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youarelikethegalaxy-blog · 11 months

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Cottagecore script

This video describes the internet based aesthetic trend “cottagecore”, and discusses the concept of “escapism” when exploring the cottagecore aesthetic. the concept of ‘colonizer vibes’ is also explored as it is intertwined with cottagecore in online spaces. But we have to define the concept of cottagecore? From my research, I believe it can be described as a sum of its parts many but it is the aestheticization of cottage living, baking beautiful desserts, crafts with fruit, mushrooms, frog motifs, a flowery meadow, bright sunshine, long flowy dresses and most importantly the absence of men. This intention of this video to complicated the cottagecore aesthetic and place it within the legacy of ongoing settler colonialism. I argue that internet aesthetics trends can entertaining and enjoyable for many but cottagecore is deeply affected by its history and the tendency to tried and treat it as apolitical and ahistorical.

Pandemic

Cottagecore is one of many internet aesthetic trends created in the sometime in the last decade and was coined on Tumblr in 2018 (Jennings, 2020). This aesthetic is canonically queer and Sapphic, allowing lesbians and bi women a space free of the male gaze, from the heteropatriarchal society. The cottagecore aesthetic grew exponentially in 2020 as it functioned as a way to romanticize the conditions of pandemic living, social distancing and quarantining. Cottagecore as an aesthetic gained popularity on Instagram, Tumblr and TikTok as escapism from the realities of living through a global pandemic as well as the realities of being lesbian/Sapphic/queer/bi women in a heteropatriarchal society.

Centering queerness

As of March 10, 2021 The Tiktok hashtag for cottagecore boasts over 5 billion views as of March 3, 2021. For context it was in the 200 millions in June 2020 (Phelan, 2020). According to Slone (2020) the cottagecore aesthetic is very welcoming to queer people and allows queer people (mostly women) a place away from the heavy objectification and sexualized that queer people face mainstream media (Slone, 2020). As a lesbian myself I fully see the appeal of cottagecore as an escapism fantasy free from heteronormativity where queer women are allowed to be visibly queer and feminine without being perceived by the male gaze. Cottagecore offers a version of the world a place for queer women to be comfortable and at peace, even if that peace is an escapist fantasy. The appeal of cottagecore is that is in not a banishment or forced isolated it is instead a curated world, one that is joyful and free.

Escapism

The cottagecore aesthetic allowed some to escape an inescapable lockdown reality (Jennings, 2020). Everyday pandemic life was romanticized into something wholesome and beautiful (Jennings, 2020). The influence of cottagecore even comes from the 19th century art movement of Romanticism which began as a response to the Industrial Revolution (Jennings, 2020) The history of escapist fantasy is long, and for this video essay I focus on escapism from technology, urban life and commodified time, and the reality of living through a pandemic. Although everyone has the ability to live out this escapism it is important to discuss who is afford the luxury. Stitch (2021) states that all experiences of escapism are not created equally and that is attributed to racism. They explain that fandom culture is extremely white which is very similar to the just like cottagecore (Stitch, 2021). Tiktoker @gucciijesus explains that to them the lesbian beauty standard of cottagecore is all pretty white women and this aesthetic of pretty white women on picnic in a field had “colonizer vibes” and that one is not able to change their mind. Sying something has vibes tends to mean different things for different people but in this case it seems to represent to @gucciijesus on tiktok that cottagecore either holds colonizer values or appears to hold colonizer values. This tiktok servers the purpose of explaining that cottagecore is exclusionary, but also is deeply racist and troublesome. Smith (2010) argues that the despite the white queer attempts to reject or refute white supremacy white queers are fact complicit the status quo of white supremacy in a society based in settler colonialism (Smith, 2010, p. 49). This becomes very clear when recognizing and acknowledging the similar the aesthetics of cottagecore and the aesthetics and digital culture of tradwives.

