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bisexualsdeservebetter · 2 years

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I also agree that amabs have male privilege, however I don't think that's all there is to it. women have it better in some aspects, like false rape accusers never really being punished by law, men's struggles sometimes not being seen as valid, women having an inherent advantage in court cases etc. but i dont think that also really matters. you have the radfems saying that all women can do is suffer and that every problem in society ever was created by men, and misogynistic incels saying that every problem women have is made up because they have so much privilege. the truth is that men are privileged in some areas but struggle in others, same goes for women. and also that every human being is an individual and not everyone will experience the same privileges/struggles only because they're amab/afab. this oppression olympics is really tiring, and ends up helping nobody.

btw I'm not implying that you came across as a radfem on your post, I just kind of felt like ranting about this.

I sure hope I don't sound like a radfem lol, they don't like me much.

In general I agree that a lot of problems men face do get swept under the rug because the majority of men don't really face the same misogynist systemic oppression that women do.

I think it is a very serious issue that male victims of sexual assault or abuse or things like that are rarely taken seriously, and male victims really ought to be given more respect and compassion. There are still people in the world who think that a man cannot be raped, which is obviously wrong and extremely damaging to male victims.

This can be such a touchy topic I don't even really know how to talk about it most of the time. In general I think that the issues that both men and women face should be dealt with and not pitted against each other. It seems like a lot of people act like if you bring up issues like male victims not being taken seriously, that you're trying to belittle female victims or say that men have it worse. Ofc there are people who think men are The Most Oppressed Class TM (incels), but they're full of shit, as we've established, and they just hate women.

So like obviously it's very very important, especially right now, to pay attention to the oppression of women and other afab people. Those problems are real and should not be discredited. Reproductive rights are a serious issue, of course so are things like violence against women, sexism in the workplace, and all of that. These things are serious problems that do need to be talked about.

I think that the above sentiment can and should coexist with the sentiment that yeah, men also have societal problems based on their gender, and that shouldn't be belittled. Especially male victims of violence and abuse, like they deserve resources and help and support as well, even if it happens generally less to men than it does to women.

The one thing though is just false rape allegations, rape is such a difficult thing to prove or disprove I just think that that whole area should be dealt with with extreme care and caution. I don't really know how the perfect way to deal with it would be honestly, because while some people do unfortunately make false allegations sometimes, I don't think we should assume all allegations are false automatically, because that would deter victims from coming forward. Although of course I think if somebody is actually, concretely proven to have made a false allegation there should be legal punishment. That's a horrible thing to lie about and it can very very easily ruin a person's life.

I hope I've articulated myself well enough here, like I said this is such a difficult thing to discuss, I'm never quite sure how to phrase any of my thoughts about it.

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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What’s ur opinion on the treatment of Maia’s character on the show??

it was shit and antiblack and the sh writers can come fight me any day. i absolutely hated the way a lot of the time she was written as irrationally angry when actually she was RATIONALLY angry, and the fact that they made j*ia (both stances of it, actually) happen was a punch in the face to me

like maia was such a breath of fresh air for me because she was the ONLY one who was actually addressing what a racist piece of shit jace was, and calling him out and making no excuses or coddling him. it was so great and nice. and then they had her hook up with him, which means one of the two:

it was just pent up sexual frustration the whole time

the fact that he was hot overrode the fact that he was a racist piece of shit

both of those are fucking terrible and i can't even pick which is worse. first one implies that woc being mad at white men for their bullshit is really just them "wanting" said white men, which is a gross, racist, mysoginistic trope meant to shut them up when they complain about the shit they face. it is belittling, unfair, and dismissive to all the shit white men put them through, just like going all "you're so cute when you're angry" when someone is pointing out your shitty behavior is a condescending asshole move designed to make the other person's complaints seem like whiny spoiled child attitude, when they are not. it's fucking disrespectful and sh going with that trope is shitty as hell

and the second one basically implies that being racist is nbd. it's like, oh, they had their differences, but ~desire~. like sorry but no woc on their right mind would want to hook up with a racist white men who was deliberately being racist to them all the time, and even if they DID, taking that narrative choice is inherently different from a real life woc making that decision because it is supposed to convey a message. and the message i get from that is that being racist is alright as long as you're hot, or that racism is not going to be a dealbreaker for A BLACK WOMAN when it comes to attraction. or worse, that it was just banter

then we have the saia breakup which was every level of bullshit on the book. i'll never forgive the way the narrative basically villainized her for needing time and space after going through something traumatic because "simon needed her" or whatever, like simon doesn't have a lot of other friends who could support him, or like MAIA HERSELF didn't need support either. but of course a black woman wouldn't need support, she just needed to deal with everything on her own, but also fuck her for needing that because even that is not enough of not-a-nuisance to make her desirable. fuck u sh writers. and it was ooc and bullshit anyway because they wanted to make the sizzy bullshit happen

and THEN there is the jordan thing which is every level of the worst thing that's ever happened. jordan. was. abusive. i'm not even talking about the fact that he literally turned her against her will out of JEALOUSY, i'm talking about the fact that she explicitly said that he was controlling and jealous and had been stalking her. the fact that jordan didn't respect her no when she broke up with him and kept trying to force her to come back, making her uncomfortable and disrespecting her wishes, made him abusive, end of story. the fact that he then PUNISHED her for it by turning her makes him even worse

there is no world in which it is a good narrative choice to make someone go back to their abusive relationship for whatever reason, mUCH LESS A BLACK WOMAN, because black women are already told that they should endure any bad treatment they get x5981758931751. fuck sh for romanticizing a black woman not only forgiving but GETTING BACK WITH her abusive ex and never even addressing what made their relationship abusive and wrong and acting like the only problem was that he left her, and not the fact that he treated her (a black woman!!!) as property or as if she owed him affection. and their relationship was basically written as maia redeeming him and it's not anyone's job, ESPECIALLY NOT A BLACK WOMAN'S, to make people who treat them like shit a better person. it's just not

and also generally we never got to see maia being vulnerable or getting taken care of, it was always the other way around, which again, racist trope. when things got hard for her the writers just yeeted her, and then, as if that weren't bad enough, villainized her for going away and taking care for herself. her plotlines were never treated as important (then again, no one's but jace and clary's ever were). LUKE, A BLACK MAN, KEPT CHOOSING CLARY OVER HER. she was treated as evil, mean and irrational for having a realistic approach under which violence was sometimes necessary as a means of self defense (see: being willing to kill clary and then killing heidi. both were the correct choice. like, sorry) even though whenever she resorted to violence it was NEVER overly violent or without reason. they basically villainized her for fighting back racism, and that is so fucking shitty and ughh

i love her as a character and she owns all my uwus and she's never done anything wrong ever in her entire life but the sh writer's room (and cc because i know most if not all of the narrative choices i mentioned up there were directly taken from the books) can eat shit

#ask #anonymous #salt #racism tw #abuse tw #anti sh writers #anti cc #anti tsc #anti tmi #anti jaia #anti jace herondale #anti sizzy #anti jordan kyle #jordan kyle is an abuser

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feminetflix · 4 years

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Not always the black eye, always the bad boy [1 / 2]

No, Joe Goldberg is not your cute neighbourhood stalker way too invested in relationships, he has always been and still remains an abuser. Like “You”, there are plenty of Netflix series at some point dealing with the tiring reality of domestic violence / abuse, e.g. “Jessica Jones”, “Sex Education”, ...

