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yongislong · 2 years

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skin ship + dreamies.

wc/genre: idk, pretty short though, fluff, suggestive.... lmao established relationships with nonidol!dreamies! reqs openn

cw/note: none! late night post, not requested but i had this idea while studying bc... shit has been going on in my life and i! need! comfort! lmk what you think, masterlist is on my page, take care of urselves, i am in no way saying love can cure mental illness in any of my posts btw! i thought i'd just clarify lol

mark... he's so touchy with you and he's such a nerd about it LOL, he loves you and freaks out. like yes he's confident don't get me wrong but once he sees you and realizes that he has you, he pounces. he hugs you so hard people might think you'd disappear. it's always so full of love and he has a geeky smile and you can hear his breathy giggles in your ear. also likes pulling your toes when you're on your bed scrolling in PEACE. he does it so hard and you never fail to fly off wherever you're sitting to chase him across the apartment. cheek pincher on the low. honestly loves any skin ship under the sun. especially on any exposed skin, smooches <3 shoulder kiss enthusiast and he's very good at it :') likes catching you off guard with any skin ship. pulls you tight whenever you sleep

renjun... hand tracing dear god. he loves your hands, no matter what they look like. YES i know its cliche but he loves messing with your rings, painting your nails, etc. he thinks he's being so slick and cool but he's so cute about it because he also doesn't care, like he has no reason to not show you how beautiful he believes every part of you is. sometimes he doesn't even notice, he just takes ahold of your wrists or forearm and drapes it on his lap. maybe he likes to put his fingers in ur mouth I DON'T KNOW??? esp when you wave ur finger in his face... not super touchy when cuddling but you always end up with his hand in yours. sometimes switches rings with you and doesn't notice until he's taking off his jewelry to go to bed and he's giggling into his hand like an 8 year old lol. likes pinching the skin on your upper back and thighs. finds comfort in tracing his fingertips on your collarbones before bed, helps you both fall asleep fast

jeno... god he's such a hip guy. loves a cheeky lil slap on the butt at any time of the day OFC but also just likes having his hands on your hips, likes to feel ur hipbones/curves y'know. you're so beautiful to him. he always pretends to get the wind knocked out of him when he sees u... hes so cheesy. sometimes when you're watching a movie he sits you between his legs and innocently snakes one finger under your clothes to feel the skin on the expanse on your upper hip and stomach. he loooves stomachs. especially if they're soft or not defined like those old greek paintings, he likes how different you feel from him if that makes sense.... bc he's lean. unless you're lean too he kinda gets fomo like damn did you hit the gym without him lol. also a cheek pincher, just likes messing with your face in general. cute sleeper, tucks you under his chin, ends up with his head under your shirt bc he gets cold at night and is always so surprised when he wakes up pfft. also an upper arm rubber. pls trace your finger on his nose brige.

haechan... mf. any skin ship have you seen this man. i will say the skin ship he has with you and the way he goes about it is different because he wants to make it a point that yes, he's touchy but only you get certain privileges or touches. especially when you two are alone. he likes to look at you while you sleep, not in a weird way he just likes that this is the one time you let him play with your hair and kiss your fingertips without you bursting into shy giggles. a lot of people think he would be a goofy bf and yeah that's true but he wants to so badly do well in this relationship. he cares about you so much. some nights when he looks at you he's thinks he just might cry. gives you lots of typical skin ship but also just is super domestic and sweet and considerate of your feelings. LOOVES, loves and i mean adores hiding his face in the crook of your neck, likes your natural scent sm, makes him smiley.

jaemin... like haechan he likes to watch you when you sleep but in the morning instead, when he wakes up before you. likes whispering things to you about how gorgeous he thinks you are and how can someone look so pretty when they've been tossing and turning all night. smiles to himself always. pokes your cheeks especially when you're puffy and sleepy. his favorite type of skin ship is pulling your cheek. he also likes brushing up your brows and running his thumb on your lower lip. gosh he's just so so sweet. he's obsessed with you in the best way. likes being around you. hand on the waist when he's trying to maneuver himself behind you to reach for his toothbrush in the bathroom > AGH. has no limits to how touchy he is in his mind. like if you are equally as touchy or just enjoy skin ship and don't mind him giving you puppy dog eyes through the mirror as he brushes your hair, its an easy open for him to do what he wants with you. I KNOW this is kinda all over the place but just imagine someone being in absolute adoration of you, your body, your skin, your face in a non creepy way LOL etc, etc. very wholesome

chenle... waist holder. oh MY god. he's not really touchy, in my opinion and from what i've seen, but he is a clinger. he likes skin ship mostly and only if he gets to initiate it. makes him feel manly muahaha. dont get me wrong, adores you doing slight skin ship with him but when he gets to tuck you under him at night or is able to trace the underside of your jaw. OH MY GOD he loves putting his finger under your chin to lift your face to look up at him please??? is so cocky about this and even if you're taller or his height, he loves to catch you when you're sitting down and it never fails to make you lose your mind. yeah yeah he likes it when you touch his neck, he's corny like that. laying your hand on his chest when you kiss GOD??? he combusts every time. it's moments like these where he doesn't mind you initiating touches bc it makes him feel special and wanted. please give him attention when you've seen he's had a hard day. he never knows how to ask for you, but now you've gotten into the swing of being around each other and learning what each other likes when it comes to skin to skin contact.

jisung... another fucking cheek poker dude. can never grasp the fact that yeah, you're sitting next to him, willingly watching his favorite movie with him, sharing a blanket, with the fresh cookies you made. wants to make sure you're real so he pokes you. he doesn't think he doesn't deserve you he just, is so proud of himself for bagging you and needs to make sure he isn't lucid dreaming LOL. ya'll need to wake up, yeah jisung has probably never had a relationship up until you but oh... oh once he learns how to fluster you, its like he hit the jackpot. knows how much you like him kissing the top of your spine before bed and you learned that tugging on the hairs and the nape of his neck has earned you several reactions in the past. its a very sweet and intimate relationship, watching the both of you test the waters with shy pecks or head pats until you finally date for long enough that he fully feels confident falling asleep on your chest with his arms caging around your waist. likes pretty basic skin ship, he't not a poet or anything yknow LMAO so expect a lot of neck pecks, head pats, hugs where he shifts his weight in between his feet and rocks you back and forth, he's just a sweetie

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upat4amwiththemoon · 7 months

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hi! saw that your requests are open and if you want to could you write a fic with amelia shepard x reader. kind of a mental health fic where reader is struggling (depression or something) and either amelia and reader are a couple or reader is someone coming into the ER (or something else) but either way amelia decides to help R and eventually they become a couple (if they’re not already). i hope you understand what i mean?

anyway, thank you!

i’ll die anyway.

Summary: It’s still hard to find reasons to stay alive.

Pairing: Amelia Shepherd x female!reader

Warnings: depression

Word count: 824

a/n: Amelia Shepherd please cure my mental illnesses <3

masterlists | guidelines

Even though Amelia is oftentimes busy with her work, being the self proclaimed best neurosurgeon, she still makes time for her girlfriend, who unlike her, doesn’t have such a mess of a schedule. However, she just came to the realization that date nights haven’t happened in a while. She really hasn’t properly seen Y/N in a while.

Which is why, after arriving back home, Amelia’s first mission is to find Y/N. She goes up the stairs, towards their shared bedroom, still wearing her scrubs. She frowns as she steps into the room. No one is there. It’s dark and the bed is messy, which indicates Y/N has been there recently.

The sound of water hits her ears. Amelia knocks on the door opposite of their bedroom, trying to open it, but it’s mocked. “Y/N?” She calls out, growing worried at the silence coming from the other side. “Are you okay in there?” There’s slight humor to her voice, but it’s only there to mask her anxiety.

A quiet yeah comes from the other side of the door, but it doesn’t ease Amelia.

“You think you could open the door for me?” It takes a while, but eventually Amelia can hear the soft clink of the lock. She opens the door carefully, only peeking her head in first. When she sees fully clothes Y/N sitting under the running shower, she steps in the room fully, closing the door behind her so the warmth of the water wouldn’t escape. “What are you doing?” She has a gentle smile on her face as she kneels near Y/N. She recognizes the look in her eyes.

“I think I’m getting sick.” She whispers. Water droplets are getting all over her eyes and mouth, but she doesn’t seem to care.

“Sick?” Amelia shuts the shower off, getting no reaction from Y/N. She sets the back of her hand to her girlfriend’s wet forehead. “You don’t feel warm.” She states quietly.

Y/N hums. Her hands are hidden in the sleeves of the hoodie she’s wearing. It’s oversized, one of her favorites, mostly because it’s technically Amelia’s hoodie. Her eyes are unfocused, so she rarely blinks, only when water slides over her eyes.

“Maybe getting out of the wet clothes would help?” Amelia’s tone makes the sentence sound like a question, but it’s more of a request, as she is already helping Y/N up before she has a chance to answer. She leads her into the bedroom, not caring about the trail of water dripping to the floors. “I’m going to get you some clothes, okay?”

