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isitgintimeyet · 4 years

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Just A Friend

The response to this story has been lovely, so thank you all for reading. liking, reblogging and commenting on this piece of fluff. Hope you continue to enjoy.

Thanks to @wickedgoodbooks for the beta

AO3

Chapter 6: From Irritation to Interrogation

And just like that, we’re friends, Jamie and I. It’s strange how quickly you can go from strangers to acquaintances to friends. After that walk in the park, something seems to have clicked with us, there’s an ease in our friendship that doesn’t happen too often. Despite our vastly different upbringings, we have many things in common: a shared love of irreverent comedy, a fondness for very good quality chocolate and wine and a determination to succeed in our chosen careers.

Of course, it helps that we don’t have the whole fancying-sexual-tension-romantic thing lurking in the background. As I’ve said before, Jamie is not my type and, judging by the pictures on his Facebook timeline, I am definitely not his, which appears to be doe-eyed, tanned, petite blondes— their pneumatic breasts frequently struggling to break free from their restraints. No tall, wild-haired brunettes with only-slightly-above-average breasts usually firmly encased in sensible lingerie.

I may even invite him to Geillis’ wedding as my plus one. We’ll see. I don’t think I’ll be dating by then, I quite fancy a few months without any of those complications.

********

One of life’s pleasures, for me, when I’m not on-call, is to walk to the local newsagents on a Sunday morning for the newspaper. If it’s fine, it’s another opportunity to sit on my balcony and read it at my leisure. A mug of freshly brewed coffee and a cinnamon bun enhances this experience.

Today, it’s not so fine, but sitting on my sofa while listening to the rain pounding against the window is pretty good too. I’m just about to start the crossword when my phone rings. I quickly swallow my mouthful of bun and glance at the screen—private number. I offer up a silent prayer that it’s not the hospital as I answer it.

“Claire Beauchamp?” The female voice sounds familiar.

“Yes.” I answer cautiously.

“Jes’ a wee word of warning. Karma can be a bitch, ye ken.” The voice grows louder and angrier. I recognise that tone, last heard berating Jamie. “Ye’ll get what ye deserve. Ye canna trust James Fraser, but ye’ll find out soon enough—the hard way, like I did… thanks tae ye.”

“Look, I—“ I begin, but before I can finish my sentence, she’s gone.

My initial reaction is irritation. Laoghaire, no doubt looking around for someone to blame for her recent break up, has cast me in the role of home wrecker, clearly using my carefully honed feminine wiles to lure Mr. Fraser from her clutches. Like Frank, she can’t quite believe that anyone could break up with her, without there being another waiting in the wings, ready and willing to take her place.

My irritation dissipates as I begin to see the funny side of this. She’s obviously thought long and hard about this—checking his Facebook friends, keeping records of his phone calls when they were together. Perhaps she sees herself as Jennifer Aniston against my Angelina. I hope Jamie can see this for what it is and laugh. Besides, in this scenario, that makes Jamie what? Brad Pitt?

*****************

Two days later, Jamie and I have arranged to have a quick drink after work in a mutually convenient bar. Summer has not yet returned to the city. Whilst not actually raining, the air is damp and there’s a definite nip in the air. I do a cursory check of the outdoor seating, just to see whether Jamie is heroically braving the elements, but there’s no sign of him.

I make my way into the bar and have a quick walk around before snagging a corner table. The seats are comfortable and it’s in a prime position for me to keep an eye out for his arrival. This bar has always been one of my favourites in the city. It feels grounded, like it’s been here forever. The stone walls and dark oak beams are unchanging and watching the inebriated trying to negotiate the uneven wooden floor on their way to the toilets always makes for good entertainment. In fact, people come from miles around to marvel at its very crookedness.

I check my phone for any messages. There’s one from Geillis, accepting my invitation for girls’ night on Friday at my flat. I reply and put the phone down just in time to see Jamie heading toward me. He’s obviously come straight from work as he’s still in his navy blue suit and white shirt. I’ve come straight from work too but am not nearly so smartly dressed. Having worn my blue scrubs all day, I’m now clad in jeans and a wrap around top which used to be orange, but has faded to a light amber colour. I feel somewhat underdressed next to him.

“Drink?” He asks, before even sitting down.

I nod. “I’m parched. Think I’ll have a shandy, please.”

“Lager shandy? Half pint?”

“Bitter,” I clarify, not being a great believer in girlie drinks. “And pint.”

He returns a couple of minutes later with a pint and a packet of crisps in each hand.

He takes a huge slug of beer. “Sae, what do ye ken? What’s new wi’ ye?”

And so, I recount my day of surgery to him. And, bless him, he looks interested all the way through my narration. He does turn a bit pale as I begin to explain my use of the bone mallet and chisel, and his crisps remain untouched, but he soldiers through.

“In other news,” I change the subject as his colour returns and he rips the crisps open. “I had an anonymous phone call from your ex, warning me about you and blaming me for your break up. But, never fear, I’ll get what’s coming to me when you do the same to me—“

A bout of coughing from Jamie breaks into my conversation. I get up and thump his back a couple of times. The coughing stops as he takes a swig of beer.

“Sorry,” he clears his throat and continues. “Crisp stuck in ma throat. She did what? How does she ken who ye are?”

“Presumably she kept a record of your phone calls and is monitoring your Facebook friends. Maybe you need to check your phone, see if she’s set up any other little apps so she can track where you are or what you’re doing.”

He shakes his head. “Aye, I’ll do that. I canna believe she would go tae such lengths. Although…” he pauses for a moment. “... mebbe I can. She was always the, er, suspicious type—asking me about women at work, convinced they were ready tae pounce on me. Perhaps I’m not the best judge of character, Claire. Ye need tae advise me.”

I laugh. “Ok. I’ll be your wingman, if you like. Or vet all your potential girlfriends. How about that?”

Jamie joins in with the laughter. His eyes twinkle and it’s funny the way he wrinkles his nose as he laughs.

“How about you? How’re the Spanish influenced dinners going? What are you up to?” I ask him.

“The plans are going grand. We’ve three dinner options planned out.” As usual, his face lights up as he explains the various menus to me.

“They all sound delicious. I’m looking forward to trying them.” And that's the truth.

“Weel, funny ye should mention that. We are looking fer people willing tae test them. How about it? Fancy trying one out? This week, mebbe? Free, of course.”

My weekend plans are getting better and better. Girls’ night at my flat could be turning into a bit of a Spanish fiesta, a mini replay of our Barcelona trip.

“I’d love that. Thanks. I’m having Geillis, Mary and Anna ‘round on Friday for a catch up. I could give you their opinion on the meal too.”

Jamie types something into his phone. “Great, I’ll sort it. So, good weekend plans then?”

“Oh yes, what about you?”

“Oh, I’ve got a sort of date type thing,” he mumbles into his pint and, to my surprise he goes a little bit red. Is he worried about telling me? Does he think that I will mind?

“That’s nice...isn’t it?”

“I dinna ken, really. I… I suppose so. It’s ma sister, Jenny’s, idea. A friend of hers from university. Ma sister canna quite believe that I’m no’ yet married and she keeps trying tae make it happen. And Jenny, weel, let’s jes’ say that she’s a force of nature. Ye dinna want tae mess wi’ her.”

***************

I’m not exactly the most gifted cook, but I think it would be hard to go wrong with the box of food and wine that Jamie has delivered. The asparagus is waiting to be cooked, the mouth-watering smell from the simmering chicken and chorizo fills my flat and bowls of juicy Spanish olives— some plain and some with garlic and chilli are dotted about the dinner table. Feeling inspired, I root out a large jug and begin to cut up fruit for sangria.

Like alcohol-seeking missiles, I’ve no sooner prepared the sangria when the doorbell rings. With many hugs, Geillis, Mary, Anna and I greet each other. I accept their gifts of wine, chocolate and flowers as we head into the flat.

As usual, everyone gravitates to the kitchen as I pass the drinks around, complimenting me on the wonderful aromas. Geillis’ stomach rumbles in eager anticipation.

When the four of us are together, the conversation flows as freely as the wine. Honestly, you would swear that we had not seen each other for months, when, in fact, I saw Anna on Tuesday in theatre, and squeezed in a coffee catch-up with Mary and Geillis only two days ago. The topics we cover are wide-ranging and random. Sangria and olives are accompanied by Anna’s search for a new flat, then the conversation turns to the destructive tendencies of Mary’s kitten as I serve the asparagus and Serrano ham starter.

For the main course, we have the tale of Geillis’ father refusing to wear a kilt for her wedding—he is prepared to don tartan trews but, according to Geillis, that will spoil the whole symmetry of the wedding photos. Neither, at the moment, seem willing to back down but, having known Geillis for so many years, it’s obvious to me who will win.

By the time I bring out the selection of Spanish biscuits and turrón, the conversation has moved on to men, more specifically Mary’s crush on a locum doctor newly arrived in the department. There’s a lot of good natured teasing about this—Mary seems to develop a new crush every couple of weeks, and why not?

Geillis drains her wine and turns to me. “Fantastic meal, Claire. Better than yer usual offerings.”

She pulls me close to her as she says this, and squeezes my arm to show she’s joking.

“Well, I have to confess. I did have a bit of assistance. I mean, I did the cooking, apart from the cookies, but everything came from FraserFood.”

“In that case, give me those chocolates back. I’m no’ sure ye’ve earned them.”

“But I have,” I moan. “I did all the cooking…and made sangria.” I reach across Geillis and help myself to another biscuit. They are melt-in-the-mouth delicious.

“It’s part of a new range they’re launching,” I try to explain as Anna and Mary start to squabble over the last biscuit. “Three course dinner party boxes. Everything you need. Jamie asked if I would test one of them out—“

Immediately Anna and Mary shut up, the last biscuit now abandoned on the plate.

“Woo-hoo,” Anna grins at me.

Geillis nudges me in the ribs. “Jamie, is it? And what else has Jamie given ye, eh?”

“Nothing, we’re friends, that’s it.”

“But we’ve seen pictures of him. Don’t ye want there tae be more tae it? I mean, c’mon look at him.” Now Mary joins in the questioning.

I sigh. “We can just be friends, you know.”

“Friends with benefits, mebbe?” Geillis isn’t giving up.

“No, just friends. Although…” my friends lean forward expectantly, perhaps awaiting some heartfelt confession from me, as if I’d suddenly realised my undying love, or, at least, a good bit of lust for Mr. Fraser. They’re going to be disappointed.

“...Although, I suppose you could say this free food and drink is a benefit. So,yes, I guess that makes us friends with benefits.”

Anna and Geillis look as if they don’t believe me, but say nothing. Mary isn’t prepared to drop the subject.

“So,” she starts. “So, suppose I meet yer—“

“Not mine,” I mutter under my breath.

Mary shrugs her shoulders and continues, “—yer Jamie Fraser. And suppose he asks me out and one thing leads tae another… ye’re telling us that ye wouldna mind?”

“No, I wouldn’t mind. Might be a bit awkward if you break up. I mean, can I still be friends with both of you?”

Geillis, laughing, joins in now. “Suppose our Mary marries Jamie Fraser and asks ye tae be a bridesmaid. Would ye mind then?”

I pretend to give this some thought. “Ah, now that does depend. Just how awful will the bridesmaid dress be, Mary?”

“Och, just hideous. We’ll be having a Disney themed wedding.”

All talking and laughing at once, we try to decide which would be the worst Disney outfit for a bridesmaid and finally settle on Moana.

I get up from the table to go and make coffee, but not before making one final statement on the whole platonic situation with Jamie.

“Look, I know it’s hard to believe, but I have no romantic interest in Jamie and neither does he. In fact, he told me that he’s got a date this weekend and that’s totally fine with me.”

Geillis grabs my hand in passing. “Ok, as long as ye’re fine. We jes’ dinna want ye getting hurt, Claire. We love ye too much fer that.”

