#like this is why i hate hate hate waiting for refills because i get bitchy and needy for attention but get so easily pissed off

[kalinawtokilig]

S/O who gets into fights

Pair(s) : Sugawara Koushi x Reader, Yaku Morisuke x Reader, Akaashi Keiji x Reader, Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader, Semi Eita x Reader 

Ohoh, boi good luck. 

Summary: 

It’s not uncommon for you to get into a fight, as you don’t look nor act the type. You don’t ask to get into a fight nor provoke, you simply attract trouble, (Oh, a problem child,,) But if this person (or people) are talking smack about you, you bet your bum that you’re gonna sit down and let them. Nah, you put’em up. Warning? You ARE the WARNING. 

Sugawara Koushi x Reader

((I love and pimp him. Pimp pimp pimp)) 

He hears it from Yachi. More like, the team does and Nishinoya and Tanaka are ready to throw some hands.

During practice, Yachi, the sweet girl, poor her; she sees you having an intense argument with two other third years when she comes to refill on water bottles. 

She knows you, talking to you a couple of times. You were always a sweet upperclassman, kind and soft to her and the team, even Kageyama and Tsukishima showed you respect in your presence. 

But when one of them swung the first punch to your face, you bet she dropped everything and hauled ass to the gym to call over your boyfriend. 

Sugawara. Ah, yes, the duality of this man. I would say unpredictable, cause some say he’s the responsible type to stop the fight by finding a teacher and others say he’ll unleash Tanaka and Nishinoya. 

I say, he’s the type to KNOW who you are and WHAT you are capable of. Yes, he can join in the fight, but last time he saw you fight someone he was unaware and baffled that you are able to land solid one punch (( WANNA BE SAIKYU HEROOO)) and knock’em out. Nah, he’s the type to collect the aftermath and try to bury the evidence ((What a sweet boyfie <3 )) 

“Suga-san! (Y/N)-san i-is in a fight a-and I think they need help!” She screeches, catching the attention of the team members. 

“Ah, I’ll be back. Gotta collect the corpses.” 

Asahi, Hinata, and Yachi nearly pass out when he says that. “Corpses? (Y/N)-san killed them that quick? And Sugawara is the accessory???” 

When he finally reaches you, though he knows you’re capable of standing your ground, he can’t help but worry the bruises and cuts on you. You may be able to keep standing, but that doesn’t mean you can avoid ALL their hits. 

When he sees your figure, his fingers dig deep into his palms. “(Y/N)?” He calls out to you. You’re huffing and you straighten your back, turning to face him you smile lovingly to him. “Yes, Darling?” 

He may simp for you but that doesn’t mean he can’t lecture you. 

Sighing, he crouches to the two fools who decided to provoke you and talks to them in that tone where you can’t speak because you’re scared of what they’re capable of. He says that he’ll be watching them closely and that if they mention their S/O beating them up, not only will they all get suspended but Sugawara will make sure they’ll never face pride or regain their HONOR back. (ayye zuko wassup ?) 

Standing up, he looks to you and holds your hands as gingerly as possibly, observing the irritated redness on your knuckles and the splotches of small red bloody dots. His nose scrunches cutely as one hand lets go of yours to cup your face carefully because of the now forming bruise on your pretty face. 

Sighing, he smiles, brows furrowed, “Sugar, next time, go easy on them. I don’t want your pretty hands to be so messed up. I love you and I don’t mind bandaging them up and kissing them to make you feel better, but I feel the more you punch the more your hands’ll fall off. Then who am I supposed to hold hands with?”

You can’t help but crack a joke, “Ah yes, losing Daichi and me in the same year, my poor Darling~!” You coo to him. 

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” 

“Oi!” 

Yaku Morisuke x Reader

((Babie,, cat babie ,,, dangerous babiee,,)) 

While the fiery, third-year, libero of Nekoma dislikes Lev, you absolutely cherish the tall boy and found him cute.

Kuroo makes fun of Yaku saying you should date Lev instead

then you retorted to the rooster head saying that it’ll be weird cause Lev is basically a little brother you’ve always wanted.

One day, after school, while your boyfie was at practice, you were on cleaning duty and overheard some students talking about your two favorite people.

They made fun Lev and then Yaku. They absolutely insulted him for his height and his plays while they made fun of Lev’s intelligence and lack of plays. 

And they chose D E A T H 

“Hah? Whatcha say?!” 

Commence a brawl 

You could’ve used the broomstick by breaking it in half and shanking them but you wanted them to know not to die JUST yet.

You were able to leave satisfied yet still pissed. The other students didn’t speak a peep, as to know not to mess with your temper and if they were a snitch, well, snitches get popped. 

for the ones who talked smack, you both came to the conclusion to say that you guys were playing too rough with the cleaning supplies 

When practice was over, you waited by the gate for your boyfie 

Seeing him, you smiled at him and he came up to you, flicking your jaw

“Ow! Love, what was that for? You’re not give your soldier a loving and tender hug for defending you and our child’s honor?” You pouted cutely to him. 

His eyes widened a bit,  a pink blush on his face until he squinted his eyes at you. “You got into a fight, again.”

“All in good nature, babe!” You stuck out your tongue to him, surprisingly he stuck out his tongue, to lick you with his own. 

“Wha-”

“As much as I love you, you’re lucky that I wasn’t there or I would’ve killed you too to get rid of the evidence.”

“...Aw! You love me so much that you’ll clean my messes, I love you too, Morisuke!” 

“...I love you too, you frickin idiot.” 

Akaashi Keiji x Reader

(Ayyeee back at it again, Akaashi-kun, how ya doin?) 

Akaashi may be a patient man, but this man can hold his patience with a sharp knife and cut it instantly 

It was your movie date and while you waited for Akaashi to get popcorn and snacks, your saw one of your best friends. 

You went up to say hi until you heard them talk bad about you, saying how Akaashi is only dating you to keep an eye on you or how you’re too naive that they obviously don’t want you cause you’re too clingy

with the cold, freezing, slushie, you ‘accidentally’ trip and spill it all over your now ex-bestie

like your bestie, that two-faced bih doesn’t go down without a fight

so basically this was your break-up fight

As he bandages your hands, you were too nervous to speak to him

You weren’t afraid of anything, not failing, not teachers or authority, nor suspencion

Though, you were very afraid of Akaashi’s silent temper

“Ah, Love-”

Pretty boy looks at you so quick you flinch for the upcoming lecture yet he says nothing which makes it even more scary for what he’ll say

“Are you mad at me?” You ask cutely, pouting and looking through your lashes while your head is down in shame

After a couple of minutes waiting for his answer, he sighs

“Blossom, you know how concerned I get when you get into fights. It...” He looks away, “hurts me to see you hurt...I love you a lot that I’m mad at myself that I wasn’t there to help you.” He confesses with a red tint spreading to the tips of his ears. 

Oh dear LORD this man continues to speak heavenly got ME swooning- 

“I should’ve known that friend of yours wasn’t true to you...I’m sorry I couldn’t see that. If you want, we can have Kenma pirate the movie and send us the link. Better than going out, right?” 

((THIS MAN HAS THE AUDACITY TO SMILE LIKE A FRICKIN GOD AHW I HATE IT HERE))

Your eyes sparkle and you launch to hug him, he lets out s strangled yelp as he falls back onto the bed 

Though easy to get into fights, you were easy to cry, as you were emotional to these kinds of things

“AGHAAHHSHI I LOVE YOU I FRICKIN HATE YOU CAUSE YOURE SO PERFECT UWAYWHH” ((omg me))

Chuckling, he buries his head into the crook of your neck, one hand on your side and the other petting your hair

“I love you too, blossom” 

Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

((YEES YES YES YES I  STAN AND I PIMP ,, PIMP PIMP PIMMP))) 

((LOOK AT HIM LOOK AT. HIM.)) 

What a cactus. Don’t we stan? 

I stan. I totally stan. 

When you get into a fight this man KNOWS he’s most likely gonna watch to see if there is any bih to try to hit you while you’re busy fUCKING UP WITH OTHERS WHO MESSED WITH YA

Iwaizumi is literally the chillest ngl 

Will probably join if some CUNT ASS BIH  decides to pull ya hair or pick up some petty stick to beat you with it

((the more i write at 4:30 AM, the more my mind expands to more fight scenarios ohohhhh get ready my friends)) 

Literally the toughest couple

no cap, no one will mess with you unless they’re tryna get f’d in the a in the most unpleasurable way (omg that rhymes) 

Oikawa makes funny and teasing jokes about how you both look so intimidating that you’ll get wrinkles on your faces

“Keep barking, Oikawa, cause I can make sure my kicks can knock off that bitchy attitude <3″

“Why are you and Iwa-chan like this.” 

“Lmao get wrecked Trashykawa.”

Sometimes you act like Oikawa’s guard too, the fans know of your rep around school, so they don’t bother Oikawa as much which means Iwaizumi doesn’t have to spike volleyballs at his head so they can head to practice without any distractions ((Though Iwa still does it when Oikawa gets too flirty when thanking you)) 

Omg I can go forever with Iwa holleeeeemolleee 

I feel,, that when he’s bandaging up your face, your cleaning the cuts on his....chest.... n’ biceps,,,oof to be you... 

I feel like getting into fights can also count as a date

how fun would that be

talking about your fight date with him in front of other ppl who don’t really know you

I imagine you and iwa-babes talking and you’re like, staring so lovingly at his face and reach to touch the cut above his lip and you’re reminiscing 

“Babes, remember when we fought those two losers at the parking lot of a Target?”

“Oh yeah, I remember that. That dickbag got his ass handed to you, nice right hook by the way.”

Then the strangers RUDELY overhearing are like ‘Wth??? is this?? real?? did they actually fight two people?’

You did.

Oikawa posted it.

Semi Eita x Reader

((Grey haired babes hit different, y’know?)) 

he’ll just be >:|

I can’t say he’ll be mad at you, but more like, concerned that his face looks mad

The same with Akaashi, you’re waiting for him to lecture you, but he’s quiet when he’s...worried,,concerned

You got into a fight because some BIHS from another sports team talked shit about the volleyball team, SPECIFICALLY your boyfie (how convenient for the plot) 

You may be smol but you have HELLFIRE

“AYE WANNA SAY IT TO MY FACE MUTHA-”

Long story short,,, you may have won the battle, but you are unsure if the war will reign supreme, by war I mean you’re preparing for Semi’s scolding

Waiting in his dorm room, you played the soundtrack he made for you and patiently waited until he came back from practice

When HE DOES come from practice, he opened the door to see you sleeping on the floor, back against his bed and when he was going to quietly coo at how cute you look, he gets a closer look at the split lip and bruised knuckles

...You have...a tampon shoved up your nose? 

“Muse. Bubs.” He cups your cheek, then patting it gently. 

When you wake up, you jump back

“BUBs, beh, listen, I, may have done something to someone out of provocation and insults whereas I also defended not only myself-” You wince at he narrows his lovely eyes at you, peering for you to go on (omg you frickin simp)

“I have protected you and your team from their,, falsehoods”

(Why are you talking like that lmao)

He blinks once. twice. going to his bathroom, he gets the first aid kid he ALWAYS had to restock because his babes CANT STOP GETTING INTO FIGHTS so he can patch you up 

“I love you, but we can take their idiocy, it’s just your idiocy I’m worried about...” He continues on, then he starts to listen to the music you’re playing

you’re playing one of his playlists he made for you

specifically, “When I’m with You <3″

He becomes flustered and you wonder if HE’S okay 

“Sh-Shut up, stupid! Stop getting into fights!” 

#akaashi x reader #akaashi x you #akaashi keji x reader #sugawara x reader #sugawara x you #sugawara koshi x reader #yaku x reader #yaku morisuke x reader #yaku morisuke x you #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi hajime x you #semi eita x you #semi eita x reader #semi x you #semi x reader

[mayraki]

CHAPTER SEVEN

“max and her crazy level of bitchiness”

CHAPTER SIX

SERIES MASTERLIST

MY MASTERLIST

NOTE: hellooo👀 I made a playlist and a pinterest board for this series a long time ago and I’d like to share it with you guys! let me know if you’re interested and if you want me to tag you when I post it! :)

summary: Max Belinsky and JJ Maybank are the two troublemakers of Outer Banks. Going to parties, getting into trouble, having an attitude and being the two people you don’t mess with are the perfect ways to describe them. What would happen when the two people who seem to have trouble follow them around meet? One thing is fore sure, they didn’t expect this outcome.

Max loved the sound of the waves hitting the water. The way the sun would touch her skin and the wind blowing her face. But what she loved the most was when her friends where on time... wich never happened because Sam was the messiest person she ever met, and she had a little brother who would hide dirty underwear under his bed. Sam would always lose track of time and show up twenty minutes late, even if her best friend had told her to not be late because the waves were perfect on that time in the morning.

Max had a little break between work and having to go home and make lunch for Cody, so she would always catch some waves with her best friend. She was sitting down playing with the sand with her feet, while her board was next to her. That’s when she saw her blonde friend running towards her and waving with the hand that was not holding her surf board.

“Before you say anything, I love you and you’re the best friend I could ever ask for.” Sam said catching her breath. “And I’m sorry.”

“You should be! I’ve been waiting for almost half an hour.” Max said trying to be angry at her best friend, but she knew she could never be. “Where were you?”

“Hanging out.” She said quickly.

“Hanging out?” Max asked confused. “With who?”

“Are you seriously playing the jealous girlfriend right now?” Sam said before letting out a little laugh.

“Hell yeah I am, now tell me, with who are you cheating me with?” Max crossed her arms around her chest waiting for the answer.

“I was with Kie.” She said calmly and Max opened her mouth surprised.

“You’re cheating on me with Kie?!”

“What?!” Sam looked around when a couple of old people started to stare. “I’m not cheating.”

“Did you had fun with her?” Max at this point was joking around by playing the jealous girlfriend, she had to do something to her friend since she made her wait. “Does she gave you those little chocolates that you really like, huh? Does she know how much you like to talk at 1 am in the morning?” Sam rolled her eyes and was trying to not get much attention from the people on the beach but Max didn’t care, she was really enjoying it. She gasped really loudly that gained the looks of even more people. “Have you called her and not me?! You traitor!” Max touched her chest like it hurted and closed her eyes.

