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thetargaryenbride · 3 years

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You Are Worth It [Levi x Reader]

Summary: You were ready to do anything for this man and if that meant defending him from your own comrades, then so be it.

Set before and during the No Regrets OVA

This is for @vennilavee ‘s Writing Challange. I had fun writing~

This scenario is actually a part of my OC’s story BUT I decided to change it up a bit here and there and make it into a Levi x Reader instead. Enjoy!

Word Count: 7646

Warnings: Violence, Vulgarity, Profanity, some gore, some harassment

Pairing: Levi x Fem!Reader

Feedback is deeply appreciated~!

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❅

The Underground.

It was a foul place – lawless – full of thugs, drunkards and creeps. Unfortunately, it was also the home of women who most of the time had no other choice but to sell themselves, it was the home of sick people who only wished to glimpse the sun, and it was the home of malnourished orphans who died like flies in the dirty streets. And nobody was doing anything to help those in need.

Nobody but you.

You remembered the first time you set foot in the Underground. You were just but a little girl, holding tightly your step-mother’s hand as she made her way through the muddy streets, not caring whether her dress would get dirtied. You smiled fondly at the memory. Your step-mother’s friend had lost the rights to her citizenship and was hurdled into the clutches of the Kingdom of Shadows, being forced to work as a prostitute. But the two women kept being friends and your step-mother frequently visited to bring her food. You went only once but it was more than enough to break the pretty picture you’ve imagined – of a place safely tucked below the Inner Walls, with glowing crystals and beautifully shaped stalagmites. It was a hellhole.

You still thought of yourself as a little, naïve girl. You blamed your parents’ coddling. You were supposed to be more aware of the real world as a teen and almost young adult. You wanted to know the truth and the horrors that accompanied each day. That was one of the reasons you also wanted to join the Survey Corps. But you had promised to yourself that you’d join after you face the hell that is the Underground and after you offer some help to those who need it. After all, how could you fight and protect people from the Titans, if you couldn’t even protect them from fellow humans?

“Listen now, little lady, I know that you wanna do some charity shit down here but we also have work to do instead of escorting you. Just because your father is the Deputy Commander-,” grumbled the Military Police soldier from behind you but you didn’t pay him any attention. Instead, your ears strained to hear another sound – a child crying. You hushed the soldier and before he had the chance to give you some scathing remark, you walked away from him and towards the sound. The alleys were too narrow and the repugnant smell of piss and alcohol was heavy in the air but you tried your best to ignore it and kept walking. Turning right, then left, you came to a dead end. And there it was – the child – crouching on the ground with his knees pressed to his chest and little hands rubbing at his eyes.

You approached slowly and knelt down, your gown puddling all around you, the light blue fabric immediately getting mudded and dirtied.

“It’s all right. I’m here. No one is going to hurt you. I got some food too,” you spoke gently as to not startle him as your hand took out an apple from your bag and handed it to the child. He looked at you with big eyes and you offered an encouraging smile. That smile fell off your face the second you heard the clicking of a gun right behind your head. It pressed against you roughly, almost ruining your perfect bun. The child simply stood up and ran away.

“Now, don’t move, pretty thing. We don’t want to accidentally blast your head, do we?” came in a man’s gravelly voice, sending shivers down your spine. You dared not move as you felt him getting closer, his breath tickling your neck. “Ya better get those money ready, lass," he hissed out and you willed your body to stop shaking. It was impossible. Were you going to go out like this? Murdered by some thugs? Were you going to rot in this very same alley? Before you got the chance to see the outside world?

There was a swooshing sound. You closed your eyes, anticipating the worst, but then strangled grunts and coughing was heard, making you snap your head in the direction of the sound. Your eyes widened as you saw the two men fall dead on the ground, clothes soaking with the crimson blood that leaked from their throats, some managing to drop onto your cheek. Your eyes focused on a third man who was cleaning his knife. He didn’t pay you attention as he pocketed it and turned his back on you, ready to walk away.

“W-wait!” you called out and he halted. Let me at least see your face. Let me at least learn your name. “You saved me… I-“ you stuttered out but he interrupted you roughly, turning around to look you in the eyes. He was the most handsome man you’ve laid eyes on. The pampered, powdered noble boys couldn’t hold a candle to his rugged looks and the aura he was giving off. He had raven hair, locks falling around his eyes, pale skin and sharp eyes the color of a stormy sky. His clothes were a little bit baggy but even like this you could tell his body was built nicely so you assumed that he was a thug as well. Speaking of clothes, his were way too clean and pristine for someone living in such a filthy place.

“Don’t waste your breath. Go back upstairs to your gold and fine porcelain. You don’t belong here,” he spat out and your eyebrows furrowed as you slowly stood up, coming face to face with him.

“I’m sorry but you can’t say where I do or do not belong to. Maybe I don’t really fancy the world you speak of,” you told him firmly and his gaze lingered on your for awhile.

“You’re a lunatic then,” were his last words before he walked away.

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You didn’t listen to the man. One bad experience and some rude words weren’t enough to convince you otherwise. In fact, that made you more stubborn and you soon found your way in the Underground once again. This time you carried a knife. Your grandfather had taught you how to throw them and you regretted not bringing one last time.

The day passed by in a blur. The heavy bag full of bread and left-over pastries from your family’s bakery was now empty and you were ready to head back home and take a long bath. But you stopped when you heard a commotion. You bit your lip. You didn’t want to risk getting caught up in something again. But your heart was beating faster and your body felt warmer the closer the sound got and you supposed that there was some supernatural force that was pulling you towards it. Soon enough, you found yourself in the midst of a brutal brawl. The same guy who saved you a few days ago was being ganged up on. He was surprisingly holding his ground, sending lethal punches and kicks his enemies’ way. But you should’ve known they would fight dirty as one of the members sneaked behind the guy and prepared to shoot him in the back.

Your body moved before you even ordered it to, hand grabbing the knife hidden in the pocket of your dress and throwing it. It embedded into the head of the thug and he fell. Everything stopped for awhile. You could see the two members of the group looking at you with both shock and rage. You could see the surprised expression on the guy’s face, his arm up in mid-punch. Then there was a bang and you felt a searing pain in your middle region. Your vision blurred and the last thing you saw was the guy who saved you pummel the remaining members of the gang to death and scream something at you.

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When your eyes fluttered open, they saw an unfamiliar ceiling. Your first instinct was to stand up and run but your body was too tired and the only thing you managed to do was shift and move your head.

“Finally awake?” came in a voice and you gasped as you saw the same guy. Had he saved you? What exactly happened in the first place? You wanted to ask him multiple questions but the one you settled on was:

“Are you all right?”

He shot you an incredulous look.

“You were the one who got shot, dumbass. Worry about yourself,” he grumbled, furrowing his brows and you let out a weak chuckle.

“You are right… You know, we’ve saved each other’s lives so many times already and yet I do not know your name.”

“It’s Levi,” he answered your silent question and you smiled as bright as you could.

“Nice to meet you, Levi! My name is Y/N! Y/F/N!”

His eyes widened a fraction as he stared at you, a spark of what seemed to be recognition, relief and even fondness could be seen deep within. He uncrossed his arms and walked out of the room. You counted the minutes awkwardly, fiddling with your fingers or clenching and unclenching the sheets, before you finally decided to sit up. It was a struggle. The bullet had got you in the upper stomach but apparently he had nursed you back to health. You noticed that your torso was neatly covered in clean bandages as the blankets slid down a bit, making you shiver at the bareness of your arms. You blushed at the thought of him seeing you like this but nothing could be done. And you didn’t care that much about dignity and nudity when it came down to saving lives – others’ or your own.

Your thoughts were interrupted when he walked in the room, carrying a plate with peeled and sliced apples. For a moment, he stood by the doorframe simply watching you, before he made his way towards you and sat on the corner of the bed, placing the plate on your lap and outstretching his other hand. Your eyes fell on what he was holding and you gasped as memories from years ago flooded you.

The day when you had been so curious you had begged your step-mother to take you with her. She had agreed and you had made your way to the Underground. You had stuck close to her as she walked into what you now knew was a brothel.

❅

“Carol! It’s so good to see you!” exclaimed your step-mom and the other woman chuckled as she gave her a hug.

“You didn’t have to bring so much food again. I’m so grateful to have you.”

You smiled as you watched the two women converse but your attention was stolen by a figure in your periphery vision, making you completely turn around. It was a boy. He didn’t seem to be much older than you. He was wearing a ragged shirt that reached his knees and some worn out pants but his hair looked clean and neatly cut. He watched you shyly, interest sparkling in his eyes as he took in your appearance. He had probably never seen a noble in such a place. You smiled and waved at him and he mirrored you after his hesitation worn off. You took a few steps forward and smiled brightly at him.

