#like i wanted to post the idea but my brain was like

[bookobsessedfreak]

laughter like honey dribbles ◦ l.f

-an inexperienced Felix tries to impress you by forcing his voice deeper. What do you do when it cracks mid-through?

Paring◦ Lee Felix x Fem!Reader Words◦ 1123 Genre ◦ The fluffiest smut you'll ever read, awkward sexual situations, realistic sex where life isn't all butterflies, orgasms, and rainbows. Warnings ◦ Reader is described as having a vagina, laughter during sex, Felix being a big baby, embarrassment (what's new), ruined orgasm ig? Ngl i feel like half of this is just a bunch of me yapping and terrible punctuation (if you find any errors PLEASE let me know, thank you). A/N ◦ Okay, this is my first time ever trying to actually write something and post it, so your feedback is veryyy much appreciated. Just remember to be respectful, gentle, and kind. Ofcc credits to @kaciidubs + @whatudowhennooneseesyou who came up with the whole idea, but I just used it because it inspired me, so big thanks to those beautiful people. <3 Without further ado, please enjoy this tooth-rotting smutty fluff. ~CookieCreates🍪

You can feel him all around you, chest to chest, skin to skin, heart to heart. Your bodies melded together flawlessly, as though you were molded to fit into each other's arms, and, well, each others…

He pumps in and out of you ruthlessly, perfectly tipping you closer and closer to the edge.

“Please,” you whimper, wrapping your legs around his rutting hips, wanting him closer, harder, deeper,

Fuck.

“What do you want, baby?” He slams his hips harder into yours, prodding all the perfect places. You choke, a rush of pleasure vibrating through your bones. “Use your words.” He pants, nibbling on the soft skin of your neck, his voice deep and low, the seductive sultry tilt sends shivers up your spine and tingles to your core. 

“Say something, anything, your voice drives me crazy,” you whine, throwing your head back in bliss. A shrill moan rips from the back of your throat as you feel your orgasm quickly approaching, electric hands reaching out to you. You brush the tips of its fingers; trailing rings of fire seem to be tickling your skin, raging beneath your bones. 

So close.

So close.

So close.

You reach, all you need is,

“Good girl.” Felix doesn't know why he did it, forced his voice lower, deeper. At the time when ecstasy was rushing through his veins, it didn't seem like such a bad idea, until he went so deep it cracked.

He wants nothing more than for the earth to crack open and swallow him whole.

He stops.

You stop.

The world stops for a moment, and all you can see are his big, brown eyes blown wide with shock. The room is completely silent; the only thing being heard is the rough pounding of your hearts and the hard blinking of your eyes which seems like all you guys are able to do. You stay like that forever. Watching. Waiting. For one of you to take one for the team and cut through the growing tension in the room. You curl your lips into your teeth, breaking the awkward stand-off on whose either going to laugh their ass off or pretend that nothing happened and continue to fuck, but with your orgasm long forgotten and the previous raging heat of the room now dwindling to nothing more than a few flickering embers, the laughter that bubbles up in your throat is beginning to be too hard to contain.

Heat floods his cheeks as he blinks, still in this weird form of fight or flight mode. His muscles tense beneath your traveling fingertips, overcome with the humiliation that burns through his chest, and figuring no matter how much he's praying for the earth to swallow him up, Mother Nature is not coming to save him, so he shoves his face into the crook of your neck, hiding from your amused stare instead. 

“Baby,” you chuckle softly, sympathetically, the sound reminding him somewhat of delicate strings of honey that float through the air. Even with the regret coursing through his veins, the sound sticks to parts of his brain that only you are allowed to occupy, so basically, all of it.

He could sum up his life with you in one simple sentence: cotton candy kisses and laughter like honey dribbles. He groans, digging his face deeper into the soft skin of your neck, the same neck that's littered with the love bites he bestowed not even moments earlier.

Oh, how the world changes. 

You can't help the spree of giggles that spill from your mouth.

“Can you come out now, please?”

"No, I'm good. I think I'm going to live here, die here, eat here, sleep here. You might as well get comfortable, baby, cause I'm staying here for the rest of my life!” He says erratically, digging his face deeper into your skin.

“My dramatic baby,” you coo, running your fingers through his hair, still damp with sweat. Time seems to trickle by as soft bouts of breathing fill the air. The heat of his cheeks burns into your neck as you attempt to coddle him out of the embarrassed home he's made in your body.

"S'embarrassing,” he mumbles, voice muddled by the depth in which he has burrowed into your flesh. 

“What was that, baby? I couldn't hear you from the home you've made in my neck.” You tease, a playful smirk dancing on your lips. He lifts his head, shooting you an equally playful but unamused glare. You have to push back the laughter that threatens to leave your lips as you take in his red cheeks and shy eyes. He looks so adorable and yet so sexy at the same time. You don't know if you want to jump his bones or bake him a batch of cookies. The best part is that you know you're going to be able to do both. You lift your eyebrows, sending him a look that states, "You have to admit that really was funny," which he reciprocates with a bashful smile, not quite meeting your eyes, giving you a look back that states, "I know it was funny, but right now I'm too embarrassed to say that currently."

That's what you loved about your relationship with Felix—you didn't always have to communicate with words. Your hearts did the talking for you.

“Come on,” you giggle, “you have to admit it was kind of funny.” He rolls his eyes, a wide smile creeping onto his face. "Yeah, I guess it was kind of funny.” 

You snicker, “Thank God, cause the laughter wasn't going to hold itself in for very long.” 

"Ugg, I hate you.” His words were as soft as silk, holding not even a centimeter of malice. He buries himself back into the permanent place he's made his home. 

“But I love you.” You whisper, your lips grazing the crown of his head, soft hairs tickling your chin.

You loved Felix, and he loved you, and even though the mood was ruined and hope for an orgasm was gone, you wouldn't trade it for the world. How could you when he was exactly that. Your world. 

“Okay, as much as I hate to say this, you can't live inside of me forever; my pH levels have to be screaming right now.”

When you were a girl and the coughs started coming, your mother used to give you honey in a spoon and a tickle to the stomach, telling you that laughter was the best medicine, but mixed with the slick amber liquid, your laughter would always sound like honey dribbles, the perfect cure, but with Felix, you never had to worry about being sick because laughter was all the two of you ever spoke.

©CookieCreates (posted: June, 2nd 2024) All rights reserved. Do not translate, copy, or claim my works as yours! I only post on this platform so if any of my works are elsewhere, report and notify me immediately.

#felix x reader #IM SO FUCKING NERVOUS TO POST THIS OMG #but its okay ill survive #ngl kinda felt like this was me just saying the same thing over and over #ugg me and my terrible tendency to ramble #CookieCreates #lee felix smut #felix smut #felix fluff #lee felix #stray kids smut #skz #lee felix x reader #lee felix x you #lee felix x y/n #lee felix x female reader #felix x you #felix x y/n #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x reader #stray kids #please dont let this flop #i reread this so many times the words literally started to blur together 😭 #lee yongbok #felix yongbok #lee felix hard hours #lee felix hard thoughts #skz smut #stray kids hard thoughts #inexperienced Felix

[laligraves]

a wedding in june

cult leader!joel miller x virgin fem!reader

[18+] | wc: ~3.2k summary: You run from Joel on your wedding day. masterlist | AO3

warnings: HBO Joel, TLOU AU, dubious consent (i'm so serious don't read if it makes you uncomfortable), some proofreading, post-outbreak, commune/cult vibes, arranged marriage, mentions of infected/gore/violence, no use of y/n or too many details on reader's appearance, some face slapping, loss of virginity (and some pain associated to that but only a few sentences), outdoors sex, oral (f! receiving), squirting, unprotected sex, creampie

a/n: i promise i have other ideas rattling in my brain besides dubious consent 😭 i have a whole wip chart with tons of ideas that i hope i can write

You run faster at the sound of shouts behind you. Sweat drips down your temples and fear makes your heart beat erratically, but you don’t dare stop. 

The outer gates are only a few more hundred feet away. All you need to do is get past the trees and you’ll be able to escape. You don’t have time to think about how this will be your first time venturing outside of the commune. 

Everything you were taught about the outside, about the orphaned souls and monsters that lurk, none of that matters. Not when you’re more terrified at what your future will bring.

Joel Miller. The man who in just a few months, cleared away the hundreds of infected in the nearby valley. Joel, who in the commune’s monthly hunting trips, manages to find everything from venison to medication. 

The times you’ve been close enough to Joel, to feel the heat emanating off his body, you can almost taste the violence that simmers beneath his skin. Instead of it scaring you, like it would any sane person, it excites you. 

The longing in his gaze whenever he looks at you makes you dizzy. There’s a pulse of heat between your thighs each and every time, one that will only go away after you ride your pillow until exhaustion. Whenever you face him again, after you’ve dreamed of him taking you, you wonder if he knows what you do in the privacy of your room. 

There’s no denying that he’s saved this commune from the brink of starvation. Of course everyone, including you, is grateful for the kindness of a stranger. But in the months he’s been here, their gratitude has turned into pure devotion. 

Your parents practically pushed you into his arms the moment Joel asked about you. Normally quite level headed, your parents have begun to treat Joel like a God. You thought Joel would find their insistence of marriage off putting, that he would be an honorable man and let you choose your own path in this place.  

You were wrong. 

Your parents saw it as an honor that out of all the women in the commune, Joel chose you. The books and pretty dresses he finds on his trips are only a sign of how devoted a husband he will be, at least that’s what your mother tried to tell you.  

And the times you tried to speak to Joel and get him to rethink this marriage? Don’t worry about it, pretty girl, was all he would say before he’d send you off. 

You can imagine him in your bed and fantasize about him in your dreams, but to be his wife? Especially now that he’s been chosen to lead the commune—you want nothing to do with that. 

A denser path to your right has you changing directions, wishing to throw them off your trail. You can still make it if you run through here. 

Except it’s too late. Strong arms grab and push you into the lush grass. 

“No,” you scream, “let me go!” 

“What’s wrong with you,” Joel snaps, “don’t you know what’s out there?” 

“I don’t care,” you scream out childishly, “I’d rather be out there than be with you!” 

He climbs on top of you, grabbing your wrists in one hand and pressing them above your head into the grass. He leans on your thighs to keep you still and grabs your chin with the other hand. 

“Listen to me,” he insists, “you don’t know what you’re sayin’. You know nothin’ of what life is like outside these walls.” 

He digs his fingers into your cheeks and shakes your head slightly since you refuse to look at him. 

“Joel, did you find her?” your father calls out from a distance. 

“Yeah, I got ‘er.” 

“Great, let’s go back and finish the celebration–” 

“No,” Joel calls out. 

“Joel–” 

“Leave,” Joel interrupts. 

He continues sitting on you, putting most of his weight on your trembling body. The white dress you're wearing, a satin piece that he found on their last hunting trip into the town, rides up dangerously close to your panties. 

“I need to teach you a lesson in respect, wife,” Joel growls. 

He stands and just when you think you can escape again, he yanks you up with him. Joel holds your arm tight with one hand while taking off his belt with the other. He spins you around and brings your wrists behind your back, using the belt to bind them together. 

“You wanna see what’s out there? Since you think you’re so tough?” Joel asks, not waiting for an answer and instead dragging you to the gate. “I do everything to make this place safe for you, darlin’. But this is how you repay me? Runnin’ off at the first chance you get?” 

You’re surprised at his words and the sincerity of his voice. He sounds almost… sad. 

“Practically beggin’ to be out there with those fuckers instead of me?” he continues, “The only man who can truly protect you?” 

You reach the gate and your heartbeat picks up again. You’ve never been out this far. In fact, you’re acres away from the actual commune. While the gates are secure and regularly enforced, you can’t help but feel truly terrified that something will grab you just outside these barriers.  

“I’m sorry, Joel–” 

He stops, spinning you around and landing a hard slap, slap, slap on your ass. 

“You address me as sir.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” you cry out, “I learned my lesson. Let’s–let’s go back.” 

Joel ignores you, choosing instead to march you right to the gate. He keeps one hand on your arm and uses the other to maneuver the many locks and wires on the barrier door until it finally opens. 

“No, please! I said I was sorry! I wasn’t thinking!” 

He drags you out and for the first time in your life, you’ve left the commune. Despite only a metal gate separating both sides, this area seems devoid of life. 

He walks and walks until you wonder if you’ll pass out from the panic. You fall to your knees and Joel crouches right in front of you. 

“Your daddy ever tell you about the infected?” Joel whispers, tilting your chin up with his index finger. “How they’ll bite and rip into any part of your flesh.” 

“No, please,” you whimper. 

He drags a finger down your neck and over your exposed collarbones, leaving goosebumps in his wake. Your nipples tighten as he glides his finger over one breast and then the other. 

“Once they’re done with you, if there’s anything left, then you become just as mindless and violent as them. Forever lost–” 

“Sir–” 

His hand tightens around your neck, cutting off your words. 

“It’s not just one, babydoll. They like to travel in hordes. Makes it easier to find their victims.” 

Your air supply thins and blood rushes to your ears. You squeeze your thighs unconsciously as the pulsing between them only grows. Joel ghosts his lips over yours and your eyes flutter closed without thinking. 

“But it’s not just them,” he whispers over your lips, “there’s non-infected out there. People who won’t think twice about hurtin’ a pretty girl like you. Killin’ ya’ just for fun.” 

You’re not sure who kisses who first. It’s not the chaste kiss the two of you shared at the altar. It’s rough and has you pressing your body close to his so you can take every swipe of his tongue or bite from his teeth. He continues holding your neck, lightly squeezing so you have no other choice than to gasp for air. 

You fall back at the push of his hand on your chest. He flips you on your side to untie his belt from your wrists. You attack the moment your hands are free, sliding your hands through his salt and pepper hair and tugging him down.

Joel hisses but returns each of your kisses and bites with his own. You hear the squawk of a crow from above and you're immediately reminded of where you are. 

“Wait, sir,” you gasp, “not here. Take me back to your–our house–” 

He drags his teeth down your neck, rubbing his beard into your soft skin and biting down. 

“Thought you’d rather be out here than with me?” he says, repeating your words from earlier.  

“No,” you whimper, trying to push him off, “not here. I–” 

He reaches your chest and sucks your nipple into his mouth right over your dress. Your words are cut off and you're arching your back, trying to push more into his mouth. 

Joel makes room between your thighs and grinds down as you twist his wavy strands of hair between your fingers. His hard bulge rubs over your pussy and your whimper at the roughness.

