#nutcracker syndrome

[oliveasaltylife]

[malnutrition, food, medical diet, weight discussion]

My entire body hurts so bad today and I am so exhausted despite having like 10 hours of sleep. My body and nervous system are so overwhelmed from malnutrition on top of my usual complex chronic illness stuff and it is seriously difficult to come out of it. The intense fight or flight response that I’ve been in for months feels never ending and nothing has really been able to calm me down. I was always aware of physical effects of malnutrition, but my level or anxiety is higher than I’ve ever experienced and my dissociation threshold feels nonexistent. And the worst part is knowing that food will help, but if I overdo it I’ll end up in the hospital again with significantly worse symptoms.

I’ve unintentionally lost so much weight over the past few months because I haven’t been able to eat normally and I don’t tolerate my Soylent meal replacement shakes anymore. It’s quite scary watching my body change like it is and that definitely confounds my anxiety. I’m really glad my pcp was able to get me a prescription for a meal replacement shake because I really don’t want a feeding tube and am doing everything that I can to avoid one. I just really miss food and making meals, which is making my medical diet more difficult. (It helps knowing I absolutely can not tolerate the pizza I really want, but it’s just hard restricting myself so much).

And it’s so fucking difficult to actually hydrate myself and stay hydrated even *with* IV hydration. I am really so miserable and in so much pain and so nauseous.

#cw food #cw weight #cw medical diet #cw malnutrition #Olive’s medical updates #olive blogs #disability #I really just want to eat food so badly #but my gastroparesis keeps telling me no #malnutrition recovery is honestly so difficult and so slow #but I know it can’t be faster #ugh #abdominal vascular compression syndromes #SMAS #MALS #nutcracker syndrome #gastroparesis #endometriosis #and I’ve also been very heavily dissociated for months my #osddid #signed: kim & olive & ann

[wearingmystripes]

when it’s time for my semi annual appointment to make sure i don’t need a kidney auto transplant

#fingers crossed girlies #bc i have at least one other abdominal surgery in my future and i certainly don’t need another #update #chronically ill #spoonie #chronic illness #nutcracker syndrome

[lightpost]

I need help. I need to make a change. A change in medical health, nutcracker syndrome been dealing with it for 2 years now and it has taken my walking, my ability to enjoy life I hate doctors and have held this off for far to long plus money has been a big issue for me and recently with this breakup I need all the support I can get because this one is taking more from me then any relationship ever has he's been threating to post recording he has of us (he filmed me without my consent) I need to change my weakness of that to a strength and take back my power from this situation and I don't know how to change my love life without changing myself first a better, healthier me is a happier love life and a better man who will respect me. I need to change so I can work again and get my own place and stand on my own two feet and able to walk towards my future.

I want love more then anything

I want my kids more then life itself

I want a man deserving of having my kids and being with me.

I want to walk to school without fear

I want to ride my bike without fear

I want to walk without pain

#nutcracker syndrome #love #future #i wish i was better

[sexylexihasablog]

How a Simple Out-Patient Procedure - Changed Me and My Life Forever

The first of a series of blogs about how a procedure changed my life.

It will have been two years, this December. After everything my emotions still feel like a revolving door. I go from feeling proud of myself to guilty that I even survived. How fucked up is that? I was 31 and I felt guilty for surviving. I had 3 children at home but I felt guilty for surviving. So much of it all doesn’t make sense. How does something like this even happen? Why do things like…

View On WordPress

#blood clots #catastrophic health events #Christmas #Doctors #Family #Health #May-Thurners Syndrome #my experience #Nutcracker Syndrome #Pelvic congestion syndrome #Vascular #Vascular Surgery #Veins

[aroflareon]

#aroflare art #doodle #splatoon #splatoon fanart #splatoon art #lethal company #i fucking LOVE the coil head design i made btw. it's meant to be the museum d'alfonsino statues that got thrown out #the other 2 r great im happy i came up with ways to turn the monsters into salmonids while at least keeping the vibe #ie loot fish even without having wings was designed to be weird as possible. or eyeless salmon keeping as much as the red as possible #maybe ill do more. who knows. i have no idea what the hell to do for nutcracker #company building is pretty obvious tho. big fuckin ooze pile behind the wall that consumed nearly an entire planet #OK BYE sorry my. splatooning syndrome is strong

[snekky-arts]

MCYT Physically Disabled Week!!

Day 7: Free Day!

Thanks to the mods of @mcytphysicaldisabilityweek for hosting this event!

