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#like ik that im not gonna go to the doctor for this shit bc i dont have health care so i only evwr get taken to the doctor if i feel like im
toastsnaffler · 4 months
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I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.
#ive survived all nighters before ill scrape through the day itll just be Rough. at least i dont have much in my schedule#im not gonna take the dose this morning bc i think thats a really bad idea to do on zero hours sleep#and i can't risk two consecutive all nighters. like I have done that before but not while working full time 💀 its not worth it#drafting an email to my doctor to let her know im skipping day 2 + ask advice re. whether its worth resuming again on day 3#bc she did list 'trouble sleeping' as a common symptom that often passes but i need to know a) how long it usually takes to pass and-#b) if this is unusually bad + would she rec supplementing with a sleep aid or just switching tack entirely and trialling a non stimulant#by this stage of the night i dont think its actually acting anymore bc i took it at 7am and its now 3am. it shouldnt last that long#i think its more just triggered my preexisting insomnia. my ability to sleep is very very sensitive sometimes + hates routine changes#just so fucking frustrating bc ive spent the past 2 months nailing my sleep routine + ive had a couple weeks of being able to-#go to bed like 9:30-10 and it only takes an hour to get to sleep and i get usually a good 7 hours sometimes 8 only waking once halfway#and i dont feel like utter shit like yeah im tired but from work not so much lack of sleep.... and now thats all fucked lmao#whatever. maybe i should just take the next dose anyway#ill see. gonna try to sleep for another 2 hours but once it hits 5 im not doing this anymore ive been trying for six hours already man#i cant even remember when i last pulled a full all nighter. it might be longer than 6 months ago... i was doing so well :-(#im so mad i was so hopeful it would have SOME good effect like ik its not a miracle worker + these things take time but so many people-#seem to have an immediate positive response even if its probably a placebo. and i got fuck all except This.#i was searching on the reddit for sleep issues and other ppl only seem to report bad ones on higher doses or years in..#like damn. do i even have adhd then. ik thats a stupid thing to think bc obvs everyones body metabolises meds differently etc but still#it is ALMOST HALF 3 and i am FUCKING TIRED#UGH. alright bedtime round 189447383#.diaries#.vent
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szczylpierdolony · 1 year
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how do i tell my friend im sorry for nor writing anything in our essay today bc ive had one of my worst days in a while without coming across as a selfish pathetic dick
#got told im gonna get sent to a mental hospital again#which ik is not true bc they always say this plus they probably wouldnt be able to fit me anywhere#plus im not even sick im just annoying#and apparently every member of my family thinks im acting like this on purpose and its my fault therapy isnt working bc im not trying hard#enough#and if i tried to get better id just go to a different doctor and therapist bc ig i should know if the diagnosis is correct or not#also my mom still thinks im not depressed i think idk#and ig she completely dismissed the other half of my diagnosis#im assuming bc she doesnt think its an illnes and just an opinion#and yeah no shit im a burden to everyone i know!! but when i propose i just kill myself she gets mad and idk what to tell her#bc she just expects me to be normal again like i was when i was a kid#bc thats the only point of reference its always that i wasnt like this in elementary and earlier#so this isnt how i really am and its not in my “nature” or whatever#and yeah maybe but i also dont remember not feeling this way and short periods when i feel better make me crazy anxious bc its like i#forgot abt sth important and i cant remember what it isand also being asked if im on my period the moment i say i feel bad#bc yeah periods make this much worse but when my mothers says it always feels like being dismissed for just being crazy and hormonal#which isnt suprising be she doesnt believe period pains can be painful enough to take meds#idk i just#i need to die soon i need to#sorry for witing this all out i really am
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S2 Ep14 of TBB Thoughts!!
oh frick, oh darn, oh heck
HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER
I need to stop eating breakfast while I watch these eps, eventually im gonna gasp so hard I'll choke on some food (this is based on me almost choking on my food when HOWZER showed up)
So I knew Echo'd be in this one, but I was actually also a 100% Rex would be there too, so I was a little bummed about that? like why would they release Rex's poster now if he isn't gonna be in the ep? and like ik this is a show about the batch, so they wanna show off Echo and I love that for him bc I love Echo but like,,, Rex🥺 yanno?
that being said, Echo and his team infiltrating that ship, fcking GREGOR?? amazing, loving that shit, eating it up
another suicide? this is getting intense. like this season has given us deeply seeded political issues about clone rights, depictions of blood, brainwashing and two suicides?? like??? things are heating up, the writers are getting more real and I actually kinda,,, love that even though its intense
CROSS MY BOY🥺🥺🥺🥺
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clone sipping coffee :)
ye :)
me @ howzer:
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he knows someone, eh? THAT'LL BE MY MANS TECH :DDDD
ofc he snatched the gun, you rlly coulda seen that one coming dipstick
it struck me as really odd that Crosshair didn't shoot the female doctor. like the rest of the batch and most of the clones use stun guns ALL THE TIME whereas Crosshair has always shot to kill. again, "severe and unyielding", meaning he takes intense action, committing all the way all the while being so stubborn he hardly ever backs down. honestly, him sparing her is some serious character development. he recognised she was being kind to him and he decided that that was enough reason not to hurt her. either that, or he wanted to abuse her kindness later on
he never wanted to get out, he just wanted to warn his brothers, which is AGAIN SO DIFFERENT from the Cross we've gotten to know in these last two seasons. I actually don't think that's growth anymore. that's Crosshair standing by a choice that he knew was bad for far too long (SEVERE. AND. UNYIELDING.) and now finally admitting he was wrong and going back to what he always wanted and always knew to be right.
ALSO I JUST WITNESSED CROSSHAIR MISS A SHOT TWICE LIKE WTH??? THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE
partially rebuilt Pabu :)))
Hunter being questioned abt being more than just a soldier lol
like sir, the answer is "I am dad, actually."
TECH AND OMEGA FLYING TOGETHER
CACKLING
HE ADJUSTED HIS GOGGLES TWICE IN LIKE 3 MINUTES
HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS FEARING FOR HIS LIVE I AM DYING WITH LAUGHTER FCK
"Up. Up! Up, Omega, pull up!" <- im sorry but Tech's always been just,,, so cool in stressful situations, like almost dying, no biggie. falling out of the sky in a storage box and having a heavy object crush your leg, naaahh we got this. fcking staring a Zillo Beast dead in the eye as it growls at you, easy as pie. omega's flying? panic
"The Tech-Turn? really?" "Now that is not what it is called, but I rather like it. I suggest you proceed before I come to my sen-- AAAAAHHHH."
D Y I N G
did Echo only race Omega to torture Tech? yes, why do you ask?
okay listen I love him, but without his kama Echo looks half naked
TECH FCKING STUMBLING OUT THE SHIP I CAN'T
HUGGIES!!!! ECHO AND OMEGA HUGGIES!! :DDDDD
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hmmm the summit huh??? interesting
Tech sounded so worried when he called Hunter over??? waaaaaahhh
Hemlock? more like Hemcock (yes I've been waiting a while to make that joke leave me alone)
YES CROSS IS WARNING YOU. NO HUNTER YOU CAN TRUST HIM GO AFTER HIM GO FIND YOUR BROTHER HE NEEDS YOUR HELP GODDAMN WAAAAAAAAAAAHGGH
Crosshair being offered his freedom and just stubbornly staring back? Severe and unyielding hero edition. I love him, Hunter go get him pls he needs you.
