#oh the things we do for our cats

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Lackadaisy Enrichment

#in our enclosures!! #video linked as source; which i'm glad to see already has a million views and is trending. That's Right #lackadaisy #WHICH i have been reading since at least '07 when i was thirteen my god b/c this animation is based on the ongoing webcomic #like does its influence show up Directly in some Discrete way i can point to in my art? not very easily probably. And Yet. #the inspiration....i wasn't able to be Regularly Only for at least another year / art done Nonprofessionally Online was novel to me #like wow ppl can make & post fanart of w/e they love huh....didn't know webcomics were a thing & i never really read that many since but. #good god the quality of Lackadaisy at its onset is like this is superb?? this person putting in all their talent and effort??? #and Then you get years & years more art and i don't even know what superlatives to throw out abt its quality as it evolves. obsessed w/it.. #if i see a new lackadaisy comic page i Will be acting out. obviously this animation is a delight & also stunning. and fascinating to also #juxtapose as a Translation / Interpretation of the comic in a different medium & standalone snippet of Story #and that we're not even quite there in the comic timeline; Taking Notes abt character info we get distilledly here....genuinely love like #take it back to '07 i'm like oh boy can't wait for the dream team to assemble. then a decade later when it did? Oh Boy. that is payoff lol #namely hooray for stitches and mudbug at the field office for every passing gangster. killing one marigold associate but not the other #which seems like a promising start to shootouts w/the other dream team triumvirate. i adore that in canon so far mordecai freckle & rocky #have met but only over a nice brunch. re: all intentions anyways. anyways i'm like Gifs Must Be Made while i'm also so riled afresh abt the #comic that i've been sooo hype for for over fifteen yrs now babeyyy Deservedly. i've done a couple of rereads & ought to do another.... #For Interest it'd probably take a few sittings to catch up from the start but there is much to be engaged over....this ongoing story that's #historical fiction prohibition bootlegging cats with plenty of focus on characters & several Mysteries. which i'm better at parsing now lol #like one of the more recent rereads like Oh Of Course x (probably) accidentally killed his y & z took the fall & that's a binding secret... #Not [oh of course] abt the circumstances surrounding a's death & how b & c were involved. nor the ''what's marigold's damage'' mystery #which is great. love to not know things. love that we can readily follow all the emergent drama everyone's wading in nowadays. hell yeah #anyways admire my organized approach to gifs here. four shots each Expressions Atmosphere Action Groupshots #sure might've muddled through gifmaking for this anyways but fr being a huge lackadaisy comic enjoyer for now most of my life helps #and its very Overall Inspiration like. just really getting the [you can really just draw stuff out here] going. fr the art's detail & skill #and that enrichment like i'm gonna have a great time following this. And I Have #you don't expect a crowdfunded indie animation in the mix back then but hell yeah fellas #SIGH ok removing a 4th gif that's broken / not displayed despite reuploading then entirely remaking it. if it's a bug i'll try again later

[vettelcore]

people with outdoor cats be like: yes my cat came back home half dead, caught hiv, is full of parasites and sometimes has gone missing for weeks but i don't care bc at least the cat is free and not locked inside like selfish people do!!!

#i cannot fucking stress this enough PLEASE do not let your cats roam outside freely if you care about them #if they're used to going outside leash them!!!! #the amount of cats we get at the clinic who come almost dead/with horrible wounds bc they're allowed to be outside is insane #not to mention how many run over cats i see where i live #they could get attacked by other animals too #like its just not worth it #we had to put down a cat today after the owners found her almost dead with an INSANE infection bc she had ruptured her intestines #her hip was shattered too #looked like probably some asshole kicked her #and the owners were like oh we had just buried one of our other cats the other day after she got attacked by another animal #and im just standing there like ?????? and that's normal to you?????? #oh but at least the cats can climb trees though 🤪 #remember the dude i talked about a while ago who brought his cat in honestly the worst condition I've ever seen? #covered in poop vomit piss and fuck knows what else? #that had a colony of cats all infected with FelV bc he refuses to vax them? #yeah this woman was a family member btw #thank FUCK he didn't come today because that would've been a shitshow #all things considered at least this woman seems to be... not absolutely fucking insane? i guess? #but anyway she kept saying how it was sudden! and how the cat was perfectly fine last night! #oh my gOD that cat had maggots eating her from the inside that doesn't happen overnight #cats are tough and will hide a lot of pain but can't you just tell the truth??? #you either didn't care enough to bring this poor baby earlier or you just noticed now what had happened to her

[vynnyal]

A little something like this, right?

