#like this person may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but at least they
Note
you've never met a sexist straight man before, have you. google "homosociality" and come back to me.
I just can't take this ask seriously,,sorry. 😭😭😭 its not the sheer stupidity of this that is killing me. Its the damn sass, "CoMe bAcK to Me" girl who is you? 😭
Sweetie how about you go brush up on the pointless point you're trying to make and then come back to ME.
#are you dumb#a homosexual man can still be homosocial#theyre not mutually exclusive weirdo#not even gonna waste my breath explaining what an “expert” on homosociality should know#ur just pissed Im right about Bunny 😘#cope and seethe#winterbunny is canon and better than ur little ships is whats got u pressed huh#for those who are mature the last tag isnt even me being srs but i like getting on nerves#is it bad that ive been laughinf at this ask for five mins.....#LISTEN Its kinda funny ok#like this person may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but at least they#made my day better#thank u anon#truly
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RANDOM BAJI HEADCANONS❕
a/n: it’s clovers birthday (at least in my time zone)! Happy birthday @clovers-garden-co! Have a a great birthday love! And I hope you enjoy this little birthday gift <3
reader is gender neutral
character pairing: baji keisuke x reader
tw: cursing
o As we all know, Baji Keisuke isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed
o But when it come to you, he’s potentially the smartest person ever
o Seriously, the guy is an amazing boyfriend
o Sure, he may like getting fights and burning cars, but in general, Baji is super caring and kind towards you
o He always makes sure to send a goodnight and good morning texts, and if he can, he’ll happily walk you to school
o Hell, a lot of times he takes you on mini-after school dates! (When there’s no Toman stuff)
o Sometimes he’ll take you on little ice cream dates, and other times, he’ll drag you along with him to find stray cats. A lot of times you guys will have movie dates at his place too. And of course, there’s quite a few 12 AM Peyoung Yakisoba dates
o Most of all though, there’s study dates
o What can I say? The guy needs help studying!
o Luckily for him, you love helping him out, which he really appreciates. I mean, he doesn’t wanna make his mom cry again!
o Speaking of which, his mom loves you
o Like seriously, she thinks you’re some angel sent from heaven
o Every time you see her, she always makes sure to give you the biggest hug ever
o Sometimes she even pushes Baji out the way to see you!
o She just really loves you, and you love her. Which is amazing, especially for Baji
o Afterall, that was very important to him
o The other people that adore you are the people from Toman
o You haven’t met many of those guys, since Baji tries his best to keep you out of all that, but the few you have met really love you…especially Mikey since you have Dorayaki to give him every once in awhile
o The one you know best though, is Chifuyu
o Chifuyu was the one who introduced you to Baji, so really if it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t have even met Baji
o The guy is your little relationship cheerleader too, which you greatly appreciate
o There’s Ryusei too, who, also likes you…but he teases you a lot
o Oh well, that’s to be expected!
o Speaking of Toman, Baji talks about them often
o He usually complains about idiots or fights that happen, but really that’s all you hear about them
o Baji is really protective of you though , so he really tries his best to keep you out of anything Toman related
o He’s got to make sure you’re safe!
o Though, almost every time he gets in a fight, Baji sneaks into your house and asks you to tend his wounds
o To him it’s a good excuse to see you. Plus, he knows you’d be gentle, and you won’t yell at him like his mom will
o Of course, you always give a mini lecture about being more careful, but ultimately, you’re more focused on taking care of him that you don’t tell him off too much
o Unfortunately for Baji, his mom always finds out and tells him off …then he complains about it while you guys read manga
o Speaking of which, one of your favorite things to do with Baji is read manga
o Nothing is more relaxing than laying in Baji’s arms while it’s raining and reading manga
o Sometimes it’s a videogame date too! Of course, that doesn’t happen that often
o After all, Baji without a doubt will mess up something, get mad, and start yelling at the game
o You’ve never heard him curse at something as much as he curses at his Nintendo
o Of course, when you start laughing at him, he gets more mad
o Oh well, it’s all in good fun!
o As long as you get some Yakisoba, he’ll forgive you. Although, he’s gotta be the one to make it
o Lord knows that man is a cooking genius
o He’s a natural at it
o Seriously, out of all the thing you expected from Baji, you didn’t expect him to be able to cook as good as he does
o Of course, you don’t mind. It’s more good food for you!
o One of Baji’s other favorite things is working out
o He’s not intense as Draken, but he certainly works out a lot. He wants to stay strong, and he wants to impress you, so of course he works out!
o He’s also always sure to work out while you’re with him
o Not that you mind. He does look good when he works out
o Plus, sometimes a cat climbs on his back on the middle of his workout, which is definitely one of the cutest things you’ve seen
o In fact, it’s your lock screen…well, until you switched it out with Baji cuddling with a cat
o A lot of times when you and Baji cuddle (which is often) a cat will join you
o It’s beyond adorable
o Unfortunately, when Baji falls asleep and starts snoring, the cat runs away because of how loud it is
o Hey, at least you got used to the snoring. Lord knows you’d never get sleep if that wasn’t the case
o Another random thing about Baji is he’s terrified of bugs
o The guy could beat any scary person up, but the moment there’s a spider, he’s out of there
o I hope you can deal with them, because if not, you guys are screwed
o Oh well, at least it’s funny to see Baji scream like a little girl
o Overall, yours and Baji’s relationship is absolutely adorable. He loves you more than anything, and you him
o So, you better stick around! Lord knows he needs you
masterlist || reblogs are very appreciated <3
#tokyo revengers#tokyo revengers x reader#baji#baji x reader#tokyo rev#tokyo rev x you#tokyo revengers baji#baji keisuke#baji keisuke x reader#baji x you#baji x y/n#baji keisuke x you#baji keisuke x y/n#keisuke baji#keisuke baji x reader#keisuke baji x you#keisuke baji x y/n
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So, apparently you write for Under Night In-Birth now, Neat.
Do you have any relationship headcanons for Hilda?
For Hilda? Oh I’m more than willing to share, especially since I just started to give her a test run, so far it's been a fun time, though zoners aren’t my specialty.
NOW! YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!
Hilda is first and foremost, a wrathful woman.
Or that is how she likes to present herself at least.
It is more accurate to say she is a fearful woman.
She is someone who does not trust others easily.
But for those few she does, she does everything in her power to ensure that harm does not come to them.
With mixed levels of success.
So she holds onto you for dear life.
You are the one person she will let no harm come to.
And if any was to befall you…
Well, there was a reason Amnesia was once so powerful.
Hilda may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but she has power and a lot of it.
And all of that power would be used to protect you on a moment's notice if it was required.
Because Hilda is someone who does not trust others easily.
And you are the one person she trusts the most.
After all, you are the only person she could truly entrust her heart to.
And because of that, you get to see the sides of Hilda no one else has seen.
The sloppy side of her which will spend all day walking around in whatever spare clothes she can find.
The spoiled side of her that will hold you down and cry “Five more minutes” when it is time to wake up.
The clingy side of her which will lay her entire body upon you so she can be close to you.
The gluttonous side of her which will have whatever food she wants for the both of you to eat simply because she was feeling “Peckish”.
The loving side of her which will go to any of the earth for you, who will show you everything about her.
She is still Hilda the leader of Amnesia.
But you get to peek behind the perfect hair, the black and white dress, the impeccable nails, to see what is underneath.
A woman who loves you almost to the point she can’t bear it, and cares for her friends greatly.
A woman who would burn the world to keep you safe.
A woman, who is human.
A woman, named Hilda.
#under night in birth x reader#under night in birth#under night in birth hilda#Hilda under night in birth#uniblr#hilda under night in birth x reader
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Soulmate AU... Robin with two soulmarks which is strange and unusual and she comes to believe it's just the universe mocking her because she spent her entire childhood and teenage years feeling so lonely. She couldn't get one person to love her, let alone two.
But then she meets Steve, and they click together like magic. Soulmates don't share the exact same soulmark, but rather, their soulmark vaguely represents the other person. Steve got it easy - maybe the universe knew he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed and spelled it out for him pretty clearly, giving him a small robin bird in his wrist. He spent years fantasizing about an epic love story, but his soulmate came in the form of an autistic lesbian who would become his closest friend in life and death, and he wouldn't have it any other way. Robin's first soulmark, the one representing Steve, wasn't much more intellectual- a paper boat. She thought it would be deep and symbolic but finding one of her soulmates at her job in an ice cream shop called Scoops Ahoy wasn't exactly the most expected outcome, so she could still comfort herself with the fact it had been an interesting twist.
It takes her a year to find her other soulmate. This one had gone through many people before whom she thought may be her soulmate, but none of them happened to be it. At one point, when she was young, she'd thought it was her best friend, Barbara Holland, but then she died, and Steve was there and Steve was a boy, she was a girl, and he said he loved her, so he must be the one. He wasn't. And neither was Jonathan, despite her best hopes. She went back to Barb, who'd been dead for years, and wondered if her first gut feeling had been right.
By the time Nancy falls in love with Robin, she's hesitant to include her on the list. Her soulmark is a book. Robin's second soulmark is a pen. For so long, Nancy thought her mark could mean anything. A book was vague enough. Robin's love of language and literature didn't mean anything. But they became close with time. Inseparable. And Nancy could never be sure if she'd found her person, but by God she would choose her. She would choose her Robin over and over again and she'd be her soulmate regardless of anything else. They kissed under the moon and the only one to knew was Steve.
He and Nancy have a tense relationship. Its awkward and complicated, but now they share a person. The most important person in their lives. And they both swear to protect her from anything and anyone, so they might as well bond over it. Nancy loves Robin. Steve loves Robin. She's their soulmate. At least they have that in common.
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Yakuza and coping mechanisms
Yakuza has been my on and off hyperfocus for years now but also in particular the past month, so let's talk about it. And particularly, how many friggin coping mechanisms are in this game.
Disclaimer: I do literary analysis, not psycho analysis, don't come for me.
For all its silliness about fighting roomba's and disco minigames, the world that the Yakuza games is set in, is fucking brutal. They are, at their very core, crime drama's. People get murdered a lot, lives are ruined in various ways, a good third of protags spend large amounts of time in jail, usually for a crime they didn't commit. Most politicians and police are corrupt, racism is blatant and if you don't have a place in the very strict hierarchy of society, it's hard to get back on your feet (hence all the crime). I tend to read a lot of indictments of Japanese society in these games, partly because they are so clearly based on old school yakuza crime drama's.
This means that the characters go through some shit. And what's fascinating, is how they deal with this.
Spoiler warning for, uhh, almost all yakuza games except Song Of Life (since i never played that)
Pretending it's not real
Kasuga Ichiban
The direct reason I'm even making this blog post because he's the most blatant about it. Kasuga is Peak Himbo in that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he manages to take being beaten down Repeatedly and overcomes that with a sense of genuine good nature and optimism that is… honestly kind of hard to believe.
The way he deals with any of this, is that he's a nerd who pretends to be in a video game. It's the whole premise of Yakuza Like a Dragon.
