#may i say again THAT KNIGHTLEY....... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gnocchibabie · 7 months

Text

This scenario has been living in my brain especially since I recently came home from a bad day of work and just had to watch my comfort movie so…

Imagine you’ve had a horrible, awful, no good day and come back to yours and Simon’s home. You get changed into your comfiest pajamas and flop onto the couch, turning on Netflix and scrolling through the endless lists of shows and movies for something to watch and settle on Pride and Prejudice (the 2005 version ofc). You’ve seen it more times than you can count but it's your comfort movie, so yes - you’re watching it again. Making yourself comfortable on the couch, you get about 5 minutes into the movie when Simon gets home from work. After your usual greetings and a peck on the lips you reach out for the remote to turn off the movie, assuming Pride and Prejudice isn’t exactly his cup of tea.

“What are you doing?”

“Just turning it - I know you don’t care for thi-”

“No, we’ll watch it”

You chalk this up to Simon understanding that you’ve had a bad day - that he’s willing to sit through anything for you. So he shimmies next to you on the couch, him sitting and you laying down, your feet resting in his lap.

You figure that Simon may slightly dissociate during the film as you can’t possibly imagine a man like him would find this kind of thing entertaining. You get further and further into the plot and, despite seeing it time and time again, find yourself giggling and kicking your feet at the infamous hand flex scene.

“What was that all about?” Simon is clearly confused, but amused by your reaction.

“The tension - the way he flexes his hand after touching hers - hell, the way he’s not even wearing gloves - you wouldn’t get it” you finally give up on trying to explain the definition of romance when you hear Simon chuckling at your ramblings.

But when you reach the confession scene, where Elizabeth and Darcy stand in the rain shouting at each other, Simon surprises you.

“The hell?” you hear a gruff voice say beside you.

“What?”

“What kind of confession was that? He just insulted her entire family.”

“Do my ears deceive me, or are you actually getting into this movie?”

“Never said I wouldn’t,” he scoffs.

“Well just keep watching!” you urge.

Throughout the rest of the film, Simon makes more comments. You do your best to hide your amusement - the movie clearly piqued his interest. You both watch as the rest of the story unfolds; Elizabeth touring Darcy’s estate, Lydia eloping with Mr. Wickham (“What a sorry sod that Wickham is.” Simon had said, which had you utterly rolling.), Bingley proposing to Jane, and finally - Darcy proposing to Elizabeth.

Since Netflix happens to show the american ending of the film (controversial, I know), you and Simon watch as the final scene folds out before you two. Tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you hear Kiera Knightley and Matthew Macfayden recite:

You may only call me Mrs. Darcy when you are completely and perfectly and incandescently happy.

And how are you tonight, Mrs. Darcy?

Simon pretends not to notice your glazed eyes as the movie fades to black. Sitting up and stretching with a groan, you look over at the clock realizing it was getting late, then back at Simon, “Well? How’d you like that?”

“S’alright” Ghost shrugs his shoulders

You scoff, “Yeah sure, that’s why you were glued to the screen.”

Simon chuckles and stands from his place on the couch, stretching as you did before turning back towards you. He outstretches a hand and gives you a small smile, “Ready for bed, Mrs. Riley?”

#i also imagine watching Bridgerton with him #and the rest of the 141 #they would be SHOOK #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon riley imagine #simon riley fluff #pride and prejudice

184 notes · View notes

bethanydelleman · 1 year

Text

Estimated Sexual Abilities of Austen Men

In no particular order within tier

Edits added in blue based on your reblogs and careful consideration

Top Tier:

Mr. Mainwaring: to have the near undying loyalty of the exceedingly selfish Lady Susan, this man must be a sex god

Henry Crawford: he knows he’s not handsome, he wants women to love him, he'd put in the work. Also one of the only men to be rated by a woman who has had sex before.

Henry Tilney: he cares about things women like, high emotional intelligence, and extremely kind.

Frederick Wentworth: passion and experience (I imagine), also has high emotional intelligence when he’s not being a dufus.

Colonel Brandon: passionate, thinks about other people’s feelings a lot, self-sacrificial

John Knightley: I think there’s a good reason that they keep banging out those kids

Admiral Croft: I cannot believe I left him off, obviously amazing in bed because he respects his wife as his equal and is very fun. You are telling me they spend all their time together and don't have amazing sex? No freaking way!

Good Tier:

William Price: athletic, cares about his sister a lot (good sign), and gives good presents. He’s only nineteen in the story which is why he has room to improve.

Captain Harville: Obviously

Mr. Morland: dude isn’t even on page, but in my head Mrs. Morland enjoyed making all ten of those children.

Colonel Fitzwilliam: I think he’d be good, but not awesome. He'll probably be wasted on a mercenary marriage.

Charles Bingley: I get the feeling he’d be on a race to the end, and maybe not the best communicator at first. Will improve.

Mr. Gardiner: Just because he’s awesome and seems to respect women

Captain Benwick: poetry and passion!

Robert Martin: seems like a pretty romantic guy, also works on a farm so probably athletic.

John Willoughby: Mostly because of experience, but he is also pretty passionate. He’s also super hot, Miss Grey knew what she was getting into. But this guy can only go downhill from here.

Reginald De Courcy: He’s a sweetheart, an occasionally dumb sweetheart

Mr. Bennet: Is he lazy in most domains of life? Yes. But Mrs. Bennet wasn’t just trying for that heir, I’m telling you folks. Maybe he's just trying to make her unable to talk 😉

George Knightley: Promoted to good tier, I do think he's very caring, but he also is always sure HE is right, which may be a problem.

John Yates: Maybe not the most selfless person, but he's got passion and he does love his wife. Probably very into roleplay.

Mediocre but can improve tier:

Fitzwilliam Darcy: he’s a bit stiff... I think it might take some time for him to get good at it (demoted to this tier because he will need time to improve)

Frank Churchill: He’s got passion, but he’s so darn selfish and doesn’t seem to send that much time thinking about Jane’s feelings

Edward Ferrars: I just see him being a nervous wreak the first few times, it’ll get better (Note: I think Lucy is way too smart to have had sex without a wedding date)

James Morland: Dude, I’m just disappointed with you in general. Being led by lust, not protecting your sister. I hope you grow a lot before you try to get engaged again.

Charles Musgrove: could be good, but Mary never seems to appreciate the effort he puts in so he kind of gave up

Tom Bertram: Selfish, never has to try for anything, but he did reform so maybe he can get better here too.

Edmund Bertram: Repressed and selfish. He needs to actually start listening to what women say if he’s going to improve and there is a whole book of him doing exactly the opposite...

Mr. Elton: selfish, full of himself, and low emotional intelligence, however, I think he does love his wife so he is willing to put in some effort for her.

Just bad:

James Rushworth: Maria was not impressed at all, despite how much “taller” he was

Captain Tilney: riding on good looks and money, selfish

John Thorpe: Selfish and he never shuts up. I have trouble imaging him getting a woman to sleep with him without paying her.

George Wickham: selfish and good looking, he’s not doing any work. He thinks you should be honoured to sleep with him.

Robert Ferrars: selfish and not even good looking. There is nothing here. Lucy did not win people.

Mr. Woodhouse: I can’t even imagine, if he didn’t have children I’d say he was a virgin

Mr. Collins: The woman he is trying to please is not his wife.

Mr. Elliot: cruel to his first wife and not even handsome!

Sir Walter Elliot: I don’t think any part of his personality would tend toward being a “giver”, however, if you like mirrors...

John Dashwood: exactly the opposite of a “giver”

Mr. Price: the guy had 11 children in 14 years so I wish I could say he was better in bed. My suspicion is that he started in the good tier and has had a very slow fall into just bad. And all that alcohol, ug...

