#like. i can do whatever i want w them so i can put them in silly outfits!

[fernlessbastard]

Opinions on transfem/Trans woman c!Wilbur? If you havent already, since its a slightly popular Hc w c!W

honestly I'm mostly indifferent ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

it's not for me, but like I've got no particularly strong feelings either way. I can absolutely see a lot of reasons for that reading - it all does fit, so it's not a matter of there being no justification, but more so just personally I just don't hold that headcanon

the thing with either of them being trans is that like, I am for some reason oddly attached to Quackity being specifically and strictly a man who's into men, or at the very least masc individuals - maybe it's cause I just started off with that "hc" (I mean it is kinda pretty heavily canon - I don't recall him ever flirting with a woman). Wil being mtf would obviously make all of that very complicated - each time I start to think about it I can't help but think if 1. is there any way for Q to still be into Wil without that invalidating Wil's gender identity 2. is there any way for Q - a gay man - to have feelings for a woman that doesn't invalidate his sexual identity Like, exceptions happen, but mm idk It's obvioulsy completely different if you hc Q as pan/bi/homoflexible/whatever else, but yeah personally I'm just really attached to the idea of Q being strictly homosexual

When it comes to the nonbinary umbrella it's kinda similar (with both being amab) - with Wil it works i'd say, there isn't as much of a conflict with Quackity's sexuality, but again, I'm mostly indifferent and you do you; with Q it just kinda doesn't quite fit for me - idk he just has relatively binary man vibes imo

in regards to other combinations of one/both of them being trans: > Wil's ftm - yeah sure I'm down with that, good for him, I don't actively hc that but like yeah no conflict there, plus I guess it'd explain how he had Fundy - though fantasy mpreg makes it so much funnier > Q's mtf - idk i just don't feel it in the slightest. He doesn't really give me any of those vibes. Especially considering things like the fact that he's short, has longer hair, is/used to be a sex worker (with presumably male clients), is heavily (and at the very least primarily, if not exclusively) into men, canonically has a big ass, etc, so it just really doesn't sit right with me to then have him be mtf - I just want some more representation of those characteristics in men, y'know? > Q's ftm - ok so, it fits. And I really really hate that it fits. It would make so much sense but holy fuck guys I cannot handle that ok - I'm ftm, and if he's cis then I can like at least partially remove myself from all of that... but if he's ftm then holy fucking shit everything just hits so much harder like guys I'm not strong enough to handle the pain of seeing this much of myself in him ok I will simply collapse, like him being seen as an object and sexualised and put down and belittled and pressured to be all submissive and shit just hits so completely different if you see it through the lenses of him being ftm and let me fucking tell you I am NOT ready for the breakdown thinking about it and how similar and in some cases identical to my own experiences it all is would cause m > ANYWAY with them both being trans it's just a combination of my previous thoughts ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

hope that answers your question UwU anyway ha ha bye--/lh

#ask #asks #ask fern #anon #trans #transgender #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #quackbur headcanons #lgbtq+ #tntduo #tnt duo #quackbur #c!quackity #c!wilbur #c!wilbur soot #quackity #c!tnt duo #c!tntduo #dsmp wilbur #dsmp wilbur soot

[ficsandgiggles]

A New Beginning

Chapter One: The First Meeting

You finally get into the place you’ll call home for a while, meeting your new housemates and getting settled.

Word count: 1277

Warnings: None

You had asked Yelena multiple times before even getting into her car that she was willing to allow you to live with her. Your colleague was fond and gave you a few side squeezes before playfully telling you to just get in the car.

The two of you complained about work a little throughout the journey until suddenly you went quiet, the anxiety had begun to take over you and you were worried about meeting two Avengers.

“Hey, I promise you, Natasha and Wanda are really nice, you will feel at home in no time, we can share clothing until then and we can also go shopping,” Yelena reassured you, giving your knee a comforting squeeze, knowing that it would both ground you and tickle you. She smirked as she watched you kick out, biting back a smile.

