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nolita-fairytale · 11 months

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Carmy as Your Baby Daddy | Social Media AU & Headcanon Series | part one

masterlist | part two now that i've finished my top gun: maverick series, it's me i'm back and gearing up for season two. after a bout of food poisoning, i finally cracked and am writing this pregnancy headcanon that i said i wouldn't bc my ovaries would explode (looking at you @allthefandomstogether). anyways, a huge thank you to @carmensberzattos who pinged many an ideas back and forth about carmy as your baby daddy and screamed into the abyss about this on a friday night. i'm writing this with my main character from the make your heart surrender-verse, but can absolutely read as a standalone piece. posting now because i'm so damn excited but i may go back and add some more things later.

oh and this a headcanon series now so. that part.

carmy as your baby daddy:

sometime after the wedding, you and carmy decide that you're ready to start a family. you're not trying but you're not not trying, meaning you've gone off of birth control but you're not carefully monitoring your ovulation cycle either. you both figure that it'll happen when it happens and if it doesn't, there are many other ways to make a family.

carmy never really thought about having kids until the two of you got together. after adopting your kitty together, carmy got to see a your more nurturing side and taking care of something together as a team made him think about how much he wants a family with you. after sugar has her baby it really ups the ante. seeing carmy become an uncle is what starts the conversation about seriously starting a family, and every time carmy sees you holding the baby, it's 'when our kids this, and when our kids that' for days after.

you swear it's food poisoning. after a somewhat questionable late night meal, you spend half the night vomiting while carmy works a later night at the restaurant. you text him to bring ginger ale and tums home. of course he comes through because are you kidding this man is a caretaker?!

you insist that you're fine and much better, even though you're absolutely exhausted. things are so busy at work for you (and have i mentioned the pregnancy fatigue) that you don't think much of it when a few nights later, you find yourself kneeling on the bathroom floor once again.

there are always little kids running around at the extended family gatherings and which led to your realization (when you first met everyone) that carmy is surprisingly good with kids.

it's not till a week or two later (after your little bout of 'food poisoning') that you're at cicero's place for a family birthday party that it hits you. one of carmy's cousins (not richie kind of cousin teehee) has just had a new baby with his wife. you've been catching up with ava, richie's daughter because you've become an auntie of sorts to her. you find some time to steal away for a some girl-time but when you return, carmy is holding his new niece/nephew in his arms.

the sight of him holding the baby not only takes your goddamn breath away as he stares long and hard your way, his blue eyes piercing right through your heart, but it's then that you realize that you're a few weeks late. it's like time stops as you look at him, seeing him coo at the baby with the softest look on his face. the realization hits you, clear as day.

"holy shit." is all you say, earning a few funny looks from the berzatto extended family and friends. "carm, can i borrow you for a second?" you and carmy find a quiet place to talk inside. "you okay, babe?" "carmy i think i'm-. what if i-. i'm late." "what do you-? like.. late late?" "now that i think about it, a few weeks late, honey." "yeah?" he asks you, totally in shock and eyes wide. "yeah."

the two of you make an excuse to leave the party as soon as possible, and hurry to the nearest drugstore to pick up a pregnancy test. you wait till you're home to take it. "do you want me to come in, sweetheart?" "no, carmy! i don't want you to watch me pee, you weirdo!" you answer, even though you know he's just excited.

the two of you are pacing back and forth, practically making dents in the floor with your footsteps for what feels like the longest two minutes of your lives. when your timer goes off, you're both simultaneously freaking out about the fact that you're lives are about to change forever, while also really, really hoping for a positive result. and as the fates would have it, the test is positive.

"holy shit. holy fucking shit. we're- you're-, we're gonna-!" carmy is ecstatic as searches for words. "we're having a baby, baby!" you squeal jumping into his arms." "god, i love you so much," he says, grinning at you as wrap your legs around his waist. "i love you too, carm. so, so much."

you literally get the biggest kick out of calling him your baby daddy: to friends and family, coworkers, random strangers, in restaurants, at the gas station. you'll take photos of him at the farmers market and post on your ig story referring to him as your baby daddy because you find it hilarious. carmy doesn't find it as funny (even though he secretly loves it) and he's cherry-tomato red when you tell the checkout clerk at the bodega across the street from your place that your baby daddy is going to pick up the tab.

everyone at the restaurant is so excited for you! even richie cries a little when you tell him the news. you hadn't really gotten close to richie until ava grew super attached to you, which opened up a whole new avenue and understanding for your friendship with richie.

ever since you found out you were pregnant, carmy always has bread and ginger ale on hand for your morning sickness. he started making you your favorite soft scrambled eggs with toast, but the chives have been way too strong of a flavor for a sensitive tummy. it's slowly become eggs & toast and then just... toast, which you promptly apologize for stripping away any kind of artistic freedom he may have previously had.

you get near compulsive cravings for certain foods, and carmy is always ready to throw on a jacket and run across the street when you get midnight cravings.

carmy hates seeing how tumultuous pregnancy has been during your first trimester. he's always ready with a hair tie or a glass of water for when you're done throwing up. okay hear me out: but carmy starting to wear hair ties because he wants to always have one ready for you. he'll even take off a morning with you or call your workplace if you need a sick day just so that he can take care of you. even if you don't need care, he just wants to spend time with you and be there for you while you go through it.

we already know that carmy is an acts of service king. he is the tenderest, most gentle partner and wants to be as helpful as possible. if you're sick, he wants to make you feel better. if the pregnancy hormones are raging against the machine, he's more than happy to let you be upset, or get you off by any means if the hormones go that way too. he'll sit on the bathroom floor with you and rub your back until you need to vomit again. he'll give you the best morning head of your life. he'll run a bath for you when you need one. he checks in every hour on the hour in your first trimester, which you appreciate, but eventually have to ask him to chill the fuck out.

speaking of physical changes, the pregnancy boobs are ELITE. carmy is always there to make you feel beautiful despite your rapidly changing body, esp when your clothes start fitting differently.

the first time your bump starts showing and you point it out to him, carmy cries. or maybe he notices it first and he's just like... weeping and you're like: babe r u ok? and then you realize that you're showing and carmy is kneeling and admiring your baby bump and now you're crying. sorry, but i don't make the rules it's just a fact that this is how it would go down.

carmy is so emotional about this because he realizes that he finally gets to build the family he didn't have and he gets to build it with you.

well this just hijacked my writing plans oops. part two will be more 'you & carmy pregnancy things' and part three will be birth & post-birth.

tagging my carmy taglist in the comments below!

#carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto #carmy x oc #the bear hulu #the bear fx #jeremy allen white #carmen 'carmy' berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto headcanon #the bear headcanon #carmy berzatto imagines #carmy berzatto fluff #comfort and chaos #still into you #make my heart surrender #Carmy as your baby daddy

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alligaytorswamp · 5 months

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i've seen few posts of kaeya and childe together on ur blog. And i'm kinda curious on why ur fascinated by this ship

"few posts"?? 😭

asdjhkajlhdjjshslkda sorry it's just this ship takes up too much of my personality to be just "few posts of kaeya and childe together" 😭😭😭

ERM ANYWAYS... AHHAHAJDSKASD

uhhh 1. i am not the guy to give good explanations for any ship im crazy about 2. bad memory and inability to talk eloquently be damned

i'd say that first of all they just *feel* right. which is -naturally- subjective as shit i just can see them interact, i can see the potential in their dynamic, kinda like... they have enough in common but also plenty of stuff they would have different opinions on. and all of it matches nicely where it's not "people who wouldnt get along due to crazy differences in morals and worldviews", it's more like "compatible people, whose differences can actually help them improve themselves"

uhhh ofc the whole abyss thing, kaeya being part of tartaglia's trial, hydro+cryo swag, them both being excellent big bros, etc etc (i probably am forgetting smth important) all of which helps me pretend they are real and canon

idk really how to explain it, it's just very real to me, and most of it i can only astral project into ur brain through vivid hallucinations i have about their interactions

and if i had to talk about my *personal* taste and why chaeya hits so hard, well it's just my fav "trope", where a character i don't care that much about (tartaglia) is simping HARD for the character a love (kaeya) LMAO i loveee seeing love fucking up imaginary people ok, AND my fav gets to receive all the attention teehee ^_^ (all of this is naturally kind of a joke, and only the surface level of what i think or i like about this ship)

maybe i could come up with more "reasons" .. errr.. tartaglia is crazy, but kaeya could handle that easily and make him better AND worse their banter would be immaculate, like u know they could have annoying fake conversations about weather and work with vague jabs and threats and somehow it's them flirting, but then also!! them talking fr?? being all fucking honest??? bruh. a man dedicated to his country and a man who had to question where he even belongs? wOooOOoOOw... angsty! deep! fascinating! now also take tartaglia's loyalty/dedication and throw all of it at kaeya? wow. have anyone ever gone crazy for kaeya like tartaglia could?? i need that and i think kaeya deserves that both are good with kids.... augh.... like consider all the 'political' tension there may be and them being on guard since this other guy lowkey highkey could be an enemy and then they both interact with klee. and like. WOW. no way this guy suddenly showing so much of his sweet and caring side?? 2094893 injured and 1 dead (it's me) ohhh they have such hardcore slowburn potential too... bc DENIAL ... and they shouldnt even like each other, but when they talk the sparks are fucking speeding thru and the flirting happens so naturally and oopsy daisy they are now casually writing each other letters totally insisting that all of it is to get some secret information out of the other but both long forgotten what that secret info even was AAAA ah.. there is just so much............... i could have written many novels of just my incoherent thoughts about them 😔

#ALTHO i dont think i have made 45 separate pieces of drawn content.. i think it's like ~30.. but also u know searching on tumblr is unreal #anyways #sorry.. i really dont know how to answer that LMAO #my heart chose a ship and my brain followed and made into a fixation #also i know for a fact there were like 2-3 post on here where ppl actually explained all the 'canon' parallels and other stuff #any of that would 10 times more useful than me #anonymous #ask adry #thanks for letting me have a little moment of ch-aeya craze heh

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kishdoodles · 1 year

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If you have the time Please infodump about darkwoods smp (or if someone already has just point me in the right direction and I can go find it!)

hiii twirls hair Darkwoods SMP is a private mc server I play on with friends ^_^ The lore is that it started based off the events in 3rd Life, and this post by @martynsimp69 goes into a lot of stuff since its founding (I wasn't there)

But heeey if you want to learn about my character I'm sticking all that under a read more teehee!

I got a character named Redac on there and he's a seraph who was born into and knows only everything that exists on the internet :] Darkwoods is like, their vacation arc. He's taking a break from The Horrors™️ to play a little bit of Minecraft. He's a photographer and avid farmer :D I got a cozy cabin and a farm and all ^_^

(There's also a castle next to my cabin that my partner started and I finished. It's not important to any story or whatever it's just a cool castle B) here I'll show it off more)

Pre-Darkwoods Redac had breaks in between The Madness™️when he tapped into a connection to a half-broken headset that Spain (@thefluxqueen)'s character Snake wore. You can find out more about Snake here besides the stuff I'm gonna cover in this post ^_^ When they arrived onto Darkwoods and built their house Snake moved into my backyard. Into a hole in the wall. It's awesome btw it's just this (intially) (That was it that was the whole house)

At some point Redac Got a Job (first 2 pics). We love employment !!!!! They only had to sign their soul away to his employer Arctic ( @parasiteking ) . Surely nothing will come of it [Clueless]

Anyways yay peace and normalcy all was well 👍 Whoa where did this maze come from. (Another post more in depth about the Abyss by Spain, but from a technical perspective rather than story)

In lore this maze (titled The Abyss) popped outta nowhere. It's a dark, dark maze made out of black concrete and sparsely lit by redstone torches. I love it so much. I spent an hour and half ish in it?? Turned off all my lights. Past a point Redac’s arm got too bright for me to even look at. It’s so awesome.

Eventually one day Snake had disappeared. Redac was concerned, of course. One of the oldest friends he knew was suddenly MIA with no traces to be found. The abyss gave them some suspicion as to what happened, and with that as a lead he went to go find them.

He did not return.

The truth was Snake, possessed by the first Abyss, built another one. It was worse, and Redac lost his life in it in pursuit of them.

What was left was Kish. Whoa yea turns out Redac was possessing c!Kish the whole time it's kinda crazy. Kish’s first exposure to Darkwoods was being ejected at the entrance of it. Through following signs and lights managed to go home to where they presumed they lived.

Upon opening the door to their cabin they were greeted with Redac’s will (which you can read here). And that’s currently where we’re at presently! Kish made a grave for Redac outside the cabin, and is continuing the pursuit of this “Snake” person, as well as his employer “Arctic”, for some answers (and keeps a journal about it!)

Here are some other posts by other people in the SMP! You can ask them about their characters too! I’m sure they’d be happy to answer ^_^ Other posts I don’t mention can also be found in the #darkwoods smp tag too :]

Final note GWAHH Spain @fluxydrawings beloved drew my guys LFGGG I love mcrp sO MUCH

#art #doodle #doodles #darkwoods #darkwoods smp #I'm actually nawt a huge lore guy #a lot of this was just spur of the moment stuff #i loooove the abyss #abyss 2 rocked #Kish is also my current sona this whole lore was also cuz i changed my skin n i was like guys what i jsut got rid of redac. awesome #redac uses he/they and Kish uses any aka whatever i felt like #oc #ocs #IF THERES ANY MISTAKES its cuz i didnt beta SORRRYYYY #ignore them. for me #ask #anon

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idyllic-affections · 5 months

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about the role of the abyss sibling: ohh yeahhh youre so right. listen, i adore lumine but every time i think about genshin's lost potential i die a little inside. its such an interesting fantasy concept but they never do anything with it AGGHHHHHHHHH and i know thats bc mhy only cares about money and all and u shouldnt expect anything but still!

even most character interactions with the player are not for character development but just so they can convince you to spend money on your waifus/husbandos (and i wanna say theres nothing wrong with self shipping! i mean we are on the platonic self shipping blog after all lmao, but what hoyo is doing IS predatory).

also i wanna hear about your gi rewrite lio! :eyes: genshin's lore is honestly so confusing and i think theyve retconned it atleast once? (and sorry for the rant, never knew i could write this much so quickly lol)

🐌.

