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wonkyyslush · 3 years

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SHIP YOUR MUTUALLSSSS I WANT TO SEE THE DRAMA

*evil laughter* instead of paying attention I wrote all of this down during my classes you’re welcome.

I tried to do people you wouldn’t really expect either

And I’m indecisive so some people have two my bad 👩🏾‍🦲

You should also pay me for this I worked hard

I’m never doing this shit again I need a nap omfg 🗿 if you weren’t included in this and you want to be you gotta wait a month for my brain to regenerate sorry besties

@uniquabackyardigans I was stuck between both Aran Ojiro from Haikyuu and Shoto Todoroki from mha so I just picked both.

Todoroki is emotionally unavailable already your type. All jokes aside he would be really soft with you and it’s like a whole different side of him other people don’t really see often. If you were upset about something he probably wouldn’t know how to comfort you (I feel like he’s bad at comforting people in general) but he’d try his best. Also he’s probably touch starved just like you <3 have fun with his conspiracies.

I feel like people think that Aran is mean because of his resting bitch face and also this face -_- he occasionally makes. So when they see how nice he is with you they’re so confused ?? Also remember when you were complaining about your ass in your jeans? He’d say it does make your ass look like a square just to make you mad :) you too also probably think flipping people off is a good date idea 🗿

@king-tobiyolo I ship you with Sakusa Kiyoomi (is that his name?) Now hear me out it would probably be a opposites attract sort of thing. You make shit jokes he’s a germaphobe you’re a menace he’s less of a menace. He hated you at first, you and your bad jokes annoyed him. So when he started catching feelings 👩🏾‍🦲 Theres never a dull moment with you two. You get him to loosen up a little (not a lot but it’s still noticeable).

@lilies-and-rosies I ship you with Megumi Fushiguro. You and Megumi have a interesting dynamic. You’re either done with everyone’s bullshit together or he’s done with your bullshit. You send him the dumbest things (I’m talking about those weird people you find 🧛🏾‍♀️) and he hates to admit it but some of them actually makes him laugh. I feel like he’d be the type to be embarrassed over over the slightest things such as hand holding so you’re gonna crack him out of his shell 🥸. Also you’re a Tsukishima Kinnie? No problem who else would he date he has Yuuji Gojo and Nobara on his ass. LMAO IM SORRY THAT WAS FUNNY TO ME. I also ship you with Hange Zoe but I’m too Lazy to explain further I’ve been at this for hours

@sao-tom3 I ship you with Itadori Yuuji. I don’t know if you’ve watched Jujutsu Kaisen yet but I feel like you and Yuuji would be a cute couple. He’s in love with your cat obviously not more than he’s in love with you but it’s a close call 🤩. He cooks for you (period get yourself a man who can cook). If you have a specific comfort meal you like to eat when you’re sad he’d gladly make it for you and do whatever he can on top of that to cheer you up. He’d also be the type to randomly go “Do you wanna do my make up for me?” Do his makeup bestie 🤬. Have fun with Sukuna bothering you two though. 🦤🦤🦤

@angeldvst-amajiki I ship you with Armin Arlert. I can’t explain myself on this one I just feel like you would be his type (his type being intimidating woman, not saying you’re intimidating but you did say Tamaki would be afraid of you NOT THAT I THINK ITS TRUE THOUGH) um anyways you and Armin would be that couple people didn’t really expect but once they see it they love it. Armin would constantly reassure you that he loves you wether he says it to you straightforwardly or coveys it through his actions. His love language is either quality time or giving out gifts and when I think of Armin giving you sea shells enjoy bestie

@shawtyybae I ship you with Akaashi whatever his last name is. Doesn’t he just look like mega mind? 🥸 But Fr Fr it’ll take a very patient man to deal with your bs. At first I thought that Akaashi would probably go for someone who isn’t a menace (yes I’m saying you’re a menace) because he already has bokuto giving him migraines but you’re an exception I guess? Most of the time he’ll go along with your jokes because why not but other times he’d be like 🧍🏾‍♀️. Akaashi is also a over thinker proven buy bokuto himself 🙄 so I feel like he’d overthink your relationship and then need reassurance that you still like him (I have a ton of Akaashi conspiracy theories but that’s not the point)

@starrjin I ship you with Inumaki and Kita but I don’t feel like writing these anymore so I’m only gonna explain Inumaki 🗿 You and Inumaki in my opinion would be good for each other. He can comfort you without even having to speak somehow and for him he finds your presence comforting. His love language in my opinion is physical touch and acts of service. He can’t speak? He’ll make up for it with his actions.

@melichios I ship you with Eren Jeager. Why you may ask? Because I read your about me and you’re basically into edgy people and who’s edgier than a mass murderer? Also “men with long hair” Last time I checked Eren has some pretty long hair 🌝 He also finds your interest interesting (see what I did there? 🤩) like your biotechnology. Loves hearing you talk about your interest. I mean he’ll fall asleep on you listening to you talk about it but he loves it nonetheless.

@hoodsokka I ship you with Sero and Denki from Mha but I’m only explaining Sero 🗿 You two would be a comedic duo. He wouldn’t even mind the accidental dick jokes in front of his mom (haha get it because you accidentally told a dick joke..in front of..okay) He goes along with whatever impulsive urge you have except having a baby at 17 (haha..get it because..okay) Wether this is a platonic ship or a romantic ship that’s for you to decide.

@aphroditeparadisesstuff (WE SHARE SO MANY OF THE SAME INTERESTS) I ship you with Tsukishima Kei. I read your about me thingy too and it says you’re sarcastic. Who’s more sarcastic then Tsukki? 🤩 You like reading too so library dates yaaaaay. Every now and then he recommends books he’d think you’ll like. He loves hearing about the things you’re passionate about seeing you rant about something like mythology makes him smile. Also “I’m shy” great you two can stay at home together :)

#I FINALLY FINISHED #IM GANGSTA 🥶💯#there’s probably a bunch of spelling errors no way am I going back and double checking #if you don’t like this I’ll cry #survey corps 🪶#Lia’s Letters

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dontshootmespence · 4 years

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Through It All

Part 22

Summary: Now married, Spencer & Y/N navigate the D/s lifestyle. How will their relationship change?

Words: 1,457

Warnings: Breath play with a belt, p in v, doggy style.

A/N: My next entry for @cm-kinkbingo run by my beautiful girlfriend @heycasbutt. This fills my breath play square.

