#oh the tags

[bethanydelleman]

Estimated Sexual Abilities of Austen Men

In no particular order within tier

Edits added in blue based on your reblogs and careful consideration

Top Tier:

Mr. Mainwaring: to have the near undying loyalty of the exceedingly selfish Lady Susan, this man must be a sex god

Henry Crawford: he knows he’s not handsome, he wants women to love him, he'd put in the work. Also one of the only men to be rated by a woman who has had sex before.

Henry Tilney: he cares about things women like, high emotional intelligence, and extremely kind.

Frederick Wentworth: passion and experience (I imagine), also has high emotional intelligence when he’s not being a dufus.

Colonel Brandon: passionate, thinks about other people’s feelings a lot, self-sacrificial

John Knightley: I think there’s a good reason that they keep banging out those kids

Admiral Croft: I cannot believe I left him off, obviously amazing in bed because he respects his wife as his equal and is very fun. You are telling me they spend all their time together and don't have amazing sex? No freaking way!

Good Tier:

William Price: athletic, cares about his sister a lot (good sign), and gives good presents. He’s only nineteen in the story which is why he has room to improve.

Captain Harville: Obviously

Mr. Morland: dude isn’t even on page, but in my head Mrs. Morland enjoyed making all ten of those children.

Colonel Fitzwilliam: I think he’d be good, but not awesome. He'll probably be wasted on a mercenary marriage.

Charles Bingley: I get the feeling he’d be on a race to the end, and maybe not the best communicator at first. Will improve.

Mr. Gardiner: Just because he’s awesome and seems to respect women

Captain Benwick: poetry and passion!

Robert Martin: seems like a pretty romantic guy, also works on a farm so probably athletic.

John Willoughby: Mostly because of experience, but he is also pretty passionate. He’s also super hot, Miss Grey knew what she was getting into. But this guy can only go downhill from here.

Reginald De Courcy: He’s a sweetheart, an occasionally dumb sweetheart

Mr. Bennet: Is he lazy in most domains of life? Yes. But Mrs. Bennet wasn’t just trying for that heir, I’m telling you folks. Maybe he's just trying to make her unable to talk 😉

George Knightley: Promoted to good tier, I do think he's very caring, but he also is always sure HE is right, which may be a problem.

John Yates: Maybe not the most selfless person, but he's got passion and he does love his wife. Probably very into roleplay.

Mediocre but can improve tier:

Fitzwilliam Darcy: he’s a bit stiff... I think it might take some time for him to get good at it (demoted to this tier because he will need time to improve)

Frank Churchill: He’s got passion, but he’s so darn selfish and doesn’t seem to send that much time thinking about Jane’s feelings

Edward Ferrars: I just see him being a nervous wreak the first few times, it’ll get better (Note: I think Lucy is way too smart to have had sex without a wedding date)

James Morland: Dude, I’m just disappointed with you in general. Being led by lust, not protecting your sister. I hope you grow a lot before you try to get engaged again.

Charles Musgrove: could be good, but Mary never seems to appreciate the effort he puts in so he kind of gave up

Tom Bertram: Selfish, never has to try for anything, but he did reform so maybe he can get better here too.

Edmund Bertram: Repressed and selfish. He needs to actually start listening to what women say if he’s going to improve and there is a whole book of him doing exactly the opposite...

Mr. Elton: selfish, full of himself, and low emotional intelligence, however, I think he does love his wife so he is willing to put in some effort for her.

Just bad:

James Rushworth: Maria was not impressed at all, despite how much “taller” he was

Captain Tilney: riding on good looks and money, selfish

John Thorpe: Selfish and he never shuts up. I have trouble imaging him getting a woman to sleep with him without paying her.

George Wickham: selfish and good looking, he’s not doing any work. He thinks you should be honoured to sleep with him.

Robert Ferrars: selfish and not even good looking. There is nothing here. Lucy did not win people.

Mr. Woodhouse: I can’t even imagine, if he didn’t have children I’d say he was a virgin

Mr. Collins: The woman he is trying to please is not his wife.

Mr. Elliot: cruel to his first wife and not even handsome!

Sir Walter Elliot: I don’t think any part of his personality would tend toward being a “giver”, however, if you like mirrors...

John Dashwood: exactly the opposite of a “giver”

Mr. Price: the guy had 11 children in 14 years so I wish I could say he was better in bed. My suspicion is that he started in the good tier and has had a very slow fall into just bad. And all that alcohol, ug...

