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the-iceni-bitch · 3 years

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tumblr has been eating all my asks recently and i think it ate my request so let's try this again. can you do 53, 69, and 83 for either ransom or ari (you can choose!!) love your writing btw <3

53) “Is that a tattoo?”

69) “Come here, baby, let Mommy/Daddy take care of you.”

83) “Aww, poor baby, you want me to take care of it for you?”

Secretly tattooed daddy!Ari you say? I’m about to ruin myself but ok.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (unprotected vaginal sex), big old tattoo kink, SMUT!!!! 18+ ONLY!!!!!

You tapped your pen irritably on the document in front of you as you tried to concentrate on your work.

But you couldn’t because Ari was doing fucking pushups across the room from you.

He’d been doing them for the past five minutes, and you were getting wetter by the second, your skirt starting to stick to your thighs as you squirmed uncomfortably. You hated how much he turned you on, especially when the two of you were supposed to be going over field reports.

“Levinson! C’mon man, we only have like three more of these to get through.” You whined. “I wanna go home!”

That sly smirk he gave you as he stood up was not helping and you crossed your legs to hopefully relieve some of the tension.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” He said in that low growl that made your ovaries flip. “Needed to break up the monotony somehow.”

“Sure.” You fought the urge to bang your forehead against the desk as you watched him run his hand over his neck. Your eyes were trained on the curve of his shoulders when you caught a glimpse of black lettering over his collarbone and felt yourself clench. “Is that a tattoo?”

“Hmm? Yeah, it’s an Eckhart Tolle quote. You ok there?”

You were decidedly not ok, biting your lips and almost ripping the report you were reading in half. The last thing you needed was for Ari fucking Levinson to figure out that you had a massive tattoo kink. But your brain was starting to go offline as you felt a low throbbing between your thighs.

“Is... is that the only one you have?” You practically moaned, cursing yourself in your mind for giving into your libido.

“No.” Damn that smirk, what a fucking tease. “You wanna see the rest of them?”

You just nodded vigorously as you started grinding yourself into your seat. His fingers moved slowly to undo the buttons of his shirt as you gazed at him, groaning when he slid it down his shoulders.

There were several tattoos over his torso and upper arms, and when he turned around you saw a thin line of letters tracing over his spine. Everything below your waist was warm and pulsing as you looked at him, your heart fluttering in your chest.

“What about you gorgeous?” He asked, a wicked glint in his eye as he grinned at you. “You got any ink?”

“Yeah.” You hated how squeaky your voice was when he stepped closer to you, you breath coming in shallow pants as you gazed up at him from your seat.

“Well?” He cocked his eyebrow and gripped your chin with his thumb and forefinger, tilting your face up even further.

“Huh? Right!” You tried not to giggle hysterically as you worked to unbutton your blouse.

Everywhere his eyes raked over your skin left a trail of fire, your skin heating under his gaze as he watched you undress. He whistled between his teeth when you tossed your blouse aside and stood up, his hand reaching out to turn you so he could examine the intricate tree that ran over your ribs and the right side of your back, moving into flowering vines as it trailed down your arm.

“This is extremely impressive, sweetheart.” Ari purred, his fingers tracing over the raised lines of ink on your shoulder. “Who would’ve thought you were hiding all this under those uptight little outfits.”

“Yeah, looks like we’re both full of surprises.” You bit your lip as you turned to him, bringing your own hands up to run over his tattoos.

His fingers trailed down your torso and over your hip before drawing up the hem of your skirt as he stepped closer to you. A moan escaped your chest as he ran his fingers over the inside of your thigh before brushing against the dampened silk of your panties.

“Shit, honey, you are soaked.” He growled, pressing his fingers to your sodden core as you gasped wantonly. “Come here, baby, let Daddy take care of you.”

“Oh, you want me to call you daddy?” Your voice was husky with desire as you ground against his fingers. “Not gonna fucking happen.”

A grin split your face when he huffed as you shoved him back into the chair, stepping forward until your thighs were spread over his lap. He groaned when you dipped your fingers down to undo his fly, drawing out his extremely impressive cock. Your entire mouth filled with saliva when you got a good look at it, thick and veiny and a perfect pink tip you would’ve sucked on if your pussy wasn’t aching with need.

“Shit, that looks uncomfortable.” You teased as you swiped your thumb over his slit and he tried to buck into you.

“Oh, you’re fucking dangerous.” He hissed as you sank down just enough for his tip to tease against your slick coated folds.

“Aww, poor baby, you want me to take care of it for you?” You purred, sliding his tip inside you then stopping again. “Better ask me real nice.”

The sound he made when you sank down the rest of the way made your stomach flip. You didn’t move though, aside from bending forward to run your lips over the ink on his collarbone.

“Shit, god, please baby!” He cried when you clenched around him, your eyelashes skimming over his skin as you sucked a bruise against his chest.

“Mmm, good boy.”

You rose up slowly before dropping down into his lap again as he let out an obscene groan. The ache in your core finally started to ebb as you rode him, a warm coil replacing it. His cock was hitting every spot you needed it to, dragging through your warm channel until your eyes were rolling back in your skull.

He moved his hands to grip your hips, his fingertips digging bruises into your flesh as he took over your rhythm. The tip of his cock punched you in the cervix with a particularly vicious thrust and you screamed as you vision whited out and you came violently. Your body bowed backwards as you fluttered around him, catching yourself on his knees at the last second before you fell off him.

“Fuck, honey there’s still other people here!” He muttered giddily as he drew you back into lap.

“Sorry, you’re just so fucking big.” You whined, sagging forward against his chest as he fucked you through it.

He grinned into your hair as he held you tightly, his hips still pistoning into you as you moaned against his chest. The coil in your abdomen started tightening again as he twitched inside you.

“You feel so fucking good.” He growled, tucking his face into the hollow behind your ear as he nipped at your jaw. “God, I’m gonna come, gimme one more?”

The moan you let out was obscene as you clamped down on him, your fingers digging into his arms. Your torso rolled on a wave of pleasure and you pressed your chest to his before collapsing. Three more thrusts and he was gone, his cock swelling inside you until he was flooding you with his spend. He fucked it into you with staggering jabs, holding you tightly to his chest once he was finished.

“So, reports?” You said, pulling the rolling chair back towards the desk as he panted underneath you. You weren’t gonna be able to walk for a while.

——————————————————————————

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#natalie answers #anon answered #ari levinson fanfiction #ari levinson one shot #ari levinson smut #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x female reader #ari levinson x y/n #ari levinson x you #ari levinson #chris evans #chris evans smut #chris evans character #tattoo kink

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robert-de-niro-only-fans · 3 years

Text

Dewey Decimal System

Max Cady x Reader in the library, no plot, just smut

Dedicating this little work to @droogiesanddiscourse who just today found out she's graduating with honors!!! I'm so proud of you bb!!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

TW: smut, public sex, explicit/raunchy dialogue, Max Cady in general?

Word Count: 2.2k

“My baby’s so smart, knowing how to find any book in the library,” your boyfriend, Max, coos quietly to you as you saunter through the aisles and aisles of books, softly leading him with his hand in yours. “You know I didn’t learn to read until my stay in the big house, but I never did learn numbers all that well. I’m glad my little princess can navigate this, uh, what do you call it? Dew something?’

“The Dewey Decimal System!” you whisper in a giggle.

“The Dewey Decimal System...” he tried the words out on his tongue, “Well, I’m glad you can lead me in the right direction, angel.”

“Oop, right here!!” you point up at a tall shelf. Max’s body crashes into yours, nearly landing you both on the floor, as you stopped so suddenly.

“Goodness gracious, girlie, you must be excited to do some reading, huh?” his voice rumbles lowly next to your ear. His muscular arms wrap tightly around your midsection, pressing your backside against him. You can feel his arousal stirring already; he really has no qualms about doing nasty things to you, any time, anywhere. “Oh, baby, I’m already thinking about you reading to me... Hearing that sweet little voice say such naughty things, those pretty little lips forming unholy syllables...” And in true Max Cady fashion, his fingertips are already teasing at the edge of your skirt, threatening for his rough palms to attack your delicate thighs.

You feel a single finger creep up to your hip, teasing at the waistband of your panties, “I hope you aren’t particularly fond of these, ‘cuz they’re coming off now, honey.” And with that, his other hand quickly follows the first one up your skirt and before you could even protest, the man is on his knees and the lacy underwear around your ankles. He helps you out of them as is you were a toddler, getting them over your shoes.

He quickly snatches a book from the bottom shelf and flips it open to a random page before stuffing your panties in it and shoving it back on the shelf. “Max!!!” you whisper-yell.

“What?” he plays dumb, standing back up to press himself into your backside again. “You don’t want someone findin’ your panties? Knowin’ what we did in here? Mmm, well I wanna spread the word about you, baby... Besides, they can use it as a bookmark.” His hands grip your hipbones and he gives you a sloppy kiss on your neck, making a loud slurping noise.

“Max! Shhh!!”

“You’re so cute, all worried about getting caught. You think we’ll get in trouble if someone sees us, or god forbid if someone hears us in this quiet place?”

“Maaaaxxx...” you whine.

“Mm, yeah? You like that idea? Someone hearing the way I turn you into a whore for me? You don’t sound as innocent as you look once I get you goin’.” His hand slides around to your sex, teasing you roughly through the smooth fabric of your skirt, and when you let out a little whimper, it only proves his point.

"Alright, princess, why don't you grab us that book we're looking for?" Following his question, Max's strong arms easily hoist you off the ground, lifting you up, up, up to reach that top shelf and pull down one of Max's favorite books: 𝘛𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘤 𝘰𝘧 𝘊𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳. Oh, and don't think that he missed the opportunity to peak under that skirt...

• • •

As you and Max relax in two adjacent armchairs that he scooted close together, you recite prose from your boyfriend's favorite author. Just a few pages in, you're already at one of his favorite parts. You can read the sheer excitement on Max's face when he says, "Alright, darlin', you better speak up for this next part, you know how much I like the dirty bits."

You look around, making sure no one is nearby, and you start, "'At night when I look at Boris' goatee lying on the pillow I get hysterical.'"

"Louder," Max tilts his head forward, looking at you from under his brow bone.

You raise your voice only slightly, "'O Tania, where now is that warm cunt of yours, those fat, heavy garters, those soft, bulging thighs?'"

"I can't hear you..." he chimes devilishly.

"'There is a bone in my prick six inches long...'"

"And what's he gonna do with it?" Like he doesn't already know.

"'I will ream out every wrinkle in your cunt, Tania, big with seed,'" you look around again, checking for any poor passersby, "'I will send you home to your Sylvester with an ache in your belly and your womb turned inside out.'"

Max let's out a low whistle, "That Henry Miller suuuure knew what he was talking about, huh?" He leans forwards and rather directly slides his hand under your skirt, thumb quickly parting your lips to find that special little bundle of nerves.

You gasp loudly, and Max continues, "Yeah? You want me to turn your womb inside out like he did to Tania? Make that little cunt smooth with my big cock?" His voice is just loud enough that it still sounds intimate but anyone walking by could easily hear.

In an attempt to quiet your moans, you press on reading, "’Your Sylvester! Yes, he knows how to build a fire-‘"

"’But I know how to inflame a cunt!’" Max finishes your sentence for you before pulling you up out of your chair and into his lap, where his fingers quickly find their place between your thighs as if it is the most natural thing in the world to him. "Keep reading, princess," he whispers softly in your ear.

You become aware of his hard length pressing into your thigh, as you read the line, "’I shoot hot bolts into you, Tania, I make your ovaries incandescent.’”

Max lets out a deep moan that rumbles your eardrums and presses some kisses to your cheek and jawline.

“‘Your Sylvester is a little jealous now? He feels something, does he? He feels the remnants of my big prick. I have set the shores a little wider. I have ironed out the wrinkles,’” Max starts to rut against you in his lap. His hands take a firm grip on your hips and slide you back and forth against the erection trapped in his pants. You keep going, “‘After me you can take on stallions, bulls, rams, drakes, St. Bernards. You can stuff toads, bats, lizards up your rectum. You can shit arpeggios if you like, or string a zither across your navel.’”

His moans become quite noisy and his hands search for your flesh; one hand slipping under the edge of your shirt to feel the soft skin of your tummy, the other getting an anchor hold on your hair and giving it a rough tug. You inhale sharply wincing at the pain. You can tell Max is getting needy for you; it would never cease to fascinate you how some little girl (anyone is small next to his towering muscular frame) could have so much control over him.

“‘I am fucking you, Tania, so that you'll stay fucked. And if you are afraid of being fucked publicly I will fuck you privately-‘“

“Damn, that sounds like a good idea,” Max grunts out and unzips his pants, “I sure hope you aren’t afraid of being fucked publicly.”

His next few actions only take a few seconds, and before you can even realize it, you’ve been hoisted up and swiftly dropped down onto your boyfriend’s thick cock. You somehow let out a gasp and a squeal at the same time, and Max claps his hand over your mouth. The only other sound is the thud of the book hitting the floor and closing. Where Max wanted you to speak up before, now it’s time for the quiet game...

“How’s that feel? Daddy’s big cock stretching out those tight walls, huh?” Clearly, it’s a rhetorical question since his hand stays clasped over your mouth. It’s Max’s turn to tease you with his words. “You always take me so well, my little princess. You think if anyone walked by they would know that you’re filled to the brim with my prick? You’ve been trained well, baby girl, you can take me and no one knows I’m inside you, but I know how turned on you are, I felt how wet you were when I was touching you. You wanted this, and I bet everyone knows how much you wanted it, I bet that librarian in the next room knows you have your pussy stuffed right now.”

In all honestly, this guy Ryan had just started working at the library; he had hoped it would be more a bit more relaxing than his job at the local drive-in movie theatre. But Ryan recognized you and Max when you came in, and he really, REALLY doesn’t want another awkward interaction with your boyfriend, so he’s gonna leave you to do whatever you want in the back room of the library...

His hand still covers your mouth as you lean your head back onto his shoulder, looking at him out the corner of your eye. His other arm braces your hips, keeping you flush to him so you can feel every time his member twitches. “You feel me, princess? Feel that ‘bone in my prick’ and how bad I want you?”