He pinches your other nipple between two fingers then leans back to tug down the straps of your dress. Warm, summer wind glides over your now naked breasts and you shiver. 

“Look at these pretty tits,” he groans, “all mine.” 

Joel yanks the skirt of the dress over your tummy and runs a finger up and down your panty-covered pussy. You shamelessly grind down on his hand and cry out the moment he lands a harsh slap. 

“Please,” you beg with what's left of your sanity, “take me home.” 

With the same technique as before, Joel holds both wrists in one hand and uses the other to rip your panties off. You try to close your thighs from the sting of the elastic, but he’s quick to stop you. 

“Christ,” he whispers, “now ain’t that a beauty.” 

With two fingers, Joel swipes through your slick folds and brings them up to his mouth.   

“Mmm, sweet girl. Needa taste of this pussy.” 

“What do you mean—“

You try to remind Joel of just where the two of you are, but he fits his broad shoulders between your thighs and fuses his mouth to your pussy. 

You’re surprised, stunned silent by the heat of his mouth on your most intimate parts. You’re by no means ignorant of what a husband does to his wife—you’ve read enough of the romance books your mother keeps hidden in her bedside table and heard enough stories from your friends to have an idea of what happens on a wedding night. 

But never did you imagine it would feel like this. His beard and mustache only heighten the sensitivity between your thighs. The setting sun and the dense forest that surrounds the two of you should add to your terror, but Joel manages to put your attention elsewhere. 

His tongue lashes repeatedly over your clit and down to tease your entrance. You throw your head back onto the grass and stare through blurred vision at the purple sky, uncaring of where you are and of what creeps in the dark. 

He’s greedy, eating away at you like you're the last meal he’ll ever have. You’re slick and sticky, painting his face with your juices, making it easy for him to push a thick finger into your entrance. 

The stretch burns, but he calms you with a swipe of his tongue on your clit and the vibrations of his moans on your skin. 

“Your parents were right, you are a virgin,” he groans, pushing on the little piece of thin flesh that separates the rest of you. “Gonna be a tight fit, baby.”

You have no time to think about when your parents had that conversation with him. Instead, you're dumbfounded at the size of his fingers. You whine, unsure of what exactly you're asking, but nonetheless chanting more, more, more into the air. 

Joel manages to slide a second finger, curving them and pressing on something bumpy that makes you twitch and see black dots in your vision.

He stretches and scissors his fingers in your tightness, opening you up more and sucking your swollen button between his lips. Just when the heat is about to consume every inch of your body, he stops. 

“No,” you whine, trying to yank his head back to your thighs. 

Joel dodges your hands and laughs at the desperation written all over your face. He leans down, pressing his wet face to yours in a sloppy kiss, forcing you to suck on his tongue. Riding your pillow doesn’t compare to this.  

Just as before, Joel rips away and catches your wrist right when you reach for him. 

“If you woulda been a good girl, I woulda eaten this virgin pussy till mornin’,” he says while unbuttoning his jeans. “Made you ride my face and cum as many times as you wanted.” 

You barely understand how someone could ride a face, and yet you clench and gush around nothing, wanting his mouth or fingers back. You see the dark, curly hair at his base before he pulls out his length. 

“But for bein’ a brat, I’m gonna make you come on my cock instead.”

The tip is swollen and leaking a white-ish liquid that makes your mouth water at the sight. He lets go of your wrist and gently slaps your face. 

“Are you listenin’ to me, girl? I won’t fuck you if you ain’t payin’ attention.” 

“Y-yes, sir. I’m listening.” 

Joel laughs once again, noticing the dazed look in your eyes. 

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll make it fit.” 

There’s a craving inside of you, one that has you suddenly feeling so empty, that if he doesn’t fill you with his cock you think you’ll die. You repeat the word over and over in your head. 

You’ve read it more than enough times and heard it through hushed giggles from your friends, yet the way Joel says the word, the way he squeezes and twists his hand over his cock, you finally understand what the word truly means. 

Your fingers and the handle of your hairbrush were never able to give you what you so desperately seeked. You always stopped before you went in too deep, never able to take that final push inside.

He spreads open your thighs and you lean up on your elbows to try to catch a glance at what he’s doing. You see your sticky fluids stuck on your inner thighs and over the tip of his cock. He pushes in just an inch, and you gasp at the thickness. 

“Fuck, tight little thing,” Joel moans. “Need you to beg f’me, baby.” 

“Please, please, sir,” you answer quickly, “please, I–I want it!” 

He sinks in another inch, his face pinching in barely controlled restraint. 

“Say–fuck, say ‘I need your cock, sir’.”

The words are caught in your throat as you try to adjust to his size. Joel doesn’t like that you take too long to answer and slaps your cheek. 

“Answer me.” 

“I need your–your cock, sir,” you whine. 

“Again, fu–again,” he demands. 

You try your best to repeat his words, except he’s too far gone now. There’s a pinch, a rip of thin flesh and suddenly he’s sliding all the way in. You claw at his arms and at the grass to get away but he’s gripping your thighs, pressing deeper and whispering take it, pretty girl and you ain’t getting away from me.  

You feel full, so incredibly full. You’re split open, ripped apart just for him. 

“I know, baby. I know,” Joel coos, “it’ll hurt only for a minute.” 

His thumb rubs tiny circles on your clit and he leans over to press kisses on your eyelids and cheeks, licking away the tears that fall. 

The stretch burns, but his groans of pleasure and his gentle kisses have a warm glow spreading through your body. Joel notices the change in you and glances down to watch your hips move in small circles. 

“There we go, baby,” he moans, “knew you’d like it.”

He pulls out slowly, keeping eye contact with you and watching each pinch of your brow and flutter of your eyelids. 

“Saved this pretty cunt just f’me, yeah?” 

“Yes, sir,” you whisper, pushing away the sweaty curls from Joel’s forehead. 

He picks up the pace, curling his hand behind your knee and pushing it into your chest, arranging you like a doll. The pain now completely gone, you lay there, running hands over his arms and watching the sweat drip down his temples. 

Every slide of his cock kisses the very end of you. Your hips move and twist on their own accord and you have no choice but to cry out into the night sky. 

“Takin’ this–this big cock like a good girl, yeah?” Joel groans, watching his cock plunge in and out of your little hole. “Need you–fuck, need you to say you’re mine, baby.” 

“I–I’m yours, sir,” you whine, feeling a twinge in your core, “yours, yours, yours.” 

You dig your fingers in his neck and drag him down for a kiss. He grunts as you bite deep enough to draw blood. 

The thoughts from earlier, about running away from him, leave your mind. Even if it hurts a little, even if you aren’t prepared to be a wife, this is exactly what you need. And you won’t let anyone else have him.

“You gonna cum, girl? Gonna cum on your husband’s big cock?” 

This time he doesn’t stop you. His hand squeezes your neck and he traps you into the ground, pistoning his hips into your slick cunt. Your oxygen lessens and your cumming, numbness and white heat spreading throughout your body. 

“Just like that, baby,” Joel growls, “soak my cock.” 

You're gushing on him, painting the hair at his base with sticky juices. You tremble in his arms and claw at the hand that squeezes your neck. Joel doesn’t let up, fucking into your limp body, loving the way you mewl underneath him.  

He moves in short thrusts, stiffening and letting out an animalistic grunt into the night sky. He presses his head into your neck, sucking and biting into your soft skin while he spills his seed inside of you.

"Take my cum, baby. Take it, take it," Joel moans.

You clench around him, massage his cock with your inner muscles. Every drop of his cum belongs deep inside of you. 

With the little strength left in your body, you run your fingers through his hair. Joel's hands move to grip your thighs and he grinds down, spilling the last of his cum into your cunt.

"You belong to me," Joel whispers. "Don’t ever run again."

You lay there in the grass, breasts bare and pussy full of your husband's cock.

"I won’t," you promise. 

Joel leans back and slowly slips out. There’s a twinge of red mixed with his cum that he wipes up with your ripped panties. He lays down next to you and brings you in close so that your head is placed on his chest. You listen to his heartbeat and the sounds of crickets around you.

You think about the long way back to Joel's–well now your house too–and then you remember exactly where the two of you are.

"Sir, we're outside of the gates what if something or someone comes–we don't have any weapons–"

“There’s another gate a few miles out," he interrupts, "I installed it for extra protection around this place.” 

You drop your head on his chest from relief and exhaustion. Joel rubs a hand down your back and squeezes your arm. 

“I’d never put you in harm's way, pretty girl.”

-

general taglist: iloved1lfs0

ps: i know that there has been other cult leader!joel fics but in no way shape or form have i copied those works for this. if there is something major in my work that sounds similar to someone else's, it's purely by coincidence. i respect each person who takes time out of their day to write FREE content and the last thing i'd do is steal their storylines 🤍🤍🤍

#joel miller x you #joel miller x female reader #joel miller smut #joel miller tlou #joel miller x reader #hbo joel miller x reader #dark joel miller #dark fic

[venusandsaturnsrings]

every time someone normal seeming likes one of my tame posts i feel the need to post something deranged… like firing off warning shots to keep rent down… anyways…

did he like getting rough in bed? yes, most definitely, but boothill had never delved into anything further than smacking you around, choking you, or getting a bit mean with his thrusts and words. anything more… serious, for lack of better words, hadn’t been on his plate before mainly due to him not previously having a real relationship and not being super into little flings; something insecure still nibbled at his body. yet he still wanted to try something new and exciting that would let him have real control over you in a way he hadn’t before so, he began scrolling through forums and sites with his phones volume silenced as he perused different kinks and ideas for something that would scratch that itch. then he found it, just the kind of thing he’d been looking for.

preparation was nothing more than a couple minutes of thinking and testing the scrappy motels stability before he sat himself on the edge of the bed, hat thrown on the table that was missing something that made it rattle obnoxiously. he waited, metal and silicone uncomfortably strained and needing your touch in his stupidly tight pants, for your arrival. when you walked in, boothill was immediately on his feet wrapping his iron arms around you while cooing something about a surprise that made your gut stir. he kissed you sweet and gentle before taking you further into the room where in a neat row atop the bed sat an array of weapons you didn’t think he’d even be able to carry. some you couldn’t even identify with the sharp edges and complex triggers seeming to contradict each other. yet stood behind you chattering about testing, ‘all these beauty’s out on my beauty,’ was boothill who somehow procured all twenty-two; you counted. with a thick swallow, you asked what exactly he’d be doing to which he smiled all sharp teeth and practically demanded you strip.

naked and admittedly nervous, you watched as he plucked a long and slender knife from his charcuterie of weaponry. the blade was at least six inches and when he dragged it across the poor quality cotton and something trashy sheets, it made a clean slice through. even boothill seemed surprised, whistling quickly before bringing the blade to sit firm against your throat. he seemed eager and giddy and he hadn’t hurt you before so you doubted he would now but then he slide it across and you felt the bite of metal split your skin. ruby beaded and slipped down your chest as your eyes stung and he pushed you back to lap up every drop that threatened to slip down and away from sight.

he brought the blade across your whole body, silver nipping at every place he deemed appropriate until you were shaking and hazy beneath him. boothill hummed to himself more than anything as he finally brought himself between your legs for his prize.

“ya’ trust me a bit too much, sugar, but don’t cha’ worry,” he slipped himself through your wetness admiring the crystalline tears travelling your lashes, “gon’ take good care of this lil hole now. once ya’ wake up, we’ll have a nice big talk ‘bout yer silly head bein too dumb to understand danger. then, maybe, have a go at this with my gun. not gon’ blow yer brains out, promise. my darlin’s too pretty to be splattered on the wall…”

#cw: gunplay #cw: bloodplay #cw: blood mention #cw: dubcon #cw: manipulation #smiles rubs my legs together #<- WHAT… #i think he’s cute when he gets turned on by blood and killing #rolling smthn in my brain abt ipc reader getting [REDACTED] by boothill <3 #boothill x reader #boothill x you #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr smut #honkai star rail smut

[specshroom]

Here me out for mer stuff

Maybe human is shipwrecked and a mer (perhaps one that keeps treasures like an octopus) saving you and keeping you in a little underground cave with an airbubble until you get better but you both start getting closer... maybe they become obsessed with you

You're stuck in the cold and a seal person or penguin person offers their body heat to you since it's very insulating... and theres otherways for them to make you even warmer

Getting passed around a pod of dolphins and otters cause they're very sexual and otters hold onto you as you rest between round since they hold hands with partners

Electric eels/lungfish giving you little shocks as it coils around you.

A deep sea angler lady with a hynotizing glow that wants you to be a part of her with all the other men she's absorbed.

A jellyfish who's tentacles secrete aphrodisiacs instead

Urchins with a super soft underbelly!!

A clam trapping you in their shell or an anemone keeping you within it

Betta fish wrapping you in their fins

Also imagine perhaps a parasite or amoeba from the water entering and forming a symbiosis with you... you have a bf in your head that speaks with you and though he can't touch you he can make you feel things by messing with your brain and bodily functions

Tha k u for entertaining me

ANON YOU'RE A MIND READER! I WAS JUST THINKING OF DOING A MARINE HYBRID POST!

It was gonna be like an addition to the bird hybrid post but I was having major writers block and I couldn't think of fuckall.

BUT YOU! UR SO BIG BRAINED OMG.

My faves were the:

• Octopus hoarding reader like treasure 🥺

• The electric eel shocks! Yesss

• I fucking hate dolphins cus they scare me but Otters on the other hand are soooo cute. Passing you around and just snuggling you into their soft fur when u need a quick nap. Have you seen the videos of otters massaging each other? Yes exactly like that.

• ooooh I just know the angler fish and the jellyfish hybrids would be so scary and intimidating in such a sexy way, uknow? Like "Oooo am I gonna eat you or fuck you? Oooo let's find out"

• The amoeba boyfriend is very interesting 🤔 especially since u can't really break up lmao. How would u even have disagreements? Because he's basically you? I definitely want to revisit this idea.

#anon if you dont already have a writing blog u should make one. so serious. #thank you for your contribution #i think ill still make more hybrid posts like the bird one i just need to think of....good ideas lol #specsanswers #monster x human #monster x reader #monster lover #monster fucker #monster boyfriend #monsterfucker

[rottingcorps3s]

Could I get another older man! neighbor!price thing? (maybe some Headcanons or oneshot of them becoming official) I beg of thee!