“Stop it!” Sam yelled. “Alright I’m sorry I didn’t call you to let you know I was going to be late, but please, stop with this games, people are staring.”

Max looked around to see that Sam was right, there was at least ten people staring at them both. “Show’s over! Go to catch some drama somewhere else.” She shoosh everyone with her hand and the people slowly started to spread around. “I’m not mad you idiot. You should’ve called, but I’m glad you are hanging out with Kie. She’s cool, but don’t you dare replace me with her-”

“Don’t worry about it, this is nothing like that.” Sam cut Max off.

“What do you mean?” Max asked confused.

“Uuuh, nothing.” Sam said quickly. “Let’s catch this waves!” She started to run towards the surface leaving Max with a bunch of questions on her mind.

“Why are we doing this again?” Max asked JJ while they were waiting on a dock Max never saw before.

“We have to pick up the kegger for tonight, John B’s orders.” JJ saluted Max jokingly and she just sighed. She didn’t want to be there, specially when the sun was hitting her skin and making her sweat like a pig. “The guy should be here any minute now.” He said and Max started to look around. But when a familiar boy appeared on her sight, her mouth went slightly open for the surprise and she quickly turned around.

“Fuck. What is he doing here?” She said frustrated and JJ turned to her confused.

“What?”

“My... ex-boyfriend is here.” Max said trying to hide her face and not be seen by the boy she hated the most, Johnathan Scott.

“Who is he?” JJ said as soon as the word ‘boyfriend’ came out of her mouth. He quickly turned his head towards the group of people he had in front of him walking around and started to look around like he would be able to know who Max’s ex-boyfriend was.

“Doesn’t matter. Is this guy going to take any longer?” Max asked crossing her arms around her chest.

“I-I don’t know.” JJ shook his head. He was still looking around, something clicked inside of him by the idea of Max having an ex-boyfriend. “He should be here soo- Is he the one?” JJ pointed at a blonde guy that had glasses on.

Max turned around and she shook her head. “No.” JJ deep down wanted it to be that guy, because it weirdly looked like him. He thought that it was unintentional, but he knew what he was thinking and he couldn’t help it. “It’s him.” JJ quickly looked to where Max’s finger was pointing and he slowly nodded when his eyes found the mysterious ex-boyfriend.

Max let out a little sigh when she looked at Johnathan again. He was talking to some guys she had never seen before. He had his dark hair that she used to love so much, she would always say that he looked like young Leonardo DiCaprio with that haircut, and with that busting his stupid ego. His huge arm tattoo that made Max bit her lip everytime she would see him without a shirt, and his dark jeans with his white shirt. He had the perfect ‘bad boy’ look Max loved almost two years ago, he would easily have every single girl behind him, with that stupid smile and freckles, those green eyes and confidence, every girl loved him and they were extremely jealous of Max, but she was too blind to see it all, he was a work of art with an ugly heart. And Max soon find that out in the worst way possible.

“JJ?” A guy said next to Max and they both turned to him. “Here’s the kegger, man.”

“Finally!” Kie said when she saw Max and JJ get out of John B’s van with the kegger. “Where have you two been?”

“The guy showed up late.” JJ said and Max nodded before Kie started to talk about some thing with JJ, but Max wasn’t listening, she was too focus looking for her best friend.

“Max!” She heard Sam called her name and she smiled to herself. It was like they were connected and when they needed each other, the other one knew it. “You’ll never guess who I saw at beach today.”

“Johnathan?” Max said and Sam furrowed her eyebrows confused.

“Wow, you’re really good at this game.”

“No, I saw him when we picked the kegger.”

She shook her head disgusted and they both walked inside The Chateau. “Why did he came back?” She asked and Max shrugged her shoulders.

“Who came back?” Pope asked and Max noticed everyone was inside the living room.

“Max’s ex.” JJ said and everyone turned to him.

“You have an ex?” Kie asked. “You never told me.”

“Yeah, well... there’s not a lot of good things to say about him.” Max said and just shrugged her shoulders. She looked around and noticed everyone was confused and wanting to know more, but she added quickly. “Who’s ready for the kegger tonight?” She said with a big smile and everyone went back to what they were doing, but with a lot of questions on their minds.

Max was enjoying the loud music with a red solo cup on one hand, while holding Sam’s hand with the other one while dancing. The night was the perfect one for a party and Max couldn’t feel better, she noticed her drink was empty so she let go of Sam’s hand and walked to where the kegger was.

“A refill for the pretty lady?” JJ said once he saw Max in front of him.

“Are you drunk?” She asked pretending to be concerned.

“Why? I can’t call you pretty lady now? You don’t like princess, pretty lady, how am I going to call you?”

“How about... Max?” She said like it was the discovery of the mouth and JJ gave her a face laugh.

“You’re too funny.” He said and Max nodded.

“I know.” She handed JJ her red solo cup with a smile wich he took with a smirk.

“I love parties!” Sam appeared next to Max and let her arm go around her shoulders.

“I don’t think I’m the one that’s drunk tonight.” JJ said with a smile while looking at Sam. Max took her cup from JJ’s hand and the three of them walked to where the rest of the Pogues were.

Sarah was sitting on top of John B’s lap while Pope and Kie were talking about something. Sam sat down next to Kie and she let her head rest of Kie’s shoulders. Max let out a little smile but then furrowed her eyebrows confused. The question ‘what are this two up to?’ appeared on her mind, but when she looked up and her ex-boyfriend walked inside the beach, all those thoughts went away and she rolled her eyes once she sat down between JJ and Pope.

“What’s up?” Pope asked and Max just shrugged her shoulders.

“My ex is here... Fuck! This was a nice party.” She complained.

“What is the deal with this guy?” John B asked while looking around for Max’s ex.

She noticed and then pointed at Johnathan, who was talking to a couple of girls with his friends. “I dated him for almost a year, and... well, I found out he was cheating on me. With multiple girls... at the same time.”

“Uh, that escalated quickly.” Sarah said.

“What an asshole.” That was all JJ could say. All he wanted to do right on that moment was walk to him and punch him on the throat. His jaw was clenched while looking his way.

“Please, tell me you did something to him. You know, the Max way.” Kie said and Pope nodded.

“Yeah, I don’t usually approve the whole revenge thing, but he totally deserves it.” He said. Max was about to talk but Sam talked for her.

“She couldn’t. Remember how you spent an entire week on your bed? And when she was alright, he moved to the main land leaving his family behind.” Her drunk friend said and Max slowly nodded, trying to not kill Sam for her words.

“Thank you... for that, Sam.” She slowly said.

“Well, is never too late.” JJ said and Max turned to him but he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking to the sand while playing with some tiny rock he had on his hand.

“Nah, it’s not worth it. Fuck him. Besides, I’m on my own thing right now and as long as he stays away from me, we’re fine.” Max said but when she took a sip from her beer, a familiar voice spoke behind her.

“Max!”

“It’s like the universe heard what I just said and it responded with, ‘hey... fuck you’.” She said softly so Johnathan couldn’t hear her. Pope and JJ who were next to her, heard her and let out little laughs. She turned around after getting up and a huge fake smile appeared on her face. “Johnathan!”

“How have you been?” He said with the biggest and most confident smile ever. He walked closer to hug her and she awkwardly pat his back.

“I’ve been doing great.” She said dryly with the huge fake smile still on her face.

“You look good.” He said and Max bit her lower lip, trying to not yell at him to go fuck himself, she wasn’t up for the confrontation this night.

“Thaaanks.” She said. She didn’t noticed that the Pogues got up from where they were and walked behind Johnathan. Sam was pretending to punch him while Kie was laughing. Max was trying to let out a loud laugh. “Why-Why are you back?”

“Decided to visit some old friends and family, to be honest, missed the parties too, they don’t have them like this in the main land.” He said. “The pretty girls are here.” He looked Max up and down expecting for her to fall for him, but all she wanted to do was punch him on the face.

“Yeah, well, the pretty girls are over there so I don’t know what the fuck are you doing here.” She quickly said while pointing at the other side of the beach.

“You know, sometimes I think about us.” As soon as those words a loud laugh came out of her mouth. “Good times.”

“Good times?” She asked before letting another loud laugh. “Sure! Good times, before I found out you were cheating on me with multiple girls, the same night we said ‘I love you’ for the first time, sure! Good times.” She let out the biggest fake smile and then patted his arm, before starting to walk away.

“You know, you don’t have to play the victim.” He said and Max never turned her body as quickly as that time.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Max heard Sam said with Kie grabbed her arm once she started to walk towards Johnathan.

“Maybe you should control your drunk friend.” Johnathan said.

“Oh, she’s not the friend she should stop.” JJ was now in front of Max and he was starting to get angry. Max grabbed his arm and pulled him back. This was not his fight, it was hers, and she wanted him to know.

“Why don’t you just go because you know how things can get around her.” Max said at Johnathan, but he just let out a smile.

“I missed this about you.” He said and Max rolled her eyes.

“And I didn’t even missed your tiny dick so why don’t you just walk away, huh?” She said. Pope and John B opened their mouth surprised. JJ let out a tiny laugh while the girls where high fiving each other.

“Go to hell.” He said with an arrogant smile.

“Baby, I dated you, I already been to hell.” Max said without hesitation. “Let’s go.” She said to JJ, who was very close to her. She grabbed his arm making him turn around, they were all ready to leave the boy behind, but he spoke again.

“I guess that didn’t change about you, running away from your problems and never taking responsibility for them.” He said and Max stopped walking. Her heart dropped to her stomach and she could felt her anger growing inside her.

“I’m gonna kill him.” Sam said turning around.

“What does he mean?” Max heard JJ ask.

She grabbed her friend by the arm and stopped her. “You know what.” Max got closer to Johnathan and a then looked down. “You have something on your foot.” She said with a smile and pointing at them.

“What?” As soon as he looked down, she quickly walked closer to him and her foot with her thick boot was already going to his bare foot. He screamed in pain, Sarah covered her mouth surprised while Sam was, again, high fiving Kie. The boys let out loud and surprise laughs.

“Pain!” Max yelled to him which made a lot of eyes go to her, but she didn’t care, she was already walking away from the beach.

She was quickly walking followed by her friends. “That was badass!” Sarah said with a huge smile.

“That’s my best friend!” Sam let her arm go around Kie’s arm while Pope and John B were making fun of Johnathan’s high peak scream.

JJ was absolutely surprised at Max’s actions. A proudness feeling was growing inside of him and he was finally understanding that Max Belinsky, could definitely take care of herself.

“Max!” JJ said getting closer to her. She quickly turned around and she saw his big proud smile. “That was fucking awesome, dude.”

“I know you’re going to say yes.” She said pointing at him with heavy breathing.

“What?” He asked confused.

“Alright!” The alter ego of Max that loved the rush and would often get her in trouble woke up right on that moment. She caught the attention of the rest of the Pogues and everyone turned to her. “Who’s up for the famous ‘Max Way’ right now?” She said and a huge smile on Sam appeared on her face.

“She’s back.”

“Because that, right there,” she pointed back at the beach “was only level two of my bitchiness.” She said. “The real bitch is coming tonight.”

“That was only level two?!” Pope asked shook.

JJ let out the biggest smile. “I like this girl.” She pointed at Max and turned his head to his friends.

“I don’t know what is this, but I like it.” John B said with an approval nod.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this.” Sarah said after letting out a big breath when she felt her heart beating faster and her nerves going up.

“Should I be worried?” Pope asked concerned while Sam walked passed next him.

“Yep.” She said and everyone started to follow Max.

“Did you take the picture?” Max asked to Kie. She nodded and then handed her the phone. “Well, here folks, we have another ‘excuse’ if the police investigate us, people saw us at the party, we have this picture with the perfect time.”

“It’s like I’m watching how to get away with murderer.” Pope said shooked at Max’s words.

“Now what?” Sarah asked.

“Well...” Max said. “What’s the thing that boys appreciate the most?”

“Their dick?” Kie asked disgusted.

“Yeah. But I can’t cut his dick off-”

“That you know of.” Sam said and everyone turned to her surprised. Max just let out a little laugh and continued.

“Well, what’s the second thing some guys love the most...? Their cars. Jonathan left his old car at his parents once he left. It’s still there...”

“I love where this is going.” JJ said with a smile.

“Tell us what to do.” Sarah said excited and John B turned his head to her.

“Should I be worried that you’re so excited about this?” He asked but Sarah just left his side and walked closer to Max.

The day was beautiful. There were no clouds and the sun was the main character that morning. Max felt her skin slightly burn while she was walking to the dock Pope said everyone to meet the night before. She had a smile on her face and when she saw her friends getting the HSM Pogue ready, her smile went even bigger.

“Top of the morning to ya’” JJ said while he watched Max her closer to them.

“Mornin’” Kie said with a smile to Max and she winked at her.

“I’m so ready to be out on the water.” Pope said excited. “I’ve worked non stop this week.”

“The Pogue life, my friend.” Max patted Pope’s shoulder.

Once everything was ready and the Pogues were inside the HSM Pogue, John B got the boat started and he slowly moved away from the dock. Max grabbed a beer and sat down next to Sam, she let her arm go around her friend’s shoulder and they both smiled to each other remembering the night before.

“Hey! Belinsky!” Max heard on dock with a megaphone. She furrowed her eyebrows confused and turned around to find Officer Presley next to Johnathan on the end of the dock. She tried to hold on a laughter when she saw how mad her ex-boyfriend was.

“What?!” She yelled so Presley could hear her. JJ got up and stood there next to her.

“Tell the fucking truth about my car!” Johnathan yell and Max looked at JJ pretending to be confused.

“What?! I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Max felt Pope getting nervous around her. Sam was calmly drinking her beer while Kie and Sarah were carefully listening to the conversation.

“I know you did it! You popped my tires!” He said angrily and Max quickly shook her head.

“Dude! I didn’t do anything. Besides, whoever did it maybe thinks that you’re an asshole and you totally deserve it! And I agree!” Max yell and she then turned her head to Presley. “How are you Jennifer? Having a good day?” She waved at her with a smile but Presley just sighed.