For this post I picked the two series whose take on domestic violence I found most realistic.

La casa de papel / Money Heist (yes, again) - focusing on Raquel Murillo

Fugitiva / Fugitive - focusing on Magdalena

The UN has described the worldwide increase in domestic abuse as a "shadow pandemic" alongside Covid-19. The current relevance of the issue shall not fool you, however. It’s important to remember that domestic violence was a global pandemic long before the COVID-19 outbreak.

According to data collected by the United Nations, 243 million women and girls between the ages of fifteen and forty-nine worldwide were subjected to sexual or physical violence by an intimate partner in the last twelve months. Put a different way, one in three women has experienced physical or sexual violence at some point in her life.

⚠️ This post does not offer contact points nor emergency hotlines or life hacks for people (mainly women) suffering domestic violence, like “how to avoid your beating today” or “how to stop him from manipulating you and your children”. That is the point. You can’t. The problem is not the victim or their behaviour “provoking” the abuser, making them “lose control”. Abusers have full control over themselves and lie to, insult, manipulate, belittle, taunt, humiliate, intimidate, threaten, yell at, shake, slap, choke, punch, assault, rape … their victim in order to gain, preserve or expand control over their victim.

In relationships like these it is all about the abuser’s control, power over and lack of respect towards their victim and often women in general. It is not about the victim’s behaviour making the abuser react in a certain way nor about the victim’s responsibility to end the relationship to protect herself and optionally her children. Forgive me for sometimes slipping in a “her(self)” to stress the fact that the vast majority of domestic violence victims are women. I’m not denying the existence of male victims, but according to Evan Stark and many therapists working with violent men, female violence is of different origin and kind. It’s likely I’ll make a separate post about that.

Let’s get started.

“I’ve got a 9mm HK in my holster, but… I really don’t f*cking know how to take care of myself!”

What? Women like Raquel Murillo get beaten too or at all? Isn’t it always the timid, passive, insecure, mousy little women who let him do that to them?

Actually, many controlling men get themselves beautiful, intelligent and yes, even strong women. He wants a woman he can show around, a woman making him look good in front of others and himself. He wants a woman offering him all that and one he can control. Him, exclusively. The more confidence she radiates, the more she “shines” in the outside world, the more he feels the need to degrade and humiliate her privately. – Antje Joel

How did it start in Raquel’s case, as it does in many cases?

1. CONTROL

“And when he asks you to change your profile picture to a picture of your daughter, you think it’s tender.”

Often he masks the control he slowly gains over you with concern or love. “I’m only freaking out if you don’t pick up or come home late, because I’m worried about you / I’m scared something happens to you!”

II. JEALOUSY

“When he tells you not to wear a miniskirt to work, you think ‘I’m a woman who works in a men’s world, he’s actually protecting me.’”

Again, often dressed up as ‘love’. “I’m sorry, I reacted this badly upon seeing you with your coworker, neighbour, friend, … but the thought of losing you is unbearable!” Jealousy is not love, it is possessiveness in ist purest form. Also, did she really herself think ‘I’m a woman who works in a men’s world’? Did she really come up with that herself? Would she really pursue a career as police officer and hostage negotiator if she believed in our world or here rather her workplace / line of work being ‘a men’s world’?

Male abusers usually believe in and support rigid, traditional gender stereotypes and roles and likely force them on their victim. Maybe he expects women to obey and/or serve him. He mostly thinks of women as inferior, weaker, less intelligent and incomplete if not in a relationship. Maybe he’s convinced women should not order drinks themselves when in a bar or club setting. Maybe women openly flirting, chugging down shots or capable to roll their own cigarettes are ‘b*tches’ in his eyes. If that’s the case, it is not an exaggeration to feel alerted.

III. JEKYLL-&-HYDE-PERSONALITY

“I’ll start by saying your father has many faces. The one you’re familiar with is the face of the father who’s devoted to his family.”

Hardly any abuser shows exclusively mean, rough, sarcastic or violent behaviour. Neither in private nor in public. Many present themselves as nice, attentive, pleasant people in public spaces, doing respectable work, popular and trusted in their respective communities.

“He was a police officer, the most popular guy at work, […]” - Raquel

Even in front of their victim they are sometimes nice and considerate, showing affection and passion. It’s his strategy. Random episodes of affection help confuse his victim further, tie her to him further and maintain his perfect image for the outside world. Those unpredictable changes in behaviour and personality, often minutes apart, are not a sign of some mental disorder. Mostly, it’s an applied manipulation-tactic.

IV. NEVER THE ONE AT FAULT

“Why do you always bring out the worst in me?”

He’s always the victim of unfavourable circumstances or mean people. He twists positions, makes it look like he’s his victim’s victim, not only in public but often he tries to convince the victim herself of these artificial dynamics. “It’s you, who provokes me / plays with me / humiliates me / brings out the worst in me.” Maltreatment, blows, punches or sexual violence are no slip-ups, no loss of control. He chose to abuse his victim in whatever way and he will choose to do so again. It’s not her fault nor responsibility, it’s victim blaming and again, manipulation. If you believe in your culpability you will likely not seek for help. He also makes you believe in some twisted form of “control” you have over him. It’s not real and in fact the other way around.

V. ANY DISPLAY OF POWER THROUGHOUT A FIGHT

“And then one day...he raises his voice...”