And to be fair, Kasuga suffers from an amount of mistreatment that makes me Very Angry in his stead. He has every right to be upset! He is literally homeless in the beginning of the game. If he requires the escapism of going around pretending to be in a jrpg to survive, more power to him. Especially since it works. Dude goes around helping people and making friends. Which is a good thing, because there's no way he'd make it out of Yokohama alive if he didn't have some back-up.
Side note: something similar happens to at the very least Majima, i think, in the admittedly non-canonical events of Yakuza Dead Souls. (yes i played it solely for Majima, no i do not recommend it, the game is garbage and you get more Majima in Zero anyway). In Dead Souls, Kamurocho is overrun by zombies. As a lover of all things Horror, Majima decides he may as well have a good time mowing them down like he's in an FPS while he trudges through the wreckage of society.
Self sacrifice
Mostly Kazuma Kiryu and Saejima Taiga
If you hate yourself, at least try to be of use to someone. Let's be honest, a lot of the plot of Yakuza games is driven by self sacrifice or at least following some code of honor to its ludicrous ends.
Kiryu is the main example here. The game kinda glosses over this a lot, but he is, at least in Zero, a criminal. He goes around extorting money from businesses. He consistently solves problems through violence. It's kinda the point of the games. But he's also borderline a saint and 80% of the shit he gets into is because of his need to throw himself to the wolves for any person he cares about. He voluntarily does hard time for Nishikiyama, for one. He picks up a stray kid that he will now protect with his life. And it just goes on from there. See, Kiryu may be the famous Dragon of Dojima and the Fifth Chairman of the Tojo Clan and all that, but he would very much prefer not to be? Dude wants to live a quiet life and raise some kids, it's just that he's the protag of a game series about how hard it is to say goodbye to the yakuza life. So the plot keeps finding ways to bring him back, usually as a reluctant warrior to save the Tojo clan or Haruka or whatever. If he was a little less honorable, he could still be chilling as a taxi driver with an unreasonably hot girlfriend, I'm just saying.
Saejima is very similar, but somehow even worse? Much as I love the guy, he's an idiot. He suffers from the same loyalty and selflessness as Kiryu, but he doesn't even get a cute daughter out of it. He spends Twenty Five years in prison for a crime he (we later find out) didn't commit. He escapes months before his parole to solve the convoluted plot of Y4. Then Goes Back to Jail to atone for (again) a crime he only thought he'd committed, only to escape (again) when he thinks Majima, his sworn brother, got murdered in Y5. As far as i can tell he goes back to jail one last time to finish his actual sentence, and to like, protect the name of the Tojo clan or some shit. My dude. My friend. Come on.
As a side note, acts of selflessness are kind of a big deal in the Yakuza games and one of the main ways to tell if someone is a good criminal or a villain. Kasuga and his crew are pretty big on the whole 'acts of selfless kindness' thing. It also seems to be one of the traits of Daigo Dojima, whose whole being screams 'I don't want to be here but who else is gonna fucking do it'. But in the case of Kiryu and Saejima it's very much verging on reckless self-endangerment.
Fabricated identities
Majima Goro, baby!
The Yakuza games really love this one, but I'll start with the big guy, everyone's favourite character: Majima. This dude has seen some shit. We see him throughout several flashbacks and the span of the games, but most tellingly we see him in Zero, at his rock bottom hero stage. And he's intriguingly unlike the other times he shows up. This is a Majima that's recovering from torture and backstabbing, and forced to do some dude's bidding for scraps. He's a chained dog (pun very much intended) and he's about to lose it.
What's fun about Majima is that he has So Many of the traits in this list. He has a lot of the reckless endangerment and self sacrifice that his buddies Kiryu and Saejima have. He gave himself up a few times for Haruka, he keeps trundling back to save Tojo and Dojima, but there's also a whole other layer of … Flamboyance to him.
And while Majima probably started out as comic relief, the games make clear that it's not all he is, and we get several glimpses of 'old Majima' throughout the series. He'll be in the middle of a self inflicted fight and drop some wisdom, for instance. He acts erratically, he is blunt, violent, exuberant in his dressing up. When given a task his first thought seems to be 'how can i make this Extra', but that doesn't mean the guy is unstable. You don't become a successful businessman with a building company, or a patriarch of your own family, without being smart and strategic. A lot of classic Majima behaviour, i feel, is a case of a mask he constructed to hide the severe depression, that became more of a second nature to him. Majima is one of the clearest examples of 'do what you need to do'. He's a survivor, through and through. Somewhere in there is a decent human being, but Majima will kill people to survive in a harsh world. It just seems like he constructed an extra layer to shield himself from all that.
Joon-gi Han (Like a Dragon): This is more a case of stolen (inherited??) identity, but again, if you don't want to be you, just be someone else. In this case someone he admires. Again: super tragic backstory, questionable life choices. As an aside, Joon-gi is fun because he is both a deadly assassin with someone else's name and face, but also a Knight stereotype who would do everything for his queen and I think that's neat.
Zhao Tianyou (Like a Dragon): Somewhat more subtle, but Zhao is also a dude that was at one point confronted with a Situation, namely 'oh shit my dad died and now I'm in charge of a violent gang'. And to deal with that he decided to construct a persona that gives exactly zero fucks. He is very joking and very avoidant but we do learn that a fair amount of his laid back attitude is just veneer. Dude in fact gives several fucks. You don't decide to give up the throne and become a homeless sidekick to Himbo Supreme because you don't care. You do it to stop him from getting ultra-murdered by the parade of heavily armored gangsters he keeps storming into.
Akiyama Shun (Yakuza 4-5): I debated putting him here, because part of me believes Akiyama is just kind of a dick. A dick I love as a character, but still, ya know. At least some of the dickish persona is a front, though. Akiyama is another one that just saw his life's work destroyed at some point, and decided that emotional detachment was the way to go. Akiyama is different because he was never actually a proper criminal. He was homeless for a bit, and then came into some money (through Extremely Convoluted Plot Means) and now he's a moneylender. And like Zhao, he mostly pretends to be completely devoid of feelings, while having a fair amount of feelings. Enough to get into like… fist fights. With actual gangsters. Who have guns.
Vice
Sex, drugs and everything in between
The preferred way for noir drama's to show someone is Going Through It, is by giving them a classic addiction and Yakuza isn't any different.
It's why several characters are shown mournfully smoking, in particular Kiryu and Majima. Yes I know it's because it looks cool and harks back to old crime movie atmosphere. That doesn't make it a healthy coping mechanism.
Another obvious one, considering the setting of the games in several red lights districts, is erotica. Both Adachi, the ex-cop from Like a Dragon and Shinada, the ex-baseball player from Y5 and also my least fave protag ever, are both in various stages of obsession about porn, sex work and the likes.
Tanimura, the cop from Y4 has a pretty severe gambling problem in the actual canon, though gambling games and casino's are a general mainstay of the Yakuza series. It's just that when Kiryu interrupts his busy day of solving the convoluted intrigue du jour to gamble in an illegal underground casino, it's not a character flaw.
Also: almost everyone drinks ludicrous amounts of heavy alcohol in these games. Both in canon and as part of the gameplay. 100% ing the games usually involves drinking tons of whiskey, but the whole Ichiban crew, sans I think Eri, is shown drowning their troubles at various times.
Violence: I mean, that's kind of the game, but an unhealthy amount of characters consider fist fights to be a good way to resolve conflict, bond with people and generally reinvigorate themselves. Particularly Majima is shown to get a real kick out of doing damage and being beaten up. There's just a lot of reckless behaviour, which is what makes the games good.
Karaoke: fake it till you make it, man.
Extra note:
You'll notice there's no women on this list, and that's because honestly the game is kinda sexist.
So while there's already Very Few women in the game, the ones that are present don't exactly have super complex characters.
Mukoda Saeko, the hostess from Like a Dragon, drinks like a fish but that's about her main flaw.
Other notable female characters are Kiryu's kid Haruka, Kiryu's love interest Sawamura Yumi (Kiwami) and Kamataki Eri, the business lady from Like a Dragon. They're all stereotypical Good Girls who have no flaws apart from indecisiveness and an unhealthy tendency for selflessness.
Saejima Yasuko is ever so slightly more complex: her main trait is self sacrifice. The story promptly fridges her for it.
#yakuza#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza spoilers#kiryu kazuma#majima goro#every other main character#literary analysis#game analysis#omg lethey does a write
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a sudden thought (john shelby x reader)
gif credit to: @peakyblindersxx
note: a few days ago, I was struck w sudden and incredibly random inspiration and this john blurb/fic is the result of it. I am FARRR from a fanfic writer, I'm barely even a writer at this point but I couldn't let this inspiration go to waste whilst it was presenting itself.
note no.2: this is just a silly random fic so please don't take it too seriously. I cannot explain why I wrote it but I hope at least one person enjoys it.
warning: there is more than likely going to be grammatical errors and it may seem very 'wordy' in parts, I am not someone who is good at writing short sentences so please be gentle with me 🙈
I also want to thank @runnning-outof-time for letting me send this random fic to her for feedback, I appreciate you endlessly for it and I feel so honoured to have even been able to share my own 'work' with one of my favourite fanfic writers on this platform ❤️
John had just returned from a two-week long business trip with his brothers; therefore, you were cherishing having your other half back at your side at last. You currently sat side by side on the sofa, his right arm wrapped around your shoulders, his hand subconsciously caressing the slither of skin that could be felt atop your shoulder. There was no need for conversation in that moment, as you were both content to simply enjoy each other’s presence and the temporary silence that filled your home whilst the kids were still at Polly’s. A sudden thought struck you, prompting you to flicker your gaze up towards your husband’s restful face as he allowed his eyes to slide shut just for a moment.
“Would you still love me if I were a worm?” you speak aloud without any second thought or consideration. John’s eyebrows were suddenly raised so high, you became worried they may fly off his forehead and into the unknown, "what are you going on about love? What worm? Where is it?” John asked you, in a tone that voiced the confusion his face was expressing at your random questioning about a worm. “No, you idiot, there's no worm anywhere. I was asking, would you still love me if I were a worm?" you thought, perhaps, that if you put emphasis on the question that you were proposing to your husband, that his confusion would be erased, and he may actually give you an answer to it. Unfortunately, this is the John Shelby we are talking about here. Although your man most definitely possesses a certain intelligence when it comes to creating jokes or riddles that leave you hugging your aching stomach from laughter, he is most definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed (you still love him regardless). “Why would you want to be a worm for you numpty? Are you okay? Did something happen while I was away Y/N? You can tell me love, honestly” John asked, voice filled with worry. It seemed, he had gone from being confused to feeling concerned, wondering if maybe this was your way of conveying that something was weighing on your mind, and you needed his attention. You had to let out a laugh at John’s questioning of your current state, even if your heart was immensely warmed by his concern. Engulfing his left hand between your palms, you sat yourself up properly and turned to give your husband the entirety of your attention, “John, nothing’s happened yeah? Everything is completely fine. Just please answer the question, will you?" Perplexed by your need for an answer to such an absurd question, your husband brought his right hand down from behind you and laced it with your currently joint hands. With eyes filled with bemusement and adoration, John leaned forward, quickly placing a kiss upon your forehead and nose before saying, “If you insist. Yes, my dearly beloved Y/N, I would still love you if you were a worm, okay?"