Eventually, you pulled up outside of their house, Yelena looked over at you with a gentle smile. “Are you ready?” She asked you, and you nodded, clearly anxious and wanting to just get the initial meeting over and done with.

You jumped out of the car and followed Yelena to the front door, playing with your fingers nervously as she opened the door.

“We’re home!” She called out, linking arms with you as Wanda was the first to appear.

“Where?” She asked with a raised eyebrow before looking down at you. “Oh hello there, who’s this?” She asked Yelena as you took a step back behind Yelena, who chuckled and put her hand on your shoulders gently and moved you in front of her.

“This is the lovely Y/N, they’re going through a difficult time right now, and I was not going to let them be homeless, so I’ve decided that they can stay with us until they get back on their feet,” Yelena explained, giving your shoulder a reassuring squeeze as you leaned into the feeling.

“Aw, well then welcome!” Wanda beamed, smiling at you as she came closer and offered you a hug. You bit your lip, looking up at Yelena who offered a reassuring nod.

“She will not bite, I promise, she is actually the sweetest person when she is not doing the magic thing,” Yelena told you, giving you a gentle push in Wanda’s direction.

Hesitantly, you put your arms around the Scarlet Witch, who gave you a gentle yet tight hug, you could feel her hands warm up, maybe due to her magic as she rubbed your back. You couldn’t help but relax into the feeling, whilst in disbelief that this was actually happening.

“See? She is very kind, not as scary as she makes herself out to be.” Yelena told you, winking at Wanda as she playfully flipped the blonde off.

“Since when did we start taking people off the street?” You heard another voice say, you turned your head to see an intimidating woman raise her eyebrows at you, before looking at Yelena, waiting for an explanation.

The young Widow glared at her sister. “My colleague was going to be without a home after their shift. I was not going to let that happen. They are staying with us until they can get back on their feet.” Yelena told her firmly. “This is Y/N, and they are very kind so you will also be kind back.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, scoffing a little. “Whatever, just keep them out of my way.” She murmured before walking away. You bit your lip, already feeling like a burden as Wanda already went into protective sister mode and gave you an extra squeeze.

“Don’t worry about her, she was also cold with me for a bit so I understand how it feels, but she will come around, I promise.” The witch told you gently before pulling away. You looked at Yelena too, who nodded and just rolled her eyes.

“She can be a butt sometimes, very stubborn, but also a softie.” She chuckled, poking your side reassuringly, making you flinch and bite your lip.

“Wanda, if you wish to see Y/N’s cute smile, they are incredibly ticklish, and I think they like it too,” Yelena smirked, as you flushed and whined a little, surprised that she already was willing to expose you like that.

“Aw, that’s so cute!” Wanda smiled and wiggled her fingers playfully at you before testing the waters for herself and fluttering into your sides, making you squeal and cover your mouth, letting out a few giggles whilst blushing madly.

“You’re right Yelena, they are sensitive!” She teased fondly before letting you go, not wanting to push it too far. You just smiled shyly at what had just happened, already beginning to feel comfortable with Wanda.

“It’s good to see the two of you bond already. However, I must steal Y/N and show them around.” Yelena said as Wanda nodded in understanding.

“It’s good to meet you, Y/N, and welcome.” Wanda smiled gently before going to her room.

Yelena took your hand and showed you around the house, rolling her eyes as you both went into the kitchen to see Nat completely ignore you. Eventually, you ended up in Yelena’s room, where she offered you some cosy clothes for you to change into since you were still in your work clothes.

“I-I hope you’re comfortable with this but, we do not have a spare room so you will have to share with me. We can either sleep in this bed, platonically, or I believe we have a bed for doing the camping you can rest on.” She offered. The thought of you sharing a bed was enough to fluster you, you craved that physical closeness, maybe with her specifically, but you couldn’t tell just yet.

“Uh, I would be more comfortable in the bed, if you don’t mind…” you asked hesitantly, unsure about how she was going to take your response.

However, the blonde smiled and nodded. “Of course, I have a big bed for us.” She replied, making you internally beam. Although you weren’t the best at body language, you seemed to think she was keen to share a bed with you too.

