#man theres a lot of tags lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

volfoss · 9 days

Text

i think honestly what irritates me about yoshidas work SO much is that people will tell you that banana fish is THE gay manga (ignoring the many things that came before it and were more groundbreaking, ie MW literally having on screen (or like. on panel but still.) gay sex in it and that came out like a decade before BF did) when there really isn't barely any gay rep outside of the pedophiles and the one time ash drops the f slur. like im sorry but somehow yasha, a work she wrote in 1996, has more gay rep in it but also has the same issues.

i truly do not get how people can enjoy banana fish with the rampant racism every 2 pages or the rampant sexual assault plotlines (on women and ash bc he is just... written like how yoshida writes women lmao) that are handled IMPOSSIBLY bad and sincerely i hoped yasha would be better because it had been like a decade or so between works. and then it proceeds to continue with the heres our blonde genius protagonist who everyone is weird as fuck to and will sexually harrass and everyone finds it a VERY funny joke to point out how feminine he is when theres barely any women in the work (if you exclude the ones that are being raped/killed/creepy to minors. which to be fair yasha has toned down the sa a LOT) and that its funny that hes kind of gay except not really!! and its just absurd to me how it just persists in all of her stuff because she is not an author that handles gay stuff well. like the scene in banana fish where ash is completely ok getting gang raped and did it solely to get into the hospital when its been SHOWN that he has a lot of trauma with that. and then right after his friend makes a joke at ash's expense about that. like sincerely and genuinely is this what we are hyping up as the old retro gay manga. go read some tezuka and stop reading shit that the most the main characters do is share a kiss in a nonromantic sense and is obsessed w making every gay person be evil!!

#twist rambles #sorry mw u will always be famous to me (horrible fucking manga to experience for like 50% of the time but also it rocksss and theres #about anything tw worthy in there but i wish more ppl did read it)#sorry im like. i like to read her stuff bc her art is interesting to me but oh my god it makes me so angryyyy #rape mention #ask to tag #like... you do not understand my one sided rivalry w her it is SO intense like... bf was one of the worst reading experiences ive ever had #my tzk gay recs are: black jack (protag literally has a transmasc ex bf) and mw (for aforementioned reasons but its like. genuinely bonkers #and honestly there r a lot of minor characters that r lgbt in his works and like. can we please read smth that doesnt suck 100% of the time #like idk god bf is so baffling to me bc theres NOTHING there other than like. the new horrors every chapter. and yasha seems to be reusing #some plot points so it double sucks. haunted by the one analysis showing how the two had similar themes and point 1 was literally child #exploitation like... man. god it sucks. like not that mw is perfect bc its not and its a media i have a lot of thoughts on but man. id take #that over bf anyday bc like... sincerely how is anyone looking past the horrors there!! the story is a jumbled mess and it rly doesnt have #much to sayyyy but whatever lol!! id love if the characters were in a better media id love if ash didnt end the story feeling positively #towards the man who groomed him but whateverrrr lol #this is super disorganized as a post but like. genuinely it is so infuriating bc some of the plot concepts in yasha have potential and then #she keeps doing this like!!

22 notes · View notes

essektheylyss · 2 years

Text

This isn't inherently related to last night's episode, but it did feel very present even in absence and I was reminded of it, so:

I talked about this a while ago here, but Caleb and Essek actually communicate astoundingly well, once they are willing to approach each other without imposing their own fears upon them—either because Essek is afraid of being found out or because Caleb is afraid that Essek is too much like himself to be trusted. It's simply that they talk in such a way amongst themselves in particular that those around them (and, frankly, fandom) do not parse it as clear communication, but every time they have any significant engagement after the Nein come back to the outpost, they seem to proceed with the air of having reached an understanding.

And I've talked about that, and you can read the post linked above, but the thought I had about it that I haven't really discussed is that it is a PHENOMENAL choice for playing two assholes at or over 20 Intelligence in a relationship.

They're talking in circles and sounding enigmatic! They're dancing this strange dance about who reaches out when and on what terms! But the thing is, as bewildering as that may seem from the outside, they both give the impression that they understand the other implicitly, because they're operating on very similar wavelengths.

That is their communication. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a level to which that's intentional—what is between them stays between them. Likewise, it felt last night like Caleb did not necessarily want to make whatever their arrangement is known to the rest of the Nein, and that is part of it; they understand each other, and they're comfortable with their relationship at whatever pace and stage they're at, and letting other people know about it or be party to their discussions would allow a level of external scrutiny that they have no interest in.