Tradwives

Tradwives are extremely right-wing white women who advocate for regressive gender roles of the 1950s and 1940s. The main difference between cottagecore and the tradwife reactionary movement is that cottagecore does not serve the tradition gender binary and gender roles (Slone, 2020). However this difference is not distinct enough to separate it from the history of white supremacy. As Kelly (2018) explained there is something sinister behind the tradwife yearning for agrarian motherhood which is a front for the authoritarianism of the tradwife ideology (Kelly, 2018). The intend of the cottagecore aesthetic and the tradwives aesthetic are not at all the same. Cottagecore is canonically queer and always for an escapist fantasy without the presence of men. But both tradwives and cottagecore are niche digital subculture but the aesthetic overlaps with hyper-femininity, baking, romanticizing pastoral or farm life, and long flowy dresses. The cottagecore aesthetic of images of white women in pretty lace dresses is very similar to the tradwife aesthetic (Woolley, 2020). Woolley uses the term serendipitous to explain how cottagecore became a canonically queer aesthetic and digital subculture while the imagery of cottagecore could have easily been co-opted by tradwives and fascists (Woolley, 2020). The extremely right-wing digital culture of tradwives is abhorrent, racist and hate-filled. But similar to cottagecore this is also a form of escapism driven by the same things mainly technology, from urban life and commodified time (Kelly, 2018). The fact that this aesthetics are visually similar is a function of white supremacy. Cottagecore might represent itself as a curated world where queer women are allowed to be free to be queer and feminine without the male gaze. But what is a curated world other than a white colonizer escapist fantasy? It is therefore necessary to deconstruct the cottagecore aesthetic and its underserved treatment as ahistorical and apolitical.

Gender and race

White supremacy and heteropatriarchy are basis of settler colonialism. It is necessary to understand settler colonialism as an ongoing structure and not a single past historical event (Glenn, 2015, p. 52). Canada and the USA were built on settler colonialism and the ongoing structure of colonialism is still how race and gender are contextualized (Glenn, 2015, p. 52). the settler colonial structure of North America imposes ‘raciality’, sexuality and the relationship between the racialized and gendered other and the state (Tuck and Wang, 2012, p. 5; Arvin, Tuck and Morrill, 2013, p. 9). The aesthetic of cottagecore is based on a curated queer fantasy without the male gaze but that is impossible within the structure of ongoing settler colonialism. Settler colonialism is heteropatriachal and this quality is responsible for the sexualized indigenous people as well as attacked traditional familial and gender roles for the purpose of assimilating indigenous people into the structures of white settler societies (Morgensen, 2012, p. 4). One of the main facets of cottagecore is escaping heteropatriarchal society but the escape is a to an imagined and romanticized image of stolen native lands (Morgensen, 2012, p. 4)., Despite attempts to disavowal colonialism, the white queer is firmly rooted and complicit within the structure of present and future heteropatriarchal colonialism and white supremacy (Smith, 2010, p. 49). it is extremely important to therefore recognize and acknowledge that settler colonialism bases narratives of sexuality and gender based on native absence or disappearance (Morgensen, 2010, p. 120). It is subsequently necessary to understand the cottagecore aesthetic within by understanding the relational nature of colonialism, patriarchy and modern sexual regimes. Cottagecore aims to escape but patriarchy and modern sexual regimes but does not aim to deconstruct them therefore reinforcing the structure of settler colonialism.

Commodification

Cottagecore also has a problem of being highly commodifiable and being a part of the hyper-consumerism of modern capitalism. Elements of the Cottagecore was very noticeable in the summer of 2020, on high fashion runaways with sun-drenched and dreamy campaign imagery. It is likely this was an opportunity to capitalize on the summer that people did not get to have, based within this illusion of escapism to a cottage lifestyle, only this time it is being sold to everyday consumers (?). There was commodification of cottagecore within high fashion brands such as Gucci, Anna Sui, Ulla Johnson, Simone Rocca, and Cecilie Bahnsen and well as more affordable brands like H&M and Free People. This commodifiable of the aesthetic is based in the same romanticization of nature, beautiful landscapes while modern capitalism and hyper-consumerism is at the heart of the environmental devastation of these lands (Kendall, 2020). This is not only an issue of commodifying the aesthetic but also commodifying the aesthetic of escapism within games such as Animal Crossing and Farmville for a virtual experience of living in nature, in a cottage or on a farm. What started as a small online digital culture and aesthetic for queer women and youth becoming highly commodifiable, whether it is high fashion, fast fashion or video games.