Amelia starts looking through their wardrobe, picking the coziest looking clothes for the both of them. She helps Y/N out of the wet clothes and into the clean ones before she changes out of her scrubs.

“Have you eaten today?” She’s pretty sure she already knows the answer, and it worries her, since she had a ten hour shift today. Y/N shakes her head, confirming Amelia’s fears. “Okay, I’m going to order us some food.”

After leading Y/N to the bed, she picks up her phone and orders the food that’ll arrive to their house the quickest. She sets her phone back down, making sure it’s not silenced so she’ll hear when their food arrives.

She sits down next to Y/N, leaning her bad against the backboard, she pulls Y/N’s back into her chest. “Can you tell me how you’re feeling?” Amelia pulls the covers over them before wrapping her arms around Y/N.

She sighs, slowly leaning the side of her head against Amelia’s. “I don’t know.” She whispers, her voice slightly wobbly. “I don’t feel anything but I’m feeling everything at the same time. It’s like I’m stuck in a hole and I can’t scream for help.” Taking a shaky breath, her voice turns almost too quiet for Amelia to hear, “it feels like it doesn’t matter if I’m dead or alive.”

“Maybe we could go meet up with a psychotherapist together tomorrow?”

Y/N hesitates. Asking for, or receiving help has never been something she can do easily. “I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”

“But it is.” Amelia states in a way that leaves no room for arguments. “Mental health needs to be always taken seriously.”

Emotions mull through Y/N’s body. She feels guilty and bad for letting Amelia see, for making her worry, that’s not what she wants. She feels like going to psychotherapy would mame it worse, it’d solidify the fact there’s something wrong with her.

Amelia’s embrace turns tighter, bringing Y/N back to the present. Her hands have started shaking, she didn’t notice. “You don’t have to decide now.” Amelia whispers into her ear. “We’ll think and talk about later, okay?” Y/N nods, letting herself relax for now as she lays on her girlfriend, and tries to forget her worries.

#grey’s anatomy fic #grey’s anatomy #grey’s anatomy imagine #amelia shepherd x you #amelia shepherd x fem!reader #amelia shepherd imagine #amelia shepherd x y/n #amelia shepherd #amelia shepherd x reader #amelia shepherd fanfic #grey’s anatomy fanfiction #tw depression #slight angst

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xxeycisxx · 1 year

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Need | Matt Murdock

Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: you try to find comfort in Matt's arms

Author's note: this is my first smut- yay! to be honest, i don’t really think that this is a healthy way of coping with mental illness, but again, i needed to vent. Hope you like it, there might be some typos, if you find some, sorry in advance.

TW: smutt, definitely 18+, praise kink paired with humiliation kink, p in v, but wrap it before you tap it irl, this is really just a fantasy. probably a slight breeding kink? edging, little bit of angst.

Word-count: 3198 (sorry, i got carried away)

masterlist here

You were desperately knocking on his door. There was so many things that were on your mind right now. You felt miserable, your face was still covered in tears.

You went on a few dates, but you, as you always do, self-sabotaged and ghosted him for some time. But right now, you knew that you can‘t spend another night alone. So here you were. You didn’t even thought about what you’re gonna say, you just knew you needed to see him.

The door opened and you saw him, immediately fighting the urge to jump into his arms.

You and Matt met a few weeks ago at a bar. You were drinking alone, when Matt tried to hit on you, but after a couple of drinks, it was more about getting to know each other as a person, rather than just a one night stand. It was something more. You two really hit it off and you felt like he truly saw you for who you are.

„Y/n?“ he said your name with a surprise, he wasn’t wearing his glasses, so you could clearly see his face and his expression. He wasn’t angry.

„Matt…“ you said quietly, while wondering how to start a conversation, or even just explain why you came here and why he hadn’t heard from you in two weeks.

„What are you doing here? Are you okay?“ he asked. But his voice wasn’t filled with hostility, or anything else that might scare you off. But how could you explain this feeling that filled your whole mind and you felt like you can‘t fight it on your own anymore and there was noone else you could go to for help?

You kissed him, wrapping your arms around him and holding him as close as you could. He brough his arms around your waist and pulled you into his apartment. Your knees were shaking, at first, the kiss was hesitant, both of you had no idea of what to expect. You felt his big arms wrap around your waist, bringing you closer too, which made you more confident of your actions.

After a few seconds, he pulled away.

„Y/n?“ he asked, desperately trying to understood you.

„Matt, please. I need this,“ you felt more tears coming out. What if he didn’t want you? What if he found someone else already? What if he was angry with you? But you needed this. You needed to be held. To feel loved. To feel that someone cares about you.

„I thought you didn’t want to continue with whatever was going on between us…“ he said, while still keeping his hands on your waist, one of them starting to move along your hips. He was caressing you so gently.

„I just didn’t want to be a burden for you,“ your confession was like a knife going through your heart. You felt so ashamed of yourself.

„How could you be?“ if it would be possible to be cured by a sentence, this one would be it. You decided to ignore the urge to go through top ten reasons, why you could actually be a burden and just kissed him, focusing on a completely different urge that was growing inside your body.

He closed the door behind you and pushed you to it. He took your jacket off and then his hands started to explore your body. There was something about his touch that could make you scream. You longed for it so much. You longed for him.

You gasped for air between the kiss, and then felt his tongue on your lips, tasting you, taking you in. Your hands tangled in his hair, while one of his hands sneaked down on your butt and lightly squeezed.

„Matt,“ you moaned his name. You felt his cock twitch on your hip right after his name left your lips. Your hand started to slowly go down and gently palmed him though his pants. He moaned back.

„Do you really want this?“ he was already out of breath, but so were you.

„I need you Matt,“ you cried out, „I need you to fuck me,“

Matt picked you up in his arms and carried you to a different room. When you opened your eyes, you saw a big bed, that was all that mattered and all that you could actually take in in such a short time. He took you to his bedroom.

You still couldn’t believe that this was actually happening, but you knew that spending another night alone is something you simply couldn‘t affored in this mental state. You needed to be with someone that you could trust and maybe it would help you to stop thinking for at least a moment. You needed someone to protect you from yourself.

He started kissing you again, his lips traveled down to your neck, feeling his soft tongue on your skin. You took off his shirt and immediately started to touch his bare skin, enjoying the feeling of warmth that radiated off of him. Without any warning, you felt sharp, but pleasent pain on your neck. He was lightly biting the skin on your neck and a distinct moan escaped your lips. It made you dig your nails into his skin, he moaned back and quickly took your shirt off, too.

„You need me to fuck you?“ he said into your ear with a low voice, making your pussy throb for him, growing even wetter.

„Mh-mm,“ you mumbled, while trying to unzip his pants. Yours were gone in a few seconds, left you wondering how it was possible to actually do it so fast. But you weren’t complaining. After a few attempts, you finally managed to get his pants off too and he stopped your hands quickly from going back to his skin.

„Answer me, need to hear that,“ his voice was full of breath, pure lust coming from his lips. You tried to break out of his tight grip, but he was waiting for your answer.

„Need you to fuck me, please Matt,“ you said desparetely. He didn’t let go off your hands right away, but one of his hands moved to your neck. He squeezed the soft skin of your neck lightly, moving you closer to his lips, but not kissing you yet, which made you want to beg even more. You noticed how he tilted his head, as if he was checking on something.

„Good girl,“ he gave you a small kiss but still kept his grip tight on your neck, ,,dont worry, I will,“ finally he kissed you again, his tongue again tasting you and taking you in. Letting your hands free, his fingers unziped your bra and quickly cupped your bare boobs, with each moment focusing more on your nipples. He played with them between his fingers, pulled them towards him, so you had to come even closer to him. At this point you were moaning without no hesitation, completely letting yourself go.

„Love the way you sound when I’m touching you like that, sweetheart,“ he whispered to you. One of his hands started to go down, touching your pussy, that was now only covered by a thin layer of your completely wet panties.

„Can’t wait to find out what you’re gonna sound like with my dick inside you,“ he chuckled. You only answered with another string of moans. He took off your panties and pushed you gently onto his bed. Taking off his own underwear, he kneeled down between your legs, you patiently waited for his next move and observed him, towering over you. Your eyes swiftly noticing his throbbing dick, that made you doubt your recent decisions, but your mouth started to drool, just by looking at it. His body was perfect. You wanted to lick every inch.

He started touching your pussy lightly, just slowly grazing across your slit.

„Matt, please,“ you moaned his name this time and it made his cock twitch. You wanted to touch him too, but he stopped you with his other hand and held both of them above your head. He had you completely in control.

„You need to be patient, I want to enjoy this,“ his fingers touched your entrance, but he didn’t let them inside you yet, „you’re so wet, i know it’s hard for you,“ he was slowly moving his fingers from your entrance to your clit, not to make you cum, but only to make you want it even more, he was enjoying your body and testing how you’re gonna react to the things he was doing to you.

He took his dick in his hand and started doing the same movement with his dick this time. As soon, as his dick made contact with pussy, you wanted to scream. You wanted him so much, you needed to feel him inside you.

„Want you to beg me,“ he said firmly. You were so desparate at that point, you would do anything. He was still continuing with the up-and-down movement, you were pretty sure you would go crazy at any moment.

