On Kurapika's Self-Imposed Isolation
While I recognize that probably everything I'm about to say is going to be super obvious, I just wanted to briefly touch on Kurapika's self-isolation, and the reason behind his not picking up his phone or exchanging anything more than clipped words and business after Yorknew.
I think the obvious answer is that Kurapika doesn't want his friends in harms way, or to be used as a bargaining tool against him. This is an understandable and probably accurate conclusion. After all, Gon and Killua did get taken hostage, and Kurapika was forced to negotiate an exchange. Chrollo picked up on Kurapika's "weakness" right away - that he values his friends' safety before his revenge. Fortunately for Kurapika in this situation, Pakunoda was a whole lot more similar to him than he would've cared to admit, as she placed a value on Chrollo's life even though everyone in the Spider was intended to be replaceable. So, now that he's been through Gon and Killua having potentially gotten killed or seriously hurt, and Chrollo knows that he has a soft spot for them, it does make sense that he would try to push them away for their safety and for the sake of not having an exploitable "weakness" in future. He may also not want to burden them more when they have their own lives to live - he does slip off without telling Gon and Killua for the sake of not distracting them from Nen training, after all.
Except that he already tried all this earlier in Yorknew arc. He tried to tell them they shouldn't get involved, and they all agreed that the risks were massive - but his friends agreed to undergo the risks anyways to help him. Kurapika was even grateful for it - "I have been blessed with good friends."
So, for him to push them away solely for this reason after the fact, knowing that this was very much a likely situation to happen, is a little odd to me. Kurapika knows full well that Leorio would be frustrated, Killua would be offended and Gon would worry. So, I think there's a little more to it than that, and I actually would venture to say that "keeping his friends out of danger" is more a secondary reason for his actions - one that would come across as more of a reasonable excuse to others.
The primary reason is likely a lot more selfish than that. Kurapika has to ensure his mission comes first. And unfortunately, he is fully aware that his path and choice in abilities is deeply self-destructive.
Kurapika needs to make sure that he doesn't have exploitable weaknesses, sure, but he also just as much needs to purposefully worsen his headspace - and he can't do that with those three around.
Think back, what are the happiest moments we see from Kurapika in the series? The one that comes to mind first, and the one I'm sure most of us will think of immediately, is this:
[ID: A screenshot from the 2011 anime adaptation. Kurapika smiles - he looks at ease. End ID.]
It's one of the sweetest scenes of the series imo, right before the whole group is reunited for the first time since the Zoldyck Family arc, and it's even more notable because it comes immediately on the tail end of this...
[ID: Three panels from HxH Chapter 101. Kurapika removes his contacts over the sink. His expression is distant. End ID.]
...and this...
[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A close up of Kurapika's vacant and furious expression, his eyes wide and dangerous as he says "It might as well be you." Though the art is in black and white, it's apparent his eyes have gone scarlet. End ID.]
...and this.
[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A distant Kurapika speaks on the phone on a rooftop at night, the cityscape of Yorknew around him dark, but speckled with lights and stars. He says "The Spiders are dead." His face is not visible to the reader. End ID.]
This is, up to this point in the series, Kurapika at his lowest. In contrast to Gon, who is happy to hear that the Spiders are dead already because now Kurapika can focus solely on finding his peoples' eyes, Kurapika... is clearly not happy - and that's because killing the Spiders himself isn't just revenge. It's penance. It's survivor's guilt. Kurapika's powers, which Izunavi even comments sound much like he is chaining himself in the process of chaining his enemies, are oh-so-beautifully prophecied to destroy him - and Kurapika was aware of this from the moment he set off down this path of revenge.
(As a side note, this is why I'm really hoping we see Gon and Kurapika interact again after the Chimera Ant arc - while Gon has always been pretty attentive to Kurapika's emotional state, in Yorknew, he lacks a true understanding of why Kurapika would go so far... but as of now, he understands rage fueled by guilt and grief all too well. I know we're all rooting for Leorio to reach Kurapika, but barring that, I really think Gon could get through to him - after all, they are similar in several ways, and I find it fairly apparent that Gon reminds Kurapika of Pairo.)
But back to the main point here - I do suspect Kurapika expects (if not wants) his revenge mission to destroy him. I think a lot of times, we forget just how young Kurapika is, and how much his character is dictated by honour, and the abandonment of it.
Certainly, he can and will go against his principles for the sake of his mission... yet, almost paradoxically, he's bound to his promise to his fallen clan; a promise to avenge them made in anger.
But Kurapika... doesn't come across as a naturally angry person to me at all.
He seems like the stoic, vengeful type on his initial introduction... and then we get his panic at Gon's recklessness
[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 2. Kurapika and Leorio wear matching expressions of panic in front of Gon, calling him out for his recklessness. End ID.]
...and his near-immediate forgiveness of Leorio after getting the first inkling of his character - of someone who cares just as fiercely as he does.