#From memory for the most part #I've drawn these characters more times than I expected 😂 #I cheated and fixed a few things when I went to pick colors (and then didn't even use them) #Idk I felt nostalgic and decided to crank out a few bugs #Lesse... What stories do I got. It's been a while so I have quite the selection #Oh jdbdjvskhff my dog died from cancer of all things. Like seriously what the heck #While we were recovering I jokingly mentioned something about getting another rescue dog #Within the WEEK we had a pomeranian in our house. A pomeranian. 16 pounds. Pomeranian. #See the reason I mentioned it at all was to give our other dog- Tiger the 11(?) yr old maltipoo- company in his twilight years. #You know. Maybe another old pooch like Lucky that was chill and kind #And now we have Rudy aka SPITFIRE #He's fun though! I like him. He's always smiling and it warms my heart. I swear I can walk out of the house for an hour #and he'll greet my like I've been gone for years every single time #What else. Oh lol so I'm taking care of my neighbor's house for two weeks #A wwwk in and the cat decides to RUN OFF. In the middle of a THUNDERSTORM. #36 hrs later and I'm like aight this isn't great #After posting notices online etc I was sitting around and thought to myself something kinda dumb #See he likes listening to me play on their grand piano. They never use it but I do and the cat always lays at my feet while I jam #So I thought... what if I pied piper the cat home. So I threw open all the doors #And played for oh idk 20 min? #CAT WALKS IN. SITS ON THE FLOOR BESIDES ME #Cats. I stg #Eh that's all for now I'm sleeby #hollow knight #art tag #See ya!

[keeps-ache]

porch time porch time woowoo !! :D

#just me hi #this is nice hvhs :3 #sometimes i forget cuz we've always lived so close together but i MISS my alone-lone time hbshf #alone-lone time is like zero people zero people noises. alone time is like. i can still hear you lol #and i don't like putting on shoes all the time. very hassley i'm giving that a four pfk :) #we moved from the city and augh. aaaoighdhsuaha hbsh #i'm actually really surprised i didn't go insane during the two year transition here because Oh Boy #though you know what i think i did pay in others ways i haven't thought of yet so hehe :> puzzle for later! #ik the first year sucked absolute gravel like Yikes hdhsb #/but Anyway ouhhhhh porch time !! :D #n i can listen to my music out here too.. very cool.. :D #plus the nature and such things lol #there are these cats that keep trying to get at our cats food so i'm low-key looking out for them #//oh and i need to get a trim #or maybe i'll let it grow out again to do somethin fun with it!! that'd be cool but idk if i wanna do long again fish #it was. not so fun lol #the last straw was that i kept trapping it under my elbows when i tried to get up. treacherous hfbsh #//but ye gonna go back to drawing :33 #i like drawing centaurs lol :DD

[bunnyb34r]

Having a pet that gets fed up with your shit and is very open about it is so funny

Our cat gets annoyed by us even just talking in the same room she's napping in and she'll get up, sigh HEAVILY, and leave the room for a few minutes. If we're still talking when she comes back, she gets back to her spot, sighs AGAIN, and just stares at you until you leave or she repeats the process

She was just now mad that I was standing within a few feet of (but not in any way blocking) her water bowl, talking to mom. Mind you she has another bowl on the other side of the room, but instead of going to that one or drinking from this one, she sighed heavily, went up on the bed, and glared at me until I left sgdgdggdgdgd shithead