Frontier

Ollivain warns in her 2020 article that one should be careful with in the romanticization of pastoral or frontier living because of it’s extremely dark history. Cottagecore’s base of women and queer people makes it easy to consider it wholesome and harmless but it is a shield. It is used to more easily disregard the sinister and harmful aspects of cottagecore which is the history of settler colonialism. The cottagecore aesthetic has the ability to both ignore the history of colonialism in favour of a fictionalized escapist fantasy and reinforce a re- romanticization of colonialization and frontier living. Arguments in defence of cottagecore often use its aesthetic as refashioning and reinvigoration which has been often difficult in living during a lockdown. It can be argued that it serves as an appreciation for nature this time in a digital space (Kendall, 2020). From a critical perspective is that argument valid? Slone argues that cottagecore depicts a wholly unrealistic life, that is so filtered beyond reality but that does not mean there no romanticization of frontier and pastoral living. I argued that cottagecore is and examples of what Gandy (2006) called ecological nostalgia for an imagined past (Gandy, 2006, p. 65). The cottagecore aesthetic is similar to the eighteenth-century concept of the semiwild aesthetic which was a fascination with a romanticized picturesque of idealized nature (Gandy, 2013, p. 1305). It was visual simulacrum as it the cottagecore aesthetic. Woolley (2020) explained that for some cottagecore is an idealized nature were queer people can be visually queer in rural spaces (Woolley, 2020). Cottagecore’s intend is not to preserve nature but instead to edit and curate nature for a beautiful imitation of the real just like with the semiwild aesthetic (Gandy, 2013, p. 1305). Morgensen (2012) stated that settler colonialism functions under its own ideology to project any “empty lands” as the newest frontier Morgensen, 2012, p. 2). During the pandemic physical space was hard to come by for most allowing for the exploration of the colonial frontier of virtual spaces in games such as Minecraft, Animal Crossing, Farmville and Stardew valley (Skotnes-Brown, 2019, p. 144). These terraforming games, allow players the ability to emulate and curate cottagecore styles of land cultivation through either the games own built in assets or community created assets. This allows for the continued romanticization of pastoral and frontier living and development and curate land for one’s self in virtual spaces (Skotnes-Brown, 2019, p. 144).

Conclusion

The aesthetic of cottagecore, paired with pandemic living, and a predominantly queer base demographic allowed for an interesting exploration into Sapphic escapist fantasy. Despite "escapism" being a central tenet of this aesthetic movement, Cottagecore is unable to exist within an ahistorical and apolitical fantasy world as it is a part of the same legacy of settler colonialism which it inherits from its Romanticism origins, as well as its uncanny similarity to tradwife aesthetics. Cottagecore’s attempts to escape the heteropatriarchal binary gender roles without attempting to decolonize therefore allows settler colonialism ideals to persist within the aesthetic. As such, Cottagecore has fashioned itself into a seemingly apolitical and escapist aesthetic which, especially in the midst of a pandemic, has made itself an extremely viable digital experience to commercialize. Its most notable commercial presence is within various terraforming games. Through these games, the players can live out their pastoral living fantasies which works to translate settler colonial visions from the real and practical world to the digital realm. This video seeks to raise questions about pertinent issues surrounding the cottagecore aesthetic and to address the way in which ongoing settler colonial ideas continue to pervade contemporary aesthetic movements. I have neither the formal background nor experience in applying de-colonial practices, nor do I want to risk my privileged position placing my voice over that of another (Arvin, Tuck and Morrill, 2013, p. 25). I am hoping this video presentation, and any criticisms that would arise after the viewing of it, covered the breadth of the topic effectively enough to create a space to question and experiment with the colonial legacy surrounding the cottagecore aesthetic (Arvin, Tuck and Morrill, 2013, p. 25).

