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pedritomosquito · 1 year

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All Choked Up (Ch 1)

MINORS DNI

Summary: You're shooting a fight scene with Pedro that involves choking--you know where this is going.

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Actress!Reader

Word count: ~4.1k

Content: SMUT, Minors DNI Blog, thigh riding, choking, handy, general steaminess

You had been called in for more shooting after working for a month on The Last of Us as various clickers. You were going to be doing another fight scene, but this time as your normal human self. Wardrobe had just finished with you and one of the PA’s was escorting you to set to be approved by Craig and Jeremy. It looked like they were in between takes of a scene with Joel and Ellie. Pedro and Bella were both sitting on set pieces, laughing and sipping at water.

Craig and Jeremy are crowded around a monitor with several other producers watching the latest take. The PA introduces you and suddenly all of them turn around, examining you. Craig greets you.

“Great to see you again! Thank you for joining us.”

You have to hold in a laugh, because ‘thank you for joining us’? As if you wouldn’t have thrown yourself into fucking LA traffic to be here?

“Thank you for having me,” you smile instead.

At the sound of your voice, you see Pedro perk up out of the corner of your eye. You pretend not to notice his gaze.

“This looks great,” Craig approves. “Can I see it without the scarf?”

The PA unties your neck gaiter.

“Yes, perfect,” He nods. “Thank you Jennifer,” He dismisses the PA and sends you on your way, “See you on set!”

Interesting costuming detail for Craig to be so particular about, but whatever. The PA starts to usher you back towards the wardrobe department.

You hear Bella call your name and you turn, giving them a happy wave. Pedro gives you a wave too.

“Tomorrow–You, me?”” You playfully point between him and yourself, “we’re squarin’ up!”

“No way!” Pedro replies, looking dare you say excited to hear the news that you’d be working together.

“See you at rehearsal!” You call as you slip out the door.

—--

The next day you have stunt choreography for the fight scene in the evening. You dress in a cute matching Lululemon knock off set and report to the rehearsal studio on the lot. The three stunt coordinators are there to greet you and you stretch out until Pedro arrives.

He’s in a tight workout t-shirt and gray sweatpants. Not the gray sweatpants dear LORD.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” one of the coordinators teases, “And ten minutes late, no less!”

“Fuck off, Phillip,” Pedro laughs as he approached, “I’m old and I’m tired.”

“That’s your excuse every day,” You prod.

“Well it’s true every day,” Pedro complains.

“Ready to beat the shit out of each other?” You smirk.

His laugh makes your stomach flip flop.

“Absolutely.”

The stunt coordinators demonstrate the choreography first and you have to make sure your jaw doesn’t hit the floor.

Your character stands yielding a prop knife and his character rushes at you, grabbing your arms. You struggle like that for a beat before the knife gets knocked out of your hands. He keeps his grip on one of your arms as he punches you across the face, then shoves you back up against the wall. Both of his hands come up to your neck and you fight against him until you pass out and he drops you on the floor.

You have always been on your best behavior around Pedro. The poor guy has women thirsting after him at every turn and you don’t want to add to his suffering. You have your own private thoughts about him–many of them not PG rated. But you are there to do a job, to be a professional. You never really allow yourself to entertain any of those thoughts beyond simple fantasy.

But he is about to choke you against a wall.

That alone has you entertaining several new thoughts.

“Alright, how do you guys feel about that?” Phillip asks.

Pedro just nods with a small “great.” He does this stuff pretty much every day so you’re sure none of it phases him.

Phillip looks to you and you must be a bit too wide eyed.

“You look a little uncomfortable,” Phillip notes kindly, inviting you to speak.

Pedro’s concerned expression knocks the wind out of you.

“No, no,” You assure them, “It just looks amazing and I’m hoping I wasn’t padding my resume when I said I had stage combat experience.” You give a little giggle to sell it and god bless being an actor because they all buy it.

“No worries, you definitely got this,” Phillip assures you.

Phillip had not been lying–you pick up the sequence just fine. When it comes time to run the fight with Pedro, you are feeling confident about the choreography but not much else. You mark through it, slowly going through each motion to practice.

You’re pretty sure you black out when he slides his hands under your chin. He is slow and careful and he barely even makes contact with your throat but just the idea, the notion that he could so easily, makes your insides scream.

He eyes you closely making sure you are okay. You feel safe. Somehow that makes it even worse.

You go through some notes and run it one more time slowly before kicking it up to full speed.

The intensity of doing it in real time causes an adrenaline storm. Pedro’s hands are all over you, all power and tight gripped. You desperately hold it together so you won't forget what you’re doing.

The way your back hits the padded wall forces the air from your lungs. Before you can even get a breath in, Pedro’s inches away from your face, hands around your neck. Heat spreads across your cheeks all the way down to your chest. You are sure the shock is written all over your face and you swear Pedro’s eyebrows furrow just a fraction. You take the moment of embarrassment as a good cue to drop to the floor out of his grip.

“That looked great!” Phillip approves, “How did that feel?”

You nearly choke on your spit at the question.

“Good,” you manage to squeak.

You catch Pedro side eyeing you and force yourself to look anywhere else. You bend over and fiddle with your shoelace out of sheer desperation to hide your face.

“Yeah,” Pedro echoes, “Good.”

You can hear the smile in his voice and want to leap out the window.

“Alright, let’s go full out this time,” Phillip says, “Add the acting, the drama, I want it all. Let’s take it from the line before so we can get the timing down.”

You and Pedro square up, getting into position.

“I’m not going down easy,” You play with a quirked eyebrow.

“Bring it,” He challenges.

You both slip into character and you raise your knife.

—-

“Great work, guys!” Phillip chimes, “See you on set tomorrow.”

“You drive here?” Pedro’s voice appears next to you.

“Yep,” You reply, adjusting your bag on your shoulder and pushing open the door. The cool night air glides a chill down your arms.

“Let me walk you to your car,” He offers, “ I just need to grab my stuff.”

“Oh, okay, yeah, that’d be—that’d be great,” You stumble over the words with a smile.

It’s a short walk to his trailer

“What’s been your favorite project you’ve worked on?” He asks.

“I always thought it couldn’t get any better than Mandalorian but honestly I think this show might be my new favorite.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, everything on this show feels so… real. Mando was all soundstages and green screens. Last of Us really feels like we’ve been dropped into an apocalypse,” You explain before cautiously adding, “And I’ve gotten to work with you a lot more.”

“You like working with me, huh?” Pedro asks as he playfully bumps his shoulder into yours, the shadow of a teasing tone in his voice.

You can’t find words for a moment, pausing with your mouth parted. You might as well put all your cards on the table. “Yes,” you finally reply with a small laugh, “I do.”

You can safely toe the boundary of friendship here. You figure he wouldn’t read into it if he wasn’t interested.

Wait. Are you interested? Oh fuck. Of course you’re interested.

Pedro pauses for a fraction of a moment as you arrive at the trailer, looking at you. Before you can say anything, he pulls open the door and holds it for you. You climb inside and he brushes past you as he enters.

“When you showed up here on set,” He says, “I was really happy to see you again.” He sits down on the cream colored loveseat.

So he isn’t just ‘grabbing his stuff’ after all, you guess.

You join him, trying to remember how to sit like a normal human being.

“I thought you were lying when you said you remembered me,” you reply honestly.

“God no,” Pedro chuckles. His gaze on you intensifies, flitting down your body for a moment, his voice dropping a bit lower. “Couldn’t forget you if I tried, sweetheart.”

You suck in a quiet breath. Your mind begins to swim in the suddenly thickening air. How has he managed to make himself so clear in just a single uttered sentence?

He seems to search your face. You realize he’s looking for reciprocation . This isn’t the time to toe the limit at all–it’s the time to cross the line entirely.

The line between colleagues is drawn for good reason, you try to remind yourself. But all logic dissolves in the simmering heat of how he watches you from the other end of the couch.

Fuck the line. What line? Never heard of one.

You switch on a new part of yourself, cocking your head.

“You aren’t too forgettable yourself,” You reply with a soft smirk, making sure to regard every inch of him.

That is all it takes from him to start closing the gap between you, stopping just inches away. He reaches out and slides your bag off your shoulder in slow motion. You stay frozen as it thuds to the floor. The way his eyes never leave you makes your breathing pick up.

“You can leave right now, I won’t hold it against you,” He says quietly, “We can go back to before and I will never try this again.”

You can’t imagine a worse fate. You shake your head desperately.

“Tell me you want this,” he says, eyes glued to yours.

“I want you ,” You whisper.

His lips easily find yours as you feel a hand lace into your hair and another around your waist. The softness of his lips makes you forget to set yourself into motion, too busy melting into it. You finally remember to reach for him, placing a hand on his chest and the other on the side of his neck. You splay your fingers over his bare skin, brushing a thumb against the stubble on his jaw.

His fingers graze over your scalp as he gently grips a handful of your hair. It makes your jaw fall open and he takes the opportunity to lick into your mouth. You grab a fistful of his shirt to pull him closer.

His hand travels up the center of your chest, curving over your collarbone and back down your side.

He is either being a tease or far too respectful.

You take his wrist and guide him to the bottom hem of your tank top, sliding his hand underneath until his fingers come to the elastic of your sports bra. You pull the spandex up out of the way.

His fingertips skate lightly over the bare skin before he cups you, rolling your nipple between his fingers.

You whine against his mouth, arching into his touch. Your head tips back and he kisses down your neck before returning to your mouth. His lips become more insistent, the pressure of his hands roaming your body more firm. You shift to pull your leg up under you on the couch, needing to get closer to him. He untangles his hand from your hair and does you one better, reaching down, grabbing your ass and pulling you into his lap until he has you hovering over him, his knee between yours.

You pull off your tank top and your sports bra.

“Fucking gorgeous,” Pedro murmurs breathlessly as he attaches his mouth to your nipple.

“Fuck,” The word punches out of you and your hands fly into his hair. His mouth is all heat, tongue working in circles and flicks. You imagine his face between your legs doing the same and you shudder at the mere thought.

He grabs your hips and speaks against the skin of your chest.

“Sit.”

He pulls you down firmly onto his thigh.

“Good girl.”

A gasp helplessly escapes your lips and he has you all figured out. He fails to suppress a smirk and you have half the mind to admonish him, but any attempt is interrupted by his mouth returning to your tit.

He guides your hips to grind against him. The feeling of your wet leggings sliding over his sweatpants drags against your clit just right. You whimper against his temple. He tugs your hips forward again as he flexes his thigh into you and your whimper becomes open mouthed, a moan buried in his hair.

Your hips start to roll on their own accord, chasing down the friction.

“That’s it,” He says softly, licking up your chest, “Make yourself feel good, pretty girl.”

You let out a stilted sigh, dropping your head and sucking the skin beneath his jaw. You reach your hand down and press over the crotch of his sweats. You inhale sharply when you feel him already hard underneath your palm.

“You know how hard it was to control myself, hm?” He questions, voice strained as he pushes himself up against your hand, “Keeping everyone from seeing how much I loved having you pinned up against that wall?”

“ God , that was good acting,” you moan.

“Yours needs some work,” he taunts, “‘Could see it all over your face, querida. Bet you were wet for me, weren’t you?”

“Whole time,” you nod desperately.

He drags his fingers up your chest and wraps his hand around your throat.

“Oh fuck,” tumbles from your mouth.

“This what you wanted, sweetheart? My hand wrapped around your throat like this?”

“Yes,” you whimper. “Fuck, keep talking,” you beg, moving faster in his lap.

“You like the sound of my voice, huh?” He prods, “Like it when I tell you how good you are while you fuck yourself on my thigh?”

You only nod with a whine, reaching under his waistband and taking his cock in your hand. You nearly whine again when you feel how thick he is.

“Fuck,” he groans, his hand tightening just a bit around your throat.

The squeak he receives from you in response is equal parts innocent and filthy.

He uses his free hand to shove his pants and boxers down his hips, exposing his cock in your fist.

You pump him slowly, watching the precum leak from his slit. You release him, pausing your own movement to dip your hand into your panties. You slide two fingers into yourself, gathering your wetness, and return to his length.

“Jesus Christ,” he swears, his words trapped in the back of his throat as you wrap your slick hand around him. His hand tightens on your neck and he thrusts up into your hand, jolting you back into your own rhythm.

Your free hand is slipped under the neckline of his shirt, placed on his chest to steady yourself. The skin there is firm and radiating heat. You can feel his heart beating as fast as yours against your palm.

“You gonna cum like this?” He asks, “Such a needy girl, making a mess on my thigh?”

“Yes, fuck, yes, god yes,” you babble. You’d say yes to practically anything he could ask of you right now, anything to stay in this moment.

Every word he speaks, every shift in his touch drives your fist around him faster.

“ Fuck you feel so good,” He says through gritted teeth, hand now trailing down your throat, curling his fingers to skim his nails over your delicate skin, “Doing so good for me.”

“Please, please, Pedro–” you blindly plead.

He squeezes his hand, tightening the grip on your neck. It’s hardly enough to affect your breathing, but it fuels the tension growing in your hips all the same. Your motions begin to stutter.

“That’s it, querida,” He hums, “That’s it.”

“I’m gonna–” your stutter, “I’m gonna cum.”

He presses the pad of his thumb against your clit and every bit of air deserts your lungs.

“I’ve got you. Cum for me.”

Pure heat sparks and sets you ablaze, flames rolling down your body as you cum, cries forced from you.

“ Good girl , there it is. That’s a good girl,” He grinds out the words, pushing himself harder up into your fist. “Fuck, that’s it, fuck ,” A strangled noise catches in his throat, stripes of white painting your hand and his shirt as you ride out your high.

You lean forward to collapse against him, pressing your head to his shoulder, and you both try to catch your breath. He wraps his arms around you, fingers absently tracing over you back.

“Thank you,” you sigh.

“ Thank you ?” He nearly giggles, “Jesus Christ, all I did was sit here!”

“Then you’re welcome,” you breathe, “Like, very, incredibly, definitely welcome literally any time.”

His laughter bounces against your chest.

“Don’t go making offers that are too good to be true, now,” he warns, and you can feel his grin against the side of your neck, “I can’t take the heartbreak.”

So you’re not the only one who wants this to be more than a one time thing. Fuck yeah.

“Any. Time.” You repeat, whispering in his ear.

——-

Coco is setting up her station next to Stephanie and Jess for the afternoon. The hair and make up department is an integral part of The Last of Us because of the extensive clicker-fication process. Coco always jokes with Pedro that she has the easiest job out of everyone–make a man, who is already gorgeous, gorgeous. Not much to do there, just upkeep on Pedro’s gray hair and ensuring he’s grimy enough for an apocalypse.

You walk into the room bundled in a scarf and find Jess’s chair, greeting her. You had never met before and you were a little nervous. Coco, on the other hand, you’d talked to a few times.

“Okay, so, I might have screwed up a little ,” You admit to Jess, immediately piquing the curiosity of the women around you. You were about to make Jess’s job a bit harder.

“Oh?” Jess says.

“So, um, I get uh–strangled, in the scene we’re shooting today so there’s going to be a lot of focus on… my neck…” You preface hesitantly.

Coco whirls around.

“You didn’t,” She gasps, scandalized.

You grimace apologetically as you unwrap your scarf.

“I did.”

There’s no way they could possibly know that Pedro put the hickey blooming dark purple on your throat unless they’re mind readers, but still. You’re paranoid that somehow everyone will know what you did last night with Pedro.

Could see it all over your face, querida.

“You have girl bossed too close to the sun,” Coco shakes her head while Jess and Stephanie giggle.

You cover your face with your hands.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jess laughs, “You’re hardly the first actor to need some hickey cover up. Happens all the time–we’ll get you fixed up.”

Jess does an excellent job as promised and your neck looks pristine.

You thank her endlessly and slip out the door to go to wardrobe.

Just a moment later, Pedro speeds into hair and make-up, greeting Coco and plopping down in her chair.

“I need a bruise covered up,” he says simply.

“How’d you hurt yourself this time, old man?” Coco asks.

“Uh, it’s not exactly that kind of bruise,” he replies sheepishly. He pulls down the turtle neck he’s wearing, revealing the hickeys he’s sporting up his neck.

Coco, Stephanie and Jess all exchange a look. Stephanie is desperately trying to suppress a smirk and Jess has to turn away to contain herself.

You and Pedro are none the wiser that you’re totally busted.

“ Pedro ,” Coco scolds him playfully.

“I know, I know,” he sighs.

“Pass me that concealer, Jess?” Coco asks, “We’d better get started. This might take a while since someone decided to sell his body last night.”

“Oh shut up,” Pedro waved her off with a bashful chuckle, “Vete a la chingada.”

“Pedge, I’m immune to your spanish insults. I don’t speak Spanish.”

“Allow me to translate: fuck. off.”

“Never.”

—————-

You're sitting on the sidelines of the set, absently going over your script and blocking.

“Hello you,” a low voice rings next to you.

A smile climbs onto your lips and you keep your attention on the pages.

“Fancy meeting you here,” you chime.

“Come here often?”

You giggle, finally looking up at him, but your breath is stolen. God , he looked so good as Joel.

“Querida, your face,” he chuckles, “we talked about this.”

You pause for a moment and realize what he’s implying. You must be blushing. Or drooling.

“I have no idea how I have an acting career,” you murmur.

He’s laughing and you can’t help but be reminded of a ray of light. He’s like a bright beam, reflected and refracted into a spectrum of color, streaking boldly across a sunlit room. Maybe you didn’t understand how someone could be ‘beaming’ until now.

He looks like he almost starts to reach out to touch you, maybe tuck a stray hair behind your ear or place a hand on your waist, but he aborts the movement.

Phillip approaches you and you break from your trance.

“Hey guys!” He greets, “how about a quick dry run fight before shooting?”

“Sounds good,” Pedro nods as you agree.

Someone from the props department appears with your fake knife and you thank them.

You do a slow motion run through, making sure the spacing and blocking is perfected for the set pieces around you.

The full speed run is just as intense as the first time you had tried it the night before. You’re panting on the floor by the end, and Pedro extends a hand to help you to your feet. You look up at him from underneath the fan of your lashes and he stares down at you all the same.

“Alright you definitely have the choreography down!” Phillip sings his praises and declares you both ready for filming.

“We’re going to start shooting in just a minute here,” Craig informs the room.

Jess is there, coming over to touch up your make up one last time and the guy from props reappears, returning the discarded knife back to you.

“You and Pedro have us sharing the good setting powder,” Jess laughs to herself, taking some onto her brush before Coco steals the container with a smile as she passes by.

It hits you all at once.

You left hickeys all over Pedro last night, didn’t you? You look over and see Coco brushing the powder over the side of his throat.

“ Jess, ” Your eyes are blown wide.

She pauses, regarding you with confusion for a moment until the realization appears on her face.

“Oh! Don’t worry, we’ll never tell. Makeup artists take an oath of secrecy,” She explains. “ However ,” She adds, “I am living vicariously through you. Just full transparency.”

“Fair,” you reply a bit distantly, still watching Pedro.

—-

Coco goes over to Pedro and starts on her final touch ups.

“You know,” she says quietly after a moment, “The weirdest thing happened earlier.”

“Yeah?” Pedro asks, suspicious of her playful tone.

“Yeah,” she replies, “A minute before you came in asking us to cover up your hickeys, your scene partner came in needing the same thing.”

“That is… quite a coincidence…” He agreed slowly.

“I’m glad one of us had sexcapades last night,” she assured him, “all I did was watch tv.”

“Please never say ‘sexcapade’ ever again,” Pedro muttered.

“Look, if you’re going for subtlety–tone it down,” She advises, “You look like you’re about to jump each other’s bones, not kill each other.”

“Fuck, it’s that obvious?” He asks.

She just replies with raised eyebrows and a smirk. “But–hey,” she says sincerely, “Good for you, Pedge. You deserve it.”

“Stop–” He swats her away with an embarrassed smile, “Making me blush. Joel doesn’t blush.”

“Go get ‘em tiger,” She pats him on the back before leaving.

A/N: Tell me what you liked most! I wanna know what my beloved slutty lil readers enjoy!

Chapter 2

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #hbo the last of us #pedro pascal smut #fanfiction #tlou

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angelicyouth · 1 year

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Grievance

⇢ pairing: kenny mccormick x marsh!reader

⇢ genre: superpowers ; the fractured but whole AU

⇢ synopsis: ❝Nothing makes us as lonely as our secrets—they're a prison whose truth may bring despair. If only the threat of death wasn’t involved to push you further into isolation.❞

⇢ warning: graphic descriptions of violence

⇢ [AO3 link]

The frigid air causes goosebumps to run along my exposed skin, my short skirt not providing any sort of reprieve against the cold. The moonlight cascades down from the night sky, peeking through overcast clouds and providing a sliver of luminescence against the darkness surrounding me. This is typically the conditions that come into play whenever I adorn this costume, as such from the shitty town called South Park.

My perch on the high building’s ledge allows me to have a good view of the commotion currently occurring and gives me leverage over those on the floor, the concrete cold and rough against the back of my thighs. Down below, a cacophony of sharp sounds and grunts could be heard. Loud hollering occasionally joins the racket in the form of shit talking and directions being thrown around. I languidly watch the constantly moving bodies, my eyes lazily following their actions as my legs dangle from the rooftop. Every move they make is familiar, easy to read after years of observation.

I pull both of my legs up and plant an elbow on my thigh to cup one of my cheeks, a corner of my mouth slightly rising at a particular punch that flawlessly executes a last minute save against its assailant. When every member of the defensive team is either unconscious or apprehended, I stand to my full height and leisurely stretch.

Seeing the group of teens begin to gather around to take into account of what was wrongly stolen, I take it as my cue to crouch my body in preparation of descending my mount. Once my heeled boots lightly hit the floor of the ground that was once below me, I find my form before the colorfully assorted group of superheroes. I announce my arrival by slowly clapping my hands at their success, a smirk decorating my face.

“Ah, fuck. What the hell do you want again, you no named bitch?” The Coon curses when he notices me, a look of irritation crossing his features.

The ground is littered in glass and rubble, buildings having been ripped through with heavy cement bricks scattered around them. I ignore the group of heroes and their wary looks as I take in my surroundings, surveying the damage and feeling glee at the ruin all around us. Despite saving whatever poor fool that got robbed, they would definitely get into shit for causing so much structural damage in the town.