He yells straight into the victim’s startled face, holds onto the victim (with a mostly tight and sometimes painful grip), he gets in her way, backs her against a wall, pushes her (however slightly it may seem), throws objects around / after her, destroys objects (often the victim’s belongings). The destruction of objects is often a way of telling the victim “Look what I can do to that vase / phone / TV / chair / car. Now imagine what I can do to you.” If he specifically destroys objects belonging to the victim and/or symbolising a part of the victim’s life (maybe a tennis racket, if tennis is your hobby or things you kept, reminding you of your childhood/home/friends or siblings), his aim is to illustrate the control he holds over his victim, invading the victim’s most personal space, destroying the victim’s identity alongside certain objects representing it. Do you still believe he ‘lost control’? Even if he throws around random objects, e.g. the closest plate he could grab, it remains a demonstration of power. On purpose.

To be continued. The second part will be dealing with whether violent men can “change”, what if violent men apologise in tears and try to ‘make it up’ to their victims and why they are violent men in the first place. Thanks for reading and feel free to drop your opinion as long as it contains constructive (!) criticism and most importantly respect!

#domestic violence #domestic abuse #feminism #netflix #la casa de papel #money heist #raquel murillo

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pingo1387 · 5 years

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in one piece, the women are always limited to side fights and being lesser villains. very rarely are they allowed to fight in close-range combat, instead using weapons that work from a distance. this is especially true of the women considered “beautiful,” making the writing and art lend themselves to sexist principles. in this essay i will

demonstrate how the potentially strong female characters being pushed to one side detracts from the story and weakens the writing and characterization overall.

We’ll start with discussing women in media as a whole. Writing women in media has always had some layer of sexism to it, whether it was punishing a woman for wanting the same thing as her male peers by belittling her, reducing her to the trope of being nothing more than a motivation to the main male character (often by “fridging” her), or inserting her into a romantic relationship that had nothing to do with the plot (furthering the idea that women in a fictional sphere must exist in some kind of romantic relationship, or at the very least be confined to a role like The Sister or The Mother). When female characters appear in cartoons, they are more often than not drawn and written as extremely feminine, while their male counterparts are allowed to be “neutral,” with no particularly masculine traits. More recently the idea of the “empowered” woman has come into play---the female heroine wears revealing clothing with feminine accessories, because she is a Strong Independent Woman who can dress how she wants, and her femininity is now her tool with which she attacks, all while being eye candy for a male audience. There is also the common trope (yet unnamed) where a female character is shown to be far more accomplished at a job or task than the main male character, but because he is the Chosen One, he overtakes her skills after a single training montage or with no training at all (see The Matrix and the Percy Jackson movie).

Another important facet of this “modern sexism” is that women are not allowed to fight, and when they are, they are limited to side battles and ranged combat (see the trope “Guys Smash, Girls Shoot”). This is a sharp turnaround in public taste from the equally sexist gratuitous violence against women, which not too long ago was everywhere (and more covertly still exists today on the set but off the cameras). This unnecessary hitting, threatening, and beating of women was more or less for men’s (vindictive) pleasure and somewhat reflected a society that accepted wives as property and thus allowed husbands to beat their wives, often backed up by laws. While I would argue that this current climate of a taboo against hitting women both in real life and on screen is much better than a climate of beating women, it is a different story when there is a legitimate fight happening. I’ll stick to fiction for this essay and keep real life discussions for another post.

The long and short of it is that if a woman (in fiction) is shown to be at least as strong and skilled as her male colleagues or opponents, there is no reason why she should be relegated to minor battles or no battles at all. This would not be a problem in and of itself if it did not happen so frequently, in all forms of media, to all women. Of course there are examples of media where women are allowed to have major battles, but because the majority of media does not let their female characters (if there are female characters at all) do this, I’m focusing on the problem at hand.

Let’s narrow our focus even more and zoom in on the main topic: One Piece. Oda is notorious for drawing all of his women he deems beautiful with the same body which he describes as “three circles and an X.” He also says in the same question that he gets complaints from his female audience and just ignores them. (I would be willing to bet that if you switched the heads around on the women in this colorspread, not counting Big Mom (who we’ll get to later), you wouldn’t be able to tell at first glance what was wrong). Oda, however, also refuses to let his female characters fight properly, much like other major stories out there.

All of these “beautiful” women in One Piece who get to fight use ranged weapons. Nami uses her Clima Tact, which allows her to create mirages and send weather-based attacks at others from a distance. Boa Hancock, touted as one of the strongest women in the world by virtue of being the only female Warlord, has been shown to kick her enemies, but more often uses her devil fruit to turn others to stone. Kalifa, a member of an elite force of the Government and likely trained since childhood, primarily uses her devil fruit (a soap/bubble ability) to disarm her opponents when she is shown fighting. Vivi used Peacock Slashers, a string of small blades, to lash out at opponents after disarming them with a distracting dance. Laki, from Shandora, used a bazooka-like weapon, and Perona wasn’t even physically present for her battle with Usopp, instead using a spiritual projection to intimidate him while planting bombs in his path. Even Robin, who technically uses her hands and feet to fight (when she gets to), attacks from a safe distance thanks to her ability. All of these women are either part of a team of villains who are set up to be some of the strongest foes yet, a powerful force in the world, and/or are main characters, yet all of them end up forced into minor battles, none of them are the leaders, and all use some kind of ranged weapon to fight.

There are rare exceptions to this, but the exceptions mostly apply to women considered “ugly”---in other words, not depicted with the “hot” hourglass figure standard of the women. When Alvida was introduced, she was considered so ugly it was laughable she would think of herself as the most beautiful woman in the world, and she was shown to be merciless with her spiked club. However, ever since she slimmed down into a standard One Piece beauty, she was never shown using her club again despite carrying it, and has not even been shown fighting, instead using her new ability to deflect all attacks. Miss Merry Christmas, a wrinkled middle-aged woman, was depicted as shrill, annoying, and mole-like, and she attacked Usopp and Chopper more directly by surprising them from under the ground and even dragging Usopp through crumbling walls to hurt him. Big Mom is probably the most prominent exception at the moment, as she uses her incredible size and strength to pummel entire cities to the ground, but even she has rarely been shown in actual combat, and the fight with her was abandoned altogether near the end of Whole Cake. Nami fought in more close combat when she had a baton, but has fought from a distance ever since Usopp gave her the Clima Tact. Tashigi, who uses a sword, has been shown attempting to fight, but was easily defeated in Loguetown, and was shot down verbally in Punk Hazard by nearly everyone she came across for being a weak woman (which in my opinion was entirely undeserved, but I digress). Finally, Koala was shown to be skilled at Fishman Karate, but has only been shown using it once, and hasn’t fought since then (to be fair, we haven’t seen her much at all since Dressrosa).