YEAH there's so much lost potential.... of course, hyv's main interest is money, but it's still a little upsetting because you can SEE how much potential there was. if the writing had just been a bit better. not to say it's entirely bad! but still. it could be improved.

yeah of course!!! selfshipping is awesome. i love all my selfshipper moots (their f/os love them so much trust me fr their faves told me themselves teehee). we are literally platonic selfshippers on this blog, you're right! but the character interactions have so much potential outside of the money grabbing. Sighh

ohhhh??? well.... maybe i'll consider rewriting the story, then. posting all my thoughts and whatnot. if you all would want to see something like that!

#aphelion replies: 🐌 anon 🌸

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brother-genitivi · 1 year

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I keep thinking about a conversation Destan + Sebastian have post Here Lies The Abyss. Of course the second he receives word about her being in the Fade, Sebastian leaves Starkhaven and goes to Skyhold, presumably to wrangle answers out of Varric, and thus misses the second raven detailing the plan to get her out. (I mean, you have someone with a magic hand that can open rifts everywhere any time. Just saying.)

But the conversation they have concerns her brother. Destan is angry at Carver for a few reasons. He's been keeping things from her, like how badly the fake Calling has been affecting him. She woke up, alive and out of the Fade, and he wasn't there. They're not supposed to be keeping things from each other anymore and Destan is under the impression that Carver just doesn't care, and they're back to how they were their first year in Kirkwall - a broken relationship.

And Sebastian is there to tell her about the things that she missed because she wasn't awake to see them, like Carver being the first one to enter the rift. Carver found her limp body and his reaction was so visceral, Sebastian was sure that Destan had died. He sat by her bed until someone forced him to rest.

Sebastian doesn't tell her these things to make her guilty, never, never. But to assure her their relationship isn't broken at all.

And so she rounds on him, too. Because how would he know of how they work as siblings? And he firmly reminds her that he's not stupid enough to presume anything about her and Carver, but anyone can see that Carver loves his sister. And that Sebastian knows her, because he loves her, and he's her husband for crying out loud.

And suddenly Destan isn't angry anymore. She's just tired. So, so tired and sad. Sad because her brother loves her and she wasn't looking closely enough. Sad because her husband is here and the first thing she does after waking up is pick a fight with him. Sad because she doesn't know what to do with herself anymore, because she's fulfilled her fate and no one can tell her what to do.

So Sebastian climbs into the bed with her and holds her like he always does, and they share a thousand words without saying anything at all. teehee giggle.

#destian #destan hawke #i want to write this one day but not today sjdjkdjjdj #just... thinking i guess #the thing u have to understand about destan is that she is angry and flawed and there is a raw ugly side to her #she jumps to conclusions and has a hard time communicate to the people she actually has a problem with #sometimes she just needs a nudge in the right direction #**communicating ffs sorry i cba to retype all that HAHAHAA #the teehee giggle at the end is me giggling and kicking my legs at imagining it btw #kadir (carver) hawke

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woozisnoots · 3 years

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losing you | yoon jeonghan

° pairing: jeonghan x f!reader, jun x f!reader ° genre: soulmate!au, bittersweet angst ° summary: losing me is better than losing you. ° word count: 1.5k ° warnings: implied death but details aren’t explicit! i promise the fic itself isn’t bad >< ° a/n: TEEHEE @vibecheckvernon SURPRISE I’M UR TCT SECRET SANTA !!!! 😌 posted this a little later for prime angst reading times :D I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS!!! p.s. pls don’t sue me i love you <3

inspired by: @95boysbe ‘s fic, ‘when you love someone’ (tysm for all of you for helping me find this again! 💓 pls go check out their work as well!) + wonho’s song ‘losing you’

masterlist!

jeonghan has no intentions of going to his family’s christmas party. at least not this early. looking into his appearance in the mirror, he wraps the red checkered scarf around his neck so the ends nicely drape over his white long sleeve shirt tucked under his matching sweater vest. a festive look to hide away his disinterest buried in his “enthusiasm”.

“daddy, are you not coming with us?” jeonghan jolts by the sudden tugging of his sweater from his side, looking over, forcing his eyes to meet with his daughter’s watery orbs.

he crouches down to one knee so he’s completely eye level, tucking in the loose strands of hair behind her ear. “not yet sweetheart. daddy’s gotta pick up a few things for the party.” he opens his arms wide for the tiny human to bury herself in a bear-like embrace.

“stay by mommy’s side at all times, okay?” the little girl steps back to face her father, her hands gripping onto jeonghan’s index finger. “promise?” he continues to persist until she sniffles a series of nods. a small melancholy smile creeps onto jeonghan’s face as he wiggles himself out of her powerful grasp and cups her cheeks, creating small circles on her soft cheekbones with his thumbs.

“good girl. i’ll be back before you notice i’m gone.”

the walk there is shorter than jeonghan was expecting and it almost makes him sick to his stomach. he wants the anticipation to subside by the time he gets there, yet at this rate, he would arrive with nothing but the swell of guilt weighing down inside of him.

the winter chill makes him shiver, hiding his balled fists in his pockets. the farther he walks, this once familiar street slowly turns into the abyss as the fog erases his footsteps along with the glimmery lights surrounding him. but jeonghan is only focused on the dark pathway ahead of him. weeks after hearing the news, and an additional few months of “recovery”, his imagination has conditioned him for far worser environments than some cold weather.

the field of clean cut grass beside him is now closed off, barred by a wired fence painted white indicating he was getting close. it was a foolish thing really. this entire time, from the moment jeonghan left the house until now, he’s been trying to find the right words to say to you. what he would say to you if you were willing to hear him out. question he desperately wants answered. jeonghan lowers his head, scoffing under his breath knowing you probably would have. even though he knew himself that he didn’t deserve it. and neither did you.

he comes to a pause at the entrance, reaching out to maneuver the chains that lock the gateway. taking a slow deep breath in, jeonghan looks up before entering the place of the dead, only to see that you already had company.

the hint of discomfort causes jeonghan’s body to stiffen - the sight of an tall, unfamiliar man here with you triggering his fight or flight response, his instincts urging for the first rather than late. why would he be at a place like this? and on christmas no doubt.

jeonghan takes his time walking towards you both, eyeing his physique up and down from afar. as he got closer, he examines the man’s notable facial features. the longer he stares, the more confused jeonghan gets causing him to crease his eyebrows. neither of you know him. jeonghan shakes the thought away- no, he doesn’t know him. maybe within the time you were away, the two might have met. jeonghan keeps his mind neutral, accepting all the possibilities.

the mysterious man dressed down in this cold december, notices jeonghan walking this way before he could stop in his tracks to presenting himself in front of you. chuckling at the grimace look on jeonghan’s face.

as respectful as he could possibly mutter, jeonghan opens his mouth to speak, “who-”

“so you must be yoon jeonghan,” he’s quick to cut him off, knowing exactly what might be running through his mind right now. he nods his head towards him, acknowledging the new, delighted presence that fills the air. “my name’s jun.” he watches as the imaginary fumes streaming from the top of jeonghan’s head start to dissipate. “a friend of hers back in america,” he lied, not that jeonghan would ever know anyways. “she talked a lot about you. it almost got annoying.

