~*~*~*

There are lots of things Alan doesn’t understand.

Black holes. Why his momma isn’t coming back ever again. The reason a Mars sunset streaks blue. Why Virgil has become some soulless cavity and John won’t say a word. How, despite year after year of technological advances, there’s still no evidence of alien lifeforms out there.

Why Scott never has time for him anymore.

It’s been days since Scott even said more than a few words to Alan, weeks since he last crushed Scott at videogames - he hasn’t even taken him to the park since -

Well.

And it’s not that he doesn’t love spending time with his other brothers; Gordon annoys the heck out of him on a daily basis but makes him laugh till it hurts far more. John is the one who gets him, who refuses to dumb down scientific explanations, who shares his passion for all things space. And Virgil - Virgil Before, that is - is the only person who knows how to hug him just right, who listens no matter how banal Alan’s worries are.

He loves them so much his heart might explode apart like a zombie’s head meeting his videogame character’s bazooka - except Alan’s not ever leaving them, not ever, not now he knows what that does to them all.

It’s just that Scott is fast turning into Dad, notable only by his absence.

And Alan doesn’t need another one of those.

More than that though, he can see the way his brother is running himself ragged trying to be mother and father and everything in between, and despite Virgil’s interventions and John’s best efforts, it’s not getting any better.

Which is where Alan comes in.

Alan is going to save his brother because he’s no baby, despite what everyone thinks.

What he lands on is simple but effective: he’s going to make Scott his favourite breakfast and draw him a card to say thank you, because he wants Scott to know Alan sees everything he’s doing to keep them afloat.

The card is straightforward enough - he’s no Virgil, but he’s pretty sure it’s clearly a rocket that he’s drawn. His tongue pokes out as he colours in as carefully as he can, only going over the lines a few times. He draws himself and Scott in the window of the rocket, grinning wildly (perhaps a little manically if he’s being honest) and adds Mars to the background.

Inside, in wobbly, looping script he prints:

Deer Scotty

Thanks for bing the best. I love you.

Love

Alan

Mission: Amazing Card - completed.

Now he just needs to make the pancakes.

Right then. First step is the ingredients.

In theory, this should be straightforward enough. Alan has seen Scott do this numerous times, had half-listened when Virgil taught John, and has eaten more of these pancakes than he can begin to count (but never enough!).

Alan pushes a chair against the counter, uses it to hoist himself onto the surface, and scrambles to the cupboard.

He knows that there’s a mountain of flour involved, because the little puffs of white powder always fluff through the sieve and make him sneeze. What he didn’t anticipate was that there would be different types of flour, in neat colour coded packages. He picks red, because it’s his favourite colour, and dumps as much of it as he can through the sieve, poking at it with his fingers to push it through.

It doesn’t look as neat as when Scott does it, and the entire surface is already dusted with flour, but most of it is in the bowl, so he’s doing okay.

He goes for brute strength with the eggs, smashing them into the side of the bowl. Little pieces of shell slide into the mixture with the yolk, but it’s so slippery he can’t get them out. Fingers coated in sloppy flour, he retreats. Maybe Scott won’t mind the crunchiness.

The milk carton is far heavier than Alan anticipated, and he loses his grip on the condensation-slick handle, watching in slo-mo horror as a glug of milk hits the side of the bowl, ricochets off it -

And splat!

It lands straight on top of Alan’s card, and Alan -

He’s not going to cry, he’s not -

His mom always said he shouldn’t cry over spilt milk, except this time it’s ruined everything.

Milk drips off the counter and Alan clenches his fists, willing the baby inside him to shut up. Eventually, the upset reassembles itself into a grumpiness that has him whisking furiously. The mixture slops all over the place, decorating the floor, countertop and his too-big apron with splatters of batter. It’s a lot runnier than Scott’s usually is, but by now Alan Does Not Care, he just wants to get this done and hug Scotty.

He’s just standing in front of the oven, wondering which dial is for which of the flame things, when the kitchen door opens.

Sixteen-year-old Scott, whose eyes have circles far deeper and greyer than they have any right to be, is standing there, and Alan becomes Very Aware all of a sudden of what the kitchen must look like through Scott’s eyes:

Flour absolutely everywhere (he can feel on his eyelashes and tickling his nose), little pools of batter all over the floor, Alan with his hand on the stove to work out how to make the fire come out -

“What the hell.”

Scott takes a deep breath, presses the heel of his hand to his eyes and says, “what are you doing, Alan?”

Alan forces himself to stand up tall like Dad always says. “Making you breakfast.”

There’s a pause, and Scott surveys the disaster zone once more. “I can see that,” he says finally, voice a little faint.

Alan swallows because this isn’t at all like he wanted it to go, but he brandishes the bowl of batter and does his best to peel the card from the surface. “For you!”

Scott stares, but takes the bowl. “Is this.... pancake mix?”

Alan nods eagerly, “your favourite! And here.”

