#probably nobody know what this is about

[inkskinned]

i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.

and that should be fine; but it's never fine.

i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.

for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.

we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.

i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.

restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.

#hobbies #writeblr #what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog #although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person #i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally #writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like #it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing. #which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like #i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me #bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely. #it HAS to be a job. it must #also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself #to make it RIGHT #and im like ... idk i only have an hour #so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing

[bacchuschucklefuck]

while teen while goblin while aroace while injured while doing your best

#fantasy high junior year #fhjy #riz gukgak #figueroth faeth #sklonda gukgak #dimension 20 #this. mmmmhhh this is so. I did Not know how to draw this really. #I am very normal about riz (<- lying) #it's a brennan-dm d20 campaign the bad guy is always capitalism (I am saying this with clenched teeth) #riz out of all of them being aroace fucks with me SO bad. bc its also established that elmsville specifically and probably the #majority of solace is not. made for goblins. and that becomes sklonda being worked to the bone and pok dying on the job #and riz spending all his time trying to keep his friends together. maybe to the point of it being injurous #like. do u get what I mean. its an economy of time it takes your time it eats up your time #not just the gukgaks but everyone you have to spend time to get to live and you don't have a lot of time left in a day #and you have to spend it carefully. you have to prioritize #you're somewhere without an established community and companionship is bought with your time spent working #this place doesn't take care of you. at the end of the day who do you have who'd prioritize you. do you understand me #the evolved aroace loathing where if your friends and family are granted more time nobody would have to choose. we live in a society #holds ur hand we live in a society. idk if Im making any sense #anyway . uhhh riz is my favourite that's my statement thank you for listening. au revoir

[jojo-schmo]

My job is burning around me and I’m only seen as an expendable cog in a giant corporate machine, but at least I have Helpy to lend a brightly colored hand!!! <3

#am I talking about fazbear entertainment or my irl job? nobody knows #what I do know is today I found out we’re getting a salary increase freeze for 6 months at least #which in corporate speak probably means a year or more #and restructuring of the company may happen after that #who needs a livable wage? not me obviously #anyway I just needed my small pink boy to cheer me up and it helped a lil #it was fun drawing his blush that way I may keep doing that. hehe #and he must have pretty pink eyeshadow #I’ll be all good in a few days just processing my life asmkcpjsdklc #my baby bear my little skrunkly guy….. #I need a plush of him to kiss on the forehead… #fnaf #fnaf help wanted #help wanted 2 #five nights at freddy's #helpy #fnaf helpy #art

[royalarchivist]

Foolish: So- wait, what do we all need to do then? Do we just- do we just enjoy?

Roier: Uhh just um, just-

Maxo: Enjoy! Enjoy it!

Roier: Yes, enjoy, enjoy, because we are going to do, um-

Foolish: [looking at Vegetta] Oh, I'm gonna enjoy...

Vegetta: Foolish… *takes off his clothes* enjoy.

Foolish:

#Foolish #Foolish Gamers #Vegetta777 #Fooligetta #QSMP #Vegetta #Literally what was that stream even LMFAO #Anyways Foolish was one of the best additions to QSMP solely because of how he frickin reacted to Vegetta stripping like this #frickin me 2 dude #everyone was quick to accept Foolish into the Spanish community for a variety of reasons #but also because he's just as insane about Vegetta as the rest of us #Good taste king #Fooligetta isn't my thing personally but Foolish's enthusiasm is hopelessly charming I'll give him that lol #It's a very fun unhinged ship #Roier #Maximus #April 26 2023 #I know a lot of people have already seen this clip probably but nobody frickin included the part where Foolish turns to Leo like #''oh right you should probably cover your eyes'' #that killed me #Also his ''wtf'' at seeing Roier LMAO poor Roier it's ok bud #*I* personally liked the skin Vegetta chose before going with this one but alas

[b4kuch1n]

pre-marination doobles. dont ask me questions

#pikmin 4 #captain olimar #captain shepherd #moss (pikmin) #oatchi #I Dont Know what player character Im drawing lmao. probably not pom. maybe pom? #I just think itd be funny to have that guy in the rescue corps who literally nobody knows anything about. oh that? yeah the rookie #just picked em up last training session. they do anything we like em #but due to not having an actual head drawn inside it Ive been drawing their helmet slightly too small fskjdfhjd #but I think I should lean into it. our new guy's a little bit fucked up but we love them. no you cant have them #also akira slide for fun. olimar deserves it #Im sorry that u dont have time power that turns u into an absolute dandori beast old man. u can have this. I give u this #okay. now I go marinate meat. and then sleep #have a good night lads. dog can have a stick if they want to