You nod your head as much as his grip will allow, eyes never leaving his.

“If I can be frank, sweetheart, Daddy’s never been good at this whole cockwarming thing like you are. It always leaves me wanting more, and you know Daddy can’t resist having more of you... Whaddaya say we play horsey instead? I’ll bounce you on my lap like the dumb little baby doll you are, just like your old man did for you when you were a kid."

You let out an excited little whimper, and Max moves his hands to your hips. "Now I can't keep a hand on your mouth anymore. Think you can keep quiet for me?"

You nod your head excitedly and whisper as quietly as you can, "Yes, sir, Daddy. Can I have a kiss?"

"Aww, of course you can, angel," his lips meet yours in a wet, unrefined fashion, giving you the rough kind of kiss you need. Max also takes this moment to start bouncing you in his lap, just like horsey. With your lips pressed to his, it muffles any sounds that escape the two of you.

His thrusts are small and quick, but actually really satisfying at this angle. The girth of him presses against that special spot inside you. That combined with the thrill of possibly getting caught already has that feeling creeping up in your belly. Your nails dig into his hips looking for something to ground you as you find ecstasy in your orgasm.

But your climax isn't gonna stop Max from what he's doing. He continues to bounce you on his lap, whispering, "Mmm, finished so soon? You must like bouncing on my cock. Bouncy, bouncy..."

You bite your lip, still riding out your orgasm as he continually slams into your g-spot. When a drawn out little whine hums out of you, Max shushes you with a "Shhhh, shhh, baby. You're doing so good, such a good girl for Daddy. Just a little longer, I'm so close, princess."

With your brows furrowed and eyes closed tight, you brave yourself on the arms of the chair. You feel two calloused fingertips at your bottom lip, and you open your mouth, taking them in.

"There that'll keep you quiet for this next part," Max warns before absolutely plowing his hips up into you as fast as he can. His other hand maintains such a firm grip on your side, you think he'll probably leave bruises.

Max chokes back a deep grunt and pulls you down into his lap to spill his seed inside you. You feel his length jolting and that warm gooey liquid. You both sit there catching your breath, and Max wraps his arms around you in a loving embrace.

He gets you to look at him, placing another dirty kiss to your mouth. Then he pulls you off of him, stand up, places you back down on the chair, and gets his pants zipped up.

"Um. Max?" you whisper, a little tense.

"What is it, little darlin'?" He gets on his knees in front of you, placing his big hands on your thighs.

"Uhhh... I think there's gonna be a little mess on this chair," you get right next to his ear and oh so quietly tell him, "it's, uh, leaking."

"Aww, are you worried about leaving some of my cum on the chair?" he places a hand on your chin, "That was the point, baby. The librarian can handle it." Max gives you a wink before taking you by the hand and leading you out of the library.

Poor Ryan.... Scarred again by Max and his girl, and now he has to clean up after them.

#max cady #cape fear #robert de niro #robert de niro x reader #robert de niro fanfic #fanfic

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darthwheezely · 3 years

Note

for your 100 celebration (congrats btw❤❤) 🌅 as harry potter characters?? and could i ask for a 🍑 with first time with fred maybe 😳😳🥺 thank you!!! love youuuu so much and you deserve this so so much :')))

Jess, you own my ovaries, dude, of course

@slytherinsunrise as captain daddy Freddie bombastic Weasley (owo love you mami)

@gcdric as George “I sleepkick” Weasley

@vogueweasley as Ginny Weasley

@theweasleyslut as Ron Weasley

@loony-loopy-lupinn as UWU JAMES POTTER BC WE HAVE THE SAME ENERGIES

@pansydaisy as Lily Potter

@lumosandnoxwriting as Harry Potter

@oh-for-merlins-sake as Fleur Delacour because mI GENTEEEEEEEEEEEEE ATE AND LEFT NO CRUMBS

YOU AS HARMONICA GRANGER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

First time with Freddie - I may definitely have gone overboard and done a one shot whoops that’s whatcha get Im a whore for this oops again

Fred had spent the last indefinite minutes with his body pressing yours against the door. When he touched you, he held you like you were a porcelain doll, afraid to break you if he pulled you too hard or hurt you too soon. His lips pressed slow and plush open kisses down your neck and inching towards the strenuous texture of your collarbone, drawing goosebumps and soft breaths from you wherever his head dipped. He moaned against you, as you threaded your fingers through his fiery hair and yanking quickly. He pulled his head back up and kissed you briefly.

“Y/N, angel, are you sure? We don’t have to you know that right, you know I could kiss you to oblivion-“

“I know I just...” you slid one of your hands to one of his belt loops and pulled him, his torso almost falling onto you as he braced himself with his arm by your head. You bit your lip and teased his earlobe

“...I need you now, Freddie my love.” And that did it, he pushed his mouth onto you, you opening it just enough to let his tongue slide inside and he pulled back just inches enough to say “jump.” You did so, and wrapped your legs onto his waist as he carried you to the bed.

He looked up at you for consent and started to pull down your stockings and removing your shoes, kissing up your legs and sucking on your inner thighs. You moaned, pulling his hair and feeling a reactive groan against your skin. “Patience, darling...I want to take my time with you.” He continues to nibble at your skin as he gets to your core, sliding your panties to the side and slipping his index finger into your heat. You arch your back and he smiles at you thinking god, she is gorgeous how did I get to be with this goddess of a woman before me- and soon he’s slipping another finger inside you causing you to moan lewdly , the wet sounds and your throaty moans filling the room.

“Is this okay, Y/N, babygirl?”

“Yes, Freddie it’s so...you’re so good” he perks up kissing your clothed clit causing a small whimper as he looks at you for confirmation. “Freddie please just take them off?”

“Take what off, angel” he stroked your folds.

“Everything, fuck, take it all off.” He laughed softly at that, crawling on top of your body and pulling you up to him by your tie, bunching it in his fist, but cradling your head with his left hand. “Tell me if I’m getting to rough with you love, hmm?” You gulped and nodded, and Fred tried to kiss everything that moved. He pulled away leaving you with a small whine as he began to unbutton your shirt and kissing every section of skin where your breasts heaved and moved under his touch. You arched your back into his iron hands and he started to bite feverishly, like it were his last time alive. His hand pressed to your back nimbly unclapsed your bra and he whispered a harsh “godric, you are fucking glorious” and immediately began to bite and pull at the top of your breasts, taking a hard nipple into his mouth while he flicked and ghosted over the other one.

Your body heaved under his embrace and while you released high pitched whines of his name, you started to buck up onto him too. He moaned against your skin and got rougher with your breasts for another moment before trailing down to your core. He pulled off your skirt and, while looking at you, pulled the waistband of your panties with his mouth, discarding them across the room. He pulled your legs closer to him, kneading at the bottoms of your thighs.

“Fuck, you are...so” he pressed a kiss to one thigh. “So” to your other thigh, looked into your eyes, and began to suck on your clit “beautiful.” “Freddie, please” you writhed and moaned, his mouth attached to you murmuring sweet nothings against you, the vibrations only slicking your heat further. He finally slid his tongue in and wrapped around you, causing a tight tug to his head, eliciting a deep harsh moan from him that got sent straight up your core. You moaned his name again and begged. “What does my angel want? Use your words, Y/N”

“Freddie, please” you whined again, and he nodded, smiling he sent a finger back in you and began to thrust at a fast pace. “Love, you are so perfect wrapped around me. Come for me, Y/N, be as loud as you want, angel.” And you came undone around him, your body sent into heavenly release as you unraveled the way you needed to. You whined as he slid his finger away, but bit back a moan as he sucked it clean.

“Are you sure you want to keep going? We can stop. I promise, love I just want to make sure you’re happy.” He but his lip looking at you softly, taking in your angelic body laying on his bed ready to take his cock. You sat up on the bed, and once again pulled him towards you - but you grabbed something else instead and only barely did you ghost him that his hips started to combust.

“Y/N, love-“

“Freddie, I need you inside me right now.” You slid your hand to his clothed bulge and rested your chin on top of his v line. “Pleeeaaase?” He smiled softly shakinf his head. He held your hair and grabbed the hand that had began to pal him softly and kissed each knuckle and your palm. “You make the rules, gorgeous.” He chuckled as he placed a kiss to the top of your head. “Lean back for me, my love, okay? Relax and let me do all the work. You deserve a perfect time and I...I want to know you’re happy and okay.” You had fully leaned back as he talked to you and you mouthed at him “I love you” prompting him to speed up the removal of his clothes, his hardened cock hitting his stomach and drawing your attention there. Sensing your nervousness, he pounced on you giving you playful kisses all over your face and making you laugh, but as soon as he saw your breasts bouncing prettily in front of him he pressed a serious and deep kiss to you as he positioned himself at your entrance.

“Ready, angel?” he clasped one of your hands in his and tilted your head upwards with his chin, giving you a soft kiss. He waited until you nodded and then slid deliciously into you. You hissed at the feeling of being filled, and Fred stilled and gave you gentle kisses to your shoulders and neck, praising you and your body until you felt ready for him to move. You had felt him start to throb inside you to which you said “Freddie, please”

He pulled halfway out, and then sheathed himself back in, your body arching into him again, his hand finding your lower back to brace his angle. His rhythm was slow, and deep, but passionate at one time. He was obsessed with the way your body was rhythmically pressing up into him as he dipped further and further into you, the only sounds filling the room being your soft moans and his hoarse groans into your skin.

“Is this feeling good, gorgeous?”

“God, you’re so good Freddie, you fill me up so well” he moaned and grabbed one leg to hitch onto his hips, causing you to jerk up in pleasure as he started to course faster into you. “Like that, angel? You want more?” “Please, Freddie, give it to me good” that was all it took for him to hike your other leg up prompting a loud whine from you, skin slapping faster as he was finding ways to bring you another high, the mattress feeling a hundred feet deep as his body was delectably pushing itself into yours, sinking himself ever further in you. He felt you clench around him and threw his head back briefly in pleasure.

“Come for me, my love”

“Freddie-“

“Yes, baby, I’m right here, I’m ready for you” and with that your body sent a shockwave of heat seemingly everywhere as you again came unraveled around him, and Fred felt himself losing control as well, his thrusts and bottoming out becoming sloppy and less dutiful.

“Freddie, come inside me”

“Love, are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m so sure just please Freddie I’m gonna come again please, baby” and the feeling of your hands in his hair yanking forward and the way your legs tensed around him and the ay you begged him, had him instantly release into you, hips slowly rolling to help him ride out his high. Kissing you deeply he pulled out of you, but he rolled onto his side still holding you, he pulled one of your legs on top of his and held you close.

“Was i- was that-“ before he could say anything else, you kissed him slowly and lovingly, feeling him sigh into your mouth.

“It was, yes.” He smiled softly. “Y/N, I love you. Like this, not like thsi I just...I love you.” He cupped your cheek and rubbed it with his thumb.

“And Freddie, my love, I love you.”

#PLEASW I DIDNT MEAN TO #FUCK #UWU

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old-hyper-super-clover · 3 years

Text

Squeeze that bunny tail!

Part 3

Description: The RAD student council as well as the exchange students help out at a bar where, oops, the staff´s dress codes are those sweet bunny outfits that we all know and thirst for. The MCs, Violet and Clover, play a game of who can touch the most bunny tails over the evening without getting caught. Prepare for fluff, funny innuendos as well as my thirst over hot boys in bunny outfits.

Find the first parts on my masterlist.

Story continues under the cut. Enjoy the thirst!

[The amazing artwork belongs to @tokamiart, permission to post was granted, don´t repost!]

Clover and Simeon were giving out drinks at the bar.

The girl was handing over all sorts of bottles, glasses and ice cubes if needed. Simeon then put it all together with such grace and beauty that Clover often found herself gazing at him, until the brunet would turn to her with a smile and ask her to let go of whatever she had been wanting to hand him.

At one point, without any customers walking up to the bar, Clover sat down for a quick break.

"Tired?" Simeon asked, having decided to clean the counter in the meantime.

Clover chuckled at the sight. "Oh, is this going to be the classic 'I tell the bartender of my problems' scenario?"

The angel blinked in confusion. "I am afraid I don't know what you are talking about... But I'm always there to lend you an ear, if that's what you're aiming at."

"I'm fine", she laughed. "I was only joking... I must admit, though, you really suit this job. I'm sorry if I'm misjudging you, but how come an angel is looking so perfectly fit for serving drinks?"

Simeon blessed her with a chuckle. "Thank you for the compliment. As for your question... You might be surprised, but angels do know how to have some fun, too."

"Oooh" Clover grinned. "So the whole turning-water-into-wine thing wasn't just a myth?!"

At that, Simeon only put his finger close to his lips in a "shhh" sound, giving her a secretive little wink before both broke out in soft giggles.

A little while later, their attention got caught up by a situation at the tables.

Luke was cleaning dirty dishes off of an emptied table, when a demon approached him.

A little flustered, they exchanged a few words before Luke gestured towards the public toilets.

"He's doing so well" Simeon hummed, leaning on the counter as he watched his angel friend with a proud smile. "It had been very difficult for him to adjust to life in the Devildom... But I'm glad to see he is finally finding his own pace of things."

Clover's head jumped back and forth between the two celestial creatures.

"It's because he has a great friend who's watching over him" she smiled.

"Huh? Oh, no, I don't want to take any credit for that. It's all thanks to Luke's own strength that he's able to go through this so well."

Suddenly, Luke hurried over to them, a full tray of dishes in his hands.

He looked SO disgusted.

"Waaah... What's wrong with those demons...!" He let the tray slip onto the counter. "Has nobody here learned how to properly behave in a restaurant?! The tables are sticky, the food is all over the cutlery, or even worse...!"

He held up a fork.

... Or better, what was left of it. Which was only the handle. The upper spikes got bitten off almost completely.

"Who eats a fork?!?!", Luke cried out. "That's... That's... Ridiculous!"

Clover gave an awkward laugh, she got over the point of wondering long ago.

"I am pretty sure I know who would..." she mumbled.

And truly, stepping out of the kitchen, the culprit looked at the fork with a guilty expression.

"... Don't tell Lucifer" Beelzebub mumbled as he came closer. "He'll get mad if he sees that parts of the cutlery are missing..."