The cursed milk smudged his amazing drawing, but it’s still sort of a rocket. Scott carefully prises open the card, and his whole body softens as he reads the message inside. “Allie,” he manages, “Allie, this is so -”

He presses a fist to his mouth and Alan watches in horror as his Neptune eyes shine overly-bright. This was supposed to be a nice thing, but he got it all wrong -

“I’m sorry,” Alan cries, flinging himself at Scott in a hug. “Don’t cry, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make such a mess -”

“Allie, no -” Scott’s voice is firmer now, but Alan can’t bear to look at him falling apart like Virgil and John and Dad, because Scott is Scott and he can’t fall apart. It will obliterate Alan’s heart like a grenade in a zombie hideout if he has to see Scott cry.

Scott crouches though, and Alan’s forced to make eye contact. He’s relieved to see that Scott’s face has lost its sadness.

“Thank you so much for all of this, Allie,” Scott says, so sincere and so strongly, it washes something warm and safe over Alan’s shoulders.

“But it’s t-t-terrible! The pancakes are all wrong and I don’t know how to cook them and the card got milked and - and -” Alan can hear the wail in his voice and he resents it; it knocks hard into the defiant figure inside him that insists I’m not a baby!

“It’s not terrible, Allie. It’s - it’s lovely.”

“You’re saying that to make me feel better.” He can’t help but pout.

“No, I mean it. I love it - all of it.”

“Even the mess?”

“Even the mess.”

“Why?”

“Because… Well, it’s the thought that counts, Allie.”

Alan wrinkles his nose and Scott grins, using his sleeve to wipe off some of the stray flour. “I mean it. The fact that you wanted to do something nice for me makes me really happy.”

Alan hmphs, but tucks himself into Scott’s side and Scott obliges, squeezing him tight in one of those cuddles Alan has missed so much.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, Allie, but I love you and I’m gonna do better, ‘kay?”

Alan stiffens and pulls away. “Wait no! That’s what this was for, Scotty.” He wants to stamp his foot in frustration so bad, but knows that’s Baby Behaviour and so he settles for a scowl. “I don’t want you trying to do more when you already do everything! I just miss you, I don’t need you to do anything better. I just need Scotty.”

Scott is blinking too fast for the second time in ten minutes. “Did Virg put you up to this?” he says a little hoarsely.

Alan frowns. “No. But if he thinks the same thing, shouldn’t you be listening?”

Scott’s eyes widen, and he ducks his head, covers his eyes again.

Alan goes back in for a hug, presses his cheek into Scott’s chest and listens to the steady thump-thump of his heart. He feels Scott take a deep breath and put his armour back up, and Alan’s heart makes a sad little clench.

“What do you say we make some pancakes together? Ones that are actually edible?” Scott clambers to his feet with a grin.

“Hey! They would be!” Alan protests, but then he looks back at the mixture, which is congealing in watery lumps and he fights a smile.

“But first,” Scott flattens the card and clips it to the fridge with a magnet, and Alan -

Alan’s heart skips.

It’s been a long time since any of them - even Virgil - have had anything hung on the fridge. But his little card - his silly, ruined card - is up there in pride of place and that means more to him than he knows what to do with.

Scott ruffles his hair, dislodging the flour that’s gathered itself there, and for once Alan doesn’t have the words to protest. Scott half-turns, catches Alan’s lost expression, and shoots him the gentlest of smiles.

“Ready to make the best pancakes in the world?”

As if he even needs to ask.

Scott easily sorts through the cupboard, drawing out the blue flour, a pot of baking powder, and some sugar. It’s all white.

“Why do they have to make all the important stuff the same colour?” Alan complains, and Scott laughs, loudly and easily. It’s a wonderful sound.

“Here’s something that’s a different colour,” Scott says, tossing eggs between his palms with an assured ease. “It’s egg time.”

He passes one to Alan, and Alan goes to smash it against the bowl, when -

“Wait!”

Alan pauses, mid-swing, and Scott plucks the egg from him.

“Gently, Allie. Like this.”

Scott repositions his hands so that his grip on the egg is looser, then gently moves his wrist to give one sharp tap against the side of the bowl. The egg breaks, golden yolk dripping out, but miraculously, no shell escapes.

“Reckon you can do the next one on your own?” Scott asks, and Alan nods at once. He looks to Scott to check he’s doing it right, and every time Scott is there to meet his gaze.

(As he always is, always will be).

Scott helps him to lift the milk carton, and between them, they pour it into a little well that Scott instructs him to dig in the mixture. Scott hands Alan a whisk with a solemnity that Alan recognises from Gordon’s pranks, and sure enough, no sooner than he’s taken it, Scott is brandishing a spatula and yelling “en garde!” and then it’s all out war.

“Loser has to whisk the mixture!” Scott says between parries, and Alan knows he’s being deliberately slow and clumsy but if that’s how he wants to play, then so be it. Alan blocks a few of Scott’s easy strikes, and feigns left, before darting right to jab him in the ribs.

“Victory!” he yells.

Scott crashes to his knees in mock agony. “You got me!”

Alan pushes the bowl towards him smugly. “Your punishment.”