Bibliography

Arvin, M., Tuck, E., & Morrill, A. (2013). Decolonizing feminism: Challenging connections between settler colonialism and heteropatriarchy. Feminist formations, 8-34.

Gandy, M. (2006). Urban nature and the ecological imaginary. In the nature of cities: Urban political ecology and the politics of urban metabolism, 63-74.

Gandy, M. (2013). Marginalia: Aesthetics, ecology, and urban wastelands. Annals of the Association of American Geographers, 103(6), 1301-1316.

Glenn, E. N. (2015). Settler colonialism as structure: A framework for comparative studies of US race and gender formation. Sociology of Race and Ethnicity, 1(1), 52-72.

Jennings, R. (2020, August 03). Once upon a time, there was cottagecore. Vox. Retrieved February 1, 2021, from https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2020/8/3/21349640/cottagecore-taylor-swift-folklore-lesbian-clothes-animal-crossing

Kelly, A. (2018, June 01). The Housewives of White Supremacy. Retrieved February 20, 2021, from https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/01/opinion/sunday/tradwives-women-alt-right.html

Kendall, Z. (2020, May 27). How cottagecore became this season's most idyllic trend. Retrieved February 23, 2021, from https://i-d.vice.com/en_uk/article/k7qam9/how-cottagecore-became-this-seasons-most-idyllic-trend

Morgensen, S. L. (2010). Settler homonationalism: Theorizing settler colonialism within queer modernities. GLQ: A Journal of Lesbian and Gay Studies, 16(1-2), 105-131.

Morgensen, S. L. (2012). Theorising gender, sexuality and settler colonialism: An introduction. settler colonial studies, 2(2), 2-22.

Ollivain, C. (2020, September 8). Cottagecore, colonialism and the far-right. Honi Soit. Retrieved February 1, 2021, from https://honisoit.com/2020/09/cottagecore-colonialism-and-the-far-right/

Phelan, G. (2020, June 22). What is cottagecore and why is everyone so obsessed with it? Retrieved February 1, 2021, from https://fashionjournal.com.au/life/what-is-cottagecore-and-why-is-everyone-so-obsessed-with-it/

Skotnes-Brown (2019). Colonized Play: Racism, Sexism and Colonial Legacies in the DOTA 2 South Africa Gaming Community Penix-Tadsen, Phillip (2019) Video Games and the Global South. Carnegie Mellon University. Book. https://doi.org/10.1184/R1/8148680.v1

Slone, I. (2020, March 10). Escape into Cottagecore, Calming Ethos for Our Febrile Moment. The New York Times. Retrieved February 1, 2021, from https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/10/style/cottagecore.html

Smith, A. (2010). Queer theory and native studies: The heteronormativity of settler colonialism. GLQ: A Journal of Lesbian and Gay Studies, 16(1-2), 41-68.

Stitch. (2021, January 28). Who Actually Gets to "Escape" Into Fandom? Teen Vogue. Retrieved February 1, 2021, from https://www.teenvogue.com/story/who-actually-gets-to-escape-into-fandom-column-fan-service

Tuck, E., & Yang, K. W. (2012). Decolonization is not a metaphor. Decolonization: Indigeneity, education & society, 1(1).