I chose free day because I gave Tommy what I have, May Thurner/Nutcracker syndrome! Which is kinda a weird one but here's a quick explanation:

May Thurner is a compression of your iliac vein (in your hip) and Nutcracker Syndrome is a compression of your left renal vein (kidney). While many people actually walk around with these conditions and are fine, a teeny tiny percentage of people, like me, suffer debilitating symptom that include swelling, tachycarida, abdominal, back (<- more common with Nutcracker Syndrome), chest, and leg pain, and severe intolerance of walking, standing, and even sitting upright (hence the near-flat wheelchair, which is actually modeled after the one I use.)

It's not a very fun set of conditions, and it's made worse by the fact that having it severe enough to be treated is extremely rare, and thus there aren't many places that treat it. So for this art chommy is just like me: bedridden and slowly loosing social skills.

If you would like to know more about May Thurner or Nutcracker syndrome, please ask!

#art #artists on tumblr #my art #dream smp fanart #dsmp fanart #dream smp art #dreamsmp fanart #tommyinnit art #tommyinnit fanart #tommyinnit #c!tommy art #c!tommy #c!tommy fanart #mcyt fanart #mcyt physically disabled week #can you tell i rushed this a little bit #actually no i didn't rush it #just for the life of me i couldn't get the pose right #disabled artist #disability art #invisible disability #invisible illness #chronic illness #chronic disability

[deaddovedec]

𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐃𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭

Hello and welcome to Dead Dove December 2023! We are a dark holiday-themed Bucky Barnes event. Below, you will find the prompts for each day of December, along with alternate options. This is a no-pressure, for-fun event that offers over 40 prompts to fulfill your dark needs during the holiday season. Please be aware that the prompts on this list contain dark and potentially disturbing themes and may not be suitable for all audiences.

Ao3 Collection

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭

Day 1: "Stocking" Stalking / Trapped

Day 2: Heartwarming / Hidden

Day 3: Ice Skating (Screaming) / Nutcracker / Home

Day 4: Curse / Captivity

Day 5: Jolly / Jugular

Day 6: Blood in The Snow / No Strings Attached

Day 7: Giving Back / First Night / Tis The Season

Day 8: Mistletoe Madness / Stree Free ( Stress Position)

Day 9: Naughty or Nice (Knot or Nice) / Merry

Day 10: Cold as Ice / Secret Surprise

Day 11: Unexpected Gift (Alt: Best/Worst) / Lost

Day 12: Candy Cane / Candlelight / "The Light Goes Out."

Day 13: Tortured / Yule Ritual / The Shadow of the Menorah / FREE DAY

Day 14: Chopping / Silent Night, Lonely Night

Day 15: Wonderland / Snowflakes

Day 16: Tinsel Bondage (Tied) / Strangulation

Day 17: Christmas Lights / Pretty as bulb, aren’t you? My own special little ornament (Christmas Angel).”

Day 18: Forced Celebration / Feast / Fever

Day 19: Twisted Traditions / Train Tracks/ Hanging From the Tree

Day 20: Krumpus / Monster Fucking

Day 21: A Broken Ornament / Winter Solstice / FREE DAY

Day 22: Buried in Bows / Tangled Ribbons

Day 23: What Fun It Is / Holiday Haunting / Horse Drawn

Day 24: The Nightmare Before Christmas / Last Wish

Day 25: All I Want is You / Unwrapping / Presents “Presence”

Day 26: Chains / Cheers / Cannibalism

Day 27: Dark Encounter / Stitches

Day 28: Something Red / Tears

Day 29: Robbed (of senses) / Stockholm Syndrome

Day 30: Masked / Masquerade / Spiked / FREE DAY

Day 31: It’s a New Year, (Again)- Memory Loss / Forgotten

𝐀𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭

Deprived

Search & Rescue

Building a (snow) man

Aches & Angels

"Stay with me."

The gift of gunpoint

Chimney

"He sees you when you're sleeping; he knows when you're awake."

Ao3 Collection ❆ Event Information ❆

Don’t forget to tag us for reblog or add your work to the Ao3 collection! Tag properly and destroy those doves 🕊️

Divider credit ❆ @rookthornesartistry

#deaddovedecember2023 #ddd2023

[ninjamelissajulien]

a barbie essay that no one asked for or will even care about but I'm gonna write it anyway :)

I hate the Barbie Movie (2023) Ken. It completely missed the point of Ken and his connection to Barbie. I get that it is a societal commentary on men/toxic masculinity/the patriarchy but the fact that the movie makes a huge deal over "women don't need to solve men's problems for them" then has Barbie (Robbie) solve Ken's problem kind of ruined the message. A lot of what the movie was going for went way too heavy-handed in social commentary while also trying to be silly creating a mix of oil and water. There was no reason for the businessmen to go to Barbieland, or even have them leave the building as they offered nothing after Barbie escaped. The poppy radio music, for the most part, distracts from the story. Having a woman as beautiful as Margot Robbie said that she wasn't beautiful anymore while having her look normal, and the narrator poking at that fact was a bit too tongue-in-cheek. Barbie is beautiful, no matter what doll she is because she sees herself as beautiful. It's self-confidence, not narcissism.