Over the course of the next few weeks, you and Spencer talk a lot about how you want to expand your family. The more you think about, the more sure you are in your decision, but bringing it up to Spencer as a finality is a little nerve-wracking. Again, you have no idea why. You know exactly how Spencer will react.

Charlotte is just a week shy of her first birthday. It’s astounding that she’s already growing into this whole little person. As Spencer cuts up some scrambled egg and banana (her favorites), you decide to bring it up. “So you wanted to know how I felt about another pregnancy versus adoption and told me to take my time, right?”

“Yea,” he replies, almost buoyantly. Your relationship with him, your family - it’s his pride and joy. If it weren’t for the fact that you were tired as all hell right after Charlotte was born, he would’ve had your desired three children all at once. Honestly, you would have too. “Have you decided?”

Nodding, you wait until he turns around, lovingly placing some food down on Charlie’s high-chair. “As much as I loved being pregnant, I think for my self-image and the fact that I’ve always wanted to adopt, I want to go with adoption. That okay?” You ask, nibbling on your lip. You know it is. You know Spencer. But something deep in the back of your head always worries. You’re a work in progress.

Spencer dips down to kiss you, whispering softly in response. “More than okay. Now we have to look into adoption agencies.” His easy, excited smile makes you feel a million times better in an instant. “What about closed or open adoption?”

“As long as the parent or parents want to be involved, I’m okay with that to an extent. Like I wouldn’t want them visiting once a week because that would be confusing to the baby as they grow, I feel, but like texting them updates and meeting up with them every so often I would be fine with. You?”

Thankfully, he feels the same way.

While Charlotte eats, the two of you talk more about what adoption means for your family. Especially when it comes to being chosen. Sometimes it’s months, sometimes it’s a lot more than that. On top of that, open adoptions come with more complications. Since the birth mother chooses the adoptive family, there’s the possibility that she will change her mind at the last second, so it’s a reality you have to come to terms with, no matter how difficult.

With orange juice for toasting, you clink your glasses. “To baby number two.”

---

The tenseness that settled into your shoulders during all this finally dissipates once a decision is reached. And it feels amazing. Even though it took almost the entire year to feel comfortable in your skin again, in your relationship with Spencer, as both his wife and his sub, you’re feeling confident in all aspects of your life. You’re not a perfect mother, but no one is. You’re not a perfect wife, but what is perfect and perfect is bullshit. And as a sub, you are as fulfilled as you’ve ever been.

“What’s so funny?” Spencer asks.

After putting Charlotte down to sleep for the night, you climb into bed and snuggle into Spencer. Whenever he reads to you, there’s nothing to worry about. Everything going through your brain comes to a full stop. “Nothing, I’m just happy. Finding our routine with Charlotte around has been difficult and it’s taken me about a year to stop looking in the mirror and putting so much stock in what I see, and I just...feel good.”

Slipping a bookmark in between the pages (more for you than him because he can always remember exactly where you left off down to the word), he places it back on the bedside table. “Want me to make you feel really good?” He asks rhetorically, knowing your answer. “Because I’ve got an idea.”

You lie back and pull the t-shirt you’re wearing over your head. Your attention is focused completely on him as he reaches down to the side of the bed to grab his belt. At first you think you’re in for a spanking and your pussy starts to quiver, but then he wraps it gently around your throat and you just give yourself over to him.

Playing around with the belt has happened before, but Spencer practiced on himself first, wrapping the belt around his own throat so he could make sure he wouldn’t be hurting you or impeding your ability to breathe more than you wanted him to. As the leather slipped gently around your neck, you gave yourself over to him and shut down all mental faculties. “On your hands and knees.”

Doing as he instructs, you rest your head against the soft blanket and whimper when he tugs on the free end of the belt. You push back into him, searching for him, but his hand remains still and the belt keeps you in place. “Does my little slut like putting her life in my hands?”

“Yes, Sir.” There’s something about knowing implicitly that Spencer could end your life right here and now but wanting to do the exact opposite that allows you that release, the ability to literally give over all semblance of control. “I trust you.”

He bends down and kisses the small of your back, every word he could possibly say rolled up into that one gesture. When he yanks on the belt again, gently bringing you into an all-fours position, your mouth drops open and you arch your back, shaking your ass a little for him. Spencer smacks your ass and grunts in appreciation, pulling you back against his still clothed length. “How badly do you want my cock?”

“So badly, Sir,” you whine, bucking back into him. “Please use me. I want you to. I need you to.”

Eyeing you hungrily, he bites the corner of his lip and lets the belt fall to the bed. “Show me while I undress and then I’ll give you what you need.”

While he hooks his thumbs into his sweats and pulls them down, you move your ass up and down on his length, feeling the hardening length of him press against your skin. Every move makes you more and more wet. Without thinking, Spencer bucks his own hips forward; he’s close and yet so far. Quickly, he moves backward off the bed. He can’t get his pants off fast enough.

Climbing back onto the mattress, you feel the dip and let out a slow, guttural moan when he pushes inside you with one swift movement. “Fuck,” you breathe. “Fuck me, Spence.”

When his grip tightens on the belt, you’re slack-jawed, tuning everything around you out. You don’t want to think anything. You don’t want to see anything. You don’t want to hear anything. All you want to do is feel. His cock sliding in and out of you. Your arousal slipping down your leg. The tension on the belt around your throat cutting off just the right amount of air.

Every feeling starts to sharpen. You feel fuller and the belt tightens more. Air is minimal but none of that matters because you feel like you could float among the fucking stars. As you fall over the edge, Spencer tightens the belt again, helping pull you into the hypnotizing trance for just a little while longer.

When Spencer pulls out and comes onto your ass, you’re still quivering, hot and cold switching places in rolling succession. “God, I love belts,” you giggle softly as he pulls it off and tosses it back on the floor. He gathers you into his arms and clumsily crosses the mattress on his knees to set you back down on the pillows. He comes to lie behind you with every inch of him against your back. Both of you can’t help but yawn. In his arms, comfort lulls you to sleep.

---

The next day after you both got back from work and began preparing dinner, you flip open your laptop and start searching out adoption agencies in DC and Maryland and Virginia. You and Spencer take turns cooking and seeking out agencies, discussing each one and trying to figure out which one is the best fit for you. “What about this one?” Spencer asks, slipping a piece of banana into Charlotte’s mouth. “Cradle of Hope.”

You shut the stove off and sit in Spencer’s lap, glancing at the website and reading their about page. “Wanna call tomorrow?” You ask, smiling at Charlotte mashing a banana on her high-chair.

“Yes, please. I think Charlie needs a brother or sister.”

