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royallyprincesslilly · 5 months

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Title: 3P {1}

Title: 3P {1}

Lewis Hamilton x Famous Singer Reader x Aaron Pierre

Warning: Angst, 18+ Mature Content, Language,

Words: 2.6k

Summary: “Sharing is caring”, “The more the merrier”, “Love knows no bounds”. There are so many quotes that circulate that can be tied to love and relationships. Two of the many you like happens to be “Two is better than one” and “The more the merrier”. Now it wasn’t like you particularly and purposely went out your way to collect men. That wasn’t the case at all. It’s just that there were two gorgeous faces in the sea of bodies at Coachella that you couldn’t decide which you wanted more. So you decided why choose. That was 4 months ago and now everything was much more complicated than you’d ever intended.

Note: I am the hugest advocate of the “why choose” trope and "why choose" relationships when it comes to women having more than one man (of course while being responsible and transparent). So, we are gonna have our cake and eat it too y’all. Not sure how long this will be, but I’ll write it until it isn’t fun anymore. LOL.

Note II: Do y’all know what 3P means? Hehehehehe! I guess we should thank Ms. Brittany Spears.

As always, thank you guys for reading. I hope you enjoy this.

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!

****NOT Edited/Proofread*** ***Slightly Interactive***

Chapter One: Break Down

"I can't share you, Y/N. I--I can't--share you with him", Aaron said.

His voice was small as if he didn't even know if he truly meant the words. You picked up something else in his voice too--pain. Another thing you picked up was his refusal to look at you. But was it refusal or something else?

You sighed softly. It wasn't like you hadn't slightly prepared yourself for this. You had. You wanted to be realistic. The likelihood of both or even one of them being okay with what you were offering was always slim. You’d tried not to allow yourself to get comfortable enough where something like this knocked you out of kilter.

"I know it's not what you want to hear and it's not what you want but I can't. I won't."

Silence. He'd drawn the line in the sand. It was a bold line too. This was him saying that this was his hard limit and no matter how he felt about you he wouldn't cross this line. He was on one side while you were on the other. It had been shaping up to be a beautiful day. The sun was out, birds chirping, the flowers were out in full fragrance and the winds were gentle. It was a beautiful Paris day. Was.

"So that's it?"

Aaron didn't speak immediately. Instead, he kept his head down, elbows on the cafe table with one hand clasped inside the other, both making one large tense fist. You could see the tension in his shoulders and practically feel the discontent rolling off him. You were disappointed by his words, but you couldn't help but feel bad for him too.

"Look at me Aaron," you said softly.

He didn't.

"Come on--please."

He clenched his hands into a tighter fist which made the veins in his hands protrude even more. You tried hard not to imagine those strong hands around you holding you close to his body. You tried even harder to not reach for those hands. Hands you'd held tens of times, hands that had so gently caressed your face, possessively cupped your ass, and even protected you from encroaching paps.

So instead of doing any of that, you laced your fingers together so right not even a wisp of air could infiltrate them, then leaned forward with your elbows resting at the edge of the table so you were now in a mirroring posture to his.

"Aaron," you whispered.

His sudden jerk back took you off guard, as did the outburst that followed, "I can't Y/N! Goddamn it! It's taking everything in me right now to say this to you. If I look at you I know your eyes will make me second guess myself and I'll be right back where I started and that's being in love with a woman who isn't only mine. Sharing the only woman I've loved--truly loved."

His words hit you like a ton of bricks. He'd said them out loud. There was always an air of love surrounding him and his dealing with you. Whether it was gestures to show it, presents to highlight it, thoughtful deeds to insinuate it, or passionate kisses and frenzied body groping in the dark to cement it, but never words to confirm.

Neither of you had spoken them. Now that the words hung between you, you didn't know what to say or do. Did you reach over and pat him on the back? Somehow slip your hand into his Fort Knox-like clenched hands and give them a reassuring and sympathetic squeeze? Lean forward and give him a comforting hug?

You spent so much time trying to think of the right response or reaction that you missed the window to reply or react and unintentionally catapulted this entire meetup into the proverbial toilet.

"Do you have any idea what it feels like to see pictures of you with someone else? I can be scrolling through socials minding my business and bam a picture of you and him out together comes across my feed with so many comments on how good you look together. That shit sucks especially knowing you were with me maybe 2 nights ago looking just as good with me."

You lowered your eyes now, unable to hold his gaze. An emotion similar to shame washed over you and you hated it. What did you have to be ashamed about?

"Or how it feels to see you smile at him the way you smile at me? Or to sit and wonder what you are doing with him if you say the same things to him you have to me. If you let him touch you the way you let me touch you, if you're kissing on him too or something more? Do you know what it does to me when we talk and suddenly you tell me you have to go and in the back of my mind I know it's because of him? Have you ever thought of these things Y/N? Because that is all I think about. These last 4 months have been..."

Aaron released a hiss of breath as he shook his head for emphasis. Silence stretched again. Throughout his outburst, the feeling never left you and it even brought a tight knot in your throat. You swallowed for the 10th time trying to clear it but failing. Grabbing your glass, you finished the Prosecco that had been abandoned ever since he'd first spoken.

"I get it," you quietly said.

"You get it? After all of that?"

"I don’t know what you want me to say, I mean you--this whole time you--"

"I know," he interrupted.

He shook his head again then looked at you with the coldest eyes he'd ever laid on you. If looks could kill you might have been on life support right now.

A resentful smirk spread his face before he spoke again, "You did say love was messy, that it knows no mercy and only one can win never two."

Aaron scoffed then nodded. "Sometimes it lasts in love but most times it hurts instead. Ha! When you said that to me I found it so odd and cynical of you and I found that slightly cynical part of you endearing especially in this world full of blind optimism. I get it now."

You reached for his hands wanting to touch him...needing to. However, abruptly he cleared his throat loudly and then sat back in his chair somehow teleporting himself oceans away though he was still barely 6 feet from you leaving your hands now the ones in the center of the table without his.

"I wish nothing but the best for you, Y/N. You deserve everything good in this world and that includes happiness. Remember that."

He stood then walked away only to stop after a few steps and come back.

"One more thing. It doesn't have to be just 1 person winning in love, it can be 2."

You saw the pain in his eyes, the disappointment, and felt like he was pleading with you to see the truth in his words. With that, he walked away leaving you sitting there to watch his back get further and further away. As he walked away, you were surprised to feel the urge to run after him, surprised by your desire to make things right. However, once his frame disappeared in the Parisian crowd those feelings disappeared, as did the shame.

You weren't the bad guy here. You had no reason to feel ashamed. You had done all the right things. Digging into your Chanel purse for some cash, you slipped the bills under your empty glass and then walked in the opposite direction.

One of the many things your mother drilled into you and your siblings growing up was life kept going and it never slowed so while you were stopped and paused on one hiccup everyone else had gotten 10 steps ahead of you.

"Buck up buttercup," you said to yourself hearing your mother's voice rather than your own. It was something you were used to by now. You carried her voice everywhere.

The rest of your day went on as it always did, quickly. Work always was your favorite distraction and now was no different. As you sat in the creative meeting that was set up to start off the long stretch of shoots you had scheduled all for a concert you were putting on, your mind battled between focusing and drifting.

When the meeting closed and location scouting began, your group went from place to place scoping out the best places for shots and you made sure your voice was heard to be taken into consideration for the final locations. It was slightly hilarious because you had remained so quiet earlier. You hadn't spoken up to Aaron or even said half the things on your mind.

Thankfully, the hectic chaos of the day made it so you didn't really have any time for yourself to allow your thoughts to wander. You'd always preferred being busy though it made it difficult to have a real life but now you were thankful for it.

Your disappointment carried you through the day and though it wasn’t forefront for you, but during your silent moments, it all came fluttering back. When you scrolled through your phone his name was still the last contact you'd texted and that brought back memories of him.

By the time you got back to your hotel, you were ready for a bottle of wine and a bubble bath filled with every one of your favorite essential oils. When you got safely behind your doors, you wasted no time doing just that. Not even 5 minutes after you sank into the piping hot water did your phone ring with a Facetime call.

Seeing Lewis' name on your screen made a wide smile spread across your face. At least things were okay there.

"Hey you," you said as soon as you tapped the accept button.

Lewis smiled but it didn't reach his eyes like it normally did. Those same eyes looked tired and something else that you couldn't place.

"Hey, gorgeous."

"Are you okay? You look bad."

"Ha. Thanks, love."

"No not like that. You know you are always fine as fine can be, but you look off tonight."

Lewis sighed then moved sending the camera into shaking chaos. When the movement stopped, he was sitting up, back against something that looked plush and metal and showing plenty of tattooed skin.

"Just getting to bed too?"

"Yeah. It's been a long day," Lewis said rubbing the back of his neck, his braids handing around his face.

"Same. Longer than it needed to be."

He nodded as he stared at you as if he had something to say but didn’t know if he should.

"What is it?"

"I didn't expect you to be as great as you are."

You snorted and laughed. "Oh yeah? Expected me to be a bitch on wheels?"

"Funny. Not that just--different. Everyone knows you and there have been so many stories of you that everyone has their own version of you in mind and the way I thought you were made it easy, no not easy, but sensible or bearable for things to be how they have been with you--and him."

Choosing what to focus on right now, you momentarily ignored the nugget of info that sounded awfully close to him admitting he thought you were some brainless tart who was after fun, drinking, and money. Ignoring that for another conversation, your stomach dropped for the 2nd time today and you knew what was coming. It was quite possible there would be no other conversation.

"Uh-huh."

"And now that I am so great and not a nightmare?"

Lewis remained quiet for several moments and you sat there staring at the screen waiting for him to continue.

"And now...now it's not sensible and sure as hell not bearable to think about you and another man."

"I wonder if this is how your harem feels?"

Don’t start the bullshit Y/N. You know it's been months since I had anything to do with any of them"

"It was just a hypothesized assumption. You most likely just voiced what they can't because they don’t want to fall out of favor or be replaced."

"This has nothing to do with them or any of that," Lewis countered.

"Then what does it have to do with? This is coming from left field and I'm feeling pretty blindsided."

"I saw you guys today."

"What?"

"At that cafe together. There are pictures all over Daily Mail of the two of you today. Pictures of the two of you together after we texted, after you told me you were having drinks with a friend."

You closed your eyes then dropped your head back onto the stylish padded rim of the modernly luxurious freestanding tub.

"Wanna talk about blindsided now?"

The dry sarcasm in his voice was evident, "Did you want me to say I was having drinks with Aaron instead?"

Lewis hissed first, then spoke, "Shit I don’t even know. I just know I felt blindsided today and it's not the first time."

"Everyone wants to act like I am this bad guy when you knew from the beginning."

"Wow. This isn't about who is the bad...you know what never mind. He can be cool with this and your antics but--I--I can't do this anymore."

You sighed as a plethora of emotions filled you, annoyance, disappointment, sadness, anger, and hurt but that was just the tip of the iceberg. Rather than allowing each of them to blossom across your features, you steeled your face instead. More of your mother's words filled your mind.

"Don't let them see that they have an effect."

"Ok. I understand,” you said, voice even and hopefully strong.

Lewis stared at you now with a confused expression and eyes so intense it felt as if he were staring into your soul. This man and his intrusive eyes, you thought to yourself.

"You understand?"

"Yep."

He scoffed, shook his head then rolled his eyes. "Of course you do. Good luck to you and him Y/N. You--." He sighed then dropped his eyes before looking back at you. "I wish things were different, I wish I felt differently about you and that your mother's voice wasn't so loud inside your head. I hope you find happiness."

With that, the video ended, and you were left sitting in water that was piping hot a few minutes ago but was now as frigid as Scotland in December. For the second time today you'd been dumped and for the second time today you were tempted to go after another man with hopes of changing his mind, this time by calling Lewis back, but again--you didn't.

You sat there quietly for several minutes letting it all sink in. Then a hysterical laugh started, it was a laugh that came from the depths of you, making your entire being shake as it filled the room. The thought that brought it on lingered in your head making you laugh longer and longer. Before you knew it, your cheeks were wet with tears, and you were winded.

"Everyone wants me to be happy because I deserve it, but no one wants to stick around and actually make me happy. How ironic. How absolutely... ridiculous."

It was all too loud right now, too loud, and too much. Slipping under the water, you allowed the world to slip away and your brain to quiet, but it didn't completely. One looping thought remained.

"Were you in fact, the bad guy?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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livingobserver · 5 months

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The Deck is Stacked

So this is how my life winds down. Nervous System wrecked by Gillian Barre Syndrome (from a Flu Vaccine), knocked flat by a "Massive" Stroke a few months later. Diagnosed Type 2 Diabetes. I never saw it coming at age 59 I was still a thirty something. Shortly after my 60th birthday it all hit. Now I feel like a 70 something in my middle 60's or near about. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not complaining. Not much point in complaining. But..., it was supposed to be so much different. After being able to claim the rank of Master Artist. After staying active and strong, agile my whole life. I was supposed to just drop dead from a "Widow maker"/heart attack. You know..., just sudden and quick. My whole life style was geared to facilitate that end. I never believed in my own immortality. Now, apparently even candy could kill me... ever so slowly. WTF? So I ask myself, what is the point of being so damned cautious at this point. Why would I now want to drag this out by denying myself the things I enjoy. What's another year or two, maybe more maybe less. But I'm not suicidal either. When you get to this point, all the pain, all the denial of Life's treats and rewards. Wondering if there is truly "The Other Side" and if so..., is it better or worse than this life has been. You really do stand on the edge. I can only hope that my friend adheres to my final wishes and doesn't allow me to linger on life support, if and when that condition might be arrived at. It's just a damned shame that you can put a dog "to sleep" when it's suffering and there is no hope of recovering real living, real quality of life again. But we allow and force so many Humans to suffer. I'm not advocating for "Assisted Suicide". But I am speaking against lingering death. I've just seen far too many people waste away to nothing but a world of suffering. There must be a better way, if we are truly "Civilized". A Living Will is not often sufficient where medical profit is involved in lingering death. Especially when the Lawyers get involved. My 17 year old self, would be extremely disappointed in me for ending up in this way and that 17 year old still resides inside me yelling "STAND UP!!" 'Fraid not kid. The time for standing up from heavy blows has long passed. The warrior has aged and aged warriors die hard..., and slow. Removed from the battles except the one's within and they have no pity nor mercy it would seem. But there is still..., Tumblr. I suppose that is my window into the world now. Though so very much smaller a window than the one I've known. Tumblr might not seem like so much to you, but I am grateful for you all in any case. Thank you for contributing, [ Your time and effort]. it does matter. It matters more than you can know, unless you are like me. The same physical limitations imposed by Nature or God or just Living. It matters not..., the source. This hand will be played as dealt. But it is quite obvious to me that the Dealer is stacking the deck. What an Asshole!

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apicturewithasmile · 1 year

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I'm the anon that asked about Palestine, I am actually a follower and have been for months. I think it's the right thing to stand up and advocate for Ukraine, however I just feel like its performative to advocate for human rights when you can't clearly condemn another country doing the same thing as Russia, if not way worse. I don't see what your family members being in the wehrmacht has to do with zionism and innocent Palestinian children and women being killed simply for existing every day.

And why is it okay to post about Ukraine/Russia on tumblr but not Israel/Palestine? The truth is that it's really not that nuanced if you're educated about the matter. Just admit that you're a racist that only care about white lives and leave.

That said, as you recommended I will be unfollwing you.

Don't know if you've already unfollowed or will see this... but in case, I still just want to point out that I think it's funny that what's caused you to message me in the first place is the fact that I am posting about Ukraine. Whereas if I had not posted about that issue at all, you probably also would not have messaged me about Israel. But as soon as someone advocates for one thing they are expected to be equally as vocal about every other issue on the planet. While people who do not post/advocate about political and human rights matters at all do not get a personal scolding...

