#also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself

[inkskinned]

i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.

and that should be fine; but it's never fine.

i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.

for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.

we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.

i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.

restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.

#hobbies #writeblr #what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog #although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person #i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally #writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like #it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing. #which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like #i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me #bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely. #it HAS to be a job. it must #also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself #to make it RIGHT #and im like ... idk i only have an hour #so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing

[someplace-darker]

Kinktober Day 11: Erotic Photos | Jake 'Hangman' Seresin

Pairing: Jake "hangman" seresin x reader (no y/n)

Wordcount: 1.5k

Warnings: 18+, PWP, Nudes, Erotic photos, fingering, finger sucking, semi public sex (they are literally still on base), reader is afab but no pronouns are used

Summary: The only way you're able to get Hangman to shut up is creative to say the least.

A/N: aaaaand 2/2 is done for the night. Honestly pretty proud of this one as well, idk what the need for hangman is but he's a sexy bastard and i want to punch him in the face. Enjoy.

There is one thing you know for certain about Hangman; and that is that he is the biggest asshole you’ve ever met in your entire life.

That of course, did not stop you from sleeping with him, that cocky smile and ‘i’m perfect at everything i do wink wink’ behavior enough to draw you in like a moth to a flame. You’d give it to him, he definitely had the right to be cocky, he was the best sex you’ve ever had in your entire life. However, he’s also the brand of asshole that grinds your nerves more than any other person is possibly able to.

Especially right now, gloating over the dogfight training exercise he somehow managed to win against Phoenix in the middle of a lesson. It might be different if it just happened, but it had not, it happened two days ago. The air in the room is tense which is impressive considering it’s mostly large open space. Rooster’s told Jake to shut up about four times, Maverick’s had his face in his hand for the past five minutes, and Phoenix looks like she’s two seconds away from making him a statistic. 

His eyes pop over to you as if he can feel your unimpressed gaze from the other side of the room, throwing a wink your way before opening his mouth again. “I mean come on, if we’re going to get this mission done the right way, wouldn’t it be better if someone who can actually make a shot leads it?”

You’ve refrained from getting involved so far, too worried about that fat fucking mouth of his accidentally giving too much away about your relationship if you did. Jake has only been silent a few times, one of them being the first time he saw you naked. That memory makes an idea form, pulling your phone from one of the many pockets in your navy-issued pants and unlocking it under the table. 

It takes a few seconds of scrolling in your pictures before you find what you need, clicking on three images and selecting share, carefully tapping his icon in your messages before sending them. You set your phone on your lap and wait, glancing up just in time for the notification to buzz his. Phoenix is busy telling him off when he picks it up to check, smile immediately dropping to a doumbfounded look when he opens your message.

You can see the clench in his jaw from your seat, a burning feeling in your chest when he is finally able to tear his eyes away from the screen long enough to glare at you. In return you shrug, putting on a look of faux confusion before looking back to Monica who seems delighted that he’s finally shut his mouth. It’s quiet for the first time in twenty minutes and Maverick is quick to take notice, removing his hands from his face and sighing “you guys done now?”

Hangman clears his throat, blinking back down to his phone one more time before clicking it off and returning his attention to the front “yes Captain.”

-

You’re quick to make it to a locker room after Mav dismisses all of you, politely declining Bob’s invitation to join the rest of the group for drinks, instead opting to wait for Jake who you know is going to say something about your move. 

Of course you’re right, the metal door opening and shutting quickly after you’ve changed out of your flight suit. You don’t bother turning to look at him, his torso pressing to your back. Sometimes you forget how broad he truly is compared to you, and now is one of the times where you’re instantly reminded. No time is given to dwell on it, his phone being stuck in front of your face before you can say anything.

The pictures you sent him are on full display.

One is of you kneeling in front of a mirror with no clothes. The next of your cunt with your fingers buried inside. And the last picture most recently- a blurry snapshot of you on your hands and knees in front of him as he fucks you with a hand in your hair, mascara running down your face. 