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help why did this one feel so short
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yakultstanreblog · 3 days
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I kid you not I was just sitting in the uni library and before getting up to give up for the day and leave I wrote in my notes app kinda jokingly but kinda not:
“maybe western beliefs are just so wrong maybe no amount of doctor can fix me maybe I am simply cursed lol for I have sinned many times and seek no forgiveness - a new level of insanity or clarity” (Ik my notes are full of weird shit.. I was also studying medical dominance and how westerners have made it seemingly superior to other forms of health practices/understandings such as religious sin etc for context)
AND I WALK OUT OF THE LIBRARY, START WALKING HOME WITH MY SAD MUSIC ON REPEAT, ON THE VERGE OF TEARS FOR NO REASON(bc life rough but im fine), ON THE EDGE OF CAMPUS AND AM FULLY FINDING MYSELF WILLINGLY BEING PREACHED TO BY A CULT about the heavenly mother oh my god they’re getting smarter LIKE SM SMARTER cause I almost believed this was just a hella feminist Christian for a solid 10 minutes help im out of practice I haven’t been approached by a cult member in like 6 months cos I rarely leave the house ANYWAYS luckily for me I have an unhealthy special interest? in the researching of cults and every single step of their indoctrination particularly the correlation of various korean cults indoctrinating australian white women (when I say cults I don’t just mean religious organisation, cos while there is valid argument that all religion could TECHNICALLY be cult-like, I need u to know I respect religion for others and what it is and am aware there are some prominent factors which differentiate normal religious organisation from genuine proper cult) luckily this particular cult wasn’t going to take me to meet its rapist leader in korea like most the other in melb but it does isolate u from ppl u know and force u to “donate” all ur money lmao fail bc im already socially isolated and I have no money LOLOOL anyways usually they ask for ur number but they also have half given up when u tell them u used to be religious and ur not anymore bc ur critical but this time they just gave me their number cos I think they thought I was like fully convinced cos I was stupidly engaging in the discourse with half interest (but only bc I was trying to make sense if what they were telling me was accurate or not from a religious standpoint bc I was raised Catholic) but sneakily she was telling me all about the Hebrew bible and shit with examples of Hebrew text I couldn’t read LOLOL and what I rlly should have said is god is not my mother or father bitch my (ex) god ain’t male or female, my god if existent be a genderless non human spirit referred to as “he” bc we live in a patriarchal society where male pronouns are pretty standard in referring to just about anything in English language ANYWAYS I lowkey love engaging w cult members while some ppl say dangerous I usually detach my interest while talking as further research into their communicative ways but today I was caught so off guard bc at my particular uni there are usually just religious preachers sometimes who have no ill intent and see my gay stickers on my laptop and give up before they even start knowing they are gonna fail but these ppl defs didn’t go to my uni they were just waiting on the outskirts for sad uni students to approach LMAO mission accomplished also they told me im a good listener when I was like zoning out bc I said yes yes yes when they asked me if I was aware of particular religions events and terms lol that was not very convincing bc I was not demonstrating good listening at all ANYWAYS this was a pointless and probably an incomprehensible story that I cbf reading over hope u enjoyed stay safe don’t go getting indoctrinated into a cult
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TW: REFERENCE TO SH AND RELAPSE OF SH AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT
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Ok so ik ive been inactive for a *WHILE* and im srry for that but like i have a buncha things that happened these past 3 months that I NEED To share SOOOO....
First things first, the one im most excited abt: I DID MY FIRST PERFORMANCE!!! My school was doing little mermaid jr and I got Scuttle! I was really happy to get my first role and getting at least one solo, and Im just happy overall on how it went! I think I did really good on my first try! Only bad thing was that now im kinda going through my lil mermaid hyperfixation and have been looking up fics where Sebastian and Ariel kinda have a Father/Parental Figure-Daughter or Older Brother-Younger (stupid but ultimately well meaning) Sister dynamic and have started to write a fic on that bc no ones done it before apparently😒(im going cray cray, bonkers mayhaps)
Might've gotten my eye infected(I live in the east of the us, new york to be more specific and woke up the day after the "live vintage (BLAME CANADA/j) filter" with my right eyes nerves slightly more irritated and haven't gotten that checked out so thats fun)
FINALLY finished that one drawing ive been making for 3 MONTHS.(well, technically....)
Almost done writing my passion project, AKA the one I originally wanted to make into an animated series but have settled for a book just in case that can't happen! I still need to work out some kinks, design more outfits, get all their personalities in check, make sure the world and magic is fully fleshed out, ect.
I also do band, and while I originally thought that I would have a problem bc of both band and theatres close scheduling(i originally had dress rehearsal on june 2nd, AND my band concert on June 2nd) but it all worked out in the end! My band concert went great, and while the dress rehearsal was a mess, we at least got through it! :)
Unintentionally quit SH! I was originally only meant to stop until AFTER performances, but ive been bettering myself and learned that if I ever want to forgive myself or at least move on I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself and not forget nor forgive, but remember, i just can't let it haunt me. I know I'll relapse, I always do eventually, but I want to enjoy these few moments of mental "clarity" while I can. I've also learned that for some reason i tend to become a more terrible person and despicable person the more time I spend at home with my mother, so that's fun. God, I hate America's education system, its messed me up BAD. AND the foster care system. I just tried to kms 2 times today, and she didn't even notice, or care. How sad is that?
On a lighter note, yes, as the rest of yt and TikTok, I got a minor lil hyperfixation on the Lorax and really think ppl should make more [PLATONIC] Lorax and Onceler dynamics, mainly the type where they're like some really annoying pair of bickering siblings or a father whos sick of his adopted child's shit, like there is so much on the table for platonic fluff and angst and most of what I've seen is romantic smut and fluff like CHANGE IT UP A LIL
Also, Ive been going to karaoke centers on Tuesdays and have become a lot more confident to performing in front of ppl! So far, I've performed "All You Wanna Do", "The Ballad of Jane Doe", "Heart of Stone", and am gonna do "What the World Needs" the next upcoming Tuesday, where I'm gonna try interacting with the audience while singing!!
