#nobody deserves to be treated like they’re evil | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ashratfox · 12 days

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Gonna preface this with: keep scrolling if you don’t want to read a kinda pessimistic rant about Henry Creel and serial killers and if you don’t want to interact with fandom drama (because that’s understandable have a nice day).

So this might be a very bad idea, but I’ve decided to give my own opinion on the whole Henry Creel debate. The easy answer is that both sides are right, and I know that sounds like a cop out, but it’s true; stuff like this isn’t black and white, and just because you want there to be one correct answer, doesn’t mean there is. But generally I tend to agree more with people who are less forgiving of Henry rather than more. That’s not because I think he was born evil, I don’t think anyone is born evil. But that’s not the question, the question is, has Henry Creel passed the point of no return, and is there even a “point of no return” at all?

Honestly, I think there is. In a perfect world, everyone would live happily ever after together singing and holding hands and bad people would be taught the error of their ways and would listen and become better people, and then they would be released back into the world to sing and hold hands just like everyone else. But this isn’t a perfect world. Lots of people who do bad things, if set free, will do them again; it’s a big trend with serial killers that have been let off easy by the law before, to go out and do more and even worse crimes. It’s not because they’re incapable of being good, nobody is. But it would be extremely difficult to convince them otherwise. They believe that they are right, and while some people can change, I think most people would agree that a guy who has killed many, many people, including children, is not going to change now. And even if he could, it’s not worth the risk that more people could die. One person’s potential for doing good isn’t worth denying the guarantee that his potential victims will live.

I would not be happy if Stranger Things ended with Henry Creel becoming a good guy. It’s not logical. After all he’s been through and all he’s done, I don’t think he’s going to change his entire world view now. He was not born evil, but he has done many, many evil and unforgivable things. He does not deserve a second chance when all the people he killed will never get a second chance. If you don’t think that’s fair, well. I don’t think all those people dying is fair either.

Some of this applies to Billy too, but I do think it’s a bit different in that Billy never killed anyone; still, he was racist towards Lucas and abusive towards Max, so I don’t think him sacrificing himself forgives everything. But I do think it was very easy for him to be influenced by his father and end up hurting Max in a similar way. I’ve never watched the play, so maybe if I had I would be more sympathetic for Henry like I am for Billy, but if so, that’s kinda stupid; if you really want fans to sympathize with a character, it should be in the show, not a separate production. Either way, both of them are bad people, and saying that doesn’t mean you don’t understand nuance, it’s just the unfortunate truth.

Maybe I’m going to get hated on for this, but I don’t know, just before you say anything about someone else’s opinion, realize first that issues like this aren’t black and white and just treat it with a little respect, because there are real life victims of real life serial killers, and while Stranger Things isn’t exactly super realistic, this is still a topic that brings to mind actual real events, and I have a feeling some Henry apologists would not be so quick to forgive actual real serial killers.

(I feel like I've rambled on for too long and usually I don't like speaking on drama because I think it just fuels more stupid infighting when we should be able to just respect one another's opinions and move along,, but this whole thing was pissing me off so take this or leave it I guess)

#strager things #henry creel #anti henry creel #byler #> target audience

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winns-stuff · 1 year

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LO RANT:

This is from the fastpass preview that I stumbled across but genuinely nobody gives a flying fuck about Hades. Out of everything that this comic has disrespected Leuce with the most insulting out of all of them has to be her lowering her standards for an absolute man child like Hades, there’s nothing inherently attractive about him and the only reason Persephone is so infatuated with him is because of the fact that she’s literally 19 FOREVER and her brain is too underdeveloped to get better taste. But to sit up here and say that Leuce is just so incredibly desperate for Hades of all people when she’s so desired and sought after that the king of all gods deemed her worthy of marrying his brother is absolutely incredibly insulting. If this was realistic no one would be scared of Persephone’s pick me ass, I’m so sick and tired of Lore Olympus making every woman make an absolute fool of themselves over someone as low as Hades, literally any guy would be more worthy than fucking Hades like come on man are you serious?

Anyways, I’m just so over the mistreatment of the nymphs and I’m over people calling this a girl boss move. The fans love to sit up here and say that this is women supporting women but brutalizing women of a lower class and making fun of their mistreatment isn’t something we should deem feminist worthy. Like genuinely why the fuck is anyone applauding this shit? The fact that nymphs are at the gods’ mercy and they’re constantly being degraded, insulted, and abused by the upper class just for existing is sick. I can’t even say that it’s because of greek mythology since the nymphs were at least respected, like you knew the difference between them and their power but they weren’t treated like disposable waste like the nymphs in LO are. The nymphs have to be the only characters in the comic who deserve nothing but love and support from everyone since every chapter seems like a dig at them and it’s getting really awful to watch.

Another thing is the title of the episode. Are you fucking delirious? Leuce is a homewrecker?? How?? Homewrecking is blaming someone for a breakup of either a marriage or relationship because they engaged into an AFFAIR or other things in that matter with the member of the relationship. Unless Rachel is saying that because of Leuce they’re finally breaking up I don’t ever wanna hear about homewrecking ever from Lore Olympus trying to describe a character like that. Quite literally the only legitimate homewrecker in this entire series is Persephone’s ass and no one gives a fuck because the way she did it was “cute” and “pure”, she’s your little cinnamon roll while everyone else who does the exact same thing are evil witches. Which brings up my main point, Leuce barely poses a damn threat this woman is as small as a mouse and not up to anything nefarious, instead of focusing on KRONOS possibly coming back and taking over your ENTIRE kingdom that you’ve only ruled over for a few days you’re worried about some poor confused woman who got led on by your cheating ass husband while you were away. The major reaction is cringe and laughable, you don’t feel angry towards people disrespecting you or stomping on your values but as soon as it’s something with Hades you’re suddenly the biggest bad guy ever, give me a damn tissue. It’s truly sad that this is giving me more of a reason to believe that Persephone has no personality outside of being a “soft wife”, like where are your morals? What the hell do you stand for if you allow shit like this to happen.

This is why I get so angry and upset with Lore Olympus as a whole it’s upsetting seeing this insufferable main character do the most hypocritical shit that another character got dragged through the mud over yet we’re all supposed to clap our hands and put them on the highest pedestals. The fans don’t make it any better either because they survive off of stuff like that, that’s quite literally all they do all the damn time. They just eat up every little thing Persephone or any of the main cast does and enables this shitty behavior to continue because I swear if there was a time where Rachel decided to do something in her story that a massive amount of the fans hated she would never implement it into her story again, but since everyone absolutely loves these two women idiotically fighting over a pathetic man she keeps this stereotype around every other season.