And after that point? Almost all through the Hunter Exam? Kurapika smiles so readily at them. He's sharp and funny. He mediates at times, but is stubbornly prideful in others. He's very amused by his friends' antics, and it really does seem like he starts to enjoy himself, with them. And, more than that, he counters Leorio's initial impression of him as an independent loner - on several occasions. He decides to follow Gon because Gon intrigues him. Asides from Gon, it is Kurapika who is the most unwilling to fight each other at the bottom of Trick Tower. Kurapika who makes the first move to team up with Leorio, even though that arrangement benefits Leorio much more than it does him. Kurapika who refuses to abandon Leorio to his fate in the cave, and who checks on Gon after noticing his bad mood. Who was furious enough watching him get beat down by Hanzo that his eyes went scarlet for the first and only instance outside of Spider mentions and Emperor Time. Who quite readily detoured to help rescue Killua.
[ID: Three screenshots from the 2011 adaptation Hunter Exam arc. In the first, Kurapika smiles at a sleeping Leorio. In the second, Kurapika stifles laughter as he pretends he's asleep. In the third, Kurapika has an open-mouthed smile as he acquires the airship tickets for them, Leorio and Gon standing behind him. End ID.]
Look at him! He's so bright! So happy!
...too happy. Too happy to do what he promised himself he would do. And that's his biggest fear, isn't it. Without his rage... what is he left with?
[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 2. A close up of Kurapika's eye as he says "I do not fear death. What I fear is that my rage will one day fade away." End ID.]
Kurapika is far, far less mired in anger when he's with his friends. I actually dare to say that at certain points, he was able to go for lengths of time without thinking much about it - alternating between almost forgetting in one instance and being hit like a sledgehammer on exposure to a reminder in the next. This violent swing is... actually the beginnings of the natural process of healing from loss and trauma. But to Kurapika, who's made a promise to his people's memories, this is not a relief. This is betrayal.
I think that actually scares him, that he can almost picture it. A life beyond his guilt. That he, too, could learn to be happy, even after unimaginable loss.
And so, as Kurapika continues his mission offscreen, finding more and more gruesome reminders of the cruelty inflicted on his people and losing more and more pieces of himself in the process (in his own words, no less), he prioritizes his responsibility to them, and pushes away his distractions. He cannot be a soul at peace until his work is done; he must be in turmoil. He pushes people away who he cares for, and binds himself, and keeps his people's eyes on him, quite literally, because respite, for him, is unacceptable. Perhaps that guilty part of him even hopes, by the end of this, that his soul will be so unrecognizable as to be fundamentally unsalvageable. But the truth of the matter is, or at least what comes across to me, is that Kurapika cares much more fiercely than he hates. He knows what matters most. And for as long as he does, he still hasn't truly lost himself.
[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 350. Kurapika looks down at baby Woble with a gentle, yet complicated expression. The inking is somewhat softer. End ID.]
Kurapika's soul is kind, really. And it wants to heal - but for the sake of his mission, he needs it damaged and bleeding. And so, he forces himself to exist in that pain. All alone.
[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 344. Kurapika, dressed in a black suit, sits with his back to the reader, looking down at a photo in his hand. He is slumped a little before the church vigil he has prepared, all his clan's eyes lined up in their jars and honoured with flowers and candles. He thinks to himself "There is no home for me to return to... and nobody to welcome me back. I have nothing left." End ID.]
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✨2000 FOLLOWER CELEBRATION!!!✨
Kirtch
I want to thank all of you for being such a wonderful community! I've gotten a few really good suggestions on what I should do for my 2K celebration, but the amount of people demanding more to the Human Pet trilogy is o v e r w h e l m i n g, lol so here you go ❤️ Thank you so much for enjoying my stories
CW: Monster fucking, yandere relationship, bittersweet feels
Ten years had passed since (Reader) was abducted from their home planet.
Kirtch smiled joyfully, chest swelling with adoration as his pet woke up from their slumber, stumbling into his office sleepily. Their skin glowed, a result of their carefully formulated diet made for humans, and the healthy layer of squish that had formed around their body was the result of Kirtch's pampering and excess treats. (Reader) was still just as cute as the day he saw them in the marketplace, now happier than ever.
They yawned, rubbing their eyes as they teetered over towards Kirtch, raising their arms to be picked up without speaking. Chuckling, Kirtch lifted them easily into his lap, rubbing their back as (Reader) struggled to wake up. "Good morning, pet. Did you sleep well?"
(Reader) smiled on reflex, leaning into the hard chest they had learned to find comfortable. His rough fingers ran up to their neck as he massaged them, feeling the track mark scar that would never fully fade. It was such a shame, that rounded reminder of darker days, when (Reader) was so unhappy and needed strict training. But that was all in the past. (Reader) had learned to love Kirtch, which meant he could spoil them to his heart's content.
Their body was bigger than before, but Kirtch found that they still nestled perfectly in his arms.
Inside (Reader's) mind, every day was a haze.
Like a dream they couldn't escape.