(Brain went to the one tiktok audio going : KENDRICK!!!! DROP ANOTHER DISS TRACK! AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!)

YES!!! I GOT YOU BBY!! I already had some other ideas brewing, thank you for the ask and hope you like it! \(@^0^@)/

this is angsty at first, but has a happy ending!

continuation of this post…

-

my personal opinion, i feel that John wouldn’t jump straight into the relationship following your…recent activities…i feel like he’d have doubts, not because of you! not at all! but because of himself. he’d pull away from you, which only lead to things being complicated. it got to a point of him avoiding you where you took it into your own hands and cornered him in his own home.

“why’re you avoiding me?” you asked sternly, your brows furrowed with frustration; hands balled up into fists by your sides. “you come to my home and-and use me and nothing comes out of it?” you were serious, stern, straight to the point.

“i mean-come on john, we talked for hours that night!” you were getting upset now, your lip quivering as you looked off into space, a sad look in your eye as you remembered the conversations.

you had both expressed wanting more than a one-night stand. wanting more than just to ‘mess around’. you had shared similar feelings in wanting to find someone to build the rest of their life with.

john wasn’t sure what to say, too scared that he’ll say the wrong thing. he didn’t want fuck this up. it was too good to be true, and a part of him thought he was being punked. or it was some sort of sick and twisted karma the universe was repaying him with.

“say something!” you spoke again, this time louder than before, but not yelling.

he inhaled deeply before he finally spoke.

“i do want it.” he confessed, his tone sincere, but it wasn’t enough yet. you stared at him, waiting for him to continue. “i just wanna do it right.”

“court you, date you, wine and dine you, however you wanna put it.”

you stood silent for a moment, your frustration seeming to dissipate as you absorbed his words. you simply nodded.

“a heads-up would’ve been great…” you mumbled.

john approached you, slowly, timidly. as if he were trying to tame a cat. you let him, watching him as he reached out for you and held your face in his big hands.

“you sure you wanna be with an ol’man like me?” he asked, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. you rolled your eyes at his question, pursing your lips.

“well not that you mention it…” you pretended to contemplate, resting your finger on your chin. “i wouldn’t of cornered you for an answer if i didn’t!”

he chuckled, a large grin on his face as you smiled sheepishly at him. “let me make it up to you…i’ll do it right this time…”

you agreed.

-

john showed up at your front door later that night, a small vase of fresh flowers in hand. you tried to hide your smile as you took them from him, running excitedly to put them on your kitchen table for display.

you returned back to where he stood, he looked delicious. he had cleaned up his facial hair, giving it a well needed trim. his hair was freshly washed and styled. he was in something casual, as were you. something cute but still comfy.

john held his hand out to you, which you took. you had opted for an at home date. both of you slightly disgusted at the thought of going to a busy restaurant downtown on a weekend. we’ve got all the time in the world to go to fancy places. you’d said, he agreed. he couldn’t help the feeling of his heart swelling in his chest at your comment.

all the time in the world…

john walked to over to his home, kicking the door closed as you both entered. he was quick to lead you over to the kitchen, where you were met with a dimly lit room and a beautifully set table.

you both immediately dove into the meal, bouncing silly conversations off each other the rest of the time. there was a small break in conversation, john was cleaning up the rest of the meal when you decided to finally ask.

“who was your company the other night?”

john smiled to himself at the mention of them.

“uh-“ he chuckled, “some old coworkers.” he said simply. you listened along.

“from when you were enlisted?” he simply nodded. it was silent again, he looked up to see you staring off into space, clearly thinking something through.

“captain…” he heard you mumble, followed by a small giggle.

“you got that right.” he said, his tone thick with humor, “the boys-“ he stopped, thinking, “they’re jealous.” you looked at him, your face full of question.

“jealous of me.” he continued to elaborate. he was done with cleaning up, sitting down on one of the chairs right next to you.

“jealous that, i got a pretty little bird makin’ me homemade meals…” he continued, you smiled. your cheeks flushing bright red. “comin’ over, wearing a cute li’l sundress…”

the energy in the room seemed to shift as he kept talking, it was powerful. he was powerful. each time he spoke, it demanded attention. he was able to make an entire room of people listen to him.

he was staring at you, more than just your face. his eyes roaming over your entire body.

“they tried your cookies.” he smirked, his hand reaching out to grab your own, gently running his fingers up and down your arm.

“never heard those boys make so many promises to a single person.” it made you laugh.

“i’ll remember to make more next time.” you said. he hummed in response. it was quiet again. comfortable. he was looking at your face again, eyes locked on you.

“you-“ “can-“

you both started to speak at once. stopping to let the other person talk. john’s mouth hung slightly agape, anticipating, waiting for you to say your part first.

the moment was tense. the only thing you could hear was the sound of your breathing.

“john…” you said quietly, gently digging your nails into his forearm as you pulled him towards you.

“i want you so badly…”

-

YESSSSSS i love using dialog from the first part to mesh it with the second part 😩

#call of duty #cod modern warfare #modern warefare 2 #captain john price #john price #john price x reader #john price cod #captain price #price mw2

[lovelynim]

All's fair in love and war

Honkai Star Rail - Aventurine x Caelus

A/N: This time I'm happy to post an official commission for none other than @eliankrios himself. Thanks for being such a kind customer and for your patience and understanding!!! I hope you like it!

Summary: Countering Aventurine's luck takes more than just skill, but if you're going to play dirty, you shouldn't let yourself get caught...

Word count: 2975 words

Caelus was ticklish - a fact that Aventurine happened to discover by accident, but one that he was particularly interested in. 

The problem, however, resided in the fact that there wasn’t a way to test it by himself. Aventurine had met Caelus not long ago during his business trip in Penacony and his interactions with the mr. Stellaron were limited to a few flirts or really-well-intended gifts. Tickle him was not an option - at least, not until now.

“W-what?” Caelus gasped, nearly choking on the SoulGlad - which Aventurine bought him - and smiling shyly, looking at the man next to him. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“No,” Aventurine chuckled charmingly, resting his head on his hand. “I’m just curious about it, my friend, and I decided to make a move. Maybe 20.000 will do, then?” He smirked, loving the flustered face on the other guy’s face. This was a bold move, but Caelus didn’t push him away so… there could be a chance. And who better than Aventurine in taking risks?

“I-I’m not talking about money,” Caelus mumbled, placing the bottle down on the counter. “You can’t… buy your way into tickling me, that would be weird,” he explained, surprised at the words that were coming out of his mouth. Caelus never expected to use them in the same sentence, but here he was.

“Hmm, would it?” Aventurine looked away, pretending to think about it. Of course he expected Caelus to refuse such an offer - he wasn’t really the prude kind of guy, but being offered money in exchange for getting tickled would set anyone off. “I apologize then, friend. Could there be another way?”

“Another… way? Of tickling me?” Caelus’s upper lip twitched slightly, only finding this situation more and more confusing. No one ever needed… a way. It would be just him fooling around his friends and it happened. And Aventurine was his friend. Why couldn’t he just do it… normally? “I…”

Aventurine chuckled again, sitting upright before finishing his drink, placing the cup over a couple of bills. “Hahah, your face is priceless. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to weird you out. Forge-”

“Wait,” Caelus said, with a hint of excitement in his voice. His eyes sparkled, as if he just had an idea. 

Aventurine arched his eyebrow, tilting his glasses a bit and looking over them to meet Caelus’s eyes. “Hm? Do you want another drink, my friend?”

“No, not that,” Caelus chuckled, shaking his head, “you can tickle-”

A gasp left Aventurine’s mouth, unable to hide the content he felt by hearing those words. “Oh, really? Hahah, why did you change your mind, my-”

Just as he was about to reach for Caelus, he moved his hands around and grabbed Aventurine’s wrist instead. The confidence in his smirk sent a shiver down Aventurine’s eyes - he knew that kind of expression. It was the kind of expression people made when betting all the chips in their hands. The blonde felt his heart skip a beat and looked down to Caelus’s hand tightly holding his wrist.

“If,” Caelus added, “you can beat me in a game.”

“...oh,” Aventurine couldn’t deny he was impressed. When did Caelus get so bold? Not that he disliked it or anything, but it certainly did something to the chemistry of his brain. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” Caelus nodded, letting go of Aventurine’s hand and resting his own over his hips. “But! If you can’t, then I will tickle you instead.”

This was getting interesting. To think Caelus would deny his money for a game… “If you want to play, my friend, then I'm more than happy to be your opponent, but I will need you to state the terms more clearly,” Aventurine mused, sitting back down and crossing one knee over the other, “I can’t join a game if I don’t know the rules, after all.”

“Hmm… just one round,” Caelus explained, gazing into the distance as he tried to think. He was slowly starting to regret just suggesting it without thinking twice. “A-and the winner gets to… tickle the other for as long as he wants. Sounds good, no?”

“Hahah, it does, my friend,” Aventurine laughed, amused. He was thinking of a couple of minutes for that amount of money, but Caelus’s offer proved to be even better. “Still, one question remains: what game are we playing? Poker? Roulette? Baccarat?”

Caelus's eyes widened. He should’ve really thought about it before.

He had nearly zero experience in that kind of game - he just came in contact with it recently thanks to Aventurine, who always managed to sneak a round or two while they hung out together. Still, those times were enough for him to know that Aventurine was incredibly lucky and never - or, at least, rarely - lost.

If they were to play something like that, Caelus knew he didn’t stand a chance. He needed to turn the tides in his favor. Unless…

“Poker. A round of poker will do, right?”

“Mhm,” Aventurine nodded, taking off his glasses, “I think I have a spare game in my room. Would you accompany me, my friend? We can play there and… let the victor enjoy his prize there as well, away from the curious eyes, hm?”

“S-sounds good,” Caelus chirped, hoping his plan would work out…

…

How?

Aventurine looked at the cards in his hands and at the ones Caelus just showed him. It didn’t make sense, he could swear Caelus was bluffing just now and-

“W-woah, beginners’ luck! Hahah,” Caelus giggled brightly, letting himself fall back in Aventurine’s bed, enjoying the comfort of the soft mattress. “I could swear I was going to lose that, you looked so scary!”

“B-but…” Aventurine muttered, slowly taking off his glasses and double checking the cards: an ace, a king, a queen, a jack and a ten. Royal Flush. A perfect victory for mr. Stellaron. “H-how did you get this hand?!”

“Hm?” Caelus muttered, lifting his body and supporting it on his elbows as he looked at the blonde. “I was just lucky, I guess.” He moved his shoulders slightly, shrugging at it. Aventurine pressed his lips shut, his hands clenching at the bedsheets.

He couldn’t believe that outcome. Was Caelus actually an experienced player all this time? Did he fail to notice something? Just as Aventurine was about to start to overthink, his eyes caught a glimpse of Caelus throwing the cards away, shoving them off the bed.

“Cae-”

“So,” the guy positioned himself between Aventurine’s legs, resting his hands over his knees. His face, inches apart from the blonde’s, had a smirk instead of his friendly smile playing on his lips. “Do I get to enjoy my prize now?”

Aventurine widened his eyes in realization. “W-well, I- hngh!”

A strangled squeal left his mouth before he could voice any concern. Aventurine quickly eyed Caelus’s hands squeezing his legs, just above his knee caps. His touch felt almost electric, the sensation running from where Caelus’s fingers touched him straight up to his brain.

Aventurine jerked his legs, throwing himself back in a vain attempt to escape the other man’s touch. Caelus seemed amused and, if it wasn’t for the fact that he was about to pay the price for losing their bet, he would be flustered by the sight. 

“Oh, so you are ticklish!” Caelus cheered, crawling a little closer to Aventurine and cornering him against the soft mountain of pillows behind his back. “I wasn’t so sure about it because of how quickly you agreed to play.”

“C-Caelus, wait a sec- aAHAH!” An uncharming, loud cackle echoed around the bedroom when Caelus grabbed Aventurine by his waist, pulling the blonde a little closer. “I-I wahahant another- ahAHAh, r-round!”

“No happening,” Caelus smirked, his fingers slowly picking up the pace and starting to wiggle against Aventurine’s sides, fiddling with the thin, delicate fabric of Aventurine’s shirt. 

Caelus’s touch was curious, fitting for someone who was treating that moment as some sort of experiment. The idea of Aventurine being ticklish didn’t really cross his mind until the man himself inquired about it.

Beginning to dig into Aventurine’s lower sides, Caelus couldn’t help but let out small gasps of surprise when the other’s reaction exceeded his expectations. “Heheh, is Churin a little ticklish right heeeere? ~” He cooed, his hands taking turns between poking and clawing, covering all the extent from Aventurine’s hips to his lowest set of ribs with gentle, playful tickles.

And, for the Amber Lord, how much it tickled. Barely seconds having his body touched like that were enough to make Aventurine’s facade crumble. Added to the tickling, the teasing made his cheeks flush, contrasting the color of his golden hair. “S-slohohow dahAHAHAWN!!” He whined, gritting his teeth while hoping it would help him control his reactions.

But it didn’t.

Each poke and each stroke sent a new wave of that funny feeling - not exactly pain nor pleasure, but something that made his stomach swirl with butterflies and his head spin, leaving Aventurine laughing and euphoric.

Caelus, who had already made himself comfortable in Aventurine’s lap by that time, was also surprised, yet amused. Maybe it was thanks to the drinks the blonde had earlier, but tickling Aventurine was rather… easy. Not because of how ticklish he was, but there was almost… no resistance. “Churin,” Caelus cooed, almost pouting as if he was disappointed, “why are you not fighting back? Do you just want me to keep tickling you that bad? ~”

 Of course, the only answer he could get out of Aventurine at that point was him shaking his head frantically. Still, if he would dare to speak the truth, maybe he wouldn’t deny the accusation so promptly. “C-CahAHAhaelus!! W-wahahait a sec- ahAHa, s-second!” He pleaded, struggling to keep up with the energetic pace of the other’s hands, that seemed to flee from one spot to the other.

In a moment, Caelus was pinching Aventurine’s waist, making his legs kick out in reflex and throw any remaining cards off the mattress. Then, if he tried to reach for those nimble hands and stop them, they would quickly move to his stomach, poking around his navel in a way that made Aventurine whine in his laughter.

