#only one experiencing this or feeling it

[heymacy]

IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

#happy world bipolar day to all my bp babies #(more thoughts at the end of the tags) #shameless #shamelessnet #shamelessedit #ian gallagher #cameron monaghan #*macygifs #bipolar disorder #hello pals how are we doin #i made this gif set in july of 2023 and never posted it because 1) i was terrified to share it and potentially see Bad Takes in the tags #and 2) because my hyperfixation was waning. and while both of those things are still mostly true (the fixation comes and goes) #i feel like it's really important to share as ian's bipolar storyline was not only so vital to his character it was a bit of representation #that isn't often given to the disorder and those (like myself) who live with it every single day #world bipolar day is a day where we can both celebrate ourselves and our resilience and also raise awareness of the reality of the disorder #which is both terrifying and beautiful at its core. this disease is not a death sentence or a sentence to an unfulfilled and miserable life #while there are challenges galore when it comes to balancing life with this disorder it IS possible to live a full and productive life #and i think it's really important to have representation of that in media - and while shameless dropped the ball on a LOT of storylines #over the years THIS is the one they really fucking nailed and i am incredibly grateful #i first started watching shameless while in the midst of a major depressive episode and i was later (finally) diagnosed during an extended #hypo/manic episode - this show and ian's storyline got me through so much and made me feel so seen and validated in my struggles #world bipolar day is also vincent van gogh's birthday (happy birthday buddy) who was posthumously diagnosed with bipolar disorder #and who experienced both depressive and hypo/manic episodes during his lifetime (and was regularly institutionalized) #it takes a lot of help and support to keep us going. it takes the support of our family and friends and *most* of all #it takes patience and kindness and understanding - which is so so so easy to give if you are willing to love and listen #so please. be willing. listen to our stories. be patient with us. show us love without conditions. support us in any way you can. #we are worth it #i promise #anyway. that's really all i wanted to say. happy world bipolar day to those who celebrate (me) and may all of us living with this disorder #go on to live happy fulfilling beautiful magical lives

[chaosandwolves]

There was always this frantic quality to Buck's relationships

With Abby it was.. I need to be a better man, I need to be the bigger person, I need to be understanding

With Ali it was ... I need to change something

With Taylor it was... I have to make it work

With Natalia it was... I need to be quick with this cause who knows if I'm running out of time/I need to use the lightning strike as a wake up call

And then there is Tommy

Tommy who makes the first step but then lets him breathe through it for a moment

Tommy who asks HIM out

Tommy who cares that Buck doesn't do anything he's not ready for

Yes, Buck is a little frantic with the date but

Tommy gives him room and grace and understanding

And then the coffee date!!!

For the first time we see Buck AT EASE looking at a romantic connection with someone

Is he still Buck, and moves a little head over heels? Of course he is!

But it's not cause he's desperate

It's cause he's EXCITED

He's filled with so much joy and excitement

and for the first time he has no outlined plan with a relationship, no map he's following

Instead he allows himself to discover and explore this relationship and this part of himself

He's so excited about it

So free and bright and content with it

Tommy really stopped that hamster wheel and showed him a new way and

Buck is guided by that inner light of his now, without trying to direct it

And he's not looking for what's missing, what's wrong or following a plan

He just lets himself be and experience and explore and discover

And just

The sheer joy and ease of it all

I can't!

Go, Evan, go and spread your wings and explore that joy

You deserve it so much

😭😭😭😭

#evan buckley #Bi Buck #BuckTommy #tommy kinard #911 abc #Like my heart is so full #It's the joy and excitement of it all #And it's not only about the QUEER joy he's experiencing but just #His personal one that is very much connected to his queerness but it feels like he's unlocked another path to it #cause this part of him is now there and he can experience this relationship as his full self #I'm just #My heart is so full

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!