Your face lit up like the night sky on the 4th of July and as your scrunched eyes met the crystalized orbs of your John, you both could not help but let out a shared laugh at the utter randomness of the conversation that just took place. “I love you John Shelby, forever and always” you say as you lean forward to kiss your husband, oh the things that man has to put up with when it comes to your random thoughts and questions. Returning the kiss, John bites down on your bottom lip before pulling back to gaze over your features and smirking to himself, “I love you too, worm." Oh, how John was never going to let you forget this conversation, even when you are both grey and old.
let me also tag some of my favourite fic writers bc y'all all inspire me to 'try' and write fic even half as brilliant as yours: @look-at-the-soul @zablife @notyour-valentine @gilmoreslorelai @retromafia @madame-wilsonn @gypsy-girl-08 @queenshelby @padfootdaredmetoo @christinasyellowflowers @cillspropertea (feel free to flip me ask if you wish to be removed).
#ch: john shelby.#tv: peaky blinders.#theshelbyslimited.#john shelby imagine#john shelby fanfic#john shelby x reader#john shelby blurb#peaky blinders fanfic#peaky blinders x reader#john shelby#peaky blinders#peaky blinders imagine
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Bridgerton siblings and their spouses ranked by intelligence. From the one who doesn’t have a single brain cell to the one with the most.
Well in one degree or another they're all dumbasses but on a scale of who has the braincell for the longest here we go.
1) Hyacinth: by far the smartest Bridgerton. I may not like her as a character in it's in his kiss. But her use of the one braincel is impeccable
2) Eloise: only ranks above Francesca because it took her less than a week to figure out she was inlove with Phillip. Compared to Francesca's track record. Eloise is a solid 8/10 smart
3) Francesca: smart enough to avoid scandal in London and keep her reputation spotless. She ranks under Hyacinth and Eloise because she took too long to figure out her feelings for Michael.
4) Daphne: she should rank higher, because the fake dating scheme was genius, but tricking a Simon into having a baby was a supremely stupid move.
5) Anthony: he's self aware enough to know he's an idiot at least and works to compensate this by marrying Kate . So compared to his brothers, Anthony is definitely the sharpest tool in the shed
6) Gregory: well intentioned fool, sharp enough to pick up social cues and underlying context in conversations. But an idiot when it comes to Hermione and Lucy actually make that women in general
7) Colin: rarely uses the braincell, he's happy being the foolish charming Bridgerton brother. Who didn't know his own feelings for 8 years. But he gets a point for being successful at figuring out his love interest secret identity and being the first to do so
8) Benedict : does not use the collective braincell at all. Biggest blind idiot of the family period. But we love him. (Still I'm pretty sure Sophie does all the logical thinking in his marriage )
As for the ranking of their spouses. Who are after all pretty smart to compensate we have of course
1) Sophie: honestly considering her circumstances. She wins as the smartest person in the room. If she hadn't met Benedict she'd still have found a way to escape Araminta and live a pretty neat life eventually
2) Penelope: why do I feel like I'm going in reverse order from the list above?. Penelope only ranks under Sophie because half of her problems could have been solved if she'd told her secret to Lady Danbury and let her pretend to be LW. Even the Cressida plot. In everything else she's pretty darn smart
3) Gareth: all things considered, Gareth is good plotting and if you notice unless Hyacinth interferes. He's pretty successful in his plans
4) Lucy: common sense thy name is Lucy. She's smarter than Kate was at that age. She's very Logical and her advice is always spot on. It's not her fault that people don't listen to her wisdom
5) Kate: only seems like a smart person. But in reality she's just as dumb as Anthony. People just don't notice because she's always hanging out with someone who looks less smart than her. Like her husband and her brother in laws
6) Simon: very smart fake dating idea terrible execution. He gets a point for all the maneuvering he did during the season and for having a moderately working common sense
7) Phillip: smart academically but only academically, he can manage an estate and make it profitable. Help cure children fever and probably has the best medical knowledge in the family. But in everything else he's a hot mess. Socially and emotionally Philip isn't smart he's just very very lucky that nobody has taken advantage of him yet. That's the headcanon
8) Michael: acts and looks smart but is actually a well meaning idiot. sorry Michael. But we don't shame him because at least he's better than Benedict in the one braincel department. I mean really he's not that stupid. He's just stupid in comparison to all his fellow in-laws Well meaning as he is. Also he ranks 8th because he's the only in law who ever hightailed out of the entire continent to escape his feelings. (Idiot.) Not the country, the continent!
And this has been the tea 🍵
#on a scale of 1 to 8#bridgerton#anthony bridgerton#kate sharma#Benedict Bridgerton#sophie beckett#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#eloise bridgerton#phillip crane
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ok the next anatole lebreton samples… fleur cachée is the only vanilla of all these samples and it’s a very good one! it’s focused on turmeric and smells like a reall spicy turmeric latte .. it’s like l’artisan safran troublant’s sexy fun daughter.. highly recommend if u want to try a dope sick fresh to death spicy vanilla and LOVE the smell of turmeric. would be cringe on a rich white person in NYC who buys 24 dollar turmeric lattes at those cringe cafes but would be fierce on a not white person who would never go to that cafe…
next is racine carre which is the most masculine of these three it’s a very vegetal vetiver. the vegetal powers of vetiver and iris combine to smell like u r chopping up vegetables that u will later add to a stew… this is my favorite of these three i find it addicting
last is perfumista which is the most normal and boring of all the anatole lebretons im sampling… it’s a very pretty modern take on a classic 80s rose chypre like knowing or animale. it’s fresh perhaps a little soapy bright fruity rose on some woods… this one doesn’t excite me at all because i have similar scents that i got for soo cheap.. it just lacks the depth and personality of those smart 80s rose chypres.. it’s like kristen’s rhony tagline “i may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but at least i’m pretty!” but in this case pretty isn’t enough..
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5 Tools For Success to Start a Home Business
The thought of starting a home business can be a daunting one. Many realize that the home business industry can be a promising route, especially with employment being tough to find. Even when the economy was healthier, and work was as available as a fast food location, the thought of a job will make most people nauseous. The industry now, is hotter than it has ever been before. For those that anticipated the trend, great for you. For those that have not; this article is intended to inform you with the tools for success each aspiring home business owner should have.
1. So, what marketing system are you following?
Want success? The key to starting a home business in any industry is ABM tools marketing. Finding a proven marketing system allows you to train, and constantly brush up on your marketing and advertising techniques. More importantly, a good marketing system is duplicatable. All successful corporations follow systems, and this is how their financial statements are able to stay I the black. The system is first tested, implemented, and passed down through the ranks. Most businesses involve network marketing. Even if you’re a master of your craft, if you cannot create duplication of what works to your team the profits will be far and few. Like auto-responders, you can search online for “effective marketing systems” and find many.
2. Mentors are highly necessary; get one…or two.
Coming into this industry, it can be tempting to become a lone ranger. When starting a home business, however, it will be vital that you locate a mentor in the same industry as you. If not in the same industry, at least one has experience with the ups and downs of home business. A good mentor will be concerned with your successes as well as your failures. In most cases a mentor will be more beneficial to you than a friend you went to school with.
More often than not. These “friends” will not have a clue as to what comes with home business ownership. Their advise may irrational, premature, or even ignorant. Because your mentor has been there, what may be shocking to you in the growing stages of the business won’t ultimately paralyze you. If you hope to be a successful business owner learn to surround yourself with positive people with drive. A mentor is a great place to start.
3. Expand your presence with a website
All home business owners need to have a blog or a website. Most network marketing home businesses such as Avon, Amway, and Mona Vie will provide you with at least one website. This is great, but here’s one problem; you, along with everyone else in the company will have the same site. If starting a home business, a personal blog or website gives you the opportunity to stand out from the crowd. Most company sites also don’t give you the freedom to be flexible. With your own blog (or website) you have the ability to put as much, or as little, content on the page as you wish. You can use the page to build a list of prospects, or you can even place a small bio about yourself or your company.
4. Find yourself a reliable auto-responder
Every successful home business owner would tell you; your auto-responder should be the sharpest tool in your shed. After starting a home business, you’ll quickly realize that this tool can be considered as the e-secretary for your business. An auto-responder allows the business owner to generate and manage prospects for their operation. Experts will tell you that without a consistent supply of prospects to show your business to, nothing will grow. Well, except for your frustration. Your auto-responder not only manages your prospect list while it grows, but it communicates with them automatically. A mentor once said, “Your auto-responder will be the most underpaid and under appreciated person in your company.” A simple internet search for “auto-responders” will reveal several great providers. I rely on AWeber, which many will argue is the leader of the pack.
5. Become Too Legit to Quit
Developing a spirit of determination and resilience may be the most under-rated trait a home business owner can have. Sadly, most new entrepreneurs believe that if they don’t see desired results within 90 days they’re a failure. Prior to joining any network marketing opportunity, or starting a home business, get this notion out of your head. It took even some of today’s most profitable companies years to turn their first profit. When you find the right home business, always keep the “ABM” acronym in mind; always be marketing. Make it a part of your daily life. In fact, never stop learning from your mentor. Be consistent with your business, and continuously grow your personal development.
Creating success, and even wealth by using home businesses can be made possible by anyone. The best thing about having a home business is that it doesn’t discriminate. Your background doesn’t matter, nor does your education. As long as you have a plan, stick to it, and keep the tools for success, you will be able to create the financial freedom most only dream about
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Stable genius reminds us again he’s definitely not stupid.
May 12, 2022
At his rally in Ohio last month, Trump returned to one of his favorite grievances. No, not the one about his second term being stolen. This complaint was he didn't like that people call him stupid when he's actually really, really smart (his uncle taught at MIT, y'know). As proof of his extraordinary brainpower, Trump launched into one of his "sir" stories in which he purportedly asked White House physician Dr. Ronny Jackson whether there was a test he could take to verify his mental brilliance. Yes sir, said the good doctor (who is now an obnoxious MAGA congressman), it's called the X test. And as Trump won't hesitate to tell you, he "aced" it.
So, okay, in 2018 Jackson did administer the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, and Trump did pass. But while Trump maintains this proves his superior intellect, that 10-minute screening test — which consists of rather undemanding tasks like connecting lettered or numbered dots together, drawing a clock, correctly identifying a lion or camel, and being able to repeat a series of words — is designed merely to detect mild cognitive impairment such as early signs of dementia. It's not (as he apparently believes) an IQ test. Oh, and there's no such thing as an X test.
This isn't the first time he's brought up his dazzling performance on this assessment. In 2020, he bragged about it at least three times in July alone, including in a Faux News interview during which he recalled the memory-related portion of the test — "Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV." “It's not that easy," Trump crowed. "There were other questions tougher than what I just did. But it's not that easy.” He also falsely claimed that repeating those words in order was worth extra points.
Despite Trump's heroic victory over the MoCA, close observers of the loser ex-president agree that, in truth, he is not the sharpest tool in the shed. British journalist Richard Wolffe, for example, wrote in The Guardian in September 2020, "At his core, the former reality TV star is a particularly stupid man who thinks he is very smart." A year later, Trump biographer Michael Wolff told The New Statesman, "He’s absolutely stone stupid." And let's not forget that Trump's own Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called him "a [expletive] moron."