just like how jeonghan did, jun studies him in his entirety. a smirk forming on his lips finding that he looked exactly how you described. as well as his own description: a good for nothing low life with faltering loyalty. jun scowls at the ring wrapped around jeonghan’s finger. “talk about that red string of fate, huh,” his words protrude the thick musk that wavers around them, finally breaking jeonghan’s walls. “don’t mind me though. i’m just here to pay my respects as a friend,”jun says, his words laced with sarcasm.

jeonghan freezes in his spot, feeling only a tingling sensation in his fingers and toes as the flood of memories of the two of you replay in the back of his mind. the entirety of your childhood, including your teenage and what was there for your college years. until the dreaded day you decided to leave. “so, you knew?” he whispers more so for his curiosity rather than looking for an actual answer.

and from the look on jeonghan’s face, jun could tell. “yeah,” he says just enough for jeonghan to hear. “i knew a lot.” he averts his eyes away from the soft hearted gaze that now appears on jeonghan’s face.

jun may not have known you the same amount of time as jeonghan did. but the way you wore your heart on your sleeve despite being so vulnerable even after the fact, jun can pluck out things even jeonghan probably never noticed. how jeonghan could ever leave his soulmate for someone else, jun will never fathom at the thought.

but jun knew your side of the story, how you felt watching your soulmate drew you guys apart. no, he wasn’t your friend per say, not in his official title anyway. when you were admitted into the hospital, jun was only there as a volunteer. he had a responsibility to look after all his assigned patients as comfort companions through their clinical care, including you.

you were the hospital’s one exception. at the point of your critical condition, doctors truly didn’t know when the time would pass. knowing no one else in the states aside from your family, jun soon became your side by side as hospital bed buddies. and hated every moment of it.

he hated the way you smiled so brightly for him every day despite how sick you were. but stare blankly at your food whenever it came to you and end up not eating. he hated how you easily created friendships with the nurses and other caretakers at hospital, including himself. but refused to take your medication. he hated how fondly you talked about love when you weren’t feeling it. he hated hearing the sniffles that came from your room every morning after he clocked in. he hated it so much that you still smiled saying your soulmate's name even though he was doing the same thing for someone else. in the end, jun was too late to tell you all that.

fate, being the sick bastard that it is, has jun meeting the one person he actually came to hate. and he’ll do one better. just like how jeonghan never got to know about your true feelings and conditions, jun will never tell him how much he truly cared for you. how he was entirely convinced he, a person who wasn’t even destined to have a soulmate, could fill the void that jeonghan had left.

the longer jun stands there, the small pit of anger quietly begins to boil and that was his cue to leave. he avoids eye contact as he stirs away from the flowers he left you and tries to make his exits, stopping at his tracks when jeonghan speaks once again.

“then can i ask you something? your opinion as her friend. since you know,” he hiccups, the words coming out a beat too late. his voice also shaky, not knowing if it was due to the cold or the rise of his nerves.

jun leans on one leg, stuffing his hands in the side pockets of his leathered coat. he almost says no. he wants to say no. “shoot,” sounding unbothered.

“do you think she’d still want to be my soulmate in a different life?”

jeonghan’s heart churns at his own question, as does jun’s. he could have asked any other question, but out of the hundreds he accumulated in the mile walk here, jeonghan figured this was the one that jun could at least give some thought.

jun takes a sharp inhale in, his nails forming small crescent moons into his palm. with a heavy sigh, he turns back around and scoffs at the sight of jeonghan tearing up in front of you. and with gritted teeth, he responds.

“of course she would.”

#seventeen #yoon jeonghan #caratwritersclub #seventeen angst #jeonghan angst #wen junhui #junhui angst #seventeen scenario #jeonghan scenario #junhui scenario #seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #jeonghan x reader #junhui x reader

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libracomplex · 1 year

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saturday game plan was to wake up early and grind like my life depended on it and catch up on the readings I'm behind for....

anyways it's 6 pm and I about to jump into action

#the only reason why i'm not #stressing #is because i (at the very least) had the #audacity #to be on top of my education every week until now #posting into the abyss teehee

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lunchboxtrolls · 2 years

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lb who are YOUR fave troll from other blogs?

LONG POST INCOMING!! no tags sorry!! i dont want to flood notifs!

@/cadavertrolls: emmy is literally my malewife we are dating okay. (im crazy.) UGHHH FUCK GHOORE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH SOBS SNIFFLES. NEMA!!!! NEMA NEMA NEMA MY BELOVED MY BABY holds her close to my heart... its okay... itll be over soon... @/leethetrashpage :HIIII HAIYLS MY BELOVED!!!! and glowee UGH i love glowee.. and im a little obsessed with velina tbh ... @/6u934t3r666: HIIII SECRET!! AND STICKS OMGGGG I LOVE STICKS! oranee <3 my heart... ugh @/metzer: mf .. mugi...hi. AND OKAY iiii do like exhume...hes silly hehe.. hi angelo hi angelo im free on friday hi angelo @/lordtonic: PRESTO HE WAS THE FIRST TROLL I SAW ON UR BLOG he is SOO COOL!!!! and i rlly love damsel so far UGH love a freak... @/ritztuck: DEMPUR OBV she is my wife we kiss all the time. um... i RLLYYY like nobody.. heehehe.. and AND petuni is SO CUTE !!! @/roetrolls: i REALLY love FRANKY!!! first troll i saw from u UGHHH holds him close.. :'((( UM ALSO OBV veylin + benjin I LOVE THOSE GUYS!!!!! @/sasster: hi papili <3 and styx <33 and thanat <3333 and okay star isnt a troll but... star <333 @/ask-the-troll-boys: karima my baby.. first troll i saw on ur blog.. forever special.. AND NAND AND AND i kiss duplix <3 @/froyo-ocs: luna .. teehee... AND PEKENA HEHEHEHE... @/jazztrolls: THRIVE HELLO HI! and racoco my beloved heheh... @/sunnetrolls: oh come on im in love w the abyssal this isnt fair teeheehehe.. AND TAZ HEHEHE @/goldenguillotines: HIII DOCTOR AND WICATA AND JOSUKE MY FAVES FOREVER AND PRIETI !! okay if ur not here then i am sorry idont mean to hurt anyone i am just forgetful <3

#hi guys #lb.txt

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lunchador · 3 years

Note

so when do we get the long post about your feelings about dragon age inquisition!!! i dunno if u wanna wait until dlc or not! i am i n t e r e s t e d (also its ok if u dont feel up to it im just!!!! again, interested in ur opinions/feelings)

kajsldkjf PLEASE I HAVE SO MANY DA FEELINGS ALL THE TIME and Inquisition was twice as long as the others so might as well do a word vomit now and I can always do another after the dlc (which several people have assured me are worth playing )

Yeah so inquisition is long. I dislike open world games so a lot of the (super repetitive!!) side quests did grate on my nerves and that docks this game a few points but over all the LORE IS SO GOOD, and it tying in so many choices in from 1+2 is the greatest butterfly effect I ever experienced in video games. I thought telltale + Until dawn were fun for that but good LORD bioware has showed up all of those games and I am really stoked to try mass effect when its out later and play more bw games. I only played Anthem before this and that game seemed...idk, gutted against BW’s wishes.