“Hi, there! What is your name?”

“Levi,” he uttered and you put your hands on your hips. You probably looked ridiculous – a child with lots of baby fat, trying to look and give off a motherly aura.

“You are very thin, Levi. That just can’t do!” you exclaimed in disapproval as you reached into the bag of food your step-mom had brought, taking out a few apples and placing them in your white apron. You neared the boy and beckoned him to take them. “Here, take these! Dad always says that an apple a day keeps the doctor away!” you grinned.

He gulped and his hands trembled a bit when he took the fruits from you, eyes gazing into your own with such gratitude and respect. And because you were so focused on his features, you noticed some smudged dirt on his left cheek. You clicked your tongue as you grabbed a handkerchief from your pocket and proceeded to wipe his face since his arms were busy balancing the apples from falling out of his grip.

“You got some dirt here. It’s very important to stay clean, you know,” you told him gently and he nodded.

“My mother says the same,” he whispered and you smiled as you tucked your handkerchief in his pocket.

“Then you keep this and make sure to stay clean,” you smiled at him before your step-mom called you and you had to bid him goodbye.

“Wait!” he called out and you looked at him over your shoulder. “What’s your name?” he asked timidly and you grinned at him again.

“Y/N! Y/F/N! It was nice meeting you, Levi! I hope we can meet again!”

❅

But you never met him again. When next time your step-mom had returned from her visit and you had asked about the boy, she said he was nowhere to be found but there was a rumor that one of the women working there had passed away and her child had disappeared.

“We meet again,” you sent him a watery smile as tears gathered in the corner of your eyes. You didn’t know why, they just did. You never pegged yourself as an overly emotional person but life was a mysterious companion.

“Yeah,” drawled the man quietly and for the first time since you’ve met, that permanent frown was replaced by a small, soft smile.

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Since that fateful meeting, your visits to the Underground became more frequent. You didn’t only want to do charity but you wanted to visit Levi. He told you to not come back. That it was dangerous. But you didn’t listen. You wore simpler dresses – not the big, intricate gowns. You tied your hair in a simple ponytail or bun – not the stylish hairstyles screaming that their bearer was a noblewoman. You usually never wore jewelry with the exception of the earrings your step-mother had gifted you, but you took them off during your visits, trying to blend in the best way possible. Of course, you were a woman, therefore it was only natural to attract creeps. But you managed to deal with them. You just wanted to help children and see Levi. Was it that much to ask?

“Eeh! There is a body of water this huge? And full of salt!? I cannot believe it!” exclaimed Farlan.

“It’s true! It’s written in a book that’s been banned by the government! Why do you think they banned it if it wasn’t true!?” you shot back.

“So, you mean to tell us that there are also fields of sand and multicolored lights in the sky in North?”asked Levi while he was focusing on polishing his knife.

“I know it may sound too incredible to believe but I know it’s the truth! I just know it! And I’ll go beyond the walls and see it for myself!” you grinned enthusiastically and Levi’s eyes moved from the knife and onto your form, one eyebrow raised in both question and challenge.

“Hooh? And how are you going to do that? By going on lavishing balls in Mitras?”

“By joining the Survey Corps!” you declared and the silence became so heavy that you could cut it with a dull knife. And suddenly, all hell broke loose.

“What?! Are you insane!? You actually want to join them and go fight titans?!” shouted Farlan as he stood up from his chair and you mirrored him, crossing your arms.

“I’d pick the titans ten times over the political wars we’re waging in the capital and all the hypocrisy and backstabbing!”

“You’re gonna get eaten! Do you really want to face such a death?!”

Their shouting match was interrupted by Levi’s almost frighteningly low tone, making them sweat and gulp.

“Oi, brat... Tell me you’re not serious… Tell me you’re just…in a phase or something,” he said as he put the knife on the table, his attention now fully on you. You sighed as you slowly sat back down on the sofa, a sad smile gracing your features as you looked at the two men. You contemplated but in the end you decided that you had to tell them.

“I’ve been serious ever since I saw my mother get eaten years ago,” you confessed and their eyes widened.

“What?” stuttered out Farlan as he slumped back down on the chair.

“I haven’t told you, have I? I was…five when mom…snapped, for a lack of better word… She told me that she wanted to see the outside world and I… I was so excited!” you gripped the fabric of your dress so tight that your knuckles turned white. “We sneaked outside the walls and… I was saved just on time by a Survey Corps soldier… My mom on the other hand,” you uttered, biting the inside of your cheek until it bled. “Shiganshina will always be my hometown. I can’t stay in Mitras. I can’t! My place is not inside the walls.”

“I thought you were… noble,” murmured Farlan and you chuckled.

“That’s half the truth. My father IS the Deputy Commander of the Military Police. Even before that, he was rich and powerful, coming from a family full of soldiers and nobles. The most respected family… One day he met my mom in Shiganshina. He was already married at the time but… One thing led to another and…here I stand,” you explained. “He would send money but I never saw him until…that day,” you gulped but the pain and bad memories were replaced by determination and bravery.

“I’ll join the Survey Corps. I’ll see the outside world. And I swear to you, once I am capable, I’ll get you two citizenship. I won’t let you rot in here,” you stated firmly and the men could only stare at you with both concern and fondness.

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In the end, you did exactly what you wanted. You joined the Survey Corps after graduating top of your class. At first you were placed in Ness’ squad but after your first expedition and after you showed incredible skills and potential, you were moved to Erwin’s squad. You proved how great of a strategist you were and you showed them your political skills when it came to dealing with the Royal Assembly. That gained you lots of respect from the higher ups within the Survey Corps. You also built a name for yourself as Humanity’s fastest because all fellow soldiers who’ve seen you fight, including veterans, have said that there was no one faster. You didn’t brag though.

Now, a year later, you were a squad leader yourself and there were rumors that you would be promoted to Captain. You smiled at the thought. You pushed your body and mentality way over the limits to prove yourself worthy as fast and as efficient as possible in order to gain a title – to gain power – because thanks to that it would be easier to save them.

Just hang on for a bit more, Farlan, Levi. I’ll soon be able to get you out of that hole.

Flagon’s fist hit the table as he growled in irritation, interrupting your thought process.

“Quite frankly, this is humiliating!”

“I couldn’t agree more,” nodded another Section Commander by the name of Deckan Caddel. His demeanor seemed calm but his eyes were glinting with a murderous intent. You never liked him. Sure, he was great soldier. But he joined purely out of revenge and bloodlust – because his father was eaten. He didn’t care about protecting Humanity. In fact, he always had such disregard for people, especially those who weren’t from Wall Sina like himself.

“Are you honestly telling us, who have always held formality in high regard, to accept a bunch of criminals?”

You had half a mind to tell him to chill the fuck out but you bit your tongue. Flagon was a good guy beneath his prejudices.

After discussing the newly recruited members and the formation that Erwin suggested, the meeting was over and everyone left. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Deckan ogling you before he walked off. You narrowed your eyes but brushed it off as you made your way to the private quarters aligned with your office and prepared for bed. Tomorrow morning the said criminals would be introduced to the others and it will be decided in which squad they would be put on.

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You were…shocked. The criminals everyone were talking about were none other than Levi and Farlan accompanied by a younger girl. Your mind didn’t even comprehend Commander Shadis’ words or the trio’s introduction. You were too busy staring at them, still unable to process that they were here, donning the noble uniform of the Survey Corps. You gulped down the tears threatening to spill and patiently waited for the introduction to be over. While Flagon was busy with subtly expressing his disdain of the three being placed on his squad and sending sharp glances Erwin’s way, you finally managed to gather the strength to come closer and into their line of sight.

The moment Levi’s eyes clashed with yours, you felt like crying and running to embrace him. Your heart started beating faster and your body warmed up after feeling so cold for literal ages. You didn’t know how this man; why this man; had such an effect on you…but you loved it.

His eyes widened and he subtly elbowed Farlan whose attention shifted to where he was looking at. He wasn’t as subtle as Levi though and his reaction was quite open as he pretty much gawked at you. Both men’s eyes shone brightly with fondness and relief.

Even when everyone were dismissed and allowed to go back to their own business, you didn’t. You quietly followed after Flagon as he walked the new recruits to the barracks.

“You two men will sleep here,” you could hear Flagon instructing them from your place in the hallway. “You lot have been living in the dumps of the Underground but do try to keep this place clean,” your eyes widened comically and you almost choked on thin air. Just as you supposed, Levi’s outraged “huh?” followed right away and he neared Flagon threateningly, breaking his personal bubble.