When it comes to describing his own intelligence, Trump always sounds like Fredo in The Godfather II: "I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says...like dumb." Well, after all, he did pass that test.
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What Your Commander Colors Say About You: 2021 I Remembered Colorless This Time Edition
Mono-White: You're either an ordained priest or really, really into edging.
Mono-Blue: You regularly get shoved into lockers, even by people who are smaller than you.
Mono-Black: You have regularly had extensive arguments about what exactly qualifies as necrophilia.
Mono-Red: Whenever you walk into a room, Deja Vu begins to play at full blast. It cannot be turned off and the volume cannot be reduced. It is your aura.
Mono-Green: Your ideal dream home is a tiny hand-built shack in the middle of the woods.
Azorius: You read user manuals for fun.
Dimir: There is a knife hidden on every square inch of your person. Yes, even there.
Rakdos: You have "Damaged" tattooed on your forehead.
Gruul: Somebody once told you the world was gonna roll you. You ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.
Selesnya: You have a collection of essential oils and probably work for a multi-level marketing firm.
Orzhov: "If you or a loved one have been affected by mesothelioma..."
Izzet: You own and are trained to operate an authentic, vintage Tesla coil. You use it exclusively to power your kitchen appliances.
Golgari: Tell me the name of god, you fungal piece of shit.
Boros: You're the author of the Navy Seal Copypasta.
Simic: You live in a pineapple under the sea.
Esper: You have the Wikipedia article for 'chair' memorized and can recite it on the spot whenever asked.
Grixis: You're still a dentist.
Jund: You probably bit somebody's nipple off in kindergarten.
Naya: You're a frequent poster on r/DragonsFuckingCars.
Bant: Your favorite song is Bananaphone.
Abzan: You were into macro before you ever knew what macro was.
Jeskai: You have seen the other side, and the other side is full to the brim with sexy, sexy ghosts.
Sultai: You're the proud owner of at least 17 lizards, each individually named and taxonified down to the subspecies.
Mardu: You may or may not have beaten somebody to death with their own leg bone at some point in time.
Temur: You thought the live-action Avatar movie was pretty good, actually. Which Avatar? Yes.
Yore-Tiller/Artifice (WUBR): You firmly believe that Evangelion was the pinnacle of not only anime, but entertainment itself.
Glint-Eye/Chaos (UBRG): You have the cilantro soap gene. You eat the cilantro anyway.
Dune-Brood/Aggression (BRGW): You live your every waking moment with Rasputin by Boney M bouncing around your head like a screensaver. When it hits the corner, the chorus plays.
Ink-Treader/Altruism (RGWU): In terms of instant relief, sitting in your vegetable garden and gorging on all the tomatoes is like heroin.
Witch-Maw/Growth (GWUB): You have forced every single one of your friends to scoop by playing a superfriends deck and spamming the extra turn ults.
5-Color: You still don't exist.
Colorless: i̱̩a͎͡ ̨̫͈̘̫͜i҉̸̺͔̜͚̖̺͚ͅą̣̺̯̳̞̮̲ ̜̥̺̰̩̪̠͡c̨̙ͅt̟̞͖̻̟̯͉̮̖h̤̲̥̪̖̩͘͡͝u̶̯͜͜l̛͚̞̻̺͇͡h̳̻̲̝̼̻ͅu͟͏̹̱̠̕ ̛͈̯̥̩͔̪̺f̢͏̧͖t̛̘͈̹̭̬͎̲̀ą̟̟͉́g̜̤̠̼̼͈̥̜h̨̻͔̣͙̻͓͔ņ̴̶̯̣̩̩̹̞ͅͅ
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hi everyone! in this pick a card i hope to show you the person that you will (romantically) love the most in this life, and answer the question of whether you will be able to be happy with this person forever. this means this person isn’t necessarily your soulmate, they’re just the one person you dream of choosing over anyone else! pick the image that sets your thoughts off and scroll down to your respective pile for your reading~ 💞
PILE ONE: SUNSET
your person has gone through some things in life, and it’s made them smart, strong, tolerant and patient. what more can we ask for, honestly, right? for most of you this person will be a virgo, but for some they’ll be a leo. or maybe a combination of both. the only small issue i see here is that they don’t really pay much attention to their emotions, and by extension, others’ as well. not that they would offend people on purpose, just that they may prioritise a goal over someone’s feelings, for example.
lucky you, it looks like you will be with this person for a very long time! you might have just met, or you’ll be meeting them soon at school or work. at least one of you will still be pretty junior when you meet. the connection will be a little bit magical, a little bit telepathic, like you understand and complement each other down to each of your powers and your nature. like i said, this person doesn’t really think about romantic things, but they will start to do more and more of the things you like— basically, they want to and will treat you right if you give them a little push in the right direction. you will start a family that is very balanced and has a healthy amount of discipline. i’m feeling libra... maybe you’ll have a libra child with this person? or maybe it’ll be libra season when you meet, or become official, or marry... it’ll resonate differently for everyone.
lastly, i want to say that this connection is very much mental > physical. i feel like some of you may be asexual? regardless, it’s unlikely that you will be attracted to each others looks at first, you’ll love each other for the other’s personality.
PILE TWO: COUPLE
what an exciting soulmate this is! firstly, yes, this person is your soulmate above being the person you will love the most. huge libra vibes. some of you will see scorpio or gemini, though. your person is daring, they have no trouble leaving safety if they think the next big thing will be worth it, and they’ll adapt to the next environment to the point where they’re unrecognisable from their previous self. yet, they’re pretty intense, so i can’t call them a chameleon. your person also has a way with words— they could convince someone the sky is green if they tried hard enough. they could work in the legal fraternity.
now, for the question on whether you’ll be happy together forever, i want to say it’s a soft yes right now. this relationship might be a little volatile; perhaps you or they are a rather argumentative person by nature (more them than you, honestly) so “fights” break out often. i also get the feeling you’re not someone who actually goes against the flow very often— you like your stability in the long run, even if this intense person excites you. they may not appreciate the steadiness you offer, and you may find their drastic ways too dramatic for your comfort. lady luck is on your side, so i think you will pull through, and the two of you will also be very genuinely and purely in love with each other. that being said... at the point where you meet and get together, neither of you would have your eyes wide open enough to see what the other is here to teach you. and so the puzzle pieces will fit, but wrongly. and when the two of you get to fitting the last few pieces, you’ll realise your mistake. i don’t see you getting out of having a huge fight when this happens. will you have the patience and tenacity to crumble the picture back to pieces and start again? i hope you will, darling, because i really think it’ll be worth it.
PILE THREE: SNOW GLOBE
wow, we have a very good looking person on our hands! for some of you this person could just be a little younger than you, but for most, i’m feeling pretty immature vibes coming from this person. they want what they want, you know? they’re likely a sagittarius-capricorn cusp, but more likely capricorn over sagittarius. they’re determined, ambitious and cocky, but boy do they have the qualifications to back themselves up. when they approach you, they will already know they have you.
and yet, you will not stay. this person underestimates the choices you have. you are not powerless yourself, and they know, yet they choose to believe you won’t use it. but you will, because no matter how much someone has your heart, your heart is not your everything, and i know you are not the kind of person to drop your professional life over a 5-carat diamond ring. neither are you the kind of person to allow someone to stand you up more than once without so much as a text. and so you will reconsider your choices, and there will be someone else. a water sign. you will always remember the fire you had with the person before, but this other person will wash away the flames and leave behind a calming stream that you will have to admit, is better for you in the long run.
i know you really wanted this person, darling, but they were dimming your light without even knowing it. and they might have been the person for you, but you weren’t the person for them. or maybe there’s no one that will be able to make them understand. whatever the case is, this person is not yours to keep.
PILE FOUR: HANDS
gosh, i can totally see why you’re smitten for this person. they’re so romantic! it’s in the way they push their hair back, in the way they look at you when you’re recalling a story, and in the flowers they have sent to your workplace, and the sound of them singing love songs to you, and their lofty dreams of a beautiful family in the future... it all makes you swoon. and how apt, this person is a pisces or a taurus, both pretty romantic signs! did i mention they’re not too bad looking either? wow. it’s the full package.
...except they’re not the sharpest tool in the shed. they’re not dumb, just not very clear cut or focused. they’re a little easily distracted, and people will want to distract them, for sure. and honestly, buddy, i’m not sure if you want to have to deal with all of that jealousy and people trying to steal your s/o out from underneath you.
which is why i would say soft no to staying together for the long haul. it’s really not just you, like i said, this person’s a little scatter-brained and may not have the one track mind they would need to make anyone feel secure in a relationship with them. there will be quite a few major gaps between you in terms of where you stand in life, love and your careers, and it’s bound to create misplaced feelings of insecurity. it’s truly not that you can’t make it out to the other side, in fact, if you do, it’s a relationship that will really last forever. but it will be hard, and when you’re at that crossroad, you will just have to go with your gut. you’ll know which path you’re meant to take, and even if it’s the one where the two of you don’t work out, you’ll look upon your days with this person fondly.
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My initial thoughts and theories on the upcoming series of Line Of Duty.
Okay so this introduction isn't the one I initially wrote, what started as a quick summary of my thoughts after seeing the trailer and easter eggs turned into hours of my brain going into the depths of Line of Duty madness. We are under a week to go until series 6 finally hits our screens and there has been so much more teased already with interviews with the cast and so on. So, here cometh an essay of me turning into Charlie from It's always Sunny in Philadelphia.
Before I go into each point, I've tried to split my thoughts into different sections as there are more significant things that I think will feature in Series 6. These are all what I personally think will happen or likely scenarios if I'm undecided - I've listened, watched and read plenty of other theories too and I've really been enjoying it. With a show such as this, we do go totally crazy! I did see something mere moments ago where Martin stated that he's seen some 'spot on' theories - 1) it makes me excited to hear the cast are reading what we think and 2) I've more than likely read what's going to happen but I don't know it at this point - that's kinda insane!
So, I'm now going to get into the main points and then will address smaller things later on. For those of you who read all my rambles and thoughts, I really appreciate it: hopefully then I'm not completely talking to myself. I could be right, I could be wrong in these. But that's part and parcel of theorising. I've seen some great theories and seen some crazy theories but I really appreciate anyone who has taken time to share them. I mean we've got to have the outrageous and completely nutty theories, we need a good giggle!
So here we go...
Who is the fourth “dot”?
The one question that has been firmly on all our minds over these past couple of years has been whom is the fourth person pulling all the strings for organised crime? We know H isn’t a singular person but a code name for multiple people. According to Dot’s dying declaration, there are four dots, or four caddies - however you want to call it. I'm definitely sick of the whole who's H question (hence referring to it as the fourth dot) as it has been established that H isn't just a person - but so many are still completely attached to the idea of H and I think it's because that whole plotline wasn't completely rounded off or people weren't satisfied with the revelation so have become quite obsessed with it. I’ve felt a bit strange about the whole revelation since series 5 aired in 2019 though - I felt it was a huge stretch Steve recognising the Morse code from one still frame and coming to the conclusion he shares with Ted - that Dot was trying to communicate in Morse Code - I’m going to elaborate more on the declaration further on.