ANYWAY

Yeah, I managed to go into the whole DA series knowing very, very little, despite how many artists I followed did fanart for it. Once I started playing, I added all the words I could think of to my blacklist but a lot of untagged stuff came through (fair, series is 10+ years old and inq is like what 4-5?). I allowed my friends to pressure me into playing an elf mage for the lore and to romance solas cuz they said he was as important to the story as alistair was. A lot of online followers said I should play how I wanted, which I def would recommend to anyone else, but honestly I can see where they came from and while he never would have been my first choice, I think he actually paired REALLY well with my Inq and how I was playing her. I put her as sensitive but trying to put her responsibility above herself, she was definitely the least funny of my 3 characters, but not incredibly serious. A bit reserved? Just more mature. She’s got faith but she didn’t think she was the chosen one but she’ll do her role the best of her ability. She makes hard decisions and then sobs her chest empty over them because how is one to ever feel like its the right one? I really like how the game lets you choose how you wanna approach the responsibility. Like i said, I wasn’t a reluctant chosen one, but she will do what she can. Versus my friend playing at the same time as me said he played as the second coming of jesus essentially lmfao Having so many characters come back for different roles was so GOOD!!! Like everyone told me Varric was in this one but were like ‘teehee you still cant romance him though’ but you how you play drastically changes your relationships with each person. Tons of characters I met I knew would be personal favorites but I ended up interacting way less because others were more fitting to my inquisitor. So i.e while I love Varric and would’ve smooched him a heartbeat with Hawke, I didn’t get that vibe with Clover. They were really good friends, he was a grounded friend with a sense of humor that was a good escape from everyone else and the ~inquisition~. At least, until the Beyond the Abyss quest. That obviously heavily fractured their friendship and hurt them both :( And i felt that for a long time, until the end. He looked tired. Poor guy is gonna be borderline dead in 4 at this point. But so many side characters you talk to coming back like Dagna and Samson??? Speaking of that quest, I got Stroud because, yeah...Alistair was dead for me and APPARENTLY IT COULD ALSO BE LOGHAIN??? If he stays a grey warden?? wish I did that so def would’ve preferred to save Hawke even if I think the wardens are more important as a concept but like.......i wanted to behead him, so....But yes even tiny details like..Varric wrote home to kirkwall to Carver for me because the rest of my family was dead and I never completed a full romance in 2 lkajslkdjf but the fact that changes based on your play through. BUT YEAH THE way this game weaves all your decisions in and how yeah, overall the story is the same but it makes it so personal to YOU and so different from everyone else ;w;

But I could see my Inq genuinely falling for Solas, and I see her best friends as Cassandra and Blackwall/Thom. Really close to Leliana and the Iron Bull as well. I just loved all their interactions. All the characters were so cool to get to know?? Like I thought I would’ve hated Cullen (hes a dick in O) and tbh I just got into the series as the VA was being a complete shit. But I liked him a lot!! I love the work buddies vibes between the Inq and the advisors. I thought I was going to love Sera!! And like, I did, but she hated my Inquisitor and their personalities clashed a lot. Shes the only one i didn’t get a cut scene for in the end :’) I loved coming back from story quests and having to take like 20 minutes to go around skyhold and make sure I talked to /everyone/ for their new dialogue. You genuinely feel connected to all these wonderful npcs ljkasljdf

I wanted to make Cassandra the new divine but I made leliana on accident and kinda dug it so I stuck with it. VARRIC IS THE NEW VISCOUNT??? h i l a r i o u s.

One of the things I loved the most in this game in particular, and while this is something in all of them it just really struck me in this one, was....everyone gave up so so much to devote themselves to the cause, y’know?? Like, it’s almost heartbreaking how much everyone loses and they’re still looking towards you with their belief and willingness to follow you to the end ;-;

The final fight almost felt, Idk, underwhelming? Dude dragons are way tougher than him asdkjhfkhjd. I even went up a difficulty in this game after feeling like I got the hang of the series. But at the same time, we just spend how many hours knocking down each and one of his advantages so fuck him lol.

But yeah there are so many things I wanted to do but I felt so worn out by mindless sidequests and story being level locked in comparison to the previous games. askdjhflkd

One of the things that blows my mind is so so many people were stoked i was playing DA and they couldn’t wait til I got to Inq, and so I find out most people I know only ever played Inquisition? TBH if I didn’t play O+2 I think I would’ve dropped inquisition and never finished it *shrug* all of the build up just means SO MUCH!!! Everyones argument seems to be the older games are ugly and yeah O has rough battle system but its easy to get over imo. Like, you need the chaos of 2 to get the real weight of the mage/templar stuff?? Theres so many characters and story and dialogue that go over your head without Origins?? Like yes inq can stand alone pretty well but, idk, I’m in love with this entire series and the world building and THE!! WAY!!! IT!!! ALL!!! CONNECTS!!!!!!!!!!!

I love how a quest can go differently by whos in your party, I love you can have more dialogue based on lore you’ve managed to pick up around, I love HOW COMPANIONS BICKERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! The lore of these games are so good. It’s like playing an epic line of novels. It’s so immersive and I don’t think I’ve played too many games to this level.

I didn’t like the skill trees to being a mage in this one, Idk why. It wasn’t nearly as fun for me as 2, but then again I really fucking liked being a force mage haha. I wanted to be a rogue to complete a diff class per game but everyone said mage brings a lot more interesting story/lore stuff so

but yeah I love having the full context now and seeing other peoples Wardens/Hawkes/Inquisitors and asking people how they played and how their options differed from mine and THERES JUST SO MANY POSSIBLE DECISION TREES!!!!! No wonder the fans play over and over.

but yeah ultimately so much fucking happened?? I’m probably missing a lot of key points.

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btspotahoes-blog · 7 years

Text

Goodbye

Characters: Jungkook X You Genre: Fluff, Angst Word Count: 5017 Song of the Day: BTS - Spring Day A/N: Inspired by the lyrics of BTS’s Spring Day; in memories of lost love - Admin Ham

“Kookie! Kookie! Kook-ah! Look, look! He replied to me!” You dashed through the entrance of the local bistro, ignoring the staff’s greetings and straight away landed yourself on a chair sitting opposite of your best friend, shoving your phone to his face as he pulled his head up from lurking over the menu at your hyper arrival.

“Oh god, I can’t read shit if you keep jacking it up and down like that..” Jungkook whined as he swiftly grabbed hold of the phone, pulling it away from your excited grasp as he leaned back towards his seat, calmly reading whatever content you had so eagerly wanted him to see.

“What are you going to reply?” A light smirk alighted his face as he glanced over at you, all giggle and rosy cheeks, seemingly caught in between being overexcitedly jumpy and erratic breathing that makes everything feels close to dying as you bit onto the nail of your thumb.

