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sunny44 · 8 months

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I will always love you

Pairing: Pierre Gasly x dead!girlfriend

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of a car accident, mourning, hospital, morgue, cemetery and other things related to death.

Summary: It’s Pierre’s birthday and he’s ready to celebrate after a long day of simulator, but that day ends up in horrible way.

February 7, 2019.

My birthday.

I've never been as excited to celebrate a birthday as I am this year.

It was the first time that my girlfriend Y/n would be celebrating with me, since almost every year I’m racing and she can’t come to wherever I am.

Unfortunately I had to spend the day in the simulator but it was finally over and I was on my way home when I saw that she was calling me.

"Hi love, I know I shouldn't be talking on the phone and driving but..."

"I'm sorry, are you related to Miss Y/n Y/l/n?"

"Yes, she's my girlfriend, who's this?" I ask strangely.

"This is the hospital and Miss Y/N has been in a serious car accident."

"What? Is she all right?" I ask in despair.

"I'm sorry but I can't give you this kind of information on my cell phone, please if you could come over now."

"I'll be right there."

I sped up as much as I could and when I got there I saw her mother crying desperately, clinging to her father who was trying his best to hold back his tears.

"No." I said and they looked at me and I fell to my knees on the floor completely unresponsive.

...

"Excuse me." A nurse appeared. "I'm sorry to have to do this right now but we need someone to recognize the body."

"I can't, I can't do that." Her mother started crying in despair again.

"Pierre." Her father called out to me and I closed my eyes tightly, knowing what was coming next. "I know it's too much to ask and that because of our relationship I don't have the right to ask you for anything, but please, can you do this for us?”

"I'll do it." I say without looking at him and stand up following the nurse.

Her parents hated me, especially her father.

He used to say that I didn't deserve his daughter, I thought that was just at first since we know how fathers are with their daughters but he's hated me since he first met me and has always made a point of making his feelings for me clear.

He loved F1 until his daughter fall in love with one, so I became the inconsequential boyfriend who drove a car in circles and that I would only hurt her and that if I died on the track doing something so stupid it was just to make her suffer, leaving her to mourn a guy who didn't deserve his daughter.

When we arrived at the morgue, I stood in front of the glass window and saw only a body completely covered by a black thing, the coroner was in the room waiting for me to say yes so she could show it to me. I just nodded and she lifted the tarpaulin to show me. Tears instantly started rolling down my eyes, there she was, with pale skin, her face lifeless and her skin all bruised.

I didn't even have to say anything, I think my cry echoing through the cold, empty room said it all.

And not being able to stand it any longer, I just left and went back to where her parents were, who also knew what it meant just by seeing me.

"I'm sorry Pierre, I'm sorry for everything that happened between us."

"There's no point now." I said, shushing him. "I loved your daughter like I've never loved anyone else in my life, I always treated her like a queen and the only things I ever heard from you were criticisms. You don't know how many times your daughter cried on my lap because her father didn't even pretend to like me, so no, I won't accept your apologies right now. Because now that she's gone you feel guilty, you feel guilty because she died the way you said that it would happen to me. Ironic, isn't it?"

Having said that, I left and the last time I saw them was on the day of the funeral and then never again.

...

February 7th, 2023.

My birthday.

Another one I won't be celebrating.

Since February 7, 2019, I've never celebrated it. It never made sense for me to celebrate my life when it was actually gone.

"Mate, you have to celebrate your birthday, let's go out and drink, I’ll pay." Charles said.

"I told you I don't want to." I replied for the thousandth time.

"You have to stop not wanting to do anything every year, you have to enjoy your life."

"I've already said no, I don't want to go out and celebrate something that no longer makes sense." He doesn’t say anything. "It doesn't seem right to go out and celebrate my life when someone I loved has been taken away from me in the same day."

"I know you miss her and that her death has left a lot of marks on you and even worse that it happened on your birthday but she wouldn't want you to live the rest of your life in mourning."

"I can't, I can't celebrate, okay?" Charles sighs, seeing that I'm crying. "So please stop asking."

"It's okay." He hugged me and I collapsed.

...

I entered the cemetery with her favorite flowers and as I got closer I saw her parents, it had been years since I last saw them in the funeral.

"Pierre." Her father said as soon as he saw me standing there.

"Mr. Y/l/n."

"How long." Now her mother says.

"A long time." I follow without wanting to talk to them too much. "I'll be back in a little while."

"No need, we've been here for a while and we'll leave you alone." Her father says, taking her mother's hand. "Happy birthday."

"Without the happy part but thank you." He gives a half-smile and they leave.

I sat down in front of her grave and left the flowers there.

"Hi, my love." I could already feel the tears forming in my eyes. "It's been a while since I last came here. I feel like every time I come here it's like I lose you a little bit more.

I've been thinking lately about what Charles said and it's taken me a while to accept that he was right, I know I'll never get over you because I'm sure you were and still are the love of my life but I've deprived myself of so many things for so long that I feel like all I do is work and go home and I know that as well as being unhealthy you wouldn't want me to live like that, you'd want me to be happy again, to live a happy life and try to find love again. Charles has insisted every year that we have to go out to celebrate my birthday but I never do, I never do because it feels wrong but I'm going to celebrate today, I'm going to celebrate my life and remember yours."

I got up and left a kiss on the headstone.

"I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will love you till the day I die." I smiled and left, picking up my cell phone.

"Hey, man." Charles says as soon as he answers his cell phone.

"Where are we celebrating today?"