Dr. Grant: Noted for being a whiney, selfish glutton. Hopefully he just falls asleep before he can attempt anything because I can't imagine him being that good in bed.

General Tilney: If you don't want to even try to imagine their sex life, they go in this tier. And he is so freaking controlling!

No Data: We interviewed Lady Bertram for information on Sir Thomas, but she confessed that with full consent, she has always fallen asleep during sex. Given her personality, we decided that this information has no bearing on Sir Thomas’s abilities. She did say that giving birth was, “Very disagreeable.”

Mr. Hurst: I really can't decide with him because while he does love the finer things in life, we don't know exactly why he and Louisa married. More info required.

Criteria: In the domain of F/M sex, communication is key, so we need a man who is willing to listen to what women say. Also, selfishness is obviously a negative trait when it comes to a happy sexual partner of either gender. Some of this is just vibes, but I think there is a fair amount of canon information about how much men respect women, especially their sisters.

Feel very free to fight me in the reblogs. The only hill I will die on is that Henry Crawford’s rating is correct 😉

977 notes · View notes

chaoticbardlady99 · 3 months

Text

Sheep Thrills (Astarion x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: You and Astarion are often up to nothing good on your rest days. Shortly after the tiefling party, the group decides to hunt down Auntie Ethel in an attempt to rid the Sword Coast of the Hag.

When the group decides to send two people to scout a head- You and Astarion are far too keen to volunteer your time. You have your own research to conduct.

CW: Nothing really besides references to sex(?), just kind of fun and cute

Words: 1.6k

Photo belongs to idk who so please reach out if it’s yours!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! I am just terrible at responding 🙃

The sun holds itself proudly up in the sky and there is a nice breeze in the air. You and Astarion are perched up on one of the higher rock formations that peers down on the Sheep munching at the grass along the river. You have been staring at them for far too long, but the two of you are convinced that something is not right with these sheep.

You had both been absolutely fascinated with the damn things ever since you walked by them to get to Kagha’s note. When you and Astarion graciously agreed to look for the Hag’s house- all of your companions were suspicious.

They should be.

You found the Hag’s home and quickly began trying to unravel the secrets of the swamp instead of going back to camp. You’ve been out here for at least three more hours than you told them you would be.

It’s been a semi-uncomfortable, fun, and muggy three hours- you’ve called Astarion a primadonna a couple times and he’s called you a stubborn bull a few more, but overall it’s going very well after you take a sip of water and he gets a few blissful moments from your wrist. Unquenchable thirst and stake outs never mix.

Something has to be up. The sheep sound unnatural. You both think the sheep will reveal whatever their secret is eventually, but they will not budge.

You’ve offered them snacks, pets, kind words, a generous amount of “BAAs” in return- Astarion even jumped around the corner and scared one of the damn things and yet you are both just as stumped as you had been 3 hours ago.

Unfortunately for these poor sheep, you are a very stubborn Warlock with a nose for shenanigans and have befriended a rogue who encourages (and enables) your thirst for chaos. Neither one of you is willing to walk away until an answer presents itself.

“Maybe- hey get that look off your face-,” You whisper and gently push him as he gives you an unamused look, “I think I figured it out!”

“Your last guess was that the sheep were all going mad from Giardia, my Sweet,” he smirks, “I don’t think Giardia is the direct cause for their baaa-ing sound being so bizarre.”

You feel your face burn up from the pet name and you look away, clearing your throat.

“Yes, I admit that I goofed your Magistrateliness- I said a silly, unforgivable thing,” you say with crocodile tears, “but I think we are overcomplicating this whole thing.”

Astarion raises one his eyebrows at you, “is that so? Please enlighten me, my Dear fearless Knight.”

You roll your eyes so hard you think they may fall out- you are the least knightley person you know. Astarion snorts at your cross eyedness when you finally look at him again with your theatrical unamused smile. Your tadpole wriggles behind your eyes before a fleeting warmth goes through your body and you see your own face through Astarion’s eyes.

Silly and beautiful.

Happiness.

You pinch yourself- willing the tadpole to stop intruding on Astarion’s thoughts and feelings. Although those sentiments make you very very happy- you will not push the matter. Astarion can take it at his pace- he’s been under a shitty, abusive vampire lord for 200 years and he deserves the respect. You only slept together a few days ago anyway- you can be patient.

“Why don’t we just shoot one of the sheep?” You ponder, “if it’s a spell, it will break and then we’ll know they aren’t really sheep. If they are sheep, then we have sheep for dinner!”

Astarion snorts, “really? You’d eat the potentially Giardia ridden sheep? I wish I could say I expected more from you, Darling.”

You glare at him and his cheeky grin. You look away with a pout and feel a cold pair of lips kiss your cheek. Your heart beat picks up.

“I’m only teasing, Darling,” he whispers into your ear, “I maybe only expected slightly better of you.”

“You- Mister Magistrate- are very very mean.”

“I never said I was nice,” he says with a shit eating grin, “well- I’m nice where it counts at least.”

It takes you a second and then you realize what he is saying. He certainly isn’t wrong, but it doesn’t make the blush running up your face any less embarrassing or the way you feel yourself clench around nothing at the thought.

Astarion looks far too pleased with himself and your body’s giddiness in response. You try to change the subject before your words give you away as much as your body already has.

“Do you want to shoot the sheep or should I?”

He scoffs, “I can’t believe that’s even a question. I’m obviously going to be shooting the mangy, river diseased sheep.”

“I should have never said the Giardia thing,” you mutter under your breath.

“No,” he grins, “you really shouldn’t have.”

You watch as he gets his crossbow set up, his delicate hands work assuredly. You follow the flexing of his arms as they work to get the bolt in and get lost in the valleys of concentration on his face. It’s stupid how beautiful he is.

The sound of the arrow whizzing through the air, the loud guttural shriek from the sheep, and the putrid smell of bog water fills your senses all at once.

“Shit.”

You look down and see exactly what Astarion is referring to- the sheep are Redcaps. Of course they are Redcaps! How did you not think of that!? Their beady eyes are looking high and low- one is actually crying over it’s fallen companion which makes you feel like a bit of a dick.

“Aw man,” you whisper, “now I feel like a jerk. We didn’t even give them a fair chance.”

“Life isn’t fair, my Dear,” Astarion whispers matter-of-factly, “which is why we should spend less time empathizing with the things and more time getting out of here.”

You both sneak around to find a pathway that will allow you to waltz away from your mishap before you are overrun by Redcaps. Astarion taps your knee and gestures to a path that will allow you both to get away undetected. You are so grateful you learned how to sneak around like a rogue in your urchin years because oh boy- it was not an easy path to navigate in a full squat.

You both begin running as soon as you are out of the Fey creatures’ vision and you begin to laugh as you come to a halt. It’s a wild laugh filled with adrenaline. It feels so good to be alive.

Astarion stops ahead of you and tries to gesture to be quiet, but it was too late- Wyll was already standing there and looking at both of you like he’s your disappointed mother.

“Three hours!?” Wyll exclaims, “it took you three hours to find one Hag’s house!? The Swamp isn’t even that big!”

“Actually,” you state with fake confidence, “we found out quite a lot of helpful information today.”

“For example,” Astarion quips, “the sheep are infected with Giardia.”

“So help me Gods Astarion!,” you say with a huff before turning back to Wyll, “the Sheep are red caps.”

Wyll was significantly less annoyed after you revealed that information and grumbled about how that is actually helpful information before storming off. You turn to Astarion with a cheeky smile on your face.

“Ha- shows him!” You say with pride, “did you hear that? HELPFUL!”