„Please Matt, please,“ you tried to look composed, but your voice was shaking. You felt him moving his tip between your folds, spreading your juices over your pussy. He smiled.

„You want me to fuck you so bad? Beg more for me“ he was mocking you now. But you didn’t care anymore.

„Matt please, need to feel you inside me, need your cum,“

„Good girl, relax for me then, so I can fit inside,“ he said gently, but still firmly. You loved the way he instructed you, he did it with so much compassion, but you still felt like you have to do everything he tells you to and try your best while at it.

He pushed his tip inside. It did hurt, he was so thick. But it felt good. You wanted to feel like this forever.

„You’re so tight, oh god…“ he moaned, stopping fro going deeper and actually letting both of you adjust to the feeling. It was amazing. You couldn’t belive you’re really doing this. With him. But anything you felt an hour ago was gone now and everything that existed for you now was Matt. He still held your hands above your head, so you couldn’t move much, but you felt a deep need to touch him and tried to pull away from his tight grip.

„Gonna let go of your hands, and you’re gonna hold on to me, as i go deeper, do you understand?“ he instructed, as if he could read your mind.

„mhh-mm“ you noded. He let your hands go and you instantly held onto his arms and beck, as if your life depended on it, as if he was helping you to go through it. You felt his dick go deeper- his tip was now inside you and another half of his shaft was still waiting for your pussy to accommodate it.

„You’re doing so good for me“ he praised you. It made your pussy squeeze around him and he moaned as he felt it, too. It surprised you, that he was able to notice such small details, but it also made you even more horny - knowing that he liked it so much. He slowly continued to go deeper and after a few moments, he was finally able to fit his whole dick inside you. You both moaned as he hit the deepest point of you. You were repeating his name like a prayer and trying to get used to the feeling of having him inside.

„Good girl, you squeeze me so nicely,“ he put one of his hand across your neck, gently squeezing, to hold you in place. He started to move inside you, in slow, long strokes, he repeatedly made your pussy welcome his dick again and again, it was getting easier for him with each stroke, as your cunt stretched for him and got wetter everytime he moved inside you.

His lips traveled from yours to your bare chest. He took one of your nipples inside his mouth and gently sucked at the sensitive skin.

„Oh Matt, please, more…“ you moaned. You needed him everywhere, on every inch of your body. He started softly biting at it, switching between sucking and biting made you afraid for your sanity. You digged your nails into his skin on his back, holding him tightly and pulling him closer to you. His strokes never stopped. He kept a steady pace through it all.

You needed more. You needed to feel more.

„Matt please…“ you begged, not quite sure how to form sentences at this point.

„Use that mouth, baby, tell me what you need,“ he stopped sucking your nipple and moved back to your lips. He kissed you passionately.

„Harder Matt, please, harder…“ you whispered to him. He paused for a second and then pulled out of you. He left your neck, grabbed you with both hands and turned you around, handled you onto all fours, as if you weighed nothing.

„You want me to go harder?“ he asked with a deep voice. He lined himself with your entrance and pushed inside. He went immediately into fast pace, bottoming out every time and fucking you hard. You moaned so loud now, showing him how much you like everything he was doing to you.

„Louder for me, sweetheart, I love the way you cry for me like this,“ he spanked you, but you wanted more. You needed to feel him more. You wanted everything he has.

„H- harder pl- please… Matt… harder,“

He paused again, his hand traveling to your hair, yanking your head back to him. He leaned to you, his lips lightly touching your ear.

„God you’re perfect,“ he approved. His hand squeezed your neck again, but this time, you were having troubles breathing. He started pounding into your pussy again, positioned like this, his dick hit your cervix and it hurt, but you loved the pain. You needed to feel it.

He let you have a small breathing pauses, when his grip slightly eased up, but after a few breaths, he went back to work. He let go of your hair and spanked you again, much harder this time. You were sure it will leave marks, but you didn’t care. You moaned so loud, his neighbours probably weren’t as happy as you were. He spanked you again and then paused. His fingers found your clit, he started massaging your little bundle of nerves and you felt tears coming out of your eyes. It was too much, but it felt so good.

„You like when I‘m fucking you like a slut?“ he mocked. His fingers not stopping. You tried to manage the feeling of having him slotted deep inside you combined with his fingers playing with your clit.

„Yes, Matt, please, fuck me like I‘m your slut, Matt, please…“ you begged again, you wanted to feel his cum spreading inside your pussy, wanted to make him feel good. He chuckled at your answer.

„Are you? Are you my slut?“ he asked, his fingers still toying with you, but his dick was still buried deep inside you, making no moves at all. You squeezed around him so hard, you felt your pussy throb and another set of tears escaped. You were moaning, crying but you never in your whole life felt this good. It was both humiliating and pleasing.

„Yes, Matt, y-yes I’m yo-your slut…“ you felt your orgasm approaching. The way he moved his fingers on your clit felt like heaven.

„Good,“ he approved. He resumed fucking you, but his fingers didn’t stop, as you were expecting. You were feeling him everywhere, he moved his hand to your back, pushing you hardly to his mattress. With one hand on your clit and the other one on your back, he was keeping you from doing anything other than what he wanted you to. You felt a bit light-headed, but his dick in your pussy kept you consious.

„Tell me who this pussy belongs to…“ he said firmly. He was out of his breath too, you felt his cock twitching inside your pussy, you knew his orgasm wasn’t far away either.

„Your’s… nn-nly your’s…“ you whimpered, feeling your orgasm getting impossibly closer with each thrust.

„I’m gonna cum inside you, do you understand?“ his pace was brutal, he was stretching your pussy so wide. You felt as if you two were the only thing that existed in you world right now. Only you and him.

„I.. I can’t -nymore..“ your orgasm stretched across your whole body, you were squeezing his cock, your moans filled the whole room and your whole body screamed with you. Every nerve in you was electrified.

„Oh god, youre squeezing me so hard, love,“ you heard him saying, „…gonna m-make me cum…“ his thrusts became more uneven, but harder, your orgasm still ruining your body. He held you tightly in his hands, keeping you steady, being held by him was one of the best things you ever felt.

,,Good girl, ahhh, yes,,“ you felt his warm spurts of cum covering your insides. Your orgasm slowly leaving your body completely destroyed. Matt was trying to recover too, but he fell onto you, holding you in his big arms, not leaving your spent cunt.

You both lied there for some time, trying to steady your breaths, to actually realize what just happened. He held you close and tight, as if he didn’t want you to leave. You let yourself enjoy this feeling for a moment. After your orgasm and everything drifted away, you felt empty and with each moment, the feeling grew stronger.

You tried to get up, pulling away from him.

You felt deep need to go home, feeling ashamed for what you’ve done. This was all too much. He let go off you, but his face was painted with surprise.

„I am sorry,“ you mumbled and tried to get out of the bed. He held your arm and stopped you.

„What are you doing?“he sounded weird, you didn’t know this tone of his voice and tried to identify it fast, so you could better understand how he feels right know.

„I don’t need to stay,“ you answered quietly.

„But you can,“ he was not letting go off your arm, ,,and maybe we can talk about it,“

You didn’t know what to say. You wanted to stay. But you were afraid to.

„Or we don’t have to. But I want you to stay y/n,“ his voice was filled with something that was so gentle and soft. You looked at his face again, his eyes were unfocused, but looked as if they were trying to find you. He pulled you closer, bringing your faces together, his other hand cupping your cheek tenderly.

„Stay,“ he kissed you again. This time, the kiss was filled with need - not physical, but emotional need. You tangled your hands in his hair to pulled him closer. This kiss was different, but both of you felt the same thing.

He pulled you back into his bed and wrapped you in a blanket. He held you close, caressed you.

You never wanted to leave this bed.

If you wanna be tagged under my work in taglist, you can apply here!

#matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock smut #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x reader #matthew murdock x reader #matt murdock praise kink #matt murdock fluff #daredevil fanfiction #daredevil #daredevil one shot #matt murdock fem!reader #matt murdock angst #matt murdock

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heliza24 · 3 months

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Ep 5, rage, and time

This was a FASCINATING episode. We’ve got a lot more questions than answers right now— about exactly the nature of Fig’s curse (we know it hopped to her from Gilear, but how does the armor of pride play into it), the exact nature of what happened to Cassandra, and what kind of big bad god (???) was talking to Kristen after the fight— so I don’t have a snappy thesis about this week’s ep. But I have some themes buzzing around my head like persistent flies. So let’s talk about them.

I saw someone earlier point out that rage and anger seems to be a dominant theme of the season, after Kristen got advantage for leaning into anger at her parents, and I think we know for sure now that that’s true. I refreshed myself on what happened to Lydia— she sealed a dangerous demon inside a soul gem and embedded it in herself to keep the demon from escaping. She was in a permanent rage to keep herself alive, and the impact of that disabled her. As a disabled fan I have always loved this rep, because the gem functions like a chronic illness, and I personally have used anger at the medical system and the ableist world to survive being chronically ill. (She also refused to have the gem removed and risk releasing the demon, which is a great refutation of the magical cure trope). Anger is a dirty fuel though, and if you burn too much of it you’ll end up burning yourself, and compromising your own mental health, in the process.