But back to the main question before we trail off too far! We have several possibilities. Off the bat, I can’t see it being any of the main three at all. Already, Steve has been accused of being “the caddy” and Ted has been accused of being “H” (Which in fairness has transpired to be the same thing) - Kate on the other hand has not yet come under suspicion of being bent and involved with organised crime. The trailer has cleverly hinted that it may well be Kate’s turn at being on the other side of the table. But, it’s being too obvious - creating discussion - very similar to what happened with Ted. I know a lot of people have suspicion over Kate and have done for a long while and I can see why - I just can’t see it concluding that she's the definition of corrupt - she's not completely squeaky clean but I don't think she's been a mastermind in all of this. It would be a very shocking twist but it wouldn’t make loads of sense to me with other things that's happened in the show. I do feel though Kate deserves a whole section to herself so I'll definitely go over all that further on. Main three aside - we have three other favourable suspects in my eyes.
Firstly, PCC Rohan Sindhwani was introduced in series 5 - dedicated to exposing corruption amongst the police force, running on a platform of transparency and working alongside DCC Andrea Wise. We don’t see much of him however his one direct link to organised crime is Gill Biggeloe - his senior legal counsel who was exposed as being one of the corrupt members of the police force. When things continued to go “pear shaped” with Operation Pear Tree - his mantra of complete transparency meant that he’d have to highlight the lack of progress - however rightfully so he’s been advised to suppress the truth and Gill very conveniently stresses that he needs to retain public confidence - and that having a “non-exclusive relationship with the truth” is part of the role of the PCC. As series 5 wraps up, he looks uneasy about the conclusions of Operation Pear Tree that were shared with the public - that there was no links to corruption and organised crime - which were of course completely against his own personal principles. During series 5 he hasn’t really displayed any tendencies of being bent, quite frankly the complete opposite. Although that's not to say he isn't dodgy. The trailer for series 6 has cleverly been cut together and tried to make him appear suspicious. However, I think it’s extremely unlikely that it’ll be him - he’s far too new of a character and has supposed strong ambitions to cut out all the rotten apples within the ranks. Gill could have easily sent him astray but I'm just not buying him being involved with organised crime at all. So I’m happily ruling him out.
Next we have the newly promoted DSU Ian Buckells. Having first appeared all the way back in the beginning of series 1 as the SIO on the Jackie Laverty case, appointed by Derek Hilton - he was a bit of a verruca on TO20’s foot - therefore being made to feel unwelcome by DCI Tony Gates who he replaced - no surprise there. As the first series progresses - there’s not much reason to think of him as bent, he just looks like a detective lacking passion and just turns up to do what he has to do. There are little details though that become apparent when re-watching. He has a connection first and foremost to Derek Hilton having been appointed by him personally but even at this point, there wasn’t reason to suspect Hilton either - therefore plays off as a totally innocent matter. Next, after DC Kate Fleming interviews a young Ryan Pilkington, he turns up flustered and very disgruntled that Kate has proceeded to interview him - especially after it transpires she was an undercover officer from Anti-Corruption. On early viewing - it's easy to put that down to the fact Kate had gotten there first and because it transpired she was an UCO. But we never see what went on in the respective interview apart from Ryan asking for a Big Mac. We last see Buckells allowing Dot to talk to Tommy Hunter after he’s arrested - and we all know how that turned out. But, it does appear that Buckells hasn't got a clue what's going on, he just shrugs and gives that whole yeah no skin off my nose approach, displaying quite a laid-back and care free attitude still. Buckells reappears in series 4 as the replacement SIO on Operation Trap Door after DCI Roz Huntley is removed from the case, again appointed by Derek Hilton and coincidentally where Kate is again undercover. No surprise Kate looks worried as they'd already crossed paths at TO20. Hastings and Arnott quite rightly confront Buckells and instruct him to keep Fleming's true identity secret and if her cover was compromised, everyone would know who to blame. When her cover is initially blown, the first and foremost conclusion was Buckells had not listened to strict instructions given. However, after details of Kate's personal life were leaked also, Kate didn't feel like the leak had come from Buckells as it was unlikely he knew anything regarding that. And, when confronted, Buckells concluded spitefully that UCO's have a shelf life therefore easily being recognisable after time. This is the last we see of him. The theory that Buckells could be the fourth dot has certainly become more spoken about recently. He's been featured in the show since the beginning albeit for two of the series, and will be appearing in series 6 too, part of Hillside Lane nick. The fact he's quite an unpopular and quieter member of the force could hide him in plain sight to being bent. In black and white, the idea of Buckells ordering hits and pulling strings for some of the most dangerous criminals is kind of hilarious. But, evidently there are little details scattered during his stints on the show that have got people talking. I do feel Jed has always known from the start who's bent and who isn't or has at least had the basics thought out - I've never seen a writer with such sharp continuity, there are plenty of writers and creators that should really take note! But, moving on from my very slight tangent - do I think Buckells is the fourth dot? Okay, I've changed my mind on this numerous times but since watching the trailer, I'm more cemented on no. I think there could be some dodgy stuff going on with Buckells, he's ascended up the ranks quite quickly, even if he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed at times. We often say it's always the quiet ones. And he's had connections to Hilton but I'd be very surprised if he's been calling the shots. His whole demeanour could have been a farce from the off but I think we have more chance of floating up the lagan in a bubble. I mean he looked like he'd been caught robbing an orchard when he was confronted by Ted and Steve. I think he'll pose an interesting asset to the new series but I
don't think he'll be the main guy.
The third person is the new Chief Constable Philip Osborne. In series 1, he was the Chief Inspector for the Counter Terrorism Unit where Steve was involved in the wrongful killing of Karim Ali. He demanded that the team lie about the incident so the killing was justified however Steve refused and was ultimately removed from the unit and subsequently assigned to AC12. He does crop again as the series progresses, seemingly having a close relationship with Hilton (they all seem to be close to Hilton) and after DCI Tony Gates diverts the motive behind the murders on the Borogrove estate being linked to terrorism and not drug dealing. He's last seen at the inquest into the death of Karim Ali which led to no prosecutions for any of the officers involved. It has since been revealed he's the new Chief Constable of Central Police as of Series 6 and I'm sure he's bound to appear. Whilst not heavily featured over the show's run, I'm feeling it likely for him to be the fourth dot. Just like Buckells, he's had direct connection to Hilton and definitely appeared to have at least a professional friendship. He was quick to order a cover up into a wrongful shooting. And was very willing to help with the possible terrorism links with the incidents on the Borogrove Estate which were bogus. Whilst off-screen he's worked his way up to the top. Ted remarks in the trailer "A bare faced liar, promoted to our highest office!" - and whilst it alludes to him talking about Sindhwani - I think that's going to be way too obvious. I think he's either talking to or talking about Osborne. Of course Ted was very supportive of Steve during the inquest in series 1 and was definitely not impressed by Osborne's actions and wouldn't be pleased with him being the CC. Also, the show would ultimately be going full circle to the beginning again and I really like the idea of that happening. So much of series 1 has been significant later on. We've not had much screen time with Osborne but I think he's my favourite to be the fourth dot. He certainly fits the bill of being corrupt and has plausible connections. There's a scene with Osborne, Hilton and Dot in series 1 and I certainly love the idea of three of the most corrupt officers being thrown right in our faces right at the beginning and us all being none the wiser. I'd considered him before but after the trailer and easter eggs, it's looking far more likely. Of course no one knew that the show would have become the roaring success it has back in series 1 however I am confident Jed had foundations in place and possible scenarios as to where the show would go.
In conclusion, there are plenty of possibilities of who this mysterious fourth dot is, but I'm happy with my conclusion of Osborne. Hopefully after the seven episodes I can either be impressed with my deductions or cringe as to why I ever came to such conclusions!
Dot Cottan's Dying Declaration
Series 3 concluded with the death of DI Matthew Cottan whom AC12 finally learned was the real caddy and not DS Steve Arnott who Dot had tried to pin it on. His explosive exit is mine and many people's favourite series finale. We only saw a glance of his declaration that DC Kate Fleming took - that then led to the conviction of Patrick Fairbank. It's not until series 4 however where PC Maneet Bindra is blackmailed to harvest this declaration and we as viewers finally get to view more - having been recorded on a fellow officers body-cam. Kate tries to get Dot to reveal the top dog by asking him "blink twice for the first letter of his name" - we all know he blinks at H however the medics intervene before Kate can get him to finish. This was of course the first encounter with "H". We revisit Dot's dying declaration in series 5 during Ted's questioning by AC3 - again we're shown the same part, slightly extended to showcase the morse code sequence, however, Kate's dialogue is different - now saying "right, blink with the first two letters of his name." I personally never noticed this until I saw others discussing it and apparently they differed in the scripts too so was a deliberate move by Jed. I think this will be picked up in some regard and Kate herself will come under fire for it. I believe the body-cam footage was actually shot along with series 4 and Craig Parkinson was invited back for the scenes which subsequently featured again in series 5 too - and I'm feeling confident they shot both versions as Jed would have likely had future plots planned out. Like series 1-3 had some kind of arc, I think 4-6 is the exact same and a lot of things will be rounded off. I imagine it will be picked up that there are two versions of the declaration. I know there are very mixed feelings on this subject but knowing the way Jed works, the differences will be significant. I will be very shocked and disappointed if this is not addressed but seeing how we left the previous series with more questions thanks to the declaration, it surely has to feature again. The question of why it was changed? I think it was more than likely doctored by Hilton to try and incriminate Hastings for being H - blinking for the first two letters, H being first, Kate trying to start the sequence again but being cut off by medics, what's first? A! Hilton replaced the original with the edited version which was able to be accessed by the necessary personnel however I'm sure the original still exists somewhere, possibly for leverage? But how could he have changed the dialogue and make it sound convincing? It's farfetched and I mean I'm sure anything's possible but the whole Morse Code thing was also very farfetched too so I'm at that point of my tether where that could honestly happen. Hastings of course has seen both versions and Kate having been the one taking the declaration surely would have noticed but there is no indication that he's noticed a difference nor Kate. And after the meeting he shared with Hilton in series 4, I'm sure that was the trigger of him editing it. Or Kate could have edited herself which a lot of fans have suggested but the only was she'd have access surely is if she was bent - this is a really hard one because there's a lot of theories! Mine is a wild and very patchy theory but I just can't see them not addressing the fact that they were different. Again I'll cover a bit more about Kate's possible involvement in her own section.
And mentioning the Morse code aspect of the declaration - anyone I've spoken to personally about it were left feeling conflicted with the whole idea. Is it going to be a total red-herring and Steve has clearly been barking up the wrong tree? No doubt there is still someone who's very corrupt within the force but I wouldn't have left the series hanging on that revelation if it were to turn out to have no meaning. Also, there were many easier ways of indicating the number four - but then again Dot was pretty much dead at this point so wasn't exactly able to function properly, haha!