Astarion rolls his eyes at you, but you can tell he is equally as thrilled as you are.

“I’m still saddened by how little he trusts us to get anything done,” Astarion says with feign hurt, “whatever will I do if our local Knight in Shining Armor is so irritated with me that he won’t come to my aid?”

You know the question is hypothetical, rhetorical even, but you leap up onto the nearest boulder and look upon him- your right hand in a fist over your chest.

“Magistrate- Administer of Bog Laws and entertainer of Sheep Thrills- I pledge my sword to thee! Ye shall never know neglect at the hands of a Knight ever again!”

“Hmmm, but I feel rather neglected by you, my Dear.”

You frown and feel worry fill your body. You hop off the rock and walk over quickly. Astarion looks surprised to see how seriously you have taken his words.

“What did I do? Or I suppose what do I need to d-“

Astarion cups your face with his hands and interrupts your rambling with a chaste kiss. He pulls back and throws his head back in laughter at your flustered expression.

“I-“ you clear your throat, “I must apologize- I did not realize such services were wanted! I shall erectify my mistake starting now!”

“Erectify?” Astarion snorts, “don’t you mean rectify?”

“Oh no,” you smile mischievously, “I know exactly what I said.”

“You are the biggest weirdo I have ever met,” Astarion states affectionately, “you do know that, don’t you?”

“Good! It means I’m not replaceable.”

“Oh Darling, you are anything but,” Astarion presses a soft kiss to your forehead, “you will come to my bed tonight, won’t you?”

“Of course- shall I come to you in the cover of the night,” you tease, “or should I attempt an insane series of parkour moves to avoid being seen?”

“Oh good Gods,” Astarion shakes his head, the smile on his face betraying his attempt at exasperation, “how about this instead-”

You raise your eyebrow at him with confusion and Astarion gestures for you to walk forward. As the two of you turn to camp, you suppress the urge to squeal like a schoolgirl when he intertwines your hand in his as you walk back together.

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x tav #bg3 spoilers #astarion romance #astarion x you #karlach #bg3 #astarion x gn! reader #astarion x f!tav #astarion x gn! tav #astarion x gn!tav #astarion acunin #wyll baldurs gate 3

77 notes · View notes

firawren · 10 days

Note

14 for the Austen asks!

14. Favorite love confession from the books

Do love confessions via letter count? Because if so, hands down, it's Captain Wentworth's letter. "You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan." Ugh oh my god it is just unparalleled.

If we're going with spoken love confessions, I'll say Mr. Knightley's. He's just so agitated and earnest and desperate—just look at all the em dashes that Jane Austen uses in it! Adorable! And he keeps calling her "dearest" and is so humble and "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." So much goodness.

Thanks so much for the ask!

Here's the list of questions if others would like to ask me one!

#answers #ask game #jane austen #captain wentworth supremacy #captain wentworth #The Letter #persuasion #mr knightley #emma #quotes #love

9 notes · View notes

siflshonen · 2 months

Note

Do you have any romance recommendations? (Books, manga, games, anything.) I'm a crotchety romance snob as well and haven't explored the genre.

My well is pretty empty for this, I must admit. But I guess... hey, you like immersive fandoms, camp, parody, and tongue-in-cheek, I hope?

While the book may be a little too dated for most widespread consumption, I will recommend almost any well-done derivative of Pride and Prejudice or Austen works in general, or even anything that involves it. Enter these with the attitude that everyone is a disaster and the work wants you to hoot and holler at it and treat it like a groundling at a Shakespeare play (that is, like a degenerate.)

Some examples include:

Pride and Prejudice 1995 adaptation - One of the main metrics I use when judging a Pride and Prejudice adaptation is the level of batshit histrionic (complimentary) Elizabeth Bennet's mother acts, and this one is a gold standard (compliments to the actress. I hated her and this is unironically the highest praise I can give in this context).

Pride and Prejudice 2005 (the one with Keira Knightley) - When I first saw this movie, I fucking hated it. My friends took it all too seriously. Then, everything changed when, on the third watch-through, I pointed at Darcy's too-tight (leather?!) pants in the final scene and ripped that poor character a new asshole for being a pathetic, wet man in stupid pants. The next watch-through, I treated each scene's verbal lashings like a WWE wrestling match complete with commentary, and suddenly the entire thing became the best movie in the fucking world. My friends will never watch it with me again, but more fool they because now that I am older I realize that, by doing so, I was the only one engaging with the work in the appropriate spirit even if I lacked the Regency-era class. Austen wrote these to be funny, witty, backhanded, and insightful. When Darcy says, "She isn't handsome enough to tempt ME!", try pointing at him and screaming, "BIIIIITCH!" at the top of your lungs and then see how you feel.

Austenland (view this once you have comfortable familiarity with at least one Austen story. It gets more ridiculous as it goes along, and is all the better for it. Admittedly, I also don't care much for the actual endgame romance in this one either, but the movie is fun even when it's cringe like with... well, you'll see.)

Side note: While I generally look favorably upon Pride and Prejudice adaptations, I do NOT recommend I Love You Because.

Mamma Mia - Do I actually care about any of these couples getting together? Do I ship a damn thing in this show? No, I don't. Their love stories exist only to forward the antics and camp they get into, but it IS a romance. Everything, including the casting choices, is a gag. For example, if you watch the 1995 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice listed below, you will understand why it is funny that Colin Firth is in this movie doing exactly what he does. It opens with all the girlies being like "ohhh wow what a great idea you had to invite these THREE DUDES YOUR MOM HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH TO YOUR WEDDING" and singing a happy and supportive song about it like a classic optimistic musical, and then all the girlies immediately afterwards being like, "JUST KIDDING you are SO fucking stupid" but still going with it.

Hadestown - For all I bitch about romance............... this is my favorite musical. Before you ask, NO! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE LOVE STORY OF ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE! I CARE ABOUT THE OTHER ONE!!!! And even then, it's not something I dwell upon as a love story. Admittedly, I have a strong preference for the Live Original Cast Recording rather than the Broadway version (I strongly dislike the changed lyrics for the Epics. However, I am a big fan of Orpheus' added parts in Doubt Comes In), but if you like one, you'll like the other. If you don't like either, well, whatever.

Um, what else... uh, classic anime fandom favorites like Ouran High School Host Club are also fun, but I can also admit to you that I care not for 80% of the romance aspect of it.

Um, d-does Devilman: Crybaby count????

#ask #hadestown #devilman crybaby #pride and prejudice #mamma mia

7 notes · View notes

givereadersahug · 6 months

Text

20 questions for fic writers!

Thanks for the tag @lumosatnight (x)!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I currently have 258 works on my emeraldlove account. Give or take xxxx on another account and unrevealed works. I write a lot of drabbles. 😅

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

184k on my main account! Which woah. Given how many (*coughs* all *coughs*) of my works are really short.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling (166)

SK8 the Infinity (Anime) (55)

Thor (Movies) (13)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (12)

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies) (10)

佐々木と宮野 | Sasaki to Miyano (Manga) (5)

佐々木と宮野 | Sasaki to Miyano (Anime) (5)

Gilmore Girls (TV 2000) (2)

Call Me By Your Name (2017) (1)

蟲師 | Mushishi (Anime & Manga) (1)

ひだまりが聴こえる | Hidamari ga Kikoeru | I Hear the Sunspot (Manga) (1)

Spider-Man: Spider-Verse (Sony Animated Movies) (1)

きのう何食べた? | Kinou Nani Tabeta? | What Did You Eat Yesterday? (1)

8人の戦士 | 8-nin no Senshi | Dick Fight Island (Manga) (1)

Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman (1)

Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types (1)

ばらかもん | Barakamon (1)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

"I'm in. I'm all in." [Harry Potter, Snarry, 8.4k, Rated M]

The Pocket Watch [Fantastic Beasts, Gramander, 2.4k, Rated G]

Colours [Harry Potter, Snarry, 2.2k, Rated E]

Cups of Tea [Fantastic Beasts, Gramander, 1.7k, Rated G]

Sandalwood [Harry Potter, Snarry, 1.6k, Rated M]

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

You bet! I love getting comments, especially on older fics. Usually people don't comment on drabbles or don't comment in certain fandoms, and receiving comments on those fics make me feel like I made it. lol

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm not sure! I guess I'll go with 'He waits.' [Harry Potter, Snarry, 300 words, Rated M]. It's an expansion on a microfic I wrote for Microfic May. Infidelity + First Person.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my fluff fics! I've written tons. But I guess I'll say my most recent fest fic -- Invisible String [Harry Potter, Snarry, 3.7k, Rated G].