“Mind explaining what the fuck this is?” his tone is blunt, voice low and gravelly against your back. You shrug, pushing his hand out of your way to hang up the last of your stuff. The second your locker is shut his hands are on you, spinning you around and backing you into the metal until you’re eye level with him. Jake is many things, and intimidating is definitely one of them, but it only makes you yearn for him. 

“What?” you exhale, cocking your head to the side and smirking “can’t take being speechless?” You’re playing with fire and you know it, you might as well be a professional, but the way he squints and trails his gaze up and down your body has you excited.

His knee slots between your legs, the now thin fabric of your shorts doing absolutely nothing as a barrier. “You think it’s so cute to send those pictures to me like that, why don’t we make more, huh?” You open your mouth to respond but end up moaning when he bounces his knee against your pussy. Instead you can only nod eagerly, fumbling for your phone and putting it in his hand. 

Hangman opens the camera on your phone before reaching to tug your shirt up over your chest, hooking his finger in the center of your bra and pulling down to put your tits on display. Hunger flashes across his face, rolling your nipple between his fingers and pinching until you whine, the familiar shit-eating grin returning to his mouth. 

“You’re an asshole,” you grit out, fighting your own pleasure just to be able to bite back at him for a millisecond. 

“Maybe,” he replies, trailing his finger from your chest down past your navel before pushing underneath the waistline of your shorts and finding your clit “but you seem pretty eager, so I can’t be all that bad.” 

You hate that he’s right, you hate his stupid fucking face, but god you need him so badly it’s near painful. 

He holds your phone up and leans back so you’re completely in frame, circling your clit with his fingers until your mouth drops open in a gasp. “Smile,” he coos condescendingly before snapping the picture, flash making your eyes burn and your head spin. It’s delectable. 

“Jake,” you whine, bending your knees to lower yourself further onto his fingers and leg, not caring how desperate you may appear right now. He leans forward to press his mouth against yours harshly, teeth gnashing together briefly before turning into a tangle of spit and tongues. 

Hangman readjusts his hand to push into your pants further, curling two fingers into your cunt and pumping them in and out until you’re panting against his lips. The ventilations lines of the locker are digging into your back but you can’t seem to care, the palm of Jake’s hand pressing against your clit as he fingers you like his life depends on it. Once more he’s pulling away to snap a picture, this time looking more wrecked than before, lips swollen and red from his kiss while his hand is further down your shorts. 

“Close,” you whimper, grinding down onto his hand. 

“So desperate,” he comments, pressing his forehead to your sweat coated hairline, and it’s somehow the most intimate part of the entire situation. His fingers curl faster now, bouncing his knee for added friction, whispering sweet nothings that you barely catch until your knees give out. The only thing that keeps you from falling to the ground as you cum is his leg between yours and his arm pressed to your body.

This is the closest you’ll get to flying outside of the cockpit of your jet, satisfaction and thrill chasing each other up and down your spine. “Good,” he sighs and pulls his hand from your pants once you stop twitching, his fingers coated in your cum. He brings his hand up to your mouth and leans back to take two more pictures, one of you sucking your orgasm off of his hand, eyes dark and focused on the lens as tears streak down your cheeks. The last of you sticking your tongue out as it drips from your mouth to your chest. 

Jake helps you readjust your clothes and brush stray hairs out of your face, placing your phone in your back pocket.

“Next time you want to pull a stunt like that, send me those. I think they’re going to be my favorite,” he smiles one more time before kissing you with a surprising gentleness. Then, he steps back and clicks his tongue, winking at you “see you friday.”

He exits the room and leaves you reeling, sated and with a few more pictures in your camera roll than before. 

#kinktober #my writing #top gun #top gun maverick #top gun maverick fic #hangman x reader #hangman x you #hangman top gun #jake seresin x reader #Hangman #Jake seresin #Jake seresin x you #hangman x y/n #jake seresin x y/n #hangman smut #hangman fic #jake seresin smut #top gun fic #top gun smut #Jake 'hangman' seresin #jesus christ okay i'm going to bed now

[killemwithkawaii]

Hello! I’ve been reading your stuff for almost a year now, and idk if your taking requests rn but do you think I could get headcannons of yan!Sal being your best friend and what that would consist of? If your able to of course. Also I love all of your work! I always come back to read it!