the perched king / tigerstar I

#my art #do not copy trace or steal #tigerclaw #tigerstar #warriors #warrior cats #wc art #waca #UHHHHH squints i havent posted fanart in a while i think those are all of my tags #DO YOU KNOW HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO HAVE A LITTLE TIME TO DO A LEGIT PIECE LIKE THIS. oh my god its wonderful #im experiencing a calm before the storm because this is the week before finals #I PROMISE ILL GET BACK TO DOING THE STARCLAN GAMES SOON I JUST NEED TO SURVIVE FINALS AND THEN I DONT HAVE SCHOOL TO JUGGLE WITH WORK #ANYMORE ABJLHBKHDFBG #I SPENT THE ENTIRE LIKE 2 HOURS WORKING ON THIS LISTENING TO THE HUNGER GAMES MOCKINGJAY AUDIOBOOK im. GOOD GOD. im hurting #the movies dont do hardly enough justice to how awful the things the characters go through are #recovering peeta makes me so :( i love him so bad #still got four hours left of the audio book and its really nice since i can listen to it while working #i love drawing tigerclawstar so much i think hes one of the warrior cats ever #for a while a couple years ago if i wanted to draw a wc character i would only draw him but i dont think i ever posted ANY of it

[daftpatience]

man rodeoh hasnt added my not so good review and now im starting to wonder if theres some suspicious reason they dont have any reviews under 4 stars

#its an underwear brand i tried out awhile ago #they felt really cheap and thin and unstretchy when they arrived and within a year completely fell apart at the seams #like i ripped the waistband right off from just putting them on. #the croctches wore right out to nothing and im not even active! i hardly do anything! #and like maybe a year is too much to ask for clothing nowadays but idk i feel like they should last longer than that #i cant afford to replace all my underwear every year #also for tboy oriented underwear i was sorely disappointed that they didnt have pad functionality #idk man #rodeoh #maybe they just arent made for big fat guys idk #the inseam was awkwardly proportioned so it crumpled a lot under my belly but wasnt long enough to go over it #i tried to record a video of how easy it was to pull em apart but it just made me look really strong and also like the start of an OF #i need some validation that im not the only one that experienced this iim dying squirtle

[kirby-the-gorb]

#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #I finished that beepin doily! #you can see it (and my cat for scale) on my craft acct sleepy-princess-craftery #I do not feel well #it took 4 days and it was the 4 hottest days of the year so I wasn't sitting in my comfy seat on the couch #cuz we only have ac in one room #so my neck is out of whack and I'm also experiencing the residual effects of The Heat and it took 4 times as long as it should've #but it is done.

[azraphels]

You know that Thiam scene where Theo and Liam are talking inside the car? I'm definitely convinced that Theo was saying that you can feel more than one emotion at a time so Liam can feel both Anger and Fear and that when he has Fear he gets Angry because he's afraid that he might lose control

#teen wolf #theo raeken #thiam #liam dunbar #theo x liam #I recently rewatched for the third time in less than a year the last two seasons of Teen Wolf #and I've read so many FFs where Theo says that ''feel one emotion at a time.'' #If Theo said that you experience one emotion at a time it sounds as if he had never experienced emotions #IT'S ONLY MY OPINION

[skunkes]

#talkys #delete later #(this is a meme redraw) #ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before #and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party #because whatever! normal human experience! #the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth #from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened #i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok! #like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time... #<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result #ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way #and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else.... #but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending. #doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know? #i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.

[moeblob]

I unfortunately picked up Bravely Default 2 again (I bought it back when it released) and then started over since I last played it in June 2021. And. You know what. I like these silly beans. And then I saw concept art for Dag's expressions and I am not the same. Why did they decide to give him huge fangs in it.

(also I'm trying so hard to avoid spoilers less for plot but more for characters so if you know anything that happens to characters shhhhh. also the expression concept is below the read more so you can see what I mean.)

#bravely default 2 #dag rampage #selene noetic #i only just recently reached ch2 in the game and i may have a problem #someone was like wait how have you not gotten farther in 25 hours #and im like im sorry its a problem i have an obsession you dont understand #and then he found out i had three of the four party members with two jobs capped at 12 #and then the fourth only had one capped but a bunch high up #and then i told him i was trying to get the gambler asterisk and that meant i had to play a childrens card game #and then i had to do side quests when they popped up #and he was like wait at that point you probably dont need jobs at 12 omg #and im like i know its a problem i cant stop it #so anyway chapter 1 took me forever because i committed to the grind too much #the emotions i feel for silly lil side characters ................ its too real #like even the fact that you beat these two up in the prologue im like teehee funny lil blonde guy #then you dont interact with them in a ch1 quest but they show up again at the same time doing the same quest #and guys i am FEELING EMOTIONS theyre just funny lil mercenaries doin funny lil mercenary things #also please do not tell me anything about the game past ch1 because i want to continue to enjoy experiencing it #which is why i have my ask box closed bc its a game from 2021 and i know im really behind the times #but i managed to not know anything until now and i wanna keep it that way #also i dont really know how to properly draw noses especially when i doodle #but his nose is important and i already struggle with his big jaw so i had to include it somehow #and in the concept art it looks like he has a lil stubble but in game i dont see it so im like ... squinting at he

[imidori-ya]

My undiagnosed, but definitely neurodivergent, mother just excitedly called out to me from the backyard, “Hey! Do you wanna see a really long worm?” and my 100% neurodivergent ass shot up and immediately yelled back, “HELL FUCKING YEAH I DO!!” before running out to our backyard where there was, in fact, a very long worm.