[swampthingking]

andrew’s definitely gotten in trouble with his pr manager for tweeting things along the lines of:

“no mania inducing medication will compare to the euphoria i will feel the day donald trump drops dead”

#pr manager is like: andrew… this is the last time i’m gonna tell you #andrew: whats the point of democracy if i can’t exercise freedom of speech #pr manager: andrew it’s no longer about your image #at this point we are concerned the fbi is going to show up #andrew: neil has connections. i’m fine #they thought marketing andrew on social media would be good #they were sooooo wrong #because now andrew has a place to share every insane thing he’s ever thought #for instance—a tweet that just says ‘an alien googling: human clothes’ #he’s on there advocating for lgbtq+ youth you KNOW HE IS #he’s cursing and mildly threatening members of congress for imposing these disgusting bills #one day he tweeted ‘does mitch mcconnell know he’s dead yet’ #when mitch mcconnell stepped down from senate andrew tweeted ‘hopefully next he steps down from life’ #unsurprisingly: this endears him to some people and makes others fucking hate him #and he’s such a shit. he does not care either way #he’s kind of just like: pr manager. you gave me a twitter and told me to tweet. i’m just doing what you asked me #they’ve threatened to change his password so many times #they actually did once but andrew reported the account so many times for defamation and fraud that it got suspended #and he made a new account out of pure spite #his pr manager is like: andrew nobody is going to want to sign you because of your public image #and andrew is like: ?? ok. they can lose every game then #(he knows he’s the best goalie) #ok i think that’s enough for now. however i will probably be back #andrew minyard #aftg #tfc #trk #tkm #the foxhole court #all for the game

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Peeped the horrors

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #a-qing #xue yang #A-qing went 'there are horrors he is committing and I am going to peep them' and then faced horrors that she could not fathom #The fact she sees the evidence first hand but it genuinely is too much to handle is a lovely tragedy that betrays her youth #It is interesting that she clearly does have more knowledge than the lay person about cultivators and night hunts (possibly from xxc?) #she does mentally call out xue yang for using the right terminology (betraying his 'no one important' façade) #but corpse poisoning is...well....probably not something she could have known about #so instead she has to encounter this horrible and suspicious event and justify it to keep herself sane #Ah....that's not going into the really interesting ambiguity of xue yangs targets #the people he kills specifically slandered *all three of them* #Was it just for himself? Was there a sense of protectiveness over his two blind companions? #I don't want an answer. I love that it is ambiguous #And oh man. having the noble XXC do the killing is so deviously evil. What a loaded chekov's gun. #you know xxc is gonna have a breakdown over it *when* he finds out. Its all a matter of timing #ok ok funny tag time #I think little apple and xy should meet up so they can swap arson tips. Truly the power team nobody wants. Not even them. #they would fight to the death and little apple would *win* #EDIT: HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUE YANG

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[densitywell]

Ashton in Jrusar is so funny bc they're like. clearly a massive loser. its just that everybody else in Bells Hells is an even bigger loser and also doesn't know this city or really cities in general so whenever anything happens they just all turn to him like "Ashton 🥺 what do we do" like a bunch of baby ducklings who imprinted on a mangy street dog. and then Ashton takes them to a guy he knows who he has to bribe before they'll actually tell him anything or even just. not immediately kick him out of their establishment. and then this person tells Ashton they're proud of him and amazed he actually has friends now and he's just like fuck i know right. and the rest of the Hells are increasingly confused and concerned but they just keep it pushing and ask Ashton questions like, "have you ever had a bounty put on you before?" to which they're like "yeah I probably have one on me right now"

#critical role #ashton greymoore #crposting #rlly though based on these reactions i think what went down with the Nobodies is very well known amongst these circles #and that it has probably had a very profound and noticeable effect on Ashton that was not just the obvious visual one #for the record this post is about how everyone deserves love. including mangy street dogs and weird losers who get kicked out of bars. #and also i mean Ashton's guidance IS very helpful their entire time in Jrusar. even if half the time their answer is 'fuck if i know' #bhposting