“Officer! Do something!” Johnathan said annoyed but Presley shook her head.

“There’s no proof that she did it, we have nothing on her. This is just a prank from some kids Mr. Scott.” Presley said.

“Huh? There’s no proof against me or my friends? Yeah, that’s what I though!” Max nodded with a smile while Presley turned around and started to walk away.

“You bitch!” Johnathan said angrily and Max touched her chest surprised.

“Aw! Thank you! That’s a huge compliment!” She gave him the biggest smile. “Have a nice day!” She said and John B drove the boat far away form the dock.

“I’ve never seen someone don’t get any nervous when they are interrogated by the police.” Pope said and Max nodded proud of herself.

“Oh, that was nothing. I’ve been in worst.”

“Hey! What about me?” JJ complained. “I’m pretty good at it too, dude!”

“Can’t believe you’re arguing over who is better with handleling the police.” Kie said before letting out a little laugh.

After talking some more about who was better, the conversation turned into who would be better at surviving a zombie apocalypse after Pope started to name the things he thought he wouldn’t survive.

Max sat down with a beer on her hand and seconds later she had JJ sitting next to her with his arm around her shoulders. “I’m so proud of you.” He said with the biggest smile.

“Well, thank you, thank you very much.”

“I have to say, we could learn a lot from each other.” He said and Max lifted her eyebrow. “You know, you can teach me how you do your stuff and I tell you how I do mine.”

“Please, tell me we’re talking about our plans.” Max said quickly with a disgust face.

“I mean” JJ shrugged his shoulders. “What do you want it to be?”

“Oh god.” She said. “You’re never going to change are you?”

“You’re the one who brought it up and thought I was talking about that!” He defended himself. “You’re the one with the dirty mind.”

“Yeah, sure.” Max said sarcastically before taking a sip from her beer. “I do know that you have to learn a lot from the master.”

“You’re the master?” JJ asked.

“After all, I won you that night at the Kook’s party.” She nodded and JJ let out a little sigh.

“I figured that was going to come back.”

“Oh, I’m never going to let it go. We’re going to be old dudes and I’m going to call you every Sunday to remind you. It’s decided.” Max nodded.

“I’ll be waiting for it, princess.”

“Punching bag.” She said trying to sound annoyed but a little smile escaped her mouth.

“Well, I’m really proud of my fake girlfriend. That’s all I wan-” JJ was saying but was cut off by John B and Pope screaming at the same time.

“Fake girlfriend?!”

“What?!” Sam asked confused.

“We-we need to talk about how that happend.” Kie said and Sarah nodded next to her before getting comfortable and waiting for Max and JJ to talk.

“I’m going to kill you JJ.” Max said.

“I don’t know.” JJ lifted his hand into the air. “All I know, is that Max... can’t take her hands off me.” He said and Sam almost spit the beer she had on the mouth.

“JJ!” Max slapped herself.

“Wha- how- I’m so confused.” Pope said trying to connect his thoughts.

“C’mon, we all knew that one day those two were going to end up doing something like that.” Sarah said and Max quickly looked at her.

“Huh?” She said. JJ turned to her with a smirk on his face and she wanted to punch him so bad on that moment.

“Well, you better tell the story or everyone is going to think that we had s-”

“It happened the day after Pope got hurt.” Max started to tell the story and rolled her eyes once JJ got closer to Max and a huge proud smile appeared on his face. “I hate you...”

“I know you deep down love me. But please, continue with the story. We all want to hear you tell it.” He said and Max rolled her eyes, before continuing with the story.

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[xiubaek-13]

Nectar of the Gods

Prompt: Yoongi + “Not interested, thanks.” + “You’re lucky you’re cute because your taste in music is awful.”

Setting/AU: Coffee Shop

Warnings: None     

Word Count: 2,003 

“No.”

“Oh come on! No one else has a problem changing the station for me.” Your tone grew exasperated. You’d been at this for the past ten minutes and the green haired barista was not giving in. It was half your luck that he was working today. He didn’t normally take the morning shift on a Wednesday. You knew this because you practically lived in this cafe while you were working on your thesis. It didn’t have the best coffee but its baristas, present company excluded, were kind and let you take over the radio if you were having a rough morning.

“I do.” He was the only one who seemed hell bent on keeping you in a terrible mood. In fact, you were pretty sure he got some sick kind of amusement out of seeing you suffer.

“Why? There’s no customers in here. What’s the problem?” A reasonable question. You’d understand if the place was packed and they wanted to keep the easy listening going for the clientele but you were the only customer in the joint. The morning rush had long since passed so you had an easy hour and a half before the brunch and early lunch crowd started to trickle in. A sane person might tell you that you spent too much time here but luckily for you everyone was in the midst of hell week.

He shot you a look that wouldn’t be out of place on a soccer mum who was about to list out the reasons why her child deserved to be picked first for the team. You’d laugh if you weren’t so stressed. “Firstly, you don’t get to make demands and second, I’m listening to it.” He continued to clean and stack the cups and mugs behind the counter, looking a cool as a cucumber - the pun not lost on you - and not at all like the goddamned gatekeeper to your sanity who was testing your very last nerve.

You had three days to get this final edit done. Three days before you had to submit your thesis and today of all days was the day where your mind, having been overworked to its absolute limit, had decided to check the fuck out. You couldn’t concentrate on the words you were reading. Not over the inane noise that was coming from the speakers in the cafe. Any other staff member would have acquiesced and relieved you of your pain but not ol’ grumble mcdickface. Not your most original nickname but you were stressed. “You’re a jerk Min Yoongi you know that?”

He put the mug he was wiping down and laid his palms flat on the counter as he sighed with irritation. Like he was sick of this exchange and just wished that you didn’t exist or that he wasn’t stuck with you at this exact moment in time. “And you’ve become an entitled little shit. Now do you want your usual or not?”

Your kryptonite. Caffeine. You damned higher beings that you didn’t even believe in as your shoulders slumped. This cafe might not make the best coffee but of all of the baristas Yoongi was the most skilled. You kind of hated him for it, which he was well aware of. He didn’t even wait for you to give in and ask for your usual, he simply started making it. You grumbled “I should find another coffee shop, one who has polite employees.”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Caffiends is down the road. I ain’t stopping you from leaving.” He paused as he poured milk into a steel jug. “It lacks baristas who will call you out on your bullshit, seems like a dull alternative to me.”

If you were less stressed you might have picked up on the flirtatious teasing but you were too far gone. All you heard was cruel words and you just couldn’t bring yourself to engage with him any further. Your last coffee was over an hour ago and you were craving your next cup already. “Just. Give me my damned coffee. If you aren’t going to help me get through my final thesis edit 3 days before I have to submit it by changing the music then don’t withhold caffeine from me as well. That’s a human rights violation.”

He scoffed as he finished making your usual. “You aren’t the only one in the middle of hell week so no special privileges. I’m only here because Namjoon has a philosophy thesis due.” He slid your drink across the counter, ringing it up so that you could pay for it.

You didn’t even thank him, merely groaned something incoherent and trudged back to your table. Back to your own little bubble of thesis hell.

***

By lunch time you had only progressed a few pages. The weird mix of soft ballads and hip hop kept pulling your focus, to the point that you’d started to imagine jumping over the counter and smashing the laptop that was streaming the music.

The two of you might not get along but you couldn’t fault Yoongi for letting your caffeine buzz wear off. He made sure that your cup got refilled, even at the height of the lunch rush. He’d just silently appear with a fresh cup for you, place it on your table and clear the empty one.

At some point, you weren’t even sure when it happened, Hanbin - who you’d had the misfortune of being paired with during a particularly painful forensic science class last year - sat down next to you. If he saw the momentary look of shock and discomfort that made its way across your features when you finally noticed him sitting there, he didn’t show it.

“How is hell week treating you babe?” Memories came flooding back to you. Memories of him using pet names every time he spoke to you, of how he’d introduce himself as your partner to anyone you ran into on campus or while you were working together. You hated this guy. He just didn’t understand that you had zero interest in him and that he made you uncomfortable. Even when you’d told him so. He’d just called you funny.

“The same way I’m sure it’s treating everyone Hanbin.” You said icily. “How long have you been sitting here?”

“Woah, you must be really out of it doll.” He laughed. “I got here like five minutes ago. Did you seriously only just notice me now?” He feigned hurt. “My feelings should feel hurt.”

“And what? You figured ‘Hey I know I’ll just sit here and stare’ like that’s not incredibly creepy?” You snapped.

“Aw c’mon now babe. You know I’m not being creepy. You’re just so cute, how could I not look at you?” The saccharine tone he was using repulsed you. You’d been having a crap day before Hanbin turned up, yet it was safe to say that it was now infinitely worse. Before you’d been unable to focus on the words in front of you. Now, you just wanted to drive a fork through his stupid face since no matter how many times you told him you weren’t interested or how uncomfortable he made you feel, he never stopped.

A hand gripped your shoulder lightly as a coffee cup was placed in front of you. You looked up to see Yoongi reaching over you, something he’d never done before, in order to put a fresh coffee in front of you. His gaze was stony as he stared at Hanbin, with his stupid grin on his face, before turning to you, his hand squeezing your shoulder. “Hey, sorry. I know you told me earlier but with the lunch rush I simply forgot. What channel did you want me to change it to?”

You’d never heard this tone from Yoongi before. He sounded…. kind? polite? The fuck was going on? You had no idea what was going on but you weren’t going to pass up the chance to get the music you needed playing. You’d be able to get rid of Hanbin soon enough. “1990’s/2000’s Grunge and Rock.” You smiled up at him. He patted your shoulder and cleared your empty cup then headed back behind the counter, changing the music for you.

You’d decided that you’d either had a mental breakdown or you were having some weird dream because never in your wildest imagination would Yoongi ever yield and change the music for you. Never. In fact, he’d told you that it could be your last dying wish and he’d still refuse. Yet for some reason beyond your comprehension he’d done just that.

You were working overtime to get rid of Hanbin but he seemed set on building up to asking you out and would not leave until he’d wasted enough of your day while he built up the nerve to ask. It was an act, he had the nerve but he felt the need to pretend like he didn’t. God you hated him.

“So what do you say doll? Let me take you out once hell week is over. I’ll treat you re-”

“Not interested, thanks.”

They were the words you wanted to say but a different voice said them before you could. Behind you Yoongi stood with his arms crossed as he stared down at Hanbin.

“Dude, I wasn’t asking you. FYI.” He scoffed.

Yoongi sighed. You knew that sigh. It was usually directed at you if your bickering extended past ten minutes. It usually resulted in him handing you a takeaway cup, a subtle way of telling you to fuck off and leave. “I don’t know who you are,” He held up his hand as Hanbin moved to speak. “And frankly I don’t care but you are disturbing a customer of mine while she is trying to finish her thesis. More so, you have not ordered anything and this establishment is not for loitering. So, whatever it is that you are offering, she’s not interested. All she’s interested in is you leaving so that she can finish her work.” When Hanbin made no moves to leave Yoongi continued. “Oh did I not make myself clear? You have exactly ten seconds to get out of my cafe before I call the cops to have you removed. You’re done here.”

You stared at Yoongi silently and sipped your coffee, not making any eye contact with Hanbin. You figured if he couldn’t get your attention then he’d give up and leave. He was never one to handle having his fragile masculinity challenged in the way Yoongi was doing right now. After a pregnant silence and a muttering of “Dude, don’t make me count. Don’t be that guy.” you heard the sound of a chair scraping and footsteps retreating, followed by the chime of the door as Hanbin exited.

“Why’d you do that?” You asked.

Yoongi tilted his head as he looked down at you. “Well sweetheart, babe, doll. I got sick of hearing your bitchy tone telling him no repeatedly. He either doesn’t care that you said no or he’s a sociopath and I have no plans on my cafe being on the front page as the last place you were seen alive.”

You scoffed. “He’s never taken no for an answer. He’s a fucking creep.” You paused. “I guess I should thank you.”

“That would be the polite thing to do.”

“Thanks Yoongi.” You almost had to force the words out. You were genuinely thankful to him but saying the words out loud was another story. It felt weird, and foreign. You were used to fighting, bickering, and exchanging insults with this man, not feeling thankful and kind towards him.

He laughed and shook his head. “Next time you could try looking less like you’re thanking me for killing your cat and more like you actually mean it.”

“Fuck you Yoongi.” You chuckled as he got up and went back to the counter.

Ten minutes later you heard him complain. “You’re lucky you’re cute because your taste in music is awful.”

#kloversnet #thekpopnetwork #kpopwonderlandtag #kwordsmiths #bts fic #bts drabble #bts imagine #bts scenario #suga scenario #suga fic #suga imagine #suga drabble #yoongi fic #yoongi scenario #yoongi imagine #yoongi drabble

[jeffrinamichelle]

Ugly Christmas Sweater

So my Pitchmas recipient  is @magda-adgam. It totally won’t let me tag your blog. Lame. 

Anyway, I am hella sorry that you are getting this late. And trust me, I feel like a total dick about it. But, emergencies happen and they always seem to happen to me. So, to make it up to you, I am going to give you at least two parts to this story. Maybe three. I like to ramble when I write.

You won’t have to wait 100 years for the next installment. I am almost done with it.

Once again, I am so sorry. Merry Pitchmas/New Year!!!

How losing a bet and having to buy ugly Christmas sweaters changed Beca’s life. 

Read on AO3

There were few things in life that Beca hates more than movies. If she had to pick one thing that was almost as painstakingly awful as losing two hours of her life to some predictable cinematic snorefest, it would have to be Christmas. Without a doubt. One would think that she would hate Valentine’s Day more, seeing as she was perpetually single, but no. The only reason why she could stomach Valentine’s Day just a smidgen more is because she has a soft spot for the candy hearts. Her best friend Stacie makes fun of her all the time because she tells Beca that they taste like chalk. And maybe they do, but Beca still thinks that they are delicious.