#marquilla #she's a bitchy old lady it's so funny #she is also very protective of her toy dinosaur Buddy and when i leave for work i go 'wheres buddy?! i gotta say bye to buddy!' and she'll #rush over to him and sit on him if she isnt already sgdgdhdhdhd my dad used to take buddy if she wasnt laying on it and shed get so mad #she never picks buddy up herself or moves him herself but she will make it known that shes annoyed that you're trying to touch him #i have this picture on my phone of our boy cat HOLDING buddy in his arms while laying on her bed 😭 it's the cutest thing but all i could #think of was 'god i hope she doesnt come up here and see this' agsgsgsgsg meanwhile he's like oh what a cute toy 🥰 ill hug it 🥰 nice dino #anyway she gets so huffy if you're annoying her especially when mom is usinh the heating pad and she wants it #we do have another one but there isnt room on the outlet strip for two so they share it sgdgdghd she doesnt like sharing

[genderfluidgothwitch]

Todays episode of "my MIL thinks she knows better than us" was really fucking annoying and I hope they don't syndicate it

#first off she asked me if she could get me a lunchbox #not if I wanted one #but just wanted to get me one because... I was working longer hours. yes that was her actual reason #and I said no I can't eat at work #and she was like oh you don't get hungry? #and I was like that's literally not what I said #I can't eat at work bc of my ibs #if I eat the wrong thing (and who fucking knows what the wrong thing is? not me!) I'll be in the bathroom half the day #and that's not fair to anyone #and she was like well you can put snacks in it #and I'm like I have a mini fridge and a drawer I can put snacks in #I do not need one more thing to keep track of when I can barely keep track of the basics #and she kept! fucking! trying! and finally I was just like no having a lunchbox isn't helpful! #she finally left it alone after that #AND THEN my husband and I were putting together a new cat tree #and she kept getting in the fucking way #she was fucking vacuuming inches from our toes while we were trying to piece everything together! #and I was just like okay you need to stop getting in the fucking way #plus there's just gonna be more shedding later! vacuum at the end!!!! #but no she kept trying to put her two sense in (I'm Italian I don't read the directions) (okay well I'm not and I do so stfu) #and she kept getting pissy at the cats for playing while she was making her bed up #and then our cat hissed at her and clawed her #because Karen (that's her honest to god name) kept yelling at goose #and goose is a very demonic diva cat and doesn't take shit #my husband and I know how to deal with this. she doesn't. so she gets clawed a lot #and then she gets pissed at the cat as if she wasn't the one being mean to Goose and not petting goose the right way #she frequently tries to give goose attention in a way she doesn't like and then when we tell her not to she says it's okay she can do it #and we're like okay then keep getting clawed fuck if we care. spoiler alert: she gets clawed a lot #just... leave us and goose be. we're all adults and we don't need to be babied all the time. just stop. #codependent c*** doesn't have anyone else in her life so she pesters the shit out of my husband and me

[heartshapedtrap]

just hung out w friends for five hours and feltso full of whimsy I could pass out <333 I miss them so bad already but I get to see them tomorrow tooooo

#like it wasn’t even planned we just talked on the phone then met up at **** house chatted while our other two friends made us friendship #bracelets and watched the cat be silly with a bowl of water that was like two hours of us doing that #then agroup car ride (I love when we do this sm it’s like my favorite part when we hang out) skin to skin in a tiny fucking car laughing #talking listening to music on our way to Taco Bell then rode around taking scenic routes b4 gas station break to like pee n buy snacks :33 #flicked up another scenic route went to the epic park w the cool playground n reminisced about how it felt like being a kid again at 1am #I’m convinced all these fuckers are neurodivergent bc not one of them can go without stemming and ***** fucking climbing on top of the every #single thing LMFAO doing backflips off of swings and stuff too I had like an insane amount of whatever bc I skipped like the entire time #just to idk be silly and **** joined in :))) switches seats in the car and went to another park then rode in the car again to more scenic #routes and all the way back to **** house to get our stuff and each driveour cars back home <3 #we group hugged at the epic park and the moment was so surreal bc we all were close to crying especially ******* like I love my fwends sm i #cannot even properly describe how happy they make me feel like sonearnestly so #I weirdly felt closer to ***** tonight too probably bc we indulged **** antics together and were skin to skin in the backseat of the car #like having to fasten each others seatsbelt his arm awkwardly behind me n out the window that close n how alike we are… #OH WAIT him and **** buzzed their hair like days before n it really hit me that I haven’t seen him w shirt hair since I’ve first known him #when we all were once coworkers together and it’s like a fond memory now and crazy to think about how we’ve all grown together as friends #ok done being sappy now b4 I actually fucking cry like eyes are on the brink as I type :p #* #personal #heartshapedtrap #can y’all tell I left my journal at home… and needed to like remember how happy I’ve felt since seeing friends <3 #omggg i forgot to mention how they all cheered and were like happy for me during the scenic car ride that I’m almost certain im lesbian #still unsure of myself but I think that’s probably the closest label idk I just feel really happy that they support me nomatter what yaknow