[baalzebufo]

me when I fucking GET you

#alloyart #fake peppino #peppino spaghetti #pizza tower #pizza tower spoilers i should probably use that tag... #was talking about this with a friend and I think fake peppino just has this desire to GET peppino #like. what does that entail? nobody really knows #does he want to copy him? eat him? take his place? lightly bother him? steal his skin? Who knows! #even he probably doesnt! fake peppino is just doing what it does #and the real answer is probably a little bit of all of those #There Can Be Only One ect ect #body horror -/ #oop. forgot i should prooobably tag that

[canisalbus]

Would you classify Machete as neurodivergent at all? Like in an autistic way? Or is it just the overwhelming ambition, trauma, and anxiety?

I think I've projected so many of my own autistic traits on him over the years, chances are he's at least a little bit on the spectrum.

#your ocs tend to mirror facets of yourself more often than not #whether you want or intend it to be that way or not #I think #I'm a little hesistant to assign a whole bunch of specific labels on him though #because if I say “this character is ace” there are people who will start to view them as ace representation #or autism representation or gnc representation or italian representation or catholic representation #what have you #and if character x represents thing y #I'm worried eventually someone will show up and say “your character represents autism wrong/badly” #even though we're talking about one person's highly personal oc and not like a commercial product #I don't know I'm just overthinking probably #but yes back to your original question you're probably correct to assume he has some neurodivergency going on #he doesn't know #nobody knows #it's late 1500s #and he has learned to mask well #answered #ephemeralprince #Machete

[inkskinned]

i turn 29 on july 1st. i feel like i make a lot of these notes to myself, to check in. hi, me, here's what's happening.

hi, me. hi, you, too, if you keep reading. here's some rules i have been following:

when a book is bad, i put the book down. i choose something i like instead. when i don't like a movie, i don't make myself watch until the end. i care less and less what people think about me and focus more on being a good friend.

for the 6 months or so, i've been asking people what they think should be my next book or tv show. i ask them where i should go on a walk next week. i ask them what food i should try next, what hobby. and then i write it down in front of them.

the truth is some stuff slips through the cracks. but most of the time? within two weeks, i get to send my favorite kind of text - so i tried the thing you were talking about and !

i have a new policy for split-second choices - it's better to try it. i have social anxiety. i have to talk myself into doing many things. i am constantly battling the desire to run away as far as my feet will take me. and then i stand up and i do the thing anyway. i make myself act and dance and sing. sometimes, yes, i know-immediately never again, i hate this. but most of the time - i just have fun with it.

i have a new mantra - nobody is scorekeeping. at the end of my life, there will be no grand reading of how many calories i'd been eating. no reviews on how many boring documentaries i forced myself through, no calculation on how many hours i endured an extremely dull educational podcast. and so what if i try karaoke and i don't actually nail it? so what if i stumble over my words while trying to make a public announcement? so what if i wear something too-showy to go to the grocery store? nobody there knows me, and: nobody's keeping score.

life doesn't resolve with a grade (i know, i was as shocked as everyone else when i realized it). i am not falling behind, because there's no curriculum to life that i should be following. there are no checkpoints; nobody is making sure i have a fully-furnished life resume. i am just here for as long as the earth will have me, and i get to decide what makes me happy.

i don't have a partner or a house or anything that is supposed to belong to people-my-age. i spend most of my time focusing on being kind, compassionate, ready to listen without restraint.

and honestly? i feel good. like actually. i kind of like it this way.

#the really ironic thing #is that the less i care what people think of me #the more friends i have #the more i get along with people easily #19 year old me would kill me for saying this bc she HATED when people said ''stop trying'' #but it was that i wasn't trying to be their friend #i was trying NOT to be ME #i went from being like ''i think im too different for people to ever like me'' #to a decade later being like #'' ah i'll be okay i get along with pretty much everyone '' #it was true about food too #i wasn't kind to my body and thought it could make me look a certain way #if i was pretty it would make up for the way i was internally very ugly #but im now in probably the best shape of my life #and i have pretty much kicked my eating disorder to the curb (goodbye die in a hole) #bc i spend SO much more time seeing the chance to work out as a FUN THING #bc i don't make myself ''follow the rules'' of working out -- i dance or jog or whatever my body wants to do instead #do you know how weird it is #to go from being a COMPLETELY alone kid like NOBODY will talk to you bc you're a social pariah #like bullied ALL THE TIME bc ur stupid and flighty and strange and too loud etc #to being like the exact same person but now people are like ..... ''ur smart and funny and charming and happy-go-lucky'' #some of this does have to deal with the fact i got therapy and medication #and started being a better person and actually focusing on myself and the ways that i could improve #im gentler now. i don't crave attention in the same way. i don't mind things that used to destroy me #it DOES help that i finally got diagnosed with ADHD #anyway feelin things bc it's been 5 years of recovery <3