Moral of the story is stop taking the dignity of these women and stop using them as some sort of cover up for your main character being incredibly boring and bland because I know the only reason for Lore Olympus’ demonization of Leuce is because they needed to prove how “much better” Persephone is. How about Persephone takes her red eyes and shove it in the faces of those who actually fucking deserve it instead of acting cowardly and only using it against nymphs because “they’re beneath you” since I have yet to see her have an actual backbone towards anyone deserving of this shit.

#lo critical #anti lore olympus #anti lo #lo hades #lo persephone #lo minthe #lore olympus criticism

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blackgoldaster · 7 months

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I don't like pure evil Gasters

I don’t like pure evil Gasters.

Or rather, I don’t like Gasters who get treated like they’re (pure) evil.

If Gaster is anything like any other character in both Undertale and Deltarune, he won’t be pure evil. His ‘evil’ will most likely come from pain, if all the pain mentions have anything to say about it.

Basically, If Spamton and Jevil can be forgiven (and become fan favorites) because their evil was from a source of pain…

Then why would Gaster be any different.

Why should we assume and treat Gaster like he’s pure evil, and thus, claim he deserves the pain…

When we treat nobody else like that.

Sure, there is the spade king, but the worst thing that happened to him was that he was thrown in a cell.

A far cry from being thrown into (metaphorical) hell, as so many people headcanon happened to Gaster.

Nobody in Undertale or Deltarune deserves their pain, it’s one of the core traits of these games. So why should Gaster be the sole exception.

If the vilification of Chara can result in an entire defence squad protesting, then why does nobody care that Gaster gets treated like a scapegoat as well?

I think it’s because we see so little of Gaster, plus his portrayal as devilish and creepy, makes people just. Not sympathise with him.

And I find that so unrelatable, as someone who felt really bad for Gaster ever since I discovered Goner Kid.

Which heightened the more fanfiction I read.

Other people hate Gaster because of their personal headcanons, which would be fine, except for the fact that AUs like Handplates and Underverse became so popular, that Hateable Gasters became so common, that it’s both very difficult to avoid…

And that there’s barely any variation.

The only Gaster headcanons that are popular are Dadster, which is usually good, sometimes neutral, rarely evil, and Badster, which always gets treated like evil no matter how nuanced he gets made (and people think the only way he can redeem himself is to be a dadster)...

And ships, more specifically Grillster (which is pure fanon), Kingdings (which makes more sense than Grillster at least) and Sanster, which gets called incest by dadster fans who can’t stand people have different headcanons than themselves.

And guess what? That's not much. If you just so happen to have completely different Gaster headcanons than any of these, including ones that are actually based on canon rather than preference…

Well, then you’re screwed in the content department, so that your only option is to look for niche content, blocking an endless stream of popular content just to get to it…

Or to write your own stories (assuming you can).

Now, I clearly don’t speak for most people here. In fact, I'm speaking about my own experiences here.

Remember the theory that Sans and Papyrus are pieces of Gaster? Or the theory that Papyrus is Gaster? Or even that Sans is Gaster?

Those theories never got popular.

People say it's because they think it's unlikely, but i suspect it's really because not many people just. Liked the idea that Sans and Papyrus could be one person we know nothing about that might be potentially evil.

In a similar fashion, I don’t think dadster and badster got popular because they are ‘likely to be true’ (which I heavily disagree with), but because most fans prefer some mundane dad whose entire character is determined with how he treats Sans, and to a lesser extend, Papyrus, over the Yume Nikki inspired eldritch man that Gaster most likely is in canon.

Which I personally think is really boring!

And if canon has anything to say about it, if Gaster turns out to be the father, he will be anything but mundane and he’ll actually have a characterization that isn’t centered around the fan favourite.

#Gaster #rant #maybe #Personal #just would be nice if more people made him less one dimensional and hateable and more nuanced and tragic #I don't want to hate my favorite character

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rithmeres · 3 months

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songbirds & snakes seems much more straightforward about dehumanization than the original trilogy. even though the death game stays the same, thg tributes are dehumanized sort of in the opposite direction from s&s tributes, paraded around like toys and commodities instead of treated like livestock, fattened for the slaughter instead of starved to death, but they’re sentenced to death either way. and in thg you don’t really get characters making obvious and hamfisted speeches about how awful all of this is, and it makes me wonder if suzanne wrote sejanus like that on purpose because the original trilogy wasn’t in-your-face enough for some readers to Get It. people in thg discuss dehumanization at length but nobody stands up and directly says ‘look at this dehumanization. isn’t it so evil that we treat these kids like animals’ but sejanus can say it because he’s in the capitol now and he has the privilege to speak that is not afforded to other district residents so he does. he knows it endangers him and he doesn’t care; if he’s punished at least he feels like he deserves it. a class traitor, son of a war profiteer shoved into the hungry maw of the capitol elite. he is district and always will be district and the more they hate him for it the more he clings to his district roots. and even if he wanted to be capitol he couldn’t be because they will always smell the stench of district on him. but he can’t ever go back to being district, because the districts will always smell the stench of capitol on him. no way out, no place to call home anymore. all he can do is offer the district kids (his people!!) a few shreds of dignity before they die, show them that someone cared, even if he couldn’t save them, to feed them in an act of defiance and district solidarity. but marcus won’t take the sandwich.

#the salad of 🅱️ongbirds and flakes #thg reread

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lifezvictory · 9 months

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Okay, so today’s (technically yesterday’s since I’m writing this post at midnight but I don’t really consider it to be the next day until I either go to sleep, or the sun comes up, whatever comes first) episode of SaMS was very emotional, to say the least. Normally I don’t write posts about those because my possibly neurodivergent brain (haven’t been officially diagnosed but I’m almost certain it’s true) doesn’t really know how to formulate coherent, smoothly flowing pros about hyper-emotional stuff, especially when I’ve recently been exposed to it. But, I have some thoughts that I have to share, so I’m releasing them into the chaotic bowels of Tumblr. (These thoughts, of course, contain spoilers for the latest episode so only click read more if you’ve seen it or are willing to be spoiled.)