If Aventurine, after that, tried to suck in his stomach and curl up to defend his poor, ticklish body, Caelus’s hands would climb up his ribs, clawing at them and playing them as some sort of loud, but - according to Caelus - somehow cute, instrument. Of course, trying to stop his hands there would inevitably end with Caelus tickling Aventurine’s underarms, prodding and vibrating his fingers into that soft spot and making the blonde literally shriek, turning his cheeks even redder.

All this was happening too fast, cycling over and over before Aventurine could get used to any of that.

“AHAhahah, p-plehehease!” Aventurine laughed, weakly tapping at the back of Caelus’s arms, “I c-cahan’t breheh- eheh, breathe!” He gasped, feeling small tears of mirth clinging onto his lashes and hanging on the corner of his eyes. 

Aeons, why did he even agree with such terms in the first place?

Maybe because he was blinded by the confidence in his trust and didn’t properly consider the negative outcome - which was clearly proving itself to be more than he could handle. Maybe he, indeed, allowed the alcohol to get the best of him and his rational side ended up left in reality.

Or, last but not least, his crush for Caelus made him stupid enough to think he would be able to handle getting tickled. After all, besides him, Caelus was also smiling, laughing and even trying to tease him with that silly nickname he came up with during one of the nights they hung out.

Well, whatever it may be, the fact was that Aventurine was also ticklish. Perhaps even more than Caelus. And letting himself simply get tickled like that… definitely wasn’t the best of his ideas.

“What’s wrong, Chu~ rin~?” Caelus mumbled, finally showing the blonde some mercy and, instead of restlessly ravaging his torso, changing his hands’ motion to just some light squeezing on Aventurine’s sides. “Does it tickle a lot?”

“I-it dohohohes!” He groaned, his rest resting tiredly against the pillows. His cheeks were already feeling a tad sore and Aventurine couldn’t remember the last time he laughed so much. “C-Cahahaelus, you- hnngh, ah! C-c’mohohon!” 

“No no no,” Caelus teased with a grin, not letting Aventurine get too comfortable as he shifted his focus back to his ribs. “I won the bet fair and square! And I want to tickle you more!”

He sounded like a spoiled brat acting like that - not that Aventurine didn’t enjoy spoiling him rotten whenever they went shopping, but this request in particular was just too hard to attend! “J-just- ahAHaha, just a breheheak! You can t-tihihickle m- ahAhAHA, I wahAhahasn’t done tahahalking!”

Caelus stuck his tongue out while grinning cheekily, moving his hands to tickle Aventurine under his arms again. The terms were clear, there was no room for negotiating breaks or things like that now. Caelus was having just too much fun with this new fancy squeaky toy to consider a break.

Whether or not it was possible to die inside a dream, Aventurine felt like he was going to find out the answer really soon if he didn’t get Caelus to stop. His limbs, already weakened, couldn't do much against the restless fingers roaming and tickling his body, making his head spin - probably because of the lack of air.

Then, with what seemed to be one last desperate attempt of saving himself, Aventurine tugged at Caelus’s jacket, pulling him with all the strength he had left. He wasn’t exactly sure what he would do after that, but as long as it gave him a break, it should be enough.

What followed, whoever, seemed to be another episode of Aventurine’s luck saving his skin. As Caelus planted his hands against the bedpost to avoid crashing into Aventurine, something slipped out of his sleeve. Judging by mr. Stellaron’s desperate expression, that was…

“...a-a card?” Aventurine mumbled, holding the card between his fingers. 

“W-what?!” Caelus squeaked, nervous and not-suspicious-at-all. “H-how did it end up there? Hahah…”

Aventurine smirked and a chuckle escaped his lips. He tossed the card aside and couldn’t help but to laugh a little louder. “Ah, my friend… you never fail to amaze me, do you?”

Cheating.

Right, how did he not think about something like that earlier? It probably happened when he was too distracted by Caelus’s clumsy and cute card shuffling tricks to notice that the cards that “accidentally” fell off the bed didn’t return to the stack.

When Aventurine sighed, done laughing at the picture that just formed inside his head, he looked up to meet Caelus’s gaze, filled with anxiety and fear. “S-so… you’re not mad?”

“Of course not, my friend,” Aventurine smiled, cupping one of Caelus’s cheeks. “Remember? ‘Go ahead, use me as you wish, even stab me in the back when you see fit. Exploitation and treachery are simply tools of the trade’... and so is cheating, I suppose.”

Caelus sighed in relief, making the mistake to already jump to the conclusion that his actions wouldn’t have consequences. Of course, he was wrong.

Aventurine moved his hands down, from Caelus’s cheek to his shoulder, and pushed the guy back, making him fall back-first in the mattress. “But, my friend, you forgot that I don’t make deals that don’t pay off.”

“C-Churin, wait a sehEHEHCOND!” Caelus cackled, quickly shooting his arms down and pressing them against his body when Aventurine tickled his armpits. “AHAHA- I’M SOHOHORRY!” 

“Hm? What for?” Aventurine tilted his head, faking a confused expression as he savored both the taste of revenge and sound of Caelus’s laughter, along with the feeling of having him giggling under his touch. “I need you to elaborate, my friend, loud and clear. What are you sorry for?”

“F-For cheheheating! AhAHAah, C-Chuhuhurin!” Caelus squealed, his voice cracking slightly when Aventurine’s other hand began to target his waist, making him trash and giggle like a little kid.

Unlike Caelus, Aventurine wasn’t so energetic or nimble when it came to tickling. Instead, he was going to spot after spot, making sure to put them through some extensive testing and enjoying how each of them made Caelus laugh differently.

Tickling Caelus under his arms would make him cackle loudly and, sometimes, even make his laughter go quiet. Down to his ribs and side, Caelus’s reactions were less extreme, but it was still so easy to get him laughing and squirming around - it also made him look the cutest in Aventurine’s opinion.

His favorite one, so far, were his thighs. As Aventurine sat on top of Caelus’s knees, his hands could claw and pinch at every inch of Caelus’s thighs. Tickling him there was surprisingly fun since he would try to reach for Aventurine's hands, only to fall back in a fit of laughter when he noticed he couldn’t reach them. Of course, it was also the perfect chance to tease and touch him there.

While putting all his body through a test, Aventurine also managed to squeeze a couple secrets out of Caelus, getting to know even more than he first planned to. “Sigh, so you planned cheating in our game from the very beginning, my friend?”

“Y-yehehes!” Caelus cried out softly, giggling tiredly as Aventurine’s thumbs dug deep into the sides of his legs. “B-but thahahahat’s all! I prohoHOhomise!”

“My, ‘that’s all’? Of course it is, it’s everything we did today, my friend. And you were cheating the whole game!” Aventurine feigned an offended tone, sneaking one hand under Caelus’s leg to pinch the back of his thigh while the other pinched his knee cap. “Since you’re so eager about my games, maybe it’s time for you to learn how we deal with cheaters in the casino ~”

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail tickling #caelus #aventurine #caelus x aventurine #avencae #ticklish!aventurine #lee!aventurine #switch!aventurine #ler!aventurine #lee!caelus #ticklish!caelus #switch!caelus #ler!caelus #tickle fic #commission #nim's coffee shop #to: eliankrios

[kritterscribbles]

I FINALLY GAVE MY SHADOW A PROPER DESIGN REF *EXPLODES*

I've been meaning to for ages now but I kept getting sidetracked by other things, but it's done now and I'm super happy with it!! A couple design notes just bc I want to set my thoughts down somewhere:

Given that my Shadow is based in/on the canon from Hitoshi Ariga's manga, that's the design I pulled from and based this off of. However, considering Shadow is supposed to be stealth unit, the brighter, cream-colored accents from both the classic!verse and Ariga—while nice—kinda scratched at my brain wrong? So I tried to keep the design, but darken the colors.

Muffler is red because this ref is post-Stardroid Arc. Before that point he still had his blue one, and I like the idea his new red is somewhat of a tribute.

Yes, that is a hip chain. Yes, those are piercings. While I'm not entirely sure when he got each of them, I think he had them by the time of the Stardroid War.

Eye makeup I am also unsure about, but that's only because i need to figure out if it's printed on his skin or it's something that will eventually need to be re-applied.

Extra sketches n stuff under the cut:

From left to right, top to bottom: Uncolored Kuiperdroid concept, what his body looks like under the armor, A closer look at his piercings, and back engravings I was toying with.

#kritters scribbles #megaman #mega man #rockman #shadow man #shadowman #if u know him: hiiiii guys he has a proper ref now #if u don't know him: hiiiii say hello to my harlot of a shadowman

[anamericangirl]

The Israel vs Palestine conflict is such a long-spanning and insanely complicated thing that there's literally college courses that revolve entirely around the subject. There's people who have been studying it for 70 years who still barely understand it. There's historians with PhDs trying to piece together anything they can that could help them figure out a means to potentially instill a ceasefire or even peace altogether who have failed time and time again for decades if not literally centuries.

And yet people with 7 years of Twitter experience think they know enough about the conflict to pick a side and vouch for the destruction of the opposite side.

The amount of times I want to say "Shut the fuck up you fucking stupid idiot, you know literally nothing about this conflict, you have no idea what's actually happening, I bet if I asked your opinion on the Two State Solution you wouldn't even have a fucking clue what that means" on a daily basis reading these actual braindead moronic 16yo Twitter users' dipshit opinions who keep citing celebrity blue-checkmark Twitter posts as evidence to vouch for the eradication of a middle eastern country they don't even know a fucking thing about is STAGGERING.

I'm in my mid-30s and I stay out of politics on all sides because I am not qualified in any way to form opinions on matters so serious that they may or may not result in people being killed, and it fucking pisses me off that people half my fucking age are telling me that I should support Palestine or Ukraine or vouch for the genocide of Israel or join ANTIFA or BLM or put #FreeTaiwan in my fucking twitter bio.

You actual braindead stupid fucking morons have absolutely no clue what any of these conflicts actually mean, none of them have anything to do with you, go back to bitching about girls in video games being too sexy and shut the fuck up about actual real conflicts because you're a fucking moron if you think you know anything about what you claim you're in support of.

I swear to God if I see one more Twitch player playing Fortnite ranting about the Israel Palestine conflict and telling people that donations during their stream go to Palestine, Ukraine, Taiwan and LGBT activism centers, I'm gonna go feral. It is so unbelievably belittling to people who have spent their entire life researching and educating themselves on these conflicts to be able to build an understanding, that a dipshit who collects loli bestiality porn and plays Metroid Prime on Twitch thinks he's on the same level as those researchers.

PREACH! It's so fucking annoying how everyone suddenly thinks they're experts on this conflict when before October 7, 2023 none of them even knew it was happening and they're just cringey ass brain dead parrots saying what they're supposed to say without doing their due diligence to at least get somewhat informed on the matter before boycotting Starbucks, using hashtags and swapping the Ukraine flag for the Palestine flag and thinking they're doing something.

What really gets to me is when influencers I follow, like apolitical ones who are grown ass adults, jump on the bandwagon and are actually orchestrating fundraisers for Palestine and it makes me so fucking mad because they absolutely have no excuse for that. I just want to scream at them "hey! you know literally every cent you raise is going straight to Hamas and no Palestinian will ever get a single penny!! It's all going to buy weapons to kill Israeli civilians. YOU ARE LITERALLY FUNDING GENOCIDE AND TERRORISM YOU ABSOLUTE BUFFOON!!!" I don't have a shred of respect for people who talk about all the terrible things happening in Gaza but don't have a single word to say about the atrocities Hamas commits daily in Israel. Not one of them has condemned or even mentioned the attack on October 7th. Fuck every single one of them.

#anon #answered

[spicymotte]

How fandom culture killed my creativity

hi. I have some thoughts about my time in a huge fandom and how it changed me:

First of all, I would like to say that these are my personal experiences in a large anime fandom. I have made very good friends with whom I am still in contact today - and I was exposed to a kind of brain rot that has changed the way I deal with art forever. However, this does not apply to every fandom/every person.

this - essay? - is way longer than I thought it would be. More under the cut:

In 2020, after a long break, I was able to get excited about One Piece again. Until then, I had always considered art important to me and I had never been able to do it professionally. (maybe someday...!)

The One Piece fandom is huge. There are now over 1000 manga chapters and anime episodes, which is gigantic; and the fandom itself is just as huge: millions of fans love this manga/anime and exchange ideas about it on the internet. I was previously very limited to tumblr, but then I ventured into OPtwt, the One Piece community on Twitter. There is a lot of fan art, fan fiction and small cliques that like the same character. There is something for everyone. It was great! I had a hyperfixation phase on OP before, in 2017. Now it came back - so violently that I realized very quickly that I could hardly think of anything else but One Piece.

Hyperfixations involve two major factors: an intense obsession with a character (or theme/media/whatever), which often brings with it a bottomless well of inspiration and motivation for artists – and a strange influence on brain chemistry. Neurodivergent people are prone to difficulties with the release of happiness and rewarding hormones anyway, and even though I am in no way qualified to make grand statements, as a person living with AuDHD, hyperfixations are both a blessing and a curse.

Often, the neurodivergent niches in the fandom communities are very lively. On extremely interactive social media like Twitter, TikTok and Instagram, you are flooded with posts of fan art, discussions and also escalation. It quickly becomes stressful for the brain to keep up with it - especially if you manage to accumulate a large number of followers. (also a blessing and a curse!)

I started posting fanart and OC x canon in 2020. I spent most of the last three years on Twitter and I have to say that it set me back in some ways. At first, I was slow to get to know people through fanart, but then I got to know people very quickly: fellow artists that I am still good friends with today and, unfortunately, people who have also succumbed to an incredible, destructive brainrot. I had chosen a character (or rather, my brain did) who plays almost no role in One Piece. All the better, so I pretty much had him to myself and I could do whatever I wanted. The OC x canon community is generally very friendly and respectful, so I found quite a few people who liked what I drew. Cool!

And then it started. With fanart and a small fan club for my OCs, I got more followers and more likes. More retweets and comments, more notifications. The algorithm started to like me and the growth increased steadily. My fandom (OP) account grew, as did my reach.

I checked Twitter more and more. Every free second I took my smartphone in my hand and checked my notifications. I reloaded the page until I had a new notification. I repeated this on Instagram and tumblr. Sometimes I catch myself doing it today, even though I haven't been active in this fandom for over a year!

Likes were good, retweets better. Every notification of an interaction with my art was a push on the feel-good button in my brain. It's very addictive, even if I talked myself out of it at first. The pandemic was at its peak and the internet was the only way to meet friends anyway. All this shit was fast food for my brain.