It's just a really fun choice on a meta level, and it's what makes them insufferable to write, and I absolutely love them for it.

#critical role #cr spoilers #shadowgast #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #cr meta #i was laughing parsing through my meta tag to find the linked post cuz like #man i really only write meta when theres a wizard on screen apparently.#head empty no thoughts unless wizards.#like sorry!!! i just have a lot of feelings about high int characters with former gifted kid complexes!#but anyway i still maintain that the ninth floor scene was on the level of a dtr relationship.#not inherently in the sense that they were then IN a relationship but #they both left that room with a very firm sense of their priorities and how they featured in each other's #they are insufferable to write though this is why if an emotionally charged scene with them isn't working i have to go cut dialogue lol #tbh it's also why imo they get VERY thrown off if the other is hiding something #even down to Caleb having no idea how to parse Essek's loyalties before finding out he was the traitor #like if there's active deception happening they're just [confused white lady surrounded by math.gif]

238 notes · View notes

cheeriochat · 2 months

Text

Some twst sketches I did yesterday that I said I would postttt

I drew my Yuu in the outfit I would imagine she would wear in the ghost bride event. I totally think their storyline would be: as a last resort crowley would play the "you're stealing my fiance!" card and make them play the upset bride with a runaway fiance. She would crash the wedding (with grim as a flower boy) and try to get their future husband back. Shenanigans would ensue including shock from the others, Idia probably wanting to die from embarrasment and Eliza getting insanely fed up.

By the way my yuus name is Yuukio and he uses the same pronouns as I, but prefers they/them so please if you talk about them use those pronouns! ^^

#ahh i love idia #yuukio is totally a self insert but they do also have a backstory and motives rather than “here to date [insert character]”#not like theres anything wrong with that #yuukio started off as my obey me mc who was literally just there to date beel lol #then they evolved a lot #like a lot.#at one point yuukio was a tall pink haired man #im happy with how they are now #man... school tomorrow #but that probably means more drawings #ya #twisted wonderland #twst #idia shroud #twst yuu #also vil is there but im not tagging him because i hate the drawing

10 notes · View notes

dishsaop · 2 months

Text

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing &#digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right)#and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh)#I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost.#anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic)#meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough.#im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY.#like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

10 notes · View notes

loafbud · 1 year

Text

The first Splatoon game turned 8 yesterday!

#the last (and first) time i drew anniversary art for the first game was when it turned 1 year #imna use the tags to be all sappy real quick:#ive been a huge fan of the splatoon series since the first game & have played it since day one #splatoon is the first time ive grown up with a game series from the beginning #like i knew it was gonna be a successful game that'd eventually grow and become a series w/ a cool fanbase #for first/third person shooter games (esp multiplayer)- i could never call myself a fan of those #but the moment splatoon debuted in an e3 trailer??? it took a concept i'd normally go meh to- but made it into smthn colorful/unique #like??? weeks after the announcement i was already gushing over what the lore would be in their universe #it got really tiring seeing all the hate it received- id watch ppl stream it out of interest and their chat'd be like uggh this ass title?#or id watch gamers do one single lets play of it and be like oh ok i can see how this game is fun (me assuming they'd doubt it's potential)#but to see how much splatoon as a series has grown has me kinda emotional ngl #like yeah sure theres still ppl outside the fandom who has (or still has since the 1st game) sour opinions about it #but ever since the fandom grew over those 8 years- it feels like the love for this series outshines that #but man.... i said this already on twt but i remember going to my first color run event locally w/ my family #(this happened weeks before the game came out btw) -but id have my phone out with the inklings on my screen #and id look at my phone & feel this happiness (that i havent felt in a while tbh) at being in an event that had a lot of colors in it #and at the time seeing all the powdered colors flying everywhere at the end of the race reminded me of splatoon sm i was like raaaaah #WOW SORRY FOR THE LONG TAGS LOL #BUT YEAH- I LOVE THIS SERIES (thats all i wanted to say)#splatoon #splatoon anniversary #splatoon 8th anniversary #fanart #loafbud