You can be disappointed by a lack of coverage about Israel and Palestine, you can even be offended by me personally not posting about, if you want. But I still find it a little bitter that it's the fact that I am advocating on behalf on Ukraine which caused this offense.

I don't know who you are, if we've ever even talked about anything before and why you started following me. If you had sent me a direct message or at least one with your username attached I might be willing to have a discussion with you and explain my thoughts on Israel and Palestine, but your approach isn't the right way to go for an open respectful debate, I think. In my opinion it doesn't start on an equal level if you choose to remain anonymous and put me on the spot to justify myself for... what? For the crime of posting about Ukraine and not about every other terrible thing in the world? You know there's more things happening other than the Russian invasion and Zionism that you could accuse me of "not caring about" due to a lack of tumblr posts about it.

And if you are still reading... why is my family's Wehrmacht history relevant? For one, because it means commenting on Israel is a very sensetive issue for me as a German with that family history, and I don't want to use tumblr as a platform for that. And also because I know that at least one of my great-uncles was stationed in Ukraine. I don't know if he personally killed people and if so how many and whom. But he was an occupier of Ukraine. I have absurdly been called a nazi on here for supporting Ukraine. The truth is that the real nazis in my family brought unspeakable horrors to Ukraine. At the same time my grandmother from Poland had to flee her hometown from the Russian army who also brought unspeakable horrors to her country. So maybe think again next time you claim that someone from Germany who cares about Ukraine (or Eastern Europe in general) does so for purely "performative" reasons and not because their own history is connected to what's happening and they feel a responsibility to the people there.

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passiveagressiveukulele · 1 year

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EXITING THE VOID

So I watched Enter the void finally… and I didn’t like it at all. The film gave me so much anxiety, especially that opening shot which looks like a game simulation and the blinking effect only contributed to the uneasy feeling. Ugh, if I’m being completely honest I actually didn’t make it past the scene where that sex worker was so objectified by the camera… I had to stop. Also the weird sexual connotations between the siblings - why was that needed??

However I can recognise that the film must have been super influential in its techniques - I mean, the whole thing seems like the og Euphoria which I kind of love, but again not so much for the content but because it’s so pretty. I have no trouble separating style from substance and sometimes I just like to indulge in a pretty images. So since I had already ripped the style of Enter the void off for a few areas of The Performance, I thought why not follow in the same footsteps for the grade…

So the first thing I noticed was that the contrast levels were kept quite low, which I think is a very tricky approach because it’s a fine line between it looking like a stylistic choice and it looking ungraded, which is what I felt a lot of student films do. However I am a big believer everyone must tread that path in their film school career and since I haven’t done so yet I stuck to this plan.

Secondly, Orla, Gaspar and I agreed on one thing - bring in the green and pink into the shadows and the highlights. So that’s what for most of the film with addition of a blue wash in the club scene to make it more bisexual.

And I was pretty happy with myself and what I achieved in the few hours on Friday. It’s all I could afford to spend on the grade due to some personal issues that needed attention, so I called it a day, saved the project and awaited for Monday. Or did I? Because the next day when Ben Mcmorran came to mask out a light which was caught in the mirror of one of the shots he couldn’t find my project anywhere! Gone, no trace left behind. So he did his bit and today I came in to redo the grade but his project was now gone! Nexus… I am very disappointed in you.

So actually the stills you’re seeing right now are the stills from Friday. I promise I didn’t cry about the situation. I kept it calm because deep down I knew this was just the nature of working with digital files. Once again we have been reminded to BACKUP, BACKUP, BACKUP! And back-up once more.

So this time around I had even less time so I just adapted my workflow to the situation at hand.

It’s not perfect, mainly because I just don’t have the grading knowledge I need yet, but honestly learning that too in this semester as hectic as it was, really would have been an overkill. So I am taking it easy on myself.

But also- I just think grading is a separate course altogether and that you might need a foundation course in painting and photography just to be able to speak to DaVinci. I’m a big advocate for making the most out of my image in camera and I think that grading just causes unnecessary discontent for me. Do I think it’s needed yes, do I think we should absolutely know it going forward yes - it’s only a natural extension of the developing process. But maybe, just maybe, we learn it once we’ve mastered the in camera settings.

That’s my hot take of the week and lemme just throw in another one since tomorrow is our last official day on campus and our last ever crit. I honestly think that uni should extend into the end of May. Give us another two weeks at least I beg of you! Yes time management is essential to individual study but even this girl, with a highlighted planner and all, is falling apart at the seams. I am ready to give always two weeks of my summer just so I avoid a burnout at the end. Consider my proposition - it’s not like what the Germans are doing, going into July those maniacs - but making more out of our time at uni which has proven to be oh so very short. Oh so fleeting…

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bocababe · 5 months

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What is the meaning of LIFE?

Do you ever think and wonder…

What is the reason that I was put here?

What is the purpose of all of this?

What am I supposed to be?

What do I need to do?

Where am I going?

What’s next?

AAAAHHHHHHH!!!

I often find myself sitting and questioning life sometimes because of the experiences that come my way. Like, what do all of these experiences mean? How did that just happen? Is it fate? Was that supposed to happen? Was this moment already predetermined for my journey?

I NEED ANSWERS!

So of course, I took to the trusty internet to try to figure things out to find some kind of clarity for why I am here and why things are going the way they are going.

I was convinced that there had to be a clue out there to point me to someone or somewhere that would help me better understand how life circumstances happen the way they do. Meaning, how certain turns of events have led me down the path that I am on right now.

In my search I came across a very interesting woman, Pat Rodegast, who absolutely blew my mind. I watched her entire one hour long YouTube talk session with complete focus and could not get enough!

In the video I learned about the spiritual nature of human existence, how we came about, what our mission is, and so much more that I had to share my findings with EVERYONE!

First and foremost, I have a very open mind and so her words resonated with me to the point that I was shouting “AHA ‘’ as I was watching her speak. So you have to be willing to see things in a different perspective to fully understand what I am about to share with you. Be open to new ideas and see if anything sticks and helps you find some clarity if you have questions just like me.

Now, all of our journeys are different, and it may not be the right time for you to see things as I may see them at this moment in time. I would like to look at this newfound information as my personal awakening. I feel more at ease and find myself truly appreciating everything that comes my way, good and bad. So, here’s what I got from that video…

In her discussion, Pat talks about the intricacies of the human life purpose and the meaning of life, challenging the traditional reliance on logic and reason. She begins by questioning the limitations of logic, suggesting that it often forces decisions in opposition to reason and may lead to destructive outcomes. Pat encourages viewers to explore their personal truth and agendas, emphasizing that we are the architects of our life circumstances and that life itself is a profound learning experience.

Pat addresses the concept of fear, urging us to step outside of it and to stop normalizing negative aspects of life like darkness, disappointment, and illness. She points out that the vocabulary and beliefs instilled in us during childhood play a significant role in shaping our fears and perceptions of normality. Pat highlights the importance of self-love, asserting that our primary purpose is to learn to love ourselves. She advocates for living in the present moment as a means to find joy and safety, thereby reducing the influence of fear.

In dealing with emotional challenges, Pat offers guidance on managing negative emotions like anger and resentment. She suggests engaging in a dialogue with your inner child to uncover the root causes of difficulties in loving yourself. This introspection, according to Pat, can lead to significant personal transformations. Dig deep to find out why it is so hard for you to love yourself and allow others to love you.

She also shares her perspective on death and the afterlife, portraying death not as an end but as part of the soul’s ongoing journey. She emphasizes that life and consciousness continue beyond physical death, suggesting a continuity that transcends our earthly existence.

Discussing the presence of evil in the world, Pat redefines it as a lack of love and understanding. She emphasizes the transformative power of love in facing darkness and guiding others. According to Pat, financial struggles should be viewed not as moments of despair but as invaluable opportunities for personal growth and self-reflection. It’s your inner child letting you know it wants time to be with you and connect with you without distractions.

Further exploring the secret of life, Pat describes it as an unending educational process where every experience serves as a lesson. She stresses the importance of self-love in facing life’s challenges and encourages viewing all experiences as opportunities for learning and personal development.

Pat then shifts to a spiritual perspective, discussing that the universe is timeless and we ascend to earth to experience time. Hence why we see angel numbers (333, 555, 777) as they are messages from our spiritual beings who communicate with us along our timed journey. She describes human life as a soul’s journey for growth, urging us to remember our true nature as spiritual beings and to embrace self-love and faith. Our mission is to love ourselves, share that love, and allow others to love us. OOOFFFF, deep.

This video absolutely BLEW MY MIND and gave me a new profound view of the human life purpose and the meaning of life. We really need to shift away from fear and logic and live a life centered on self-love, present moment awareness, spiritual growth, and view each challenge as an opportunity to learn and transform.

One MAJOR thing that stood out is that she said that we need to live in the present, remain in the NOW, and when our mind wonders (because it will) we must say to ourselves at the moment “I KNOW I AM SAFE”. I will be doing that from now on to ease my overthinking mind.

Personally, something else that I got from that video (which may sound weird but make sense to me) truly opened my eyes and took me back which was…

You are a child in school from the beginning you were born until the rest of your life in this world. The world is your classroom. You don't stop being a kid and you don’t stop learning. Every day is a new learning day. Your experiences are your lessons. You must create and experience new things daily. As a child would, you forget things and that’s why you have to constantly teach yourself. Routines are so important to the success and growth in your human life and creating a disciplined plan will keep your inner child and adult version on track to living a fulfilled life. NUTS and eye opening.

Some of you might have gotten this and some of you may think I’m crazy, and that’s ok. Did I drink the Kool Aid? Maybe. But I feel a lot lighter knowing that I live forever in different forms, and I need to enjoy my present form to the fullest while I am here by living fearlessly.

Watch the video and let me know what you think.

LOVE & LIGHT

Mariana

#life #relationships #LOVE #self awareness #selfcare #positive #awakening #self

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pathologicalpeoplepleasers-blog · 11 months

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My Autobiography entitled "You're on your own kid"

My name is Rachel Ashley Sega Barrientos, I know my name is too long so you can just call me Ashley. The name Rachel is derived from my father’s name “Racel” and the name Ashley just came out of nowhere. I am 18 years old, I was born on 23rd of February in 2005, in Hospital of Calapan, Oriental Mindoro.

I grew up in my grandparent’s house after my parents separated. I was 2 years old at the time. My father was abusive and threatened my mom that he would throw me out of the window if she didn't give him any money. Of course my grandparents would never let that slide. So my mom left him and left me with my grandparents and went abroad to work and make a living.

I can honestly claim that I had a great childhood. Even if it wasn't perfect, I enjoyed sneaking out whenever my grandparents weren't looking. My grandparents set very tight guidelines for how I had to live. Particularly with my grandmother, I had a sporadically warm and chilly relationship with them. When my grandparents were away, I would sneak out to play violent games like tex, jolen, habulan, tagu-taguan, and more while they were not looking. That annoyed my grandma since, in her opinion, it was a boy's game. She then purchased me a Barbie doll collection and a play kitchen. While I reside under their roof, I abide by their regulations. It wasn't very fun growing up with so many seniors around you. As I started school things became more challenging for me. I’m aware that my family is a little well off which makes me feel awkward in school or outside the house because people would watch me like a hawk as if they’re waiting for me to make a mistake. I never like it when people would look at me with disappointment in their eyes, that’s why ever since, I’ve been scared to make a single mistake.

After I made friends in school it became a little easier, because for once, I felt like I belonged. Eventually I enjoyed going to school. I learned a lot of things not only from my teachers but also from my friends. Attending public school in the province means more time outside the classroom. Doing activities like sports, gardening, cleaning, and rolling around in the grass. My favorite part in our school was building a dampa. It’s a tradition exclusive for 5th graders to make a dampa before the school year ends and to cook all the plants that we planted around the first quarter of the school year. I focused all my attention on my school and made myself busy so my grandparents wouldn’t call me lazy and also so that I could spend more time outside. I even joined every competition that would make us compete with other schools, such as MTAP, oral reading, journalism, and science fairs. I even joined the volleyball team. All that time I spend outside the house, away from my grandparents makes me feel lighter. I can say that I’m proud of myself for doing things without my grandparents' help. I love doing things on my own.

We graduated a short while afterwards. I had to relocate to Cavite in order to complete my private school studies. I also moved in with my cousin and aunt. My life hasn't altered much other than the fact that my cousin is a lot harder to live with than my grandparents. In this period of my life, I mastered the art of advocating for myself and developed a deep affection for the solitude that I now define as being at peace. My dearest friends and the only ones I thought of as my sisters were pals I made in high school. We weren't flawless, but I would always make the right decision. One of the most important times in my life was when I was in junior high school. I got to know some really cool people. I had so much fun and for once, I enjoyed life without worrying about other people. But things started to get darker as I grew older. I believe that while life appears simple on the outside, it will actually make you cry on the inside. I'm aware that life will never be the same as it was when everything was sunshine and rainbows, but the only thing we can do is keep moving forward and look for ways to be happy. While I'm writing this autobiography, I can't help but smile as I think back on the people who taught me how to be tough, how to stand up for myself, and how to survive on my own. This tale may not be the one that everyone wants to hear. but this story shows how I become the person I am today.

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thatmindfulmorena · 2 years

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3 Truths about Setting Goals as a Happy Go Lucky Person

I was never the Type A kind of person who had their whole lives planned out for themselves; the ones who wrote their step-by-step plans to either go to a prestigious college; or to start up their own business; or become a full time volunteer and activist, advocating their beliefs and proactively changing the world. I never had that heavy kind of calling.

Being drawn to art at a young age, then forced to study a course in college that was deemed more "practical" than Fine Arts; my parents probably thought I had to take that choice because I seemed "lost" and "needed guidance". Ever since then, I let go of big decision making, and just let things flow. (Spoiler alert, that's when my depression unconsciously started)

Fast forward to years later, working at a career while daily questioning my purpose in life and resenting over and over why was I in this current situation--it seems like I've had enough. Seriously.

I tried therapy, and one of the few assignments that my therapist had given me was to list down some goals that I wanted to achieve one, five and ten years from now. And that scared the hell out of me. I'm already having a hard time thinking about what food I'll have the next day, what more my goals in the next ten years?!

By this time, its plain obvious that I let the wind take me where it wants to go. I never decided to interfere with it because I didn't like disappointments.

Here are a few things that I learned about setting goals as a happy go lucky person:

1. Setting goals does not equate to writing the end goal, but setting the steps to get there as well.

I remember writing down one goal of starting a plant business. And I started without much of a thought, purchased lots of plants, posted on Instagram, told myself that I'd only start selling when I get 500 followers (which never materialized probably thanks to the algorithm), then gave up when I realized that I wasn't getting anywhere near that number, eventually gave up, and is now stuck with pest infested plants that's hard to get rid of.

Being the non-planner type of person that I was, I failed to equate the extra effort it takes to actually manage a business. Especially when you have no background in it. I didn't take in the length of time it would take to gain followers, the number of daily postings, the truth about algorithms, and the lost money that I invested out of my whim dream. I only thought of the end goal, and not the amoutn of work that it took to get there.

2. Habit building (a.k.a. Discipline and consistency) is needed.

I easily give up when I think that I'm not good on the first try of something new and creative. I ventured into the art world ages ago, and thought about becoming a great and famous Instagram artist by drawing anime scenes or whatever fancies ny eyes. Just because I got a few followers, I did not bother to study and improve my art style. I got lazy, and instead of practicing everyday, I relied heavily on what other people would like to see. I felt that my art was dull, repetitive.

In order to achieve something, starting with tiny habits such as sketching for 10 minutes would be better than not sketching for weeks. Or maybe if I wanted to get better at cardio, I can do 10 minute walks every day, instead of a full 30 minute run in one day.

3. I have the power to change my course, where I want, and when I want.

As someone who has low self esteem, I let the wind take me where it wants me to be. And now I'm at a job that I really don't pour my entire self in, always questioning and thinking about doing anything else other than that; all because it pays me and feeds me well.