The only prominent situations where the beautiful women are allowed to participate in close range combat are in slapstick moments. Nami frequently slaps around her crewmates with punches and kicks, especially Brook and Luffy, and Hancock has often been shown throwing her grandmother out the window. However, the normal laws of anime fights don’t apply to slapstick---the wounds are never permanent and often disappear in the next scene, and no one brings it up again. The women who do end up in serious fights come out unscathed or at least never as damaged as the men do, preserving their unmarked beauty. This is shown even outside of battle; the women rarely have scars, for example, and even when Nami was sometimes shown to have a scar from trying to remove her tattoo, Oda has stopped drawing the scar since at least Skypiea. The rare moments where a woman can participate in a serious fight, close-range combat or not, are few and far between, especially in more recent chapters.

This pattern of pushing women into the sidelines when it comes to fights, even when they’re introduced as strong and smart, perpetuates sexist stereotyping that women are inherently weaker than men and are physically unable to deal with close-range combat, letting them fight without damaging their perfect beauty. While I am certainly not asking to bring back gratuitous violence against women, female characters who through their actions demonstrate time and time again they are strong and can be self-reliant are done a disservice when they are only ever allowed to fight other women (which in the narrative means the weaker members fight the weaker enemies) or male characters who are obviously meant to be the weak links of the group. Showing women coming out unscathed 90-100% of the time adds to the proof that their battles were against weaker enemies than the men’s, and sexualizes women further. “See? This woman can fight and come out still stunningly beautiful.”

Women using close-range weapons is not a bad thing by itself, just like a female character wearing makeup and being very feminine is not an inherently bad thing. However, when these things become a consistent pattern of all women across all media (or all female characters in a piece of media), they must be considered part of the whole problem of sexism instead of a stand-alone issue. And in this case, the whole problem of sexism in One Piece is that women are almost always treated as inherently weaker than men, even by the characters whose characterization shouldn’t allow for such sexism, such as Luffy or Zoro.

To summarize, women in One Piece, especially beautiful women, always being forced to fight the minor battles or no battles at all contributes to the problem of sexism in the story. It shows the viewer that the women in the world may be smarter than the men, but are never stronger, and if they are stronger, they will never stay stronger.

#one piece #feminism #thank you subbyp and lew for checking it over!

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snakeandravenreviews-blog · 6 years

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An Ember in the Ashes - Raven Speaks **DNF Review**

So, yes. I DNF’d one of the most hyped series of 2017/2018. And I’m not even mad about it. (Also, to be fair, I read well over half of the book before stopping. So it’s not as if I read 20 pages and decided all of these things.) I will preface this review and make a ~disclaimer~ to note that this entire review is my own opinion. I don’t mean to offend anyone with my thoughts and I don’t mean to completely demean Sabaa Tahir and her work; I was not a fan of this book for several reasons and I want to make sure they come across as valid and not just nit-picky, annoyances. If you do not agree, that’s fine and I am glad that the book worked for you! **This review will contain some spoilers**

I will start by saying I have nothing against Sabaa Tahir, I just didn’t like her book. I already posted a review on my goodreads which can be found here if you are so inclined to read my very dysfunctional initial review. But I wanted to sit down and sort my thoughts out a little more gracefully and structurally so that I can understand why I didn’t like what I read, and how I can accurately display those feelings without being a jumbled mess. I have my thoughts split into sections and they will be bolded with the sub-points underneath.

Firstly, the book is just simply overhyped. At best, it is an okay book with mediocre word building, lazy characterizations that offer no growth or depth for the reader to latch onto, and a world that is haphazardly thrown onto the page with no real descriptions that allow the readers to be fully immersed in the setting. The book has a lot of potential, but sadly that potential was greater and more positive than the actual execution.

The word building was nothing special. I saw people on youtube and even goodreads RAVING about Tahir’s superb word building, and I was expecting a lot more than I got. “The silence of the catacombs is as vast as a moonless night, and as eerie.” Like, it’s nice but that’s about it. There are little pockets like this moment where I’m like, “oh, wow, yeah that’s cool,” but then the rest is so bland that it doesn’t even matter. “His tracks zigzag like a struck deer in the dust of Serra’s catacombs.” It’s trying, it really is, but it’s not working.

The characterizations I will go into greater detail when I talk about the characters themselves, but overall they were just lacking the depth and growth that not only most characters have, but most (all) people have as well. They were just stock, 2D characters that stayed the same throughout the novel, and overall came across as bland and unlikeable.

The world is what really made me disappointed with this book. The premise is interesting and the entire world and the way it was structured, in theory, had all the potential to be the greatest series of the year as it was hyped to be. But the reality is that the world only gave a surface level immersion that left me unsatisfied. I will go into greater detail on this soon.

We have so many unfinished topics and characteristics of the world that it makes for more questions than satisfaction: Who are the Augurs, really? How did they come into being? How are they able to overthrow the emperor, but then allow him to also retaliate? How do they have magical powers? Why is the emperor being overthrown because he has “no male issue,” but Helene is in the running to become emperor?

What does the Empire export? What do the people make? What is the currency? How do they pay for things? Is the world more city or rural based? Why do the “trials” focus more on violence and ability to kill than they do on how to successfully run an Empire - if the trials are to find a new emperor?

Who are the Scholars? Why can they no longer read and write, but are still belittled and oppressed for that very reason (being able to read and write)? What was Darin doing for the Resistance/not for the Resistance that was bad enough for him to be caught? Why were Laia and Darin’s parents and sister get caught and killed?

Why does Laia constantly talk down to herself about “leaving Darin” when he told her to run so she would not be captured as well?

Secondly, serious topics were given half-assed execution. Tahir had several weighty topics that she introduced in the book, but had some of the worst execution in the addressing of those topics. Most specifically, she constantly mentions rape and the threat of rape in the book, but there’s such a lackluster implementation of that situation that causes it to lose its severity and importance as an issue. She also depicts violence as commonplace in the world, but is very inconsistent with how it is rendered.

Rape seems to be something that Tahir doesn’t fully understand. There are several times where Laia, the lead female character, is told that she will probably be raped by the students at the school (because they are known for doing that constantly to slaves/anyone) because she is “so beautiful,” and rape doesn’t really have anything to do with looks. Yes, looks do factor into why men and women are raped, but overall it is because the rapist is seeking dominance, control and power over the victim. They target people who seem or appear weak/easily manipulated so that they can take this power and control that much easier, but many do enjoy when their victim “puts up a fight” (as Marcus does when he attempts to rape Laia). Tahir constantly having both male and female characters use Laia’s beauty as the reason she will be raped also completely ignores the realities of wartime rape that happened in historical time periods such as this world that Tahir is basing her novel off of, as well as current war culture. Again, it all centers around dominance, power and control and equating rape only to looking beautiful takes away from the harsh reality that rape presents. It’s honestly uncomfortable to read, over and over again, rape being threatened and promised as a commonplace occurrence, and then for the actual occurrence to be halfway approached as if the author is afraid or hesitant to write such an action. The times that Tahir did have the characters physically act on the threats, it was really lacking any sort of stable or credible threat that these characters really meant what they “promised.”