@heycasbutt @ultrarebelheart @katherineisagubler @proud-slytherin-ghost @randomwriter23 @fandom-queen67 @sixx-sic-sixx @xqueenofthecraziesx @aofay02 @groovyreid @criesinreid @jdougl-love @xreider @cringeemospntrashassbutt @prettyboyeffect @prettyboyreid @themanip @spencerreidsthings @augustgraceful @whollytaciturn @prisonreid @factualfic @jasmine-negron @snitchthewitch @ellabobella051419 @crazyforsstuff @kaatelyyynn @jane-dough @dreatine @bitter-post-millennial @adlerorzel-blog @hallieedrew @psychedelephantt @krisymccall996 @4ueijos @mclaujac @ray-likes-starwars @nurseemilyblog @slightlyvicked @she4567 @guesswhosback129 @princessdolan @happycreatorfangirl @fallwhisper @nyemadowell @sammy-jo1977 @sin-bin-and-tragedies @imsuperawkward @ahhahahaheehee @crispygiantsaladgarden @reputay-swift @pizzarollsfordayz @andiebeaword @timey-wimey-lovi @garbagecanfics @friedparadisetale @dereksbetaa @idontevenknow2 @holyfishloverfarm @nohemi2500 @typeshitbih @sadgirlhan @kmc217 @bigbuttsowhatuniverse @charmedfandomgal @im--blushing @dangerouspersonllamabagel @fichoe21 @yes-sir-hotchner @thefandomallrounder @mrsenos08 @walkerchick007 @letsdisneythings @winchesterqueenie @specialagentleigh @spn-wheresthepie @haileymew @bitchyoulied @geniusgub @urdicksmol @6lack6erry @slutlanna976 @downondilaudid @baileysb1tch @la-vie-en-amour1 @letsdoit-tomorrow @eideticprettyboydrreid @lazynoodledragon @shybaby231 @aimzonicles97 @grace-superpowers @softestlavender @ssa-dr-ladylock @drprettyboy @patricks-fabulous-face @tearosaria @shxdowofdarkness @marvels-gurl

#through it all #the most natural thing in the world #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #dontshootmespence

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the-scottish-costume-guy · 4 years

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JK Rowling, transphobia and a hopefully helpful post.

A few days ago I posted on my Facebook (yes I have one sue me) debunking some of the things Rowling has been saying on twitter. Since she made a statement I felt the need to make another one... but this time Im sharing it here. Please note this is long, it is fairly opinionated in places but her statements have felt so insidious I want to share something in depth. If you are cis I implore you to read, but I understand this is long and a lot of people wont want to. No judgement.

Jk Rowling’s latest statement is a mess of valid concerns and fear mongering. At this point there can be no claim she doesn’t know what shes talking about - she herself has said shes been researching this for years. She throws in token acknowledgements to “real” trans people while framing the rest of her statements as concern for confused teens.So first things first - and something that might not be popular with some of my trans friends. I agree that teenagers should not be able to medically transition. It is a choice that should be made when the brain is fully mature. Hormone blockers are something I trust - and that are reversible. I have seen enough detransitioned people hurting to feel like we do need to be careful - especially with children who are trying to find themselves. I dont know about other people but during my teens I was coming to the crushing realisation that I wasn’t special. I was learning that no matter how well I painted someone else did it better, no matter how badly I hurt someone had it worse - I was learning about the wonderful mediocrity of life, and having anything that made me stand out gave a brief reprieve from learning to be okay with all these things. For me to be fair it was dying my hair outrageous colours and dressing in black leather during 30 degree summer heat - but its still something we cant forget. I KNOW a lot of kids claiming to be trans are - and I dont want to keep that from them, however I dont want to cause harm to the kids that are wrong. Continuing on, I’d like to address her comments about TERFS. Terfs are Self Described Trans-exclusionary-radical-feminists and the term does get thrown around a little too liberally at times. Terf is not and never will be a slur. No more than “White” is. It is about a group of people who have taken it open themselves to segregate another group - and calling that what it is, is not a crime. The reason Terf and transphobe have become synonomic is because the ‘radical feminists’ that subscribe to this have lost focus on nearly all other issues of feminism and sit squarely on “dropping the T” from the lgbt community and “keeping men out of womens bathrooms.” Terfs are overwhelmingly women - this is sadly simply a fact. Terfs are reviled because of how much it feels like a betrayal to the community. A group that fights for rights - except ours. A group that wants equality - except for us. Its different to the conservatives who hate us all equally - with Terfs we are singled out. Terfs are not, as Rowling claims, inclusionary to Trans-men. I’ve been met with a combination of pity, loathing, mockery and revulsion by people within this group. I’ve been told that I shouldn’t let homophobia push me into transitioning - only for all correspondence to abruptly drop when I mention Im marrying another man. I’ve been told my old body was beautiful - only for stunned silence when I agree. I was beautiful - I was curvy, I was a dancer and had a body to match - but I wasn’t Me. When their usual arguments against me fail - I’m met with hate. Im called anti-woman, traitor, homophobic. I even have some such comments saved on my blog. I have yet to meet a Terf who was pro-trans-man. Rowling claims that had she had the ability, as a confused teen, she may have sought to transition. I hate to tell her but she did have the ability and trans people didn’t pop into existence in the twenty-first century. I’m actually looking to do my dissertation topic in my final year on lgbt presentation throughout history - and in my overeager way I’ve already started researching. James Barry has been becoming a common name for years - a transgender surgeon who died in 1865. If Barry was able to at least socially transition from 1790 to 1860, I am fairly sure Rowling could have in 1980 - over a century later. Rowling also claims that groups of friends in schools all suddenly identify as trans at the same time. Speaking from my school experience - the queer kids group together. We seek out others like us, and we take strength from each others bravery to come out - often around the same time. We almost get a rush of resolve when one of our group musters the courage and strength, and some of us use that rush to bite the bullet ourselves. Its one of the beautiful ways the lgbt community is here for one another - and the influx of people identifying as trans is partially a factor of more people knowing the name of their feelings. Survivor bias will ignore the trans people through history without the knowledge or means to transition - and will claim they were never trans at all. Her initial statements about charities worry me in particular. As I said last time - we know sex is real, we just dont really like to be defined by it. She is worried that we’re going to “rebrand medicine” and ignores that medications for years have had warnings in their leaflets about “If you are or become pregnant” regardless of if the person receiving it has a dick or a vagina. We dont advocate for ignoring the differences in how people respond to heart attacks - and I for one would like research to be done on how hormones effect that. I dont actually know if I would respond more like a cis gender woman or a cis gender man if I were to have a heart attack or a stroke. But where possible we do want to change the language around some of these things. I have had a double mastectomy, but some Cis-men have these as well. This is not a gendered term. Why should a period be called anything else? Why call it a “womens problem.” I and Im sure many other trans people, support the research into how different medical and mental issues affect different sexes. I just think that should be extended further - and we know it should, as some medical issues affect people of different ethnicities in different ways and we don’t know how. I am truly sorry that Rowling has experienced abuse and assault of any nature. I am truly sorry that she has felt unsafe. But her feelings do not invalidate others experiences. Of the trans people I know, a saddening number have been assaulted, have been abused and in particular have experienced these things domestically. There is much work to be done on this in the UK. There are nearly no mens shelters for sufferers of violence to my knowledge. I, a trans man who have experienced some of these things in my teen years, would Not want to be around cisgender women even if I could be. A cis woman was responsible for much of the pain I personally suffered - and in fact one of the acts of violence she carried out against me was directly after I came out as trans to her. Trans women, even if they could go to male shelters, should not have to be surrounded by a group that put them in danger - in a place that is detrimental to them physically and mentally and is frankly degrading. The belief that allowing trans women into shelters for those escaping abuse is dangerous is sad. To be so afraid is deserving of pity. To let fear blind you to the suffering of others - to think its better that a trans woman face homelessness or a return to an abusive household because you personally would sleep better at night is the kind of passive evil we should be aware of in this day and age. It comes from choosing to see the word “trans” before “person.” Its from choosing to see a persons genitals before their humanity. Trans people are not dangerous - and cause no greater risk than any other demographic. Her claims that she can empathise with this fear are empty. A gender recognition certificate is not a ticket into womens bathrooms. Funnily enough you dont actually require a piece of paper to go almost anywhere. I do not have a gender recognition certificate and use male bathrooms, can enter male spaces as I please. All a gender recognition certificate does is change the letter on your birth certificate. It doesn’t even affect other forms of identification - my passport, my student id, my drivers license all already say male. I am not sure why so many people have chosen this as their hill to die on because its the least relevant thing to them on the planet. How often have any of you seen another persons birth certificate? Rowling says she and other ‘gender critical’ (a terf dogwhistle) people are concerned for trans youth. Well… she can take her condescending concern and direct it to matters that are relevant to her. Trans people want to be left alone. Its a simple request, and yet people endlessly seem to trip over the dirt level bar.