Then I started drawing fanarts, even though I didn't feel like it. But the likes had to come from somewhere, didn't they? I drew favorites from manga, characters that I didn't even like that much myself. But they were popular, so that promised likes and reach! Every single day, really every day, I drew fanarts. I was disappointed with myself if I didn't.

As of today, my two One Piece art folders have 80GB of data in it! what the fuck!! That's not normal!

I learned a lot during that time and was able to develop my art. I was able to participate in projects, to draw for several zines and also had a lot of fun – but I treated it like a job. Making fan art your job is very difficult – and has a lot of consequences. If you run a merch shop (as I did for a short time), you always have to follow the hype and draw what's in style. You switch fandoms because the hype has just burned out and the next new thing is already in style. If you're one of the first to offer keychains and stickers - or plushies - you make the big money. That brings profit, but in my opinion you can very quickly step on the wrong foot in this jumping around and slip into burnout. (Or stagnate to such an extent that you lose all motivation to refine your artistic skills and become better at your craft.)

I see friends of mine, many of them, who are trying to live off of fandom merch. They all have one thing in common: their skills in art have remained absolutely the same over the past few years or have even declined. If you have to churn out a new batch of merchandise every week, you have to cut corners. There is no time for experiments and crazy studies when you can hardly live and have to produce merch/fan art that sells 100% well.

I don't mean to offend anyone - it's just that I've been thinking a lot about my own setbacks as an artist since I've been dealing with them so intimately. And I've definitely made some setbacks!

In 2021-2023, fandom life continued and got worse and worse. Checking my smartphone, drawing something every day to post it - just so that the algorithm doesn't sort me out. Posting daily is the number one rule on all Social Media, unfortunately. But I did it, no matter how burned out I felt.

And then there were the dramas on Twitter: internet puritans, antis and proshippers were screaming at each other and tearing each other to shreds (a trap I almost fell into myself! anti and pro are the biggest bullshit ever and I'm lucky enough to have reached a point where I can say: I don't give a shit lol). Callout posts, vague tweeting and aggression instead of simply blocking and moving on. Harassment that I myself experienced: I blocked a few people because I found them strange and unpleasant. They posted explicit things that I did not want to see on my timeline. This triggered a wave of harassment that was simply disgusting. These are people who hate their own lives so much that they can't do anything but feel miserable and stalk strangers online. Admittedly, this made me paranoid: a group of people had chosen me as a target. They passed around screenshots of many of my tweets and made fun of me, copying and stealing my art 1:1. They lied and cheated to make me look like an asshole – and this went on for years. It made me paranoid and was the first step away from fandoms, as it escalated more and more.

So, I was successfully bullied out of the fandom and my hyperfixation was over. It left a terrible void that I am still trying to fill today. Neurodivergence sucks, I'll tell you.

That's when I honestly asked myself for the first time: What the fuck am I doing here? When did I become a content machine for strangers on the internet? Why the hell do I feel so bad when I don't draw for a day? And why do I care what strangers think about me?!

Then I realized that I can't draw anymore.

Without references or the 3D models from Clip Studio Paint, I'm lost. When I try to draw something without any help, I sit in front of an empty canvas. My hands don't do what they're supposed to do and my brain blocks the thought of how drawing even works. My eyes only see the mistakes I make. Everything I draw looks bad to me.

I realized I have a problem.

So I try again and learn it all again from scratch: Anatomy, perspective, color theory, everything. But every time I sit down and try to put something on paper, there's nothing there. I've been drawing things every day for the last four years. Now my hyperfixation on this character and this manga is over and there's nothing left. I've been burning the candle at both ends and I've broken something in the process. Art is no longer something I enjoy. I need art to live and breathe, no doubt, but… the barrel now has a bottom again and it's empty to the last drop.

The little motivation I can muster goes into my webcomic, which is my everything. It's just mine, not a fandom. I feel honored that so many people read this comic. At the same time, I'm afraid that it's not enough; in my eyes, my art doesn't look good. Being surrounded by perfect illustrations on social media all day long distorts one's own perception of art, like the beauty industry that gives you body dysmorphia. On top of that, I haven't had any financial success with my comics in recent years, none at all. The dream of being an independent comic artist has receded so far into the distance that I can no longer see it. Bummer.

The constant stream of content that I gave during my fandom days has set me back incredibly. I can no longer enjoy the process of art, but my brain constantly pushes me to finish it, to have a finished product - because then I can post the drawing and get the virtual handshake that my weird brain likes so much.

Social media detox, of course, is the first thing that comes to mind. It's actually bullshit that we're all so addicted to these apps, but here we are. It's uncomfortable for me to admit, but I have hardly any friends in real life. I'm very introverted and many people find my autism very unpleasant (I can't blame them, I often come across as rude), so I only have 1-2 friends. I would like to have more friends, but maintaining social contact is terribly exhausting. It's hard enough to reply to my mutuals in the DMs (sorryyyyy if I forget sometimes………).

And what if I just take a break for a while and don't draw so much? Recharge my batteries? Right now I'm taking a 6-week break, partly because my jaw surgery is coming up soon. I'll be sick anyway, so why not put the webcomic on hiatus and take a break for a while? I don't know if it will work out, but I have a hunch that it won't, because I always have the fast-paced internet in the back of my mind. How can I be a freelancer if I don't do fanart? How can I make money with it to help my partner, who is currently financing our lives, financially? How can I, as a disabled person, find a job that I can do and at the same time build my career as an artist? As an independent comic artist, I have to do the job of so many people (artist, author, manager, taxes, work organization), how am I supposed to do that?

I have no answers to these questions. Original works don't go nearly as well as fanart! So you have to work ten times as hard and play by the vague rules of the algorithms, which is exhausting enough. Nowadays, you can only be lucky and ride the viral wave if it falls into your lap.

But reflecting on my time in a huge fandom has made me realize that I was going down a very wrong path and am now experiencing the consequences. I'm completely burnt out and no longer know why I'm even making art anymore. I don't know if I want to make art much longer. (I think shit-life-syndrome plays a big role here, but not exclusively.)

As I said, I don't have any answers - but I would at least like to warn those who are having difficulties with distancing themselves from the internet and are quickly losing themselves in this maelstrom of social media.

I have since deleted Twitter from my smartphone and, fortunately, have hardly ever used TikTok (dodged a bullet there!). I try to get back into traditional art and get away from my computer. I am all the more grateful to the people, my community, so to speak, who do nonsense with me on tumblr. They read my comics and are extremely nice to me, which I really appreciate. Thank you!

I don't know yet if and how it will continue, but I would like to finish Berserkir in the next few years. I'd love to find a way to finish all the short comics I want to make, even though it's just me and not a whole team. Maybe I'll find a way, maybe I don't. Anyways, thanks for sticking around!

#long post #really long. #but uh! yeah! this is just my experience with fandoms and social media as an artist. thanks for reading! #writing this made me very sad about what I have lost BUT I am so glad I wrote this. off my chest and so on #+

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I know you've touched on it in your Gamzee Essay/general alternative timeline post but may I hear some more about your ideas regarding GamTav (or only Tavros)? You get these two in a way the broader fandom doesn't (which is fine, I'll still reblog even the most vanilla ooc art of them) so I'd really love hearing more of your thoughts:3

Ok, I think this is going to be someeewhat controversial, but I think they're destined for pale together, despite Gamzee's initial flushed flirting. I did in fact reread ALL of Tavros's logs for this.

I think the first thing we need to establish is that Tavros actually feels really shitty about himself. It's obvious that his problem is "self-esteem," since he's constantly prattling on about it, but there's a bit he says as Tavrossprite that's pretty enlightening as to where his actions stem from:

TAVROSPRITE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY WITH YOUR SOCIAL IMPASSE, cAUSING NOT GOOD REFLECTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO DOUBLE AS LIBERATING STUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YOU RANDOMLY DECIDE IS FINE SUDDENLY, TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, aND GUYS YOU ONCE CALLED FRIENDS, TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE ARE VERY HARD, TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE OVER TIME THEY GET EXPOSED TOO MUCH, tO ALL MY FLAWS AND INSECURITIES, TAVROSPRITE: aND THEY START LIKING ME LESS BECAUSE OF THAT, TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, tHAT'S HOW THE TRUTH FEELS, iN MY BRAIN, TAVROSPRITE: sO i START THINKING, mAYBE THEY CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME, aFTER ALL, iF i'M GOING TO WANT TO FEEL NOT SAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME,

He has a mixture of self-loathing and social anxiety, the latter of which exacerbates the former, as his mind tells him that his friends secretly hate him. However, his real problem is what he then does with those feelings - he avoids them and the situations that cause them. This causes two major knock-on effects: the first is that he actively ends up distancing himself from people who ARE nice to him and DO care about him, only adventuring with Vriska because he's a pushover and she's very pushy (he adventures completely alone up until that point, and winds up sleeping almost all the time afterwards); the second being that, because he refuses to actually sit with and address his negative feelings about himself (or anything else), he's never able to fix them, or remove himself from shitty situations.

Something consistent with Tavros is that every time he tries to make a decision before his death and Vriska-prototyping, it's by trying to rely on something external - whether that's his imaginary friend, his robot legs, or the story of Pupa Pan... or relying on advice from Kanaya, or seeking approval and forgiveness from Vriska, or earning flushed interest from Jade. He believes himself to be deeply flawed and untrustworthy, so he allows other people to make his decisions, and when relationships do get intimate enough that someone might get him vulnerable, he peaces out. Even his ill-fated attempt to kill Vriska is heavily encouraged by Vriska herself:

AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE, AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M TERRIFIED OF YOU, AT: aND nOT AS STRONG, AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT, AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT, AG: Yeeeeeeees? AG: Go on. AT: i THINK, AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU, AG: Yeah! That's the spirit. AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it's a start. AG: Tell you what. AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me. AG: I'll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything. AT: oK, AT: tHEN, AT: hERE i COME, AG: I'll 8e w8ing. <3

As we see with Jade, whom he's attempting to flirt with flushed, he's actively trying to impress her using "self-esteems" explicitly gained from "fake" things he's acknowledging as fake - that is, refusing to be genuine and vulnerable with her, because he doesn't believe anyone would like him the way he actually is.

AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT, AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO, AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU, AT: iSN'T THAT, AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS, AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE, AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT,

His "dating" Vriska in the dream bubbles is also dubious and one-sided at best, as John calls him out for faking it and Tavros isn't willing to bring up wanting the Ring of Life because he was planning to propose to Vriska. Thus, once more, he's attempting to use something disingenuous (in this case, a human proposal) to win another person's affection, which he believes would be a symbol of actualizing his "self-esteem".

We also literally see him do the "deciding someone wasn't actually important to you after all, so it hurts less when you cut them off before they can hurt you emotionally by noticing your flaws" thing with Nepeta - he actually quite likes Nepeta, and would certainly have enjoyed having her play the game with him, but he assures her that it's not a big deal basically immediately, and insists he'll just find someone else:

AC: :33 < tavros im sorry i cant be on your team :(( AC: :33 < im not allowed AT: oH, AT: tHAT'S OKAY, AT: tHEN i GUESS HE SAID NO, tHEN, ... AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps AC: :33 < but i still f33l bad AT: i'LL FIND ANOTHER PLAYER, iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, AT: gOOD LUCK, bEING, AT: oN THE BLUE TEAM, AC: :33 < ok thanks :((

But, perhaps most strikingly, is the way he leaves his good friend Gamzee on read after Gamzee suggests... gasp... intimacy.

TC: WhEn wE Up aNd sTaRt tO KiCk aT ThIs rEd TeAm NoIsE, TC: YoU ShOuLd mAkE YoUr wAy tO GeT YoUr hAnG On aT My hIvE. AT: oH, yES, tOTALLY, TC: We cOuLd sPlIt a tIn oF ThE PiMpEsT SnEeZe i gOt oN HaNd, BaKeD Up aLl sPeCiAl fOr yOu. TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe mAkE OuT A LiTtLe. AT: uH, TC: ;o) AT: , AT: ,,

It freaks him out, and he's never seen hanging with Gamzee again. And this is a huge shame, because not only is Tavros one of the only people who is nice to Gamzee and appreciates his religious beliefs, but Gamzee is one of the only people who hears out Tavros's genuine insecurities and desires without making fun of him:

AT: tHE ONLY THING MORE FLY THAN THE RHYMES, AT: i'M SAYING TO EXPRESS ALL MY MALICES, AT: iS THE ABILITY HE HAD i WISH WAS MINE, AT: iNSTEAD OF i GUESS, THIS EXCESSIVE PARALYSIS, TC: (lOoK OuT FoR ThE HoOk bRo!!!) TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS! AT: bUT HIGH, iN THIS CASE, hAS DOUBLE THE MEANING, AT: iT MEANS HE CAN FLY, pLUS DOES HIGH SELF ESTEEMING, AT: tHAT'S TWO THINGS HE HAS, tHAT i'D RATHER WERE MINE, AT: hIS TWO FLAPPY WINGS, aND hIS BIG HEALTHY SPINE, AT: oOPS, AT: tHAT'S THREE THINGS,,, TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!

(Compare:)

PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW, PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK, PAT: lYING DOWN, PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK, CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY??? CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

He isn't able to do a REAL self-confidence at least until he gives Vriska the bird and flies away, for the first time asserting that he thinks she's an asshole and doesn't actually want or need her validation or approval. After that, he's able to convince a ghost army to follow him using friendship and asking and niceness. Breath powers! Also Page powers! Also actual self-esteems! Although I don't personally hold anything after Game Over as anything more than soft canon, I think we can still see a fairly straightforward character arc reach a natural conclusion there.

But as to why I specifically think him and Gamzee are destined for pale, despite what appears to be flushed leanings from Gamzee's end, and despite the fact that I usually believe what the comic tells me, is because what brief few interactions we see between them are very much pale in nature, and it would be kind of narratively bizarre if Gamzee were set up to have a failed moirallegiance - the quadrant described as "soul mates" - without managing to find his real soul mate after. And who's it going to be? Equius? Or the guy that Gamzee literally says he feels "at chill with" talking to?

Gamzee kissing Tavros's corpse is often used as evidence for his desire for flushed, but I disagree - however Gamzee feels about Tavros romantically, kissing a dead player is how you revive them, so it reads to me - especially given how sad Gamzee is about Tavros dying - more like a desperate act to bring him back. Lest we forget, Terezi also gives it a try, and Karkat kisses Kanaya for the same reason - the reality that their extra lives are gone hasn't sunk in yet for these 13 year old kids, so they must try revival even if they know it won't work.