Violence was a big theme within this book/world, but was also existing in unnecessary ways and sometimes only mentioned for effect. Where Tahir is shy on sexual assault, she is overly confident on physical violence and gruesome acts. In the beginning, a young boy has deserted the Blackcliffs school and is whipped to death in front of the entire student population and it is quite gruesome. This scene primarily served to remind Elias what will happen to him should he decide to desert the school as he wishes to do (something he constantly battles with the entire book), and also gives the reader a look at how the world operates with regards to power structure. The beating itself was just unnecessarily grotesque and so clearly written out; Elias “cannot look away” for the fear that those watching him will find him disloyal, so the reader is forced to see, vividly, the death of this 11-year-old boy as he’s whipped by the Commandant. The Scholars are also slaves and are, again, said to be raped often and abused by the Martial class and the “Masks” (the position that Elias is training for). The Commandant’s treatment of her slaves seemed a little extreme, over the top and was written, in detail, so often that it lost its importance. She, the Commandant, was so violent and abusive towards her slaves/servants and was constantly either branding them or disfiguring them sheerly for the pleasure and control it gave her over them. It got to be a bit too much, the slapping, the skin carving, the rough-handling, and got more annoying to be read than it did serve as a sympathetic piece for Laia and the other slaves.

Thirdly, the characters were absolutely awful. Every single one was more annoying than relatable. The villains were almost hyperbolic in nature and had no depth or backstory that described how or why they were so evil. Laia, Elias and Helene were very basic, 2D characters that had no growth or depth either, and became frustrating.

The villains in the story were just awful. The Commandant was a bitch for no reason. Literally. She has no reason for being so awful to her servants, her son (Elias), to her students. To anyone. She just “is that way” (as many things in the story are) with no event, situation or life experience that contributed to it. And it makes her almost comical because she’s just...bad. Both figuratively and literally. Marcus is also similar in that same he’s “just that way” nature. He’s sexually and physically barbaric and constantly assaults and harasses the students and the slaves of the school just for fun. Or because he wants to feel that control and dominance over people he finds weaker than him. He’s also just annoying and more “needing therapy” than he is an impactful villain.

Oh, my god. So, firstly, Elias. He’s a typical beefcake soldier that thinks with his dick more than his brain. He does have his moments where he recognizes the oppression of the Scholars and how it’s wrong, even mentioning that he wants to change it and can and will once he’s emperor (if he’s emperor). The problem is that he doesn’t even want to be emperor; he wants to desert and leave because he hates the school and what the Masks do (he’s not wrong). He also constantly thinks of Laia and Helene with his dick. When he’s with Helene he constantly talks about how “beautiful” she looks in her armor (it fits her “so differently” than everyone else), and how he would “love to feel her hair between his fingers,” but then the next second they’re “too great of friends” to act on any of that. He almost kisses her, acting on those “urges,” but then essentially turns her down when he finds out she’s in love with him. He also has “lust at first sight” with Laia and constantly thinks of her sexually as well. There’s no contemplation of who she is as a person and only that she’s gorgeous.

Laia is so whiny, naive and simplistic. She’s a weak heroine that stays that way the entire novel. She’s naive to the clear and obvious red flags when dealing with the Resistance and Mazen, but goes on to be a slave for the Commandant to “prove herself” (???) to the Resistance so that they will help her get her brother out of jail, even though the Commandant has either killed her last few slaves, or they have killed themselves. Seems legit. She also ignores the clear lies and manipulation from Mazen as none of his stories or “reports” line up and it’s clear he’s using her to take over the school. She whines constantly about the suffering she goes through, constantly reminding herself to do this “for Darin” after getting herself into the most reckless, stupid situations. She constantly needs saving and, honestly, Izzi is braver and stronger than Laia will ever be. I also never got why she beat herself up over “leaving” Darin when he told her to run.

Helene is just annoying and is only there to serve as part of one of the love triangles.

Lastly, the love triangles are so unnecessary. The romance itself is really out of place in the book, but having Laia be interested in both Keenan and Elias, and Elias interested in both Helene and Laia only serves to add unnecessary side-angst to the story that it doesn’t need.

Laia and Keenan. It’s a “hate-to-love” scenario for Keenan in his feelings for Laia. It’s kind of a creepy insta love situation too because he starts to fall for her, but is so removed and emotionally distant that there doesn’t seem to be time for a real love to be able to bloom between them to even be a realistic “romance”. Laia is also just ignorant and “admires” Keenan, but also does the same for Elias. She’s had more time to get “close” to Keenan, but it’s still such a detached attraction it feels more awkward and forced than anything.

Helene and Elias. Oh, my god. Annoying, unnecessary, petty. Helene is in love with Elias, gets jealous when he helps the “slave-girl” and threatens to tell the Commandant that she snuck out, gets mad and doesn’t talk to Elias for a week because he was going to tell of Helene’s completely random ability of magic (seriously wtf was that and why was it only mentioned in passing?). It was all just a mess of angst that was so unnecessary. Elias only lusts after Helene because she’s there, she’s convenient and she’s beautiful. Not much else is there for him.

Laia and Elias. I don’t even understand how that romance even happened when their meetings were so awkward. It’s, again, only lust for Elias and Laia knows that he finds her attractive, but doesn’t do anything about it. She’s all whiny whenever he helps her and still can’t seem to get over that he’s a Mask and might *gasp* actually help her. She thinks Elias is going to screw her over more than the Resistance/Mazen will, when Elias shows her nothing but kindness and help. Really pointless romance.

Overall, the book was a 2/5 star read. I stopped caring about the outcomes of the characters and the overall world and its future. Again, it also had more potential than it did actual execution which is sad. I can see why other people liked it and enjoyed it, unfortunately I just wasn’t one of them. I was so disappointed because I was really looking forward to loving it as well. Let me know what you thought!

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littleweeghost · 7 years

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Say it Ain’t So! ZoSan is Unhealthy?

I know, how awful of me to say...Am I asking to be killed?!

Welp, let’s jump right into it; I’ve been thinking about this for a bit, not sure why, but it has been plaguing me. This is my One Piece OTP so how can I even think that they couldn’t be together. Truth is, the thought came to me after an argument about Zoro and the person kept pointing out how purely awesome Zoro naturally was. He isn’t the only one to think this. Even in this current arc--the YEAR OF SANJI--Zoro has been mentioned and hyped! Meanwhile, Sanji is taking L’s enough to last a lifetime.