You went into the bathroom to get changed into the comfy clothes that Yelena gave you, before going back to the bedroom. “Do you think I could have a quick nap?” You asked Yelena quietly, biting your lip as you stifled a yawn.

“Of course! A nap also sounds good to me.” She replied. “I will be right back.” She told you, grabbing her comfy clothes and going to get changed.

You hopped into bed, getting yourself comfortable, unable to believe that this was happening. Suddenly, you felt your side being squeezed, you looked behind you to see Yelena with raised eyebrows.

“You are on my side.” She smirked, squeezing and shaking into your ribs until you rolled over. By now, she had probably figured that you liked this so did so to give you the physical comfort you craved.

You rolled your eyes, getting comfy once again. “Thank you… for all of this…” you murmured out, the sleepiness taking over you as you closed your eyes.

“Hey, you are good friend, I want to help and comfort you.” She said gently. “I do think a short sleep is good for the both of us right now. So we can hang out later.” She reassured you with a smile.

You nodded, yawning, thinking for a moment about how lovely it would be if the two of you were holding each other right now, but you didn’t push it as you quickly felt yourself drift off to sleep.

Little did you know, Yelena was thinking the exact same thing.

#avengers tickle #avengers tickle fic #marvel tickle #marvel tickle fic #ticklish!reader #ler!wanda #ler!yelena

[found--family]

am i the only one who sensed some jilted lover vibes from jensen? 

#burcon #cockles #thoughts #at the start of the panel and through a few particular interactions he seemed very standoffish #he was giving a little bitter and hurt and perhaps even resentful - maybe he only learned of misha's gf #at this con too! maybe it was news to him. on top of not seeing misha for months i can understand #if he was feeling a bit neglected and out of the loop. there's also the matter of misha's gf not being #in a poly thing with jensen and dee like vicki was ie. what she has with misha is seperate so i'm sure #that's another difficult thing to deal with knowing their time together is strictly separate #i've no doubt he wants misha to have a partner and be happy but there's an adjustment period #letting new people into your life and whoever misha's partner is now or in the future is going to #affect jensen on a personal level and moreover his relationship with misha. it's all very intriguing #and while i like what little i've seen and heard about this woman for misha i just think no matter who #she is it's going to take a toll on jensen's relationship w misha. i thought it was plain to see on jensen's face #during their panel: numerous moments where he was giving a poker face that wasn't covering a laugh #but instead like he was trying to smooth out his bitterness. or so my eyes and brain and heart tell me. #just various moments where things looked uncomfortable and jensen making off-colour jokes that didn't land #and which furthermore were barbed and snarky - not in their usual banter way but like he was lashing out #and using the excuse of chaotic panel convo to explain away his comedic pitfalls. but again maybe i'm #looking to much into it? idk. there are some lovely moments! fun and caring moments - but they #mainly came from misha's direction ngl. it seemed like misha was trying hard to keep the peace #while jensen was just running his mouth on comments and jokes that kept not landing - for me #everyone on my dash is loving their dynamic this panel - and i want to feel that love! it is possible that #learning misha has a gf has skewed my perception a little like i'm putting context onto moments #i otherwise wouldn't. but i also think i would've laughed and generally felt better watching their panel #if that was the case. idk. whatever the reason i do think something was OFF between them on stage #and it was coming from jensen from the start. misha picked up on it partway though but things felt #a little strained throughout. like jensen wasn't looking at misha as much as usual or reaching out for him #misha tried to salvage and not react to things. but both their answers to the last Q were passive aggressive af #and when they left the stage together they weren't close or touching or chatting like they usually are...

[snekdood]

ive been disillusioned with a lot of the left for a while, it's nice to at least see that other ppl see it now, though the reason why kinda fucking sucks.