Ken, in the movie, is a selfish prick who can only see himself in Barbie's shadow. He only sees himself in terms of Barbie's boyfriend/love. Barbie never reciprocates that idea. Barbie doesn't owe him anything. She never leads him on or teases him, she doesn't even truly flirt with him. She's just friends with all of the Ken's and Allen. Ken is the one who tries to kiss her, then gets miffed when she doesn't respond. He's the one constantly pushing the idea of being with her. He becomes a misogynistic jerk who spreads the patriarchal idea to the other Kens, forcing toxic masculinity into an area that was a safe haven for women and Allen. Again, I understand that it's a social commentary, but I think it went way too far into it to the point that it lost its own messages.

I absolutely despise the fact that the teen daughter called Barbie a "fascist". Are you serious? I get that the term "Bimbo" has been connotated to Barbie (the dumb blonde stereotype, the 'perfect body' with no brain, only focusing on fashion/beauty rather than empowering women stereotypes) but that in no way deserves a term meant for white supremacy/Nazis. Society changed its view on Barbie, connotating it with negative terms rather than the empowerment of girls/women/even young boys. Yes, there is no ethical consumption under capitalism and it is still under the brand of Mattel. Still, the ideals of what Barbie is should be finding yourself, seeing yourself in new ways, and believing in what you can become without restraints. Barbie dolls, in recent years, have become exceptionally diverse in appearance and ethnicities, even having a Down syndrome girl, amputee Barbies, Vitiligo, and so many more.

In terms of spreading a positive message to young girls, the original Barbie Movies (2001-Present) have better visuals on showing strength while having male Kens that support the Barbie protagonist without forcing relationships. In later years, the movies even drop the idea of Barbie ending up in a relationship by the end of the movie (i.e. Starlight Adventures, Three Musketeers, Diamond Castle [this one, arguably is Queer implied], Mermaid Tales 1/2, and Princess Charm School just to name a few).

In my personal opinion, the early Barbie Movies (Barbie in the Nutcracker [2001], Barbie as Rapunzel [2002], Barbie Swan Lake [2003], and Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper [2004]) have the best feminist messages as well as Nutcracker/Princess and the Pauper having the best versions of Ken.

Barbie in the Nutcracker: Clara is a responsible teenager (approx. 16-18) who still shows outbursts of being angry, upset, cautious, and caring. She is caring and protective of the Nutcracker from the moment she is gifted him by Aunt Elizabeth, even to the point of talking gently to him and fixing his arm after Tommy accidentally breaks it. Eric sees this and, in turn, becomes protective over her but not obsessively. He cares for her, is gentle around her, even the way he talks softens.

Clara is willing to do what it takes to save him, even facing her fear and allowing the fairies to take her to the Palace of Sweets to save Eric. She has a moment of doubt, she could always just leave Parthenia using the locket, but "I'm their only hope." She chooses bravery. She chooses to stand between Eric and the Mouse King, protecting him and standing up against the tyrant. She even holds her ground as the Mouse King is about to hit her with a spell. Clara is brave, but also kind.

Eric is loyal but also fearful. He knows of the sorrows of his people, but because of his curse, he doesn't want to reveal himself as the missing Prince. The people of Parthenia blamed Eric for the pain and suffering, thinking that he abandoned them in their time of need when Eric was always searching for the one thing that could not only break the curse upon him but save the people of Parthenia- the Sugar Plum Princess. So much of Eric's dialogue, especially with Clara, is gentle but also somber. He cares for his people, he spends his whole time trying to repair the damage that the Mouse King caused.

"I... I didn’t want to be the prince when I had the chance… now I don’t deserve to be…" [...] "But my subjects think less of me than they do the Mouse King!... My only hope is to find the Sugar Plum Princess so she can help me restore my people’s happiness… I owe them that."

"Heh, least I could do for an old friend." [Here, he still shows respect for someone he grew up beside, not only in saving his life but seeing him as an equal].

"I’m only half the reason." [Eric is being humble, sharing respect and honor with Clara in terms of the group finding the island across the Sea of Storms.]

"There’s more to being a king than having a crown! ... You’ll never gain their loyalty until you’ve earned their respect!" [...] "Well... that’s for the people to decide." [Throughout his journey, Eric learned how to earn respect rather than take it by being royal. He proved himself in front of his people, who, in turn, accepted him as their King].