So it got me thinking and I came to the conclusion that although I still vote for a relationship (OTP level) between them, in reality, they wouldn't work. Why?

Because first off, neither are currently mature enough to tolerate a relationship. Yes, in comparison to most their age, Sanji and Zoro seem to be much more mature than most, but at the end of the say, they are pretty child-like still in many ways, from their constant bickering to their behaviors outside of combat. The fact that Zoro can never actually compliment Sanji's cooking--in front of him--implies that Zoro doesn't want to give Sanji that satisfaction. He's not ready to deal with the vulnerabilities that may come with something as simple as that. Another big sign is how Zoro has never called Sanji by name. One could argue that he does that on purpose to raise Sanji's hackles (out of fun) but it can also be interpreted that again, Zoro doesn't want to face the vulnerabilities that come with befriending Sanji, so he resorts to labeling Sanji by numerous adjectives followed by his "job title" (i.e. Love cook, idiot cook). What this could imply (to someone like Sanji or any other outsider) is that Zoro refers to Sanji by title because that's all he's acknowledging Sanji for; a cook. Sanji's major usefulness--prime value--is cooking. Now, is Zoro really thinking like this? I don't think so but again, it could be interpreted as such. On the other hand, there's Sanji and he is just as guilty of not trusting Zoro enough with his vulnerabilities. He consistently jumps at the chance to belittle Zoro's intelligence and out of anyone else on the ship, Zoro is the only one Sanji displays a large amount of aggression against. And for someone like Zoro or someone else, it can be interpreted as dislike, maybe even hatred.

Another reason is Sanji's past. Despite it being no fault of Sanji, unfortunately, there are too many unfinished chapters in his past. Sanji was abused and neglected by his family, suffered and survived a traumatic experience--starvation, and then grew up for the following decade with an ex-pirate that--although was a MUCH better parental figure than Judge--still resorted to physical means in educating Sanji. And now, he's a pirate himself, getting involved in adventures, but also situations that can result in just as many traumatizing or triggering events as his other troubles (i.e. Thriller Bark). But my main focus is Sanji's family--brothers in particular. It doesn't help that to some extent, Zoro seems to encompass a piece of all of Sanji's brothers in him. There's Ichiji, apparently the coldest of them all and the most emotionaless; Zoro usually exhibits a cold exterior or stoic face on a regular basis. We know Zoro isn't cold and he's smiled plenty of times, coddled Chopper plenty of times to indicate he's a softie, but usually, Zoro is pretty cold, stoic. That could be a constatnt reminder for Sanji.

Then there's Niji, arguably the most sadistic one; Niji looks like the type of guy that'd enjoy torturing animals and women. I don't know if it's just me, but in the flashbacks, it looks like the one who enjoys hurting Sanji the most is Niji and later, when Cosette was hurt, he was all sadist smiles and such. Now, I don't think Zoro "likes" hurting others, but there are plenty of examples of Zoro smiling (pretty sadistically I'd argue) whenever he's owning an opponent(s). He doesn't enjoy hurting others, but again, Zoro has exhibited a cruel persona during combat that I'm sure Sanji has been privy to. It may not affect him in the moment but it certainly places more distance between them.

Finally there's Yonji. Now personally, as much as Yonji tries to follow alongside his older brothers, he's the only one that seems to be his own person(?). What I mean is, with the exception of Sanji, he's the only one that exhibits a talent in something (mechanics/technology) and he's the only one that Judge (twice I believe)--outloud--praised Yonji and said that he was strong. Yes, Judge has boasted about his kids, but he specifically called Yonji out, especially when Sanji first returned. As for paralles however, there aren't any between him and Zoro except their hair color. Is that far-fetched? I don't think so because what's important to keep in mind is that Sanji has some extent of PTSD; for those that suffer from this, almost anything can be a trigger (i.e. any of the 5 senses or a combo of it can set someone off). People with green hair aren't common; off the top of my head, there's Caime (a female), Bartholomeo (a guy he rarely interacted with if at all), Yonji, and Zoro. Long story short, the fact that (surprisingly) Yonji and Zoro not only look similar but have green hair, it just doesn't settle well for Sanji's psychie.

And that's just the brothers. Earlier I mentioned Zeff. Again, let me preface that I LOVE ZEFF and he was the best thing to happen to Sanji, but for real life equilvalence sake, I think it's important to mention that Zeff couldn't meld all of the "voids" in Sanji's heart. For one thing, it's still a mystery if Zeff even knew or had an indication about Sanji's earlier upbrining. Still, that doesn't matter because whether Zeff knew or didn't, it doesn't change the fact that Sanji had very limited sensitivity in his life. The entirety of it was seems to consist of aggresison, violence, and roughness due to Zeff himself and all of the crazy staff of the Baratie and/or customers. The bond with his mother was very short-lived and Reiju was too inconsistent. Other than that, no other woman or non-aggressive person entered his life and it doesn't appear as if Zeff ever dated anyone. It's no wonder Sanji WORSHIPS women, not just because Zeff indicated that women aren't to be hit, but because he's an outsider to their influence. Whenever he sees them, all he sees are prettied-up ladies with grace and gentleness that he doesn't experience on a regualr basis.

So with all of that, it makes sense. It's not just a matter that they are young and petty, immature, because those things can improve with time. But unfortunately, Sanji has too much mental baggage and Zoro is just the wrong person to carry that with him. Still, I'm no expert, maybe you guys think differently? At the most, Zoro and Sanji could sustain a short-term lustful relationship but considering how much a romantic Sanji is, even that wouldn't last too long. But yeah, something to keep in mind...

P.S. I’ll be posting something soon on WHO Sanji can actually have a healthy relationship...

#one piece #sanji #black leg sanji #poor sanji #vinsmoke family #sanji vinsmoke #ichiji vinsmoke #reiju vinsmoke #yonji vinsmoke #vinsmoke judge #judge #vinsmoke niji #zoro #roronoa zoro #zosan #sanzo #notp #my otp #unhealthy

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yourtoradorasextendedwarranty · 5 years

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youtube

So Shoe does a really good job taking about this subject matter but I have a bit too add to it.