Dr. Grant: Noted for being a whiney, selfish glutton. Hopefully he just falls asleep before he can attempt anything because I can't imagine him being that good in bed.

General Tilney: If you don't want to even try to imagine their sex life, they go in this tier. And he is so freaking controlling!

No Data: We interviewed Lady Bertram for information on Sir Thomas, but she confessed that with full consent, she has always fallen asleep during sex. Given her personality, we decided that this information has no bearing on Sir Thomas’s abilities. She did say that giving birth was, “Very disagreeable.”

Mr. Hurst: I really can't decide with him because while he does love the finer things in life, we don't know exactly why he and Louisa married. More info required.

Criteria: In the domain of F/M sex, communication is key, so we need a man who is willing to listen to what women say. Also, selfishness is obviously a negative trait when it comes to a happy sexual partner of either gender. Some of this is just vibes, but I think there is a fair amount of canon information about how much men respect women, especially their sisters. 

Feel very free to fight me in the reblogs. The only hill I will die on is that Henry Crawford’s rating is correct 😉

#oh the tags #why do i do this to myself? #jane austen #mansfield park #pride and prejudice #sense and sensibility #northanger abbey #persuasion #emma #lady susan #for SCIENCE #mr. darcy #charles bingley #mr. mainwaring #henry crawford #henry tilney #edward ferrars #colonel brandon #captain wentworth #austen heroes #catherine and henry tilney are totally having like 10 kids #it needed to be done

[maddiviner]

"The first thing which should be understood is that a familiar is not a particular kind of spirit. A familiar is a role which is described based on the nature of the relationship. Anyone or anything can be familiar to you. You have people and animals in your life with whom you are familiar. In a certain sense, it just means you know who they are; you have an awareness of them. In another sense, familiar can refer to things which have a connection such as we have with family. The primary definition of familiar is that one has a long close, perhaps intimate association with the thing being described. This is what we mean by familiar spirit."

Swain, BJ. Familiar Unto Me: Witches Sorcerers and Their Spirit Companions (p. 19). Kindle Edition.

#witchcraft #magic #occult #witch #spiritual #witchblr #eliza reads #eliza.txt #familiar spirits #spiritwork #spirits #oh the tags #to keep my blog organized

[snakesinsocks2005]

Pin for survivors

#snake hisses #Not putting this in my art tag #boop #scheduling this for midnight #edit: huh so its still going huh. oh well have it early

[shinseifer]

"average cat owner spends 3 years in prison" factoid actualy just statistical error. average owner spends 0 years in prison. Miette's mother, who kicked her body like the football and went to jail for One Thousand Years is an outlier adn should not have been counted

#miette #spiders georg #tumblrstuff #meme #1k #One Thousand Notes #oh! oh! #I swear I can math in real life #10k #tumblr is insane #is this post making the miette tag trend #20k #I know there are more than 333 cat owners #It was a small sample size #40k #50k #75k #100k

[dahfloofysmol]

Sometimes people catch me being a dumbass and I honestly don’t know how to react

Like “that was a secret. Something to be buried under my blog forever once morning comes (even though morning is now). How did you find it so fast. You weren’t supposed to know I’m Extra Dumbass (again, affectionate).”

#and the tags #OH the tags #kept em all #they kept them all #fuckin silly tags #I’m so tired #how are my eyes open #MAMA #oOoOoOOoOoOo #didn’t mEAN to make you cRyyyyyyy #if I’m not back by this time #TOMOOROOW #CARRY ONNN #CARRRY ONNN #NOTHING #REALLY #MAYTERS #MATTERS #ther we go #I m trying #with my #all #everything I have #I am #promise #with my pinky????? #both pinkies #who gave me adhd juice #what’s happening #give me a different starter Pokémon

[pixlokita]

friendship (?) sillies ✨💕

#my art #the amazing digital circus #tadc #oh god i have to tag them all #tadc pomni #tadc jax #tadc gangle #tadc ragatha #tadc zooble #tadc caine #tadc bubble #tadc kinger #that’s everyone ??? #okay -w- #going back to fnaf now

[favroitecrime]

world war 3 jokes on twitter meanwhile none of them live in the region and none of them understand the severity of the situation. these next few hours will really determine whether or not we head into a regional war…