“W-what’s with that look?” stuttered out the man and you decided to intervene before it had gotten out of control.

“Now, now, Flagon, you used to sleep in those barracks too. But you’ve probably forgotten that they always have been dirty,” came in your voice, making everyone’s heads snap to your direction. Farlan’s lips twitched in a smile but Levi’s face was composed. Flagon clicked his tongue.

“And what are you doing here, Y/L/N?” he asked with a sigh and you shrugged, fully entering the room.

“I just came here to make sure you don’t start a fire or something,” you shot back teasingly and he rolled his eyes before turning his back on everyone.

“I’ll leave you to it. And next time don’t try to approach a commanding officer with such attitude. Maybe Y/N will be able to teach you some manners,” snapped Flagon and Farlan tried to salute respectfully.

“Yes, sir!”

“Your hand’s upside-down! You begin training early tomorrow! I expect you to be punctual!”

The moment Flagon was out of sight and earshot you didn’t hesitate to throw yourself at the two men, hugging them tightly. Farlan was quick to return the embrace but Levi froze for awhile, hesitating, before he awkwardly patted your head as you sobbed.

“It’s you! I can’t believe it!” you pulled away and took a good look at them. “You seem healthy. I’m so happy to see you! I still can’t believe that it’s you who Erwin recruited. He must have seen incredible potential! We have so much to talk about-“ your rambling was interrupted by a coughing, making you face the redheaded girl.

“I think we haven’t officially met! My name’s Isabel Magnolia! Nice to meetcha!” grinned the girl and you smiled at her, shaking her hand.

“My name is Y/F/N. It’s pleasure meeting you! You are probably confused as to how we know one another but I’ll tell you everything!” you hooked your arm around hers and tugged her towards the door. “I’ll show you to the girls’ barracks and,” your gaze flickered to the boys, finding Levi’s and holding his for awhile. “I hope I’ll see you two shortly.”

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You had talked to Isabel until the late hours, telling her about your background, about how you met Levi and Farlan, about your life in the Training Corps and then as a soldier in the Survey Corps. There was so much to talk about and you really wanted to make friends with her since she seemed to be someone very important to Levi and Farlan.

The next day had rolled fast and before you knew it, everyone were up and about – training. The three newbies were to be evaluated today – their skills tested.

Levi was walking amongst the horses, mind wandering off to the mission at hand. If he wanted it to be successful, he had to play by the Survey Corps rules and one of them was to learn how to ride. Isabel had no problem with it. She seemed to be natural. Then again she has always been an animal lover so he wasn’t surprised at how fast she grasped horse riding. Farlan had some troubles with the horse he had chosen, the mare too feisty for him to handle. And Levi? Well, he still hasn’t chosen one.

“I think she likes you,” came in your gentle tone and he sighed, grateful for the momentary distraction. You came to stand beside him and before he could ask, you pointed ahead, making him focus his vision onto the beautiful black mare that was intently staring at him.

“You know, it’s not only you choosing the horse. The horse has to choose you too,” you told him as you both approached the mare and Levi slowly outstretched his hand, allowing the animal to sniff him before licking it. He smiled when she nudged his hand, beckoning him to caress her.

“Her name is Danika. I raised her,” you smiled and he lifted his eyebrows. “And this is Astaroth. My partner,” you grinned as you pointed to the horse right next to Danika. He was the biggest horse Levi has seen amongst all Survey Corps horses and the only one with such unique coloration.

“He seems a bit…different than the rest,” he mused and you hummed in agreement.

“They had found him outside the walls a bit before I joined. When I tell you he was wild, I mean it. They hadn’t been able to tame him never mind how many times they tried. Then I came and tried. My way. And it worked. He became my partner since then. He’s the strongest and fastest horse in the SC history. Trust me, it’s not easy riding him into battle sometimes but I’ve grown used to it,” you explained and he huffed.

“It’s not only about growing used to it. You yourself are probably a great rider. A natural,” he commented and you shrugged.

“Maybe…Say, do you want to ride together?” you asked and he nodded.

“Sure.”

That’s how you found yourselves riding the horses deep into the forest and away from all the ruckus in the training grounds. You wanted Levi to truly feel and experience the riding and bond with his horse which took some time instead of immediately jumping onto the animal and rushing it into gallop like what most did. And while the silence was comforting, you decided to break it.

“One of the perks about being a part of the Survey Corps is that you get to live surrounded by nature. Just look at it. Look how beautiful and peaceful it is. Fields upon fields and forests upon forest. So much greenery and beauty,” you sighed dreamily and Levi hummed in agreement.

“It’s not bad.”

“At the same time if you get tired of the peace and quiet, you can just roam the halls of the castle or the training grounds and sink into the pleasant noise of soldiers chattering, laughing, eating and training together,” you smiled as you looked at the man. The green shadows the trees cast upon him and the flickering-through-the-trees light bathing him made him look so beautiful, so relaxed…so gentle. Then your thoughts wandered off to a place deeper and darker.

“I still can’t believe that you’re here. That you chose to join the Survey Corps… I’ll be honest with you. I don’t think you guys are ready to be soldiers. Not yet. You need so much training and the expedition is too soon and,” you realized you were rambling so you took a breath and exhaled slowly. “I just…I just feel like Erwin’s offer and your decision will bring some catastrophic consequences. I trust my intuition. It has never failed me.”

“A bit too late for that now,” huffed the man and you bit your lip.

“Why didn’t you wait a bit more for me? I’m sure you calculated almost three years in the Training Corps and then one or so more until I get a higher rank-“

“I thought you were dead,” he interrupted you with a soft, heavy tone that surprised you.

“Eh?”

“There were a few times when I would overhear the MP soldiers talking. They spoke of failed expeditions and death. They mentioned you too. Humanity’s Fastest, huh?” he shot you a wry smile and you blushed but held his gaze as he kept talking, the smile turning into frown. “Not long after, I heard them talking about a particularly nasty expedition that resulted in lots of death. That even you weren’t fast enough to escape.”

“Oh, Levi…It’s…It’s my fault for not finding a way to contact you. Trusting someone blindly and waiting for years is just…not possible or rational,” you looked away and squeezed your eyes, your grip on the reins tightening. Levi shook his head.

“I don’t blame you. It’s not like you could’ve come visit personally or sent letters. So you don’t blame yourself either, brat.”

The following weeks were a pure bliss. You spent all your free time with Levi, Farlan and Isabel, filling them in on everything that had happened throughout the years and helping them adjust to the world above.

But dread came. It came too soon for your liking – in the form of the 23rd Expedition.

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Your squad was mostly responsible for support and defense. Whenever someone shot a black or a purple signal, your squad was to go and assist the squad that had shot the flare.

That’s how you had clashed with Flagon’s squad and you had to combine your strength in order to kill the horde of titans that had appeared suddenly. It was overbearing and a member of your squad was nearly eaten by an abnormal. It was an aggressive abnormal, like nothing you’ve encountered before. Despite the warnings of your squadmates, you had jumped into action, slicing off its hand and entering its mouth in order to grab the girl’s ankle and haul her out. The tongue had been so slippery from the leaking saliva that you had slipped and half of your body had fallen into its mouth. When your arm ceased holding its mouth at bay, it clamped down – not hard enough to snap you in half but hard enough to cut into your meat. Levi had been the one to save you, slashing at the titan and then catching you as you fell once the monster had released you.

Now he was standing awkwardly to the side, fists gripping tightly the handles of the swords, yet shaking, as you were sitting on the ground, back leaning against your horse who had crouched down to serve as your pillar, with the female soldier you had saved wailing and fumbling with the bandages.

“Calm down, dear, it’s not that deep. I just need you to tie the bandages very hard, ok? Like you’re tying a corset,” you encouraged her weakly but her hands seemed to shake even more. Levi tsked as he grabbed them from her hands and shooed her away silently. He grabbed your arm and carefully helped you up, turning you so your back was facing him.

❅

“Wow, Levi, you sure know how to treat gunshot wounds,” you commented as you observed the way he had nursed your injury. It had been a few days since the incident and you were already able to move. The man shrugged.

“Used to it.”

“I have to return home. My family must be worried,” you muttered as you looked apologetically at him. “Do you think you can help me put on my dress? The corset is a pain and it still hurts when I stretch.”

“Tch, come here.”

“Ouch! That’s too tight!”

“Just bear with it.”