Maybe the reason behind Beca’s distain for Christmas is the fact that she worked retail throughout high school and college. Stacie never knew the horrors of dealing with bitchy people who absolutely needed the newest video game console for their bratty child. She is insanely smart and got into college on a full ride scholarship. Beca wasn’t dumb by any means, she was just lazy in high school. After she graduated, she tried to talk to her father about her college plans. She wanted to major in music management and production. He immediately freaked out and told her that he wouldn’t pay for her college education if she chose that path. According to him, she needed to major in something that would give her a lucrative career. He wanted her to be a college professor like he was. They argued about it for months. There was no way in hell that Beca was going to become a teacher. Not that she didn’t respect teachers or anything, that just wasn’t the career choice for her. Since she was a child she had loved music, and she’d be damned if her father stopped her from going to school for her dream job. So, at the end of the argument, she refused to change her career path. In turn, her father refused to pay for her school. So, she put herself through college working a horrible retail job. It paid well, but she was miserable for the entirety of it. Thus came her hatred for the whole holiday season.

Aside from Beca’s affinity for the chalky heart candies that made Valentine’s Day, she can never seem to turn down a bet. Most of the time when she bets against Stacie, she loses. But for some reason she can never stop herself from agreeing to Stacie’s outrageous bets. After fifteen years of friendship, she should know better. But, she just can’t help it.

~*~*~*~

“Come on Becs, let’s go dance.” Stacie eyes her best friend with a grin before slamming back the last of her jack and coke.

“Ugh, why? You know that I hate dancing.”

“Yeah, I know. But you’re so good at it. And I need you to be my wing woman.”

“What lucky dude does the hunter have his eye on this evening?” Beca asks with a grin as she finishes her tumbler of whiskey.

Stacie tsks softly, cupping Beca’s chin with the palm of her left hand. She leans down to lightly kiss the corner of her best friend’s mouth.

“Now Bec, you know that the hunter doesn’t discriminate when it comes to sex.”

“I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget that the hunter is so fluid. So, let me rephrase. Who is on the hunter’s radar tonight? Which lucky lady or guy will you be attempting to seduce tonight?”

“I’m getting some very sexy, sapphic vibes from a tantalizing brunette at the bar.”

“Stace, I don’t even know what the hell that means.” Beca turns her head to look over at the bar, only to be stopped by Stacie’s hand gripping her chin tightly.

“Don’t look over there. You’ll ruin the air of mystery.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, woman?”

“She thinks that we here together. That’s why I need you to dance with me. It’s like she’s having some kind of internal battle on whether she should come over here and talk to me or not.”

“Any how exactly does us dancing together help this situation?”

“Because, jealousy is going to seal the deal. After she comes over to break up our dance, I’m going to take her back to our apartment so that I can make her squeal.”

Beca scowls at Stacie’s choice of words before smacking her arm lightly. “Ew! Dude, that’s so crass. You sound like a fuckboy when you talk like that.”

“I am anything but a fuckboy, Bec. I know how to treat a lady. I won’t apologize for being crass. Now are you going to help me bag this babe or not?” A perfectly sculpted eyebrow raises in question as Stacie eyes her best friend.

“Okay, fine. But when this girl shuts you down or punches you, I’m going to laugh.”

“Keep talking crap Becs and I’ll hide your beats that I bought you when we get home. And then I will fuck that hottie all night long.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wanna bet?”

“No, because I know that you’ll do it. I love you but you’re kind of an asshole.”

“Right back atcha, babe. But since you are so doubtful of my seduction skills, how about a little bet?”

Honestly, Beca is also well aware of her best friend’s sexual prowess. She has fallen victim to it many times in their fifteen year friendship. Beca isn’t ashamed of it either, she knows that her best friend is insanely attractive. And Beca is very, very gay. When the opportunity presented itself, she would’ve been a fool to say no. It hasn’t made their friendship suffer in any way either, which is something that Beca is monumentally thankful for. Stacie has a high sex drive, and rather than risk getting some sort of std, she made a deal with Beca. When Beca is single, which is more often than she’d like to admit, they sleep together. It keeps Stacie safe and it keeps them both satisfied.

So, taking this bet is really a horrible idea. But Beca has the best punishment if she manages to beat Stacie.

“Fine. What’s the bet?”

“I bet you that I can take this girl home tonight.”

“That’s it?” Beca looks over her shoulder at the girl that Stacie is talking about. She’s attractive, yeah. Tall, brunette, and she looks kind of bitchy. She’s exactly the type of girl that Stacie usually goes for. And she’s totally flirting with the very male bartender. There’s no way in hell that Stacie is going to win this bet, because this girl is totally straight. Beca smirks in the girl’s direction, Stacie totally oblivious as she runs her hands up the bartender’s bicep. “You just want to bet that you’re going to take this girl home?”

“Yup,” Stacie pops the ‘p’ loudly, biting down on her bottom lip with a smirk. “I can’t wait for you to lose this bet. I have plans for you.”

The tone of Stacie’s voice makes Beca shiver. She just hopes that whatever Stacie has planned for her is as awesome as her plan.

“Deal.”

“Oh, babe, you are so going to regret this.”

~*~*~*~*~

As it turns out, Beca didn’t stand a chance when it came to this bet. They didn’t even make it through the first song of their dance before the brunette approached them. She introduced herself as Aubrey, eyes raking over Stacie’s body shamelessly. Honestly, the way the two women were eyeing each other made Beca incredibly uncomfortable. So uncomfortable, in fact, that she quickly excused herself so that she could make a beeline for the bar. She’s positive that Stacie and her flavor of the night didn’t even notice her absence.

The bartender gives Beca a sympathetic look as she slides a tumbler of whiskey over to her.

“Tough night, Becs?”

“You have no idea, C.R,” Beca mumbles from around the rim of her glass. She swallows her drink with a grimace. “I didn’t even want to come out tonight.”

“So, why did you?”

“Stacie needed to get laid. Finals have been kicking her ass.”

C.R. chuckles softly, wiping the countertop with her rag. She turns her attention to a customer, quickly making them a drink before turning her attention back to Beca.

“She’s the one that decided to go after her graduate degree. Nobody forced her to stay in school, therefore she has nobody to blame but herself.”

“This is true, but that girl is so fucking smart. She’s going to change the world.”

“Or destroy it.”

The two women share a laugh as Beca drains the last of her drink. C.R. is quick to refill Beca’s glass, pouring way too much into the tumbler.

~*~*~*~*~

The night drags on as Beca waits for Stacie to seal the deal with the angry brunette. Beca knows that she’s lost this damn bet, so she’s going to drown her sorrows in whiskey. Whiskey that Cynthia Rose isn’t going to let her pay for at the end of the night. The upside to having a close friend that is a bartender is free drinks. As long as Beca doesn’t ask for expensive, high end drinks, that is. But, she’s a college student, she will drink Jack Daniels if she doesn’t have to pay for it.

It’s nearing two a.m. when she hears her phone notification ping. She’s pleasantly buzzed, nearing on being drunk. She fumbles with her cell phone as she pulls it out of her tight jeans. Her vision is a little blurry, but she’s just going to blame it on the fog lights. Yeah, definitely not the Jameson that she has been borderline binge drinking for the last three hours. She just has to squint a little bit in order to read the text.

Best Sex Ever: (1:55 a.m.) Aubs and I took a Lyft home. Thought that I should let you know so that you don’t worry about me.

Broody Bitch: (1:56 a.m.) Did you change our contact names again?

Best Sex Ever: (1:56 a.m.) Like two weeks ago, babe. Lolz.

Broody Bitch: (1:57 a.m.) What the fuck, dude? Why?

Best Sex Ever: (1:57 a.m.) Aww, baby, don’t be mad. You know that I love you the most.

Broody Bitch: (1:57 a.m.) It’s weird that you’re telling me this while you are probably fucking another girl.

Best Sex Ever: (1:58 a.m.) Aww, Bec, are you jealous?

Broody Bitch: (1:58 a.m.) Not even close, dude. I’m just worried about the hunter’s sexual prowess. Why are you texting me, instead of making that hot chick ‘squeal?’

Best Sex Ever: (1:59 a.m.) Oh, I fully intend on making her squeal. And you know first hand just how much sexual prowess the hunter possesses. How many times have I made you scream?

Broody Bitch: (2:00 a.m.) That statement goes both ways, asshole.

Best Sex Ever: (2:00 a.m.) I’m not going to deny that you know how work this body. You just didn’t seem to be in the mood tonight. So, I decided to bring somebody home.

Broody Bitch: (2:01 a.m.) You know the rules. Also, it’s not my fault that work was a bitch today. I really just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep until tomorrow. But I know that you needed some sort of release.

Best Sex Ever: (2:02 a.m.) I’m sorry babe. You manage the studio though, so you could just fire all of the incompetent assholes that work for you.

Broody Bitch: (2:02 a.m.) I know that. Stacie, remember the only rule that we have.

Best Sex Ever: (2:02 a.m.) No fucking on the couch.

Broody Bitch: (2:03 a.m.) Thank you.

Best Sex Ever: (2:03 a.m.) I don’t know why we still have that rule. We have sex on the couch all the time.

Broody Bitch: (2:04 a.m.) That’s different.

Best Sex Ever: (2:04 a.m.) It’s literally the same thing, but whatevs. I gotta go, Aubrey is all sorts of naked on my bed right now. Love you, bitch.

Broody Bitch: (2:05 a.m.) Love you too, asshat! Also, I hope this goes without saying, but don’t fuck that girl in my bed!

Best Sex Ever: (2:06 a.m.) I’m sorry, the person you’re trying to reach is currently preforming cunnilingus. Please try again later.

Broody Bitch: (2:07 a.m.) Anastacia Marie Conrad, I swear to Lesbian Jesus that I will tit punch you if you have sex in my bed again.

Beca slams her phone down on the bar top with an annoyed sigh. Cynthia Rose smirks at her friend as she refills Beca’s tumbler. She should probably cut Beca off, but she knows that the brunette can hold her liquor. Despite her small stature, Beca can definitely drink with the best of them.

“Last one, Becs.”

“Whyyyy? C.R., you’re killing me.”

“I’m not in the business of letting you get white girl wasted. Remember what happened the last time that you did.”

“It wasn’t my fault, dude. That skeezy guy wouldn’t take no for an answer. I told him that we played for the same team and he refused to leave me alone. He even grabbed my ass.”

“So that gives you the right to break his nose?”

“He touched me first. Sorry, not sorry.”

“Regardless, you are not allowed to get wasted when Stacie isn’t here to keep you from kicking the shit out of somebody.”

“I have you.”

“I have to close the bar. And I’m sure that I have other people to get drinks for before I kick everybody out.”

“Ugh, fine. Take away all my fun.”

“Whatever, you love me.”

“Hardly.”

~*~*~*~*~

The buzz of her alarm startles her awake at what she knows is a godawful hour. Her head feels like somebody is jackhammering inside of it, and her mouth is as dry as the Sahara. Beca groans painfully as she stretches out her sore muscles.

“I’m never drinking again,”Beca grumbles to the otherwise empty room. She reaches out blindly, scrambling to grab her phone off of the bedside table. Her hand smacks softly against a glass cup that definitely wasn’t there when she went to bed at three a.m. She opens one eye slowly, looking over at the table. A fresh glass of water is sitting where her phone was last night. Two round orange pills are next to the glass, sitting on top of a folded piece of paper.

“What the fresh hell?”

Beca grabs the pills hastily, throwing them into her mouth and swallowing them dry. She sits up with another groan, rolling her shoulders to work out the knots. She grabs the glass and chugs down the water, slamming the glass back onto the table a little too hard, wincing at the loud clunk. She then turns her attention to the folded up piece of paper that she knows for sure wasn’t there this morning. She grabs the paper and unfolds it, tired eyes roaming over Stacie’s loopy scrawl.

Becs,

You lost our bet, babe. I don’t know why you continue to bet against me when you almost always lose, but whatever. I’ll bask in my glory.

I made a fresh pot of coffee. When you’re feeling human enough to leave your room, come get some. Aubrey and I are in the living room. You and I have a date to go shopping this afternoon.

Love ya,

Stace xoxo

Beca groans, crumpling up the note and tossing it onto the bed. She gets up, wincing at the painful throb in her entire body. She walks to her en suite, stripping off her dirty clothes and leaving them carelessly in her wake. If she has to go shopping, taking a shower is a must.

She just hopes that whatever Stacie has planned for shopping isn’t completely horrible.

~*~*~*~*~

“Stacie, no.”

“Stacie, yes.”

“I’m not going in there.”

“But you are.”

“Why?” Beca whines petulantly, frowning at her best friend.

“Because you lost our bet. And my punishment for you is that for the next two weeks, you have to wear ugly Christmas sweaters. A different one each day, to be exact.”

“I….but you know that I hate Christmas time.”

“I know.” Stacie laughs softly. “That’s what makes this punishment even sweeter.”

“You know, when you said that we were going shopping, I thought that this punishment might be fun.”

Stacie grips Beca’s shoulder as they walk through the front door of the store. The fluorescent sign above the door says ‘Aca-amazing Threads.’ Just the name alone makes Beca want to vomit. She can tell before they walk in that there is going to be a really perky, annoying salesperson. The store will more than likely be playing Christmas music, even though it’s barely the fourth of December. A tiny bell announces their presence before Beca can make a stealthy escape.

“Hi!” An all too perky voice calls out as Stacie and Beca make their way into the building. Beca hasn’t completely recovered from her hangover, so that cheery voice just makes her cringe.

“No, Stace. For lesbian Jesus’ stake. I am too hungover to deal with that voice.”

“Beca, you seriously don’t have a choice in this matter.” Stacie’s grip on Beca’s shoulder tightens slightly. Beca winces at the movement, but not in pain. To be honest, the forcefulness of her best friend is kind of turning her on a little bit. But now is not the time or the place for that.

“Dude, I will literally do anything else.”

“Nope, I think that this is the right punishment. Aubrey actually helped me come up with it.”

“Of course she did. I knew that she looked evil as hell.”

“That woman is amazing, not evil.”

“Awww, Conrad. Are you getting soft on me?”

“Hardly. I’m just letting you know that I’m going to marry that girl one day. So you should probably be nice to your future….I was going to say sister-in-law but that thought just kind of makes me want to puke. It makes us sound like sisters.”

“Ew, dude. Sisters don’t do the things that we’ve done to each other.”

“At least, not normally.”