So, I have a feeling that Eclipse is really, truly dead this time. And when I first got acquainted with this orange menace, I would’ve been extátic at this. I was the first time he “died.” But now? I’ve actually got mixed feelings.

On one hand, Eclipse really was a terrible person and he kind of deserved what he got. But on the other? I’m a little disappointed with the writers’ decision. Because, it felt like they had been leading up to a redemption ark for Eclipse. All this talk about him having nobody and no purpose, I just felt like it could have been leading up to something bigger. And even though I used to hate Eclipse with a burning passion, I have read two amazing fanfics that did an ark for him insanely well, and I would have loved to see the original creators of this character’s take on it. Although, there was a part of me that thought it might not go that direction because in one q & a, someone asked if Eclipse could be redeemable, to which Sun and Moon understandably denied and I thought could possibly be the opinion of the creators themselves, and not just Sun and Moon’s.

The little scene near the end of the video, with Eclipse and Solar Flare in the mindscape right before their death really got to me, especially with Eclipse’s reaction. He was genuinely terrified unlike his first version’s death, and I’m pretty sure the guy went through the five stages of grief in those thirty seconds or so. It resonated with me because it humanizes (animatronicizes?) Eclipse, showing that he fears death as much as anybody else, but it’s also relatable to me, personally, because I have quite a bit of anxiety surrounding my own death.

One thing, or rather one person that i feel like people aren’t focusing enough on however, is Solar Flare. I know many people didn’t care about them much (The Blue Guy, in his video talking about SaMS lore said that they’re basically just Eclipse’s minion which fair) but they always held a special place in my mind. I felt like there was so much possibility for their character, especially the way the lore episodes were going. They were just developing, or at least appearing to develop, sentience and a personality/identity of their own, only to be killed off along with Eclipse when they hadn’t really done anything wrong. They were only following their programming to serve Killcode when he was evil, and actually seemed to be forming into a decent person before their demise. Only for all that potential to just be wiped away in an instant, with not many people taking notice, in universe or out. Eclipse was the only person who got to know the true them, if only slightly, and he never even appreciated them or treated them well. Hell, I don’t think Solar Flare even got a single positive interaction with anyone in their entire short existence. Yet they still somehow managed to remain so well-intentioned and wise? (I have to continue writing my Solar Flare-centric fic in their memory)

In real life, death is just like that. It cuts lives short, removing vibrant beings with lots of potential (I have no clue what happens after death but I’d like to think of it as a permanent absence and not an absolute destruction for the sake of my sanity.) But, this is fiction. And there’s a point where I’d just rather not have fiction be quite this realistic and devastating, you know?

The fact that Solar Flare was so accepting of their death made it even more heartbreaking for me, personally. They were completely accepting of it, and didn’t seem afraid at all (although it could be because they weren’t yet emotionally developed enough to express it.) This, to me, meant that they had nothing left to live for, and felt as though they no longer had a purpose. And for me who, as you would know if you’ve been reading my posts for a while, likes Solar Flare quite a lot, it devastated me. I want to give Solar Flare a big hug.

I’m not sure how to end this post. But, that’s my thoughts on the latest lore. I think this was probably the longest post I’ve made to date.

#sun and moon show #sun and moon show eclipse #sun and moon show solar flare #thoughts #sun and moon show spoilers #death #sad #ramblings

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rebelwriter99 · 1 year

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Force help us all.

And here goes nothing. This one will need a TLDR.

Well Crosshair appeared. And I did cry. A lot. So that stayed true the whole season. Yaaaay. *Sobs quietly* My poor assistance dog has been so confused about why I keep crying today, he’s been very worried bless him and keeps climbing on me and licking my face. I love him very much and felt he deserved a sentence for his kindly helping paw.

I will be treating the finale as a single episode because anyone who didn’t go immediately from episode 15 into 16 you are lying.

So. Deep Breaths. Tech.

I will be assuming he is gone. I have read a lot of convincing arguments that he is not-but I will leave those to others. I will be writing as though he has died in the permanent sense.

I knew someone was going to die. It’s season 2 and Filoni is writing it. Hunter played Kanan and got captured and then they all escaped in S1. Big goal in mind in S2 (defeat Inquisitors vs Reunite Batch), someone is going to end up in dire straits to save the others. I thought it might be Cross, more likely Cody. And then it was Tech. I did not see any of that plot line coming. Saw Garrera and a plot inconvenient explosion were the smallest surprise. I was expecting them to make it to Mount Tantiss. Apparently not yet.

But the way Tech died is important to me. It sounds silly when I write it, but I’m autistic (and so is Tech I will die on that particular hill) and most autistic characters in stories of this genre (fantasy or sci-fi) get infantilised. They then tend to get killed in front of the proper heroes by the villain to show that the villain is evil. They’ll look rather sweet and innocent and meek and say something haunting and that’ll be that. If they do something brave it’s always played off that they don’t fully understand how dangerous what they’re doing is, or how heroic they really are. Not Tech. Tech fully understands what he’s risking. He knew the second he climbed out of that cable car he might not make it back. He nearly fell at least twice before he chose to fall. Not one moment in the whole show do we ever doubt that Tech is an adult, who is fully capable of understanding risk (and often advises caution) even if he computes it a bit differently, and mature enough to know completely what that sacrifice means. He, as an autistic character, demonstrated what it was to him to adjust to not having someone around, to having to cope with change. His knows this will hurt his family-but he has to do everything he can to save them. He, as an autistic character, got something akin to a romantic subplot-which you never really see. The way Tech is-it’s never painted as being ‘in the way’ of anything. He’s different-and that just is. Everyone completely accepts that about him. And until I looked back I didn’t realise quite how rare and refreshing it was to see that-because it’s written so well. And wether we get any more of Tech or not-I will always be grateful for what we did get to see of him. His character will always be special to me for what he represents-that people like me can exist in Star Wars, and in the galaxy far far away-we are simply ourselves and nobody really bats an eye.