❅

He pulled sharply at the bandages, the sound of fabric rubbing harshly against fabric and skin almost sickening as well as the way your waist and belly seemed to become flatter and flatter due to the force and how tight he was tying the bandages around your abdomen. You kept silent. The only thing you allowed were small grunts of discomfort slipping through your lips.

“O-oi, isn’t that too much?” snapped Flagon but you shook your head.

“It’s better than bleeding out. Besides, I need to go to Erwin and the Commander,” you grunted and Flagon furrowed his eyebrows.

“Elaborate.”

“I don’t like this weather. I have a bad feeling about it. It wouldn’t be wise to keep fighting if it starts pouring. It wouldn’t be a problem for the titans but it will be a major hindrance if we cannot see clearly. I’ll go to the center and talk to the Commander,” you explained while Levi finally finished with bandaging you. Your eyes locked and you exchanged gratitude silently. His gaze stayed longer on your form, eyebrows slightly furrowed in concern before he got onto his horse.

“You do have a point. The weather will be very problematic but on the other hand, we cannot cut the expedition so soon. We just left the walls,” reasoned Flagon and you sighed as you climbed on Astaroth. When he felt you on top of him he finally rose to his legs.

“We can go back and wait until the weather is better, then continue. We are not going to lose anything if we just wait for a bit in Shiganshina.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think that the Royal Assembly will be understanding regarding this matter. They are already up our asses, threatening to defund us at every turn. This will be a good opportunity for them to spit on us yet again,” he growled and you sighed. He had a point, but still…

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about the Royal Assembly. I can deal with them. But I won’t risk the lives of my soldiers and comrades,” you declared firmly and your squad smiled as they looked at you with love and admiration. You were a great leader and you were already thinking and behaving like a Captain. That’s why you were so deserving of this title.

“Let’s go,” you commanded and everyone turned their horses, ready to gallop towards the center.

“Y/N,” Flagon’s voice halted you and you half turned to face him. He had a solemn look on his face. “You can’t save everyone.”

“I can try.”

｡☆ ❅ ★━━━━ ❅ ━━━━★ ❅ ☆｡

Flagon had been right. So right about you not being able to save everyone. You realized that as you stared at Farlan’s body – bitten in half and lying in the mud with his intestines hanging. Or Isabel’s head at Levi’s feet. Flagon and his squad’s bodies were distorted and strewn throughout the field alongside their horses. It was a nightmarish sight to see. Even more so than usual. Who would have known that there would be more aggressive abnormals? You wanted to throw up right here and now but you were too focused on Levi. Levi whose raw, pain-filled, raging screams you had heard just a few minutes ago. Levi who was trying his hardest not to cry, yet his tears were still there mixed with the remnants of the rain droplets. Levi who screamed at Erwin, confessing that his true goal was to kill him before falling to his knees, seemingly giving up on life.

After Erwin spoke to him and left alongside his squad, Levi didn’t move from his position, eyes hidden behind his bangs, but you still knew that they were focused on Isabel’s head, probably flickering onto Farlan. Your squad members looked at you worriedly. You were too still and unresponding. They weren’t used to seeing you like this.

You gulped as you took a few hesitant steps forward, kneeling in the mud beside the broken man. The same man who you now, after this gruesome expedition that almost cost you your life, finally came to realize you held feelings for – feelings stronger than what someone would hold for a friend.

You gently took his bloodied hand and his eyes snapped to you when he finally lifted his head.

“Let’s go home,” you whispered as you sent him a small smile and he lowered his head again. Despite all, he allowed you to hold his hand and help him stand up and lead him to his horse.

The journey back to the walls was silent. Levi was to ride with your squad. You wanted to watch over him. You were at a total loss. You didn’t know what to expect from him. Therefore you didn’t know what would be the best way to comfort him. One thing was for sure. You had to be ready for him acting like a cold dick and trying to push you away. You supposed that with personality like his, that behavior was to be expected.

｡☆ ❅ ★━━━━ ❅ ━━━━★ ❅ ☆｡

And you had been completely wrong. He didn’t do anything like that. He didn’t push you away. He wasn’t cold. In fact, it was the total opposite. He accepted your comfort. He accepted your affection, albeit hesitantly. He allowed you to be near him and make him company. You didn’t talk much. Just being near one another was enough.

He thought that you were the only person he had left now. Like hell was he going to push you away. He wanted to be strong and go through this alone. He didn’t want to burden you with his pain. He knew you were suffering too. Yet deep down he bitterly admitted that he needed you to be there for him. He needed you to hold him. He needed your reassuring words and your company that soothed the aching throb in his soul.

❅

“Do you believe in reincarnation, Levi?” you asked him one night as the two of you were seated on the rooftop, staring into the skies.

“I don’t know anymore,” he whispered.

“I do. I believe that this body is just a shell and when it crumbles, our soul leaves and finds another one, either on this world or on another. Just look at the sky! It’s so huge! And I’m sure that there is more behind it, the further you go. Worlds upon worlds,” you smiled breathlessly and he raised his eyebrows, looking at the stars intently, as if trying to see beyond them the worlds you were speaking of. “I like to believe that all my friends who die get reincarnated into a world beautiful and free of titans and get to live normal and happy lives. That’s why I think that there is a certain beauty and relief to death, even if it hurts so much.”

“It doesn’t sound half bad,” he breathed out and you gave him one of those warm smiles that poured light into his heart. The type of smiles that almost had him smile back.

❅

He was probably exaggerating but from now on, you truly were…

His everything.

He didn’t care about anyone else. Why should he? It’s not like they cared either. In fact, they kept calling him a criminal. They kept being rude and condescending, mocking him at every turn. Hange, Erwing and Mike were the only exceptions so far, willing to befriend him and actually putting an effort in doing so. And you of course. The rest of the higher ups kept quiet so he didn’t know how they felt about him. But out of all, there WAS one bastard that just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He always went overboard with his insults and disrespect that even some of the cadets who used to hate Levi thought it was barbaric and had a change of heart regarding the matters.

Yeah. His name?

Deckan Caddel.

But you? You were brilliant. Every time Deckan would insult Levi openly, you would jump in his defense and insult the bastard just as fiercely which would make him glare dangerously at you before storming out. Levi always berated you.

“Tch, I don’t want you getting in trouble, dumbass. It’s not worth it.”

But to you it was more than worth it. So you fought. You fought for Levi.

And everything was good until one night, after waking up from a particularly nasty nightmare, you had rushed out of the comforts of your personal quarters and down the hallways. You wanted to go all the way to the male barracks and seek Levi’s comfort but a figure had halted your journey, making you stumble and almost fall down the stairs if a large hand hadn’t grabbed your arm roughly, shoving you against the stone wall.

“And just where is the little slut going?” taunted Deckan and you wriggled, trying to get out of his grasp.

“Let me go!”

“Nah, I don’t think so. Just who do you think you are, huh, little girl?” his voice sent shivers down your spine as his hands held your wrists so tight you swore you heard the bone crack. “I don’t care whether that sewer rat is your lover or your fuck buddy. You aren’t a Captain yet. So if you continue to oppose me and publically humiliate me just to defend him… I’ll make sure to break the life out of you, you hear me?” he growled as his knee slammed into your abdomen, causing you to groan in pain and cough out bits of blood. Said knee then slid down and came to rest between your legs, pressing onto your crotch and making your eyes widen in panic as your struggling became more fierce. “I’ll break you in every single way,” he drawled and his other hand went to grab your chin, squeezing it tightly. “And then I’ll make sure to suspend you from the Survey Corps,” he spat out and your eyes widened. “Or better yet. Now that I think about it, an accidental fall down the stairs might just do the job for me,” he smirked deviously and you gulped, anticipating his next crazy move.

Before any of you could do anything, a hand shot out from the darkness. It grabbed Deckan’s collar and harshly pulled, causing the man to steer off balance and lose his footing. You watched with a combination of relief and horror how everything happened as if in slow motion – him outstretching his hand in order to grab onto something, his body going further away from you before hitting the stone and proceeding to roll down. A thud was heard some seconds later, followed by a painful groan.

Then the sound of someone’s kick connecting with someone’s jaw echoed through the hallway, finally snapping you out of your stupor as you looked down to see Levi crouching down next to a beaten and bloody Deckan who was barely conscious.

“Touch her again and during the next expedition I’ll personally shove you into a titan’s mouth. I’m done with being silent and taking your shit, you filthy swine,” growled Levi and Deckan could only look in fear through his swollen eyes, barely nodding his head. Levi tsked before he climbed the stairs once again, taking your hand and quickly leading you into your office.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you whispered as he closed and locked the door.