#i used to think i could trust ppl bc of pride flags in their profile or them being trans or whatever #and then i put allll of my trust in that community not realizing theres a Multitudes of types of ppl in it #aside from even the fact some trans ppl can be nazis- some trans people- as much as it might make us look bad to admit- #are also predators and abusers and want to lie to you and use you for money and sexually abuse you and dump you like trash #and then accuse you of doing everything they did @u@;; ask me how i know! #so on the one hand im happy ppl see it now- it's not that leftists or queer ppl or feminists are better ppl- ppl more worthy to trust- #they're just as diverse and as good and as shitty as any other demographic of people. #you're gonna find shitty people everywhere. obviously you're more likely to find predators on the right but that doesnt mean theres not #plenty on the left too. #at a certain point calling yourself 'on the left' doesnt mean much aside from idk. thinking ppl need basic human rights? #and even then its apparent that some leftists dont think that. so who can say. maybe you wont misgender me? but nah- you will #if i disagree w you or if we get in a fight- i've seen plenty of leftists do this. #i just think the term is useless now. #i think the left is about to fracture into different groups at this point #anyways be weary traveler of ever putting all of ye trust into any group of people. #its possible to like ppl and enjoy being around them and still not fully trust them. and if something tells you to gtfo? you should #also putting all your trust in a group of ppl is a one way ticket into possibly joining a cult on accident #or at the very least a culty friendgroup

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[jrueships]

tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO

#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*' #sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be #and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like #idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!! #not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background #well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one #lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch #it's just that doing so makes me . crazy #my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me #i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental #like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit #but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig #it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not #but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself #then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER #idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah #for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds #once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!' #& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW #like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED #art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person #literally. just be GOOD. #it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT #<- mfs when no basketball #mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

what was the usage for 'death note' back in the 1800s i need to know

#death note #i will be doing more research on this when i'm not trying to get stuff done i just keep getting distracted #well at first i had the thought to check the correlation between the use of the word 'narcissism' and variations to check if it was used #more significantly and negatively post-addition-to-the-dsm or if the dsm (and fucking freud) chose a bad word that stigmatized it further #i wanted to know if the word had a negative connotation before or if the disorder made the word have the connotation it has now #same w psychopath/psychopathy. i was curious #anyways that had nothing to do w my work and i got even more off track bc of death note #i simply must find the reason 'death note' was used back then i'm v curious but alas i am about to fall behind on schoolwork #and like. Ngram measures books/lit so this is in writing somewhere with the exact phrase a significant amount #side note: i have case-insensitive turned off because it combines them and i want to be able to separate Death Note the series from whateve #death note means in past cases #and i have filtered out any cases i see as irrelevant (i.e. DEATH note Death note death NOTE <-real things that showed up) #also i find the resurgence of the phrase 'Death Note' in distinct periods to be interesting #DEATH NOTE was only used really during the manga/show's initial release #anyway i will be back to this at some point when i can do more research (this weekend?) #also i will answer the ship asks later bc i need to put some Thought into my answers. feel free to send as many as u want btw

[sunspinecity]

i havent wanted to comment on the sandsurge drama bc i think it's insane but like. anyone who says that staff "isn't very communicative" has never played another petsite in their life. Turn back time spend 3 years on neopets and then we'll talk about communication bro..

like there is literally an entire Dev Status Sidebar that shows you what they're saying about whats going on that they update pretty regularly and they do dev updates + stay in contact with their playerbase and closely watch their reactions to updates to see where they messed up and what can be improved on. Like what on planet earth are you talking about. genuinely

the only agreement i will give to communication issue is that the wording on aeq's post regarding the fact that it would be a gem breed took me 7 tries and i still dont get it bc it reads to me as "2nd breed will be treasure, 3rd will be gems"?? which is obv not true. I genuinely can't see what ppl mean by this being a confirmation. but thats not a communication issue it is a Confusing Wording issue. don't complain about communication unless you've played literally any other petsite bc i guarantee you this level of transparency and care you will find in very few other places.