45 notes · View notes

pl4n · 26 days

Text

from a while back

#my art #rare colored drawings #even if its just flats #i feel like ill only ever post art if i want to rant in the tags LOL its awesome #sometimes theres just those kinda vague thoughts and feelings that feel a little pointless to actually talk to people about yk #its nice having a lil blog to throw stuff into :) journaling i guess #i dunno i feel stressed thinking abt juggling all the different life things. its smth i see expressed a lot and yeah. literally how #i kinda think hmm i should slowly incorporate things one by one. but then its like damn life just flies tf by and youve done jack shit #but then when im actually doing things i feel like things just keep piling up and idk how long i can sustain it until it all falls down #i guess this anxiety kinda comes from having had really poor mental health during my school yrs... maybe i still do but ahh #i just wonder when the next time that everything comes crashing is gonna be yk. it feels so inevitable but the stakes only get higher #so i dunno. ive been having a hard time sleeping from anxiety.. which gives me more anxiety... which gives me even more anxiety #im supposed to be cramming these tasks into these little pockets of time but i blink and a day is gone and then a week and a month.. a year #i want to do the things i have to do but also the things i want to do. but also REST #and ik that the balance between those things is extremely necessary.. bc losing that balance is exactly how shit hits the fan #hows anyone gonna manage that?#but i guess learning to do that is what life is all about.... lmfaooooooooooooooo #time keeps slipping man i hate it #ill keep trying tho ✌️ all i can do

3 notes · View notes

acaciapines · 25 days

Text

i need to talk about the dess raises kris au. or im gonna explode.

#chatter #GOOD TIMING TO THINK ABOUT AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY: EDITING UR TOH DAEMON AU LOL #like i can separate it out enough when im working lol but afterwards. oh its all deltarune babey!!!#been thinking a lot about dess and how i wanna write her #(aka im gonna canonize some mental stuff i've always kinda had in the back of my mind for her)#and GOD. dess. i forgive her for all her flaws <3 #but no shes sooooo fascinating to me in this au its just. she was Eighteen. right in the middle of a pretty bad psychotic break.#the only person ever in her corner (asriel) Did Not Believe her and has always been real shitty about her undiagnosed mental illnesses #(dw we will come back to this i have a LOT of ideas for azzy lol he is. uh. not the best at the start!)#and so like. of course when it comes to kris her best was never going to be enough.#but GOD im soooo fascinated by like. she does genuinely really truly care for kris.#yes its messy and caught up in a bunch of other things but she LOVES THEM #even if she cannot ever love them in the way they want her to (ie as a parent loves a child)#and is it fair for kris? no! course it isnt!!!#but theres no changing the past and so. this is kris's life now #and its dess's life now. and they just have to live with what happened #thinking about the like. 6 months to a year where it was just dess and kris (before chara) and. god.#GOD. YOU GUYS.#sorry this au is. um. i think it is my everything. like.#if you know you know (hi stars lol <3) but. man.........man.#i have a lot of thoughts about. prophecy. and when translating that out beyond just story and into like. the real world #cause lets be real prophecy doesnt exist but things w this power of 'you are supposed to be x and cannot be anything but x' DO and #god. the dess raises kris au is So Much.#also yeah another acacia tags essay they simply hit differently <3 #also enough to go into the main tag so #drkau #anyways lemme go back to editing lol

3 notes · View notes

ittybittybumblebee · 1 month

Note

Not trying to armchair psychology you, just speaking from personal experience- it's really, really common to have autism, especially autism that is coupled with ADHD and OCD, be misdiagnosed as BPD for young people. This is most common with verbal autistic people who also suffer from abuse as a minor. The constant mental pressure often manifests as erratic thought and behavior, "strange" patterns of belief and groupings, and just a general feeling of feeling like you are Not The Same and don't know what's wrong but that Something is Wrong. Extreme stress for all of those problems can easily be exasperated into psychosis unfortunately, so a good approach involves being able to ground yourself with knowing how your mind is different, and that it is not broken. Whatever you find out, best of luck man.

thnx means a lot that u typed this out to me anon <3 i think ur def on the right track on what i could b dealing with but at the same time there has been a point where i was quite sure i must be autistic but felt i never had or experienced the same wide or specific and unique variety of stimming/stimulation issues like most autistics do and kindof let that thought slide a bit. because what sources i read had all listed those as being one of the important diagnostic criteria so that is what i understand.

having said that it could be my perception of how stimulation issues present themselves Personally has me feeling like i dont suffer them when i could still be affected in different ways that im not registering as possibly being That

