#my ‘i voted’ selfie lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr has been providing a Korean-language service since 2013.

#my ‘i voted’ selfie lol

arcanesea · 4 months

Text

sparks fly

PAIRING: yang jeongin x reader GENRE: best friends to lovers, jeongin has a f!fans that annoys reader lol WC: 1.1k WARNING: profanity, jeongin is a little mean:[

"Special delivery from your 'secret admirer'." You said, making an air quote after slamming the coffee cup with a little too much force. You took your seat across Jeongin, huffing.

He looked inside the cup, pushing it in your direction, "You drink first, it might be poisoned."

You flip the ungracious finger in front of his face. Throwing a mocking smile. His so-called secret admirer (who lives directly across your dorm) has been making some inquiries over the last couple of weeks. Coffee, bottled beverages, cookies, even sandwiches, only for Jeongin. She waited in front of your door every morning, requesting you to deliver the goods to Jeongin.

When asked why she didn't do it herself, she claims that she doesn't have the courage yet. Along with that, she also asks you to play matchmaker. You would've agreed if she's not actually acting so annoying, asking for a selfie or even a photo of Jeongin with the stuff she sends.

"What if he thought this was all from me?" you ask one day, holding the tuna sandwich in your hand. Jeongin hates tuna, he prefers chicken sandwiches or plain bacon.

"Why? Do you plan on tricking him into believing that?" she asks back, confused. "You're just friends, right? You always said so, Jeongin does too."

Right… Friends…

Today was probably your tipping point because she's in a hurry, and you don't have class until later in the afternoon so you planned to sleep in a little bit. But persistent as ever, she knocks violently at your door, waking your roommates who had the day off, basically pissing the both of you and now you're just cranky.

"Did she annoy you?" Jeongin asked. He swirls the cup in a figure-8 motion, trying to assess your mood this morning.

"You think?" you respond. You took out your laptop, trying not to be a pile of negative energy. "I don't get it why she's so persistent, it's not like you're going to date her anyways, right?" you ask Jeongin without looking in his direction. Truth is, you're afraid that he might've said that you're wrong.

"Well since she seems to be perceived in a bad way by my best friend? Yeah, I think I'll pass," he answers. Your heart sank at the word best friend, but that's just the way you are. His hands leave the cup, tousling your hair.

"It's not like that, it's just… she's hell-bent on sending you this stuff, through me, like I'm some goddamn owl." You press on your keyboards violently. "And I'm still nice for actually giving it to you. I could've eaten them all by myself!" You exclaim. You had, in fact, thought about that. But that would make you look so bad, that even your roommates vote against doing so in case of karma.

"Are you not going to drink it?" you ask, eyeing the coffee. "I haven't eaten anything and I feel I could eat someone right now."

"I'll get you a new one," he said, standing up from his seat. "Sandwich?"

"Tuna," you answered, offering him a smile. "Thanks, you're the best!"

He grabs the coffee cup with him and walks inside the cafeteria to order a sandwich. He looked around the room when his eyes caught a glimpse of the so-called secret admirer. Well, he found that bit by himself, taking notes from the description you gave him along the time. His eyes met hers and he dropped the coffee cup on the bin. Not even taking a sip from it.

Jeongin hesitates a bit before actually approaching her. She didn't notice him at first until one of her friends whispered in her ear, pointing at him. He leans on the table, throwing a vile smirk. Luckily the cafeteria is so bustling with people that no one even notices the scene.

"Listen," Jeongin said. "I appreciate your effort, but you need to quit."

"Why? Did your little friend say something bad about me?" She dared herself to ask. Jeongin clicks his tongue, unimpressed. "Am I wrong to try? You're single anyways."

"Wow, you really got some attitude," he responds with a smile. "I can't tolerate an ungrateful person," he expels, surprising her. He's not one to talk shit about someone else, but when they mess with you, they're looking for a fight with him too (even when you're capable of picking fights by yourself, it makes him feel much better if you don't have to).

"You need to apologize, or you don't have to. Either way, this stops now." Jeongin said, "I'll pay you back if you want. Let's not waste each other's energy on something impossible to achieve, and that means the possibility of you and me together."

Without waiting for her response, Jeongin walked out and took his place in front of you. Handing you the tuna sandwich.

"You don't have to do that, you know," you said, opening the paper wrap and thanking him. You saw him approaching her table earlier when you went in to wash your hands. From afar, you can see his cynical face contrasting her shocked expression. You don't even want to interrupt, letting him do what he feels like doing. You trust him enough to not do something stupid or say something harmful. Counting on him to stay on course, which he did, just the cold-hard truth is all that comes out of his mouth.

"What?" he asks back, eyebrows knitting together. Then it sets on his face, "Oh… Well." He shrugs nonchalantly.

"Why did you even grant her wishes? I thought you liked me."

You choked on your sandwich at his careless statement, grabbing your bottle before chugging the water inside, leaving him laughing.

"Excuse me? How did you even come up with that?" you ask. Though you act cool, your insides are trembling with fear.

"Well, because I like you, I just thought the feelings were mutual." He bites into his sandwich, looking at you with your jaw slightly dropped. "Was it not mutual?" he asks again when you didn't respond for a few minutes.

"Is this seriously how you're gonna confess to me? are you tricking me into confessing first? That's such a dick move, you know." You gulp your water again, trying to drown the nervousness.

"Well, what do you want me to do? Going down on one knee is definitely too early, right?" he asks, trying to play innocent. He puts down his sandwich, looking at you, seriously this time. "I like you," he started. "That should be enough confession, right?"

His eyes turned the shape of a crescent moon, a genuine smile on his face.

"Fine," you admit defeat, putting down your own sandwich before ripping the bands of friendzone by saying; "I like you too."

look who's posting double due to technical error:/

373 notes · View notes

louisisalarrie · 11 days

Note

what was it really like being in the fandom when 1d was still together? was there stuff happening like every day?

oh my god yes. it was incredible. almost every day we had new content, and it wasn’t all just promo or anything, like, the boys would post on their instagrams, tweet us and each other, there’d be interviews, twitcams, snapchats, photoshoots, new music, new content every day from the tour they were on etc., we were thriiiiiiiving. it felt like so much more of a special relationship, because they’d share more from a personal level and not just tweet to promote new stuff. It was very fun and wholesome and the fandom as a whole were just sooooo active.

due to having all this new content all the time, we also obviously got a lot of Larry stuff. and a lot of Larry stuff means active larries, proofs, a million gif versions of the same interaction, just… excitement. You never knew what they’d do the next day. Tumblr and Twitter was just full of 1d and Larry.

And I think this is a major factor as to why so many larries have slipped away, as well as antis, general 1d fans, etc., because we’re not really… getting much from them anymore. If you go have a look through the 1d Instagram, as well as the boys’ person instagrams, they were active sooooo often. It was a post almost every couple of days. And our fandom was very fun, but fandoms were so much more of a thing. It was like “Directioners vs. Beliebers” and while we argued about who was better, it felt not as purposely hostile as it does now. Fandoms just aren’t the same now, they exist in a different light. If you were around kinda the 12-16 yr old age during 2011-2016, being in a fandom, no matter the topic, was just a thing. It was a sense of belonging, and friendship.

Apart from being such a different fandom these days with the solos and baby fans on Twitter being involved, we also just aren’t getting anything except promo stuff/stunt content (in Harry’s case particularly) now. A selfie from one of them (Louis mainly lol) and we’re all happy and excited for like 24 hours before we’re parched again. The relationship we had back then was so fun and exciting. We grew up with them, and laughed and smiled and felt like we knew them. It just felt so different to the basic promo that every other artist was doing. But twitter and Instagram were used for that reason. But now, they’re very different platforms and we are in a very different social media and PR climate than ever before.

And I think with the lack of Larry content now, people reach to try and confirm that they are still communicating with us like before. Some of the theories I see on twitter about how Louis and harry are signalling to us are… for lack of a better term: wild. It makes us seem so stupid and like we look into things too deep and reach like crazy, and scramble for Larry to still be real. And that comes naturally when you still believe in something/still wanna prove it. You truly are gonna try everything you can to validate that belief to yourself, and to others. But it’s not doing us any favours.

The Larry thing came around from very clear proof, evidence, and interactions that we saw all of the time throughout 1d, but if I came into it now, I’d probably be on the “they once were together but aren’t anymore” side because I wasn’t there during 1d and the very early days, ya know? So I truly applaud baby larries for researching and upholding their belief in the boys because they deserve justice.

I miss it dearly, to be honest. The chaos, the love, the fights, the support, voting 100 times on some fan award so the Beliebers wouldn’t beat us, RBB and SBB, the belonging, the boys. Even the bad times were fun in their own way.

Anyway, living through that time, the stunts were very transparent to us because the 1d team floundered and stumbled and fucked up an incredible amount, because they hadn’t dealt with something so massive with such an intense fandom before. we watched PR try so many different ways to figure out the right equation, to techniques they still use now. I know very lovely folks who aren’t larries anymore, but still will never believe that louis has a kid. It’s really incredible and I don’t think there will be a time like that again, and the only way it would happen similarly would be if 1d got back together and a part of the fandom came back to tumblr. But now a lot of us are grown up and can’t be online 24/7, and we have bigger priorities/different interests. But I think we’ll always be here in some capacity, and the internet would fully explode if there was a reunion. God, could you imagine?

Anyway, yeah, it was a beautiful time and I miss it. Sometimes it’s lovely to go through old screenshots and their instagrams and tweets and remind myself of that time that was truly formative for us and being part of a journey that was so exciting and shocking with twists and turns and love and hate and chaotically posting about whatever happened that day and people finding lifelong friends out of a shared interest. Even the hate we used to get is nothing compared to today. It’s just so different. I wish everyone could’ve experienced that time because the ones who did and are still here… well… those boys hold a very special part of our hearts and i truly hope they come back. Even though it’ll be different, it’ll still be a bit the same.

Thanks for the reminiscing, anon!

#anon #answered #bbg

8 notes · View notes

girltober · 7 months

Text

Hi everyone,

This October (2023) I'm doing Girl Month! And I thought tumblr might appreciate the content lol.

Im a cis-ish het-ish guy and I'm taking this opportunity to experiment with my gender and also just have some fun! Actually to be more specific I have a couple of goals:

Work out if I'm trans! I mostly think im not, but sometimes I wonder...

A friend who will remain anonymous highly recommended the nipple sensitivity you can get from E, and that actually sounds so much fun

Honestly in general im curious about the effects of E and it sounds fun

Girls are hot. Ergo, being a girl is hot.

F1nn5ster is controversial, for both valid and invalid reasons imo, but all I know is that when I watch clips of him and his GF i'm like "damn that guys living the dream"

And of course, to have fun

The Parameters:

For the duration of October I will go by a girl name, either "October" or "Charlotte" and She/Her pronouns.

I'm going Op shopping today for girl clothes, which I will wear fulltime (or as much as possible).

I will be taking estrogen daily, supplied by my transfem housemates. I may also try T blockers but we'll see, apparently they can fuck you up a bit.