Getting an abortion, because you find out you are having a boy, is the same as if you decided to get one because it's a girl. Literally it's a 1:1. Hence Shoe's constant use of, "It's ok if we do it". And frankly, if you believe all men to be monsters, and subsequently treat them as such, you are a part of the problem. Period. See, here's the thing, women, are not by default, good and pure. Real life is not some cutesy Shojo Yuri. People. Are. Human. Humans are prone to anger, hate, violence, as well as love, compassion, empathy, and joy. Men are subject to this; Women are subject to this.

Just because you are born with a vagina does not make you a better human being than a person born with a penis. As human beings none of us are infallible, nor are any of us perfect. Hell even radfems agree on this without admitting to agreeing to it. Reason, they take down other women who don't bend the knee to their narrative. Meaning there are women who even they believe are not "pure and good", which funny enough destroys their entire argument that all women are those things.

Though, I feel like this needs to be said. MRA are not all, or mostly misogynists. That is a very tiny fraction of the group. What they stand for, is actually a good thing. Proper equality under the law in all ways. They also want to end REAL toxic masculinity. Things that make me toxic to themselves or others due to a skewed view of what masculinity is. Things like not bottling things up always till it kills you, helping men to realize education and training is important, showing that violence is not a be all end all. These among many others. So the belittlement of this group has always baffled me. Because they are not the same as MGTOW. Half of whom are in fact misogynist pigs, half of whom just don't want to deal with women and any capacity so they can focus on themselves and helping other men out of tough spots. So yeah, not the same.

All in all, treating men like monsters and belittling them, verbally harassing them, insulting them, and humiliating them, over and over and over, turn them in to the very thing you fear. Because eventually, everyone has had enough, and they will lash out, they will defend themselves, but by then they've been so messed up by people like radical feminists, the their lashing out will often go too far. So yeah. Often, (not always) you create them monsters you bitch about. And news flash for those in the dark. The women from this Reddit must not believe women are very intelligent, because last time I checked, being a good parent mitigates most issues your child may have growing up.

Also I agree with Shoe, but she didn't go into detail. If a girl is beating up your little boy, he had EVERY RIGHT to defend himself. And by not telling him he needed to, and being complacent in it happening, you told him his life means less than that of a woman's life. And that abuse and assault are ok, so long as it's a woman doing it. Great parenting you bi*ch. Your kid should be taken from you. Self defense has no sex, it has no gender, and it has no feelings. It is you, defending YOURSELF, against physical violence. No matter what you believe yourself to be. No matter what lies between your legs.

-_- yes. This topic very much upsets me. I've watched male friends be abused and ignore it because women in society are on this untouchable pedestal. Have been raised by a family mostly made of of women, and 3 full generations of such, none of them would have been complacent with that happening, and would have expected their sons, brothers, nephews to defend themselves, or to remove themselves from that situation. Not just let it happen.

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trendingnewsb · 6 years

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24 Powerful Valentines Day Reminders If Youre Healing From A Toxic Relationship With A Narcissist

Thomas Brand

Survivors of emotional abuse, especially the type perpetrated by malignant narcissists or otherwise toxic partners, can struggle on a holiday like Valentine’s Day. Whether it was because this holiday was consistently ruined by the narcissistic partner during the relationship or because they’re still healing from the toxic relationship, self-care for survivors is essential during this time. I asked survivors the advice they would give other fellow survivors of abuse and their responses were incredibly inspiring and moving. Here’s what they shared:

1. “Louise Hay once said, “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” You must first take care of yourself; you cannot pour from an empty cup. Love yourself; treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Indulge in something you like and don’t for one second feel guilty about it! Remember that all the ugly things they said to you were just projections of themselves. Take some time to do something just for you – whatever brings you joy.” — Sarah

2. “Celebrate your freedom. The air in your lungs. The lack of eggshells between your feet and the earth. Celebrate peace by candlelight. Remind your spirit she is more than enough and deserves to smile. Take your inner child to her favorite place, feed your inner child her favorite food, listen to her favorite music, read her favorite book, write her thoughts and dreams into manifestation. Fill her day and night with serenity and certainty that her existence is not a mistake and her presence is purposeful. She deserves these reminders, in whatever form they come, and the detachment from the everyday.” — Bernice

3. “I transformed Valentine’s Day into a celebration. I am part of and follow a great uprising that is One Billion Rising. A movement against violence against women. It is empowering to “flip the script” to change the messages you tell yourself. To examine, heal and progress towards a better life. With this great knowledge, you then can support and help others to rise.” — Sonja

4. “Celebrate the beautiful perfect whole you. Order in your favorite meal. Pick up your favorite sweet treat. Buy yourself something new and personal that makes you feel beautiful and happy-a new set of pjs, a silky robe, some nice lingerie. If you know a fellow single, regardless of age, meet up for a drink or coffee. If you are young, you can make someone older and single feel loved. If you are older, you can make someone younger feel loved. If all else fails, help someone else. Volunteer at an animal shelter or a soup kitchen, wherever help is needed.” — Jill

5. “Buy yourself flowers! You don’t need anyone to buy you flowers – buy them for yourself! It makes me so happy so I do it all the time now. I am 2 years divorced from a 15 year horribly toxic relationship!” — Rachelle

6. “Make V-day Victory Day and take time to acknowledge any personal victories, whether large or small. Let yourself be proud of your accomplishments whatever they may be. Validate them to yourself.” — Crystal

7. “If they’re still creeping around or you’re still hurting I recommend you don’t call or contact them in any way. Instead, call a friend or even a crisis line if you have to. Ignore any attempts they make to manipulate you, or get a reaction from you. Don’t look at their social media, better yet stay off of it for the day.

Treat yourself, have friends over, buy chocolate or flowers for yourself, or for a family member who could use a thoughtful gesture like that, or watch a favorite movie, binge-watch a television series, play video games, go for a hike, whatever YOU enjoy. Or, if you don’t know anymore, try something new if you’re able! Volunteer, go to the theatre, anything to stay busy and away from feeling alone with your thoughts of doubt or sadness.

This is a time to find yourself again, and pamper yourself a little. It’s okay, you need it, and deserve it.

It gets better, a little at a time, I promise. It’s a long hard road to freedom. It seems to never end some days, but it’s so worth it to be free.