Moreover, Gamzee indirectly describes Tavros as his "best friend," after having called Karkat that through most of the game, and having an implied pale crush on Karkat during that time.

TC: YOU MOTHER FUCKING KNOW, BROTHER. TC: its the fuckin puppet. TC: THE ONE THAT'S ALL GOT TO BE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND I GOT NOW. TC: now that my other buddy managed to be having his head chopped off. :oC

Moreover moreover, what Karkat cites as being the cause of their moirallegiance's failure is Gamzee's religious beliefs:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE.

Which are explicitly what Tavros invites Gamzee to speak on, and appreciates:

AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH, AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY, AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS, AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS, TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo. ... AT: dO YOU HAVE TIME FOR, mY MIRACLES, rELIGIOUS FRIEND, }:) TC: Do yOu gEt yOuR NoTiCe oN Of tHe mIrAcLeS AT: sO MANY, uH, gRATUITOUS EXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, tHE MAGIC MOTHER, aLSO eXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, TC: FuCk yEs, HeReS WhErE ThE SlAm tUrNs tO NoThIn bUt hOnKs... TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk AT: HONK, TC: FuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuCk! AT: iT'S LESS APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO DO THE HONKS, tHAN YOU, bUT THAT WAS STILL GREAT, TC: YeAh, BrO. yEaH!!! AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

But also in Tavros's single conversation with Gamzee, we see Tavros stand up to a highblood:

TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk AT: }:o), hEH, TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO! TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT? AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST, AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO, AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE, AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS, TC: hAhAhAhA. AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT, ... TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH. TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA. AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT, AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,

He feels safe with Gamzee, enough to take a bit of an attitude with him, enough to open up about his insecurities about his disability and how much he wishes he was like Pupa Pan, and Gamzee explicitly states he feels calm when he talks to Tavros, which is the stated function of a moirallegiance.

TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA, TC: ThIs iS BeAuTiFuL, dUdE, i fEeL So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu. AT: yEAH, fRIENDLINESS WITH YOU IS, pRETTY MUCH ALWAYS NICE, aND FUN TO HAVE,

And the thing is, trolls are constantly getting into moirallegiances when they want to be flushed (Eridan, Kanaya), having palecrushes when they want to be friends (Gamzee), and winding up flushed with their moirail (pale solfef is forshadowed in the same breath as pale erikar, and they don't seem to confirm a matespritship until after Sollux's actual flushed crush, Aradia, explodes). Especially for Gamzee, who was neglected by his lusus and struggles with social interaction to the point where he feels like he has to hide his real self (casteist beliefs, constant talk of religion and murder, which, by the way, come out when he talks to Tavros), it'd be easy for him to mistake the "instinctive attraction" of moirallegiance for the passions of matespritship.

These thoughts are all pretty disorganized - I'm really sorry, it's super late/early for me and I'm exhausted for other reasons - but I hope that that . was what you wanted? hahah

#homestuck #gamzee makara #tavros nitram #gamtav

[midnightmayhem13]

Hii! Could I request the marvel ladies reaction to reader referring to them as her girlfriend for the first time <33

now i see daylight

this is so adorable! and ofc coming rightt up(ultra delayed post)

warning!- some suggestive bits(nothing specifically said)

Carol Danvers

once awhile, u and the girls go to a fancy jazz club. usually it's an excuse for you guys to dress up and get wine drunk and wake up feeling refreshed, albeit a lil hungover. this time, you and your lovely gf Carol go as a together. you wore a stunning navy blue dress and she wore a casual navy suit. Carol was drooling over you and she couldn't stop staring at you but you were also obsessing over ur sexy buff ass gf. you walk in hand in hand and go around the party talking to ur friends. you and carol separate for js a moment. when ur friends head home u sit there sipping ur drink alone and a man comes to sit next to you and start bugging you. "hey beautiful, you here alone?" "no im actually with someone" you answer sternly. thanks to Carols quick reflexes, you don't have to suffer long. she puts a firm hand on ur back and kisses the top of ur head. but thanks to the drinks he doesnt take the hint. "why don't u take me home dove; i'll show you want i can do." you and carol giggle. as she's about to say smt, you interupt. "actually" leaning into Carol, putting ur hand on her stomach as her hand goes over ur shoulder. "i'm gonna be taking my beautiful girlfriend home so you can go now." Gosh you've never looked sexier to carol. she honestly js starts fawning over you and lets out a THATS MY GIRL and hugs you super tight bc her heart js melted. you're so proud about being with her and she cannot contain the blush that's on her cheek. you two walk out (ur lipstick all over Carols face and neck) she's so giddy about the events that happened and cannot stop kissing u all over. it's like ur first date all over again and honestly, she can't wait to call u her wife!!

Darcy Lewis

Darcy is the smartest girl you know. and naturally as an Avenger you introduce her to Tony and safe to say he's very impressed with her and pats you on the back for finding such a brilliant girl. everyone likes Darcy too!! she makes you happy, she's hot, she's loyal, and mf is a Dr and an astrophysicist!! you always flaunt that. well when a big company asks the avengers to come work with them bc some sort of anomaly (think wandavision but no one's dead bc i said so) has accured and they need some brains and brawns. while tony and bruce alone were smarter than all of the companies scientists; they bit off more than they could chew. after a few weeks of all the scientists working at it, they only advance a bit. you go home and darcy comes over and you rant to her about it bc ur fed up. and suggest the idea of bringing her to help and she considers it. she spends the night so she might as well tag along and see what she can do. at first the companies big boss disregards her and even tries to push her away from the monitors. you grab his wrist "don't you touch her. and just so yk my girlfriend is smarter than all ur stupid scientists so i suggest you let her take a look so she can fix wtv ur men can't" Darcy is actually frozen to her spot bc that was so hot. the heat from her cheeks spread all the way down and she's at a loss for words. her face turns bright red and she nudges you too stop cutting the guys circulation off (she's well aware you'll break this guys arm for her). she thanks you and kisses ur cheek as she sits down. give her a few hours and BOOM. she's gotten to the bottom of the problem and has two possible ways to fix it, they both end up working. Darcy bugs about how much you brag about her. you give her a whole speech on why she's the greatest women ever as you hold her. she loves you with her whole heart and has never felt safer in her big bad avengers gfs arms.

Maria Hill

Even though Maria is always incredibly busy with Shield, and you with the avengers, you always find time to be together. but being women of high power has never been easy. that being said, both of you get looked down on even after showing ur skill time and time again. so you arrive at headquarters looking for your bad ass gf, carrying with you a few treats so she doesn't forget to eat. as you make ur way towards everyone they seem to be doing their usual thing. you could spot her from a mile away away. she's the most beautiful women you've ever laid eyes on. you approach her. her eyes land on you and her face immediately lights up. she greats you with a tight hug, a kiss on the head and then the lips. she's gotten more comfortable with being affectionate at work, you notice. "thank you baby" she says sweetly, completely contrasting to the harsh tone she uses with her troops. "i'll be back in a second" she goes to tell her most trusted troop to take charge as she steps out for a second. almost as if she cannot live in peace, a scrawny, insecure guy comes out of nowhere and starts complaining about Maria being off duty (who even is he) he starts causes a scene and honestly makes you laugh a bit. you two go to walk off to ignore him and suddenly the hoe grabs you!! yeahh maria is not gonna let this go. but when she goes to interfere but yank your arm away "my girlfriend has all of this under control so why don't you turn around and get back to work, the nerve of you!" Maria jaw is DROPPED. i mean she knew you could get serious but seeing her adorable gf give commands does something to her body. almost as if she's shy being in ur presence. she's sure she's never smiled bigger. you turn around and grab her had and guide her to the break room. she feels like she has a silly little school girl crush as she giddily follows you around.

sharon carter

(this is power broker sharon bc she's hot but no one's dead BC I SAID SO) To say sharon was kinda nervous about telling you about her job was an understatement. i mean you were an avenger but also the love of her life. it was a long talk but you got it to work. anyways you hung around a lot at her place bc hello?? it's huge and you love seeing ur hot gf do illegal ass things bccc she wasn't an avenger level threat (yet) so by ur logic, we're chilling. and she was on okay terms with steve, bucky and sam. when she hosts her auctions you're always welcome to come to them too! you want to be there just in case the worse happens, even tho she's more than capable of controlling it. but that doesn't mean you're safe from any guys or gals that want to hit on you. if they know who you are, you're okay but if they don't know who you are or have a death note they'll hit on you. usually you hang low or by the bar bc sharon's busy at these events. as you sip your favorite margarita you feel a tap on your shoulder. a security guard? "uhm hi can i help you?" you ask politely. unbeknownst to you sharon's watching (she always is) and heading her way over to you. the guards are specifically told not to speak to you unless u speak to them. she's possessive what can you say. "i'm not sure you're on the list your gonna have to step out" he says roughly grabbing ur arm and tugging you off your stool. sharon is basically bolting at this point. "my girlfriends the owner of this place and is the reason you buy ur meals so get off of me" you say and push him back. he's about to tackle you bc yk ego. until he sees an arm snake around your waist. oh sh*t. "get the hell out my house" sharon says and he gets escorted out. you'll probably never hear from him again. sharon grabs your waist and pulls you impossibly close to her as she places her lips on yours. "that was so sexy baby" she says on ur lips. her stern demeanor almost broke when she heard you calling her your girlfriend so proudly. it made her knees want to buckle and she felt like kicking her feet. she finally got the girl of her dreams and u guys were a match made it heaven. she can't stop thinking of this moment for months to come and definitely shows how proud she is of you later that night.

Nebula

nebula thought she was gonna be a lot of things in life. but never did she think she was gonna be the girlfriend of the most beautiful and kind girl in the galaxy. she seriously never expected to ever be blessed by your presence much rather be loved so deeply by you. although she's been weary of love her whole life, you've completely changed her perspective. you love her so deeply it's almost unfathomable. that being said, anything you guys are in a new planet and go explore you always make sure to stick to her side. who's gonna mess with ur big ass blue gf?? not to mention she's possessive with you and aggressive with anyone but you. she's also so gentle with her sweet girl. so you'd expect any on looker to stay away from you bc nebula likes to walk around with her hand on ur butt while holding you close. but when some weird looking dude approaches nebula immediately become alert but all he does is aggressively bump into her "hey watch where the hell your going u got ur dirty paws on my girlfriend!" you yell as you grab wtv the hell is on top of his (maybe hair??) and he has no other choice but to apologize to nebula. when he leaves nebula is left speechless. why are you so proud that ur dating her?she can't control herself tho and pulls you into an ally to passionately make out with you. that was so hot. she lifts you by ur butt and presses you against a wall. you giggle and pull away as she chases ur lips "what's with this nebby?" "i love you." she says hoarsely. she didn't know how to respond to the whole situation. she couldn't care less about what the guy said or didn't say. but you loved her so much and we're so open about it. she was gonna love you forever.

kate bishop

Kates sure you could do something so simple as breathing and she would get giddy. she's no kidding. she absolutely adores you and you adore her. that's why you two just work. and while not all things come to you guys that simple most things do. you to do have your fights but they can usually be resolved with a good talk followed by a movie marathon with pizza and Lucky cuddles. so that's what you guys are doing right now. don't get me wrong, this happens on a weekly bases not just when you guys are having an argument. it's just a chill saturday afternoon, both you and kate resting from having a hard week in training and working with adults who never seemed to be pleased with any improvement in any skill. but anyways. you kate and lucky are all cuddled up on her couch as you decide what movie to pick out. as if it's a 6th sense kate suddenly gasps "we didn't order pizza!" and even lucky pops his head up, distraught by this horrible news. you have a good laugh but kate is seriously concerned about this. you stroke her hair and kiss it and tell her you'll order it rn. kate js smiles snuggly at lucky (who she high fives) as she leans her head on ur tit and receives head rubs. you call her favorite pizza place and order ur usual order while she finds a few movies to binge. thanks to nyc, ur pizza arrives in no time. and when you hear the bell ring you and lucky go answer the door. kates too busy complaining cuz her pillows gone. as you answer the door luckys right there as ur security. "haha your dogs really cute!" says the delivery guy "thank you my girlfriend found him!" you say simply as you tip him and close the door. kate literally gets up and runs around as she squeals. you thought she was just really hungry but after she picks you up when you put the pizza down she tells you other wise. she spins you around and cannot take the big goofy smile off her face. she's left speechless but her smile speaks for her. when you ask her about it your heart melts at how pure she is. the rest of the night she's has that smile on her face as she's resting on ur favorite pillow, you!!

a/n- so sorry this took so long and it's kinda crappy! i was kinda stuck so they all sound similar but hopefully you guys enjoyed! send requests!!🤍🤍

stay safe hoes🤍

#carol danvers x reader #darcy lewis x reader #maria hill x reader #nebula x reader #sharon carter x reader #kate bishop x reader #marvel imagine #wlw #marvel fluff #midnightmayhem13

[dreamlifebunny]

every time i verbally talk about non-dualism / pure consciousness with people in real life (which, granted, is not very often, but when it does happen it's my favourite thing!) i absolutely LOVE the feeling that comes with it of just melting into the knowing that i'm literally talking to myself and that i am one with everything hehehe. it's just the most delightful feeling ever and i quite literally forget how to speak when it happens because my brain just goes empty and i'm just sitting there like c: hehehe. ahhh it's just so lovely, it's such a great way to come back to that feeling of oneness, just by talking to "another person" about it.

anyway, i have had about one billion ideas for my blog and youtube channel for awhile now but adhd keeps pushing and pulling me in a thousand different directions lol so i never just finish one dang video or post, but i want you to all know i'm thinking about you and always thinking of ways i can share loa / nd info and motivation with you! hope you're all taking good care and know how special, unique, lovely, and loveable you are, and that you truly are in control <3

#big smoochies :^D #hope to be on here soon when i have the energy and time!! #this new job i manifested has been taking up quite literally 8 hours of my day every day lol excited to share the success story soon!

[richonnesbitch]

Hey everyone! Here's chapter 1 of a fanfic I wrote about what would have went down had we gotten a bridge wedding in season 9. It's been wracking my brain forever so I just had to write it. If everyone likes it, I'll post chapter 2!