To summarise I think we'll see the declaration again and both versions will be flagged and we'll find out why. If we're thinking about series 4, 5 and 6 having an arc, it is a very important aspect to be answered and concluded. I'm rather excited about them going into this again. I can see Hilton having doctored the footage but Kate will come under fire for it. Or maybe Kate did it herself, but why? What has she got to gain, unless she's bent, or been blackmailed? This is going to be a headache, I can sense it now! Imagine if we got the answers from Dot himself... nah, he's dead.
DCI Joanne Davidson
Kelly MacDonald has taken over the lead guest role baton and it's very exciting! We have finally seen more than a glimpse of her character in the trailer and teaser. All we know thus far is she is the DCI at Hillside Lane Station and that she'll be coming under scrutiny for her handling of the Gail Vella murder case. Kate appears to be on her team (as herself or undercover is currently a mystery) and alongside we have DSU Buckells, PS Farida Jatri and newcomer DS Lomax (Played by Perry Fitzpatrick). Honestly one of the first questions that plagued on my mind was will she survive? Four out of the five prior lead guest stars have met a grizzly end. I mean let's face it Roz didn't exactly escape unscathed either with only one hand left. It's hard to judge before the series starts on the guest lead. We were led up the wrong path last series with Stephen Graham. I know this next series will be jam-packed and the most insane yet so I'm expecting a lot from Kelly's character! I think she's going to be the most complex of the leads and I think we'll be often changing our minds about her - from what we've seen she seems a promising and good copper, but PS Jatri has stated in the trailer 'you don't know what's she's capable of,' very exciting! I'm looking forward to her being interrogated, she'll knock those scenes out of the park! It's hard to put predictions out there when there's not a lot to go on but I'm sure I'll have more solid theories once the series has started!
Have Kate and Steve really left AC12?
We've been accustom to a couple of teasers. Steve talking to his ex Nicola Rogerson about feeling that his road with anti-corruption is at an end and looking likely to be joining her team. Maybe he does feel this way because he still hasn't got his promotion!!! Some people have suggested he might have instead been demoted, ouch! Then Kate out with Joanne and her team, referring to her as 'boss'. I'm sure Kate's undercover but perhaps maintaining the farce that she's moved on from AC12. As Ian Buckells stated, UCO's have a shelf-life and I'm sure she'd be recognised by most forces now, especially with the awards she's won. Then again she could just be plainly undercover - what surnames beginning with F hasn't she used? Haha! We haven't seen Steve undercover in the same way as Kate, he was technically undercover when being all pally with Lindsay Denton but it would be cool to see him as a full blown UCO and I don't think he'd be suspected. But why would Steve be going undercover? That's what I'd be unsure on. Again, plenty of questions with not many answers. AC12 has come under fire plenty of times so it's likely it's in favour of being dissolved, especially with an easter egg of CC Osborne highlighting AC12 as a cause of concern, especially with Ted running the ranks still. Or is it a massive twist that Kate has really left and Steve is following suit? I remember when they first started filming in early 2020 there was a tweet shared with a picture of Martin, Adrian and Jed - captioned "But where's Kate?" - of course we were all quick to speculate that she was undercover but from the information we now have, she may in fact have moved on. We know she has rekindled her marriage but things still looked rocky - maybe she has left to save her marriage by working in a department where she's going to be a 'better mum and wife.' (Come on her husband was a total dick.) However, I do like the idea of the fact that she's undercover, but only Ted knows, so even Steve believes her AC12 days are over - and that could even be ammunition for him to leave as he's got itchy feet not having Kate as his working partner anymore - but as I said maybe Steve is moving on because there's no promotion or even a demotion. (Oh I love the joking about his poor promotion that got lost in the post). But, from other behind the scenes snippets we've seen also, our favourite trio look to be working together within AC12, so whatever happens, they'll be all back in their rightful places eventually. To add, Adrian said on Graham Norton the first episode starts in an unexpected place with a lot for us to get our heads around - so I imagine things are going to appear very different first thing and our favourites being absent is looking highly likely! Weighing up the options, I am leaning towards Kate being secretly undercover whilst everyone believes she's in fact moved on. I'm guessing Steve will be going undercover as well, I don't feel he'd leave AC12 on his own accord with so much still unsolved without absolute good reason - unless of course, no promotion (I'll stop now).
Has Steve Arnott FINALLY got his promotion?
(Sorry I'm not stopping) A major running joke now - poor Steve has remained a DS throughout the show. Whilst Kate progressed from DC to DI between series 3 and 5. Series 4 featured both Steve and Kate eager to progress to Detective Inspector. Ted favoured Steve due to 'experience' - leaving Kate extremely disheartened. Fair enough though, Steve had a lot more years under his belt at the Sergeant level. However Ted had been accused of being sexist and I think that made him uncomfortable. But firstly, Steve found himself in another situation half way through series 4 - being attacked with a baseball bat and chucked down some stairs - leaving him unable to walk and facing the prospect of never walking again. This of course would put any ambitions on hold and something Ted would have to consider too. It's not really touched upon in the rest of the series. When we return in series 5, we quickly learn that Kate is now a DI. More than likely due to Steve's accident but could also be to tick boxes too - Gill Biggeloe does make a point of highlighting that Ted had promoted a woman and joked that would exactly be what a sexist would do. There doesn't appear to be any hostility between Kate and Steve throughout series 5 in regards to this but I do side with Kate on the fact he kept quiet about Corbett being the CHIS because she was an inspector - not the only reason but one of them. Then again, Steve has a tendency to get himself in situations so it's no surprise. Moving forward to the golden question, I think we've all noticed that Steve's epaulettes have been conveniently hidden in promos - however eagle-eyed fans have concluded that it looks like he does in fact have the inspector epaulettes in the trailer. About time! The circumstances around his promotion are hard to guess though. Will he get promoted in the middle of the series - it deserves all the fuss after all right? Or will he be replacing Kate because she's 'moved on' - who knows but I'm feeling confident we'll wrap up series six with Detective Inspector Steve Arnott. Imagine if Jed was teasing us and he doesn't get promoted or has in fact been demoted to DC - it's safe to say we'll all be unhappy haha!
Oh boy, what's occurring with Kate?
Over the past five series, Kate Fleming has been awfully lucky and escaped the main brutal drama - usually Steve being handed it. All she's really endured is her cover being blown on undercover operations, having an affair with her friend Jayne's husband who turned out to be as dodgy as Jayne and ultimately being kicked out of the family home as a result and losing custody of her son - and getting a good kick in the gut from Lindsay Denton. In comparison, not as brutal to almost getting a finger amputated and being chucked down some stairs along with numerous failed relationships. As I mentioned before, Steve and Ted have been accused of being bent - got to be Kate's turn now right? Definitely a bookies favourite of being 'H' (Come on folks, we know H isn't a person anymore.) or being the fourth person. I'm sure anyone who follows my blog can see who my favourite is and how I'll be very devastated if she turns out to be corrupt. But I'm feeling quite sure that she'll finally be the other side of the table officially (being questioned in series 1 and 3 doesn't count in my books as she was undercover). We've already had a teaser of herself and Joanne being surrounded by armed police - and Steve and Ted (Is this the first time Steve's seen her in a while? I'm leaning towards this being the case), looking terrified and having a gun on her - so yes - we do already know there will be Kate drama at this point. Line of Duty is always full of surprises. A big twist has been teased in episode 4 - will Kate be involved? I reckon it's likely. We've seen a police car appear to fly off road into water - and I'm pretty sure Kate will be in that car! Out of the trio - we definitely know the least about Kate. All we really know is that she trained at Ryton, is married with a son and not much else. She explained to Ryan her parents split when she was young and was out of the house a lot cos of this, not caring what she got up to. Eagle eyed fans would also know her full name is Katherine Laura and her maiden name was Donnelly (Series 2 whilst Denton was looking at her file). It would be interesting to learn more about her background as we really don't know much! At the end of series 5 we see her arrive home late to an empty house - her husband and son having gone to the pictures as planned - I do think they were certainly alluding to the next series (With Steve also but I'll get to that) - we'll see more of her personal side. You know I wouldn't be surprised if she was separated again.
And because we know so little, has she been dodgy from the off and we haven't known? Someone shared a really interesting theory on the basis of what she shared with Ryan, (featured on the shrine of duty podcast) that in her teens, someone may have attempted to recruit her just like Dot was but she saw through it, knowing it would lead to something that it would be best to stay clear of. Was she a troublemaker in her teens? Up to all sorts of anti-social behaviour? I love this idea and can totally see it! We know Steve's story of ending up in AC12 and we know Ted's background in the Royal Ulster Constabulary. But we don't know much about Kate's circumstances of joining the force or even AC12 - I would love to find out more about that!
Could her husband be dodgy? We don't know much about him at all. That would be an interesting twist. There's definitely still hostility there and I was surprised they got back together.
Especially from series 5, a lot more people have leant towards Kate being bent, being the fourth dot, etc. I've already said I can't see her being bent, or not in the same terms as Dot for example. Some people believe Dot took the bullet because she was in on stuff, but pulling the caddy investigation in on Dot wouldn't make much sense then. That all seemed to me she was doing the right thing and wanting the appropriate persons brought to justice. However a lot of her decisions in series 5 have come under fire from fans. For example not taking a declaration from Hargreaves, not addressing Ted's unlawful Fahreinheit order until after the events played out to name a couple. Even still, all her decisions to me seemed to warrant doing good and going after whoever it was being bent. I mean she had been happy to go after both Steve and Ted but I always saw that because she wanted the bent coppers getting their comeuppance - and in both instances, instead discovered other people were in fact the culprits and did what she could to put the investigations in the right direction. I mean yes she's happy to pin stuff on anyone but herself but that doesn't mean she's dodgy, just that she wants to get the job done - I don't think anyone would lead an investigation straight for themselves, that's just silly!
Has she edited Dot's declaration? I think the only two logical people are either Kate herself or Hilton as I've previously discussed. We'll see her come under fire for some things for sure and that would be one of them!
I've never been a huge fan of any of the main three being corrupt - I think any copper can do things that could be seen as bent, but that's what happens when you have the power of the law. All three have made questionable decisions. I don't think it's possible to be squeaky clean as anyone can make decisions that lead to consequences.
To summarise, I think Kate will be accused of being bent, I think she's going to have a lot of drama coming her way. I think she's going to get in a lot of bother. But I don't think she's going to be what we'd call bent. I think we'll learn things we won't expect about her, especially regarding her personal life. What I know for sure it's going to be exciting, thrilling, action-packed - and I cannot wait to see Kate's prime time to shine.
Steve and a painkiller addiction?