#i did... i.. god i do remeber taking that online autism assesment test a long time ago and i was in the high range but i was like Hm #but its so very hard when theres all these comorbititys and similar symptoms to other things to truelly tell sometimes...#it can feel pretty confusing !#one thing i know with clear certanty is i have absolutly have anxiety wether removed or caused by comorbitities or not #alsogoing back to the online autism assesment test i know online tests arent reliable but how far in th hole of denial due to uncertainty o #myself do i want to dig before i just start doing things to help myself for Something #basically tldr: i take everything with a grain of salt and dont jump in untill i feel quite sure #its hard to feel quite sure when ur brain and behavior is confusing #and i feel like i dont stim.. maybe i do ! but if its anything it might be so subtle that even i dont realize what it is...#i will always still keep my mind open to it because of the individual uniqueness of any thing like that..#but the mood swings oh my god do they fit bpd #But . autism could #i Need to stop ranting on in the tags.#man #ill just let this rest for tonight and mull it over later more #lol #i could definitly go on more i always havea lot to say about my brainworks. my own analyzing . but itd go on forever #need to stop somewhere

5 notes · View notes

goldiipond · 11 months

Text

hate that thing tumblr app does now where trying to post a post with no tags brings up a prompt to add some tags to ‘help people find your post’ and i really hate that it even pops up when you try to save a post to your drafts. like girl its a draft. no one is finding it in there. i might not even find it to be honest

#skye's ramblings #just like. the disconnect between this feature and most the userbase for it to only exist to say 'help people find this!! seek interaction!'#most untagged posts are personal posts/op just saying literally whatever random thought is on their mind. theyre not lookinf for clout #theres a reason i censor popular fandom terms in the tags of my rambles skye tier 2 illness is follower exclusive. i talk a lot <3 #idk i just think its a really funny feature to add to a site where getting popular is widely seen as one of the worst things that can happen #most common thing for someone to do when their post blows up isnt to celebrate the clout its to just delete it/turn off rbs. lol!!#also it pops up when you rb a post without tags too and just. thats not even how that works. come on man #they could mean 'find it' in an organizational sense too but i doubt it and if that is the case um. bmaybe fix your search function first #i dont personally see this window much as you can probably imagine. but it is annoying when im just drafting thoughts to come back to #'ooghhhhh give me tags help people find me' well its cute you think youre special. youare going in the drafts

7 notes · View notes

cerealmonster15 · 1 year

Text

literally how i feel when im trying to make a shred of sense on artfight talking about the aus and how all the characters connect to each other

at least. on yale’s profile l o l

#god. girlie you talk too much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! chilll!!!!!!!!!!#it's fine. IT'S FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i have simpler characters. it's fine.#yales just my FAVORITE!!!!!!#im excited about having my twst boys on there tho. i want to draw twst ocs this year #god my twst ocs have so much stupid confusing backstory lol #i dont even go into all of it on artfight #i have a longass post on here that i should probably just link on the profile #AND MAYBE I WILL. BUT . oohohohoo.#actually this pic is me with my like 10000 caterella branching aus #i have a relationship map thats just #so fucking hard to read #that one never left discord dms LOL it's. so embarassing klsdflkds #i mean /i/ like it bc it appeals to ME but.#i cant show anyone else besides the friend i talked about it with when i made it #ITS FKSLDFJKDLSJ #'it makes me look obsessed' i say as if my brain isnt 50% twst and 50% dndads like hello my man it's not a secret #ok anyway. whats up with me rn my head is going so rapid rn #theres a lot happening in my brain im feeling VERY CHATTY #so i just do it all in tags of posts teehee ok bye

5 notes · View notes

coridallasmultipass · 14 days

Text

Personal vent and ugly mental illness symptom talk

So, I should unpack this with my therapist, but shit's embarrassing, so I'm just gonna vent it out on the public internet lmao.

I was typing out a whole thing about how I KNOW I'm aromantic, and despite that, still have moments where my brain gaslights me into believing I'm in fairytale love.

I should preface by saying I have not officially been diagnosed with either additional mental illnesses I believe that I have (B.P//D and AD//HD [which lol being on AD//HD meds since antidepressants didn't do anything has given me some notable improvement, but I'm still without a diagnosis], nor Au//tism) DESPITE repeatedly asking multiple therapists multiple times and a psych like 100 times to give me a definitive yes or a no.