"... 'parts'?!" Luke repeated in disbelief. "You mean this isn't the only one?!"

"... Those were accidents..." Beel whined, holding his grumbling belly.

He let himself plonk down on a chair next to Clover, then huddled over the counter in a pout.

"Ugh... And what am I supposed to do with that now...?" Luke said.

"Hm..." Simeon thought. "Clover, Beel, could you watch the bar for a moment? Luke, let's go bring the dishes to the kitchen... And that thing into the trash."

They excused themselves after Clover gave her okay and Beel gave some kind of grumble.

The girl´s head drifted over to look at the demon...

And her heart skipped a beat.

She checked the situation.

His tail? Exposed.

His thoughts? In some far away land about food.

The others? Gone.

The perfect chance for a squeeze? Right fucking NOW.

Clover swallowed the raising anxiety in her stomach.

She had lurked around the angels in hope of squeezing one of their tails, but now that they were gone, she had missed that chance...

The more she thought about it, the more did Clover feel like hyperventilating. It was such a stupid thing to fuss over, but sadly, her habit of over-contemplating would always stress her out in unnecessary situations.

After what felt like eternity of convincing herself, she moved her arm.

Beel almost immediately turned his head.

"... You look like you want to eat me." He said.

"Wh-what?!"

His grumpy face mustered her.

"But I will eat you before you could possibly eat me, so don't even try."

Clover's already red face curled in confusion.

"I didn't want to..." she mumbled.

"Why were you staring at me, then?"

"I-I... Was thinking about how to help you with your hunger..." she lied.

"... Oh. Sorry for accusing you of something else, then."

"N-no, it's fine..."

Before Clover could talk herself into more bullshit, Simeon came back, and the holy boy was there to save her from her own misery.

"Beel" he called out. "Luke and I will soon return home for a bit. I can bring you some sandwiches, so stay strong, okay?"

"Simeon...!" Beel cheered as his euphoria made him stand up and engulf Simeon in a hug. "You're a true angel...!"

Clover felt quite shitty afterwards.

Beel hugging Simeon was an adorable sight, but she hated herself for being such a coward.

After dodging another encounter with Solomon, she had pulled back to help Belphie at the casino area, trying to get her mind off of the competition for a little...

-----------------

Alright. I hope you´re not bored yet, because the chaos hasn´t even properly started yet.

Also, nearing ourselves to half-time, now is a good opportunity to sum up a few events as well as the overall squish-score so far.

Violet was leading with a total of 12 points. Besides the mentioned scenarios, she had also encountered Mammon a second time, and she was lucky enough to find Luke having a life crisis over another eaten fork.

Heck, Violet even managed to squeeze Clover's tail once, and her friend hasn't noticed!

Clover, on the other side, has had a great start, but did rather poorly the later it got.

With five points, she only had another chance with Asmo, who, tbh, had been begging for someone to pay attention to his booty. (But to be clear, he did not notice the squish.)

Over time, she got desperate, but that only fueled Clover's fears of getting caught.

It nearly let her to internally quitting, if not for Violet to pull her back into the game once more...

-------------------

Most of the crew was busy working when the clock struck midnight.

A nearby bell tower announced the change of day -- and with that, also the change of clothes.

The customers as well as the staff looked up when a certain voice echoed through the speakers.

"Good evening, my sweethearts~!" Asmodeus cheered, sitting on the bar counter and waving at the crowd. "Or should I say good night? Good morning? I hope you are having a good one, to say the least!"

He gained a small round of laughter.

"Yes, yes, a cheery mood is what we want! And now that we passed midnight... It's time for a special surprise!"

He stood up onto the counter, striking a nice pose while smirking widely.

"Those with weak minds -- and weak ovaries -- should brace themselves, cause things are about to get hot~!"

The crowd applauded and cheered. A group of thirsty (asmodeHoes) fans threw in some... naughty exclamations, but Asmo had already jumped onto the floor again, gathering the staff members around him.

Barbatos at his side, he was handing out another set of clothing. "Please get dressed quickly", the butler said.

And so they went off...

--------------------

"VioLET."

"Cloverrrr..."

"I CAN'T go out like his."

"But... But Clover... You know what must be awaiting us outside..."

"ARGH... I'm not ready for that either..."

Clover was sitting on the floor again.

This time, their outfit consisted of a classic black playbunny suit, ears and tail still included of course, arm sleeves as well as a shirt's collar that was held together by a bow tie.

"Come onnn, I don't wanna go without you..." Violet protested.

"But HOW am I supposed to face those frickin´ snacks” Clover cried out. “I'm a fucking potato compared to them, also Violeeet, the moment I see any of them my mind will SIN and I won't ever be able to look into Simeon's eyes ever agai-"

They heard voices on the other side of the door.

"Woohooo, is that Lucifer?! Shirtless?!" They heard Asmo go. "And and, kyaaaa, Beel, those ABS!!"

The girls exchanged a glance.

Then dashed out of the womens' toilet once again.

Stumbling out of the room, however, there was no one to be spotted at all.

A little confused, the girls noticed too late how a cheeky Asmodeus had been hiding behind the door, pushing the latter shut to have a perfect view on his girls.

"Got you~!" he hummed, leading the girls to turn around.

He had a camera in his hands and seemed to be already filming.

"What a view~", he continued. "Could you do me a favour and turn around as well?"

"Asmo!!" Violet hissed, her cheeks gaining a pink blush out of angered embarrassment.

Not as much as Clover's face was heating up, though, as she prompted the demon to put his phone down.

"Not going to happen, sweetie~" he chuckled. "Devilgram will love those bashful expressions...!"

"WhAt?!" Violet covered her body immediately. "You WON'T upload this anywhere!"

"Uhmmm... That's kind of not possible, you know? This is a live broadcast."

"WHAT."

Then, another person stepped out of the males' bathroom.

"What's all the noise about?"

Lucifer's annoyed voice echoed through the corridor.

When he stepped closer, however, his attention got caught up by the girls' appearance.

"Oh~?" he purred, inspecting the girls (but Violet in particular hehe) with a pleased smirk on his lips.

"L... Lu..." Violet's voice broke off.

She just... Died. Nothing more to say about this, really.

Because only now both, Violet and Clover, realised that not everything of Asmo's bait had been a lie...

The demons were actually shirtless, their chests bare as they were wearing only arm sleeves and, in Lucifer's case, a bow tie around his neck, while Asmo's neck was decorated with a ribbon. Rather tight-fitting black trousers and the bunny accessories completed the look that had left the girls speechless.

Lucifer's smirk grew wider.

"No, that's no good... I think I will have to speak to the manager. Those outfits are way too distracting... Isn't that so, Violet?"

"H-huh?!" The girl did a little hop.

Thankfully, Asmo jumped in to her aid.

"Fufu~! Lucifer, do you mean the girls are getting distracted by us, or is it that YOU are getting distracted, hm~?"

Lucifer crossed his arms in a contemplative manner.

"Well... I admit to a pleasant view when I see one, so..." He pinned Violet down with his eyes. "I guess I will have to be extra careful from now on... Then again, I might need a more detailed view, just to be sure..."

Asmo gave an excited giggle.

"Lucifer, you beast~!"

Then Asmo turned to Violet again.

"But judging from her red cheeks, I feel Violet might think the same... Isn't that so, darling~?"

"U-uhm...", Violet stammered, trying really hard to make her brain function again. "Well I... Think there's no point in denying that... Uhm..."

She glanced over at Lucifer, but every time she did, her head got dizzy all over again.

"Go on, please" Lucifer suddenly said. "There is no need to deny what, exactly?"

And her brain got stuck in an endless loop of not being able to cope.

Lucifer seemed to have plenty of fun with that, so he kept teasing her for the time being.

-----

We do remember, however, that there was another still girl left to completely destroy.

And Asmo took it upon himself to achieve exactly that.

"Don't worry, Clover!" He said as he tackled the girl into a hug, simultaneously dragging her away from the two lovebirds. "You're just as charming, of course."

"Th-thanks..." Clover mumbled.

"Hm? You don't seem to believe me."

Clover pulled away, now only holding hands with him, giving a shrug. "You know what I think of my looks, Asmo..."

The avatar of Lust gave a sigh.

"There we go again... If you're so self-conscious… why don't we go ask for some opinions?"

"Eeh?!"

And if the god of fateful anime encounters had planned it, the remaining demon brothers happened to have finished changing as well. The door to the men´s bathroom swung open…

"Oh!" Asmo smelled his chance. "Look, there comes our audien-"

He got cut off by the weird sound Clover made.

In a single movement, she had let out a squeal that a human throat should not be able to do, had completely destroyed Asmo's pretty hand by squeezing it in excitement, while in the end she was hiding behind Asmo, only peeking over his shoulder to glance at the mass of hotness coming out of the bathroom.

"Clover…?" Asmo sounded confused.

"Too much hotness", she mumbled into his shoulder. “I can´t-“

"Huh?" Asmo sounded genuinely confused for a second.

Then a smirk curled his face.

"What?!" he spoke extra loud, extra dramatically, so everyone could hear. "What did you say, Clover?! You think they're all sooo hot?!"

"A-asmo, be quiet...!" Clover mumbled.

But he continued.

"What? You love how much skin we are showing?!" he yelled.

"Stop...!"

"Whaaat?! You'd even pay them to strip down even more?! Clover, you wild animal!"

She punched the demon in embarrassment.

The next second, a certain scumbag stood beside them.

"DiD I hEaR 'P-p-p-PAy'?!" Mammon stuttered, literal cash-symbols in his eyes.

Asmo grinned at him, covering Clover's mouth so she couldn't protest.

"Our dear Clover here wants you to strip for her~"

Clover shook her blushy head.

"That's not trrngh..." she tried to press out between Asmo's fingers.

Mammon stared at her for a moment.

"… 10.000 Grimm."

Clover had freed herself again.

"... What?"

"15.000 and I'll do pole dance too."

"MAMMON WHAT THE HECK."

The second born looked almost disappointed when Clover declined his offer.

But Asmo was already moving on with his mischiefs.

"What? Clover?? You want to do WHAT with Beel's abs?!?!"

"ASMODEUS, I'LL KILL YOU-"

"No you won't~" Asmo grinned, turning to give his brothers a view on Clover. "Guuuys, I need your help! I dare you to give this little lady a rating in this sweet costume of hers."

Most of them looked confused at first,

but, seeing one, her outfit, and two, how much she was unable to cope, a few were ready to assist in Asmo's tease.

"I'd need a full view to judge" Satan grinned.

"Yeah" Belphie agreed. "Could you turn around slowly, Clover? Maybe do some poses as well?"

Clover shot them some angry glares.

"... You could do that pose were you form ears with your hands…" Levi dared to add in a mumble.

"Hrrrgh...!" Clover was fighting her embarrassment. "All of you are awful... Beel over here is the only nice guy, honestly...!"

She glanced at him in a pout, hoping he'd defend her... Or at least say something as well...

"... So you're not going to pose for us?" Beel said in a pout.

Clover.exe stopped working.

"Fufu..." Asmo grinned. "See, my dear? Even Beel demands a show... Now come on, we're waiting~!"

--------------

You can probably guess that Clover wasn't going to get out of this situation anytime soon.

While this part of the group enjoyed this mess of a person, let's switch back to the other girl whose brain was doing about as poorly.

Lucifer had kept Violet by his side, making sure she wasn't going to help Clover in her dilemma… Or going elsewhere in general.

However, one certain jealous bean soon couldn't bear that Lucifer was hogging Violet all for himself.

"Oi, Lucifer, back off of Violet already!"

And Mammon pressed himself in between them. "She's one of my humans after all!"

Visible displease grew on Lucifer's face as he got cockblocked yet again.

"And what would give you the right to claim her for yourself?" The eldest grumbled.

Mammon crossed his arms.

"... Because I just said so."

Lucifer pressed out a sigh, to then simply push Mammon's body away again.

"LUCIF-", Mammon hissed. "STOOP...!"

"You are distracting us, Mammon."

"B-but... That´s not fair…” he shouted. “M-maybe I want Violet to notice me as well!!"

Lucifer stopped, while most of the surrounding people went silent.

Then Levi gave a laugh.

"Oh my god MAMMON, that was so desperate lolol, SO uncool!"

Belphie spared him a pityful laugh. "Are you really that desperate for some attention, you idiot?"

The avatar of Greed was gritting his teeth.

"Hnngh... Shut up, all of you...!"

The situation around them escalated a little, even more so as Diavolo and Barbatos joined in on the chaos, having changed clothes as well.

But Violet felt bad, especially since she wouldn´t have expected Mammon to act like this. So, in a silent second where everyone seemed busy in their personal chaos, she sneaked over to Mammon.

After -- of course, what did you expect -- quickly poking his bunny tail, Violet also gave his shoulder a tap.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Mammon looked a little surprised, responding with a huff.

"...'s a wolf..."

"Huh?"

"Lucifer's a wolf!" Mammon repeated, awfully loud and both feared that the eldest brother had heard him.

A bit more timid, Mammon continued as Violet could only look at him in confusion.

"... Ya can't just go hop around in such an alluring outfit when there're guys like Lucifer around. He could go full beast mode and, dunno, do some weird stuff to ya."

Violet suppressed the nasty thoughts approaching her brain, her heart beating drastically as she mumbled a faint "I see".

"Ya human should better stick to the great Mammon! I'd treat you nicely, y'know."

Violet raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"... 'Treat me' how, exactly?" She asked in an almost teasing manner. "What were you planning to do, Mammon?"

And it landed a critical hit.

"I-I-I-I mean tr-treat as i-in... I'd protect you from all those beasts around you!" he stammered, his cheeks a blushing mess. "Nothin´ weird, I swear!! Its just… There's plenty of those beasts! Actually, maybe you should go home. If all the customers see you like this... Argh... I have to tell Clover, too...!”

He turned his head to search for the other girl, only to realise the group was about to return to their work. "Ahh... Oh no, she´s already been caught..." Mammon pressed out.

"Mammon" Violet called out again and treated him with a smile. "I assume you´re saying this because you´re worried about us, right? Thank you for that, you´re really a good friend. We're having a shift together later, right? So, until later, okay?"

He seemed confused again, but nodded in the end.