That reminds me of the kind of things we were circling from the beginning of the season— burnout, exhaustion, being past where you can fight. And if people heap enough stress on you (from schoolwork or otherwise) a kind of natural response to that is to break into rage at some point.

I don’t exactly understand the mechanisms of the star bursts that originated within Cassandra and then made her monstrous. Were parts of her anger embedded in them like the demon was in Lydia’s soul gem, and then when they re-entered her they turned that rage into something uncontrollable? Why did they affect Kalina that way and why did she mention Ragh’s name? I’m really not sure, although I do hope that this means that Lydia will play a larger role this season and we’ll see more of her and her cool wheelchair soon.

The other things that’s bouncing around my head is the theme of time (a recurring Elmville theme; chronomancy is the greatest magic of all after all). I think this season is concerned with time, and what it means to run out of time, even more than freshman and sophomore year. We have Arthur and Ayda traveling through time and the quadrangle situation. Now we have the Synod clock and a verifiable time loop (side note: I did ABSOLUTELY burst out laughing when Brennan exasperatedly said “anyone can roll arcana to understand time loops” when the PCs were confused, like GOD haven’t you all seen this in a million science fiction stories by now??? A deeply relatable moment when the players aren’t picking up the lore you’re putting down). But maybe more importantly, we’re seeing the consequences of not having enough time this season, or maybe what happens when the clock keeps running after the adventure is supposed to be over. No one has enough time to do all the assignments on their plate. Everyone missed out on fun, school planning, and relationship stuff over the summer because they had to be fighting the night yorb and didn’t have enough time to go home. (Also, side note, the night yorb turned everything to night therefore eliminating a way we have to tell time. No more days, just one long bleed of an adventure). And everything we’re doing right now feels like we’ve somehow hit the end of time and then kept going— Cassandra was never supposed to turn back into something akin to the nightmare king again. Kalina was never supposed to come back in the same form and taunt Riz again. The whole thing feels like a lesser, diminished time loop. Even the main high school antagonists, the rat grinders, are like a weird version of the bad kids who are stuck just looping over and over again, grinding out xp and repeating themselves infinitely.

I don’t really know how these two themes are going to hook together yet exactly, but I have a feeling they’re going to. Whoever was on the phone with Kristen feels like a hook for underlying plot, if not an outright big bad, which I honestly wasn’t sure we would get at all this season. So I’m gonna be so interested to see how these themes coalesce as the season goes on.

PS- I think The Seven is also extremely concerned with time (especially that sequence in the penultimate episode, which is my favorite in all of D20 I think. No spoilers if you haven’t seen it, but it is truly transcendent), and especially what it means to grow and change. I love that this theme keeps popping up in Elmville- it’s such a lovely frame for the kind of coming of age stories that get told there.

#dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high #d20 fhjy #episode analysis #my meta #if anyone has additional thoughts on these themes I would love to hear them!

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shannankle · 4 months

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My Top Shows 2023

Doing this at the last minute but here goes--the top 10 shows I watched in 2023!

*Note: I rate my shows on a letter scale cause I don't like narrowing it down to a specific number. (S-standout As-Strong Bs-Fine Cs-There's some problems Ds-ooof)

1. Oh No! Here Comes Trouble

This one instantly became an all time favorite. It covers themes about grief and loss in a deeply empathetic and humanizing way along side the supernatural elements. I don't know if it's because I've experienced loss myself or because it's a universal experience, but I love shows like this that help you understand what it means to grieve and heal in a familiar yet new light. It reminded me a lot of Natsume Yuujinchou (another favorite) in that respect.

Aside from the larger themes, you have a distinct directing style, quirky sense of humor, well-rounded cast of characters, and excellent acting (the lead actor was also in Your Name Engraved Herein and he's just as standout here). In addition to all that, the show gives us a main trio of characters whose strengths are deliberately not their wits. This is used for humor but also to make more meaningful points about connection, empathy, and different ways of thinking (yes, I headcanon the main trio as neurodivergent).

Rating: S+

2. The Eighth Sense

This show! Another piece that is deeply rooted in exploring trauma and loss. This time within the framework of a romance. I'm usually pretty hesitant with stories that bring disability into romance, especially mental illness. There's a tendency to lean into the idea that love cures all and other not so great tropes. The Eighth Sense does a great job balancing that line, giving us romantic beats without wading into them uncritically. In the end, healing and love are things we choose not something guaranteed, but there's still an immense hope in that. I'm an giant sucker for shows that tackle both queer and crip experiences with nuance and grace, and the Eighth Sense hit that mark for me (so much so it even had me writing a little meta). On top of that it has beautiful cinematography and visual choices.

Rating: S

3. Moonlight Chicken

A beautiful show all around! P'Aof constantly knocks it out of the park with every show he directs, but I felt particularly strong about Moonlight Chicken. I adore the way it centers on themes of home and community. It even inspired some meta and a bit of personal reflection for me on what it means to choose home as someone who is queer and disabled. The show gives us the messiness that comes with navigating new and old relationships and somehow also the simplicity of it all. And of course, the show includes a Deaf character and handles his story with nuance and clear care.

Rating: S

4. Shadow

Singto, Fluke, and Fiat in a queer horror show--sign me up! It wasn't as scary as I expected, more psychological (which is good because I am so picky about what types of horror are too much for me vs what I enjoy). I loved the way the show played with time and reality and drew upon various religious practices to create a unique atmosphere. I also adored the attention to small details that make the piece ripe for analysis. I will probably be eyeing clocks and tech in many shows to come. It's also a show that is bringing up themes about queerness, mental illness, domestic violence, and historical trauma. I'm continually drawn to pieces that are queer and crip, so I suppose it's no surprise that this one drew me in too.

I know this show was divisive, about as many people thought it stuck the landing as didn't. I happen to land in the former category. I adore media that makes me stop and think, and given the amount of meta the show had/has me writing, I'd say it well and truly tickled my brain. The show didn't always go where I most wanted or expected but I think that challenged me even more to really think about what the show might be trying to do (my thoughts on that here, spoilers though).

Rating: S

5. Our Dining Table

Japan does a lot of things well, but I'm particularly fond of their slice-of-life. Our Dining Table fits right in there with food and found family at the center. It's warm and cute, but has a depth beyond it's soft exterior, delving into loss, loneliness, and what it means to be fully seen by those around us. All of this tied up in a queer bow. It was easily the show I was most excited to watch each week when it was airing.

Rating: S

6. Mysterious Lotus Casebook

Another one I fell in love with this year! While it has plenty of tropes, cutting through the core of all of this is the growing friendship between the main trio, especially between Li Lian Hua and Fang Duo Bing. Their relationship and personal growth as characters was really beautiful to watch, on top of it just being a fun show with a great balance of humor and drama. Plus Fang Duo Bing's mom 😍

Rating: S

7. One Room Angel

Another solid entry out of Japan. As much as I love Japan's bright slice-of-life offerings like Our Dining Table, they also excel at stories that don't shy away from heavy or complex emotional themes. And I'm noticing as I tackle this post that I really resonate with heavy themes. One Room Angel has it's lighter moments and own quirky humor. But it also tackles depression and suicide as it explores the journey of finding enough connection and meaning in life to keep moving forward.

Rating: S

8. I Feel You Linger in the Air

I Feel You Linger in the Air was such a beautiful show! I'm so happy we got a historical thai bl this year and that it was so so lovely. I really liked last year's To Sir With Love but it does have it's Lakorn/soap style that is a bit more of an obstacle for me. IFYLITA certainly has it's drama, but it feels more tightly drawn. Throw in a little time travel and beautiful love scenes and it was a delight to watch.

Rating: S

9. My Beautiful Man S2, Eternal

When I watched the first season of My Beautiful Man I liked it but wasn't exactly sold. I read a bit of meta from the community which changed my tune a bit. But it wasn't until watching season 2 and Eternal that something really clicked. I immediately went back and watched season 1 after finishing the film and oh boy did I fall in love. Not only do S2 and Eternal give us great character growth and forward motion to Hira and Kiyoi's relationship, and they feel like a natural expansion of the first season in the best way possible. What can I say, I love the whole series!

Rating: A+

10. Kiseki: Dear to Me

Kiseki: Dear to Me feels like an outlier to me. It's hard for me to put my finger on just what made it click for me, but I was so into it when it was airing. I recognize that plot wise this show is a bit of a mess, but at the same time it hit something just right in my brain. Perhaps it was the emotional intimacy the actors portrayed? They did a fantastic job drawing me in. Apart from that I couldn't take my eyes off of Ai Di's impeccable fashion choices, and the many many cameos were quite fun.