I hope all of you stay safe on Valentine’s Day. Don’t let it get to you and even if it does, it’s okay! Try to keep no contact!” — Kirst

8. “I booked a spa reiki session on Valentine’s Day. Reiki re-energizes my inner warrior and gives me outstanding clarity.” — Emjay

9. “It’s Victory Day. Wear the clothes you weren’t ‘allowed’ to wear, eat chocolate, drink wine and remind yourself that there are some couples in unhealthy relationships that are ‘faking it’ for social media. Narcissists fake it to the outside world and you know the battle his new victim is fighting in private. This is happy to be free day!” — Lee

10. “Give yourself a Valentine. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, dessert or something to take care of you. You are a warrior and survivor and you owe it to yourself to treat yourself like the special person you are. Stay strong.” — Patti

11. “Pamper yourself. You are a survivor and you deserve it. Use the day to show yourself some much-needed love.” — Danielle

12. “Even though I am sad about it being Valentine’s Day, I did not believe I could feel any hope or not be in a constant state of grief when I first really started recovering. I can say now from the bottom of my heart – give yourself a chance to turn toward yourself. Get help to do it. Be as loving and gentle with yourself as possible. Don’t give up, don’t compare yourself – it’s okay. You can start right where you are and it is possible to move forward and exist and actually FEEL the pain shift, lift, move away, and lessen.

It’s happening to me and even though I’m still sad and lonely, it’s not the same agony. I am alive, I am getting better, I have a hope for a future I’m sure will have happiness once I get through some real healing. Love isn’t supposed to be painful. Let yourself feel whatever it is you feel and get through it – there is joy to be had – I just know it.” – Mimi

13. “If the narcissists in your life are your parents, remind yourself that you may have gotten here because of them but they do not deserve the credit for who you are today. That was all you. Your courage, your self-care, your energy, your ideas…. you are awesome and the self-care you demonstrate will set a great example for our nieces, granddaughters, goddaughters, stepdaughters and future generations.” — Connie

14. “I wish I had some outstanding piece of advice to give to any and every woman who’s ever experienced something like this because it absolutely breaks my heart for them. I wouldn’t wish it on a single soul. Ever. But I don’t. All I can do is share what helps me sometimes and hope that maybe it will help someone else too. I try to think about all of the terrible feelings that used to come along with the day. The uneasiness, the letdowns, and the belittling.

Even when there were nice gifts involved, the emotional price I had to pay for them wasn’t worth it. The backhanded compliments and so on. Focus on those, then try to realize how peaceful this new Valentine’s Day is. Without all of that emotional mindf*ckery. If I really start to feel lonely & falling back into that, “Maybe it is all my fault, if I hadn’t acted this way he wouldn’t have said that or maybe I really can’t just take a joke,” spiral, I have a video of us during an argument. I watch that and I’m quickly reminded to be thankful for the day as it is.” — Emily

15. “For those that were really givers, think of those little (or big) things you did to make the day or any day special for someone who didn’t appreciate it or ruined it. And then do that for yourself. Make a big special breakfast or dinner or both. Slip love notes into your lunch bag. Start a love affair with yourself. When you hear a song that might hit a chord, think about singing it to yourself. Just appreciate and love who you are and your value and your ability to love. It is helping me really grasp my value.” — Eddie

16. “Remember, he or she NEVER LOVED YOU. But it wasn’t your fault. They are incapable of love. You must believe that part. It was all a manipulation.” — Renee

17. “Remind yourself – I am okay and strong enough to do this alone! I still get sad on Valentine’s Day and it’s been 8 years but then I remember that what I thought was love was abuse and manipulation. While I might be sad to be alone, I am worth a lot more than that! Keep busy to stop yourself from dwelling on them.” — Louise

18. “Regardless of your budget, take the time to do something you enjoy or never could enjoy during the time that you were with him or her. Part of healing is self-care which leads to self-love…eventually. I am fortunate to be in a relationship now that allows me to heal and spend “me” time.

In a prior relationship, which was a more abusive and manipulative one, I was shamed for both my weight and introverted interests. Whenever I refused to go out with a crowd of people to a party, I was put down and made to feel “not good enough” over silly group outings. My point is, this Valentine’s day, whether you’re single, in No Contact with your abuser, or on the tipping point of No Contact, whatever your situation – take the time to do something you once enjoyed before you were shamed out of that self-love habit.

If you never had the chance to start, do it on Valentine’s Day. Be safe, stay strong and know even though the world feels like it is against you there are many of us ashamed and scared to start somewhere. You are worth your dream relationship. Let’s get there by loving ourselves first.” — Jessica

19. “If you’re not financially or emotionally ready for a “Love and Spoil Yourself” session, stay in your pajamas, cry, read a helpful book or Facebook page, connect with a true friend. Feel your feelings. But, stay No Contact or Minimal Contact if you have children. It is the only way to freedom and healing. Trust me.” — Renee

20. “This is a day for you. Just look at what you’ve accomplished and what you’ve survived. Be proud of yourself.” — Donna

21. “If you have an urge to romanticize your former partner, make a list of every instance he or she disappointed you, guilt-tripped you, demeaned you, made you feel worthless and crazy, said mean things to you. Read it out loud to someone. Let your list empower you. If you have a memory of a past Valentine’s Day where he did something romantic – for example, when he had flowers delivered to your workplace, think of this: it was a show for your coworkers and everyone else; it wasn’t genuinely for you.

You do not need a holiday to remind you of your worth nor do you want a partner who uses Valentine’s Day as yet another way to prove to everyone else that he’s wonderful while abusing you behind closed doors. Be grateful that sometime after Valentine’s Day when you try to voice a concern about something, you won’t have to hear “You’re so ungrateful, I got you flowers on Valentine’s Day and I took you out to dinner! I just don’t understand you! You’re so mean!” Do something that makes you feel strong and beautiful and authentically you…but do it every day, not just on Valentine’s Day.” — Hope

22. “Loneliness is not a good reason to invite toxic people back into your life. I promise, it is always better to feel lonely or around good friends and family than it is to re-open the lines of communication with a toxic, abusive person. Don’t give them any power again just because you’re single.” — Amanda

23. “Treat yourself special! Whether that means buying a big bouquet of flowers and having them delivered to yourself or taking a long hot bubble bath and really soaking in it, allow yourself to savor this day. Light candles and give yourself a warm environment to relax in. You can wear an outfit you feel confident in, some pretty shoes and some lovely jewelry.

Order a nice meal and open a bottle of your favorite wine to go with. Go to town with it. Get ready for your special “date” with yourself. Then, while eating that scrumptious dinner, think about how much you deserve this. Because you do! You are a new and spectacular you! A survivor, a warrior, you have come through the fire and been made new! A wiser, better you.” — Angela

24. “To every survivor out there: self-love is the best love. Take a “me day.” Pamper yourself and just breathe.” — Lindsay

Read more: https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2018/02/24-powerful-valentines-day-reminders-if-youre-healing-from-a-toxic-relationship-with-a-narcissist/

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2IoLRaZ via Viral News HQ

#IFTTT #Viral News HQ

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