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Once or twice. Then I turned off guest comments. If people want to leave hate, they need to be logged in so I can block them. 😈 YKINMKBYKIO, DLDR and SALS, people! I do occasionally get weird comments. They get deleted, too.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not usually. I'm more of a G-T rated girl, cause apparently if I write smut, I'll go dark. [Link leads to my HP Kinktober works. Mind the tags!]

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not yet! But I did write fusion fics/inspired/AU fics before.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I write drabbles. I don't think people will steal those. Right? 🥺 [Please, don't steal. 🙏]

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've written fics that has art, but I've never co-written a fic before. I feel like I'll be too controlling or I'll be MIA. There's no in-between. 🤣

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Thorki, my love! I'm still waiting on the sun to shine on them again. BUT WHEN, MARVEL? WHEN? You might not think it's Thorki given how little I've written for the ship, but I'm Mr. Knightley. If I loved [them] less, I might be able to talk about [them] more.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Restoration [Harry Potter, Snarry, Rated M]! My only WIP fic. One day! And I guess my Interacting with Unusual Creatures series [Fantastic Beasts, Gramander, Rated G]. It's suppose to be a 5+1 Things fic. There are only two moments. 🤣

16. What are your writing strengths?

Packing a (emotional) punch in as little words as possible. Did I mention I write drabbles? lol

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing anything longer than 2k. It's always a *struggle*. Don't come to my AO3 account looking for a 100k plot-heavy fic. You'll be mighty disappointed.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

You do you!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Teen Titans (the Cartoon Network series) and the X Files. You will never see them. Ever. 🤣

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I don't have an absolute fav. I have been thinking lately about a coffeeshop AU fic I written --- Warmth [Harry Potter, Snarry, 1k, Rated G]. I might write a sequel for that.

Tagging (no pressure): @danpuff-ao3 @liladiurne @trueliarose @ashariewrites @likelightinglass

#tag game #writing #fanfic

8 notes · View notes

bibliophileiz · 1 year

Text

Ranking Keira Knightley movies I've seen

Found this ranking I made of Keira Knightley movies in one of my old notebooks and had to share with the world this new year's eve (worth noting that some of them like Imitation Game and Anna Karenina weren't originally on the list, so I added them tonight)

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - Keira Knightley is not in it enough. when she is, she's indistinguishable from Natalie Portman. 1/10

Princess of Thieves - baby Keira Knightley chops off all her hair and makes me bisexual. is a cutie with a reasonable amount of chemistry with the charming love interest. wins over grouchy dad by saving england and being good at archery. 8/10

King Arthur - Keira's acting is great but i don't think the writers knew what to do with her. i do love her costumes though. 5/10

Never Let Me Go - i barely remember anything about this movie. book was probably better. -1/10

Atonement - OMG!!! the PASSION. the YEARNING. this is the first tragic WWII romance i ever experienced and it DELIVERS. mostly though it's the green dress. the one she's wearing when she has sex with the faun from the narnia movies. that green dress belongs in Titanic or something illustrious. i don't think this movie's appreciated enough. i think it's time for a rewatch. 12/10

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms - little known (no one but my mom and i ever saw it) but holy SHIT is the world missing out. Keira puts on this high-pitched voice as the EVIL SUGAR PLUM FAIRY in a giant tuto. she is by far the best thing about the movie which unfortunately is lackluster in every way. 6/10 and all 6 are for her

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World - this movie should not be allowed to be so darn cute when it's about the literal apocalypse but it is and Keira is cute in it. she gets to go on a roadtrip with Steve Carrell in hopes of seeing her parents again before a giant meteor hits the earth and kills everyone. has a surprisingly touching ending. 8/10

Begin Again - i like anything where Keira sings. she's also a good role model for mark ruffalo's daughter in this. not my favorite John Carnye movie (that would be Sing Street which came out three years later) but definitely watchable. 7/10

Love Actually - why didn't they let Keira do anything in this movie? -2/10

Imitation Game - more tragic WWII stuff, though not as gutting as Atonement. Keira gets a turn playing the normal (albeit v. smart) person playing opposite Benedict Cumberbatch being weird. she does just as good a job as Martin Freeman while being way hotter. (also helps that the movie is better written than Sherlock.) her story isn't the tragic part and i'm not going to make jokes about Alan Turing who deserved much better than he got. 7/10

Anna Karenina - despite plalying the character whose name is the title, Keira was not in this enough. costumes were good but movie was approximately 1000 years long. still haven't forgiven my college boyfriend for making me watch it. -5/10

Pride & Prejudice - not my favorite Austen adaptation but you can't say Keira's not having the time of her life. she's a little giggly -- Elizabeth is more dry -- but she's definitely pretty and does a good job with the material given. Rosamund Pike may be the only person as good as her. 6/10

Bend It Like Beckham - the movie that launched a thousand lesbians. Keira gets put on the map as a tiny cute blond tomboyish lesbian soccer (ahem, *football*) player. she's a treat. 10/10

Pirates of the Caribbean - THE Keira Knightley movies. the dresses? check. the sword fighting? check. Pirate King with men falling at her feet? check, check, and check. best thing about the triology. got to kiss three dudes (sao feng doesn't count), gives a rousing third act speech, and gets to be the character who got the "keeps removing weapons from more and more illogical places on her person" trope. plus she sings! (a little.) disney did not deserve her and neither did any man in those movies. (orlando came closest though) 10 million/10

#keira knightley #pirates of the caribbean #bend it like beckham #princess of thieves #atonement #imitation game #nutcracker #king arthur #pride & prejudice #begin again #seeking a friend for the end of the world #i actually have seen the duchess as well but i don't remember much about it either so i didn't include it.#also i can't stand ralph fiennes except in prince of egypt so #ALSO really want to see colette

20 notes · View notes

sailorbadger · 1 year

Text

re: my tags on this post, @psychicbluebirdmiracle wanted a list so here’s some of my favorite Robin Hood adaptations in no particular order:

Sidenote: most of these are either extremely niche and/or “you may think it’s bad but I think it’s good” because that’s just what my tastes are.

BBC’s Robin Hood: You all knew this one was going to be up here and if you didn’t, you haven’t been following me long enough. This is what gave birth to my brain worms. I’ve given a PowerPoint presentation about this which was three hours long. I have subjected other people to this show to the point that there is now a yearly celebration where we watch only one specific episode of this show and make memes about it. I am insufferable about this. The day I stop thinking about this show is the day I have lost all brain activity.

Back to Sherwood: I am once again reminding everyone that I have offered to exchange my firstborn child for the original English version of this show. The Vibes on this show are perfect and I will never forgive the people that cancelled it after only 13 episodes. Fun time-travel related hijinks? Sign me up.