#and before anyone thinks im sucking up to staff. i dont like staff. i will never let myself have anything more than #respect for people i dont know on a day to day basis. they run a company. not my friends. esp not after how the eye genes were treated #fr #flight rising #chimechatter #this is the only thing ill be saying on this or reblogging btw i just got irritated<3 #my only opinions on every other issue ppl have is 1. i think modern gem breeds should be 1200 and ancients should be 600g #i cant put apparel on them why thr hell am i paying yhat much. i have to pay 1kg and then a shitton for a skin if i want one and then pay fo #r gem genes too can you get real with me. but its fine i can grind bc if im not gonna pay up im gonna god damn do it right #its literally fine. and 2. was initially disappointed we didnt get at least an egg bc i love getting eggs but w/e ill jus grind. 2 weeks of #g&g gets u a breed change scroll lmao its whatecer #they gotta make money. it is what it is. i use adblocker because the changing ads are distracting n give me a headache #so i better either put my money where my mouth is or grind it out yk. Whateval #such a nothing burger drama honestly

[foxskip]

Not to be a #hater but they rly did make the wrong Superboy bi (it should've been Konnnnnn)

HELLO ???????????????

#Yeah yeah Jon's a Superman now b/c Bendis whatever #And like I'm pretty neutral on timkon as a ship but you cannot tell me he's the straight one with that leather jacket outfit #(ignoring the t shirt/jeans outfit in which he looks like the straightest guy ever) #As long as he doesn't get the immediate boring boyfriend pair off like Jon did it would've been way more interesting for his character imo #But they fumbled the bag w/ Tim doing the exact same thing anyway so who knows #I wonder if they were afraid of potentially making timkon even possible in canon #b/c most of the time when the canonize a character being queer they never explore that w/ characters they actually have chemistry with nooo #just put them w/ some boring minor or new character who CARES ABOUT DOING SOMETHING INTERESTING #WHEN WE CAN JUST GET POSITIVE PRESS FROM NORMIES #BUT AGAIN IDEC ABOUT TIMKON I JUST WANT SOMETHING INTERESTING #CONTRAST IT W/ HIS MASCULINITY & SYMBOL & HISTORY OF GIRLFRIENDS #MAYBE HE'S BAD AT TRYING TO DATE DUDES #Urrrrrrrgh #REMEMBER HOW HE GOT TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY ADULT WOMEN AS A TEEN TWICE? DOES THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO ANYONE #FOR HIS DATING LIFE? HIS SEXUALITY #HELLO #DC #DO YOU REMEMBER #This has gone completely off the rails #WAIT DC YOU COULD DO SOMETHING RLY FUNNY SINCE YOU'RE MAKING M'GANN--A SHAPESHIFTER-- HIS GIRLFRIEND #JUST SAYING #Kon-El #Conner Kent #ALSO WOWWW HOW DID THEY MAKE THAT RED HAIR STREAK LOOK SO BAD #WAITX2 THE ACTION COMICS WRITER ACTUALLY WANTS TO DO SOMETHING QUEER W/ HIM IF DC LETS HER ??? HMMMMM #(I hope it involves the shapeshifting lmao) #Actually I think she wants to trans his gender

[shopcat]

i think perhaps saying dnis don't work is a bit silly because well they do as the function of them By and large "work" by showing what you will and won't tolerate or stand for as a person and what you will be posting about in that regard and anyone who willingly follows you will know this and if they didn't read it and would be upset by the criteria on it for whatever reason it's their own fault. it's like a built in contingency as well as a statement more so for others than a big sign saying "keep out racists!!!" that the racists will sadly walk away from your blog with. so. you can't reasonably say do not interact x y and z especially for systemic bigotry that anyone including ourselves are capable of enacting but you can reasonably say i don't agree with or tolerate this shit and will kill you if you are near me, which i think is better than people just assuming so personally, esp bc a lot of things AREN'T just like, something you can assume. mostly i think it's just quicker to say a 3 letter abbreviation than anything else.