In the series 5 'wrap-up' - we see Steve alone in his flat taking medication - clearly for his back. Some fans looked into that sequence as foreshadowing to a possible pain-killer addiction? It would be an interesting turn for his character. There was a point where he wasn't sure if he was going to walk again and has clearly been dosed up on painkillers since the incident. One of the easter eggs that's been shared is of his prescription - and I'm certain he's still on the medication when we resume - one of the medications he's taking has a warning of causing addiction. Addiction in drama is usually focused on illegal drugs - but not often with prescribed medications. I don't think Jed would have had a sequence focused on Steve's medication if it weren't to be significant. He's clearly still coming to terms with his injury and its affected him in the bedroom too - I won't be surprised if poor Steve is still having issues - maybe that's why he turned down a drink with Nicola and not because he was trying to be professional. Maybe it's why he's leaving AC12. He came back to work on his own decision, I don't think a professional would have advised his return to work so early and now that's catching up to him. We've seen a lot of physical stunts upcoming, and Steve on the front-line with a firearm. I won't be surprised if his medication causes issues or he actually ends up causing more damage to his back, especially because he appears to be in a white van and we know there is a stunt involving a white van! I think his injuries will seriously catch up to him!
Returning characters?
We've had the surprise of Nicola Rogerson reappearing for the first time since series 2 (mentioned in series 3). Most of the time surprise returns are kept under wraps until transmission. Lindsay Denton's return in series 3 probably being one of the biggest and most notable cases. The trailer also revealed PC Farida Jatri will be appearing in series 6, first appearing as an officer on Roz Huntley's team at Polk Avenue. I think we all like to check IMDb to see if anything has been spilled, Steph Corbett has appeared on the list and whilst that's actually plausible seeing Ted looked as if he were giving her the missing 50k, IMDb has often had incorrect cast listings on purpose. I'm pretty confident Philip Osborne will be returning. I imagine we will see Sam Railston again too. I would love Nigel Morton and his cane to return, he's got off lightly to say the least, and he definitely knows what to and not to get involved in. And with a video from Martin's instagram, we've seen both Anna Maxwell Martin and Gregory Piper lurking so I'm happy to assume DCS Carmichael and Ryan Pilkington will be back for sure. I believe the two shady prison officers who made Lindsay Denton a cup of tea look likely to reappear, that will be interesting! With Jed, anyone who isn't dead could return... Then again remember when he posted that picture of Stephen and Craig and people went nuts thinking Dot was really alive? And, there's been a lot of teasing as to who could crop up. Lindsay Denton's name has been floating around the past couple of days thanks to Jed, she's quite frankly dead but will we get a flashback or some new footage? I think we will all go nuts if Keeley Hawes had sneakily returned to film new stuff, especially with her very hectic schedule, that woman hasn't stopped. Anything's possible at this point. We can't always trust everything but that's part of the fun of it!
A new character we haven't seen but has been mentioned!
I'll briefly touch on this. It has been alluded a character will pop up that has been mentioned in passing but never been seen before. Popular theories include somebody off Danny Waldron's list (Plausible after Fairbank was see in the trailer again) or one of the officers off the H board. I am personally leaning towards Dot Cottan's ex missus turning up. She was mentioned to Kate by Dot, and we know she works in forensics, a very convenient place to work if things need tampering with. I just think she'd be the most interesting person to turn up after all this time, mentioned once and never again - it's surprising seeing Dot turned out to be bent and she was working in the force too...
What next with Ted?
Ted did go through a lot at the end of series 5. Being accused of being H, murdering John Corbett, Anne-Marie McGillis and being bribed with 50k (Sorry 100k but shh they don't need to know that). Ted was cleared on all charges but has been given a final written warning. AC12 is definitely going to be under the watchful eye of the higher ups as alluded too in easter eggs. We've seen Ted very distressed in a lift and him getting awfully flustered at the Police Headquarters. I don't think his troubles are going to be over any time soon. The case of the other 50k could possibly come up again, seeing Mark Moffatt was sure to stress it was 100k. We don't know what happened between him and Steph, and with her supposedly reappearing - it's likely it'll be revisited. Will his money troubles be any better? Is he finally going to be out of the Edge Park Hotel with the dodgy toilet? Has he finally moved on from Roisin? I saw a suggestion from someone somewhere (can't remember who or where) that Roisin was now involved with someone who may be the corrupt officer, god could you imagine if her new fella turned out to be Osborne? What a way to really kick Ted whilst he's already down. There were also a couple of other things too that were left unanswered. Why did Ted REALLY dispose of his laptop (come on Ted, no one disposes their laptop for watching naughty things)? What did Ted say to Lee Banks? I don't think we'll ever learn the latter and that'll be down to audience interpretation but the laptop definitely needs to be addressed again. Is Ted actually dodgy? He ain't H put it that way but he's made some questionable decisions. Right now I want to know what's got him upset in the lift! And will Ted reach the end of his journey at AC12?! I really hope not but he's skating on thin ice being on a final warning, and the higher ups don't have a lot of trust to say the least.
Ryan in the police force.
At the end of series 5, Ryan has begun his police training. We've been told roughly 18 months have passed between the two series so I reckon if all's gone well (It has, of course it has) - he'll be a police officer somewhere within central police, being naughty. As already mentioned, we have seen Gregory Piper behind the scenes - so we'll be seeing Ryan again, which was inevitable really. It's hard to guess where he'll turn up but more than likely away from the trio. However I'm looking forward to Steve coming face to face with him again. He's managed to lie-low and not be detected by the team - as far as they're aware, most if not all of the OCG has been neutralised. He did a pretty good job staying out of the way with all the drama that happened. In the trailer, I did notice Ryan's picture on the infamous board - so he's definitely going to be detected - but how, by who and when? I'm looking forward to seeing how it all unravels but I'm sure it's going to be explosive.
Is Dot Cottan alive in witness protection?
Did he really die? Well... Nahhh you thought I was really going to talk about this? I love Dot, he's one of my favourite characters and I do deep down think it would be awesome for him to be alive somewhere. But realistically I do think it would be a big 'cop out'. He's Dot Cottan, not Dirty Den... Yeah yeah we never saw a mention of a funeral and the camera panned out before he officially died but yeah I think he looked pretty screwed, don't you? I will admit that I was low-key hoping that picture of the geezer leaving those flats was Dot... I do miss all the series 5 speculation. But yeah, Dot Cottan is definitely dead.
My overall hopes for Series 6.
I'm definitely not the only one who's hoping six won't be the last series. It has now been revealed that Jed 'doesn't know' and suggesting that everything that needs answering will be this series. Just like in series 3. Series 3 was the best series so far and I'm hoping series 6 will live up to that, and the cast have certainly teased that it will. It feels weird knowing so much could be wrapped up in seven weeks. I'm going to make the most of this series seeing a seventh might not be on the cards. I trust Jed and if the show comes to a natural conclusion after this then needs must. I think we'll have a better understanding if the show could go on once we have seen all of series 6! I really hope Steve finally gets his promotion and things will start to look up for him. Ted as well, he's had nothing but crap shovelled into his bubble recently. I also hope we get plenty of explosive Kate scenes which I think we definitely will. Having only seen a little of Kelly MacDonald in action so far I can't create any hopes without seeing more. Maybe she'll be the first lead guest star to survive and with all limbs in tact. As one of Scotland's finest actresses - I know that we'll be in for a real treat! I'm hoping for DCS Carmichael to have lots of scenes - I actually really love her character and hope to find out more about her. Seeing Anna sneaking in the background of one of Martin's instagram stories, no doubt she's reappearing as I mentioned before. I'm hoping for an explosive reunion with Ryan and Steve. I'm excited for all the Tedisms. I'm looking forward to bad-ass queen Kate. Oh and I can't wait to hear our favourite beeeeeeeeepppppp - interrogation scenes are really the best. I'm feeling like this will be the greatest and most explosive series yet.
Oh boy, this has taken up a lot of my time and I'm glad I didn't finish until some more information had come to light. I want to thank anyone who read all of this long ass post. I want to thank a couple of my absolute favourite blogs for giving me a push to finish and share this. I know I've probably missed some stuff but what was going to be quick thing turned into hours. These theories could be correct, could be completely wrong! But I'm looking forward to re-reading this after everything's happened. I'm not sure whether I'll share thoughts after every episode yet but if my mind is whirring enough I'm sure I'll conjure up something! It's almost 4am and I'm glad to be done with this! I'll be curious to know what you think! I apologise if I have made any mistakes in this but I've gone through and think all information is correct, if not, Ted will be issuing me with a Reg 15 quicker than you can say houl yer whisht!
Much love and gearing up for Sunday!
#line of duty#series 6#ted hastings#adrian dunbar#steve arnott#martin compston#kate fleming#vicky mcclure#this turned out to be long didn't it#i've gone crazy#but thank you for reading it all#bbc#jed mercurio#line of duty theories#kelly macdonald#joanne davidson#tedisms#i didnt float up the lagan in a bubble#houl yer whisht
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Brainladdin
Here’s my contribution to the deez-art’s Brainladdin au. Please check out their art. It’s awesome!
Thank you to cawareyoudoin for betering this. Any mistakes left are my own.
Prologue: The great and powerful genie, Yakko, breaks the fourth wall to argue with the author and introduce you to the Brainladdin au. Also, Arabian Nights has been rewritten for this au.
Fandoms: Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain and Disney’s Aladdin
Word Count: 1031
Warning: The fourth wall may never recover but other than that, nothing.
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Oh, you’ve heard of the tale
Yes, Aladdin’s well known
You’ve watched it and read it before
There is magic and love
And a carpet above
It’s Disney and also folklore
But we’re mixing it up
Animaniacs style
The writer’s completely deranged
Make yourself a hot tea
Read this fanfic and see
How the story you know has changed!
See fan art tonight!
And read fanfic today!
The writer has flipped
And thrown out the script
Hope this turns out okay!
Here’s fan works tonight
Based on a cartoon
A new role to fill
Will Brain fit the bill?
Read to find out soon
Hellooooooo, reader!
Tremble in fear, puny mortal! For I am the great and powerful genie, Yakko the magnificent!
Just, kidding! You have nothing to fear. I’m mean, I am a powerful genie but I’m also helping out the storyteller by introducing you to the Brainladdin au. The only thing you have to fear is my killer jokes!
Author's Note: He says he’s helping but really, I didn’t ask for this. I just wanted to start the story in a normal way. Personally, I think this prologue is too meta but Yakko insisted.
Go away! You get to tell most of the story your way. Let me do the introduction. The people deserve to know what they are getting into with this fic!
Author’s Note: Okay, okay! I’m going!
Thank you!
Okay, lovely reader, what’s that look for? You weren’t expecting this fanfic to break the fourth wall? Look, kids; this is Animaniacs meets Aladdin, the fourth wall was never safe here.
That said, don’t worry, it won’t always be this direct. This is just the prologue to set the scene.
Anyway, where was I before the author interrupted and you got all worried about the state of the fourth wall?
Oh, yes. That’s right!
Our story takes place in a place you might almost recognize. ACMEbah is the capital city of the desert kingdom, Warner-rabia. It’s a place full of magic, mystery and wacky animation.
Here are the players in this little pantomime:
Yakko: That’s me! The great and powerful genie of the lamp and star of the show! Outside of this prologue, I don’t turn up in the story until a few chapters in. Don’t be disheartened. It’ll be worth the wait. I’m funny and… -sigh- the author is telling me to get on with it. She also says I’m not the star but what does she know?
Brainladdin: A street mouse with big dreams. At the start of our story, he aims to escape poverty and change how ACMEbah is run. He wants to make it a fair place for everyone, including his young ward Wakko, who I’ll tell you about in a moment.