“Just wanted to stop by and say hi to my favorite oversized rat! It’s always a delight to see your fursona struggle to bring your fatass arms up when you fight!” I sweetly smile at the larger teen as he snarls, my lips curving in faux innocence.

The Human Kite tiredly rolls his eyes at the expected response I evoke, the verbal assault between the two of us familiar after years of confrontations between the group and I. Meanwhile, Fastpass and Mysterion grab onto the shoulders of the furious hero to prevent him from lunging at me despite his struggling. I spot a pile of scorching metal, flumes of smoke rising off of the utterly crushed vehicle and disappearing into the unending abyss of the sky.

“Aye! Fuck off, you stupid skank!”

I ignore the shrill screeches of his insults and quickly dart my eyes around, scanning every figure in front of me until I see the hands that are tensely gripping onto a lumpy pillow case. Bingo.

I softly smile and extend an arm in front of my body, my palm facing up. “Tweek.”

“Ack!” His body badly jolts at the name drop and I can't help the fond smile crossing my expression at his reaction.

Anonymity was a thing in the past with the vigilantes of South Park, especially when your given name is also in your superhero alias like Wonder Tweek or Super Craig. It also didn’t help that their costumes didn’t provide any element of surprise as Tupperware’s face is visible against the clear material of his head piece, or how Toolshed only has yellow shades adorning his face. The townspeople don’t know any of their identities as they’re only active when the darkness of the night can conceal them, but I do.

What once started as a game of pretend when they were younger became reality when a visit to Mephesto Genetics Lab resulted in a freak accident that made their powers become real. Since then, the teens decided to take up the responsibility of having special abilities by keeping the town safe with daily patrols almost every night.

“Please?” I lightly coo at the shaking blonde when he doesn’t move, gently coaxing him to relent the stolen treasure that the heroes reclaimed.

His eyes dart back and forth in panic, his anxiety causing his tight hold on the material in his hands to become white. They could’ve all easily evaded this confrontation if they had left the site as soon as they were done, but being known heroes meant that they had to touch point with the police before calling it a night.

When the rest of the guys take a threatening step forward, I roll my eyes and let out a sigh. I bring my hands into fists in front of me, slightly crouching in a defensive stance.

The hard way it is.

・ ─ ・ ⋯ ・ ─ ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

The sharp sound of a bell announces my departure from the store, a lollipop in my mouth as I count the bundle of cash in my hands. I throw away the pillow case that held onto the pile of stolen jewelry I obtained from the local crime fighters last night into a dirty dumpster in an alleyway.

I hum in happiness around the hard candy when the number is a lot higher than I was anticipating and I map out a route in my head to efficiently get to all of the stores I want to go to. Food is my top priority and the remaining amount of money can go to clothes and other miscellaneous things, I decide.

When a multitude of both paper and plastic bags heavily adorn the crooks of both of my arms, I leisurely make my way across the town for my final destination. A smile starts to grow on my face the closer I get and when I cross the tell-tale sight of rickety train tracks, an excited grin overtakes my face as my pearly white teeth make their appearance.

“Princess! What’s your cute ass doing around these parts?” The door opens to Kenny’s handsome face as he presses a quick kiss to my cheek before chivalrously relinquishing me of my heavy haul. He seamlessly takes the shopping bags from my arms in one swift motion, placing a hand on my lower back to guide my body inside the warmth of his home.

“I got you guys groceries.“ I softly smile at the enthusiastic greeting, taking a step past the door frame as I follow the taller teen into his kitchen.

“Thanks, babe. You know I appreciate this, but I really don’t want you to spend your money on us.” Attractive features shoot me a stern gaze over broad shoulders and I just flash a cheeky smile back, these words familiar as they have been reiterated back to me millions of times by the blonde already.

“I know, but I want to. It’s my money so I get to choose what I do with it.” I respond as I always do when he lectures me like this, doing my best to reassure his uneasiness and guilt. If only he knew that all the money I spend on him is from the things I steal from the guys, I bemusedly think to myself.

"Which I don't get! Your brother says you don't have a job and I know your allowance isn't enough to cover these expenses." The fridge door he opens lets in a cool waft of air, causing a small shudder to resound in my whole body from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

"Well Stanley never knows what he's talking about, I can't believe you still believe anything he says. Remember when he thought he'd get the memories of the shrimps in his fried rice whenever we ate Chinese food? Fucking idiot."

Kenny continues to put away the food I got for the McCormick family as I perch myself onto their kitchen counter, leisurely swinging my dangling legs back and forth. My teeth bite down onto the hard shell of the almost fully dissolved lollipop in my mouth, an explosion of flavored crystals littering my tongue. Amongst the crushed sweetness is the star of the show–a bubble gum core for me to chew on.

When the pink bubble pops in front of my face, the deflating rubber reveals the blonde stepping in front of my perched form to open the cabinet over my head. From his suddenly close proximity, I take advantage of the view to intently watch the boy’s muscles every time they flex from movement. When he pulls back, his plump lips curve into a lazy smirk, an all knowing look on his attractive face.

His taller frame settles in between my legs once he's finished unloading the groceries, resting his larger hands onto my waist. They slowly slide under my shirt to lightly skim his fingers against my sides, alighting a chain reaction of goosebumps along my arms at the sensation. I giggle when he burrows his face underneath my jaw, feeling his smile on the expanse of skin.

“I love you,” He softly mouths onto my neck before pressing a searing kiss, slowly trailing down until he reaches where the junction of my shoulders meet my neck.

I don’t jolt when he playfully sinks his teeth into my skin, quickly soothing the area with just a quick peck before pulling his head away. There’s a tender smile adorning his face when we make eye contact, one of his hands going up to lightly cradle my cheek.

Sunshine comes in from the window behind me, accentuating the sharp features on the blonde’s attractive face. The ember hues of the bright light of noon brings in a warmth that makes his azure orbs look absolutely mesmerizing, every shade of crystal blue visible to me.

I get lost as I take in the sight in front of me, dazedly appreciating his defined features. From his long lashes to the perfect slope of his nose, the blonde puts every Greek god to shame. It’s as if I’m in a trance as I slowly watch his tongue quickly dart out, lightly wetting his soft pink lips and making them look even more tantalizing and inviting.

I lock my legs around his waist in impatience, bringing him closer to my body and I’m rewarded with a deep chuckle in amusement at my neediness. His smile is smug, the hand on the side of my face sliding back into my hair to rub soothing circles into soft locks.

“Like what you see, beautiful? If you tell me what you want, I’d be happy to give it to you.” The blonde’s voice is quiet despite being the only two in the room, creating an ambiance of intimacy between us. The air is charged, electrifying in the way that my body gets heated at just his words.

“Kenny.”

“Hm?” He drags the word out, a shit eating grin on his face.

I roll my eyes at his teasing before I thread my fingers into a field of blonde hair, roughly tugging the boy closer to my face. When our lips slot together, it starts off unhurried yet passionate before he takes a swipe at my lower lip. I allow him access into my mouth and our tongues slide against each other so beautifully, the hand on my waists squeezing a little tighter at the sensation.

I playfully bite at his lips before I pull away, our faces close to one another as we catch our breaths. Our foreheads lean against each other as every wisp of air that leaves the blonde’s mouth lightly hits my lips, causing my mouth to quirk up at winding him up. Azure eyes darken in clear want at my teasing but before he can pull me in again, a voice cuts through the air.

“Ew, not in the kitchen! We eat here!” I can see Karen over the taller teen’s broad shoulders, her arms crossed and a pout on her usually smiling face as she stands at the doorway.

Kenny doesn’t spare his younger sister a look as he lets out a sigh at the interruption, raising a vulgar middle finger high into the air and planting a final kiss on my lips. I giggle as I break free from his hold, making my way over to the bags that hold the clothes I bought for the younger girl.

When I chance a peek at the blonde boy to smirk at him for the interruption, he just rolls his eyes at me to pop a bubble in his mouth. The sight of pink disappearing behind his mischievous grin makes me realize that my gum is no longer in my mouth.

・ ─ ・ ⋯ ・ ─ ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

From my peripherals, I see Clyde’s form wince when he settles his body down onto a vacant spot on the sofa. It’s easy to feign ignorance about the sudden appearance of cuts and bruises on the boys when we live in a town that’s covered in snow almost all year round. The freezing temperature forces everyone to adorn multiple, thick layers of material lest they risk a case of frostbite.

Frantic excuses get made up on the spot when the dark circles under their eyes are particularly bad after a difficult night of patrol, however. Or when they have to come up with a reason as to why they all need to leave halfway through hanging out at the same time, without the ability to bring me along. None of the boys would ever suspect their precious little sister though and it was simple to play the part.

“You okay?” Small wisps of air hit the shell of my ear after every word, the arms around my waist tightening their hold.

I slightly turn my head to the owner of the voice and give Kenny a kiss on the cheek in reassurance, to let him know that I was fine and to thank him for always checking up on me.

“Just daydreaming again?” The chest I’m leaning against rumbles from his deep chuckle, finding my endearing habit cute. “Sometimes I wish I could go to the world you drift off to when you’re like that… It must be nice since it always has your attention, hm?”

I fiddle with the longer fingers on my waist, playing with the silver rings adorning the taller teen’s digits as a corner of my lips quirk up in a soft smile. My fingers cease their actions to intertwine both of our hands together, giving them a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s nice, but no place will ever be comparable if it doesn’t have you.” My voice is hushed, the two of us trapped in our own little bubble at the intimacy of our conversation.

It’s quiet between the two of us for a minute, the other boys in the room tuned out as mere background noise as I give my undivided attention to my blonde haired lover underneath me. His hands break their hold with mine to settle themselves at my waist, effortlessly lifting me up to turn my body towards his.

“… There are times I get scared, though.” He has a thoughtful expression on his face when looks at me, a large hand lifting up to gently caress my cheek. His thumb softly smooths itself over my skin, so light that it feels almost nonexistent. “When you get like that, where do you go..?”

When my head chases after the warmth of his hand, further nuzzling my cheek against the soft skin on his palms, he shakes his head at his silly thought. There’s a teasing lilt to his smooth voice, a small quirk on his lips as he lightly says in the space between us. “Well, as long as you always come back to me then it’s fine.”

"I'd do anything for you, Ken." I turn my head to kiss the inside of the junction where his hand meets his forearm, softly mouthing my words of affirmation to the beating pulse of his wrist.

Both of his hands skim against my sides and I giggle as I try to get my body away from his tickling, tender affection painting Kenny’s visage as he watches me squeal in delight. The blonde teen only relents after he deems my punishment for dazing off enough, small puffs of air softly hitting the skin on his neck as I rest my head against his shoulder and catch my breath.

“My pretty baby.” He mumbles against the crown of my head, bringing his arms back around my waist and lightly squeezing my body in affection.

“I love you.” He brings his lips down to gently say against the skin on my forehead, a large hand of his coming to the back of my head and running his fingers through soft locks of hair.

“I love you more.” I sleepily mumble against the ladder of his neck.

The teen repeats the cathartic motions and the soothing sensation slowly lulls me to unconsciousness, warm in the safe embrace of my lover. When sleep inevitably takes me, I’m slightly jostled out of it when I hear hushed whispering over my form and a pair of cold fingers trailing themselves down my cheeks.

The voices are recognizable as my twin brother and blonde significant other, the comforting lilt of their voices causing a small corner of my lips to softly quirk up. When light touches bring attention to my wet cheeks, it’s then that I realize that I’m crying like I typically do when my dreams take hold of me.

They’re never nightmares like everyone worries and assumes they are, no. Rather, they leave me with faint traces of melancholy, bitter and always lingering. Even if I can’t remember them when I wake up, their presence is constantly looming over me in the waking world.

Like I’m grieving for something. For someone.

・ ─ ・ ⋯ ・ ─ ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

My eyelashes lightly tickle the skin on my cheeks when my eyes flutter open, slowly fighting the last dredges of sleep desperately trying to bring me back in its embrace. The familiar surroundings of my bedroom greets me, evidence of someone transferring me when I was unconscious.

My legs lazily stretch themselves out from under the comforter on my bed, a quiet yawn escaping my slightly parted lips. The harsh light of the brightness on my cellphone screen informs me that it's about an hour after the boys usually depart to begin their nightly patrols.

I take that as my cue to change into the soft material that conceals my identity, leisurely humming to myself as I lift the glass panel of my window open. The cold Colorado air greets me and in my admiration for the stars above me, I begin to cross over the ice frosted grass of my front lawn to the area where it transitions into the asphalt of the sidewalk.

Small wisps of lightly colored air escapes from my mouth, the freezing temperature making my breaths visible. They provide me childish entertainment as they accompany me on my walk, my eyes sparkling in awe at the opacity of the mini clouds.

They disappear into the inky darkness that surrounds my form, much like my vision when white, searing pain blossoms from the back of my skull.

・ ─ ・ ⋯ ・ ─ ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

When I come to, the first thing I notice is the sharp pain racking the inner depths of my head. My ears provide a constant ringing from the force that knocked me unconscious, only my left ear able to hear the faint flickering of the lightbulb hanging above me.

In an effort to soothe the pain, I try to raise my hands, only to wince when the movement jostles the tender skin around my wrists. There are metal restraints keeping me immobile, their surface cool to the touch and heavy.

Hearing the oncoming sounds of footsteps hitting asphalt and the faint baritone of a single person talking, I drop my head back down to feign sleep. This proves to be futile as a large hand shoots out to roughly grab onto the hair at the crown of my head, my eyebrows creasing at the pressure.

“Wake up.” A voice comes from above my lower position, firm and ruthlessly commanding.

I become dizzy and disoriented when a hand makes heavy contact with my face at the lack of response, the strength of the hit forcing my head to the side. The wooden chair I’m seated on wobbles dangerously at the threat of falling onto the floor and I flinch at the point of contact. The rings decorating my assailant’s hands pierce through the soft skin of my cheeks, around the bruises that I can already feel forming.

My eyes water when my head gets yanked back to its original position, tears threatening to leak out of my eyes at the searing pain I feel. “I’m not fucking stupid, you bitch. Quit playing smart and open your damn eyes already.”

I furrow my eyebrows into a glare when I grant myself my vision back, a figure adorned in all black standing in front of me. Their face is concealed by a simple mask covering my perpetrator’s identity, its only features containing slits for a simple pair of eyes and a slope for its nose and mouth. The blank white of its canvas eerily stares down at me, their eyes watching me from the conservative amount of openings.

“Don’t bother trying to escape, your restraints repress your abilities. Or do it, I don’t give a fuck either way. It’s your time and energy to waste, not mine.” I watch as the unnamed stranger steps away to the camera set up on a tripod in front of me, the dreary room of confinement having nothing else aside from a laptop hooked onto the device.

“Now, smile.”

・ ─ ・ ⋯ ・ ─ ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

When the group of superheroes reconvene for a summary of their individual patrols at their base in Tolkien’s house, the room gets washed in a single shade of vivid bright red. A loud siren sounds out around the room, causing the boys to tense up in their seats after only a few minutes of getting to leisurely lounge around.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Kyle yells to be heard over the cacophony of noise, his hands tight over his ears in an attempt to dull the sound rattling what feels to be every single bone in his body

The alarm is so loud that the waves of its cry causes strong vibrations to reverberate throughout the entire room, the raccoon themed hero curled in on himself from the sensitive hearing his powers grant him. “Turn it off already!”

“I’m fucking trying!” Tolkien frustratedly screams back at the complaints, his fingers busy dancing along the keyboard of the computer in front of him. His chest rapidly heaves up and down at the rush of adrenaline the situation causes him and his teammates, his hands shaky at the pressure of being responsible for everyone’s relief.

Everyone glances around the room in caution once the area gets doused back in the usual warm hues of the yellow overhead light. Sounds of soft but quick breathing echoes throughout the room, Butters quickly rushing to Cartman’s side to check up on the larger teen.

“What the fuck was that?” Stan’s disbelief follows him as he heads to where Tolkien is seated, watching the screen as the teen tries to find the cause.

The others begin to gather around in curiosity once they’ve caught their bearings, their hearts still quickly thundering in their chests at the sudden surprise. “Ngh! Wait. Tolkien, go back. What’s that?”

The aforementioned boy follows the instructions when Tweek notices a foreign logo embedded onto the bottom toolbar of the desktop, its icon a simple design of a black and white robot head. Everyone waits with bated breaths as it loads, the screen opening up to a live feed of an area they’ve never seen before.

"W-wuh-what the fuck..." Jimmy trails off, staring at what resembles to be a room that one would normally see appear in a horror movie.

The image is distorted with concrete walls surrounding the only thing on the screen: my unconscious form sitting on a chair with my head so low that my chin touches the fabric of my costumed chest. Silky locks of hair spill all over my face, matted with an assortment of sweat, tears, and blood. When nothing happens save for the unreliable flickering on the lone lightbulb above my frame, Kyle meekly speaks up for the team.

“… Hello?”

“Ah, you’ve finally answered. I was getting bored, two more minutes and I would’ve killed her.” A disfigured voice speaks up, their identity artificially altered by a program to modify what they sound like in real time.

“Who are you and what do you want?” Craig speaks up, his eyebrows furrowed at the bodiless voice.

Several pairs of eyes watch with bated breaths as a figure makes its appearance on the screen, doned in all black and just a white mask as they take their time walking to my unconscious form in the center of the room. They stand behind the chair I’m restrained in as they once again grab a handful of my hair, carelessly pulling my head up.

What were once closed eyes quickly open up in surprise when the ring adorned hands thunder back down onto my already mottled skin, an array of purples and reds painting my once blemish free face. At the harsh contact, my chest desperately struggles to heave in a deep breath of air after it gets knocked out of my body. It rattles inside my tight chest, the sore length of my neck trying to hungrily force the oxygen in.

I pathetically wheeze as my body doubles over, the hand sliding to the back of my head to pull me back up. My chest burns and I feel tears begin to build up in the corner of my eyes, frustration steadily mounting at the onslaught of pain and lack of air.

“That’s…” Butters trails off, his eyebrows creased when they see the unnamed girl who frequently appears after a job.

While a bane to their group’s existence for throwing away their hard work whenever they obtain stolen goods back from thieves or successfully divert a robbery, I’ve always put care into pulling my punches and attacking only when necessary. My hands have barely skimmed their skin or put a scratch on any of them, only focusing on the material aspect of their missions.

Despite this, I’m still in shock when their bodies go rigid in extreme disbelief at the sight in front of them. When they’ve identified the person who’s able to outsmart them countless times, caught like this and under the extreme mercy of another.

“Won’t you say hi to them?” The masked figure asks, their voice soft in contrast to their actions. When my words struggle to get out of my throat despite my efforts to force it out, one of their hands shoots out to grab onto both of my cheeks. They roughly push the skin on my face together from their tight grip, the strength behind their hold steadily increasing when the silence stretches on.

“H-hello!” My voice hurriedly squeezes out through my raw throat, my voice cracking as my body trembles.

“Good.” The hand drops and I start to get dizzy when all the pain from my captor's previous inflictions return at full force. While waiting for the super powered teens to answer their call, they dedicated their time to abusing my body with their bare fists and boot covered feet for mere entertainment.

My head unsteadily balances on my neck, disoriented from the hurt I feel all around. The hand returns to the back of my head to pull on my hair, forcing my head back upright. It’s a nonverbal warning to keep it up lest I want a punishment for disobedience and I start to see black dots dancing along my vision.

“Holy shit…” Clyde’s face goes pale white at the visible injuries littering my exposed skin, his stomach nauseous at the multitude and severity of each one.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!” Craig barks out his unanswered question from earlier, seething at what appears to be the cruel torture of a girl in front of all their eyes.

Everyone mimics the monotonous boy’s body language, all of their fists clenched in anger and shaking at the injustice of the masked figure’s unexplained actions. The silence stretches on for a bit, my captor not in a rush to answer.

“Why is it that you don’t want them to know of your identity, hm? Do you feel shame for the dirty methods you partake in to earn the money that you feed back to them?” The distorted voice says but the superheroes just furrow their eyebrows in confusion before they realize that the words aren’t directed to them, but towards me.

For once, my assailant’s touch is gentle against me as they bring a finger up to lightly skim at the skin on my tender cheek. I swallow in anticipation of the pain they may inflict, my throat audibly swallowing in nervousness.

“Let me tell you boys a story. A tale about a close group of children who in their ignorance, were granted unimaginable powers. What they didn’t know was that there was another one on that fateful day they obtained their abilities.” My breathing picks up at their words, my heart rapidly beating in my chest and threatening to rip through bone and flesh.

No, no.

Please don’t.

My perpetrator takes the time to watch the fear flash through my eyes, a lilt of amusement coursing through their next words. “You see, they all grew up together. They did everything together. None of the people in the town they lived in ever saw any of them by themselves, always accompanied no matter the time of day or the task at hand. But if that’s true… Why wasn’t anyone there when the little girl got experimented on? Why did everyone else get abilities when only she suffered?”

I maintain eye contact as dread courses through my tired body, a twinkle of delight in my assailant’s eyes. Their fingers lightly trail to the edge of my mask and it feels like I’m hyperventilating when only the sound of my rapid breathing fills the space between us.

They tug on the material resting on my face, gently pulling on it more and more. When the item that conceals my identity dangles precariously, holding onto the last vestige of hold it has on my skin, I clench my eyes shut in inevitable defeat.

“Right, Y/N?” I feel the fabric fall onto my lap as the boys gasp in disbelief and horror at the reveal of the group's baby sister, tears leaking out of the corner of my eyes. They trail down my cheeks, the cuts on my face stinging at the salty residue.

My chest rapidly heaves as sobs rack throughout my entire body, the figure to the side of me using their thumb to wipe the tears on my face with faux sympathy as they continue their story. “They never saw so they never knew. She kept it hidden, the only secret ever existing within the close-knit group. What did they say, when they released you that day? Hm, Y/N?”

The finger on my face halts at their task of futilely swiping the liquid on my cheek, applying a menacing pressure in nonverbal threat against my skin. I can't breathe through the sobs but I force my words out anyway, citing the very words the scientists at Mephesto’s ingrained into my brain from an early age.

“T-that I had to give them m-money and my silence until the day I died for giving me my abilities. That if I d-didn’t, my family, friends, and their own families would p-pay the price. That I had a debt to pay for the g-generosity they bestowed upon me.”

“Good girl.” Their hand grabs onto my chin, forcing my head to directly face the camera. The masked figure mocks the boys, a playful pout can be heard through their voice despite the material on their face.