“Welcome to Aca-Amazing Threads, ladies. Are you looking for anything in particular?” The chipper voice is closer now, making Beca finally turn her attention away from her best friend.

The first look that Beca gets of this chipper woman takes her breath away.

The woman is gorgeous. Absolutely stunning.

She’s a little bit taller than Beca, with bright blue eyes. Her red hair makes her eyes look ridiculously blue. Her smile is so bright that it makes Beca’s sensitive eyes hurt. Beca does a once over of the other woman, looking at her nametag after what she hopes is a subtle glance at her boobs.

Beca is so, so gay and this woman is one thousand percent her type.

Her subtle staring might not be so subtle because before she knows it, Stacie is jabbing her in the stomach with her elbow.

“Ouch, what the fuck dude?”

“Becs, tell Chloe the reason why we’re here.”

“I need a sweater….” Beca mumbles quietly, still gob smacked by this outrageously attractive woman.

“Okay, that’s a start. What kind of sweater are we looking for?” The woman enthusiastically grabs Beca’s hand, pulling the brunette alongside her.

“What my best friend is looking for is a Christmas sweater.”

“Okay. We have plenty of Christmas sweaters. Tis the season after all.”

“I hate you so much right now, Anastacia.” Beca grumbles as Chloe stops them in front of a very elaborate display of Christmas sweaters. She turns her head to glare at the best friend, scoffing when she is nowhere in sight. After looking around the store, Beca notices her, standing by the front doors, looking down at the phone with a goofy grin.

She’s probably texting that girl from last night. Amanda or Ashley or whatever her name was. Beca makes a mental note to give Stacie so much shit when they get home.

“Are you guys looking for matching sweaters? I always love it when couples have matching sweaters.”

“Oh no, we aren’t a couple.” Beca’s eyes roam over Chloe’s body once more. It dawns on her at that moment that Chloe is still holding her hand. Her entire body feels warm next to the other girl. She wants nothing more in that moment than to pull Chloe’s body against hers.

Whoa. You’re treading dangerous waters here, Mitchell.

“No? You guys sure argue like one.”

“No. Not even close. She’s just my best friend. We’ve known each other for a long time.”

“Gotcha.” Chloe clears her throat softly. “So, do you see any sweaters that catch your eye?”

“Yeah, that one.” Beca blindly points to the sweater that is closest to Chloe. She has literally no idea what the sweater looks like, to be honest. She just needs to get far away from this girl before she does something stupid.

She’s actually surprised that she can still form coherent sentences at this point. Usually she becomes a useless mess around pretty girls.

Chloe is so breathtakingly beautiful that Beca should probably be drooling troll by now.

Beca watches Chloe as she walks away to look for the sweater in her size, which she totally didn’t tell the other girl. She is about to call out to the other woman, but all the can think about is how cold her hand feels without Chloe’s wrapped around it.

“Becs? I am going to leave you here in Chloe’s very capable hands. I’m meeting Aubrey for lunch down the street.”

Stacie’s voice breaks Beca out of her reverie.

“How am I supposed to get home? You drove here.”

“Well it just so happens that the bistro that we’re going to is like five blocks down the road. So, after Chloe helps you pick out your sweater, you guys can meet us there.”

“Fine. That’s fine.” Beca’s eyes widen as Stacie’s words sink in. “Wait, what?”

“Oh didn’t I tell you? Chloe is Aubrey’s best friend.”

“What the fuck dude?!” Beca hisses under her breath. “I can’t go to lunch with her.”

“Why?”

“Because, dude, she is so fucking attractive.” Beca huffs indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest. “You know how I get around pretty girls, Stace.”

“I know. You become a useless lesbian.”

“I can’t be around her. I’ll make a fool of myself.”

“Would it help matters or make them worse if I told you that she thinks you’re totally hot.”

“That doesn’t help, at all Stacie!” Beca squeaks, her neck flushing with embarrassment. “Also, how do you know that?”

“Um, so I’ve maybe been dating Aubrey for the past month,” Stacie whispers. “Look, Bec….”

“Are you fucking kidding me!?!?” Beca yells at her best friend, waving her arms in the air.

“Seriously Becs, I’ve been meaning to tell you. It just hasn’t come up.”

“That’s a copout and you know it. We spend a lot of time together, you could’ve told me at any point. Were you guys dating while we were still sleeping together?”

“Yes.”

“Stacie….”

“No, you gotta hear me out. We were only kind of seeing each other. It wasn’t anything serious. But I really like her Beca. And for the first time since I dated Joey Presley sophomore year of high school, I can see myself falling in love with her.”

“That’s great.” Beca shoves her hands into the back pockets of her skinny jeans. She’s mad, sure. But she hasn’t seen this look in Stacie’s eyes in the last eight years. So, really she wants to support her best friend, but fuck, she really hates it when people lie to her. “Really it is, Stace. I’m happy that you found somebody to make you want to settle down. But you didn’t have to lie to me.”

“I didn’t lie to you.”

“You kind of did though. Lying by omission is still a lie. And what’s worse is that you felt like you couldn’t tell me that you met somebody.”

“Becs, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Save it. I’m gonna go. Have a good lunch with your girl. I’ll see you later.”

“Beca…”

Beca holds a hand up to stop Stacie.

“Just, don’t right now. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Without another word, Beca walks out of the store.

~*~*~*~*~*

The next three days are absolute torture for Beca. She doesn’t like fighting with her best friend. But she is mad and a little bit hurt. Not because Stacie found somebody that she wants to be exclusive with, because honestly Beca wants that for her best friend. It just kind of makes her feel gross to know that Stacie was still sleeping with her while dating another person. Just because it makes her feel like a little bit like a homewrecker, even if they weren’t technically together.

So, for the past three days Beca’s been crashing on Cynthia Rose’s couch. She’s pretty sure that C.R.’s girlfriend Denise is ready to scream from having little to no privacy. But she’s too nice to say anything.

She’s done her fair share of housework and cooking to try and make up for the fact that she’s basically freeloading. She also hid money inside of C.R.’s refrigerator last night. She’s not planning on telling her until after she leaves the apartment, because she knows that C.R. will find a way to slip it back into her bag.

Stacie has tried texting and calling her nonstop since she stormed out of the clothing store. Beca wasn’t ready to talk to her, so she has been ignoring her best friend’s messages. If she’s completely honest, she’s still not quite ready, but she’s out of clean clothes and C.R.’s laundry room is out of order. So, if that isn’t a sign from Lesbian Jesus that she needs to go home, then Beca doesn’t know what is.

Luckily, when Beca gets dropped off by Denise, Stacie is still in class. Beca thanks Denise before trudging up the two flights of stairs that lead her to her and Stacie’s apartment. She goes into Stacie’s room to grab her dirty clothes so that she can wash them along with her own. After starting the washing machine, Beca grabs a beer out of the fridge and plops her body onto the living room couch. She puts something menial on television to pass the time until the inevitable conversation the she will have with her best friend.

She’s so immersed in the cooking competition on the television that she doesn’t notice the box on the table right away. It isn’t until she goes to put her feet up on the table that it finally catches her attention. Well, the attention of her feet, anyway.

Beca grabs the box and pulls it into her lap. She studies the box curiously. She’s not quite sure what it is, but her name is written on top of it. It’s in a loopy cursive scrawl that she knows isn’t Stacie’s. She unties the ribbon on the box and opens it.

Beca isn’t able to stop the sarcastic chuckle from escaping her lips when she sees the most godawful Christmas sweater that she’s ever seen in her life. On top of the sweater is a folded up piece of paper. Beca grabs the piece of paper out of the box and then sets the ugly ass sweater on the couch beside her.

With a sigh, Beca reclines her body against the couch and unfolds the paper.

Beca,

Here’s the sweater that you picked out. Although, I’m pretty sure that you just blindly pointed to one. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas sweaters but this one is just terrible. You left before I could bring it out to you, so I bought it and had Stacie bring it home for you.

I’m pretty bummed that you didn’t come out to lunch with Stacie, Aubrey and I. While we were eating, Stacie told me about the whole not telling you about her relationship with Aubs. I’m sorry that she kept that from you, it totes sucks.

I know that I didn’t really get to talk to you much while you were in the store, but here is my number in case you want to get together sometime. I think that we’ll be fast friends.

Enjoy the sweater!

Chloe XOXO

Beca laughs softly at the cheekiness of the redhead. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and immediately opens up her text messages. She types in Chloe’s phone number and creates a contact, listing her under ‘Redheaded Babe.’ She starts a new message thread using the acquired phone number.

Beca takes her time planning out her message to Chloe. She doesn’t want to sound like a complete idiot if she actually sacks up and sends the text. She barely knows this girl, there is no reason for her to be so damn nervous. She’s such a gay disaster and Chloe just might be her undoing.

After much deliberation, she finally types out the message. She presses send before she can talk herself out of it.

Unknown (4:30 p.m.) Hey.

When she rereads what her ridiculous brain actually came up with, she wants to punch herself in the throat.

‘Hey.’ So freaking eloquent, Beca.

If Chloe didn’t think that you were an idiot before, she surely will now. There’s no way Chloe’s going to respond to that stupid message. No way in hell.

With a resigned sigh, Beca tosses her cell phone onto the couch cushion next to her. She’s just going to sit in place and die of embarrassment now. She leans back against the back of the couch, bringing her left hand up to her face to pinch the bridge of her nose in annoyance. She’s so busy chastising herself that she doesn’t hear the ping of her phone.

TBC

#pitchmas 2018 #bechloe au #beca mitchell #chloe beale #staubrey #stacie conrad #aubrey posen #side steca #pitchmas exchange

[8941189]

#personal #salt #shitty drama denouement #I want to scream

[rpmusingsnstuff]

‘KHONJIN HOUSE’ ASK MEME.

SEASON ONE.

“ I think it’s time to order a pepperoni pizza! ” “ Alright, let’s try this again. ” “ Why did you hang up on me?! ” “ Do you know the toll my fucking brain has taken from you calling nonstop? ” “ I can’t fucking use my dick anymore because of you. ” “ I want you dead, you little prick. ” “ This is just a plate of spaghetti. ” “ You can’t leave like this! ” “ Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to ‘Guess the Answer You Fucking Idiot!’ ” “ Your prize for winning is: full legal authority to burn my house down and kill my family-- WHAT? ” “ I think I swallowed a bottle cap. ” “ I’ve never burned down a house before! ” “ What?! What do you want?! ” “ Do you want this? It’s my most prized possession. ” “ That’s the STUPIDEST thing I’ve ever heard. ” “ Get in the back! Right now! ” “ God have mercy on all of us. But-- but mostly me. ” “ Are you American? ” “ Who are you? Wait! Don’t tell me. ” “ Whaaat is this? ” “ It’s just a little scooty. Don’t fuck with it. ” “ Ladies and gentlemen... FUCK! ” “ So it’s come to this. You’re not winning this fight. ” “ You’re not as big as you think, broseph. ” “ The only rock you’re gonna feel is the pavement. ” “ You’re gonna foot the bill of a check your body can’t cash! ” “ The bill? The food hasn’t even come yet! ” “ Maybe if you paid your bills, your wife wouldn’t have left ya. ” “ My wife and I have a beautiful marriage! ” “ They couldn’t cheat on a math test, much less cheat on me. ” “ You’ll kill us both! ” “ Don’t worry, I know how to disable bombs. ” “ You may already be a winner. ” “ Get the fuck out. Right now. ” “ You are not the legal owner of that package. ” “ I wanna play my Gamecube. ” “ That’s not a question. ” “ Where’s my Xbox? ” “ How about you get me a PSpiece of pizza, or you can Nintendo Sixty-forget about ever surviving! ” “ Can we get pizza? ” “ Um, so anyway, uh. Call me back. ” “ That’s a lot of of people they’ve gotta fight. ” “ I just had the greatest idea ever. We should write a Broadway play. ”

SEASON TWO.

“ Hey, you! You like pizza? ” “ Can I have a refill? ” “ Get out of here, you little scumbag. ” “ I make the best pizza around. ” “ No! They’re a fraud! They’re a fucking fraud! ” “ Is it true your pizzeria has passed the local health inspections? ” “ You gotta help me, doc. ” “ I got more degrees than a thermometer. ” “ That’s a wrench. ” “ Gotta hand it to you. My dick, that is. Hehehehe... ” “ You idiot! I’ll tear your degree to pieces! ” “ I’m a Youtube celebrity! 1,000 subscribers! ” “ You are garbage. ” “ Why are these names so god damn long? ” “ If you’re such a celebrity, why don’t you go off and be famous? And never come back. ” “ What the hell are you doing?! ” “ You are contractually obligated to as a Youtube superstar. ” “ Reinforce the gate! Don’t let any of them through! ” “ Who dares trespass? ” “ You’re dead! I killed you myself! ” “ I disposed of you before, and I can do it again! ” “ How easily you forget... ” “ For your grievous error you will perish. ” “ This is true. Though I have died before, once is enough. Spread the word to every corner of this earth. This house won’t be so easi-- this is so fucking dumb. ” “ Call me immediately! I wanna know. ” “ So what do you think? ” “ How do you plead guilty? ” “ I don’t know. I’ve never been guilty before. ” “ Are we really going to believe a man who publicly admitted to killing his wife and children? ” “ What a wonderful day to be the king. ” “ It wasn’t yesterday, but that’s how it felt. ” “ I don’t live in Sacramento! ” “ I’m not looking for women, I’m looking for pizza! ” “ It’s kind of mesmerizing, really. ” “ Ah, what a wonderful day to make the pizza. ” “ You. Guard. The door. Don’t move. ” “ I despise every fibre of your being. ” “ Who the fuck is this person? ” “ Also, Wreck it Ralph is a terrible movie. ” “ What’s that? ” “ I’m not involving myself with you. At all. ” “ Any of you guys see my Chia Pet? ” “ Holy shit. What the hell happened? ” “ I feel like liquid. ” “ Hey, I found something! ” “ What the hell is that? ” “ Do I look like someone who knows what the hell that is? Because I am. What was your question? ” “ I wanna know how to get the hell out of here! ” “ I will staple your face to a beehive. ” “ How about-- a high five?” “ Oh my god. They just exploded. How is that even possible? ” “ Science dictates you can’t burst into fire like that. ”

SEASON THREE.