#transgender #jk rowling #terf #transphobia #lgbt #uk politics #I'm prob gonna get shit for this arent I

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jotaros--stupid--hat · 3 years

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he...helo

so. so its been a while huh

uhhhhhhh i havent used tumblr in a bit how is everyone :)

i might. fuck around. and come baack to tumblr. bc i tried to go back to deviantart but eclipse fuckin sucks (if u know, u know), tried to use twitter for a bit (and i still do!) but twitter is a horrible platform for posting art imo (mainly bc u cant post transparent images and i personally find it hard to properly tag my art bc of the ridiculous character limit of like. only 200 somethin characters???? mayb its just me but i found that Hard to get used to. also dont get me started on how twitter crops images its so fucking BAD), and then there was instagram that i tried Real Hard to use but honestly it was way too confusing. my brain is square and im often confused

ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSS

1st of all im not into jjba anymore, i still like it but its not my special interest/hyperfixation! ive moved on to hyperfixating on half life vr but the ai is self aware (hlvrai for short) and im still somewhat hyperfixated on warrior cats :’)

2nd of all im gonna make a new tumblr bc i kinda just wanna like. start over. and afaik im not being stalked anymore SO i’m much more comfy just posting my new url here instead of having to go through the trouble of dming every single one of my followers haha

my new tumblr is https://radii0headd.tumblr.com/ !!!!!! literally created it like 2 minutes ago so like giv me an hour or so and it’ll look nice n pretty BSJHDBKJSHBDJKHS

anyway thats all!!!!!!!! i missed u guys a lot. hopefully u guys still remember me even after ive been gone for like 6 months :’)

#finn.txt #man its been a while since i even so much as Looked at tumblr #have i missed anything. i doubt it LOL #its good to be back tho!

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marichatiscute · 3 years

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HOW DO YOU USE COLOURS ON TUMBLR WHILE TYPING?

my brain is square and im often confused

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astrologysvt · 4 years

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SVT as Boyfriends - Vernon

Happy Birthday Nonie~ 🎉 You confuse me constantly and that makes me want to baby you 💛

anonymous asked: im not sure if u do these kinds of posts so feel free to ignore if u don’t but can i request vernon as a bf according to his chart? i love ur blog! 💗

this reading is more geared towards their habits in relationships and romance! i did end up talking a little about intimacy. i’m not putting any kind of nsfw warning because this is extremely pg and it’s honestly a gigantic stretch to even categorize it as that. but if that’s something you’re incredibly averse to i wanted to be sure to say it here so you can skip this reading if that’s the case~ also, i ended up using “you” generally because writing “s/o” was getting tiring.

so his chart really strongly indicates that he’s very independent and thrives when he’s allowed to be a free spirit.

but there’s also a part of him that is deeply committed through that cap venus.

super reliable boyfriend, and that’s also in due part to his scorpio moon.

he would drop absolutely everything if you needed him.

he is super super protective and will absolutely throw hands if someone were to say anything negative about you.

even with a moon trine mars that makes him slow to anger, his principals are so strong through his aqua placements, scorpio moon, and cap venus that he would absolutely not stand for it.

this would be one of the few times he could justify resorting to anger, and while he may not attempt to hunt the offender down, you will definitely notice a dramatic change in demeanor as he rarely ever lets this side show.

and then when you take that sense of being protective and pair it with his cap influence, he really likes taking care of you.

he’s very competent in that regard, and he shows this in practical ways like getting you lunch, giving advice, maybe offering to help with work. things like that.

this also makes him very receptive for when you return the favor! like when woozi prepared a meal for him that one time when they were overseas, you could see how touched he was by the gesture and the thoughtfulness behind it.

he’s also very emotionally intuitive thanks to that scorpio moon and pisces mars.

he’s super observant and would get really really good at reading you over time.

may not express his support in so many words thanks to his moon square mercury making him pretty awkward with it -- this placement makes it hard for his aqua moon to convey how feeling/intuitive he is -- but he will certainly let you know he is there if you need him.

i also find scorpio placements don’t really put their feelings in so many words.

even with an emphasis on intellect with an aqua sun and mercury, he’s bound to not be the quickest to shower you in verbal love/appreciation and is more willing to let his actions speak for himself.

if he’s going to say anything, it’s going to be sincere and straight to the point.

and what’s interesting is that he’s got this scorpio moon, so i can imagine him actually being a pretty possessive boyfriend regardless of how chill he is normally.