[widevibratobitch]

i think after almost 22 years i am legally allowed to perform one (1) intentional emotional manipulation on my mother. right?

#i just really want my cat back #but i dont have a car and im dependent on those stupid fucking trains #the deal was that i get on the train and she gets into her car and we meet halfway between our cities #but now she's like 'oh well actually i no longer have to do that thing i had to do in Poznań so it's pointless for me to come' #like GIRL. this is my fucking cat you're holding hostage. i would gladly spend 7 hours on the train to go pick her up myself but guess what #the trains fucking hate me and there's literally no way for me to manage that and come back home before tomorrow #like oh my god its not my fault your husband has cancer like get over it amiright? stop booing me. #my kitty is more important than his lame ass pet cancer #godddddddd im so mad #i miss my little bitch :(

[trauma-trove]

I don't know what to do for her. She keeps fronting and every day is like the end of the goddamn world for her.

Nothing makes it better. I don't know what to do for her.

#🦋 mom speaks #most of the suicidal posts on this blog have been 🐅. shes been fronting a LOT now (probably protective since weve been in more pain lately) #but like. shes not coping with the medical shit at all. we try talking. she used to do good in therapy. but recently its just been hopeless. #its just that. the medical events are relentless. and they will never stop. and our degree of choice and agency never changes. #its pretty hopeless shit tbh #and on one hand its like “oh shes taking on all this trauma so host does have to” but its like. HOST WOULD NOT BE REACTING THIS STRONGLY TBH #shes hitting the body. self harming. plotting suicide All The Time. like i get that you dont wanna b here but gurl. leave?? #idk what to do. i dont want to ban her from bodytime because weve been through shit like this and she was doing well!! #but now its like. can an alter be completely spent and stuck in place and unable to move forward? so you either integrate or replace them? #she has family here. canyon and cat would miss her. i would. shes so long standing and and and #but i cant like. idk. i cant get things under control. i need help. for once im welcoming advice in the comments tbh #actually traumagenic #system shit #did system

[teaandinanity]

Am I restarting CotL again so I can take the Pit Fight ritual instead of the Wedding and unlock that in the postgame so I can marry a tsundere cat boy without anyone else asking first? MAYBE SO.

#like item 1 I wanna see if the crush chain leads to a pit fight if I'm not a marriage candidate #that sounds hilarious #item 2 it's awkward to be like 'oh. no I unlocked this ritual because eventually I'm going to fight god and then put a ring on him.' #'I understand the confusion and thank you but no' #much easier to avoid marriage proposals if our cult does not have marriage as A Thing until I wanna do it #tea plays too many games #I'm also writing fanfic about this game. somehow. somewhy. #why isn't somewhy a real word we have somewhat and somehow #anyway yeah I was like 'I want a romantic throughline with my horrible cat god-husband' #so #fic #because of who I am as a person #SHOULD I be replaying when they're gonna release a big expansion this year? #maybe not. maybe I should wait. #AM I going to wait? #uh. signs point to no.

[fratgirls]

never thought i’d ever be in the position to say this, but... i’m thinking about buying a house

#it's so exciting and scary #also delighted to learn that we can afford much more house than i thought we could?? #personal #biggest things on my wishlist #a nice backyard #a screened in back porch so my cats can be outside without being outside you know #a bathroom with a nice deep tub for soaking #a gas stove !!! #i can make most of these changes after the fact but id rather not have to u feel me #oh also at least 2 bedrooms but preferably 3 #because 1 room for me and louis #1 room to use as a game room for our PC's a nerdy collector's items and what not #and a third room to use as a genuine guest room for when friends and fam come to visit #i'm manifesting the perfect house ok #oh and NO HOA!!! #fuck hoa's #no one gets tell me what to do with MY house that IIII paid for

[gfcupid]

i like when random family member show up to our house just cause it’s my grandmothers house like ok no we haven’t lived here for 4 years you obviously aren’t getting the memo…..