Princess of Thieves: Who doesn’t love a Keira Knightley movie?

Disney’s Robin Hood: Listen, you just can’t go wrong with this one. Very solid all around. But there’s another reason I’m putting it on this list. My cousins (ages 6 and 4) were staying over with us on Easter and I put this movie on at one point to get them to sit down for a few minutes while my parents made lunch. My godson (the 6-year-old) asked me why I knew so much about what was going on in the movie and I explained that I watched it when I was young, and then my dad said that the movie is so old that he watched it when he was a child. It was a lovely inter-generational bonding moment over my special interest as my dad explained to my cousin about the different characters and how there’s a lot of different versions of the story.

Not really an adaptation but continuing from the last one, this YouTube video: Some of the best analysis on why most mainstream Robin Hood adaptations suck. This is why I mostly just like the versions that have good Vibes.

This soundtrack to a Swedish Robin Hood musical: I can’t even begin to explain how upset I am that I found out about this musical after it had already been cancelled due to the pandemic. I could have gone and seen it. There’s not even a DVD of it. At least we have the soundtrack which is full of bangers. Everything sounds as over-produced as you’d expect from the country that makes over-produced Eurovision songs, and I love every second of this. If you’re not going to listen to the whole thing, at least listen to Prince John’s song.

This even more obscure soundtrack to a Finnish Robin Hood play from 1997: Everything here is just Vibes. I wish I knew what the actual plot of the play was but these songs are great on their own. The fact that the singer from a famous Finnish band (Neon 2) sings a couple of the songs is just ?????A Choice???? but a perfect one at that.

Robin Hood: The Great Escape: My most vivid memories of listening to this play that’s a podcast is when my IBS was really bad and I was on the bathroom floor crying in pain, so I just put this on to distract me. Anyway, this one has good characters, interesting mix of different cultures and LGBT+ representation, and it all works seamlessly in a way that doesn’t feel forced. Definitely worth a listen.

Robin McKinley’s The Outlaws of Sherwood: I bought this book from my local library’s clearance about 15 years ago. It’s a solid fun adventure and that’s pretty much all I can say about it.

The Finnish opera adaptation of Robin Hood: The dogs in this are nightmare fuel and the whole thing is bordering on the “so bad it’s good” line. The lyrics are so weird at times, it’s awfully cringy sometimes but I love it so much. I own it on DVD and it has English subtitles so if anyone wants to watch it sometime let me know.

Carrie Vaughn’s The Ghosts of Sherwood and The Heirs of Locksley: I need a third part of this. These are a quick read, about 100 pages each, about the children of Robin Hood. And although the premise may sound cliché and childish, I swear these are so good and worth your time.

C.K. Brooke’s Marian: Princess Thief: Ah, yes, the “disappointingly heterosexual” one. Putting aside the fact that this book missed a great opportunity in making at least one of the characters gay, it has an amazing all-female-cast of characters (there’s a male love interest there too I guess, I don’t care about him). This book made me feel like how Sailor Moon made me feel in high school with it’s focus on the Power of Friendship.

That one Finnish audio drama that’s based on Finnemore’s version: Everyone sounds so horny in this one for some reason and the actual text is not helping. The theme song is a banger. It’s a shame the CDs were copy protected so I couldn’t rip the files for myself.

A black-and-white recording of a Finnish play from 1971: The fashion is so 70s it hurts my eyes. The songs are so bad. The plot is almost non-existent but I love every second of this. (I would have linked it but you can unfortunately only watch it in Finland)

The 2009 movie with a dragon in it?????: I don’t remember most of this except that it’s definitely in the “so bad it’s good” category. They just shouldn’t make high-budget versions of Robin Hood when low-budget productions are so much more entertaining.

Edale Lane’s Heart of Sherwood: I need to re-read this one because it had everything I could have asked for. A lesbian Robin Hood with a good story that was a fun adventure which still somehow made me very emotional. 10/10.

That one zoom-play on YouTube: I bought the novel that was made based on this play just because this was so entertaining. In a year I’ve only read about 20 pages of the book but the play was so good and at one point so full of twists I was staring at the screen with my mouth open for like 10 minutes.

I could probably include even more things from my List (I have a list where I collect all the different versions I’ve seen/read/listened to etc), but this is already too long and I ended up taking a few things out. I only included versions I’ve enjoyed the most but there’s still plenty of good ones out there.

#robin hood #I love weird robin hood retellings #please someone talk to me about them

8 notes · View notes

thewitchqueenofharrenhal · 1 year

Note

Hi i observed you haven't replied to any anonymous asks for many days but I hope you will get back to doing it again cause I would really love to discuss Martells with you. They are my favourite house because they don't brag about legacy, ancestors or any crap. They don't discuss this stuff with anyone. They just love each other so much. It reminds me of Mister Knightley from Jane Austen's Emma words 'If I loved you less I would be able to talk about it more'. They don't talk about loving each other often, but they are there for each other, they really place family above everything. And most importantly, they respect each other. They don't bully each other, put each other down, insult each other or fight. They stick together and they express their love in many ways. Like, okay, Doran and Oberyn mentioned Elia, but besides it, they don't talk about loving each other as brothers (Doran only said Oberyn and him worked closely for many years) or loving their children unconditionally. But hell they show it through their actions. And what really melts my heart is how Doran (while Oberyn was still alive) most likely felt not as half of a man due to his illness but as if everything that mattered (his heart and mind) were alright. I mean, I am almost absolutely sure Oberyn never mocked Doran for being ill. Tyene once said to Doran that Oberyn thought he thinks too much. It refers to Doran personality, not his state of declining health. And then Doran said I know you all think me weak. Your father knew me better. How amazing this line is? Doran even ill felt Oberyn support or rather lack of any prejudices about him being ill, Doran knew to Oberyn him being ill didn't mean he was weak. I wouldn't be surprised if Oberyn saw how Doran was in pain and said 'your body may suffer, but you still have your brain and your heart'. Just as Jaime never treated Tyrion poorly due to dwarfism, same Oberyn never treated Doran as weak just because he was ill. And Doran saying Oberyn knew me better than that. Oberyn knew that despite being ill Doran is mastermind. Oberyn was all about action, physicality, battles and poisons. Yet he knew just because his brother has different weapons (schemes and his mind) it doesn't mean his weapons are less worthy. Hell, Martells raise their kids up in such amazing way. I mean, after Elia died they were working closely but there was surely lots of support and mutual respect there. Doran never discredited Oberyn and Oberyn never discredited Doran. Okay, when talking to Tyrion he said my gouty brother, but it was more stating a fact, showing contrast between them than laughing at Doran state of health. Remember, Sand Snakes are loyal to Doran as head of the house. They didn't rebel as in the show. It's so beautiful that family is sacred to Martells. Family and Dorne. Nothing comes closer to it. They love each other so much and also cherish each other. Look how Doran supported Arianne. He stood up from his chair even despite pain. And Oberyn taught his daughters that they are not some helpless damsels in distress. This family needs a whole essey and I just couldn't help myself ❤️ it just teaches us that within one family there are different personalities and so on, but Martells never want every family member to be the same. They accept all those differences, cherish them and that's why they are so great. They are really progressive in terms of sexuality, hobbies, basically everything. They accept each other for who they are and that's what makes them strong. Doran never tried to copy Oberyn and Oberyn never tried to copy Doran. They are almost total opposites. Yet they are such powerful duo cause instead of bullying each other for having different opinions and quarrelling, they accept they are different and decide to work together cause together they are stronger. How magnificent is that?

Hey!