I'm not powerless as I think I am, and being an adult, I can redirect myself into a life that I genuinely look forward to living in everyday. And while society thinks that at certain ages you have to achieve this and that, I still have the power to try and reinvent myself (all in good ways of course).

While it takes a lot of practice, the results, regardless of whether I achieve my goals or not, will eventually pay off.

#mental health #mental health awareness #goals #girl boss #things i wish i learned #self help #self help blog #opinion

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datingwithcarter · 2 years

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Dating Success - Your Quick and Easy Dating Mantra To Get That Committed Relationship

Might you at any point involve a fast and simple mantra for dating accomplishment to assist you with tracking down that serious relationship? As ladies, connections are critical to us and we frequently need to move dating as fast as we can and get to the great piece Conversation During Valentine Day for example the serious relationship. We anticipate imparting that caring association with our extraordinary man and that cheerful ever-after sentiment. Tragically, frequently, our unique man might feel more joyful dating than in the serious relationship that we so want. Our mentality to dating, of needing to race through it and land our man, is much of the time reckless in any case. It is normally the reason for our proceeded with disappointment in our dating and early connections. Here's the reason:

At the point when we attempt to skip dating and get directly to the relationship, a man detects that something isn't exactly correct. In such a significant choice in our lives, how could we not take as much time as necessary and look at who we are dating first. Love Advice We Need to Start We clearly don't put a lot of significant worth on ourselves on the off chance that we settle for the main man who goes along and gives us some consideration.

Frequently, apparently it is our desired relationship and any old person will do to fill the hole in our lives. He will detect this assuming we hop straight into the relationship without getting to know him first. A man will feel our urgency and will be very switched off by this. He will feel compressed by our untimely assumptions and his underlying response will be to get away.

At the point when he pulls away to get away from our destitution, assuming we currently grip on at any expense to get him back, Failing At Online Dating we will most likely lose him. Yet again our flurry to move beyond the dating stage will lose us our man. How might we stop this ending up trying not to put off the men we date in future?

Indeed, we want to gain proficiency with some persistence, not expect a lot of too early and get to know him before we permit ourselves to become dependent on him.

I recommend the utilization of this "mantra" - to be rehashed as frequently as feasible for basically the initial 3 - 4 months of dating. This is just for the beginning phases as I don't advocate narrow-mindedness, however ensure that you get to know him and that he is effectively communicating his affection and friendship for you, before you even start to contemplate a future together. Thus, say back to me:

"I will place myself above you and my relationship with you until I know what your identity is. I will keep down and let you show me why you are the best person for me. I will allow you to demonstrate me that you need to accompany me. In the event that you don't show me these things or on the other hand assuming you mistreat me or underneath the principles that I expect, I will let you proceed to continue on."

In the event that you can adhere to these standards, you can make dating progress and get to that serious relationship. He will have more regard for you since you didn't hurl yourself entirely into a relationship with him yet sat back, and assessed whether he was a reasonable accomplice for you. He will esteem you more since he should work harder to get you. Let's be honest, relatively few individuals esteem whatever is given to them on a plate. He will accept that you esteem yourself since you didn't simply hop into a serious relationship with him and you were ready to lose him on the off chance that he didn't satisfy your norms. Consequently likewise he won't actually consider underestimating you right off the bat as he probably is aware he will lose you.

Anything men say, a person needs a lady in his life who will place herself first in quite a while. This eases the heat off him to make her cheerful and keep her engaged. It likewise makes her harder to get which is exceptionally energizing for a man, and she appears to be a seriously fascinating individual.

Thus, assuming you are searching for dating achievement, utilize this mantra routinely and ensure you stick to it until you are certain that he has gone gaga for you. Then, at that point, you can unwind into your serious relationship since you will both realize that you are ideal for one another. Also, on the grounds that you let some unacceptable ones go early, you can be extremely hopeful that this relationship will be spectacular.

#Failing At Online Dating #Love Advice We Need to Start #Conversation During Valentine Day

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blandaaen1 · 2 years

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Replica Taschen Fake Baggage Aus Deutschland

Have you ever lusted over a particular product for a variety of months (and even years!) not understanding whether or not or not you must spend the cash? I was well conscious of the replica designer luggage, but I was less positive about whether I trusted it. Like many of you, I was nervous about the quality, how quickly it would be before it was past repair, and whether or not my cash would simply be wasted. Eventually, my luck rotated once I at some point stumbled upon critiques on Trustpilot (I highly advocate checking their evaluations!) that spoke extremely of a store I’d by no means heard of earlier than. Our replica products are all counter quality meaning they are true mirror picture replicas. Each merchandise is produced from one hundred% genuine leather matching quality of authentic factory production with many supplies imported from Europe. Yet, as I researched countless replica manufacturers along the best way, I discovered myself fooled time and time again by promises of “precise matches” and ordered a number of pondering I would be greater than delighted with my buy. I saved pondering with each new order that I had FINALLY found “the one”, the bag that may be so nicely crafted, I would feel assured enough to show it off all over the place I went. But alas, stores like iOffer and DHGate ended up being beyond disappointing! Luckily their baggage weren’t too expensive, but nonetheless, I wasted my cash considering I won't ever wear them. Normally, you possibly can see the place the producer has cut corners and saved money. With this one, the trolley is high in high quality, sturdy, stitched properly, and intensely accurate in comparison with the authentic model. The alignment is right, the darkish grey of the hardware is ideal, and the canvas connects as it ought to. If you could have the same issues as me, I actually have one thing to say…I was utterly incorrect. Not way back, I lastly determined to throw all warning to the wind and pay for the Horizon 55 replica Monogram Canvas baggage bag. Now, I’m extremely pleased and cannot imagine the standard of this fake Louis Vuitton (even though it was kind of anticipated with the price tag!). wikipedia wallets As we’re going to see on this review right now, the craftsmanship is great, and I highly advocate the luggage case to anybody in the identical place I was just a short time ago. While there have been variations with the colours of leather-based included into these elegant luggage over the years, it is all the time pretty simple to identify a Louis Vuitton accessory merchandise even for the comparatively untrained eye. It is precisely this iconic picture that has allowed Louis Vuitton luxurious luggage to resist the take a look at of time all through passing fashion tendencies and the ever-altering demands of discerning consumers. The latter is what we all ought to go for if the budget is tight. Offering only such merchandise is my own advice, the seller from whom I introduced. https://Calsmedia.nl/wallet-purse-replica.html This state of affairs is exactly why our designer knockoff luggage are such a success with clients from all over. They belief that our design and manufacturing requirements are up to par so that they won't be disenchanted or embarrassed by receiving a cheaply made and simply identifiable knockoff designer bag. We put all of our merchandise by way of a rigorous examination course of to ensure that they are crafted with consideration to detail and are made to final for years. We take nice pride in ensuring that none of our prospects ever receive a Louis Vuitton fake bag that instantly reveals signs of damage or just isn't going to carry up in the long term. If you realize something about original Louis Vuitton handbags, you know that the within of the designer bag is designed with the same high quality and craftsmanship as the surface. After many years of saving a big quantity for having a various assortment of luxurious baggage, all of it is determined by the place you purchase these designer fake bags. Well, this is the key, which is the fake bag seller you choose. While a couple of such vendors supply poor excuses for their duplicate or fake Louis Vuitton handbags, others offer the fake purses whose comparability with the original yields only equality. Inequality will only outcome should you measure it with rulers and unique ID numbers.

#replica designer wallet #replica wallet #high quality designer replica wallet #replica wallets

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queernuck · 3 years

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The Cleveland Browns made the playoffs. The Islanders made the Eastern Conference Finals.

And that’s enough for me.

So long, so long I have been living like this, pretending that I want to keep on living, that life feels worthwhile, that I don’t want to kill myself. Suicide is for cowards but ive been chickening out for a whole decade, to the point where getting on the subway was itself something that involved convincing myself not to jump in front of it. I remember once while working in the city, I watched and waited as two trains came in and left, trying to get the energy to jump in front of them. I had decided, if I couldn’t do it by the time a second train came and went, I would go to work and save it for another day. I came very close, my legs tense like a linebacker on 4th & Goal, but I didn’t do it. Maybe it would be better if I had, I would have saved not only myself but a lot of other people a lot of pain and suffering. I’ve been dealing with feeling suicidal for a decade, an entire ten years, and made it through. And for what? I lost a retail job at minimum wage, I’ve seen the Giants go from two-time Super Bowl kingslayers to a team that relied on the Eagles for a playoff berth, I got to see Evangelion only for the final Rebuild film to be infinitely delayed, I have a useless non-degree that allows me to eloquently describe how the Democrats and Republicans alike are driving this stolen land to Fascism while sycophants tell me Vote Blue No Matter Who. I’m so tired, I’m not even the person people think me to be, since if I were, I wouldn’t be in this mess.

My paychecks, as hard-earned as they were, never seemed to be mine in any real sense, and it made me so frustrated that something in me broke at the beginning of this year. I made some mistakes, some very stupid ones, and got myself fired. I took money from and distorted the inventory of my store to get what amounted to pocket money, less than two paychecks. I was tempted because I feel so powerless, so much like nothing I could ever say or do matters, and so I decided to lash out against a place that mattered to me, against people I cared about deeply. Chain stores, corporations, all of those things are not really high on my list of things to care about. Barnes & Noble pushed out local booksellers years ago, an irony not lost on me whenever our own competition with Amazon was made apparent. We were reaping what we had sown. But what always interested on top of this irony was how symbolic these things could be to people, how much we figured into so may memories for so many. The Manga Aisle at Barnes & Noble is a staple of 2006 scene culture, a way that kids without the pocket money to afford the newest volume of Bleach it Naruto could keep up before scams became widely available. How the store was a place where people studying for standardized tests could use the test prep guides to try and get ready for the eugenic ritual of the standardized test. And just how much a chain bookstore became a substitute, socially, for the now-absent local bookstore. We bear the guilt for that, but at the same time we were still selling books, giving people a place to get coffee and sit and read and talk, in ways that libraries may not be able to. We certainly can never replace a library, given just what a library does for people. But we did do a lot of good all the same. Before it closed, some of my fondest memories came when I was the exact sort of annoying teenage customer I grew to hate, hanging out at the Columbus Circle Borders. Working at Barnes & Noble was tiring, dehumanizing, difficult, made me feel like I would never measure up to the authors we sold, the people books were written about, that I was a failure. And I am, as my death shows. But it also made me a part of something I was proud of. And that Above & Beyond pin I earned is in my jacket still, a reminder of something.

That something was shown in so many of the coworkers I had, who were incredible in so many ways. I feel awful for what I did, I genuinely do, because of how it may have hurt people who thought so kindly of me, people who deserve so much good. I wish I had the ability to address each of them individually but this decision was hastily made, and i have a feeling it will show in the things I miss in this note. Audra, your help in finding me a way to use the company policies to my advantage as a worker was something that gave me faith even after having seen the despicable firings and cuts the company went through. Linda, I can’t quite square the circle here given my actions, but I want to say your disappointment broke my heart and that while I will not be the one who shows it, your reassurance that everyone makes mistakes was welcome.

To my (former) fellow booksellers at Store 2216, all of my love and my sincerest apologies. You all have so much good in you, your willingness to listen to my ADHD-fueled rants and to discuss so many things with an incredible frankness was always impressive, in addition to part of what I loved about all of you. I want you all to be happy, and the kinship I felt with you was a vital part of what kept me going. It was tough, as you all know. But at times, it almost felt worth it.

The same is true of my CTY friends: it was a weird, magical place that frankly, a lot of us idealized for far too long and which sk many of us eventually outgrew without being able to let go of. And that was tough, that was something we had a great deal of difficulty understanding, that what helped us once was not always going to be helping us, was not always what we needed. But in eventually finding that, we found solace, we realized how life as a whole functions and just what it is that we can take from places like it.

To my other family, my Cleo family, I know I haven’t been terribly active lately, but I can never, ever thank you enough for the belonging you gave me. I have never felt anywhere as welcoming as Cleo. As warm as Cleo (even as we struggled to pay for the oil bill) was. As kind and understanding. As tolerant. As questioning and inquisitive into what that tolerance meant to us. I am thankful, eternally, for what you all did for me. The incredible experiences I had as a Cleo make me proud of what the organization can represent, and one of my dying wishes is that the organization continues to reach out to marginalized communities on Trinity’s campus. There is much work to be done in making sure abusers cannot hide in our family, but I trust you all to do that work. Tucker Carlson is a Trinity grad and we must embody the opposite of what he stands for, no matter how difficult it may be. I could go on about how this means opposing liberals and Liberalism/Neo—Liberalism due to the truth of tolerance resulting in a Popper-esque Paradox of Tolerance that implies Popper is a worthwhile philosopher, but that’s another issue.

To my friends on that Blue Hellsite, tumblr, you made a continual presence worth it, even with all of the bullshit this place brings. It’s the reason I read so much Foucault, Derrida, Deleuze & Guattari, read Žižek against himself, and so on and so on, and the value of that to me can never be overstated. I learned so much from the ways in which I learned to analyze the world, and that in turn became a huge inspiration for why I should try to do what I could to make the world closer to a place of revolution, one where we could perhaps eke out a living for one another. I loved how much I could be an unrepentant nerd and still love hockey on there, and while the

NHL fans on tumblr are incredibly annoying,

I can deal with that compared to the racism of most hockey fans.

Mom, Dad? I just couldn’t live with you any longer. I’m so sorry.

Grandma, I love you.

And the things I leave behind? Donate what can be donated. Hats, please auction, or at least offer to other HatHeads at a reasonable price. I had some nice ones. As for assorted albums, clothing, and other things, sell them and donate to a Harm Reduction organization, or organizations that advocate for PWUD in a radical fashion. WE DESERVE AUTONOMY!

I am a victim of the War on Drugs. Sobriety was always hellish to me, and I could never take it. I want people to be able to live how they want, to see sobriety and being on drugs as equally valuable states, to see the two as no different from one another.

Abolish all gun laws

End the War on Terror

Decriminalize and legalize all drugs, sobriety is what killed me.

I love all of you.

LET’S GO ISLANDERS!

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yinses · 3 years

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ethereal lullaby

| days, months, years… it didn’t matter. you were willing to wait a lifetime.|

siren!gojo satoru

rating: T ( yeah i know, surprised myself)

a/n: not going to talk about me accepting this without understanding what a siren was. thank you to new friends for helping me not look like an idiot. took the friends to lovers approach because simp vibes. amen. i might do a sequel just to up the rating a bit because this already got so long. we’ll see.

thanks to @kinbari14 for the hc. it was a fun challenge.

your parents tried to highlight the positives- how could they not after dragging their fifteen year old away from home. you were in the middle of your teenage years, just starting to hone confidence in your social skills. they told you it would be exciting.

r_ight next to the ocean_, they coaxed as if you’d ever cared to swim.

sitting on the shores now with your toes curled in the sand, you wondered if your friends were missing you as much as you missed them.

the moon full and bright, high enough to signal that it was well past your curfew. but your parents were more lenient this summer, trying anyway they could to smooth your transition. it was a brief allowance that you would take advantage of while you could.

collecting the shoes at your feet, you sighed heavily, deciding that it was time to head back for the night. the more effort you made the easier it would pass through.

your back had just turned to the shores when you heard the sound- soft, melodic as it seemed to warm your ears.

it sounded like a song, but you’d never heard anyone on the radio sound this good. the voice tickled your consciousness and you shook your head to fight away the haze. yet the cloud lingered, drifting down to your feet this time.

it felt like you were walking on cotton candy, a jovial step, knocking your knees together as you put more distance between yourself and the house. a tinge of fear cooled your spine but the sensation wasn’t strong enough to sway the superior force.

the closer you got the more you came to recognize the sound. not able to tie it to a specific person but certain that it was a person. it reminded you of the choir melodies from your old school but not even the star could compare.

you were able to register the shift from sand to rocky gravel but not the sharp pinch as rocks dug into your feet. the song still carried you closer, around the bend and towards the mouth of a cave.

despite every strand of common sense warning you not to, you crossed the threshold. the cavern played a devil’s advocate- enticing you with mystery while amplifying the the lyrics you still couldn’t place.

the effort to figure it out didn’t seem worth it, nothing superseded the call.

all too quick you reached the wide pool that spread out at the end and suddenly the song stopped. the splash of water at your feet was enough to startle your system, sending you reeling back as you tripped against the damp ground.

something too intense to call an emotion trampled your ability to move as you were left frozen to watch as a figure pulled itself to the edge.

the first thing you took in was the shock of white hair but that was nothing compared to the two turquoise pearls blinking up at you.