Aw yeah, gotta love some platonic yan~ 💖

Sal as your Yandere Best Friend (forever and ever and ever)-

[CW: Yandere, obsessive behavior, borderline stalking, self-sacrifice, emotional manipulation]

>Sal is extremely sociable and gets attached to people quickly. He’s likely to be the one to introduce himself to you and invites you to hang out with him and his other friends almost immediately. Once you guys click, you go from casual acquaintances to ride-or-die overnight. You’re pretty much stuck with him after that (he doesn’t take friendship lightly!) 🤝💙

>Constantly wants to hang around you, even if you’re not doing anything in particular, invites you along to pretty much everything, and shows up at your place unannounced for impromptu bro time. He just really enjoys your company! Because he's constantly asking what you're doing when he's not there, he knows your schedule and where you are pretty much at all times. He would feel very left out if you mention that you did something fun or important without him. (He covers it up well, ‘Oh, I’m glad you had fun! That sounds awesome, I’ll have to try that out/ go there sometime…’ but you can tell by his mood change that he’s upset about not being included 😞)

>Incredibly generous, always willing to do favors for you without expecting more than a ‘thank you’ in return, and is happy to go out of his way to help or please you. He will literally give you the shirt off his back, if it seems like you’re in need of it. After all, what are friends for? (He of course has his limitations, but you’d have to make some pretty preposterous requests for him to deny you something.) 🙇‍♂️

>Wants to do everything that you do. Take the same classes, join the same clubs, have the same hobbies, listen to the same music, and live in the same house as you, if he can manage it... He wants to appreciate what you’re all about, really get to know you on an intimate level and know who you are at your core. Doing all the same things is a great way to do that and an excellent way to spend more time with you, especially if he can get you to teach him a new skill or you both learn something new together. 🎨📸📚

>Very physically affectionate. He’s always down for a hug and likes to stay within close proximity (almost zero personal bubble, unless you make it very clear you need some space, which he will do his best to respect). He’s not keen on strangers getting to close to either of you, but you guys might as well be conjoined at the hip. 🤗

>Is quick to be your scapegoat and come to your defense. He’s great at lying and coming up with excuses to get the both of you out of trouble (or just get what you want), will always politely yet firmly speak up when you’re slighted, and he never lets anybody get away with being a jerk to you. Sal can be absolutely scathing when the situation calls for it! Assholes get roasted on the spot if they dare to mess with his BFF. (Be aware: He can take a punch, but he’s not much of a fighter, despite his willingness to get into physical danger for you. Don’t let things get too heated or you’ll have to help patch him up later.) 🩹

>Texts you often and at all times of the day because of his insomnia. If something reminds him of you, you’ll know about it. 💬

>Highly sentimental. He keeps receipts, tickets, photos, and other small mementos from the times you’ve hung out together and talks about those memories with a deep, rose-colored fondness.  🎫💭

>Always wants you to talk about your feelings (sometimes to the point of prying), loves it when you tell him your secrets, and plays therapist for you all the time. He delights in lending an ear when you want to vent and when he gets you to spill all those juicy personal details, especially the ones you haven’t really told anybody else about before. Letting him know those things about you means that you trust him enough to be vulnerable and that you two have a really strong bond. He’ll always be there for you, no matter what! ♾💙

#k.e.w.k. answers #k.e.w.k. writes #sally face #sally face imagine #sal fisher #sal fisher x reader #sal fisher x y/n #love sick sally #tw yandere #tw stalking #tw obsessive behavior #tw emotional manipulation #platonic yandere #yandere sal fisher #thank you for the kind words! Glad you like my content and I hope you enjoy these hcs~ 🥰

[sjhhemmings]

Evermore pt. 4

greg ‘mouse’ gerwitz x cassie voight OC

A/N: so there's going to be a little time jump to season 3 episode 11 of Chicago Fire where canonically Sylvie and Peter get kidnapped, Im thinking it’s still in about season 1 of PD though. I'm gonna change it a little bit so I hope it doesn't get too confusing...i'm going to try and stay as canon as possible but we'll see. Also don’t hate me for the timeline because I’m lowkey just as confused. (also idk why the spacing is weird, but i gave up trying to fix it.)

warnings: kidnapping, slight ptsd, swearing, violence.

word count: 4920

wattpad: sjhhoran

It's now been 3 months since Cassie's father, Hank Voight, has been out of prison.