"Ugh... Fine... Just stay safe, ´kay? Promise!"

"I promise" she laughed, then Mammon finally seemed to have calmed down.

At least he was fine enough to turn around and go bother Levi with something.

Violet was watching them in amusement, then felt a presence behind her.

"Turning your eyes off of me already?" A deep voice purred almost right into her ear.

Ah, yes, there it was again, the drastic heart rate.

"Lucifer..." Violet turned around at the mellow voice. "I just wanted to tease Mammon a little. He seemed a little down."

"Sure, suit yourself..." Lucifer mumbled casually. "But I seem to be a little down as well... To think you'd end our conversation so quickly..."

Violet exploded into a puzzled blush.

"N-no... That's not... I ... You..."

Lucifer was pinning her down with his gaze, waiting for a coherent reaction. “Then how abou we pick up where we left? I think there´s something you wanted to tell me…”

"Y-you look... A-... Amazing..." she stammered.

"Hm? Could you say that again? Your voice appears to be awfully thin."

She breathed a heavily stressed breath. So Lucifer continued.

"Pardon me? Violet, you appear to be overheating. How come? I would assume your clothing is revealing enough skin to make that impossible..."

Aaand Violet's brain shut down as well.

"Should I help you?" he hummed, stepping even closer. "In comparison to you, I seem to maintain a way cooler head than you do..."

And, being the most flustered he has ever been, Lucifer continued to tease the shit out of Violet for as long as he felt the need to...

-------------

The group was about to dissolve and (finally) head back to work.

The girls, however, had stayed back for a strategy meeting.

"This is bad", Clover blabbered as she was trying to calm down. "I couldn't get up to them with shirts on, how am I supposed to even TALK to any of them when they're in maximum sexy mode?! And it's not only maximum hotness, but did all of them collectively agree to unlock their secret teasing-modes, too?!"

Violet gave a blushing shrug. "... Are you complaining, though?"

"Hnngh... No... But I'm so short on points... If I don't start playing risky, I'll loose..."

Violet smirked at that.

"Yeah" she agreed. "That's a good idea. Look, Solomon's over there all alone, why don't y-"

"Nope” lover interrupted her immediately. “Not going to happen. Nope. I'd rather go up to the demon prince himself. I'd rather get killed by Barbatos TBH."

"Oh, you would get killed..." Violet shivered, thinking back of what happened in the store room earlier.

"Don't care" Clover persisted. "Like, come, demon lord, if I was to touch Solomon's tail today, you may kill me right this instant...!"

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me fanfic #obey me bunny event #i had short story as a tag too but thats one fat lie

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xbreezymeadowsx · 4 years

Text

A Telford Tea Party

A/N: Pure, unadulterated FLUFF. Inspired by my favorite thirsty Flanagan obsessed girls and what’s said in our chat.

Chibs x Reader

This has not been proofread and therefore may contain spelling or grammatical errors. Oops.

TW: Nothing should be triggering unless you hate daddies having tea parties with their little girls.

PREPARE YOUR OVARIES!

*******************************************************

(this gif just seemed appropriate somehow. Not mine, credit to the maker.)

*******************************************************

Dada... Chibs grumbled burying his face in his pillow. "Dada." He cracked one eye open and squint, scanning the bits of room he could see when a little face was suddenly taking up his whole view. "Daddy." The four year old girl said firmly, letting him know he wouldn't be going back to sleep. He smiled sleepily and moved an arm from under his pillow to tuck some of her silky brunette hair from her face. "Mornin', Tilly." He graveled. Her hazel eyes lit up and she giggled. "Goo monin'!" She smiled brightly. Chibs groaned as he rolled to his back again and stretched as his daughter knelt on the bed, the empty half of the bed. "Where's yer Ma?" He asked with a yawn, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Da movie place." She told him. "Aun'ie Lyla as'ed her fo' sum'tin. Baby Mal wen', too." "Oh, okay." He thanked her for explaining it further. "Daddy, can we have a tea party?" She begged, giving him puppy dog eyes. "Do we hafta?" Chibs grumped. "Pweeeeeeease?" The little girl plead and clasped her hands in front of herself. He sighed, it didn't take much for the little one to get her way with him. "Fine." He huffed, scoffing at his lack of will power. "Lemme take a shower quick, okay?" "O'tay!" "Go ge' yer sissy an' set up in the playroom." He told her, tickling her side and making her squeal and jump off the bed. "BRINNNNAAAAAAA!!!" She hollered as she raced out the bedroom door. After showering and quickly dressing in black jeans and black SAMCRO t-shirt, Chibs went into the kitchen to grab a jug of sweet tea and tin of shortbread. However, as he turned the corner, he was greeted with the sight of his six year old standing on the counter next to the fridge, the four year old standing on the chair they'd pushed over there, and their six year old brindled shepherd mix Jameson prancing excitedly in place watching his little humans going after something near the treats he couldn't reach and hoping they'd knock the container down. The pajama clad girls- the pair looked nearly identical save for the elder being a head taller- froze in place and stared wide-eyed at him. "Sabrina Rose. Matilda Mae." Chibs said sternly, setting his fists on his hips. "Uh-oh." They gasped in unison. Chibs scooped them up and set them on the hardwood floor. "Couldn' wait ten minutes, eh?" He asked in amusement. He shook his head, chuckling and ruffled their long hair. He reached on top of the refrigerator and took the blue tin the girls had been after, handing it to his oldest. "I'll get the tea." Y/N opened the truck door and reached in to get the three month old out of his carseat as he babbled and waved his orange rattleball around. The neck of his green dinosaur onesie was covered in slobber and drool. "Yes, yes, yes. We're so happy, aren't we? Yes, we are." Y/N cooed as she picked the baby up and held under his butt as he leaned into her shoulder. "Auntie Lyla and the girls spoiled you, didn't they? I saw them sneaking you whipped cream. All that damn sugar's got you wound up." She slung the Harley Davidson diaper bag over her shoulder and grabbed the bag of groceries she'd picked up on the way home before heading to the front door. Once inside, she set the bags on the kitchen table and shift her son to her other arm. "Now, where's Daddy and the girls, huh?" She asked the baby. He looked at his mother curiously before letting out a shrill scream of joy. Y/N cringed. "Malcolm Robert Telford, you're gonna make my ears bleed." In the playroom, Chibs shift uncomfortably in his tiny, tiny pink chair. He would've liked to have sit on the floor, but his girls insisted he had to sit at the table like a proper gentleman. He watched Tilly- a sky blue fairy costume on over her pajamas including wings with an Anna from Frozen glittery tiara- pick up the little plastic pink teapot in the middle of the round white table and pour nothing into a mismatched tiny purple teacup in front of one of their guests. "Mo' tea, Mr. Bear?" She asked the large teal teddy bear. She turned to her other side and poured some into a large blue teacup for her sister's yellow lab, Jax. "May I have more tea, Daddy?" Brina asked in a horrible attempt at some kind of European accent. While her younger sibling was clearly a typical girly-girl, Sabrina wasn't. She, too, wore a costume dress but her's was black velvet with gold trim. She looked like a regal witch or vampire... if it weren't for the mini felt top hat and the headband that made it look like she had an arrow through her head. "Of course, sweethear'." He replied warmly and picked up the larger stainless steel teapot. Clinking came from inside from ice cubes sloshing around as he poured iced tea into her cup which was actually a black enamel camping mug. "Can I have a'nudder cookie?" Tilly asked sweetly, not bothering to fake an accent. "Haven' ya already 'ad three?" Chibs asked, raising an eyebrow and already knowing the answer. "Nooooo." His younger daughter trailed off not looking her father in the eye. Sabrina cackled at her sister's bad acting. Chibs pretend to wipe his face to hide his smirk. "How abou' we split one?" He compromised and picked up a shortbread from the Santa platter the girls had piled them on. Tilly nodded eagerly and held out her little plastic Disney Inside Out Joy dessert plate. Chibs broke the cookie in two pieces as even as he could and set one half on her plate and the other on his red Elmo face plate. "Daddy! Your hat!" Sabrina exclaimed realizing Chibs had taken it off at some point without them noticing. He reached up and felt his head. "Oh no! It's gone!" He cried, faking shock. "Someone stole it!" He shout, so clearly upset at this revelation. Tilly started frantically looking behind the plushies and lifting plates up as if the rainbow striped pinwheel hat would be hiding under them. Brina searched in the nearest toy chest, suspicious. The last two times the hat went missing, that's where it was. She slammed the lid shut hopelessly when her search came up empty. "Sissy, look'it!" Matilda ordered pointing a little index finger across the room. Chibs internally cringed and prayed the hat was destroyed by now. "Jamie, no!" Sabrina rushed the dog and began tugging the hat from him. He growled lightly and tugged back, wagging his tail and thinking she wanted to play. Unfortunately for the mutt, he'd done enough damage already that one more solid yank and the fabric seperated with an audible rrrrrrrip. The little girl flopped on her behind with a thump. "Bad dog!" She reprimanded him. Jameson spit out his half of the rainbow and whimpered, approaching the little girl and snuffling around her head. He licked her cheeks and she scrunched her shoulders, shrieking with laughter at his tickly whiskers and unable to stay mad at the innocent beast. "Wha's Daddy supposed to wear now? He needs a hat!" The young toddler declared before scurrying to the dress-up closet. Chibs whistled and called the dog off his daughter, her face having been slurped on enough. "Go lay down, ya mongrel." He chide goodnaturedly. He helped his daughter wipe her face off with a napkin. "I found a hat, Daddy!" Matilda proclaimed, emerging from the closet and holding something up triumphantly. Chibs face feel momentarily at the sight before changing his expression to something neutral. "Maybe no' tha' one, princess." He denied gently. The green plastic bowler hat was missing a chunk of hat and the white ribbon with four leaf clovers that usually wrapped around it was dangling over the edge of the rim like a graduation cap tassel. The little girl frowned and studied the hat. "I guess not." She agreed sadly and chucked it in the small trash bin between the girls' drawing tables. Seeing her sister on the verge of crying, Sabrina hurried over and ushered her back into the closet to help her find a more suitable hat. Y/N stood in the doorway watching her husband interact with their girls. Malcolm was quietly sucking on his thumb, head laying on her shoulder. It melt her heart every time she saw them all. Filip was always so good with his children and the girls had him wrapped around their little pinkies most of the time. He was stern when he needed to be, but honestly the girls were rarely brats. She swooned when she saw Matilda run to her father and hold up a plastic gold crown with colored jewel beads adorning it. Chibs gushed at how perfect the item was and scooped the girl up, standing her on his knees so she could place it on his head. Thrilled, Tilly set the crown atop his head and declared him king of the tea party. She hopped back to the carpeted floor as Sabrina joined her and the pair curtsied before their king. "Greetings, my liege." Chibs snapped his eyes up and found his wife and baby boy watching them from the doorway. A loving smile gracing Y/N's face. "Miladies," He addressed his daughters. "Look! Tis my Queen returned from her travels!" The girls curtsied to her. Y/N curtsied back with a soft giggle. "I do apologize for missing tea time. I needed to acquire more covers and a rash tincture for Prince Malcolm's royal fanny." Her daughters roared with laughter, falling to the floor in a pile of wiggly court jesters. The baby picked his head up and watched his big sisters before giggling sleepily. Chibs groaned as he stood. He pressed his hands to his lower back, leaning backwards to stretch his aching bones. He carefully skirt around the flopping sillies on the floor and held his hands out with wide eyes and big smile. "There's ma'boy!" He cheered. His smile threatened to split his face in two when he saw the baby boy excited to see him. Malcolm screeched and giggled, trying to fling himself from his mother's arms towards his father. "Hiya! Were ya good fer yer Mama?" He questioned in a voice he reserved for babies. "Didya go see Auntie Lyla? Was she filmin'?" He heard Y/N scoff as she fixed the little one's cotton shorts. "Ha! No. Say we didn't see any of that naughty stuff, Daddy." Y/N told her son to say knowing he'd just babble or blow a spit bubble instead. She looked to her husband as he kissed the light haired, blue-grey eyed bundle of joy all over his head and cheeks. "They were on lunch... brunch, I guess? when we got there. Everyone in robes, dirty bits hidden from innocent eyes." "Tha's a shame." Chibs joked earning a backhand on his free shoulder. He snickered and winked at Y/N before leaning in for a kiss. "Missed ya." He muttered against her lips. "Mm, you missed sleeping till noon." Y/N teased. "Tha', too." He agreed with a cheeky grin. "Daddy, can we go to the park?" Matilda asked, the girls' laughing fit having subsided finally. Chibs turned to his wife. Before Y/N could answer Malcolm started grunting, his face going red before the unpleasant sounds of a much needed diaper change filled their ears. "EEWWW!" The girls exclaimed, faces scrunched up in disgust. "We can go later, okay?" Y/N told them. "It's lunchtime now, then naptime." The girls started whining. "Hey, no whining." "No nap, no park." Chibs said, backing up his wife. The girls scowled, knowing it was too late to try to persuade him otherwise now that he showed he was with Mom. "Keep makin' tha' face an' it'll stick like tha'." He threatened, a sideways glance to Y/N who gave him a mischevious half-grin. "I'll ge' the lad changed an' down fer his nap." He told her, kissing her cheek. Y/N sighed softly, leaning into his lips. "Okay. We'll clean up in here and get lunch going." She decided, stepping aside to let the boys out of the room. "Come along, ya wee bug. We'll get a fresh nappie, read tha' book abou' a wee mouse an' a biscuit, play some o' tha' Celtic lullaby music ya love, an' have a bit o' dreamin'. Sound good?" Chibs spoke softly to his son as he moved down the hallway to the baby's room. Y/N turned to her daughters, taking out her phone and snapping a picture of the dressed up pair before smiling at them. "Shall we have chicken fingers for lunch?" She quiered. The girls nod enthusiastically. "Anything else?" "Neeps an' tatties!" Chibs called down the hallway. Y/N rolled her eyes, but the girls were already getting more excited. The girls loved her homemade mashed potatoes and turnips. "Alright, then. I think we have some mash leftover from dinner." She sighed. "Start cleaning and I'll get the chicken in the oven." She told the girls. "Okay, Mama!" They agreed as she turned and made her way to the kitchen. Once the food was warming up, she was jotting something down on the grocery list on the counter when the sounds in her house distracted her. Sabrina and Matilda were giggling with each other, toys and make believe sets were clattering here and there as the siblings no doubt were throwing everything haphazardly into random toy chests, the rumbles of Chibs' Scottish brogue float down the hallway as he read a bedtime story to their baby, and the sounds of yipping and collar tags jingling were heard from the living room as Jameson dreamed of chasing squirrels. Y/N breathed deeply and sighed, content. This was her favorite thing in the world. The sounds of home.