“So merciful.”

“No talking! Only whisking!”

With Scott’s expert hands, the batter turns into a smooth, creamy mixture, and he guides Alan as the chocolate chips are poured in. “And now we fold.”

“Fold? Like paper?”

Scott grins, and Alan scowls. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“Sorry kiddo. Like this.” Scott shows Alan a gentle scraping motion that turns the mixture towards the centre of the bowl.

“Are we there yet?” The chocolate chips are making Alan’s mouth water, and as messy and inaccurate as his recipe might have been, it was at least quicker.

“Nearly. Let me just heat the pan.”

Scott dashes the pan with a blob of butter, and smiles softly as it begins to sizzle and melt, before he turns sharply to Alan.

“Hey, Allie?”

“Mm?”

“Please don’t use the stove without me or Virg there, okay?”

A ladle of pancake batter goes into the pan, and Alan stares at it in anticipation.

“But it was an emergency.”

“And you could have asked Virg, even if you wanted to surprise me.”

Alan frowns, crosses his arms. “He wouldn’t have helped, he’s always in bed these days.” Scott swallows, the crease of concern back between his eyebrows and Alan’s heart sinks. “I didn’t mean that. He would help, really.”

“He’s just really sad, Allie. Give him some time.”

“We’re all really sad,” Alan says, in a smaller voice than he intends.

There’s a pause, and Scott says, equally small, “I know.”

Scott removes the pan, passes it to Alan, and gently adjusts his grip, until -

“One, two, three, flip!”

The pancake does a perfect somersault, landing uncooked side down in the pan, and Scott beams, even though his eyes look so sad.

Silence falls once more, and Alan finally looks up at Scott, surprised when he’s already watching him.

“I love you, Allie. So much.”

Alan blinks, but the words come easily - he’s not yet at Gordon’s age where such declarations are Deeply Embarrassing. “Love you, Scotty.”

“I know the last few months have been really rough,” Scott says slowly, as though he’s measuring each word out like ingredients. “But never forget that I love you and all of us love you. It’s okay to be sad, but you don’t need to deal with it on your own, okay?”

Alan nods, tucks himself into Scott’s side once more, because the contact feels more important than words right now. Heck, he doesn’t even know what he could say to that. It’s everything he knows technically, but hearing it said out loud? It hits different in a way that knocks all the words right out of his head.

On cue, the pancake has turned into a golden-brown puffed up beauty, and Scott grins widely.

“Bets on who’ll be the first to smell this and make their way down to join in?”

Alan laughs. “Definitely Gordon.”

“Nah, Virg has a weird sixth sense about pancakes.”

*~*~*~*~*

They’re both wrong as it turns out.

John slinks into the kitchen, followed shortly after by a bright-eyed Gordon (“that doesn’t count, Allie!” “Does too!” “Does not!”) and a dull-eyed Virgil.

Whilst Scott and Alan stack up the pancakes, Scott corrals the others into beginning the clean-up process. There’s some good-natured ribbing about the Disaster pancake mixture, which has started solidifying alarmingly quickly, and Virgil spots the card on the fridge, turning to Alan with the first genuine smile he’s seen from him in so long.

Everyone is ravenous by the time there are a sufficient amount of pancakes for them all, and then it’s every man for himself as they wrestle for sauces and squabble over the last pancakes.

It’s the first time they’ve all eaten a meal together in so long, and it’s the best gift he could have ever given Scott, even though he couldn’t have planned the highs and lows of this particular adventure. Virgil is actually laughing about something with Gordon, and John is inserting the occasional comment with a smile, and Scott -

Scott meets Alan’s eyes with a proud smile.

Alan’s heart feels like it’s actually glowing, a soft, golden light in his chest, because he did that - he and Scott.

They make a good team.

And they always will.

#thunderbirds are go #littleoldrachel writes #scott tracy #alan tracy #fluff

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j10kkuno · 2 years

Text

"Then they're not my friend." ;_____; Nooooo Lucas.

So I think I caught up on the Lucas ICU thing from yesterday and I have a rough idea of where he's taking his story but mostly I'm going to wait and watch April navigate the fallout with her boys.

TLDR: Ramee injected Lucas with meth after a night out with April's circle, Lucas had a bad trip and ran off, climbed the giant crane, and fell after his RPer rolled for footing, Lucas ICUed over night. April chose not to name Ramee in the official report, but rather handle it internally(Which we have yet to see). Lucas woke up with absolutely no memories of Los Santos. Of April, of Ramee, of UWU, of anything. He has memories of his pre-Los Santos life and remembers that he hates hates gang members. When he was told he had a friend in a gang, he said, "Then they're not my friend."

April just lost her best friend. (Nobel and I don't think Ramee meant for it to be malicious or for it to be anywhere near what it was.)

So basically, last night, April and Ramee were hanging out with Lucas and Bob Moss(Their therapist) and March Fooze, April's long lost brother. The group went to a concert, April got drunk and threw up in front of Big Toe, her favorite singer, they had siblings therapy. Just a night out in Los Santos.