(Also, before I end this....I may have ADHD??? my teacher who has ADHD says some of my behavior is "similar to hers"(i feel like thats just her way of saying i reek of neurodivergency) and I also did some research and I display similar/exact behaviors listed, have taken online tests from doctorate confirmed sites and basically all of them said to go get a diagnosis. I also found I do a few behaviors similar to stimming! Also also, I kinda suspect a lil more bc my mom has Autism and apparently sometimes neurodivergency is biological (i forgor the word) but my mom is kinda in denial abt my Depression diagnosis and thinks I got anxiety "biologically", so if I tell her I wanna get tested for ADHD shes just kinda gonna gaslight me into not believing that and i already told the school therapist and basically she just told me that I'm probably just imagining things or copying behaviors from my mother and that "kids like to give themselves all these titles nowadays" so I just did what I always do which is to keep it shut and act until they think you fell in line)
So yeah, thats all! Thanks for reading, now that my schedule is clear again ima start posting more frequently again, so be aware :) <3333
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hi this is a lot im sorry. i love to say words and dump shit that upsets me with no real correlation. my bad /gen (genuine) (idk if you know tone indicators im sorry ough)
you dont really Have to cook up a proper response to this i just need to put it somewhere where i wont immediately get piles of advice that i cant use. i know its well-meaning but ultimately the whole situation is ou of anyones control
(also putting this 🎪 here so i can try to find it later)
im stuck in a sisyphean nightmare of a weekly cycle: i have a good day -> my mood skyrockets -> i have a bad day -> my mood plummets -> rinse and repeat. at this point i think it might be a mental condition bc something doesnt even really have to Ruin My Day, i just have to face a minor inconvenience and then suddenly im all doom-and-gloom depression for 3-5 business days before springing back up as if nothing ever happened to do it all again. my mom says i might have bpd or bipolar disorder (i always get the two confused) because she has it and we just havent seen anyone about it, mostly because we dont have the money to see any doctors most of the time. i also kinda dont wanna have either of them? not in like an asshole way but in a these-people-face-stigma-that-i-dont-know-if-i-can-emotionally-handle way. in a im already queer and fat and poor and disabled in multipled ways and overall unsavory to neurotypicals/cishets/Default Settings way. yknow
todays inciting incident was a shitty shitty halloween carnival that didnt even have the thing i was excited for, didnt have any food, had lines that were miles long (hyperbole), was too hot, and i only got 8 shitty halloween things from -- half of which were lollipops, with half of those just being the same 2 flavors but Again. we stayed for 2 hours before my mom decided she didnt wanna be out of the house anymore as usual. i cant be too mad at her because shes mentally ill in the direction of "i dont want to go anywhere because my anxiety will spike" but unfortunately im mentally ill in the direction of "if i cannot leave the house to Do Things at my own pace at least once a week i will fall into a deep depression" so we clash pretty bad most of the time. this was also following multiple minor inconveniences mind you. and was also trailed by multiple minor inconveniences. it just has not gone well. this halloween is just shaping up to suck bc i was supposed to have a whole party but we had money issues so it had to be cut down to just 2 people for a sleepover, then one of them went out to see his grandma in another state and the other is apparently in the fucking hospital right now??? at least according to his posts. and i cant blame them for these either! schedules conflict and sometimes you go to the Fuckig Hosital. its out of anyones control but it still feels like shit. so its looking like my only shot at having any fun this halloween is the trunk-or-treat at my school and idk if im even allowed to go bc i had to drop out for mental health reasons and they told me i wasnt allowed on school grounds anymore. idk if that applies here. which btw. way to make a depressed kid feel worse. you can NEVER come to this high school again or we'll ARREST YOU. fuckin bullshit. BUT thats off topic the synopsis is that this halloween sucks so far and i dont really expect it to get better which extra sucks bc im turning 18 next year and i dont wanna let this be the last hurrah for my number one favorite holiday. i cant host fucking parties for my friends after then. im gonna be busy trying to fuck off to the other end of the country. i wont have TIME for it. idk. it sucks. this sucks. fuck art and fuck you /ref (reference) /nbh (nobody here)
Ik you don't want advice for this so I'll just put it on the blog.
And idk if you want it but here's a tea
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demento · 7 months
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this is going to be my running commentary for the 2001 a space odecyecs (can't spell lmai
the monkey part is so wierdd, it is so obviously some dude in a fursuit, topped off by the noises and music. my dog is growling at them and intensely staring at the screen.
the massive pole thing? idk what that was abiut. and then they start beating eachother, and It suddenly cuts to outer space? okay.
my dog is so interested, not taking his eyes off it. abolutely captivated.
really cool soundtrack btw, I really like it
first part of characters(ur title):
his daughter just wants another telephone :(. I am so confused rn, what's that really long convo around the table? who knows.
PASSENGERS ARE ADVISED TO READ INSTRUCTIONS VLBEFORE USING THE TOILET XD !!!!??????!!
there is no speaking again? really cool music but I need to know what's going on. please
oooh a meeting. I wish subtitles were available I am not processing any of this
the CGI is fabulous I love it so much
they going into that base thingy now with the horrific audio, like, it doesn't need to go in for so long :(, it's too much for my head to handle. I hope it has a purpose, to build tension or smth cause it's really terrible(in the way that it's well done/made but a bad noise). AND NOW RINGING?!
it says Jupiter's mission now
it's focusing on this dude running around a rotating office(?) and it's hurting my brain I can't wrap my head around the movement in it. ik you said it was trippy but I assumed that's later lol
the way this dude is eating his icecreamed food is driving me insane, no one eats it like that, stuff is meant to be eaten in an order, or going from one end to the other. oooh it's infuriating >:(
HAL 9000! I <3 him so much. He and Dave are so. just so.
" I know it's a bit silly" awwww
the breathing atm is so grr dheggebsb bdjbbs bsnndndndnnhw grrrrgrrrreerrr. they did not need 10 minutes of this dude breaking really heavy, was not needed.
got to the intermission!
there's the breathing again it is so wierdd and just wrong.
my dog just let out the loudest fart honestly >:0
the dude that's not Dave is just floating out in space. he won't stop it's been ages now. he's been saved!
all the people in the white sleepy suits just died
Dave let the dude go again?! he and Hal had an argument over killing each other.
Dave killed Hal as he was singing a song to him? ok, onto the Jupiter and beyond the infinite
the magical colourfull line he's gone into looked like guitar hero, but rotated
atm all I see is colours I am so confused. it hurts my eyes.
babies in space!?!!
overall I just found it confusing, but it was interesting to watch lol
have fun reading this :P
LMAO HI
im not gonna respond to the first gorillas bit bc i was there w u but . set the tone for ur dogs for sure….
THE POLE YHING IS PART OF THE TRIPPY BIT my ongoing theory is that it gives people new information that their brains cant rly hand,e (i.e. monkeys near pole went apeshit but figured out how to use tools, people on moon near pole had to be put in a coma but figured out how to go to jupiter, dave near pole had the worst trip of his life but was reborn into a giant baby…) like some sorta lovecraftian shit
THE SIUDNTRACK IS SOOOOOO GOOD AGH. i LOVE the use of music in the film to set the tone & atmosphere & motifs & shit
THE LONG CONVO WAS UHHH. they were on like a specship docking station nd these guys tell the doctor (main guy who rang his kid) that the spaceship he’s going onto has rumours of a massive disease outbreaak, and so he better be careful and also they say he should like. feed info back to them . and be a rat basically . the doctor says “nuh uh thats confidential” and they all get sad bc they dont have access to a mole
the meeting is where we discover that actually theres NOT a disease outbreak , thats just a backup story to prevent more people going onto the ship. they’re travelling to the moon to investigate this weird black pole thing (th same pole frm the monkeys) bc it has a super strong super weird magnetic field . its said that it must have been dug down into the ground purposely bc its so deep…
…which brings us nicely to the AWFUL RINGING SCENE . theyve found the pole and are investigating it — behavior is notably VERY similar 2 tha monkeys. they reach forwards and touch it hesitantly, crowd around it in a circle… the reason however that it might be ringing for us NOW but was not ringing for the monekys PREVIOUSLY could be just because we, the viewer, ARE humans, adn thus cannot hear the sound the moneksy heard
JUPITERS MISSION IS WHERE THE MAIN PLOT COMES IN ! with hal and frank and dave . uhh more or less u seem to understand most of the first bit of this, but just to put it out there that the people who are in a coma are the people who were on the voyage to th moon to investigate the magnetic field .