“huh… you’re what i caught?”

it almost sounded bored.

the shrill of your scream drowned out the slow drawl of condescension. the- boy? hissed and shrank back, hand coming up to cover his ears.

“no, no! stop. goddess that hurts.”

you instinctively go to kick back, but he is faster, something wet and slimly curling around your ankle. the grip draws you closer, uncaring of the way the unforgiving ground bit into your back.

your lips part to scream again but the sound gets stuck at the sharp glare you receive. water continued to drip from the strands of his hair, the drops that met your skin were ice cold. he was close enough now that you could smell the salt from the sea against his skin. near enough that you almost lost yourself in the bright pools taking you in equally.

his eyes track the motion as you lick your lips. “who are you?”

the hand that still ensnared you loosened to a soft caress as his fingertips traced your skin. as he did, you came to note that his wasn’t quite as smooth- something akin to glossy ridges.

you didn’t like when he hummed. not because the sound was unbearing, but because of the opposite. the pull wasn’t as powerful as before but there was no denying the source.

“who are you?” he echoed back.

when your eyes narrow, he shoots you a wicked grin full of sharp teeth.

unable to do much else, you offer you name and find yourself surprised when he returns the gesture.

“satoru.”

you try the name for yourself. neither of you can deny that it doesn’t fall quite the same from your lips. your gaze cuts down as he shifts again, revealing the bareness that stopped just short of his waistline. cheeks warming, you decided that his eyes were the lesser evil.

“aren’t you cold?”

satoru’s head tilts at the question. “no … are you?” as if he could check, his thumb brushes against the sensitive side of your ankle. you can’t resist another kick, but he’s more than prepared.

this time however, he doesn’t just hold it down, instead lifting it closer as he inspected your heel.

“these were always peculiar to me. so many little appendages, yet too small to do much.”

these?

as if you enunciate your curiosity, your toes wiggle in response. the action prompts melodious laughter.

“what, and yours are better?”

the old battle of boys vs girls somehow melds into the bizarre situation. as if catching on to the challenge something akin to glee lights up in his eyes as he draws closer. but before he could accept the provocation, another voice breaks into the conversation.

the voice is urgent, worried and carrying your name.

astonished, satoru’s grip loosens enough for you to wiggle out as you scramble to your feet. his eyes narrow as he realizes this and he his arm shoots out to reclaim his prize. this time you’re faster though and step back.

you don’t like the way he rises to this new dare as if he as prepared to intervene if necessary.

“that’s my dad,” you explain, not sure if you should even be telling him this. “ i need to go.”

“no.”

your mind halts at the intensity behind command.

‘’what do you mean no? i’ll get in trouble. i’m already in trouble.”

the waters shift violently behind the boy as he raises onto his elbows as if to present a greater turbulence should you not heed.

troubled, you bit your lips as your father’s voice carries near. it was only a hunch, but something told you that their meeting wouldn’t be a good thing. quickly you scramble for an alternative.

“if you let me go now, i’ll come back and bring you something. its summertime so i have more freedom.”

though you felt your privileges dwindling the longer you lingered.

satoru took too long to consider your offer and you began to question your chances of just running for it.

“fine, but you better be back.”

relief filled your chest as you already turned towards the mouth of the cave.

“yes! i promise. sooner than today though, i wont be able to be out this late again.”

you tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it wasn’t returned. there was distrust in his eyes but he didnt pursue.

“when the sun sets then.” he adjured. and you were but a humble servant on the prince’s shores.

“sunset,” you agreed as you broke into a run.

the moment you broke free of the grotto you crashed into your father’s arms. the relief on his face was evident.

“there you are! why didn’t you answer, we were worried.”

his arms come around you and you realize you’re shaking.

“jesus, you must be freezing. let’s get back before your mother sends out a search party.”

your arms encircle his waist as you let him drag you away. in one ear, you hear him start up a conversation about the neighborhood you had yet to explore to its fullest, tacking on a few names of children who belonged to some of his new coworkers.

in the other, you heard the beginnings of a new song, one that didn’t seem to reach your father. and you didnt know what to do with that information.

sunset came all too soon the next day, the sun lowering just as dinner came to a close. you lingered close to your mother as you finished the last of the dishes. the tasks were dragging longer than needed, but no one would ever complain about them being extra clean.

as you ran a rag over the porcelain you wondered what would happen if you didn’t show up. you couldn’t get the image of those teeth at of your head, the sharp glint gnawing into your dreams last night. they came off as an obvious threat but surely he couldn’t hurt you.

then your mind drifted to that song. the same nameless lyrics that put you in the predicament in the first place. there was no denying that there was something going on there as well. just avoiding the cave wouldn’t be enough.

all that was left was your curiosity, left to simmer under the plague of ‘what if’. the mysterious surrounding satoru wouldn’t leave you until you made good on your promise. the vow becoming something of a vice.

with your mind made up, you turned to your mother.

“do we have any mochi left?”

your parents hesitantly let you out with a curfew. you’d mentioned that you were held up late by a friend last time- to which your father questioned why you hadn’t mentioned it until now. they were obviously worried about your lack of agreeableness to reach out to the other kids so this initiative helped to ease their weariness.

clutching the small container of sweet mango filled dough to your chest, you made your way back to the little cave. the distance traveled was kinder to you this time with shoes as you made haste down the gravel banks.

uncertainty slowed your steps as you approached the widening curve of the stillness pool. depending on how you gauged the sun, you weren’t terribly late. it was technically still sunset.

a mix of disappointment and relief swam in your gut as you came to the conclusion that your new acquaintance hadn’t met their own end of the deal. maybe his parents had also got onto him about being so late.

it was probably for the best anyway.

“what’s that?”

the volume of your scream made even you wince as the tupperware toppled to the ground. turning on your heel, you came face to face with satoru. you never heard the water part at his entrance.

he wore a bored expression but there was a hint of a smile to his lips. this time he didnt scold you for shrieking, too interested in the container that had toppled near the shore.

bringing your hand to your chest, you reasoned that scolding him would be useless. “its mochi.”

for once, it was his tongue that made the words sound off. apparently the rounded desserts werent part of his vocabulary.

carefully easing onto the ground, you brought the container into your lap.

“it’s my surprise. i hope you’re hungry.”

as you cracked the top, satoru move closer, nose twitching as the smell of mango drifted out. your mother had been all too happy to pack all the extras for you to share.

you offered one.

satoru took it carefully, bringing it to his nose for another cautious sniff. you took in the point of his nails as he split the soft dough. he collected the orange the oozed out and brought it to his mouth.

in the span of seconds, he devoured the entire bun in one bite and snatched the remaining from your hands.

“this is good! i’ll excuse your lateness, this time.”

without the weight in your lap, you drew your knees to your chest as you watched on as he greedily ate one after the other. you considered warning him of the stomachache he would endure if he held the pace, but you decided that it would only fall on deaf ears.

instead you ask,” so about those toes?”

it seemed like such a weird question to ask. equally as strange to satoru as he brow pinched. he brought his fingers to his mouth to clear away the stickiness.

“what are those?”

an age old meme resonated within you and you waited with baited breath for him to carry the joke, but only silence drenched the space between you.

pursing your lips, you shake your foot in reminder. “remember? apparently yours were better?”

“oh.” satoru’s lips smacked audibly as he polished off another bun. and as if it was the most natural thing in the world he shifted back, a bright blue tail that matched his eyes broke the surface.

if you were sure before, you were certain he was going to eat you this time.

because you screamed again.

satoru demanded that you bring him mochi everyday from then on for hurting his ears again.

yes, everyday.

there would be multiple days to instil the notion that you had met a mythical creature. you were still trying to assure yourself that you have been awake the whole time.

your parents no longer needed to worry about you making friends, because apparently you’d managed to befriend a merman.

siren, satoru had hissed after bitting into a blueberry mochi. asking your mother to make mochi only worked for the first few visits. eventually her curiosity to win and lead you down a path you weren’t ready to accept yet.

the trail leading to the acceptance that you were conversing with a fishman- boy.

lounging on your blanket, you had come to store little things for comfort around the cave. sunset rolled back a few hours to afternoon and before you knew it you were spending the majority of your days with satoru.

“don’t your parents ever worry about you being gone so long?”

as usual, satoru was eating. he’d already finished the dango you had brought and moved on to the squid you’d turned down with barely restrained disgust. undeterred, he’d only shrugged and proceeded to gnaw off one of the tentacles.

“no.”

and that was that.

so instead you quizzed him on the mythical world you had and most humans were blind to. he talked about submerged cities, described aquatic creatures you could have never dreamed of if you tried and dissuaded your worst fears.

“so you don’t eat humans?”

“no we do. but i don’t want to eat you.”

you waited for the yet but it never came. satoru seemed content consuming whatever sugary treat you brought and sated the rest with whatever he caught swimming by.

Eventually you let go of the imagery of ariel and her seaside romance and began to soak your free time in legends of beautiful sirens of the sea who took pleasure in drowning their victims. every story warned land dwellers from entering the waters, something you had never shown interest in doing nor had satoru pressured you.

“how old are you satoru?”

“how old are you?”

he always did this, answering questions with his own. it came to you that he might just be remaining within your boundaries to keep you from screaming at him again. a fair assumptions, but you were genuinely curious.

“fifteen,” you offered, prepared to have the same response thrown back at you.

“sixteen.”

satoru raised a brow at your suspicion of disbelief. “i think i know how old i am.”

and you couldn’t fault him for that. you just weren’t expecting him to be so young. sure he looked like he could have been a boy at your school aside from the freckled scales and obvious tail.

“i beat you again, by the way.”

his words draw you from your thoughts. “huh?”

he swallows the remainder of a melon bun.

“i’m older. so i win again.”

you roll your eyes.

tail or not, apparently some things are the same.

two weeks have passed before you realize he hasn’t sung for you since that day. the two of you often meet in the morning now, break for lunch and resume in the late evening. as far as your parents are concerned, you’re on the way to making a new best friend which will only be promising for when you start school.

“you act all funny when i sing. its not meant for your pleasure anyway,” he adds.

for once he’s not eating. he’s lying closer to you, tail still dipped under the water but more of his top half is lain out on the shore. when you try to give him a blanket to lie on to put something between himself and the rocks he gives you a funny look but concedes. now watching as he nuzzles into the the fabric of your cotton blanket, you hide a knowing grin.

“but it sounds pretty, toru.”

when you had first tried out the nickname, you had hesitantly rushed it into a sentence. you were growing comfortable with the siren but the dangers were still present. like most things, it didn’t get past him and he grinned smugly but didn’t tease you further than that.

you were grateful for that as it allowed you to become more comfortable with its usage, likely his intention.

he hums in agreement, eyes sliding close as he readjusts. his tail follows the movement lowly, making small ripples.

“can’t you sing in a way that wont affect me?”

satoru’s eyes flash up to you suddenly and your breath catches in your throat at the sudden shift in the mood.

“no, because then it would be bad for me. if i cant control you then i cant drown you.”

you dont bring up how that would also be bad for you.

you dont bring up his singing again.

summer is edging near completion and your parents start to curb your outings.

“you’ll see them more when school starts. if you dont start to getting to bed earlier now you’ll just make it worse for you.”

there is no way for you to explain how it will be harder to approach your situation to satoru. you were knowingly wedging yourself deeper with him. the first day you met him had marked a streak of possessiveness that kept drawing you back in.

you weren’t just his friend.

you were his.

the thing he looked forward to each morning and regretted parting with each afternoon. you knew this for a fact, because you felt it too.

“okay, i’m going to go a little earlier today. then”

your mother lets you go with a short kiss to your temple and a promise that you’ll return for lunch.

satoru took the news about as well as you would expect.

“you can’t go.”

letting your head fall back on your shoulders, you stared up at the small break in the grotto above. “i have to go to school, toru. if i dont go then ill get in trouble and if that happens then i definitely cant come back.”

you know he knows this too. satoru was smart. a species like his didnt survive this long unknown without intelligence.

but then again, he let you in on the secret and it was too early to gauge the genius in that.

you were more comfortable around each other now, legs bare as your feet dipped into the water. satoru still resumed his post on the shore, arms crossed by your hip as the white of his hair brushed against your thighs.

he seemed to still be digesting the news which gave you the opportunity to probe again.

“i mean, surely you have stuff to do as well. what did you do before you met me?”

satoru deflected the question, head lolling to the side to rest against your skin. the slippery surface of the scales littering his cheek always felt like ice chips.

“ate more stupid people.”

you’d asked about this of course. probably worrying your parents when you brought up with questions of drowning in the area. they seemed unsure before your father assured you that they wouldn’t have let you venture so close to the shore if that was a problem.

so if satoru was indeed eating people like he said, it wasn’t from around here.

part of you still felt like there was a bit of myth still lodged in his truth.

“so you can only meet me at sunset again?”

you make a noise of affirmation, hand raising as it hovers over his head. you had never actually touched it before but as it tickled the inside of your thigh the curiosity grew. before you talked yourself out of it, your hand dropped.

his hair was silky, still damp but drying at a reasonable pace. his head moved under the weight of your hand, but it wasn’t to shake it off. you accepted the invitation and weaved your fingers further.

“on most days. with homework i wont be able to everyday like this either.”

his loud groan rumbles against your leg and he slowly slinks back into the water. your hand clenches around the absence.

“for every extra day you’re not here, you better bring me something great.”

its probably time for you to be going anyway.

you go about collecting your things and tucking away what you could. when you finally stand, you trying to shake way the numbness that had settled.

“we should probably figure out days, so you’re not always just here-”

“no need.”

satoru swam on his back for about half a meter, showing off his full length before his slipped under and reemerged at your feet.

“when you come back i’ll be here.”

the two of you managed to meet a few more times before the first day of classes started. satoru was noticeably nicer to you, or atleast as pleasant as he could be. after finally realizing that you had no interest in dead aquatic animals, he began corralling live ones for you to view.

you realized that the two worlds had different names for a lot of things as he listed off various species and colors. you took a few of them with your phone before the idea hit you.

“hey, toru can i take a picture of you?”

he made a face like he might disagree. there was no need to explain the device as you’d already done plenty of show and tell. one of the earlier showings leaving you to soak your phone in rice for two whole days.

eventually he shrugs and you snap a photo immediately after.

the night sky begets a short flash, one that he winces at and moans in protest. but the picture is worth the complaint.

he looks almost like a human boy wading in a pool- aside of the assortment of blueish scales to his cheeks. your only regret in that he’d closed one eye in reaction to the sudden light. there was a light frown to his face too but that was as genuine as it got.

“let me take one of you.”

you were too surprised to deny him, wordlessly handing off your phone with less worry than you probably should have had. he handles it carefully though, biding by your instructions before you too were wincing away from the flash.

the smile you get from him was better than anything you could have captured.