I know I'm very sorry :( Ever since HOTD came out I won't lie I've had nothing but Targ adjacent brain rot and real life did get a little hectic the past couple of months.

This did however start as a Pro House Martell space and I definitely do want to get back to that asap. I am going to be doing a TWOIAF reread pretty soon here since I have a couple asks referencing Rhoynar water magic. I think House Martell is an extremely proud house but you are correct in the fact that they enjoy their independence and are dedicated to their people in a way that's very rare across the ASOIAF word. Ah, I love the Emma quote - I agree on that end too I think House Martell loves each other SO MUCH but at least the last couple of generations being Arianne's & Doran's there is so much grief and trauma there. We see it in Arianne assuring herself that of course she loves her brother (despite not knowing him very well). We see it in the bond that never broke between Doran, Elia & Oberyn (even past death). We see it in Quentyn wanting so desperately to meet Doran's standards. Mellario's absence is so heavy and subliminal. The loyalty and love the Sand Snakes & Arianne share. There is just so many good relationships to examine within House Martell. I've referenced this before but the conflicting feelings of love & trauma Obara has towards Oberyn. You're right at the end of the day House Martell is loyal to House Martell and there's something beautiful in that which can come with consequences I fear but they ultimately do want to succeed for each other and for Dorne. Love the parallel between Tyrion & Jaime and Doran & Oberyn. I think like all sibling relationships there had to have been some conflict but I do agree that I think Oberyn trusted heavily in Doran and Doran needed that. Especially since Doran does have a fatal problem with communicating with those around him (Arianne, Mellario, Quentyn). Let's not talk about the atrocity that GOT committed with House Martell it's so clear they misunderstood so many important themes to their trajectory and importance and it's so sad. House Martell isn't perfect but they have a sense of community with themselves and that's important. I really do enjoy that Doran & Arianne scene because it's so pivotal to improving their relationship. Doran needs to communicate with his loved ones and not try and maneuver everything himself and Arianne is more than ready for that challenge, she is so clever and capable. I love the Sand Snakes so much - again I don't think Oberyn was perfect by any means but I do think he handled his "bastard" daughters a little better than perhaps Eddard Stark and by that I mean he gave them so much KNOWLEDGE and that's power. (mind you Ned had his own set of challenges so this isn't really a criticism of him -they were different situations after all).

They definitely do need more attention! and I really enjoyed reading your ask - Really helped remind me why they're my favorite house.

#anon #pro house martell

10 notes · View notes

hotjaneaustenmenpoll · 1 month

Note

I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in

F. W.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.

This is propaganda for the next round because I need my boy to be a finalist! But this letter is all the persuasion I need to know that he is a winner https://youtu.be/NYSzac4mccA?si=Ijn-pbMLTjKW_-SA

youtube

Mr Knightley (2009) Vs Captain Wentworth (1995)

#propaganda #captain wentworth #persuasion 1995 #ciaran hinds

60 notes · View notes

cosmicyam · 10 months

Text

15 questions for 15 mutuals

@iamfarfromvibingrightnow tagged me for this so i’ll do it

Were you named after anyone?

Technically I was named after a character from a film my parents loved. I’m glad i wasn’t named after a relative as per irish tradition, because the expectations that may subconsciously come from that would weigh too heavy

Do you have kids?

I am a teenager that still sleeps with a teddy and is intimidated by ovens. I hope that answers that question.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I think so, but a lot of the time it’s unintentional since I come from a long line of sarcasm enjoyers so i may insult people without realising because Tone.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

If this is in a literal sense, then probably their outfit because I feel like it conveys a lot about people’s interests, confidence level etc. If this is in a romantic context, probably the way they address people e.g. how polite they are, whether they have a sense of humour etc.

Eye colour?

Dark brown. I really like my eyes, though people always talk about brown eyed ppl’s eyes in the sun looking like golden honey or fragments of sunlight itself or smth but mine perpetually look like wet soil.

Scary movies or happy endings?

I hate scary films icl. I’ve had scary films described to me and got nightmares from the thought of them alone. So yeah I don’t think they’re for me. I’d like to say I love happy endings, and I do, but something about sad or bittersweet endings are so immaculate. It’s usually those stories that stick with me and become all i think about for weeks on end as I become shrouded in this unshakeable sense of sadness or discomfort :]

Any special talents?

Nah but I can do a decent Keira Knightley impression

What are your hobbies?

I love reading sm. And writing is definitely my number one Thing, though I don’t do it nearly as much as I wish I did because Perfectionism. Also lately my days have been consumed with rewatching always sunny over and over again because i can’t enjoy things casually.

Have any pets?

One dog. I would die for him and I like to think he’d do the same for me but he doesn’t know wtf is going on most of the time. We’re bros though.

What sports do you play/ have played?

I don’t play sports anymore bcos of anxiety over being seen doing said sports by anyone but I like to work out. I used to do swimming, athletics and dance tho and they were fun

How tall are you?

5′10 lmao take that short ppl (i couldn’t think of a proper insult so “short ppl” it is)

Favourite subject in school?

English istg if school was just 7 hours of solely English i’d be fine with that

Dream Job?

Writer definitely. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I knew what a book was and even since then I’ve tried to delve into other options but it always goes back to writing. I think toddler me made a deal with a god, vowing my soul to it whether I like it or not because it’s like The Underlying Obsession that ever-present no matter what

I’m not gonna tag anyone bcos I like being unknown (despite just giving a lot of facts and opinions of myself !!)

3 notes · View notes

bethanydelleman · 11 months

Note

Can you rank the Austen men from most to least likely to be unfaithful to their wives?

Ya people with your great questions messing up my carefully organized queue... lol, who am I kidding I have no organization. Excellent question!

I honestly believe that Jane Austen wrote and imagined these men as faithful, but given their personalities, moral codes, and circumstances, I shall sort them into two buckets, More Likely and Not Likely

Not Likely:

Fitzwilliam Darcy - I buy the argument that Darcy is demisexual, so I don't think he seeks out sex without emotional attachment and he'd definitely consider an emotional attachment cheating. I doubt he's a virgin, but I think he'd be faithful when married.

Edward Ferrars - he may have accidentally fallen in love while engaged, but he remained faithful to a woman he didn't even like. I cannot see him cheating on Elinor in a million years. Also, with his profession and dislike of London, he has low accessibility (a big factor in cheating).

George Knightley - perfectly content to mostly stay at home and hang out with Emma and her dad. I can't say he's ever seemed terribly sex motivated to me. Also, rarely leaves Highbury so low access.

Henry Tilney - My best boy would never do that to Catherine!

Colonel Brandon - No one in the history of the earth has ever exuded such a strong monogamous vibe. It is Marianne Dashwood or NO ONE.

More Likely:

Captain Wentworth - I think it really depends if Anne is able to travel with him. I'm mostly putting him here because I do get the feeling he has a fairly high sex drive and the navy means long separations and high availability. If Anne is pregnant or has children, traveling with him may be difficult or impossible. Emotionally though, he's all Anne.

Edmund Bertram - He'd feel very bad about it afterwards, but I can see it.

Charles Bingley - Sorry dude, again, I can see it. The fact that he constantly falls in love worries me. I do think he's too nice to ever let Jane find out.

Hm, those are just the heroes. Here are some bonus guys rapid fire:

Cheating/Cheated:

Willoughby, Wickham (canonically), Sir Thomas (hinted canon), Frank Churchill, Mr. Rushworth (Maria told him to), William Elliot, Robert Ferrars (ego boost), Sir Walter (his kids are too well spaced), General Tilney

Not Cheating:

Sir John Middleton (actively having babies), Dr. Grant (too lazy), John Knightley (he would never), Robert Martin (he would never!), John Dashwood (fears Fanny), Mr. Bennet (canon), Thomas Palmer, Mr. Elton, Mr. Collins (fears reputation damage), Admiral Croft (too in love), Captain Harville (ditto), Charles Musgrove (burns his energy hunting), Mr. Woodhouse (can't even imagine), Mr. Price

Not Included: Henry Crawford because we don't know if he'll marry and John Thorpe because who in their right mind would marry him!