HAL AND DAVE ARE SO. THEY ARE JUST SO. U GET IT
the breathing is bc theyre in space thats what they hear but iAGREE it was HORRIBEL watching that on the big screen OUGH
intermission :-3
frank was uhh dead .? the pod he was manouvreing got taken over by hal (bc the red light at the front lit up ) , and it cut his oxygen cord. he’s dead out there buddy . dave isnt saving him .
dave let frank go bc he had to go in the entrance where he would Probably Die if he did not Pay Attention. and so bringing franks body in was NOT on his list of priorities .
the argument with hal was brought on previously — do u remember the convo dave and frank had in the pod when they thought hal could not hear them ? the convo abt cutting hal off if it turned out that the communications device was NOT broken aftr all? thtas why hal killed frank, and why hal wanted to kill dave
THE SONG WAS A REFREENCE TO THE FIRST COMPUTER TO SING A SONG !! th ibm something or other….but uhh the deal with him singing was bc his memory files got removed it was like a factory reset. && dave kille shim bc he killed frank and all those cryogenically sleepin people lol
I TALKED ABT THIS EARLIER IN THE POST BUT JUST TO CLARIFY. u could see the black obelisk thing just b4 he started with the freaky acid trip thing……nd my personal theory is that. the information he was fed got TOO much and TOO overcomplicated . and thats why the last hhalf an hour is like that lmao
GIANT BABIES LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO
it IS confusing ur right. nw….tgank you for liveblogging it like i asked babycakws
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stinkrascal · 5 months
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A couple things I was wondering is how did you figure out you had BPD? I know there's a couple disorders that can often get diagnosed beforehand, so I guess how did you know there was more going on? Secondly, what kind of therapy do you feel was the most helpful, if any? I have issues keeping a therapist because they tuxedo mask away after realizing I already have CBT down (which only kind of helps me). Thank you for being open about BPD! I feel like there's so much unnecessary stigma.
hiiiiii!! sorry i didnt reply yesterday i spent all day writing my silly sims stories 😴 i will talk about my experience under the cut!! ty for being curious about it!! <3
umm tbh i was diagnosed in a really weird way lol. so, like, where i went to high school was a really conservative and religious town, and when i was a freshman in high school i was one of the only trans/lgbt kids that was vocally out at my school. there were more of them, my friend group was basically all lgbt ppl, but i was the only person in my school who would demand staff to call me a different name/use different pronouns. but anyways so my lgbt friend group was being bullied pretty badly so our school hired this counselor training in lgbt issues that would talk to us individually about our experiences as lgbt kids who were bullied and such. it was actually really cool you know! but anyways i was one of the students who had to participate in this and the lady who was talking to me realized that i was, like, a really troubled kid lol. and on top of that i was failing all my classes and i had been struggling in school my entire life (like consistently making report cards with at least 5/7 of the classes being failed type of shit) sooooo they basically had this like idk meeting with my parents? where they were super adamant that they take me to a doctor and put me into therapy bc i was struggling really badly and yeah. after that my parents put me into therapy and got in touch w a doctor and i got some treatment and eventually a bpd diagnosis. but yea it only happened cuz of my school forcing them to take me ha.
the truth is i didn't really suspect anything was wrong with me because the way i grew up, i thought everyone acted like me 🤷‍♂️ i think the only time i started really thinking i might have bpd was when i got my first boyfriend at 16, that's when my codependency and attachment issues really started to manifest, and those have always consistently been the bpd symptoms i struggle the most with. but even back then i didn't really know what bpd was, so it wasn't like i was specifically thinking i was suffering w bpd. more so that i knew something was Off about me but i couldn't really explain what it was
unfortunately i haven't gone to therapy in a long time :( and the last time i went it wasn't for bpd treatment at all. so i really can't say what could help you there in terms of therapy. i did group therapy during my bpd treatment but it didn't really help me much.
you're probably not gonna like this answer lmao but i use weed to medicate my intense mood swings and that helps a lot. also just being able to recognize when i need to cool off and being able to use my words to tell ppl that i need to be alone for a minute to clear my head, that helps too. basically just being mindful of ur changing emotions and giving yourself room to feel those emotions and allow them to pass u, without feeling guilt for this, and without projecting those emotions onto other ppl bc at the end of the day it isn't really anyone else's fault that u feel the way you do.
also just try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt in general, ik my bpd makes me SO sensitive like for example. ik we make jokes about this but you guys im not kidding, my favorite mutual reblogging a post from someone else instead of me hurts my feelings so bad some days i have to just log off and go cry about it. CRY ABOUT IT YOU GUYS! it's really awful and totally not grounded in reality 😭 but like it's there, it's something i experience and deal with, and it isn't anyone's fault that it happens, it's just the cards i was dealt with.
so instead of projecting that feeling onto my beloved mutuals and being like Ohhhhh so you actually hate me! You actually want me to kill myself! You've actually never cared about me ever, person I've had two conversations with in total! yeah instead of working myself up for something so silly... i just try to put myself in other ppls shoes, try to remember that when i do things it is not with malicious intent and most people are also not doing things with malicious intent. bc for me, my bpd tends to dehumanize ppl... they arent people with nuance and depth and complex and at times contradictory lives, theyre my Favorite Person, person who does no wrong, person who could never do any wrong no matter how hard they try, and that's dehumanizing, that's unfair to the person!! so by humanizing the other person, by remembering we are all people with rich inner lives and struggles and most of us just want to do our best even when we slip and fall... it helps calm me down from those spirals where im like, ohhhhh god everyone hates me because they didn't reblog a text post from meeeee!!! lol
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stewpid-soup · 1 year
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VENT CW!! (I think it’s just gonna be chronic pain talks at 2 am again- woops-)
I AM SO UPSET- MY INSURANCE DENIED PAYING FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO GO TO THIS PHYSICAL THERAPY INPATIENT WHICH, WHO KNOWS? MAYBE I’LL FEEL BETTER-! BUT ITS JUST SO FRUSTRATING BC NOTHING ELSE HAS BEEN WORKING AND MY PRIMARY DOCTOR SAID SHE HAD A PATIENT WITH SIMILAR ISSUES WHO DID AN INPATIENT AND IT HELPED A LOT. LIKE BRUH, THIS COULD BE THE FIRST STEP TO GETTING BETTER BUT NOOOO, INSURANCE IS A BITCH
and ik, there are benefits to insurance and everything and blah blah blah- but i just wanna complain lolll
but my mom is trying to appeal to the insurance or sumn and get it so they pay. which means we need my pain doctors to say “hey we think this could help” and also i have to like- qualify for it or something? so tmrow my appointment is for a kind’ve check in to see if the PT inpatient might work :/
anyways, none of my previous pills have worked so i’m gonna start doing (MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED) CBD. I did it for the first time today and yk, the first doses we do will be with as little head change as possible- ngl all it did for me was maybe calm me down a bit and just made my body feel tingly on top of the pain?? idk how to describe it- I didn’t expect it to work immediately, obviously, but like always i just really wanted there to be at least some little minuscule difference. honestly it doesn’t matter what kind of difference, because then at least we know what does and doesn’t work
im just tired man. and sure it could be because im fucking up my sleep schedule but i don’t sleep good even when i had been sleeping at 10 pm and waling up at 9 am every morning (after waking up at 7 to take meds). but still, i feel tired when i’m doing nothing! and i feel so useless because of that.