Rating: A+ YMMV

A few close contenders:

My School President (S) *split airing 22' and 23'

Tokyo in April Is... (A+)

Laws of Attraction (A)

Bed Friend (A)

The End of the World with You (A)

Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend (A)

If it's with You (A)

Our Dating Sim (A)

Love Tractor (A)

The Warp Effect (A) *split airing 22' and 23'

The New Employee (A) *split airing 22' and 23'

La Pluie (A-)

Midnight Museum (A-)

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fatuismooches · 7 months

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Yesss please, let's have some fluff for fragile reader and dottore <3 My new medication has been helping with my pain, so so so I'm just imagining like something Dottore is doing to help fragile reader is *helping* somewhat, their pain is lessened even if not completely gone but! It's progress! This makes the two of them feel hope for the first time in what could possibly be years, the sheer joy of something working, even just slightly, has the reader crying in joy because they've been able to walk a bit without collapsing. They still need their mobility aids but for the first time in decades they're not in agonizing pain and feel their limbs settle even slightly. It's not an overnight thing of course, Dottore has been monitoring them, and they've done their best to upkeep their progress. It isn't until one morning when they think about how the last few months have been before they realize as they're standing up to move around, moving to the lab, that it's... not as agonizing as it normally is? The bad flare ups are there obviously, but they don't feel like they're withering away. They feel.... stable, both metaphorically and literally. They haven't had any new marks from their body unable to hold itself up and bumping/scratching against the walls. They make their way to Dottore in the lab that morning, hobbling along more excited than normal, the smile on their face wide and joyful. It almost feels silly to tell him the progress, the fact they can hold a pen for longer now without the pain in their wrist being unbearable, the marks on their hands have begun to heal without new ones appearing, their steps more steady. Their illness isn't curable. It probably never will be, no matter how much Dottore tries. But... the sign of progress, of being able to *manage* it.... that is enough. It is enough. ❤️ -❤️‍🩹🌹

Oh,, this is so sweet fluffy and soft I love it so much! And I'm glad you've been feeling better anon, that makes me happy ❤️ I like to think so too... that although things don't get better quickly enough, they do over a long period of time.... after all, Dottore is your genius husband, you've always believed in him even when he hit so many roadblocks and failures along the way. It's an extremely important moment for both of you, you feeling better after so many years of illness and Dottore relieved that finally something worked. Perhaps not a cure, but to see you so elated and free after centuries makes him regret absolutely nothing. The segments too of course, they're finding amusement in your new-found energy and attempts to squeeze them to death with your hugs. In fact, there's a different energy in the lab now. Of course, it'll always have that looming air of despair and death to others... but when you're happy, the segments are too, and that means they spend less threatening the regular agents and leaving them alone!! Granted they have more work to do now since the segments are busy slacking off and showing you all the cool things they couldn't show you before due to your illness but at least they have a higher chance of surviving now!!

I imagine your progress just hits you one day, how you've been feeling a lot better both mentally and physically, of course, you're not in tip-top shape but the fact just makes you have a rush of excitement and exhilaration. You almost wonder if you've been dreaming for a while, but nope, this is all real. When you barge into Dottore's office, practically slamming the door open, he's initially worried that something bad happened. But you plopped yourself on his lap and placed both your hands on his shoulder, beckoning his attention with not just your body language but that sweet smile he hadn't seen in so long, then going off into a tangent with all the things you can do now. Your voice raising in pitch and volume as you waved your hands in glee, just completely contented and joyful. Dottore didn't interrupt once as he merely listened to you talk for so long without getting out of breath, and then at the end, he pulled you closer and gently bit your neck. Perhaps he can't express his happiness for you outwardly as well, but that's okay.

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #🌹❤️‍🩹 anon #dottore love notes <3 #my heart... ouhhhh its in shambles #i love soft dot and fragile reader smmm <33

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butchspace · 4 months

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Hello, I am going to discuss my thoughts on content/trigger warnings as someone living with OCD. I am absolutely open to good faith engagement and discussion on this topic.

Having some thoughts on the idea that adding trigger warnings somehow ultimately harms the person with the trigger. They absolutely can create an easy tool to obsessively control your access to the topics/to avoid them, but I’ve always felt it should be the potentially triggered person’s decision on what they were ready to do about it. Uncontrolled exposure is just as capable of causing obsession as is avoidance, in my opinion.

I think of the (terrible telephone retelling of a) case I heard about while discovering recounts of actual lived experiences with OCD.

—The following example discusses intrusive thoughts about domestic violence.—

A woman had an obsession with being was afraid of hitting her boyfriend. Her compulsion was that she would have to hold her arms stiffly by her side. She recognized this as OCD and sought exposure response prevention. Her therapist told her to try and ignore the compulsion, or potentially do the opposite. The woman became so obsessed with healing she forced herself to keep her hands away from her sides (almost obsessively) and constantly checked whether or not she “still wanted to hit him.” In the end, the ERP just became entangled with her obsessions.

It takes so much strength to face these types of problems and practice the mindfulness and grace with yourself to recognize it. It’s something you really need to be ready for because it’s going to take a lot of effort to do the hard thing when the easy thing is right there.

How can we claim it’s best to “force” exposure on someone else? How can we go around vigilante therapising people we have deemed too ill to do it on their own (or just be left alone)?

This is not to say that anyone is bad if they can’t or don’t want to tag things. More just my thoughts about how pushback against that idea can swing too hard into trying to prove not tagging was morality correct.

Some articles that articulate so much of my experience with OCD:

Having No Cure for OCD Is the Cure

Help! I Have OCD About What’s OCD

In the spirit of bodily autonomy, I think we all deserve agency in our lives no matter how “incompetent” other people may think we are. When you’re ready, you’re ready. There’s no healing to be had sitting around thinking you’re broken or lazy or whatever for not being ready to change. We all owe each other the kindness to do what we can in good faith, too.

I started doing too much table setting in the tags, so I’ll put it under a read more, lol.

I recognize that this isn’t very radically (in the abolition vs reform sense) anti-psychiatry, and I do have a complicated relationship with that idea. I recognize that I have a good deal of privilege (particularly among people with more stigmatized/less understood “disorders”) but this framework is the only one I’ve ever been able to access that gives me any insight into myself at all. That isn’t something everyone can afford to do in several senses.

As a physically disabled person, I just connect my experiences with chronic illness and mental illness (which I think can fall under the umbrella of chronic on its own) more and more these days. What truly was the difference between not being able to do something out of pain versus anxiety? Our brains are organs, too. Our thoughts are chemical and hormonal, too.

One of the fondest memories I have of coming to terms with disability was explaining my experience with an autoimmune condition to a bipolar friend, and he replied that we were “chronic illness buddies.” And I felt so understood as someone who has suffered with various types of anxieties for their entire waking life.

#actually ocd #antipsychiatry #i guess maybe this falls in that category? idk #mental health #intrusive thoughts #ocd #as an OCD haver I lean a lot on stuff like the CBT methods used in ERP #just in the first article I link the author (therapist with OCD) talks about getting dumped by the book (DSM)#and it just hits home rlly hard #I have more a take what you want and leave the rest approach to it #ocd tag

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takeyourcyanide · 3 days

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This is going to be difficult for me to coherently put, but I’ll try.

The Mind Electric (Miracle Musical) means a lot to me - which is really saying something. I’ve been religiously listening to it for years now, and I only wish I could’ve discovered it sooner, as little me would’ve been astounded at just how relatable it was. It would’ve been a sort of comfort, just as it is now.

I don’t know if this was what they were going for when writing the song, but it is possibly the most accurate and respectful depiction of schizophrenia I have ever seen within any form of media. And it’s only more impressive if none of the members of the band happen to be on the schizophrenic spectrum themselves.

(A lot of rambling about the lyrics and shit and the song below the cut)

I don’t even know where to begin with the song itself. It is the most profound and excellent piece of art I have ever had the pleasure of listening to. It expertly tells its story through not only what are some of the best lyrics I have ever heard, as someone who listens to everything under the sun, but also through all of the background noises and conversations that even play during the singing itself. The distortions are representative of not only fading, incoherent, burning (caretaker reference), and non-chronological memories, but also the desire to possibly not think of oneself in a certain way or simply not seeing oneself in a particular light (the referring to himself as insane) but being forced to, or struggling to recall one’s memories. The way in which the song builds up, only to hit at the end is masterful. The way in which he begs, he pleads for just a semblance of sympathy and understanding - for the help he has become so utterly desperate for… There are no words that can convey what I’d like to express. The background noises can also be representative of not only the electric chair (various zaps and such), but also hearing whispers and indiscernible sounds at random times (schizophrenia). I love how they depict just how the judgmental, pompous, and stigmatizing nuns, judges, and doctors can ultimately be, especially towards those with a mental illness - like in the lyric “here in my kingdom I am your lord I order you to cower and pray.” In the lyric video, pray flashes between pray and prey, which can be interpreted as both these mental health professionals preying on their patients, especially at the time the electric chair was thought to be a good form of treatment, but can also be interpreted as your own brain preying upon you, you being the prey in its kingdom. Oh and this also goes along with the line “condemn him to the infirmary.” It is detailing how patients are treated in psychiatric wards and hospitals and such, of course. Perhaps it’s a bit of both. They wonderfully depict how cognitive decline feels - how it feels to observe as you agonizingly deteriorate before your own two eyes, and how no one seems to understand what is ultimately happening, simply settling on essentially torturing you (electric chair), not taking you seriously or listening to you because you’re below them and “insane.” I love how, at the end, he says “Doctor, I can’t tell if I’m not me.” A constant in and out, losing yourself and gaining yourself back momentarily, only to feel yourself being taken away by the static once more. You’re too distracted by the incessant noise, by how difficult it is to simply live to even bother with whatever you used to, only making it more difficult to live - a constant cycle, a constant battle. By the end, there will only be a shell of what was once you. You can either accept their “miracle cures” or die. You can tiene accept their scrutiny or face the most horrifying death imaginable. Because you have to live and watch as you still have your body, but not longer yourself. I love the line “see how your brain plays around and you fall inside a hole you couldn’t see.” Precisely. You don’t even realize when you fall into the hole. Things are just exponentially worse, but it’s as though it’s always been that way, and you know no else. “Please help me understand what’s going on inside my mind.” At this point, you’re willing to accept their medication, their torture, because you can’t fucking take it anymore. It’s a desperate plea. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I so different? Why I am struggling so much? You cry out for help only to be either turned away or judged throughout treatment, treated like a dog needed to be whipped into submission.