Taunting, they ask in place for me. “Where were any of you when that happened? Why weren’t you there when those big, bad men were hurting her? But most importantly: where were you, big brother?”

They relinquish their hold, loud laughter cutting through sharp at the oppressive air of the tense situation. The sound only increases in volume when they see Stan shake in unfathomable anger, his fists clenched and his jaw tense. Amusement fills every pore of their body when none of the boys still haven’t been able to speak through the fear that paralyzes them. Similar thoughts consume their mind—failure, disbelief, anger.

How can this be?

How did I save everyone but the person who needed it the most, the person that’s always been right in front of me?

My assailant cruelly spits out, further inciting them to drown even deeper into their downward spiral of self destruction. “Why haven’t you noticed, Kenny? When she confronts you guys every night? Your own significant other, the person you’re supposed to hold the closest to your heart. Do you, perhaps… Not love her enough?”

The masked perpetrator laughs as they savagely spit each of their names out venomously, as if they were acid dropping free from their tongue. I loudly wail at the cruelty of the person beside me as they try their hardest to push the boys over the edge of their sanity. My sobs rip though my throat, loud and full of anguish. It hurts—the truth and the despair that comes with it.

The sadistic figure resumes their tale, their lips cruelly curving their face as they see the twin trails of tears begin to devastatingly pour down every superhero’s face. “And so, the little girl obtained a seed of resentment into the depths of her stomach from the bad men’s actions. It grew every single time she was left alone to bear the burden of repaying for all of their abilities. For the safety of all of their families and friends. It sprouted a new leaf every single time she lay in bed at night, wondering why the one day she was left all alone, this happened to her.”

All of the boys silently cry as they ruminate in their failure because really, what can they say?

I’m sorry for never noticing?

What good can an apology do, a few measly words in an attempt to fix whatever damage that was already done? When all of this information has been festering in the dark for years, being revealed by a stranger no less. Because truly, how did they not know?

How can they pride themselves on the work they do when they didn’t save one of the most important people in their lives: one of their own?

What was the use of having these abilities if they couldn’t protect those they hold dearest to them?

How have they not noticed when they’ve all seen each other every single day for years, since they were literal babies?

How were they so blind, so ignorant to have not noticed when she appeared in front of them every night?

“… Pathetic, not even a word said in defense. It seems they have nothing to say to you, Y/N. Say goodbye for now.”

But before I can let out a word through my mouth, they disconnect the call. Because really, why did I have to be the one to say something? Did the boys truly have nothing to say? Maybe… The masked figure was right.

I decide right there and then that I wasn't going to grieve any longer for the childhood and life I lost, that it was their turn now. And with this epiphany, this moment of realization—that was the last time I saw the boys. Not ever, but as their friend. As their little sister. As his significant other. I remove the metaphorical rose-colored glasses that tinted my thoughts, the ones that led me to defend the boys for their ignorance to my torture.

Because after this fateful day, they only ever saw me on the other side of the battlefield—as their enemy.

#south park #south park x reader #kenny mccormick x reader #kenny mccormick #south park fanfiction #lalawrites

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fantasies-fairytales-n-fics · 10 days

Text

Code Blue Ch. 51- I Am Negan

Summary: Jo runs into more trouble and lucky, maybe unlucky, for her, there's a new baddie in town and paired with Craig, it's double the bloody trouble as their dark side arises.

*Chapter Warnings* !!!DARK and GORY!!! Reader discretion advised!! language, angst, violence, graphic depictions, blood, mentions of guns, sexual language, offensive language, smoking, alcohol use, death

Chapter characters: Josie, Jeffrey aka Negan, Craig, Aaron, Brandon

Chapter word count: 5,392

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Salem, Massachusetts

March 22, 2022

The weight of your luggage did not even compare to how heavy your heart was as you stood outside your apartment door, teary eyed and torn over the decision to leave, even if it you planned for it to only be temporary. You finally had something that was all yours and you had to leave it behind all because of your sister's screw ups and you felt guilty for feeling that way about Megan after what happened to her.

Her poor choices always always seemed to fall back on you in some way and this time it was all because she had wanted to hurt you by getting involved with Ethan, but her wicked games and karma caused her to become hurt instead. Still, deep down inside, you knew Ethan was the only one to blame and now, since she survived and could possibly identify her attacker, she and your mom could be in danger because you had a very intuitive feeling that Megan was not supposed to be found alive.

As you made your way out the front door of the suburban Salem complex and approached your car, you caught sight of the gardener Craig had been speaking with when Luke had dropped you off. He was cutting some brush by a small woodland area off to the side of the building and the tall, salt and peppered shirtless man of slender build and tattoos certainly noticed you.

"Whoa....damn!" he rudely and loudly acclaimed as his eyes were indiscreetly undressing you.

"Eww. As if..." you snidely muttered and began putting your bags in the trunk as quick as you could.

Just as you were finishing up, you were startled by the sound of a rumbling vehicle coming to a screeching stop. As you closed the trunk, your eyes bulged when you saw a Pontiac Trans Am quickly backing up. The same beaten up classic car of the 70's that pursued yours in a vengeful highspeed chase through the downtown streets of Salem that contained 4 very pissed off hillbilly bar thugs, only this time there were 2. You knew it was inevitable that your Monte Carlo would be spotted at some point since it stuck out like a sore thumb and that unfortunate time was now. Pulling your Kubaton from your purse, you gripped it at your side and would stick to your plan of lying and pray they were as stupid as they looked.

The pair parked in front of you and turned off the engine, then got out and casually approached you, one walking on each side of your car, leaving you trapped between them at the back.

The one that drove came from your left and traced his forefinger alongside your car in a taunting manner. He was maybe mid thirties, had short dark hair and was quite tall, slender and bearded, much like the gardener that you noticed was now fully clothed and watching like a hungry hawk from the trees.

The other man, boy you should say, came from your right and was much shorter and younger, maybe mid twenties with longer dark hair...and clutched in his hand, swinging at his side was a crowbar.

The taller man spoke as he stopped at your bumper. "Well well well. What do we have here? Is this your Super Sport darlin?"

Standing your ground, you firmly replied. "It's not for sale if that's what you're asking."

The man chuckle and glanced at the other. "I don't believe I asked that question. Did you hear me ask that question Brandon?"

The younger answered in agreement. "Nope. I don't believe I heard you ask that question Aaron."

Now that the faces had names, Aaron took a baby step forward. "Is THIS your car? It's a simple question and a simple yes or no will suffice."

"Yes. Why?"

"Now see? That's not a simple yes, but then again, you are blonde. I don't like blondes and I ask the questions. Ain't that right Brandon?"

"Yep. That's right Aaron. I like blondes though. I prefer plump ones but I'm not opposed to tasting a beanpole." Brandon grinned as he glided his tongue over his teeth.

A sound you couldn't quite describe other than an eerie two-toned whistle, high then low like a doorbell, rode in on the warm afternoon breeze and then a voice spoke with a deep intriguing melody like Lee's, only Lee's was smooth as Crown Royal. This one had a grizzly edge to it.

"Is that so Brandumb? Plump as in joy toy plump? Seems your type. Never stuck my dick in a hot air balloon simply because I've never had the problem of getting laid by a real woman." the gardener jibed as he swaggered in from the sidelines with a cocky tone and grinned like the cat that ate the canary, or was about to, then his intensely rich hazel eyes found you. "You alright here sweetheart?"

Frazzled by the intimidating stranger and his profound dimples, all you could do was gape at him, just like the two other men were doing.

Brandon frowned when the lightbulb turned on. "Wait, did you just call me Bran...dumb? Did he just call me dumb Aaron?"

There was that dimpled grin again as the witty gardener barbed him again. "Well at least you got big alert ears under that perm. Maybe Dumbo would be a better choice?"

Aaron glared at the gardener. "Yes, I think he just called you dumb Brandon and also implied you screw blow up dolls and compared you to an elephant."

"Well damn, there I go again, saying shit exactly as I see it and what I see is a couple of redneck assholes who reiterate their names in every motherfucking sentence to appear all big and smart and spooky like a frill necked lizard, but guess what? I am a goddamn feral cat that eats reptiles like you for breakfast."

You jaw was still dropped, if not more than before, at this highly confident man as he stood at your side with a curled smirk, but Aaron and Brandon were much more astonished as they glanced at each other, seemingly not knowing what to do.

"Ahhh, it seems you boys are DUMBfounded. How fitting. Now, how about one of you speak up as to why you're harassing this young lady and trust me when I say this. It better be a damn good reason. Oh wait a minute. There is no damn good reason for that."

Aaron finally spoke up and fearlessly stepped forward, standing at arm's length before the towering gardener. "I don't believe I got your name boy."

And standing at least 6'2, the amazon gardener also stepped forward, merely inches from Aaron as he leered down at him. "That's because I didn't give it to you pencil dick, but when I do, I'll only need to say it once because you will most certainly never forget it."

Before Aaron could respond, the gardener sniffed the air, stepped back and made a sour expression. "Holyyyyy shitballs of fire, WHAT is that stench?? It could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. Do you wear deodorant son? I'm about to start swinging a flyswatter and call you Pig-pen. I can only imagine what it smells like inside that piece of shit Pontiac over there on this humid day. Even the wind is trying to run."

For you, it was like sitting in class all over again and desperately trying to not burst out in laughter at a most inappropriate time over a joke your friend made. At this point, you knew 2 things for sure about this middle aged man. One was that he was absolutely fearless, considering he stood there with no weapon, provoking two nefarious men when one was armed with a rather large crow bar and the other had steam coming out of his ears. And two, this gardener was an original wisenheimer with a perverse and twisted sense of humor that you were quite frankly enjoying and you had to wonder if that was just his character or if something traumatic had made him that way. Whatever it was, he was killing you softly with his song.

Brandon snorted and chortled. "He got ya good Aaron."

Aaron's arm shot out like a chameleon's tongue snatching it's prey and smacked the back of Brandon's head with his open palm. "Shut your mouth boy. You'll answer to Daryl later for that one."

The nameless gardener couldn't hold his snarky tongue. "Oh let me guess. Daryl's your other brother? Now that would be hella fuckin funny if one of your names were Daryl too."

Now you giggled because you actually understood the reference, but Brandon didn't.

"I don't git it? What's he mean Aaron?"

Aaron's lips curled inwards. "I've about had enough of you AND your jokes mister, whoever the hell you are. Now let this here bitch answer my question."

The gardener's teeth gritted. "The only bitch I see here is you. You will ask her her name and politely address her by it. Bitch I said what I said. Have I made myself clear or do I have to go all ninja cat and paint this street red?"

He then looked down at you. "What's your name darlin?"

"It's Josie." you softly answered and then muttered as you tried to quietly rectify what he said. "and..um...it's Doja Cat."

"Pardon?"

"The song...paint the town red. It's by Doja Cat."

He was silent and stunned for a moment as his hazel hues delved deep into your eyes, making you almost choke on your own gulp. Had you pissed him off? You couldn't read him well enough yet and you probably should have just kept your mouth shut, but then, a grinch like grin formed on his thin lips.

"Well goddamn and fuck me sideways. I stand corrected and hard! Look at you Josie the pussycat, all puttin me in my place. I am 100 percent more into you now. Just sayin."

The gardener glanced down at the mini mind blowing weapon in your hand and then... paired with enraptured eyes, his voice became somewhat of a growl.

"My kinda woman. What'ya say there tiny Trouble? You wanna join me in shutting this shit down by painting the street red?"

His menacing eyes fixated on the two men, then he took a swig out of his water canteen, which you were standing close enough to get a good whiff of and realize it definitely was not water that he swallowed with incredible ease, but something of a very potent proof ...and then he smiled at them. His first smile full of beautiful teeth. As captivating as it was, it was also frightening.

The almost brawl was interrupted by an irate voice coming out of left field. Craig's....who was now nicely groomed, above and below the neck, minus the tie, as if he were going to some business meeting and tucked inside his belt, very visible on his frontside where his black suit coat hung open, was a gun.

"Everybody needs to back the fuck up. Nobody's painting my street red. Take the blood bath to the abandoned junk pile in the thicket down the block."

The gardener leaned down to you with a smirk and whispered his warm whiskey tainted breath upon your face. "Busted. The principal's here."

Craig gave the gardener a disciplining look. "What the fuck are you doing man? We don't need this attention here. And what in the blimey hell is that smell??? Is that pig shit?"

"Oh that. That's just Karen and Brenda. Some BULLshit that I was just about to shovel up and dispose of."

"Looks to me like you were about to smear that stench all over my property and right here for anyone to witness. You sending out an invite to the rest of the pigs?? Jo...what's going on here?"

"Craig...I..."

Your attempt to explain was immediately thwarted by Aaron stepping up to Craig, who's hand abruptly gripped his gun with caution as he gave due warning.

"Step the fuck back cowboy."

Aaron calmly raised his hands and complied by slowly retreating to a safe distance before he spoke. "This here car, which is too distinct to be mistaken for another, was driven by a man who attacked myself, Brandon here and 2 of my boys at the bar last week and your girl here was just about to get in it."

Both Craig's and the gardener's incredulous eyes simultaneously darted right to you.

"Ok, ok. "you swiftly intervened and rambled out your little white lie with your fingers crossed behind your back. "Look...it's my car yes, but not long ago, it was stolen and I just got it back, so I don't know anything about you being attacked. I've never seen either of you before in my life."

"Well now. Is that so?" Aaron countered with a skeptical tone. "It was dark and rainy that night. You wouldn't have seen us anyways from the headlights dead on your car. But we could see into yours. I counted 3 heads. You could have easily been one of them in this here car. So then, if what you claim is true, you must know who stole it right? Cops must have dusted her for prints."

"I said it wasn't me. Take it or leave it. Cops found it abandoned, keys in it and all and there was no hit on the prints. They must have worn gloves. And for the record, IF I had ever seen you, it would be damn hard to forget a pair of faces that only a mother could love."

The gardener was tickled to his core. "Ohhh that sassy mouth. You're killin me girl. You a bad bitch."

Ugh...all you could see when you heard the term bad bitch, was Gerry's drunken text to Megan that he had accidentally sent you....which you still had in your phone.

"Well there you have it. It was all a simple misunderstanding." Craig firmly attested. "She gave you your answer. You can't blame her for something she didn't do and even if by chance she had, what exactly was it you two hayseeds were going to do to a woman who was out here all by herself? I mean, your brother here is carrying a crowbar the size of my entire arm."

"Who, MIND you, made a very dick minded comment that was signed on the dotted line by his slithering tongue." the gardener readily informed.

Brandon defended the accusation with confidence. "Nahhh, I's just gonna mess the car up, thas all."

Craig's cynical eyes narrowed, causing a small vein on his forehead to become more prominent which you had noticed only happened when he was boiling inside.

"Oh. Is THAS all? No, I don't think that's what you were going to do at all. You see, I know your backwoods kind and I think you weren't even going to care about her answer and I think you were going to drag her into that pigpen on wheels and do something really really bad to her. In fact, I KNOW that was your plan and now, it's not even about a misunderstanding anymore. It's now personal when you mess with someone I care about. You took a wrong fucking turn and now you're in my territory you sorry shits. What do ya'll say we head on down the road and finish this conversation where it's more private."

The gardener, whom you were now beginning to get the distinct feeling that was not his sole profession, but more so in the "business" with Craig, cheerfully taunted the men with their soon to be fate.

"Oh snnnnap. It's really gonna suck to be you girls today. You done gone and pissed the boss man off. Hope you got your shittin pants on."

"Toss the crowbar. Now." Craig ordered.

"Hey, that ain't fair man. You got a gun." Brandon protested and frantically looked at Aaron. "What do I do man?

"What, are you 12? Life ain't fucking fair shit for brains." the gardener declared. "And don't ask Airhead what to do. He sure as shit don't know what to do. But I'll tell you what you're gonna do. Absolutely fucking nothing because that's all you scrotums have done since you rolled in here Joe Dirt style. Word war is over and now it's time to throw hands. Now, the great and powerful Craig has spoken. Give me the crowbar before I knock you somewhere over the fucking rainbow with it."

As the gardener held out his hand, Craig lowered it with his. "No. Let the trembling tin man keep his axe. As I said, I know his kind and he's too damn rusty to use it."

"Fine by me. Now move before I out my size 13 shitkickers up your insubordinate asses." the unknown soldier under Craig's command, commanded.

"No." Aaron adamantly stated.

"What did you say?" Craig asked as he leaned into Aaron with his hand cupped to his ear.

"I said..."

Craig swiftly snatched the kubaton from your hand and cracked him straight over the head with it, instantly drawing blood.

"Ahhh, fuck man." he wailed and dropped to his knees as the scarlet liquid streamed over his eye, blinding him.

"Oh DAMNNN Sharon, that had to hurt. I felt that crack from clear over here." the gardener chuckled and yanked him to his feet. "Come on naw, giddy up!"

The fun was over for you and now you were second guessing the entire situation as you had the disturbing flashback of doing that to Luke. As the gardener lit up a cigarette and blew donut holes while walking behind the men and flipping them off, you turned to Craig.

"Craig. Come on. Just let them go with their tail between their legs." you pleaded. "I'm a little worried here. I know you're going through some bad shit right now and need to vent but I mean seriously, what more are you going to do to them??"

"Oh..I.." he stressed. "Am not going to do anything. He is. Now, don't you worry about me. I'm a big boy and have done this more times than you know. You said you had things to do, so why don't you run along like a good girl and do them. You don't need to see this and I don't need the distraction of you being there in harm's way."

"Don't even give me your condescending bullshit. Like hell I will leave when this is happening because of me. I'm a big girl and have seen more than you know. You seem to have forgotten who my brother is!" you snapped and marched off to catch up with the mystery man.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Craig huffed and followed the parade, lighting up his own smoke on the way.

"You smoke?" the gardener asked and held his cigarette out to you.

"I..I used to..but...what the hell. I'll take a hit."

"Thata girl."

One puff and you were coughing and gagging, for you didn't realize it was a menthol.

"You alright there sweet cheeks?" he asked and patted you on the back.

"Yeah..I'm just used to regulars."

"Eww...as if." he smugly riposted and winked at you, then took a huge drag.

You felt your cheeks burning bright red and wanted to crawl under a rock. He had heard your rude comment in reply to his rude comment....but now, you didn't feel that way about him anymore and all of that could change right back after what you were about to see, or...you could like him even more. It was kind of hard to judge him when he was doing the same exact things Jason did. Taking the bad guys down. It made you chuckle inside though, because Sonny was the boss of all of them and he...was a bad guy.

"Sorry." you mumbled in embarrassment.

"Don't sweat it cupcake. It's my bad. I don't know if you've noticed, but I lack a filter on my thoughts. What can I say? That I'm sorry for thinking that you're one fine ass looking femme fatale? I'd be lying because I'm most definitely not sorry for appreciating such a vision...but I will apologize for not using my inside voice. So for that, I'm sorry Josie."

Although his jokes had receded for the moment, his honesty remained in tact but it was ok because he wasn't being inappropriate and you were actually quite flattered. Most importantly though, he was very genuine and humble with those 2 little words that most people didn't mean or found too difficult to say.

"You're forgiven and I'm sorry for saying something so mean."

"Soooo, you don't think I'm...eww as you so bluntly put it?"

"No, of course not."

"Well darlin, you might soon enough."

"Do you know Jason? Surely you must if you're one of Sonny's men like Craig is."

He was quiet and kept his eyes straight ahead as he finished his cigarette and flicked it at Brandon's head.

"Jason's my brother and I've seen it all. The good, the bad and the ugly."

Now his eyes scrolled down to yours, nice and wide. "No shit?? Morgan's your brother? Never would have guessed THAT." he jested. "Well...it sucks donkey balls what happened. I'm sorry for your lo..."

"She knows he alive." Craig cut in with an attitude as he now walked on the other side of you.

"Donkey balls?" you said with giggling astonishment. "Is that how you offer condolences?"

"Hey, believe it or not, I don't always have the words for certain things."

"Never would have guessed THAT."

"Damn girl. I LIKE you."

"That way ladies." Craig barked as he pushed the men into a wooded path and literally turned to give the gardener a severe stink eye.

The gardener was back to his comical comments as he quietly made one to you. "Uh oh SpaghettiO's. Are you and the landlord of the rings an item? because I just got scolded by the salty jealous eye of Sauron."

"Ohhh...n..no. I'm actually already taken. Well..." you corrected. "My heart is anyways."

"I see. Well, I tip my hat to that lucky son of a bitch and even to Craig because he gets to have you under his roof. Can't say I blame him for being sweet on you."

"Craig and I are just friends. No need to read into things."

"As I've already stated earlier, I call things as I see them and I know Craig like I know my own dick....ok...that didn't exactly come out the way I wanted it to, but I think you get the gist. Anywho, he's either truly madly deeply in love with you or he's well on his way there. One of the two."

Maybe you didn't see it before, but now that your eyes were opened to the possibility, it didn't seem that far fetched after the last 2 eventful days with Craig. You and he were definitely growing closer but either way, you couldn't think about that. Now...or ever. Lee was the only one who would ever fully have your heart.

"Let's get this shit show on the road already. I'm already running late." Craig rattled off as you all came to a remote clearing surrounded by overgrown brush that contained a few junked greyhounds and a pile of various tires. "And you stay back Jo. I mean it." he adamantly added and handed you back your kubaton, then walked off.

You froze solid and held your breath as the gardener stood at the point of a triangle with the men while Craig hung out on the sidelines, casually observing with his hands on his hips. He clearly meant what he said. The unarmed gardener was going to handle both men all on his own.

"Are we pissin our pants yet? Cause it's about to be pee pee pants city here real damn quick. Now which one of you candy-ass namby pambies should I pick first? I can't decide." he tormented as he ominously circled them. "I got an idea. Let's play a game. Eeny... meeny... miny... moe. Catch a piggy...by his toe. If he hollers...let him go."

Your heart raced as he came full circle and stopped in front of them and made his choice.

"My mother told me to pick the very best one and you....are....it."

The gardener glowered down at Brandon who's Adam apple prominently bobbed up and down in a gulp of fear.

"Go ahead. Take a swing at me with that iron bar boy. I triple dog dare you."

Aaron couldn't take it anymore and bravely stepped forward. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size tough guy. Leave the boy alone. You and me. Let's do this. I triple dog dare YOU."