I smile at my closest friends gathered around my table and feel a rush of warmth and love for them too. They’re my family, these girls, and, for all the joking and teasing, they have my best interests at heart.

“I know. Thank you for looking out for me. But, Jamie and I are friends, nothing more.”

And with that I head into the kitchen, giving Anna, Mary and Geillis, no doubt, the opportunity to continue to speculate about Jamie’s and my friendship. But really I don’t mind, they’ll get fed up soon enough when they see I’ve been telling the truth all along.

#outlander fanfiction #outlander fanfic #Just A Friend #Jamie Fraser #Claire Beauchamp #Chapter 6

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rueoconghaile · 3 years

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( HOZIER, 30, CISMALE ) I just bumped into [ RUADHÁN “RUE” O’CONGHAILE ] the other day while walking down [ SOUTH ] Kingsboro, where [ HE/HIM ] live. I hear they can be [ GOOD-NATURED ] and [ CLUMSY ], but when I think of them I immediately think about [ THE SUN SHINING THROUGH STAINED GLASS, THE SMELL OF IRISH WILDFLOWERS AFTER THE RAIN, ACCIDENTALLY WATCHING THE SUN COME UP BECAUSE YOU STILL HAVEN’T SLEPT ] ( ella again xx )

hi hello i’m sorry i haven’t shut up about this character in like two weeks but he’s so worth the wait i promise. however, that being said, please proceed with caution. i’ll list all of the trigger warnings as they come up but there’s a lot of heavy stuff in here so just be safe ily okay here we go. ps im sorry this got so long

born in middle-of-nowhere, ireland, rue didn’t have the best childhood. his mother, apparently a wealthy socialite from england, had no interest in being a mother. his father, her husband at the time, begged her to let him keep the baby, and they’d get a divorce so she’d never have to see either of them again. she agreed, and took off, leaving rue to be raised by his dad. his mother was more than generous in the divorce settlement, making sure his father had more than enough to care for the child and live a luxurious life. while he wishes he could have met her, rue has no hard feelings towards his mother.

{ tw: abuse } rue’s father was his best friend. they did everything together, and as a kid, that’s all he could have asked for. sure, it wasn’t perfect, but no dads are perfect, right? in truth, it was far from perfect. for most of his life, rue was in denial about the underlying emotional and mental abuse he suffered at the hands of his father. his father used him, manipulating him and crushing him until he fit this perfect little role his father had designed for him. it was rarely physical, and when it was, it was rue’s fault. he was clumsy and loud, always making noise or breaking things. in fact, most of it was rue’s fault, in his mind. his father’s mood swings, the borderline-obsessive controlling behaviour, the constant belittling comments, only to be outshone by the rare positive one. of course, none of this was actually his fault, but he was just a kid. he assumed that if his father didn’t love him, he had to be better.

{ tw: homophobia } and then rue was fifteen, falling in love with the world. he quickly learned that if he played his music well, people would be nice to him, and like him. and in one particular case, like like him. he sat next to rue in his english class and had the nicest smile. he was in love, or at least, as in love as he could be at fifteen. and it seemed, for a moment, that he wasn’t the only one. they kept their relationship a secret, their extremely religious town not known for being accepting. they talked about running away together one day, starting over in the big city. and one day came, when the local priest caught them kissing behind the library after mass one sunday. he, of course, went straight to rue’s father.

{ tw: abuse } despite their rocky relationship, not even rue could have predicted his father’s response. upon hearing the now-public news that his teenage son had been caught kissing another boy, his father drank. and drank. waiting for rue to come home, waiting to confront him. even though rue had begun to grow into his height, he had always been a lanky kid who avoided confrontation at all costs. meaning when his father took the first swing, he couldn’t fight back. looking back, he didn’t even know if he would have, had he the chance.

bruised and bloodied, rue packed a bag and grabbed his guitar, ready to take his love on the road. they’d always talked about running away, why not now? having nothing and being in love was better than staying here in his comfortable life, and he really didn’t want to go back in the closet. his love didn’t feel the same though, publicly denying they were anything beyond classmates. heartbroken, rue left without him, moving to dublin with only what he could carry.

dublin was good to him, though. he got a job in the kitchen of a dive bar who didn’t ask questions and sometimes let him play on stage if things were quiet. they had an unspoken agreement, they’d look the other way on his age if he showed up and kept his head down and didn’t cause any problems. he lived on the streets for a few years, a wild change from his comfortable upbringing. at first it was just for the money, he couldn’t afford a flat on his own and didn’t know anyone he could live with, but then he actually came to enjoy it. yeah, it was hard, especially in the winters, but the other kids his age on the street were good kids, if troublesome. they all took care of each other, a new family when their own had cast them out.

that’s where he met her. elizabeth. he was nineteen and had just been promoted to line cook at the bar, she was eighteen and her family had just moved to dublin from denmark. despite the fact that she liked to run on the wild side and hang out on the streets, her family was incredible. they took him right into their home, giving him a place to live, as long as he agreed to go back to school. they even got him a tutor to help with his learning disabilities. as he and their daughter fell more and more in love, they adopted him wholeheartedly into their family, and eventually, rue actually enrolled in college.

{ tw: abuse } they stayed in dublin for school but moved out of her parent’s house and into their own flat. that’s when things started to spiral in their relationship. elizabeth became overly jealous and controlling, checking his phone multiple times a day, insisting on walking him to and from classes and work. she never had any reason to worry, he was so in love with her it was if no one else in the world existed. to rue, who had been raised so deeply in emotional and mental abuse, this was normal. this was how people showed their love. he didn’t know any better. it was broken and fucked up and extremely toxic, but it was theirs, and he loved her.

{ tw: terminal illness } rue did whatever he could to excuse her behaviour, letting her cut him off from everyone in her life, including her own parents. he even turned a blind eye to the way she checked his phone constantly but always hid hers. that was, until his father got sick. he had been away from home for about five years at that point, and it wasn’t until his father reached out that he even knew he was sick. rue had found himself a comfortable little job caring for animals at a wildlife rehabilitation facility on the outskirts of the city, and while it didn’t pay much, it payed enough to move his father in with them. however, the man that came was not the same man who had raised him. he was a shell of a man, sickness eating away at him until he could barely move. his father had huntington’s, a rare degenerative brain disease that would essentially turn his father into a vegetable until he died an early death. they didn’t know how much longer he had, but it was likely only a few years.

{ tw: death } to cope with his toxic relationship and the ever declining state of his father’s health, rue threw himself into his music. it was the release he needed, the only thing keeping him going. and it was working. for four years he managed to juggle work, his father’s care, and his music, and it was all about to pay off. he got a record deal at a pretty decent label based out of london. he’d only have to go for a few months, but that meant leaving his father in the care of his girlfriend. so, at the expense of the only dream he’s had, he turned it down. he told himself his life was better here, even going so far as to propose to his girlfriend. his father held on for two more years before he died due to complications of his illness.

{ tw: terminal illness } even from beyond the grave, rue’s father found ways to ruin every part of him that tried to be happy. during a harmless, unrelated appointment with his doctor, he mentioned in conversation that his father had recently died due to complications from huntington’s. looking back, he is grateful that he did, as he learned that huntington’s is passed genetically. they started testing right away, but the results were not what they had hoped. while he currently showed no noticeable symptoms, rue was all but guaranteed to suffer the same fate. six months later, the tremors started.

{ tw: depression, abuse, cheating } suddenly faced with the idea of his own mortality, rue began to spiral into a deep depression, spending almost all of his time with the animals at work. they were the only things that kept him going, and his fiancée really didn’t like that. when her controlling, manipulative ways failed to force his attention back onto her, she began to seek it elsewhere, armed with his inheritance. his father had been smart with the large some of money he got in the divorce, and had tripled the amount by the time he died. she spent it partying, sleeping around, and spoiling her lovers. rue didn’t care, nothing mattered to him anymore. a year and a half after he got the news, she moved out of their apartment while he was at work. it took him three days to notice her gone.

losing his fiancée was the best thing to happen to him, and he was suddenly free. nobody tried to control him, nobody cared where he was or who he was with. he began to slowly come out of his shell, enjoying what it was like to be twenty-seven and single for the first time in 8 years. finally able to explore his sexuality safely, rue really came into his own. of course, it wasn’t perfect. he ended up in his ex’s bed a few too many times for his own comfort, but he just couldn’t help himself. she always knew exactly how to push his buttons until he was putty in her hands.

{ tw: abandonment of a child } he thought it was just innocent fun, what exes do. then one evening he came home to a car seat on his doorstep. inside was a baby girl, only a few weeks old, and a note with his name on it. he recognized the handwriting before he even opened it, mentally counting the months since he’d last seen her and not liking the answer. it was definitely possible. even still, he took the baby to the hospital. after many unsuccessful attempts to contact his ex, both by himself, the hospital, and even her own family, rue now had a baby. he had never even wanted kids.

even still, he loved her. more than he had ever loved anything. his ex had named the baby after herself, but he couldn’t bear to call her that. so, he adopted the nickname lizard, and it stuck. he wanted to give her a better life than he had, but in order to do that, he needed to start taking his health seriously. so, he packed everything up, and moved to new york city. he didn’t care much for the big city and wasn’t a fan of raising lizard without a backyard, but they had the best doctors to treat his disease and he had to try.

he’s been in kingsboro for about two-ish years now, and has been raising lizard on his own. he works two jobs to support her, days at a wildlife clinic and nights as a bartender, and even then still tries to find time to perform his music as much as he can at bars and clubs around town. he’s multi-talented, skilled in a number of instruments allowing him to easily slot into any empty role. he hasn’t slept since lizard came around and his love like is disappointing, but he is a really good father, and would give his life for his daughter. and, even if it’s three bites and a kiss goodnight, he is home for dinner every single night, without fail.

#hi plz love my boy #he's my fave #» ʀᴜᴇ; ( intro )#kingsboro.intro #tw: abuse #tw: depression #tw: death #tw: terminal illness #tw: child abandonment #tw: cheating #i think i got them all

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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787

Stage one: Emotions. How often do you take actions you regret? Not super often, but it’ll come up once in a while.

Do you often feel guilty? As someone who was raised in a verbally abusive household and was always blamed, corrected, or shamed for not knowing any better, you bet your ass I feel guilty all the time. ‘Sorry’ is probably in my top 50 most used words haha. Do you have a short temper? A little bit, yeah. I got my mom’s impatience for most situations and I’m also a bit of a perfectionist, so if I’m in work mode and I see that something’s askew I’ll be fussy about it until it’s fixed.

When was the last time you lashed out at someone? This afternoon when I was feeling super stressed and was venting to Gabie, but I had the vibe that she wasn’t all ears. And why was that? Because I would assume anyone would feel shitty when they’re ranting to someone they trust and that person acts like they aren’t listening?