#jane austen #question response #austen men #austen heroes #mr. darcy #mr. knightley #edward ferrars #edmund bertram #captain wentworth #henry tilney #charles bingley #colonel brandon

139 notes · View notes

synchronousemma · 2 years

Text

Saturday, 25th June: Mr. Knightley leaves for London

Read the post and comment on WordPress

Read: Vol. 3, chs. 8-9 [44-45]; pp. 247-254 ("She was just as determined" to "'her home so long'").

Context

Emma calls on the Bateses. She learns that Jane Fairfax has agreed to take a position as a governess, and that Frank Churchill has left for Richmond. Mr. Knightley leaves for a few days’ visit to London.

This occurs “the morrow” after the Box Hill party of 24th June.

Note that the sections “Bait and Switch” and “Love, Which No One Carries” contain spoilers.

Readings and Interpretations

Bait and Switch

Emma told herself yesterday that “she would call upon [Miss Bates] the very next morning, and it should be the beginning, on her side, of a regular, equal, kindly intercourse” (p. 247). On this call, when Emma’s entrance is delayed by “a bustle on her approach, a great deal of moving and talking” (p. 247), we suspect for a moment that a mortified Miss Bates may not agree to see Emma (as does Emma, who “had a moment's fear of Miss Bates keeping away from her,” p. 248). Miss Bates, however, does come, with the news that “‘Jane is not very well’” (ibid.). The beginning of the conversation between Miss Bates and Emma maintains the focus on “Emma’s conscience,” her guilt, and her determination to feel differently towards Miss Bates; Emma’s moral education, thus foregrounded, serves as red herring of sorts for the Jane/Frank plot that Miss Bates’s speech hints at. She reveals, for example, Jane’s unwillingness to meet Emma (“‘I can see no one’”) when Jane had just indicated willingness to receive Mrs. Cole (“‘it must be borne some time or other, and it may as well be now,’” p. 248). We may then ask why it is Jane, whom we may not yet know to have any grounds for feeling injured by Emma, rather than Miss Bates who stays away.1

Miss Bates insists that Jane is glad to accept at last the position which Mrs. Elton had, against protests, secured for her, but the evidence of Jane’s ill health casts doubt on this assertion. William Deresiewicz writes of the general untrustworthiness of the word “happy” in Emma:

“Happiness” and its derivatives are words that—aside from also being compromised right from the beginning by that talk of Emma’s “happy disposition”—belong, above all, to Miss Bates and Mrs. Elton. “Happy,” for the first, is the slogan of her diminished, dependent existence. “And yet she was a happy woman” [vol. 1, ch. 3; p. 12] we are told upon first meeting her, and again, that “[s]he is a standing lesson in how to be happy” [vol. 2, ch. 11 [29]; p. 166]. This may sound admirable, but what is it but a pitiable making-do that forces her to lower her expectations to the level of her circumstances, no matter how far her circumstances have sunk? For Mrs. Elton, “happiness” is the name of the misery and false gaiety she inflicts on herself and everyone around her, with her “apparatus of happiness” at Donwell Abbey [vol. 3, ch. 6 [42]; p. 234] and her outing to Box Hill, where, after the arrangements have been made, “[n]othing was wanting but to be happy when they got there” [vol. 3, ch. 7 [43]; p. 240]. Of the kind of happiness capable of being produced by the joint efforts of these two, by Miss Bates’s abasement and Mrs. Elton’s schemes, we get a fine sample in this picture of Jane after she accepts the position as governess: “She is as low as possible,” says her aunt. “To look at her, nobody would think how delighted and happy she is to have secured a situation” [vol. 3, ch. 8 [45]; p. 248]. (p. 54)

John Wiltshire argues that Austen’s awareness of the relationship between gender and economics is hidden in Jane’s illness:

Miss Bates, by regarding Jane’s illness as physical, only incidentally related to her acceptance of the governess job, and by separating the symptom from its cause, manages to preserve her view of Mrs Elton and her neighbours undamaged, just as the notion of neurasthenia enables the Chinese to believe that their complaints do not entail any criticism of the culture, the social system, in which they occur, or are unrelated to their personal history. Miss Bates’ pathetic strategy of dividing Jane’s symptoms from her social plight exposes, of course, Austen’s perception of the reality of somatisation, and thus of the social and gender relations which it serves to obscure. (p. 141)

The Governess Trade

In this scene, writes Lynda Hall, "Miss Bates not only facilitates Emma’s personal transformation, but she also sheds light on the confining patriarchal structures that can create both a ridiculous, pitiful spinster and a cruel, selfish heiress”:

Austen may be replicating “her culture’s stereotyping of old maids” (Devoney Looser, Women Writers and Old Age, 92) not necessarily to support or to overturn them [sic], but to expose the grim reality that has created them. It is through Emma’s actions to rectify her wrong (even while illuminating those aspects of society that lead to her treachery) that we see the ultimate transformation in the heroine as well as the intrinsic value of the spinster. Miss Bates knows her humble place and prepares carefully for Emma’s visit, although “Emma’s conscience told her that there was not the same cheerful volubility as before—less ease of look and manner” (378). Once Emma changes the subject to Jane, however, Miss Bates seems to be her same, garrulous, optimistic self. But this time the topic is rather sad, which continues to emphasize the cruel confinement of women’s place in society—Jane is to leave them for a governess position. And even though we know that Jane considers this step akin to submitting herself to slavery, we are reminded that Miss Bates can find the best even in this dire circumstance: [quotes from “‘It is a great change’” to “headache she has,” p. 248)]. The fact that Miss Bates must “disperse” her tears reveals that she realizes the difficulty of Jane’s decision, and she understands that her niece will soon become a superfluous woman like herself. (2017, p. 174)

Why, though, is the mood here so grim? As Patrick McGrath writes, “[i]n order to comprehend Jane Fairfax's reluctance to become a governess, one needs a sense not only of what it means to be a governess in Austen’s day but also of the precarious nature of that existence”:

To prepare their children, both academically and socially, for their roles in the future, the upper classes need someone like themselves. The proper lady, by definition, does not work. The governess—who must be a gentlewoman—is, unfortunately, neither fish nor fowl: because of her rank, she is not a servant; as an employee, she is not the equal of the wife and daughters. Even in the best of situations, a governess often finds herself “on the very edge of gentility.” Further, any serious illness would result in a financial catastrophe, driving her into the poor house, the insane asylum, or prostitution (Peterson 12-13). Not only is the life of a governess difficult, but it is a career for which women like Jane Fairfax are totally unfit by nature. While some women can have successful careers as governesses, Austen appears to be saying (through her different characterizations of Miss Fairfax and Miss Taylor) that Jane Fairfax does not have the makings a very good governess (West 34). Emma Woodhouse sums up Jane's nature: there is “‘such coldness and reserve—such apparent indifference whether she pleased or not’” in Jane’s personality [vol. 2, ch. 2 [20]; p. 107]. At the beginning of volume two, Jane returns to Highbury supposedly to recover her health before beginning her career as a governess, the profession for which Colonel Campbell has educated her. According to the narrator, Jane's health only deteriorates from “her usual strength” after Miss Campbell’s marriage [ibid., p. 106], a time when she must confront the reality of becoming a governess. Despite her many accomplishments, Jane Fairfax does not have the constitution or the emotional resilience one needs to teach children. (n.p.)