BUT I DO WANNA MAKE IT CLEAR that that doesn’t necessarily mean he’d be a restrictive boyfriend either.

especially with those cap/scorpio/aqua influences that would really respect someone who was their own person and didn’t apologize for that. tbh i think the last thing he’d wanna do is restrict that.

i think well developed scorpio placements honestly just like having proof that you are committed and most certainly their s/o.

would probably say things like “that’s my ____” just to assert this fact very casually, affectionately, even playfully.

really honestly just likes knowing and being reminded that you’re his, may it be through gestures or physical proof (you wearing his clothes, promise rings, you going out of your way to do something for him, hickeys.)

his moon sextile venus makes him very romantic and affectionate.

he feels a lot of love and is very emotionally invested in his partner in this very protective scorpio manner, and thanks to its relationship to venus he goes about expressing this love in very practical yet classy ways.

he has a tendency to randomly do the most thoughtful romantic gestures.

he does have this free spirit that’s pretty easily distracted so it may not be the most obvious or well planned gestures.

but it’d be things like. if he’s out and sees something that reminds him of you he’ll bring it home, may it be flowers or your favorite food.

it’s interesting because, as out-there as he is himself, he really craves a sense of predictability in relationships.

this cap brings a sense of tradition and loves the idea of stable, long-term relationships.

he’d bring a strong sense of reliability and practicality to relationships.

he’s very dedicated but simultaneously very levelheaded and realistic with you.

scorpio moon can give him a bit of a jealous streak.

but i’ll say it again: that may not be as bad as it sounds if his emotional control is good. which IT IS thanks to his moon trine mars.

his moon trine mars means these feelings never result to actual anger or action. he’ll let you know his comfort levels, but it’s highly unlikely he’d act out negatively due to feelings of jealousy.

he may just get a little extra handsy, affectionate, or may ask for reassurance!

tho i do think it’s interesting to note he may not normally be the most physically affectionate guy.

he has such airy placements that he isn’t going to subconsciously reach out without noticing if that makes sense.

if he’s reaching out himself, it’s probably very intentional and more than likely with the intention to show support or as little random “i love yous” throughout the day.

as i said before, he’s rather awkward with putting these things into words so body language may be a huge factor in communicating with him in relationships which makes him pretty purposeful with it as well.

this kinda loops back in to how much of a lone wolf he is sometimes -- not that he doesn’t like affection, it’s just not in his instinctual wiring as he’s pretty solitary in that brain of his.

his well aspected moon and pisces mars, however, makes it very easy for him to accept affection and makes him pretty physical expressive.

he may need space every now again, but will probably very easily let you know when that is (may it be verbally or through body language) and is open to however cuddly you wanna be the rest of the time.

his pisces mars makes him a very sensitive and emotional boyfriend, especially in relationship to intimacy.

i think it’s important to mention because he has this very airy, independent, almost detached attitude about him on the surface.

you really do get the sense that he’s on another planet, or that he could potentially be OVERLY practical, logical, and not easily perturbed by emotion -- but that is absolutely not the case behind closed doors.

lol okay maybe he’s still on another planet, but he isn’t removed/indifferent. rather he’s very attentive and sincere.

this is where he kind of loses his sense of practicality and can be pretty all-giving and obsessive.

pisces influence on the part of mars means he takes physical relationships very seriously and sees it as a non-verbal expression of love and intention.

he also has a very subtle, gentle, traditional way of approaching intimacy.

it’s genuinely an experience sharing that part of himself with someone, and it’d be in those moments that you would truly understand the full extent of his feelings.

not only that, but he’s very emotionally sensitive in this regard.

allowing someone in to that degree can actually be a very daunting experience for him.

not necessarily if it were a merely physical relationship without the romantic/intimate association, but knowing that there is is this devotion involved makes the concept of allowing someone to see and understand the depth of this side to him a really hard thing to wrap his head around.

this is heightened by that cap venus that doesn’t take to commitment lightly.

with a pisces influence there is kind of a switch they have with regard to emotionally packed situations -- they’re either detached out of risk of those feelings becoming all-consuming, or extremely feeling and potentially open to this all-consuming aspect and to them that is an extremely vulnerable feeling especially with another person involved.

and so for him to go into those romantic situations and decide to be open and sensitive, that can be a really overwhelming thing especially with so many placements that value individuality and composure.

ESPECIALLY with a scorpio moon which is already an incredibly intense placement to have, there’s a great deal of investment that’s kind of hard for him to face head-on and this is honestly because he can hardly fathom these depths himself.

and then you throw in this super airy influence through his aqua and this intensity within him may fly completely under the radar until he’s forced to face it.

it IS important to note that his moon trine mars both kind of heighten the intensity of these situations, while also giving him better tools to process them.

his scorpio moon also means that he’s really fascinated with these feelings even though they’re very daunting.

it can be “scary” but he isn’t particularly deterred if he trusts you because of how all-in scorpio placements can be as they love the concept of delving past the point of no return.

if he’s at that point where he’s so deeply committed, his scorpio is going to give him the confidence to take that step.

but because this part of him is so emotionally sensitive and reactive, he may retreat every now and then.

it is important not to interpret this as indifference/distance, often times he doesn’t know exactly who he wants to be some days and so you kinda gotta be okay with the unexpected.

this is simply because he gets overwhelmed and needs space, otherwise it just feels like he’s staring into the sun non-stop.

but if you learn how to read him, his energies, his body language/rhythm, you’ll understand how big and bleeding his heart is and how he expresses this, even when he’s not 100% there.

lololol all of this sounds SO DRAMATIC.

it’s funny writing this because vernon has such an air forward chart.