"Don't you threaten me with a good time! And for the record, the BOY will get what he had every intention on giving. But if you insist on going first, by all means TOUGH GUY. Hit me with your best sh..."

Aaron spontaneously sucker punched him below the belt and then stepped back with both fists clenched and ready.

A grunt escaped the hunched gardener's lips and then he bellowed in laughter as he slowly stood up, unphased and ignited for war....and finally, he revealed his name.

"Well hot damn, collect two hundred and pass go! Ol boy here likes to play dirty huh? Well I'm the motherfucking king of dirty!! My nut sack is made of steel and I....am....Negan."

Aaron's fists lowered as his eyes widened. "I....I know that name. You...you're the notorious leader of that gang...the..the Saviors? The one who carries a bat wrapped in barbed wire and you..you're the one who burnt and disfigured Dwight's face with an iron!"

A stunned Brandon darted his eyes to the newly named Negan. "You're the one who did that to our boy Dwight??"

Negan made a sarcastic smirk as he looked up at the sky. "Uh oh Lucille. Looks like I've got some splainin to do."

He then brought his hardened eyes back to Aaron. "I told you you'd never forget my name. Ahhh, where to begin. How about with Dwighty boy. So that traitorous prick's been hiding, with a bunch of stank ass bumpkins? Small fucking world. You see, he ain't YOUR boy, he's mine and he touched something of mine and EVERYBODY knows not to touch something of mine so...he got what he had coming to him. Scarred for life indeed he is, for he scarred someone I loved for life, just as this little maggot here was going to do to Josie and that is so not cool in my fucking rule book. You got your clique and I got mine, the only difference is, yours is trash and the Saviors rid the world of trash like you. Too bad I didn't have Lucille here today because she's a vampire bat and she's been very fucking thirsty lately. SO...I'll just have to make due with what I've got. My trusty ol charismatic hands."

Negan's arm zipped out and clutched the back of Aaron's shirt, then he began dragging him over to one of the busses, opened the door and pummeled Aaron's head with it, over and over...bang, bang, bang.

Brandon contemplated on fight or flight, and he chose flight.

"Hey Jeff! We got a runner." Craig called out.

"Jeff?" you muttered, realizing that Negan must have been a stage name like Jason used with the last name of Morgan.

Negan left a whimpering Aaron on the ground and leisurely walked off after Brandon as he whistled that threatening tune once again.

"Going somewhere yellow-belly??"

Brandon spun around and tried to reason with Negan.

"Look." he smiled and turned. "I'm going to put the crowbar down and..."

Negan didn't let him finish because Negan didn't care. His eyes slitted and with his jaw clenched shut, he bee-lined for Brandon, snatching up a sizeable rock along the way and blindsiding Brandon with a powerful blow to the head and once he was down, Negan stood straddling him and gave him another strike for good measure.

Somewhere in that horror scene, you found yourself in Craig's arms, peeking out with one eye, only to watch Negan go and retrieve the crowbar. As he did so, Aaron appeared, revived and ready for more.

Negan smiled at the bloody sight of him, somewhat stunned to see him standing. "Good god, you got one thick ass scull and a death wish. How bout we test out this crowbar on that noggin? You know, kind of like a crash dummy test?"

"You've made your point Negan. Let me take my brother and go. We won't be a problem anymore."

"Oh you've got that right Arianna. You see, I don't like loose ends, for they are a most certainly a problem."

"Jo, don't watch anymore." Craig advised and placed his large hand over your head to shelter you from what was about to happen.

You didn't fight him as you burrowed your face into his the bare section of his chest where his shirt was not buttoned and then you winced as you heard it. The final crack.

All was silent and you slowly raised your head up to see a perspiring and panting Negan standing over Aaron's motionless and most likely lifeless body.

He then turned a sour face to Craig. "Thanks for all your help."

"I didn't want blood on my clean white shirt and you did fine all by yourself, just like you always do."

Still clutched to Craig, he could feel you shaking. "I told you not to come. Are you...alright?"

"Mmm..hmm." you whimpered with a nod and tear glazed eyes.

Negan's demeanor had changed. He was angry, almost as if he hated what he had done.

"I warned you too. How do you like me now sweetheart?" he groaned, then snapped at Craig before he headed over to a small stream to clean up. "You better get your boys over here to clean this mess up. I ain't the fucking maid."

Craig sighed and took out his phone as you stood there in complete shock. You may have witnessed things like this before, but it didn't mean it didn't negatively affect you, just as it seemed to had done to Negan...or Jeff.

Craig's phone call brought you back to reality. "I got a clean up at the junk pile and there's also a trans am outside the complex to get rid of. Keys are in it. Yes..yes I'm sure! I saw them in the ignition as I walked by. Take care of that first before it draws attention and call me back asap when it's done."

You and Craig walked over to Negan who was crouched down at the stream and washing his stressed face.

"The guys are on the way. You good man? Come on. Let's get out of here." Craig quietly relayed.

You could tell he wasn't feeling all that well about it either, but you knew in that line of work, they had to suck it up and deal with it, which once again had you questioning why in the hell they even chose that lifestyle. You asked Jason that many times and his answer was always the same. To make the world a better place and your thoughts were always the same as well. Then why did he work under a man like Sonny Corinthos? Probably because he was untouchable which meant they would be too, but that wasn't even logical. None of them were invincible nor immortal. It just never made any damn sense to you.

"Yeah, good as the good gets I suppose. I'm ready to blow this popsicle stand. I need a ride downtown to get my bike at Xtreme Motors. Fucking thing stalling on me all the time."

Xtreme motors. One of the many businesses Sonny owned throughout Salem where Jason also took his bike for repairs. Hell, the mob boss damn near owned have the waterfront too.

Craig's phone rang again. The cleaners didn't mess around. They were quick.

"Is it done?" Craig asked, straight to the point and then the expression on his face fell flat. "What do you mean the fucking car is gone???"

@redeemer46

youtube

#lee pace #lee pace fanfiction #code blue #love stories #dark stories #dark fiction #jeffrey dean morgan #jdm #negan #craig parker #jolee #organized crime #blood and gore

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4awny · 1 year

Note

do you have any crenny head canons? Or any of the characters

crenny headcanons you ask? i gotchu

here's 4 i plucked from my garden this morning:

Whose more emotional?

kenny. guy wears his heart on his sleeve. got a heart of pure gold. bless

craig kinda surpresses his feelings

like oh, something bad just happened to me? oh. okay. idk how to handle this unexplained emotion

kenny gotta help him sometimes. like telling him it's ok to be sad

it's not that craig refuses to show emotion

he just doesn't really know how to process things

it takes a while for his emotions to catch up

like lag on the brain

a hint at how craig's parents could have done better?

Who generally sleeps better?

ahhh you may think it's ye old InsomniaCraig! headcanon. not today my friend

craig is like a log when he sleeps. blacked out. gone. totally out of it. ain't nuthin waking that mf up til he's had his 8 and a half hours of beauty sleep

kenny is a light sleeper. guy had a bad upbringing, what do you expect? poor baby will wake up and stay up all night

and then walk around with red eyes for the next two days

also craig takes an hour to get out of bed

man loves his sleep

we must agree that kenny sleeps better with craig next to him

Any bad habits?

kinda subjective this one so i'll keep it as mutual as possible

as young teens, kenny would often steal cigarettes from his parents and share them with his friends

started to sell them at school

but then some kid ratted him out so he got suspended from school for a few days. pretty sure it was cartman

as he got older, his brother would buy them for him instead

at this point kenny got addicted

craig just kinda socially smoked for fun but then kenny kept offering him some

it's not like he was ever going to say no was he

prolly smoked weed together a bunch of times too

through their 20s, kenny realises he has an addictive personality. binge drinks with his friends on weekends

heavy drugs involved, but nothing too mental. he just kind of parties too hard

wrong crowd i guess

craig grows out of all of that when he's in his late twenties. just wants to settle down and live the quiet life

ok this has gone on for way too long NEXT

Who admitted their feelings first?

bit of an obvious one but yeah. kenny

i mean technically craig did when he 👀 him from across the table that one time and it threw kenny off because he knew what 👀 meant

but yeah kenny was the first to openly admit it

they never really started dating either

they just spent more and more time together

everyone knew but it was never really official

until eventually, they became roommates

yeah. roommates.

they separate at some point in their twenties, had different paths

kenny wants to sort himself out and actually make something of his life

changes it all around

craig continues to work a job he totally hates and then one day he quits

for no reason too

my guy is missing kenny

he's like 35 at this point and missing him. never fully moved on

some cute ass plotline reunites them and they live happily ever after the end

#thanks for the ask!#went all out on the detail with this one #is this meaty enough for ya #south park #crenny #kenny mccormick #craig tucker #craig x kenny #sp crenny

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papakhan · 10 months

Note

Hey I was wondering, do you hate Boone due to his writing or his character? What I mean is do you hate the quality of the writing for Boone or do you like the writing and think it contributes to your read of the character? I guess what I'm asking is if you think Boone is poorly written. Sorry if this is rude in any way! I don't like Boone either I just wanted clarification

in all honesty it's a mixture. i've said so many times I even tho I think Boone is a terrible person, I do actually think he's is a really interesting character who you can do a lot with but that doesn't take away from the fact that there's a lot of poor writing choices involved with him. also I think his stans/people who genuinely believe any of his choices were remotely justified are ANNOYING

you asked about the writing so that's what I'll talk about. Boone's backstory is effectively "poor soldier forced to murder innocents and feels sooo bad about it" which is a bad premise anyway but is executed very poorly IMO. First of all, the Bitter Springs Massacre in its entirety feels like a set dressing to this NPC's tragic backstory because it is just SO badly written. The game wants the NCR to look morally good/neutral SO bad that it's willing to make Bitter Springs look "justified" or "accidental" and I'm not even sure if it happened on purpose. There's like so much wrong with it I don't think I can even explain everything and it's not even just me whining because I'm a fan of the Khans (tho it is some of that) like it's just badly written

This affects Boone's writing because it's a huge part of his backstory but the game never challenges you or tries to make you feel for the Khans in the situation. All those dozens of Khan children and elderly and sick he murdered, you don't get a single name or living relative you can talk to or ANYTHING compared to what you get for the NCR's side of the story like Dhatri and Bitter Root and Gilles and Manny. All you get for the Khans is Oscar Velasco who, by the way, if you visit while Boone is your companion, Boone will execute immediately. so like? you can't even watch a heated exchange between two snipers on opposing sides? Can you imagine how much more interesting and empathetic and grey the situation could have been if you had to convince Oscar and Boone not to kill each other? but no! Oscar is marked as EVIL!!! HE HAS TO DIE!!1!!

every bad thing to NCR did at bitter springs has a shitty silver lining that makes it "justified" like "the person on the other end of the radio didn't understand that there were children fleeing" or "we gave them medical aid! and allowed them to settle at red rock!" or "all the Khans are actually shitty and abusive! I'm a Khan and I'm happy they're all dead!" or "it's hard not to shoot your own guys in the heat of battle" and all of this is why WHY I think so many Redditors fully believe that the Khans deserved because even Manny and Bitter Root say they think it was justified!

all of that really takes the bite out of "Craig Boone did a horrible terrible thing" because the game Lets you. no actually Encourages you to make the argument that what he did was okay. At no point are you allowed to call him out or call him a shitty person or force him to face Khan justice all you can do is tell him "actually what you did was justified" or "there there boone its okay we'll work through it <3" and I'm sorry but those are just. weak choices. especially in comparison to how rich other choices in the game are. yes I know all the companion quests come down to two very cut and dry black and white options at the end but cmon VULPES is offered more depth then this. And also Cass and Arcade can be handed over to their enemy factions why can't I do the same with Boone???

So not only does Craig have a fridged wife (I know people Love to say that Carla's not an underwritten fridged woman but tell me one thing about her other than she was mean and pregnant. one thing.) but he also has piles of unwritten dead civilians in his backstory too and they're all just kinda there and the only thing the story tries to tell you about them is "maybe they did deserve it" and I think that sucks. Carla is her own special problem in the writing by virtue of being a fridged wife because she was invented and murdered just to punish Boone, which still doesn't work if Boone thinks it's divine punishment that he decided to pull the trigger on his wifes head.

TLDR: You're meant to feel bad for Boone, not any of his victims. Not any of the Khan children he killed, not even Carla is afforded any empathy. The game wants you to feel sad about Boone and that's it. that's why I don't like his writing.

#txt #sooo this came out really long i'm sorry I ranted but #yknow

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imsparky2002 · 1 year

Text

Akuma Park AU

This AU is from @le-chiggin-nuggie, and I wanted to add my headcanons to the AU. Hope everyone enjoys

Kagami - Stan

Quote - Sometimes I think our parents are really stupid

The only one that could be considered normal. Often time serves as the only sane one of the group. She can get pretty cynical on a bad day. Very mature for her age.

Moved to France from Japan when she was in preschool. Frequently insulted by Chloe for being Japanese. Kagami knows that she would kick Chloe’s ass, though.

Her and Marinette are best friends, with a relationship that borders on romantic.

Constantly has to deal with the antics of her blind mother, Tomoe.

Marinette - Kyle

Quote - You know, I’ve learned something today

The smartest one of the gang. Always wants to do the right thing, but can be insufferable about it at times.

Hates Chloe for being a rich brat and for being racist to her. If Chloe is suffering, Marinette is smiling.

She will be angered very easily, especially if Chloe’s involved. Her elaborate plans to be proven right rarely work out.

Cannot dance to save her life, a total klutz

Chloe - Cartman

Quote - Screw you girls, I’m going home!

The meanest kid in school. Chloe’s a spoiled brat who spends her days being horrible to other kids. Kagami, Marinette, and Juleka barely think of her as a “friend”.

Walks all over her father, the mayor of the small town.

Bigoted in every sense of the word. Mocks Kagami and Marinette for being Asian, Juleka for being gay and poor, and that’s just the kids in her group.

Lila Rossi scammed her and she retaliated by having Lila’s mother killed, and putting her remains into a bowl of Lila’s chili.

Juleka - Kenny

Quote - *incoherent mumbling*

The quiet one of the group. A goth who’s words are muffled by her purple parka. The only ones who understand what she’s saying are the other members of the gang, and her girlfriend Rose.

Whenever an Akuma attacks, Juleka is killed in battle. Yet somehow she always shows up the next day and is completely fine.

Made fun of by Chloe for her family being extremely poor. Her father abandoned them and her mother talks like a pirate.

Despite her shy demeanor, Juleka’s the most foul-mouthed out of the gang, she swears like a sailor.

I got some other characters in mind

Rose as Butters

Marc as Tweek and Nathaniel as Craig ( @artzychic27 cast them as these two before)

Kim as Clyde

Sabrina as Scott Malkinson

Adrien as Heidi

Lila as Scott Tenorman

Socqueline as Cousin Kyle

Miss Mendeleiev as Mr. Garrison

Miss Bustier as Ms. Choksondik

Principal Damocles as Mr. Mackey

What do you guys think? Lemme know in reblogs and replies.

#kagami tsurugi #kagami #marinette dupain cheng #marinette #chloe bourgeois #chloe #juleka couffaine #juleka #rose lavillant #rose

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sleepymarmot · 1 year

Text

Glass Onion

Yes, I had been waiting for this movie for a while and dropped everything to watch it the day of release. What about it?

Liveblog

Is it bad that I’m already like “I want all of these people to die”? Well, maybe not Lionel I guess.

Lol a bit of sci-fi to justify the actors not wearing masks for the entire movie

Is the bad CGI robot some kind of Star Wars legacy? :D

Aww, poor Benoit Soo, one of the guests plans to murder the host for real, and invites a detective to frame another guest?

It’s been 30 minutes, can people start dying please (Not Andi though, that’d be uncool)

Love the scenery, and Craig’s outfit is nice

Cool shot where Andi has the same expression as the Mona Lisa

“This is reckless. And you’re gonna get somebody killed.”

Okay, so far we’ve established the motive for: Peg, Duke, Lionel, maybe Claire. What about Birdie? And the random guy hanging around? And Andi? Is Andi automatically disqualified because we saw her destroy the box? That could be a real alibi or a red herring.

Nooo, so awkward, I can’t watch this Oh, he did it on purpose, that makes it a bit less painful

Huh, he didn’t mention Andi in the monologue...

Oh good, exactly an hour into a murder mystery, someone finally died! Yes, yes, of course it was an attempt on Miles’ life, I thought we’ve already established he’s who everyone wants dead. Cool trick to keep Norton among the active cast, I thought it was weird for the most famous actor to play the victim. (It’s nice to see Norton again btw, I wondered a while ago why I hadn’t seen him in new movies recently.)

Lmao the lights! Now this is fun

Oh no, Andi! :(

Plot twist!! Well now he's responsible for an innocent woman’s death, that’s going to give him a motive to find the killer

This shit is wild

Hell yeah she’s alive!!!

Is she going to attack the Mona Lisa?..

I feel bad about the painting. The way this was framed as a triumphant moment has the same energy as that Tumblr post about destroying famous paintings because rich people like them.

Review

[Additional spoilers for Knives Out, The Last Jedi, Midsommar, and The Handmaiden]

The film takes too much time to get started. The characters are too flat to carry it until the plot actually launches. Only gets good after the plot twist. The secondhand embarrassment scenes are excruciating.

The plot: “rich people bad, the detective teams up with a pure-hearted woman of color and helps her win”, take two. Are they going to make a whole franchise out of this? Not a great foundation for murder mystery: just look for the most entitled white man and that’s your killer.

Benoit Blanc himself, though, is a good character to build a movie series around. A classic independent detective with a kind heart and a taste for adventure — I want to see more of him. Many people have said it already, but I want Blanc to replace Bond as Daniel Craig’s #1 role.

The biggest strength of the film were, of course, all of the clever and fun twists and reveals. As you can see from the liveblog, I was misdirected very successfully and loved it every time.

And now for the biggest flaw of Glass Onion in my eyes. Just like Knives Out, this film has an extremely fun outer layer wrapped around the heart that I find a genuine downer. Most of the shallow, annoying characters got off scot-free, and what was harmed the most in act 3 was an innocent painting. I’ve already seen The Last Jedi, I don’t really need the same ending scene as the Canto Bight storyline — except worse because the writer doesn’t see the difference between “rich asshole’s property” and “priceless piece of art”. Which is a bad enough take to see on Tumblr, but straight up baffling to encounter in a high budget movie, written by a professional filmmaker. (Amazing timing, though. How did they manage to release this not only in the middle of the Musk major meltdown/Twitter takeover but also soon after the Van Gogh soup discourse?)

In retrospect it also reminds me of a couple of other famous scenes with a female protagonist involved in destruction, and the comparison is not in Glass Onion’s favor. Midsommar also ends with the heroine and a huge symbolic fire, but it’s a horror/drama, and the event takes not only the lives of those caught in the fire but the soul of the heroine. The Handmaiden, on the other hand, features a scene of art destruction that is genuinely positive and cathartic, but the nature of art and the role it plays in human lives is radically different.

[Edited to add] I’ve seen people who liked the ending defend it by saying that people are more important than art. The thing is, if this were framed as the trolley problem — if destroying a priceless work of art were presented as the only way to save an unknown number of lives — I would feel differently. Instead, the film seems to want the viewer not to value the Mona Lisa just because the rich amoral characters do value it.

In a more Watsonian and practical sense, I don’t see how this is a win for Helen. She was the one who burned the painting. The fuel played only a minor part, the painting would have been destroyed just the same without it (in fact, that’s what expected Miles’ lighter to be for). But even if it were otherwise — okay, so this new fuel can easily cause a fire; well, so can electricity and gas if you’re not careful! Not great for PR of this specific product, but not a death sentence either. Most importantly, it’s the person who committed arson that will be charged for it, not the person who unwittingly provided the fuel for the fire.

I did have a good time, to be clear! Very worth watching unspoiled. The release was timed well: the overall lighthearted tone, clever twists, vibrant visuals (bright colors, stylish outfits, idyllic location) make this a good holiday movie.

I’m having trouble with a numerical grade (the worst part of IMDB and Letterboxd is that they make me care about grading, even though it doesn’t work with how I think about media at all). Glass Onion feels like a 7, but I gave Knives Out a 9 and they don’t feel two whole grades apart.

#glass onion #glass onion spoilers #blah blah blah

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mcnuggyy · 2 years

Note

may I know some new Clay facts? Claig if we're feeling spicy 👀

Clay facts!! Sure thing!! Clay has an interest in human anatomy, but specifically the gross fucked up things they have that unicorns don’t like organs and blood and death but especiallyyyy bones, Clay has a theory that humans love harder and more passionately because of their mortality, and in a way that theory might be true? Just because unicorns tend to be more casual when it comes to relationships and sometimes only really make things ‘dramatic’ for the fun of it if that makes sense lmaooo 😭 (life’s too long to get hung up on breakups sometimes jaja) Because of this Clay has an equal interest of both super grotesque documentaries and horror films, AND romantic comedies and cute romance dramas and stuff! (Though the lovey dovey stuff is usually watched with Mikey… no one else is really willing to watch that other stuff with Clay LMAO)

stuff I mentioned before but I think is fun to say just incase others aren’t aware: Clay collects human bones, but doesn’t realize the ones Mikey has been getting for the collection are absolutely fake; has had the most form changes asides from Hev and struggles pretty heavily with dysphoria because Clays feelings are pretty complex when it comes to gender and the ´base form’ Clays body has currently been taking, kinda has a bit of a crush on Craig, still unsure if it’s one of those “I really want to be close friends with this poor guy :-( ” type of deals or a “ohhhh this guy is soooo sad and patheticcc ohhhhh I wanna kiss him soooo bad” type of thing JAJAJA. Clay is sensitive to loud noises and super bright colors which is why usually you’ll see Clay on the phone, either scrolling through social media or playing like a super chill game (probably one of those like match 3 games or tamagotchi types that involves taking care of a little creature :-]<3) Clay draws a heart on the cheek every morning, and does a super extensive skin care routine at night, it’s pretty useless cause unicorns don’t really get acne but Clay likes the way it feels jaja. Takes the equivalent of unicorn anxiety medication and has gotten pretty good at hiding most of the little stimming habits Clay has (has def gotten some looks about it in the past so only really does it freely when alone with Mikey :-] <3) Clay and Mikey used to look quite alike, but as they both spent more time maturing and developing their own interests and opinions they slowly began to look less and less alike! Before it was very clear they had a little twin thing going on but now they usually have to tell other unicorns they’re “magic related” siblings if they don’t figure it out on their own lol. The spells/magic Clay knows (small scale) are: transformation, illusion, translation, telekinesis, and have also been trying to learn ´thought messaging´ to talk to Mikey when in loud social situations!