Does it always seem like the entire world is out to get you? I have weeks like this, but it’s not constant. Overall, I think the world is mostly decent with me. Have you ever had a serious mental break down? Yeup, tons. What led up to this? (sadness, depression, fury, confusion, etc) I’m not getting into them lmao? Do you believe it is just natural for humans to feel lonely? Of course. Everyone goes through their own battles that makes them feel this way, and sometimes the physical presence of other people or having a packed schedule wouldn’t be enough either. Do you ever feel lonely, even in the presence of those you know or love? Yeah, that’s what I was just trying to say in the last question. There’ve been a few times I wasn’t feeling my best, and I thought going to Skywalk was going to fix stuff but it didn’t. Do you believe that these are the "best years of your life"? High school and college were, but I'm expecting to stumble a bit in the next few years as I try to navigate adulthood and make the best of my 20s. I think it’s normal though as I know most people feel the same when they’re in their mid-20s, so I’ve come to terms with the fact that it might not be the best years for a while. Or do you follow the "the best is yet to come" philosophy? Yeah, but I also don’t just depend on the future to be great. I’m able to realize when there’s good things happening in the present too. Does it sometimes feel like your life is being wasted or not going anywhere? Occasionally. Nothing good comes out of those thoughts though, so I never entertain them. Tell me about the last time you were truly, truly happy. Sometime in January. I drove my girlfriend to her place and there was no one home, so we used that time to catch up and talk and watch Titanic haha. Being it was the beginning of the sem, I still didn’t have any class requirements or org deliverables so it was really just an evening to spend time with her. I love moments like those the most because it’s when I’m reminded how much I love having her around. Stage two: Relationships. How long was your longest relationship? My current one, which is running at four years. Though we’ve been linked together for much longer than that, so whenever I wanna impress people a little bit more I also sometimes say six years hahahaha How old were you when you had your first boyfriend or girlfriend? I was 16. Do you (or have you ever) had feelings for the SAME sex? Yes, that’s my situation right now. Do you consider yourself gay or bisexual? How strongly do you feel about it? For a while I thought I was bi because I liked Gab and had small crushes on some guys we were friends with in high school. It was also because everyone in school who also liked girls considered themselves bi, so me thinking I was bi was mostly an environment thing and I just thought I was one of them as well, because it was all I heard about. Through the years other orientations were given awareness, and eventually I found that demisexuality is most fitting for me. Have you ever had your heart broken? Many times in a lot of ways. Did you ever honestly believe you were going to marry your high school bf/gf? I mean, I still think that until now. Is it harder to get dumped or do the dumping? I’ve only been on one side of this so I wouldn’t know how to compare. Have you been able to stay good friends with any of your exes? Yes, but it took a while before we could mend our friendship. We couldn’t talk to each other for a couple of months but we patched things up after realizing our friendship was too important to throw away just because of a breakup. If so, is there any tension (sexual or not) between the two of you? There was, after a short while lol. Hence us getting back together anyway. Would you ever date someone that your friend liked or HAD dated? I wouldn’t do that. When was the last time you were kissed? First week of March. Are you a virgin? Do you believe virginity is "sacred"? No and no. How many times have you been in love? Was it always real? Once and yes. Stage three: Friendships. Would you say that you have a lot of friends? Yep. I’m really glad I’ve met a lot of progress when it comes to this. All I wanted in Grade 6 was one friend and now I have more friends than I ever imagined having, so it feels pretty awesome. Have you ever been considered to be a "loner"? Yeah, throughout elementary and some parts of high school. People would only talk to you if you shared the same interests, and back then I couldn’t find anyone who was like me. It made it hard to talk to anyone period because everyone already had their own set of friends. How often do you hang out with your friends? I obviously can’t now, but before the lockdown I would hang out with at least one friend a day. There’s always at least one person at our org lounge so it was easy to find someone to study with, get street food with, have lunch with, etc. Do you have a specific hang out or house that you go to? Yeah, the org lounge that we call Skywalk. It’s habit for anyone in the org to just drop by there when we have free time, or if we wanna hang out together. If my orgmates and I don’t feel like being at Skywalk, we go to a nearby bar called Tomato Kick. I have another friend group that includes Angela, and for that bunch we typically go to another local bar in the area for cocktails and shisha. Have you ever done anything illegal to help a friend? Other than giving them movie files I’ve pirated...no not really lol If not, would you be willing to? What would be your limit? Eh, I don’t like breaking the rules so I probably wouldn’t go all that far to begin with. Who is your best friend? VERY best. Choose. Angela. Have any of your friends ever stabbed you in the back? Yes, but they’re not my friends anymore. Did you forgive them? Are you still friends? No and no. Are your friends the only people that "get you"? I don’t think so. I’ve become pretty flexible through the years and can mostly adjust depending on who I’m with. Do you think your friends know you better than your own parents? They absolutely do. Have you ever lost a close friend because they died? I didn’t count Nacho as a close friend (cause I’m super particular about that title lol), but he was my friend all the same. Have you ever lost a friend because they gained a bf/gf and dropped you? No, this hasn’t happened. Are your friends your support system? =] Yes. Stage four: Family Life Are both your parents alive? They are. Were you raised by your biological parents? Technically I was raised by my grandma for most of my childhood haha, but yeah both my parents were present. Has your family ever been broken? I have an aunt (dad’s sister) who has had a couple unsuccessful relationships, but nothing in my immediate family. Do you think your parents respect your space? My dad does, which I hugely appreciate. My mom doesn’t know the basic rules of privacy and has never even learned how to knock. She just barges in, which puts me in a sour mood literally every single time she does it. Are you close with you siblings, if you have any? I’m a little close with my sister, like we crack jokes together and never fight and stuff, but not emotionally close. For instance I wasn’t able to physically comfort her when her cat died, but I made sure to flood her Messenger with messages to let her know I cared. I don’t have any relationship with my brother whatsoever. How often does your family fight or have big arguments? We don’t normally fight as a family. It’s mostly me and my mom who butt heads. Does your family hold very high religious beliefs? My mom does... we’re just forced to go along with it because she’s a bit of a brat and if we don’t do things her way, she’ll slam doors and bump against us on purpose, petty shit like that to let her know she isn’t happy. Are you the "black sheep" of your household? I used to be. I was a handful to deal with and there was just a lot of angst inside of me; and I attribute that to the abuse I got from my mom early on, which I’ve never gotten a resolution or closure to. Throughout my teen years she was able to twist the story and surface as the wonderful mother while I was the troubled teen that would never amount to anything, so it definitely looked like I was the black sheep. Thankfully I rose above it as I got older. Have you ever in anger told your parent(s) that you hated them? No. How often are you diciplined or punished or grounded? This has only happened a handful of times. Grounding isn’t common here and as mean as my mom was, she liked sticking to verbal abuse than punishment. The worst thing my parents did was take my gadgets and that only happened like twice. Do you feel like you are allowed to express yourself inside your own home? No. I have a whole-ass four-year relationship my parents have no clue about. Are your parents very controlling of the person "they want you to be"? Nope, they give me freedom which I give them credit for. They never told me what course they wanted me to take in college, what career they want for me, none of that stuff. Your family really does love each other, doesn't it? I guess. It could always be a little more, though. Are you planning to move away when you turn 18? I’m 22 now and I’m still here, so.

#survey #surveys

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realiodelio · 5 years

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The Race for Our Lives

Ight y'all it's Ted Talk time.

Calling in a threat isn't funny. It's not a part of your freedom of speech. What it is is terrifying. It's scary.

On Friday, Sept. 27th, around 3:45 p.m, I had just strapped my watch to the handle of an elliptical. A few minutes ago, I had been doing warm ups when one of my cross country coaches told me to go reserve a machine now if I planned to use it later. I left my water bottle in my locker with my things.

I don't know what time anything else happens after this, but here's the main order of events...

I had just gotten back in the line for warm ups, and was trying to catch up to everyone else. I was mentally questioning the freshmen boys who were jokingly fighting. Such a normal thing that even as I type it I'm wondering how it all went so sideways. The upperclassmen boys were joking around with them, but had told them to get back into their warm ups.

Maybe a minute has passed.

Suddenly, my coach comes in. "Everybody outside!" There's confusion. Shock. We were just told a few minutes ago that we were warming up inside today, because of the rain. What was going on? "Don't question it just go. Go, go, GO!"

Everyone got the sick feeling that something was wrong. It was only confirmed when we made it to the stairwell; through the clear glass panels that surrounded us, we could see cars, police cars, right outside the door. "Go, get as far away as you can." My friend and teammate, sobbing as she was struggling down the stairs in her crutches. "Watch out for her!" I remember hearing my coach say. "Don't slow down." I urged the boys around the two of us, before speeding past.

At this point in my mind, I was thinking "bomb threat". Just past the soccer fields I could see people slowing down, and then continuing onwards with a coach leading them. I was running as fast as I could.

My best friend was ahead of me, but I caught up to him in almost no time at all, then passed him. In the back I heard "Keep going!" From his teammate. "I'm not going without my brother!" Had been the response. Maybe calm anger to anyone who didn't know him, but if I had ever heard fear in his voice it was then.

I wasn't leaving without my best friend. Next to me, a boy I was crushing on had smiled and cracked a lame joke "Not like we don't do this every day during practice." I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't want to cry.

I slowed down to cross the road and get onto the trail behind the school. The car I had crossed behind was an off-white color. There were two boys in it looking as terrified as I had felt. My best friend wasn't behind me, at least not directly, and I practically stopped to wait for him and his brother. I needed to know he was OK- that they were okay.

At the end of the back road, my coach stood between the railroad tracks. Near the end of the school day, an announcement had been made saying they were closed. The red warning lights were still blinking, but we paid little heed. "Just keep going that way." The head coach gestured. "Just keep going."

Where? Where to? We had probably all been wondering. Perhaps the park, was my thought, maybe the library? I followed the crowd.

On the way, one of my teammates had slowed to a walk, texting someone. Crying. She's a year younger than I am. "Keep going" I told her. "Keep going. There's nothing you can do right now" I told her. "My foot hurts." She had been injured, I remember. One of many, not including myself. "Just keep going, you can do it." I didn't part from her for the rest of the run.

Several blocks down, an ex-classmate was in a company driveway with her mom. Her car was a vibrant red, like her hair. I gave her a hug "never been happier to see you" and "same here". She offered me and the group a ride, but we denied. We were instructed to cut through the backyard, get somewhere safe.

Maybe 8 meters later, me, my teammate, my best friend, and his brother got past the treeline. The coach who had earlier instructed me to reserve an elliptical was there, directing people to what I recognized as the District Office, or D.O for short.

"Final stretch," I remember joking. The Race for Our Lives.

I made it up the stairs and through the doorway. I needed to see my team. "Too many turns" I thought. "What the fuck. I just want my team."

"Just keep going this way, you'll be safe." Some administration person had told me. I was vaugly aware that I had been mad. At the number of turns? At her? At the shooter? I don't know. Maybe I'll never find out.

Everything after that was a wild blur in which time didn't exist.

Inside the safe zone, I met a heartbreaking sight. The freshmen girls were mostly gathered at one table, all crying. The boys were milling about, mostly on my right. My best friend was nearby- immediately, he got a hug. Girls gathered together, crying and comforting each other, telling their fears and their loves, and frantically apologizing to girls who they had thought there was tension with.

Hugs. Everyone on my team I needed to hug. To touch, to know and see and feel that They Are Safe, My Girls Are Safe. A number of freshmen and sophomores "Oh God, you're okay, I'm so glad you're okay, I was so scared for you. I was so scared." My response had been a surprised "Scared for me? How come? Look, I'm fine!!"

The sentence "I wasn't even worried for myself." Had been a commonality. Most of us worried for those in crutches or boots- later we discovered that they had safely made it into cars, and gotten away. Most people around me were in tears. I wasn't crying. I was laughing nervously, relieved.

Every girl I could hug, I hugged. I hugged my coaches. I hugged my best friend, maybe five times. Cell phones were being passed around, people were using the D.O phone, a phone I had looked at curiously when I came in, wishing I knew the extension number.

I asked my best friend to borrow his phone- I needed to call my mom before word got out. He didn't hesitate to tell me yes.

Three calls. No response. I sent a text explaining the situation, saying I was safe.

I never more regretted not having another phone number memorized.

I was lucky. There was a computer next to the D.O phone where I could sign into my school account and access my emergency contact list. The first person I called was my sister a quick run down of the situation, beginning with "I'm safe". Then I called my aunt, never more grateful she worked from home "Hey. It's me, your neice." I explained the situation and told her the address of the D.O. She said she would come to pick me up

After that was taken care of I continued making my way around the room, talking with people. Administration brought in water and snacks.

I stayed with my best friend until my aunt came to pick me up. Two of my little cousins had come along, glad I was safe and overall nervous about the situation with a giddy curiosity of relief that only kids could have- all the questions they could possibly ask, they did. My aunt offered to buy me dinner from the local restaurant. I acquiesced after the kids had assured me they wouldn't complain.

When we were pulling into the restaurant drive-up, I checked the time again. 5:26 p.m. Only an hour and 41 minutes had passed.