“can i keep it?”

you laugh, “no, toru. but i can make you something you can.”

highschool was hard enough transitioning up with your junior classmates, the challenges of tackling your first year without out them met your expectations but not the worst of them. you learned quickly who to avoid and who you could be amicable with.

being the new girl was an easier pill to swallow when you came equipped with a few stories from your past home. it gained the interest of a few which made a way from conversation to acquaintanceship.

nothing was quite as exciting as your meeting with satoru but that was to be anticipated.

satoru … unfortunately was seen less and less as the weeks went by. your parents were keen on you making a good first impression which meant a heavy emphasis on your school work.

you mother had offered for you to invite your ‘friend’ over more than once, and invitation that had spanned since your early meeting. but the only thing harder than trying to explain that your satoru was a fish was to add that he was also a boy.

your father might actually overlook the former in favor of the latter.

so you were left to visit him on the weekends and thus compiled your allowance to purchase bigger treats and delicacies alike.

his introduction to cake had a been a messy occurrence. naturally he would forgo the fork you brought to dig in with his fingers.

satoru surprised you by asking about your schooling.

“what? it’s not like ive ever been around that many human before. sounds smelly.”

you laugh, because he’s not wrong. you go into detail about your different teachers and classmates, offering vivid retellings that you hadn't even shared with your parents.

satoru hung onto every words, though not without crass comments and frequent jokes, his attention sent something new aflutter within you.

“i can’t believe the year is almost over, toru.”

your hair is getting wet but you can’t be bothered to care. the two of you are resting from opposite directions with your heads on the bank. your eyes are trained on the pink hues above but your cognitive of satoru’s warmth and the feeling of his breath fanning against your cheek.

it was nearing a year. a full eight months at your new school and a solid nine of knowing satoru. you were already planning something for your year anniversary.

friends did that, right? it wasn’t weird just because he was a boy.

speaking of boy, it didnt escape your knowledge that he was changing as time passed as well. he still held onto his boyish features but there was something different.

“did i miss your birthday?”

“huh?” the question surprises even him as he tilts his head to look at you.

time has made you better about not getting lost in his eyes, but it doesnt stop you from looking. not even the night sky can dim the ethereal shine.

your shoulder shrugs against him, “you know, when you get a year older? you told me you were sixteen so obviously those add up.”

he blinks,”oh, yeah i’m already seventeen.”

you dont expect the shock to be painful. when you sudden sit up, satoru makes a sound of protest but you ignore it in favor of leaning over him.

“you had a birthday and you didnt tell me?”

“i was here, you werent.”

he said it so matter of factly, as if it didnt pierce your heart with another blade.

you dont notice the tears until the first drop meets his cheek. satoru recoils immediately face pulled in confusion.

“why are you crying? you were at school.”

you knew you were a blubbering mess, snot slinging as you rub the back of your hand against your face uselessly. why was he so indifferent about it? did he not want you to celebrate with him?

“that doesn’t mean that i wouldn’t want to celebrate with you? am i not your friend, toru?”

satoru sits up at your question, rising to a height taller even as you sat side by side. you feel the gravel crumbling away from his palm before the skin of his hand. he doesnt seem to care about the wetness as his hand combs back to tuck away your hair.

“youre my everything.”

it feels like it should be taken more seriously but the moment is cut short when he pulls away, huffing as he rinses his hand off in the water.

“if you want to make it up to me, bring me something you’ve never brought me before.”

and then he smiles and your heart grows three times bigger.

you beg your parents to take you back home to sendai that weekend under the precipice of seeing your old friends.

the next day you bring back kikufuku.

satoru says he’ll forgives you for the next five birthdays.

you can only hope for more.

as summer approaches again, so does your birthday. your parents had conveniently waited until two weeks after before laying out the news of your move. last year you celebrated with old friends, and this year some new.

you still received some gifts from sendai. a plethora of little plushies and memories from the past. your new friendships here offered to throw you a small party, all gathered on your porch as you mother cut the cake.

you leaned into the kiss she life at the crown of your head, thanking her again for all the arrangements.

“i wish your summer friend could have come.”

“i plan to meet them later so it’s okay!”

after seeing your distress about birthdays, satoru had made a note to take them more seriously this time. he didn’t care if you had school, demanding that you come to the grotto before the day ended.

with a laugh you assured him that you were free and would meet at your usual time. it felt selfish to accept all your gifts and still crave whatever satoru had in store for you. much like you offered him, he promised to give you something new as well.

he gave you plenty of things over the past few months, aside from knowledge, an exchange of different shells and things lost at sea. you were growing a nice little collection in your room.

before leaving that evening after seeing off your friends, you took the time to make room on your shelf, prepared to add your new edition when you got home.

a late additional gift from your parents was a reprieve on your curfew, as long as you didn’t push the limits too far.

equipped with the best day ever that was only going to get better, you dashed towards the cave.

satoru had already drug out one of your blankets and spread it out for you.

“had a good day?”

with a giddy grin, you plopped down next to him. “the best!”

he smiles back, hand reaching out to caresses your cheek. you lean into the touch without prompting. there was no doubt that he could feel the light buzz of anticipation under your skin. the sound of his laughter confirmed it.

you bit your lips to try to contain it better as he took his time easing out of the water. you watched as the scales of his tail shimmered as he brought himself to sit next to you. for awhile the two of you just sat there as the sun dipped lower into the horizon.

and then satoru parted his lips.

and sang.

you dont know anything about siren songs or have any hymn books to follow but there was something different about this song. satoru was always hesitant to speak about the songs, not at all interested in delving into the history.

you were starting to wonder if this was why.

there was no longer a sensation of compulsion. the strings that had tugged you to his doorstep all those months ago. this song dipped into your veins and soaked you in everything that was satoru but also a bit of yourself. this wordless song felt like a mixture of you both.

it was both of you.

“toru…”

the song didnt stop as his face neared. his nosed brushed along the curve of your jaw and your head tilts up on instinct. its an invitation that he accepts full heartily as he continues to mouth the sound against the column of your throat.

the warmth under your skin felt as though it was burning when it came in contact with his constrasting temperature.

for the first time, his song was audible. the a single word as his lips brushed against yours.

your name.

the sensation of his chilled lips against yours prompted goosebumps- but the good kind you decided as you leaned in.

#gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #Jujutsu Kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo blessings

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 3 years

Text

Soulmate September

Series Summary- a collection of one shots exploring different ships and au concepts. The list I created and am following can be found here.

Day Three: A Storm of Stars

Summary: Soul tattoos don’t fill in until the other person knows without a doubt that their partner is the one, when everything they are become so ingrained in each other’s lives that their souls become entwined. For Virgil and Logan, this doesn’t happen until well after they’ve been married. When the moments do arrive however, they both know they could never be happier.

Warnings: none, If there are any please let me know!

Ships: Analogical (Virgil x Logan)

Prompt: Tattoo that becomes colorful once you meet soulmate

WC: 2645

AO3

Logan’s eyes snapped open as a loud crack of thunder shook the house, rain pelting against the roof and making the tiles creak. His popping joints added to the symphony as he stretched his way into a sitting position. Reaching over to the bedside drawer he fumbled a bit before finding the small remote and clicking on the web of fairy lights strung in the far corner, immediately bathing the room in a pleasant blue glow. He flipped his pillow over to the cool side and took a second to fluff the other pillow a bit, moving it over to be closer to his and smoothing the bedsheets.

The motions were automatic after so many years of practice, going back to he and Virgil’s first sleepover when they were still guaranteed a juicebox and cookies after school. It had stormed then too, Logan waking up to find his bed crowded with a shaking Virgil and his trusty stuffed tiger, who though was quite courageous had realized she was no match for a storm and had convinced her charge to seek shelter with Logan instead. Smiling softly at the memory Logan settled down to wait. He knew as his husband had grown older he wasn’t afraid of storms anymore so much as his anxiety ran with endless possibilities of what they could do to them or the house- which Logan was often inclined to agree with but played his role of devil’s advocate for the sake of Virgil’s well-being.

Right as he was beginning to wonder if he should leave to go and collect Virgil, the floorboards in front of his door squeaked in protest. A moment later a figure bulky with sweatpants and a hoodie slouched into the room, quickly shutting the door behind him and practically diving into the bed and under the blankets. The bed springs creaked along with the roof tiles as they both fidgeted and fussed trying to get comfortable, Logan biting back a small laugh as Virgil nosed his way underneath his chin. His soft hair tickled Logan’s lips as he pressed a kiss to the top of his head and wrapped his arms around him. Finally they were still, Virgil’s breathing slowly matching his own as he made sure to take deep calming breaths.

The rain was already quieting, the storm moving on and leaving the two night owls to their bubble of peaceful warmth. Logan readjusted slightly as Virgil snuggled in further, hoodie sleeves riding up as he snaked his arms around his waist in an attempt to pull them closer. Logan did laugh at this, planting another kiss firmly on the other’s forehead.

“I think if you squeezed any tighter we’d fuse, stormcloud. How are we supposed to compose an email when our absence excuse would be cuddling too hard?”

“No such thing,’” Virgil mumbled. “I’ll cuddle you as hard as I want and they’re just gonna haftadealwibit.”

The last half of the sentence trailed off into near indecipherable gibberish but Logan understood well enough. “You are exceptionally adorable when you’re tired. As much as I hate that storms cause you anxiety, I'm glad that nothing else has changed.”

He grinned as the side of his neck where Virgil’s face was pressed against warmed and quietly congratulated himself through the disappointment that he couldn’t currently see Virgil’s crimson face. ‘Still got it’ he thought to himself as he wiggled a bit to try and find a comfortable spot where Virgil’s rather bony arms weren’t poking into his ribs, failing miserably until he managed a sigh. “I’m sorry stormcloud, I’m getting a bit of a cramp. Why don’t you lay on top of me instead; that’s comfortable for you as well isn’t it?”

Humming in confirmation, Virgil leaned back and let Logan flip onto his back. A moment later he let out a small groan of surprise as Virgil flopped solidly onto him, burrowing into his chest and holding Logan tight by his sides. Smiling, he brought the blankets up over them both and carefully tucked them in, bringing his arms out and resting them on Virgil’s shoulders to make sure it didn’t slide off.

“Thank you for always doing this.” Logan scrunched his brow at the frustrated tone in Virgil’s voice. “And don’t you dare say ‘why wouldn’t I’ because you always ask and I always say it’s because I’m too old to be afraid of storms and then you logic your way around me because I’m too tired to argue. This is just something I always thought I’d grow out of.”

“Sometimes we grow out of fears, sometimes not. The ones that linger aren’t something you can help or should blame yourself for.” Getting no response other than a frustrated huff, Logan continued, beginning to hum and rub soothing circles on his back. “Whether the fear is rational or not- and whether or not the threat is real- I will always be here to protect and support you however you need. Seeing as I’m not exactly in the best shape for fighting crime or fending off rabid dogs, comforting you through a storm is something that I love that I’m able to do. And I will continue to love doing it because I love you and would rather you be here with me seeking comfort than by yourself too stubborn to ask for help.”

“Logan?”

“Yes, Virgil?”

“You’re making it really hard to be edgy and self-deprecating right now.”

“Heaven forbid.”

Virgil snorted, knocking the top of his head gently into Logan’s chin until Logan sighed in mock exasperation, craning his neck to kiss him softly on the forehead so he’d settle back down. As he laid his head back down onto his chest a warm, tingling sensation spread from underneath Virgil’s cheek and covered his collar bone and part of his shoulder. Gasping he nudged the other up, poking more insistantly when the stubborn emo refused to disentangle himself. Ignoring Virgil’s confused look as he made to pull off his shirt he practically whipped it across the room and placed a hand to his soul mark, eyes shining as he took in the sight.

His mark had always looked so odd to him, big blobs of shapes over his right shoulder and collar bone with jagged black scars streaking from them and down his chest. He could never even begin to picture what it could be, though a friend suggested once that it might be a warped forest of some sort, doubtful as his tone had been. Instead, his warm fingers traced over jagged streaks of lightning, such a bright purple they nearly glowed in the dark. The blobs above them had filled in with every shade of gray he had ever seen, broken occasionally by shadows of purple and blue where the lightning was. It was unexpectedly beautiful, his vision blurring with tears as he realized what this meant.

“I always knew.” He looked up as Virgil spoke in a hushed whisper. “I always- but you just felt so safe and you never...you always make me feel better about it and so safe and I guess-”

Logan opened his arms and Virgil gratefully dove back into them, catching his cheek with a kiss on the way down. They resettled quickly, the rain nothing more than a gentle patter against the roof letting them rest easy. Cracking an eye open, Logan strained to look down as Virgil laughed and held him tighter.

“Of all the things that keep me up at night, I’m so glad I was right about this.”

Logan smiled and hugged him closer in turn. “I agree.”

----- -----

Virgil sat up slowly, blanket falling from his shoulders and pooling around his waist as he struggled to cross his legs in the tangle. After a minute of failing miserably he huffed and flopped back, kicking both legs up as far as they would go while catching the blanket on the bottom of his feet and then kicking forward violently to dislodge them. Unfortunately the trick failed, landing more fabric between his legs and scrunching his pants uncomfortably in the process. Scissoring his legs just twisted everything around more and by the time he was halfway through attempting bicycles the situation was hopeless enough he considered just going back to sleep and dealing with it when he woke up. He had closed his eyes to do just that when he heard a muffled snort from the doorway, picking his head up to peer at Logan through squinted eyelids.

“Would you like some assistance?” Logan asked while making a half-hearted attempt to school his features.

Huffing, Virgil flopped his head back onto the pillows. “Clearly I have everything under control.”

“Falsehood. Your wiggling was very impressive but the blankets quite obviously won in the end. Was falling back to sleep after a ten hour nap and a failed battle the plan from the start?”

“No one likes a smartass Lo.”

“And yet your love for me persists.” Smiling lightly, Logan made his way to the side of the bed and climbed on, swinging his legs up and over Virgil’s stomach and plopped down gently with his hands splayed over his chest. Grunting out pseudo complaints Virgil reached up and took both of the hands in his own, giving each a kiss in turn before settling them back just below his collarbones. The sight of Logan blushing- bright enough to be visible even in the dim room- was one he would never grow tired of.

“Illogical as it may be.” He agreed. “Is that why you love your darling husband? I’m your most difficult logic puzzle that’s guaranteed to last a lifetime?”

Logan rolled his eyes. “No, that’s absurd. I love my husband because a pain in the ass though he may be- he’s a constant I find myself unable to live without.”

Feeling his own face heating up Virgil longed for his hoodie to hide in, especially once Logan’s expression turned smug from rendering him speechless. “Logan, it’s much too early for you to be this smooth.”

“Virgil, my love, it’s seven in the evening.”

Virgil blinked. “Wow. you weren’t kidding when you said ten hour nap.”

“I never kid. It’s important to be one hundo percent, one hundo percent of the time.”

“Who gave you that one?”

“Patton.”

“Yeah, maybe don’t trust the dad-friend for flashcards, starlight.’

Flushing slightly, Logan disentangled their fingers and rolled off the bed. “Duly noted. Now please get up, we have plans.”

“We do- ah!” Virgil found himself face down in his pillow, having flipped around with Logan’s rather aggressive flourish of snapping the blankets out from around his legs. Remembering that they had, in fact, had plans for the night, Virgil rolled out of bed as quickly as he could with apologies already hot on his tongue. “Logan I’m so sorry I thought that was tomorrow and I had stayed up late for stupid reasons and I hope we aren’t running late do I have time to change-”

“Virgil, breathe.” Logan cupped a hand to his cheek and gently ran a thumb under his eye. “I assure you we have plenty of time and I’m very glad you got the sleep you did. I would have liked you up earlier only to see your lovely face and to make sure your sleep schedule wasn’t ruined. But if you slept that long you must have needed it, and I certainly am not going to fault you for that.”

Closing his eyes, Virgil took a breath and held it for a second before breathing out slowly. Logan’s hand left his cheek and he caught himself leaning forward to chase the warmth, his resulting blush filling that void for the time being.

“Do what you need and then come in the kitchen; I made fried noodles.”

More awake now than ever Virgil hurried to the bathroom. Logan’s cooking was the best he had ever had and he’d be damned if he was late for noodles.