But yeah! That’s all I have for now but honestly if you all have any specific little thoughts or ideas about my funny guys I am alwayysssss game to hear it :-] no matter how small jaja <3

#callate guero #replies #anonymous #ocs #Clay rose #mike rose #craig bubbles #the rainbow factory #keeping the claig stuff to myself for now 😌💕#evil face :-)

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falloutjay · 2 years

Text

Like I promised, a post on the 8th. This one is birthday themed since its my birthday today ahah.

Have y'all seen the Post-Covid Special? It was a blast in my opinion. Kenny is such an icon.

Don’t except regular posts anytime soon, I'm still super buys and if you wonder about the name change, I only did so to have my writing blog match my other socials and so that this can stay a pure South Park blog.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy, stay healthy and warm in this cold season!

___________________

The boys celebrating your Birthday!

Cartman:

Surprisingly puts in quite some effort to make your birthday special!

A little surprise party at his home, with only you and him because “I don’t want those other assholes here.”

Hes quite thoughtful with his gifts since he always wants to be the best gifter when it comes to you.

He ordered his mother to get snacks and a cake for you and you will spend the night watching movies and cuddling.

Stan:

Surprise party with all your friends!

You wonder how he managed to organize it all, only to later find out that Kyle helped a lot.

Shelly will also wish you a Happy Birthday, as does Sharon. Randy will gift you something inappropriate which will earn him trouble with Stan.

Stan's go to gifts is often jewelry that he asks his mum to help with. Depending on what the two think you'll like most you could get a pretty necklace or fancy bracelet.

Kyle:

Would always prefer to just go and have a nice dinner with you in a restaurant. If you mention one specific just before your birthday, he will reserve a table there.

He prefers to spend his time alone with you, knowing he will lose focus if Eric is involved in any way, but if you ask for a party, he will try to organize a small one too.

Kyle is an attentive listener. If you mention something you want months prior its still a pretty high chance that you’ll have it as your birthday gift. He doesn’t forget and will always make sure its something you mentioned you want.

Kenny:

He cant afford a party, nor a fancy dinner but he will ask if its okay to come over to spend the night.

The money he saved for months is invested in a thoughtful and stunning gift. He feels guilty that he can only give a gift and not treat you to a nice restaurant or anything, but you assure him its fine.

You spend the night however you want it, he won’t complain. Cheesy romance movies? He will cry by your side. Video games? Better pick a good multiplayer game! Netflix and chill? Be prepared, he will make you feel super special.

Butters:

He bakes a fancy cake for you. Like really fancy.

He is a big enjoyer of having tea and cake together (His parents are present too) and he will then give you your gift.

A couple’s necklace and you each have a part. Its super cute of him and he blushes a lot while his parents smile and take pictures. His parents will also give you a little something like some chocolate.

If you feel like partying together later, he’s onboard. Your wish is his command!

Clyde:

You will get the cutest card you have ever seen. Its obviously handmade, filled with references to your relationship. (Is that a really poor drawn version of you holding hands with him? Yes. Yes it is.)

Clyde will also treat you to dinner. Preferably something fast food so you can maybe go see a movie afterwards.

Gift? Shoes.

Clyde has a shoe shop dad as his advantage and uses it. He will also get you something else, normally sweets, a plushy or small and cheap jewelry

Token:

Throws a big party to your honor!

Everyone is invited and we will make a speech about how much he loves and adores you. Cheesy but super cute.

He will gift you something you want, no matter the price really. He just wants to see your bright smile when you open the fancy package.

Craig:

Stargazing picnic. If its too cold he will cut it short, but he really likes the idea and even brings his hobby telescope.

His gift a space themed bracelet. He loves sharing his hobby with you and calls you his little star.

You will also party with him, Clyde, Tweek, Jimmy and Token sometime after. He loves spending time with all of you and the guys like celebrating you.

Tweek:

Messy baking.

He wants to bake a cake together with you and if you agree it’ll become messy quick.

Its super fun to do it with him though and once you get everything cleaned up you get a cake that’s beautiful in its own way.

For dinner you will order Pizza or whatever you’d like and he will give you your gift. A self-made mug with some nice tea and coffee. Tweek loves making self-made gifts.

#south park x reader #south park fanfiction #cartman x reader #stan x reader #kenny x reader #kyle x reader #butters x reader #clyde x reader #token x reader #craig x reader #tweek x reader

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dontmeantobepoliticalbut · 2 years

Text

Rep. Madison Cawthorn may have violated federal insider trading laws as he hyped up an alleged pump-and-dump cryptocurrency scheme, multiple watchdog groups told the Washington Examiner.

On Dec. 29, the beleaguered North Carolina congressman posed at a party with James Koutoulas, a hedge fund manager and the ringleader of the Let's Go Brandon cryptocurrency, a meme coin set up in the wake of the chant mocking President Joe Biden.

"LGB legends. ... Tomorrow we go to the moon!" Cawthorn, who has stated publicly he owns the cryptocurrency, posted on Instagram in response to the picture posted on Koutoulas's Instagram page.

The next day, LGBCoin did exactly as the lawmaker predicted.

NASCAR driver Brandon Brown announced on Dec. 30 that the meme coin would be the primary sponsor of his 2022 season, causing LGBCoin's value to spike by 75%. Brown's statement featured comments from Koutoulas, who was pictured with Cawthorn just a few hours prior.

Multiple watchdog groups told the Washington Examiner that Cawthorn's Dec. 29 Instagram post suggests the lawmaker may have had advanced nonpublic knowledge of LGBCoin's deal with Brown. The watchdogs said the post, combined with Cawthorn's statement that he owns LGBCoin, warrants an investigation from the Department of Justice and the Securities and Exchange Commission to determine whether the lawmaker violated federal insider trading laws.

"This looks really, really bad," said Dylan Hedtler-Gaudette, the government affairs manager for Project on Government Oversight, a federal watchdog group. "This does look like a classic case of you got some insider information and acting on that information. And that's illegal."

"I think there's probably a strong case here," Hedtler-Gaudette added. "I don't want to prejudge, but based on everything that's out there, I think there is a very strong possibility that if someone is going to investigate this, they're going to find something."

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by James Koutoulas (@jameskoutoulas)

instagram

Craig Holman, a government affairs lobbyist for Public Citizen, said if Cawthorn purchased LGBCoin before Dec. 30 with nonpublic knowledge of the cryptocurrency's pending deal with Brown, that would constitute insider trading, a federal crime that can involve prison time.

Immediately following Brown's Dec. 30 announcement, the value of all LGBCoin in circulation eclipsed $570 million. By the end of January, the market cap of the meme coin dropped to $0.

Koutoulas said in a Feb. 20 livestream that two factors led to LGBCoin's precipitous decline: First, NASCAR rejected LGBCoin's sponsorship deal with Brown on Jan. 4, and then later that month, unidentified insiders that owned an outsize share of the coin dumped all their holdings at once, causing the coin's market value to evaporate.

The swift rise and fall of the meme coin led one jilted investor to file a class-action lawsuit in April accusing Koutoulas and other LGBCoin insiders of using the digital currency to orchestrate a pump-and-dump scheme.

While Cawthorn isn't named as a defendant in the class-action lawsuit, he is identified as one of the coin's celebrity endorsers that helped Koutoulas inflate LGBCoin's market value before the rug was pulled.

Koutoulas relaunched LGBCoin in February, claiming the second iteration of the meme coin came with restrictions preventing "whales," or people with significant holdings in the coin, from offloading all their coins at once.

Since its relaunch in February, LGBCoin has traded around 95% below the peak price set in late December.

Despite the poor performance of the meme coin, Cawthorn has continued to tour the nation with Koutoulas, promote his ownership of the coin, and urge his followers to purchase the asset.

"I got Let's Go Brandon coin," Cawthorn said at the Conservative Political Action Conference, according to a video Koutoulas posted to his Instagram page in late February. "It's working out well, very well."

Cawthorn promoted the coin again with Koutoulas in March during the American Freedom Tour in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

"This is going to the moon, baby! To the moon!" Cawthorn said while pointing to an LGBCoin logo pinned to Koutoulas's suit jacket. "Letsgobrandon.com — get on the train. Get on the train. Take the power of currency away from the government."

Also in March, Cawthorn appeared with Koutolulas at Freedom Fight Night in Miami. The two were pictured inside a UFC-like arena pointing at the LGBCoin logo.

"The blood on the logo is from the guys that sold the dip," Koutoulas said on Instagram.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by James Koutoulas (@jameskoutoulas)

instagram

Cawthorn appeared at multiple events with Koutoulas before the meme coin spiked in late December.

"Incredible spending back to back nights with the affable Patriot @CawthornforNC," Koutoulas wrote in a Dec. 5 tweet with a picture of him posing with Cawthorn, who was holding a pin with the LGBCoin logo.

Koutoulas has also signaled that Cawthorn owns LGBCoin.

Both Koutoulas and the LGBCoin Twitter account retweeted a photo in early April that identified Cawthorn as a holder of the meme coin. Koutoulas also retweeted a message claiming the North Carolina lawmaker had "endorsed" the coin.

And in his Feb. 20 livestream, Koutoulas claimed that unidentified members of Congress had purchased LGBCoin.

"We've had several people who are on the America First platform, who are actually congressional candidates and/or current members of Congress that have bought with their own money, and I believe members have donated to [charities] with LGB," Koutoulas said.

Lawmakers are required to disclose if they purchase over $1,000 worth of any cryptocurrencies, but Cawthorn has not filed any disclosures indicating he owns LGBCoin.

Koutoulas said in his Feb. 20 livestream that both iterations of LGBCoin were designed so that the meme coin was not classified as security for regulatory purposes.

"It is not technically or legally possible for a decentralized meme coin that exists to promote free speech and charitable giving to be classified or treated as a security," Koutoulas told the Washington Examiner.

But Hedtler-Gaudette, the government affairs manager for POGO, said that even if LGBCoin isn't considered a security, that won't render Cawthorn immune from insider trading laws.

"No matter what, though, having advance and nonpublic information that is then used to gain advantage in a financial market (including straight up commodities) is illegal, making my call for DOJ or SEC investigation still operative in this case," Hedtler-Gaudette said.

Holman, the Public Citizen government affairs lobbyist, added that Cawthorn would need to disclose if he purchased over $1,000 of the coin — even if it isn't considered a security for regulatory purposes.

Amid his public promotion of LGBCoin, Cawthorn used his authority as a lawmaker to introduce a resolution in the House in February that would "deregulate cryptocurrencies and incentivize blockchain innovation."

While Cawthorn's proposed resolution lacked any specifics, Holman said Cawthorn could have run afoul of the STOCK Act if he introduced the measure for his own financial benefit.

"Owning cryptocurrency would be an asset subject to disclosure of a lawmaker’s annual financial disclosure form," Holman said. "It also could constitute a 'personal benefit' under the STOCK Act, making any official actions taken by Cawthorn to specifically and substantially benefit its value a violation of the STOCK Act."

Cawthorn's office did not return requests for comment.

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marky4l · 3 years

Text

without warning / ldh

pairing: Lee Haechan x fem!Reader

There is always a certain breaking point to a habit. For you, it was Haechan and not falling in love. It just happened in the most unorthodox way.

word count: 8.6k

genre: college au, fluff, angst (a little bit)

notes: reader is besties w nomin :)

hi!!! a bit overdue, but happy birthday haechan! also my photoshop crashed so please bear with the banner until i can make one that i enjoy seeing lol hopefully its okay :) ! I hope you like it pleaase leave feedback!

—

You like to pride yourself on the fact that you’ve never played into the mushy love bullshit.

You’re a stark contrast from your best friends, Jeno Lee and Jaemin Na, who, when boiled down to it, are basically a married couple who love to employ plausible deniability. They’re constantly teaming up to tease you/comfort you/set you up on god awful blind dates, and they’re self-proclaimed hopeless romantics. Which means there’s virtually no room for your anti-romantic philosophies in the apartment you share.

No, literally. Your DVDs are all romcoms. Your Netflix list is all Nancy Meyers. Your library is all cheesy romance volumes, overshadowing your preferred type of literature. It’s living hell.

“Are you ready for a date draw?”

“There’s Craig Cruz from my Bio class, Matt Lennox who’s my TA, Brad Aoki from my Spanish elective, Rex Smith from debate club, aaaand Lucas Wong from my football team.” Jeno offers the names to you, and before you can even form a coherent response, Jaemin is quick to follow up.

“Oh, have I got a roster for you. Nathan Davis from Physics, Charles Bass from my golf club, Jason Rodriguez from Creative Writing, and my mentor’s son’s best friend, Mark Lee. He studies in California.”

Jeno and Jaemin have long arranged date draws for you: a night where you pick out the blind date of your dreams, based on their extensive CVs, handpicked by your depressingly single best friends. (Any/every girl they manage to charm is scared off by how early they drop the L bomb.)

From your place propped up on the sofa, you hum contemplatively. Clearly, the two guys are nervous and stressed to see whose recommendation you’re going to pick: it’s always like this on date draw night, because it’s become somewhat of a competition between them to see who’s going to find your soulmate. Half the guys they recommend suck, and the other half, just a little less.

You spoon Chunky Monkey into your mouth. “Moving on to the next round: Lennox, Wong, Bass, Lee. Two even.”

You can’t deny the way you enjoy these biweekly nights of picking out your next date, even if the results are usually poor. They buy you ice cream and popcorn and let you watch something that doesn’t revolve around a couple falling in love in the Midwest/Paris/New York City (you’ve had enough of it.)

You hear noises of triumph as they quickly crumple up the paper resumes they have on your rejections. “Let me hear about Bass first.” Jaemin lets out a small yes! as he pulls up his file on Bass, reading aloud from it.

“Rich, golfer, business major. His philanthropy involves animals, cute baby animals, and he wants to run for mayor of New York one day. Rundown of pros and cons—rich, owns houses in Europe, but we have an unclear visual on his political stance.”

“Does he wear suits and talk like a douche?”

Jaemin’s silence is affirmative, so you follow it up. “Who’s his role model?”

“…Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos. Said it himself on his Facebook biography.”

You gasp.

“God, Jaemin! You can’t just leave that out! What if I picked him?!” You heave a spoonful of Chunky Monkey again. “Gross. Bass, out. Jeno, you’re up.” Jaemin groans, crumpling Charles’ paper and catapulting it into the garbage across the room.

Jeno speaks up, elated. “I’ve got Mark Lee for you. My writing mentor’s son’s best friend. He’s a church guy, but I hear through the vine he’s freaky in the sheets”—at this, you audibly gag and remove your ring to chuck it at him—“and he’s super ambitious. Wants to become a writer, settle down in the city with kids. Voted for Biden, but dislikes Biden—that whole shindig. Con: Soundcloud rapper.”

“Sounds okay,” you grimace, attempting to ignore the last bit, “but is he willing to do this long distance thing? Opposite ends of the country?”

“I was thinking it might be ideal,” Jeno explains. “So you don’t have to face the clinginess all the time.”

“So he’s clingy,” you deadpan. You allow no room for explanation and wave him off. “Jaem, go.”

“Damn it,” curses Jeno under his breath, frustrated. Jaemin is quick to remedy his previous mistake, fast in his talking.

“Lucas Wong, basketball star. 6’0, born in Hong Kong, knows how to cook. Con: kind of a man whore.”

“I don’t slut shame,” you respond, intrigued. “Go on.”

Triumphant, he proceeds. “He’s delicious, man. I mean, I’m saying this so honestly right now. He’s also super caring, a Chem Engineering major, and constantly shares his decent political opinions online.”

You sit up. “Oh, my God. He’s perfect.”

“Right?!” Jaemin’s smile is wide and he’s so, so close to reaching his victory. It’s cut off rudely by Jeno’s knowing scoff.

“Please. Jaem, tell her the real con.”

“Real con?” You quirk a brow, your head cocking to the side. “Jaemin Na, what is the real con?”

He falters, spluttering. “It’s—it’s nothing. A minor setback.”

You spoon the last of your Ben & Jerry’s into your mouth. “Now, Jaemin!”

“He has a girlfriend,” he says fretfully, refusing to meet your sharp gaze. At this, you burst into a loud yell, throwing your hands up in the air. “What the hell, Jaem?! Second straw much?”

He hides his face from view, but you persist. “Jaemin! You were going to turn me into a homewrecker, you enabler! You should be asha—”

“Tell ‘em,” Jeno says with a scornful smile. You turn on him immediately, though, eyes fiery.

“Oh, like you didn’t know and chose to use it against him so you could win today’s date draw. You make me sick! Both of you. The next five date draws are cancelled.”

The words are uttered with a vile, ugly tone that sends your best friends into a downward spiral. It’s evident immediately, what with the way their faces fall instantly and Jeno’s is the epitome of the world flummoxed. They quickly turn to each other, vexation in their eyes as they begin to swat at each other.

Being of similar height, the swatting quickly intensifies, but Jeno’s tendency to poorly control his strength results in Jaemin hitting back twice as hard.

“—I was gonna remedy that before you ruined i—” Poke.

“How do you remedy an ongoing, committed relationship—?” Hit.

“I have my ways, Lee!” Swat.

“If you just let me get to my final recommendation I would’ve won, Na!” Slap, smack, strike.

You tsk disdainfully, walking away to dispose of your Chunky Monkey. Considering the kitchen isn’t too far from the living room, your ears quickly pick up on the progression of their fight: you hear more chaos, then it fades away. It takes you five minutes to drink a glass of water and wash your spoon, and when you return, they’re cuddled up to each other on the sofa watching Me Before You.

“Insane,” you mutter dismissively.

“No non-romance for you,” says Jeno, through a mouthful of popcorn. “Rejecting our picks.”

“That’s the angle you took? 2 versus 1? Instead of you and I teaming up against Jaemin for condoning homewrecking?”

He ignores you.

But you’re blissfully unaware that the events of tonight would lead to you meeting the guy who would reach far beyond the standard set by Lucas Wong, your one that got away, so you shut your bedroom door behind you and work instead.

—

Jeno and Jaemin’s cardinal rule when it comes to date draws is to not interact with any male presence in a flirtatious matter for at least a week to purge yourself of any potential matches, so that you can fully immerse yourself in the experience.

Knowing date draws happen every two weeks, this allows you only one week to fully appreciate any cute stranger in your life. Knowing that, this basically declines your flirting skills to a good 6. You’re well aware of the pretty privilege card you hold, so it’s all you have, because your smooth talking skills have well diminished.

So here you are, perched on a bench, staring at the opposite one intently. Sat on it is a tall, and handsome guy reading—oh, God—Arendt?

The grip you have on your Journalism supplementary book turns your knuckles white, your mind struggling to think of something to say. You curse under your breath as your body gets up on its own accord, your body walking to him and offering a stuffy smile.

“Hello,” you giggle, breathy.

“Hi,” he says, and you melt inside. He must be some sort of dreamboat.

You take a seat beside him, hesitant but spurred on by his smile. You introduce yourself quickly, and he tells you his name is Hyunjin, and that he’s a Humanities major. You sit in tense, but comfortable silence, intermittent smiles and hums of affirmation filling the void of the conversation.

“Are you a fan of Aren—”

“You’re hot,” you say in one breath. What the hell.

“Oh,” says Hyunjin dumbly. “Thanks?”

“You’re welcome. You are. So gorgeous.”

He smiles, politely now instead of warmly, and makes up a shit excuse to save himself, walking away quickly. You groan inwardly at your mishap, slamming your textbook against your forehead in frustration.

This is one of many reasons you detest date draws.

—

You make your anger clear to Jeno and Jaemin by refusing to cook them Friday dinner. All of you can cook fairly well, but perhaps because of your natural affinity with a cookbook, you’re magical at it. So, every Friday is reserved for your amazing cuisine and the rest of the week is devoted to takeout and the others’ subpar cooking skills.

“You promised you’d cook us bibimbap,” gripes Jaemin. “Jeno and I miss home. How do you expect us to survive in a city populated by white people?!”

“Well, find a Korean restaurant and order a bowl for yourselves,” you say cuttingly. “I’m still upset over the entire date draw catastrophe from two days ago. I tried flirting with a cute guy today and, thanks to your cardinal rule, failed.”

“But you make good bibimbap,” sobs Jeno theatrically, ignoring the latter part of your sentiment.

You narrow your eyes and swat them both with your textbook. “I’m dying alone with my eggs shriveled up, and I want you both to know it’s all your fault.”

You tell them the full tale of your foiled coquetry from earlier that day, and they stifle guffaws behind their clenched fists. You hit them again, for good measure.

“You love us.”

“I hate you,” you say sharply.

—

“I love you guys. I’m serious,” you say delightedly, scooping more frozen yogurt into your mouth. You’re spending your Saturday in the Upper West, shifting through ice cream parlors and corner cafes and halal delis and watching Jeno show off his skateboarding skills. You’d stopped at a small frozen yogurt joint where you found the cups to be way too overpriced, and upon your defeat, instead found that an extended February 14 promo meant a couple gets one cup for free.

The plan was crafted ingeniously: you and Jeno would hug subtly to show that you were a couple, playing into the heteronormative bias of the cashier, and get two cups with unlimited toppings for the price of one.

However, in the middle of your planning, the shifts changed and the new cashier found Jaemin and Jeno to appear more lovey-dovey, revising the plan on the spot.

“Very cute. Love is love,” the middle-aged woman says. Jeno nods, smiling and holding Jaemin closer, despite the poorly disguised grimace on his face. You play along, a stuffy smile on yours.

So it goes that you get one for yourself and the other two fight over theirs, wooden spoons clacking against each other as they fight over the yogurt.

“Love you both, so so much,” you say happily. “So much.”

“Real quick, does this mean date draws are back o—”

“No,” you retort.

“Yeah. That checks.”

You glare at the mere suggestion, averting your attention back to your yogurt. Humiliation still courses through you, blazing your every thought with your fiasco at the park. Hyunjin is probably having a permanent freakout over your foolishness, and in your frantic attempt to pin the blame on somebody other than yourself, the fault falls on your two best friends.

Not even frozen yogurt can help it. But it’s getting there.