I'm getting waxed- at least my arms, legs and chest, possibly a full brazilian

In terms of makeup, I already paint my nails but I'm also planning to try out lipstick and mascara at least. Also planning to dye a purple streak in my hair.

The following exceptions apply:

Obviously, I can stop at any time, and will if this starts severely impacting my mental or physical health or social life. I'm going to specifically check up on myself at the end of every week to make sure I'm doing okay.

I will be Boymoding for my parents, my work and associated work events, for obvious reasons. Otherwise I will maintain girlmode in public and among friends. My cis-het friend groups might be a bit weirded out but fuckem they can deal

Uuuh Estrogen will be delayed until Wednesday bc i have a blood test.

I also have the following Girl Month Sidequests- bonus tasks I'm hoping to complete this month:

Have hot girl sex with a girl

Have hot sex with a guy

Have hot sex with a trans person

If you're interested in following my journey and are 18+, I'd love to have you along! I'll be posting updates, thoughts, feelings and face-censored selfies!

Please only 18+ though- while this isnt planned to be a p0rn blog or anything (and jfc i hate that I need to use TikTok speak on tumblr) I am planning to overshare about some NSFT stuff. If you're overage but don't want to see that make sure to block the tag "#girl month nsft".

My askbox is also open to all :)

Uuh I also want to close by saying that while I'm probably(?) not trans and just having fun, obviously I fully support Trans Rights. Trans women are women, trans men are men, enbies are super valid, y'all are all really cool and this event isn't meant to mock, appropriate or invalidate y'all. Terfs DNI.

#girl month #girltober #f1nn5ter #gender

9 notes · View notes

whenitsdarkweilluminate · 6 months

Text

Lisbon 2018 – Grand Final

Host: Portugal Slogan: “All Aboard!” Participants: 43 Voting method: 12-point system (50/50 system - separated) Format: 2 Semi-Finals / Grand Final = the top 10 of semi 1 & 2 + the Big 5 + host

Winner: Netta - Toy Country: Israel Points: 529 (52.5% of highest score possible) Language: English

General Overview:

I kept putting off reviewing 2018 because I remembered it being a “meh” year. I was dissatisfied in the winner. Many of my faves didn't qualify. And most of the songs seemed forgettable? After all this writing, I'd still rank 2018 towards the bottom of the decade, but it's ahead of 2011 and 2017 at least. For reference, my fave contest of each decade would be: 1956, 1969, 1977, 1980, 1997, 2009, 2012 and 2021.

The opening sequence is exactly same as the two semi-finals (ie. the montage of local people and culture). But since it's the Grand Final, there is an opening act this time! It begins with someone playing a Portuguese guitar, then Ana Moura and Mariza sing some fado music. Mariza's song includes a soft-sounding marching band across the stage. The flag parade happens next, with two DJ's playing contemporary beats to soundtrack it. There's also sailors holding the flags.

Then it's the host introductions. Like I said in SF1, I enjoyed their comedy this year. I especially loved Filomena in the Green Room. And lol at the hosts insinuating that the shirtless stagehand was naked underneath the graphic. There was also a dedication to Lys Assia, who passed earlier in 2018, which was nice.

The interval isn't as bloated as other recent contests. It starts with Branko playing some tranquil dance music, featuring 4 different soloists, one at a time. First it's Sara Tavares (from the 1994 contest) holding a long note, then Plutónio raps, followed by Dino D'Santiago singing inside this silhouette visual effect, and finally Mayra Andrade is joined by dancers on the walkway. They have soothing voices. Next, there's a video on why it took Portugal 53 years to win. Then Suzy from 2014 makes a surprise appearance. And lastly, Salvador Sobral performs two songs: a piano ballad called “Mano a mano” (meh to this one), where he pounds the piano casing at one point, and a reprise of his winning song, as a duet with Caetano Veloso.

The postcards involve the artists exiting a door in places where a door shouldn't be. Like on top of a cliff or something. They aren't attached to a building. Which makes them look like portals. It's as if the artists teleported to Portugal from their home country. Upon entering Portugal, they explore the area and do an activity. Then they take a selfie, as “#AllAboard” appears on screen. Then the flag colours are displayed on a sea anemone graphic. And lastly, there's an adjustment sound to start each performance. The portal doors are what I associate with 2018, like the hallway in 2017.

The stage is designed like a gyroscope. The performance platform is the center circle, with 3 gigantic rings overhead, kind of like archways. Each ring is on a different inclination/angle. There's also a circular walkway ramp cutting through the audience that acts as the 4th ring (on a 0° angle). On either side of the stage, there is a bridge that connect to the ramp. And just like 2010, there is no LED screen. Instead, the back of the stage is constructed of wavy vertical bars.

2018 was a battle between Israel and Cyprus… but not according to the juries. They put Austria and Sweden top 2, which the public weren't as fond of. Early on, the jury vote was a tight race between those 4 countries and Germany. Then it became a battle between Israel and Austria. Then Sweden caught up with Austria. In the end, Israel won the televote, putting them way ahead of both. As for the correspondents: Sweden's Felix Sandman wore Benjamin's merch and Latvia's Dagmāra Legante made a Kanye West joke.

Ukraine: Mélovin - Under the Ladder 3rd year in a row where the SF2 closer opens the Grand Final. I did not expect the juries to rank this last.

Spain: Amaia & Alfred - Tu canción This is like the sweetest love song ever. Yeah, the couple broke up a few months later, but most relationships don't last anyways. Feelings change over time. You live in the moment, and this was how they felt in May 2018. On stage, they look smitten with their cute smiles and eye contact. The opening shot shows them standing far apart in dark lighting, while the audience's phone lights shine behind them. Then the camera spins around Alfred and zooms in on Amaia, as they trade lead vocals. Afterwards, the pair slowly walks towards each other. They hold hands, they embrace. And the camera continues spin around them at certain points. The song itself is a classy, old-fashioned, stuffy ballad. But it also has a tender, romantic texture and a very nice melody. Plus Amaia & Alfred's voices are sweet. “Tu canción” starts with slow, sparse piano notes. Said piano increases in the first chorus, where the strings sneak in. Then the second verse/chorus adds in low-key percussion and makes the strings more noticeable. While the bridge sees the instrumental quiet, then intensify, then stop upon the final chorus. Then the song finally “bursts open”. That “OHHH OHHH” build-up is very effective. I also like the “Siento que bailo…” hook. The lyrics involve Amaia & Alfred expressing their love to each other. Alfred says flying to the moon now feels real; Amaia says his voice shelters her. It's very lovey dovey.

Slovenia: Lea Sirk - Hvala, ne! “STOP THE MUSIC!”

Lithuania: Ieva Zasimauskaitė - When We're Old

Austria: Cesár Sampson - Nobody but You

Estonia: Elina Nechayeva - La forza

Norway: Alexander Rybak - That's How You Write a Song A semi-final winner placing 15th in the grand final is unexpected.

Portugal: Cláudia Pascoal - O jardim Better than the song they won with. This did not deserve last place, although 39 points is pretty high for that. I can see how “O jardim” was overlooked though – not much happens in the song. There's no big melody, no epic climax. Instead, the song's purpose is to maintain a specific mood. That mood is peaceful grieving. Isaura wrote “O jardim” about her late grandmother. The lyrics repeat the phrase “Now that you're not here, I'll water your garden”, as if this thought keeps circling in her mind. She literally takes care of her grandmother's garden to keep her memory alive. The verses don't translate to English very well, however. The music starts with slow, sad piano notes. Then this subtle anxious sound is added underneath, followed by tiny acoustic tings. Then, from 1:36-2:07, the beat switches to a series of metal spring sounds and inconsistent jittery taps. It's a cool sound and it's my favourite part. It doesn't change the mood either. This is also when Isaura comes on stage and turns “O jardim” into a duet. The ending is minimalist and like a light howl. “O jardim” is all about simplicity. Doing anything extra wouldn't work. Cláudia gives a sensitive vocal too. She seems tearful at the end. On stage, she starts in a dark silhouette. She closes her eyes. She sways a bit. There's spotlights behind her. The stage doesn't feel like it's missing anything though. I also like how Cláudia's voice jumps out at certain points.

United Kingdom: SuRie - Storm The UK is back to flopping. “Storm” is infamous for the stage invader, but the Grand Final video on YouTube replaced her performance with a rehearsal. SuRie sings this with genuine compassion for her family, but the song is bland. The chorus is 'whatever' to me, both melodically and lyrically. The “Toge-e-ether” and “sto-o-orm” hooks are weak. And the lyrics are basic. The “spread your love...” bridge is climactic though. In the verses, SuRie addresses her brother, sister, mother and father one at a time. She reminds her siblings of their childhood worldview (their fearless hopes and dreams), and says she still believes in this stuff. Then she asks her mom if she did good enough. The chorus is her reassuring they'll overcome the storm together. It's an uplifting song with a straightforward message. But it lacks depth I guess? The instrumental only grabs my attention in a few spots too. The song starts with the piano, but quickly adds foot taps, squeals, submerged quivers and finger snaps. The chorus then diminishes back to the piano, before it accelerates via heavy claps; leading the second half bulldozing through with drums and whirls. The second chorus also starts dramatically, with stomps and sawing strings instead. The bridge uses dramatic boom-claps as well. Later, the song returns to the piano before the last chorus. And the outro repeats the bridge lyric. On stage, SuRie stands at the front of a tunnel made of lit-up squares. There's also pyro upon the last chorus.

Serbia: Sanja Ilić & Balkanika - Nova deca Actually her voice is kind of annoying.

Germany: Michael Schulte - You Let Me Walk Alone The only time Germany wasn't bottom 2 during 2015-2023. All it took was a personal, sincere, down-to-Earth ballad to reach top 5. That's how Ireland kept winning! But it sounds like an Ed Sheeran ballad, and I don't like Ed Sheeran (I also hear Adele's “Someone Like You”). The “1-2-3” hook (“1 love / 2 hearts / 3 kids”) is kinda annoying too. And the lyrics are messy. In the song, Michael reflects on growing up without his father, who passed away when Michael was young. However, the wording of “one love”, “loving mum” and “You let me walk this road alone” makes it sound like his father chose to abandon him. There's no mention of a “loving dad”. Still, if this were written in another language, would I even notice? Lines like “I was told that you were too” and “My childhood hero will always be you” still get to me. He sees his father in himself. He misses his father when he needs guidance. His dad provided protection and wisdom. Musically, the verses follow a quick back-and-forth piano. Then the piano is more pronounced in the chorus. The strings come in later. There's an “oh oh oh” bridge. Plus some crashes towards the end. And the drums enter to carry the final chorus. I'm not crazy about this arrangement, but I don't mind the “every now and then” hook. The stage starts darkly lit. Then, a semi-circle LED screen acts as a lyric video behind Michael. It also shows family photos, which really pulls at the heartstrings. And there's hypnotic images during the bridge.