-----

A cool breeze rustled through the thick grass and flipped over the corner of the blanket Logan and Virgil had set up an hour before. Sputtering, Virgil flipped it back from his face, spitting bits of dandelion fluff out of his mouth in the process while pointedly ignoring Logan’s snicker. He pushed his hoodie closer to the corner to prevent further mishap and snuggled closer to his husband for warmth, head resting comfortably on one arm with his other wrapped around Logan’s shoulders.

Logan lay on his side with his head on his shoulder, the bottom of his cheek pressed into the still black soulmark that traced a shapeless blob from the top of his elbow to the nape of his neck. Soulmarks filled in based on the other soulmates feelings- when they truly felt like they had found the one. Of course that was a romantic conspiracy for the most part and to Virgil it seemed to go against the entire idea of fate. If you could choose your own, then what was the point of the marks?

Choosing not to think about it for the time being, he continued staring up at the sky. The night was clear and this far out not much light pollution tainted their view of everything the night had to offer. Stars glittered for miles with barely there colorful space dust in between if you squinted. Logan had told him what it actually was once- something about it being high temperature nebula gas absorbing starlight- Logan had explained it much better in the past.

Logan always explained everything better.

“You’re quiet tonight.” Logan remarked.

“I’m sorry- just thinking.”

“Mm, don’t be sorry.”

They laid in silence for a few more minutes before Virgil decided to speak up. “They always make me feel really small- stars I mean- and I know I am small compared to everything but all that just leads to...existential dread I guess. Seeing everything laid out, it’s beautiful, but it’s also a bit daunting.”

“Virgil, if you’re uncomfortable-”

“Lemme finish first before you do the sweet thing you do where you overanalyze everything for the sake of everyone else’s comfort.” Seeing Logan smile and roll his eyes he continued. “I always feel small looking at them, but it never matters because you make me feel big. Like I could take on the entire world even when the anxiety’s being a bitch.”

He felt Logan smile against his arm...and then it started to tingle. Tiny pinpricks raced up and down his arms from his shoulder to his neck and he quickly disentangled himself and started blindly slapping at his mark to get whatever bugs off that had decided to ruin the moment. Noticing Logan had his mouth covered with his eyes wide in shock staring at his arm he quickly looked down and gasped with his own.

His unsightly black blob of a soulmark, which he had long ago stopped trying to guess at the shape of, was now a glittering galaxy. Striking blue and dark purple swirled in intricate patterns behind stars that shined so brightly on his skin he would swear they had been plucked from the night sky and flicked onto him. The tingling finally stopped, the whole field seeming to hold its breath along with the both of them before Logan finally broke the silence with a hoarse whisper.

“In an entire universe I found you.” Snapping his head up, Virgil saw tears gathering in his husband’s eyes. “I was sure I already knew but- I’m so happy I found you.”

Laughing wetly Virgil dove forward, knocking them both over and half in the grass but neither could bring themselves to care. Under the stars, with Virgil himself wrapped in a galaxy, he had never been so happy to have an impossibly small space in Logan’s arms to call his own.

If you like this, please consider reblogging. Sharing a creators work helps more people see it.

#false writes #sander sides #soulmate september #ts soulmate september #virgil sanders #logan sanders #analogical #my witing

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houseof-harry · 3 years

Text

Christmas Miracle | G.D.

A/N - anddddddd I’m back! Idk why, but I thought it was necessary for us to have a cheesy ass, Hallmark ass one shot that is filled with all the fluff and cuteness. So I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday moment and you enjoy the disgusting fluff I’m offering up

Word Count - 7.4k

Summary - Christmas in New York can be seen in one of two ways. It’s the most magical time of the year, snow falling, lights glimmering, joy rampant in the air. Or, the influx of tourists and people trying to sell you things ruins the entire month of December. Y/n tends to lean towards the latter. That is, until she get’s her Christmas miracle.

***

Your friends were lucky you loved them.

When they had first brought up the idea of you showing them around New York City during one of the most popular times of the year for tourism, you shut them down immediately. The holidays were difficult enough without leading around a group of lost puppies who would be acting like they had never seen Christmas lights before.

But they were convincing people, and were quick to offer you the many ways in which they could brighten your few weeks at home and possibly even change your view of the last few weeks of the year.

So, as you balanced finals and all of your other responsibilities as the semester came to an end, you and your friends planned out a trip through NYC that could honestly make a pretty decent Hallmark movie. They even convinced you to spend New Years in Time Square, despite your continued protest. You never saw the appeal of being packed into small gated areas for hours with a bunch of strangers to watch a ball drop, but they claimed that it was necessary to get the full experience. You also bargained that you would get to pick where spring break was if you went through with all of their plans.

You never liked feeling like Scrooge, but the holidays never brought positive memories back for you. Everything felt somewhat fraudulent to you. Fake smiles, meaningless gifts, ignoring the happenings of the rest of the year to act as though family was more important than anything, everyone suddenly devout Christians. You were a big advocate of always being true to who you are, and how you feel, year round. Not just when it is socially expected to do so in some performative, public way that puts up the facade that your life couldn’t be better.

You hoped your friends were right, that they could change the way you felt about the holidays. That maybe it would somehow feel more genuine with them.

So far, they've had some almost successful attempts. You indulged in gingerbread cookies, wore your fluffy winter jacket as you walked around with them to shop for your secret santa. You could even feel a bit of excitement as you picked out the perfect gift for Gia. She’d always say how much she loved leather watches, that she hoped to be able to afford one after graduation to wear to her first job. The smooth brown band you picked out earlier in Saks sat safely in your bag as you led everyone to one of the main attractions of their visit.

Soon enough, the massive, lit up tree came into view.

“Welcome to Rockefeller Center,” you announce as you turn to face everyone, hands held out as you watch them marvel at the scene in front of them, a scene they’ve only seen through screens.

“Wow,” Colin mutters under his breath. You swear you can see the lights from behind you twinkling in their eyes, and you can understand better why they wanted to come on this trip. Maybe you had become a bit numb to the Christmas happenings of the city after so many years of being around it. The obvious wonder on everyone’s faces made you wish you could see the tree for the first time all over again.

You turn to walk forward, afraid of bumping into the swarms of people that stand between you and the tree. As you do so, you feel Gia’s arm wrap around your shoulder to fall in step next to you.

“I knew we’d be able to get a smile on your face,” she teases as her free hand comes to your face to squeeze your cheeks.

You chuckle, wrapping your arm around her waist to keep her close as you squeeze your way through the crowd to get closer to the tree. “Just because I hate the holidays, doesn’t mean I don’t like seeing you guys happy. Even if it’s for a stupid tree.”

“It’s not stupid and you know it.”

You let out a dramatic sigh, your rebuttal interrupted when you hear a squeal from behind you.

“We need a family picture in front of it!”

You turn around at Jo’s request to see her already getting her camera out from under her jacket.

“Here, I’ll take some,” you offer, holding your hand out.

“But then you won’t be in it,” she pouts.

“I have so many pictures of myself in front of this tree, I don’t need any more.”

She huffs, but knows you’re too stubborn to change your mind. She turns back to your group, who now stand in front of you, positioning everyone next to each other.

You bring the camera up to your face, making sure to get everyone in the frame, along with the tree. You start taking pictures of your friends, and you can’t stop the smile that spread across your face as you watch them genuinely enjoy the moment.

“I can take pictures of all of you if you want,” a gruff voice comes from your left, and your attention goes from the camera to the person standing close to you now.

Your eyes have to drag up from the man’s chest, him having a significant height advantage over you. He has a five o’clock shadow that covers his chin, a sharp jawline underneath. His smile shows off his white teeth, that same smile causing the corners of his eyes to wrinkle. Those same warm eyes are looking at you still, waiting for a response.

“Uh, I don’t-”

“Yes!” Jo responds for you, swinging her hand at the two of you standing there.

He holds his hands out, and you carefully place the expensive camera in his hands.

“Don’t drop it.”

He nods at your command as he inspects the buttons.

“Or steal it.”

This breaks his attention from the camera, his smile spreading wider as he chuckles. “I won’t.”

You let out a huff as you nod once, crossing your arms and turning to walk to your friends. You go to the end of the line, tucking yourself under Colin’s arm.

“Don’t drool all over me.”

You scoff, looking up at him. “What?”

“You’ve got heart eyes for our photographer, I’m surprised you couldn’t feel your jaw dragging on the floor as you came over here.”

“Shut up,” you mumble, hitting his chest as he laughs at you.

“Stop talking and smile!” Jo chastises, and you listen in the hopes of Colin dropping it.

You look back at the man who has the camera, and feel your cheeks blush as you make eye contact with him. You opt to look at the camera instead, trying to forget the fact that his eyes were undeniably on you.

He snaps a bunch of pictures of you guys, and as the mom friends Jo even made you do what she deems a “silly” one.

Once Jo is satisfied, she runs up to him, grabbing the camera with a quick and uninterested ‘thanks’ as she immediately starts scrolling through the pictures. Everyone gathers around, laughing and pointing at each other on the tiny screen.

“Thank you,” you say, standing next to him as you watch your friends leaning over Jo’s shoulder.

“No problem,” he smiles, also watching your group. “I hope they’re good enough for a Christmas card.”

You laugh, probably too loudly for how lame of a comment it was, but he seems to appreciate it.

You shake your head. “Knowing Jo, I’ll have an entire book of pictures by the end of this that she’ll insist I keep on my coffee table the rest of my life.”

He chuckles, his hands sliding into the pockets of his jacket. He’s got a beanie covering his ears, and you can’t help but notice he looks better in it than you ever could.

“It’s nice having friends that feel like family. I’m glad you get to have them around for the holidays.”

It’s weird how that comment seems to sit with you. He knows nothing about you, but he’s right. How he knew you needed to hear that, you don’t know.

“Yeah,” you nod, biting your lip as you take in a breath through your nose to ground yourself. “Thanks again, uh…”

“Grayson.” One of his hands leaves his pockets, hanging in the air between the two of you. You take it, letting his fingers fold around your own hand. His skin is warm against yours, a nice change to the cool winds that have been gusting around you the entire day.

He raises his brow at you, and for a second you don’t know what he wants. He keeps your hand engulfed in his, and it hits you that he’s waiting to hear your name.

“Y/N.”

“Y/N,” he says, almost testing it out as he lets your hand drop. “I like that.”

You giggle, your cheeks blushing as you realize the involuntary reactions he’s pulling from you. You’re not a giggler.

“Yo Gray!” Another deep voice comes from over your shoulder, and you turn to see someone who could be a clone of the man standing in front of you. “We gotta go.”

You’re not sure if you make up the sigh you think you hear come from his lips, hoping he was disappointed he had to leave, too.

“I hope you like the pictures.”

And as suddenly as he had appeared next to you, you were watching him jog over back to his own group of people as they disappeared behind the crowd.

“Don’t worry,” Colin’s grip was on your shoulder again as he stepped next to you. “Love is in the air this Christmas season. If it’s not him, it’s someone.”

“I’m Jewish.”

“And Christmas is barely about being Christian anymore. Everyone gets some Christmas joy.”

“Yeah, whatever,” you shake your head, leaning into him a bit. You appreciated his positivity, despite your pessimism. If Christmas miracles were real, your life would have played out very differently.

***

Cold.

That was all you could feel, think, see.

After your adventure at the tree, you planned to go ice skating. You had to, according to Jo. It would be a waste to be there and not go.

When you tried to get out of it, claiming to want to keep Kam company seeing as he had an ankle injury and couldn’t skate, everyone including Kam called you on your shit and made you get out on the ice.

Which you were pretty sure they were regretting now.

You’d never been confident on the ice, only skating a few times in your life. You couldn’t leave the edge, holding onto the side for dear life as you moved slowly around the rink. Your friends took shifts staying with you the rest skating at a more reasonable pace as they continued to lap you.

That is, until Colin and Gia start arguing about who’s better and decide to race, Jo trailing behind them to make sure they don’t knock any children down.

Despite your tight grip on the wall, without the help of your friends your balance fails you and before you knew what was happening, your feet were flailing beneath you. You’re surprised the ice didn’t crack as you fell, your body colliding with the cold, hard ice as your hand trailed down the wall.

You laid there a moment, partially in shame but mainly from the exhaustion of trying to keep yourself upright. You only open your eyes when you hear a chuckle from above you. When you do open them, however, you’re met with an unexpected sight.

“You alright?”

That same charming smile was looking down at you, Grayson’s hand held out in front of him in an offer to help you up.

You scramble to sit up, taking his hand, the other going to the ice as you start to slowly stand up. What you don’t expect is the amount of force he would use to help you, feeling the tug on your arm as he quickly gets you back to your feet.

It’s so quick that you can’t seem to get your footing, your skates scrambling on the slick ice again. Before you can take another tumble, though, his hand is leaving yours as you feel his grip on your waist. He manages to steady you, your palms resting on his chest to do your best to stay still for a moment. Your breathing is a bit jagged as you try to collect your thoughts, your brain jumbled from the events of the past minute, the close proximity to Grayson not helping.

“Uh.” Your mind is racing a mile a minute in order to catch up to where you were right now. Still against Grayson’s body, his face close to yours with a concerned look. His eyes seem to be tracking your own expressions as he tries to figure out if you’re hurt. “Yeah, think I’m good.”

You lean back against the wall, and he takes it as a sign to let go of you. Despite your multiple layers that separated your skin from his hands, you somehow feel a bit colder without him touching you.

“Bit of a hard fall there.”

“Yeah,” you chuckle, nodding your head as you flush, realizing he saw the whole thing happen. “I’m not the best skater.”

“Interested in a lesson?” He holds his hand out to you.

You raise your brow, not moving from the safety of the wall. “You want to teach me?”

“Yeah, Y/N.”

You’re not sure why hearing your name from his mouth unprompted affected you so much, but you felt almost as if you were in a trance. It was like you couldn’t control yourself anymore, your hand falling easily into his.

“Why?”

For the first time since you met him, Grayson seemed to be a bit flustered. “I, uh, think it’s important everyone knows how to skate. It’s definitely a life skill,” he justifies, nodding and pursing his lips. “Plus, I used to play hockey. So I know what I’m doing.”

“I’m not looking to learn how to body someone on ice.”

His laughter is loud as he leans forward a bit, his body closer to yours once again. His grip on your hand tightens, and it’s suddenly hard to believe you’ve gone your whole life without hearing him laugh. You can’t help your own laughter that falls from your lips in response to him, your eyes unable to leave his face.

“I’m just gonna teach you how to not fall,” he reassures through his smile. “I’ve seen people get seriously hurt falling.”

The reminder of possible injuries not only makes you aware of the dull ache you were feeling from your most recent fall, but also of the fact you were far away from the door of the rink.

Grayson notices the change in your attitude, his smile quickly fading. “Or I can just help you off the ice.”

His voice brings you back to reality as you take in a breath and look up at him. Despite the fear bubbling inside of you, the tendinitis in your joints screaming for you to stop, you can’t help but think about what Colin said before. Maybe this was your Christmas miracle.

“No, you’re right. It’s totally a life skill.”

The corners of his mouth turn up as nods before situating himself sideways next to you. “Alright, first things first you gotta remember to bend your knees.”

You uneasily push your body off the wall, your hand still gripping it. “Actually, first things first I have to turn the right direction.”

He chuckles and nods, standing there expectantly. You realize he’s waiting for you to do it yourself.

“I don’t know how.”

“Oh.” He switches his hands so you’re holding one farther from you. His now free arm reaches around your waist. “Can I?”

You nod, and you feel his firm grip on you once again. As soon as he starts to maneuver you, you squeal, tightening your hand on his as your other flies from the wall to cover his grip on your jacket.

“Sorry,” you mumble. “I’m not usually such a little bitch.”

He laughs, and that’s when you realize how close you are again. You can feel his warm breath on the side of your face, and you can’t bring yourself to look at him in fear of totally freezing from making eye contact. You can’t remember the last time someone made you feel so nervous yet so comfortable at the same time.