Like, mothers day is coming up sunday. and i live my parents, i have good relationships with both of them individually and together, so ofc i make a card every year for them. I love doing it, because their reactions are worth it. But with my pain, it makes it a million times harder to do things like that because not only will i be lacking motivation and energy but also my arms are gonna just be in a shit ton more pain after doing that (and i’ve done this several times before, so this isn’t just based off of the fact that im in even more pain whenever i move- my body has definitely proven this)
shanamxmcn honestly idk what makes sense anymore rn. im exhausted and i have to wake up at 8 tmrow for the doctors appointment and im not excited to deal with the gd parking at children’s hospital -_-
wish me luckkk lol
love u guys and take care <3
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7x01 of chicago med and what. the. fuck????
natalie left. (low-key kinda saw that coming)
dean archer is still an asshole but POP OFF doctor charles. i did not think he had that in him.
will halstead and stevie hammer????
bro???
he said ‘I know dr. hammer’ in that tone and with that look in his eyes???? am i reading into it or is seggsual tension???????? (spoiler alert: its seggsual tension)
Goodwin’s ‘ah, okay, nice’ is fuckin HILARIOUS to me bc she’s just so done with all of will’s bs and im so here for it.
bro the way that stevie walked towards will and their banter?! oh they definitely fucked. definitely.
maggie sliding into frame. LMAOOOO we love that
will’s thumbs down gesture when maggie asked what his rank was in the class *snort* me too
BRO? APRIL’S JUST GONE??? IK THEY SAID SHE GOT ACCEPTED BUT THEY DIDN’T EVEN ELABORATE ON THAT????? WHAT THE FUCK??
animosity b/w marcel and halstead better LEAVE rn. im not in the mood for more unnecessary angst
dean archer further cementing himself as asshole of the year
but
will’s reply??
*chef’s kiss*
archer fuckin deserved that
istg if will doesn’t punch archer, I WILL
the way that archer said, ‘gemma and emma’
archer’s ‘i'm sorry, you said what?’ to the twin was fuckin GOLDEN
and the clarification of ‘i would like a needle in my arm, too’ and the other twin nodding??? true comedy
ik ive only known vanessa for a few episodes but I already love her and sheS SO BEAUTIFUL
bro, gemma and emma saying ‘we’re one person’ ew ew ew ew ew. no. it creeps me tf out
dr. charles’ pained smile just says ‘nope nope nope’
ARCHER AND CHARLES
OH MY GOD
‘with your history, i guess you just never know’
DOCTOR CHARLES
ARCHER’S LOOK OF SALTINESS AFTERWARDS
LMAOOOOOO
vanessa desperately trying to keep the conversation going w/o a fight
dr. charles’ logic better fuckin work
*rosa diaz voice* ive know dylan scott for half an episode but if something happens to him, i will kill all of chicago meds writers and then myself
stevie and dylan’s dynamic?? they may have barely said anything to each other but i love it already. they work so well together.
when is archer going to get punched???? WHENN????
if i were dr. charles i would've prolly yelled at him and kicked him in the head
is it foolish of me to hope that maggie and vanessa end up becoming closer so that i can see their mother-daughter dynamic??? yes, it is. do i keep hoping anyway?? unfortunately, i do.
I JUST WANT THEM TO BE A FAMILY AND TALK TO EACH OTHER ABT THE STUPID SHIT THAT HAPPENS IN THE ED. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR????
sharon goodwin is in her bad bitch era and im here for it
BRO CMON
marcel and halstead would be great friends!
they'd be the best of bros!!!
WHY THE FUCK MUST THIS HAPPEN
i do not trust cooper
not in the slightest
loving how the animosity b/w marcel and halstead disappears the MOMENT someone else tries to suggest something
dr. marcel’s ‘oh?’ is funny and sexy and its telling matt cooper to stfu
‘yeah, okay then’ is the most obvious FUCK YOU, ive seen in a while
get matt cooper off my screen rn
will, i'm glad ur right but now is not the time to give the face of ‘i told you so’
*gasp* are we gonna learn about stevie’s backstory in her first episode????
the look on her face when she asks the patient if she's living in her car??? its personal. one hundred percent
STEVIE’S SO GENTLE???? I LOVE HER????
her and dylan have actually sky-rocketed in my charts and they are now amongst my favorite characters
PLEASE
dylan and stevie’s banter??? *chef’s kiss* we love to see it
NO GOD PLEASE
VANESSA’S FIRST SOLO CALL AS A DOCTOR AND SHE NEEDS TO ANNOUNCE SOMEONES DEATH???? NOOOOOO
MY BABYYY
maggie comforting vanessa??? that was so sweet!!
goodwin: guilt-tripping will into doing what she wants
me: >:o
OH MY GOD ITS THE WRONG TWIN
THEY SENT IN THE OTHER TWIN
OH. MY. GOD.
I WAS RIGHT
I FUCKIN KNEW IT
DAMMIT WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW???
dylan scott is such a sweetheart and we do not deserve him
dr. archer and dr. charles patching things up? kinda?
dr. charles’ look of confusion, wondering whether archer was genuine or not? perfect. amazing. fantastic.
oh god marcel and halstead
how’s this gonna go?
oh wow
not as bad as i expected
can they PLEASE be besties now??
PLEASEEEEE
archer is giving out compliments???
is he okay???? did he fall on his head at one point during the episode?
I FUCKIN KNEW IT WAS PERSONAL FOR HER
ITS BECAUSE OF HER MOTHER
I KNEW IT
THEY ACTUALLY REVEALED A LITTLE BIT OF HER BACKSTORY?????
damn alr
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revvywevvy · 2 years
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Well... I went and wrote Claire and Dwight's 'not-date'! <:) Tagging @mogships bc ik they wanted to see this <3
Non-Entity AU (The Not-Date)
Claire sat on her bed, staring idly at her phone screen. She had said a few weeks ago that she wanted to make up for the injury that Dwight had sustained the night they’d bumped into each other. Every day since then, she’d been texting him without fail, checking in to ensure he was fine while also tossing in some friendly chit-chat at Eddy’s suggestion. Through that chit-chat, Claire and Dwight had found some common interests, and they were quickly going from strangers, to acquaintances, to friends. On top of that, Dwight had mentioned days ago that he’d checked in on the injury with a doctor, and that, luckily, his nose wasn’t broken, even if it had been close. He was fine, and they were on friendly terms, so… the pit Claire felt in her stomach at this moment felt ridiculous. That day had come for her to make it up to him, and they were to meet up at a cozy café Dwight had picked out which was just a few blocks away. Hell, Claire had even gone to the place ahead of time to check it out, and it was great! So, the usual suspect, anxiety, was the only cause she could pin down for such dread.