“ The footage was doctored! You idiot! ” “ Give me the gun. Just... give me the gun. ” “ You can’t trust anyone. Except for the one man I can trust with my whole life! ” “ Words lack the parameters to accurately describe how I feel about you. ” “ Every night, I have reoccurring dream. It's you, sleeping in your bed. And it's me, with a pair or gardening shears. And I tear that stupid-ass nose right off your face, and I put it on top of my fireplace. When your dumbass daddy comes over trying to get it back, 43 trucks fall out of the sky and land exactly where he's standing. Killing him instantly. One day, it'll happen. ” “ Turn that fucking music off! ” “ I get it! You’re famous! When are you leaving?! ” “ They’re all... gone. ” “ You must follow my lead. ” “ Welcome back everybody, my wife is a bitch, we’re here at the beautiful Nickville Square Country Club. ” “ Much like my grandfather is one stroke away from having me inherit the family fortune. Yes indeed, he procured millions of dollars as a conman. ” “ I don’t know. They’re not finished. ” “ I forgot to give them food. ” “ Take a seat under my Christmas tree! There’s NOTHING there! ” “ What are you doing here, hotshot? Get out. ” “ Shut the fuck up! ” “ You ever hear a joke about the kid who dissipated into the tides of time?! ” “ And I was an undercover cop the whole time, which is what I would have said if I was a cop, I’m a murderer. ” “ What a wonderful day not to have any Christmas money. ” “ I was looking to play cards, but you can go fish. ” “ As in, like, money? But I ain’t gonna play cards with some bitchy fishy who’s trying to swim with the sharks. So how about you grab yourself a towel, and get out of the pool. ” “ Let’s play some cards! ” “ What I’m saying is I’m going to have sex. ” “ As of three hours ago, I own the copyright on playing cards. ” “ Christmas isn’t about making money! Christmas is about making a shit ton of money! ” “ The night... had just begun. ” “ Don’t trust the streets. ” “ Hey! Could you please shut up? ” “ Crisis averted. ” “ The next moment he’s coming out from behind the counter with a baseball bat. ” “ Basically, I have no idea how to solve the case. ” “ Like a man with a credit card debt of over two hundred dollars worth of OKCupid subscriptions, I was getting nowhere fast. ” “ I found the perfect guy for the job. ” “ I knew you would return. ” “ You don’t recognize your own sibling? ” “ Just thought i’d pay you a visit... ” “ Why didn’t you call before you showed up? ” “ The fuck are you doing? ” “ Where the hell have you been?! ” “ Who the hell is that? ” “ What the hell is going on? ” “ Don’t pretend like you’re not here. I know you’re here! ” “ Come and get it! ” “ Come on. Tell me I’m stupid. Tell me I’ll lose. ” “ Show me that you’ll walk away! ” “ But you can’t. ”

SEASON FOUR.

“ Alright, everybody in the car. ” “ Can I be in the front? ” “ So, how far away is Six Flags? ” “ We’re not going to Six Flags. We’re going on a hit. ” “ That’s... strange. I could have sworn we were going to Six Flags, considering I’m already in the car, and we’re going to Six Flags. ” “ If I were a target, where would I hide? ” “ Block off all the exits! Now! ” “ I’ve got the net! ” “ Finally! I can return! ” “ So you’re telling me, if I scream once, I’m dead. ” “ Well, I am a doctor, after all. ” “ That doesn’t answer my question. ” “ Come on. This is America. You can’t just point a gun at someone. ” “ The doc says if I blow a gasket, I kick the bucket. So today, you’re not gonna piss me off. ” “ Call off the whole fucking funeral. ” “ Undertale is a shitty game. ” “ Excuse me. Move. ” “ The town’s not in the budget. ” “ You can’t spell wall without balls. ” “ That sounds expensive. ” “ No. Nevermind. Refund. Discount. ” “ I like to make it the gay way. ” “ Whaddya think? ” “ Where’s my money. ” “ Do I owe you something? ” “ Look, I’ve had a rough day. I’m not looking for trouble. ” “ You know it’s illegal to feet exotic birds. ” “ There’s no way you could possibly know that. ” “ Dear diary: today I have decided to stop wasting my time with habits that just are fucking dumb. ” “ Undertale is a great game. ” “ I don’t have your money! Now get the fuck-- ” “ Do you know why I hate Undertale? Because it’s the best game ever made. ” “ The graphics look like they were drawn by a four-year-old, with the talents of Pablo Picasso in his prime. Which is what I would have said, if I liked the graphics. Which I do. Not. ” “ It’s so quiet. ” “ And I’ll be right here, at ground zero. ” “ Um, excuse me? ” “ The prodigal son... of a bitch, returns! ” “ What the hell is your problem? ” “ I wanna kill you on the principle of that stupid-ass question alone! ” “ I don’t even know who you are! ” “ I’m sorry, but there’s an irony to be appreciated here. I know it’ll be lost on you, but... would you believe you’re not the only one who wants me dead? ” “ The next time I show up will be the last. ” “ If they’re anywhere here, and you haven’t told me, I will drag this world into the depths. ” “ You’ve wanted me dead since the beginning. ” “ Die. ” “ I’m kinda sleepy. ” “ I’m kinda pissed. Probably don’t have to tell you why, either. ” “ I’ll even put on some music for ya. ” “ Oh my god, are they snoring? What the fuck is that sound? ” “ I was having a dream about this girl with really big thighs. ” “ You are so full of shit. ” “ No, I mean it! What kind of lying scumbag-- ” “ What a wonderful day to experience an unabashedly horrifying piece of ribbon. ” “ You know what? I’m gonna turn lemon into lemonade, here. I’m going to go to the mall, and buy a purse. And then I’ll fill that purse with a copper brick, and use it to beat the ever-loving shit out of you! ” “ Don’t worry, I can fix this. Which is what I would have said if I knew how. ” “ You don’t work here! I fired you a year ago! ” “ You’re fired again. ” “ I know what I want, and I know what I deserve. ” “ I don’t know what a Gamecube is. ” “ Look, these three words are non-negotiable: Super. Monkey. Ball. ” “ I am from America. ” “ That sounds like a load of shit, I don’t really believe you. ” “ Don’t tell anyone what you saw. ”

SEASON FIVE.

“ Boy, am I hungry. ” “ My greatest wish is for you to be castrated by a scorpion. ” “ Who the hell’s throwing lamps out here?! ” “ I’ll do a tap dance on your ribcage! ” “ I love this. ” “ What a beautiful day! ” “ You gotta catch that cab! ” “ With this horse? My horse? That’s a horse. ” “ It seems like you thought I was asking for a second opinion. ” “ That’s a frisbee. ” “ That’s what I thought. ” “ I would rather die at the hands of a frisbee than chase after whatever Crazy Taxi it is you want me to go get. ” “ I’m calling your bluff, asshole. ” “ There’s still time! Let’s go! ” “ You wanna know so bad? The baby stole my gun. Okay? ” “ Shut the hell up. ” “ What a wonderful day to travel back in time. ” “ That’s a mug. ” “ Why do you care about a mug? ” “ Wait! I can save everyone! ” “ I’m not playing with you! ” “ What the hell is that thing. ” “ You’re frightening the dog. ” “ What is it? ” “ It’s a date. ” “ Wow! Our first date! ” “ Why are you wearing a blindfold? ” “ So... what do you like best about me? ” “ I really admire your dedication. ” “ It is pretty funny, isn’t it? ” “ I’m breaking up with you. Get out. ” “ ... Surpriiiise. ” “ This is a rescue operation. ” “ Who else is gay? ” “ I have... two... two mushrooms. So I’m doing pretty good over here. ” “ I’m gonna blow you away. ” “ Who is this? ” “ So that means you’re the villain. ” “ If you swear allegiance to my cause, this pepperoni pizza is all yours. ” “ Look at you. All high and mighty. Big man on campus. ” “ You need to leave, I’m doing something very serious-- ” “ Like I give a shit what your name is! You are nothing. ” “ Excuse me! The men are talking. ” “ It’s finally mine! ” “ Get out here, come on, we’re on a schedule here-- ” “ I’m looking for a man between two and three hundred pounds. A man with most of his teeth, or all of them. ” “ How could that possibly help me? ” “ Oh shit. Okay, somebody call an ambulance. ” “ If you want to be ruled by someone you hate, give them this piece. If you want to be ruled by someone who hates you, don’t. ” “ I’ve decided, since you’ve kept bothering me all this time, I’ll give you that slice of pizza. ” “ You know damn well what I want. ” “ Where the hell are we? ” “ Well, I can tell you where we’re not. ” “ What have you DONE?! ” “ No bullets? ” “ I fucking knew it. ” “ You. Should not. Have done this. ” “ Looks like you’re just gonna have to kill me. ” “ So you know where you are? ” “ You don’t belong here. ” “ Okay, so you don’t know where you are. ” “ I made here! I made these people! The only person who doesn’t belong here is you! ” “ I’ll prove it. ” “ The power that was once upon you is no longer yours. ” “ This existence doesn’t need you anymore. But ours does. ” “ Just because you lost someone doesn’t mean everyone else has to! ” “ That’s enough. ” “ Get 'em outta here! ” “ Did you just SAVE everyone?! ” “ I’ll race you there! ”

KHONJIN.

“ What a wonderful day to be at the sun. ” “ After all these years, it’s finally time for your return-- ” “ I’m getting the psychic vision! ” “ You also have the gift? ” “ How much do you know? ” “ How easily we forget: I’m a psychic. ” “ Perhaps we can work out some sort of deal-- ” “ You didn’t tell me the crab crab was a crab! ” “ Alright. You asked for this. ” “ It’s just like they say: life’s a beach, and I’m the dune who can’t sand to watch our crustacean comrades go unprotected by the long beach island arm of the claw. ” “ I’m going to die. ” “ I’m going to need to examine that bag. ” “ Man! You sure do complain a lot! But you’re never wrong! ” “ I hate it! I really hate it! ” “ And that’s basically my commercial idea. ” “ You degenerate ape-- ” “ Dear pesky plumbers, if you enter EVO, you will win ten billion dollars?! ” “ Who are you? ” “ Wait a second, EVO is basketball? ” “ Have you ever seen moves like this?! ” “ I’ll be declared guilty of being a total slow-mo. ” “ Holy shit! ” “ What am I supposed to do now?! A man with something to prove has just lost... ” “ Hi, I’d like to be the bad cop? ” “ You really saved my skin there. ” “ I see myself in you, is what I’m trying to say. ” “ Coast is clear, buddy. ” “ Officers, come on, it’s just a prank! ” “ God, this sucks. ” “ How did you end up in here?! ” “ I’d give your money back, but I spent it on this frisbee. ” “ Man... someone’s gonna have to pick up that body. ” “ We could just travel back in time. ” “ I thought you’d never ask! ” “ Gentlemen, the heist is simple. ” “ Just say yes, you dipshit. ” “ We needed Kool-Aid, and this is a three man operation. ” “ So shut your ass up, and get in gear. ” “ I’m dead, you see. ” “ If your dad believes in himself, isn’t that all that matters? ”  “ So, uh, what’s your favourite dinosaur? ”

#ask meme #Ask memes #starters #rp starters #ask starters #rp starter #khonjin house #khonjin #supermental #god this took me all day

[randomfanfictiontime]

Let’s Party, Shanks (Part 2)

**(LAST PART)**

(Part 1) here

Summary: After a few drinks, a run-in with Sonya, and a helpful Minho... you finally work up the courage to talk to Newt. Needless to say, the night takes an unexpected turn.

Pairing: Newt x Reader

Word Count: 1705

Warning(s): None, maybe angst if you squint

(A/N): I FINALLY FINISHED IT, OMG IT TOOK ME FOREVER! I’m so sorry that you guys had to wait so long for this. Like I’ve said, I haven’t been in a writing mood all summer. But, I think I’m getting my groove back (and right at the end of summer, go figure). Hopefully, I’ll be posting a lot more content, more often. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this part! 

It had been about an hour since you arrived at the party, and since Minho led you to where the alcoholic drinks were. Normally, you wouldn't be one for underage drinking. But, Teresa was right; the past week had been stressful as hell. You thought it was time to loosen up a bit. With that said, you may have had more than a few drinks.

"Woah, (Y/N). That's like your fourth refill." Minho pointed out as he was still nursing his second drink.

"So what? Now your monitoring me and my drink intake? Usually you're encouraging this. What's the problem, now?"

"I just think that you should take it easy. I know that you're trying to forget about Newt, but-"

"Says who," you snap, stopping your movements. "All I'm trying to do is have fun and you're ruining it for me. So, slim off."

"(Y/N)-"

"I said slim it!" Before he could react to your outburst, you saw someone through the corner of your eye saunter up to you.

"(Y/N)." Her voice was slightly lilted with venom laced within. You knew right away exactly who it was.

"Sonya. To what do I owe the disdain?" Her eyes were narrowed as her hands balled up into fists. Her posse blocked the door way, so there was no way to escape. You raised an eye-brow up at her as she stomped up to you. Before you could back away, she swung out her right hand and slapped you...hard. You stumbled back due to the sudden force and you brought your hand up to gently touch your cheek, wincing as you did so.

"What the hell was that for?!" You yelled at the same time that Minho had shouted her name. He came up to and had to hold you back before you lunged at her.

"You know exactly what that was for, bitch!" You could have sworn that you saw her eyes glisten with fresh tears.

"If I knew 'exactly' what that was for, I wouldn't have asked, dumbass!" By now, the shouting that erupted from the both of you had been heard throughout the party. People were beginning to circle the three of you, wondering what was going to happen next.

"Newt broke up with me." She seethed. 'What? He did?' You thought, before shaking your head. You had to focus at the task at hand.

"And how the hell am I responsible for that? It's not my fault that you're too bitchy and whiny for him." She scoffed.

"You little-"

"That's enough!" Minho barked, coming to stand in between the two of you. You and Sonya glared at the other, completely ignoring him.

"Sonya, leave. You are no longer allowed at my parties. As for you, (Y/N), you should probably get some air. Come on." Minho grabbed ahold of your arm and dragged you outside. You were breathing heavily as the cold air stung your already bruising cheek.