At some point, Ramee took April to the side and told her he was going to give the boys something, but to NOT take it, but to trust him. He told the boys it was just B12 shots to give them energy after the concert, but they were rightfully skeptical, and Ramee, being Ramee, took the shot and injected him with it. After that, Bob took it willingly. It was meth. Bob and Lucas had a trip where they saw aliens chasing after them and Lucas was especially shaken and once it wore off, he just ran, saying "The alien the alien the alien." One of his friends from Uwu kept calling, trying to figure out where he was. But he just hinted he was going up. Up the giant crane in the construction site in downtown. Then Nobel rolled for footing and had Lucas fall, and he split his skull.

Meanwhile, April and Ramee were in his Benz, quizzing each other on Yuguioh cards and reliving old childhood memories(Ramee totally respects Leslie for doing tournaments when she was younger though!). At some point, she was like yeah, Lucas is probably dead. But it's Los Santos. Dead means a 2 minute ER trip.

Until Ramee was off to do a Wuchang audition and Taylor was calling April and saying Lucas was in the ICU and she was an emergency contact. He was actually dying. No doctors were on duty, but the EMT heard the story about Ramee and asked April is she wanted it on record to press charges, but she said it should be handled internally(Very good choice).

Lucas woke up today. He had previously said he had no memories of his life before Los Santos. He woke up with no memories of Los Santos but all of them from pre LS. I don't want to spoil myself too much but I know he said his memories led to a hatred of crims and especially those in gangs. He was hanging out with Posy and she alluded to April when she said he had a friend in a gang, he declared, "Then they're not my friend."

No more arguing over who the best is infinity time infinity to the infinity power I win! No more conversations with a nice view.

Really interesting arc. As if I didn't love Leslie's RP enough lol.

I don't think Ramee meant it maliciously. Nobel doesn't either. It was just Ramee being Ramee doing a little prank on April's friends but the thing is, Lucas and Ramee live two entirely different lives. Ramee has been deep in the gang and drug life for almost half a decade now. It's absolutely a prank the boys would do. And Lucas? He drives the speed limit, like legit. He stops at red lights. He doesn't rob, he doesn't do drugs. He says heck yeah. Ramee's humor would devastate Lucas's life because their lives are two completely different things and they were finally starting to see eye-to-eye. Nobel was also VERY clear with his chat that sending hate to any other streamer was unacceptable and would result in a permaban in multiple chats.

#Nopix #Lucas spade #I kinda wish I had a tag for the April Ramee Lucas and occasionally Bob group #I enjoy them

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cuddlecave · 3 years

Note

There was this angst to hurt/comfort fic in this fandom a while back, where a misunderstanding amongst the team ended up w Gordn being extremely touch-starved and the others not realizing (Tom and Bub were touch-averse, and while the other two were much more open to touch they avoided Gord for reasons unspecified)(if anyone can find it I want to read it again)

I want to apply smth similar to a vore scenario. Gordn thinking the team is shutting him out, rejecting him, and it's wearing on him, making him snappish.

Ben takes notice that Gord is getting worse and worse, and he takes up w the group like "hey, i think something's wrong? he's not okay?" After some discussion, Tom probably suggests it could be that Gord is touch starved. Ben, well meaning but kind of clueless, hears those words and goes "great, I know exactly how to help." And he goes to find their friend.

He finds Gord stewing in his negative thoughts, spiraling and upset, and he puts his plan into action. He goes up and asks if he needs a hug. Gordn, who is not feeling too rational right now, automatically assumes that Ben is mocking his pain, so he starts to snarl in answer. Ben leans back, lets him vent for a moment, then when the tirade stops he reaches out and hugs him.

Gordn freezes up, mind blank, then hesitantly leans into the contact. Ben can feel as he starts to untense, shaking, as he soaks in the first positive physical interaction he's had since before the rscs. And then the alien decides that Gordn really needs help, and the hug isn't going to be enough.

Gordn has a moment of hazy confusion when Ben grows in size, but the hold on him tightens, so he just closes his eyes and practically snuggles as close as he can.

He's not at all prepared when Ben's torso splits open, tendrils coiling around him and pulling him in as the arms that had been draped over him push him along. It's not as soothing as Ben meant it to be. Gordn assumes that the friendly behavior and soothing hug was just to make him lower his guard, and he starts thrashing and struggling, betrayal flooding through him once again.

Ben doesn't quite explain himself right away. He feels Gord fighting, and he knows the human is upset right now, but Tom said it's important to his health to give him this contact, so he just pulls him in as carefully as possible. The squirming human is tucked away, and he closes back up over him. He lets Gordn tire himself out, then proceeds to cuddle him relentlessly.

Gordn resists the good feeling as long as he can, still convinced it's a trap. He thrashes and shoves, tries to dig his hands into the soft flesh in retaliation, but Ben is unaffected.