~you might notice I'm a bit biased toward BitN~

Alternatively, Julian/Dominick in PatP are just as respectful toward Anneliese and Erika. Julian knows that in his place as a tutor, he would never be able to marry Anneliese since she is a princess. Anneliese knows, just as well, that it is her birthright and duty to tend to the kingdom in any way she can- even if that means sacrificing her own happiness for her people. Anneliese would rather be studying science with Julian, but instead, she was to be wed off to the mysterious king Dominick. Julian knew Anneliese better than anyone [minus Seraphina], to the point that he knew something was wrong just by the scent of the stationary. Lilac, not rose. He risks his life to save her.

Dominick doesn't force himself onto "Anneliese" [Erika] but rather takes the time to get to know her and earn her trust. The song "If You Love Me For Me" is meant to show that their hearts yearn for the true sense of the self, rather than the facade and royal titles. Dominick knows that Erika wouldn't mean harm, and in turn, trusts her and helps her break out of prison. Dominick even promises to wait for Erika as she travels the world as a singer, allowing Erika the chance to find herself and enjoy her dream before she chooses to return to him. Even if she hadn't come back, he knew that his love would be for her and her alone.

Eric, Dominick, and Julian are fantastic representations of a loving Ken. All three are smart, memorable, independent male characters who can stand on their own, but also are caring towards Clara, Anneliese, and Erika. Even Barbie in the Three Musketeers goes after the idea of the patriarchy, and even hypocritical ideology. That the Prince would rather believe that a man could fly before a woman could be a musketeer.

TLDR; if you want positive Barbie role models, watch the OG Films.

*Quotes copied from Barbie Movies Wiki- Barbie in the Nutcracker transcript*

@lovely-english-rose , my Barbie bestie, feel free to add your thoughts as well

#barbie #barbie (2023) #Barbie Movie (2023) #Barbie Movies #Barbie in the Nutcracker #Barbie princess and the pauper #NMJ Analyzes

[tothepointofinsanity]

𓆉⋆.ೃ࿔*:･𖦹𓇼𖦹⋆.ೃ࿔*:･𓆉𖦹

Welcome to my miscellaneous art/dump blog ↓

- - -

Name: ttpoi/Caspian

Pronouns: He/him

Gender: Just Some Guy • Schizoid

What I do: Draw things I like. I also talk a lot about games and media. Frequent nonsensical ramblings.

Language: CN/ENG

DNI Criteria: Please do not interact with my posts and blog if you are a TERF or a transphobe.

Blog Tag Navigation Guide:

• ttpoiart (art)

• ttpoiwrites (fandom writing)

• ttpoilog (personal writing and My Things)

• ttpoicharacter (my OCs)

• pre-grief syndrome (Sayaka Miki art)

• Sayaka Archives (Sayaka-related introspection, analysis, thoughts, pondering)

• Fav art shelf (other people’s art that I reblog here)

• (?) Archives (For extra works that I also like and am obsessed with on the blog. To use, input a name of said thing plus the archive label. E.g Grass Archives.)

For OC art, you can also go to @library-mother because some works are archived there.

- - -

Here's some other stuff I'm interested in, but otherwise, have a good day (((;ꏿ_ꏿ;)))

𓆉⋆.ೃ࿔*:･𖦹𓇼𖦹⋆.ೃ࿔*:･𓆉𖦹

Music:

Maretu — Girl Eraser, Namida, Magical Doctor, New Darling, The Taste of Cockroach, Brain Revolution Girl, aishiteitanoni, Packet Hero, Miseenen, Dokuhaku, Koukatsu, Last Day

Masa Works Design — Rondon Slag Pathy HI, God of Marie, Soap Lagoon, Paris Green, Himitsuno kingyo

Itimatu Suzuka — Yes I am, yumenokeloid, hana-arashi

Mitski — Stay Soft, Francis Forever, A Pearl, Me and My Husband, Washing Machine Heart, This is a Life, Should Have Been Me, Your Best American Girl

Steampianist — The Singing Tumor, Candle Boy, Dream Eating Machine, Hero of the Abyss, Black Hole, Ang Cariñosa

Cosmo Sheldrake — The Fly, Tardigrade Song, Piloscene, The Moss, Linger Longer, Come Along, Pelicans We

Games:

Yatoimtop — GREENER GRASS AWAITS, Liminal Ranger, Pearl Grabber, Tropic Jim’s Sweet Island Adventure

Yames — Discover My Body, Water Womb World, Via Negativa, Discover Our Bodies

Taylor Swietanski — THAT NIGHT STEEPED BY BLOOD RIVER, Spirits Mirror: Digital Possessed, Caged Bird Don’t Fly

