Danny wakes up, strapped into a rollercoaster train car with a bunch of other civilians, in a dilapidated amusement park, with an insane clown laughing through the speakers.
He can see that the track is entirely broken, and that it will send them straight to the ground.
Danny knows he won't die.
Danny knows the civilians in the train car with him will.
So he slowly freezes the wheels until the car stops, a mere four feet from the edge, allowing the icy tendrils to snake down the support struts and reinforce them. His eyes are letting out a faint blue glow, his hands frosted over, and he isn't so much focusing on keeping the ice stable as he is focusing on getting it into the gears and ensuring that the train car can't be knocked off the track.
Now the civilians are feverishly whispering words of encouragement to him, to keep it up, while the local vigilante family fights the Joker.
Why, oh why, did he think that going on vacation in Gotham was a good idea?
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
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i emailed ghost support to be like 'hey have you considered creating an official theme with any useful features whatsoever for creators of multiple serialized fiction narratives'
p sure they're gonna say no and that i should try making a theme but it was worth a shot. i genuinely think there's a gap in the market right now because patreon and ko-fi both suck for publishing and organizing multi-chapter fiction. i cannot possibly be the only one who'd rather have my own damn website. ghost doesn't even have any good webcomic themes. that's nuts.
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ONE YEAR OF NOT ME — DAY 1: FAVOURITE EPISODE
“Time alters our bodies. What he went through, his journey was completely different than mine. We used to look exactly alike. Today, he's quite different. Seeing his body this time makes me sad. He's been through a lot. I have no idea how much pain he felt.”
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scuse the long post but there was a post going round a while ago about how the Captain probably wouldn't say he's gay in the show bc that's not what it means in his vocab and i definitely agree with that BUT i can see it happening if his saying "gay" is meant to represent his welcoming the "fascinating modern age" that he now sort of inhabits, and show his progression from the era he has been tied to for so long.
it's also got me thinking about the reactions of the other ghosts because i think that whatever way he says it, everyone's different vocab is going to make it difficult for him especially in a Group Setting!
starting simple, "I'm a homosexual", miscommunication from the get-go when Julian pretends he doesn't know what it means just to stir shit up. robin desperately needs to know who the Captain is having sex with and why he has never been approached. Cap gets flustered and scarpers.
can imagine him being like,, "I am, as the youth say, gay" (trying to be hip and use slang because he's terribly modern now). half of them are like, yeah i'm happy too, what of it? but then Kitty absolutely jumps on that like, I'M a youth, I should be gay too!! starts going round telling everyone she's gay, you know?
Or, he does the whole "I prefer the company of men" thing which i LOVE (definitely read some excellent fic with this specific wording and it's just *chefs kiss*) but in a group setting?? it definitely leads to all the others being like,, umm misogynist much?? you hate women?? Kitty starts crying thinking that Cap would prefer to hang out with Julian over her. Mary headbutts him again, absolute carnage.
every single one of these potential coming-outs ends with Thomas thinking that the Captain is in love with him and he's very flattered but he's so in love with Alison...
the funny thing is that individually i think they'd all be fine to come out to (some better than others, some wouldn't be my first choice but overall, depending on what you're looking for in a reaction, they'd be great) but in a GROUP setting, it has the potential to be a real shit show and i love that.
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