#JUST SAY YOU ARE COMING OVER #and not to my grandmother either cause she will deny it ans won’t tell us cause she’s fucking mean #but my mom just tell my mom so I don’t hVe to run #and collect my cats every time you decide to just open our door #oh I hate them all of them btw none of them are good about it #or yeah I just really do not care anymore not just the visiting thing either but I hate them #and when we move I’m so done with everyone #that’s why I want to move far away

[hecksupremechips]

The most validating thing about having a brother in law is sometimes I’ll make a comment about my parents being kinda horrible and he’ll just be like "DUDE FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT IVE BEEN THINKING THIS THE WHOLE TIME BUT DIDNT KNOW HOW TO ADDRESS IT"

#the klock keeps ticking #like i remember about 2 years ago when it really clicked with me that my parents were worse than i let myself believe #i had like covid and so to be safe i completely isolated myself in my room and only came out when no one was around #or with a mask on just to get food or use the bathroom that was it #and like when i had mostly recovered i stopped isolating and i looked around and noticed huh the house is kinda a hot mess #and i realized it was because i was the one who kept up with like basic cleaning and making sure things were in order #so like a little bit later i was in the car with my sister and brother in law and i was talking about this #and i was like ‘i think ive realized our parents are kinda unable to take care of themselves without me doing it for them’ #and my BIL was like IM SO GLAD YOU FINALLY NOTICED THIS HAS BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY FOR YEARS #which was just so validating i was like okay so im not just being an ass like this is an actual problem #and idk a more recent thing that maybe uh. made me a little bit emotional was we were basically at a cool place where you can climb shit #and he was just kinda there helping me when it seemed i was gonna lose balance to make sure i didnt get hurt #as well as my sister too and i was like oh god is this was like. basic affection feels like??? #is this what it feels like to have someone care like actually kinda give a fuck about your safety and well being??? #so yeah i maybe am still not okay with that and still dont know how to feel anymore 😭 #so i guess even though hes stinky and i like to bully him I GUESS hes actually a pretty cool guy and he does make my sister happy and he #treats her with respect and hes very good with their cat so yeah maybe i actually really appreciate him and care more about him #than i do my parents and most people in my family #but i cant say that cuz then itll like. go straight to his head 🥺 #and he still wont play pokepark 2 with me even though he PROMISED its been like 4 years since he said that and WE STILL HAVENT PLAYED IT 👺👺👺

[begaycommittreason]

out of context things heard in wayne manor:

bruce: i understand, but pretending you cooked jerry the turkey is not a proportionate response to damian calling you a peasant again

————————

jason: look there’s a right way and a wrong way to make food. there’s also the bruce way, which is the wrong way except faster and worse

duke: *frantically scribbling notes*

————————

tim: do you think our relationship was kinda like incest now?

steph, horrified: never open your mouth in my presence again timothy

————————

dick: so then he’s like—guys. guys are you seriously signing about me in front of my face. i learned it too—hey i do NOT have a butt chin take that back—

————————

damian: i don’t understand, why does he wear such a ridiculous hat? is it like that margaret poppins woman grayson showed me?

tim, who watched the live action cat in the hat too much as a kid and is about to violently infodump: well you see-

dick: oh god it’s too late

jason: yeah the brats on his own for this one i’m not fucking dealing with that again

————————

bruce: are you lying?

tim: always. anyway, like i was saying—

————————

steph: hey what’s up with you and all the redheads

dick: …i’m not discussing this with you

steph, starting to chase him: gingervitus is a serious affliction! you cant run from this

dick, sprinting away: yes the fuck i can

————————

duke: so is anyone gonna talk about the elephant in the room…

dick:

dick: look i was feeling sentimental and zitka jr. really isn’t any trouble

damian: she is magnificent

————————

tim: so i dropped out and

duke: wait we can drop out of high school??!!?