And GOD do I love “see how the serfs work the ground and they give it all they’ve got and they give it all they’ve got and you give it all you’ve got til you’re down.” BECAUSE YES. Absolutely. You give it everything, but you’re essentially fighting a losing battle. You walked into a war you knew you were going to lose and fought like hell anyway, only to end up institutionalized, or unable to simply exist anymore.

Just every single lyric. Every single fucking lyric. I could go on about this forever with anyone who would be willing to listen. I have more to say.

Not to mention nuns being involved, as religion was often viewed as its own cure if I’m not mistaken, like schizophrenics used to be thought of as demon possessed. It’s clear this is set somewhere in most likely the nineteenth century, as many source say electric chairs/electroconvulsive therapy were in use primarily from the 30s to the 70s. They declined in the 60s and 70s, but apparently saw a resurgence in the 80s. Anyway. The way it begins with the whole song in reverse? Anyway, I am done for now.

#takeyourcyanide #takeyourcyanide’s ramblings #the mind electric #miracle musical #tally hall

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thepalaceofmelanie · 4 months

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Martell Week: Character of the Day: Elia Martell

Tag list: @adriennegabriella @morby @wingsoftheangels @candycanes19 @tashastrange89 @elvinaa

(A/N: Going an AU route with this one. As someone who like Elia has, chronic illness; I wanted to write something on this. I’m not planning on having this as a self-insert but I’m basing certain things off my issues. Character won’t be named or described.)

TW: Medical talk, wanting to give up (not the hard S, you two are just tired.), mention of cheating and death.

Song inspired: “Aerith’s Theme” from Final Fantasy VII

Character of the Day: Elia Martell

“Elia, how are you?” I asked.

It was shockingly a good energy day for us both. We found ourselves at a Tim Hortons having something to drink. The smell of the mocha ice capp filled my noise, made sure to have extra chocolate in it.

“Hey you, I’m okay today. How about yourself?” She asked in returned.

The weather was warm, so at least our anemia won’t start making it cold for us. Elia took a sip of her iced tea and I could see she was trying to smile through a storm in her body. Both of us born premature, but our conditions differ a lot.

“To be honest, I’m just tired of it all. I don’t want to die, but I just want to sleep till they make a cure for everything. I can’t regulate my thyroid; I’ve only done it once… so now the Endo, thinks I have not just Hashi’s, not just hypo, but also hyper! Honestly, between the medication, the blood work, the side effects, and everything, I just…”

“I understand, and then when they tell you “it’s going to be okay.” a part of you feels like they’re lying. They don’t understand what people like me and, you go through every second of our lives. Then again, we don’t understand either. So, the point is moot.”

Elia, she must have had a rough morning though with the kids; she didn’t even braid her hair like she normally would.

“How’s Rhaenys and Aegon? I’m guessing their Father is watching them?”

Meaning Rhaegar, I don’t like using his name or talking about him. I mean he cheated on Elia, how does someone forgive that?

“Yes, he is. It’s his day to have the children anyways. So I guess it works out for me.” She semi-chuckled.

“Your heart?” I asked.

Elia’s eyes tried to give some spark of hope; I knew it was bad news.

“They still don’t know what’s going on. They tried an echo-cardiogram but they found nothing. I nearly dropped to the floor twice yesterday.”

Yikes!

They really need to find out what’s causing this and soon. I’m worried she’s going to hit her head and those children won’t have their Mom around. I feel her take my hand in hers, I could see her trying to hold back tears.

She’s scared.

I don’t blame her one bit.

“All I feel that I can do is say that “I’m sorry” but honestly, we both got to be fed up hearing that phrase. I don’t know what I can do for you to be okay as best as you can feel.”

“Just still be my friend. Knowing I’m not alone, helps at times.”

I nodded, if that’s what it takes, I can try. She knows we can’t make promises; some of us just can’t keep them. If we do, nine-times out of ten, we have to cancel last second. For us just to meet together today was a big thing.

We both drink our drinks in silence.

Moments past, the sounds of the shop filled our ears; the smell of the cafe woke people up and the two of us were thinking of what to say next.

Both of us probably already wanting to go back to sleep.

“What was your panel?” She asked.

“My T4 was normal, it’s the TSH was high. About 36.88.”

“How do you feel though?”

“Believe it or not, I’m fine. I feel “normal” I suppose. I’m not tired or losing hair any different or whatever else. I just been having a hard time eating and honestly taking the meds at times.”

“Please tell me you didn’t cause this.”

“Why my thyroid is effed? I can’t tell you anymore, I don’t know. I’m more worried about my mental health half the time.”

Elia squeezed my hand lightly, trying to get me to smile. I can’t smile at this, the fact that my body is ill like this and I’m not sure if I’m at fault or not, really does suck.

“Yours?” I asked.

“It’s a little under but I hope the new dosage helps.” She smiled.

“Yeah, for sure, you need your energy basically watching over the children. At least Oberyn and Doran are helping as well. They’re both good men.”

“I do love my brothers, Oberyn though is my favorite; out of all my family, he supports me the most.”

I felt a pang of envy in my heart, her family loves and cares about her. My Father...not so much at times. It took him years to believe in my depression and anxiety. Elia could tell something was wrong, her facal expression showed it.

Sorrow…

“I’m fine, I’m honestly happy for you. It just sucks that not everyone’s accepting like Oberyn and Doran are.”

“I agree with you; just because your Father doesn’t see your illnesses doesn’t mean it’s not there. It’s real just like us, it exists like us, but it haunts us.”

We both pause, feeling like time stopped. We both finished our drinks and tossed them into the trash, before sitting back down.

“Will you be alright?” Her voice cut gently.

“I will be, I’m just used to it by now. I’ve had certain issues from a young age and the thyroid didn’t get put on paper till a few weeks before my fifteenth birthday. Picture this, you get home from a wonderful vacation with your Father; you go into the doctors and they tell you, you have this issue and basically you’re stuck on meds forever, it messes with everything in your system. Seriously, this sucks, but I’m just so used to it by now; what people say to me doesn’t even phase me anymore.”

Elia didn’t say anything. I could tell she was taking in what I had said.

“But you’re here, you’re dealing with it.”

“So are you.”

She’s right…

We are.

“Your hopes and dreams matter, of course I could go into the whole “Life gets better” and such, but we don’t always want to hear it. That’s fine...do you remember how I asked if we could both do this thing? That list about reasons to keep going.”

“Yeah, I wrote mine on my phone.”

I take my phone out and go to note pad. I noticed she took out her notebook and sat it in front of her. She asked me to list at least three things before we met next, I guess we were both able to do it.

“Okay we’ll trade off. I’ll go first. First reason to keep going is to love my children and be a good Mother.”

“That’s a real sweet one. Okay first reason to keep going, to find a partner.”

I blushed, but I’m lonely. It didn’t matter if it was platonic or romantic at this part; but I knew that would be years later. I have to work on myself first.

“Second reason is to support my brothers when they’re dealing with something.”

“Elia, c’mon, you could have had the first one just be “family” and called it a day!”

The two of us laughed; she knew I had a point, but we both did need the laugh. I’m thankful for her friendship. Elia was always that person who would pour her heart and soul into life; she truly loved her family.

Damn you, Rhaegar, you fuck up.

“Reason two, to kick the ever living crap out of Rhaegar. Listen, if he wasn’t happy, he should have just told you and do something about it. That’s not right what he pulled; did he even ask for an open marriage or whatever before you found out?”

There’s nothing wrong with polyamory, open marriages, ect, but for the love of the gods!

“No, he didn’t. To say the least Oberyn and Doran want to throw hands,” Elia laughed. “Okay, seriously, last reason. To actually have a good life.”

Honestly, that was a reasonable thing. It would be hard but you know, sometimes we don’t know what life has planned for us. I just hope she doesn’t see her last sunrise before achieving this. With being chronically ill, it’s like our bodies are time bombs, depending on what’s going on with the person. With my thyroid issue, my thyroid is slowly dying because the white blood cells are attacking it.