He gives up soon enough, going completely limp, crying from the stress of emotional whiplash so intense. Once he stills, the walls press in on him, enveloping him completely. Every part of him is being lovingly kneaded by glowing flesh, and he finds himself being moved about, sometimes curled into a ball, then squeezed and rolled until he's stretched out, compressed this way and that. The bitterness and anger fade as the walls flush a brilliant pink, and he can literally feel the affection all around him.

Gordn ends up crying even more, all his fears, both of being eaten and of being rejected and isolated, bubbling to the surface and being shed in the wake of these waves of loving contact. Ben is a little worried that his plan backfired and he hurt Gord even worse, but the human manages a quiet "thank you," and Ben keeps cuddling him, determined to show him how much he means to them.

Gord probably ends up falling asleep inside, with Ben just crooning over him, so happy that it all worked out and vowing to never let it get that bad again.

(I figure the team ends up calling Ben bc they tried to reach Gord and got no response. After the recent discussion, they're very worried, but Ben assures them that he's doing better already. Just, let me have the team legit caring about each other and acknowledging when they messed up and working to fix it)

helping with touch-starved feelings with safe vore......... good....

#security snacking #alas i don't recall the fic you mentioned #it does sound familiar tho....

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hermannsthumb · 4 years

Note

Have you written this Halloween prompt yet? mortal enemies accidentally showing up in matching costumes every fucking year If not I hope you get inspired to!

@thxstral said: Can I request *accidental* matching halloween costumes? Like they're just so in sync even pre-Drift that they accidentally coordinate costumes

from halloween prompts here

& thank you twitter pals for coming up w matching costumes for me heehee

-----------------------

“I’m not going to apologize,” Newt declares.

“I never asked you to,” Hermann says.

“It just seemed like you were implying it,” Newt says. “Implying I should apologize, I mean. You were making that face. The one you always do when I fuck something up in the lab, and you want me to feel bad, so you just kind of--” He waves his hand at Hermann, who scowls like he just ate a whole lemon. “That’s the one.”

“I wasn’t making any face,” Hermann says.

“Yes you were,” Newt says.

“This is just how I look.”

Technically this is true--Hermann seems to be scowling and frowning and glaring at Newt, like, eighty percent of the time--but this time, it’s with an underlying motive. “It’s a face and you know it,” Newt says. “Anyway--my point is that I’m not going to apologize because I’m not sorry, so you can forget about it. This one is just as much on you, dude.”

It’s an embarrassing situation all around, frankly. It would be one thing for Newt and Hermann to accidentally match their costumes for the annual Shatterdome Halloween party once; it was another thing to do it twice; it was a whole other monster--a legitimately terrifying one--to do it for three fucking years in a row. At this point, it exceeds accident. It attracts attention. It seems deliberate. “Everyone probably things we planned it,” Newt says with disgust. He shakes his head. “Ugh. Like I’d ever coordinate costumes with someone as lame as you. Not in a million years.”

“We’re coordinating now,” Hermann reminds him. “I’m not sure your point stands.”

“Yeah, but mine is...” Newt searches for the right descriptor. “Better, though. It’s just better. It should be obvious we’re separate. And I meant deliberately--you know that.”

Their pocket of antisocial solitude in the way, way back of the room is suddenly burst by a fellow Shatterdome co-worker, who inches past them to get to the punch bowl and smiles when he realizes the people he’s almost stepped on are Newt and Hermann. He’s dressed like a zombie. It’s some pretty impressive makeup work, to be honest. “Hey, Dr. Geiszler, Dr. Gottlieb!” the guy says to Hermann and Newt, respectively.

It’s not worth the effort to correct him. Newt’s so used to it at this point that he basically responds to Dr. Gottlieb too, anyway. Besides, he gets a kind of weird thrill out it. “Hey, man,” Newt says. “Enjoying the party?”

“Hell yeah,” the guy says. Newt knows him vaguely in the sense that they’ve made eye contact in the mess hall before, possibly while reaching for the same dinner roll; booze makes everyone ten times friendlier, he guesses. “You guys look great. Jealous. I’m always trying to get my boyfriend to do fun coupley shit like that with me, but he hates it. He thinks it’s corny. I think it’s romantic, though.”

“Romantic?” Newt echoes, and then flushes. Oh, God. Three years of matching costumes, three years of people getting the totally wrong idea about him and Hermann. No wonder Newt can’t get any dates. “Oh, uh, we’re not--”

But Newt’s, uh, friend takes out his phone and snaps a quick, probably very blurry photo of them. “Gonna send him this,” he says, and almost spills his drink on Hermann’s head as he stumbles away to the dance floor. “Bye, docs!” he calls over his shoulder, and then spills his drink on someone’s shoes instead.

Hermann clears his throat and gives Newt another look, as if to say now see what you’ve done. Newt rolls his eyes. “I don’t understand,” Hermann says, tersely, “why matching costumes would automatically imply--”

“Cute costumes!” another tipsy partygoer stopping by for some punch tells them. “I didn’t know you guys were together! Makes sense. Happy Halloween.”