Modus Interactive — Iketsuki, Beneath a Withering Moon, Groaning Steel

Comics/Webtoons/Manga:

Bread and All Variations of the Aforementioned, The Dummy's Dummy, Cursed Princess Club, Shoujo Jiten, Apocalyptic Horseplay, Curse of the Three Sisters, Berserk, Blade of the Immortal, Uratarou

Misc. items of joy:

Breton hats, stickers, keychains, music boxes, aquariums, puppets, vintage dolls, ventriloquist dummies, wooden toys, angel statues, paper stars, cats, old animated fairytale movies, nutcrackers, traditional clothing, the Christmas atmosphere, seashells

#ttpoilog

[tenaflyviper]

Christmas Horror Films Part 2: Films from 2016 to Upcoming Releases

The 12 Slays of Christmas (2022)

13 Slays Till X-mas (2020)

The Advent Calender (2021)

All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018)

American Exorcist (2018)

Amityville Christmas Vacation (2022)

Anna and the Apocalypse (2017) 🎅👌

Another Wolfcop (2016)

The Apology (2022)

Await Further Instructions (2018) 😺👍(WARNING: Child abuse, domestic violence, child birth, some racist characters (though it's part of the plot), some flashing lights, and body dysmorphia)

Better Watch Out (2017) 😺👍 (WARNING: Child abuse and sexual assault)

Black Christmas (2019) 😺👍 (WARNING: Sexual assault, gaslighting, misogynistic characters)

Black Friday (2021)

Black Santa (2023)

Cannibal Claus (2016) 🍻

The Chicken Party (2018)

Christmas Apparition (2018)

Christmas Blood (aka Juleblod) (2017) (WARNING: Drug/alcohol abuse, child death, vomit, mental institution scene)

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

Christmas Craft Fair Massacre (2022)

Christmas Slasher (in post-production)

Christmas Presence (2018)

The Christmas Tapes (2022)

Christmas with Cookie (2016)

Christmas Zombies (2020)

Cold Wind Blowing (2022)

The Conjuring 2 (2016) 😺👍(WARNING: Single use of a lesbophobic slur)

A Creature Was Stirring (2023)

Creatures (2021)

Dead by Christmas (2018) 🦃

Deathcember (2019) (WARNING: Graphic child abuse (in claymation, but still), incest, sexual assault, and self-harm)

The Elf (2017)

Elves (2018) 🦃 (WARNING: Staged animal cruelty)

The Fright Before Christmas (2020)

The Fright Before Christmas 2 (2023)

Good Tidings (2016) 🎅👌

Giftwrapped and Gutted (2019)

Hanukkah (2020) (Free to stream on the Dark Matter TV app)

Happy Horror Days (2020)

He Knows (2022)

Hellblazers (2022)

Hell on the Shelf (2021)

Holiday Hell (2019) 😺👍(WARNING: Child abuse, sexual assault, one lesbophobic slur)

Holidays (2016) (WARNING: Child abuse, sexual assault, self-harm, and other potentially upsetting content)

Hosts (2020)

I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (2017)

Inside (2016) (WARNING: Staged animal cruelty, and other potentially upsetting content)

Into the Dark: A Nasty Piece of Work (2019)

It Came Upon a Midnight Clear (2020)

It Cuts Deep (2020)

I Trapped the Devil (2019)

It's a Wonderful Knife (2023)

Jack Frost (2022)

Killer Christmas (2017)

Killer Christmas 2 (in development)

Killer Christmas Elves (2021)

Killer Raccoons 2: Dark Christmas in the Dark (2020)

The Killing Tree (2022)

Krampus Origins (2018) 🦃

Krampus: The Return (2022)

Krampus 2: The Devil Returns (2016) 🦃

Krampus Unleashed (2016) 🦃

Krampus vs Bigfoot (2021)

Lake Alice (2017)

The Lodge (2019)

Massacre on Aisle 12 (2016)

The Mean One (2022)

The Melancholy Fantastic (2011; 2016) 🎅👌

Mercy Christmas (2017) 🎅👌

Mistletoe Massacre (2022)

Mother Krampus (2017) 🎁

Mother Krampus 2: Slay Ride (2018) 🦃

Mrs. Claus (2018) 🦃

Nekrotronic (2018)

Nightmare on 34th Street (2023)

Night of the Missing (2023)

The Nights Before Christmas (2019)

Nutcracker Massacre (2022)

Once Upon a Time at Christmas (2017)

Portal Runner (2021)

Psycho Santa 2 (2022)

Red Christmas (2016) 🎁

Red Snow (2021)

The Sacrifice Game (2023)

Santa Isn't Real (2023)

Santa Jaws (2018)

Santastein (2023)

The Santa Suicides (2019)