I wouldn’t be surprised if, for some WILD reason, he read this reading and thought this was a dramatic description as well.

he really is his own person and i imagine this reading feels super left of field and honestly that’s because it IS.

a lot of his chart is pretty hard to pin-down and generally more focused on developing the self than depending on external forces like relationships, and so it’d take a lot for him to get to this point.

you can tell even now it’s hard to imagine what he’d be like in a relationship he’s so singular, and i imagine even his members know there is a bit of a wall despite how much an open book he is.

i really think that it’d take the right person for him to place such a strong importance on emotion in order to make this reading super relevant to him.

his aqua and cap are pretty hard to convince and are logical/intellectual enough that it’s often hard for those placements to surrender that mental control over to emotion/the intangible.

and so I don’t imagine this is a part of his chart that he would fully be aware of until he’s in an incredibly committed relationship and these placements are tested by being forced to accommodate someone else so intimately.

because otherwise he’s his own unit. these parts aren’t scary to him by himself, but they’re naturally very private so sharing these aspects is what switches things up.

generally he’s a very thoughtful boyfriend!

his weird habits are going to stay intact because of how independent he is and, if his chart is really well developed, he’d never let his individuality be compromised by a relationship.

tho i will not lie, a scorpio moon and pisces mars may put him at risk of losing himself a bit as that scorpio moon has a tendency towards obsession, while that pisces mars can really easily get absorbed and lost in the case of love.

but with that being said, i think his aqua and cap are so established in his chart through his work and personal values that i don’t think he is in any actual danger.

so back to my main point.

he has such a strong understanding of himself and his life/goals through that aqua/cap, but there is so much in his chart that is really eager to bring someone into that.

he’s def the type of guy that makes it hard to fathom how committed he could possibly be on the surface, but once the relationship deepens, it gets clearer and clearer how romantic and devoted he is.

and also how simple and straight forward he actually is about these things, which in a way adds to the romance and earnestness.

#seventeen #svt #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #vernon #hansol #hansol vernon chwe #lolol another super randomly long one like joshua's chart first impressions #this one hurt my brain #scheduling this #and praying it's in comprehensible english #also had a heart attack cuz i thought for a second tumblr deleted this

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n0ct0urn1quet · 3 years

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rose daffodil peony narcissus freesia orchid gypsophila gladiolus ginger

rose - describe your crush.

ok so whenevr i get threse questions im always confused like. do they mean describe ur crush physically or like. describe ur crush personality-wise. also bro we have literally been together for 3 years can you even call it a crush anymore bhjbhjebhjebje

anyways uhhHH if i had 2 describe u personality-wise then id say that ur kind. n funny. also ur just a very nice person 2 be around. we could totally jus sit in the same room together and not say anything and id be chill with that. i jus feel safe around u bro amd u make me hapy. also i think that ur very pretty and ur a rly good artist. ur a good person and i love u *mwah* :)

daffodil - which colour suits you best?

ehhhhh black ig lol

peony - do you put more value in honour or truth?

i . have no idea what this is asking. my brain is square and im often confused

but ehhh truth i guEess

narcissus - your best physical feature?

i honestly dont know tbh <3 im not good at saying nice things to myself so i dunno <33

freesia - are you still friends with the person you considered your best friend two years ago?

bhjdbjbfje yeah

orchid - favourite fruit?

strawberries,,,,,,,

gypsophila - do you prefer many distant friends, or a few close friends?

uhhhhhh few close friends

gladiolus - who do you look up to most?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dunno lol

ginger - least favourite food?

uhhhh any kind of seafood (besides shrimp, shrimp is fine). also onions and mushrooms. and bacon.

#also sry i know the answer to the first question was kinda short #sry man. if iw as in a better mood id have more to say but I Just Dont Feel Great At All rn so bhgbhbfgnjgfgbg sorry

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openbedroomcurtain · 4 years

Text

Watch "my brain is square and im often confused" on YouTube

youtube

My Feel

#doing a thing #or two #Good Morning #🍀#take luck #Youtube

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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years

Text

mtmte liveblog - 2012 annual

iirc the annual takes place between 7 and 8, or something. whatever, im gonna go for it

shifts in art style always throw me off phewwww

i cant remember what theyre doing but i find it really funny that first aid is there squaring the fuck up to punch shit

ah yes of course how could i forget the time they shrunk down to fight tiny robots in ultra magnus’s head. a comic classic

poor magnus lmao

HBJSDKFBSHJFDHJSD HIS TERRIFYING SMILE HAUNTS MY NIGHTMARES. LOVE IT

love the continuation of magnus’s law-vision

the fact that everyone is dunking on magnus for smiling ONCE hvbhjdksbfjks

rewind and chromedome ough

i feel like cyclonus spends 90% of his early mtmte screentime staring broodingly out of windows lmao

tg so precious

lmaooo i love the flashes of rodimus saying ‘til all are one’ All The Time

rodimus just wants to be like his dad ok

rodimus telling drift to go meditate or something vbhjfdbhdsjkf

i love rodimus calling magnus out on referring to himself in the third person lmaoooo but also I'm like Oh I See That [eyes emoji]

wish i had emojis on the computer sigh

lmao so the circle of light is a bunch of pacifists With Big Ass Swords

them betting on how long it'll take rodimus to say ‘til all are one’ vbkjsdhbfjhkhsdf

damn so ambulon rlly did switch sides late in the game

cyclonus is here!! being an emotionally closed-off fool as usual

nooo rodimus let tailgate speak

cant believe rodimus graffiti’d tailgate

drift, immediately: rodimus is FUCKING POSSSESSED

ratchet: ok, no,

godddd everything abt the galactic counsel here is so funny. ‘its big - its grey - its taxpayer funded’ hvbkjshdbfjkdf and the fact that their ship is called ‘the benign intervention’ lmaooo

also DAMN that is a BIG ASS SHIP

‘a fleshling in a stupid hat’ i love rodimus and his irrational hatred of hats

magnus comin in CLUTCH with the dry-ass clauses shit

rewind vhjbdskfbaksdfn ‘the sub-section 7 defense - sneaky’ ily

tailgate hvbhjadkfbjskdf its ok that you don't know what's going on

also tailgate serves a vital role in the story as the audience insert character (or w/e its called), bc he’s often confused which allows for handy exposition that we the audience also need lmao

i find it so interesting to see how the cybertronians are viewed by the rest of the galaxy - we don't see a lot of aliens but its always fascinating when we do, because of COURSE they’re mostly gonna think of the cybertronians as destructive and war-like when that’s what they’ve been up to for 4 million years

ooof swerve :( swerve is one of those characters who you’re like ‘haha he’s funny’ most of the time but pretty often he’ll have startling moments of like, deep pain about life or w/e, and you’re like Oh Shit and then you kinda move on, until finally the swearth arc hits and it all comes together. what I'm saying is that this is some nice building towards that