Albania: Eugent Bushpepa - Mall

France: Madame Monsieur - Mercy France is my #2 again! “Mercy” tells the harrowing, but fortunate, story of Nigerian refugee Taiwo Yussif giving birth on a rescue ship. She named the baby “Mercy”. The title is play on words, since “merci” means “thank you” in French. The lyrics are from the POV of the baby. She recounts how her mother fled the war at home. They had nothing to lose. The sea (or “blue immensity”) became the enemy. She was lucky to even be born (“They offered me a hand / And I'm alive”). The song addresses how not every refugee has a happy ending like this. Many of them don't make it. The title implies they deserve mercy. The instrumental and Émilie's voice capture the mood of this situation well. It's a bleak and distressed vibe, but with a message of perseverance. The song starts with minuscule guitar plucks and finger snaps, followed by some cowbell(?). Then a snap-shut transition starts the chorus, which has a fuller sound, and includes distorted cry responses and some “pippity pips” appearing midway. The chorus has a great melody too. The song later quiets for the bridge. And the outro repeats a chant of “merci, merci”, as the duo pushes their hands forward, and the audience joins in. Maybe they could've done something more with the stage though. They're dressed in funeral black. They walk forward in unison. The camera follows her across the stage bridge. And they're on the audience ramp for the “merci, merci” chant. But it needed something more.

Czech Republic: Mikolas Josef - Lie to Me HE DID THE FLIP!!

Denmark: Rasmussen - Higher Ground It's just missing something to make my top 10.

Australia: Jessica Mauboy - We Got Love This could've been an anthem.

Finland: Saara Aalto - Monsters A borderline qualifier that flopped in the final.

Bulgaria: Equinox - Bones

Moldova: DoReDoS - My Lucky Day

Sweden: Benjamin Ingrosso - Dance You Off “With 21 points... Sweden”

Hungary: AWS - Viszlát nyár I think he screams even more in the final.

Israel: Netta - Toy (winner review below)

Netherlands: Waylon - Outlaw in 'Em

Ireland: Ryan O'Shaughnessy - Together

Cyprus: Eleni Foureira - Fuego

Italy: Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - Non mi avete fatto niente I was puzzled by the 249 televote points... until I realized “Non mi” references several, then-recent, terrorist attacks (Cairo churches, La Rambla Street, 2015 Paris attacks, London Bridge, the truck in Nice). Plus 9/11 “skyscrapers” and 7/7 “subways”. Most of these happened in Eurovision countries. It must've struck a chord. The lyrics are also displayed in various languages so viewers can understand them, along with faces in the fonts. The chorus is an emphatic “You did nothing to me”, saying the terrorists didn't win. Life continues. It's just “pointless wars”. The song doesn't hide the horrific reality either: “blood in the sewer”; “arms without hands”; “mothers without children”. It also finds commonality in religions, dismisses racism, and says mass murder isn't a valid belief. And that “the smile of a child” shows resilience. This is a wordy, lyrically dense song. The duo sings SO quickly to cram everything in that it makes the melody ineffective, despite the up-and-down pattern. I also dislike Fabrizio's hoarse screams at the end, even if it expresses fury. Ermal wails after the bridge too. The instrumental is restless though. It starts with a twinkly guitar and light stomps, then light jingles. There's some slam-downs in the first chorus. Then the second verse increases the tempo into a folksy scared running drum beat. There's some guitar wails later. And the bridge quiets down when they walk to separate bridges. “Non mi” has a strong message and it isn't a cheesy peace song; but it's just not something I seek out much.

The Winner:

Israel achieves their 4th win, exactly 20 years after their 3rd... which was exactly 20 years after their 1st. I guess they'll win again in 2038? Between “Diva” and “Toy”, Israel's results were all over the place: 4 top 10s, 6 NQs, and several times in the bottom half of the scoreboard. The juries ranked “Toy” 3rd, but Netta's 317 televote points were more than enough. Weirdly, the semi-final was the opposite, where the juries were more favourable than the public.

This is an annoying song, but the chicken noises make it worse. “Toy” starts a cappella, with Netta making a bunch of strange mouth sounds (“*bird trill*, ouch, hey!, hm, la!”). Then the backing comes in and she starts clucking like a chicken. This irritating intro lasts for 20+ seconds. It's such a “WTF” moment. It makes for a memorable first impression, but it turns “Toy” into a borderline joke entry. Once the instrumental starts, there's some “Ethnic pop” elements. Verse 1 contains casual hand drums, bass stomps that stop every few seconds, and a couple short jerks. Then the pre-chorus diminishes to a soft synth, before building up with beeps and a squeaky sound, as Netta clucks again. Then the chorus roars and bulldozes through (with more beeps), followed by a string-y post-chorus that rolls around, where the backing shouts “CULULUU”. Those “CULULUU”s are almost as irritating as the chicken noises. This is a weird criticism, but the chorus sounds too much like a Eurovision song. I get bored of it. The second verse starts with video game pew-pews. Then the bridge interrupts the second chorus, leading to a big vocal note on “BOYYYYY”, which transitions to the next string-y bit. The song pulls back again partway through the last chorus. And Netta finishes on another big note (“TOYYYYY”). The song is vengeful and in-your-face and Netta brings attitude and personality. The backing responses of “not your toy/stupid boy” are catchy too.

But the message is hard to take seriously when it's communicated in such a silly way. The lyrics were inspired by the #MeToo movement (“I'll take you down now!”), where Netta rejects being a man's toy, calling him a “stupid boy”. Her vocal has a bratty, ridiculing, and immature tone. She says the boys are too loud and forgot how to play the game. She doesn't care about their money or the “modern-time preachers”. And she makes chicken noises to insinuate he's a coward (like when someone goes “bawk bawk bawk”). The lyrics also mention childhood interests – teddy bear, Barbie, Simon Says, Pikachu, dolls, Wonder Woman – which adds a darker layer to this. The narrator sounds like a little girl. “You're stupid just like your smart.. PHONE!” is a funny line though. There's even a smartphone ding during it. “My Simon Says 'leave me alone'” is clever too, with respecting consent. And “Barbie got something to say” challenges the Barbie stereotypes. There's also a couple Hebrew phrases (“ani lo buba” and “stefa”) and the Japanese word “Baka” (stupid person). But I also think “On the MadaBaka beat” is a censored version of “MF-ing beat”. Apparently “Trump-pam-pau” is a Trump reference too. The lyrics say a lot... in the verses anyways. “Stupid boy” is a childish insult.

On stage, Netta is dressed in a kimono, with two bookcases full of golden cat figurines wagging their tails behind her. She also uses this touch pad thing, which spells the word “H-E-Y”. Meanwhile, the camera will cut to the 3 backing dancers making funny poses and dance moves. They start on the stage bridge, but join Netta later on. And everyone is on the audience ramp at the end. They also flap their arms like a chicken during the clucking. And there's some pyro for the first chorus. The dancers are funny at least.

Ultimately, this, “I Wanna” and “Hard Rock Hallelujah” are the closest to a novelty song winning. I don't think this is what Salvador had in mind during his winning speech... it must've been awkward to hand Netta the trophy. Also, Jack White was later added as a songwriter for similarities to “Seven Nation Army”... I don't hear it.

Verdict: “D” Tier. Catchy but everything about this is annoying.

My Ranking:

Grand Final: 01. Cyprus: Eleni Foureira - Fuego 02. France: Madame Monsieur - Mercy 03. Estonia: Elina Nechayeva - La forza 04. Slovenia: Lea Sirk - Hvala, ne! 05. Austria: Cesár Sampson - Nobody but You 06. Portugal: Cláudia Pascoal - O jardim 07. Moldova: DoReDoS - My Lucky Day 08. Lithuania: Ieva Zasimauskaitė - When We're Old 09. Denmark: Rasmussen - Higher Ground 10. Czech Republic: Mikolas Josef - Lie to Me

11. Ukraine: Mélovin - Under the Ladder 12. Australia: Jessica Mauboy - We Got Love 13. Finland: Saara Aalto - Monsters 14. Germany: Michael Schulte - You Let Me Walk Alone 15. Sweden: Benjamin Ingrosso - Dance You Off 16. Serbia: Sanja Ilić & Balkanika - Nova deca 17. Spain: Amaia & Alfred - Tu canción 18. Bulgaria: Equinox - Bones 19. Italy: Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - Non mi avete fatto niente 20. Israel: Netta - Toy 21. United Kingdom: SuRie - Storm 22. Ireland: Ryan O'Shaughnessy - Together 23. Netherlands: Waylon - Outlaw in 'Em 24. Albania: Eugent Bushpepa - Mall 25. Hungary: AWS - Viszlát nyár 26. Norway: Alexander Rybak - That's How You Write a Song

Full Ranking: 01. Cyprus: Eleni Foureira - Fuego 02. France: Madame Monsieur - Mercy 03. Estonia: Elina Nechayeva - La forza 04. Switzerland: Zibbz - Stones 05. Slovenia: Lea Sirk - Hvala, ne! 06. Austria: Cesár Sampson - Nobody but You 07. Belgium: Sennek - A Matter of Time 08. Armenia: Sevak Khanagyan - Qami 09. Latvia: Laura Rizzotto - Funny Girl 10. Portugal: Cláudia Pascoal - O jardim 11. Moldova: DoReDoS - My Lucky Day 12. Lithuania: Ieva Zasimauskaitė - When We're Old 13. Denmark: Rasmussen - Higher Ground 14. Malta: Christabelle - Taboo 15. Czech Republic: Mikolas Josef - Lie to Me 16. Ukraine: Mélovin - Under the Ladder 17. F.Y.R. Macedonia: Eye Cue - Lost and Found 18. Greece: Yianna Terzi - Oniro mou 19. Poland: Gromee feat. Lukas Meijer - Light Me Up 20. Australia: Jessica Mauboy - We Got Love 21. Finland: Saara Aalto - Monsters 22. Germany: Michael Schulte - You Let Me Walk Alone 23. Croatia: Franka - Crazy 24. Sweden: Benjamin Ingrosso - Dance You Off 25. Serbia: Sanja Ilić & Balkanika - Nova deca 26. Spain: Amaia & Alfred - Tu canción 27. Bulgaria: Equinox - Bones 28. Belarus: Alekseev - Forever 29. Italy: Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - Non mi avete fatto niente 30. Israel: Netta - Toy 31. San Marino: Jessika feat. Jenifer Brening - Who We Are 32. Azerbaijan: Aisel - X My Heart 33. United Kingdom: SuRie - Storm 34. Ireland: Ryan O'Shaughnessy - Together 35. Montenegro: Vanja Radovanović - Inje 36. Netherlands: Waylon - Outlaw in 'Em 37. Romania: The Humans - Goodbye 38. Albania: Eugent Bushpepa - Mall 39. Russia: Julia Samoylova - I Won't Break 40. Hungary: AWS - Viszlát nyár 41. Norway: Alexander Rybak - That's How You Write a Song 42. Iceland: Ari Ólafsson - Our Choice 43. Georgia: Ethno-Jazz Band Iriao - For You