And most importantly-it was his choice. You could write that scene nearly identically and have it just be an accident-but it was his choice. Clones don’t get many of those in life. And Tech, over the course of two seasons, has increasingly been learning to make his own. He’s stopped quite noticeably looking to Hunter for a nod before he does things. For a Clone, death is an occupational hazard. They view sacrifice through the lens of the war dominated life they lead and to them laying down your life to save your squad-I think that’s what many of them would choose if they had to. And the rest of the batch would definitely have died without Tech’s choice. Perhaps even, indirectly, Crosshair, who may have been tortured until he lost his life before the Empire found Omega. Tech’s last words I also thought were a lovely parallel to ‘good soldiers follow orders’. Tech chose defiance to save his family-he’s undeniably one of the best soldiers of the republic and yet ‘since when do we follow orders?’. Again-the emphasis on choice. It makes it feel like the end of the ‘Order 66 Era’ to me. We’ve gone from Clones forced en mass to kill those they loved and protected, to one Clone freely deciding to die to save the family they love and would do anything to protect. From the first moments the Republic became the Empire, right the way through to Stormtroopers almost completely replacing clones, and the first sign of major projects of the Empire starting to take shape. What happens next feels less like it’s going to be dictated by the galaxy-though the Empire will certainly be more oppressive than ever, what happens next is up to them now.

And Speaking of the Empire-the villain I now hate more than I ever hated Umbridge and Mrs Coulter as a child combined (which is saying something). Dr Hemlock.

He needs to die. In a way that Thrawn really didn’t-uncharted space was fine, he just needed a comeuppance. However, this particular foul being needs to cease to exist.

He is also the perfect villain. An incredibly creepy, secretive genetics researcher who doesn’t see his ‘test subjects’ as fully human is the villain in a story about Clones who are thinly veiled disability representation, currently exploring their own individual humanity, and were introduced to show the power of difference? Hell yes someone thought that through. And then said-hmmm yes Dr deadly poison. Then everyone will definitely know he’s an evil scientist! (It’s not like it wasn’t obvious as soon as he’d talked for longer than 5mins!). I await being immensely satisfied when everything he’s ever worked for burns to a crisp. Along with him.

For forces sake when he threw Tech’s goggles at Hunter’s feet. I was screaming. Hunter’s face. And when he puts down his blaster to pick them up. Hunter has chosen his squad. He’s not a soldier anymore, not really, he’s going to do whatever he has to do to get his family safe and keep them that way. I expect he’s going to go from being a bit more ‘go with the flow’ this season, to rather more ‘completely feral’ next season. And he will have Wrecker with him-who looks like he’s got some complex emotional development of his own to do. Gods it’s heartbreaking watching anyone grieve but poor Wrecker-I think he’ll blame himself. While oddly Hunter will be doing the same thing. Echo is going to have to be sensible I think-nobody else is going to be.

I am so excited for season 3. Really hoping we don’t have to wait a similar what felt like an age as last time. I love these characters. I’m yet to watch anything Filoni has written that didn’t have an immensely satisfying (if bittersweet) ending that made all the heartbreak worth it so I hope that’s where we’re going. Until then.

Vode An. Always. 🌟

TLDR: Force that hurt. Tech will always be an immensely important part of why I love Star Wars and The Bad Batch so much for so many reasons. Next season is going to be crazy. And if the Star Wars of equivalent of a creepy ableist medical researcher working for an authoritarian government imprisoning everyone doesn’t die horribly and have all his work destroyed I may riot.

#star wars #the bad batch #clone force 99 #tbb spoilers #the bad batch spoilers #well that was a long ramble but I think the grief is processed now at least #if anyone wants me to write any more please do just ask #otherwise I’ll assume that’s far too long as it is!

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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system update #4 (triggers for lots of trauma mention)

Last update was very recent, and I talked about how my alters changed roles and the demon is now protecting me. This culminated into a lot of reveals.

The way demon was protecting me was so off and upsetting, I started wondering what the demon’s age was, because I couldn’t tell by their appearance. Their behaviour is overly childish, and I became worried that a child was trying to protect me, an adult, which is unacceptable.

I didn’t know the demon very well, they’re the last alter to come forward, and I now wondered what their origin was. I thought, at first, it was a demon, because it held so much desire for vengeance, so it had to be somewhat animalistic and primal. I didn’t pay a lot of mind to it, I didn’t think very hard on it. Now, I started suspecting it could have something to do with the fact that I was often called a demon when I was a young kid.

I researched the non-human alters and my suspicions were confirmed; this article explains in detail all possible origins of non-human alters, and some of it is indeed, being called a demon, being treated like an animal, being told you were possessed by a demon, being called a monster. And coincidentally, all of these things happened to me, under the age of 7. This meant, that the demon was rooted in a VERY young age and they are in fact, younger than my child alter! And on top of that, they’re stuck in belief that they’re a demon due to brainwashing for this entire time, and I didn’t notice!

I was immediately devastated, because even though I remembered the abuse, I just didn’t think it would leave such dire consequences; I was able to somewhat cope with the abuse as a kid, and have concluded early on that the person who did this to me, was sick and out of their mind, and I cut them off at the age of 11 (even though we were still living in the same house, I wasn’t talking to them.) And I also believed this abuser’s mental and emotional capacity to be so low, I could psychologically battle them even at the age of child. I convinced myself that I was stronger, as a child, than an insane adult person.

(tw for recounting trauma)

The abuser was my grandmother, and I was left alone with her, from the age of one, for extended periods of times. She is narcissistic, but also I believe she was capable of inflicting delusions on herself. For instance, she would convince both me and herself, that I’m not a child, but some kind of animal or a demon, who deserved to be beaten up, locked in the basement, humiliated endlessly, controlled and forced into labour. She would also throw rage tantrums randomly, where she would lock me in a room and chase and beat me, and afterwards, I’d be forced to comfort her and accept full responsibility for what she’d done, and apologize. Later on, she projected someone who died onto me, and expected me to replace this person and be a source of emotional comfort to her, which at the age of 6, I was hardly capable of; I would get beaten for failing to meet that expectation. Then still later on, I managed to move myself out of her room (where I was often locked up) into another room, and I was never forgiven; she would stand in front of my room and scream for hours, about how I was evil, how I was brought to this world only to cause her pain, how I was enjoying her pain, she’d blame me for everything that ever happened to her, to the family, to the entire world. She also called me animal names and the worst insults that I’ve ever heard of in my life.

This was of course, mixed with her crying about how much she loved me and how she sacrificed everything for me and how nobody will ever love me as much as she does and I’m her everything. So as a kid, I was confused. I didn’t know if love was just like that.