There are a number of details that are hard to place into this story, like me telling my best friend to text his girlfriend- casually reminding him that he doesn't need to have a phone number memorized when apps like Instagram and Snapchat exist. Or how I had told people while crossing the main street that if the cars have stopped, there's no point in waiting, just GO. People had come in several times giving us news updates- there's no active shooter, there's no live threat, they didn't find anyone with a gun in the building. A few mentionings of this getting into national television, but I voiced my extreme doubts about it. There's all the details of apologies I heard and the randomly shared personal facts. There's how I had friends who weren't athletes, other kids who had missed the bus, all in someone's house- some athlete whose mom was an officer, he lived in the neighborhood just across the road. People crowded in bedrooms and sitting on couches and tables and floors. All unsure of what to do, of what to say.

Those are unforgettable details.

We, as a team, were questioning what else would happen. Was there still a team dinner tonight? (Yes, but hardly anyone went) Were we going to race tomorrow? (yes, and we had 14 season Season Records, along with another 14 Personal Records). When we got onto the bus that Saturday morning, nothing was spoken about who had been missing. A silent but mutual understanding ran through the team.

Learning that it had been an anonymous and fake tip off had most people questioning things, especially during the moments we were waiting to get picked up to go home. Even still, people are wondering how such a thing could happen. Both scenarios are despicable. We had all feared the worst, and now we all fear still "What if this was real? What if it happens again, only it's not fake?"

It's sick that kids are going to spend possibly the rest of their educational careers wondering if school is safe. It's sick that this is oddly normal in America. It's sick that we had thought we were running for our lives. It's sick that someone called in a fake report- or even more terrifying, someone called in a report that could have been real.

It was terrifying, and that fear may never leave any of us students. We need to change something about this. I wish that I could have some type of solution, but I don't. I just don't.

That's all for now. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

#writing #real life #reality #real talk #thanks for coming to my ted talk #news #local news #high school #scary #teammates #teachers #coaches #back to school #school #school safety #school sucks #school shooting #(thank God it wasn't real)

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dailytomlinson · 5 years

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Louis Tomlinson may be one-fifth of one of the biggest boybands in the world, but there's so much more to know about the singer than the fact he was in One Direction. Now that he's getting on with his solo music career - AND just dropped his amazing new single 'Two Of Us', Louis is a major household name across the world.

Here's everything you need to know about Louis Tomlinson:

1) Louis’s middle name is William.

2) Louis Tomlinson was born on Christmas Eve in 1991.

3) Louis is the oldest member of One Direction. He’s 13 months older than second eldest Zayn Malik.

Check out One Direction through the years: View Gallery 11 photos 1 / 11 One Direction © Shutterstock One Direction auditioning on The X Factor One Direction formed on The X Factor in 2010. All five members auditioned as individual contestants and were put together as a group by Simon Cowell.

4) Louis Tomlinson's star sign is Capricorn. Apparently, typical Capricorns live by the motto, ‘Slow, steady and win the race.’

5) Louis was brought up in Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Other famous people who hail from the town include Jeremy Clarkson, Kevin Keegan and Brian Blessed!

Jeremy Clarkson JEREMY CLARKSON AND BRIAN BLESSED © SHUTTERSTOCK 6) Louis once said that he is a big fan of girls who eat carrots!

7) If Louis had a superpower, he would be able to fly.

8) Louis’s favourite band is The Fray.

9) Louis’s favourite song of all time is ‘Look After You’ by The Fray.

10) Louis’s celebrity crush is Natalie Portman and his man crush is Robbie Williams - who he recently sat next to on The X Factor judging panel.

11) He also once said that Robbie is his biggest role model, telling Metro Radio "I’ve got a massive musical icon and that’s Robbie Williams. We actually got to sing with him on The X Factor and it was absolutely amazing."

X Factor ROBBIE WILLIAMS, AYDA FIELD, LOUIS TOMLINSON AND SIMON COWELL © SHUTTERSTOCK 12) Louis has approximately 1 minute and 30 seconds of solos on ‘Up All Night’ – the second least behind Niall Horan.

13) Louis auditioned on The X Factor by singing a version of Plain White T’s ‘Hey There Delilah’. He got a clean sweep of yeses from the judges.

14) Louis's parents are Johannah Deakin and Troy Austin. They split up when Louis was young, and he eventually took on his stepfather Mark Tomlinson’s surname. Johannah sadly passed away in 2016, Louis paid tribute to his mum on the anniversary of her passing.

15) Louis has five younger half-sisters - one on his father's side (Georgia), and four on his mother's side (Charlotte, Félicité, and twins Daisy and Phoebe).

16) When he was just 11-years-old, Louis had a role as an extra on ITV drama_**_ Fat Friends. His newborn sisters Daisy and Phoebe starred as babies on the show.

17) Spurred on by his appearance on Fat Friends, Louis attended acting school in his spare time and eventually had small parts in 2006 ITV drama If I Had You! and Waterloo Road.

18) When he first auditioned for The X Factor, Louis was a sixth form student at Hall Cross School in Doncaster.

19) Louis also attended The Hayfield School in Doncaster, but dropped out when he failed his first year of A-levels.

20) Louis had a number of part-time jobs before The X Factor, including working at a local cinema and as a hospitality waiter at Doncaster Rovers Football Club.

21) As a student, Louis played the lead role of Danny Zuko in a high school production of Grease. He says playing the part gave him the confidence to audition for The X Factor.

22) When he was younger, Louis wanted to work on a farm.

23) Louis would love to copy Michael Jackson and have a pet monkey. He said, "I'd like to adopt a chimpanzee and build an eternal friendship, that would be amazing."

24) Louis’s favourite colour is dark red.

25) Louis is a big fan of Las Vegas rockers The Killers. After seeing them perform at V Festival, he tweeted, "Watching Mr Brightside live last night was unbelievable. LOVED The Killers!!"

Louis Tomlinson ✔ @Louis_Tomlinson Watching Mr Brightside live last night was unbelievable. LOVED The Killers !!

22.8K 6:09 PM - Aug 20, 2012 Twitter Ads info and privacy 30.4K people are talking about this 26) Louis suffers from a ringing noise in his right ear. Although yet to be officially diagnosed it’s thought it could be tinnitus which can lead to deafness if untreated. He once said, "I am going slightly deaf in my right ear. It’s tinnitus, something like that," before joking that it was because of screaming fans.

27) According to his bandmates, Louis has the smelliest feet in One Direction! Niall once said, "Louis wears plimsolls with no socks so his feet get very sweaty and the sweat is captured. If we are on a bus or something and he takes them off we all pretty much start gagging."

28) Louis was given a telling off by police when filming the ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ video Los Angeles in July 2011 for his erratic driving. Afterwards, he explained, "I got pulled over by the US police. They thought I was all over the place. The officer goes, 'Listen, man, I can shut this thing down if you carry on driving like this. You're driving like a maniac.' And I was like, 'Man, put the gun down. I don't want no trouble.'"

WATCH: One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful (Official Video)

29) Louis says that he and his 1D bandmates are like brothers. Admitting that they occasionally bicker, Louis told Digital Spy, "Because we're around each other so often it's like arguing with your siblings. You fall out with them, go away and have a bit of a paddy, then come back and get over it."

30) Just like Zayn and Harry Styles, Louis supports Manchester United Football Club.

31) Louis’s favourite track on ‘Up All Night’ is the Ed Sheeran-penned track ‘Moments’. The track appears on the deluxe version of the record.

32) If Louis could give anyone a tip when auditioning for The X Factor it would be "just be yourself and really try and get your personality through in your song choice and interview."

33) Louis once owned a Porsche Boxster and sold it on eBay in 2012 for £30,000.

34) When Zayn’s ex-girlfriend Rebecca Ferguson took to Twitter to complain about being overworked by her management, Louis had very little sympathy! He wrote in a now-deleted tweet, '@RebeccaFMusic Success is impossible without proper hard work.'

Rebecca Ferguson REBECCA FERGUSON © SHUTTERSTOCK 35) Louis loves to party! He once told TOTP magazine, "To be honest, I’m sure the majority of 20-year-olds go out and party. I’m not going to feel oppressed."

36) Louis is a giver and not a taker. In fact, there’s nothing he enjoys more than giving his friends and family presents. His late mum Johannah once told Sugarscape, "He’s not a materialistic person himself, but he likes to give people things. He spoils me and the girls and he's happiest doing that."

37) Louis once said that he likes snuggling up in bed with one of the One Directioners... HARRY! He said, "A few weeks ago I made a cup of tea, then went and got in bed with Harry and we watched a show called something like The Top 50 Boybands Of All Time." Nice!

38) Apparently, Louis has revealed that his least favourite food is baked beans.

39) Louis once said his favourite country is France.

40) Louis is an avid fan of surfing. In fact, he loves the beach so much he says he’d like to get married on one.

41) It takes over 30 minutes for Louis to get his hair ready in the morning.

42) Louis admits he’s a really bad cook. Despite this, he appeared alongside Harry in a cooking segment on This Morning in September 2011.

Louis Tomlinson HARRY AND LOUIS WITH THIS MORNING PRESENTER RUTH LANGSFORD IN 2011 ©

43) One of Louis's favourite mottos is, "Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain."

44) The two traits Louis looks for in a girl are confidence and a good sense of humour.

45) In 2011, his mum Johannah and stepdad Mark split up. Speaking about his mum, Louis said, "It must be so much harder for her because I’m living this fantastic life and being so busy every day whereas she’s still in the old life I was in but without me... It must be really difficult for her not to get upset."

46) Louis’s pet hate is when people chew their food too loudly.

47) Louis has size 10 feet.

48) A man who works in the music industry once tried to have a snog with Louis! "It was a press guy.... he just started going in for a kiss!" said Louis.

49) Louis loves Marmite and has big dollops of it on his toast.

50) Louis admits that he’s a messy person. In fact, he hasn’t met anyone who’s messier than him!

51) Louis is pretty decent on the piano and he loves to play ‘Mr Brightside’ by The Killers.

52) Louis says he’ll "never get used to" the adoration he receives from fans. He once said, "At the end of the day we’re doing something that we really love and to be appreciated for that is really nice."

53) Louis’s favourite TV shows are Misfits and One Tree Hill.

54) If Louis wasn’t a multi-million selling pop megastar, he reckons he’d be training to be a drama teacher.

55) If Louis could visit any planet it would be... Narnia. Erm, it’s a fictional place Louis!!

56) Louis hates rumours, especially when they involve Harry and himself. In a Tumblr interview he explained, "Me and Harry are best friends, people look into our every move. It is actually affecting the way me and Harry are in public, We want to joke around but there seems to be a different rumour every time we do anything."

Louis Tomlinson LOUIS AND HARRY SINGING TOGETHER IN 2015

57) Louis is prone to sleepwalking and once tried to get into Niall’s bed!

58) Louis once said that if a movie was made about his life, he’d like Leonardo DiCaprio to play him.

59) The first time Louis ever spoke to Harry was in the toilet at The X Factor auditions in Manchester.

60) Louis is a big fan of silly string! He’s sprayed it on stage at gigs, press conferences and even at a security guard who refused to let him speak to fans.

61) When he was 14, Louis played lead guitar in a band called The Rogue with his schoolmates.

62) When One Direction formed, Louis’s big ambition was to go "straight to the top." Proof that dreams come true!

63) In August 2012, Tulisa prank called Louis during a live webchat. When Louis answered she spoke to him in a Donald Duck voice in front of thousands of viewers. The N-Dubz star tweeted afterwards, 'soz babe we had 2 get ya! Thanks 4 being a laugh n entertaining us!'

Tulisa ✔ @officialtulisa @Louis_Tomlinson soz babe we had 2 get ya! Thanks 4 being a laugh n entertaining us!