But holy shit. So I'm typing about how I've 'Favourite Person'-ed multiple people at multiple points in my life across all ages, and I'm like, okay, it's been a hot minute since I refreshed my definition of that, I should make sure that's still a thing and not something I just made up or has been dropped from the symptoms or whatever the case. I wanna make sure I'm using it right in this rant about how falling into Favourite Personing people in the past has made me believe 'wait, maybe I'm not aro, this HAS to be like the deepest truest love in existence, despite my years of knowing I'm aro.' Like, I'm so aro I once calculated out the date, months in advance, I was gonna tell someone I was dating that I loved them, only because it seemed like a socially acceptable amount of time to say it. I wasn't thinking about what I actually felt lmao. (And that was probably not a FP relationship, too, so I know that was absolutely an aro incident.)

Anyways, so I'm reading a couple articles to make sure I articulate my points about how it's conflicted with being aro, and I read about how people falling into having a FP will even hate that person for the slightest perceived wrongs. (I knew this, I just was thinking about the love incidents since that's what was related to my point about being aro.)

And holy shit. That just. Unlocked a memory I have about when I was an older kid, like probably 9ish (and older), I HATED my best friend of many years and who would continue being my bff for more years. Who was my everything. I couldn't stop thinking about how much I hated them. I would lie awake at night (insomnia too tho) thinking about how much I hated them and I couldn't understand why I didn't just stop being their friend and start hanging out with old friends more instead. I just couldn't do it, I wanted to hang out with THEM. I was so sick and feeling jealous of them whenever I found out they'd been hanging out with someone else one-on-one and I wasn't invited. Even when it was their own family. One time they brought me a plate of cookies by surprise for (before) a holiday that they'd just made with their cousin or something. And I felt so sick about how I wasn't there for that, it felt like an insult. I couldn't have put this into words, unless I just now read that point in an article and made a connection. It was so confusing, because usually the people who hated their 'best friend' was like, the mean girl kinda character who intentionally does it to hurt the innocent main character or something, but I was the one who felt wronged every time those feelings would come up. And this wasn't just a 'man it's so annoying when they do this specific thing.' This was active stewing, in a slow cooker, all day and all night kinda thing.

I was never romantically or sexually attracted to that person, but I probably wrote all this off as either unrelated sexuality or gender bullshit when I figured that out later. But knowing now that there was definitely someone (actually, I'm thinking of WAY more people as I'm typing this, and just realized why I stopped loving a band and started hating them 'for no reason' wow lmao) that I FP'ed who I definitely WASN'T attracted to, suddenly convinces me that I was probably right in suspecting B.P//D. (Or, y'know, maybe I don't have that specifically, and it's the symptom from a different facet of mental illness or whatever.) I've been so hung up over how I'm aro, sometimes ace, and then this 'only' happens towards people I am attracted to. Like, 'maybe it was love and I'm just terrible at it.' (No! It's not! Aro is correct! That's just the brain manipulating me to get another hit of dopamine off a FP! It's just easier to happen to someone I'm attracted to!)

It's no fucking wonder why I always worried about people hating me in secret, and it's because I was absolutely making myself insufferable because of that worry. I know for a fact that some people definitely did hate (or. Lmao. Shut up. Like, 'resented' maybe fits better) me for demanding constant attention that was never reciprocated by anyone I've ever met in my entire life.

I probably wrote-off so many symptoms as 'I was a moody teen and kind of an asshole.' Except it happened before and after I was a teen, too. I would have excused everything that happened during and before high school, when I should have been looking for these patterns I kept following for years after. It doesn't help that my first relationship was wildly toxic (mostly against me in this one case), and while I didn't feel particularly bothered by it after I got over the nightmare breakup, I just kept going 'What if it was the sole cause of all of this and I'm just repressing that?' Well, phew! No, it's not, that was thankfully just a toxic embarrassment, and not the source of all my problems. I was already on the shitstorm trajectory. That's a major relief. If you can call it that. I really don't like discussing that one, but not in a trauma way, more like a, you don't really wanna discuss pissing your pants on accident kinda way. Unpleasant to remember, wildly embarrassing to talk about, but ultimately not a life-altering event.

Ughhhhh. Maybe I should bring this (the mental illness not the relationship) up to the therapist. But like, I haven't been close friends with anyone in like 6 years or so, so I don't have any current or even recent examples about how being in friendships has always turned out Russian Roulette for me. My therapist doesn't seem to believe how bad it was for me to be in friendships where I was unintentionally FP'ing someone. Because besides the depression and anxiety (and mild OCD), I'm a totally normal person to her who's just dealing with shit health problems and grief (and frustration from being trans and not in a safe place to transition). Y'know, normal life problems most people will feel at some point, just chronic in my case. I may be weird, but I'm obviously far from the worst she's seen. I'm not uniquely mentally ill.