“Yours?”

Oh right…

“To see my favorite band in concert for the third time.”

I could see her smile at that; to her it was a good one. The rest of the time, we talked; we talked about old memories, we cried, laugh and just tried to live for the moment. But little did I know was…

This would be the last time I’d see Elia.

#martell week #Elia Martell #AU #angst #wanted a happy ending but its bittersweet

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justaboutsnapped · 5 months

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top 5 favourite fics?

top 5 bands/artists you'd like to see live? top 5 photos of nico rosberg? x

Top 5 fics - Not sure if these are my Top Five of All Time™ (after all I've been reading fic since 13 💀) but I tried picking 5 different fics I've really loved from different fandoms

F1 - Second Star to the Right by @\gufettogrigio - Surely one of the most beautiful brocedes/princess cake fics ever. This is kind of weird to say but it Not to expose myself but I specifically loved it because of how raw and accurate the depiction of mental illness is. There are specific quotes in this that I think about all the fucking time and I've reread it at least half a dozen times over the past three months. That says a lot about me tbh.

Merlin - Pianos are made for falling by fishwrites - Devastating. Haunting. One cannot simply move on from this. Lowkey scared to reread it because it would wreck me.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E. - A steel hand inside a velvet glove/丝绒铁腕 by Huoshao - It's a shame not everyone can read chinese because it's the best post-canon Napollya longfic hands down. It's super famous amongst Chinese fans of western media–I've come across people who watched the movie because they wanted to read the fic.

Enhypen - Bestie Vibes Only by @\drivestraight. Fun fact: this is how I discovered Val, her F1 fics were very much a pleasant surprise for me. Genius writing that managed to pull off the cliche college au by having the most insanely messy intra-group dynamics. Beautifully insightful descriptions of love, especially at the end.

Inception - Autonomic by radishface (+ the sequel How to use a lifejacket) - As an Inception rarepair truther (cobb/arthur... don't judge I have my reasons) I owe my life to the more open-minded livejournal authors tbh. A lot of good shit out there but I'm particularly fond of radishface. One of the first fics I downloaded to my hard drive for archival.

(additional shoutout to the garden of eden by relationshipcrimes. I haven't consumed the source material (persona 5) so I can't judge the characterisation but this genuinely is one of the most horrific + devastating things I've ever read. pandi why would you rec this to me)

Top 5 artists I'd like to see live (excluding mcr & fob–they're my top priority but I've already seen them):

草东没有派对/No Party for Cao Dong - One of my favourite bands, their latest album is insane in terms of musicality, even if you don't understan Chinese it's still really good!! It's my dream to see them live.

Seong-Jin Cho - My favourite classical pianist <333 I'd sell a lung to see him play Chopin

The Killers - Idk singing along to their hits would cure me

Mãneskin - They would be so fun to see live oh my godddddd

Enhypen - I NEED to see nishimura riki's dance live I need toooooo

Top 5 nico pics - impossible fucking challenge considering the sheer number I've saved... I really can't choose but here are 5 I'm currently enjoying. Shoutout to all the really cunty pre-f1/early williams era long-hair nico pics <333 couldn't choose between them so none of those made the cut

#like-pilot-lights #answered asks #ask game

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ultra-raging-ghost · 2 months

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op the best thing your parents can do is get the divorce bless, im sorry about the fighting :( i get you it's the WORST but at least you got to play a cool game🔥🔥 now cmon spill some batjokes go go go

this is the FUNNIEST ask to get without context and i feel like im finally living up to the expectations of an ao3 author, also ty anon i was just super fucking stressed, i got an hour of sleep sunday night/monday morning and then when i was at my friends place i crashed really hard and slept for 14 hours straight and it really helped but anyway okay BATJOKES

okay so i played both seasons i dont have a pc myself but my friend does and they have both seasons and brooooo..... i played the vigilante joker route and i loved it

i sacrificed the FUCK out of catwoman im ngl.... my friend was so surprised but dude i was SO DOWN BAD FOR JOHN!!!!!! IDGAF !!! i was so down bad for john the whole time dude and at the end it was like "oh you were manipulating him into thinking you liked him to get info" NO!!!! I WANTED TO FUCK HIM!!!!!!!

when harley debuted i chose the option of asking john if he was in love with me AND HIS ASS SAID NO BUT ISTG HE WAS IN DENIAL!!! PURELY BECAUSE HE BELIEVED HARLEY TO BE HIS SOULMATE, SHE HIT HIM SHE DOESNT DESERVE HIM LIKE I DO !!!!!

like at some point with catwoman i chose something like against her for john and i was in the MINORITY like it was a 95%/5% Ratio and i was in the 5% and i do NOT regret that shit ‼

otherwise aside from my mental illness about batjokes i had a lot of unpopular opinions according to the peanut gallery (my irl who was watching me play it) like im ngl i gave up batman to keep alfred like HES OUR DAD???? THATS OUR DAD RIGHT THERE AND HIS POINTS WERE VALID, IMMA LISTEN TO HIM HES SMART IDK.....

Otherwise dude... i felt SO bad for harvey (2face)!!!!!! aside from his main storyline (i was very merciful and understanding with him, actually i saved him over catwoman in that one scene so his face didnt get fucked up just his arm in the fire) i read his file on the gotham news reports and dude..... like everything surrounding him is just SO SAD

Also i cannot say this enough tbh i side with mr. freeze every time.... i may be a sucker for romance but that man was trying his hardest to save his wife and from what ive seen he does that in every iteration of batman, like he becomes a villain and gets into illegal shit because his wifes sick and idk man..... like even if he is a villain i really empathize with him??? in the playthrough i offered to keep his wife safe and alive and i took mercy on him when he got infected with the virus and i froze him, like i have confidence in him idk.... i know he probably died bc it turned out the reason the riddler survived was because of the cure that also made him go insane but like my fingers are CROSSED!!!!!

also will say the only thing id change was i was kinda iffy about taking that selfie with john at the funeral, like i didnt do it but idk..... afterwards i thought abt taking that back like dude i NEVER WRONGED that man!!!!!! he was my POOKIE!!!!!! and i lowkey feel like him going crazy in the vigilante route was pushed for by the writers bc it felt a lil.... idk..... like forced but i get it its part of the story line......./silly

my friend played the villain!joker route and from what ive heard its EVEN GAYER and they let me watch them play the last 15 minutes of the villain route so i could see how differently they handled selina and that doll scene was kinda.... idkkkk 👀 like heyyyyy/f

i also heard theres a line from harley in the villain joker route about how he could never get over me and how john always liked me better than her which was SO satisfying because i made batman so jealous over her and john hanging out like im ngl i was so up harleys ass in s2

OH OH other thing id change, i wouldnt sip from harleys slushie, i didnt understand why she was offering it to me but now that i know i wouldnt take it ngl, making john jealous was not worth that slushie !!!!!

uhhh thats all, ty anon :D

#asks #batjokes #telltale batman #if u dont know jokers name in the telltale games is “john doe” until he either becomes a vigilante or a villain #then he becomes joker

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samrosemodblog · 1 year

Text

So my partner and I were watching Bocchi the Rock! since we saw a lot of people saying how good it was. And it was pretty good, definitely enjoyed the humor as it got some genuine laughs out of me, but one episode in particular had a couple lines that really deeply bothered me and I couldn't figure out why at first

Like... Their friend is having an actual, genuine, PTSD induced breakdown right in front of them, and their reaction is "That's so fun and quirky"

And I get it, this isn't the first time this has happened, but like...

It's totally understandable why people avoid her if this is her reaction to common social trips. This is more than just "social anxiety", this is actual mental illness that needs help

She needs a therapist, possibly medication, something no one in the show mentions or brings up, not even her loving and genuinely supportive family

And once I realized that, I had a realization.

Hikkikomoris are extremely common in anime, ESPECIALLY in Isekais, and I can't think of a single one where they actually are getting therapy or help for their mental health.

So I did a quick search and...

Oh.

1 in 4 people in the US will visit a therapist once a year

Only 7 out of 100 people in Japan will do the same

"Going to a therapist" isn't the cultural norm in Japan. The "norm" is to lock yourself in a room until you magically cure yourself of your issues. And you use Anime as an escape.

I always knew Japan had mental health issues, but it genuinely never hit me as hard as it did just now as I realized...

This isn't a cute and quirky trait Bocchi has...

...This is a cry for help...

Please look into seeing a therapist if you need help. Having friends can help, but nothing can replace an expert who can help you take care of yourself.

#Sam Ramblings #Mental Health

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tea-cat-arts · 4 months

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For the character asks - Dorothea and Bernadette from fe3h?