Secret Santa (2018) 🎅👌😺👍(WARNING: Vomiting, gaslighting, ableist behavior and use of the r-slur, necrophilia, fatshaming, mention of incest)

Shelved (2016)

Sick for Toys (2018) 🎁 (WARNING: Deals with issues like Stockholm Syndrome, incest, and sexual assault against men)

Silent Night (2021)

Silent Night, Dead Night: A New Christmas Carol (2016)

Sister Krampus (2021)

Slay Belles (2018) 🎁

Slayed (2020)

Stuffings (2021)

Terrifier 3 (set to release in theaters in October, 2024)

Toys of Terror (2020)

Ugly Sweater Party (2018)

Unholy Night (2019)

Vikings VS Krampus (aka Pagan Warrior) (2019)

Violent Night (2022)

Weredeer (2021)

Werewolf Santa (2023)

XX (2017) (WARNING: Drug abuse, eating disorder, suggested off-screen abuse of a dog by a child, and a dead squirrel is shown)

XXX-MAS (2023)

The Yearly Harvest (2020)

Yule Log (2023)

Yuletide Horror (documentary, in production)

Zombie Elves (In Development)

For films from 1901-2015 (plus an explanation of the ratings, and further resources) please see:

Christmas Horror Films, Part 1

#Christmas #horror #list #links #Part 2

[oliveasaltylife]

Hate that I can go from alert and making conversation to instant tachycardia while dry heaving into an emeto bag

I just wanted my Soylent but apparently even small sips was too much

#cw emetophobia #cw vomit #the worst part is that I know I have abdominal vascular compressions that are absolutely contributing to this noghtmare #but this hospital is notorious for ignoring ‘rare’ conditions and even goes so far as claiming they don’t even exist #there are plenty of peer reviews that would beg to differ #not to mention the whole slew of patients who have these conditions #UGH #at least I have a new CTA that was specifically for my abdomen #mals #smas #NCS #nutcracker syndrome #abdominal vascular compression syndromes #all of which are also affected by my slipping ribs because why not

[canenotabeltofunction]

A list of my more bizarre recent google searches and why I searched them.

“Bronze Bull Torture” - It is one of my most irrational fears to be cooked alive in a bronze bull and I wanted to know where it originated.

“How to hollow out a piece of wood” - I have a cane with a sword in it but it’s all fucked up and wanted to put the sword in a new cane.

“Are penguins light meat or dark meat?” - A valid question, they are apparently considered dark meat

“Horses growing mustaches” - I saw something saying horses could grow mustaches and I wanted to fact check, yes they can

“Cliodhna” - She’s a Celtic goddess of the Banshees

“How to learn old Norse” - I want to learn just to say I know how, it’s the same reason I want to learn enochian and Latin

“Spinch” - Spinch

“Nutcracker Syndrome” - I heard someone talk about it and I wanted to know what it was.

“Stun Batons” - I can’t shoot a gun but I can hit people with sticks

“Define Oroface” - I know what an oroface is I just wanted to understand the exact definition

“How much moose cost?” - Yes I wrote it like that- the answer is around 3000-5000$

“Button Quail” - Tiny bird

“Pets of Vladimir Putin” - I could have SWORN I read something saying he had a pet bear named Buffy and I swear I’m not crazy but now I can’t find it and it says it’s fake but there was all this information I swear

I will probably add more

#google #weird Google searches #adhd #autism #funny

[lightpost]

Oh if the universe still cares! Send a fucking miracle this pain is makin gme want to take another trip to the ER for the 5th time. I want drugs hard core! give me all the pain meds FUCK!

I got so much pain going into my thigh I can't even lay on my side or lay down right now the pain throbs and kicks in my side my organ feels like it's floating tonight and I want to throw up so badly when the blood hit my stomach I can feel pins and needles in my stomach

and the pins and needles go into my foot.

I'm so tired but the pain is keeping me up

I need help

seriously

serious help

#I need some serious help #help #medical condition #nutcracker syndrome #nutcracker is taking my life #left renal vein #compression vein #compression medical #I need a miracle #seriously #i give up #i give you all my pain #kidney #I'm done #I'm giving up #I let go #no doctor gives a fuck

[lacunasbalustrade]

reminder of a safe return

reposted from ao3! read more below the cut.

reminder of a safe return

Balustrade

Summary:

The pendant Rouga wears and the cross Kyoya bears. The pendant might carry more secrets, and the cross may be warmer than you think.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter Management

Edit Chapter

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

The streets of Cho-Okachimachi are clean, bustling with sleepy and determined shoppers. Even at the ungodly hour of 9.am. on a Saturday morning, an unmistakable aura of energy permeates the air, he notices, turning his head this way and that as Kyoya observes him with an amused smirk.