((Except the whole 'treatment resistant depression' diagnosis bullshit from the psych, but I'm learning it's not just mental issues I have that are treatment resistant lol.))

I tried talking to her about a small part of all this before, but IDK what I did wrong, she took it 100% as me being the one unintentionally wronged and not setting MY own boundaries (lmao), so like I don't know how to word this in a way she'd understand that most of my problems in this area were my own fault. (I mean that both negatively and neutrally, because it's an ugly side of mental illness, but not one I chose or know how to help.)

Not being in close friendships with anyone has had an understandably sane-ifying effect on me (barring the, y'know, depression/anxiety/OCD and baseline weirdness), which has gotten me trapped for the 5th time in 6 years of making my therapists believe I'm better off than I actually am. (I've done this to every therapist I've ever had before that, too.) But like, again, at least for the past 3 therapists and the latest psych, I AM actually better for not having close friends lmao. Only one therapist ever had one visit of me wanting to address these concerns specifically while they were currently active, and by the next visit, we had to shift exclusively to sudden new grief lol. (What a shitshow. It somehow always ends up that whenever I wanna treat an illness, it's like opening a can of worms, except the worms are firecrackers and I didn't set the can down and step back a few feet.)

Like, it obviously feels safer to not have close friends at all because there's no fear of abandonment if I have no one to begin with. And, genuinely, I operate better when I'm alone. But now that I've known safety, it's hard to imagine throwing myself back into the roulette wheel, hoping I don't land on red OR black. But fuck, man. It is lonely.

And being aro? It's freeing, and validating too, to have a word for it, but I'm not gonna mince words here, I hate it. I wish I could feel romantic love. Like normal, not mentally ill ""love."" I feel platonic love all the time, like for friends (not FP) always. I love saying 'I love you' to friends and meaning it. But I want to feel romantic love. I just don't. I just feel friendship, Favoriting, and/or sexual attraction sometimes. Probably why I'm so into shipping and fanfics. I got a lot more "probably why's" but I don't wanna go down that in this already vulnerable post lol. (I already made a whole post about one of the why's back in like 2013 or 14 lmao, without connecting it to this.)

Anyway, I put this whole mental illness and relationships deal into ugly imagery in a current fic WIP I'm working on, since recognizing I was aro took living through FP'ing a few 'romantic' relationships, before I even first heard the term FP. I only saw my experiences as 'I don't think I've been experiencing love' and that by itself felt like it fit. I didn't realize there was anything wrong, even as I outwardly said shit like 'I don't think I'm fit for being in a relationship' to the few people who asked me out, even when I wanted to say yes.

And then I kept trying to make relationships work lmao. I don't know why I even bothered. I just wanted to be wrong about being aro, especially when it was a point of contention (aro and ace separately) with some of the relationships.

I'd probably have to meet another aro person of the exact same flavour of aromanticism to make it work, but even then the mental illness would just be a ticking time bomb. No one wants to be the recipient of FP 'affection', except maybe sometimes the fictional people in a certain fiction trope that winds up being fetishistic, even if it's not intended to insult real people (but sometimes it is). And it's just a reminder of how I was probably a big source of toxicity for probably half the people who have ever been close with me, if it's even half of how fiction portrays people with this symptom.

I dunno where I wanted to end this vent, so here's probably a good place. Just wanted to get this off my chest, because it just now felt like a pretty big revelation that my problems weren't related to romanticism, I've had purely platonic instances of this dating back to being an older kid, and more during high school, and I just never connected the two before now.