Woolley, S. (2020, February 12). Cottagecore is the pastoral fantasy aesthetic taking over TikTok. Retrieved February 3, 2021, from https://i-d.vice.com/en_uk/article/g5xjgj/cottagecore-aesthetic-lgbt-teens-tumblr-tik-tok?utm_source=stylizedembed_i-d.vice.com&utm_campaign=k7qam9&site=i-d

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firecrotchette · 2 years

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do tell us abt your beef with "cottagecore" and "dark academia" tho :eyes emoji:

let's strap in real quick while i try to sum up all of my issues with these:

this is, in big part, due to a great distaste i have for this current of everything needing to have an 'aesthetic' (which is just hyper consumerism) and it operates like fast fashion. it's all performative and this idea that you need to have only one 'aesthetic' and stick to it is absurd and beyond stupid. this article by maria popova, which references a famous susan sontag article, sums it up well.

i'll go in order. so, dark academia.

the whole ethos and pull of the 'aesthetic' is this fantasy of studying literature in an "old" university, where you talk about art, beauty, literature and it's taken very seriously. the typical visual of the aesthetic is that you're studying at some ivy league school, oxford or cambridge, ect ect. this really blew up during the beginning of the pandemic where we were all attending classes over Zoom and asynchronously, i noticed. there's also this idea that there's something wrong or rotten going on under the surface, something deadly but very very serious and beautiful: at least that's how it's marketed in publishing.

the whole thing is founded on extreme elitism, classicism, intensely Eurocentric and sniffs of white supremacy. it's wish fulfillment based on something pretty terrible at the core and honestly: you really don't need to attend some ivy league school or older university to study literature. you can do that anywhere. a good article that goes into greater detail.

if you want to look at the evils that happen in any university setting, you can do that easily by looking at the sexual assault rates, the racism and violent misogyny and sexual violence of Greek Life on campuses, and racism. not hard, honestly. happens at elite and private schools, happens at public universities.

now cottagecore.

i think this is partially born out of a desire to escape corporate america and the exploitative labor force (which i sympathize with) and wanting to grow your own food and plants, which a lot of us started doing during the beginning of the pandemic. however: people do not realize that to work a farm or cottage is work. to grow your own food, mind your animals, and take care of your own home away from greater society is work and the way that wlw and lesbians have been 'designated' to this "aesthetic" reeks of traditional gender roles being forced on us. the images that may come up when you think of cottagecore also uh

ekes of a colonialist wet dream. it also rubs elbows with the wishes of the alt-right and where they want to force women back into.

this article details it well.

both of these popularized aesthetics reek of elitism, misogyny, and white supremacy but fake progressive.

this article also goes into the specifics of the issues with this brand of aesthetic:

Kimberly Jenkins, the founder of the Fashion and Race Database and Artis Solomon, thinks it’s an interesting time for this aesthetic to be embraced, following the return of many people to the urban environments they fled. She notes that much of the allure of many of these handcrafted things — made slowly and with integrity — is wrapped in layers of moral purity.

i can see the appeal in these two, but there's so much brushing off and ignoring of the ugly roots of these two (along with so many other "aesthetics")

my other beef with these two is how they've played a part in how now publishing is marketing literature based on tropes and aesthetics and it pisses me off because trying to tell me, "oh it's dark academia," "enemies to lovers" "very cottagecore" not only doesn't tell me jack shit about the book, it's shallow as hell. just because something is 'dark academia' doesn't mean i'm going to like it or enjoy it. same thing if you tell me, "it has lesbians."

great! is there literally anything else you can tell me about this piece of media. that's not enough for me to go on to spark my interest.

the performance of online aesthetics on places like tiktok, instagram, and twitter reeks not only of 2014 tumblr, it reeks of fast fashion. it's all consumerism and consumption.

#kells answers #i could go on honestly

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cocoa-and-coffee · 4 years

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distance

three tenths of a mile

keep us apart.

a reckless desire

from my solitary heart.

i don’t ask for much;

just a kiss on the hand.

i crave only your touch,

but how long can i stand ?

i dream of the day

when the pestilence ends.

but it’s too far away

when i’m only your friend.