“I-I don’t know! I didn’t even think he’d reply in the first place, sure, you dared me to text him but I only did it because I thought he’s way too cool and awesome to even skim over a stupid text from some lame junior like me!” You rambled away your messy thoughts to Jungkook as you found your attention practically flying all over the air, unable to actually focus onto a single object as your pupils ran wild.

“Awwee hush, you’re a pretty dame.”

“Against all odds, he actually decided to reply and now I need to say something but what should I reply him with, seriously?! I can’t think of anything, it’s already been like an hour since he replied, I don’t want to leave him hanging!” You were lying about the can’t-think-of-anything part, your mind were actually full of things to say to your crush, though they were ranging from an I-like-you to a I’d-fuck-you-right-here-and-then and you thought, just maybe, Jungkook didn’t need to know how thirsty you could be for a man.

“Uh-huh, yep, oh dear, no.. we wouldn’t want that to.. happen..” You were aware of how Jungkook’s thoughts came out in one segregated and monotonous line almost as if he was your computer husband, his attention way beyond whatever you were spouting at him and eyes focused more towards whatever he was doing with his hands under the table but that very awareness didn’t really stuck with you for a long time as you continued indulging into your panicked state of mind.

“Would it even make sense if I reply now? I bet he thinks I’m playing hard-to-get, ugh.. I get this once in a lifetime chance to interact with my crush and I leAVE HIM HANGING!!” You sighed towards the ceiling as if trying to put the blame to any upper being that are residing beyond it for concocting you into such an unwanted loser before Jungkook threw a random bomb at you on your pending pile of assignments.

“Didn’t you say you needed a singer for your broadcast tomorrow?” You noticed how his stare was as loyal as ever to whatever was going on beneath that damned table as your thoughts now shifted towards your impending doom.

“Yeah.. because you’re being a bitch and refuse to help me.”

“I caught a cold and my throat is sore, you ungrateful lil’ shit.” Jungkook jokingly retorted with an amused chuckle, his eyes still glued on something that was beginning to irk on your curiosity, but still not enough to win over your other concern of getting a confirmed F for the subject.

“Ugh.. I’m so screwed. I missed my chance to hit it up with the guy I like and that satan of a lecturer is for sure going to fail me if I can’t find a singer by tomorrow.”

“Done.”

“Wha..?”

Jungkook’s hands finally emerged from under the table only to hand you something that you recognized as your phone. You stared at the sudden extended text conversation of you and your crush as your eyes grew wider and wider with every word registered into your brain while Jungkook simply teehee-ed and brought his eyes back towards the delicious list of menu.

You slowly pulled your eyes away from your phone and onto the blessed boy sitting in front of you, your mouth gaped wide open, probably more than it should be. “Jeon Cena, did you just.. scored me a dinner date with my crush, and freaking saved me from failing my audio-post class?”

“How’s that for being a bitc--” The familiar notification sound jolted into the air as it froze the both of you dead in your tracks; it was definitely from your phone, and it was from your crush.

You brought your index finger to the screen, carefully scrolling down as if it would break and everything will be gone into the abyss if you rushed yourself to it as you noticed a bundle of new messages from the love of your life that is your college senior.

Your mouth gaped open even wider than you did before as you relocated your stare towards Jungkook as if trying to ask him for help to get any words you can out of your throat, your lips all jumbled close and open in repetition but not a sound coming out before he stole the phone away from you once again and quickly read the new replies.

“Wow.” Jungkook simply exclaimed, his face rather emotionless.

“Yeah.. that.. exactly.. wow.”

“Say, buy me a new scooter and I’ll help you two get as far as getting married to each other.” Jungkook joked though his facial expression remained natural with the occasional light smirk seeping between his lips as he slipped the phone back to you and went back to his menu. You had expected a comeback more sarcastic than that but maybe the cold was taking its toll on him, you quickly thought.

“Jeon fucking Jungkook, I’d buy you a whole country if you’d do that for me.” You stood up from your chair and quickly went to his side as you pulled him into a tight hug that was more of a choke-hold rather than a thankful embrace. “Yah! How would I ever survive without you?!” As far as being dramatic could go, your grip around his neck grew unknowingly tighter the longer you lingered before he began smacking you playful as to let him free.

“Yah, this girl.. you’re going to catch my cold!”

“Don’t ever leave me, Jungkook.” Your grasp grew soft in an instant when you suddenly felt the surge of need to show him how much you actually cherish his existence as Jungkook stopped fidgeting and calmed down, giving you a light nudge as if accepting your intentions but still wanting you to let him go so that he could breathe once more, as you complied and giddily went back to your seat.

“You okay with him singing the same song, though? I bet you have other songs in mind for him..” Jungkook coughed mid-sentenced and chugged some warm lemon water as he went back on choosing his lunch for the day; he looks a bit flushed now that you’re calm enough to focus at your friend, maybe he wasn’t being a big baby and is actually sick after all, you thought as you grow concerned for his wellbeing.

“It’s fine, he’ll sound like an angel singing anything at all.” You replied half-heartedly, half of your mind on tonight’s date with your crush with the other half trying to think of a remedy for your sick friend.

“Hey, he’s not the popular college oppa for nothing.”

“Jungkook-ah, are you really okay? You’re getting redder by the second..” You gently pushed away his bangs and landed the back of your hand on his forehead, trying to figure out the degree of his cold before he pulled his head away and re-fluffed his hair.

“Ehh I’m fine, just lend me a car ride home after we finish eating here. I’m skipping today’s class.”

“Yeah, sure.” You agreed without hesitation, though as you stared at Jungkook’s tired behaviour, an idea popped into your head, one that was as bright as the smile that was growing on your face. “Should I skip class too? We can play games together while I keep you company!!” Excited once again, you happily laid out your thoughts before Jungkook placed his entire palm on your face and forced you into a halt, a gesture that was all too similar to a priest trying to draw out the demon out of the possessed as you blinked in confusion.

“Darling, I’m sleeping this cold away so you better go to class and put that ass to work on your date later tonight.”

“Oh come on, I’m not even sure if he’ll like me back. I’m not going to go ahead of myself.” You flicked his hand away and sulked before reading off the contents of the menu, not failing to notice a devilish smirk creeping upon his face.

“Trust me, he will.”

Who wouldn’t like a sweet girl like you, Jungkook faintly thought in his head as he called the waiter to place your orders.

■ ■ ■

Another week passed by, sitting through classes without the company of the local meme vendor after he got himself sick for the umpteenth time, as you decided on a quick visit to Jungkook’s dorm, despite him saying not to and constantly claiming that he was doing fine because you’re honestly beginning to miss that cheeky lil’ shit clowning beside you, and if there was anything that was okay, it was definitely not the owner of the croaky voice whom you’ve been talking through the phone for the past few days.

So when you knocked on his door and were greeted by a vulnerable-looking bunny, two layers of thick blanket embracing his body long enough that they were sprawled on the floor encasing his legs, cheeks and nose a red blush, eyelids much too swollen, and a crumpled tissue within one of his hands; you were a hundred per cent sure that Jungkook wasn’t doing as well as he’d claimed to be, both physically and emotionally.

“Come in.” Jungkook spoke with a faint smile upon his face, his dimples making a slight appearance, his voice raspy, and his soul barely there, as he turned around and waddled himself straight towards the couch, leaving you to close the door in his stead while he gently lies his fragile body down the hard furniture.