HGDSBJFKJSJBDF THERE IT IS THERE IT ISSSSSSSSSS

THE PANEL WHERE REWIND IN ALT MODE CAN FLY FOR SOME REASONNNNNN

i fucking love that shot so much. does everyone see this. rewind is a GIANT FUCKIN FLASHDRIVE and he’s hovering ominously thru the air. like, what happened to all the biz from issue 1 or w/e where his husband was roasting him for having a non-mobile altmode? if he can fucking HOVER than Actually rewind is the fucking coolest, no contest

or like, is the implication that they all teleported there (having switched to alt mode along the way i guess?) and rewind is just like, suspended in midair? bc that's what the speed bubble text implies, but it also totally looks like they're just travelling across the area and rewind can levitate

anyways. that panel has always cracked me up lmaoooo

rodimus calling the council ‘fascists’ hvbhduifbjsdjfajskf sir i love you

GODDD and there's the joke payoff from a few issues ago - rewind, facing front, hearing drift transform behind him and not only being able to tell its drift without looking, but also being able to tell that drift is upset, JUST like chromedome said he could....fucking PEAK i love that type of payoff humor

ooof and more swerve introspection. i mentioned earlier but i fucking LOVE how this series showcases the extremely wide range of reactions/coping mechanisms that everyone has towards the endless war finally being over - and swerve really nails it here: confusing peace with happiness, and assuming that everything would automatically be better after the war is over, when in reality you still have to work just as hard to build shit rather than break it

also i adore the horror of a guy who is half-embedded in the wall, his face stuck in a rictus of terror & death, waxing philosophical about how peace is about the freedom of choice, and how they should all just feel lucky to have survived...oof, that's very specifically ironic coming from you, dude

but i do love the little characterization we get here for ore, a character who is literally already dead and has so far been used as a plot device pretty exclusively, but we still get to know little things about him here, and how HE feels about the war and the current peace, etcetc. it really makes the story and characters seem believable, like every character has a story even if we don't take the time to see it

love cyclonus posing coolly

kinda love how clear it is that drifts whole hippy schtick is just a front to cover his anger, and a tool to make him seem like an approachable, upstanding autobot

drift dramatically monologuing while pointing his sword at the sky is extra funny with everyone else just staring at him doing this

cyclonus why are you grabbing at the edge of the hole you're falling into, you can LITERALLY FLY,

magnus finally getting some appreciation for being The most law abiding guy like, ever

genuinely forgot abt the whole metrotitan plot that happens here

GOD when rodimus is like BRAIN QUEST TIME and then we smash cut to them at the brain ‘six minutes later’ vhbhkudfjbjksf i live for that shit

also that would be even funnier animated which further proves that we need an mtmte/ll animated series, please, somebody,

HBDSJKFSHDJF REWIND IS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY you cant even tell if he GENUINELY didn't think cyclonus could talk or if hes just being a dick but either way? comedy gold

oh i adore the flashbacks being in a different artstyle, especially one that's so retro

i love rewind being a history geek, and cyclonus passionately explaining cybertronian creation theory

HHHH i fucking LOVE the myth/lore stuff like....a lot of franchises tend not to dwell in this type of mythology, you tend to get The True Version Of Events, but this kind of explanation rocks bc it totally sounds like the kind of religious mythology that naturally develops based on a species’ progression

and drift and ratchet’s very opposing and polarizing views certainty do make for interesting perspectives, tho i feel like the story sometimes leans too much towards ratchet being ‘more correct’ bc, logic! or something idk i feel like i used to have a couple mild opinions on this but i don't remember

and its funny bc i am, irl, an atheistic medical professional who believes in science above all else - essentially just like ratchet. but i feel like the narrative portrayal skews a little more in his favor than i’d like, despite that

skids just out here being a bummer, completely unprompted. cant even blame you tho dude

hhhhhh chromedome talking abt rewind ;_;

and when he says ‘maybe there’s someone out there who can save your life, too’ and cyclonus is there....hhhh

god i fucking LOVE drift and rodimus’s entire relationship. the layers...the LAYERS!!!

OH HEY ITS THOSE ROBOTS SKIDS FOUGHT

ah, inconvenient laser time!

ok i fuckgin love how cybertronian’s brains look just like the planet cybertron. that's so fucking great

of COURSE brainstorm brought his shrink ray

truly i love the convo between ore and swerve, especially overlaid onto everyone fighting

oof, the themes and plot threads of this annual are all so nicely tied up (which is something i love abt mtmte, especially early on when the story is smaller), with swerve now choosing to disobey an order from rodimus

oh yeah, the circle of light! that's who you've been looking for this whole time basically!

and then the ending, hearing that magnus smiled (willingly!) :) i love it

rodimus’s profile says ‘finds it difficult to sit still’ bc rodimus is an adhd icon

lmao i feel like over half of my sentences in this recap - and in most of my recaps - contain ‘i love it’ or ‘i love how-’ or some variation upon that theme. I'm predictable

anyways - the annual! i love this issue. its really long which is cool and i feel like it does a lot to flesh out the setting and lore, and even the characters as well. also, as i said above, it does an excellent job telling an exciting and well-contained story, with solid story beats throughout and plot threads that emerge and get resolved all within this issue, even while leaving plenty of stuff up for future resolution. that's the Early MTMTE Special, and i adore it. tho i will say I'm glad we’ll be getting back to the regularly scheduled art style, bc this one didn't really do it for me

#lj rereads mtmte #lmao this is looong

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aphroditeslesbian · 4 years

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☆ hey, i really look up to you and i wanted to ask you something, sorry i have to be a bit vague because tumblr and confediality. should i be rational or trust my gut for making decision about a thing that will lead me my entire life? I really feel confused because my rational and my gut are going against each other. the gut instinct about this thing had lead me for years, every time the subject came up about me having to eventually decide my gut would give me that answer but i'd brush it off

☆ because it didnt seem to make sense but now i have to make the decision soon and i am losing sleep over fighting my gut instinct and rationale. it's tearing me apart. i'd trust my gut because it has a track record of being always right because my intuition is very developed but this is such an important decision and im so worried about being wrong. i really like your thought process so it would be really awesome to hear what you think even based on this limited information. thanks and love <3

Hey! This is really sweet, and I'm honored you value my input! I'm but a humble squirrel!! 🐿️

Okay so, I can't know what kind of decision you're making here, but I'm gonna try to walk you through my thought process, to hopefully give you a new perspective on this which could maybe "unlock" your decision making here.