#not debating iran’s right to self defense or whatever idc not what i’m talking about here #cause last i checked there were about hmm #oh ~7 countries between iran and occupied palestine #tag: i speakth #trust i hope i’m just bring dramatic

[irlwakko]

this is by far my favorite safety/warning sign btw. they really went off with this one

#thalassophobia #ask to tag #oh and it’s been proven to have reduced cave diving deaths btw. if you even care #pastel's greatest hits

[rebelsafoot]

dont ask me what this is girl i dont KNOW

#d20 fantasy high #fantasy high #fantasy high fanart #dimension 20 #d20 fanart #dimension 20 fanart #d20 #fig faeth #fabian seacaster #fig faeth fanart #fabian seacaster fanart #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #god d20 has so many tags #d20 fh #d20 fhjy #OH TECHNICALLY #adaine abernant

[petrichorvoices]

AROMANTICISM. YOU AGREE. REBLOG

#aro #aromantic #reblog bait #rambling #oh gods this was supposed to be a quick post to help get the tag trending why's it almost at 2k notes

[bethanydelleman]

Jane Austen Charted #15

How Wealthy are the Jane Austen Heroines?

(This turned into a long post)

Women in Jane Austen’s novels have two kinds of wealth, fortunes which seem to be guaranteed to already accompany them into marriage, like Emma’s 30k or Elinor & Marianne Dashwoods’ 1k which they have already received from their uncle, and then eventual inheritance, like Elizabeth’s 1k that she will receive after the death of both of her parents. Here are the sums:

And the explanation of each amount:

Anne Elliot’s amount is disputed because of how the text is worded, she is either getting 10,000 or 1/3 of that amount. Here is the quote: who could give his daughter at present but a small part of the share of ten thousand pounds which must be hers hereafter. (Ch 24) It will be paid upon her father’s death.

As to the amount, I usually think it’s 1/3 of 10k. Knowing Sir Walter’s character, and that his wife was not a trade heiress but the daughter of a country gentleman, I think Lady Elliot’s dowry being ten thousand, and Sir Walter never adding to it seems pretty likely. He probably assumed that his children would marry well based on beauty and rank alone.

As for Emma, we don’t know what is going to happen to Hartfield. The fact that John Knightley has a job and isn’t just living off Isabella’s fortune until they inherit makes me think it might be going to Emma (as opposed to how Mary and Charles Musgrove are living), but that is speculation and may also be based in a difference in personality. It is equally possible that the plan was for Spinster Emma to live there with John and Isabella. Also, Emma is counting on her sister’s eldest son to inherit Donwell, not Hartfield, which is another clue that it’s going to Emma, not Isabella.

It seems to me that the best marriage prospects would be those who have a fortune now, not when their parents die. Certainly with men, those who are the most eligible have already come into their fortunes. 

Also, the Dashwoods and Anne Elliot are in a far safer financial position if their remaining parent dies, as they have a decent, though not large income on their own. The three Dashwood sisters could continue to live at Barton cottage and maintain themselves if they worked together.

So how do the heroines compare to other ladies:

The richest two women are Anne de Bourgh, who will inherit Rosings, and Sophia Grey, the future Mrs. Willoughby. Given that Mrs. Jennings, who is from trade, knows Sophia’s relations, we can assume that Sophia is a trade heiress. Depending on what Emma Woodhouse receives when her father dies, she may be as wealthy as both of them.

From the novels, the breakdown of fortune attractiveness:

Nothing - Nothing is bad. However, I have a strong suspicion that this can mean actually nothing or something like Jane Fairfax with a few hundred pounds. Lucy Steele and Isabella Thorpe probably have actually nothing, but I doubt Mary Crawford when she says her friend who married a peer actually had zero pounds to her name. Miss Ross probably had nothing in comparison to Mary.

£1000 - Pretty much as bad as nothing. This isn’t enough for someone to maintain themselves in gentility. The Bennet sisters could pool their money and maybe be okay with their combined £250.

£3000 - Interesting that so many heroines have this amount. It seems like it’s a decent, but not great dowry. Respectable.

£10,000 - This number comes up A LOT in Jane Austen’s novels. We are told in Mansfield Park: Miss Maria Ward, of Huntingdon, with only seven thousand pounds, had the good luck to captivate Sir Thomas Bertram, of Mansfield Park... her uncle, the lawyer, himself, allowed her to be at least three thousand pounds short of any equitable claim to it. From this statement and context from the other novels, 10k seems like the basic “good” fortune. Minimum entry to expect an eldest son match.