Rick marveled at the ring in his hand. Not only was the ring itself perfect, but the timing itself was. There was about a week's time before the bridge was completed and Rick was hoping to marry her on that exact day. His dream was about to come true.

He placed a hand on Gabriel's shoulder, giving it squeeze. "Thank you, Gabriel."

Gabriel smiled. "Congratulations, Rick. When are you going to propose?"

"Soon. Tonight. As soon as possible."

"Well, good luck.", Gabriel replied earnestly.

Rick smiled and nodded. "I want us to have the wedding the day the bridge is completed."

"You're gonna plan a wedding in only a week?"

Rick let out a chuckle. "I've been planning this for months."

Gabriel chuckled with him. "Okay, Rick. Good luck."

Rick pocketed the ring as he walked home, plotting the entire way on how he should make his move. He'd been so focused on the wedding itself he didn't even think on how he'd propose. And now he only had a week to do it. Heat took over his body as the jitters started to kick in.

-----------------------------

As Michonne walked into her home the smell of candles, spaghetti, and garlic bread overtook the room. Surprise grew on her face as she looked around the room. "Rick?"

"Hey." He was standing at the kitchen table pouring two glasses of red wine. He had a huge smile on his face and his eyes were as bright as the sun.

She begin to smile as well. "What's all this about?"

"Just supper. Hope you're hungry."

"I am. Where's Judith?"

"Rosita offered her to stay the night. I thought me and you could have some time to ourselves." He pulled out a chair, gesturing for her to take a seat.

She knew he was up to something and she had a good idea of what it was but felt excited to see how this played out. She happily took her seat with Rick taking the chair next to her.

"This looks amazing.", she complimented the food, taking a bite of it. She nodded her head. "It is."

Rick was staring, still smiling at her. "Glad you like it." He grabbed her hand, using his thumb to rub her fingers. "How was your day?"

The two continued to talk as they ate. "Good. The garden is thriving, even more than last month. No one's sick in the infirmary right now. Alexandria's doing good."

Rick nodded his head. "Yeaaah. I knew you'd take good care of this place."

"We are taking care of place.", she firmly corrected him.

"Mmm... It's mostly you. I just wanted to say... you're doing an amazing job. And I really appreciate it. Thank you for everything that you do.", Rick complimented her sincerely. And he truly meant every word. He was so beyond grateful for this woman he felt like he couldn't find the words to express it. There were not words strong enough to show his appreciation for her. But he sure tried.

Every word hit her hard, sending tingles throughout her body. His voice did things to her when he spoke softly with his rough, southern drawl.

She decided to take the compliment. She had been working very hard lately and it was nice to feel appreciated. He always knew how to make her feel seen. "Thank you, Rick.", she responded with a hand squeeze. "What about you? How was your day?"

He still had that smile on his face, while also looking kind of sweaty. "Great. Really great. The bridge should be completed in about a week."

"Rick, that's amazing. We should do something to celebrate! Us, the rest of the communities."

Rick shook his head in agreement. "Yeah, I was thinking the same." That was the end of his sentence but it seemed like there was something else he wanted to say. Instead he said, "you don't like the wine?"

"Oh, sorry. I just... don't like the taste of wine and spaghetti."

"Let me get you some water then." He let go of her hand to get up but she tightened her grip.

"I can get it."

Rick laughed. "Let me.", he softly demanded. Michonne released his hand and he swiftly moved to fetch her a glass. "You want ice?"

"Sure."

She watched lovingly as he opened the freezer and grabbed a few cubes out the tray, dropping them into her water. He could feel her eyes on him. "So, this celebration thing... Kingdom will come, Hilltop will come. We can all bring some food. Maybe Eugene can be a DJ, you know since he's handy with that stuff. I'm sure he has all types of CD's, tapes, and whatnot. " He walked back to the table, setting her glass next to her plate and taking his seat again.

"You've got this all planned out, huh?"

He grinned. "Yeah, I guess."

"So when are we doing all this?"

"The night the bridge is complete."

"Have you talked to everyone else about this yet?"

"Well, a little bit. Not in detail. But I don't see why they wouldn't. This would be good for all of us."

"Well, you should talk to them as soon as possible since it's only a few days away."

"Yeah, I'll do that. But..." His voice became slightly shaky.

"But what?"

"I wanted to go over it with you first." He looked down, seemingly unable to meet her eyes. "Michonne... I've had this on my mind a while now. This bridge is the start of something new. It really feels like everything is finally coming together. All the communities coming together like this... this world was broken. And here you are putting the pieces back together. If anyone could do it, it's you." Suddenly he rose out of his chair and bent down on one knee pulling a ring out of the breast pocket of the plaid shirt he was wearing. "You are the love of my life. I love you so, so much. I'm yours till the day I die. Will you marry me?" Michonne could see his chest puffing up and down.

Her eyes begin to well up with tears. Slowly she joined him on his knees, taking both of his hands in hers. "If you would have told me all that time ago that we ended up here, I would have never believed you. I still can't believe it. I love you so much, Rick. You're my one true love. Of course I'll marry you."

Michonne felt Rick's cold wet tears trickle down his face as she pulled him in for a deep kiss. As they pulled away, the pair begin to laugh.

Quietly Rick stood up, taking Michonne's hand again. "Come on.", he whispered, guiding her upstairs to their bedroom. She continued to giggle.

The couple ravished one another as the night went on, just completely enjoying themselves together without a care in the world. They fought so long, so hard for simple moments like these and now their time had finally came. Nothing was gonna keep this from them ever again. Nothing and no one. To them, this was everything. They had the rest of their lives to spend together and not a single moment would go by unappreciated... least of all this one.

After a very long, very pleasureful night exhaustion started to consume them. As daylight slowly crept up on them, they decided it was time to finally get some rest.

"So. You're taking my last name, right?"

Michonne chuckled. "Yes, baby. I'm taking your last name."

Rick softly smiled, placing a tiny kiss on her shoulder as they laid cuddling in their bed. "Good."

#michonne grimes #rick grimes #richonne #the walking dead #twd #the ones who live #towl

[dangermousie]

Your JoL posts have been amazing. I've loved posting my thoughts on them at times.

What do you think are Qing di's intentions about Fan Xian? Does he intend to let him succeed him as the emperor?

Thank you!!! I am so obsessed with this drama - to find something that is super smart AND emotionally engrossing at the same time is super rare but this really hits the spot for me.

Re: the emperor. You know, it wouldn’t surprise me if the emperor despite his brains is like many otherwise brilliant absolute rulers and doesn’t truly believe there will be an end to his rule and that he’s bound by mortality (think of England’s Elizabeth I, an amazing ruler who refused to even contemplate appointing heirs properly because it would mean her reign would end sometimes. Or Louis XIV of France who fought half of Europe and built Versailles and ruled for over 70 years and supposedly said “apres moi le deluge.” Or even the founder of the Qin Dynasty who was the first to unite China and yet was so obsessed with immortality his hastened his death taking mercury elixirs.)

I honestly wonder if some of his obsession with finding the Divine Temple isn’t just to get whatever weapons and secrets it may have or even see if he can take down something he can’t control but to see if there is a way to prolong life. If my theory that he’s a grandmaster is correct and Grandmaster Ye said other grandmasters don’t view themselves as human any more then why not escape the human limitation of death too?

But even if that’s not the case, I do not think he’s grooming Fan Xian to take over. First logistics - he’d have to appoint him on his deathbed because there ain’t no way he’s making him a Crown Prince and it’s not because he’s not in the royal family formally (face it, if the emperor wanted to manipulate things so Fan Xian never formally becomes a Fan and is somehow taken into the imperial family, he’d figure it out) or because to remove an appointed crown prince and son of the empress at that is a big deal (because ditto.)

It’s because the Emperor will never allow his Crown Prince to be someone TOO talented, it’s too much of a threat. Crown Prince is bloody minded enough to be an emperor but he’s only the third smartest out of his five sons (and frankly, third Prince is so young the jury is out on how smart the kid is so maybe he’d be smarter too.) Emperor wants someone he can control without expending titanic effort on the matter. Not someone with too many of his own ideas and a way of getting them rammed through.

The emperor is fond of Fan Xian insofar as it’s possible for him to be fond of anyone (which ain’t much - you get the sense he had more of that capacity when young though even there nothing mattered as much as power; if he’s 100% not related to FX’s mom’s death in any capacity I will be shocked) but as his comment in that pitchpot scene after CPP left indicates, to him strong feelings are a nuisance and stupidity and burden. So he’s fond when it costs him nothing important and is even beneficial but the moment Fan Xian steps out of line enough to be an issue or, even worse, the moment he decides he can’t control Fan Xian, he would not hesitate to murder him, fondness or not (in a way, FX loving so many people so much is Fan Xian’s safety - look how many levers the Fans and Wan’er let alone his followers like WQN give the emperor.) Actually, Fan Xian doesn’t even have to do anything super wrong; if the emperor thought it would give him a big enough advantage, he’d probably murder all his kids on the walls of the palace on the “I can make more” principle a la the father of William Marshal.

Ok I blabbed a whole novel but short version: I’d be surprised if he’s grooming Fan Xian to be the next emperor which is just as well since FX would be miserable as one and I hope at the end he gets his wish to live a joyful life traveling the world with Wan’er and enjoying the peace with his family.

Ultimately, I think the emperor wants to use him like he uses everyone and everything to achieve his goals and make his reign stronger and his kingdom stronger and balance the other princes in a stalemate (if his children fight with each other they are too busy to fight him) and just use him use him use him to the utmost just how he does with everyone else.

#cdrama #asks #joy of life 2 #joy of life

[thatshappinessforme]

When We Are Together - Pt. 1

omg...hi. i'm really here rn. posting this. at nearly 4 am on a monday morning. im nervous. i could vomit. so...this has been in my head for forever. literally. the idea is massive. it extends so far. it's seriously a whole universe in my little brain. it took so long to get the basis of this all out on paper, but, i'm hoping this is a series...a long one. the title isn't going to make much sense right now, but i pinky swear we'll get there eventually. so...without further ado...here she is...(EEK!) (also i have no idea how to set this post up so bear with me lol)

so i guess i just lost my fanfic writing vcard💌

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word count: 2.4k

cw: just a little swearing, maybe a bit of bad writing, also maybe typos?? might be a little boring because it’s mostly to just like set the scene idk? (eventually the plan is to have a lil smut or smth but this really is just an intro lol)

_____________________________________________

The day starts as usual. You wake up to the sound of your alarm and your roommate’s hair dryer blaring through the thin walls of your Brooklyn walk-up. With a groan, you peel yourself out of the warmth of your bed, go to your desk, and open your laptop, holding onto a shred of delusional hope that one of your classes might be canceled for today; they rarely are…but you can’t blame a girl for being an optimist. 

You scroll through your inbox, refreshing, and refreshing – you really don’t want to go to class today. Blame the essay you’d procrastinated that you’d spent all of last night speed-writing. Blame senioritis. Blame the unpaid music publicity internship that you’d been letting eat up your time in hopes of scoring a good job. Blame the frigid snow and ice that seem to be taunting you from outside your window. But, luckily it’s a Friday.

You refresh your inbox one last time, just for good measure. And, something actually comes in. But, it’s not from one of your professors. It’s from some company named “Dirty Hit.”

You raise an eyebrow and open the email, thinking it must be something related to one of the countless jobs you’ve applied for in the last few weeks, preparing for graduation at the end of the semester.

Y/N,

I’m a representative with one of our bands here at Dirty Hit. We’re really impressed with your work and have an opportunity we’d love to discuss with you, if you have a free moment this week at some point. Are you based out of New York? Get back to us when you can. We’re looking forward to hearing from you.

Best,

The Dirty Hit Team

“That’s weird,” you whisper to yourself, reading the short, ominous email over and over again. It’s not everyday that a label reaches out to a random college student to work with them. You’re not really sure what they could possibly be impressed with. You’ve just done minor PR internship work with underground bands from the east coast – that’s not exactly impressive. It sure as hell doesn’t warrant an email.

“Y/N?,” you hear one of your roommates and best friend, Vivian, call from outside your door before walking in, not bothering to knock. The two of you are close, almost like sisters at this point. In some ways, you’re exactly the same person, but in others your polar opposites. She’s a little bit more outgoing than you are, but she always helps to get you out of your shell. “Do you think I can get this guy I’m talking to into the venue tomorrow night? It’s just at The Soundwave, right?,” she asks, plopping down on the corner of your bed. 

Shit. You completely forgot you signed up for an open mic tonight. You’d been playing your songs at small bars in Brooklyn and Manhattan for the past year or so. Songwriting had always been a bit of a hobby for you. So when you’re a broke college student in one of the most expensive cities in the world, you just find tricks to get you and your friends to do fun things for free. You’d learned a while back that performing at open mics usually meant you and your friends could get into bars and clubs without having to pay a cover, so you’d been spending your weekends doing that for a while. It’s all for fun. Sure, you like performing and put a lot into your songwriting, but pursuing it isn’t even quite a dream for you. You have an impending college degree you’ve worked your ass off for. In every sense of the word, music was a hobby for you. 

“Yeah, it shouldn’t be a problem. He might have to pay the cover, but it’s not like it’s the sort of thing where people buy tickets. You know the drill. But, obviously you’re my plus one, so no cover for you,” you nod, still staring at your laptop screen.

“What are you staring at, over there? Everything okay?,” she asks, getting up and moving to stand over your shoulder at your desk. You move your head a little so she can get a good look at the words on your screen. You watch her face as she reads the email, her lips dancing on each of the syllables as you watch her process it. “Dirty Hit? What the hell is that? Sounds like a porn company. Impressed with your work? Do you have a booming, secret OnlyFans I’m unaware of?,” she jokes. 

I laugh and playfully nudge her arm. “No, no,” you giggle, “It’s a record label, I think. I’ve heard the name thrown around a few times at my internship. I think they’re kinda big.” You tab over and do a quick Google search. Immediately, a sea of popular artists and bands pop up under the label.

“Holy shit. Beabadoobee? Bleachers? The 19 fucking 75? I have their fuckin’ poster on my wall. They’re cool as shit,” she reads over your shoulder. “I mean, I have no idea what they could possibly want from me. My resumè isn’t all that impressive. Sure, I’m planning on going into music PR, but there’s no reason why I would stand out against someone who has like…an actual career under their belt,” you ramble, trying to make sense of the 67 words in haunting your inbox. 