2 notes · View notes

so-much-for-subtlety · 3 months

Text

cw: trump, politics, rambling

it’s Iowa republikkkan caucus today (they forgot it is Martin Luther King Jr. day today) and this year will be my first time voting in prez elections (I submitted my citizenship application on MLK day 2020 which with pre-pandemic timelines would have got me enrolled in time but then pandemic hit

this weekend at farmers market I was getting my eggs & apples and I saw a cute guy carrying a fluffy mini dog who I would have clocked as a twink (my gaydar is still recalibrating to United States) except he was wearing a Latinos for Trump snapback and also it was so weather beaten and oil stained that you could tell he’s probably worn it most days for the last 8+ years.

one of the themes that have come up in therapy has been my desire to control my life and to understand it, and the conflict that can come from existing in an uncontrollable, unpredictable, and incomprehensible world.

it’s kind of funny but before 2016 I was so politically ignorant, I didn’t even really understand how U.S. government was structured and functioned. my naive political views were that the democratic and republican party were not so different from each other, then 2016 happened and I saw the GOP as the evil nemesis and democrats as our hero. now I’ve come full circle and see the two parties are more similar than different (but yes I will still vote, and yes trump reelected will be much MUCH worse than Biden, but I can be critical of Biden and still vote for the old bozo).

back in summer of 2017 I was in a bedstuy which is a rapidly gentrifying neighborhood in Brooklyn (Spike Lee’s “do the right thing” etc) and after 5 summers in my apartment had finally decided to get a window AC unit and went to local Home Depot. There are always guys with trucks in the parking lot that you can pay to lug stuff back to your place and this Black guy helped me with my AC. It was sooo funny because driving back he kept trying to trick me into admitting that I’d voted for trump (like he’d ask “so why did you vote for trump?”) and it took so much to convince him that I hadn’t voted (and if I had i absolutely wouldn’t have voted trump) we laughed about it and a couple times over the next few weeks he’d drive past me walking in the neighborhood and yell out “hey trump!” and wave to me lol.

so this election season I’m not going to engage, I’ve already taken a step back from social media (tumblr is only remaining place that I’m active), so I’m not going to post reminders to check voter registration, post the “I voted” selfie etc. my social circle is so homogenous - there’s no one I have to convince or influence.

im feeling pretty disillusioned about our political system, I don’t really feel that our government really does represent us as the people. Protests don’t do anything. Whatever happens will happen.

1 note · View note

woundedheartwithin · 9 months

Note

Tanimura would get bullied off first for being a cop. Akiyama just isn't a fully functional adult but have you seen this website? He'd fit right in!

Eh they’re both pretty bad lol

Akiyama’s rich as hell and has wildly unethical qualification processes for loans, including but not limited to putting female clients to work in his cabaret club. But he doesn’t charge interest, or even really expect to get his money back, so he’s got that going for him I guess. I love Akiyama, he’s one of my favorite characters and my second favorite rgg protag, but he’s kind of a sleaze tbh lmao

Tanimura’s a cop, a really dirty one even and hella unprofessional, but he does use his position to look out for the immigrant population without any real benefit to himself. In the interest of fairness, I’ll note that Tanimura’s one of my least favorite characters and def my least fave protag (I hated his fighting style tho I don’t actually dislike the dude himself), but he has his merits, ya gotta admit

In saying all that, I voted Akiyama because he’s my girlfriend and I like to bully him, but yeah Tanimura would probably rage quit first after like the second mean comment on an unbuttoned uniform thirst trap selfie 😂

#she speaks #yakuza

2 notes · View notes

qeyond · 10 months

Text

late but thanks for voting on my hair dying fate i shall release the B-core selfies when i finally actually get around to dying it LOL

#qeyond sucks #all over black hair dye won and its been written in the stars!!!#thank goodness my OC for A also has black hair so i can coexist kinning both that little twink and my main man beyond birfday

6 notes · View notes

britswriting · 2 years

Text

Unbroken (20)

Unbroken Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

I know that they don't meet Amanda till 2021, but for storyline purposes, we are going to ignore that. If that bothers you, you can always pretend it's someone else. That being said... get ready ;)

Just to keep everyone up to date, the date right now in book is May 13th /14th - the investigation goes past midnight obviously lol

*Leighton's POV*

Sitting in a car with people who were best friends felt like I walked in on a slumber party that I wasn't invited to.

The car ride to this unknown location was 3 hours long and I was dreading it. The thought of sitting on my ass for this long, hoping to God that the restless leg syndrome which was a common pregnancy symptom didn't decide to kick in at the most inconvenient time was keeping my thoughts occupied, along with hoping I didn't pee my pants before we got there.

I read it was more common to get RLS towards the end of the pregnancy, so I can't wait to look forward to that. I texted my mom about it, and she said it sucked, which only made me more excited to get closer to the third trimester.

I've kept in contact with my family back home whilst on this trip, wanting to make sure my mom's recovery was going well, feeling guilty that I wasn't there to help her.

Along with keeping up to date with Aaliyah and River and how things were going.

River was trying to get a work promotion so he and Aaliyah could move in together, and Aaliyah was trying to save up to take some sort of online college course in Photography.

I was excited for my friends and everything they were trying to accomplish. I just wish I was right by their side to help them.

Brennen and Colby were talking about something, but I couldn't focus on it since I felt my stomach turn, making me reach for the peppermint oil.

I tried the ginger recommendation, but it didn't do it the same way the oil did. I also hear the bracelets work pretty well, but it was easier to hide a little oil on the wrist, than a pregnancy bracelet.

I might as well scream COLBY I'M PREGNANT if I wore one of those.

Even if he didn't know what it was, I'm sure one of their viewers would, and we didn't need that.

"Guys! Sam and Colby kidnapped me and are taking me to a haunted place! Send help!" Brennen explained, showing Kat and I on his IG story. "They nabbed Kat and Leigh too!"

Colby laughed as Sam piped up "You are all willing participants!" and Brennen stopped the video, tagging them and adding it to his story.

"So do all of your guys' car rides to haunted places involve just filming videos for Instagram?" I asked, noticing a pattern.

Did they ever not use social media?

"We film videos a lot in general. It's nice to have memories. Here, hand me your phone Leigh" Kat said, holding out her hand.

I handed her my phone, deciding it was better to go along with things, than to question them. Kat went to my camera, taking a couple photos of Sam and Colby in the front, Brennen and I in the back before leaning in and taking a selfie of the both of us.

"It's time we bring you to the dark side" Kat said and Brennen reopened his Instagram story.

"Kat what did you just say?" Brennen asked and Kat repeated it, and then Brennen panned the camera to me. "So Leighton doesn't have ANY social media. Never has. Vote below if we should bring Leigh to the dark side! Sam, Colby, what do you think?" Brennen asked, turning the phone around so the backside was facing us.

"I think that's a bad idea now that she's in our videos and with the current situation" Sam said and I nodded, understanding what he was saying. They had told me the horror stories of people attacking their friends, and that was the last thing my pregnant ass needed was to be stressed by their little fanbase all because I was standing across from Colby or was getting too close to Sam.

For all I know I could be getting hate just for sitting next to Brennen and Kat.

It was easier to pretend they were nobodies than to think about all the online drama there could possibly be brewing.

Sam said some people even attack people he's friends because they're "protecting Katrina"

I was honestly thankful I didn't have social media these past few days. It's made it less stressful being in their videos, because whatever people said, didn't affect me

I didn't have to read it, therefore it wasn't controlling my thoughts.

"I think she should do whatever she feels comfortable with. I kind of like that she doesn't have social media" Colby put his two cents in before Brennen ended the video.

"So are you guys nervous?" Kat asked and I nodded but Brennen had this cockiness to him as he replied "I'm ready to go beat some ghosts ass with Colby!"

"I'm nervous to meet up with the medium. I don't want to like... offend her y'know?" I spoke softly and Sam nodded.

"Just tell her you're a skeptic. She loves skeptics" Sam said, and I saw we were getting near the hotel.

I rested my hands on the bloating of my stomach feeling nervous.

I was currently wearing an oversized XPLR hoodie that I got from Sam and Colby along with some comfy leggings.

I haven't been feeling the best the past couple hours, but I knew I'd be fine, I just didn't feel like dressing up for the camera.

I had some light mascara on my eyes and a pink tinted Chapstick. I had all my piercings occupied by earrings, and a few dainty rings on my fingers.

A/N: A piercing map, Here are the Piercings I see Leighton having: Right ear: Industrial, triple lobe (3 lobe piercings), stacked lobe (another piercing above the third highest lobe piercing), double helix, via image bottom & middle, middle helix (hoop earring). Left ear: Triple lobe, singular helix (via photo, middle), tragus

"We're meeting her there right?" I asked and Sam nodded, focusing on driving.

"She's bringing her boyfriend, so they're meeting us there" Colby said and I nodded, looking out the window.

I was starting to feel anxious now that we were getting a lot closer to our final destination. We had a three hour drive to wherever we were going, which meant every hour we had to stop so I could pee and eat. Sam told me I had to constantly eat snacks and drink water or else I wasn't allowed to come, and we were already two hours in, which meant I was currently eating my chips ahoy cookies while Colby read off some facts about Hotel Coronado. It was apparently one of the mediums favorite places to go, and none of us had been before so Colby was doing a little research before we got there.

"This place is so cool!" Kat spoke in awe, looking around.

"Do you know where we're meeting her?" Brennen asked and Sam pulled out his phone. "I think in the Lobby?" I watched him pull up his texts, verifying it.

"We need to find her and do our intro so we can get started" Colby said, holding their camera.

We eventually found her and her boyfriend waiting in the lobby, and Sam walked over to her. "You made it! Thought you guys got lost" She joked.

Sam and Colby talked with her a little bit before I saw everyone look at me.

"What?"

"They were telling me that you're a skeptic, so I can't wait to change your mind" She smirked and I nodded slowly, extremely intimated by the gleam in her eye.

"Wassup guys! It's Sam and Colby!" Colby slurred, making Sam and Kat laugh.

I laughed when Sam repeated Colby, mocking him with hand motions, before making sweater paws and covering my face to hide my smile.

Once we all stopped laughing, they continued their introduction.

"Today we are with some friends!" Sam spoke, which was our cue to jump into frame. "We have Amanda the medium, my girlfriend Katrina, our friend Brennen and our roommate Leighton!" Sam pointed to each of us, and Kat laughed, making me giggle. "What!?" Sam exclaimed, starting to laugh while looking at us.

"We brought giggle McGee with us today, I'm sorry guys" Colby chuckled, pointing his finger at Katrina which made her laugh harder. "Kat, are you okay?" Sam laughed with her, and we all found ourselves giggling and then laughing at Kat's laugh.

"I'm sorry! I was just really caught off by Colby" She chuckled, covering her smile with her perfectly manicured hand.

"WASSSSSSUP GUYYYS!" Kat spoke in a a surfer dudes voice and we all laughed as she continued to cackle.

"Alright let's try this again!" Sam spoke and we all nodded, getting out of frame, not knowing if Sam was going to keep that in or put it as a blooper.

"What's up guys, it's Sam and Colby!" Colby reintroduced, overly pronounced the beginning making us chuckle.

"What? I did it normal this time!" Colby defended as we all giggled.