266 8:23 PM - Aug 5, 2012 Twitter Ads info and privacy 579 people are talking about this 64) Louis was fined £80 for speeding on the way to V Festival in 2012. It’s reported that he was going 48mph in a 40mph zone. He’ll also get three points on his licence. Ouch!

65) Despite having smelly feet, Louis is a big fan of shoes! His favourite types are chinos and Toms.

66) Another of his favourite mottos is "live fast, have fun & be a bit mischievous."

67) If Louis was Simon Cowell for the day, he says he’d go on a date with Susan Boyle.

After his successful stint on last year's The X Factor, Louis delighted his fans in March when he dropped his amazing new single 'Two Of Us'.

The song, which is adored by fans, is a tribute to Louis' late mum Johannah Deakin. Johannah left behind seven children, including Louis, at the end of 2016, when she lost her battle with an aggressive form of leukaemia at the age of just 42.

Louis' track 'Two Of Us' features the lyrics, "I know you'll be looking down, swear I'm gonna make you proud. I'll be living one life for the two of us."

The article was followed by a tweet:

#tow of us #two of us promo #louis tomlinson #harry styles #070319 #metro #press

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the-master-cylinder · 4 years

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Russell was born in San Diego, California, the daughter of Constance (née Lerner) and Richard Lion Russell, a stock analyst. Three of her four grandparents were Jewish. Her maternal grandfather was journalist and educator Max Lerner. Russell wanted to be an actress since the age of eight and started acting in school plays. She appeared in a Pepsi commercial that was taped locally while in high school. After graduating from Mission Bay High School in 1981, she moved to Los Angeles and began taking acting classes before landing her first role. She did a masters program in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica and is a certified hypnotist and life coach, also from the University of Santa Monica.

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The day after graduating high school, with limited commercial and modeling experience. Russell set out for Los Angeles with a UCLA-bound girlfriend. She located a roommate, actress Diane Brody, via the campus bulletin board. Brody helped Russell line up acting classes and waitressing jobs. Accompanying an acting classmate to an audition, Russell walked away with representation. She was subsequently cast in an unapologetic PORKY’S clone titled Private School (1983)

Private School (1983) Chris from a girls’ boarding school loves Jim from a nearby boys’ boarding school. Jordan also wants Jim and plays dirty. Jim and 2 friends visit the girls’ school posing as girls.

Russell played Jordan Leigh-Jensen, “a spoiled rich girl willing to do anything to get her way.” As her romantic rival, the top-billed Phoebe Cates waged war for the affections of Matthew Modine. Critics excoriated the film’s leering sexism, but Russell’s recollections are pleasant. “It was like walking on air,” she recalled. “Phoebe Cates was my idol at the time, and she was so nice to me. We grew very close, and she was fun to work with.”

Phobe Cates, in fact, coached the novice actress who was nervous about her nude scene: “Phoebe said, ‘Oh, this is nothing-in Paradise (1982) I had nude scenes. To make matters more stressful, old acquaintances showed up on the day Russell was shooting her topless “Lady Godiva” scene. “I hadn’t seen these people in years,” laughed Russell. “They turned up on the set, outdoors in the middle of nowhere. The director made them leave. It was hysterical. I learned that day not to take it all too seriously.”

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She insists that reviews, citing herself as the film’s sole asset, caused no friction with leading lady Cates. Phoebe is very secure with herself, stated Russell “She should be. Look at her now! We didn’t pay any attention to critics.”

Offers promptly rolled in. One of the networks offered Russell a spot on any series she wanted Numerous agents called, Playboy asked her to pose for a pictorial on struggling actresses in Hollywood. Although she does not regret turning down Playboy, Russell admits that she, and her management, did not make the best choice of opportunities. Though she auditioned for smaller parts in higher profile filmy, she inevitably landed leads in B-movies.

Out of Control (1985) Teens (Martin Hewitt, Betsy Russell, Sherilyn Fenn) crash-land on an island, find vodka, play strip spin-the-bottle and run into drug smugglers

In Out of Control (1985), Martin Hewitt and Russell were cast as a prom king and queen who invite six of their classmates on a “grad night” chartered flight. The plane crashes and the kids acclimate themselves to survival on a deserted island. Most critics panned the film, but the Los Angeles Times and L.A. Weekly gave it good reviews.

“We filmed in Yugoslavia,” explained Russell. “It was fun. There were a lot of us around the same age… Martin Hewitt, Sherilyn Fenn. Russell remembered that Fenn, who debuted in the film, “was the youngest of us all and very sweet. We both liked Martin. I liked him for about two minutes the first day, and she ended up breaking his heart. The producer, Fred Weintraub, said, ‘Sherilyn is going to be huge-she’s going to break a lot of hearts. He was right. She’s worked very hard and she deserves her success.”

Russell played the title role in her third film, Tomboy (1985), Her character, Tommy Boyd, was a curvaceous auto mechanic with car racing ambitions. The movie was dogged by controversy: despite it’s claims of feminist affirmation, TOMBOY was peppered with the usual B-quota of sex and nudity.

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Tomboy (1985) A strong-willed female stock car driver challenges her chauvinistic crush to a race to win his respect- and get him into bed.

“It turned out all right, said Russell. “Actually, that movie surprised me. I’ve heard a lot of people really loved that movie. At first, I thought it was going to be kind of dumb but I’ve gotten great response. I saw it about a year ago and thought it wasn’t so bad.”

Avenging Angel (1985) was more of a challenge for Russell. The film served as a sequel to 1983’s ANGEL, about a high school student’s double life as a hooker. “That was a rough experience, because I didn’t understand the character,” recalled Russell. “I felt kind of unsure I was still very young and this had all come very fast, and I hadn’t really studied that much. I didn’t totally relate to the character. Angel wasn’t an everyday girl. It was something new to me, and I didn’t have time to do any research.”

Avenging Angel (1985) Molly, former prostitute, has managed to leave her street life with help from Lt. Andrews. She studies law and leads a normal life. When Andrews is killed by a brutal gang, she returns to the streets as Angel to find his killers.

Although ANGEL had been released only two years previously, the sequel’s storyline picks up five years after the conclusion of its predecessor, Producer Keith Rubenstein and director Robert Vincent O’Neil felt that Donna Wilkes, who played the title role as the first ANGEL, wasn’t credible as a college graduate. The sequel’s investors, however, insisted that Wilkes reprise her familiar role. But it was Wilkes, pricing herself out of the market, who finally broke the stalemate. Cast as a streetwise heroine, Russell drew unflattering reviews from critics.

“Queen of Schlock Wants to Abdicate,” announced the Los Angeles Herald Examiner. After AVENGING ANGEL, it appeared Russell was fed up with her movie career. “I’ve done four B movies and now I’m just gonna stop,” she told a reporter. “I’ve paid my dues, and four is enough.” Russell also related that a meaty role in PRIVATE SCHOOL blinded her to its exploitation elements. She was critical of her involvement in B-films, and pledged to stop making them.

During the next two years, Russell turned to television, performing guest stints on T.J. HOOKER MURDER, SHE WROTE, FAMILY TIES, and THE A-TEAM, “I had down time, she noted. “I didn’t really want to do more nudity. I didn’t want to do B-movies and be taking my clothes off.” A lack of good scripts also prompted Russell to decelerate her movie output.

Cheerleader Camp (1988) A group of cheerleaders become the targets of an unknown killer at a remote summer camp.

Russell wasn’t obligated to disrobe in her next film, Cheerleader Camp (1988) which was initially promoted as BLOODY POM POMS. The plot: cheerleaders, including centerfolds Teri Weigel and Rebecca Ferratti, are sliced and diced while attending a wilderness retreat. The slasher epic hardly adhered to Russell’s speculations about a future in A-movies. “CHEERLEADER CAMP came along, and I liked the character, the actress explained. “She was kind of cute. She was getting driven crazy, and I could keep all my clothes on because the Playmates around me took all their clothes off. It was fun, too, working in Sequoia National Forest. I’ve always made friends with every film I’ve done.”

Following the film, she renewed a past friendship with actor Vince Van Patten. “I met him at the Playboy mansion when I first moved to L.A., Russell recounted. “We dated a few times, and then I never heard from him again. He was involved with the tennis circuit. We both really liked each other, but at the time he wasn’t right. I broke up with my boyfriend five years ago, ran into Vince at the Hard Rock Cafe and the rest is history. The timing was perfect.”

Trapper County War (1989) Two city boys (Estes, Blake) get in trouble with a backwoods North Carolina family (Swayze, Armstrong, Hunky, and Evans) when they try to help an abused step-daughter (Russell). Bo Hopkins and Ernie Hudson are the good locals who attempt to help the boys.

Russell’s last turn as a teenage ingenue was Trapper County War (1989), an updated, sanitized version of DELIVERANCE. Playing the 17-year-old adopted daughter of a backwoods family, Russell served as the city slicker’s love interest.

In Delta Heat (1992), a film noir thriller shot two years ago in New Orleans, Russell was cast as a deceased drug kingpin’s daughter. Academy Entertainment recently released the film on video. “New Line wanted it.” smiled Russell, but the investors had already made a deal with Academy. I think it should have come out in theatres. It’s pretty good.”

Delta Heat (1992) An L.A. cop investigates the death of his partner in the swamps of Louisiana. Enlisting the help of an ex-cop who lost his hand to an alligator many years before.

In Amore! (1993), “It’s Jack Scalia and Kathy Ireland and me, but you wouldn’t know it because of my billing,” laughed Russell. “I’m definitely in the movie. In fact, it’s only me and Scalia in the first half of the movie, and we get divorced and Kathy Ireland comes in. It was my first real comedy.” As the film started to roll, Russell had something else in production. I was three months pregnant at start time, and kept getting bigger!,” she revealed. “I finished the movie when I was four and a half months, and the filmmakers never knew I was pregnant.”

Her husband, who has retired from tennis, is producing a movie adapted from his own script. Rewritten by Dan Jenkins (Semi-Tough), The Break (1995)is a family affair for the Van Pattens. “It’s my first small part in a really good movie,” beams Russell “It’s like ROCKY or BULL DURHAM with tennis. Vince plays the veteran coach, with this rookie kid that he has to coach for the summer. I play the love interest to the kid. I’m the older woman.” She laughs, reflecting upon her ten-year development from PRIVATE SCHOOL starlet to more mature character actress.

When addressed with questions regarding nudity, Russell replied, “If BASIC INSTINCT came my way. I’m sure I wouldn’t have turned it down. It depends on who’s in the movie, what kind of part it is, what the movie’s about. But, you know, I’m not getting those types of offers or scripts anymore, so I’m not worried about it.

“I hope to do good work, to do entertaining, enjoyable projects,” Russell continued. Then, with a glimmer in her eye not at all reminiscent of Arnold Schwarzenegger, she smiled and vowed, “I’ll be back…”

Interview with Betsy Russell

What is the difference between the filmmakers you were working with in your early career versus the filmmakers of today? Betsy Russell: That’s an interesting question because I was just reading a little blurb online about a director on a movie I did called ‘Out of Control’ [1985, directed by Allan Holzman], and he went on to do award winning things, documentaries and other films. The directors I work with now are amazing, talented and insightful, but I’ve also worked with directors before who have gone on to do incredible things. For example, the dialogue coach from Private School [Jerry Zaks] went on to a Broadway career. All the people I worked with were fine. I don’t like to compare one to the other, they are all different.

When you made “Private School” back in the early 1980s, the videotape revolution had just begun. What do you think of how your images from that film proliferated from VHS to DVD to the internet? What do you think of the ability to download virtually anything from the internet, including those pictures of your younger days? Betsy Russell: When I said I would do the topless scene, because it wasn’t in the original script for Private School. I remember thinking I’m 19 years old, my body is great and for the rest of my life I’m going to have something on film that the people will say, ‘yeah, she’s topless but that is my Mom, that was my Grandmother, that was my Great-Grandmother’s first film.’