The guards think of Brainladdin as a petty criminal and public menace. The poorer inhabitants of ACMEbah think Brainladdin is a foolish dreamer who’ll never get anywhere in life. Brainladdin has not let others' assumptions stop him from trying. In fact, given a change of circumstances, Brainladdin might just get the chance to reach higher than even he’s ever dared to dream.
Wakko: I love this kid and so will you! Until a few years ago, Wakko was just another orphan trying to scrap out a living on the streets of ACMEbah. Then Brainladdin saved his life and more or less unofficially adopted him. Wakko now enjoys helping Brainladdin with his plans.
Wakko is a great kid with a heart of gold, a bottomless appetite and almost endless optimism. He loves making people laugh, has no respect for authority, and is extremely loyal to those he cares about.
Princess Jaspinky: Jaspinky has spent his whole life in the palace. He is expected to be the perfect Princess; keep quiet, not rock the boat and marry a suitable Prince to strengthen Warner-rabia’s power on the global scale.
Jaspinky desperately wants to make others happy. Unfortunately, he’s a lonely, clumsy ball of nerves who always seems to say the wrong thing. He feels like a disappointment. This isn’t helped by his distant mother or the fact that most of the staff remain completely professional around him so that he cannot connect to them. If he could admit to wanting anything for himself, it would be a chance to make more friends and to marry for love.
Sultan-CEO: She’s Jaspinky’s mother and the ruler of the kingdom. How does a seemingly human woman have a child that is presumably a mouse? Don’t ask silly questions! Jaspinky takes after his father of course!
The Sultan-CEO isn’t the nicest person, but she does want the best for her kingdom, or at least she wants to make the kingdom more powerful. She is often busy with matters of state and has little time or patience for those who disappoint her.
Dot: She’s a wonderful, cute kid, who’s so witty. Dot (don’t call her Dotty) is Princess Jaspinky’s personal maid servant, and his best friend.
If the Sultan-CEO knew of their friendship, she probably wouldn’t approve. Status doesn’t matter to Jaspinky and he thinks Dot is the best. However, according to Dot, her full name is Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca III, so in reality she and Jaspinky are equals anyway.
Snowballjafar: He’s the Royal Vizier and after the Sultan-CEO, he holds the most actual power in the kingdom. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and we don’t have anything to worry about when it comes to his intentions. The manipulation and casual cruelty he uses against everyone – other than the Sultan-CEO – is probably just your imagination.
Ralph: He’s the head of the palace guards. Ralph isn’t the isn't the sharpest tool in the shed but then, he doesn’t need to be. He’s paid to follow orders not ask questions.
Okay, now you’ve met the main players, and the stage is set! Click the link to move forwards and start reading the story proper!
Author’s Note: Okay, Yakko’s gone now. I just want to say sorry for this overly fourth wall breaking intro. I’ll keep him under control more from now on. The fourth wall will be much sturdier in Chapter One, I promise.
#brainladdin au#pinky and the brain#animaniacs#aladdin#deez art#Yakko#Yakko breaks the fourth wall#Disney#yes this is silly#music#video#my fanfics#1001 arabian nights#please know that at one stage I tried to give this 1001 words
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New Paracosm AU: Big Hero Beau
@decaykid yes, kind of...
Okay, like I said in my last post this idea came to me after listening to Fist Pump and Viva Namida on loop with pacing.
So you know like how the original Humble Pie paracosm is very western horror kind of drama, yeah? well, this paracosm is just full on ANIME BBY!!! I'm talking Space Dandy, I'm talkin' Gurren Lagann, I'm talkin maybe a little bit of Trigun, and also takes alot from action rpgs like Bayonetta, Devil May Cry, Persona, Viewitful Joe, and Wonderful 101 (but its like only two people), and takes alot from Sonic the hedgehog (mostly Sonic Underground, Sonic Adventure 2, and Sonic Forces), and little bit from Fancy Pants ( that's not an anime or a "real" video game, its just an old flash game I used to hyperfixate on).
This paracosm is completely different which is why I gave it, it's own name instead of just adjective then "!"
This version of Beau takes a lot of inspiration from Dandy ( Space Dandy), Vash The Stampede (Trigun), Sonic The Hedgehog (Sonic The Hedgehog), and Kamina (Gurren Langann)
In this paracosm, both of Beau's parents perished in a tragic accident, Beau takes his siblings to an abandoned shack and they hide out and live out there. the tragedy this motivative Beau to become stronger and a hero, not only to keep his siblings safe but others too. The last thing his mom told him was that his smile could save a thousand lives, so because of that he always keeps an upbeat, go get 'em attitude, and he doesn't want to bum his younger siblings out. His mom also gave Beau her heart shape locket before she passed on, so Beau has worn it ever since that day.
The locket is very precious to him, he doesn't let anyone touch it (other than his siblings), and if he loses it he'll go into a panic attack and can't do anything else until he finds it again.
Dev, Beau's little brother, also wants to be strong and a hero, he tries to train like his brother but he can't keep up. Beau tells Dev that he has to be strong in his own way, so Dev decides to put his tech skills to good use and make his older brother cool weapons for him to use. I forgot to mention in this paracosm some people are born with superpowers and such, and Beau's superpowers are super strength and speed, while Dev's superpower is super intelligence.
Dev can't keep up with his brother on foot, so he made himself a jetpack to keep up, and makes science weapons for himself to use.
In this paracosm, there are evil robots, pirates, bandits, ninjas, demons, fallen angels, giant spiders, bad guys who kidnap pretty people, any enemy you would find in a video game or anime yeah it's probably here. So, there's always something for Beau and Dev to fight or someone to save from something.
Beau and Dev don't have secret identities since superpowered people are common but they get to have a pretty rad transformation scene activate when they fist bump each other.
Beau fighting style is similar to that of a hack and slack fighting game, Beau mostly use his fists to fight and his speed, he'll also use guns too, but he'll only use swords if he thinks he can pull off a cool move, since not really experience using them that much. Dev made Beau special gloves and boots that make the attack range of his hit larger so its easier to take out hoards of stuff like robots (which happens lot) and big enemies like giant monsters.
His boots are also guns so its like....
Oh, and Beau also makes sure that he always looks cool when fighting just in case someone takes a pic (which happens alot). Unlike Bayonetta, Beau is more playful with his posing rather than sexy.
Dev's wits come in handy when the two come across puzzles, riddles, or finding a way out of traps on their adventures since Beau didn't complete school once his parents passed and mostly focus on raising his siblings and hero training.
Much like Sonic, Beau is very snarky and witty while fighting his enemies (or at least tries to be), he always tries to make a snarky comment or a really cool zinger before finishing off his enemy. Due to his kind of being not the sharpest tool in the shed, it can take a while for him to come up with a good zinger, so it kind of stalls fights, and sometimes it gets to the point where the enemy is just like "Oh my GOD! just KILL ME!", this also annoys and embarrasses Dev too at times.
Beau makes money from bounties and doing odd jobs around, he makes enough for his siblings to live comfortably, but there are times where he'll go hungry because he only has enough for Dev and Carrie to eat. Beau is still a kind of a lower-level hero compare to the other well know ones around.
Dev has also made a rocket ship so they can fight intergalactically on other planets
Carrie in this paracosm is still 4 years old, she has yet to show any signs of having powers, which is pretty normal for her age since people in this world don't show powers until they hit their pre-teen years.
Beau will take Carrie on their adventures if it's safe enough, but if the mission is too dangerous Beau will take her to the nearest daycare or the nearest trustworthy femme person. Beau will try to make the mission or fight end quickly as possible if he left Carrie with a stranger, there's a sigh of relief once he finds her safe, if not (which doesn't happen a lot thankfully), well somebody gonna die and Beau tries to make it up to her by spending the next few days with her, just him and Carrie.
Beau tries to put being a good guardian/older brother before being a hero and tries his best to spend as much time with Carrie and Dev as possible on chiller/lower stakes days.
Beau had never had time to really process the feeling of losing his parents, there are days where he feels down but he never lets it show around his siblings or have it affect his hero work. There are nights where those memories keep him up, sometimes he'll cry but still try to smile thru the tears.
Beau likes to give peps talks to himself in the mirror, and pep talks to Dev, when he's feeling discouraged, although most of the time those pep talks don't really make any sense Dev still appreciate his brother's kind words.
Since Beau saves people, he interacts a lot with damsels in distress, he flirts with them, but usually gets rejected for coming across as too cheesy or cocky. He doesn't really mind it tho, he actually finds it funny, but when a lady actually flirts back he gets really flustered and has to leave immediately. Despite this Beau still tries to give Dev advice on talking to girls.
Beau still smokes and drinks because the stress of having to raise young siblings, dealing with trauma, and being a hero can be alot, but he still makes sure his siblings don't see him and he doesn't get too wasted.
Other than hero stuff, Hero! Beau enjoys reading comics, parkour, skateboarding, break dancing (which he incorporates in his fighting for some really cool finishers), practicing cool poses and phrases, playing video games with his little brother, and watching barbie movies with his little sisters (since Barbie reminds him of his mom).
Oof, I think that's all I got for now....
TL;DL Basically if this version of Beau is Sonic the original Beau is more like Shadow if that makes any sense.
#paraportal#new paracosm#paracosm#paracosm: big hero beau#para: hero! beau#I still have yet to figure out how Bonnie fits into this paracosm#their dynamic is gonna be more of a 'two stupid dorks' kind of dynamic#I dont think this paracosm could get anymore anime than this#maybe I'll make bonnie a magical girl#idk would that be too much
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Hiii... ♥ How's 🌼🌾 and ☁️ (Okay this one feel free to drop a moodboard/collage on it if you want. Dont be shy to show off your little lad/lass!) for any OC you feel fitting hoho!
hii thanks for the ask!!! <3
it’s real dervaer hours
🌼- What's your favorite thing about this oc?
honestly, it’s hard to pick out exactly why I became infected with brainrot the moment I made him. maybe I feel like he’d be nice to be around, or maybe I admire his ambition and ability to pick himself up and keep going. he may be small and he may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but he Cares A Lot and that’s what matters. I just think he’s neat.
🌾- How does this oc get along with people they just met?
dervaer is not afraid to talk to people and he’ll do so whether he’s chatting with them or at them. unless they’re being exceptionally pushy or rude there’s not much a new person can do to prevent him from at least trying to get along with them. you are not immune to dervaer
☁️- What is this oc's clothing style like?
dervaer prefers light armour and light airy clothing, but there’s really only so light you can go in skyrim(derogatory), especially when you are tiny and NOT built for the cold. I try to have a mixture of bosmer and nordic influence in the way he dresses—his armour would include a lot of leather, furs, and thinner layers, and he likes to throw on accessories like bone or antler carved jewelry where he can.
I think I will make a collage 😈😈
this is super cluttered but that’s how he would want it. anyway in-game skyrim clothing had so much potential that went unused
#buzz#bees ocs#oc: dervaer#the app crashed TWICE while I was making the collage : )#I think this was really useful though it’s a good reference board to have around for when I work up the nerve to draw his armour#ask#kittysfruits
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