The screaming was impossible to block out, and I was becoming suicidal due to it, starting to believe I really was an existence of evil who only brings pain to everyone, and I wished to disappear. Then I realized the screaming was making me suicidal and that if I don’t do something, she was going to kill me. I cut her off and refused to speak to her. It took her one year to notice. She would simply make up whatever she wanted me to say, and continue the conversation as if I said that thing. I realized by this, that she didn’t love me. How would she not notice that I wasn’t speaking to her for an entire year?

When she did figure it out, she pressured all other family members to guilt me into speaking to her, and of course, everyone did come and tell me I was horrible, selfish, hurtful, abusive, heartless and evil for ignoring my ever so loving grandmother. I realized they would all have me die by her hand. I didn’t cave in. Grandmother was still beating me up until I managed to get so psychotic and numb, I started laughing at her while she was beating me, telling her I don’t even feel that, or that I like it. It freaked her out. She was superstitious, and a crazy child laughing manically at her, reveling in pain, was too much for her, and she quit beating me, since it wasn’t giving her any pleasure anymore.

So I felt like I dealt with that! Even though grandmother was extremely dangerous to a small child she could brainwash into anything, as soon as I had some mental capacity, I fought back! I was able to cut her out even though we were in the same house, I got her to stop beating me! And her projection of a dead person worked in my favour too, because she couldn’t handle it if I was openly telling her I hate her, it was causing her some damage, so she would back off.

But apparently, I didn’t escape that situation with no consequences. I mean, I knew I was extremely sensitive to people thinking I was evil, I also believed that if someone beat me, it was 100% my fault and I had to apologize to them (but my parents also agreed with that and also beat me and then told me I did that to myself, countless times, so it wasn’t just grandma building up that grooming). I was also weak to people hurting me then crying about it, since I was conditioned very young to comfort them and to apologize and take full blame. I did grow up believing that deep inside I was a monster; actually, it wasn’t until my adulthood I was able to grasp that I’m actually human. I had a moment where my brain just screamed at me ‘you’re a full human being, not an animal, not a demon! you’re just like everyone else! you have human rights!’ and it was a heavy thing to swallow, because it meant that a lot of things done to me were wrong, but I did it, I declared myself human, I took it seriously and learned some of my human rights and repeated them until I started believing it.

So I thought that was that, and that I was over it. I didn’t feel anything anymore about being beaten or called a demon, I thought that was just the past and the person who did it was not of a healthy mind anyway.

But, I was wrong. There was a part of me still stuck in there. Still believing they’re a demon, even taking a demon appearance and trying to act like a demon, trying to act strong and ruthless and dangerous. And even I fell for that act. I thought the demon was dangerous at first. I kept it asleep. I didn’t want to give it attention or to look into it. I neglected it. I didn’t notice all until me and the demon started interacting more, and even though they don’t speak, their actions were so childish and people-pleasing, I had to get suspicious and figure it out. I’m not just devastated, I’m livid!

To allow a narcissistic person to convince a child they’re a demon, and then a part of this child ends up transforming into one, and keeps being a demon for decades?! The grandmother, for who I have zero regards as a human being, she is still inside of my head, controlling how I see myself? Making my small child self act like a little demon, to please her delusions, to excuse her abuse? It’s still going on!?

And the worst is, I can’t even do anything about it right away! The demon flinches away from me at the very implication it might be something else, and not a demon, they’re extremely resistant to any kind of change! And I can’t blame them!! It’s so much less painful to believe that yes, I’m an evil demon, so of course I’m being beat up and locked down, I’m dangerous to humans! Of course I’m being treated inhumanely and like a dangerous animal, that’s because I am! The devastation of realizing that no, you’re actually a human child, being abused by another human, for no other reason than to satisfy that other human’s needs, and without doing anything wrong, without being any danger or threat, you’re being tortured and you’re helpless to fight back. That’s excruciating to be aware of! Of course the demon will fight me and do anything and everything to stop this realization from coming forward, and they’re a little kid too! They can’t even handle it!!

All I can do right now is let that demon keep their act and give them space and try to slowly get closer to them, with hope that they’ll also grow a little, get a bit more mental capacity, get unstuck, and realize it on their own. It could take years. I don’t know what else to do, the demon will cut me out if I push it.

I’ve been upset and sad for two days about it now, I keep having breakdowns about it, and I got sick. My ex-protector is talking to me a little now, and they seem willing to protect me emotionally, at least a little, and it’s a great comfort, because I’ve been feeling very lost without them. Demon can’t be a protector, they’re more badly damaged than I am, and younger and more helpless, and convinced they’re a demon. I’m so sad that this is going on and that I have to live with it for longer. I don’t want to believe that I’m a demon, just because I was exposed to a narcissist so early on and absorbed so much of their abuse. And for now I get no choice.

#did #trauma #narcissistic abuse #system update #osdd #demon alter #origins of demon alters #painful story #recounting past trauma

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identitty-dickruption · 6 months

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some people need to learn the classic steps of democratic backsliding so you can get better at criticising governments without being an arsehole about it. so.

rejection of democratic principles. this means they are trying to convince you that democracy is not even that good. this includes arguments against separation of powers (esp. the judiciary), the will of the people, and/or the right to protest etc

denying the legitimacy of opponents. you can’t trust anyone except for us (the government). anyone other than the government is seen as suspicious or a threat or an outsider or even a criminal

encouragement of violence towards certain groups. this is a feature of dehumanising anyone who is seen as an outsider. it includes claims that it is alright to hurt some people, because they’re non-patriots who are out to hurt you and your country

desire to reduce opponents’ access to liberties. again, this is a feature of dehumanisation. those people don’t deserve to have their voices heard. it’s okay to imprison them, it’s okay to suppress their freedom of speech, and it’s okay to treat them as subhuman

people like Trump and Boris Johnson aren’t evil because they’re conservative (although. their conservatism is particularly brutal). they’re dangerous because they use rhetoric and behaviours that undermine democracy. and that’s something you have to be careful with

but you’ll see this rhetoric from a broad range of people across the political spectrums. you’ll almost always see it from populists. anything that starts to look like this rhetoric is dangerous, because it has you convinced that democracy is an evil and that you’d be better off under a particular kind of dictatorship. it’ll have you apathetic about your rights and freedoms being taken away from you. and nobody is immune from it

#politics #idk man.