"Are you okay?" He mumbled, slowing down his pace to match yours as the both of you walk the perimeter of his pool.

"Fine. She slapped the drunkenness right out of me."

"At least one good came out of that." He joked. You didn't really feel like laughing, though.

"How long have they been broken up?" You knew that Minho knew. He was his best friend, after all.

"Since last night. They had this huge fight when he told her that he was dumping her."

"And he didn't even tell me?" Minho sighed, stopping completely.

"Look, (Y/N). You've gotta understand that he didn't really have a choice in ignoring you."

"What do you mean?" You stopped, too, facing him.

"It was Sonya. She threatened that she'd do something if he didn't stop talking to you."

"Oh yeah? And what could have she possibly done? Maybe slap me again? She hits like a little bitch, pretty sure I can take her on."

"No, more like ruin your life. She promised that she'd get you expelled. You remember that kid, Steve?"

"Uhm, no."

"Exactly."

"Okay, so if he broke up with her, then why couldn't he talk to me again?"

"I don't know. You need to talk to him about it."

"What, now?" He shrugged, beginning to walk off.

"Now's as good of a time as any." You stood there, silent and debating. It took you a full five minutes to make a decision. But, eventually, you made one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And an hour later, you stood in front of a broad, white house. Taking a deep breath, you walked up the steps and hurriedly knocked on the door. You wanted to get it over with, before you could change your mind.

"This is stupid..." you mumbled to your self after waiting for a couple of minutes, waiting for the door to open. Shaking your head, you turn and begin to walk down the steps. That is, until you heard the door squeak open and a familiar voice spoke.

"(Y/N)?" Freezing in your place, you slowly turn around. A few feet in front of you stood Newt. He had a plain black t-shirt and a pair of gray sweats on. His hair was sort of messy, but styled just enough to look pretty decent.

"Hey, Newt." You mumble nervously, wrapping your arms around yourself.

"What're you-"

"I heard about the break-up..." He sighed, bringing his hand up to scratch the back of his neck.

"Yeah."

"What made you do it? If you don't my asking," you added quickly.

"I just... wasn't feeling it anymore." You merely nodded, shivering slightly as you stood in your spot. Newt, without a word, walked inside his house, closing the door behind him. You made a little sound, scoffing. 'Geez, if he wanted me to leave, he could've just asked.'

Shaking your head in disbelief, you begin to turn around and head home. That was before you heard the squeak of the door behind you. Newt had returned with a blanket, draping it over your shoulders.

"You looked cold." He shrugged as you stared at him with wide eyes.

"Thank you." He sat down on the porch steps, inviting you to sit with him.

"So, I can guess why you're here. And I can explain." You draped half of the blanket over him as he began.

"Sonya... she's used to getting what she wants. And when we started dating, she wanted me to cut off contact with you immediately. She saw how close we were, and she got jealous. When I told her no, she was outraged. She threatened so many things. Things like 'I'm gonna break up with you,' 'I will ruin you,'" His voice lifted up a couple octaves to imitate Sonya's voice and you chuckled a bit. He smiled briefly before it dropped.

"Of course, I didn't listen to her. You're my best friend and no one was going to come in between that. Boy, did she try, though. It only really started working once she started threatening you. And because her dad's the superintendent, she could easily get you suspended, or expelled. I know how excited you are for college, and I just couldn't risk it. So I cut you off. It was wrong, I know. I should've just broken up with her, right then and there. But, I don't know... I'm really sorry." He trailed off, looking at the stream of mist that emitted from his lips as he talked. You always could read him like a book, and right now... he was remorseful. He missed you, you could see that. And boy, did you miss him.

"Now that it's over between you both..." you paused as he looked at you with those big, brown eyes of his. "Are you going to actually start talking to me again?" He nodded vigorously. Smiling, you grabbed his cold hand with yours.

"Then, all is forgiven." He grinned, maneuvering his arm so that it was wrapped around you under the blanket, pulling you into his chest.

"Good, because I missed you, a lot."

"Mmm, I missed you too, Newtie Patooty." You grinned as you used his nickname that he says he hates, but probably secretly loves.

"Probably more than I should..." he mumbled, so quietly you almost didn't catch it."

"What do you mean?" He shifted uneasily.

"If I tell you something, will you promise me that it won't ruin our friendship?" You nodded, skeptical. He took in a deep breath.

"Wooh, okay here we go. Okay," he turned so that he could look you in the eyes once again.

"That wasn't the only reason that I broke up with Sonya."

"Ok-"

"No, let me finish, please. Before I talk myself out of it." He muttered the last part. You merely nod.

"Okay, so the other reason is because... because I realized that I was in love with someone else..." he looked up at you, slowly, hesitantly. You shook your head slightly in confusion. He continued,

"That someone else is my best friend..." It clicked. You, he was talking about you. You were the someone else. He fell in love with you! Despite knowing this, you decided to feign confusion. You wanted him to say it outright. Furrowing your eyebrows, you shake your head.

"I don't understand..."

"Yeah, well. I can't help who I love." You looked into his eyes, a serious expression plastered across your features.

"You're in love with Thomas? This whole time-" He cut you off, jerking to the side. He looked at you as if to see if you were being serious. Not being able to fake it anymore, you bust out laughing, holding your stomach. Once you calmed down a bit, you managed to form a coherent sentence.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry but the look on your face..." You sigh, wiping a tear away.

"No, I'm not gay. I'm in love with you, (Y/N). I figured it was pretty obvious, to be honest." He scratched the back of his neck, chuckling a bit, nervously.

"Well, just so you know..." you turned his face towards yours and softly kissed his lips. He almost immediately returned it, bringing his hand up to caress your cheek. When you pulled away, you rested your forehead on his. You whisper, softly,

"I'm in love with you, too."

Let’s Party, Shanks Tags:

@my-unique-mind, @supernaturalpockygirl, @i-wished-upon-a-star-one-night

Forever Tags:

@trustnobodyshootfirst, @16wiishes, @missmalfoy1703

Masterlist

#newt x reader #newt tmr #the maze runner #au #newt x reader imagines #newt imagines

[carriegessner]

The Real Lizard Wives of Earth

Hey, @mediaeval-muse, I wrote you 2000 words of silliness.

“June! June!”

Jiusyndor continues down the street. She’s on a mission. She has to get to the pet store to pick up their largest bag of flies and one of crickets (if she buys too many at one time, the silly people in polo shirts get suspicious and start asking how many snakes she has and if perhaps she’d be interested in a larger cage for them?). After that, it’s off to the hardware store for some industrial-sized bug zappers before picking up Bilamaggron from soccer practice.

Which is why it takes her a moment to remember she’s June. On this world, at any rate. A good, safe Earth name. Boring, if you ask her. One she can barely trouble herself to remember.

“June!”

She plasters on a smile to the fleshy face that still feels so . . . mushy, and she turns around. A group of Earth women descend upon her.

“We thought that was you!”

“I’m the same way! Always off in my own little world!”

“Yes, so many things to be thinking of! The whole days needs to be planned, and we’re always thinking of the next step! Isn’t that right, ladies?”

Of all the things she hates about this planet, what she hates the most is the women. In no particular order, they are self-absorbed, jealous, petty, and . . . ‘Bitchy’ is the term for it. She’ll never get used to it. Even with the silly parent-teacher organization at the middle school, there are so many trivial disagreements. June thought she’d left that all behind. If she has to mediate between the mothers who want to sell candles as a fundraiser and the mothers who want to sell chocolate one more time, she’s likely to shed her human disguise and give them all a piece of her decidedly non-human mind.

Still, these women have children in Billy’s class. It pays to be polite. Or, hopefully, it will pay. One day.

“Hello,” she says sweetly. “I’m just on my way to the pet store.”

“Oh, yes, I heard you let Billy keep a snake,” says one of the women. Carl, maybe. Or wait . . . Carol. That’s right. Carol shudders. “Nasty creatures, aren’t they?”

June straightens. She hasn’t actually seen a snake—not in person. On this thing they call the YouTube, though, yes. “I happen to think they’re lovely, intriguing creatures.”

“Right, but don’t you have to feed them mice? Live mice?” asks another, Gail. She’s chubby and really quite scrumptious, but she always wears clothes that are too big and hide her form. Like she’s ashamed of it. Can you imagine?

“Oh, leave her alone, girls,” says Pam.

That’s another thing June will never understand—why women insist on referring to themselves in the juvenile form. It’s like they have no respect for themselves as mature beings. Then again, Earth does seem to prize youth and beauty above all.

Oh, not above money. So: money, youth, and beauty.

“Anyway,” Deb says. She seems to be the leader of the clique. “We’re on our way to happy hour at Galaxy’s. Thought you might want to join us.”

Cars pass in whooshes. The shouts of children spill from a park down the block. A bell jangles as the door to a shop is opened. The walk signal at the nearest intersection begins to beep. The women stare eagerly at her.

Oh. They’re waiting for her to speak. That was . . . an invitation? Earthlings are so informal. Honestly.

“Oh,” she says. “Oh, no. I don’t think so. I’m really quite busy tonight.”

“A rain check, then?” asks one. Sharon?

A rain . . . check. She understands those words separately, but not together. In the interests of getting away (and getting those delectable treats to Mowsondran so he can make dinner), she nods. “Of course. A rain check.”

“You should go,” Billy says from the middle seat of the minivan.

June flicks her gaze toward the rearview mirror. Her son is covered in mud from soccer practice. When winter comes, they’ll all be praising Rotharnogak for a little process called homeothermy. Why ever did they settle in the American northeast? This is where they crash-landed, sure, but this planet is advanced enough for long-distance travel.

“Mom!” Billy says, louder this time. “I said you should go.”

“What? Go where?”

“To the bah-runch thingy.”

June frowns. “It’s ‘brunch,’ and how do you know about that?” Telepathy didn’t usually appear until puberty. If it was manifesting early, they’d have to have a long talk about how humans don’t like when you know what they’re thinking without them saying it. They’re primitive that way.

He bounces the ball on his muddy knee. “The other kids’ moms were talking about it at practice. They said they always invite you but that you never go. I think you should go.”

“And why do you think I should go?”

“You need friends.”

June blows through the stop sign.

The first invitation she accepts is one to book club. It’s a bit more formal than the others—in an email—and so June feels more comfortable than with their usual, casual invitations. The book of the month is one about a circus that only opens at night and has magical tents. June enjoyed it, but her one critique is that all the characters were human.

So, with Billy’s encouragement in her mind (and a reminder to play nice), she totes the copy she bought last week into Carol’s house.  

“Welcome!” Carol says, leaning in to the kiss the air just in front of June’s cheeks (another custom she’ll never understand. Why not just kiss the actual cheek? Humans didn’t seem to be afraid of each other’s skin too much). “Come in! How do you like the house?”

It’s large, but June knows enough that that’s not a thing you say even if the owner of the house wants everyone to know their house is large. It’s a far cry from her own decorating tastes, though, so she says, “It’s very . . . white!”

Carol beams. She seems to take that as meaning it’s very clean. “Thank you! Let me get you some wine!” Carol probably liked the book because there were so many white tents in it.

As she’s led into the kitchen, also white, she wonders if these women ever speak with periods instead of exclamation marks. The wine (also white!) is tasty, though. She has two glasses before she even gets into the living room, where she settles at the edge of the sofa with the book on her lap.

And—and here’s something she didn’t expect because who would have ever expected it?—the women don’t seem to have actually read the book. Their copies—library copies, of course—sit untouched on the coffee table. Their wine glasses, however, don’t. Their wine glasses leave their hands only for refills.

After her third, June finds she doesn’t mind. The smile on her face won’t seem to go away, and she’s learning so much about Earth culture. So much! She knows that Beyoncé is queen, that Mulan is the best Disney movie, that there are fifty shades of the color gray (why Earthlings need so many is a question for another day. Not that there will be another day, of course).

These women, though. (All women, really!) For all the months she’s been on this planet, June has had the exact wrong impression of its women. They’re not self-absorbed; they focus on themselves every once in a while to preserve their sanity because they’re asked to do everything and get no thanks for it. They’re not jealous; they’ve been taught only so many women can succeed and so they have unlearning to do when they’re adults. They’re not petty; they’ve been given purview over such insignificant matters that they’re forced to make them significant.

And they’re certainly not bitchy. In fact, June is starting to think that’s a word males (human males) came up with to keep women who live outside the lines down.

“Will we see you next week?” Deb asks, and she looks so hopeful June can’t say no. She just can’t. It would be like pulling off a young one’s tail just to teach them a lesson before they realize it’ll just grow back in a few days. That’s cruel, and June’s not cruel.

June is also very interested in drinking more of this wine. So she waves and smiles and says, “See you next week!”

On the drive home, she tells herself it’s only research. On the dominant species of her new planet. Yes, research.

“Why didn’t I like you ladies for a long time?” June asks over the thumping music. “You’re so much fun!”

It’s ladies night at Galaxy’s (the starry swirls on the ceiling are not accurate at all, but they are quite entrancing), which means they get half-priced cocktails, and they are going all out. June thought she’d hate, thought she’d spend the night sulking and making excuses to get away as quickly as she could, but there’s music (Earth music is so upbeat!) and the dancing makes her laugh and the drinks make her laugh harder.

So now she’s here, sitting in one of those cushy circular booths that feels so nice against her butt and watching Gail, Sharon, Deb, and Carol do some ridiculous gyrations that are supposed to be sexy but are instead hilarious. ‘Grinding,’ she thinks they call it.

But Pam doesn’t like dancing, not in the crushing heat of bodies, most of them twenty Earth-years their juniors, and the sweet thing is the other ladies don’t make fun of her for it. They stop by between songs to make sure Pam is all right, and Pam is grateful for a little time apart. And now, tonight, June joins her because dancing like this is one Earth custom she prefers observing from a distance rather than partaking in.

Pam leans toward June. “What?”

“I said, ‘Why didn’t I like you ladies for a long time?’”

“Oh.” Pam smiles, thinks, then says, “Probably internalized misogyny.”

June doesn’t know what the heck that means, but she’s determined to go home and Giggle it.