As expected, the aura-in-question belongs to those blessed with the coveted 'morning person' miracle constitution. Well, good for them - but he hasn't signed up for this and would rather be on his soft mattress snoozing and getting some shut-eye. Some of the energetic 'kids' run around making noises on the stony pavement. They're mostly with significant others, tugging and pulling, pushing and pouting, calling each other by silly nicknames you'll never understand - he can't help but let out a satisfied hmmph at them (despite only being eleven and in no position to talk), the way a grumpy uncle looks fondly at his nieces and nephews flirting at a party.

How can the sky be this clear, anyway? It's transparent as he wonders, angling his head up towards the glowing, welcoming heavens, so cloudless at this moment as they illuminate every inch of this nook of his world in promises. It's a miracle that he's never understood. It's so blue in the morning and the sunshine is so clean, not purified like the air-conditioning in Kyoya's house (not like where he grew up, where he used to live. The memories of that place have been fading for a while, maybe three years now - he's never tried to keep track - why would he? - but the stain of how the big-city nearby flooded the already-grey slums with factory pollution, billowing dust even over their sky - THAT still lives within his lungs, still lives within the eyes that created a clear night sky even though they've never seen one themselves, never seen a star, only satellites.) and Rouga is more certain than he's ever been that Kyoya needs to invest his time in Nintendo 3DS, Danganronpa, or some other normal edgy game that lovable, unreliable elder brothers with eighth grader syndrome play, instead of dragging him out unreasonably for stuff he could care less about.

"Come on, Rouga. We're friends, aren't we? You can't possibly abandon me to the streets without a friend in the world." Kyoya had said, winking shamelessly with one finger to his mouth. (he could never refuse him when he pulled that stunt) "A little secret between us. Father and Mother need never know. I've been so bored~"

And just like that, he'd been coerced into sneaking out.

It had been coming for him for a while, he realised resignedly - Kyoya had reached his not-quite rebellious phase of life whence he was obligated to buy heavy metallic jewellery, wear clothes that looked both suggestive with their v-necks and side slits, and dorkywith their light academia colouring (as opposed to the cute coat he had worn when they first met, back when his parents still colour-coded his wardrobe to match with theirs). Not to forget, Kyoya started to listen exclusively to ballet music (Rouga never could tell which ones were actually symphonies, and which ones were from the Nutcracker or Giselle - not like Sofia could.)

He supposed it was Kyoya being aesthetic (because Kyoya never tries for anything - he knows exactly how to achieve the effect he's going for, and that makes him both terrifying and so.... bright.)

Just as he is now, walking charmingly from velvet-wrapped stall to stall, swaying gracefully in that particular, childish way that's both suggestive (again) and cute. And on cue, Kyoya turns three-quarters of the way towards him, waving his hand at him, beckoning him with a smile full of certainty and suppressed hilarity. 

Because if there's one thing Kyoya hates more than anything, it's not being entertained.

Rouga joins him at the sage-draped stall wordlessly, hands-in-pockets, lip stuck out a little, skull-tinted messy hair still covering his sober indigo eyes where he tugged it over to get rid of the blinding light. Whatever Kyoya wants, he will never shy away from asking for it (for all his faults, he's surprisingly brash -)

Kyoya's eyes give a little flash at the sides in earnest - it's a rare look for him, almost cherubic in innocent wanting (he is not smiling, but he is taking this seriously), and Rouga finds himself taken aback by that unfamiliar expression. "Rouga, have you considered getting your ears pierced? There are some cool earrings here - I think they would suit you. Why don't you try them on?" Kyoya suggests, picking out a pair of weighted iron studs and holding them up to his earlobes, visualising it with those valentine-shaded irises, frowning as he strains a little to make up the height difference.

 Yeah, Kyoya asked like he thought he would. His friend doesn't hold back from asking for ridiculous things, does he...? Wait a minute. Did he really just hear what he thought he heard? (even from Kyoya, that's...!) This on-occasion frightening best friend of his - is asking him to take something sharp and whack it into his flesh on - on purpose?! "Don't be ridiculous, Kyoya." His response is short, and curt, full of disbelief. Kyoya frowns in displeasure, prompting Rouga to elaborate - (reluctantly), as he stares at a couple playing an (obviously rigged) plush toy machine out of the corner of his half-closed eye. "Why would I voluntarily make holes in my own body? That's just stupid."