“So I should’ve let that mongrel push you down the stairs?” he spat out and you shook your head. “He deserved what he got. I don’t regret my decision.”

“No, but-“

“Don’t! Just…don’t…” yelled Levi before his voice settled into a pained groan, almost cracking as his head lowered letting the bangs cover his eyes, his body slouching against the door. You knew that look. The vulnerable look. “Please, don’t get hurt…not because of me,” he mumbled. “It’s not worth it.”

You frowned as you approached him. Without hesitation, you took his face into your hands and kissed his forehead before you settled his head onto your chest, arms engulfing his form.

“How many times do I have to say it? I’ll die for you if I have to. Because it is worth it. It is worth it if it’s for your sake,” you whispered into his ear as one hand went to stroke his hair and he relaxed in your embrace, sighing softly as his own arms went around your body, pulling you even closer.

“Live for me instead.”

❅

#reader #attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyoujin #aot x reader #snk x reader #levi ackerman #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #teawithsaran

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morningstarwriting · 4 years

Text

College AU

So this was an idea that popped into my brain and I had to write it. I don’t know if this has already been done, but if it has oh well. I had a lot of fun writing this as it was my first time writing for Obey Me! I hope that you enjoy it!

───────────────────────────────────

「 Lucifer 」

This man will be a lawyer

Don’t argue with him

He’s always right

Mainly cause he’s majoring in psychology

But he’s not stopping there

He’s actually double majoring

Psychology and History

And it ALSO doesn’t stop there

He’s getting a minor in philosophy

This means that he’s going to school for five years instead of four though

He’s so insanely intelligent though

He psycho-analyzes his brothers all the time

The only ones who don’t really care about what he has to say are Belphegor and Satan

They regularly plot against him

He always knows it

He blames it on daddy issues

This just means that even when he’s with his brothers, he’s constantly working

Always doing his schoolwork

He’s also the Vice President position of Student Government

He was beat out for the President position by Diavolo

And forced his brothers to join in the other positions

He’s also an Admissions Representative

He’s the perfect person to look at applications and determine if people are suited to attend his school

Diavolo also has this job with him

They spend countless of hours together all the time

And he knows that people ship them

He knows

There is one thing he refuses to take part in on campus, though

The only Greek life you’ll catch him in is an Honor Society with Greek Letters in the name

He isn’t the biggest fan of Greek Life

Or parties

However, he was convinced to go to a party by Asmo once

Never again

The biggest perk for his brothers is that he’s so ridiculously busy

That he can’t really constantly be on their cases

At least that’s what they think

He finds his ways

He finds a lot of ways

「 Mammon 」

He went into school as an accounting major

Big Miss Steak

He… wasn’t the best at it

He didn’t necessarily hate it

But he wasn’t thrilled about it being his major

Lucky for him

He was required to take a fine arts course

He decided on photography

And boy oh boy

He fell in love with it

Taking pictures was a Big Yes from him

He was really good at coming up with poses for his models

And most times the people in his class would ask him to model for them

And that’s when he started getting into modeling

And he loved that even more than photography

So naturally

He googled what he should do to become a model

And he found out you don’t necessarily need a degree

But Lucifer would NOT let him drop out

So, he saw that a few majors would help

Luckily for him

Photography was on there

But there was another that caught his eye

Fashion Merchandising

And here we have it

The brother who everyone sees as a dumbass is a double major

Who would have thought?

Not his brothers

Now don’t get me wrong

He barely passes his general education classes

But his major classes?

Easy

He loves them

He has shown up to class many times hungover, though

That’s what happens when you’re in a frat

Yes

Our boy Mammon

Is in a frat

He’s in the frat that puts on the best parties

They don’t let him spend money on anything anymore

They learned that the hard way

He’s also in Student Government, courtesy of Lucifer

He’s the Director of Public Relations

He considered running for treasurer

But all of his brothers reminded him of all the things he’s spent money on

And bet money on

And lost money on

He decided against treasurer

When it comes to partying

Mans goes hard

Doesn’t give a fuck

Does it all

Except hard drugs

…

Only that one time

Thank God Lucifer was there

「 Leviathan 」

If you think he would major in anything other than video game design you’re wrong

He went in looking to be a general programmer

And then he saw the words “Video Game Design”

He changed major immediately

He’s perfectly happy with just Video Game Design

But he is getting a marine biology minor

He’s always been fascinated with the ocean

And the creatures in the ocean

So he decided a minor would be a neat idea

He could also totally use his knowledge to design a dope ass underwater themed game

Which high key may be his thesis project

He really doesn’t get out much

He stays home the majority of the time

Gaming

Watching Anime

Reading manga

Lucifer literally scolded him for always staying in his room

Never going out to do anything with anyone

Levi tried to tell him playing games was basically his homework

But Lucifer was having NONE OF IT

So, to shut him up

Levi looked at the clubs the school offered

He nearly screamed when he realized there was a Japanese Manga, Anime, and Gaming Club

He quickly became the president of that

He’s also a part of Student Government with the rest of his brothers

He’s the Media Representative

He runs all the social medias for the Student Government

And he’s damn good at it

He’s frequently on his phone during meetings

And he’s the only one who’s allowed to do that

And he may use it to his advantage

He needs to know what happens in the next episode of the anime he’s watching

He doesn’t have time to listen to Lucifer and Diavolo preach about things damnit!

He also doesn’t have time for

Shudder

Parties.

Just the thought of going to a frat party makes his skin crawl

What a normie thing to do

Sadly, for him

He’s frequently forced to attend them

Thanks Mammon

He just follows Mammon around like a lost puppy

He gets flustered any and every time anyone talks to him

One time, Mammon thought alcohol would make him feel more confident

…Mammon should not have provided Levi with alcohol

Too many things happened

Things the two never speak of to this day

N E V E R

He apologizes to Ruri-Chan every day for his mistakes on that night

「 Satan 」

VETERINARY MEDICINE

HE DOESN’T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES

HE WILL TAKE CARE OF ANIMALS

Almost bit Lucifer when he reminded him, he’d have to put down animals too

Lucifer then proceeded to call him an animal

But seriously

Satan wants to be able to help animals in any way he can

He’s well aware he will have to put some animals down

But he knows he won’t have to do that unless it’s absolutely necessary

He’s also going to be a whole ass doctor

Fuck off, Lucifer Esquire

Here comes the DOCTOR of the family

Literally took up a job just to get away from Lucifer

He works as a librarian

He loves it

He’s constantly reading

And I mean c o n s t a n t l y r e a d i n g

He’s the nicest librarian ever

Just

Don’t talk too loudly

Or destroy a book

Or do anything stupid

Because he will go off

He doesn’t tolerate stupidity

Not in his safe space

He’s on track to get a certificate in writing

So please

Do not interfere with literature

He’s also on track to get a certificate in Women and Gender Studies

So do not interfere with women’s rights or equality in front of him

He will not be happy

And he’s horrifying when he’s angry

Same thing goes in Student Government

He’s the Parliamentarian

And he does the job well

You either follow the rules

Or you get a talking to from Satan

Nobody wants a talking to from Satan

The only person who isn’t necessarily afraid of him is Lucifer

But Lucifer never breaks the rules so Satan can’t pop off on him

Satan might watch him like a hawk just to see if he messes up eventually so he can yell

He never catches him doing anything wrong

He catches Mammon doing plenty wrong, though

Constantly on his case for staying out too late

Mammon always blames it on his frat

And Satan always rolls his eyes

Similar to Lucifer

The only “frat” he’s in is an honor society with a Greek name

He considered joining the “smart” frat

But he decided against it seeing as Mammon was in a frat

He didn’t want to be associated with him

Sadly

He can’t escape it

Every party he goes to

Mammon is right there

Every

Time

Satan doesn’t understand how he does it

To avoid the feeling of dread he just

He drinks as much as possible

He doesn’t party often

But when he does

parties

The amount of times he’s gone out with his brothers and then disappeared only to come home after some crazy shit happened to the rest of them?

So many times

He doesn’t have time for their foolishness

He parties to get away from them

You know sometimes he just needs a break from his family dynamic

Even though when he gets drunk, Lucifer usually gets a voicemail

And… it’s soft

Satan has no idea those voicemails exist

Lucifer keeps them for blackmail

He also just keeps them to remind himself that Satan has a heart and isn’t a fucking dick to him all the time… don’t let the insult fool you, he actually really cares for Satan and hearing him be nice is pleasant

「 Asmodeus 」

He is a fashion design major

He’s known what he’s wanted to do since he was a child.