Things at the firehouse have finally started to calm down, except for the fact that Gabby Dawson has now become a firefighter leaving Cassie on ambulance 61 with either Chout or McAuley until they find a replacement.

Despite Gabby's multiple attempts to assure Cassie it wasn't her fault that Gabby left, Cassie doesn't really believe it. However, Cassie is still proud of Gabby for pursuing her dreams either way. The talk they had a few weeks ago to clear the air and any hard feelings was...rough. To say the least.

Jay also took the job in intelligence under Cassie’s father so that was exciting.

Cassie is still shocked that Gabby didn't want to date Jay, he's a great guy. Not that Cassie would ever go for him, she's still his #1 wingman. Or woman. Wing-woman.

"Alright, everyone settle down. This is Sylvie Brett, she will be the new paramedic under Cassie." Boden announces at the morning briefing. Cassie sent a small wave to the new paramedic from where she was standing at the back of the room.

"Cassie is your PIC, anything you say or do on the job must go through her. Understand?"

"Yes sir." Sylvie said at the front of the room next to Chief Boden.

"Okay. That's all. Go out there, do your jobs and do ‘em good." Boden then said leaving the room before everyone else.

"Hi," Cassie said now walking over to her new partner.

"Hey, it's so nice to meet you, i've heard a lot." Sylvie said shaking the other paramedics hand.

"Thanks, it's nice to meet you too. I'm gonna say we should head over to the ambo to check inventory, is there anything you want to let me know before we start?" Cassie asks making Sylvie give her a questionable look.

"Yeah that sounds good. Would you be able to clarify what you mean by-"

"Ah, sorry. It's a force of habit with the rotators. I've been stuck with Chout for the last week and he's very...excited…like at all times. Then there was McAuley who was literally the embodiment of Debby Downer, I don't know I guess I was just asking if you were going to have some odd, personality thing that I would have to get used to." Cassie said chuckling as they make their way to the apparatus.

"Okay yeah that makes sense. Um I hope I don't have any personality thing, but if I do please feel free to let me know." Sylvie said chuckling nervously.

Smiling at Sylvie's innocence Cassie felt like they were going to be good partners.

"No complaints so far, I like you Brett."

After a few shifts of working together, Cassie and Brett felt like they fell into a pretty nice rhythm. It felt natural how well they communicated and worked together.

At the end of the last shift however, Cassie was visited by a victim's family member. A patient she had treated when she briefly worked with Peter Mills before he eventually left to work at his family's restaurant. The patient had passed before they arrived at the hospital, and the father was more than upset with Mills. Something that Cassie had no control over.

"I need to speak with you," Cassie heard the all too familiar voice of Anthony Lullo called out.

The memory of meeting with Peter and Chief flashed through Cassie's brain where Peter had convinced both of them that Anthony wouldn't be a problem anymore.

"Looking back I'm glad that I didn't file a police report on him. He's in deep grief, and he deserves a pass on this." Peter's voice flashed through Cassie's mind.

Deserved a pass her ass, but she wasn't going to undermine Peter. He trusted his gut, and she trusted him. So, here they were.

"Mr. Lullo, please, I'm sorry for what happened but I really need to get home." Cassie said as she walked past him to her car.

"You're going to regret that." Is all Mr. Lullo responded with before leaving.

"Hey Chief, I just wanted to let you know that Anthony Lullo made another visit to the firehouse after last shift. He said he needed to speak with me and when I continued walking saying I need to get to home he mumbled something under his breath. I don't really know what he said, but just thought you would like to know." Cassie said making a pit stop to Boden's office who gave her a reassuring nod before she left.

"Who's Anthony Lullo?" Sylvie asked when her and Cassie were doing inventory for the ambulance.

"How do you know who that is?" Cassie asked confused.

"He approached me when I was coming into work today, told me to tell you that you need to talk to him. I don't know, I was just confused." Sylvie said defensively not really trying to get on Cassie's bad side already.