“You’re not a little bitch, you’re just getting used to the ice. You’ll be lapping me in no time.”

It’s your turn to laugh as you shake your head. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I’m pretty sure my only goal should be to not eat shit.”

“We got this, then.”

Surprisingly enough, you guys managed to stay standing the whole time. After your first lap around, and partially to your disappointment, you were able to skate without his arm around you, the only support you needed coming from holding his hand and the occasional grip of the wall. The only time you came close to falling was when he taught you how to pick up speed, but even then you managed to stay on your feet.

What caught you most off guard, however, was how easily being around him was. Somehow it felt like you had known each other for years, your comfort level increasing every minute you spent together. You were able to laugh together, never a dull or quiet moment as he continued to guide you around the rink. You lost track of where your friends even were, nevermind how the lights around the rink were seemingly getting brighter as the sun went down.

“So who was that guy from before that looked like you?”

“My twin brother Ethan.”

At this point you two were skating at a normal speed, staying close to the wall for your sanity, but the only support you needed was him holding your hand.

“You guys are close?”

“Oh my god,” he laughs, shaking his head. You look over at him, smiling as you watch him try and put into words what he wants to explain. “Probably too close. We do everything together.”

“That’s gotta be nice, though.”

“It is. It’s good to always have someone like that,” he agrees. “Do you have any siblings?”

You nod, looking forward again. “Yeah, two brothers.”

“So you already know how to body people, it was just the on ice part you struggled with.”

You laugh. “Exactly, you just caught me in my moment of weakness.”

“Oh, so you would have bodied me otherwise?”

You look back over at him, letting your gaze go up and down his body as if you’re sizing him up. “Totally.”

Before he can respond, your body is being jerked as you feel Gia’s arm fall over your shoulder. You grip Grayson’s hand hard to stay standing.

“As much as I hate to be the party pooper, I’ve gotta steal you away. Jo’s freaking about us being late for the dinner res.”

Both Grayson and Gia stop skating, but you move forward with the momentum you had built up. Stopping hadn’t been a part of the day's lesson.

You fall backwards between the grip they both had on you. You’re not even sure what your hands start reaching for as you flail around, expecting the cold of the ice under your body just like before.

Instead, you feel two strong arms under you. When you open your eyes, Grayson’s face is so close to yours you’re sure you would see any imperfections if he had them. His eyebrows are high on his forehead as he searches your face just like last time, looking for a status update.

“Oh my god, I’m totally ruining the Christmas miracle right now, aren’t I?”

Grayson does what he can to keep a straight face due to the concern he still had for you, but he can’t stop the snort that comes from him as you groan and cover your face in embarrassment from Gia’s comment.

“Giovannina, I swear on my life, I will literally-”

“I’m sorry!” Grayson stands you back up making sure you’re steady on your feet before letting go of you. “Jo’s got her murder eyes, you know the ones, and she’s been looking forward to this restaurant all week and we waited as long as possibly because-” she looks at Grayson. “You seem fabulous, truly. So cute. But,” she looks back at you, puppy dog eyes fully activated. “You know how Jo gets.”

You let out a sigh, nodding your head. “I do.”

She sheepishly holds her hands out for you, and you bregudgely take them, making sure you exaggerate your frustrations. It’s not Gia’s fault, or even Jo’s that your time with Grayson had to get cut short, but that doesn’t mean you won’t throw a fit about it.

“Thank you for finally teaching her how to skate. She’s a woman of many talents, but being on ice is not one of them,” Gia chuckles, her smile genuine but your annoyance only building. Gia’s intentions are always pure, but god damn she was a bad wingman.

Fortunately, Grayson smiles in agreement as he looks at you. “It was a rough beginning, but I think you’ve got potential.” He nudges your shoulder with his lightheartedly, but you tense in fear of falling over.

“Sure, lots of potential,” you mumble, letting Gia slowly start to pull you to the exit.

“Hey, is there any way I could-”

“Y/N!”

You all turn to see Jo standing in front of Colin and Kam, and you’re pretty sure you can also see the vein popping out of the side of her neck in distress as she tries to rush you along. You make a mental note to figure out who has her for secret santa to tell them to get her a voucher to a spa.

You turn back to look at Grayson, both of you standing there somewhat speechless, not sure what to say and not wanting to speak over the other.

“Thanks for looking out for her again!” Gia interrupts, tugging you along and forcing you to turn back around.

You let her pull you along in silence, disappointment quickly settling in the pit of your stomach.

This wasn’t you. You were very intentional with who you let in your life, and even more intentional with who you liked. You were notoriously single, always prioritizing everything and everyone before putting yourself in a position to get hurt. You let rationality rule, emotions only ever proving to cause pain and heartbreak.

So why the fuck were you so caught up in Grayson?

***

You did your best to not think about him, the illusive man you met one day two weeks ago. You had so much to distract yourself with, too. Between the Christmas celebration you guys did, the other activities Jo had planned around the city, and just spending time with people you loved, you should have been able to forget Grayson in a day, go back to how life was before he offered to take pictures for you.

Even Jo picked up on how you were off. You were going through with every stupid craft or activity she made you do, without a complaint. She knew something was up.

Which is why she conceded on one of her biggest wishes, one she knew you were not looking forward to.

“So I found us a house party for New Years.”

You look up from your phone at her declaration, brows furrowed. “What?”

“Instead of going out on the street for New Years, we’ll go to a party in one of the apartments nearby.” She’s got everyone's attention now, Kam pausing the show on the TV to listen. “We’ll still be able to see the ball drop, but we’ll be inside.”

“How’d you find a party? Those apartments are mad nice, only rich people live in them.”

“You know how my sister’s out in LA trying to be a model?”

You nod.

“Well, it’s kind of working. She’s gotten herself a group of influencer friends, successful ones. They’re here for New Year’s, so she got us on the list.”

“Holy shit,” Gia mutters.

“Is Madison Beer gonna be there?” Kam asks.

You laugh, shaking your head. “Dude, even if she is, there’s no way she’d fuck you.”

Kam scoffs, flipping you off. “Don’t be an ass just because your Christmas miracle was a fail. Some of us don’t hate the world.”

“There’s no such thing as Christmas miracles, Kam. Plus, it’s past Christmas.”

“Alright, alright,” Colin interrupts, holding his hands up between the two of you. “First off,” he points at you. “Christmas miracles are definitely real, you’re just a Grinch. And,” he turns to point at Kam. “Madison Beer is way out of your fucking league.”

“Ha!”

“However,” Colin cuts you off. “If she did fuck you, I would classify that as a Christmas miracle because it is still holiday time and therefore the rules of Christmas miracles still apply.”

You throw your hands up in confusion, but Jo beats you to it. “What are the rules of Christmas Miracles?”

“Oh jesus,” you mumble under your breath as Colin sits up straighter and clears his throat.

“The rules are as follows,” he holds up a finger. “If you can find a shitty, holiday themed movie on the Hallmark channel, it’s Christmas-time and therefore a Christmas miracle can happen. They usually run through New Years, so you both-” he points at you and Kam, “have the opportunity for your Christmas miracles.”

“I cannot believe-”

“Second,” he interrupts you, holding up a second finger. “Christmas miracles come to people who deserve them.”

“Oh, so that’s why Y/n’s didn’t work out?” Kam murmurs, and you flip him off.

“Kam, your already low odds of fucking Madison Beer are dwindling by the second.”

“Fine,” he holds his hands up in defeat. “Keep going.”

“Y/n is totally deserving of a Christmas miracle,” Gia defends you. “She puts so much time into making sure we’re happy. Just because she doesn’t like Christmas, doesn’t mean she’s not deserving.”

“Exactly G,” Colin nods in approval, before putting up a third finger. “And lastly, you have to believe you deserve the Christmas miracle.” It feels like he’s staring into your soul when he says that one.

You all sit there in silence, individually deciding how much you want to believe what Colin is saying.

Of course it sounds like a load of horse shit. But, it didn’t feel like horseshit when you were with Grayson.

“Whatever,” you declare, standing up. “I need more.” You swirl your now empty mug, walking over to the hot chocolate and peppermint vodka on the counter.

“A little joy never hurt anyone, Y/n,” Kam comments, holding his empty mug out to you as you walk by. You take it from him, putting them down on the counter once you reach it.

“You’d be surprised.”

***

You’re not sure how Gia convinced you that a skimpy outfit was the perfect idea to wear for New Years, yet here you were, shivering to the bone as you walked down the street.

You don’t even like wearing heels most of the time, out of fear of falling down. Gia claims you look confident when you wear them, which you reveal to her is fake. That’s always been your motto: ‘fake it ‘till you make it.’ That didn’t seem to sway her, though, so the stilettos that now dug into your pinky toes were what you committed to for the entirety of the evening.

Colin’s arm around your shoulder wasn’t helping to warm you any, your faux fur coat letting the cool breeze still brush against your skin. Your small black tank top tucked into your matching black jeans were not made to be worn in the 20 degree weather. You kept your body close to him, your arm wrapped around his waist with your free hand in Gia’s.

“We’re gonna have the best night!”

You smile at Gia’s excitement, her eyes seeming to sparkle with the lights that line the street. Other groups of partiers and New Year’s Eve celebrators make it hard to hear her over their loud screaming and excitement, and you can’t help but let that energy invigorate you a bit. You guys were getting closer to the end of your break, reality would be setting in soon, and you’d be buckling down with school again. You wanted to enjoy the time you had left with your friends.

“I’m so excited to see who’s there,” Kam agrees.

“You can’t be weird about it, though,” Jo warns. “My sister said we have to act like we’re supposed to be there. This is a private thing, they want to have a normal New Year’s Eve.”

“I promise I’ll be my normal self,” Kam holds his hands up in defense, a smirk on his lips.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about,” she mumbles, causing Kam to give her a light shove as you continue to make your way down the street.

When you finally reach the entrance of the building Jo’s sister told you to come to, you’re all speechless. You could see the lobby of the building through the glass doors, and it was fancier than any hotel you’d ever stayed in before.

Jo makes the move first, opening the door and walking in. Kam grabs it from her, holding it for the rest of you as you file in behind her, like a group of ducklings following their mom blindly across the pond.

She speaks with the woman at the front desk, who points you to the hallways where you assume the elevators are. None of you speak as she walks you over and presses the button.

When an elevator finally arrives, there’s an attendant waiting for you inside. You’d had the opportunity to indulge in many extravagant things in life, and have taken those opportunities, but this was a whole other level of fancy.

Jo has a similar conversation with the attendant that she did with the woman at the front desk. He does something on his Ipad before smiling at you all and pressing a button that prompts the doors to close.

“Holy. Fuck,” Colin whispers in your ear, and all you can do is look at him with wide eyes and an open mouth.

When the doors open in front of you, the silence from the ride up in the elevator is immediately permeated by the bustle of the party in front of you.

“Have a good time!” The attendant says as you all slowly step across the gap in the floor and into one of the nicest apartments you think you had ever seen in your life.

There’s a few dozen people working their way around the room, no more than 50. You can appreciate the smaller crowd, knowing that being on the street would have been significantly more uncomfortable with the amount of people who gather there every year.

“Jojo!” Katherine’s high pitched voice breaks through the music as you see Jo’s bubbly sister make her way over to you guys.

“Hey Kath,” she murmurs, already being suffocated in a hug.

Katherine pulls away, keeping her hands on Jo’s shoulder in order to keep her close. “How are you? Haven’t seen you in forever!”

“I know,” Jo grimaces. “That’s what happens when you move across the country and rarely call anyone.”

Katherine almost misses a beat, but instead turns to the rest of you.

“It’s so of nice you guys could come! I can’t imagine what it would have been like...out there,” she trails off, looking towards the large windows that overlook Times Square.

Jo mutters ‘“authentic” under her breath as Gia cries out “cold!”

“Exactly!” Katherine turns back to you guys. “I knew I always liked you, Gigi.”

“It’s Gia.”

“Whatevs, Jojo. Go in and get cozy! And don’t embarrass me, please.” It’s scary the smile Katherine has on her face as she disappears back into the crowd. It would look genuine to the naked eye, but she almost looked dead inside when you took a closer look. But, in the wise words of Katherine herself, ‘whatevs.’

“I see the bar,” Colin nods his chin in the opposite direction that Katherine went, and you’re grateful you won’t have to see her so soon again.

“Please,” is all Jo squeaks out before making a beeline for the counter where the bartender stood.

You chuckle, following closely behind.

“The usual?”

You shake your head, stepping up next to Jo to order your own drink instead. “A moscow mule, please.”

You can feel all eyes on you, curiosity peaking at your change of heart. You never strayed from your normal order.

“What?” You ask defensibly, as you turn around to confront their questioning looks.

“Going rogue?” Kam asks.

“Trying out the holiday joy you suggested, Kam. Any objections?”

“Nope.” He pops the ‘p,’ his smile widening as he realizes you’re letting your walls down for once.

That doesn’t last long after your drink is in your hand, however.

There’s Grayson. Your Christmas miracle. Sitting on the couch, a girl in his lap and a smile on his face. He looks good in a turtleneck, you note, but that doesn’t stop the queasiness settling in your stomach. You knew Christmas miracles were horseshit, but this just felt like a cruel trick.

“What’s with the frown?” Kam asks, standing next to you as everyone else situates themselves with a drink.

“Don’t look right now, but behind you is my supposed Christmas miracle with a girl in his lap.”

Kam whips his head around, scanning the room.

“Dude are you kidding? I said don’t turn,” you grip his arm, forcing him to turn back, but not before he’s spotted the cozy couple. The look of pity on his face unsettles you.

“I’m sorry.”

You shake your head, taking a sip from your drink. “Don’t be, I knew him for an hour. I will, however, be calling Colin on his shit later.”

“What shit?” Colin asks, coming to stand next to you.

“Your Christmas miracle bullshit.”

A laugh bubbles up from his chest as he quirks a brow. “Oh really?” “Yeah, Grayson’s over there with a girl-”

“Damn, for how quickly obsessed you became with the kid, you really are forgetful.”

You give Colin a question look, waiting for him to continue.

“He has an identical twin. Your Christmas miracle is standing against the staircase. He’s been looking at you since we got to the bar.”

Your turn your head and sure enough, your eyes are locked with Grayson’s. He’s just as captivating as last time, his warm smile on his face once he realizes he’s been spotting. Unlike last time, however, instead of shying away from the eye contact, you can’t seem to stop looking.

“Remember, you have to believe you deserve the Christmas miracle,” Colin whispers in your ear before giving you a not so gentle shove in Grayson’s direction.

“You’re lucky I’m not a violent person,” you say over your shoulder, before making your way over to him. You can feel the excitement tingling in your fingertips that grip your drink as you do your best to be polite to the people you bump into on your way.

Once you’re close enough, Grayson pushes himself off the banister, creating a space for you to stand between the wooden sticks and his large body.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

His voice is deeper than you remember, more delicious if possible. It feels familiar hearing him speak, a comfort you didn’t know you had been missing.

“You’re supposed to say that when you expect to see someone, not when you’re actually surprised.”

He lets out a low laugh, nodding in defeat. “Okay, true. It’s a good surprise, though - at least for me.” He seems a bit less smooth than last time, too. You can feel the nerves coming off him, his confidence lower. You wonder if it’s got to do with the environment you’re in.

You smile up at him, licking your lips in order to drag out the unknown a bit longer. You can’t give it all up right away.

“Yeah,” you finally agree. “A real good surprise.”

“Good.”

“Although, you know I gotta ask it.”

His smile falters as he raises his brow. “I think I gotta ask the same thing.”

“You first,” you nod your chin at him, crossing your arms.

“Ethan and I are a friend of a friend to one of the host’s friends. We’re normally not in Jersey for New Year’s, so when they found out we’d be celebrating alone in our mom’s house, we got an invite.”