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thetypedwriter · 4 years

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Only Mostly Devastated Book Review

Only Mostly Devastated Book Review by Sophie Gonzales

You know those feel good movies that are short and sweet and fun while you’re watching it, but mostly forgettable? You all know what I’m talking about. It’s the experience of something that is fine, enjoyable even, but largely unnoticed on the grand scheme of things?

Only Mostly Devastated is like that.

Now, before the fangirls attack, let me just say that what I commented above is not an inherent criticism. Not every novel that I read, or people want to read, has to be a masterful prose full of epistemological queries and agonizing philosophies on life.

Sometimes you want something sweet and fluffy, like cotton candy, to fill in the times when your brain needs a break. A good book does not necessarily equate to a challenging book, although English teachers in school will have you believe otherwise.

Sometimes books can just be fun.

Only Mostly Devastated tells the queer book version of Grease, down to allusions making its way even on the front cover. The plot is basic in its storytelling. The main character, Oliver, is staying in North Carolina for the summer with his parents as they help out his aunt while she receives treatment for cancer. During the summer, Oliver has a not-so-summer-fling with a boy named Will that both think will end when Oliver moves back to California at the end of the season.

But lo and behold! Oliver’s parents decide to stay in North Carolina for a year to help out, forcing Oliver to spend his last year of high school far away from home and unbeknownst to him, attend the same high school as his beloved Will from the summer.

However, predictably, Will from summer and Will the basketball player that Oliver meets in high school, seem to be two different people, with Oliver trying to reconcile why the boy he loves is pretending like he doesn’t exist.

This book...isn’t original. In any way, shape, or form. From the plot, the characters, the dialogue, and even the writing, nothing about this stands out too much to me.

Again, this does not make it a bad read, sometimes you want light and easy and predictable, but it does make it a forgettable one.

The plot is fine. It’s sturdy, it works for what Gonzales is trying to achieve, which is mainly the love story between Will and Oliver. She does try to throw some other things in there, like putting a side character who is struggling with being bisexual, another side character with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), some light stuff on body image, other airy commentary on fetishizing people’s sexualization, and of course, the death and loss of a loved one and the grieving process that goes with it.

Now, you might be saying, wow, thetypedwriter, what are you thinking? That is so much stuff that she put into her book! Incredible! How can you call it shallow and predictable?

Well, for one, the book is short. While again, nice for those readers who want something light to carry on their way to tan by the pool, great, but for those readers who want something more, this can be frustrating.

For an in-depth reading experience for any of those themes above, hitting the tip of the iceberg would be putting it lightly. The book skims the surface of those topics, but they aren’t delved into in any semblance of sophistication or depth that would actually make this a more memorable read.

Reason two, Sophie Gonzales does come across quite preachy sometimes.

Now, this can be tricky so let me explain. Putting forth your agenda or your beliefs and values in a book is not an erroneous thing to do. Actually, it’s an amazing thing to do and people have been using books as a form of expression for these types of things for centuries. Some may argue that the intrinsic value of a book is to express such opinions.

However, this is not Sophie Gonzales’ biography, nor is it an opinion article about how she feels about the fetishization of girls kissing girls for male entertainment. When you are going to put your opinions and beliefs into your book, it needs to make sense in the scheme of the characters.

For example, if J.K. Rowling randomly had Ron go on a speech about women’s rights and toxic masculinity, it would be out-of-character and baffling since Ron would not be the character to say such a thing.

However, if Hermione were to give such a speech, the ideas and beliefs would be passed along, message received, but without breaking character or pulling me out of the universe to think what the hell because a sermon came out of left field that held no continuity in the scheme of the novel as a whole.

This happened to me quite a lot in Only Mostly Devastated. It was like Sohpie Gonzales got to a certain point, told her characters to step aside, and then got on her soapbox to preach about love and acceptance.

Once again, I’m not against any of the messages she’s portraying at all.

What I think lacked finesse, however, was the way in which she got those messages across, which was often out-of-character and forced the plot to go certain places just so she could get the chance to talk about those issues.

With that out of the way, other slight criticisms I have mainly are to be found with the characters and the writing itself.

The characters were all likable enough. I’m not about to go write fanfiction about any of them though. They were largely generic, although entertaining enough for what this book is offering. They were also all pretty forgettable and formed pretty forgettable relationships as well.

Do I really remember any of Will’s friends? Nope. What about Oliver’s girl squad? Kind of? I did appreciate the attempt at including more characters of color, including Will.

I do think that Lara was the most interesting character. I honestly would have preferred to have had a whole novel about her rather than told from Oliver’s point-of-view, simply as Oliver is basic as all hell (white boy that plays guitar and is slightly awkward. I’ve only seen this character about 10 million thousand times before).

And if Gonzales had written this novel about Lara instead, all of her themes would have worked infinitely better. You still get the struggle with sexuality, you still get the side POC characters with PCOS and body image issues, and you could still have the plot of loss and death if you wanted to.

The friendship with the girls would make so much more sense, the fetishization topic could have been delved into way more thoroughly, and Lara was kind of a bitch, and I appreciated that about her. You would even still get a musical person in the form of Juliette even without Oliver on the scene.

But, nope. We get Oliver. Which is...fine. Mediocre, but fine, I guess.

Lastly, Gonzales is a perfectly average writer. The story flowed, it was funny, it had its moments of nuance and sarcasm, but there were moments where she would make comparisons, always with similes or metaphors, that left me literally confounded because of how bizarre and out-of-place I found them.

Some examples:

1. “Up close, she smelled like sugary flowers.”

-I’m sorry, but what do sugary flowers smell like? Why are the flowers sugary? Who would even sugar their flowers in the first place?

2. “Deep inside my chest, my heart was beating as though it was trying to tear free from bondage.”

-Just...an extremely odd choice of words. Why bondage, Sophie Gonzales, why?

3. “I’d rather floss with barbed wire, than watch a live sports match…”

-Ummm eww and scary?

I could go on and on with the frankly awful choices for comparison that are made in this book with incessant use, but I think you get the point. The similes and metaphors were downright baffling. Not really sure what Gonzales was going for with them, but...no. Just no.

Lastly, Oliver’s nickname Ollie-oop made me want to curl up and die. It didn’t make them seem like better friends. In fact, the whole rose gold-girl-group and Oliver was such a dumpster fire of a friendship that lacked any and all actual solid foundations for a relationship that it annoyed me, especially in the end when Oliver decides to stay in North Carolina to be with people he’s not even close to.

Additionally, the inclusion of Oliver’s two friends from back home was just...pointless, utterly pointless. I don’t even know why she bothered to write them into the story honestly. They added nothing.

Again, her themes are good in nature and provocative in theory, but the book was just too short and shallow to justify writing in any of it when really all she cared about was Will and Oliver sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. It was almost like fanfiction, but published. Actually, nope, I think fanfiction is better.

Wow, I guess I had more feelings about this book than I thought, mostly negative too.

Once more, I want to heavily emphasize that I DIDN’T HATE IT. It was a super, light, super cute, very simple book that I’m sure a ton of people will appreciate right now with everything heavy going on in the world.

If you need a book in cloud form, this is your novel. But....if you wanted something more like me, if you found it just a little too simplistic in nature, just a little too forgettable, then that’s okay too.

Recommendation: If you’re too burdened down by carrying your sunscreen and your cooler out to the pool, this is the perfect light summer reading to tuck under one arm and melt your worries away for a little while. If you want an actually good, actually complex and refined LGBTQ+ coming of age novel then I’d definitely go for the likes of Red, White, and Royal Blue or Autoboyagraphy instead.

Score: 5/10

#only mostly devastated #sophie gonzales #ya fiction #YA Books #YA literature #LGBTQ fiction #book blog #books #book review #Book Recommendations

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jenstar1992-2 · 3 years

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Hunter (Bad Batch Trailer 2021)

#sergeant hunter #bad batch trailer #the bad batch #clone force 99 #hunter #star wars #star wars the bad batch #clone troopers #oop there go my ovaries again

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sparrowsabre7 · 4 years

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Ok, mountain time. Let's see how far an unsuspecting onliner's bike will get me.

Cargo immediately damaged by vehicle vibration... sorry, comrade your bike is abandoned.

Man, I hope that distant truck is a porter, though the pop up hint "attach armour plates to protect from gunfire" does not give me hope...

Yeesh, thunder, timefall must be imminent, weather forecast says yes but if I can get to the valley in 10 minutes I can avoid it in the final stretch. If not, the rest of my run is going to suck. Oops, too late, BT zone ahead. Shit on it. Going to hope the anti-BT weapons work better before they grab me.

IDIOT! Fucking IDIOT. Was avoiding them so well and crossed a river to get by but wasn't paying attention to my constitution. Got washed WAY back downstream and lost a blood grenade for my trouble. Fuck. FUCK! My own stupid fault. Nonetheless, avoided the BTs and navigated some more rapids to get past. Cue another Low Roar banger and another incredible vista. It may be a repetitive trick but it still works every time.

Finally hereby no holo to greet me. Interesting. Peter Englert the pizza guy also has no holo and that does intrigue me more about him, he leaves the funniest emails. Going out on a limb and saying when we finally meet him he's going to be Hideo Kojima.

Huh, now there is a holo, which seems to be Mama. It's Lockne, Mama name dropped her earlier so guessing a family relation. Ah yup, twin sister Die-Hardman just told me. They can apparently communicate over long distances without tech. DH just said they are "like two people sharing one body" why do I get the feeling that's exactly what they are in typical weird Kojima twist fashion.

Ok, she's not letting me use the facility at all and new objective is "change Lockne's mind" oh creepers christers you're gonna make me go all the fuck back to talk to Mama aren't you? *checks internet*

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Absolute twat Hideo.

Know what? Fuck it. Imma save and then jump in the stream and get washed back to north distro. Up yours.

That... worked surprisingly well. Minimal BB distress, no health damage, pretty happy with that. Bola-d my way past some terrorists and hijacked their truck to get to north distro for a port to south Knot to get to Mama's lab. Ok, whatdya got? Ooh, new weapon cufflinks? They can cut BT cords!? Shit that sounds too good to be true, guessing I'll need to be in melee range... yup, essentially stealth takedowns. Oh man, she wants me to test it by cutting her BT baby's cord. This is pretty sad. Ok, doubly fucked up: not actually her baby, it was Lockne's. M's ovaries don't work and L's uterus doesn't, so M became a surrogate for her sister. This whole thing is Kojimically fucked up.

And now you want me to w h a t.

I have to take your tragic ass all the way back to fucking Lockne, good grief. Still don't get why these lazy flickers can't walk with me until it gets difficult...

Oh no.

Not now.

Please.

Higgs.

Please take your dramatic ass and fuck the fuck off... I don't want to fight a BT kitty cat right now.

Aargh! Why must I drop the handgun if I use a grenade, and why can it not go back on the tool rack instead of dropping Mama!

COWARD! Fucking shit ran when it was inches from death. Bastard.

Ok, vroom vroom it is. Zooming over hill and down dale. Gotta say compared with my last run through, it was pretty exhilarating to just boost through the terrorist camp and not catch any heat, and that generator they revived Tyreone saved me again. Not too much further now.

Ditched the bike in the BT zone, tried to cut the cord but no prompt appeared and it almost grabbed me so fuck you very much for that suicide tip, Mama.

Fuck me we're finally back where I was over an hour and a half and 10 kilometres ago. Aaand she's dead. Good god what a waste of time. I mean sure, family reunion, lovely, but maybe just pick up the fucking phone. Either way, let into the network so I guess that's swell.

Feels weird to say given it's the same actress but Lockne seems a lot more wooden than Mama. Given she's supposed to be more closed off that could be an acting choice.

Ok, story needlessly complicated further: Mama was actually part dead, her body alive but her soul passed over. She was alive only thanks to the BT baby keeping her soul tethered to her body. Not sure why that wrinkle needed to be added to an already complex backstory, especially when said character has just died and this is relayed posthumously.

Oh wait, now Lockne can hear Mama's voice through the Beach and they are one again. Lockne strokes her face with two crossed hands in a deeply weird way to demonstrate.

Die-Hardman tells me the Intel has been gathered on the battlefield and suggests it could well be I was sent back to WWI or it could be that it was a Beach shaped by the user I.e. Raving Mads Mikkelsen to become a battlefield.

In any case, it's been a long night and I'm glad to get to bed.

#death stranding #sparrowsabre7 plays death stranding

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callunavulgari · 4 years

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Year-In-Life | 2019

Or that annual New Year’s meme about yours truly.

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Had abdominal surgery! I spent most of April either doped up or unconscious. Long story short, I had an ovarian cyst that they thought was twice as big as my fist. So they fast-tracked me to surgery, and discovered that while I did have an ovarian cyst that was pretty large, most of the issue was that my bowel had fused to my uterine wall. Or was it abdominal wall? Either way, my bowel was glued to where it shouldn’t be and very angry because it had a fairly large pre-cancerous polyp in it. Which I found out a week after the abdominal surgery, when I had to have a colonoscopy. Which leads me to...

Had to do three different bowel preps in less than a month! It’s really not fun, guys. But, I got a cyst removed, a polyp removed, a metric fuckton of endo removed, and got my bowel back where it should be. Also, they confirmed that I can have babies! Which I didn’t know I was so fucked up about until I started crying about it post surgery.

Oh, also I peed in a bedpan. That’s also something I’ve never done before. And and and, been sick on Christmas! - Adding Tanya later in this post means I remembered something else I’d never done before - jumped into a pool fully dressed. Then became... no longer dressed.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Still don’t remember what my resolution was which- hey, 2020 Heather! Your 2019 resolution is to legitimately lose weight (she says while eating cotton candy ice cream out of the tub) and quit smoking again. Also, maybe be engaged. But mostly, the weight and the smoking thing.