Dorothea:

First impression: She's cute and voiced by Allegra Clark, so me simping is inevitable

Impression now: I found her to be one of the more grounded characters in fe3h. Like, for me at least, her sorrow really helped establish what the war is to everyone that's not a noble. Best girl

Favorite moment: idk that it's my favorite, but her "we killed Ferdie" bit hit me like a truck during my first playthrough

Idea for a story: (enjoy some notes from my Pokémon fanfic outline) Dorothea impulse purchases a Feebas that was gonna be sold for food. She doesn't really have any intentions of evolving or eating it, she just kinda hangs out with it

Unpopular opinion: Dorothea discourse gives me a headache and I avoid it like the plague, so I'm not really sure what would qualify as a hot take on her

Favorite relationship: In theory, I really like dorogrid. In actual in-game execution, Doropetra is probably my favorite pairing with her. I'm also a big fan of her friendship with Yuri

Favorite headcanon: I like when she's involved in politics kinda behind the scenes/ as an unofficial advisor. Also, whoever she ends up with is just gonna need to learn to eat her bad cooking with a smile

Bernadetta

First impression: baby

Current impression: my baby/ my inner monolog on a bad day

Idea for a story: (enjoy more notes from my Pokémon fanfic outline) she and Marianne end up accidentally co-parenting a Cosmog

Unpopular Opinion: most of her paired endings are good. She shouldn't need to have her anxiety cured for it to be considered a happy ending. I found it incredibly refreshing that in most of her endings, she's able to lead a fulfilling life while still being mentally ill

Favorite relationship: one of my mutuals has slowly been converting me to Felbern (you know who you are). I think her supports with Raphael are also very cute, but there isn't really any potentially-canon Bernie ending that I'm super against

Favorite headcanon: autism

#fe3h #fire emblem 3 houses #bernadetta von varley #dorothea arnault

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joshriku · 2 years

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Hello! do you have any cherik fic recs?

i have . so many. (pukes and cries) this is gonna be long but to start off i'm gonna give you my ultimate faves of like. each iteration. so i can be insane. i won't make summaries bc im bad i will just tell you how insane i am.

general thing that none of these have a sad ending or triggering topics bc im. im . I Like Happiness

-curses that can't be lifted by sotano: see. this is about cherik early comics canon right. when they just met in haifa. AND OOOOOOO GH oGH oghghgOGOH I LOVE LEAVING COMMENTS. I LEAVE LONG COMMENTS. I AM VERY ILL IN THE BRAIN WHEN IT COMES TO LEAVING COMMENTS. BUT I LITERALLY STILL CANT FIGURE OUT WHAT TO SAY IN THIS BC I LOVE IT SO MUCH. LIKE ILL COME AROUND EVENTUALLY OF COURSE. BUT IVE READ IT LIKE 50 TIMES AND ITS SO GOOD ITS SO GOOD IT MAKES ME DERANGED i was reading it yesterday again. as i do. and i had to close the tab bc it made me so unwell. i'm so normal

-afterlife by anna: this fic is so good but for my mental health it's in shambles. You don't get it. i'll be pacing around my room thinking back of scenes in this and im like ALRIGHT. PAUSE TO THROW UP AND CRY. EVER SINCE IVE READ THIS I HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME DO YOU UNDERSTAND. IT'S POST DAYS OF FUTURE PAST AND THAT MAKES ME SO ILLLLLLL I LOVE DOFP SO BAD AND I LOVE CHARLES IN IT AND im like oh man i need something to make me cry and puke and shit myself and cure my depression im gonna read that fic again. And i do it. and i am cured. after i cry myself out to this i am so normal again

-someplace that is green by mugsandpugs: oh my god. Also bad for my mental health like (pucnhign myself) YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. it's technically x-men evolution but if you know cherik you'll understand it either way so. just. wow. erik can fit so much trauma. I can fit so many emotions. i can be so mentally ill. IREAD IT SO MUCH LIEK THE SLOOOOOWWBWBURRNNNNNNNNN AHH AHH AHH (PUKES AND CRIES) AHH WANDA AND PIETRO. AH. DEAR GOD. U DONT GET IT !!!!!! THE WORLDBUILDIGN!! (curls up and cries)

ok yeah. i'll put under the cut all the other recs i have sorry for being unwell

you should read everything by ao3 user sotano btw. not to be demented or deranged. but they never miss. everything they ever write is so . Oh my god. U dont get it. im ill. i will buy them a house

-tabula rasa by o2doko: the telepathy exploration of this goes so fucking hard

-fair verona by ha_neul: i love gender so much you don't ungerstand trans fics are the world to me they really arre

-tesselation by nekosmuse: oh my god. i mean it's a popular fic so it's probably been read. BUT THE SLAY. GOD. THE WRITING. PUKES AND DIES

-travel advisory by penknife: SORRY FOR RECCING 2003 FICS BUT FLOGOGHGOGOGH THE 2003 PEOPLE GOT IT IN WAYS NOBODY ELSE DIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

-no capes by dedkake: this just hits all the spots of needing lighthearted comedy and keeping the magneto / professor x dynamic i so desperately crave. i love when authors play around with their identities while loosely sticking to canon hehe

-all these miles (just to get back home) by isthiswhatiam: you gotta read everything he posts tbh BUT this one is my personal fav i love post dark phoenix u_u

-in dreams begin responsibility by kass: im telling u the pre 2011 fics go so hard. and for what. My god. uim ill it's so good

-sweet by sadbigchungus: its so good. Do u know how fukcing hard it is to get krakoa cherik content. hard. but this hits all the sweet spots i love it so much it's so good

-a good night's sleep by insertsthmeaningful: Can i just say this author writes so much good fic and i am absolutely obsessed. as well as im obsessed w post assassination in xforce cherik like aoghogogjogghOGGH

-the way it travels in and keeps emitting light by populuxe: it's OGHGOGH i love reading this one. it's so hard to find fics that actually talk about disabilities and this one does it SO well and erik is SO perfect in this fic im sick!!

-a nice boy (the family matters edition) by pocky_slash: i don't wanna talk about how hard i cry when i reread this one i might have family issues of sorts.

-a winter's journey by red: i love old cheirk so mcuh it makes me want to eat my ownf oot

-the trouble with trilbies by obstrinatix: I LOVE. OLD MEN. CHERIK

-& other words by questors: this is so good like the worldbuilding genuinely floors and runs me over until im nothing but an useless dough

-necessary downtime by unforgotten: i . old cherik. Ogjjgjkrlgjlslkfd

-bug on a plate by lindstrom: ANOTHER ONE THAT ACTUALLY DESCRIBES DISABILITIES SUPER WELL AND DOESNT SHY AWAY FROM THEM ITS A HITTTT AND MIDDLE AGED CHERIK JUST HTIS DIFF SORRY

-the last love song and testament of charles f xavier by midrashic: u know what i said about liking afic so much u cant actually bring urself to properly word the comment so youre just waiting and waiting to properly say smth. Yea thats me w this fic too. why's it so fucking good. how am i meant to word my emotions. but hey if i got around to commenting on Afterlife i will to this

-one second and a million miles by madneto: nothing has ever put me through such a slowburn like this fic like it was so insane and crazy i felt like god was slapping me. PLUS. IRENE AND RAVEN ARE IN IT......SLAY!

-bloodbound by ikeracity: u know i didnt care about vampire fics until THIS ONE. WHERE I WAS LIKE. OH. OKAY. THEYRE GOOD ACTUALLY I SEE THE LIGHT IT MAKES SENSE NOW.

-the golden mean by somuchmorethanyouknow: IT'S SO GOOD OK. THE WAY I WISH THIS FIC WAS CANON JSUT BC IT WAS SO GOOD. THE GENOSHA BUILDING OF IT ALL. MY GODDDDDD! I LOVED IT. SO PAINFULLY GOOD. THE WRITING OF CHARLES AND EIRK IS SO EXCEPTIONAL BUT SO IS EVERYONE ELSE IN THE FIC TOO. AH

-make me stay by lynds: well. what can i say. who's to say no to a little telepathy play. sorry for liking bottom erik. as if it's my fault

-before you attempt me (fair warning) by kianspo: i read this one time i was really sad and i shouldnt have because i started crying about never being able to find a love like the one in this fic. anyway it's super good

-everything about it is a love song by pocky_slash: its bad for me. old cherik makes me go through itnso much. i cant believe ill never find love like this

-feels like you're mine by annejumps: Sorry for bottom erik enthusiast. AS IF ITS MY FAULTNTO HAVE SUCH GOOD TASTE

-because it's you that sets the test by equestrianstatue: [DERANGED NOISES] IM LIKEBSO CASUAL ABOUT THIS FIC IM NOT EVEN MENTALLH ILL.

-special studies in mutant topics by populuxe: my ao3 bookmark says "filed under fics i read while having a mental breakdown and saved my mental health" you can bet its so good and sexy and Oghgogngntnntnngng i will have to marry this authors writing style. SUBBING TO THIS AUTHOR ISNT ENOUGH I HAVE TO BUY THEM DINNER IDK

but also the sex thing: this fic ruined my ability to watch dofp. no matter how many times i watch it ill be quoting this fic along to it

thats it. for Now. i actually have more but some of them are just the real popular ones so im like. Yeah youve read it. BUT THE REST MIGHT BE FOR NEXT TIME. I GUESS. SORRY. THIS GOT OUT OF HAND

#asks #I love fanfic and i love talking about fanfic and i love writing fanfic and i love fanfic.#touches this post. mental illness #cherik

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