“A Jersey kid?” You feign disgust, making him laugh as he leans his arm over your head. He smells good, his scent overriding your thoughts for a moment.

“Is that a bad thing?”

You shrug. “Usually. I guess I’ll overlook it, though.”

“Don’t knock it ‘till you try it,” he answers cockily.

You giggle, shaking your head at the cheesy comment. “Are you offering me somewhat of a free trial?”

“More like endless coupons with no expiration date.”

This makes you fully laugh, him chuckling with you as you feel your cheeks heat up at the implication of his words.

“You barely know me,” you counter, still unable to look away from his eyes. “What makes you so sure about offering such a good deal to me?”

He shrugs. “Call it a gut feeling.”

You feel your own stomach go crazy at that, the confirmation that he was feeling what you were only heightening how his warmth seemed to radiate off him, everything Grayson flooding your senses.

“Your turn.”

“Hm?” You hum, bringing your drink to your lips.

“What’s gotten you into Madison Beer’s apartment?”

You choke on the liquid you intended on swallowing, coughing to clear your throat. His brows furrow as he brings his hand from above you to your back, rubbing it.

“Oh my god - sorry - I just,” you take in a big breath before standing up straight again, more confident in your lungs. “This is Madison Beer’s apartment?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles, looking around the room. “You didn’t know?”

You shake your head. “Jo’s sister -”

“Murder eyes Jo?”

“Exactly. She’s been out in LA modeling. When she heard we were gonna be in New York for New Year’s she got us in. This -” you gesture to the room, noticing the more familiar faces you’re seeing now that you’re paying attention. “Totally not my normal scene.”

“So you’re giving everything new a shot right before the year ends?”

“Mhm,” you bring your gaze back to him. “In case I want to take it back and act like it never happened.”

He laughs, licking over his teeth. “Sounds like a solid plan.”

***

It was stupid how well you got along. You didn’t even see any of your other friends the entire night, Grayson keeping you tucked in the corner. You hoped Kam had somehow ran into Madison at some point, but you weren’t inclined enough to leave Grayson to help him with it.

It felt like you guys were somehow meant to be there that night together. Maybe Colin was onto something, maybe this was your (belated) Christmas miracle.

“It was total fate, I’m telling you. The odds we were able to get Mando on our team in the first place, nevermind him being one of the most important people in our lives now.” Grayson shakes his head as he recalls the memories, a reminiscent smile on his face. “You believe in all that, right?”

“What?” You hum, admiring his positivity. Every story, every glimpse into his life he’s given you throughout the night, has all ended in a positive twist. He managed to see the bright side of every situation, despite the horrible shit that’s been thrown his way.

“Fate.”

You sit up a bit straighter, your elbows leaving where they rested on your thighs. Your knee was touching his, your proximity close on the couch due to the amount of people who were sitting there with you. You felt like you were in a bit of a bubble, though. Despite the loud chatter from all around you, the only thing you could pay attention to was Grayson.

“I’m not gonna lie to you,” you set your cup down before leaning back against the cushion. His arm that was resting on the top of that cushion drops, landing on your shoulder casually, but you can feel the warmth it immediately brings. “I never really did. I’ve always been the pessimist of the bunch. However,” your eyes find Colin, who’s sat to Grayson’s back. He gives you a wide smile and two thumbs up. You can’t help the smile that makes its way onto your own face as you look back at Grayson. “I’ve recently become a bit of a believer. Why?”

He shrugs. “I mean, what are the odds we not only had the same skate time at one of the most popular skating rinks in the world, but we also then end up at the same New Year’s Eve party?”

You huff, starting to think. “Well, statistically speaking -”

“No,” he laughs, nudging your leg with his own. “Fate isn’t about statistics, or probability. There’s nothing explainable about it.”

“My friend Colin is calling it a Christmas miracle,” you admit.

“So that’s what your friend meant when she interrupted us on the ice?”

“Oh god,” you groan, covering your face in the same manner as last time, shaking your head. “Don’t remind me.”

“Hey,” he chuckles, grabbing one of your wrists to expose your face to him again. “Don’t worry about it, it was funny.”

“It shouldn’t have been funny, though,” you whine, a pout forming on your lips.

He cocks his head to the side, a smirk settling on his face. “What should it have been?”

Before you can respond, the countdown from 60 begins, and suddenly everyone is standing and chanting around you, buzzing to start the new year.

58, 57, 56, 55

Grayson stands, holding a hand out for you to take. You place your hand in his, standing right next to him, there being little room for you two between the couch and the coffee table causing your chests to be pressed against one another. You look up at him, the same warm eyes he’s had for you meeting your gaze again.

“Romantic.”

“Huh?” He leans closer to you, his ear so close to your mouth that you were tempted to nip his earlobe.

“It should have been romantic.”

24, 23, 22, 21

He lifts his head so he can look at you again, close enough for his nose to brush against yours. One of his hands reaches around you, finding a resting spot on your lower back. His other hand comes to your cheek, his thumb rubbing the skin there. You grip his sweater at his sides, keeping him close to you.

“Ten, nine, eight,” Grayson starts counting down with the rest of the party, and you follow suit.

As everyone screams around you, celebrating the new year, you feel Grayson’s lips on yours. It feels like a movie, like the world is celebrating how amazing you guys feel right now as you finally physically connect with the person it feels like you were always meant to be with.

His lips are warm and smooth against yours, his every intention clear as he kisses you with a passion you’ve never experienced before. Your every nerve is on fire, your heart in flames as you keep yourself grounded by the grip you have on him.

He only pulls away as you feel champagne fall on the both of you, the confetti that was launched now sticking to you from the liquid. You can’t help the laugh that comes out of you at the craziness of it all, the fact that you just kissed the man in front of you, the man still in your grip, the man who still had his hands on you hard to comprehend.

Colin was right. Christmas miracles were most certainly real, and you deserved this one.

Grayson smirks down at you, leaning down to peck your lips once more before speaking. “Romantic enough for you?”

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spaceshipkat · 2 years

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why are you and your friends (myth, pancake) so condescending in your answers? y'all always act like you believe you're better and smarter than everyone else

like i see some of the asks you get and they seem neutral, sometimes even benevolent, or they make a good point, and here y'all go on a rant shitting all over the asker

but then complain about people assuming malice when it comes to shit y'all do🤦🏿‍♀️

it's disappointing cause you used to be the people i followed the most in antis circles and now i avoid the tags so i don't have to see your answers

like stop assuming malice??? the anti tags have become a huge circle jerk at this point

even people saying "don't buy books from bad authors" are somehow assumed to be sjm stans now???? like HOW????????? just because they criticize you????

i assume you’re the same anon as this one:

I'm an anti myself. That's precisely why I don't give $$$ to shitty authors. You think anyone who disagrees with you is a stan? When I'm the one advocating for not giving money to sjm and cc and other problematic authors? Talk about living in an echo chamber 🙄🙄🙄

and if you feel that way, there’s nothing i can say to change your mind, nor is there anything else i can say that i haven’t already. every ask is read in good faith, but i’ve been here for so many years answering asks like this that it really becomes pretty rote, and after a while i get tired of accusations that i don’t believe have any merit. if you’re reading something in a certain tone, maybe it means the tone simply doesn’t translate well. i haven’t changed how i answer asks, and i certainly don’t plan on it. (plus, the three of us and Maxine barely ever post in the tags anymore—though Myth never did, since she has her own tagging system—in favor of the next generation of antis, so idk what posts you’re avoiding. they’re not ours.)

#ask #anonymous

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precioustk · 3 years

Text

PISCES - joel farabee

a/n: Heyy it's my first imagine I ever post anywhere, and English is not my native language so please be kind! There might be some mistakes in the text, but I tried my best.

word count: 2k

-------------------------------------------------------------------

”How long does it take?!” you were asking from your friend, groaning, without getting any answer. She was eating bubblegum loudly, while skipping through the pages of some random magazine in her hands.

It was midnight. You two had been at a club, partying like there was no tomorrow. Girls’ night out and all that stuff. You had left the bar already, and now you were waiting for you Uber in some random corner shop next to the club. It was so cold outside that you had decided to go warm up in there while waiting. It seemed like the uber was taking forever to arrive.

Your friend was more drunk than you were, but both of you had sobered up a little bit. You were in your own little bubble, not too focused on anything that was happening around you in the store. There were few customers, but it did not bother your friend who was speaking quite loudly. It only broke your trance when she started half screaming about some stuff she apparently found hilarious in the magazine: “Hey listen, here’s your horoscope for the week. Wasn’t it Pisces?” she continued herself, “yes it was, listen”. “Pisces love… now it’s time to advocate for your wants and needs. Don’t hold back! This enchanted lunation has the power to turn your dreams into reality, so be sure to honor the magical, quirky and eccentric qualities that make you shine, it’s a beautiful thing! Your love life will spin in exciting directions. From going on a date with someone drop-dead gorgeous or bumping into an ex you haven’t gotten over completely, you’re in for some seriously sexy surprises that’ll keep you reeling.” she continued theatrically, and you were giggling.

“I can only wonder what those sexy surprises are,” you laughed, and she did too. While your friend was putting the magazine back on the shelf, she turned around and bumped into someone. You looked up and saw two handsome young men standing next to her, with some to-go salads and chips bags in their hands.

“Oh, I know who that drop-dead gorgeous one is,” the shorter one said, looking at you. You looked at him with confused expression.

Your friend and the other guy were looking at each other really awkwardly, and it really seemed like they knew each other. You had no idea who the guys were.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked him, and he just nodded towards the magazine your friend had put back on the shelf right before she bumped into the other guy.

“I heard that horoscope your friend read, I’m Pisces.” he said. After he said that, you immediately understood what he meant with his first comment, and it made you blush. He definitely was hot, and that kind of sexy surprise was something that you really were ready to be reeling for. You would not exactly complain if he really thought that you were drop-dead gorgeous, either.

Now you were more interested about the situation in between your friend and the other guy. She seemed flustered, but you did not know why. You looked at her, with questioning face.

“So, did you hear that part about bumping into an ex you haven’t gotten completely over,” she whispered. You gasped, and the boy was smirking slightly. You had completely forgotten that she, was indeed, Pisces, too.

“Oh no way, and you have not talked about him?” you whispered back, even though it was completely clear that those boys heard everything as well.

“Well, it was not exactly a real relationship, and you were busy with your work project,” she said, and it seemed like there was not bad blood in between them. You could only wonder what had happened, that she had dropped him, but mostly you were disappointed that his friend was so hot, and she had not thought about introducing the two of you.

“Well, hello, apparently you have not heard about me or our history with your friend, so let me introduce myself, I’m Nolan, and this little flirt here is my friend Joel,” the taller guy said. Joel smiled at you, and he had sexy smile, too. “Hey girls, nice to meet you,” he continued, and you introduced yourselves.

In your drunken state you could only focus on him, wishing you could just jump into his neck under that yellow hazy lightning of the corner store, throw the food from his hands away, grab his hair and kiss the hell out of him. He really looked like a dream guy of yours. Every box ticked. Being drunk made it even more intense feeling.

Your little dreaming session was harshly interrupted when your friend checked her phone and screamed “oh no, the Uber.” She started running through the narrow isles of the shop towards the entrance, and you just ran after her. When you were outside, you saw the car that was apparently your uber, driving away. You tried to run and make it stop driving, without any help. It was gone, and it was not like you would get a new one fast.

“The driver had sent me messages, but I didn’t hear,” your friend said. She seemed sorry, but all you could do was laugh. “It’s okay, we will get home somehow,” you answered her. In reality you really had no idea how the two of you would get home. It was at least five miles to there. Not exactly safe walk in the middle of night.

“Bad luck, eh?” you heard behind you. Turning around, you found Joel and Nolan, with amused expressions on their faces, coming out of the shop.

“I guess we missed our Uber,” your friend said, in which Nolan responded: “Come with us, we’ll drop you off.”

You were happy to accept the offer, and while walking towards the car, you were small talking with the boys about how they were coming from a road trip, and had no food in their houses, so some late-night snacks were needed.

You gave your address, and Nolan drove. He already knew where your friend lives. He has gone to hers and you did not know about the guy at all? Unfair.

From what you understood, he was about to drop you off first. Your friend went to sit with Nolan to the front seat, and that left you to the back seat with Joel. You talked with him for the most of the ride, and he was really funny and nice guy. When car came to a stop in front of your apartment complex, you said your goodbyes, and thanked Nolan for the ride home. What made you confused was that Joel was also leaving the car and following after you. You were confused, and asked about it from him: “oh so you’re already coming home with me? After just finding out that we’re literally about to make each other’s lives sexy and surprising?” You tried to make it sound like a joke, because even though drinking had boosted your confidence, it was a little bit risky to go home with a guy you literally just met. Nolan seemed like a safe ride because your friend knew him, but this was different.

“Oh, you think I’m coming home with you? I would like to, but actually I’m on my way to my own apartment” Joel answered, and you felt a little disappointed. Kind of conflicting feeling, because you just thought about it being unsafe, but he seemed like a great guy.

When you reached your door, you took his hand. “You should really come home with me,” you said. It was definitely not something you usually would say, you weren’t that bold. Joel smirked, but said: “I really think you are the drop-dead gorgeous and sexy surprise that horoscope was mentioning, so I’m about to take you on a real date. Also, I don’t want that you do anything you regret while in that state of yours.” You wondered if you really were that drunk, but you did not make any questions about it. It probably was for the best.

“Can I at least get a small kiss?” you asked with puppy eyes. Who are you? Asking for a kiss from a guy who is living in the same building as you, after you just first met. Wasn’t it a little desperate even?

“No, but we can hug,” he said, and opened his arms for you. You took in the smell of his cologne and tried to soak up the feeling as much as you possible could, before he let go.

When you broke apart, you tried to not look too disappointed. You opened your door, and slipped into your apartment with last goodbyes, before closing the door behind you.

You definitely were disappointed that he was not interested in anything more that night, and you did not really believe that he was serious about taking you on a real date. Though you wished that you were wrong, and he would do it, but it was not like your love life was the most successful one.

If you were left disappointed, it wouldn’t matter, you psyched yourself. You didn’t believe in horoscopes anyway.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

You hadn’t heard about Joel after the night you met. You had woken up and realized that you did not have his number, but neither did you know which apartment was his. You were hopeful that he would contact you somehow. After a few weeks of waiting, he had not contacted you, even though he knew exactly where you live. Disappointment was there first, even though you tried to make yourself ready to be disappointed. But it hurt even more after you heard that your friend had spent many wild nights with Nolan after that night. Their whatever situation it was, was apparently fixed, and they were spending more and more time together in the daylight, too. You were sure that they were about to end up in a real relationship at some point in the near future. Sooner rather than later. Your friend seemed happy, so you were happy from them. Nolan seemed like a great guy. But you could only wish that you were happy too.

Their happiness and your preparing for disappointment did not stop you from being upset about the fact that Joel really was just all words not actions with his flirting. One night when you were coming from work really late, you bumped into a girl at your floor. She was young and pretty, and apparently, she was about to visit someone. Meeting in the late night? Seems like a booty call. Not that you were judging, it was usually all fun and games. She had pressed the doorbell of some door on the same floor as your apartment, and you tried to look for your keys feverishly from your purse. The door opened for the girl, and automatically you looked to the door. There was Joel opening the door for her, looking handsome as ever. You had eye contact with him for a few seconds before you found your keys and opened the door as fast as possible.

You really thought it had been love at first sight. He seemed so great, he was nice, funny, hot, the whole package. Apparently, you weren’t enough. You thought that you were going crazy, when you started crying. You really were crying over some random boy who you had known for less than two hours. It had gotten your hopes up though.

You saw Cosmopolitan magazine laying on your coffee table. It was open, and there was page of horoscopes open. You would have wanted to burn it, but it could have caused a fire hazard. Instead, you ripped the page with a lot of aggression. You wouldn’t believe in horoscopes in the future either.

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