“We’re not,” Hermann says, but they’re gone before he can finish. He sighs, and takes a moody sip from his red solo cup. It’s bizarre seeing Hermann pout. Bizarre, and totally cute. (Ugh, Newt needs to go to bed if he’s starting to think dumb shit like that.) “Really. It’s absurd. It’s just a Halloween costume.”

“It is kind of weird, though, isn’t it?” Newt says, finally putting words to the thought that’s been nagging at him since Hermann walked into the room wearing that blue Starfleet shirt. “That we keep doing this, I mean.” One year, two years, three years...

“Friends coordinate Halloween costumes all the time,” Hermann says, and adds in a hurry, “and colleagues--er, rivals, which is what we are, of course--do, too.”

“Three years,” Newt says. “Three years in a row. Do you think that means something? Like--on a larger scale? I don’t know. Cosmic?” Newt doesn’t believe in fate or anything, that’s totally unscientific, but...you know. A guy has to wonder.

“It’s not as if we’re sending out bloody marriage announcements,” Hermann says. “Or--oh, I don’t know. Holding hands and snogging in the middle of LOCCENT.”

“We must’ve known subconsciously, right?” Newt says. “People don’t just show up--individually--at parties as Kirk and Spock. Like, the matching Bill Nye ones were weird, and last year--I mean, astronauts and aliens are totally legit solo costumes--but this time--”

“And what does it makes sense mean?” Hermann says. “You and I--the two of us--romantically involved--it most certainly does not makes sense.”

“It doesn’t,” Newt agrees.

“Foolish thing to say, really,” Hermann says. “The two of us. Together. It’d never work. We’d drive each other mad within in week.”

“Plus, I can do way better than you,” Newt says. Hermann whaps Newt in the shin with his cane. Newt sees it coming from a mile away, to be honest, but decides against dodging it in order to give Hermann the satisfaction of making contact. It’ll put him in a better mood. “Okay, sorry,” Newt says, “I meant that you could do way better than me.” He reaches down and rubs at the spot, and Hermann smiles. See. Satisfaction. “You’re such a dick. Do you think it means something, though?”

“That I’m a d--?”

“No,” Newt says. “That this--” He gestures between them. “--keeps happening.”

“What keeps happening?” Hermann says. “Being mistaken for--?”

“No,” Newt says. He feels his flush return with a vengeance, and spread to his ears, and down to his neck. “Not that. What would that even--? That’s dumb. I meant the matching costumes.”

They stare at each other, silent, contemplative, Newt still a little embarrassed. Hermann’s smile fades into a frown. He looks kind of cute with his stupid pointy plastic ears, too, to be honest. Ugh. Ugh. Newt hates his life, and Hermann’s stupid cute face. “Coincidence,” Hermann finally decides.

“Probably,” Newt agrees.

They take sips of their drinks in unison. Coincidence.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #Anonymous

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cant-blink · 3 years

Text

Half-Life, Ch. 5

Summary: The consequences of Gigan’s actions makes itself clear.

He can’t move.

He can’t see.

He can’t hear.

But he was aware.

He was aware of the terrible pain that plagued his body, so intense that he couldn’t even scream. He was aware of every second the half-life used him for, every second his flesh was gouged and violated. He was aware, that every time he attempted to move even the slightest bit, it brought painful seizures through his entire body, especially of his legs and tails. His feet would kick the air uselessly, his tails have already run dry of their poison gasses but still kept contracting nonetheless.

He was aware, that for the very first time, he was at the complete mercy of everything around him.

His fifth brain has been severely damaged, shredded by the half-life’s tail and made worse through the mating. The same brain that allowed him to control his massive body was now destroyed, and it left that body feeling alien to the dragon.

Never before has he sustained such a terrible injury. It’s not often he received any injury at all, as his hardened scales usually proved enough to protect him from damage. Even in those few fights that proved more serious, it never got this bad. The extent of his injuries were usually torn wing membranes, maybe even a broken neck. Wounds that were always relatively easy to mend. Until that half-life showed up and now...

He felt so weak, and it was hard to stay conscious, much less stay focused on what he needed to do. He still had stored energy left in his stomach; he just needed to tighten the right muscles to free it into his system. But in the process of doing this, he sent another agonizing spasm through his whole body. He couldn’t even cry out, enduring this as it at least released his emergency reserves.

Some of that energy escaped his body, forming a faint barrier around him, red flame-like wisps coming from it. Keeping him safe from the outside world. He honestly didn’t want that energy to be wasted on a barrier, but he had no say in how his reserves were used. His body spent it on a pre-determined list of priorities that his old creators deemed fit.

The first of those priorities was to stopping the flow of blood from escaping his wounds. Blood being drawn is not something he was used to, but here he was losing too much too quickly. His body was in a state of panic, urgent in trying to get itself back together. But his energy stores were limited in how much he can carry; he didn’t even know if he would have enough to fully stop his bleeding, much less repair his damaged brain.

But he had to repair it; he can’t move without it and he needed to get out of here. Fly beyond the cloud of space dust and its atmosphere, to unfiltered cosmic rays. If he can’t, he won’t be able to complete the healing process. And... and...