#🐾 #like yeah ppl will do whatever they want anyway but i'd say most ppl esp the kind in my dni for example #are very insecure and hateful individuals who consider themselves the victims and do not want to be quote unquote ''discriminated'' against #WHICH is why anyone saying something like pr*shippers dni works anyway bc they're so entitled that they wouldn't be ABLE #to follow someone who hated them they would rather pitch the mother of all tantrums than do that lol #and if they did follow or heavily interact despite it they have to put up with people being hostile towards them so well it's lose-lose #for them.. lol #dni's as a function anyway came from im pretty sure just normal etiquette culture in certain communities #like those banners and stuff ... ppl integrating them into their blogs themselves is a pretty natural progression but does come with other #issues that i guess other people are critical of but i don't really see the point in being so bc like well everyone KNOWS so who cares #like yeah you can't actually control who sees ur blog or posts / no one checks people bios before interacting w something #but it's expanded to just mean a plain ''don't follow me/talk to me or i'll block you'' #you can't necessarily be mad perpetually at the idea of someone you dislike as a person touching your stuff but you can control ur own like #space... #other stuff that's like sounds obvious/could be interpreted as pandering/is ''the bare minimum'' is like well okayyy but it's not FOR THAT #it's for saying you don't tolerate that type of harmful bigoted shit

[snowshinobi]

microdosing on cannibalizing my own flesh by reading Richard Silken poems. and falling in love

#this post was brought to you by kaz. ty for the organposting kaz #cannibalism #the triangle of cannibalism #got to have a delightful car ride w #cosmic #and his mom this weekend where we talked about technology and volleyball and poetry #and i got to lose my mind about ''these our bodies possessed by light/tell me we'll never get used to it'' which still rips my guts out #and feeds them to me. to this day. every time i read those lines i become a little more unraveled. my god #richard you minx. i could hug you #richard siken #snowswords #oh yeah and the inherent destruction of building a partnership. its good destruction. you gotta figure out how to be part of a whole #that's life in general too. i think doing romance with people really puts a microscope on the process. at least for me. #like damn being with cosmic means i have less freedom to up and do whatever i want. i can still do almost anything i want but now it's #important to give him a heads up. or maybe he'd like to do this too i should wait for him. or there's something he'd like to do that #im invited along for!! i'll do the original thing i wanted to do another time so we can do this now #yknow? yeah. im destroying snow (singular) to create snow (member of duo). and that helps me remember ive never really been a singular enti #this is its own post isnt it. ok wait #Richard silken #sigh spelled his name wrong the first time my bad

[here-there-were-dragons]

judging by the "fixes" they've applied to fern and i'm fairly sure also to a few other genes, they likely intend to flatten and generic-ify EVERY gene that does anything interesting with especially the top feathers portion of the wings. :/

#flight rising #the ridiculously strict standardization guidelines they seem to put every gene through recently are actively detrimental to looking good #i don't know why they can't seem to get the idea that different body shapes showing the same gene a little differently is a GOOD thing #rather than every single gene appearing to be the exact same flat pasted on texture. undel's book had a whole thing on that how'dthey forge #we like it when each dragon's shape does something a little unique with gene expression! it makes it worth actually having different breeds #i think whatever tone-deaf standardization guidelines they're following are likely also actively detrimental to ancient breed design creati #and might even be part of the reason why we haven't gotten any dragons with stuff like turtle shells for the secondary gene yet #because under the current personality-sucking apparent standardization guidelines they would not be allowed to try to adapt any modern gene #to a shell-backed dragon shape #because tweaking them to work on that shape and actually look good would be considered by their standards changing them too much #even though the difference on a majority of genes wouldn't be any greater than the difference between some genes on skydancer vs other wing #under the standardization rules they seem to follow they may literally not be allowed to design even any ancient dragons w/ nonwing seconda #much less with any truly mold-breaking shapes or concepts of wings. they seem to struggle just with figuring out how to apply it to feather #off the top of my had some wing-“wing”-and secondary gene area ideas that would be absolutely possible but i'm fairly sure they'd never do- #“feathers” are actually smaller membranous wings like a fractal. mane. elaborate peacock tail instead of wings. body fins. head frill. bell #throat fan. head crest. overlapping hard scalelike spines flattened into something like a spinosaurus crest. sailfin 2!. inorganic wings. #all of these things are entirely feasible and i have thought on how to adapt genes to them extensively but they would likely never do it #because peregrine-for example-would look perfectly fine-better even- applied to the trailing edges of overlapping armadillo plates #except fr's standardization rules seem to be so ridiculously strict that they would say it can only be on the trailing edge of a wing shape #they just seem to want every gene to be the exact same pasted on flat texture on everything even when it makes no sense on the dragon shape #and even when following that design principle actively looks worse. which it mostly does. it demands they suck the 3d out of everything. #so we end up with a game where every dragon looks like someone put a cutout of a texture on it and adapting it to the 3d shape is a “bug” #give us MORE breeds with anatomical features that cause small but consistent deviations in the depiction of genes! #not less! #it's the tundra butterfly dark manes all over again #we LIKE slight variety that makes sense on the dragon's unique shape! unique forms demand unique adaptations! not flattening! #undel wrote an entire section of an artbook about how patterns should be adapted to your subject's anatomy and shape how did they all forge #is this one of those corporate “to preserve our brand identity” things? is it a loud minority/“listening to the wrong feedback” thing? #it's gotten to the point that there's basically no point even scrying most breeds until at least a year after they come out #because inevitably they're going to abruptly “fix” every single gene that looks interesting and good