I remember thinking this is kind of cool, why not? Just to have it out there now in the ‘anything goes’ era, with Playmates becoming TV stars and the like, I am proud of it, I’m proud of my body and I’m proud of the sort of free feeling that my character had in that movie, not inhibited whatsoever. It’s more of a European-type feeling, that the body can be a beautiful thing. There is reason to hide it.

You were beautiful then, you are beautiful now, nothing to worry about. Do you remember the name of the famous horse on which you rode to 1980s movie glory? Betsy Russell: No, because he almost killed me. I didn’t know how to ride very well and I got on it just to get to know the horse. We didn’t have a very big budget so that the stunt guys had gotten some kind of wild horse. The minute I got on the horse it took off with me. Of course, everybody was at lunch except for the stunt guys, the horse wranglers and me. I thought I was going to die, because it started to run out of the stable area. Somebody finally stopped it. So I don’t remember the name, but it ended up being a quiet, passive horse after that incident.

You were fairly busy in the 1980s with your career. Was there anything that you auditioned for or didn’t do that you think might have led to a different career track? Betsy Russell: Yeah, I was a favorite of a casting director name Wally Nicita, and she eventually became a producer. She was a big fan of mine after Private School, and there was a film coming up called ‘Silverado.’ I was shooting ‘Avenging Angel at the time and I had an audition. It was a night shoot, I was very tired and I didn’t really understand the ins and outs of the business, I relied more on my manager to take care of that, and he was learning to as we went along.

So they called for me at the audition for Silverado, and I didn’t pay attention to who had been cast in it. I just looked at it as an ensemble piece, and the other movie I was auditioning for was a ski movie, in which I would star. I just said let’s go for the bigger part. As luck would have it, the audition was in the same building as Wally Nicita’s office, and she kept saying how much the directors and producers of Silverado would love to see me. I told her no, I was here for the other audition. She looked at me like I was the stupidest person on the planet, and never contacted me for anything again. Everything happens for a reason. I always believe my career would have been different had I done that part. I can’t say if it would have been better or worse. I’ve had a good run.

Tomboy had your character as a mechanic. How did this occupation change your character from a typical character? Betsy Russell: It defined her. I was playing a girl who loves auto mechanics. My oldest sister was a mechanic growing up. She did all the lube jobs on the car – she was that type of person. It wasn’t far out for me to imagine myself as that type of character. That’s what she did. She was a tomboy who liked riding motorcycles and playing basketball.

What are your thoughts on the trailer for Tomboy showing you as a strong female, but then cutting to you in the shower? Betsy Russell: I’ve never really paid attention to that. I don’t know that I’ve seen it. I guess strong females still have to take showers. They still like to feel sexy, so I don’t think there’s one thing that should stop someone from feeling sexy and showing their body if that’s what they choose to do. I don’t think it makes any difference in the world.

Tomboy is arguably feminist. Was this a draw for you? Betsy Russell: Yes, I like playing strong characters. I thought it would be fun. I was probably twenty-one years old, so the idea of playing this type of character was great. I didn’t think that hard about it. I said, “Ok, this is another role, this is what she does, and I’m going to get into it.” I started working with the assistant basketball coach at UCLA, trying to learn a little bit of basketball. At that point in my life I wasn’t thinking that long or hard about which role to take. I did have a couple of offers with Tomboy; I had another offer for another movie. I picked this one. I’m sure that was a draw for me.

What do you think makes it a feminist role? Betsy Russell: She has a career that isn’t the norm for women. Usually women rely on men to do all the mechanical things. It’s kind of unusual for a woman to be a mechanic. I think it’s silly to be unusual, but I guess it is.

In the same vein, what role does feminism play in Avenging Angel? Betsy Russell: I barely remember that movie, but I know Angel carries a gun. She’s a tough chick. I saw that movie maybe one time. I don’t remember it well, but I had a lot of fun doing it.

There were a couple of stronger roles you did early on. Did you find yourself drawn to the stronger roles? Betsy Russell: Typically the leads in movies are stronger women. Nobody wants to watch a wimp for two hours. I played more of a leading lady than the sidekick. I don’t think I’ve ever played the sidekick. If given the chance, I would have. I did what I thought was good.

How did you get your role in Avenging Angel? Betsy Russell: I auditioned first, but then the director fought for me. The producer wanted the girl from the first movie. The director said he wouldn’t do the movie without me. That was nice.

Do you remember having a favorite line from Avenging Angel? Betsy Russell: No, but a lot of people tell me their favorite line from it, and I don’t remember anything.

What were your thoughts on Cheerleader Camp (1988) and Camp Fear (1991) and how have these thoughts evolved over time? Betsy Russell: Camp Fear was somebody called me and said, “Would you and your husband, Vince, like to do this little movie? You’re going to make a lot of money for three weeks shoot, and it’s going to go right to video.” I said, “Great, I want to make a lot of money. If nobody sees it, I guess it doesn’t matter. It’ll be fun to work with my husband.” We did it. Who knew that YouTube would happen. I’ve never seen the movie, so I have no idea. I’m sure I was terrible in it. It would be hard to be anything but terrible in it. I’ve always seen bits and pieces on YouTube. My voice is really high in it. We had fun. My brother-in-law is in that movie. I remember the actor playing the Indian could never remember his lines; we laughed so hard we almost fell off a cliff. That guy who played the Indian asked Vince to be his best man at his wedding. We barely knew him so that was funny. That happened back when they would say, “No one’s ever going to see it.” You’d do it. As an actor, if you’re not working, you want to just work. It doesn’t matter all of the time if it’s best project if you haven’t worked in a while. You have to put some money in the bank. That’s why I did that. Cheerleader Camp, I hadn’t offered this role called Bloody Pom Pom’s at the time. I remember thinking, “Oh my gosh, I don’t have to take any clothes off.” At that time, coming from Private School, Tomboy, and Out of Control (1985), I was tired of taking my clothes off. I wore those big nightgowns, and I just wanted to be taken seriously. That’s why I did that movie. I had a lot of fun filming it. As for Cheerleader Camp, we didn’t know we were making kind of a farce. Honestly, it was a little bit funny, but I took my character very seriously. We were rewriting scenes on the set five minutes before.

What are your views on nudity in film? Betsy Russell: I don’t have any negative views on it at all. In my twenties, I would say, “If it’s intrinsic to the character then I think it’s great.” I learned that word, intrinsic, just to say that. I really don’t have any problem with it. If it’s just thrown in there because it’s a low-budget movie and they’re trying to sell it, it’s really obvious. It takes you out, which isn’t always great. Sometimes it’s just right for what’s going on. It’s great that the actor or actress isn’t embarrassed to show it. If it looks good then it’s great. If it’s a person who looks terrible I would rather they keep their clothes on. If it’s important to the role and that type of film then it’s fine.

CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY Femme Fatales v02n02 0038 Bad Ass Women of Cinema: A Collection of Interviews Chris Watson hollywoodchicago

Betsy Russell: 80’s B Film Princess Russell was born in San Diego, California, the daughter of Constance (née Lerner) and Richard Lion Russell, a stock analyst.

#BABES

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hollowsentinel · 6 years

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Hey! Tell me about your OC’s! Out of your OC’s, who do you think is the most badass? Who would stay up all night to help a friend study? Who would rather be caught dead than in last years fashion trends? If you don’t like these questions that’s fine! I just wanna know more about your characters. Your writing is really good, you’re really creative and I’m excited to know more about what kind of people you’ve thought up. Hope you have a good night. :)

Yay, an ask! Also, whoops, I forgot I was working on this, and I am really bad at givong short amswers so yeah. Anyways, these questions are fine. The fashion one really got me thinking. It’s nice knowing that you enjoy what I put out.

Badass: At first, I though Matthieu Marchand. He survives spending his teenage years in a sugar-sweet death world that made no sense, resists demonic possession, circumvents the fact that he should be unable to use magic, and is ready to fight gods when he gets home. Also, he eventually gets to the point where he travels between realities, finds a world with a rape-y version of himself, and erases that version and derivatives thereof from existence.

But then I remembered Ruos Illinde. She’s this sweet little farmgirl that’s madly in love with this witch that visits town now and again. Sh held on to this crush since she was a wee little lass, and when it comes time that the witch doesn’t mind their age gap, shit goes down.

Monsters attack town and people get cut to pieces. Ruos gets cornered, and she decides that she is too gay too die to a bunch of lycanthropes that have been terrorizing humanity since the beginning of time. Also, it would be terrible manners to schedule a date and not show up because she died. So she proceeds to outperform her local militia, takes a scythe to these monsters, and saves what’s left of town basically on her own.

Later, her witchy girlfriend runs away (she fucked up Ruos’ voice and felt mad guilty about it, also more monsters to deal with, but that’s just am excuse), and Ruos tries to go after her. Sometime during her search she forgets that aging is a thing, and just stops getting older for inexplicable reasons, and all the while, she’s hunting down monsters (saving people feels great yo).

Society falls over a bunch of times, but Ruos lives through thousands of years of monsters and people come to know her as the best damn monster hunter to live. Add to that the fact that she reintroduces the concept of guns and other technology people lost to monsters killing too many people (destroying production lines, methods, amd knowledge), and it gets pretty wild.

Oh, and there’s a practically immortal monster that is legit afraid that Ruos can actually do him in once and for all. Entire armies struggle to make him care about getting hurt beyond the immediate pain and PTSD triggered by fire. So yeah, Ruos is top badass.

Honorable mentions go out to Plan B (helps keep superheroes and supervillains safe from each other; is mundane himself until shenanigans, but he kept up before that), Jill (like Matthieu, she was in a weird place for a long time and became super scary), Sorec (princess; gets a genie to turn her country into a desert to get out of an arranged marriage and becomes a god), and the aunt (?) from last year’s botched NaNoWriMo (would travel during winter to get ingredients for medicine in spring probably among other things). I could go on, but This bit is long enough.

All-night Study Buddy: Canonically, Matthieu, but I have others that would probably also qualify. There’s my gun-slinging witch-prince, the budding archmage that goes (not hoes, though the typo makes for an interesting image) with him, Dodger Stone, Aster Xilhu, Lillian… huh, I thought the list would be longer. But anyway, Matthieu.

When he’s like twelve or thirteen, he’s hanging out the the library in all his free time. He crams as much magic theory into his head as he can so he can try to apply that to a new style of magic that he doesn’t need hereditary bullshit to use. There he meets this bright-eyed little girl (she’s like eight or nine at the time), and he ends up tutoring her.

Matthieu makes the mistake of asking if she's cramming for magic school, and suddenly she wants to apply at any cost. They camp out in the library, visit each other's homes, and they have marathon study sessions to get her into the school (and maybe they play nerd games when they get tired, I don't know).

But yeah, that's a canon thing.

Trendster: I had to think about this. Most of my characters don't have hard and fast visual designs, muh less prefered fashions. Multiple outfits and following trends isn't something I think about for most of my characters.

In lieu of an actually trendy dresser, let me talk about Hunter Halsey. His fashion is completely dictated by a very wealth vampiric patron. It's old, early 19th century stuff. Tight pants, boots up to his knees, hat, cane, tailcoat, waistcoat, floofy shirts, and junk. He ends up fitting right in when he gets shunted back in time, but the rest of the time, he looks really out of place.

Other characters with "known" and notable fashions include Caine Oschn... and that might be it. His (ex?) boyfriend Prince Cearus might actually fit the trendster thing, but unconfirmed.

#inquiry #my ocs #matthieu marchand #ruos illinde #hunter hunter halsey

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religionsinyourlips-archive · 7 years

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apologies for being so cheesy/obnoxious, but I wanna put this out there.

okay, so I know she (being @taylorswift) will most likely never see this because I’m a small account that hasn’t doesn’t have any friends on here and hasn’t been around for long (my old Taylor account is 4 years old and I haven’t been able to sign into it for about 2 years, RIP), but I just wanted to share this after thinking long and hard about my life so far.

this is really long and I apologize, but I hope it’s worth reading. if not, I apologize.

also, trigger warnings for those who get triggered by mention of self harm, eating disorders, and suicide attempts.

my 21st birthday is a week from tomorrow and I realized while walking my dog earlier this evening that Taylor and her music have been in and such a big part of my life for 11 crazy years. like, I know quite a few of y’all are older than me, but I don’t think I ever really thought about how much of an impact she’s made on me and how I’ve acted about certain situations until now. I know I’m not anything special because so many people have gone through worse things than I have, but I just wanted to share my story. maybe it might help someone, I don’t know.

we’re gonna go through by how each record has impacted my life and helped me through certain shit.