It took well over a year, having their brains practically liquified with chemicals to lose their grasp on who they were as a person. Memories of their parents melted away, leaving only strange blobs of abstract color that held no distinct shape, along with friends past lovers. (Reader) sometimes dreamt in their native tongue, hearing themselves in the language they spoke for the majority of their life, but in the morning (Reader) was speaking in Kirtch's language, something they had willingly desired to learn. (Reader) learned many tricks since they started living with Kirtch.
In the mirror by their rarely used bed, (Reader's) reflection had become as alien to them as the faces of the crew members on board the ship.
Part of (Reader) wondered if they should be concerned by that fact. But, outside of their time with Kirtch, (Reader) felt apathetic. It wasn't useful to have thoughts that weren't happy.
Dressed in beautiful silks, (Reader) draped their arms around Kirtch's shoulders, placing gentle kisses along his jaw.
At the beginning of their "relationship", Kirtch first viewed sex as a way to release his pet, then he began to crave it as a way to please his pet, wanting to do anything that to make his pet happy.
Now, it was something that was special. It still didn't fulfill Kirtch physically, as nothing could change his bodily functions, but if anyone else were to suggest that they "released" his (Reader) for him, Kirtch would kill them without a second thought. It was a special time for Kirtch, knowing that only he could make his precious (Reader) feel good.
Scaled fingers sunk deep into the fat of (Reader's) thighs as they pressed their lips against his face more roughly. (Reader) felt their lips begin to bruise as they kissed Kirtch's mouth, unfazed by his inhuman anatomy by this point in their relationship.
Yes, this was his pet. No one else was allowed to love them, touch them, like he did. Although he knew that one day (Reader's) life would come to an end, Kirtch knew that the ecstasy he felt by (Reader's) side would last for a hundred years after they were gone. There were no replacements for his (Reader), and honestly he felt no need for any other additions to his life either.
(Reader's) face was cupped in Kirtch's hands as the kisses became more passionate and frantic; (Reader's) hands slipping into his robes to feel his armored chest. Everything about (Reader) was too precious for words.
As his large, jewel like eyes gazed into (Reader's), he sometimes wondered if their lives could have been differently. Through many decades of studying humans Kirtch had learned of many different cultures and their mythologies, and although he knew that none of them were true, he sometimes fantasized about being reborn with (Reader) as humans, living and loving together in each other's arms, without the need for a collar.
His pelvis opened, revealing himself to (Reader), who excitedly removed their hands from his abdomen to caress his exposed member. Kirtch would do anything to protect that smile.
It never failed to fascinate him, the look on (Reader's) face as they slid down onto his dick. The way they scrunched up their nose before relaxing, sighing as Kirtch filled them entirely. (Reader's) body was fascinating. Kirtch could feel pressure whenever their muscles clenched around him; feel the vibrations from the shuddering of their quivering abdominals. Even if he couldn't feel the same stimulation, it was still a magical experience because he was allowed to experience it with his (Reader).
It was difficult, not staring at (Reader) in awe as they used his shoulders as leverage to bounce on his lap, moaning and gasping and biting their lip as they used his body for their pleasure. The strange slime that was his pre-cum creating a loud schlicking noise that echoed throughout Kirtch's sound proof room.
Assisting (Reader) by grabbing their ass cheeks and moving their body, Kirtch smiled as they spasmed, their red sweaty face letting out the sweetest sound of all as they climaxed around his cock. Kirtch allowed himself the release into their still twitching hole, forcing (Reader) to arch their back at the stimulation.
It was another beautiful day, with (Reader) filled with Kirtch's cum, still grinding against his hips and overstimulating themselves for fun, taking advantage of the fact that Kirtch could keep his erection as long as he pleased, even after cumming.
"I love you, pet." Kirtch whispered, placing his cold forehead on (Reader's) feverish one.
"I -I love you too!" (Reader) cried out, chasing another orgasm. Their body fell limp as another climax rolled like a large wave across their body, forcing out Kirtch's fluids which gushed back down over his dick and shelled thighs.
Kirtch was content.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you all so much for loving Kirtch ❤️
And thank you all so so so so much for enjoying my writing enough to follow me!!!
We reached 2K followers while I was sleeping, and I am just floored.
Since this is a special, I have a little announcement..
I am planning a part 4 🎉
It's going to be extremely long, and won't come out until after kinktober finishes, but I've already begun the planning phase for the story ❤️
So, some other little facts about Kirtch!
I often read my stories out loud under my breath while writing, and for names I just say whatever feels natural sounding during the introduction for the character. For aliens and monsters without human names I sound out what feels right, then quickly Google it to make sure it isn't a real name lol
I wanted his exoskeleton to look like those big black beetles found in the garden that have a green sheen when the light hits them, except purple instead of green. And I when visualizing him I wanted his eyes to look like crystals, and what's more alien than opals? Many gem stone colors can be recreated with colored contacts, but I've never seen opal colored contacts, because of all the different colors opals have ❤️
Don't judge my art too much, I'm not an artist lol
It was difficult figuring out how a hard shelled creature would emote, but I think I figured it out haha
And bonus, Kirtch's slutty feet
Put those things away!
Again, thank you all so much for being such a wonderful community ❤️
And I hope you continue enjoying my stories in the future!!!!
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