“Where’s Jimin?” You questioned as you pulled your arms into a cross above your chest, your voice leaning towards a whine at the lack of his roommates everywhere you look while you carefully sat yourself on the coffee table just beside the couch where he was lying.

“He’s with Tae, buying more medicine, and--” Jungkook defended before he violently attempted to cough out the lingering itch, only to find the irritating phlegm still stuck within his throat as he sighed and leaned his head back towards the head rest; you couldn’t help but notice how his hair appeared quite rigid despite him moving a lot.

“Tae’s also buying more health food apparently.. I’m not sure what he’s planning to do with those, he doesn’t even cook usually.” Jungkook joked as he pulled a few pieces of tissue out of the box beside your hips and blew whatever was blocking his nose onto it, gently crumpling it before throwing it into the dustbin in which you assumed, Jimin, had nicely placed it closer to the couch for his one and only Jungkook since it wasn’t there before.

You didn’t spoke a word as he rambled about his week alone by himself at the dorms to you. How Taehyung tried to make him porridge but it just ended up so dry it was really just cooked rice but he ate it anyway out of care, how Jimin tried to carry him to his room when he fell asleep outside but failed because for the love of god the boy was so much smaller than Jungkook, how he actually managed to re-read his lifetime collection of comic books in one seating and by the time he’d finished, it was still only a little into the afternoon of the day; regardless of how jolly he seemed, you were very much disheartened at what Jungkook was trying to do. No matter how hard he was pretending to be okay about everything, you knew deep down; he definitely wasn’t.

The obvious frown and dissatisfaction never left your crooked brows as you sighed through closed lips and stared at the poor boy, in which the loud sound of your dismay had finally stopped him from his endless chatter.

“Oh come on, it’s just a very bad flu. I’m not dying or anything..”

“It’s not the flu that I’m worried about; it’s that bloody girl you’re crushing on.” You confessed through gritted teeth, Jungkook’s enthusiastic expression now had turned for the sour as he turned away from your gaze, his eyes focusing on the wrinkles of the cheap leather couch as he pulled onto the blankets, allowing the fabric to embrace him warmer and tighter.

“What does she have to do with anything?” Jungkook mumbled under his breath, eyes half-lidded and face a drowsy and very much tired; probably the cough medicine, a thought flashed.

“You’d think I’d be stupid enough to believe that you’ve been crying over a melodrama marathon?” You sassed at the lie he’d been feeding you through the phone whenever you asked why his voice sounded heavier than usual as Jungkook turned his gaze back at you, wide glossy eyes and a guilty expression adorning his face this time around.

“It’s not completely a lie..” Jungkook objected before he coughed again and that’s when you’ve reached your limit as you sighed loudly once again and moved your gaze towards the floor, your lower lip sucked into a lip bite in attempt to de-clutter your thoughts before confronting Jungkook about them.

“Stop talking and just listen to me, okay?” You softly pleaded before pulling your head up along with the mental script you’ve managed to construct. “Look.. I know it’s nobody’s fault, and most obviously not her’s on the fact that she already has a boyfriend, I mean, everyone have their own lives to lead.. but man, as your best friend, I can’t bare myself to see you suffering over her like this..”

Jungkook blinked meekly towards you. “It’s my fault, really.. for falling in love with a girl already taken.”

“I just told you that it was nobody’s fault..” You mentally shook your head at his tendency to blame himself for everything, before sighing again when you realized he had also just ignored your warning. “And I clearly thought I’d told you to stop talking..”

“Why are you even here right now? I thought you had a date with Yoongi tonight..” With Jungkook ignoring your every words as per usual, you simply gave up on whatever you were trying to do as you let him take over the change of topic; after all, he was as much as an adult as you were. You somewhat believed if he’s strong enough to still sass with you on daily basis, maybe he’d also be just as strong to handle the heartbreak that he was going through.

“He’ll pick me up here instead, I told him I’d check up on you before the date..” It had been well over three months since you first went out with the love of your life and thanks to Jungkook’s every little shenanigans leading up to that day, you’ve been dating Yoongi ever since. “You helped me a lot, you know.. and I just wish I could help you too somehow, you seem to really like this girl..”

“Hey.. I’ve been single for as long as I’m alive.. getting over another girl is gonna be nothing.”

“You won’t even tell me who she is.. at least I c--” Just when you wanted to counter more towards his statement, the phone in your pocket rang, vibrating through your jeans and up your spine; it was obviously from Yoongi, and Jungkook didn’t spare a second to shoot an eye signal towards you and jerked his head at the door.

“I’m used to this.. it’ll take time but, I’ll be fine. Trust me.”

At Jungkook’s not much of a re-assurance, you heaved another heavy breath out before giving him a few light pet on the head. “I just thought how nice it’d be if she could be by your side in times I can’t be here for you, and.. you know, maybe she could also wash your hair or something.” You finally managed a light joke out of you as he scoffed, probably very much agreeing at the thought in his own mind.

He didn’t come back with anything this time; his throat was finally beginning to hurt, you thought, as he stayed silent, nothing but a hint of smirk on his lips. “Get well soon. Don’t hesitate to call me for anything at all, okay?” You whispered with care as if his eardrums would tear at the slightest increase of decibel, as he nodded just as gentle, before you left a comforting peck at the top of his head and walked yourself out the dormitory.

At the lock of the front door, Jungkook sighed, his eyes lingering at the direction of the entrance before slowly shutting his eyes close, his eyebrows scrunched in discomfort as he forced himself to sleep off the lovesick.

“Of all the girls that could break my heart, why did it had to be you..?”

■ ■ ■

You hastily pulled out a few crumpled bills from the pocket of your overcoat and handed them over to the taxi driver, not giving a bloody care for the change as you dashed straight out and into the ever-crowded airport scene, not exactly knowing where to head within this modern day labyrinth; threatening tears already blurring half of your sight as you approached meaningless directions, trying so hard to search for your best friend amidst the flock of people. Graduation Day was in two days, and yet there you were, receiving a call from Jungkook’s mother, wondering if you were going to see him off to Canada.

He was your loyal companion for years, from kindergarten till the end of your college degree, the whole world knew nothing could ever get in between your friendship; but for the past few months, it wouldn’t take much for you to notice that he’d been slightly distant with you, keeping friendly meetings a rare occasion and daily conversation only through the phone. You only thought he was doing it out of respect of your fiancé-to-be, Yoongi. You only thought this was just a mere setback that you’ll have to deal sooner, if not, later once you’re declared a married woman with a husband to take care of, and somehow Jungkook seems to have caught onto that faster than you did. You only thought, this was what adulthood really is about; that is until now at this very moment, where you know, this has nothing to do with anything. Apparently, Jungkook had received a great job offer and he’s been planning to leave the country for months now, and you find it offending that he had told you none about it; for such a normal-sounding occurrence, something felt awfully out of place.

The whole searching endeavour screamed impossible and was beginning to feel like a wild game of tag with the wind, but alas, lady luck was on your side; there sat Jungkook, simply dressed in an army green sweater and black jeans, just like how you’d see him walking around in college, seated at the end of the row of those arrayed metal-leather chairs, alone and away from other possible passengers with nothing but a backpack beside him and a single luggage bag. You stumbled your way to where he was and halted directly in front of him, surprising the wanted being all too much as he quickly stood up and looked at you full of panic.