[piplupod]

.

#i think it is because i am so desperate and miserable probably #but i just really wish i knew why i am not likeable fjfkdl #i feel like there is something so obvious that im oblivious to somehow. and everyone else sees it and hates it #and i just. cant figure it out #i feel like im one of those hateful bigots who cry abt how nobody likes them and its so obvious why nobody likes them #i hope I'm not that. but maybe i am idk. i cannot figure it out and im just really tired of trying and failing w ppl #fumbling every attempt to make friends #theres ppl being v nice to me on a sideblog where I've been sharing art and stuff and I'm just constantly waiting for me to fuck it up #and then they will realize whatever it is about me that puts everyone off. and i will lose the chances of friendship. #im so scared and tired. i just want to understand what im doing wrong so i can fix it and be better and be likeable #idk i think there is just smth inherently wrong within me. im off putting somehow. there is smth festering at my core maybe #and everyone else can just /sense/ it. and i am trying so hard to be good at socializing and friendships but i somehow fumble it always #i just wish i knew what it was that im doing wrong #or like... if its smth inherent within me I'd also like to know so i can just accept it finally and move on #argh idk this is so pathetic probably but i am just so frustrated w myself tonight #im just constantly waiting for me to somehow mess things up w the nice ppl in my life rn and be left without that again #and im not doing anything to self sabotage even!! im just treading very carefully!! and trying my best to be good!! #but it seems to always go wrong somehow like ppl just... pull away #idk. i feel so terrified that it's so obvious whats wrong w me and im just not seeing it #i keep trying to look but i cannot see what it is so idk !! i keep looking!! i dont understand !!

[oldyears]

…

#kinda can’t stand ppl who put romance on such a high pedestal in their conception of relatio ships #like firstable relationships shouldn’y have a hierarchy… it’s a social orbit/sphere/circle/WHATEVER #ALL OF THEM ARE IMPORTANT AND NOURISHING AND MEANINGFUL!!!!! #and second i hate when ppl r like ‘omg i want a romantic partner bcos they will see me for me and love me all the same’ #like…. do u not have friends. omg 😭 #out of all the ppl in my life i think my friends know the extent of the worst parts of myself n the fact that they chose to stay #i also yearn for romance but i easily get so irritated when ppl see it as such a high elevation of love compared to friendship/family/etc #maybe i’m just inexperienced or whatever but i would also hate to see my romantic partner as the only one who can provide me w comfort #and safety and affection and everything else in between :/ like it’s sooo off #moi

[pepprs]

idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#delete later #im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty #and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related #replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has #opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg #i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy #purrs #also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old #characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped #landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only #ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing #all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so #sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j #just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was #important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i #feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those #friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters #when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me #in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol #* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad) #like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th #the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain #anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but #i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol #also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned #that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all #anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all