As for 2019 resolutions- I can guess what they were, which probably boiled down to losing weight. I put on about 20 pounds after surgery and haven’t lost it, because shocker, abdominal surgery really fucks with your core strength. Pretty sure there was something in there about reading 100 books (done), beating 4 games (done), and write something original (done? technically?) and/or novel-length (negative).

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? High school people and a few old coworkers. Nick’s cousin and his wife just had their third kid though. I think it may have actually happened on Christmas. 4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? Alternatively, what is your favorite place that you did go this year? No countries. Went to North Carolina for our possible last beach vacation. In January we’re going to Vegas for our friend’s wedding, which will be interesting. They’re getting married on a ferris wheel by an Elvis impersonator. May also go to Maine this year, but not sure yet because I only have a certain amount of vacation time.

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? Didn’t get a ring, yet. But we’ll see. We also didn’t get the house yet, so lets recycle those wants! Also, while we’re shooting big here, how about a better goddamn president?

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Started my second big girl job on November 18th. Had surgery on April 12th. Not a whole lot else stands out. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Got a new job! With more money and more responsibility and will look really good on a resume! Didn’t kill myself? Which sounds pretty morbid, but I had a lot of pain in my life earlier in the year.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not... losing... weight? Because I really need to do that. The heartburn bullshit will likely go away. The sleep apnea thing will likely go away. Your health in general will improve. And you don’t even like food that much anyway! 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I think I’ve had the flu twice this year and again, abdominal surgery, so yes. 11. What was the best thing you bought? I got nice clothes? Most of the other shit has been knick-knacks. I got more books. A new bookshelf! 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t know. Mine, I guess. I mean, 2019 wasn’t the worst, but it definitely has not been great. 13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? I have a friend. Let’s call her Amanda. Yeah, her. She’s blown us off a lot this year, which really sucks. The rest of it is her own decisions that only affect us because it’s inevitably going to affect her in a terrible way, but the blowing us off and only using us as passes for free food and ways to do her laundry really sucks.

14. Where did most of your money go? Surgery! My OOP may have been met in April, but the surgery itself was $48,000. I’ve only had to pay about $6,000 because my OOP was 5k, but that still hurts. And my dental sucks, which means I paid out of my ass to fix my teeth. Also, I bought way too many clothes and books. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I do still appreciate having a job with decent money. The new job will have insurance after my 90 day probation period (yeah, because you can’t have health care for 3 months even if you work in health care because you’re new). I’m glad that I caught the polyp before it became cancerous. I was happy I could have babies. I got excited about the new His Dark Materials series and The Witcher series and Kingdom Hearts 3 and God of War, and probably at least a couple other fandom things.

16. What song will always remind you of 2019? Face My Fears. Curse of the I-5 Corridor. Hadestown soundtrack. Transistor soundtrack. Wasteland, Baby! album. Billie Eilish in general. Lark of My Heart. But mostly, Face My Fears and Don’t Think Twice. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Sadder, probably? 2019 wasn’t great. ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter. iii. richer or poorer? Technically probably on par with where I was last year? I didn’t save quite as much as I wanted to with the surgery happening. Also, my car needed some pricey repairs this year. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I do wish I’d written more this year, but I wrote a lot in October. Possibly more than the last two years combined, which was nice. And I read a lot. I kind of wish I slept more. Or ate better. Or worked out more. I’m just really tired this year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spent less time with doctors? But I mean, taking care of myself is good and I’ve never had that option before.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it mostly sleeping. We got a bug that was either a really bad cold or a flu, so I’ve spent the last week generally shitty and sweaty and tired. First year that we haven’t been able to do Christmas basically at all. But we spent the hours between 6pm on Christmas Eve and 10am Christmas morning have the most restless goddamn sleep in the world and then opened presents and watched Love Actually and some television (the last two episodes of the Witcher!) while kind of napping on the couch, and ordered Chinese because it was hungry and the only thing open. 21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? Think I’m going to make the pirozki on Sunday, and then we’re doing a gift exchange with some of our friends at his mom’s house. 22. Did you fall in love in 2019? Eh. Still love him. 23. Best month for you this year? Clearly me having a good 2018 while everyone else had a shitty one guaranteed 2019 to be shit, because I honestly don’t fucking know. October was nice. So was August. But fuck most of the rest of it.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Of just 2019? Russian Doll, Glow, The Dragon Prince, Good Omens, Schitt’s Creek, The Terror, Chernobyl, Buzzfeed Unsolved, She-Ra, His Dark Materials, The Witcher... 2019 may have been a meh year, but it had some good shows. Of those, I think my favorite was probably either The Witcher or Good Omens, with His Dark Materials, Russian Doll, and The Terror tying for third. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Eh.

26. What was the best book you read? Red, White, & Royal Blue was probably my favorite. I also read Sanderson’s books this year though, which were also absolutely amazing. Mistborn and The Stormlight Archive were wonderful. It was a pretty great year for books too. Books and TV, well done 2019. Middlegame, The Ninth Gate, a lot of rereads. Best one was still Red, White, & Royal Blue though. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Do Utada Hikaru’s new Kingdom Hearts anthems count? Because Spanish Sahara by Foals, Obstacles by Syd Matters, the new Hozier album, and the Hadestown soundtrack were all wonderful musical discoveries. 28. What did you want and got? I don’t know. New clothes? A laptop? Confirmation that my ovaries work?

29. What did you want but didn’t get? Well, I lost the bet with Brandon. No ring by the end of 2019. No kids, either, but we aren’t quite there yet. No house. No perfect health? Is that a thing?

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I liked Into the Spiderverse a lot. Detective Pikachu. Rocketman.Frozen 2. Endgame was all right. I didn’t hate the new Star Wars. Toy Story 4. IT. It wasn’t a super great movie year for me.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? The big 3-0. It was all right. The night before we went to Fujiyamas with a couple of our friends, then on my birthday we had breakfast at First Watch, did some Christmas shopping, and went to the Zoo Lights a little after 5. Froze to death because it was snowing and shocker, when snow melts you get wet, but it was nice. Then had a late dinner at Mackenzie River, because it was one of the only places still open and close to our place.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Hah! A better president and a ring is the only thing that I didn’t get from my wishes last year. ----Hmmmmm 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? I did not give up and buys Scrubs. Instead I have a perhaps slightly oversized work appropriate selection of jeans (for Fridays), work slacks, blouses/sweaters, dresses, and skirts. I spent a little too much on clothes this year. I blame discovering Torrid. 34. What kept you sane? Reading was really, really great this year. - STILL leaving this answer, three years running! 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? David Tenant made a shocking comeback after Good Omens aired. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FUCK DONALD TRUMP IN THE EAR 20156789. —– Ayyyyy, this was my response from last year, and apparently also the year before and the one before! Hello past me’s, don’t worry, it’s still getting worse. 37. Who did you miss? Myself. Also, my brother, who is still in jail almost a year later and still no fucking trial. 38. Who was the best new person you met? I don’t know. Oh! I do know! I really like Tanya.

39. Talk about a new friend that you made this year: Tanya is awesome and pretty and fun and possibly at least a little bit crazy, but we all fucking are, come on. She got to come with us on vacation this year and it really made it interesting. Also, Shay and Alicia. I knew them last year, but got to know them pretty well this year.

40. Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

Took this one about 20 minutes after midnight on January 1st, 2019 after my first successful round of Battleshots. The hat went to the winner. It is not the most flattering picture, because I had been drinking already before I had to take four shots of Satan’s cinnamon liquor.

41. Post a picture from the end of the year:

Taken on my birthday, at the zoo. Again, snow melts.

42. A memorable meal discovered this year? Not sure? There’s not a whole lot of new food we haven’t tried. One of the pharmacists brought in some authentic Indian food for one of the potlucks we had and I don’t remember what it was called but it had rice and eggs and was amazing.

43. What was your favorite memory this year? I don’t know. We saw both Hamilton and Les Mis this year and they both reduced me to tears. I also had some good moments with books and tv shows I watched with Nick.

44. What are you excited for next year? There’s a couple new books. The election. Some tv shows, I think? Games? I don’t know, man. I’m trying not to come off as horribly depressed but I am kind of pretty depressed and nobody will ever know because the only person who ever gets this far into reading these things is me, so- hello 2020 me, you were really sad on December 26th 2019 and honestly for most of the year, so I sure hope 2020 is the year that we fucking seize life by the horns or however that saying goes.

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: I feel like my message from last year is fucking taunting me. Legit though, this is not the worst thing you’ve ever been through. You have a boyfriend who loves you, two wonderful cats that better not fucking die anytime soon, and like, I don’t know, working ovaries. A job. A car. An apartment that has a kind of shitty kitchen and a bath tub that might as well not exist, but is still an apartment! Which is more than some people have!

I guess my message from last year (it gets better) is in almost direct opposition of this year, which is basically: it could always be worse. 46. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Feed me sunlight, feed me air In a place where nothing matters Feed me truth and feed me prayer

(seriously, deliriously happy 2018 me quoting singin’ in the rain is taunting me wtf)

First Fandom of 2019: January of 2019 was pretty solidly Detroit Become Human. It hit me hard. Favorite Main Character of 2019: Jonathan Sims. I was a slut for the Archivist in 2019. Favorite Villain of 2019: Elias from The Magnus Archives, maybe? My only other response would be.. dun dun dun, Ben Solo aka Kylo Ron or whatever Favorite M/F Couple of 2019: I... am back on my Reylo bullshit. Favorite F/F Couple of 2019: Can I say Villanelle and Eve even if I didn’t really dip into the fandom? No? Okay, Catra and Adora. Favorite M/M Couple of 2019: Okay, so the three that got me this year was Hank/Connor, Jon/Martin, and Ryan/Shane. Fandom That You Never Expected To Get Into: Um, Buzzfeed Unsolved. Never would have guessed that one. Also like, while I would have expected Detroit Become Human I never would have guessed my favorite ship. Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Sigh. Twas that Reylo smacking me in the face at the tail end of 2019. Fandom That Inspired The Most Crack: Insert shrug? I read a weird Buzzfeed Unsolved fic above Mothman giving the guys sharable dreams (that were sometimes weird and sometimes sexy) until they boned. Last Fandom of 2019: Sighing again. Reylo. Though Yuletide has made it so I’ve read a lot of Queen’s Thief stuff. Favorite Fandom of 2019: I think that Buzzfeed Unsolved was my favorite purely from a fic standpoint, but Detroit Become Human and The Magnus Archives were both really great too.

#heather says what #2019 #new year's memes #selfie tag?

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mollyshaj · 6 years

Text

15.

Mariah

“So who is this guy?” Tiffany asked. I had my phone sitting up on my vanity so I could speak to her through face time while I did my makeup.

“His name is Tristan. I told you about him before. If you weren’t with your grandmother you would’ve been coming with me.”

Today I was headed to Tristan’s house for his little barbecue or whatever. He told me I could bring my daughter and I planned to but that changed. This cookout fell on the same weekend my mother planned a trip to DR with Tiffany and my aunt and her daughter who’s a year older than mine.

“I thought you didn’t like him anymore.”

“Well I’m seeing where this could go. What are y’all doing though?”

“I’m waiting for Déjà to get ready so we can go to the beach.”

“Okay that’s good. Well, have fun and keep your attitude in check. You hear me?”

“Yes, love you mama.”

“Love you too,” we blew a kiss to each other before ending the call.

Finishing my makeup I put my clothes on before going to the closet for my shoes. Just as I got done putting them on, my phone rang. Going back in the room I picked it up and answered since it was Nicole calling me.

“We’re outside, bring your ass.” She said as soon as I picked up, I didn’t even get the chance to say hello.

“Alright damn, I’m about to come out now.” Ending the call I grabbed my purse and keys before turning off my room light and leaving out.

After locking up my house I went outside to see Nicole in the driver side of what looked like a drop top Mercedes Benz. I know she’s making money but she isn’t dropping bags on something like this so I want the tea on this shit.

“What’s good hookers,” I greeted them.

“Hey bitch,” Ebony said back.

“Why does your man have to live all the way out in west bubba fuck?” Nicole probed as she pulled off down the street.

“Fuck all that, where did this car come from?”

“Oh this is Rashad’s, I was at his house last night and since I was picking you whores up he said I could take one of his cars. This is the one I chose, I’m cute as fuck in this bitch huh?” Nicole said with a big smile on her face.

“Yeah cute and fast, slow your ass down. At least get on the high way before you start that fast shit.” I buckled my seat belt quickly. Nobody was in the mood to die because of this bitch. “One of his cars though? How many does the nigga have?”

“Three,” she shrugged her shoulders. “Now answer my question, why does this nigga live so damn far?”

“Bitch it’s 30 minutes so stop,” I laughed, she was stretching it. Tristan lives in Tenafly and it’s only 35 minutes away from Jersey City, of course her dramatic ass wants to act like she’s traveling across country.

“That’s far enough.”

“You’re complaining about 30 minutes but have no problem bouncing from here to New York all the time?” Ebony asked.

“That’s different, fuck it though. Have you been to his house before Mariah?”

“No, he told me he followed Rashad’s lead on getting his house built though, talking about he doesn’t want his house to look like anybody else’s.”

“He seems like the type of nigga to say some shit like that. So what’s the deal? You were all gong ho about us fucking with these niggas; what’s up with you?” Nicole glanced at me through the rear view mirror then turned her eyes back to the road.

“Nothing, we’re cool and we went out a few times but it’s nothing serious at the moment. I need to see that he’s dead serious before I jump into anything.” I answered.

“I feel you on that, but it’s obvious something is going on. Look at you, all extra cute and shit.”

“Oh please this is me all day everyday just like what you’re rocking is you. Eb,” I leaned up to get a good look at her outfit. “Okay bitch got them chocolate legs out, you about to remind that nigga why he calls you Hersh?” I smirked at her.

“Fuck outta here,” Ebony laughed. “I’m not even thinking about Kaylin like that. I have my first photo shoot in day after tomorrow,”

“For real?”

“Yes and I’m excited as hell and y’all know I’m all moved into the house so I’m not worried about men all.”