He’s been making his own clothes for years

People always stare at him because wow he looks good

He also decided to minor in music

Specifically focusing on his voice

Boy can sing

And sing he does

Sometimes Belphegor tells him to shut up

To which Asmo responds with

“I can’t hear you over my Grammy Award worthy voice! Did you say something?”

Before Belphegor can respond

Asmo is singing again

It’s futile

He never stops

That helps him in his Acapella Group though

He loves singing with them

Invites his brothers to every performance

Actually, gets happy if they show up

He’s the treasurer of Student Government

He’s actually very good with his money

He basically runs his own mini fashion business after all

He not only creates clothes for himself

But other people too

And don’t even get me started on his make-up looks

He’s literally an icon

He walks into a room and people know exactly who he is

He also has a YouTube channel

Focusing on fashion and beauty

He’s decently popular

And he loves it

He’s the other one in a frat

His frat is the most popular on campus

Everyone knows it

Everyone knows the people in it

And he loves the attention

So many girls and guys on campus throw themselves at him

And he loves that too

He always treats whoever he decides to bring home with him like royalty

Even though he’s had several hook ups and one-night stands

People don’t mind

Because he’s

AMAZING AT IT

and

HOT AS FUCK

He knows it

And he is not afraid to show it

He parties every night

Like actually

If he isn’t partying, it’s concerning

He’s one that believes that college are the best years of your life

And he isn’t letting that slip away from him

No matter how much Lucifer yells at him to stop partying all the time

Of course, partying is also an excuse for him to ignore some other things

So, he does it a lot

When he’s with someone else is when he’s happiest

So, he always makes sure to be with another person

「 Beelzebub 」

Bet you think he’s gonna major in culinary science

WRONG

That’s his minor

His major

Is Family and Child Science

He wants to help people so bad

Especially children

He wants to do everything in his power to make sure that children live happy lives

So, his main goal in the end is to either be a school counselor or a crisis counsellor

He’s very serious about what he does

And he holds some past trauma

So, he wants to make sure people have someone to talk to when bad things happen

Of course, he also loves making food

He loves eating it more, though

But honestly

He’s a student athlete

Of course, he needs food

He’s always moving

He’s the captain of the American football team at their school

If he wasn’t going into child services

You’d best believe he was going into the NFL

Mans can PLAY football

It’s also really nice to have him in Student Government

Because the student body actually respects them because of it

He’s the secretary

It’s always nice when Lucifer asks Beel for the notes they took that meeting

He hands them over

Super detailed

Perfect, even

He always pays attention

He’s great at listening

And he knows how much it means to Lucifer

So, he never disappoints

He isn’t in any other clubs other than student government

But that’s because he’s on teams

Like I said, one hell of a football player

And if he’s not home making food or doing schoolwork

He’s at practice

Or just at the gym

He’s always bettering himself

And he’s certainly a campus heartthrob

It’s always fun going out with him

because he is the heaviest of all the heavy weights

His record for taking shots is twenty-one

That should have KILLED HIM

It didn’t kill him

BUT

That’s definitely his limit

That was an interesting night

Beel is just happy that his brothers happened to be there

He wasn’t too happy when he realized Mammon did something even more stupid than taking twenty-one shots

Lucifer made sure they were both okay though

Which Beel appreciated

He just… avoids vodka as much as possible now

Too many bad memories

At least from what he can remember

「 Belphegor 」

Like Beel

Belphie really cares about the mental state of people

Not children specifically

Just people in general

He’s just

Not cut out to be a counsellor

He doesn’t have the personality for that

He needs to do something that can actually take his sarcastic ass and allow him to use it for the better

He does some research

And something catches his eye

Rehabilitation Coordinator

Specifically Rehab for drugs and alcohol

He’s no-nonsense enough to enforce the rules of the facility, but still be able to care about these people

And become one

He needs to go to nursing school

This is difficult for him

He really enjoys sleeping

And this whole getting up early for clinicals thing?

Not ideal

However

After talking to his advisor about it

And by talking

I mean just straight up telling him he’s nocturnal got severe insomnia and waking up early is a no go

He gets put on the night shift

And that does wonders of good for him

The brothers barely see him

He’s either in class, asleep, or at the hospital

The only brother he ever really makes time for is Beel

They’re twins

Of course, he’s going to make time for him

A lot of the time, Belphie will return home around the same time Beel wakes up to go on a morning run

So, they have breakfast together

Because of his chaotic schedule

The only club he’s in is Student Government

And he did his best to snag the easiest position

The Reporter position

He just

Submits stories to the papers in the area

That’s it

He loves it

It’s so easy

Lucifer has to remind him to do it sometimes, though

He doesn’t mean to forget

He’s just got a lot going on

He needs to memorize he human anatomy, Lucifer

Some things are more important

He rarely goes out

He isn’t fond of parties

Even though he’s a night owl and enjoys the occasional drink

There are too many people

The main reason he goes is to make sure Beel doesn’t get too wasted

Not after that one time

But he did party a little hard when he found out he passed a test that he needed to get higher than a C on to stay in his major

He celebrated

Sleeping was the last thing on his mind that night

He was so hungover in the morning

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ficdirectory · 6 years

Text

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 41

(To listen, click here) - 16:25

Jesus sits on the couch with Mariana. Ice on his hand, just like Levi said could happen. But he is not okay. Not even close. Because there are things Jesus doesn’t talk about. Ever. To anyone.

He’d come close a few times, to telling Dr. H. over the six years he saw her, especially when he started opening up more about Isaac. But the truth is, no one really knows about one specific week of his kidnapping. Jesus keeps it buried so deep that it only comes back in the worst of his nightmares. Where he wakes up sure he’s actually dying.

Jesus still remembers in the weeks after Isaac’s death, how He had commented - seemingly out of the blue - “Gave that one a taste of Hell Week. But he couldn’t take it. Not like you.”

That’s how Jesus had known, no doubt, how Isaac had died. He knew because he’d been through it himself. It hadn’t mattered that He’d said in interviews after He was arrested, but before He killed Himself that Isaac had been sick for a while. It hadn’t mattered that Jesus himself remembered the color in Isaac’s face and how bright his eyes looked that last day. How, at twelve, Jesus had mistaken the fever for extra energy. For a sign that Isaac was improving.

Jesus’s finger hurting was just the beginning. He feels dizzy. Wooden. Distant. He remembers feeling this same way when he first came home. Like he literally couldn’t keep his balance. Kept tripping. Kept retreating under the piano to sleep huge chunks of the day away.

When it’s time for lunch, Jesus feels like he’s just barely here. The only way he knows for sure is Dudley, who has his front paws and his head resting on Jesus all the time. Keeps licking his face and whining. Mariana’s next to him, talking, but Jesus can’t hear her.

She should just leave him. It’s really for the best if everybody just keeps their distance right now, but Jesus can’t tell her that. Can’t say anything. Feels like he did the day He finally let Jesus come upstairs and shower, after everything. Where He told Jesus not to do anything like think, or plan. Reminded him that he was just a warm body.

Jesus blinks a little when Mariana has a plate of food and is looking at him, questions on her face. Jesus clamps his mouth shut. Remembers this. How a huge part of Hell Week was not letting Jesus eat anything for days but doing all kinds of sick things that made Jesus never wanna eat again.

Mariana offers Jesus the plate. Jesus doesn’t move. Doesn’t take it. Knows the drill. Just because food is there, he can never assume it’s for him.

In the back of his mind, there’s fear. There’s a memory of being home fresh, maybe 10 or 11 days? And this happening. Shutting down. Not eating. And how Moms had made him eat. How they tried to act reassuring but really they just ended up acting like Hm. Forcing things in. Getting impatient when he couldn’t stop himself from spitting back out whatever they made him put in his mouth.

Jesus remembers how they kept trying. Switching off when one got too frustrated. How it got so he couldn’t drink water, even. And that was how Dr. H. came.

In Jesus’s mind, she just appeared one day. It was just her and him. Jesus was under the piano, practically covered in his yellow blanket from Officer Saunders, the police officer who stayed with him until Stef could come. Like Officer Saunders, Dr. H. just sat with him. When he didn’t answer when she talked to him, Dr. H. wrote him Post-It notes. (Jesus still has them.)

My name is Dr. Hitchens. You can call me Dr. H. What would you like me to call you?

Jesus had taken the note. Folded it. But hadn’t responded. Dr. H. had given him his own stack of notes. And a pen.

She had written a bunch more. Complimenting Jesus’s choices for how to stay safe. Saying how the piano was strong and the bench made a good boundary.

Jesus had studied it and then written, shakily: Boundary?

A boundary is a limit. It tells people to stop. It tells them ‘I need space.’