Kyoya sighs dramatically, apparently deciding it is not worth the effort and energy to argue with this.... unfashionable plebian. "You do know, there are processes to prevent ear infection?" He tries halfheartedly, already neatly rearranging the earrings on their rotatable pinboard. "Yeah." (Rouga didn't know, but that's not about to make him more eager to make a dent in himself just to satisfy some whim of Kyoya's.) Kyoya holds up a pair of ruby drop earrings and admires the way they catch the darkness behind the shadow of the stall, amplifying it and chasing away the light. "Pity. We could have matched."

(Now he's so glad he hasn't agreed, earrings are not his thing, and when Kyoya says to match, he doesn't think he could have denied him.)

"Then....how about a necklace?" (A necklace doesn't sound terrible. No bodily injury, so if it makes Kyoya happy...) "Fine. That's not too bad." Rouga says grudgingly, giving a glance at the stall.

"This one." Kyoya picks up a golden pendant (button?) between his thumb and forefinger, his pinky sticking out elegantly like how he takes tea in the evenings as he does. It's almost impressive how quickly he comes to a decision - is he that certain about it (about Rouga's tastes?)? And he flicks the catch open to reveal - oh, it's a locket - and Rouga is forced to admit that yes, Kyoya is being considerate and careful and he is right about it. 

Because this pendant can be "strung on a ribbon - it's time you made yourself presentable too, Rouga, it's a good tie", "a reminder of our friendship", and it's gold, "just in case you ever need some cash and I'm not around, gold retains its value, especially Golden Warrior Chrysaor." 

A gift from Kyoya is something he will never sell, although the thought....is a good reason to lend even more value to the gift.

But mostly, he just likes having a secret strung around his neck, and (he knows) Kyoya's aware of that, knows that Kyoya can sense the yearning in his eyes if not in his mouth, knows that Kyoya predicted this reaction.

"In that case.....I'll buy this one, Miss." Kyoya is working his charm again, persuading her to give them a discount (not because he needs it, he stole a credit card before going out, but because this bargaining and haggling is fun for him in a way Rouga can reluctantly understand) when the heavy silver cross at the very end half-hidden under the tablecloth, beneath a bunch of feathery dreamcatcher earrings catches Rouga's eye.

It is nothing Kyoya should be encouraged to wear, he thinks, and wonders briefly what sort of cursed things would happen should he inflate his friend's saviour complex before deciding against it.

It is too late, and he regrets even allowing his disguarded thought to exist for that brief moment, because Kyoya's eyes are sharp, and he sees Rouga's thoughts like a huntsman to his prey as he slips it into the reusable bag (Rouga has an eye for things he appreciates too, even if he doesn't approve of them) and offers the shop assistant an extra wad of bills as Rouga stares, slightly horrified.

The streets of Cho-Okachimachi are clean, bustling with hungry and determined shoppers, and as the two walk in companionable silence to the bus stop, Rouga feels the weight of the golden pendant in his pocket like a cherished reminder, Kyoya idly twirls the cross around his neck and feels the way it rests against his chest like a safe return.

(next few rbs with the next two chapters)

#chapter 1 #rouga aragami #kyoya gaen #fcbf #future card buddyfight

[curiosity-killed]

y’all ever notice how imposter syndrome will have you picking the most unhinged dialogue option

[ALT ID: A four panel comic done with simple colors and no lines. The first panel shows a young black woman in a hot pink hoodie on an airplane, asking “Oh! Are you a ballerina?” The next panel shows a brunette white woman sitting in the window seat of the same airplane row, sewing pointe shoes and looking caught off guard. She says, “...no...” uncertainly while a text box below points to the pointe shoes in her hands and says, “Pointe shoes I am sewing for the Nutcracker.”

The next panel shows a blonde white woman standing in what appears to be a minimally-sketched cafe and holding a coffee. She asks, “Excuse me, are you a dancer?” The next panel shows the brunette from before but now wearing her hair up in a bun and carrying a bag with pointe shoes, a foam roller, and water bottle. She says, “uhhh...sort of?” while an additional text box points to her and says “literally just came from dance class.]

#pour one out for every stranger who's sat next to me on a plane #and asked if i was an artist #and received a variation of the response ''not really'' while i am actively. drawing. #my doodles #anyway these are unfortunately real experiences #but this type of interaction is my number 1 cure for imposter syndrome #bc it sounds so fucking stupid to say you're not an X while you are doing the thing an X does

[soft-lambtail]

Life Update

Today, I got my test results from my CT scan on Wednesday, and it's not great news. I've been diagnosed with Nutcracker syndrome, Median Arcuate Ligament syndrome, May-Thurner snydrome, and possible Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. I will not be very active this coming week as I need time to process this news.

While I'm gone, I will be working on requests to distract my mind occasionally. I apologize for such a long wait, and I appreciate the patience you guys give me during my breaks.

Thank you for sticking around and make sure to take care of yourselves. ~Rory

#lambtail chit chat