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menalez · 7 months

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Trigger warning: rape -- As for the mass rapes, I find some of the reactions to the statement by official news outlet that they "are unconfirmed" (and some people’s assessments that they are thus fake news) a bit critical because rapes are hard to confirm in general and even harder when the victims have been kidnapped and nobody can check on them. But there are photographs of a tied-up woman whose pants in the vaginal area have HUGE blood stains and she is led to a truck where she is taken 1/x

yeah tbh that’s how i’ve been treating it. we do not know so far, and we won’t know until someone on the inside manages to provide a statement about it. and there’s a decent chance we’ll never know. i’ve seen one clip where the woman looked like she had a blood stain at the back of her pants like all over almost. i cant say that’s for sure a sign of rape (but as u said, it’s highly possible bc these are women being taken hostage and men at war are known for doing shit like that to the women they deem as “property” of who they’re fighting) but i can understand thinking it might be, especially bc there’s stuff saying women at the raves witnessed women getting raped next to them, which if true.. why would they rape women there and not the women they took hostage? but the blood-looking stain could be all sorts of things which are i Guess relatively plausible in a hostage situation. it’s quite a lot tbh so if it’s blood then it’s quite worrying in general.. honestly i really hope there’s no mass rapes occurring mostly for the sake of the women. like it’s already so traumatic and this would add to it. no woman deserves to be raped for any reason, it’s literally never going to help anything. it’s just an evil act that traumatises women for life

#i literally don’t even wish rape on my own rapist. it’s just so awful #i don’t want anyone ever to experience it. so it’s awful women are potentially facing that due to this war

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fast-moon · 2 years

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My Ranking of the MCU TV Shows So far

So, with Ms. Marvel having wrapped up last week, I figured I’d see where it lands on my ranking of the MCU Disney+ shows before we get She-Hulk (and, uh, I Am Groot, I guess) in a month.

These are completely subjective personal preferences that no one asked for, but I felt like writing them out. So, ranked from least-favorite to favorite, these were my thoughts:

(spoilers for all shows)

7. Loki

I was somehow, like, not engaged with Loki at all. I’m fine with Loki as a character, but this show felt like it was just running solely on name recognition and the popularity of the character rather than because it had anything interesting to do or say about said character. Loki gets dissociated from the time stream in Endgame due to stealing the Tesseract that the time-traveling Avengers were trying to steal, and then gets picked up by the time and space police for violating the timeline. But instead of destroying him like they usually do with variants, they decide, “Hey, what if we made Loki a time and space detective working under this agency? That totally is a natural continuation of his plot and character arc until now.” Then Loki meets a female variant of himself and they go around doing... stuff. And then he meets an alligator version of himself, isn’t that funny? For the whole thing, I couldn’t stop asking, “What in this story necessitates its main character be Loki? This role could have been filled by anyone since it in no way explores anything fundamental about him or his journey.”

And so naturally, it’s the only live-action show so far confirmed to be getting a second season.

6. What If...?

This show had a couple of episodes that I really liked, including the first two with Captain Carter and T’Challa Star Lord, and the Doctor Strange one. The rest of the episodes were pretty forgettable and gave me the same feeling as Loki: “What are they trying to say here?” For alternate universe stuff like this, I think it’s strongest where we get to see how the same character behaves when put in a situation different from the one that happened in the original timeline, to see what they’re really made of. Some episodes managed that well. Others were just “Here’s a random scenario that we’ve inserted Avengers characters into and nobody is behaving like themselves.” Pretty much the only thing learned from this series is that Tony always dies and never trust Hank Pym.

And naturally, it’s the bottom two on my list that are confirmed for a season 2.

5. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

This one and the next two are actually fairly closely tied, and all three solidly above the previous two, but I needed to order them somehow, so at least for today, this is the order. Unlike Loki which never felt like anything in it necessitated Loki’s presence specifically, this series revolved around who should take up the mantle of Captain America after Steve Rogers’s retirement. So this is a story that specifically needs Sam and Bucky. And then the Captain America mantle ends up being passed to some other unknown guy, John Walker, after Sam and Bucky are both hesitant to take it. And from there we get a story of what it means to be Captain America and what kind of person deserves to wield the shield. Which is great, I liked that, and there was a lot of talk on race and discussing how Black soldiers were treated. Isaiah Bradley was absolutely the best part of this series. Unfortunately, the series mostly suffered from some fairly bland protagonists who didn’t become interesting until Zemo showed up. Yes, the forgettable antagonist from Captain America: Civil War was the most interesting man in the room here. Coupled with some antagonists in the Flag Smashers who started out strong and relatable, then all of a sudden shot themselves in the foot out of nowhere because the writers were like, “Wait, we can’t have the viewers actually siding with these guys, they need to do some undeniably evil stuff for no reason”, and then their motives just fell apart.

4. Ms. Marvel

So, I’m a sucker for family dynamic stories that don’t revolve around toxic familial dysfunction, so this was already pretty wholesome going in. That and Iman Vellani wasn’t even acting, she just is Kamala Khan in real life. But this was a series that while the parents were still treated as obstacles to Kamala embracing her powers and her love for superheroes, they were never portrayed as the bad guys. Pretty much everything involving the family, the wedding, the Partition of India backstory, was just really enjoyable to watch. This was another series where we were given a story from a cultural angle that was different from what we often see, which was refreshing and fun. I also enjoy the “street level” stories from superhero universes to see how the regular civilians live in a world where superheroes and monsters and aliens are real. This show’s main failing was, again, its villains. It tried to give us too many, from Department of Damage Control to Clan Destine, and then not really know what to do with either of them or what their motives were. But Kamala will be back in The Marvels next year, as the post-credits teaser indicated, so I can’t wait to see how she fangirls over actually meeting her idol.

3. Moon Knight

Steven Grant is a precious bean and must be protected at all costs. That’s it. That’s Moon Knight. In seriousness, though, I enjoyed how this series tackled the issue of dissociative identity disorder, not just as a gimmick, but really delving into why he has it in the first place and why it manifests the way it does. I also really loved the directing of the personality shifts, and Oscar Isaac just nails everything in this. He probably gives the best performance out of all of the shows. And I think the villain in this show is probably the best out of all the shows, too, in that his motive remains consistent throughout and that he is a valid and relevant threat. There’s also the mystery element running through it as to why everything is happening that gets revealed in pieces. So why is it only #3? Well, it goes back to the first line. Steven Grant single-handedly carries this show, while pretty much everyone else in it is meh. And that still is a tribute to Oscar Isaac where he can play such a compelling character AND such a dull character at the same time in the same scene.