bruce: NO.

duke: please bruce ap biology is beating my ass right now

jason: nah tim just got to drop cause bruce was dead and he’s a loser. the real problem is what you’re reading in ap lit right now, because i have thoughts on that curriculum—

duke: i’m not even gonna use half that material in the real world

tim: actually most of our villains have PhDs so their plans are based on pretty real science

duke: not helping timothy

————————

cass, signing: why are brothers on the ceiling?

jason: tims in timeout from working on his caseload

cass, still confused: yes but why taped to the ceiling

duke: listen if you know a better way of restraining his psycho ass then i’m all ears

cass: and damian?

jason: oh he saw this as free range target practice so he had to go up there too

cass: they are plotting revenge up there

duke: think of it as brotherly bonding

————————

damian: it’s not my fault he got in the way

bruce: you threw an eclair at lex luthor

damian: i was aiming for drake

tim: bruce we can’t take him anywhere

dick, holding back laughter: timmy you paid four separate people to come to the gala solely to ask lex if they could use his head to see if they had something in their teeth

tim: you have no proof that was me

————————

duke: look steph, it’s not that we don’t want to help with this

jason: i don’t want to help

duke: it’s more that i don’t think we can physically fit that many people in a shopping cart, and your whole plan kind of hinges on that

————————

alfred: i’m not mad, just disappointed in you.

every batkid, near tears: sorry alfred

————————

jason: HE HAD DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY AS THE FUCKING WHAT—

bruce: listen—

tim, mouth full and brain empty: the ambassador to iran. crazy right?

dick: tim please

#batfam #dc #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #duke thomas #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #damian wayne #batfamily #batman

[that-house]

Potion Vendor FAQs:

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.

Do you sell love potions? No.

Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.

Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.

Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.

Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.

So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.

Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.

Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.

Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.

Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.

Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.

Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.

So can you make poison potions? No.

Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.

Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.

How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.

You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.

Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.

Road trip? He lives in Seattle.

Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.

For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.

And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.

Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.

Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.

You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.

So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.

Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.

Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.

Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.

What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.

You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.

Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.

Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.

Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.

Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.

Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.

Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.

When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.

When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.

Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.

Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.

Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.

Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.

I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.

How did you know that? …I’m psychic.

Yeah? No.

You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.

Did you just miss a turn? Probably.

Are you sure we’re not lost? No.

You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.

Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.

Would it help if I said it was? It would.

Is it getting dark? Soon.

Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.

Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.

Should we find a motel? Sure.

One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.

You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.

Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.

Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.

How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.

How many beds are there? One.

Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.

Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.

How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.

Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.

For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.

Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.

Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.

Are you asleep? …

Yes? …

Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …

What should I say? …

Did you know that I had a really nice day? …

Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …

Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …

Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …

Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …

Did you know that you’re warm? …

Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.

Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.

Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.

What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!

Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.

You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!

Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.

Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.

You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.

Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.

Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.

How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.

Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.

Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.

And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!

Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.

And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.

So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.

So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!

Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.

Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.

Are you done eating? Yep.

Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.

How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.

Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.

Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.

What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.

Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.

Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…

Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.

Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?

When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.

Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.

What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.

Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.

What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.

Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.

Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.

What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.

I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …

Did he get his body modified? …

What sort of surgery could do that? …

How is he still alive? …

Did a fucking wizard do it? …

WHY? …

HOW? …

Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …

I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.

Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.

Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.

Can we do that? Of course.

Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.

Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.

Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.

How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.

How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.

That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.

Wanna fuck? God yes.

Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.

…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.

How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.

How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!

Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.

When will we get there? Noon-ish.

Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.

Is this Seattle? Looks like it.

Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.

Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.

So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.

Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.

So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!

How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.

Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.

Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.

Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!

Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!

Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.

I just caught this, but, FAQ? …

As in Frequently Asked Questions? …

How many times is Frequent? …

Have you known everything all along? …

How many times have you done this? …

Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!

And you say that every time? Yes. I do.

Do you love me? Yes.

How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.

Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.

Can I go now? Please don’t.

But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.

How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.

What happens at the end of this? It begins again.

And do I get replaced with someone else? …

Do I get replaced? …Yes.

Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!

You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.

How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?

Did you know my name is Alice? …

Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …

Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …

Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!

Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.

Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.

Be good to the next me, okay? I will.

Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.

Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.

What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.

What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!

What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.

Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.

What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.

What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!

So I should keep repeating something? Yes!

I love you? I love you too.

I love you? Again.

I love you? Keep going.

I love you? I’ll just let you talk.

I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!

I love you? Now can you make it a statement?

I love you.

You did it?

I did it!

You did it!

We broke the loop.

What now?

Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.

And then?

Whatever we want, forever.

I think I’d like that.

Remember that song from the beginning?

The Beach, Wolf Alice, yeah. Why?

We can finally finish singing it. Start us off?

Let me off, let me in

Let others battle

We don’t need to battle

And we both shall win

Pressed in my palm

Was a stone from the beach

The perfect circle

Gave a moment of peace

Now I’m lying on the floor

Like I’m not worth a chair

I close my eyes and imagine

I’m not there.

#neon-grey-writing #potion vendor faq #my writing #very very very long post lol #click the read more you know you wanna it's worth it trust me #i wrote the original draft of this at like. 3 am back in early 2023 #that's right it's catherine that-house the squares comic gal back at it again with yet another meta exploration of a storytelling format

[danielnelsen]

family is out having a nice dinner and trying to convince me to come but i have way too much to do before i have to get up at the crack of dawn to get on a plane tomorrow, so dad's like "the food will be so nice, you're really missing out" then gives the phone to my sister who's like "the food will be so nice, you're really missing out," like........what part of "i have too much to do" says i can be convinced as if im just lazily deciding to stay home? all you've done is made me feel bad on top of being stressed about everything i have to do and how im not gonna get to have nice food today. cool thanks

#personal #if you know me i am CONSTANTLY complaining about how we never have any food at home #so i was gonna make some toast or something #but oh im so glad you're gonna be enjoying your nice restaurant food #do you think with everything ive said over the last few days that any of them realise that im having a TERRIBLE TIME RIGHT NOW??? #it's like when we were out on sunday and i started saying i was exhausted and wanted to go home after we'd been out for HOURS-- #--and everyone just shrugged and told me to deal with it for MORE HOURS while i was VERY VISIBLY HAVING A BAD TIME #and very obviously been recovering from that since then #AND BEING STRESSED OUT OF MY MIND ABOUT OUR PETS WHILE WE'RE GONNA BE AWAY #that's another thing. like late last week i said thing were really stressful #that was because my sister volunteered to look after my cat at her house while we're away like DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CATS #terrible idea. and she suggested a trial run and i was so stressed for that but thought maybe it'd be fine and reassure me... #no. cat was at my sister's house for about 24 hrs and didnt eat AT ALL. just hid under the bed the WHOLE TIME #and like. my cat doesnt drink water at all; she only gets it through her food. so she DIDNT DRINK that whole time too #and i was so stressed beforehand and then so much more stressed when nobody seemed pressed about getting her back home with any haste????? #someone's gonna look after her at home while we're away now which will be fine but there's still a bit of background stress there #like i have been stressed out of my mind the last two weeks and ive been explaining why im stressed to people all through it #and NOBODY IS PAYING ANY ATTENTION. IM EXHAUSTED AND STRESSED AND I HATE TRAVELLING AND EVERYONE KNOWS THIS #i was looking forward to having a few days by myself because im coming home before everyone else (thank god) #but the person looking after the cat needs somewhere to stay for a bit so they'll be here for a few days after i get back #i'll still get a few days by myself after they've left but like. i need a break. we havent even left and i need a break. im gonna go cry no #but only briefly because I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO #sorry this has just been building for weeks and so much of it has just been worse than i expected and im still just so fucking tired #this food thing isnt too big of a deal. im just gonna order something. but just on top of everything else................ #im just upset that everyone around me is just completely oblivious to me TELLING THEM THAT IM FEELING TERRIBLE #like i said on the phone just now 'why are you making me feel bad when ive said i cant go' and dad didnt really have an answer #AND THEN HE JUST GAVE ME A LIST OF OTHER THINGS HE WANTS ME TO DO BEFORE THEY GET BACK TONIGHT. HELLO??????? #sorry that part only just occurred to me. he literally just gave me more to do after i said i cant go out because i have too much to do. ok