#worm #long worm #wormblr #you know when you feel so isolated in your own mind and you think you’re the only one experiencing life like this #but then you grow up and suddenly you can diagnose your parents with the exact same shit you had your whole life? #this is that #also you know… when there’s a long worm and you just gotta see it #neurodivergent #adhd #story time #moms #diagnosed neurodivergent kid with undiagnosed neurodivergent mom gang

[yourqueenb]

I do not think it’s a good idea to keep Nia’s situation from the rest of the group. But the bitchy side of me is glad she doesn’t wanna tell anyone because I know the moment we do, it’ll become all about her again and MC’s issues will get pushed even further into the background 😑🤷🏽‍♀️

#choices bolas #choices blades #blades of light and shadow #choices stories you play #playchoices #‘she’s the baby of the group’ ‘you’re our heart’ ‘poor innocent Nia needs to be protected and saved again’ #and the thing is that I do like Nia as a character #but 1) I hate when MCs aren’t treated like MCs #and their only purpose is to observe and facilitate the other characters’ stories and growth #and I feel like that’s ultimately what ended up happening in book 1 of this series and will most likely happen in this one as well #like yes obviously MC experienced growth as well but it’s always in the ‘going from a newbie to a competent individual’ sense #and that’s beyond old #plus it doesn’t work when they pick and choose when they want to acknowledge our competence in book 2 #and 2) I also can’t stand this flawless/perfect character archetype they do #or rather the ‘only flawed in ways that make them look even more perfect’ characters #it’s so overdone and unrealistic imo #like Nia is so selfless she doesn’t consider her own needs? #she’s generally timid and lacks confidence? #she can be naive and a bit too trusting? #please those aren’t even really flaws #they just serve to make the character even more the paragon of virtue which again is just unrealistic #especially because the last two often end up being flipped and portrayed as the person always seeing the good in others #but idk maybe I’m missing the point or something #I know this is a common character archetype but it’s one of my least favorites #which sucks because as I said I do actually like Nia even though I might be coming across as a hater #i like some of the writing for how she fits into the group and I also like how her faith is unwavering #plus she is competent and has skills in her own right #but for whatever reason the writers thought giving her real flaws or at least acknowledging the shallow ones they did give her #beyond face value wasn’t a good idea? #idk maybe I’m wrong though and things will play out different than I expect

[danothan]

tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao #feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy #danbles #and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth #or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities #or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to #or whatever else #i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy #I’M certainly not going to #but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer #and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc) #i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where #i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything #but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on #it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way #idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences #even negative ones are valuable to me #but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem #maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem #fuuck guys ​i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀

[crimsonfeatheredraven]

You know what? I think Jason should be a bit more unhinged about his death. I'm not talking about death jokes or "did you die?" comments or even the angst filled moments that we've been getting, which I respect in their own right.... but I'm thinking more along the lines of him carrying dirt from his grave around in a little pendant that he wears around his neck 90% of the time... using his coffin as a table or bookshelf...having a stain glass window in his actual apartment that has a depiction of the angel that stands over his grave...

I wish he would be allowed to actually enjoy his second life more...but I also think it be interesting to see him have a more macabre fascination with his death without linking it to Bruce...

#jason todd #this may be a cold take #but I just can't help but to wonder #yknow? #what if hecomes to look wistfully on his death while also having it be one of the most traumatic defining moments of his life #what if he has claustrophobia and hates the smell of smoke #but then looks at flowers in the park and distantly wonder how it would feel to be underneath them #what if there's anger and fear and sadness and wistfulness when he thinks about waking up in that coffin #what if; for a few moments; his death wasn't about how he 'failed' Bruce #but how he had been betrayed and beaten and suffocated #right before experiencing actual peace for the second or third time in his life #only to have even that ripped away from him #or maybe I'm just trying to make a puddle into a pool.