“Hurgh… stupid brain… you’re really gonna pull this shit now??”
She flopped back onto her bed, sighing heavily when she could feel her heart palpitate and her hands start shaking.
“...Ooooof course you are. Oh, goodie.”
She jumped a bit when her phone pinged, Claire quickly pulling the device up to look at it. The shaking in her hands only seemed to get worse as she read the text Dwight had just sent.
「 Heyy, im about to leave my place, should be @ the cafe in like.. 30 mins. U still gonna be there or do u wanna reschedule? <:-] 」
Claire’s frown deepened. She forced herself to sit back up, knowing if she stayed laid down she’d stay there for the remainder of the day. She set her phone in her lap, bringing her hands up to her face and lightly slapping her cheeks in an attempt to snap out of the spiral.
“Okay Claire, c’mon. No ditching your pal, that ain’t cool. Just… suck it up, girlie. You can do this, you’ve done this before. It’s just… lunch at a potentially busy café. Where you can risk publicly humiliating yourself like you’ve done five bajillion times before, ooor even worse lose your first in-person friend in years. Nothing new!”
She put on a fake smile, hoping she could fool herself, but it immediately drooped back into a disappointed frown.
“...Man, not gonna lie, your pep-talks kinda suck.”
Claire yipped in surprise, eyes shooting over to her door where her brother stood, leaning in the doorway. He had a small frown on his face.
“C’mon, dude, you gotta have more faith in yourself than that.”
Claire fiddled with her hands at that.
“Yeah, I know… it’s really hard though, man. Especially when it feels like my heart and lungs’re about to explode into a million pieces, haha…”
Eddy narrowed his eyes at that comment.
“Alright, scaredy cat, I get it. Take ‘yer rescue ‘n take a sec to chill, ‘kay?”
Perking up at the suggestion, Claire immediately went to doing that, her phone practically falling right onto the floor as she quickly reached over to her nightstand and grabbed her inhaler.
“So, did Dwight give a time?”
Claire was silent for a second, holding in her inhaler before shakily breathing out.
“Yeah, uh, 30 minutes and he’ll be there if I give the okay. I… don’t wanna flake out last second.”
Claire went and took a second puff of her inhaler as Eddy responded.
“Then don’t. I know it’s easier said than done, but y’can’t just let this stuff dictate your daily life forever. Who knows, if you do back out then you may miss out on a fun time!”
She exhaled once more, tapping her foot. She set her inhaler back on her nightstand before turning to her phone, grabbing it up once more and looking at the screen.
“Y-Yeah, you’re right. Just… gotta give it a chance. Dwight’s a nice guy so far, this’ll be fine..!”
Eddy smiled and nodded.
“There we go, that’s the spirit! You got this, man.”
Claire gave Eddy a passing glance, quickly moving to respond to Dwight’s text. She can do this, she can do this..! Albeit shakily and with some typos, she wrote out a quick response and sent it.
「lol ofc im gonna stillb e there!!! gonna be a lil late tho, todays goin a bit sour but i’m still chillin sdghsdghs」
Dwight was quick to respond back.
「Oh fr?? Man that sucks, tyt gettin here, no rush!!!」
Claire felt a little bit calmer reading that, thankful that he was being patient with her. Taking a second to take in some deep breaths, she tried her best to relax before getting up from her bed.
“Okay, I gave him the green light. Looks like I gotta get goin’, now.”
“Alright, you have fun and stay safe now, yeah?”
“Yeah, Eddy, I gotcha.”
Claire offered a small smile to Eddy, and he nodded in response. Eddy stepped out of the doorway, heading back into another area of the apartment. Claire sighed, walking over to her closet and grabbing her bag, checking to ensure everything she needed was there. Once she knew she was good to go, she made her way to the apartment door, before leaving the building.
[...]
Dwight was already at the café, sitting at a random booth and fiddling with a menu. His face was already burning with embarrassment, and Claire wasn’t even there yet. He’d thought he was doing a good job at holding it back, but, honestly, he was absolutely terrified about this. Dwight had never, ever been out like this before. Sure, he’d been invited to random company parties a long time ago, and had a few family outings here and there, but a one-on-one like this was a first for him. At least before he could blend back into the crowd and do his own thing, but this time, all the attention was on him, and he had no idea what to do. He’d stood in front of his bathroom mirror all morning practicing the most mundane of sentences and trying to keep his composure, and now that prep was all falling apart. In the midst of that terror, there was another thing that had him feeling like an absolute mess.
The fact that Claire was so consistent with texting him was baffling enough to him, and at first, he’d assumed it was just out of pity and that she’d flake on him. However, upon receiving a quick text that she was down the street and would be there in a minute or so, he finally accepted that she was being serious, and that this was really happening. It was much easier to cope under the impression that this’d be for nothing, but no, it was something.
‘Ohhh boy, oh geez… I can’t believe I actually agreed to this, I can’t believe she’s actually sticking to this!! Crap, I’m going to make myself look like an idiot, aren’t I???’
Dwight reached up to his face, grabbing his glasses and fixing them up once he’d noticed just how much they’d fogged up, before realizing just how badly his hands were shaking. He sighed, trying to give himself some sort of internal pep-talk, eyes trailing to the entrance of the café. His breath hitched when the door opened, and in walked Claire.
‘Woah, okay, she’s actually here! Okay, okay, relax Dwight, just stay calm… shit, say something, she’s coming over here!’
Claire had spotted Dwight on her way in, and waved at him with a nervous smile before approaching the booth and sitting opposite of him.
“H-Hhheyy, Claire..!”
Nice one, Dwight. He mentally facepalmed at the horribly awkward delivery. Claire’s face shifted for a quick moment as she took in the awkward greeting, but offered a sympathetic smile to cover up her own fiddly expression.
“Hi, Dwight! Um– h-how’ve you been? Was the drive here fine?”
“Oh, uh, yeah, it was okay. Uh… t-traffic was a little ‘eh’, but otherwise… um. Good. Yeah.”
After that response, both of them went quiet, an embarrassing and highly awkward silence befalling the two. Claire’s lips pressed together into a thin line, eyes widening a bit as she stared down at her own menu, fumbling with it in some attempt to seem… alive? Interesting? Something, she didn’t know what the hell she was doing. Though, peeking up at Dwight for a split second, she felt horrible. It wasn’t long before she realized she couldn’t get away with being quiet forever, sighing and letting her menu drop onto the table with a small ‘plop’. Dwight immediately looked at Claire, sweating nervously at the sudden move.
“Claire..? Y-You okay?”
Claire, with her elbows on the table, leaned into one of her hands, a defeated expression on her face.
“No, not one bit. Hhf… I’m sorry Dwight, this is probably a total disaster for you, huh…? Talk about a dodgy way to pay someone back for fucking up their face.”
“...Huh?”
“L-Listen, I, ah… I know I probably seemed way more chatty and… extroverted… over text, but, uh… I suck. At talking to people. In person. N-Not to mention it seems like this is really awkward for you, too. Ughh, I don’t know what I was thinking with this, now I’m just going and wasting way more of your time.”