—

Your designated bench at the park is yours for a reason. It captures the breeze perfectly, and the sunlight filters just right through the trees overhead. You get a good view of the buildings, and the nearest exit gives you just a ten minute walk to your apartment. Granted, it’s “your bench” from 2PM to 6PM, since any other hour you’re either home or at class.

Yours anyway. Blissfully empty. Except it’s 1:15PM and somebody’s sitting on it.

“Hey—do you mind?” You gesture to the empty side of the bench and the guy sitting waves you off with a polite nod. Smiling calmly, you take a seat and draw out your study materials, getting to work on your latest news piece.

The sun is high and the park gets the brunt of it, heat surging through the walkways. Damn early classes. Now it’s too hot. You pout in mild frustration but continue anyway.

You’re in the middle of typing out your concluding paragraph, and your mind is in the middle of thinking of dinner, froyo, and the ducks at the lake altogether, when your train of thought is tersely cut off.

“Hey, aren’t you the girl who flirted with that guy on that bench? Like, four days ago?”

Fear floods your body and renders you frozen, your head inching bit by bit to face your certified day ruiner. Your eyes land on a guy about your age, nose buried in a Murakami book. He quirks a brow, beguiled by your sudden reaction. “So. Are you?”

Your jaw drops open, mouth spluttering for something logical to say. “Er, yeah.”

He laughs loudly, an unabashed guffaw leaving his mouth. “Woah. That sucked.”

“Did it really?” Your woeful tone catches his attention, his head whipping in your direction.

“Yeah—I mean, I’m not trying to insult you or anything. But I—”

“No, it’s okay,” you muse. “I’m just getting really bad at flirting.” You turn to him, a polite smile on your lips.

He smiles back. “Hyunjin’s an acquaintance of mine, you know. If you want another chance. He liked you.”

Your heart beats impossibly fast. Dangling in front of you is your chance at redemption, a date, possibly getting laid, and above all, proving to Jeno and Jaemin that you do not need their godforsaken date draws to find love.

You’re halfway through this epiphany when you realize—

“Who are you?” You blurt out, confused. “Sorry. I mean, what’s your name? I just met you and it feels like you already know me.”

“That’s ‘cause I do—I mean, when you flirted with Hyunjin, I was just over there”—he points at a nearby bench—“and then after it happened, I just saw your name being dropped on the groupchat.”

“I was made into groupchat material,” you fret. “That’s like, the worst of the worst.”

“Not really—it was talked about for five minutes tops and then somebody mentioned a deadline, so. I’m Haechan, by the way.”

“Oh,” you say simply. “Well, I’m glad that’s over. I was just. It sucked.”

“Sucked is an understatement,” says Haechan through gritted teeth. “Anyway, if you want a second date, I’d be happy to arrange that.”

You bite your lip, weighing the pros and cons in your head. You could earn yourself a new boyfriend and turn the flirting affliction into a meet cute story, but it could also go to shit. You could get laid, but who knows if he took some sort of celibacy vow. You don’t need a boyfriend, but you desperately need to prove your two best friends wrong.

“I’m in,” you say. “It has to be the best date ever. I’m talking dinner, a walk, a sports game, that whole thing.”

“Are you suggesting I help you arrange that?”

Roping a stranger into your dating agenda was definitely not on your list of things to try in your junior year.

But, well. “I’m graciously asking you to.”

—

Haechan Lee, you quickly learn, is an energetic, bubbly, class clown-y Econ major. He laughs at that’s what she said jokes and doubles over every time he sees the numbers 69 and 420, especially if he sees them consecutively (not hard, given the city’s size.)

You learn over the course of three coffee outings that he takes all his coffee with three extra shots of espresso. (He tries to make you freak out using this fact, but you combat it with Jaemin’s all time record of eight shots.)

You find out he always separates the corn bits in fried rice, and that he’s an oversharer. It’s obvious he is, considering you’d known all this prior information in the course of just seven days.

Maybe you just like to observe a little more, too, but that’s besides the point.

“I’m thinking you attend a Yankees game, dinner, then a Hudson boat ride. Hyunjin likes that stuff. He won’t admit it, he wants people to think he’s a rugged New York man, but he likes to get fancy. I’m saying this like we’re best friends, but. You get it. Boat, sports, the works,” he says through a mouthful of pad thai.

“I’m thinking you chew your food before talking,” you comment pointedly, and he nods, swallowing. You continue. “That’s nice, but I’m broke and I’m not willing to spend my existing money on a date. I said extravagant…ly cheap.”

“Boo,” he laughs. “I could get you Yankees tickets for free. Then…you split dinner and you rent the boat.”

“Perfect,” you say victoriously. Then. “This is weird. This is full on Pavlov-ing.”

“Mmm, no. Pavlov was the dog guy. Conditioning? Sound? Yeah, er, this is Cyrano-ing.”

You nod in agreement. “Nerd”—you gesture to him—“hot dude”—you gesture to yourself—“nerd helps me get the hotter girl. AKA Hyunjin.”

“If I’m going to be branded a nerd, this isn’t going to work out.”

“Oh, shut up.”

—

18 days until: JUNE 8 DATE DAY!!!!

You smile amusedly at the reminder ping on your phone that Haechan had set up for you. When you look up, the smile is quickly extinguished by Jaemin and Jeno’s trenchant expressions, piercing right through you.

“What are you smiling at?” asks Jaemin with faux nonchalance.

“A TikTok,” you fib easily. “Something about the whole Paeka issue.”

The conversation switches easily to the issue you’d mentioned, and soon Jeno and Jaemin forget you had even smiled at your screen, playing Call of Duty on their Xbox and leaving you to your own devices.

U busy? You read when you’re done downing a packet of Caprisun.

No, you type back. See u.

You’re well acquainted with Haechan at this point, having seen him regularly over the course of the past week. You’re growing less and less unused to the sight of him on the bench you’d previously branded as your own.

“Hello, Cyrano,” he says with a cunning smile. “Since we’re both free, I thought you’d like to know more about Hyunjin. Also, when I’m with you, I get free food because you get hungry so much.”

“It’s easy to fall into the quirky cafe temptations in the city,” you remark. “Isn’t the date supposed to make me get to know him?”

“Yeah, but remember—this is all for Jeno and Jaemin.”

You’d established your objective for this entire master plan of a date three days ago. As handsome as Hyunjin is, you know you’ll probably find some minor flaw about him and fixate on that. So, your motive is to charm him into maybe a fling-sized relationship so Jeno and Jaemin would lay off your back.

Working? So far. Ish.

“Alright, so Hyunjin Hwang, HH, HHJ, HJ, Jinnie, Jin, Hyunnie, he has lots of names ‘cause he’s popular. Philosophy major, writing legend, blazer wearer. Smartass. Hipster.”

“So every guy then,” you deadpan with an enigmatic smile.

“See, you get it!” He sits up a little, “For that, I’d like a cup of coffee.”

—

You spend the next week and a half bent over your master plan Google doc, which Haechan covertly names SEX TOY RECOMMENDATIONS :P under your name. Really, not at all infuriating. You find it funny, though, and it stays like that the entire time.

On the first day, Haechan sends you a Starbucks drink. Scrawled on it is the name Dildo, and you groan and hide it with your own Sharpie, lest one of your best friends find it in the disposal.

On the second day, Haechan introduces you to his dog. His height and his build gives you an impression that his dog would be, maybe, a bulldog or a Lab. Instead he approaches your usual park bench with a tiny, tiny Pomeranian in his hands, attached to a pink leash.

“This is Genghis Olaf,” he states proudly, his eyes crinkling with his smile of adoration.

“She’s very c—” you cut yourself off with your own chortle, attempting uselessly to hide it behind your sweater-clad hand. “She’s cute, I swear,” you breathe between bouts of laughter. “Just. Her name is what?”

“Genghis Olaf,” he says seriously. “A very nice name for my strong dog.”

“She looks so tiny, though,” you coo, but she bites deeply into your finger when you attempt to pet her. Haechan’s laugh rings treacherously in your ears.

On the third day, you watch Annabelle: Creation on Netflix Party. He makes big talk of not being scared, but half the time his camera is shielded by his blanket.

On the fourth day, you admit your unabashed love for Taylor Swift’s music, and Haechan admits his for One Direction. You sing Dear John and replace the “green eyes” lyric with “brown”, and it makes Haechan blush. He sings Drag Me Down and matches Harry’s high note.

—

On the fifth day, your meeting place deviates from one section of the park to another, to avoid the spookily overcast weather.

“It’s not so rainy here,” rejoices Haechan, doing a small happy dance. You roll your eyes and sit beside him.

You make it a good ten minutes with your laptops open working both on Hyunjin and your own schoolwork before you notice droplets of water growing more and more frequent on the spreadsheet you’d pulled up.

“Oh, shit,” you curse, wiping it hastily and stuffing it into your bag. Haechan follows suit, but the nearest exit is a ways to go.

“Could you run any faster?!” You wail, covering your head with your tote bag, to no avail. Your hair gets the brunt of it, and so does your black tee, since the mild drizzling intensifies into heavy rain within seconds.

“Sorry I’m trying to protect my phone!” He cries back, maneuvering between garbage cans and other people in your way who have actual umbrellas.

You make it out, though, after a chaotic five minutes, and you’re one subway ride from your apartment. Haechan’s is way nearer, though, so you part, both absolutely soaked.

Before you do, he tugs a dry shirt out of his bag. “You might get sick. God knows what kind of bacteria you contract with wet cloth in the subway. Maybe even murder evidence.” He plays it off but your heart blooms with gratitude, taking it.

“Thanks, dumbass.”

You skip the sixth day and meet on the seventh.

You’d officially grown used to each other’s company, nearing three weeks of knowing each other. You swap your usual park bench for a cafe, but on the cab ride there, Haechan constantly changes his mind.

It’s Indian first, then Thai, then American, then Korean. Then Chinese. Then coffee.

“We’ve been in this cab for ages,” you whisper-yell. “Have some shame!” But he doesn’t, persistently switching the destination. It turns into a minor roadtrip around the Upper East. You pull out your laptop to work on a paper.

It only stops when Haechan abruptly yells for it to, so he can puke his guts out. Well. At least you know he’s carsick now.

—

“Yours, hers, mine,” Jaemin says, gesturing to the folded piles of fresh laundry. “She’s never even home anymore, lately. I miss her bibimbap.”

“Could you just get to folding the clothes so I can play Overwatch with Sungie?”

“You don’t care that our best friend is never home?!” Jaemin’s voice is saturated with offense and betrayal. “She’s probably out partying.”

“You mean having fun, like people our age should,” corrects Jeno sternly. “Don’t be so worried and hand me that gray shirt.”

Jaemin grumbles, but does so, despite the reluctance in his actions. “Who knows what she’s mixing herself with out there? New York is a danger zone. Scaffolding is lethal enough.”

Jeno folds up the tee with an amused scowl on his face. “You know, she’s having fun, doing schoolwork, and if she’s happy, we’re happy. That’s how best friends operate.”

Across him, Jaemin pouts. He knows this is true, and beneath the petty feelings he harbors, he’s genuinely happy that you’re having fun. “I guess,” he grouches. “But I hope she’s not sad we cancelled date draws.”

“Temporary cancellation,” Jeno says. “Also, I doubt she’s sad. She insisted we cancel it. She ordered the cancellation, so. Shirt.” He chucks the folded tee into Jaemin’s pile.

“Touche,” sighs the latter, “but I gu—hey, what? This isn’t mine, dipshit.”

“Oh,” Jeno says. “It’s mine, then.”

“Wh—it’s not yours, either.” He unfolds it to reveal the faded, bleached pattern of the Sex Pistols logo, and they squint.

“Not mine,” says Jeno quietly. “Guess it’s hers.” He tosses it onto your pile, but Jaemin snatches it before it lands.

“No way it’s hers,” he comments, inspecting it. “She’s never worn this, and it’s not branded, but she hasn’t gone thrifting in a while. She did last week, and this wasn’t in her haul.”

“So? Some band geek’s laundry got mixed up with ours,” Jeno says, but Jaemin’s quicker to come to a different conclusion.

“Are you kidding? It’s the third week of the month. She got it washed herself at the laundromat self service. This is from our apartment. Is this what you think—are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Jeno nods slowly.

“Say it, on three,” says Jaemin. “Go!”

“A guy is living in our ceiling!”

“She snuck someone into our house!”

“She snuck—yeah, that’s way more likely.”

—

On the eighth day, Haechan texts you to meet him at an entirely different part of the park. You get there, confusion written all over your face, and find him sprawled across the grass, denim-clad legs splattered with yellow paint and glitter.

“Hello,” you say, “I’m not at all confused by what I’ve walked into.”

“In exchange for being your Cyrano nerd,” he begins theatrically, “I only ask one thing.”

“All the cups of coffee I’ve bought you?”

“I only ask several things,” he remedies. “Coffee and your help with my little sister’s crafts project.”

You eye the expanse of white canvas on the grass, untouched by Haechan’s skills, or, rather, his lack thereof. You roll your eyes.

“Okay. What do you need to paint?”

“Anything yellow,” he says. “New York preschool art teachers are super hipster, so their assignments are graded on a college basis. I’m half-joking.”

“What makes you think I want to help you?”

“Your date thinks so.”

“I suck at crafts, Haechan.”

“I’m sure you don’t. Now, paint!”

You take the brush and get to work, dirtying yourself up in the process. By the end of it, you’ve crafted a kiddy-sized abstract masterpiece, dizzyingly yellow and sunny and bright. It’s just a bunch of brush strokes and fingerprints in a vast array of yellow, but you’re sure it’s a show stopper, since Haechan’s little sister is a five-year-old.

“If your sister is stamped a prodigy after this, I get a portion of her earnings.”

You beam down at Haechan, but you miss the way his gaze lingers on you for just a second, smearing a brushful of canary paint on his face.

A second.

Considering he’s the sole reason you talk to Haechan, you don’t remember the last time you talked about Hyunjin. You don’t mind, though, running along the open grass while flinging all sorts of shades of sun onto Haechan’s face.

—

“Honeys, I’m home!” You yell, dusting dried paint off the hem of your jeans. You deposit your keys at the entrance and make your way to the kitchen, sliding your shoes off. “What’s for dinner?”

“Thai, with a side of betraya—oomph!” You can’t catch Jaemin’s last word, Jeno’s elbow hitting his gut before he can enunciate it.

“Thai, with a side of biryani. Sounds perfect, you two,” you swoon with an appreciative smile. “Bibimbap next week, I promise!”

“Yup,” Jeno says through a strained breath. “Go get changed, you!”

You shrug off the odd behavior and follow suit, shucking your clothes off once you’re alone. You spot a neat, folded pile of fresh laundry at the foot of your bed and stop in your tracks upon seeing the familiar gray one atop it.

You touch it, a little hesitant. Jaemin and Jeno must’ve seen this, then. Your heart races inexpainably quick at the possibilty that the insinuation would be that you were dating the owner of the shirt.

But then again, Jeno and Jaemin probably couldn’t care less. You shrug indifferently, chucking the tee into your bag for Haechan’s taking tomorrow and walking back into the kitchen.

“Where’s the biryani?” You ask, confused, upon seeing its absence at the table. Jeno shrugs and mumbles some excuse about it being unavailable, and Jaemin grumbles a quiet agreement.

You eat in silence for a while. “How’s class, you two?”

“My professor,” says Jaemin, cutting off what Jeno had already opened his mouth to say, “was revealed to be in an affair this morning. It’s wild, honestly.” He rolls up the sleeves of his mint sweater. You gape through a mouthful of khao pad, brows raised. “Do tell,” you say simply, intrigued.

“Well, he was happily married to his wives—wife, his wife, and then he turned and had a nasty affair and now he can’t even face the betrayal he committed. Neither can the wife,” he says quickly, his voice laced with truth and hurt.

You nod slowly. “So. That’s it? No sordid mistress? Murder ploy? Money?”

Jaemin shakes his head, pouting. “None. Just plain”—he stares right at you—“betrayal.”

You nod again, and then your thoughts are full of khao pad.

—

Haechan picking up your dry cleaning, paying for three cabs, and accompanying you on three coffee runs is the only cause of your current predicament. Not debt—you’re not so unfortunate there, thankfully—but something much worse. See, you liked Haechan. You’d spent so much time around him it was dizzying, and he was funny and a great friend.

Which meant you’d do any minor favor for him. Which means—this. It means this. And that is how you find yourself seated on a neon green beanbag listening to a roster of Soundcloud rappers on a JBL speaker.

The room is lit only by a string of pink LED lights and the light emanating from the PC setup on the desk, shades of blue and purple radiating from it.

There are teddy bears strewn around the room, almost as many as there are Nike shoes that look extremely obscure and/or expensive. This is a very specific brand of person you’re dealing with. You take a drag from the joint in your mouth, eyeing the other contraband drugs on the desk but ignoring them for the sake of yourself.

Who else would own this kind of room—closed off, dark, lit by neon illumination only? You don’t need to look far. Spray painted in a glow in the dark green on the opposite wall is the name—

“Yangyang!” Haechan hollers when the former finally swings the door open. “Thought you’d never return. You were gone for, like, an hour.”

True enough, he was. He’d apparently left to fetch his wallet in his friend’s dorm, but never came back, granting you and Haechan plenty of time to plan for Hyunjin—well, talk, actually.

“I’ve gotta go again. Sorry, you two. Enjoy the ganja. Haechan, don’t leave yet. You have that favor you owe me!”

He slams the door shut again and you stifle a laugh. “I’ll get going if you don’t mind.”

“No,” he pleads. “We can exploit the weed and the air conditioning and everything.”

“Fine,” you say, because you weren’t planning on leaving at all. “Let’s plan.”

“Nice. Hey, you know I used to own a bear just like that?” He deviates from your suggested subject, probably unconsciously, but you find yourself being grateful for it. You follow his finger to the bear leaning against the wall opposite you, a huge brown one.

You hum. “Did you also spray paint red Xs over the eyes?”

“Yes, and on the genitals,” he says with a loud laugh. “God, no. My mom was always iffy about that stuff. We grew up well. Here in the city, I mean. Brownstone and everything. My little sister still has that life, but…yeah.” He dismisses the topic and you nod.

“I get it,” you say, leaning back and taking a drag. “Well, I don’t, but. I do.”

“Yeah. I miss my mom, and my dad hates my guts, so that’s that. I just find all the solace of the world in my sister.”

“She loves you, Haech,” you say quietly, a small smile on your face. He chuckles.

“I know she does. Me, though—I’m never good with that stuff. Gotta practice saying it somehow.” He turns to you, quiet. Then.

“I love you.”

The world slows, time melting into an indistinguishable, homogenous blob of pink and green and weed. You feel like you just ingested one of the smiley faces on Yangyang’s desk, if you’re honest. You open your mouth to respond but your eyes catch on the way his mouth is slowly curving into a smile, and you lose yourself in it. Your body bubbles in confusion and indifference—why the fuck are you so affected?

He grins. “So? Sounded genuine? I hate you, by the way. Can’t have you getting the wrong idea.”

Then the world ticks back into normal speed, a haze of lights and teddy bears, and you regain composure. “No. You sounded like a Republican apologizing.”

You brush him off, but the thought of him plagues you all the way home.

—

You dogsit Genghis Olaf for the first time on the tenth day of your planning.

You’d rather not talk about it.

—

Last edited 12 days ago stares cunningly back at you as you open the starkingly empty Google doc of your date plan. You tsk at the lack of progress, but inwardly, you don’t mind so much.

Your past weeks with Haechan have been busy, and eventually they grew to be less about Hyunjin and more about genuine conversations between the two of you. You’re not dumb. You know where this is leading—and normally, you’d start to shy away from it.

You’ve got six days until June 8th, and you can’t seem to remember the details of that date for the life of you. Your thoughts are just full of Haechan’s jokes, Haechan’s dog’s new dress, Haechan, Haechan.

It’s devastating. “—are you listening to me?” Haechan’s voice flows abruptly from your laptop, which rests on your bed. You hum loudly to say yes, pulling on a hoodie and taking a seat to show yourself on camera.

“Actually, I wasn’t. What were we talking about?” He groans at this statement, raising his brows in frustration and poking his tongue through his cheek. He does that a lot. It’s—

Your door swings open and, like clockwork, you slam your laptop shut, feigning nonchalance and getting up.

The thing is, you haven’t ever thought of Haechan in that way. In a non-platonic way. (Half truth.) But around friends like Jeno and Jaemin, who love to twiddle with stories until they’re worthy of Nora Ephron films, you can’t ever keep your mouth open, lest they think of Haechan as some sort of soulmate of yours.

So your rendezvous with him were kept a perpetual secret, and the shirt you had never returned was laundered in secret. You weren’t necessarily ready to tell them about Haechan Lee, because it would mean chronicling the past three weeks of spending all your days together.

So. “Were you watching porn?”

“Wh—what?! Jeno, you’re sick!” You toss a throw pillow at him and he catches it, scoffing.

“Porn is nothing to be ashamed of!” He yells back. “I’m just saying, if you shut your laptop so defensively, you were probably watching porn, or…” He narrows his eyes and makes a beeline for your desk, but you’re quicker.

You jump onto his back, estimating his strength perfectly and putting enough weight on him that he slows down but stays standing. “Get off me, you nympho! Probably watching foot fetish porn, but I don’t—oomph—judge!”

“Get away from my laptop, Jeno Lee!” You wail, digging a nail into his arm so he curses and stops. He mumbles in pain and an I’ll get back at you before jogging out of your room, ensuring your victory.

—

It’s 2AM and you’re an hour from home. It’s windy, too—that fact would prevail by a lot if they had a competition deciding what was most obvious. Your hair whips across your face until you splutter and resort to tying it up. Also, you’re on the 70th floor of a building, sprawled across the cement rooftop. That would probably win the competition.

You’re also in Haechan’s arms. Now, that—okay, you’re done with this whole hypothetical fact competition.

But subjectively, it’s nice, you know that well enough. It’s nice to be out at 2AM on a cold, windy night, 70 floors above the city, and it’s so nice to be resting your head against Haechan’s chest, arms loosely wrapped around your figure as he hums a song that you recommended to him.

The rational part of your head is reeling over in shock and offense. The other is—well. In Haechan’s arms. “It’s 2,” you say, “in the morning, Haech.”

“So?”

“I’m sleepy. And you dragged me up here.”