"I don't know what you guys were worried about in the car. This doesn't seem so bad" Brennen laughed ,making Kat and I giggle.

We tried really hard to pull ourselves together, but we kept bouncing off each other's energy and just laughing harder at the other person.

"We've been laughing for the past 10 minutes of being here, so hopefully it'll be a good night!" Colby grinned at the camera.

"Anyway!" Sam drug out "We are here today at one of Amanda's favorite spots, Hotel Coronado in San Diego, Colby and I have never been. We are joined by a couple of our friends, Brennen, Kat, and Leighton. It is Brennen and Leigh's first haunted video and probably Brennen's last" Sam and Colby chuckled and Brennen rolled his eyes, smirking. "So please comment down below how much you love Leighton being here, so we can con her into coming more often!" Sam grinned and they all cheered and I blushed, covering my face.

"Damn, Sam's already kicking me out before I even started!" Brennen jokes, making us laugh.

"Watch them all spell my name wrong" I teased, and they all laughed.

"Your name is spelt how it sounds though?" Sam noted and I shook my head.

"People spell my name like the chip brand Lays. Or like when my brother does talk to text and says Leigh he gets pissed off because it will spell it L-e-a-h. Like to the point he stopped doing talk to text" I giggled before scanning my surroundings feeling a little creeped out.

"He could change it in his settings. I had to do that with Kat's name because it would always spell it like the animal. Just to make it known her name is spelt L-e-i-g-h-t-o-n" Sam said and I nodded, focusing back on the camera as he started to talk "We are going to share some brief history with you guys" Sam spoke and I started to zone out, placing my hands on my back and pressed in on the pain that felt like the muscles in my back were being stretched.

"There is a guy watching us, standing by the tree about 10 feet away" Amanda spoke up, startling everyone.

"Wait what? Like right now?" Sam questioned, and she nodded. I saw Sam and Colby turn to look at each other and their eyes were widened whilst Katrina covered her face with her sweatshirt.

From left to right went Brennen, Me, Kat, Amanda, Sam, Colby. Brennen made a weird face when Amanda said she saw a dead person, glancing at Kat and I and then to Colby since Sam was focused on Filming where Amanda was looking at.

"He has on dark skinny jeans, a dark t-shirt, and shoulder length hair" Amanda spoke and I muttered "Harry Styles?" to myself but I heard Kat snicker making Colby look at us.

"I think Kat had too much caffeine today. She's been giggling since dinner" Colby noted and Sam nodded, agreeing.

"Leighton made a joke! It's not my fault!" Kat defended, smacking Colby's arm.

While Kat and Colby were talking to each other, Sam and I were looking at Amanda who was intently looking towards the tree.

"Does the name Steven mean anything to anyone?" Amanda asked, causing Colby and Kat to shut up.

We all shook our heads and I noticed Sam was asking Amanda questions, but I wasn't able to focus.

A steven with shoulder length hair?

It couldn't be...

Life would be a lot easier if it was a dead fake Harry Styles...

"He says he's a relative to someone here. He's looking at Leighton and Kat. Like towards that direction. He's kind of skinnier. Kind of a stern face. He's just kind of watching." Amanda paused and looked over at me before back towards the tree "He says he's protecting Leighton. Like he gives off protective dad vibes" she said, looking back at me and my face scrunched up and Sam looked at me.

"Guys we haven't even entered the building yet and Leighton's already haunted!" Sam looked towards the Camera, and I felt everyone's eyes on me. "Maybe we really should bring her with more" he joked but I shook my head, already knowing this wasn't something I wanted to do all the time.

"He's my relative? My ex lost his grandfather last year who went by Stephen. That's all I can think of" My brow furrowed as I looked back towards the tree. I tried to imagine the description of what she had said, and I was starting to feel kind of choked up.

If it was who I thought it was, I knew I wouldn't be able to hold back my tears, so I tried really hard to pretend it wasn't happening.

You can't see dead people when looking at the air.

Ghosts aren't real.

You die and that is it.

The End.

Sam filmed us walking into the building, getting some cinematic shots before he and Colby filmed a brief history for the video. Brennen went to use the bathroom, which left us girls all huddled over in a corner, waiting patiently.

I was looking around in the building, feeling uneasy when Amanda lightly touched my arm, making me jump. "Hey Leighton? Can I ask you a personal question?" Amanda asked and I nodded, focusing on her. "Um, do you know anything about a baby?" She muttered and Kat and I's jaws dropped.

"What? Why?" I asked quickly and Amanda's face scrunched up.

I instinctively rested my hands on my bump, from the pocket of the hoodie, feeling the raise under my fingertips. I felt very nervous that if she was the real deal, she not only knew my secrets, but something was going to happen.

"The man is still with us. He's very protective and he just keeps showing me baby feet. Like footprints if you'd dipped them in ink and pressed them down on a paper, like they do for birth certificates" Amanda said and I felt my eyes tear up.

"I'm pregnant" I whispered so Colby didn't hear me. I watched surprise fill her facial features as I closed my eyes to hold back tears. "Colby is the only one who doesn't know, please don't tell him." I begged, and Amanda nodded.

"That isn't my place. I won't say anything. The guy is just pestering me about a baby. He kept saying my baby, and was looking at you. At least now I know why" She chuckled and I nodded, wiping the stray tear away.

"I mean it's my baby's great grandfather if that's my ex's grandfather" I bit my lip, wiping a tear away.

My heart was starting to race, so I took some deep breaths, knowing Sam would have my neck if I passed out again on this trip, especially after everything we've gone through.

I saw Amanda's face brighten from Sam's camera light as he quickly looked over at us, concern making itself in his eyes. "Hey what's wrong?" He asked me and I shook my head, wiping at my eyes again. Sam pointed the camera down towards the floor and gave me his full attention. "Off camera, what's up? Why are you crying? Did something happen?"

"Amanda knows about the baby. A ghost told her" I whispered and his eyes widened. Before he could ask questions, I asked if they were done filming the history part of the hotel, and he nodded, bringing his camera back up since Colby was walking over towards us, Brennen by his side.

Colby walked behind me and I put my hands in the sweater pockets, resting against what I hoped to be a significant bump, as Sam filmed Amanda who was explaining her past experiences here.

"I saw Kate Morgan last time I was here. But so far I've only seen that one guy" Amanda explained and I offered Colby a cracker and he laughed, shaking his head. "I think Sam would disown me if I took your food. He made is very known that the snack bag was yours"

"What? When did he do that? And you're not stealing, I offered" I opened the bag of goldfish for him again and he declined.

"When you went to the use the bathroom, he told us we weren't allowed to steal your snacks, and that it was doctors orders you had snacks and water at all times" he told me I tried really hard to mask my surprise, but I think a little of it slipped since I watched Coby smirk.

We were all sitting in a circle, the Rempod in the middle and Sam was sitting over in the corner with the speaker box and headphones. To my left was Amanda, and my right was Brennen. Kat and Brennen were acting a little spooked here and there, but they were still cracking jokes, whereas I was feeling very nervous. The idea of Stephen following me made my chest tighten, and thinking about him knowing about my little baby made my heart hurt.

He meant so much to me, and he died such a sudden death, that the idea of him being near me was making my eyes well up with tears.

Was he disappointed in me? If he was protecting me.. that showed he still cared.. right?

"Is anyone here?" Colby asked and we got no reply. We asked a couple questions, and nothing was happening until Sam went "Hello" startling us.

"Hello. What's your name?" Colby asked and Brennen and I looked at each other, shock clear on both of our faces.

I was not expecting Sam to say a damn thing, let alone for it to be so polite.

"Stephen" Sam spoke and my eyes widened. "Hi" Sam's voice bounced off the hotel room walls.

"He's standing behind Colby" Amanda said to me and I nodded, my eyes welling up with tears.

I was too distracted by all my past memories with Stephen to even process what was going on.

I didn't believe in ghosts, but how else would she know?

If she knew about Stephen, this would be a very cruel joke.

"I'm Colby, nice to meet you" Colby said and the silence was killing me.

"Did you die here?" Colby asked and I was praying to God it wasn't who I thought it was. I was so not prepared for any of this to happen, let alone for it to be someone I knew.

Going into this, I really did have low expectations. I figured nothing would happen, or they'd fake things for the camera, but they seemed dead set on proving ghosts exist, even to themselves, and it was making me incredibly nervous.

"No" Sam spoke immediately and then followed it up with "Tattoos" making all of us look at each other's arms

I held my breath, before asking "Whose tattoos?"

Colby pointed the camera at me as I subconsciously rubbed my fingers up and down my forearm that was beneath the sweatshirt.

"Silly, run, someone laughed" Sam spoke quickly and Colby made a face that read "What the fuck?"

"I hate that" Colby shuddered, and Kat nodded, everyone staying quiet.

This was the most serious I've seen Brennen all night, glancing over at him and seeing his eyes locked on Sam was only adding to my nerves.

There was a huge knock above us making Brennen and I jump.

"Holy shit!" Brennen yelled, Kat and Colby looking up as well.

I didn't dare to look at what Amanda was doing. I believed in innocence was bliss more so now than I ever have before.

"Her, pretty, mine" Sam said and us girls just looked at each other.

"There is a woman standing in front of Sam. She has brown hair, goes to about her collarbones. She's kind of fuller but not overweight. Shorter. She's someone's mother. Not any of your guys mom, but like, a ghost child's mother that's in the building" She said and I squinted my eyes, looking towards Sam.

What if she was lying?

"Baby" Sam spoke, taking me out of my thoughts. "Bridget was here! It was a full sentence!" Sam freaked out, still keeping the headphones on. "That was a full sentence! Oh my god!" He continued to freak out, clutching the headphones with his hands.

"Whose Bridget?" Kat asked and I shook my head, hating everything that was happening right now.

"Daughter" Sam said and I held my breath

"Bridget Crow?" I asked, my chest tightening

"Correct" Sam spoke and everyone looked at me.

"She's not dead" I spoke in a blunt tone

"You Know" Sam replied.

"I wrote down "They don't know" and "Happy for you" which Sam didn't say" Amanda said, showing her notepad with the scribbles on it. "The man is still here. He's talking with Sam. He's slightly annoyed that Leighton is being stubborn and ignoring him. He has a lot he wants to say to her, but she won't look at him. Leighton, if you want to know, look towards the window in front of Sam, on that wall. I will tell you what he says if you'd like. All your choice. I don't do things for the dead, I just inform the living" She said and I nodded, taking a deep breath before feeling my heart drop to my stomach as Sam yelled "It said baby twice! Like it went baby, baby" and Amanda just looked at me, almost challenging me to do it.

I rubbed my knuckles with my fingers when Colby spoke up. "Can you make our Rempod go off?" He asked and it was silent until Sam spoke again "Doesn't believe me. It was like broken up. Like it was hard to get out as to what that sentence was" I sighed out loud, Brennen and Kat looking towards me as I rubbed my eye, contemplating the pros and cons of talking to him. If he was even him.

I really didn't want to do this, but I knew his ass was going to spill my fucking secret because that's what he would've done in real life.