Jesus remembers scratching out the word food when Dr. H. eventually brought the subject up. Giving her a note back that said: BOUNDARY.

Jesus is wishing he had that note right now, so he could give it to Mariana. He’s pretty scared she’s gonna do the same thing Moms did even though nobody knows about it. The rushing is actually painful now. Jesus wishes the fort was still up out here, but it’s not. He doesn’t want to go under the table, because that would take him even closer to food.

So he just keeps his jaw clenched. Doesn’t move. Eventually, Mariana backs off, but leaves the plate. The bottle of water. Jesus’s whole body aches. Feels like he might gag if he opens his mouth.

He sees Dominique eventually. Knows Francesca’s watching her movie. That Jesus promised to give it a try but he can’t.

Jesus is firmly in Level 3 because Level 2 of dissociation is a Facebook game called Cookie Land, where he goes if he’s hungry, usually. But usually Facebook’s not the trigger. So, for the first time ever, Cookie Land’s not an option. It makes Jesus feel even more distant.

That makes the pain fade. But it’s still always there. He doesn’t feel human.

Something moves in his peripheral vision. Jesus tunes into it, but doesn’t turn his head. Levi. Because he doesn’t come at Jesus, or into his space, Jesus eventually makes eye contact.

Levi raises his eyebrows, holds out a bowl of Rocky Road ice cream.

The rushing fades just barely, from painful, to just loud. Jesus looks at Levi. Ignores the ice cream. Levi comes a little closer, takes out his phone and shows Jesus the blank Memo screen.

Levi types a few seconds, then shows Jesus the screen again:

Sugar helps, right?

Jesus blinks. Shakes his head a little to clear it. Nods.

“Yeah,” he manages. It’s soft. Monotone. Like it was There, when he was just a warm body.

“Can you hear me?” Levi asks easily.

Carefully, Jesus nods.

“Can I leave this here for you?” Levi asks.

Jesus nods again, and he’s shocked when Levi sets the bowl of ice cream on the couch, right by his free hand.

It reminds him of the breakthrough he’d had with Dr. H. when he was 13. When she met him. Hiding under the piano. She eventually was able to convince him it was safe to talk about food. Asked if there was one food in the whole world that felt safe for him to eat.

Jesus had drawn Isaac’s imaginary ice cream sundae in detail. Showed her.

Though he doesn’t remember what happened next, he does remember feeling shocked when she offered him a bowl and a spoon, right where he was, under the piano. In it was one scoop of vanilla ice cream, covered in chocolate syrup.

The note with it assured Jesus there was more, and he could have it, but Dr. H. didn’t want to overwhelm him.

It’s why Levi’s three scoops of Rocky Road bring tears to his eyes.

It takes Jesus a while, but eventually, he takes a bite. It’s shaky. Hard as hell. But it’s cold, so he doesn’t have the strong as hell urge to spit it back out. He can eat. Levi and Francesca and Dominique are all here but not staring. They’re watching Fran’s movie. It helps. And having Dudley here helps.

Vaguely, Jesus wonders about Pearl and Mariana. Figures they must be hanging out somewhere together. Finds himself glad that even though he can’t be there for Pearl, the others can be.

Jesus snags his yellow blanket and holds onto it once the ice cream’s gone. Digs to the bottom of his bag and takes out the scarf Pearl knitted him years ago when he was sixteen. It’s yellow - same as the blanket.

He’s debating where to put it - around his neck or waist - when Levi’s voice surprises Jesus and he jumps a little:

“Looks like my sister made it,” he observes, wincing at Jesus’s reaction. “Sorry,” he lowers his voice.

“She did,” Jesus nods. His voice is still too flat.

“You need anything?” Levi asks, bracing himself on his arms and looking back at Jesus.

“No.” Eleven-year-old Jesus answers blankly from inside him. Knows warm bodies don’t need anything.

“Explain,” Jesus begs, his voice heavy.

“Yeah, I will.” Levi says, scooting back, to sit so his back is to the couch, affording them a bit more privacy. “What do you need explained?”

Jesus checks that Francesca and Dominique are still busy. Not watching them. That Pearl isn’t out here. That Mariana won’t come with anymore food.

“Human stuff,” Jesus manages.

“Okay….” Levi hedges. “I haven’t really done this before. So… Maybe...can you narrow it down a little? What kind of human stuff?”

“You gave me ice cream,” Jesus points out.

“I did,” Levi answers.

“Warm bodies don’t need ice cream,” Jesus continues. He feels the ache in his wrists and ankles building.

“Okay, well you are not that. You’re a human. And humans have bodies, yeah. But nobody’s just a warm body, Jesus. Nobody alive, anyway.” Levi insists.

“I don’t get it,” Jesus says, feeling terror rise in him. Admitting he can’t follow a simple conversation will get him called a dumbass for sure. And Jesus isn’t sure he can take that.

“You are not a warm body. You’re a human,” Levi tries again.

“That’s why you gave me ice cream? Let me eat? Didn’t force me? Or…”

“Yes.” Levi answers.

“Because I’m human...even if...I maybe don’t feel that?” Jesus manages.

“Right. Yeah,” Levi nods. “We don’t force each other to do things. Or take away basic needs.”

“I feel submissive,” Jesus offers, quiet. “So…”

“So, what does that mean? Like, how can I help?” Levi asks.

“Don’t ask me to do anything?” Jesus asks, hesitant. “Because I will. I’ll just do it. Because I still don’t feel human.”

“Because...is that compliant? Like, what you guys were telling me about?” Levi asks.

“Yeah. Same thing,” Jesus nods.

“You’re human,” Levi reassures. “You’re Jesus, okay? And we all got your back.”

Jesus nods at the empty space next to him on the couch.

“You want me to sit next to you?” Levi asks. “Is that consent?”

“Yes,” Jesus says, voice low. “But tell me when you’re standing. Moving. Keep explaining.”

Levi tells Jesus when he’s going to stand up and when he’s standing. When he’s backing up to the couch and when he’s sitting.

“I wondered…” Jesus hedges, once Levi’s beside him. “If I could tell you something nobody else knows. About my moms. Or if you don’t wanna know any mom stuff.”

“You can tell me,” Levi nods.

“Just...I don’t know if anybody else would believe. Or get it. You know?” Jesus asks. He waits until Francesca and Dominique head outside together and the living room is empty before continuing.

“I will,” Levi tells him.

“So, this one time...I was feeling like this. The same as now. And that means...I can’t eat because I just…” Jesus shudders. “It was maybe 10 days after I got home. But all my sibs were out of the house. So it was just me and moms. And there was this...string of meals where I couldn’t eat. They told me I could. Sat with me. But eventually, Mama moved in next to me. Started poking food into me. I didn’t notice at first. Not til she said...s-swallow. I did, and then I gagged…”

Levi looks at him, sympathetic.

“Mama decided maybe I was overwhelmed. They left me alone until lunch. The same thing happened. Except this time, I clenched my teeth, so it was harder to sneak the food in. Mom kept saying it was okay, but she was frantic, kinda. Eventually, she got everything into me, but the same thing happened after.”

Levi winces.

“Dinner time, they both were switching off, trying to get me to eat, and, like, probably if I was any other kid they wouldn’t have tried so hard, but I came home super underweight. Like, the size of my 10-year-old little bro and I was 13 and a half. So they were worried. Kept on me to eat. Then coming at me with the spoon. This time, when they got it in my mouth, I couldn’t stop myself. I had this major impulse to just spit out everything. And I did. They kinda yelled. I tried to get up and stand behind the chair, because that used to be a thing? But then it was Mom holding me in the chair and Mama with the spoon,” he shudders.

“I hate that they did that to you,” Levi cringes. “I get that they were worried, but there are better ways…”

“Then next day, I refused to come out from under the piano. It’s one of the first places I found in the house I felt safe. I barricaded myself under that thing. I wasn’t gonna come out ever. Even though I knew that Moms could totally handle me physically if they wanted to. But yeah. Then there was a lady.”

Levi blinks, confused. “Like...an extra lady?”

“My therapist. Eventually,” Jesus clarifies. “She talked to me. Got through to my parents. Asked what felt safest to eat. I said ice cream, and she brought me some. So…”

“So, me bringing you ice cream was hopefully safe?” Levi asks.

“Nobody knows my moms did that,” Jesus sighs. “They never apologized. Never told my therapist. Neither did I.”

“That sucks,” Levi tells him. “They should’ve. How were you supposed to think they were any different than…” he trails off. “The guy.”

“This is a really big trigger. The Facebook thing… It makes me remember...another thing I’ve never shared...that I probably never will share,” Jesus looks Levi in the eye.