HERE WE GO, Y’ALL.

anyways, Taylor’s music has almost constantly been in my life since Tim McGraw was released as a single. I heard that for the first time in 5th grade because my best friend at the time was (and still is) obsessed with country music. now, I know Taylor’s not really considered country anymore, but we’ve all heard the debut album, so we know why my best friend at the time (Emily) was obsessed with it. anyways, I wasn’t quite smart enough to truly appreciate Tim McGraw (I was literally nine years old) like I do now, so I just kinda listened to it and lived my life as best as I could.

things started to change, however, when Teardrops on My Guitar came out. that came out at the beginning of my 6th grade year and as soon as I heard it on the radio, I was hooked. like, 1500000% obsessed. I had this cheap flip phone at the time (yeah, I know, a ten-year old with a phone) and I used it to record that song whenever it came on the radio. since iPods weren’t super popular with the kiddos back then, I listened to it on literal repeat on my phone’s memos when I wasn’t at school or in church or sleeping. I was literally so obsessed. I didn’t really realize until now, but Teardrops on My Guitar really helped me get through this heartbreaking failed crush I had between 5th and 6th grade, so thanks for that Taylor. ANYWAYS. as her other singles from her debut album came out and were played on the radio (Our Song, Picture to Burn, Should’ve Said No), I became more and more obsessed. that was mainly because I didn’t have many true friends and was bullied quite a bit all throughout grade school, so I felt like someone who didn’t even know me by name was there for support.

again, ANYWAYS. after being content with being a Taylor Swift fan through that debut era, I moved from where I was born and raised (southwestern Illinois) to Missouri (the Kansas City area/the western side of the state) because of my dad’s job. I went from having a couple good friends and not feeling like I had to try too hard to fit in to having no friends and wanting so badly to fit in. well, in doing so, I went into that trademark emo phase and the friends I made at that time made me think Taylor Swift made the worst music ever. that didn’t last long, though, because my choir teacher in 7th grade had us sing Love Story right after Fearless was released, so I was back to being hooked. but this time around, I had to keep quiet in order to maintain my not super great but I thought it was better than what I had in Illinois reputation (LOL I’m sorry, I had to).some of hiding that part of my life (the happy part of my life) got me so down and upset that I started self harming. it was bad. like, really bad. I managed to keep it a secret, though. anyways. the debut album and Fearless helped me through some tough times in seventh grade, including my cat of my whole entire life at that point dying, starting to discover my sexual orientation, and my parents not living together for four or five months.

we’re doing this again, but ANYWAYS (it’s obnoxious, I know). after being in Kansas City for about eight months, my dad broke the news to us that we were moving across the state of Kansas and halfway through the state of Colorado. I was absolutely heartbroken because I had to start that process all over again and knew it was going to be hard on me. I don’t know why, but Fifteen, Fearless, and Change got me through a lot of that when I moved here. anyways. by the time I moved here and got settled, Speak Now had come out (that was the end of the first half of 8th grade). I was still kind of in my emo phase, but people were a lot nicer about Taylor Swift here than they were in Kansas City. I had kind of settled back down to being “normal” and Speak Now, again, helped with a lot. I started really dealing with depression and anxiety in eighth grade due to some bullying (again), so Long Live and Mean got me through that. did I mention that I was bullied into working on changing my slightly hick-ish accent in middle school? no? WELL IT HAPPENED. ANYWAYS! as eighth grade rolled into high school, my Speak Now obsession continued.

okay, now into high school. the best years of my life, but the worst years of my life. LET’S GET INTO IT. I was in marching band all four years of high school and when I first started, I met who I though was the love of my life. she (yes, I said she) was great and supported me and whoever I loved/whatever I was obsessed with, and she was a swiftie, so that was a plus. anyways, as the second half of my freshman year rolled around, my dad lost his job he’d had for a looooooong time (the one that moved us out to Colorado) and my depression got worse. my girlfriend tried to be there for me as much as she could and kept reminding me that Taylor was there, too, but it didn’t help much. I started self harming almost constantly and my multiple suicide attempts started. after freshman year was over and sophomore year began, my dad was still unemployed and I was still severely depressed. my relationship started growing into an emotionally abusive one and I thought my life was pretty much pointless until the Speak Now World Tour dates were released and I saw that Taylor was going to be in Denver three weeks after my fifteenth birthday! unfortunately, my family wasn’t able to afford any kind of tickets and all I got from the concert was a bunch of girls around my school bragging about it and wearing all the merchandise the next day. the next few months of my life were like that until Safe & Sound from The Hunger Games soundtrack was released. I bought that the day it came out because we had Christmas a day late and I got an iPod touch with an iTunes gift card, so of fucking course I would.

okay, let’s just move into the next era because I am going on and on and on here. so between the time Safe & Sound and Red were released, I had attempted suicide multiple times through extreme amounts of self harm and attempting to overdose, but clearly, none of them worked. I also marched in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade my sophomore year and tried killing myself and started starving myself after we got back for lord knows what reason. the only good thing about that trip was being in Time’s Square at the same time Taylor posted a picture of her in a taxi in Time’s Square. like, that’s it. anyways, the only thing that helped me through my sophomore year was the fact that I had Safe & Sound and The Hunger Games to make me feel like life was like, the least bit worth living.

ANYWAYS, I’m pretty sure it was my first week of my junior year, but Taylor had her livestream when she announced Red and that was the beginning of my life turning around. I was finally able to end my super emotionally abusive relationship with my ex girlfriend by playing We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together on Skype and then hanging up on her. thanks, Taylor, by the way! it made me feel so empowered and the countdown for the album gave me something to look forward to. I also remember coming home from school two days after my sixteenth birthday, watching Taylor sing Ronan, then hating my life. A N Y W A Y S. Red coming out was the best thing that ever happened to me, even though I couldn’t buy the physical copy until after school the day it came out. I did buy it on iTunes the night before and I’m pretty sure I posted it on Facebook, but you know, whatever. by the end of my junior year, I was doing a lot better in school than I had been doing my previous year and my mental health got quite a bit better. my last week of school, two of the local country radio stations (The Wolf and KYGO) started giving away tickets for the Red Tour concert in Denver, and after calling The Wolf THIRTEEN times on my cell phone on my last day of school, I won two tickets to see her (click this link to listen to it because my good friend recorded it and put it on SoundCloud). it was a definite turn around to my life. my ex, who was going with her friend, tried to get me to take her with me, but I took my best friend instead and texted her the lyrics to WANEGBT during WANEGBT because I was too savage for my own good. I also saw Mama Swift and cried, and Grant tried throwing me a guitar pick and it made it NOWHERE NEAR ME. but he tried. and it was great.

okay, senior year. sorry this is so long. I continued being obnoxiously obsessed with Red and the last two digits of my locker were 22 and the last number of my locker combo was 13, so I though the Taylor Swift gods were blessing me for sure. ANYWAYS. I graduated from high school, which is something I never imagined I would be alive to do, but I made it through because Taylor made me feel so empowered with songs like IKYWT and WANEGBT and kept me away from my toxic ass ex girlfriend. BUT I GRADUATED. AND IT WAS GREAT. I WAS AND AM STILL SO PROUD OF MYSELF.

I’m just gonna long story short the rest of this because this is going on way too damn long. 1989 was announced and Shake It Off was released on a day I worked a night shift the night before, so I was like, wiped the hell out and actually asleep, but I partied hardy as soon as I woke up and ended up meeting someone who changed my life immensely because of it. I almost dated her, but I screwed that up and honestly, it’s probably for the better. the 1989 world tour rolled around and I didn’t win/couldn’t afford to buy tickets, so I just sat at home and read about it. I lived through the drama and the music videos, which made me feel like I had something to live for (again, I know that’s probably stupid), but at that point, I needed anything I could grasp onto. then I started therapy and antidepressant meds and started dealing with some gender dysphoria, which Taylor’s presence helped me through, until August. then I stopped my medication voluntarily and my self harm got bad. that was during the drought. it was fun. it was hard to find things to be happy about.

okay, fast forward to this year because I need to finish this. Taylor was basically nowhere to be seen and my depression and anxiety had gotten so bad, I had to do something about it myself. I found the courage and strength to put myself in an intensive outpatient program at a local behavioral health facility and while Taylor’s sexual assault trial triggered some very upsetting PTSD and guilt/shame, I graduated from the program two weeks ago. then, shortly after, this new era started.

okay, to make a long story short, I just realized I’ve been able to stay alive during all of her eras and all of the drama she’s been attached to and if you would’ve asked me five years ago, I would’ve told you I wouldn’t have been alive to do that. I realized that I have survived crushes, heartbreaks, love, breakups, depression, anxiety, self harm, suicide attempts, loneliness, confusion, and pain with and mainly because of @taylorswift and I can’t begin to thank her enough for that.

again, I know she’ll probably never read this or see it on her dashboard or anything of that nature, but I just wanted to let everyone know that Taylor is not only a musical legend, but a lifesaver.

#taylor swift #fearless #speak now #red #1989 #reputation #swifie #swifties #my life story so far #sorry this was so obnoxious #I just wanted to put this out in the world #personal

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awesome-brick · 7 years

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stupid shit my friends and i have done/said over the years

this is going to be an ongoing list, i’ll reblog and add to it every so often with new material. if you want a full story, let me know a “ ^ ” means that it relates to the previous item feel free to tag yourself

chugged five double shot espressos in an hour and almost died

wobbled into our lounge after a party one night, completely unaware that he had ripped the front of his pants and his dick was completely out

got completely lost in the mardi gras parade with a dead cell phone, cause his girlfriend abandoned him

^ and then somehow pissed off and got a double k.o. on a massive redneck dude named keith who was probably thrice my friend’s size

^ him calling me when he came to, saying “help, i’m dead” to my other friend who replied, “hi dead, _i’m dad” _before he passed out and disconnected

peed in a bush, on campus, in broad daylight, in the middle of our conversation, while two hot girls were passing by

^ did it again ten minutes later

brought a violin to a frat party, to play while drunk (there’s still some videos of that floating around somewhere)

gotten stabbed by some dude after coming home from a different party

during campus tours, as a tour group was coming out of the elevator and we (4 of us) were going in; waited until right as the door was closing and said very loudly so they could hear, “SO HEY YOU GUYS WANNA GO SMOKE SOME POT?”

camped out in the floor lounge for the entirety of finals week building a settlement in a minecraft server

“i’ll have you know, I once injected _five whole marijuanas” “_oh shit can’t fuck with this guy”

organized a candlelight vigil for Sparky, a raccoon that allegedly jumped into a power transformer and cut off power to most of campus, canceling classes for a day and a half (over 200 people attended)

sat on the floor in the right of two elevators in our dorm, covered in blankets. when somebody would walk into the elevator, we’d pop our heads up in succession and say “welcome to Right Elevator Inc. If you look to your left, you’ll find the informations desk.” “How may we help you today?” and as they were exiting, “DON’T FORGET TO RATE AND REVIEW US ON YELP”

the tale of The Bridgebuilder

gave so little fucks for the chem test that he went in his pj’s, wearing a bathrobe and topknot. thus becoming notorious around campus as the “Chem Ninja”

“it’s hard to date girls taller than me. Given that i’m five foot two, I don’t exactly get a lot of options here”

actually smoked legit weed (instead of fake weed) onstage in the middle of a performance of a play

got “sexiled” (kicked out of the room for sex) by his roommate three times during orientation week, as in before freshman year even began

bought a wheelchair from goodwill on two different occasions bc it was <$10, so now he just has two wheelchairs for no reason

sold his gamecube and all his games to another friend for $50, all of which went to buying weed

^ one of the games was an original GC copy of Pikmin 2 which would go for about 100 alone on the internet these days

^ he also burned through (heh) all of that weed in a day

somehow woke up half naked in a parking lot, (just like the CaH card) missing exactly $20 cash. he had more, but he was only missing $20

somehow got sexiled out of his room by two other people, neither of which lived there

one dude that can spit mad freestyle bars, but only when he’s high

bought an IKEA storage shelf and generic painting to make our dorm room look _even more _like a hotel room than it already did

made a tally count to keep track of how many times my suitemate locked me out of the bathroom when he wasn’t in there (final tally was 215)

earned the title of Il Duche for his drunk!self

“It was not my intention to make out with your sister!”