£20,000 - This is a big fortune, go after a Mr. Darcy or a Tom Bertram the future baronet kind of money. I don’t get the impression that either Caroline Bingley or Mary Crawford are supposed to be seen as delusional for thinking they can marry where they aim for. It’s more about the guy not liking them than unrealistic expectations. 

£30,000 + Filthy rich

Also, I really wish we knew more fortune numbers! What did Lady Middleton and Mrs. Palmer have? What was an acceptable dowry for a Miss Bertram? (my guess is at least 10k) What did Charlotte Lucas have? (I suspect not much better than Elizabeth, if not worse) 

#I might have forgotten someone but those are all the exact numbers I can remember #and the tags #oh the tags #elizabeth bennet #jane bennet #jane austen #catherine morland #fanny price #elinor dashwood #marianne dashwood #emma woodhouse #anne elliot #mansfield park #sense and sensibility #pride and prejudice #northanger abbey #emma #persuasion #I bet the persuasion tag is useless #me counting the books to make sure I didn't forget one #jane austen charted #so many charts! #literature mixed with numbers #sophia grey #anne de bourgh

[queenretcon]

I think I dislike ‘fuck canon fanon rulez’ takes because time after time I see how boring and predictable fanon is and how often it reinforces racism and misogyny etc. in ways canon never did

and I think having to work around canon and with canon to make something new usually ends up pushing people to make something weirder and cooler

#talk tag #oh everyone just holds hands now and the dumb/sexual/violent one is brown while all the smart/innocent ones stay white? #groundbreaking.

[oobbbear]

I want to post this here too because I’ve seen it happen a few times

Please understand that there are cultural differences and language differences, if you see this happening let the person clarify what they meant, that person might just not be familiar with words the western side of the internet use

#bearz rambling tag #no it’s not really possible to let everyone who uses this term to change #because as far as I know this is the most common word with use on Chinese websites #I didn’t know that pairing are called ‘ship’ here #like why would I even know that #‘ship’ makes zero sense to me #it took me a while to learn the fandom language people speak here #it’s hard #give people time #shipping culture is very different too #Like on Chinese site you HAVE to clarify the Top and the Bottom of this ship in the ship name #it is very very important to them #people who like the same ship but with different Top Bottom preference will fight till no end #imagine how confused I was when I first got here #where there’s no top bottom differences #it’s not really a smut thing #it’s more a dynamic thing #AxB and BxA is very different #oh I can talk so much about the differences on fandom cultures #if ya are interested in more please feel free to ask #it’s very interesting to me #I wanna talk about it

[spellboundcities]

I've spent pretty much all day drawing @xmaruu11 and @kitsuneisi 's DDVAU

(ft some posts edited from Maruu!! )

#I've been stuck in art block for over a month but silly minecraft men #local cryptid draws #ddvau #desertduo vigilante au #hermitshipping #trafficshipping #just in case #gtws fanart #grian fanart #tangotek fanart #jimmy solidarity #hotguy fanart #cuteguy fanart #oh god I've never tagged for this before. help

[arunneronthird]

pov you just tried to express an opinion in a wayne party. youre a super

#i think keeping the sunglasses for alfred was relevant to the narrative #the only person having fun is jason cause he craves chaos #oh god the tags #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #damian wayne #tim drake #duke thomas #cassandra cain #alfred pennyworth #jason todd #dc comics #my art #ladies. gentlemen. you have eaten well.

[lokittystuckinatree]

I am simultaneously deliriously in love with the ending of Loki season 2 and absolutely loathe it

On one hand…Shakespearean tragedy at its finest, essentially circling back to Loki’s original Thor 2011 character arc by reversing it, and Loki has literally ascended to godhood. In the end, Loki’s ultimate selfless sacrifice was to sit upon the highest throne in the multiverse, and that to me is tragically ironically beautiful

On the other hand…Loki being alone makes me want to burn Marvel studios to the ground and do other unspeakable things

Best and worst ending of all time f u Eric Martin

#loki #loki spoilers #WHAT DID IT COST? EVERYTHING #NO ONE WON #sylki #Lokius #oh i love it and i hate it at the same time #*screams* #*yeets myself out the window* #loki series spoilers #loki season 2 spoilers #hey guys I would appreciate that you not tag this as just Lokius or Sylki cause this post is not ship specific #sylkius if you must