"Stop talking about it Stephen!" I demanded and the Rempod went off startling us.

"Thank you" Colby spoke but I ignored him, starting to feel creeped out. If this was real, then that meant my ex's grandfather was trying to spill secrets that were not his to tell.

"There is another spirit here with him. Her name starts with an E, she has short hair. She's more on the heavier side, she's staring at Leighton" Amanda said, staring behind Colby.

There were three ghosts in here? And they're all looking at me?

No one told me we were having a party. I would've put on something better than a hoodie and leggings

"Stop looking at me! I'm not for show!" I hissed, starting to feel defensive and insecure that things I couldn't see were staring at me.

I was trying to be opened minded, but I was still very much so creeped out from earlier, and I was starting to just want to say fuck it, call it a load of bullshit and leave, until Sam spoke up yet again. "She's mad" Colby gasped "What the fuck!" He exclaimed, pointing the camera towards Sam.

"Did you make her mad?" Colby asked and Sam pulled the headphones off, shaking his head.

"That was weird, man. Like there was some weird grumble. I kept hearing two people talking. One kept mentioning a baby and the other kept talking about you guys but they were at the same time, so I didn't know which to say. Like it was going crazy. Anyone else want to try?" Sam asked and Amanda looked at me. "I think you should do it" She said and I glared at her.

"Why?"

"The man really wants to talk to you. I can sit here with you and have a conversation. He's very willing to talk to you" Amanda said and I looked over at Sam and Colby who both had a gleam in their eye.

I could already hear their inner thoughts.

Content

"If you don't want to hear what he has to say, I'll ignore him, but he REALLY wants to talk to you" She said and I sighed, rubbing my eye and glancing towards the spirit box.

"Fine" I muttered, standing up and switching spots with Sam.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to, Leigh" Sam said, passing the spirit box off towards me.

"Whatever makes him go away" I grumbled, sitting down where Sam previously was.

I put the headphones on, turned on the spirit box and the god awful noise was filling my ears.

"Hello Leigh" a voice said and I swear my whole body froze.

"It said my name" I told them and I gulped. I closed my eyes, listening to the horrible sound, completely unaware of anything that was happening in front of me. "It went, Hello Leigh"

I felt extremely vulnerable and slightly afraid that this was all a prank. Like some sort of sorority initiation.

They wouldn't do that, right?

I kept saying random things, having no clue what they were too, when someone pushed my thigh making me gasp and take the headphones off.

At this very moment, I was extremely thankful I didn't just pee myself. Not going to lie.

I heard words like "Prison, it was him, silly, confused, forgotten, and baby"

"We should stop" Colby said and I nodded, confused.

Now I'm even more thankful I didn't pee myself, my eyes locking with Colby as I handed him the headphones.

I liked being on the end that got both the question and the answer, not the end that was just saying weird words without context. It gave me peace of mind when I actually knew what the air was replying to.

I was still unconvinced about this whole ghost thing, but it definitely was odd about the coincidences of some of the answers.

I was sitting out of frame, away from the mic as I ate some crackers and drank some water so Sam and Kat didn't kill me, when Colby yelled and quickly turned around. "SOMETHING TOUCHED ME! I NEVER GET TOUCHED! SOMETHING GRABBED MY FOOT!" He yelled.

"You sure it wasn't Leighton under the couch again?" Kat teased and Colby gave her a look.

"I'm over here eating goldfish, leave me alone!" I shouted from across the room, making them laugh.

"No but really, something grabbed my fucking foot" Colby spoke frantically, looking all around him.

"I know who it was" Amanda said and everyone turned to look at her. "It was Leighton's relative"

I just stared at her, unsure if I was going to believe her. I was very nervous that this so called spirit of my ex's grandfather was about to spill the beans before I could, considering baby shit kept coming up on the stupid little radio box.

"Leigh! You and your family need to lose your guys' foot fetishes!" Colby called out and I rolled my eyes.

"YOU'RE THE ONE THAT PULLED ME DOWN THE BED BY MY FOOT! YOU'RE THE ONE TO TALK ABOUT FOOT FETISHES!" I yelled and Colby smirked and yelled back "IT WAS PAYBACK!"

"Children stop it. We are trying to contact ghosts, not apply for wiki feet!" Sam called out, propping the camera on a ledge.

"I bet Colby's feet are on wiki feet" Brennen said and I laughed, shaking my head at the fact that it was an actual website.

Brennen stuck around Colby the whole night, and I got the vibe that Brennen was a little uncomfortable.

I knew he was skeptical like me, but I also know he has experienced some weird stuff before, so I think he was a little more on edge than he was letting on to be.

I hung around Kat and Amanda, wanting to keep out of their video as much as possible. I didn't want to give their fans a whole lot of time to inspect my behavior, and I also didn't want to ruin it by my skepticism around the whole thing.

I still was unsure about this ghost thing, but watching them freak out of what was basically air was making it worth coming.

"Did you guys hear that?" Brennen asked and I shook my head, whilst everyone nodded.

"What was it?" I asked, reaching into my bag to grab my peppermint oil so I could calm my stomach down.

"There was some weird like tap thing behind us" Brennen said and I nodded slowly, deciding to just roll with the punches.

I didn't want to be that bitch who seemed lost and confused twenty four seven.

I still felt weird that they were just talking to the air in a hotel. I was nervous someone was going to walk by and think we were on drugs.

I was kind of zoning out whilst they ghost hunted, trying to focus on not vomiting in the room and have Colby blame it on a ghost.

I kept sniffing my wrists, trying to settle my stomach as I munched on a cracker.

Everyone said you got morning sickness when you were pregnant, no one told me it could come in waves all day long.

I was slightly regretting ghost hunting whilst pregnant.

Not because it was scary and stressful, but because I felt like I was dragging down the video since I was tired and nauseous.

We all moved back to a hotel room, and Sam set up the music box whilst Colby turned on the Rempod, putting them in different spots of the room.

I laid on the bed on my phone, texting Cynthia when I heard a music chime go off, Sam and Amanda talking at the same time, making me have a hard time focusing on what everyone was saying, so I set my phone down and inched closer towards the bed.

"THAT WAS SO COOL!" Sam exclaimed and Kat shook her head. "That was so creepy dude!"

"What happened?" I asked and Amanda looked towards me, her eyes squinting a little bit.

She kept looking at me, which was freaking me out. I was confused why I felt like the whole room stopped and everyone was staring at me. I felt like I was standing in my underwear in front of the whole school, and there was nowhere to hide.

"I'm going to go walk outside with Leighton real quick, we'll be right back" Amanda said and everyone looked at me weird. Brennen mouthed "You good?" and I shrugged, following the blonde out of the hotel room.

"What are we doing?" I asked and she walked towards the elevator.

"I want you out of the hotel room for your safety" she said and my eyes widened.

"What? Why?"

"Pregnant women are easier to connect with. I wasn't just going to say that in the room. Spirits like to mess with them, connect with them. You're like an off brand me right now" She said, taking me aback.

"How?"

"I think it has to do with the actual baby. I'm not sure. The man is still with us though, I've been ignoring him. He has a lot of questions, but you said you didn't want to talk about it, so I've been pretending he isn't there. The woman is still around, and the other woman has been answering Sam and Colby's questions. I've been trying to focus on the video, but the man won't leave me alone. We both needed some fresh air" She smiled, opening the lobby doors.

Amanda and I sat on a bench for a little bit when I heard Amanda go "She doesn't want to talk about it. I work for the living, not the dead" making my heart race.

Was he actually here?

Why did he want to talk to me so bad?

Did I believe her?

"I'll do it" I whispered and she asked me if I was sure and I nodded.

"It's kind of chilly, do you want to go back in, or do it out here? He's standing in front of me with his arms crossed, mad I was ignoring him" She let out a breathy laugh and I decided to go back up to the room.

Amanda and I walked in to Kat and Brennen yelling, Colby asking "What the hell was that?" Sam recording the Rempod.

"What is going on?" I asked, startling them.

"SHIT HIT THE FAN!" Sam yelled, making my eyes widen in surprise, not prepared for his outburst.

What?

"We were trying to talk to something, and it went kind of silent after you guys left, but then we turned on the spirit box and it kept talking about a baby, and something or someone was lost. Not really making sense, and then the Rempod kept sporadically beeping, and now it's going haywire!" Sam explained and I nodded slowly, trying to comprehend his rapid babbling.

"Leighton and I are going to go sit in the other room, we have some business to take care of" Amanda said and Colby eyed me up.

"What? Why?" Kat asked and I sighed, blinking a couple times. My tiredness and nerves are getting the best of me.

Sam asked if he could come with us, that way Kat, Brennen and Colby could keep investigating this room, but Colby was acting strange about it, making everyone else in the room look at Amanda and I weird. Colby asked why Sam wanted to go, and why I couldn't do it here, with everybody and I was starting to feel a headache from all the commotion and questions.

"Because the ghost knows me plus you guys keep investigating and I'll record audio on my phone. I want to do this in private" I explained and after about a minute they finally agreed. Colby convinced Sam to stay back because he asked why Sam could go with if it was private.

"We'll be back" I muttered, not wanting them to walk in on something.

If Stephen was already trying to spill my secret, God knows what he's going to say when we're alone.

I don't know if I should be happy he's trying to spill the baby secret, and not my deeper more personal secret, or mad that he's trying to spill a secret at all.

Amanda and I walked down the hall and I sat on the hotel bed.

"Okay, I've never done this to be honest. Like this guy is very much ready to talk and basically have me be his voice. He says hello" Amanda said and I nodded.

"Hey Stephen"

"He's standing by the TV" She said and I nodded, staring in that direction. "He says congratulations and that he is sorry he isn't with you. That he misses you" She said and I felt the tears form, hearing his voice as he welcomed me, hugging me every time Gabe and I walked into his home.

He truly loved me like a granddaughter, and I'll forever be in debt to him and the gratitude he had shown me over the years.

He helped me when no one else would, and that's not something you forget very easily.

"Thank you, papa" I gave a small smile before playing with the rings on my hands.

Was this really happening?

Was he proud of me?

Did I disappoint him by getting pregnant?

He always said I was going to do big things, and that little setbacks were just part of life, and not to let them drown you forever... but what if he was wrong? What if my life was truly over all because of some silly mistake?

"He says he's protecting you and the baby from the bad that resides in this building. That he is here for the good"

"Thank you" I repeated, not sure what to say.

"He wants to see the bump. He's almost giddy like it's his own child" She laughed, and I nodded, lifting my sweatshirt off and moving my tank top up so the bump was showing.

It was later in the night, which meant my bump was noticeable. The bloating of the water I have drunk makes it puff out a little more than normal.

Sam has been on my heels about drinking and eating, it was almost like my own mother was with me. Considering how much fluid I've had to drink, my bump was considerably big due to bloating.

"He was like a grandfather to me. It killed me when he passed" I sighed, trying to hold back my tears. "Why did you bring up Gabe's mom?" I asked, still confused at the events that took place earlier.

"He said she knows you're pregnant. That Gabe had told her" Amanda said and I nodded slowly.