“What are you doing here? And why are you crying, did something happened?” Jungkook didn’t take his time to grow immediately worried at the sight of your watery eyes, eyebrows a loose knit before he began wiping your tears in which you instantaneously slapped his hands away from you; how dare he cares for you when he’s the one who got you into this emotional mess in the first place?

“Why the fuck are you moving to Canada all of the fucking sudden?!” Your intention to just scream at his face fell apart as your tone was close to an imagery of a cracked porcelain statue, hands weakly balled up as you hit him in the chest, at his shoulder, at his abdomen as Jungkook made no effort whatsoever to avoid them; as if he knew he deserved it.

“Did my mom told you or something? How the heck did you find out..?”

“You’re not even that good in English, what the hell? Was this the reason why you’ve been avoiding me? Were you hoping that I’d just lose interest and forget about you if you leave this way?”

His heart stung but he could take that much truth coming from you, he never thought he could get away for treating you like this anyway. “Yeah, kinda..” Jungkook meekly answered, earning himself another wave of angry punches from you before he grabbed onto your fists and kept it immobile as you continued fighting away from his strong grip. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that..”

“When are you coming back?”

Jungkook paused at the sight of you sniffling along the innocent question, trying his best to keep an indifferent expression on his face as he slowly brought your hands down from mid-air once he noticed how you’d stopped resisting. “I don’t know.. it’s hard to say. Mom said she’ll be the one visiting for the first few years, Tae and Jimin also got jobs somewhere far, and with you busy with married life and all, it’s not like I’ll have any reasons to come back here.”

“You fucking traitor, and you said you’d sing at my wedding..”

“Look, I’m sorry but this is exactly why I didn’t have the heart to tell you about this..” Jungkook lied to himself, as he began sobbing, droplets of sadness rolled off the side of his face as he kept his gaze at the deepest of your irises, staring at you full of love; if only he had been smart enough to not let you go. “You’re my best friend.. we had some great years to our friendship; we fought, we made up, we got drunk, and we got fat, but then you told me you were getting married, and I realized, I shouldn’t hope to spend the rest of my life just playing around with my married best friend, and that I should live my own life too.. but I’m a selfish guy, you know that. If I had to tell you about this, and we said our goodbyes.. it’d feel like as if I’d never see you again in my life, and I hate that feeling; I don’t want that to happen. I want to keep that selfish little hope that we’ll see each other again some day, and that our friendship will always be alive.”

“Of course, our friendship will still be alive, what the fuck are you talking about? I can always fly to Canada if I miss your stupid ass..” Jungkook chuckled at your purely logical reaction, the sarcastic snicker almost got its way out and turning into a cry of help before he briefly turned away and breathed, calming himself back down as he deeply sighed.

“It’s not going to be as often as we used to be whenever we miss each others’ asses..” Jungkook turned back to look at you, half-sorry on how you could never understand the actual reason behind all of this, and half-amused on how you’ve never actually caught on to the way he looked at you; neither did anybody, to be very honest. “I’m not going to lie, things will probably change and I just want you to know that it’s okay, we had a fun ride while it lasted.”

Not really aware of the seriousness of the situation, you let out a disappointed pout and accepted defeat, earnestly believing that visiting him wouldn’t be that big of a deal anyway; you’ve kept your friendship going for years, why would this bring any difference now; you thought. “I’m going to miss you..”

A faint hint of smile alighted his features, directed at you for the first time in months, and most likely, for the last time as well. “Me too.”

And just like that, Jungkook, the long lost twin of your entire childhood, moved to Canada, and you went on with Graduation Day without him; went on with life without the usual banters with your born nemesis but instead, replaced with morning kisses from your fiancé, what could’ve been an arcade marathon with the one boy you trust your deepest and darkest secrets with, you celebrate your promotion by the side of your co-workers. As much as you hated to agree, he was right. Growing age left no time for playing around, and with married life catching up to you along with new bundles of joy to feed and care for, keeping in touch somehow ended up not being as easy as you thought. You never got the chance to visit him as you had once confidently promised, and chatting online never really felt the same, they feel worse even, as you slowly grew distant and more awkward as months and years go by; before you know it, you somehow ran out of things to talk about.

■ ■ ■

He knew what he did to you was wrong. He damn well knew how confused you’d be when he acted non-chalant about you on every online chat. How he acted as if he’ve changed, so that if you ever wanted to blame him for the fallen friendship, you can. There was some truth to the things he’d said to you, one being that he should get a life of his own now that you got yours; but even that was a nothing but him playing it as an excuse to keep himself away from you. It was for your own good, Jungkook lied to himself; because it was really more for his own. He was never sure if he actually made the right choice back then, but it was certainly a choice that made it easier for his attempt to erase you. Tearing himself away from you had always been a plan, the job offer was a mere coincidence that came just in time with it.

Hooking you up with another guy definitely felt weird, but you actually getting married definitely took a huge toll on him. He played ‘friends’ too well, or did he? No, he genuinely did cherished you as a friend; love was a little extra something that he had chosen to allow it manifest within his heart out of curiosity, and yet never intended to feed nor attend to it.

And so, he continued playing the good guy with you, to stop himself from dreaming too deep. But he played himself so well, that he kicked his own existence out of the circle and stole himself away from the chance of actually being with you instead of your fiancé. Jungkook admitted; he didn’t want to keep seeing you with another guy, he didn’t want to see you get married, to see you smiling the brightest of smiles at someone that’s not him, to see you getting snatched out of his hands, and that’s when he knew he had gone far too long without paying attention to his little pet monster called ‘love’, and seeing everything was beginning to hurt it, even though he could’ve easily chosen to take action instead of being just another witness to your life’s achievements, even when it’s him who’s too much of a coward to confess to his best friend; just because he’s too afraid to lose you in case things didn’t work out, and yet look at him now. Funny how he ended up doing the one thing that he’d so stubbornly refused to do, the one who sent you away; it was to forget you, a dire prayer in disguise of the closest thing he could’ve yearned for, a wish of never to have met you in the first place.

Physical separation was the only choice left to put his ridiculous emotions under control. He never regretted turning over to such an extreme method just to avoid you, but if there was anything that he did regret, it’d be his last chance to say those three words back when you chased after him at the airport; I love you.

“I loved you.” Jungkook whispered a gentle reminder to himself of the lost future that he could’ve had if he had not been so dumb, had he not been a boy with such a big ego stamped to his forehead.

White horizon matched with snow-covered terrain stretched beyond the naked eye, there stood Jungkook, staring at the clean slate outside the frosty window by the kitchen sink, fingers a feather light touch to the teaspoon, mindlessly stirring the cup of tea within his grasp that had long gone cold and bitter, his face rather emotionless unlike the soft sniffing of his nose and the thin streams of tears caressing down the skin of his cheek; in that moment he was made aware, the very goodbye that he’d feared so much he’ll have to say to you, never did happen, and he’s uncertain if he should be happy on how it came about like that.

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