“Wh– w-wait, no, I wanted to come out here, this wasn’t a waste of time! I just, uhm. I’m not very good at this kinda stuff either. Err… honestly, this is the first time I’ve ever done something like this. I wish I was kidding, but, uh, nope. To be honest I was only fine until now because I kinda just… assumed you wouldn’t actually show up? Wait, shit, that’s not something I should’ve said, uh–! Yyyyyikes…”
Dwight’s face exploded into a huge flush, and he looked away, rubbing his arm anxiously. Claire paused, looking at Dwight with a semi-surprised expression, seeming to brush off the last bit for the time being.
“Wait, you, too..?? I thought the lack of talking was just me turning out to be this, uff, massive disappointment in person???? L-Like the sudden ‘personality’ switch made you not wanna be here anymore? Wait, that means…–”
Once it fully clicked that Dwight was just as much of an anxious mess over this as she was, she huffed out the biggest sigh of relief, letting her face plop against the table. Dwight flinched at that response, but settled the smallest bit upon hearing what she’d said next.
“Oh, thank fuck, I wasn’t the only one nervous as all hell about this!!!”
Dwight blinked dumbly at the statement, both of them failing to notice the weird stares from other diners who were currently being disturbed by their game of ‘loner’s first social interactions’. Claire couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head and finally looking up at Dwight.
“Geez, and to think we got all worked up over this, ahaha..! This whole time, ha, thinking I was this total idiot, ahaha..!”
Dwight awkwardly laughed as well.
“Hehe, right, I uh. I’m actually kinda glad I’m not the only one, either..? Ahaha, man, and to think I thought I was some joke of a guy and that you’d flake, aha!”
“Haha, yeah, may be an odd thing to be happy over, but knowing it’s not just me makes me feel so much better about this, oh man..!”
Though, Claire’s smile immediately disappeared once she fully registered what he said.
“Ayo, what??”
“Uh– w-what???”
“That last part, t-the joke of a guy and flaking part??? You thought I was gonna flake..?”
Claire’s expression went a little sad.
‘Damn, didn’t think I gave people such low expectations..’
“W-Well, I mean… that’s normal anyway, isn’t it??”
Claire was not expecting this rollercoaster of emotions, going from nervous, to happy, to sad, to completely baffled in such a short frame of time. Even with the lack of positive relations she’d had since childhood, she’d never seen someone think that was normal. She sputtered and practically choked on her own spit in shock.
“Wh– Uguh??!? No??? That’s not normal at all?? Wait, oh my god that’s– how often does that happen to you?!”
“Wuh– Uhm, this is the first time I’ve been out with someone one-on-one before..! So I guess, uh… a-always???”
Now Claire was just downright offended on his behalf.
“I– what?! No fuckin’ way, that’s– bloody hell, people really never fail to be complete pieces of shit, huh..? That’s so messed up!! Like, not even when you were a kid?? Like in elementary, middle, highschool, all that jazz??”
Dwight frowned, looking away with an embarrassed look.
“N-No.”
“I… wow.”
Claire’s expression softened sympathetically.
“Oh, geez, Dwight… that’s awful…”
Her brows furrowed and her face shifted to a look much more determined. She thought back to that small talk with Eddy. Of course she had to have more faith in herself, she’s got this! No pussyfooting about, no backing down. Her hands slammed on the table.
“Man, y’know what? Fuck those guys! I may be a total mess and suck at talking to people, but ain’t no way I’m letting someone be alone like that. It’s official, we’re friends now, got that, Dwight? No more bein’ ditched, flaked on, alone, nunna that!!”
Dwight’s head flicked right back up, eyes wide at her declaration. Though, before he could respond, one of the waitresses cleared their throats loudly, letting them know they were getting too wild. Claire curled in a bit, expression sheepish.
“O-Oops… sorry..! B-But, uh, like I said..!”
She quickly shook it off and looked back at Dwight.
“Wh- what?! R… Really..?”
“Yes, really. I’m bein’ a hundred percent serious here! We’re bros now, bro!”
Dwight snorted a bit at the cheesy delivery, but was still shocked at the declaration.
“F…Friends…”
“Yup, absolutely my dude! My pal, chum, home-slice bread-slice, frienderooski–”
“Pfft..! O-Okay, okay, I get it, ahaha..!”
Claire smiled triumphantly at his laughter, mentally fist pumping. Though, she paused when her stomach very obviously growled. Dwight went a little quiet as well, before letting out a small giggle. Claire smiled a bit, scratching her cheek with one finger.
“Oh, right, gotta eat, ahaha. All this freaking out has me hungry, ehe..”
“Right, we should probably order something before we get kicked out for loitering, haha…”
“Mhm!”
Claire finally took a proper look at the café’s menu, eyeing all of the options. She was surprised at how many options the menu had besides the usual café options, but she chalked it up to this being a bigger place. Luckily, being hungry made it much easier for the usually indecisive woman to pick stuff out of the large menu. Though, Dwight could only sit there staring uncertainly.
“Um.. Claire?”
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Uh… I dunno what to order, I don’t wanna make you spend too much money.”
“Bah, I could care less about that right now. I came over-prepared, so go nuts!”
“...You sure..?”
“Sure as I can be!”
Dwight relaxed a bit more, hearing the affirmation making him not feel as bad over this. Eventually, a waiter walked over. Dwight ended up ordering a chicken pesto sandwich and hot chocolate, and Claire a fettuccine alfredo with chicken and apple tea. Though, being a little overzealous she’d added in a basket’s worth of hash browns, too, to Dwight’s amusement. When the food eventually arrived Dwight found himself giggling some more.
“Wow, are you gonna be able to finish all that?”
“What, the hash browns? Nah, bruh, we’re sharing those! Man, these browns look crisp as hell… I bet they’re gonna be great!”
“Aha, well, I dunno if we’ll be able to finish all that… though, I will say I agree with that last part.” “Weh, if it comes down to it we can always get a takeout pack.”
Without much more delay, Claire dug into her food, letting loose and really just enjoying herself. Dwight went about eating as well, feeling a lot better now that the atmosphere settled into one of calm and contentedness. At one point, though, Claire’s phone pinged and she perked up.
“Oh, oops, forgot to turn that off, lemme just…”
She paused, looking at the notification and eyes widening as she read it.
“Ayoo..????”
“Huh? What happened?”
Claire had the biggest smile on her face.
“Oh man, I know we had this convo like… a week or so ago, but Studio King just announced the release date to the next installment of Spirit Blade???”
Dwight practically choked on his food. She remembered their conversation??
“W-Wait, really??” “Yeah!! Oh man, and look, they announced that Zeleste is gonna be the protag!!! Isn’t that great?! Lucky day for you, huh? Ahaha..!”
Claire smiled, showing her phone to Dwight and he looked at the announcement discussing it, eyes quickly scanning the screen.
“Holy crap! Oh, that’s amazing!! Oh man..! W-Wait, you remembered my favourite character, too??”
“Well, yeah, Zeleste is sick as hell, man! You’ve got great taste in characters, haha. Oh hell yeah, and Cyra’s a base character in this one, too!! Man, I was so mad when they made her DLC in the last one! I can’t wait to see what they end up doing with her in this one..!”
Dwight smiled wide, Claire’s excitement rubbing off quickly. He hadn’t really put his thoughts through the filter before speaking.