^ he accidentally made out with each of his girlfriend’s siblings, on separate occasions

hooked up with someone over the summer, only to find out afterwards that they were seven years older

“mom, i’ve had more relationships than you”

_^ _(he’s at i think #29)

went to the mcdonalds drive-thru, he wanted chicken nuggets but didn’t know where the “mc” prefix went. it came out as something along the lines of “uh can i mchave a mcchicken mcnuggets and a large mcchocolate mcmilkshake”

^ we each wanted separate orders that time, so we had to drive around four times in a row. they were so tired of us by that point

missed an uber because he was too busy saying goodbye to literally everyone at the party he knew

said to a police officer, deadass, “i’ll let you walk me home, but there’s no way in hell i’m getting on that fucking bike”

^ afterwards, tried to jot down the officer’s name, badge number, and name of his superior so he could “put in a good word for the guy” (he was so wasted he had to sit down to write it all out)

dude getting so wasted at a party he started timeskipping, thought the year was 2025

gave my friend a glass of water at a party cause he was fading in and out, needed some water. to gauge his mental state, i ask him “what are you drinking” “water” “what’s the chemical formula for that?” deadass replied “hcl” without missing a beat and he keeps drinking

had a drunken rap battle with some famous local rapper at a party (my friend actually won)

crawled from the taxi to the apartment, cause he couldn’t walk

^ “I said one thing, ‘don’t say anything.’ One thing. Of course, you said something.”

so wasted he couldn’t get off the floor, the owner of the apartment going “you gotta go, dude!” “bruh” “i’m not your bruh, now get up”

“wake up with a random mexican guy in your bed. College, amirite?”

all three of us have “slept” in this one friend of ours’ bed, but only literally and not sexually. one of us cuddled with her and others platonically, another slept in the bed while she wasn’t there, and a third had passed out and she let him use her bed that night

"Marcus, you’re a socialist, why don’t you distribute some of them hot dimes”

“Rainbows, unicorns, Xanax- The classic stuff.”

(arguing about which pocket the phone goes in) “You put the phone in the butt, and the hands in the front”

my friend Robert, who is “the weebiest weeb to ever have weebd”

the fact that i accidentally always cockblock my friend unintentionally by virtue of being ace

my friend, (a dude) showing up to a date only to find out she’s a lesbian

the guy who routinely calls his exes while drunk. apparently he has a “system”, as to which exes he calls depending on how drunk he is

fencing practice on the courtyard

[sarcastically] “okay well as a straight, white male in politics, now i have to oppress you”

all of us basically ganging up on and whipping like the only white kid in our friend group (who’s like five feet tall) with our belts

barrel rolling down the mountain after someone stopped him from going home with a girl cause he was too wasted

the guy who asked his crush of 4yrs out in his valedictorian graduation speech, only to get shot down instantly (like jesus christ rip)

^ his mom to him, “why don’t you love me as much as you love her”

guy’s family owns a quiznos, so his go-to pickup line is, “hey, i own a quiznos, want me to make you a sandwich?” (times successful: none)

my friend’s little brother was reprimanded by his parents, cause he was reading up on buddhism, “i mean, I didn’t see what the issue was. Worst case, you’re learning buddhism, best case...you’re learning buddhism”

the time the timeskipping friend found himself a confederate soilder in the civil war era, but in an AU where the south won

^ he looks at my face, points at me, looks like he's about to start laughing hysterically, "you're fucked", "why" "because you're brown, and the south won" (keep in mind, this dude is 100% filipino and almost as brown as i am)

^ he starts rattling off some bullshit jargon about what division he was in, his name, blah blah blah, but we look it up later and everything exept his personal details lined up with actual historical fact, down to where his unit was based and the name of the commanding officer, noting details that even our resident historian hadn't even heard of before

^aaand he wouldn't go to sleep until we played dixie for him on a continuous loop

one of my friends has a habit of becoming both kleptomaniac and amnesiac when he’s drunk, so here’s a tally of the stuff he’s stolen, some of which we don’t even know where it came from (almost all of these have hilarious stories behind them so please ask);

pair of trash cans and recycling bins

half a bed frame

a large ten gallon paint bucket

pack of frozen tortillas

giant industrial fucking cinderblock, which was about the size of his abdomen

a pair of white shorts (he didn't own any)

a full set worth of coasters and shot glasses

a lawnmower

a vacuum cleaner

a broom

a sprinkler

a traffic cone (one of the tall skinny ones)

a banged up car door

a pack of cards

half empty paint cans

half a bra

#tag yourself #my life #my stuff #funny #long post

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elle-stevens · 4 years

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The Break Up Blog - Day Two Hundred And Nine

I swear to God, the days are getting hotter in Cape Town.

February’s supposed to be the hottest month of summer here. And yet, the first week of March is almost over and I’m browner than a bar of chocolate.

Still, I’m not complaining.

It’s awesome being home again.

Since I last wrote a breakup blog, a lot has happened. Firstly, C messaged me to let me know that the two teachers who were meant to replace me and her at our old school quit randomly because of this coronavirus business. She and AS let N know that I might want my old job back. So N messaged me and made an official offer from the school, which I accepted. So once my work visa comes through, I’ll probably go back to my old school in China.

I know what you’re thinking. I made such a big stink about leaving that school for all sorts of reasons, particularly the one where I felt like my teaching skills had no meaning whatsoever.

What can I say? I’ve had a lot of time to think about things and it would honestly be easier to stay at a school I know and save up some money for another year before I move back to South Africa permanently. That’s if this global coronavirus epidemic ever gets resolved. It’s left me in a precarious position, at least professionally and financially.

Now it’s a waiting game. South Africa is doing what it always does and slowing down the process for me getting another visa. N keeps texting me and urging me to ‘speed things up’ with the visa process. But really, what does she expect me to do? Bribe someone? Use blackmail mayhaps? I’m literally doing everything humanly possible on my end to get a new job and no one else seems to be playing ball. All I seem to get is added pressure which I can’t assuage in any sense. I’ve told N that if the school needs to find someone asap, then they should go ahead and do that. So we’ll see how everything turns out.

The sad part is that I’m not sure I really care anymore. Obviously, it will be great to have any job, even my old one, at this point. But I’m just tired of holding up my end of the bargain and not getting the same treatment back.

Secondly, I may or may not have confirmed that X is dating again. And all because I simply had to Facebook stalk her for old times’ sake.

This happened on Wednesday last week before my appointment at a local police station to apply for a background check for my visa.

I scrolled through X’s most recent posts and found one from close to Valentines last month. There seemed to be a lot of pics and videos with her and this new girl I don’t recognise. Most of the pics of the two of them seem platonic. But then there’s another picture of them at what looks like a really romantic holiday resort in X’s hometown.

The real kicker is that X called this girl ‘bae’ in one of her posts.

And. That. Fucked. Me. Up. Hard.

I tried to play it off, I swear I meant to.

But I just couldn’t do it.

Something in me snapped. And suddenly, it was like we were breaking up all over again.

Just when I thought there was no way X could possibly hurt me any more than she already has.

I guess I was wrong on that front.

What pisses me off the most is that she gets to move on first.

She’s the one who lied to me repeatedly and used me for money. But she gets to date again and move on like she deserves to be happy in the first fucking place.

That just really gets my goat.

X basically had a year to stop being in love with me, long before I knew that she’d already moved on from our relationship. It’s only been 7 months for me and it still feels raw and painful on any given day. And now X is just over me and our relationship, like we never happened.

Like I meant nothing to her.

Honestly, it just fucking sucks.

So yeah, I spent most of Wednesday morning pissed off about that and then emotional and weepy for most of that afternoon because it was Candice’s 20th death anniversary as well. So I bought flowers and visited Candice for a while in the cemetery, just lapping up all the lovely misery of the day.

I went to a low place thinking about it all.

I’m beginning to think that I’m destined to love bad women.

There’s my mom who I love despite the fact that she’s basically a cartoon in human form with no real feelings about anything or for anyone. Then there’s Candice who was my best friend in my formative years who also bullied me and made my life incredibly miserable for half of 6th grade.

And then of course, there’s X too and everything I’ve blogged about her in the past six months.

So yeah, that was extremely fun to think about in the last couple of days.

I’m also beginning to wonder if I’m just a broken toy now. You can wind me up and I’ll still play a silly song and move my limbs around a bit. But there’s no spark or life in my eyes and my smile is hard and plastic.

Don’t get me wrong, I am really happy and at ease these days. That isn’t the problem.

My problem lies in how little fucks I give about anything that seems to be happening to me right now. In the past, if something good or bad happened, I had some kind of strong reaction to it.

But now...I’m brushing everything aside with a sardonic ‘meh, what can you do?’ There doesn’t seem to be any point in putting up a fight anymore.

I think X broke something vital inside of me; that part of my heart that wants to give a fuck about something, anything really. And whenever I think about opening up my heart to someone, I instantly retreat into my silly jokes and ridiculous whims.

I guess my therapist was right after all. What X did to me was an emotional trauma and I’m still gradually recovering.

Maybe I just need more time?

I’m becoming very snarky about my celebrity crush on Ariana Grande of late too. I’m taking potshots at her music and making unkind jokes about her stage persona. I think this is me trying to distance myself from my feelings because my crush is starting to fade.

I’m trying to keep the fantasy alive though. Listening to her songs on Spotify still give me a great sense of solace. And when I lay my head down to sleep every night, I still see her behind my closed eyelids, as herself or as Cat Valentine.

But the picture’s beginning to dim and I’m forcing myself to keep her imprinted on my mind. Because if she’s not there, if no one’s there in my heart, what else is there left for me to do?

I’m scared that if I let her go, I won’t be able to write again. I know that’s dumb, but Ari really did bring my writing back to life somehow after a whole year of inactivity.

I’m still not done with my latest Cabbie drabble. Time travel is hard to write about, especially when I want to be deep and clever about it. At least I’m getting better with nailing Cat’s facetious narrative in my stories.

That girl is as thick as cement. But she sure is pretty...

Maybe I just need to go with the flow and feel whatever I feel, no matter how silly or embarrassing it is.

I don’t know how much longer I’ll be in Cape Town for. This coronavirus business is getting really scary now that there are two confirmed cases in South Africa.

China and Italy really made love to the pooch big time...

My old school isn’t even open yet and they already want me to come back to China asap. I just wish I knew for certain if I’ll be going back in a month or if there’s going to be a hold-up with my paperwork.

I’m honestly over it all.

As for X, more power to her and ‘bae’ I guess. Although it would be in her new girlfriend’s best interests to watch over her cash more closely while X is around.

You really can’t trust anyone anymore when it comes to money.

Alright, bitter ex-girlfriend diatribe is over now. I’ll type a few sentences into my Cabbie drabble which will probably make Cat look like even more of a sexy dumbass. And then I should try to get some sleep.

It’s a strange dichotomy for me: being stressed out about the future and relaxed during my time off.

I just hope it all comes together in the end.

My life these days is a beautiful kind of strange.

#breakupblog #daytwohundredandnine

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