#dont read if u think im cool #id rather stay cool lol #long post #delete later / /#(in case i change my mind or wanna edit)#Cori.exe #Post.exe #man i talk a lot #shouldve spent this time writing fics instead but i rly needed to talk (type) this out since i dont wanna bring it up in therapy again yet #anyway lmao there we go #rly excited for the fic tho. besides the stuff i mentioned i also took this popular trope and #wait #why am i spoiling it im not gonna convince anyone who read this post lol youll just have to wait for the hot platonic smmmmmut #and hilarious storytelling by one char #and then (still a wip) round 2 #bc no fic is complete until theres a round 2. imo.#((yes i know i have a different round 2 thats over a month late past when i was gonna post it lol i havent forgotten))#here we go writing an essay in the tags now too lmao #ok i need a break for my eyes and then im gonna try to write the platonic one more #hhhh anxious tht my reputation will tank from posting this. idk how i or my 2 followers will survive th consequent backlash and cancellation #(joke)#(still anxious tho)#(i have diagnosed chronic anxiety lol)#eager to know what id be cancelled from tho. maybe my puppetfuckinglicense gets revoked.#maybe my shrimp get taken into protective custody #shrustody #sorry i dont mean to make light of legit cancellations im just trying to convince myself its okay to post on my own blog #good fucking luck catching all those shrimp tho i dont even know how many i have. they control their own population at this point.#they probably have their own system of... shrovernment #Prime Shrimpister Isosceles rules with an iron swimerette i wouldnt wanna interfere with that sovereign nation

1 note · View note

yo9urt · 2 months

Text

today i return to the sea

#mine #its my last first day of school (until/unless i go to grad school but thats way off if it even happens)#the rest of these tags are all just going to be complaints so keep scrolling if you dont gaf #ok first complaint. my schedule is stupid and awful i think #winters schedule was weird too. but this one kinda sucks #the main problem i see is that both of my main classes are in the middle of the day so theres probably going to be people eating #(i have mis0phon1a)#so thats number 1. 2nd problem is that those classes also have the grading scale where u need at least 95 PERCENT to get an A. girl!#they are also both 400 level spanish classes so theyre just going to be kind of hard and annoying and a lot of work in general #the next problem is that my other class is actually not quite a class it is a teaching practicum. which i didnt even 100% want to do #but the certificate could be useful so im doing it anyway.#one of the guys in that class (i know some of the students already from winter) eats like a hog for like the first 20-30 mins so thats goin #to be miserable i bet. also at some point im gonna have to teach a lesson myself #which is scary and also frustrating because again i didnt even really want to do this. WHATEVER #ok what else. ummmmm #oh i think i might be unemployed LOL normally my boss would have done schedule coordination stuff like last week but i havent heard from he #at all. this is because we are government funded and the government does not want to fund us anymore -_- suck my balls #and my hog too. so money is going to be a concern which is especially awesome because ive already been trying to save up #becaues im moving out this year hopefully so im gonna need $ for that and for probably upgrades like i might get a new phone and computer #and stuff etc. and i live in an HCOL area so even though i literally just buy groceries my bill is like $294358939358/month #SIGH. also of course the final problem on the list is the behemoth of them all: i have to apply for jobs #i made a little spreadsheet to hopefully make the process easier. but its going to be agony lol fucking resumes and cover letters how about #i just kill myself now -_- and fucking interviews too. fuuuuuck you suck my nuts and dick and balls #i dont know how im going to cope iwth any of this LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and also as usual i have like no friends so its just me going it alo #alone* in this big awful spring. 2 and a half months of this.#i suppose i will need to go back to the dispensary.#fuuuuuuuuuck man

1 note · View note

marlenesluv · 9 months

Note

heyy i was wondering if u could write a max, daniel, or carlos x super southern (like from the DEEP south/not texas) dallas cowboys cheerleader (kleine powell fc plz shes so gorg) smau and everyone is surprised that theyre together. or alternatively same premise but with an lsu tiger girl (fc darah haidet) and shes a lot younger. us southern girls get no rep lmao and ily

Unexpected. (DR)

hi! thank you sm for the request. i absolutely love this sm!! i went with daniel for this one, he’s too cute. i genuinely never see any southern girl stuff, so i hope you love this! and ily too!!also, y/n is a dcc, but she’s from louisiana. i never mention a state tho so you can imagine a diff one!!

pairing: daniel ricciardo x dcc!reader

fc: kleine powell

warnings: none!

note: i went ahead and made this not a soft launch (im limited with photos lol) also age gap is 8 yrs in this one!

masterlist here -> masterlist link

^ check my list for all posts! ^

liked by: y/n.user, pierregasly, and 1,872,055 others

tagged: y/n.user

danielricciardo: hiked a bit, and picked up this pretty lady along the way

view comments…

landonorris: you have a girlfriend? i never thought i’d see the day

|> danielricciardo: you’re talking??

y/n.fp: is that our girl?? our cowgirl is dating a man that makes cars go vroom!?!?