[safewavess]

idk why but I imagine bad to be that person that just. vaguely flirts and shows affection very openly but whenever he’s actually asked out he’s like: I’m aroace, but maybe! and just leaves everybody confused like what??? you were literally cuddling with me next to the fire five minutes ago telling me about how we should do this more and that the fire is nice and warm like???

pushing my (cupio) aroace badboyhalo agenda

#qsmp badboyhalo #badboyhalo #qsmp #idk I just don’t imagine him experiencing love #I can only imagine him going “aww that’s a nice feeling to have” and then moving on #I can never imagine him actually blushing wondering if the other person is thinking about him #or like being jealous about other people #he seems more like a I love you /p but I would also kill you in cold blood and not regret it one bit #he seems like he’d like being in a qpr more than an actual committed relationship

[fictionadventurer]

I thought that it was stupid that Brandon Sanderson had the narrator of Tress of the Emerald Sea call all the unnamed sailors "Dougs" when he could have just called them, you know, sailors. But then I started using the term. Turns out having a word for "yes, we know that realistically all these individuals have unique identities and personalities, but they're not the focus of this story so we're going to treat them as faceless background characters" is surprisingly useful.

#random thought of the day #because i was thinking way too deep into the portrayal of the nurses in artful dodger #and getting a bit worked up at how they're shoved aside (as usual for medical dramas) and not treated as real people #and then i was like 'calm down they're just dougs in this story it's okay' #(and then the next ep had one of the nurses call the girl a witch and i was like 'oh they remembered they have feelings. good work') #(and i felt even better) #incidentally despite my one and only post about that show being an angry nursing rant i am enjoying it #the girl's stupidly modern face and extreme entitlement are annoying #and i did skip part of ep ii because i'd just prefer not to watch relics be the butt of the joke #(even though they looked to be heading a slightly-less-offensive route than expected) #and ep 3 is going more soapy and melodramatic and less fun #but i do like that they have a 'young idealist versus experienced fatalist' dynamic going #soundtrack is fun #anachronism stays mostly on the fun side of the scale #fagin is shockingly amusing (i had expected more of a 'creepy blackmailer holding the past over his head' instead of 'chaotic criminal dad' #and i like that they're showing some restraint #(the deciding factor in watching it was my extreme surprise that a historical original was tv-14 instead of ma) #so we'll see how long it lasts but for now i'm not regretting the decision to watch

[pippuns]

i think the funniest flavor of liujiu for me is one where sj goes into it like "ah yes I am going to EXPLOIT lqg's feelings and EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATE him for my own protection and safety" but he catches feelings hard and doesn't realize this for several years. one day he has a crisis at 4am about the fact that he does actually experience positive emotions towards lqg and frantically wakes lqg up to say "i. i think i love you. what the fuck", to which lqg is like "we've been married for five years. what are you talking about."

#not the only flavor!! just the funniest one #welcome to lyf's 3am thoughts #sj: lqg is rich and powerful and im gonna get a shotgun marriage with him so he cant drop me bc hes too stupid to realize im just using him #also sj: i dont know why i feel warm and fuzzy when he smiles at me bc ive experienced happiness maybe twice in my life. i must be sick #sj: good thing i have a husband that i TOTALLY DONT CARE FOR to send on errands to get me a cure for this weird fuzzy chest feeling #sj: fuck that backfired. now i have more weird fuzzy chest things. what the fuck. #do you see my vision #pip speaks

[jazzzzzzhands]

Isn't Painting Fun??

#i actually started this before the update but i got very very caught up in the secrets! i found everything so far i think. im still hunting! #this is my irl fingerpainting! now my art can be with wally <33 #im not experienced in making creepy or scary things! but im trying! im getting attatched to the airbrush tho!! #wally darling #welcome home #whps #fanart #wh spoilers #only cause the spiral i think #i feel so so something! like i ate an entire buffet in one bite!! #holy shit there was so muchhhh!! #i could listen to the audios all day #everyone else is having wally dreams and im SO JEALOUS!! #please please i want to help himmmm #but i had to finish this a bit quickly bc the more i look at my art the more i pick it apart so let me throw this into the void! #oh! i forgot tags! #jazzart #tw scopophobia #creepy warning #hnnnn everything on the site is just soo SOOO!!! #UWAAAAAAAA!!! #experimental art