It struck him.

He could very well die from this.

Bleeding. Humiliated. Disgraced. Defiled. Pathetic. At the claws of a half-life. Surrounded by lesser lifeforms. He’s never imagined what his death would be like, as it seemed like an impossibility. But this? This was not how he wanted his Death to be. He will NOT give this half-life the satisfaction of knowing he did this to him!

Without thinking, he attempted to get up, but his muscles tightened painfully before his legs kicked once more. More horrific pain swamped his nerves from his injuries. Why was his body not paying his damaged brain any attention?! He deemed that more important than his blood!

In his panicked mind-set, he failed to realize that he needed that blood to transfer the healing energy throughout his body. He was already losing too much, and the more he bled, the slower the process. But the thought never occurs to him as he kept struggling against his own body.

It was the burden of agony and exhaustion that finally stopped his attempts to move, his body once more settling into twitches. That violent fit has just undone what healing has occurred, dislodging clots and causing blood to flow freely once more.

He can feel it, trickling down his scales.

He can’t...

He just can’t...

He laid there for another moment, twitching. Enduring. Trying to calm. It’s all he can do; just try to stay alive long enough to see this through to the end. Hopefully soon, he’ll be able to take matters into his own teeth...

Blood still escaped his wounds by the time his reserves ran dry. No, no, this can’t happen to him. He already is going through enough pain as is, was he really going to have to resort to... to...

He didn’t have any real choice in the matter and he didn’t even have time to brace himself mentally before an acute piercing pain came into his chest. It was as if the half-life had stabbed right through him, and he instinctively tried to struggle, only to provoke another seizure that only worsened his situation. He felt no sign of the half-life, no resistance of his blade in his flesh.

No, what he was experiencing was his own body sacrificing his Gravity Beam sacs, deteriorating the organs and reducing them into the same energy he would become when cocooning into his asteroid. Except this time, it was piece by piece, with his pain receptors fully intact. There was no pleasant numbing to ease the process.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had to go through something like this. At least back then, he was certain he would’ve been able to watch the process and see the results to make himself feel better. Here, he couldn’t observe the progress being made, nor estimate how much longer he’d have to endure this torture. Was this even worth it?

Wave after wave of added torment pierced through his chest, and each one made his focus waver that much more. His heart was racing so fast, from fear and from working hard to transport this new source of energy with what little blood was left. But even that was starting to weaken. It was harder to think, before thought disappeared completely. The pain was becoming dull, including the constant throb of the active chip. Wait, no... The sensation of the chip, the thing that plagued his dreams and life, was gone now.

An irrational sense of happiness flowed through him; the pain was gone, the chip was gone. Have he succeeded in healing? Was this happiness his reward? Was it time to rest from the ordeal? He didn’t know. All he knew now was a sense of bliss as his crests gave him the biggest dose of euphoria that he’s ever felt.

Before that too faded into nothingness.

"Scoli, I need another glass. Right fuckin' now."

"Hello to you too." The centipede grumbled before glancing up. His mandibles opened in clear disgust. "You couldn't have cleaned up better?"

"Not in the mood, Legs," Gigan hissed, taking the glass just as the other kaiju finished pouring his drink. He takes a swig, savoring the taste and letting it work its magic. "Y'know, I put so much work into that guy and this is how I'm rewarded?"

“A bad lay, huh?” Scolopendra muttered in feigned interest.

“You have no idea,” He took another gulp. “Y’know, I had my suspicions that it would be his first time and yeah it was, and wanna know why?”

“Not really.”

“He had NOTHING between those legs. His damn Masters didn’t even give him junk, how fucked up do they have to be to not think of that?!” He continued to vent between drinks. “As fucked as MY Masters were, at least they left the rest of me intact. Even the bastards who did THIS-” He gestured at his own body. “-left well enough alone. But damn, that dragon can’t do shit. No wonder all he does is kill things, he literally has nothing else better to do with his time. Can’t eat, can’t drink, can’t fuck.” He shook his head. "I'd almost feel bad for him if he wasn't such an asshole. But I'd probably be an asshole too if I couldn't enjoy anything. How he managed to live like that for so long, I have no idea."

"Maybe it doesn't occur to you that if he doesn't have those abilities, then he probably never cared. Can't miss what you never had."

"Well, I've been trying to change that. Show him that yeah, killing is fun, but there's more to life than THAT."

Another gulp and a moment of silence, as Gigan finished his drink and pushed the empty glass towards Scolopendra for a refill.

“Credit though, it was fun at first. Those throats of his, damn.”

“I don’t need to know the details.”

Gigan continued anyway. “He shoots lightning out of his mouth, and I tell you, that kind of energy made him feel real nice.”

“Gigan!”

“But it would be nice to fuck him properly. Maybe I can find a race that has the knowledge to do some surgery on him. Get a proper hole on him so I don’t have to keep making one myself. Heh.” A smirk came to his face. “Imagine that, get him custom-made just for me. Maybe throw in a stomach too.” He chuckled a bit but that died when he saw the look the centipede gave him. It wasn’t one he was expecting, scolding and with great disapproval. He maintained eye contact as he took a sip of his refilled drink. “What?”