2. Hawkeye

Hey, you know how I mentioned earlier how I’m all for wholesome family shit, and now there’s Christmas hijinx mixed in and general goofiness that doesn’t detract from the underlying serious story? Sign me up for that. Hawkeye was one of those Avengers who was always in the background who I was like, “I guess he’s all right” about, and this show recognizes that and runs with it. To me he was always like the put-upon Avengers dad who keeps wanting to retire but those damn kids can’t keep the world saved for five goddamn minutes! And now he might be missing Christmas with his family because of it, aaagh! There’s some phenomenal directing in the middle couple episodes (Bert and Bertie, get them in more stuff now), and there was serious discussion around Clint’s hearing loss and how it affected his everyday life. As someone with a deaf family member who lost his hearing at an advanced age and never learned to sign, the scene of writing the conversation out on notepads was super relatable to me and also heartbreaking. Then we had Yelena brought in from Black Widow to have some fun banter with Kate Bishop. This one will probably become a yearly Christmas tradition.

1. Wandavision

Hawkeye and Ms. Marvel had wholesome silly family shit, Moon Knight had a respectful look into devastating untreated mental health issues, and Wandavision has all of that and more. It has that wholesome exterior that’s hiding something dark, but the darkness isn’t just there for shock value, it is something that is naturally to be expected after what happened to Wanda in Infinity War and Endgame. The creative set pieces and setting aren’t used as just a gimmick, but as an allegory for Wanda’s coping mechanisms as she attempts to process her grief after losing her entire support structure. And then Vision is just my comfort character archetype: strong, calm, intelligent, humble, and most of all gentle and kind. The guy who’ll just sit with you and let you talk out your problems without being judgmental. Anyone who’s had someone like that in their life would be devastated to lose them, especially so unfairly. Where this show starts to falter is when it tries to rein itself back into tried and true MCU format, with a finale that, while still having some excellent emotional and philosophical beats such as Vision defeating his alter ego diplomatically, it does still devolve into a CG explosion-fight that didn’t really need to happen. And as charming as Kathryn Hahn was as a secondary character, much like Loki I’m not certain she can carry her own story, with Agatha: House of Harkness set to air in the next year or two. And don’t get me started on how Wandavision elegantly handled a woman having a mental breakdown without simply resorting to the “crazy emotional woman” trope, and then Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness... didn’t.

#wandavision #hawkeye #moon knight #ms marvel #fatws #loki #what if

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piqued-curiosity · 1 year

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“Your implication that lesbians are paranoid and delusional and just hating on bi women by making things up is what I was talking about.” See this is the problem. Because in this scenario… it WAS people making things up! This situation was nothing to do with bi women and was blamed on us. But when we say this we’re told we’re calling lesbians “paranoid and delusional”? I never once said that bi women can’t be horrible to lesbians. Of course they can. Why would I deny that? Any group can be horrible to any other group, and I’ve certainly seen examples of bi women being lesbophobic.

My POINT is that this is a ridiculous thing to bring up in this situation. Like imagine if some man did something horrible, fantasised about abusing his partner or something. And then someone said “lesbians do better”. And you rightfully went, hang on, what has this got to do with us? Wouldn’t you also be annoyed if the response you got was “yeah sure this particular situation wasn’t anything to do with you but I’ve seen lesbians be abusive partners!! Lesbians can be abusive and they should be called out and they’re always so sensitive when you tell them this! If this situation HAD been a lesbians fault I bet you wouldn’t have taken the criticism!” Isn’t that an insane way to behave?

Like wtf lmao. You can’t say “yeah ok that’s fair this wasn’t your fault. But bi women actually are awful a lot of the time and you’re all whiny bitches when called out”. Do you not understand why people are annoyed about that? And this “well I feel like I’ve seen posts similar to these before and I think they could’ve been bi women so I’m justified in saying this” is so ridiculous. Put your criticism under posts where bi women ACTUALLY verifiably did something wrong! I’m sure there is, in existence, a bi woman who has fantasised about something like that. It’s STILL not relevant for you to bring that up in this situation where a MAN did it!

OBVIOUSLY bi women can treat lesbians badly. Literally nobody said they couldn’t or denied that, and yet somehow this turned into people going “bi women ARE abusive sometimes though!!” And not understanding why that’s a completely irrelevant comment to this situation. “Sorry bi ladies, this was a man, not you”. Would’ve been fine on it’s own. But you had to finish with “But SOME bi women are EVIL and you all are not ready to hear it!!! REPENT!!!” Ok??

“What I was saying was that if ms-revived-frogs had said the same thing on a post by a bi woman, I’m not sure that she’d have received 100% positive feedback.” Why is this relevant? “Ok you didn’t do this, but if a bi woman HAD done it you’d be defending it!!” No I wouldn’t? I would think that was awful. This is such a weird stretch for you to make. “Well I’m just wondering… if it WAS a situation where blah blah happened” 🙄

A lot of the time when this sort of discourse comes up it really does feel like it’s any excuse to start shitting on bi women. And lesbians get a hell of a lot of shit (some of it from bi women, yes!) and that deserves to be spoken about. But this is not that. This sort of thing is literally just that you feel it’s acceptable to scold bi women like naughty children because you think you’re in a position to do so. Radblr has made it completely and utterly taboo and unacceptable for bi women to ever disagree with anything a lesbian says about us. (And I recognise this is online-specific in many cases). There’s some sort of pretence that bi women will lose it and can’t take any sort of criticism despite the metric ton of awful things I see said about bi women on this site daily. And because we’re more privileged than lesbians or whatever we can’t defend ourselves or we’re being an example of that whiny out of touch bi woman. I’m sure you see the opposite, I’m sure we’re both biased. But it really sometimes feels like smug bullying instead of actual criticism aimed at members of the community who have ACTUALLY DONE SOMETHING WRONG.

I’m sure this will be used as an example of me overreacting or whatever. Being a crazy hysterical bi woman. But I’m sick of seeing shit like this. It’s not just this one thing. A man doing something disgusting and radblr going “how dare you bi women! Say sorry” is the EPITOME of how we are treated.

After thinking about it I do actually agree that my comment was misplaced. So I apologise for that. That’s all I’m going to say except for comment on your claim that nobody denies that bi women can treat lesbians badly; because people do deny that all the time. Or at least just refuse to acknowledge it. Which is why this is such a sensitive topic for me, and I agree that clouded my judgement.