There’s a long pause, both of you trying aimlessly to make sense of the email. “Well, you’re gonna email them back, right?,” she eventually asks. You take breath, starting a reply to the email, leaving your cell phone number.

You try to focus on anything other than waiting for a reply. You do your best not to let your mind wander into the what-ifs, but as soon as you get done with your lectures for the day, you check your phone for any response.

Y/N,

Thanks for getting back to us so quickly. The band and management is also in New York for the next few months for a project. We would give you more information over email, but much of the matter is highly confidential. We have a studio space at Electric Lady in Greenwich Village that we could meet at, if that works for you. I know it is rather short notice, but could you meet this evening at some point? Let us know.

Best,

The Dirty Hit Team

You quickly reply to the email on your walk back from campus, confirming the meeting for later this evening. You get back to your apartment and practically tear apart your closet trying to figure out what the hell to wear. You know it’s a business meeting, but it’s also for some mystery band. You don’t want to dress unprofessionally, but you also don’t want to seem uptight. You decide on a black mini skirt with tights and a chunky black turtleneck sweater. You finish primping and step into Vivian’s room, practically out of breath from all the outfits you’ve tried on and scrapped.

“Okay, if you were a band looking for…a PR representative…? Would you hire me?,” you ask her, standing in front of her bed as she looks up from her phone. She looks you up and down and grins, “Of course I would, Y/N. You look great,” she reassures you, sensing you’re anxious, “So, you really think this is just a PR gig?”

“I mean, yeah. What else could it possibly be? It couldn’t be my music. I’m not even on any streaming platforms; I don’t promote it at all,” you say with certainty. She shrugs and smiles, before wishing you the best of luck as you head out the door.

You get on the subway and head to Electric Lady. The train has always been one of your favorite parts about living in New York for college. Putting your pink headphones on, looking out the window into the catacombs that stretch throughout the city, people watching. It’s where you did your best thinking. 

You get off the train and walk through the streets, your headphones on and your music blasting, only interrupted occasionally by Google Maps telling you where to turn and such. Eventually the robotic voice in your ear says “Arrived” and you look over your right shoulder…here it is. You're right on time. You go to open the doors, pushing on them gently; must still be locked. You sigh, assuming that its to be expected. That this is simply upholding a prophecy of some sort that the band and music-industry-folk run behind…until you hear a laugh.

“It’s a pull,” you hear a man’s voice call out with a slight chuckle. From just those three words, you’ve determined that he has one of the thickest English accents you’d ever heard. You look over your left shoulder and see a man leaning up against the wall of the studio smoking a cigarette. “What?,” you ask, confused as you look over to him. He has a hood on and you can’t make out his face, or what he was trying to tell you. “The doors. It says right on them. ‘PULL,’” he chuckles, tossing his cigarette to the ground and putting it out with his Adidas sneaker, walking over to you. “Oh, um, thanks, I’m an idiot. I almost gave up,” you chuckle, pulling the door open this time. The man follows you into the studio, holding the door open once you tug on it. You look back over your shoulder to thank him for holding the door, the first time he’s been close enough for you to make out his face; Christ, it’s Matty Healy.

“I know who you are,” he says to you with a cheeky grin as he starts walking into the back of the studio. You just stand there near the doorway, the gust of cigarette-scented, cold January air lingering around you. You’re perplexed, to say the least. He keeps walking down the hall before finally turning over his shoulder, “You’re just gonna stand there? You have a meeting. Wouldn’t be very professional of you to stand us up,” he teases dryly. You blink a few times before nodding, following him, still in a bit of disbelief that this was the band that had some sort of ‘interest’ in you.

He shows you into a studio in the back. Once he opens the door, there are four other men sitting there, three that you also recognize from your roommate’s wall. The other, a bit older, more professional looking. 

“Y/N! I’m Jamie, I manage these blokes. Thank you so much for agreeing to come meet with us today. I know everything was rather vague on the emails, but…we had to keep it that way. But, now that you’re here, let's talk, yeah? Are you familiar with The 1975?,” the older man asks you, in a super friendly manner as you sit down on a plush chair in the corner of the room. Every eye in the room is glued to you. The air is almost sticky with anticipation. You take a deep breath and try to slap on the most composed, thoughtful, professional smile you can manage.

“Um, yes! Of course,” you nod, tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear, “I’m actually a fan of you all. Really, I listen to your stuff with my friends – you’re fantastic.”

“Good, good. We’re glad to hear it,” he grins, looking around at the boys who also all look to be pleased. Even though everyone’s eyes are on you, you feel Matty's specifically, practically burning a hole in the side of your head as he stands, still leaning in the doorway.

“We’re impressed with you, Y/N. So, I’m just going to get on with it. George went to a little bar in Bushwick last month and sent us a video he took of you singing one of your originals…you’re bloody fantastic. We’re going on tour this summer. We want to do something a little different this time with our opener. We want to build someone from the ground up. You’re it. We want you. What do you say? You interested?,” he explains with a wide grin, his tone casual like he didn’t just tell you the craziest shit you’ve ever heard. 

Jamie’s words hit you in slow motion. You look around the room, the air moving from feeling sticky to feeling ice cold, jolting you awake. “I’m sorry…what the actual fuck did you just say?,” you blurt out blankly, any ounce of composure you may have had completely gone. 

You immediately catch yourself, your language, your lack of professionalism, though, “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I…that just came out of my mouth…I-,” your face goes bright red as you desperately try to correct yourself.

The room erupts in laughter, the men you recognize from Viv’s poster nearly barreling over off the sofa. Jamie’s jaw on the floor as he howls, slapping the table in front of him. You look over your shoulder to see that Matty’s still in the doorway, and he’s just standing there with his arms crossed, shaking his head at you with a shit-eating grin.

“Oh, I think we’re gonna get along quite well with this one,” he remarks, licking his lips, weirdly impressed with your mispeakings.

You can’t help but sigh softly and shake your own head when he looks at you like that; something in you shifting as if he’s the only person in the room; as if he was the only person who'd ever laid eyes on you; as if he was the only person ever. As if, the offer you got just moments before wasn’t the most absurd thing that had ever happened to you. As if you didn’t need to thoroughly think this all over. As if you could make the decision right now.

You look back over to Jamie, who’s still chuckling. Before you can give yourself the time to overthink, you swing one of your legs over the other, lean back into the chair and smirk, “Jamie, where the hell do I sign?” 

…and this is how it starts.

#matty healy #the 1975 #mattyhealy #still at their very best #the1975 #bfiafl #satvb #matty x reader #fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #the 1975 fanfic #writer #fanfiction

[aprilsuzanne]

On my last blog, I wrote about my eating disorder at great length. I think it's time to do it again. If you don't like long text posts, feel free to skip this, but don't skim read it and reply because that's not nice.

TW if you need it, eating disorders, self harm, body dysmorphia.

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People seem to think that eating disorders don't really apply to men. I spent my entire childhood listening to just about everyone passing judgement on other people's weight. As a boy, my apparent role models were all athletes, thin or muscular actors, skinny popstars and guys in music, and any husky person was either funny or tragic.

As I got older, I noticed these attitudes getting worse. Muscular men between acting jobs would stop cutting and starving their bodies, but would still look like peak physical condition but would be referred to as having a 'dad bod'.

Older still, I'd see people waggling their little fingers making jokes about small dicks, or laughing about people who cum to quick. People were too tall or not tall enough. Then they'd be too skinny if they were too fat. Then, laughs about baldness or their bodies being too hairy. It went on and on.

It melted my brain. I wanted to be whatever this idea shape was and deep down, I knew it wasn't possible, and I developed an immovable self loathing that I suspect I'll carry with me through my whole life.

I'd hear women getting similar criticisms, and the criticisms came equally from women and men, gay and straight, and of all races and creeds, and I think somewhere in my thoughts, I gave up trying to find a peaceful way of navigating this and began to purge every time I ate. I was playing a lot of team sports and would vomit before every game. I'd then go home, eat, and repeat. I became dangerously thin and people would tell me my body looked great.

I would pass out a lot through exhaustion and my eyes became dark. At some point I collapsed and hit my face on a shelf, then a radiator, and pretended to everyone that I'd just been in a fight.

After a short time thinking I'd fixed myself after scaring myself when I'd collapsed, it started again. I switched out bulimia for anorexia. I was now not eating at all. I remember hitting my hand with a spoon over and over when someone brought me some food to work, anxiety in overdrive as I hoped they wouldn't notice me not touching any of the food they gave me. That happened a lot and the back my hand was frequently purple with bruises.

I've kept a photo of a more recent period so I have something to check, in case I've dropped too much weight. This was me not that long ago, irresponsibly thin and I'd made myself very poorly. The skirt is cute though.

It was around this time that I'd collapsed again, this time in public. I was rushed to hospital with malnutrition and it was in the middle of lockdown so hospitals were swamped and everything was weird.

I was given a COVID test and while the nurses went to do my test, I sneaked out of the hospital because I didn't want them to tell me anything about how thin I was, even though they'd already clocked me. I walked home and collapsed three more times in the street, and twice more at home. I managed to get myself back to hospital eventually and spent the night under observation and was fed sugary gels and put on a drip to try and replace some of what my body had been missing for months.

I again discharged myself and ran away from the problem.

I was disgusted with myself. I was being irresponsible. I thought I looked enormous. I then made myself more depressed because I shouldn't talk about people's bodies like that. I loved people of all shapes and sizes and here I was, judging someone for being fat. I didn't eat or drink a single thing for two weeks after being in hospital. I was going mad. It was time to tell my friends what was going on, and it turned out a number of them had already worked it out.

One of the things I needed to fix was some of the people I sought advice from. I'd found people in secret who also had eating disorders and people who self harmed. It sounded like we were helping each other from the outside in, but the reality was that we were all enabling each other. Some call it trauma bonding. I call it unwell people egging each other on and even being competitive about it.

One girl said to me that my eating disorder wasn't as bad as hers. She gave me tips on how to act like I was getting better to other people. Saying you're trying is as good as actually trying, she added. It's all part of the performance.

I didn't want to be ill. I just wanted to not feel violently sick when I thought about my own body existing. I wanted to not be perceived at all, and to be left in darkened rooms, wasting away. While I spent all those nights, just lying there, I realised that this illness wasn't like other illnesses. Cancer wants to devour you. Broken bones want to heal. This eating disorder wanted me to stay alive but maximise the suffering in a prolonged bout of self harm. Me being dead was no use to my dysmorphia. I did just enough to stay alive, so I could maximise the suffering. It was like an endurance sport with no medal.

At some point, my name was put forward to appear on a news programme on national television. One of my supposed support network worked in TV and was asked if they knew anyone who had what had been rebranded as 'manorexia'. It's funny - even when showing concern, people still do stupid things like giving an illness that applies to anyone a ridiculous name. We don't call it blokeaemia do we?

After speaking to the genuinely respected and very nice journalist who I'd seen on television a lot, she was heavy handed in her questions. Things like "is it just vanity then?" is one that sticks in my memory. After 3 days of back and forth, the news story was dropped because a panda had given birth in a zoo somewhere. My sense of the absurd and gallows humour kicked in, mercifully. Men's eating disorders, relegated beneath a captive animal having a baby.

Another friend who was genuinely being well-meaning told me how brave I was, "going around telling everyone you have a woman's disease". I wasn't angry because I knew what they meant, but to someone more fragile, it could have gone horribly wrong. Another friend simply said "I don't want to ever talk about this - it's too upsetting."

I became aware of famous men talking about their eating disorders. A politician called John Prescott spoke of his and everyone laughed at it and made jokes on panel shows, based entirely on the fact that he wasn't thin enough. Everyone laughed at Hugh Jackman on talkshows when he spoke of the starvation and duress he put his body under to look a certain way for movies. Thin women were pointed at when they put an ounce of weight on. I heard women sniggering about other women saying "what does she look like in that dress?"

More recently, people would berate the 45th president of the United States for being "fat", rather than going after more pertinent things like his whole personality and terrible views. Fat, in this instance, was the ultimate sin, not being pro-fascist. I noticed how many larger men were clowning around at their own expense, and women would coo about them online. People like Jack Black - talented, good looking, charismatic - would be met with "I don't care that he's fat".

So where am I now? Mentally, the damage is done and I don't think I'll ever lose the will to harm myself. However, since my last collapse, I swore I'd never go there again. I rigidly eat three times a day. I've actively learned to enjoy the cooking process. It's been incredibly difficult, perhaps in part because I stubbornly refuse any professional help. I looked around for a psychiatrist who would help at one point, but every single one told me that they weren't taking men on.

Way back when, I started sharing photos of my body on Tumblr in a state of undress because I wanted to normalise how I looked. If I sandwiched myself between everyone else's nudes which I thought were beautiful, then I gave myself a chance to think the same of my own. It certainly helped. There's something about the kind of people this site attracts that celebrates a variety of people and I can be flooded with dopamine when my photos get complimented. They're compliments from people that sometimes get it, and that matters. Some people just think I'm being thirsty, and sometimes, they're absolutely correct.

My stomach has grown. There's fat bits on my back which I've never seen before. My neck got chunky where my jawline used to be razor sharp. At long last, I'm learning to love this. I love the softness of people's bodies, and it's taken me decades to realise that I'm just people too. I wear soft clothes that feel nice against my skin. I've collaborated on photos with wonderful people. While my dysmorphia is so bad that I doubt I'll ever find it easy to sexually pleasure myself, I've been shocked to find that people on here have actually had me feeling like a viable and sexy person! It's a completely new feeling to me and I'm trying to get better at taking compliments instead of pushing them away.

I've written about this before and at some length, but I feel it's important to do it again so it doesn't get lost. It might help someone. It might help people understand me better. It might help someone understand what their friend is going through. It might just be enough to offer an interesting perspective and nothing more.

I'm doing better than I've done in memory and it's weird and makes me feel vulnerable. I don't want to get complacent and writing this reminds me of how far I've come and not to let this terrible illness sneak up on me again. I've been through some horrendous emotional stress recently, and that's exactly the kind of time where a thing like this can reintroduce itself into my brain.

I'm doing okay though, genuinely. I can only write about these things when I'm in a good place. I hope you are too. If anyone ever needs to speak to me about anything like this, I can't promise I can fix you, but I can definitely empathise and I will root for you.

(please forgive any typos or garbled language in this - I wrote it in one take, off the cuff, without editing)

#Men's ED #Eating disorders #eating disoder trigger warning #body dysmorphia #body dismorphia tw