“... What the fuck, Gigan?” Scolopendra started.

“What?” he responded with a defensive hiss.

“I asked not to hear about it, but... But what the fuck do you mean ‘keep making one myself’? What did you do?” Well, at last, the damn bug had interest in what he was saying, even if it was with obvious disgust.

“I told you. I made a hole. Between those legs.” The stinger of his tail clicked with emphasis and the look the centipede gave him was growing even more judgmental. It was enough to make him laugh. “Oh, stop acting like you care. If he were any other bitch, I would’ve done much worse. And had a free meal after.”

Scolopendra shook his head. “Would’ve actually preferred if you ate him like the rest of your ‘bitches’. Always made me feel better pretending it’s a legit hunting method of yours.”

“Eh, this job is making you soft, you’ll get over it,” the cyborg continued dismissively. “Anyway, the whole thing would’ve been fun, but apparently, the dragon couldn’t handle it. Damn thing passed out on me.”

“Passed out? Or died from fuckin’ being impaled?”

“Noooo,” Gigan drawled, taking another gulp. “He was still bleeding when I left.”

“Oh, okay, so he’s dying. Good to know, considering he’s the reason I’ve been giving you drinks in the first place. But now that he’s bleeding out...”

Gigan gave him an unamused look, which Scolopendra met with his own. The moment of silence was thick before the cyborg gave one last gulp to finish his drink before slamming it back on the bar with force. “Fiiiine. I’ll go check on him.”

“You do that,” the centipede grumbled, just wanting any excuse for the cyborg to leave his establishment. “We’re also closing soon, so don’t bother coming back.” He watched the blue kaiju raise a blade in acknowledgement as he left before the centipede pulled out the communicator from beneath the bar. He pressed in a few buttons before speaking in a soft whisper.

“Hey, boss. Gigan, y’know, that idiot cyborg we banned? Yeah, he just left... Mhm... No, I told him to leave but he brought GHIDORAH in here... Yeah, THAT Ghidorah, how many Ghidorahs do you know? Now that monster knows our location, what now?” He nodded a couple of times before- “The Strawberry cloud?” He lets out an audible sigh. “I’ll get things packed up here.”

..............

“Huh? ..... Nothing’s wrong, I was just hoping we’d move to the Pineapple cloud instead... Wait, we can?”

For the first time since Gigan showed up, the centipede smiled.

What the actual hell was this?

Gigan glared at the sphere in front of him, and beyond, Ghidorah lying on the ground. He almost walked right into it and would’ve if it wasn’t for the red firey tendrils that pulsed through it alerting him to its presence. He lifted a claw and gave the sphere an experimental tap.

A spark courses up his blade and into the flesh of his arm and he flinched away. It actually wasn’t bad, although probably enough to kill off small species, like their old Masters. But it does nothing to discourage him, as his visor locks on the motionless form of the dragon. The fact that the dragon thought this would be enough to protect him; maybe from those tiny aliens, but definitely not from him. It was enough to push his irritation out of his mind to be replaced with smug amusement.

He’ll show him how useless this was.

Lifting his claw high, he struck the sphere with strength, sparks erupting from the impact. His other claw followed, slashing into the same spot to weaken it. He continues, increasing the amount of force with each blow until he can make out a crack.

A smirk grew on his beak, and his visor began to glow before a blast of his laser shoots at the weakened spot. On impact, the beam scattered into smaller extensions of itself, increasing the area of damage. It proved enough and the shield shattered. The red wisps of energy flung outwards, dissipating into the pink haze around them.

With a chuckle, his eye settled back onto the dragon lying in a puddle of his own blood. At least it looked as though all that twitching from earlier has stopped. Coming closer, he took notice that Ghidorah looked... thinner somehow. Yeah, he was definitely thinner, he can even make out the shape of the bones in his tails. Something was wrong, very wrong.

“Ghidorah, you awake?” Probably not, given the lack of a reaction to his precious forcefield being destroyed. Those six eyes were still open, still glassy and unfocused. Even those crests have lost their glow. He gave one of those faces a light kick with his foot. Nothing.

The damn thing doesn’t even breathe, so he couldn’t use that as a means to check for life. Does Ghidorah have a heart? A pulse to check? If he bleeds, he probably has some equivalent to such, right? He pulled up the files in his memory bank of what his Masters knew about the wyvern, but beyond the origin of his existence and the mind-control chip, they had nothing else. No anatomy, nothing.

It took a moment before Gigan abandoned his efforts to dig deeper, and he decided to test for life the only way he knew how. He kneeled down beside the dragon and with a blade, he sliced a cut through a patch of scales that was still free of blood-stains.

He scanned the wound for a few seconds before realizing, the dragon wasn’t bleeding.

....

Shit.

#ghidorah #king ghidorah #gigan #godzilla #gigadorah #gigan did an oopsie

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