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familiarplace · 4 years

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WHY do i go on the internet why why why everyday it makes me mad i hate that other people have opinions ♥️

#i just want this fucking pandemic to go away so i can have brunch with my friends!!!!#anyways that tweet thats like ‘i stopped being a lesbian because tumblr lesbians wouldnt shut up about tender mitski cottagecore is making #me so unreasonably mad

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mygaylybasis · 4 years

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Hey, Girls! Who wants to live with me on the meadow in the middle of the forest, dance in the sun, bath in the rain and howl to the moon? 🌳

Now more than ever...

#pansexual #lesbian #couple goals #cottagecore #forest cottage #cottagelife #sun #rain #moon #pandemic

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girlboss-central-station · 4 years

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I’ve been baking and cooking a whole lot during the pandemic and I think my grandma is getting the wrong idea here.... I’m not training bake for my husband im a RAGING lesbian this is for my cottagecore wife thank you very much

#she's out here thinking im boutta be a housewife or some shit #dont worry i'll be quite happy with my unfeasable career thank you #lesbian #cottagecore #baking #ba test kitchen #bon appétit test kitchen #sapphic #wlw

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pop-punklouis · 4 years

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ive always loved taylor and im usually not critical about music unless its justin bieber level bad but w 1989, rep and lover i didn't vibe with those at all like none of it struck a cord w me like what she wrote about? like im a closeted lesbian in a village filled w mormons and she was singing about boys and new york and i just??? lmao but folklore is so overwhelming cuz all of its emotions ive felt or am feeling its very sapphic cottagecore i love it so so much she did so good

oh my god i really love that for you 🥺 yeah i think i said this last night but 1989 was her peak as a “pop star” and the other two records just felt like different copies of the same record because 1989 was her defining moment in that space. i didn’t care much for reputation or the image surrounding reputation at all. it felt slimy all the way around, but lover felt more like a decent fluff piece of a pop record and i really did love it for what it was.

folklore transitioned into another field. i think she realized that she’s orbited the pop-sphere for too long and it was time for her to metamorphis and to metamorphis for her this time. this record does its best to strip back all the production value that usually drowns out her natural vocals, lyrical prowess, and greatest storytelling techniques. it feels as raw and as creative as she could be, and it’s a perspective record so you don’t have to worry about any outside sources/dating history to clog your thoughts about the tracks.

folklore perfectly encapsulates encapsulates how tenderness and heartbreak and beauty and pain can coexist, and i love that somehow. like idk if it’s just bc i’m emotionally unstable or because it’s a pandemic and we’ve been cooped up for so long but! it’s beautiful it really is

#taylor swift #grey

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soulvomit · 4 years

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Something's been stuck in my craw for days about our "privilege" conversations. Two incidents happened.

1. One of my friends posted an image of herself playing in a backyard pool with her fiance and two kids. Someone in her life decided to retaliate, post passive aggressive stuff about privilege, and even privately wrote her fiance to tell him that he needed to break up with her, because apparently posting pool pics during a pandemic or getting any joy out of life at all during a pandemic makes you an awful person. What they don't know is that my friend moved her family in with existing family members for quarantine and doesn't own that house, they don't know how much my friend is financially struggling, etc. My friend chooses to emphasize the good in her life in her posts and I wasn't aware this was problematic. Or made anyone an actually bad person. Maybe there's something generational because we are in our 40s and I know that I was raised not to "air my dirty laundry in public." Still and all, I don't think my friend should be require to post a disclaimer enumerating all of her personal struggles every time she posts pictures of fun.

2. Here on Tumblr, there is a post going around that shows an older lesbian couple and their farm. People are actually piling onto that post because of ~problematic cottagecore discourse~ and I think it's been lost along the way that The Discourse was an abstract discussion about abstract fantasies, whereas the two lesbian farmers are REAL PEOPLE.

Fuck this shit.

LEAVE REAL, NON-FAMOUS PEOPLE ALONE. GET A GRIP.