“Where did you move to again?” Ebony moved out of Jersey City a few weeks ago and I have yet to see her new place but I’ve heard nice things about it. I’m glad she got her son up out of Jersey City because lord knows the niggas over there are acting nuttier than usual.

“Chatham, I found a nice three bedroom 2 bathroom house. It’s in my budget, right around the corner from the school, it’s a nice neighborhood, and it’s perfect for me and Jayden.”

“Girl how the fuck are you swinging rent in that expensive ass city? How much do you have stashed away?”

“Enough nigga, and my dad is helping me out a little bit but that’s not the point.”

“About time you let Black help you out. Only bitch I know that has a daddy with some loot and doesn’t act like it.”

“His money has nothing to do with me, besides he’s not rich he’s just not broke either.”

“Girl bye,” I waved her off.

She can dumb down her father’s money all she wants to but Black is a big deal out here in these streets and everybody knows his ass is far from broke. He puts up a good front, raising all of his kids in Jersey City and not in the area where the rich people reside; he was in the hood with us.

One good thing he did was raise his children to be humble and get their own shit. Ebony has always worked for everything she has so she doesn’t like taking anything from him; Jas is the same way to a certain extent. She’s independent but the girl isn’t stupid, that’s why she’s living nice as hell over there in Madison.

“I’m just saying, it doesn’t matter when are you bringing your ass by anyway?”

“When I have time, I’m working my ass off and I just filed for custody of Tiffany so that’s about to have a lot of my focus.”

“You did it? That’s what’s up, the first thing we need to do when you get full custody is have a girls night in type of thing. Get in her head a little bit especially since she’s going to be with you full time. The girl is going to need all the talking she can get,” Nicole joked.

“Fuck you,” I laughed her off.

We drove another twenty minutes before we finally pulled up to Tristan’s house. I was actually impressed by the look of his home. I halfway expected him to have a bachelor pad like Rashad has; from what Nicole says you can look at his house and tell he was a single man and had no plans on changing that. Tristan actually has a nice family home, I guess him having a son is the reason he bought a house like this.

“Okay this is cute,” Nicole said as we got out of the car. “Oop your boo is here Eb.” She pointed to Kaylin’s car.

“He’s not my boo, he’s the homie it’s a difference. Now how are we going in here?”

“Let’s go straight to the back,” I suggested. We went straight to the back using the little walk way that led to the backyard. “I smell food, that’s what the fuck I’m talking about. I hate when people keep you waiting mad long for the food.”

“Greedy as hell,” Ebony shook her head at me while she laughed.

“It’s quite a few people here, I didn’t expect this.” Nicole said while looking around the backyard. It was a lot of people here, most of them I don’t know at all. The only people I recognized was, Kay, Rashad, Kai along with her boyfriend; Trey and Jas, everybody else were pretty much strangers as far as I’m concerned. “Oh hell I spot a baby mama,” she pointed towards the back door that had just opened. I thought Tristan’s bitch of a BM was about to come out but it was that bird Brandi instead.

I looked at Ebony who was obviously irritated by the fact that she was here; I could see it on her face easily.

“Damn, I didn’t know pregnant bitches dressed like that.” I shook my head laughing at the overly tight short set she was wearing. Ole girl wasn’t leaving anything to the imagination which usually wouldn’t be an issue but doesn’t she have a baby in her stomach? And why is she damn near ass out in front of her baby father’s friends? That’s fuckin’ weird if you ask me.

“Let her be a thot in a box if she wants to, that’s their baby being carried around like that.” Ebony shrugged.

“Shouldn’t she be showing by now?” I asked under my breath. I don’t think they heard me because nobody bothered to answer but it didn’t matter. It’s been a few months since Ebony and Kaylin met and if what he says is true then he wasn’t fucking her once they started talking. How is it that she’s pregnant by Kaylin and but not showing. Shorty doesn’t look any different from the last I saw her, stomach isn’t poking at all. Once again, some weird shit.

“Fuck her, where’s Tristan? I wanna say hi thank him for the invite then eat.”

“Over there with his friends and shit.” Nicole pointed out. We walked over and said hey to everybody. Nicole and Ebony went to get their food right after greeting the group. I was about to go but Tristan grabbed my waist sitting me on his lap.

“Tristan I’m hungry and you making me sit here really isn’t helping me.” I faced him smiling.

“You know you like this seat so don’t even front.” He said back.

“Whatever, what do you want out of my life?”

“Can you make my plate?”

“The fuck? Nigga you haven’t eaten yet?”

“I did but I’m trying to eat again. I mean, it aint really for food but I’ll take whatever you give me.” He licked over his lips and I swear to God my ovaries jumped.

“Let me up Tristan,” I laughed some trying to hide the fact that he had me feeling some type of way.

Chuckling he moved his arms so I stood up. As soon as my feet were on the ground good this nigga took it upon his self to slap my ass so hard I could feel a welt starting to rise.

“Muthafuck!” I shouted before hitting him upside the head. “That shit hurt nigga; you’re heavy handed as shit.”

“I just needed to see if you had some cushion back there for real, you’re on the small side.”

“No nigga I’m on the natural side; you’re used to those fake ass inflated bitches.” I countered back.

“Yeah aight, make my plate for me though please?”

“What does your fat ass want?”

“Give me whatever you get, I already know your greedy ass is about to go in.”

“You damn right,” I walked over by the food table and fixed two plates. When I got back to the table I gave Tristan his then sat next to the empty seat by Nicole. “Where did Ebony go?”

“She went to get something to drink; she forgot to grab it when we got our food.” Nicole answered.

“Looks like she made a new friend.” Kai motioned towards the food table where Ebony was smiling and laughing with some nigga. I don’t know who he was but he was fine as shit.

“That’s my cousin True,” Tristan said with a mouth full of food.

I glanced over at Kaylin and his jaw was clenched tight. I almost wanted to laugh at his ass but I wasn’t going to do that with his BM sitting right next to her. I don’t give a shit about her feelings I just don’t want her poppin her mouth off, I’ll feel bad for fucking up a pregnant woman.

“Well I hope he’s not an ass and actually has some sense. She needs s smile on her face these days,” I said before glancing Kaylin’s way again. He was so sick over just seeing Ebony talk to another man and I’m loving it. That’s what his ass gets; I hope she bags that nigga.

***

“This is a really nice house. You’re doing well for yourself.” I said to Tristan while we sat by his pool while things dialed down. The sun had gone down hours ago and a lot of his guest had already left. Some of our friends were still hanging around but most of his family was gone.

“Thanks ma, I appreciate it.” He kissed my forehead before resting his head on my shoulder.

“You’re welcome.”

“So what’s up with the lawyer? He’s helping you?”

“Yeah he filed the papers for me and everything so the ball is rolling. Thank you for hooking me up with him.”

“You’re welcome,” He nodded. “Spend the night with me.”

“What?”

‘Spend the night with me; I know your ass heard me the first time.”

“I did but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t hearing wrong. You want me to spend the night?”

“Hell yeah, and not even to fuck but I’m trying to chill with you. Besides it’s late as shit and I know Nic is going with Rashad.”

“Then how would Ebony get home?”

“Her sister here,” He shrugged and I laughed.

“No she left like twenty minutes ago.”

‘Oh, well shit she’ll get home I’ll make sure of it. You just need to stay here with me.”

“Let me think about it and see what they do first.”

“Aight, I’ll give you that.”

We sat there in silence for a few minutes; not uncomfortable at all, just chillin’. Just as I was about to speak, shouting from the other side of the backyard interrupted me. We both looked over to see Ebony arguing with Brandi while True and Kaylin stood in the middle trying to defuse both girls.

“What the fuck?” I got up with Tristan right behind me and we walked over to them.

“Get your girl before I punch that bitch in the face,” Ebony spat while putting her braids up in a ponytail.

“You aint punching shit in the face, bitch fuck you,” Brandi shouted back.

“What the fuck happened?” I asked Ebony while grabbing her arm. I could see the anger all over her face, she’s ready to kill this bitch.

“Her muthafuckin’ mouth is the problem. I’ve been ignoring this bitch the whole time I’ve been here but she can’t be grown and leave the shit alone. That bitch wants to talk about my son like I can’t slit her muthafuckin’ throat!”

“Why you bringing up people kids and shit?” Tristan asked Brandi, looking at her like she was stupid.

“Tristan shut the fuck up and worry about your own problems. Fuck that bitch and her faggot ass son,” Everything went silent as soon as she said that shit. At that point I wasn’t even going to bother holding Ebony back, this bitch deserved whatever comes to her. Fuck it.

“Aww shit,” Tristan mumbled under his breath.

Ebony found the strength of all her ancestors and pushed past True and Kaylin’s big ass, crashing her fist into Brandi’s face. When I tell you she started rag tagging this bitch, it was almost like she was fighting a blowup doll because she wasn’t doing anything to defend herself. She cried, yelled for help all the while getting her body berated with punches and kicks from Ebony who still had heels on mind you.

“Oh shit, shit! She’s beating her ass yo!” Tristan howled with laughter.

“Nigga shut the fuck up!” Kay snapped at him as he went and tried to separate them but Ebony wasn’t letting go of that girl for shit. “Yo help me, she pregnant you fuckin’ dummies!” Kay shouted and Rashad and Tristan instantly tried to help.

I think they forgot the bitch was pregnant, I surely did. She wasn’t acting like she was pregnant she was just up trying to fight a minute ago. Plus, I think I saw that bitch smoking a blunt out front all making me remember what I was thinking about earlier. Her hoe ass probably isn’t even pregnant and Kaylin’s stupid ass doesn’t even realize it. They could break up the fight if they want to but I wasn’t getting in the middle of it, fuck that bitch.

After what felt like minutes Rashad finally got Ebony off of her. He was trying to get her in the house but that girl wasn’t haven’t. Nicole hopped up and helped Rashad damn near drag Ebony inside.

Kaylin was getting a now crying, screaming, and bleeding Brandi up off the floor.

“Talking all that shit and couldn’t even get a punch in,” Tristan shook his head in disappointment.

“Shut up,” I laughed at him.

“I’m just saying; man you taking her to the hospital?” He asked Kaylin.

“Yeah,” Kay grabbed her stuff then walked towards the front pulling her along.

“Damn, shorty went in. I think I found my future wife,” True said with a smile on his face.

“Nah nigga leave that alone,” Tristan told him.

“Why does he have to leave it alone?” I asked; Tristan wasn’t about to try and cock block my friend for his, hell no.

“Mariah don’t try and be on no messy shit, why doesn’t matter right now he just needs to listen to what I say.” Tristan gave me a look that basically told me to drop the subject then did the same to True.

“Hey,” Nicole came outside, “We’re about to go.”

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, I’m going with Rashad and Ebony is taking the truck so if you want a ride you better come on.”

“Well I-“

“She’s good,” Tristan cut me off. I cut my eyes at him; he could be so damn annoying sometimes.

“Anyway, do you think she’s good to drive home?” I asked Nicole. Ebony was pissed the fuck off I don’t want her getting in an accident.

“Yeah she’s fine now; she just wants to go home. Her mother is over there with Jayden, I know she’s about to have a fit when she’s hears about this shit.” She chuckled.

“She sure is but Ebony whooped her ass so she’s good. You be sage and call me tomorrow.”

“I got you,” we hugged then walked in the house so I could talk to Ebony before she left.

“You good Ali?” I smirked; my girl was out here whoopin’ some ass. I know she doesn’t like fighting but its damn sure entertaining.

“I’m good,” she shrugged her shoulders.

“Are you sure?”

“Mariah, I’m good. Fuck that bitch, I did what I had to do I’m done with it. That was bound to happen at some point. It is what it is,”

“I’m good you feel that way. True likes you, but Tristan is trying to cock block for his boy.” I rolled my eyes, she laughed.

“I’m not worried about it, True is cool but he isn’t for me.”

“Why not? He’s fine as shit,”

“Yeah and he also has three kids by two different women with another one on the way. I’m good on that; I told him he could be the homie and its being done at that.”

“Damn, fuck is with these dudes?”

“I don’t know but I’m not even worried about niggas least of all True so tell Tristan his boy has nothing to worry about.”

“He doesn’t? So you intend on making that work is what you’re saying?”

“No what I’m saying is I’m not about to fuck with somebody that Kaylin knows. True is too close too home and it’s not out of respect for him, it’s out of respect for myself. I’m good on that drama.”

“So what if it’s a nigga that doesn’t know Kaylin?”

“Then maybe we can talk but I’m not even worried about dudes. I got enough going on with this crazy ass baby father of mine.”

“You’ve heard from that nigga?”

“He’s been calling me and I’m trying to figure out who the fuck gave him my number. I blocked him but he calls from different numbers, ole stalking ass nigga.”

“You need to get a restraining order on his crazy ass.”

“I’ve been thinking about that but he hasn’t been threatening me, it’s not illegal to call somebody.”

“True but he did used to put his hands on you so he is a threat. I just think you should look into it.”

She nodded, “Alright, I will. I’m about to go home though, I’m tired. I’m about to go lay down and take it down.”

“Cool, call me tomorrow.” We hugged then she walked out the front door.

Going in the backyard I sat down while Tristan cleared out the rest of his guest. By the time he was done I was yawning and dozing off in the damn chair.

“Come on,” he grabbed my hand pulling up then lifted me off my feet. “Put your legs around me,”

“We’re not having sex Tristan.”

“I’m not trying to fuck your rock head ass, just put your damn legs around me.”

I wrapped my legs around his waist and he carried me in the house. “You don’t have to curse at me, rudeness.”

“You don’t have to say stupid shit either,” he chuckled. “Assuming I’m trying to fuck you,”

“You’re not?”

“Nah, I’m cool on that, you aint even ready for it. I just want you to lay down with me.”

“We can do that,”

Kaylin

“Are you really about to keep ignoring me?” Brandi sat on the couch with her arms folded and a frown on her face.

I haven’t spoken to her since we left the hospital and that was only to tell her she wasn’t mentioning Ebony’s name to the doctors or the police. Thankfully she was fine internally, externally she was fucked up. Her lip was busted, she had a scratch along the side of her face from one of Ebony’s rings and it looked like some of her hair was missing from her damn scalp. She wanted to cry and act as if I was supposed to feel bad for her but I didn’t. I don’t know what possessed her to talk about Ebony’s child but I bet she was wishing she never said that shit.