[sunlit-haruka]

-

-

i am absolutely fucking obsessed with their parallels

#haru chats about milgram #milgram #milgram project #kotoko yuzuriha #milgram kotoko #fuuta kajiyama #milgram fuuta #if any old milgram fans find this post I am aware this has probably been pointed out a dozen times before #But I'm a baby here so I find this shit cool #also I feel like the second pair of screenies could be a bit confusing so what I actually mean by it is #“both of them are denying they have trauma or a more complicated background without actually denying it” #kinda vibe yknow #I need to know Kotoko's life story nobody becomes like that overnight lmao

[childrenofthesun77]

Back when mahiru thought his uncle might be dead he had a flashback to the accident that resulted in his mother's death, but one thing I noticed is that we don't actually see akira in this memory? It feels like either mahiru (or someone like lily or jeje) is supressing his memory here.

And if someone possibly killed akira on purpose, who was it and why?

#servamp #akira shirota #mahiru shirota #I mean the biggest plot twist would actually be that she faked her death and is actually alive/a vampire for whatever reason #But assuming she's dead who would have a motive #touma seems unlikely I feel like he would have taunted mahiru with that back when he mentioned killing several people #I forgot how old mahiru was when akira died but mikuni was probably still too young and also he used to hate humans getting killed #No idea why he's working with tsubaki to do a ritual that will kill all of tokyo now #Tsubaki maybe? He might know about what is so special about mahiru. In that case killing the mother (who also knew what's special about him #Would make some sense. She can't tell mahiru or anyone else about it if she's dead. #But killing her in a way that might have killed mahiru as well...assuming whatever is special about mahiru is needed for the ritual #Risky #But maybe mahiru's memories were faked like misono's were with the night kiriko died and mahiru wasn't actually there when akira got killed #Trying to kill tooru after he had to reveal his ties to c3 before he could explain to mahiru what's special about him #Would also fit with tsubaki #tsubaki would also have a motive not to taunt mahiru with it so nobody tries to look into it and finds out what killing her would achieve #If mahiru is needed for the ritual it's probably even better that mahiru and kuro found a way to get rid of the distance limit #because the enemies probably planned with the distance limit in mind meaning mahiru not needing to be there when kuro tries to stop tsubaki #Might be unexpected to them and throw a wrench in their plans

[p4nishers]

"why did the will scene feel like a love confession tho" bc it was one!!! hope this helps!

#nobody says shit like that i just like being annoying about my theories #eddie's been waiting for buck since the shooting and you know what im actually good to jump off that bridge yeah #thinking bout how buck probably been pissed at eddie ever since cause by putting him in the will eddie basically declars that he cant die #meaning he breaks the 'i have ur back' promise cause if eddie is in danger he cant just risk everything to save or even die with him bc he #has chris to go home too. obviously both of them do but yk what i mean #anyway i could talk abt that scene for hours and hourse #911 fox #evan buckley #buddie #eddie diaz #buddie 911 #buck x eddie

[ferretwhomst]

asking a gravity falls fan their opinions on mabel pines is like a litmus test for seeing how they behave around people with personality disorders

like oh you hate when the 12-13 year old girl has emotional outbursts and is oblivious to people's emotions at times? you hate when she acts Irrationally? tell me more!

#not to get discourse-y on the dash but like. it's true #this applies to other stuff too like adhd autism the like. #i don't even want to think about how these people react to grown adults who have issues with emotional regulation #let alone personality disorders #and look i KNOW this post is a huge generalization #there's probably plenty of people with pds or adhd or autism or Whatever else who don't like her for their own reasons #and that's fine. nobody is morally obligated to like her #but you get what i mean right. #ferret rambles #<- this is it guys this is th epost. enjoy