He laughs with incredulity, and you can’t help but join him. You both know that while it was suggestion to check it out, you’d been just as complacent, since the words Hey, wanna go up to the 70th floor of my friend’s dad’s uncle’s building? just seemed to ignite a thrill in you that caused you to nod.

“Then I’ll drag you down and to the subway and come back up here myself.”

“But,” you say, sitting up. He lets his arms fall and you turn, facing him. Your faces are way closer than you expected, and while you take a sharp breath inwards, you make no move away. “Then you’ll have fun without me.”

“Then stay,” he says. It sounds like he means something else.

You gulp. “If I stay, we should plan for, um. Hyunjin, then.”

Something you can’t describe, and you barely catch, quivers through his gaze, but he blinks and looks away, getting up quickly. You lose your balance, following suit, confusion written across your features at the way he’s acting.

“No kidding,” he chuckles. “What else do we need to plan?”

“Dinner? I—I don’t know. I was joking.”

“You probably really want this date, so. It’s in a few days, you know?” You nod, but your thoughts are roaring something else entirely. “Haechan, I—”

“Well, there’s a good Italian place near your apartment. I’ll text you the address. Settled. Let’s go.”

He bends back down to tug his bag up from the floor, and you’re hit with a sudden rush of vertigo, your confusion and the cold and your racing thoughts hitting you instantaneously. Your hair flattens against your face and you rake it back. “I’m—are you—is everything okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” asks Haechan carefully, eyeing you.

You splutter. “I’m just asking.”

“It is,” he says, smiling. It’s forced. You can tell.

“It’s not,” you say, stepping closer.

“I’m serious. It is.” There’s soft solemnity in his face, but his gaze betrays it, flitting everywhere but your face.

“Haech—”

“Let’s just finish planning and, um, we can go back to being acquaintances.”

“Just tell me what it is, Haechan.”

“I—” he laughs, and it’s mirthless. “You don’t get it?”

You shrug, rolling your eyes. “Stop being so damn weird, face me, and answer me so I can.”

“I can’t look at you, goddamn it. I can’t see you, I can’t touch you, I can’t laugh around you, I can’t crack a joke around you. I can’t even mention your name. It—I. I don’t. I don’t know why, okay? I just—you’re so cool. You’re amazing, and you’re everything, and you’re funny and flawed, and bright and weird and hilarious and every other adjective I can’t think of right now. And when I see you, I feel all of that. I feel it all.

And it sucks, b—well, because, well, seeing you means hearing about Hyunjin, and everyday I think—what if it was different? What if. What if it was—I—fuck. I like you, okay? God, I do. I mean, who—wow. You’re just.”

He turns to the front of the building. “I like her!” He shouts. “And it feels good to finally tell you, but now, I just—I don’t—I.” He faces you, eyes hopeful, eyes sorrowful, and you open your mouth to form a reply.

It falls silent. It stays silent for a while.

—

JENO + JAEMIN’S Certified Heartbreak Checklist!!!

ben & jerry’s (preferred flavors: chunky monkey, cherry garcia)

taylor swift/early 2000s/dance music

feel-good movie i.e clueless, mean girls, 13 going on 30, superbad, project x

a round of call of duty with amateurs to make you feel better

sob session

“I don’t need this,” you say through a wad of snot. “I’m not heartbroken. I’m just confused.”

Jeno looks over to Jaemin, panic written all over his face. Jaemin mends it quickly, grabbing a Sharpie from the counter and scribbling over the word heartbreak, replacing it with the word Feelings?, much to your confusion. He does a bad job of it, though, and after he does it it looks more like Heartings?

“I’m okay,” you insist fruitlessly. You’d been crying your eyes out for two days, knowing not much other ways to cope with such a frighteningly confusing situation. You’d made a list of pros and cons before realizing you didn’t need any. You wrote down a speech for how to respond to Haechan, and you’d gone all over your usual meeting spots to recite it to him.

You couldn’t find him, for the life of you. You’d gone back home instead and recited a play by play of the events in your head.

“I hate myself.”

“Don’t. Haechan’s probably just not ready.”

Minor detail: you’d also spilled the totality of your predicament to Jeno and Jaemin, whose faces morphed from giddy to anguished to confused and back, much like your feelings. While this eliminated the need to hide Haechan’s existence from them, it also opened to you the copious amount of unsolicited advice.

You rack your head to try and find ways to apologize to him. That night, faced with bewilderment and feelings, you’d gasped in air until you couldn’t, shoving the exit open and running down flight after flight of stairs.

By the time the adrenaline had worn off, you’d just made it about six floors down. You took the elevator the rest of the way and kept hoping he would enter.

It sucked. However you chose to react, it was your mistake to remedy, and you didn’t quite know how. You still don’t.

You wallow in self pity and puzzlement and a spoon of Cherry Garcia before Jaemin bounds out of his room and into yours, smile broad on his face. “Yo, dude. I just saved your life.”

“Whose? Mine, I hope,” says Jeno offhandedly, walking into your room holding a slice of pizza. Jaemin glares at him.

“No, you dumbass. Hers.”

“Not to invalidate, but looking at my grades makes me feel like my life needs major saving.”

Ignoring him, Jaemin continues. “Listen—Haechan Lee, the guy you fucked over”—this earns him a flick of ice cream—“you want to apologize, right? But you never knew his exact address. But I’m telling you now. It’s his birthday, and…”

You’re sure Jaemin says the details afterwards, but your mind sticks itself onto the fact that it’s Haechan’s birthday: a fact he’d never told you before, and one you’d never thought to ask about. It’s his birthday. Birthday. His birthday. June 6th. It makes sense, and not even in an astrological point of view. It just does.

“I’m going,” you state blindly, getting out of bed immediately. “Now.”

—

Haechan’s apartment, you quickly learn, is a very nice one with nice windows and nice doors and a nice guest list. You heave the door open, Jeno and Jaemin teetering behind you, and find a room full of people. You tug it back shut instantly, nerves pulsating through you like a bad drug.

“I can’t,” you lament, biting your lip. Jaemin tugs on a lock of your hair.

“Don’t be a pussy and do it,” Jeno says sternly. “Own up.”

You pout, but push it open again and slip inside, your two friends following suit. You weave your way through the crowd and find groups scattered along the wide area—beer pong, weed, making out, there’s a space for everything. Judging by the way Jaemin and Jeno leave your side instantly, probably single hotties, too.

Your heart thumps with uncertainty, but it mellows down after ten minutes of futile search attempts. Every time you think it’s him, your heart leaps to your throat, but it never is.

So you take it as a sign. He’s probably getting laid in one of the two closed bedrooms, or buying more booze outside. You find your two henchmen—friends—in a throng of people playing Uno and tell them you’d be back.

You navigate the building’s elevator buttons until you find the rooftop one and wait in idle silence. Of course, he’s waiting on the other side when it opens.

His back is turned to you and you’re feet apart, the wide expanse of the rooftop separating you. You press the close button furiously, not ready to confront another rooftop confession yet.

A nasty deja vu cascades through you, and you shiver. The doors are closed for one minute and then they ding open, and you see him on the other side, and God he looks great. He’s in a black polo and black jeans and somebody’s written birthday boy on the space on his cheek, underneath his eye.

He enters the elevator, swallowing and clearing his throat. It smells like him. It’s stuck to his clothes.

“I’m sorry.” The starking silence is broken and in your shock, you can’t form a reply. Your head turns to him fast, eyes unblinking.

“Don’t,” you say, and then you inhale, deep. “Don’t be. I am. I—”

“But I’m—”

“Let me talk.” You say, facing him. You realize everything you’ve wanted to say is stored in your rigid script, so you take a deep breath and let it all out. To hell with being eloquent.

“I got nervous. I got—I got shocked, I got confused. The truth is, I’ve been running in circles trying to figure out how I feel for you. I mean, you’re funny. You’re cool and you’re—I don’t know, you’re just.” You take a deep breath, trying to stop yourself from rambling. “Okay. Well, I like you, too, and I like you a lot, and I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out. I like you! I have nobody to yell this to, but you, but you’re the only person who needs to know right now. I like you. And I like liking you. And I like not planning this date on June 8th because I don’t want Hyunjin. And—I don’t know—I’m scared, that maybe this will all go to shit, because I suck at these stuff, and so do you, but I don’t know, it feels like if I try, it won’t be so bad.”

Obviously, when you look back up at him, he’s sporting a shit-eating smirk.

“Happy birthday to me,” he says, and then you’re kissing him so he’ll shut up.

Your hands find his face, trailing your touch everywhere so you can feel the change of texture when you encounter the eyeliner smudged beneath his eye, the moles dotted across his face. He smiles into the kiss, deepening it, his hands finding your waist to bring you closer to him. It’s a kiss you’ve wanted for always, but one you never knew you’d wanted. It’s a soft kiss, but a deep one, one with laughs and one with breaths that smell of ice cream and mint.

“Give it up,” you mumble. “I hate you.”

“That’s very contradictory, considering I just received the best gift of my life.”

“Well, you’re about to get another one.”

—

It’s the 8th of June, and Hyunjin sits alone at the dinner table, wondering why Haechan, the guy from the groupchat whom he barely even knew, called him out of the blue and requested to meet him. The restaurant looked fancy, and expensive, and he began to feel nervous at the propect of having to pay for a meal.

He’s been waiting for ten minutes now, and both him and the waiters are beginning to grow antsy. He’s ordered water maybe six times, and to be honest, he’s getting a little pissed.

And then. “Hwang? Hyunjin Hwang?” He looks up, eyes gleaming in relief and then in bewilderment at his companions for the night. Politely, he cocks his head to the side, running a hand through his hair.

“Hi, do I know y—”

“Jaemin Na. This is Jeno Lee. We understand you’re in need of a date.” Two guys clad in matching black tees sit on either side of him, voices loud despite the quiet aura of the restaurant. Hyunjin doesn’t know how to react.

“I’m really not, y—”

“Trust us.” Jeno slams a manila folder on the desk, and opposite him, so does Jaemin. “We are high-tier selectors of love interests. Our past clients…client, rather, is extremely content with their love life.”

“Because you recommended their soulmate?” asks Hyunjin, confused.

“Well…no. Actually, she met her boyfriend elsewhere. But that’s besides the point.” Jaemin extracts ten papers from his folder and Jeno follows suit.

“Hyunjin Hwang, are you ready for a date draw?”

—

hope you liked it :) drop an ask! I absolutely love all types of feedback

#lee donghyuck #lee haechan #haechan #haechan imagines #haechan fluff #nct

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the-last-rat-standing · 2 years

Note

Hi! I honestly want your opinion on every Craig Bond movie. How would you rate them? Go big please

Ha! Okay!

So the short version:

1. Skyfall 10/10 2. Casino Royale 9.5/10 3. Quantum of Solace 7/10 4. No Time to Die 6.5/10 5. Spectre 4/10

The longer version:

1. Skyfall- I fluctuate between this and Casino Royale. Both have everything I want in a new Bond movie. There's action, great stunts, tuxedos, fantastic location shots, amazing villains. I mean, how do you choose between Javier Bardem and Mads Mikkelsen??

But the cinematography of Skyfall edges this race for me. Anyone who's followed my tumblr knows I will forever claim Roger Deakins was robbed of the Oscar. Yes, there are plot holes, but I think it's the best representation of a man who, at this point, has seen it all and done it all and has the scars to show it. There are so many scenes in this that I could say are my favourites of any Bond movie. And then Judi Dench. Yeah, definitely my favourite.

2. Casino Royale- What a great idea to reboot the series. And what a movie to do it. I remember how fucking excited I was when I saw the first trailer. That black and white opening? "Yes, considerably." Honestly, it gives me goosebumps just writing that out. The parkour scene is one of the best chase scenes ever. Mads Mikkelsen as the villain? "Everyone will know you died scratching my balls." Omg, so, so brilliant. The only thing that puts this in 2nd instead of 1st is, to me, it felt like it went on about 15 minutes too long. After Bond is rescued, his recovery and time with Vesper needed a bit of tightening up. But Eva Green was Craig's best Bond girl.

3. Quantum of Solace- I know this one gets a lot of flak but if you look at it as a movie instead of a Bond movie, it's quite good. The villain is the letdown, but the premise is interesting: what if the world's most valuable resource was water instead of oil? And Olga Kurylenko gave the perfect weight to the role. I really, really liked her. (She is nearly unrecognizable as the Taskmaster in the Black Widow movie!)

4. No Time to Die- It's incredibly uneven in tempo and tone, but it is saved by the most fitting ending they could've given both the character and the actor. It's a testament to how good it was, because I was spoiled for the ending, but it still hit me in the gut. Loved Bond's scene with Blofeld. But to be honest, beyond the ending, I can't really come up with a scene that stuck in my head. A very limp opening that had to be the first in the series that didn't actually involve Bond. Like Christoph Waltz in Spectre, Rami Malek was a complete waste in this movie. And I never saw the chemistry between Daniel Craig and Lea Seydoux, so I didn't care about what happened between Bond and Madeleine. He had more chemistry with the kid. Still, that ending!

5. Spectre- The biggest hype with the biggest letdown. A rewrite of the Bond and Blofeld canon that was so massively eyerolling, I'm pretty sure my eyes went around more times than a slot machine. Christoph Waltz was so promising as a villain and as Blofeld, they didn't need to connect him to Bond. Dave Bautista, who I love, is a poor man's Oddjob, and as I said, Lea Seydoux did nothing for me. Worst Bond song. I will say, that opening sequence in Mexico?? The biggest compliment I can give it is, it's probably the best opening for the worst movie.

#james bond #daniel craig #007

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cutetinyartist · 2 years

Note

🧵📖

🧵 What fictional character(s) would you like to see tiny?

Ooh this is a cute one to think about! 👀🥺🖤 I'll list a few characters off the top of my head:

Butters Stotch (South Park)

Honestly I think he'd be EXTRA adorable I he was Tiny + I just wanna scoop him up and protect him 😭🥺 Poor babie has gone through way too much shit, I wanna bitch-slap his parents and save him from them-

Izzy Moonbow (My Little Pony)

Y'all know I'm obsessed with this adorable Unicorn (I mean she is my PFP at the moment) and I just think she'd be adorable if she was Tiny! 💙 Especially if she still did Arts and Crafts and found exciting ways to get around as a Tiny, I just think it'd be really cute 🥺

Tweek Tweak/Craig Tucker (SP)

I listed them both together cus I love how cute they are as a couple, and I genuinely can't decide which idea I prefer more:

Tweek being Tiny and Craig holding him during one of his anxiety-attacks so he can help calm him down, cus Giants calming down rlly anxious Tinies is always 🥺🥺🥺

Craig being Tiny and having to try to calm down Giant Tweek, cus it's a cute reversal of the usual "Giant calms down Tiny" trope AND it'd just be adorable with their character dynamic 😭🖤

Danny Sexbang/Ninja Brian (NSP)

Listed them together cus I just think it'd be funny seeing one member of the band Tiny! 😂🖤

I love the idea of Danny being Tiny but still trying to seduce everyone and being extra adorable whilst doing so (kinda like the Pour Some Sugar on Me MV!) 🖤

The idea of Ninja Brian being Tiny but still filled with murderous rage (all while Danny constantly teases him about how Tiny he is) is rlly funny to me 😂🖤

📖 Got any G/T fics and/or art you can recommend? Or perhaps any G/T fic and/or art ideas you want to share?

Honestly I haven't been reading many Fics lately, but I keep looking at art by @chamomile-g-tea cus it's so pretty 🥺🖤

As for G/T Ideas I wanna share, I guess most of the tropes/ideas I listed on the previous ask I answered (🧪) would be fun to turn into art/fics! I definitely wanna try writing something involving a Mad Scientist + accidental growing/shrinking when I get the chance 👀🖤

Thanks for the ask! 🥺🖤

#g/t #giant/tiny #ask #cutetinyartist

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starkerintheparker · 4 years

Text

starker reclist - AUs

Hey guys! Welcome to the second part of my personal Starker reclist, dedicated to AUs. Last week I posted my canon-based recs, you can find them here.

I tried to incorporate as many tropes as I could, hoping everyone will find something special within their interests. There are a few a/b/o and underage fics, all properly tagged in case anyone wishes to avoid them. I also tried to highlight soulmate AUs because I reckon it’s a somewhat popular trope. Enjoy! ❤️

Last updated: April 25th, 2020. All new fics added will be marked with ***

• 007 AU by @darker-soft-starker (T, 4k, completed)

Summary: Undercover and bored at an art auction, Tony finds entertainment in Peter Parker.

Review: Look, I’m a simple woman. Daniel Craig has owned my ass ever since Casino Royale and I was reading 00Q and Hartwin before I even shipped Starker. Point is, I like spy movies, ok?! So naturally I couldn’t leave this fic out of my reclist. I you need further incentive, consider this quote: “What, a little late night espionage not romantic enough for you?” Peter retorts, whipping a pistol out from his jacket and aiming it at Tony’s chest.

• 3 Times I Told You I Loved You & 1 Time You Said It Back by @starkeristheendgame (E) background Peter/Steve, Peter/Bucky, Peter/Scott

Summary: Peter Parker confesses his love to Tony Stark three times. Once at ten, once at fifteen and once at twenty. Finally convinced that Tony will never love him back, Peter ventures out into a different path, desperate to find the love he seeks from someone else. But you know what they say about star-crossed lovers.

Review: This lovely fic holds a very special place in my heart. I’m so invested I decided to wait until it’s finished so I can read it all in one sitting. Peter’s longing and heartbreak hurt my poor soul but I trust Jensen to give me that promised Starker endgame - I know it will be glorious when it finally comes.

• A Night on the Town by @scarletmanuka1 (G, 2.3k, completed)

Summary: Nightclub AU. Years after the events of Endgame, Tony has hit rock bottom. The Snap left him crippled, Pepper has abandoned him and has taken Morgan with her, and he's feeling old and lonely. Peter arranges a night out at the nightclub that he works at to try and cheer Tony up.

Review: I love get together fics, especially if it involves oblivious!Tony getting his shit together and going after his man. Seeing him bitter and broken after Thanos was hard, but special kudos to IronBros moments because that friendship is true goals!

• Age of Adeline by @starkerforlife6969 (completed) background Harley/Peter, Bucky/Peter, Wade/Peter

Review: I’d never in a million years think about this movie as a Starker AU but gosh, this is everything I needed in my life and it completely devastated me but I loved every minute of it. As a devoted monoshipper, I was surprised to realize that I got emotionally involved with all pairings, even more so with Starker, which totally paid off. Gorgeous, powerful and heartfelt. God bless SFL.

• assume makes ass for u and me by @pretty-well-funded (M, 1.6k, completed) tw underage

Summary: In Tony’s defense, he was sure the kid was a rent boy.

Review: This 1.6k fic caught me completely off guard and now I’m crying because I need MORE. I love the premise, the dialogue is criminally good, their voices are amazing and I can’t get enough of cheeky!Peter charming Tony with his wit and filthy mind.

• Bamf!secretary Peter by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed)

Review: Who could ever resist some corporate espionage drama with bamf!Peter leaving Tony speechless and horny? Not me. I’d read more 30k of this verse because competent, sassy Peter Parker is such a kink, omg.

• Biker!Tony by @starkerforlife6969 (T, completed) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Review: Same age AUs are not usually my thing but I can’t resist cute high school sweethearts written by this fandom goddess. Plus, protective!Tony calling Peter “doll” does things to my heart - and Peter’s.

• Breaking Character by @cagestark (E, 8.3k, completed)

Summary: Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, and spy for SHIELD. Working with another SHIELD spy, the infamous Spider, he will take down an infamous human trafficking ring in New York. But the act they have to put on will demand more from Tony than he ever thought he'd have to give. Not that he minds.

Review: The spy trope seriously needs more fic like this one, because I’ll have bamf!Peter lying back to save his country while Tony freaks out any day. Cage hits the perfect balance between plot building, fantastic sexual tension, clever dialogue and the hottest smut sequence. What a ride! (Pun intended).

• Curiosity Killed the Cat by @areluctantsblog (T, 1.5k, completed)

Summary: Peter has been modelling in an art school for years. He's used to strangers' eyes roaming his body - clothed or naked - and he knows that it's not him they are looking at. Not him who they are interested in. He's just a model, a tool for their work. And for a long time he doesn't notice the one pair of eyes that, despite seeing him but rarely, is looking right at him.

Review: Very soft and atmospheric, this fic left me in a bit of a daze and it took me a while to realize it was over. Great writing will do that to you.

• Detective!Tony, Graffiti Artist!Peter by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed)

Review: Oh don’t mind me, just appreciating this author’s talent at writing from the filthiest smut to the softest “Tony saves Peter in all ways that matter” like this ficlet. We stan.

• Eat at Pete’s by feyrelay + glorious art by @peachbabypie (E)

Summary: Peter gives him an unimpressed look, “If you didn’t do your work, then you wouldn’t be able to earn my time though, would you?” Pfft. “Kid, I have more money than god. I can splurge on your delicious pancakes and attention, trust me,” Tony informs him loftily. Peter smiles that wicked, crooked little smile that's just for him. It's not even and perfect like his the-customer-is-always-right one that's more frequently on offer. “I didn’t say you couldn’t afford it. I said you wouldn’t have earned it.”

Review: How can we ever say no to dom!Peter putting Tony in his place and hopefully on his dick + Tony loving every second of it?? Their dynamics are fantastic and that TASTY COUNTER DIALOGUE KILLS ME. EVERY TIME. Check it out and come scream with me: sub!Tony rights :D

• Fire and Ice by LeafyGreenQueen773 (M, 3k, completed) Soulmate AU

Summary: AU where when someone writes on his or her skin, the same thing shows up on their soulmate in the same place as a Mark that fades away in a few hours.

Review: This was the first Starker soulmate fic I’ve read and it made my heart ache so soft and good. Lovely and bittersweet, quiet and painfully honest.

• Genius, Acrobat, Playboy, Philanthropist by @scarletmanuka1 (E, 28k, completed)

Summary: After Peter's aeriel acrobatics partner, Adrian Toomes is fired from The Avengers Circus Troupe for theft, he is shocked to discover that his replacement is non other than legendary performer, Tony Stark - the man that Peter had hero worshipped since he first learned how to tumble.

Review: After reading this fic I realized I need more Circus AUs in my life. I could read jealous idiots falling in love while doing beautiful acrobatics for the rest of my days. Original plot, nice character development and I really appreciated how the author inserted little canon things here and there.