“What the fuck do you want me to say to you Brandi? It’s almost seven in the fuckin’ morning, we just got here I don’t feel like dealing with this shit.”

“I’m trying to figure out why you’re mad at me. I didn’t hit that bitch, she hit me and I’m pregnant so not only did she harm me she tried to kill your fuckin’ child.”

“Man, get the fuck outta here with that. You were picking at her from the time she sat down up until she fucked you up.”

As soon as Ebony took a seat Brandi started her bullshit. She was making slick ass comments the whole time we were over there. Ebony ignored her until Brandi got on the phone with somebody, I don’t know who exactly, saying some dumb shit about parents leaving their kids to go hoe around.

I guess Ebony felt it was directed towards her and asked who she was talking about and it popped off from there. I was stuck trying to figure out how the fuck she knows Ebony has a child. Jayden was with us at Kai’s house but he was outside with the rest of the kids when they got into it.

“You must still be fucking her ass, how are you defending that crazy bitch? She put her hands on me!”

“What the fuck did you think was going to happen when you said what you said? You thought she was about to let that shit slide and not punch you in your shit? You’re not that fuckin’ delusional Brandi, you can’t be.”

“Fuck you Kaylin; all you wanna do is kiss her ass like I’m not the mother of your child.”

“I’m not kissing her ass, it could’ve been anybody and I would feel the same way I do now. You pushed the wrong buttons and got your ass beat for it.” I shrugged my shoulders. I don’t know what the fuck she expected me to say about this situation.

I was about to take my ass upstairs to get some sleep when the doorbell ringing stopped me in my tracks. I went over to the door and opened it revealing Kai standing there.

“What are you doing here this early?”

“You called ma last night and she called me telling me to come over here. What the hell is going on? It’s early as shit, all I heard was hospital and beat up. You got your ass beat?”

“You know better than that,”

“Well what the fuck happened?” I stepped outside closing the door behind me because knowing Kai, as soon as I explained what happened she was going to say something to Brandi and I don’t need that right now.

“She and Ebony got into it; I know you saw her starting with her that whole time.”

“Yeah I did, she finally got punched in her shit?”

“Basically, she said some bullshit about Ebony’s son and she beat the hell out of Brandi.”

“She did? Yes, that’s what the fuck I’m talking about.” Kai laughed.

“You fucked up for that,”

“No I’m not, as long as the baby is cool I don’t give a fuck. The baby is cool right?”

“Yeah she said the doctor told her she was fine.”

“She said? You weren’t there when the doctor said it?”

“Nah, I went to the bathroom.”

“So the doctor didn’t say anything to you about that shit?”

“No, the fuck was he supposed to? It doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t matter my ass; every time I ask you about that baby you always saying what she said the doctor told her. Why is your ass never around when she’s getting told all this shit?”

“Kai you’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

“No I’m not, that’s some weird shit. Why haven’t you gone to any appointments? It’s apparent you haven’t you never know shit.”

“Every time I ask about it she either already went or I forget about it.”

“So she never asks you to go?”

“No.” I shrugged again.

“Kaylin, this bitch brings that unborn baby up every chance she gets but she doesn’t bother asking you to go to her appointments with her? That doesn’t seem weird to you?”

“No because it doesn’t matter to me. I wasn’t going to the doctor and shit like that when she was pregnant with Angelic either.”

“Yeah but she asked you to it wasn’t her avoiding it. You need to watch that bitch, she probably aint even pregnant.”

“I saw her take the test Kai.”

“Nigga it’s 2012 you think it’s not possible to find a fake ass pregnancy test?”

“So you think she’s faking or something? Kai, she isn’t faking.” I shook my head. Brandi isn’t the smartest person on earth but the bitch can’t be so stupid. I’ve seen ultrasound pictures; they had her name on it. I watched her pee on the stick and the shit came out positive.

“All I’m saying is you need to watch that bitch. Everybody can see it’s something up with that girl besides you.” She shook her head. “You need to open your eyes and stop underestimating her feelings. Jealousy makes people do crazy things, on top of the fact that she’s already a broken person.”

Nodding my head I took in my sister’s words. Kai can be a little snappy at times but she has a good heart and regardless how much she clowns I’m her little brother. Her crazy ass will kill for me then slap my ass for making her do it.

“I hear you,”

“Good now besides that everything is good?”

“Yeah, tell ma not to worry about anything.”

“Alright, let me take my ass home. I’m going to McDonald’s, where is the closest one?”

“I have no clue, I don’t even think it’s one over this way.”

“Y’all suck.”

“You greedy,”

“Nigga I’m pregnant I have an excuse so shut up. I’m out, call me later, love you big head.” She walked down to her car.

“Love you too, be careful.”

“Always,” I watched Kai climb in her car then pull off down the street. Once I saw her turn the corner I went back in the house.

The events of last night and my sister’s words started replaying in my head. Brandi’s was always bringing up her pregnancy but her actions never reflected that shit. She was still running around with her flunky ass friends with our daughter right behind her.

From what I could see she wasn’t gaining any weight, but that doesn’t necessarily have to mean anything. Plus last night she was jumping up ready to fight not caring that she was carrying a child until after she got her ass whooped.

The more I thought about the more pissed off I became. My relationship with Ebony stopped before it even really got started because Brandi is pregnant. If she’s lying to me and fucked my shit up with Eb, I just might have to kill that bitch.

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tubelessxhopeful · 3 years

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Hi - I’m Em. I’ve started this blog to let my feelings and thoughts and everything in between out. I’ve been through ectopic pregnancies 4 times and have unfortunately lost my tubes. This post I’m posting now was written during my third ectopic in august 2020 and when I was losing my left tube. I’m hoping this can be an outlet for me and all the crazy thoughts. Since writing the below post, I lost my only remaining tube to my fourth ectopic on January 31/2021 and we are now going to be starting our journey with ivf.

OLD POST ~ WRITTEN AUGUST 2020

Ectopic pregnancy was never something that came to mind when worrying about getting pregnant, I honestly didn’t even really know about it until I was one of the unfortunate women that had to go through it for the first time in 2018. I always worried about fertility issues or miscarriage or still births (all absolutely horrendous situations as well) but ectopic was not even in the back of my mind.

I know I’m not the only one who’s been through this nor will I be the last.

I can’t even put into words the gut wrenching feeling that came over me the first time I was diagnosed in June 2018. I had no idea I was pregnant for almost 2 months before I took a test (obviously I wasnt tracking my cycles at the time...oops.) literally the day after I got my positive pregnancy test I started having extreme pain. Pain that doubled me over and tears running down my face. I knew something was wrong. This first pregnancy wasn’t planned but honestly, as soon as I got the positive I started planning my husband and my future with our new baby in my head. I could picture a little one with us and how our lives would be. That all got ripped away.

I spent 5 days in the hospital with what they define as a pregnancy of unknown location (PUL.) I got countless blood tests and many ultrasounds until finally my gynaecologist diagnosed it as a non viable pregnancy. I had the option to either receive a double shot of methotrexate which is a chemotherapy drug that kills fast developing cells which ultimately ends the non viable pregnancy or I could have laparoscopic surgery. I chose methotrexate.

After the shot, the pain doesn’t end there. Methotrexate depletes your body of folate and makes you feel like absolute garbage in general. You have to get blood tests constantly to monitor your HCG (pregnancy hormone) to ensure the medication is in fact working. I was miserable. On top of the sickness from the medication, you still feel completely pregnant. It’s extremely hard. You bleed, you pass clots and it can take a very long time for your HCG to reach non pregnant levels. The scariest part of this is that until your levels go below 5 you are still at risk of the ectopic rupturing where ever it is implanted. This is a medical emergency and you can hemorrhage and bleed out internally very quickly. You have to have someone with you 24/7 incase you rupture because the pain is usually so severe that you pass out. Luckily I have the best mother in the world who flew to Newfoundland from New Brunswick to stay with me. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t do housework, I couldn’t do light lifting AT ALL for the risk of rupture was there.

With this first experience it took me almost 2 months for my hormones to reach non pregnant levels and pregnancy symptoms to subside.

After your levels reach 0 you have to start taking folic acid again to replenish your body and can’t start trying for another baby for 3 months as methotrexate can harm a fetus and lack of folate can cause birth defects.

Steve and I decided not to try again until after our wedding in 2019.

In that time I got an HSG test done to check if my tubes were clear which is a pretty uncomfortable proceedure that they put a catheter up through and push dye through your Fallopian tubes. To my surprise and happiness - my tubes were clear and looked perfect.

Flash forward to December 2019 - we decided this was our month. We tried again and found out we were pregnant again the second week of January. I couldn’t believe we got pregnant again so quick. I felt so lucky that we could get pregnant easily and we were scared but also excited. I honestly believed this would work out. About a week after finding out I was pregnant I doubled over at work, sweating and felt like I was in the worst pain of my life. I thought I was going to pass out. It’s a pain I can’t describe and unlike anything I’ve ever felt with anything else. I knew it was ectopic again.

I went to the hospital in the morning after work as I was on night shift. They did an ultrasound and immediately found my ectopic in my left tube.

Once again, I chose methotrexate. I mean, who wants to go into surgery if you can avoid it, right?

I was able to go home from the hospital the same day with the promise that someone would be with me to monitor me 24/7. My amazing mom came once again to stay with me so that Steve could go back to work.

This time it took about 5 weeks for my levels to drop to 0.

5 weeks of feeling pregnant and knowing our child wouldn’t survive.

5 weeks of feeling like absolute death from methotrexate.

5 weeks of emotional turmoil.

5 weeks of wondering what I did to cause this.

5 weeks of trying to pretend I was okay to the outside world so they wouldn’t worry.

5 weeks of bloodwork and doctor visits.

5 weeks of tears and pain and feeling so bad.

So - we waited for my levels to get to non pregnant levels. I started taking folic acid. I started exercising to lose weight and making my body the healthiest I’ve ever been. I lost 30 pounds. I did everything under the sun to try to prevent this. Maybe I just had bad luck and the third time would be the time it all works out.

1 in 50 pregnancies are ectopic which is about 2% of pregnancies. I can’t POSSIBLY have another one. I did the testing, my tubes are clear. We were just unlucky.

We decided we would try again in June. We didn’t get pregnant. So we tried again in July.

We got our positive. I was again so thankful that we don’t have the fertility problems that many couples deal with.

But - the feeling of dread came over me immediately. I think one of the shittiest things people who’ve been through pregnancy loss is that we can never be truly excited about a pregnancy. There’s always that feeling of terror and dread that we will once again go through the worst thing that’s ever happened to us.

I immediately got blood work done, I got 3 blood tests done in a week as levels are supposed to double every 48 hours in a normal pregnancy.

Mine were looking great! But I still couldn’t breathe. I still couldn’t enjoy this. I was terrified.

We went on vacation and we had an amazing time. At the start of our vacation I did have bleeding and went to the emergency room (2 hours away from our campsite) to see if everything was okay. They couldn’t see anything on the ultrasound but the gynaecologist said it was too early to see anything anyway but there was nothing obvious in my tube and to wait it out.

We spent the week camping and having fun.

I still had the feeling of dread, though. I felt something was wrong but kept telling myself STATISTICALLY this pregnancy should be normal. I can’t possibly have a THIRD.

My bloodwork continued to rise normal which isn’t typical in ectopics so my doctor kept reassuring me that I was probably okay.

I worked my weekend of nights but I couldn’t settle. I went to the emergency room Monday morning where they did another scan and couldn’t see anything in uterus or tubes. It was likely an unviable pregnancy and I was told it was yet another pregnancy of unknown location at this time. I left the ER but as soon as I got home I had extreme cramping and bleeding. I rushed back to the hospital. I got admitted after about 18 hours of waiting so they could monitor my pregnancy hormone and do another ultrasound on Thursday.

We were devastated. We knew this was going to be yet another loss for us. We couldn’t believe it.

On Thursday the 13th of August I got my 3rd internal ultrasound which once again showed nothing anywhere. We still don’t know where the pregnancy is but if it’s not showing in my uterus, it’s not viable and has implanted somewhere else.

My hormone was rising pretty good. I didn’t understand.

I’m writing this as I try to cope with another loss. Another let down.

As a woman I feel like I’m letting my husband down. I feel like I can’t do the one thing women are “supposed” to be able to naturally do. What is wrong with my body? What did I do to deserve this?

I opted for surgery this time. In hopes to find this pregnancy somewhere so it can be removed as well as try to figure out why this has happened 3 times.

There is clearly something going on inside to cause these ectopics that needs to be looked at internally and hopefully fixed.

the thought of surgery made my mind race.

I may lose one of my tubes.

I may lose both of my tubes.

I may lose an ovary.

I may lose part of my reproductive system and It’s terrifying.

The only thing I want in life is to be a mom. I want to watch my belly grow, I want to give birth. I want that experience so bad. It scares me so much that this may never happen. I hope so much that this will be the last time we need to go through this. I would give anything to have a happy healthy pregnancy for myself and for Steve. Because although my body is going through this - it is also his loss and his pain as well. I can’t stand to see the look of sadness on his face again and hate seeing him so scared for me. It’s so unfortunate that us, as a newlywed couple will never get the experience of being truly happy and excited about a pregnancy like majority of couples can. We will always worry the moment that positive tests shows up and I can’t explain how devastating that is.

Pregnancy loss affects a relationship and I’m so very lucky that although we’ve only been together for 6 years (not even married a year yet) that these losses and experiences have not broken us. It has made us stronger. It has made me realize that Steve truly meant his vows and will fight for me and with me every step of the way; whatever life throws at us. I’m so grateful for him and so grateful for the amazing friends and family that I have to support me through this, multiple times.

Today I wait for surgery. I may be able to get squeezed in today, I may not. All I know is I have such hope that this will be the last time we have to lose a child and face this problem.

My heart aches for any woman or couple that has to deal with any sort of pregnancy loss or fertility issues. It’s so hard to explain the feeling to someone who hasn’t gone through it but I hope I could shed some light. Hope is always there and if anyone needs to talk - I am here. I may not understand your personal journey completely but I will listen.

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