“You don’t have to,” Levi insists. “You don’t owe me your story. And I won’t tell anybody what you shared already. I know not to do that, and I won’t.”

“Just...can you tell them? Not to ask me to do anything? To be really careful with food? That I don’t feel very human? Or very safe?”

“Sure, if that’s what you want me to tell them, I will.” Levi nods. He shows Jesus he’s sending out a text, and that it says just what Jesus needs it to say.

“Sorry for unloading on you.” Jesus apologizes. “Was it too much?” Jesus asks, trying not to move a lot and aggravate his sore body.

“Not at all. Makes me feel less weird,” Levi tells him. “Not saying that you’re weird. Just...that you guys have triggers, too. It’s not just me.”

“Definitely. Hey. Would you mind hanging out? Having you here helps.”

“Really?” Levi asks, surprised. “Yeah, I’ll hang out.”

So they just sit. And it helps a little.

(And a little is a lot when Jesus had been sure that nothing would.)

#fic: somewhere inside

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askmyboys · 3 years

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Levi Snider

I guess, trigger warnings would be death/torture/violence mentions???

| Name: Levi Myers Snider

| Nicknames: Lev or Sni are the only nicknames but these are more so titles some have called him “The Coyote” or a much simpler one “Dice”

| Gender: He/Him

| Age: 34

| Height: 6’3”

| Species/Race: Human

| Hair Color: Caramel Brown (his hair is like,, a slicked back Pompadour)

| Eye Color: Lava Gray (he’s got a scar going over his right eye but he seems to still be able to see out of it)

| Skin Color/Body Type: He’s very pale and he’s pretty average, a bit on the muscular side but nothing too wild

| Appearance: His main outfit is a white suit with a long sleeved black shirt underneath it, he also wears a dark red tie, he wears black pants to match and some black and white oxford shoes, he has a few rings he wears on his fingers, one is a simple silver skull ring, then he has a dice ring, and the main ring though is a golden locket ring (its heart shaped too) and you wanna know whats in there? ...A fucking picture of h i m s e l f. He also has dice earrings he wears as well, he doesn’t have razor sharp teeth BUT he does seem to have fangs! He doesn’t have claws though or any kinds of inhuman features, just a plain ol human man- He does have a LOT of scars lining all over his body, there is no prominent one outta all of em except maybe the one that stands out on his eye n such but other than that, he’s pretty beat up.

| Personality: What can be said about Levi? Well, lots actually, for the basic gist he’s an absolute bastard of a man, he’s narcissistic as all hell about himself and seems to ONLY care about himself (maybe that’s true? Who knows, you’ll have to find out) He’s snarky and sarcastic a lot of the times, and I won’t deny he’s borderline sadistic and cruel, I mean he DOES murder people after all, his favorite weapons seem to either be a baseball bat or a cane, but on the rare occasion he will use one of his knives, he loves the torture aspects as well if he gets the chance! He’s very flirty too like, even if you are his victim he might legit start flirting with you outta the blue before swinging something against your head, he’s a heartbreaker though- he doesn’t care about love or none of that, the only things he loves is himself, murder, torture, and makin money too! (a big time gambler) he just flirts to mess with people and that’s it, if you flirt back he might be surprised but I doubt it’d change the outcome.

Despite being a murderer and 100% a criminal, whenever he sees an animal abuser… He seems to go ballistic at them especially, he doesn’t even give them a chance before swinging his cane over their head n caving their skull in, he’d then take the animal- no matter how small it is and try and get them a home, if nobody wants then fine he’ll take the animal! He has a bigger place than all these dumbasses anyways! If I had to say the only thing he cares about aside from himself is animals, and that’s because he has his own pets back at home, he has four pet rats actually so he’s especially soft toward rats/mice, if you show him pictures of rats/mice that’ll easily get him distracted from talking about himself and how great he is and he’ll focus on them instead, talking about how rats are so fuckin cool! So cute and precious!

He also won’t,, necessarily kill a kid, like he’s still an asshole because if a kid bumps into him he’ll shove ‘em outta the way or if they're just in his way in general he’ll shove them away- If someone was abusing a kid? ...Well, he doesn’t much care about kids, he doesn’t really LIKE kids in fact- BUT let’s just say he’ll pretend it was an accident when he throws something hard and heavy at the abuser like “Whoops, my fingers slipped” even if he were to hit them with his bat or cane he’d be like “Oops! Butterfingers~!” he’ll then lead the kid somewhere safe and leave them there, because he doesn’t wanna deal with t h a t anymore than need be.

| Side Facts: He’s nicknamed “Dice” for a reason, because he uses a literal dice (it can be any dice, he isnt picky) to determine how many hits he’ll give a victim, the nickname “The Coyote” just kinda comes out because he seems like a scavenger to most people, and he’s pretty damn vicious like one too tbh

Given how he’s dressed and (sure i know he just acts like it) but he genuinely DOES seem to be SOME sorta big shot around the city- He almost seems like he’s in some kinda Mafia, he seems like the Leader even but he mentions nothing about anyone else, no “family” nothing, he seems to act like he’s a one-man-band, a loner, whether he actually has a- well, he’d call them a Pack more than likely but even then it is currently unknown, and it’s even unknown if he would be the Leader, but he’s definitely a big shot- especially at the Casinos, people seem to treat him with a lot of respect and almost… Fear even?

Ofc he’s good at the ones themed up with dice because why wouldn’t he be, it’d be a bit silly if he weren’t good at games involving the very tool he’s used for so many people’s destructions! Aside from that, he seems to be good at Poker in general, Backgammon, Roulette, and Blackjack.

And even if he has an actual Mafia dude, he doesn’t seem to kill just because of business reasons, he seems to just kill for his own reasons- aka he loves the thrill of hunting someone down, he loves torturing his poor victims too I guess but chasing them down and then just catching them alone? That’s some euphoria right there babey! He doesn’t seem to give up so easily either, he’s VERY persistent when it comes to his victims, he’ll exhaust them and even himself before he’d let someone go so easily!

Finally he seems to hang around dark alleyways in the city mostly, but then sometimes you’ll find him w a y on the outskirts of the city, you’ll never find his place of residence- cause he DOES have one I mean the dude is fuckin r i c h, it ain’t nothing sUPER fancy, its honestly more so like a basic sorta home, if ya do find it, it does have some stuff lying around but it doesn’t look SUPER dirty, ofc on its own table is a large rat cage with four little rats just grooming themselves or playing or something, you’d also notice a fuckin scarred up Rottweiler bc honestly? That thing would probs tackle you down the moment you set foot in the d o o r. It won’t bite you or attack or anything not unless he gives a command, that Rottweiler’s name is Lucy by the way-

She’s honestly a sweetheart, super gentle and caring as can be ...if you aren’t trying to hurt Levi or herself or any of the other pets, she’s the protector here! There is also a Black cat that roams around here n there, its not technically his but he feeds em and lets them in when its cold out, and finally- he has two more dogs, one’s a brown and white shih tzu, the fur is pretty messy but its not matted- he would n e v e r… He brushes them as often as he can- honestly that little fucker would bite you before Lucy did, he’s a feral lil shit but still sweet and caring too, mostly toward Levi- and then a small Chinese Crested who you’d rarely see because he’s v e r y shy, and gets nervous around other people very easily.

The Black Cat he named Midnight bc that’s a classic, the shih tzu is named Rocco, the Chinese Crested is named Gizmo (sometimes Levi calls him Goober) and then the rats’ names are

The Grey one is named Remy and is super friendly, sweet, and p active- a lot more active than the others, The Black one is named Squeak (the reason being is he is a LOT more dramatic than the other ones, you can gently press a finger against him and he squeaks) and he is more reserved and sticks to himself mostly, The White one is named Roddy he’s a bit reserved but nothing too much, he mostly prefers to interact with Levi but will sometimes interact with the other rats he can be sweet n such too though, and finally…

This is the first Rat he ever really rescued actually! He’s a light brown colored one and he’s definitely getting up there in age a lil bit but for a short name he’s called Cheddar but his long name is Judge Cheddar of the Council of Cheese, the only time he judges anything? Is when he doesn’t get a tiny bit of cheddar cheese (Levi usually gives it as a treat but not,, every time, he does keep it in moderation) but that’s it for his pets, try to hurt them or do anything bad to em he WILL fucking slaughter you if you don’t die during the longer much more extended version of the torture he’s going to give ya.

#oc #my oc #original character #mafia oc #Levi Snider (Derogatory) lmao #hims stinky!!!

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