#asks #anon

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evoanakin · 1 year

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Ever since I was a kid I always felt that I was never fully accepted by my family. I was adopted and the way my family is (filled with issues & gossip) I was the outside person. I barely get to join games or conversations. Nobody really cared what I say or do, until they saw me failed. I longed for a family and wanting to create my own where everyone will be loved equally and accepted. I got bullied a lot growing up and some of my bullies have grown up and became my friends but some bullies never did. One of my bullies was my cousin. She was unbelievably evil. Tho she pushes me around and tells me things I am not, I still invite her when me and my mom will go out. I invite her to play my new toys. But after all of that kindness and sincerity.. she still hurts me, not just emotionally but physically and mentally. There were night or days that I would run away. Thats what I do. I run away from my bully. I would hide our gardens, or hide in the back of the car so that I won’t get hurt.

Then my mom finds out about it, and barely does anything. Cos people think of my mom as “the nice one” the “person who doesn’t get mad”. I was never really protected by my mom. Sometimes I hated her for that. Cos she would rather hide me with new toys, or ask me to stay in my room. Rather than confronting my bullies or help me out. I never really had anybody to be really there for me. When I needed it the most. I am always alone when it was in the lowest points.

In my current life, my biggest bully is my love. The way my bully was, she does the adult version of that and I still do the same thing. But for her, I am not a kid. I am just an unkind, two faces asshole. No matter what art of kindness I show onto her, she will never see me more than what I am. For years I let my love did that to me, but its not all her fault. Cos when I was running away, it was my choice to come back. It was my choice to get hurt and stay. It was my choice to keep trying to show them love and hope that love will be given in return. Through out time my love.. she hurt me so bad that I have nightmare about it. I feel my chest physically hurting because of it. Worst of all, is that she left alone to deal with it on my own and it like I didn’t matter.

But my bullies from back then and now have the same problem, you see. They never felt loved as kids. There innocents got taken away from them at a young age. They got hurt too much. They never saw real love like I did. They hated they’re parents growing up and they lie and make excuses to get by with other people. They hurt people cos they’re hurting inside. But was that fair to others? To ruin my once well-being because theirs was?

You would think that my bullies will have some consciousness that what she did was wrong and she finds way too make it right. But no. Thats not how the story goes. Cos bullies will forever be bullies. They have no remorse for people they hurt, they could say it but their actions don’t. Stupid thing about me is I believe in the best in people, that why I get disappointed a lot. I believe people can change for the good and treat each other good. We are not our parents, we should be better than them. My love.. hurt me so bad by giving me the love I didn’t deserve. No matter how much I tried, I still didn’t get it.

One day I went to the doctor and I told her that my heart is hurting physically and my head gets light weight and my left arms starts to numb. I wanted to get some test and exams but she said “have you hurt yourself physically in the past two week?” And I said yes. I tried to kill myself three time in the one week. I choked and hanged myself but nothing seems to work. I have cut myself and drove insanely fast until a car could hit me. She gave me some anti-depressants for like 1 month. I got better emotionally but my mind mentally was not. Cos in my head, even as I write this. All I could say every day is “I don’t want to be here.”.

My life right now is doing great. My family is healthy and well. I could sleep at night and wake up early in the morning. I go out with my friends and make them laugh. I even have my love in my life again after all that happen. Before she made a light in my life you know? That their is a chance that I could get accepted and loved beyond all. That she is the one. She the person who would stay forever. Shes the person that would make every hurt be okay and worth it. Yeah shes back. In my life. I asked God for so long to have her back in my life but.. I thought that would make it better but it still doesn’t. I don’t want need somebody to hurt or damage anything else. I’d rather be alone than to hurt anybody else.

I can’t do that to her..

But the things is, I want to leave all of that. I want to leave all of that in a heart beat. I don’t want to be with her or anybody. I tired of faking a smile and making my friends and family laugh. I don’t want anybody to talk or I don’t want to listen. I don’t want a good time cos good times go to bad times. Laughter turns into tears and every single person in the world is a fucking disappointment AND NOBODY CAN EVER CHANGE. HUMANS ARE JUST CRUEL AND MEAN AND FUCKING ASSHOLES. This world? Is not the world that I want to be in. I want everything to shut down and stop and end.

You would think, love or people will give you a reason to live and enjoy life. But there is no such thing or person could ever fill up this dark whole I am sinking in. I feel every day as if my heart is about to explode and my tears won’t stop. I don’t show it cos I know, no one will ever understand. Even I myself don’t understand where I am at. I don’t want to be in this world. I want it to stop. I want it all to end.

My last day here is my best day in all the days I lived. I want it to stop. I don’t want to be here no more.

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lupinfj · 1 year

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my boyfriend is literally the best person i’ve ever known, his heart is so good and he’s full of good intentions, and i’m so tired of his friends being mean to him, specially when i know he doesn’t deserve this, when i see him missing them, when i hear him talking about how cool they were, and how they’re ignoring him and he doesn’t understand why, they don’t deserve his love. i want to take care of him, i know his worth, i love him so much and i don’t want him to suffer anymore. if they prefer being at the side of a girl who treat everyone as stupid and laugh of mental illness (and clearly she’s having a mental illness too) it’s ok i guess, but i can’t stop thinking that for some reason nobody loves her, i mean… even her mom, she’s the most awful person i’ve ever known, mean and bloody-minded, if this is the case, i prefer them to stay away from my bf's life because i mean, it’s super okay if they hate me, i don’t care, but my bf was their friend before i met him, wtf is wrong with them? why’d them mixed things up? one of my bf's friends went there and mixed up everything, she told everyone about our relationship and how mean i was to her, and i was, but she mixed up everything, it was never my bf's fault but she only cared about get along with everyone and play the victim role as if she’d been the best friend in the whole world, but she knows that she made up things about me and blame me for things that only happened in her mind, in her imagination for like six months, and now that i decided to act exactly like her does, i’m the meanest and evil person, this part is super funny to me, because everything i did i learned from her, ignore my friends and gave them a silent treatment for no clear reason, does it sound familiar to you? what i hate most of that is how they involved my bf in this, i honestly wouldn’t cared if they were friends, but they decided to punished him for being with me. but well, at the end of the day it’s their loss i guess.

#personal

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