Why didn't he tell me he told his family?

"Who else has he told?" I asked, my bladder starting to kill me, telling me I needed to go pee.

"He's kind of fading a bit. He might be losing energy I don't know. This is a first for me. He says just his mom"

But why?

"I'm sorry if I disappointed you in any way. I didn't mean to get pregnant at 20, or for my baby to be born out of wedlock" I felt a tear fall down my face. I imagined it was the same look on his face when Gabe told him what had happened, and that mental picture I painted myself haunted me for years.

"He says you're still a ray of sunshine in his life, and that he is really proud of how you've handled the pregnancy and that you haven't fallen off the wagon. That he's been watching over you guys, excited to meet the little one, even if he isn't actually alive to do so" Amanda told me softly and I nodded, starting to cry.

"Please stop telling the boys about the baby. I don't want to get kicked out okay? I understand you're trying to protect the baby, but I'm trying to keep my room." I pleaded and Amanda sighed.

"He heard you and vanished. He didn't agree or argue. He just disappeared?" She spoke in a confused tone and I ran my hand over my belly.

I got up quickly, rushing to the bathroom.

I shouldn't have drank so much water.

I finished peeing, and washed my hands before splashing some water on my face, getting rid of the smeared mascara that was under my eye and taking a deep breath.

What the hell just happened?

I walked back out and Amanda was sitting on the ground, leaning against the bed as she stared at something.

"Is everything okay?" I asked and she nodded.

"The woman was asking me if I knew anything about your pregnancy. She apparently died pregnant, and is jealous of you. She just wants the details" Amanda said and I gave her a weird look.

"Um okay, like what?"

"She's asking how far along are you"

"10 almost 11 weeks" I said, looking where Amanda was.

"She said that she lost her baby at 16 weeks. That she remembers the first trimester weeks fondly, but her pregnancy was hell" She said and I frowned. "What does that mean?" I asked, sitting down next to her.

"Apparently, her family was extremely upset that she was pregnant with the mayor's son's baby. Apparently the son and her father didn't get along, and the son got her pregnant out of spite? Her father killed her baby, and she killed herself, not being able to handle that kind of mental and physical torture of losing her baby" Amanda said and I felt more tears fall down my face, imagining what that must've felt like, to not only lose your baby, but for your father to be the one to do it.

"She's the woman with the E name. She says her name was Elisabeth, but her family called her Elisa. If you're comfortable with it, she'd like to see the bump" Amanda sighed and I nodded, lifting my tank top again.

If I thought this was weird, I can only imagine what was going on inside Amanda's head right now.

I laid down on my back, my stomach's bloating on full display.

"Can I touch your stomach?" Amanda asked and I nodded.

"Her stomach feels kind of squishy. If you press down a little, it's slightly hard" Amanda said and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. "She says her baby was going to be a boy, and that seeing your bump makes her feel closer to her little one" Amanda said softly, and I think she could tell I was becoming freaked out.

I was not a toy they could play with. I wasn't a trophy they could look at and I sure as hell was no science experiment for this grieving ghost.

"Can we stop?" I asked, my stomach feeling weird.

Amanda nodded and she stood up, reaching for my hand.

I felt weird. Like the woman was out for revenge or some shit, and I've never wanted out of a hotel faster in my life. The second she pulled me up, the hotel door opened and I felt my heart start to race as panic set in.

I tried to pull my tank top down quick enough, but even if I did, it was form fitting, so I knew I was screwed.

I was praying to god that it was Sam or Kat on the other side, but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that it wasn't going to work out in my favor.

The door fully opened, my hand gripping my tank top as I tried to pull it down, everything moving so quickly, and that's when my eyes locked with Colby's. Confusion and hurt filling his facial features.

"I can explain!" I spoke quickly and he shook his head, pushing Sam and Kat out of the way.

"COLBY!" Brennen yelled, and I quickly grabbed my hoodie before going to run after him, but I felt my head pound even more, causing me to slow down.

All I could think about was

I should've told him sooner.

* * * *

Written on: December 19th, 2021, January 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th 2022

Word Count: 7k

Part Twenty

11 notes · View notes

froshele · 10 months

Text

something so weird and indescribable about online international friend groups nowadays. everywhere you go everyone is constantly experiencing horrors, like so

🇯🇵: hello my friends i am slowly dying because the machinery of my country is designed to kill me rapidly and with pain but who wants to read homestuck with me and do voices

🇺🇸👩‍🎓💸: aw man I waited in line for a bit too long. homestuck will lift my mood though for sure haha can I be postmistress?

🇵🇭: (complaints about insane dictator) but all of that aside fuck yeah homestuck can I be rose

🇷🇺: (commiserative, slightly guilty complaints about different insane dictator) but also i call john hes funny

🇨🇳🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿: (awkward commiseration while feeling some baleful diasporic type of way that they feel unable to articulate because it seems to them to be cringe in the face of all this) ... but oh yeah homestuck would be tight i wanna be jade

🇺🇦: (lighthearted bomb shelter selfie) :) well we all bear what is given us with dignity. I want to read homestuck with voices too, I can be vagabond I love him

🇺🇸🏳️‍🌈: this is all terrible. i am going to have some type of breakdown about my inability to help you all unless-- wait actually homestuck might help let me in on this i wanna be regulator

🇳🇬: the lord is with you and you do what you can. i can make homestuck reading night and i will do all of the narration but please try to time it according to the scheduled blackouts

🇹🇷 : sorry i can't make homestuck reading night my house no longer exists lol

🇺🇸🤠: my city has no water, our state is failin' an' we dug the grave pardners, soon i might yee my las' haw... but I'll be there with y'all in spirit

🇨🇦: remember how i voted in our most recent prime minister on issues pertaining to my community and then he built a pipeline that he promised not to build directly through my house? today the pipeline exploded and the rubble ignited. i'll still be there! just with earbuds and a bit late haha : )

🇫🇷: i want to immolate my whole country too dude!!!!! but hell yeah I will be jade

🇵🇱: fuck this is bleak. well at least here it's still business as usual, I'm up for homestuck if I can be dave

🇩🇪🇮🇶🤠: I've actually never read homestuck! I was hoping to wait until you could all live with me here on the farm where nothing ever happens but oh boy oh gee perhaps I will get to experience it with my dear friends! :)

🇦🇷 (returning from a long hiatus caused by runaway inflation): 🇩🇪🇮🇶🤠dont jinx it, you don't want the same destiny as the rest of us.

(chorus of laughs, because this is what the youth laugh at now)

#froshposting #liminal #i suppose #the fucked up psychoquality of it sucking big nuts internationally for a long time

1 note · View note

zillyart32 · 11 months

Text

Found in my drafts: a NYE QnA from 2018 going into 2019! A lot has changed about me since then, but a lot of this is important to me!

Q: First things first, did you have a good year? A:It was alright. Better than the last two, aside from those couple months I was in a DEEP depression hole.

Q: How old did you turn this year? A: Hhhhhhhhhh 19.

Q: Do you feel your age? A: Absolutely not, lemme be 15 again please, just don't send me back to highschool.

Q: Did your appearance change in anyway? A: Gained some weight, lost a good amount of it again, cut my hair.

Q: Post your favorite selfie. A: No.

Q: If you traveled, where did you go? A: Hahaha. HAHAHA! HAA HAA HAAAAAA!

Q: Which fashion trends did you love? A: Idgaf about trends

Q: Which fashion trends did you hate? A: Idgaf about trends

Q: What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible? A: My fancy black coat!

Q: What song sums up this year for you? A: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Clay Pedrini (If you look it up, there's a spesific version. It starts out with an evil laugh, an organ, and a scream, and Hyde's misspelled in the video but not the title)

Q: What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then? A: Lol no.

Q: What was your favorite movie of the year? A: Not a movie person.

Q: Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year? A: Can't remember.

Q: Favorite new TV show? A: Craig of The Creek, I guess. It's not a hyperfixation, but it came out this year and I enjoyed it.

Q: Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears? A:Eh.

Q: What food did you try for the first time? A: A salmon poke bowl. (Bought packaged from Aldi but it was delicious.)

Q: Did you make any big permanent changes this year? A: Everything in this universe is temporary.

Q: What was one nice thing you did for someone else? A: Drew a picture of a friend when he was having a bad day to bring a smile to his face.

Q: What was one nice thing you did for yourself? A: Haircut.

Q: Did you develop a new obsession? A: JEKYLL AND HYDE.

Did you vote? Unfortunately, I didn't register in time, BUT I'M ALL SET UP FOR 2020, BRING IT ON. (2023 note: I did end up voting! Yay!)

Q: Did you move? A: Still in this wet cardboard box of a house with literal mold n shit and sunlight coming in through holes in the roof, send help. (2023 note: I got the help O needed!)

Q: Did you get a job? A: No.

Q: Did you get a pet? A: Kitties had kittens! (2023 note: I miss my cats, Tails. I miss them so much.)

Q: Do you regret not doing anything? A: Too many things.

Q: Do you regret doing something? A: Leaving my tech where it could get broken.

Q: Have you done anything that scared you? A: Possible trigger warning for bugs/worms! So one time me and my irl bestie (not to be confused with my discord/tumblr bestie) were exloring a creek. Catching and releasing crayfish, finding neat things in the water, taking cool photos, all sorts of stuff. I manage to fish this black orb-like thing out of the water. It looked like it came off a tree or something, it was definitely plant based in origin. I open it up out of curiosity, and what do I find? It's FULL of little white wiggling things!! I couldn't tell if they were maggots or what, but I was TERRIFIED! I fucking DROPPED that thing IMMEDIATELY, and we both got out of there ASAP!

Q: Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days? A: If you had asked me that two years ago, boy would I have had a story for ya, but this year nah. I usually pretty much let a lot of things go quickly.

Q: Did you lose anyone close to you? A: TRIGGER WARNING FOR ANIMAL DEATH. There was a kitten. A poor little newborn kitten. They were only in this world for a few days, but I had grown to love them so much. They were having trouble for day 1, but I was rooting for 'em. Caring for 'em. Trying my best to help 'em grow up strong and healthy. They refused to drink their mama's milk, so me and my mum took turns feeding 'em with a bottle. Then, one day, they started choking on the milk. I was freaking out and blaming myself for possibly squeezing the bottle too hard. We tried our best to help the poor little one, but to no avail. The life left their body as I cradled 'em in my arms. Rest in peace, little Me-Mow. Please know that you were so very loved, and are still missed.

Q: Did you fall in love? A: Ha.

Q: Did you fall out of love? AHa!!

Q: Did you start a new relationship? A: Lotsa new friendships! Shoutout to the madsquad! (2023 note: I still love ya guys!!!)

Q: Did you go through a break up? A: I was still kinda dealing with breakup emotions in January and some of February but s'all good now.

Q: Did you have to cut ties to someone? A: Yep... kinda feel bad about it though... I'm worried about her... she was just a kid, but I just couldn't play therapist anymore. My advice was terrible and almost got her in big trouble. I'm so sorry.......