She sips her neon-pink drink through an equally pink straw.

No. Wait. That’s not right.

She sips again.

Google it.

“No, Deb,” June says after swallowing a gulp of mimosa.

She’s been coming to Sunday brunches with the gals for five weeks now, and she cannot get enough. Why do human beings limit themselves to brunch on only one day of the week? That was illogical. Earth women really do make delicious drinks, though. Who would’ve thought? And the drinks alone are worth coming back every week for.

“Listen, honey,” June said, “he doesn’t respect you. You can’t keep taking him back because he gives you the eyes of a small dog.”

Pam lays a hand on June’s forearm. “Puppy, darling.”

“Right, the eyes of a puppy. He’s just going to whiz and crap on the carpet as soon as your back is turned.”

“And by that, she means cheat on you again and break your heart,” Sharon says.

“Thank you, Sharon.” June snags the passing waitress. “May I have another of these delightful orange drinks that are actually yellow? Thank you so much. You have such lovely nostrils, by the way.”

The women giggle.

“He’s been treating you like crap for years,” Gail says. “Respect yourself because he’s not gonna do it for you.”

“I think you should kick him to the curb,��� Pam says. “Make him come crawling back on his knees and then kick him to the curb again.”

“Yeah, we’ll have your back,” Sharon says. “Anything you need.”

Deb puts a hand over her heart. “You ladies . . . I just don’t know how I can thank you for being so supportive. I think it’s time.”

“For?” Carol prompts, drawing out the word.

Deb breathes in deeply. She lets the breath out in a whoosh and says, “For a divorce.” Then she covers her mouth, eyes wide as she giggles.

The table explodes in laughter. The waitress brings them a fifth round of mimosas. Mi-MO-sa. Such a lovely word. It rolls off the human tongue.

“What is that saying again?” June asks. She scrunches her nose up in thought. “The one I like so much but can never seem to remember?”

Gail leans forward and lowers her voice. “Eff the gosh-darn patriarchy.”

“Oh, yes!” June says, not bothering to match her friend’s pitch. “Fuck the goddamn patriarchy!”

And she swallows her mimosa in a single gulp.

#hahaha #i can't believe i got this inspired over lizard people who overcome internalized misogyny and hate the patriarchy #fiction #writing #lizard people #twitter-inspired stories #short stories #science fiction #sci-fi #amwriting

[coldgirled-a]

mood:   *   gets   pissed   off   there’s   no   more   of   my   cheese   for   my   burger   * okay   fine   whatever.   i’m   just   gonna   eat.     me:   *   thinks   about   my   cat   /   misses   her   little   meows   *     also   me:   *   begins   sobbing uncontrollably   *   repeat   mood   one.

#just a few more days #just a few more /days/. #rn i am a chihuahua baring fangs when i want to be an edible marshmallow. #everything is making me mad from looking at the dash which is hurting my ego and need for attention. #like this is why i hate hate hate waiting for refills because i get bitchy and needy for attention but get so easily pissed off #it's like a no win situation with me honestly. #i've lost so many friends because of this problem #but medicated it's like !!! i'm the best person to be around tbh ???? #that probably sounds cocky and self absorbed but it's honestly true bc i'm very happy #AND HUNGRY. #right now i'm not hungry but i'm forcing myself to eat all this week rip me. #my point is approach with caution. #i don't like being this way but you can't pick how things are in life #*shrug emoji* #DRAFTS IT IS #i have quite a bit of those #with replies always at the bottom of the queue so i have time to do more and put 'em in there. #* OUT : ❫ —— out of character . #food mention //

[u4bik]

The Ex

Before he wakes, Jakadirek’s mind slips around the extremities of what he knows and feels. What he knows is jumbled and mixed, too many different colours in a vat to turn out a proper dye batch. Shysa is dead, Silt is dead, mother is dead, Vishiv is dead, Ilchathm is dead.

What he knows is useless, but what he feels is tangible. Cold. It’s cold. The plate is firm on his forehead, but much of his skin is bare. If Ilchathm were not dead, a lack of clothing would be no cause for alarm.

He should be alarmed but Jakadirek is drunk on something he can’t identify.

“I have some water for you, Ring-sib.”

Something terrible if he’s hallucinating Arsa’olakai instead of just picking up hauntings from Galokir’s mind.

Jakadirek opens his eyes to a confined area, dimly lit by sunlight through canvas. Arsa is no apparition. He’s as unmistakable as the scar that bisects his face from forehead to septum.

Arsa’s lips thin to accommodate a wide grin. “Yeah, I didn’t die. How’s Galokir?”

Arsa’olakai.

Jaka stares. How could this mongrel have survived? Seiyslos and Valthm were furthest from safety. Only four Ring members from Seiyslos and seven from Valthm made it out. Ashrei had the former executed for spite and Galokir weighed in on the latter and gutted them all, one by one.

For reasons Jaka still doesn’t understand, Galo has always hated the Valthm. He’d had to switch hands halfway through the executions because blood coated him to the wrist.

“Heh!” Arsa rocks back on his haunches as he is wont to do. He keeps his red eyes on Jaka while pouring the so-called water from a glass bottle into a steel cup. Watching one thing while doing another is one of Arsa’olakai’s peculiar traits. It distracts people from what his hands are doing. “Vendalot messed your head up, the water should help.”

Jakadirek splits his lips from their gummy seal. “We’re not Ring siblings. We’re not anything. Everyone is dead.”

“Whatever.” Arsa shrugs in a sloppy one-shoulder way that echoes Galokir. Or maybe Galokir echoes Arsa. He sets the bottle aside. “We’re alive. I’m alive and so are you and Kir. I’m here to talk about that, but me and you’re gonna keep that between us. This guy Vendalot can’t know.”

Jakadirek stares as Arsa holds up the metal cup. Arsa’olakai moves fluidly as ever: his long, attractive fingers swivel the cup left and right. Not even many Mi’iduor could claim manual dexterity like Galokir’s former partner. Arsa’s hand-massages were highly sought after in their Ring because he was the best at it. Better than Jaka. So many things Arsa’olakai is good at. All physical.

“You can have the water regardless if you talk or not, you know?” Arsa tilts his head and there’s a glint of something shiny and leather around his neck. It’s a wide leather collar like an animal might wear. Arsa’olakai is a servant here. Now that’s something Jakadirek is sure Arsa is terrible at. Does no-one ever learn?

Jaka says. “You first.”

Arsa scoffs happily. “That time I drugged you and was gonna fuck you? I drank the wine first, too, but okay.”

To prove his point, Arsa brings the cup to his mouth. To prove himself, Jakadirek throws every fibre of his being into an attempt to kick the cup. Any retaliation will be worth adding scars to Arsa’s face and knocking out his teeth. It feels good to be a body in motion, with power fueling his kick.

His ankle slaps hard and bare into Arsa’s free hand. It’s not going anywhere. Arsa has always been good at physical things.

Arsa’s grip is more tenacious a manacle than one of metal. Jaka can try to jerk his foot away, but he knows it will only drag him toward Arsa’s fully weaponised body.

Fortunately, the attack doesn’t seem to diminish Arsa’s good mood one bit. He smirks into Jakadirek’s eyes and takes a gulp of water, then another. And another. Rivulets of water escape the chapped corners of his mouth, flow down his chin, drips down his throat and under the pitted and scratched black band.

Arsa has chewed at the collar. He probably has yet to reach the hand that feeds him.

Arsa holds the cup out wide and yanks on Jakadirek’s ankle. Jaka skids across the floor on his ass and, as Arsa pulls his ankle up and high, he’s dragged straight into Arsa’s warm lap. It’s a self-fulfilled prophecy.

“Aw,” Arsa says with a chuckle, “I never thought you’d want to pick up where we left off that night, Jaka. I still owe you. You saved my life twice and I only saved yours once.”

Jaka closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I don’t want to have sex with you, Arsa’olakai.”

Soft, wet, pressure makes a mark against Jakadirek’s naked ankle. It feels like a kiss. It probably is.

“I know. I don’t really want to fuck you, either.” It must be true, because Arsa’s breath might be hot on Jakadirek’s foot but his penis is soft in his pants right against Jaka’s ass. “Though I guess it might give you a frame of reference for what Kir‘s used to. Do you do that kinky Mi’iduor stuff to him? The rope stuff?”

Is that what Kir—no, Galokir. Galo Galo Galokir.

“Your lips are moving, Jaka, but I can’t... oh.”

Jakadirek shuts his eyes tighter. “You’ve never had permission to shorten my name.”

“You’ve got feelings for him.” Hot breath bathes Jaka’s ankle in humidity. It feels disgusting. “A fucking Mi’iduor, noble by birth, has it bad for Kir. Fire and fury, Jaka, you’re slumming just like old man Vishiv!”

The words are horrible. Arsa’s breath is horrible on each name. How does this mongrel know so much? Jakadirek opens his eyes to look Arsa in his mongrel face. “What do you know about Vishiv?”

“Nahhh,” Arsa says with that strange breathy quality Jaka had associated with Arsa‘s lust. “I’m not here for that. It’s getting cold lately and I wanna know if Kir’s okay. Sometimes, when it’s cold and humid, he gets bitchy. I think it’s some old injury but he wouldn’t admit it. When he’d get that way I used stones from a fire to massage him. You can do that, too, yeah?”

Arsa’s words burn with unfamiliar anger in Jaka’s chest. “He’s fine. He doesn’t need you. He’s glad you’re gone.”

But then some of the muddle of his mind clears and Jaka stills, if not relaxes. “You want me to go back to him? You’ll release me?”

“Betrayal is what I do best,” Arsa says with another sloppy shrug. “If Kir comes for you, I’ll let you go. That’s why you gotta keep us talking a secret.”

It doesn’t make sense. Jakadirek studies Arsa’olakai’s face for clues. The corners of his mouth are chapped, his brow low, he doesn’t have any new scars, but the mongrel mark looks oddly irritated in the diffused light.

“You want to leave,” Jaka says. Looking at the black leather band, he feels even more irritated with the mongrel. “Galokir will never take you back.”

Arsa’s teeth make a familiar appearance; he gnaws his lower lip contemplatively. “Yeah, but I owe you. I’ve been keeping a secret for you and that’s worth one life, at least, but I owe you twice.”

Experimentally, Jaka tugs at his foot. Arsa releases him and Jaka lowers his foot to the center of Arsa’s broad chest. “Any secret you have about me is worthless without Ilchathm.”

“Ilchathm is wherever Ashrei and Kir take it, Jaka.” Contemplation lifts from Arsa’s face. “Kiss me and I’ll tell you the secret.”

Jaka stares yet again. What could Arsa’olakai possibly know? The trade isn’t sex and it’s a low price if Arsa makes a guarantee. “Give me your word. One kiss and you tell me the secret you have for me.”

He watches as Arsa’s smile returns bit by bit.

“I give my word that if you kiss me like Kir kisses you, I’ll tell you the secret I’ve held for you.”

It’s always in Arsa’s nature to push the limits of what’s acceptable. Still, it’s a small price to pay. “Agreed. I want the water now.”

Arsa’s answering grin is uncomfortably bright and eager. Jaka lowers his foot and Arsa refills the cup. He makes himself comfortable in Arsa’s lap and thinks about the way Galokir kisses him.

There are different kinds of kisses between them and Arsa didn’t say which kind. If he wanted, he could give Arsa a simple peck on the nose. But no, something deep within, something hard to understand, has an answer.

Jakadirek takes the metal cup from Arsa and drains half. The other half he keeps in reserve to take the taste of the mongrel’s mouth off Jaka’s tongue.

“He usually takes initiative,” Jaka murmurs and sets the cup of water away from the jumble of their legs. Arsa looks more attentive than Jaka has ever seen.

Jakadirek doesn’t wait. He reaches past Arsa’s head and grabs the base of the mongrel’s long braid. Arsa jerks back, but Jaka is focused on Galokir: the passion that he unleashes, the way he seizes Jaka and envelopes him in sensation and consumes him with fire.

Like Galokir, he doesn’t lose his grip. He pulls Arsa down and opens his mouth to take over Arsa’s scarred lips. Arsa’s lips are dry, his mouth wet, his teeth more jagged than normal, but most surprising is the way he gives way under Jakadirek’s aggression. Arsa lets it happen and, unbelievably, allows Jaka the lead.

Keeping true to Galokir’s behaviour comes second nature: Jaka presses the attack. Arsa takes the invasion of Jakadirek’s tongue, the hints of teeth, and Arsa makes a low soft sound in his throat. He wilts back and Jaka crawls over him to keep the mesh of their mouths, the strokes of tongue, continuous and fierce.

When Jaka finally pulls his mouth away, he is crouching over Arsa and his mouth is wet and tingling. Beneath him, Arsa’s eyes are nearly shut and his thick lashes obscure the red. His lips are no longer dry, they’re swollen and wet, a tiny trail of saliva drips from one chapped corner.

Jakadirek immediately wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and sits back on Arsa’s thighs. He twists to grab the water and drinks it down, then takes the bottle of water and drains the rest.

Arsa remains lying on the floor, oddly languid, unusually quiet.

Jaka feels some disappointment in Arsa’s behaviour but he’s not sure why. He shakes a few last drops of water from the bottle and smears them across his lips. “Tell me the secret.”

“Yeah,” Arsa replies from the ground. “I know where Vishiv got Jadavei.”

Jakadirek’s heart seizes.

“New secret,” Arsa continues, “you kissed me willingly and passionately, in a way I bet Kir hasn’t ever had you kiss him. But I owe you twice, not three times. Letting you go counts for one, keeping the secret about your father’s origins counts for two, but this kiss? You don’t want Kir to ever know about that.”

Jaka acts without thought, he breaks the bottle to get a sharp edge and lunges for Arsa. But Arsa excels at physical things and the attack ends as swiftly as it begins, with Jakadirek crushed underneath the big mongrel both wrists held in one hand over Jaka’s head.

“I won’t tell him,” Arsa whispers in Jaka’s ear. “I’m sure we can come to an agreement. Kir’s really sensitive to betrayal, you know? You wouldn’t want to let him down the way I did, would you?”

#arsa'olakai #jakadirek mi'iduor