I personally am someone who often acts on instincts/gut with a healthy dosage of reason to back them up. So let's say you're picking a career path, and you always knew you wanted to be a professional gamer, but rationally you think that would hold up in the long run. I'd try to explore rational reasoning to why it could work. Kind of find objective and concrete evidence that this could work out for you. It's not impossible, few things actually are, so just throwing it out the window because it's hard isn't very rational either. It's good to take into consideration that something you're passionate about is more likely to be something you'll invest extra time and research into, which could likely lead you to excel at it, more than you might in a more traditional area which you couldn't care less about.

Alternatively, let's say you're deciding whether or not to stay in a long term relationship, and the pressing timeline is that you know she's going to propose soon... Here your gut is the most important thing. When it comes to relationships and how we relate to other people, our emotions and feelings are going to be front and center in most of it. So if you're unhappy/unsure, I could never advise you to stay/make a serious commitment until you feel sure of what you want. This kind of situation is also more flexible with "deadlines". It's okay to ask for some time to figure things out, and it's okay to not say yes to something you're not sure of, but might eventually change your mind about. Communication is key in this case. I know it's frightening, but letting the other party know how you feel could even help you see how they react in a crisis, and lead you to finally know for sure. This could apply to a close friendship or familial relationship as well, outside of a marriage context obviously. Communication would still be the most important thing.

More generally speaking, I encourage you to analyse the possibilities of what would happen if you just follow your gut. What's next? What happens? What might happen? What is certain, what is uncertain? Can you live with those odds? Are you okay with the possibilities and the sure things? And if you don't follow your gut... What is the alternative? Do you think it's something you can eventually feel better about than the thing your instincts are telling you to go with? What are the certainties and uncertainties of going down this road?

Like I said, you can be rational about gut decisions. I personally try to take my gut instincts and put them through an objective lense to make the most educated decision I could. A gut decision isn't necessarily unreasonable either, our instincts come from a life time of experiences being subconsciously analyzed by our brains in a very quick way, which may seem subjective to our conscious brains, but actually makes a lot of sense if you put it under a metaphorical microscope and analyse what could lead you to feel a certain way/want a certain thing.

One last thing I'd like to say is... Often even life changing decisions aren't entirely irreversible. Sometimes it does take going the long way before we can realize something isn't right for us. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sure, it'll take even longer to get settled with your final goal, but there's no shame in that, and the experience you had with the "wrong" decision will only add up to your life experiences and make you an even wiser and sager person. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to start over from square one. Your life is your own, and it can be placed however you want. You don't have to match other people's milestones, there's no rulebook to life. It's okay.

Welp, I hope this made sense, and helped clear things up, at least a little bit? If you would feel comfortable, my DMs are open, and you could also send me an ask off anon, I wouldn't publish it, and that way I could maybe give you some more personalized advice. Cool if you don't wanna as well! Whatever the case, I hope you can come to a conclusion about this, and that whatever you decide will lead you to a happy, fulfilled life. Take care 💖

#august rants #advice #life advice #anon #💖 you're really sweet thank you for trusting me #pinning this for 24h so you can find it more easily

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afragilesenseofanarchy · 4 years

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youtube

my brain is square and im often confused

#red its clark i needed u to see this its me

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donotlookatmyface · 4 years

Text

04 / 25 - 11 : 49 p.m.

how do you tell someone you love that you want to commit suicide ?

that each passing day, you want that burning pain again, that you miss the scars you used to draw on your skin.

to say, " nothing is actually wrong. i think its me. im the problem. im the root of the pain. "

because you wake - up you again. and you try your best to be okay, to be glad youre breathing. but its you. so you try being happy, but its still you. and you try being angry, frustrated with everything that crosses you. but youre still you. should you just give into the depression ? but then again, youre still you.

when you look in the mirror, what do you see ? past the disgust in your eyes, you smile to the reflection. and you begin to practice how you'll present to others, you quickly find out you have work to do. always wondered why people looked at you a sertain way ? it was the way you showed that raw smile. so you practice in the mirror, make the perfect smile. but never with your teeth, thats how your old smile was.

when youre naked, you start looking at your body, and wonder if your past lovers see what you see. a decomposing body, with confusing proportions and vainy skin all over. cold to the touch, you feel alone. as if even your own body doesnt want you. you cant help but to cry, you think you're disgusting. that everyone that looks at you wants to run away.

you put on makeup to feel better, make youre eyes bigger, you cheeks rosy, you lips bigger. but the longer you stare, the imperfections become more prominent. youre nose is huge compared to youre small face, your eyes seem to shrink and look tired and soggy, your lips are deflated, your face is square and your skin is filled with blemishes. what do you do ? people never compliment you, all they do is point out the flaws. " maybe if you washed youre face better. " , " what do you think of plastic surgery ? " , " you look tired. " , " your makeup looks ugly. " but you ignore it the best you can.

the question you cant imagine how long has been on my head is : when can i speak about what happened to me ?

you forgot about it, kept it in the back of your mind for as long as possible. but you saw him again. you where so young and vulnerable, you didnt know between what was okay or not. often you think to yourself, " does he still have those pictures ? " why dont you say anything, why do you greet him when you see him ? you keep your distance but they dont. are you afraid ? does he know ? is he confident you'll keep your mouth shut ? or does he hope your memories destroyed themselves ?

you keep quiet. you figure no one would hurt you anymore if you stayed silent. but it never worked. you were alone, made fun of, were a punching bag. you tell yourself " at least theyre giving me attention. im part of something. " home isnt any different. you keep quiet. you figure if youre silent no one would hurt you. and it didnt work. you always did something wrong, didnt do enough, you were a bad child. so you hide underneath your bed, trembling, you hug yourself and say " its okay, im here. " as you feel your tears fall on the floor from your face, you fall asleep.

why isnt no one here ? im alone again. and what i thought i had changed in my life had resurfaced. im groped and touched inappropriately, im physically and verbally bullied everyday, ive been called everything in the book. i try to fight, and its the same. no one is listening, no one cares.

why cant i run away from these patterns, i dont like remembering what it was like me. i wish i knew more than i know now. i want to remember good times. but i cant, its like my brain is hitting repeat at the abuse, and the trauma over and over and over again. and even then i cant even remember who made me do the things i was groomed to do. i cant fucking remember his fucking face. who were you. who the fuck were you. who were you motherfucker. i was so young, what the fuck did you do to me. what did you do to me. what did i do to deserve it. why werent my parents home. why wasnt anyone there, why was i alone with you. why why why why why why why. why why why why why why why why whywhy cant i remember. i want to know so i can fucking kill you. i want you to die a slow painful fucking death. i want to hurt you like you hurt me.

like you hurt me.

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