“Ooh, you know what we should do Claire?? When the game comes out we should play it together, wouldn’t that be awesome? I dunno whether it’d be at your place or mine, but…”
Dwight trailed off, realizing what he’d just suggested. He overthunk it a bit, worrying that the offer came off as an actual date proposition. Though, before he could even think of getting red in the face, Claire’s face lit up. She shook her fists in giddy excitement.
“Oooh!!!! Yeah, we should, we should, we totally should!!! Ooohoho, that’d be so fun, man!!”
Dwight’s smile immediately returned, and he couldn’t help but feel fuzzy at the joy in that response. He wasn’t sure he was going to get used to having an actual, legitimate friend now, but he already felt amazing so soon!
“How about at my place?? Eddy ‘nd I just set up a new couch the other day and it’s so comfy!! It’d be great for gaming, for sure! Ooooh, and, and, since I’ve got summa those movies I suggested to you the other day, we could watch those, too!!!”
Dwight felt his face heating up for sure this time.
“Oh, r-really??”
“Yeah, man, I bet you’d love ‘em, they’re so funny!!”
That fuzzy feeling felt ten times more intense now.
“Yeah…”
His smile softened.
“...That sounds great! Oh, but we’d have to schedule around my job, though.”
“Alrighty, sounds easy enough… hopefully! Hope your schedule isn’t too wild, haha.”
As the two continued eating, they went about planning their next hangout. After that, they found themselves going on and on about their hobbies and interests, the rest of their lunch turning out to be a blast.
[...]
A couple of hours later, Claire and Dwight were both back at their individual apartments. Clare practically skipped into her bedroom to put her things away, Eddy noticing right off the bat how joyous she was.
“So, guessin’ it went good?”
“Hell yeah it did!!!!!!! We’re gonna hang out again in a few weeks and play the next Spirit Blade game together!!! Oh, and we’re gonna watch some movies, and maybe some other stuff too, I dunno??? But oh man, I’m so excited!! O-Oh, wait. You’re okay with Dwight coming here, right..?”
Eddy smiled brightly at his sister.
“Yeah man, I’m chill! Judging by your vibes right now I’d say he’s hella cool, so he can come over whenever, just so long as he ain’t marchin’ in without knocking first, haha!”
“Eeeeeeeee!! Thanks Eddy, you’re the best!!!!!!”
Eddy laughed at that.
“Geez, you say that like I’m a parent givin’ ya permission for a sleepover or sumthin’! ‘Sides, can’t be hoggin’ the guy all to yourself, I wanna get to know him more, too!”
Claire laughed at that, turning on her heel and heading into the kitchen to get some water, her tone lightheartedly sarcastic.
“Nah, he’s my bestie, I saw him first!!”
“Pfft- haha, no fair, dude!”
“Yes, fair!! I get first bestie privilege!~”
The siblings laughed amongst one another, the two continuing their day like normal from there. Claire felt more than giddy for the remainder of the day, her energy being soft and warm for the continuation. Her Syncord friends didn’t fail to notice the change, and were happy to tease away about Claire’s new friend. Claire couldn’t care less, feeling fuzzy over the day going so well for once. She’d missed having in-person friends, and was more than happy to have that luxury back in her life.
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phantaloon · 5 months
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tw for stuff that my trigger ed and stuff, just in case, like it's not really ed related, but very related to food and weight loss (albeit unintentional)
but long story short, yall know how I've been sick right?? so like i literally haven't been able to keep anything for more than two hours tops and i literally feel so bad rn
like i feel so hungry, the hunger is there all the fucking time and like i feel so weak and tired too
thankfully I've had a semi chill week, but i have so many things to do for the next two weeks, and so many projects to finish, and so many fucking things to study but i literally cannot make myself do anything bc of how weak i feel
and ik i should just go to the doctor already but i also know they're just gonna order a stool test and a blood test and i can literally read those myself
so im just waiting to see how im doing for next week :( and if im not doing good by next tuesday (a whole week of me feeling sick) im gonna have to go to the doctor anyway
but yeah i feel like absolute shit, i feel hungry all the time and everything i eat ends up in my toilet before any nutrient can be absorbed
im literally running on water, gatorade and oral rehydration solutions :(
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cemeteryrocks900 · 2 years
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I’m gonna lose my SHIT
My doctor is a true piece of shit
So this appointment was made for a follow up of my hospital visit for my heart and some med questions
The whole time she talks about my ed, tells me how my ed is a choice, I’ve done nothing, I’ve never done a thing to help myself, nobody wants to help someone like me, if I go to residential they won’t help me or I just will never get help, I’ve never been involved, apparently I’m always blaming everyone even though I know everyone is right, she’s telling me how this is all my fault, the heart problem was “put on by yourself you did this to yourself” and telling me I can’t go to school saying she won’t sign my form WHICH BTW IS FOR VACCINATION RECORDS YOU DUMB SHIT telling me she won’t sign it bc I’m not medically stable enough BRO ITS FOR VACCINATIONS NOT YOU SAYING I CAN GO???
So now I’m sitting in the room alone again waiting on her bc she’s god knows where again
I fucking hate this lady
I called her out for just hardballing and putting me down the whole appointment and then she denied it and she’s like “iM jUst TeLliNg thE truTH” BRO like I told her hard balling doesn’t work on me and it never will, trying to scare me will never work on me, I’ve talked about this shit in therapy ik wtf I’m talking about.
A big fuck you to my doctor, she told me she doesn’t want to see me until I’m “ready” so see ya never bitch I’m done with you fuck you
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xvii · 2 years
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from that kpop ask you reblogged!! D, I, N, O .. and Y <3
thank u...frend
my fav dance???? fancy fits like everything, tho i love pretty u bc its like a musical......i like them all i just love the dances. also the cuter the better. la di da by everglow is sticking out bc they did tutting in that one part
interesting voice- gotta go back to the OG ken from vixx truly .......lovely voice idk other than its raspy and tough. 17 dk is just so strong too....im still so shocked when i hear hyolyns voice its killer. dami from dreamcatchers rap tone too
best name: a good q to ask me bc so many of the names r so bad. snsd is the best name, sounds good in eng and kor. wjsn is good oo joo so nyeo just flows.
alternative occupation for my bias: for dino i never rlly thot abt it. id give him a male thot job like construction worker or barber, no white collar shit. also idk he could be a backup dancer bc ik he can adjust his style for the occasion. or a dance teacher/choreographer. id go to his class and embarrass myself 9000%. wait. he could 1000% be a stand up...i would like to see it
just realized im putting a lot of periods in my sentences but thats not like me at all so im gonna stop
for seulgi.......idk runway model? library page? doctor?sjjshshd
MV i watched: probly hot
thank u my bby...brb sending some to u...
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luthifer · 2 years
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i feel like sometimes i would benefit from a wheelchair but my mind also tells me if im not prescribed one (which is very low in chance bc kaiser sucks and so do doctors) that im not allowed to get one but also sometimes my walker is still not enough and it’s big so sometimes im like if I had a wheelchair i could prob go to more places but at the same time idk if im allowed u know
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cripplecryptid · 3 years
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Planning to cause a fight at the eyedocters tomorrow, #justchronicillnessthings 🤪✌️
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