|> f1.fp: when worlds collide

y/n.user: wouldnt have wanted to hike those 12 miles with anyone else :)

|> danielricciardo: :)))

dcc.fans: does this mean daniel is gonna come to games?

charles_leclerc: is she converting you full cowboy?

|> y/n.user: of course i am🙃🤠

yourbsf: awwww, you guys are so cute. pls let me meet him

|> y/n.user: soon, honey🫣

_______________________________________________

liked by: danielricciardo, francisca.cgomes, and 862,274 others

tagged: danielricciardo

y/n.user: who’s going to tell him that these are not the dcc colors….💙🤍

view comments…

fanpage.dcc: UNEXPECTED RELATIONSHIP

|> y/n.fanpage: LOVE IT THO??

danielricciardo: sugar, it’s texas’ colors…..

|> y/n.user: i’m not from texas daniel, we’ve been over this😐

|> danielricciardo: let me grab my blue and white before the game

|> y/n.user: thank you, hun☺️

pierregasly: have fun with his annoying ass

|> danielricciardo: HEY. she loves my ass, thank you very much

|> y/n.user: 😇

formula1fp: this was not on my bingo card for this year. i’m not mad about it tho

_______________________________________________

twitter:

Formula 1 Wag News @formulaonewags • 2d

New Wag: Y/N Y/L/N has been posted by Daniel Ricciardo recently, saying that he “picked up this pretty lady” referring to Y/N. She is a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, at 26 years old. They have yet to officially announce their relationship, but with both posting, daniel going to games, and not denying their friends, we have strong reasons to believe they are dating.

DCC Updates @dccupdates • 2d

We think thet have been seeing each other or talking for a while. Y/N has stayed away from guys at parties (via her friends posts) and Daniel has been posting a lot at home. Maybe this has been going on for a while?

_______________________________________________

liked by: y/n.user, carlossainz55, and 2,109,240 others

tagged: y/n.user

danielricciardo: first date, kinda nervous. do you guys think she likes me? 🙁

view comments…

y/n.user: i do i do i do🫠🫶

|> danielricciardo: i like you too🤭🫶

dallascc.updates: pls pls this is way too cute but i’m shook

|> f1updatepage: aren’t we all?

georgerussell63: theres no way you’re dating a dcc-

|> carmenmmundt: they’re so cute!!

|> georgerussell63: yeah, but how?

|> danielricciardo: im very charming

yourbsf: actually adorable asf. i’m soso glad you’re both so happy together :’)

|> y/n.user: thank you, babes🙁🫶

maxverstappen1: i hope you guys had a good date!

|> danielricciardo: we did ☺️

_______________________________________________

liked by: y/n.user, oscarpiastri, and 1,982,140 others

danielricciardo: another hike, another race sunday

view comments…

y/n.user: you’re gonna do so amazing ☺️

|> danielricciardo: wear my cowboy hat?

|> y/n.user: i’ll be there with the hat and boots on 🤠

|> danielricciardo: 😊

f1.wag: new y/n content? yes plsssss

carlossainz55: i’m still confused on how you got a girlfriend

|> maxverstappen1: we’re all confused

dcc.posts: our favorite hikers 🥾

y/nfanpage: i livveeee for them

_______________________________________________

liked by: landonorris, danielricciardo, and 1,027,174 others

tagged: danielricciardo, landonorris

y/n.user: p2 for daniel = proudest gf today. although i would be proud no matter what. thank you for being such a sweet, funny, supportive, and entertaining bf. i am not thanking you for bringing lando on the same plane, jk

view comments…

landonorris: those tension headache pills didn’t help?

|> y/n.user: nope

|> landonorris: oops 🫣

f1.updates: trio we needed

danielricciardo: my favorite cowgirl❤️

|> y/n.user: my favorite cowboy❤️

|> wagsof.f1: i’m actually so lonely i’m sobbing

formula1.page: you😭 guys😭 are😭 adorable😭

lilymhe: cutestttt

|> y/n.user: you’re too sweet💓

|> lilymhe: 💓💓

y/n.fp: i am never getting over this relationship. f1!driver and southern cheerleader? k. my life is complete

yourbsf: MY PARENTS

|> danielricciardo: oh dearie

|> y/n.user: 😳

_______________________________________________

(reposts, comments, and likes are appreciated!^-^)

#f1 #formula 1 #formula one #daniel ricciardo x female reader #daniel ricciardo fluff #daniel riccardo x reader #daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo x ofc #southern fic

697 notes · View notes