• Happy to Disappoint by @deaded-blush (M, 60k, completed) tw underage, domestic violence

Summary: Adrian Toomes is in quite deep with notorious mob boss Tony Stark. But when Tony comes to collect the debt owed, he's surprised to discover Toomes has an adoptive son. The chance meeting changes the direction of both their lives...

Review: Hands down one of the best Mafia!AUs I’ve ever seen. Read it all in one sitting and by the end I was SHOOKETH and utterly obsessed with this story. Nothing about it is okay so brace yourself for whump!Peter and lots of h/c. Bonus points for an incredibly satisfying ending that will make you gasp out loud.

• Hey Baby, Slip between my Beta-Pleats and get to know my Alpha-Helix? by @starkerforlife6969 and @darker-soft-starker (E, 37k, completed) A/B/O

Summary: Even though Tony can't tell the difference between Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo, Peter really has no other choice. His heat is around the corner, so even though he loathes the party-going, booze drinking, smug playboy know-it-all that is Tony Stark. He'll just have to do.

Review: I can’t believe life went on as we know it (or did it??) after these two geniuses wrote together. This is the Starker version of “enemies to lovers” we all wanted and deserve, where spoiled-bratty-posh princess Peter finds the perfect balance for his chaotic energy in goofy-unapologetic-charming playboy Tony. Their falling in love is just so tender, so genuine and so good, it’s impossible not to cheer for these two sweethearts through this delightful, carefully crafted story.

• If you let me by @css1992 (E, 12k, completed)

Summary: Peter had tried dating younger guys, but it just didn’t do it for him. They were often too eager, too fast, too rough. Just too young, in general. Not that older men couldn’t be too much, too, Peter learned it the hard way. The man looking back at him from across the room seemed like a good one. He knew he shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but he was gorgeous. Possibly the most handsome man Peter had ever seen in his short life.

Review: I remember the first time I read this fic it hit me in such a powerful way I cried a bit and was too overwhelmed to do words and tell the author just how much I loved it. But I never forgot this fic or the way it made me feel. It’s so evocative, so sexy, so raw, so heartbreaking, so sweet and so gentle. Great atmosphere, even greater characterization and some of the hottest smut I’ve ever read. Treat yourself and check this out right now.

• I’ll be Home by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed) A/B/O

Summary: The story starts when Soldier Tony comes home for a few days, and is introduced to the love of his life.

Review: Will I ever stop reccing SFL’s works? Maybe, but today is not the day. This gorgeous, breathtaking fic attacked me in my own house during Christmas day and made me cry like a baby. I’m a sucker for reunion stories - the longing, the heartbreak, the power of endurance. This fic reminded me that no matter how long or difficult the journey, love will always find a way.

• Little Spider by @stfustucky (iwillpaintasongforlou) (E, 5k, completed)

Summary: Peter Parker is one of the country's best hitmen, known in the underworld as the Little Spider. He spends his days in the lap of luxury with his billionaire fiance Tony Stark, and his nights doing dirty work for various shady characters. Life is good, right up until someone puts out a hit on Tony and wants Peter to pull the trigger. It... might be time for them to have a talk.

Review: Omg this fic was so deliciously good in a totally surprising and sexy way. Bamf!Peter took my breath away with the perfect balance between his two personas. Tony getting off on that sheer power and confidence is a BIG MOOD and my second favorite thing in this fic. The first being the badass power couple they make.

• love somebody like you (E) by @intoxicatelou

Summary: five times Tony was Peter’s roommate and one time he was his soulmate instead.

Review: Who doesn’t love some forced proximity mixed with the unbeatable soulmate trope? This plot is the hottest take and my heart cannot handle young!Tony with his brilliant mind and sassy charm protecting and flirting with Peter, unfff feels everywhere *cries in Starker*

• Love Thy Neighbour by @darker-soft-starker (T, 2.3k, completed)

Summary: Tony's new neighbour is kinda weird.

Review: I know I keep saying that same age!AUs are not really my thing but I’m the softest bitch for feel-good, cozy domesticity, and I love how this charming story shows that ordinary life become magical when shared with someone special. I could babble all night about how eccentric and confident Peter seduces our man of science that for once has absolutely no idea of what’s going on - but you really should see it for yourself right now :)

• Mafia Boss!Tony Break Up Make Up by @starkerforlife6969 (E, completed)

Review: Man, this fic was so rude to my heart. The heartbreak, the rough sex, the guilt, the hopeful make up, the gorgeous ending. My body literally cannot take the stress, why are Mafia AUs so doomed and beautiful and more importantly, why is SFL so good at writing them???

• Microcosm Series by @bloomblood (M, 32k) tw underage

Summary: Tony and Peter become each other’s heroes after the Snap, saving themselves before they offer aid back to the world.

Review: I haven’t read many post-apocalyptic fics but this series’s raw atmosphere sucked me in. I adore the quiet intimacy, the slow and tentative healing, and all the silent and complex emotions underneath apparent simplicity. Big aesthetic mood, just as its lovely author.

• Musechaser by @nightskygardenia (M, 10.5k, completed)

Summary: Eighteen year old art student Peter Parker is desperately searching for his muse, someone who can bring his creative skills to the next level through inspiration. Lucky for him, his next class just so happens to feature a gorgeous model by the name of Tony Stark, a man Peter's convinced is his muse, to the point of staying after class to ask for private modeling sessions.

Review: Another big aesthetic mood, this fic paints a gorgeous imagery. I love the setting, the slow pace and the building anticipation until the sexual tension finally breaks. Peter is adorable and Tony exudes confidence; their voices are spot on and their chemistry is palpable and intense.

• My Best Friend’s Dad by @darker-soft-starker (M, 17.6k, completed)

Summary: Peter is home for the summer, back from his first year away at college. Having stayed over at Harley's house every weekend since they were fourteen, he never used to think much of his friend’s dad. A few years worth of college experience has Peter noticing Tony in a different way. This time, Tony notices him back.

Review: Turns out that Tony Stark being a dad and a daddy is too much for my body. I worship this fic. I wanna get married to it and have its babies. No words will ever make it justice *sobs* no but seriously, secret relationship is a perfect Starker trope and this one will take you to the edge of your seat until the very end. A+ characterization, lovely build up, infuriating cliffhangers and the wholesome happy ending we all deserve. This is the kind of fic that leaves you a bit depressed once it’s over, because you suddenly realize you’ll never read it for the first time ever again. So get to it and make sure to enjoy every second!

• One Call Away by @readysetstarker (E)

Summary: Tony didn’t need the phone sex gig. He was more than well off, his own sex life was in great shape, but damn, there was just something about listening to someone else get off to his voice.

Review: Omg who could ever resist sex hotline + daddy kink + identity porn? Dev is coming after our own hearts and bodies with this hot combo. I love the balance between their cute chemistry and the hot phone sex, plus the identity porn is deliciously fun. I was so happy to know this fic is getting longer than the author had previously anticipated because I’m definitely not ready to let it go.

• Open Road by @starkerflowers (E, 2.5k, completed)

Summary: It’s not love, but it’s good. TW: implied abuse (not between Tony/Peter); bruises/violence; panic attack.

Review: This refreshing not-quite-a-love-story will capture your heart, make it hurt, make it ache, make it hope and finally, make it heal. This fic is so gorgeously written I honestly cannot rec it enough. Yes, it’s dark and angsty, but it’s also gentle, hopeful and deeply evocative.

• Panty Raid by @starkerforlife6969 (M, completed) A/B/O

Summary: Imagine Tony being forced to do a panty raid as an initiation for his fraternity. So Tony, keeping up his playboy appearances, sneaks into the omega dorms. And he sees sweet innocent Peter who is so alarmed by the alphas raiding their dorm Tony can’t help but comfort him.

Review: Unf this fic is just too charming and cute, my heart cannot take it. Frat stories are so fun they make me forget my preference for age gaps and realize I could read more 50k of protective young!Tony any day, please and thank

• Pete’s Eats by @darker-soft-starker (T, 9.3k, completed)

Summary: Peter has a YouTube channel where he just drinks wine and teaches people how to cook things if they live in a mediocre apartment. While cooking and drinking he just talks about stuff like memes and school and, most importantly, his undying thirst for Tony Stark.

Review: This is legit the funniest shit I’ve ever read, everybody else can go home. I was already sold on Peter being a relatable thirsty dork, but Tony’s A+++ characterization (for a moment I thought it was RDJ on the big screen) and the identity porn side trope killed me for good. And what a way to go. I’m an angst hoe but I could read this forever and would be okay with it.

• pondus, pondera by spqr (M, 9.3k, completed) underage prostitution but not between P/T

Summary: Peter sells his virginity for $5,000 when he’s fifteen.

Review: Ugh I’m so weak for the angsty hooker trope, I just love the potential to simultaneously explore whump, mutual pining and gentle recovery. Trust spqr to deliver it all with a carefully crafted slow burn, god-tier characterization and a heartfelt and satisfying get together. This fic is a gem.

• Powerful by @cagestark (E, 4.6k, completed) SIM!Tony

Summary: After finding out about Peter's abusive ex, Tony privately vows revenge.

Review: This fic took my breath away and made me realize that dark!Tony with a soft spot for Peter is everything I need in my life. Precious Peter being empowered by a viciously protective Tony is now my absolute jam, and it was fascinating to see see their dynamics mutually feeding each other’s nature. This fic is gorgeous, sexy and liberating.

***Red Light District series by @starker-stories (17k, ongoing)

Summary: Everyone knows that Tony Stark is a playboy who has dozens of women passing through his life and through his bed. What everyone doesn't know is that Tony Stark is deeply closeted, longing for something he can't ever have -- a life and a love with another man.

Review: I’m completely in love with this series and not only because it explores the good old hooker trope which I’m very partial to. It’s so well written and atmospheric, if a tad bittersweet and heart-wrenching. Great narrative tension, Tony and Peter’s chemistry is insane, their voices and dialogue are amazing and the smut is looong and scorching hot *chef’s kiss*

• Samadhi by @starkercrossedlovers (E, completed)

Summay: Tony goes to yoga to try and deal with his anxiety and ends up falling for the instructor, one Peter Parker.

Review: Okay so yoga fics are among my guilty pleasures and I can’t get enough of feel-good fics like this one. Peter’s such a sweetheart, so thoughtful and amazing with Tony. I love it when they take care of each other and find solace together, this fic made me soft :’)

• Single dad baker!Peter and lawyer!Tony by @starkerforlife6969 (G, completed)

Review: I’m not usually a fluff girl but this fic is just too wholesome to go by unnoticed. Nothing hits my soft side harder than a cynical character reaching that turning point that makes them start to believe in love. Fuck yes, YOU SHOW THAT MAN SOME HAPPILY EVER AFTER PETE

• Soft Kitty by @ko-fiandfanfiction (E, 33k, completed)

Summary: Peter wasn’t wearing something Tony would call normal, not that there was anything inherently wrong with what he was wearing or anything. It just struck him as…different. To put it plainly. Tony is not sure what to make of this new development.

Review: For those of you who love some occasional feminization, this is the perfect treat. Soft, sexy and sweet, it combines top guilty, pining Tony with oblivious idiots in love, two of my favorite tropes. Amazing slow burn with glorious sexual tension, infuriating dancing around each other and a very satisfying get together. Bonus points for including the “Avengers living together in the Tower” trope, this is the 2012 team building fic we deserved.

• Solitaire by @darker-soft-starker (M, 29k, completed)

Summary: After a traumatic experience, Tony loses his marriage and his business empire in one fell swoop. At rock bottom, it takes real change to pick up the pieces, to dig himself out of the funk he's been living in. It's not pretty. Along the path of healing Tony meets a bright young man, Peter Parker, who makes the entire journey worth it.

Review: Oh man, this was a tough ride on the soul. Few things hurt me like reading whump!Tony but his healing journey is so beautiful it’s all worth it. Top notch characterization, amazing dialogue, FEELS EVERYWHERE, and a gorgeous portrayal of loneliness, friendship, hope and love.

• Someone Who Makes you Happy by tuesday (T, 6k, completed) Soulmate AU

Summary: Peter was born with several marks already marring his skin, including an interlocking AES over his heart. A scar-sharing soulmate AU.

Review: This fic is absolutely stunning and it makes my heart ache in all the right places. Great worldbuilding (I LOVE the scarring concept, so unique and fitting to these characters), A+++ Tony characterization (the wit and the self-hate are so spot on I could weep) and a journey full of longing, until they finally get to be on the same page.

• Splice by Mezzymet (E, 35k, completed) A/B/O

Summary: "He's not...." The doctors polite nature and disposition hadn't been able to mask the odd tone of his voice, like he had been reading someone's death certificate. Only Peter hadn't been on his death bed. "Peter isn't like the other kids.

Review: I keep coming back to this story because it’s such a fascinating and unique take on this trope. Very well thought and put together - the world building is fantastic, the sex sequences are breathtaking, and Tony’s gentle thoughtfulness makes me wanna cry.

• Stopover by @cagestark (E, 10k, completed)

Summary: A stopover is just a break in a journey. Tony is on the run from the organization he used to kill for, and when he stopped for gas and coffee in the small town of Stopover, IL, he had no plans to leave with anything more.

Review: *sigh* this is the mob boss!Tony fic I’ve waited for all my life. Even more impressive than the delicious smut checking all my kink boxes was the phenomenal build up, the overall urgent atmosphere that surrounds those “on the run”, combined with the gentle wonder of stealing a moment in time to find solace in the most unlikely place. Breathtakingly moving.

• Student Body President Election by @starkerforlife6969 (T, completed)

Summary: Tony and Peter are competing for Student Body President and a smear campaign takes things a little too far.

Review: GIMME ENEMIES TO LOVERS AND ALL THE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA. This ficlet is so fun and adorable it will make your heart smile. Great plot idea and the usual bonus points for protective!Tony being a sweetheart. Will have more 30k, pls and thank.

• Such a Softer Sin by @css1992 (E, 18k, completed) background Peter/Norman

Summary: Tony is a self-made man. Peter is a sugar baby – someone else’s sugar baby.

Review: Another fantastic slow burn that hit me hard in the feels. I love it when fics explore the characters’ personal struggles before they get together, and while the Peter!whump destroyed my heart, Tony’s parallel journey of growth took my breath away. css1992’s talent took the good old sugar baby trope to a whole new epic level.

• Summer Daze by @darker-soft-starker (NR, 4.3k, completed)

Summary: Starker no-powers au where Peter watches construction worker Tony from his bedroom window as the older man works across the street.

Review: Ahh yes, the classic “food as metaphor for love” trope, my absolute jam. This fic is so adorable and endearing, pining!Peter in his wooing mission makes my heart ache and the sweet anticipation is so good. There’s something about this fic that gives me nostalgia; it’s as soft and warm as a summer breeze.

• Tamed by @cagestark (E, 8.3k, completed)

Review: It’s no wonder this is Cage’s most beloved fic. Bad boy!Tony being all soft for Peter is everything we deserve, not to mention a mesmerizing (and HOT AF) first time together. This fic shows how rich and captivating Cage’s writing is - she’s able to transform that old basic trope into something unique and heartfelt. If you need one more reason to read this, please consider: best first bj ever :)

• Teacher!Tony wrong number by @areluctantsblog (T) tw underage

Summary: Peter’s using a replacement phone and mistypes Ned’s number asking for help on a physics problem.

Review: I have such a soft spot for this fic! It was one of the first AUs I’ve ever read and I’m completely in love with their dynamics. Peter’s underage but this fic is carefully written and pretty tame, so I’d rec it to anyone looking for the good old “they probably shouldn’t, but then again nothing’s happening” trope.

• The Bleedover Effect by tuesday (T, 11k, completed) Soulmate AU

Summary: The first time Tony got punched in the face by nobody there, he had a lot of very complicated feelings about it that mostly boiled down to, "I deserve this." A pain-sharing soulmate AU.

Review: Tuesday truly is the queen of soulmate AUs, we have no other choice but STAN. First of all, I adore the concept here - being such a sucker for whump, this could easily become my favorite soulmate trope. As usual, her Tony voice is perfect and his devotion to Peter hits my fragile heart every time. Kudos for the soft and hopeful ending. The series has been discontinued but the sequels are very much worth the read, if you’re up for it :)

• The Catfish Chronicles by @stfustucky (iwillpaintasongforlou) (E, 32k, completed)

Summary: Peter creates a fake profile under the name “Benjamin” trying to catch his scumbag boyfriend cheating. Tony creates a Tinder profile for "Anthony" looking for love late in life. Funny how two geniuses who fight side by side every day can only manage to fall in love after they've accidentally catfished each other. This is... gonna get awkward.

Review: My identity porn thirst might be showing but who cares, I want these two idiots pining after each other in every possible way. This was such a fun and exciting ride! The suspense had me legit freaking out and their get together was lovely and wholesome. I particularly adored how thoughtful and sweet Tony was dealing with Peter’s insecurities, that was handled really well. A treat!

• The Concept of Domesticity by @peters-tofu (E) mpreg

Summary: Tony has accomplished nearly everything he's set out to do, now he wants something different. A family of his own? Sounds easy enough. But he's far too impatient for a relationship, so surrogacy it is. Meanwhile, twenty-two year old college student Peter Parker has just volunteered to be a bearer at an agency.

Review: Can’t say I’m a big fan of this trope but since every rule has its exception, here it is! The only Starker mpreg I’ve ever read is so so good and adorable I can’t help smiling every time I think about it. I just love their dynamics, the soft domesticity, the cute bantering, and the fact that Peter has one baby daddy all wrapped around his little finger but what else is new ;)

***The Date by Neuropsyche (E, 33k, completed)

Summary: Tony has a high society gala and he needs a date.

Review: My favorite fake dating AU so far, this fic is so sweet and wholesome. Confident!Peter is my jam and it was amazing to see their sassy bantering evolving into genuine affection towards each other, not to mention the delicious hot smut with dom!Tony :D

• The Final Heist by @starkerforlife6969 (G, 10k, completed)

Summary: Tony’s only got one more heist. He does this, he can be retired on an island in the Mediterranean in a month. All he needs is a world-class art forger. (White Collar inspired)

Review: Honestly, the amount of times I’ve mentioned SFL in this list is getting embarrassing. I must have done something really good in another life to get such a talented author writing something inspired by one of my favorite TV shows. I feel like this fic was personally crafted for me; it’s original, romantic, sexy, fun, clever and so very atmospheric. I’m a lucky hoe.

• The Heart Benefits of Exercise by @areluctantsblog (E, 14k, completed)

Summary: Personal Trainer Tony and Gym Newbie Peter. Peter can hardly keep it together watching Tony demonstrate different exercises and lift weights. Tony is very much aware of the effect he has on his trainee, and after a session, Peter begs to be shown a whole different array of exercises.

Review: This fic was a lovely surprise, very relatable and entertaining. Love myself an adorable Peter thirsting over Tony (can’t really judge lol), especially if it comes with a good amount of pining and hot, kinky smut :D

• Tipping the Scale by JayPendragon (E, 119k, completed)

Summary: Peter has a rhythm. A system. All runs like a well-oiled machine, engineering pun intended. Every wheel of his life is churning perfectly. He doesn’t expect Tony Stark of all people to throw a wrench in it.

Review: Hooker!AUs are my kryptonite, I’m so here for the “fuck first, talk later” and the general pining + misunderstandings + h/c combo this trope provides. This amazing longfic delivers it all with a well-paced, delicious slow burn told from Peter’s POV, which is always a delight to read and makes you fall even more in love with him. If you also enjoy this trope you’re in for a treat!

• To Catch a Spider by Thekeyandquill (E)

Summary: After the war, Peter Parker left his career as a spy behind to live a simple life in the south of France. But when someone frames him for the theft of plans for a new weapon, he must re-enter his old life and get close to the real thief's likely next target - one Tony Stark. A To Catch a Thief AU.

Review: TKAQ is so skilled their writing should be experienced like fine wine. Amazing research, top notch world building and characterization, and the loveliest atmosphere that makes you feel like you’re inside a movie. Clever, organic dialogue and a sexual tension so palpable you can almost taste it. This is a gem. Make sure to check their other works.

• Two White, Two Black, One Pink by @starkerforlife6969 (E) poly fic: Peter/Tony, Peter/Steve, Peter/Bucky, Peter/Strange Summary: Peter has three (maybe one day: four) men in his life who mean the world to him. Review: Ugh, this fic is pure bliss. It has legit ruined me for any and all other poly fics. Words just cannot describe how gorgeous, poetic and unique SFL’s writing is, or how deeply it has affected me. So if you enjoy Mafia AUs, poly fics and soft-but-also-bamf!Peter taking care of Tony AND being taken care of by the men he loves, give this a chance and experience transcending storytelling.

• Uranium Heart by spqr (M, 11k, completed) Soulmate AU Summary: It’s probably better, Peter thinks, that he doesn’t know who his soulmate is. He wouldn’t want to lie to them about Spider-Man, but he doesn’t think he’d be able to tell them the truth, either.

Review: Be still my heart. This is such a gorgeous fic! Not only it combines two major tropes in a coherent 11k story, but I also appreciate how spqr explores these characters and their dynamics in a very unique and realistic way. I strongly recommend checking their other works, especially Landslide.

• Waiting Game by @cagestark (E, 6k, completed)

Summary: Peter hasn't seen Tony in fifteen years. Not since he had their hasty marriage annulled, graduated college, and moved across the country. Their twenty year high school reunion will find them reunited. They've both changed, but one thing hasn’t. Hint: it's their feelings for each other.

Review: This fic literally made my heart BURST WITH FEELS: the whole build up and anticipation, the slow disclosure of their past, the first uncertain moments of their reunion. I also appreciate the powerful and moving message underneath it all, that true healing comes after we overcome our demons at our own pace. A masterpiece.

• Wooing Peter Parker by Neuropsyche (E, 62.5k, completed)

Summary: Tony and Rhodey dodge the press and sneak into the library where they meet Peter Parker - who immediately catches Tony's eye. But Peter isn't a one and done kind of guy and Tony's going to have to work for what he wants this time.

Review: This is the kind of fic that warms you all over and makes you smile non stop. It has so many elements I love in fic: cute flirting, clever banter, hot sex, soft domesticity, boys being reasonable and talking their problems out for a change. If you’re looking for something light, sweet and honest, this series is a must read!

#starker #reclist #peter parker x tony stark

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