Q: Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year? A: New friendo Hatch. Sorry I don't really talk in the server as often but you are cool important friendo who deserves good things in life and may 2019 bring good things for you. (2023 note: We’re dating and our third anniversary is this month ((June))!!! I love it so much!)

Q: Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year? A: Can't say...

Q: If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it? A: Yeah. (2023 note: I forgor what I meant by this.)

Q: What was the best moment of the year for you? A: The BEST? I can't really say! But going to that haunted house this year was awesome! Also the early days of the Shivering Isles discord server had a lot of good moments!

Q: What was the worst? A: A lot of these types of moments involve my dad and I don't wanna go into detail. (2023 note: HIS ASS GOT KICKED OUTTA THE HOUSE LAST YEAR, VICTORYYYYY!!!!)

Q: Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t? A: Not that I can think of.

Q: Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did? A: Going swimming with my irl bestie brought me out of my depressive episode and started me towards finding myself again.

Q: What are you most proud of accomplishing? A: Learning a lot about how to just enjoy myself without fear of negative opinions.

Q: What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior? A: I finally get why I haven't exactly been comfortable calling myself a female. Identifying that way has felt like a piece of clothing that doesn't exactly fit ya right but ya can/gotta deal with it. It's time to wear something that fits me better. I'm nonbinary.

Q: Did your opinion of anyone change for the better? A: Yes.

Q: Did your opinion of anyone change for worse? A: Oh, absolutely.

Q: If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year? A: Hahaha, not exactly.

Q: If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year? A: Make more art and be a better friend.

Q: If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do? Who and what would you like to see? A: I would visit Australia, meet my online bestie finally, and kick off the new year with him right now if I could.

Q: What do you wish for others for the coming year? A: HAPPINESS AND COMFORT!!!!!!!

Q: What do you wish for yourself? A: Growth. (2023 note: You got your wish <3)

#keep this #rambling

0 notes

purplesurveys · 1 year

Text

1653

This survey is blatantly designed to be a year-end one, but because there are no rules when it comes to surveys and I want to take this, I’m gonna go ahead and base this starting from April 2022 to today hahaha.

First things first, did you have a good year? It was pretty average. 2022 was a major transition year work-wise, moving up the ladder; I also had to cope with Kimi’s passing and handling his cremation. There were highlights here and there, but overall I wouldn’t be as enthusiastic looking back on 2022 as I would be with, like, 2021 which was just a lovely year.

How old did you turn this year? I turned 24 last year; will be turning 25 in a couple of weeks.

Do you feel your age? Not fully. It’s weird; I feel like a grownup in some aspects, but still like a clueless kid in others. In any case, I just think it’s good that I at least don’t feel ‘lost’ navigating my 20s. I kinda just go with the flow and make sure I learn as I go.

Did your appearance change in anyway? Yeah, I dyed my hair purple back in October although at this point it’s already faded back to a light brown and my roots are growing out like crazy. I’m planning to dye it purple again before my trip to Bangkok.

Post your favorite selfie. Eh, not really a selfie girl. I like how I look more when the photo’s taken by someone else.

If you traveled, where did you go? Just out of town trips. I went to Batangas (I THINK??? I already forgot haha) sometime in like November, then Zambales in December.

Which fashion trends did you love? Which fashion trends did you hate? I’m not a big fan of the whole space-y Y2K look; too bold for my liking. As for trends I liked and participated in, I’m really big on the oversized look! It’s definitely K-pop’s effect on me lol but anyway because of how idols dress and all, I’ve been stocking up on L/XL shirts and sweatshirts.

What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible? The green trousers I got.

What song sums up this year for you? Hm, probably For Youth by BTS. The song was too painful to listen to for a time since I would associate it with Kimi (it came out the day he died), but over time I’ve warmed up to it and have gotten brave enough to listen to it more frequently. Now it’s a nice little nod to both my dog and the boys.

What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then? For 2022, Proof, Jack in the Box, Indigo, Renaissance, This is Why; for 2023, Face. OMG this just made me realize all my faves released albums last year – ok, maybe 2022 wasn’t all horrible hahaha.

What was your favorite movie of the year? Didn’t really watch any in 2022 and haven’t watched a new movie this year so far either.

Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year? Wooshik, maybe? I’ve known him for ages but largely as part of the Wooga Squad, but I watched him in Parasite last year and I was obsessed with his performance.

Favorite new TV show? I watched Our Beloved Summer but never got to finish it; it’s got nothing to do with how I feel about the show though as I loved every episode I saw – my attention span for K-dramas is really just terrible to begin with haha.

Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears? I stayed in Boraland throughout 2022 lol.

What food did you try for the first time? Hmmmm I got to try Sundays, which opened last year; I’m not really sure how to classify their restaurant since they kinda serve everything hahaha from pasta to wings to pizza to Filipino food to burgers...anyway I’ve always loved their food so it’s since been a fave hangout for me and my friends whenever we’re at the area.

Did you make any big permanent changes this year? Not really. 2022 wasn’t one for major changes.

Did you develop a new obsession? Apart from BTS, no not really lol.

Did you vote? Of course. I’d never take that right for granted. My vote ultimately lost but I’ll always be proud of my choice.

Did you move? Nope.

Did you get a job? Nah. I attempted to in the latter half of the year, even going so far as reaching a second interview with a potential employer, but I ended up sticking it out to the very end and ended up getting promoted in January.

Did you get a pet? We got Agi in April, but we also lost Kimi in June.

Do you regret not doing anything? Yeah, I’m sure we’re always thinking of stuff we could’ve or should’ve done.

Do you regret doing something? Sure.

Have you done anything that scared you? Sure, I remember feeling quite scared and antsy during that weird almost-resigned phase.

Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days? Yes, when I was stuck working on a major event with a 1-week leadtime for a client I absolutely HATED which happened to be the same week Kimi’s health rapidly deteroriated and ultimately died. I never viewed or respected that client the same way after that.

Did you lose anyone close to you? Yeah Kimi, my soulmate in every sense of the word.

Did you fall in love? Nope.

Did you fall out of love? Nope.

Did you start a new relationship? I didn’t.

Did you go through a break up? No, never going through that again.

Did you have to cut ties to someone? Eh kind of, just people from high school who had opinions I hated and wanted to stop seeing on my feed. I didn’t have to cut ties with anyone I had a highly emotional/close relationship with, at least.

Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year? Maybe my associates? I wasn’t working with them yet last year, but now I try to form a close bond with them so they can feel comfortable with me while also growing and learning in their careers.

Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year? Not sure; apart from the two ^ I’ve kept more or less the same circle.

What was the best moment of the year for you? What was the worst? Best was without a doubt the Busan con. Worst was Kimi’s death.

What are you most proud of accomplishing? Apart from the usual ‘surviving the year,’ maybe planning an out-of-town trip for and with my friends for the first time.

What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior? I have to work on my patience and have to accept the fact that people have different learning curves and working paces.

What do you wish for yourself for the coming year? Not to get my ass fired.

1 note · View note

realhankmccoy · 2 years

Text

Systemically, the way typical Americans try to claim more 'power', whatever that is, lol, since when I see them doing that, it mostly has the opposite effect on me -- well, it always takes the exact same patterns befitting an asset class nation of toys trying to sell themselves. All of the patterns are hand-in-hand with capitalism even amongst almost all of those who believe themselves to be anti-capitalist.

Things you notice: an obsession with age (this is the factory stamp date of issue), always trying to act younger than they are which is completely product-a-shelf

Bold, haughty claims of taller than thou but never claims of shorter than thou (height and male sex is what corporations look for in a CEO more than anything else).

Lecturing others on getting fit and 'no excuses' only when one is fit, and endless selfies showing off the merchandise. On the flipside of the coin, when America tipped the scales towards becoming systemically overeight, overweight became a form of victimpower, self-lovepower, resiliencepower etc. Wha does it all mean when being fit and being unfit are all forms of power and dominance? I don't know, that American life is hollow, selfish and power-obsessed is my guess? Pretty obvious.

Making the hair blonder, drawing copious attention to the blue eyes for faschypower, the Viking fetish that is worldwide -- or on the flipside, plopping out one's nonwhite identity for no reason other than the power to be obtained from the sympathy vote and positioning oneself as a heroic rebel even if they aren't prepared to do anything aside from moving to Washington state's whitest area -- which may 'help' the individual around the 'sympathetic' soul but oddly upholds this sort of fascistic system of, oh you poor dear, it is a tragedy to not be born 6 ft 6 blonde and blue you really had it rough, as they want you to think, which I think shows their own fascistic preferences and how much they buy into the toy shelf game, searching for whiter powers for themselves that they 'sniffle' don't quite have not being full-blooded Norwegian with Viking ancestors.

Mental heath issues are used both as an assault tactic and a self-as-special or victimpower tactic, indiscriminately almost, it seems. The more conservatives lead towards an assault tactic. The liberals more towards a self-pitying victimtactic.

The big butt / the large Kardashian ass with its godfather roots in 'Baby Got Back' is a great example of how nothing in America really means anything other than what sort of powertactics people might think self-empower. The ass thing has Kardashianpower, blackpower, and fatsocietypower.

Donaldpower plays it heads and tails: dompower, i dominate and am a killer everyone bows and worships, but also victimpower, why can't everyone be nicer to me and why they so nasty and crooked and go against me?

As you can see, in the American marketplace, almost everything can be brandished as a form of power, whether as sword or shield, and if that's all that's going on, the power struggles will be endless. And what of the prizes to be had? Money, mostly, which buys power. Social clout, if strong enough, provides money. Though the prizes truly matter to people, there is also the sensation of motion. They feel like they are becoming a better toy if they can put every label on the packaging and know all the details they can pass on to the potential consumer.

To an American, if you're not seeking power or money -- and power is used to obtain money and money is used to obtain power -- you're not even serious. The thing is that nothing in this society seems serious to me. It all seems quite gross and ridiculous.

So, hey, I just keep an eye out concerning what people are up to when they're sort of senseless plopping things out there to gain more power, and you can see when they're doing it for no reason other than that. If it's self-empowerment by every which way and form that that they're 'working' on, building a sort of goopy cardboard self-portrait that is meant to make me subordinate from every which angle so that more productivity can be lost and more time can be wasted in their dramatic shrine-to-self, well of course I will not see a whole lot to them -- because there isn't. If the prevailing winds shifted and were blowing the other way, they'd remake the shrine-to-self to go with the polar opposite forms of power that they had previously used.

It's important to see what people are doing and what they're up to -- or in America's case, how they're not really up to anything more at all beyond gimme gimme gimme -- and it's not even gonna be a man after midnight or nearly as charming and musical as the Abba song.

Also, i wouldn't at all trust the American male to be able to perceive anything about the universe -- certainly trust them even less to command anything about the universe or design it at this point -- and I would trust the females here much more until the men mature a bit and learn some self-control of their childish, raging outbursts.

0 notes

Last Seen Blogs

nandawrites

Among other things

miserable-sarah

Writer

everything-should-be-fine

beep boop

telomeke

Tel Omeké Online

reylopezentertainment

Rey Lopez Entertainment