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lilytomlinlesbian · 4 years

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I’ve Moved

Idk if there’s many ppl left following this blog. I left Tumblr September 2018 to focus on university but since classes stopped two weeks ago due to the pandemic i got bored and decided to come back to tumblr. I’ve got a new blog though, on a whole new account so if you’re into lesbianism, cottagecore, books, women or literally anything that falls within the realm of these things pls follow:

https://daffodil-dyke.tumblr.com/

and i will probably definitely follow you back bc i’m currently following like. 6 (lovely) people

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diverseheros-wip · 3 years

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Chapter 2: Claudias's Story 2/3

Whisperet

Name: Claudia

Power: Can talk to animals / control them

Sexuality: Classic cottagecore lesbian

Gender: Female

Mental disorder: Stendhal Syndrome

Hometown: Cork, Ireland

Race: Irish

Suit: Bunny mask, white/pastel-colored old fashioned type dress ( easy to move around in tho) converse

Ever since I was young, it was called weird, wrong, even evil. I tried to suppress it, but it only made things worse. I ended up running away at fourteen. I moved in with my aunt, and I lived with her until I got a degree in business at 22 years old. Since then, I moved into the house I live in now,

“So there’s more of us?” I asked

“Yes,” she said, chuckling slightly, “Here, come with me, I’ll take you to our offices in Cork.”

We walked out, going towards the car. She opened the door to the backseat,

“It’s going to be a long drive,” she said, motioning me to sit in the back seat.

“Why don’t you have offices in Dublin,” I asked. Dublin was the capital of Ireland and much more central to the island.

“Oh, I don’t know, it’s a government organization, who knows why they make their decisions,” Karthika said with a bit of a laugh. I chuckled as I slid into the back seat.

I sat my phone beside me and got comfortable. I was a bit nervous about going to a cork, as I had grown up in an abusive family in Cork. I hadn’t seen my parents in years, but they still lived there, from what I heard. I hadn’t slept much last night, as I was worried about telling Paisley, so I drifted off into sleep rather quickly.

I opened my eyes to my seventh birthday. I peered Down around the wall separating the living room from the kitchen where my parents were fighting.

“John! You’re being ridiculous, I’m not going to tolerate you being like this! You’re coming home drunk everyday, even on your only child’s birthday!” I watched in horror as my father slammed his beer can on the table, crushing it.

“Fine!” He yelled, “Find somewhere else to go! Well have the divorce papers by Monday.”

The scene faded into another. I remember this one less, but still very vividly. I was sitting in the big chair in our family room during the Corona pandemic when I was nine. I sat on my laptop, doing my online school when I saw the door handle jiggle. My dad walked in, looking at me. I looked at him,

“Weren’t we gonna go out to eat today? I haven’t eaten all day,” I said. This morning, he told me he was taking me to lunch at 1:00, but when one came and passed with no cancellation from him, I assumed he’d at least bring food, so I hadn’t eaten. He looked at me incredulously,

“I’ve been out all day getting stuff for you, and all you ungrateful brat can think about is food?”

“I’m sorry dad, I just-“

“No!” He interjected, “I’m tired of your ungratefulness. I’m done with you doing this! Pack your stuff, you’re going to your mom’s.

The scene switched again, going to me in a forest. I was about twelve then, and I went into the woods to talk to my friends. My past self looked around, me looking with her. I was surrounded by animals of all kinds.

There were three rabbits, Puff, Mallow, and Cloud, and a doe and her faun, who I named Ma and Bambi. I talked to them about school, and my friends, with them responding in chips and snuff that I could somehow understand. They spoke to me, understood me, and I stayed with them. I braced myself for what was coming, but I couldn’t change anything as it was merely a memory. My mom walked out of the forest into the clearing we were in.

“Claudia! What are you doing!” She yelled, obviously angry.

“Get away from them! Stop pretending to talk to them! You’re just being weird!” She continued. I jumped up, stammering. I walked towards her, she grabbed my hand and slapped me on the cheek.

“Stop being so weird Claudia, it’s not natural.” She said as she began lecturing me on the topic I had heard a thousand times.

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