Hall further highlights the constrained choices available to Jane Fairfax: “From the start, independence is the key contrast between Emma and Jane—between a woman who can choose her life and one whose choices are made for her. […] Jane Fairfax, with all her elegance and grace, is ‘out’ on the market. She gives herself until the age of twenty-one to be chosen by a wealthy suitor, then she puts herself ‘out’ in the governess trade” (2007, n.p.). She elaborates as well on the economic and social realities attending governess work:

According to Edward Copeland, “For the position of governess, the most common employment open to a young woman educated in all the fashionable refinements, Lady Diana Beauclerk paid a woman in 1805, twenty guineas a year: that is, around $400 a year [in 1972 dollars], plus room, board, and a seat in the parlor” (“What’s a Competence?” 163). Copeland explains that with this minimal salary, the governess was to afford “the expenses of the millinery and hairdressing necessary to put in a genteel appearance in the parlor” (163). She would need to look and act like a lady without the income a lady would normally have. (Mrs. Elton’s fortune of £10,000 might earn £400 in annual interest—hardly comparable to the twenty guineas [or thirty pounds] that was the annual salary of the governess.) Her salary would no doubt leave little or nothing to put aside for a genteel retirement or a dowry to attract a marriage proposal.

Beyond the monetary disadvantages, the psychosocial consequences must be of grave importance to a woman who equates this form of paid servitude to slavery. As Mary Ann Mason Burki argues, the lack of independence that comes with employment is the real evil: “being a governess produced great tensions for a woman who valued her independence. Depending on her background, it could represent either a secure step up into the middle class, or a dismal step down. In either case she could exercise no individual control” (195). As Copeland illustrates, the direction of the “step” was significant [...]: “the ground appears more threatening to those who are falling towards it than to those who are rising above it” (Women Writing 25-26). Copeland also explains the humiliation a character such as Jane Fairfax might feel: “Female employment looms as an especially nettling matter for the genteel heroine, who, when she seeks employment, unavoidably betrays her own class and all its urgent aspirations for station” (Women Writing 161). This dilemma is repeated in most women’s novels of Austen’s time: “Employment, either vaguely or specifically imagined, represents in women’s novels a hostile universe for the middle-class woman of whatever station” (Copeland, Women Writing 166). For Jane Fairfax, a woman educated by the “first rate masters” of London, who has lived as an equal among genteel families, rivals Emma Woodhouse in her beauty, and surpasses her in accomplishments, the step down is dismal indeed. (ibid.)

Love, Which No One Carries

Above the background of Jane’s plight, just how focused is this episode on Emma’s moral development? J. F. Burrows reminds us that “[a]mong the chief advantages of being a conventional heroine is that, if one truly repents, one is promptly and suitably rewarded”:

At first sight, Emma is rewarded in just this way. Jane Fairfax, certainly, is unresponsive to her overtures. But Miss Bates forgives her readily enough. And, when she arrives home, her father tells Mr Knightley of dear Emma’s unfailing attentions to the Bateses: [quotes from “Emma’s colour was heightened” to “glow of regard”]. When Mr Knightley checks an impulse to kiss her hand, Emma thinks it is from “some fancy or other,” not knowing that it is from the same union of jealously and self-command as now takes him off to London. Their state, therefore, is not of such “perfect amity” as she imagines. Yet he has forgiven her; and, in a fashion remote from Emma’s theories, their conduct reveals an increasing if unacknowledged love. Meanwhile, as we are yet to learn, Harriet (who had been made unhappy at Box Hill because he gave so much of his attention to Jane Fairfax) is congratulating herself that he has just given her more of his time than he now gives Emma. (pp. 112–3)

The “essential difference,” however, “between the events of that morning and a more conventional pattern of repentance-and-reward,” lies in “Miss Bates’ reception” of Emma’s repentance (p. 113):

For, though Emma is perfectly sincere, she is very full of her own sincerity. As she walks up the Bates’ stairs, she moralizes on the difference between her present feelings and those of other visits. And, when Miss Bates does appear, “Emma’s conscience told her that there was not the same cheerful volubility as before—less ease of look and manner.” We are not, I submit, to listen to Emma’s conscience as attentively as Emma does. Although Miss Bates had been hurt, she has now as little care for the snub as for the apology. Her thoughts are all of Jane’s illness and forthcoming departure, of the splendid prospects unfolded by good Mrs Elton, and of their grief in so sudden a parting. Of the Box Hill expedition, she says only that none of the others “‘seemed very much to have enjoyed it. However, I shall always think it a very pleasant party, and feel extremely obliged to the kind friends who included me in it’” [vol. 3, ch. 11 [47]; p. 250]. We need not suspect Miss Bates of conscious irony: the comic implications of the episode are both higher and subtler. For all their importance to Emma and Mr Knightley, for all their interest to us, Emma’s vagaries count for much less with those around her—and especially when those others are engaged in matters of serious concern. (ibid.)

This image of Miss Bates’ unconcern is indeed at odds with Knightley’s earlier opinion that Emma’s insult may have lasting effects (“‘humble her—and before her niece, too—and before others, many of whom (certainly some,) would be entirely guided by your treatment of her,’” vol. 3, ch. 7 [43]; p. 246).

Footnotes

This detail is changed in the 1996 McGrath film, as Troost and Greenfield (n.p.) and Colon (n.p.) note. (Later, incidentally, Miss Bates’s conversation similarly simultaneously conceals and reveals the connection between Jane and Frank—when she is led on a tangent from Jane’s situation to the Crown’s ostler to Frank’s leaving for Richmond.)

Discussion Questions

Why does Emma reflect that “[i]t was not unlikely […] that she might see Mr. Knightley in her way; or, perhaps, he might come in while she were paying her visit. She had no objection. She would not be ashamed of the appearance of the penitence, so justly and truly hers” (p. 247)? What is the tone of these lines?

Is Burrows correct that Miss Bates is no longer thinking about Box Hill? Or is “Emma’s conscience” correct that Miss Bates has less of “cheerful volubility” as a result of her insult?

Why does Mr. Knightley abandon his motion to kiss Emma’s hand?

Bibliography

Austen, Jane. Emma (Norton Critical Edition). 3rd ed. Ed. Stephen M. Parrish. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, [1815] 2000.

Burrows, J. F. Jane Austen’s ‘Emma’. Sydney: Sydney University Press (1968).

Colón, Christine. “The Social Constructions of Douglas McGrath’s Emma: Earning a Place on Miss Woodhouse’s Globe.” Persuasions On-Line 3 (Fall 1999).

Deresiewicz, William. “Emma: Ambiguous Relationships.” In Jane Austen and the Romantic Poets. New York: Columbia University Press (2004), pp. 86–126.

Hall, Lynda A. “Jane Fairfax’s Choice: The Sale of Human Flesh or Human Intellect.” Persuasions On-Line 28.1 (2007).

McGraw, Patrick. “‘The world is not theirs’: The Plight of Jane Fairfax in Emma.” Persuasions 37 (2015), pp. 218–25.

Troost, Linda and Sayre Greenfield. “Filming Highbury: Reducing the Community in Emma to the Screen.” Persuasions On-Line 3 (Fall 1999).

Wiltshire, John. “Emma: The Picture of Health.” In Jane Austen and the Body. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press (1992), pp. 110–54. DOI: 10.1017/CBO9780511586248.005.

#Emma #Jane Austen #Emma Woodhouse #Mr. Knightley #Miss Bates #Mrs. Bates #Jane Fairfax #Frank Churchill #e

14 notes · View notes