Taking a deep breath Cassie looked at Sylvie.

"Anthony Lullo was a patient's father that ended up coding before we made it to the hospital. I haven't seen him in a few weeks but it was starting to become harassment with how much he was coming around the firehouse. He ended up threatening my old partner, Peter Mills. It was this whole situation. I don't know why he's back though." Cassie admitted making Sylvie nod her head in understanding.

A silence fell through the girls as they finished looking through the medications in the ambulance before a call came through the intercom.

"Ambulance 61. Injuries from a fall. 815 South Nebraska."

"That's around the corner," Cassie said as they hopped out from the back.

"Can I drive?" Sylvie asked making Cassie chuckle.

"Sure."

Pulling up to the scene, Cassie and Sylvie immediately jump out looking for the victim. When they finally found him on the side of the street Cassie looked at Sylvie.

"Where'd he fall from?" Cassie asked as she looked at their surroundings, no visible places for a fall.

"You fell, sir?" Sylvie asked as she was putting her gloves on.

"My legs, my legs!" The victim screamed.

"Okay, can you take some deep breaths for me?" Sylvie asked as she began examining him.

Cassie still looking around as to what could've caused this injury, she saw a dump truck down the road. Uncovering blanket from the man's legs she sighed.

"He didn't fall. He was run over." She said agitatedly getting up and calling into her radio.

Once they finished doing what they could, they strapped the now unconscious patient onto the gurney

"He passed out from the blood loss. Let's get him to Chicago Med." Cassie said as they were working on getting him into the ambulance.

Quickly grabbing both the girl’s attention, a car pulled into the alley blocking in the ambulance.

"Who's that?" Sylvie asked with Cassie immediately recognizing the car.

*6 hours later*

"Halstead. Thanks for coming. Nice to have somebody we could trust on this." Matt says greeting the detective.

"Absolutely. Still no word from your paramedics?"

"No."

"Dumb question, anybody try their cells?"

"Yeah. No answer."

Once the pair find their way to the ambulance Jay immediately starts getting suspicious.

"Were they dispatched to this location?" He asks, heart dropping at the realization.

"Yeah."

"This could've been a set up." He said turning around and immediately seeing the hula dancer on the dashboard of the ambulance. The one he got as a gift for Cassie.

"What the hell happened here..." He mutters.

*6 hours earlier.*

"Hey, guys, we got a medical emergency here. We're gonna need you to move the vehicle." Cassie announces at the men who just stepped out of their car.

"Hands in the air. Keep your mouths shut." One of the two say as they both raise their guns at the paramedics.

"Woah." Sylvie mutters earning a glance from Cassie.

"Turn around!" One of them shouts making the other instantly yell at him.

"Keep it down! Now turn around put your hands behind your back." He says more quietly turning Cassie roughly.

"This guy needs to get to the hospital!" Sylvie yells getting another glance from Cassie.

"Brett, Brett. Hey don't hurt her please." Cassie says as they make their way to the car away from the patient.

"What is this?!" Sylvie shrieks.

"This doesn't have to be messy, just do what we say." One of them says as they throw the girls into the car.

"Please, let her go. I'm the one that he wants!" Cassie yells.

"He? Who's he?" One of them says with a smirk slamming the door in their faces.

"Where are you taking us?" Cassie asks as one of the men starts patting her down in the backseat.

"Shut up!" The man says as he gets a little too grope-y.

"Where's your phone, hun?" The driver asks as he reaches over for Sylvie in the front seat.

"Left hand jacket pocket." Shes says quietly as he grabs it and chucks it out the window.

"God, why did I have to be stuck with the grabby one." Cassie says looking at the man with a gun to her head.

As he pushed it farther into her temple she winced at the familiar feeling.

"Look, Jason Lullo sustained fatal injuries long before we arrived at the scene!" Cassie says earning an eye roll from the driver.

"Don't know what you're talking about. Just keep quiet now." He says as he continues driving recklessly.

"You gonna kill us?" Cassie quietly asked as she looked the man in the eye through the rear view mirror.

"You know everything is that it?" He asks with a smirk.

"Brett." Cassie quietly says as she looks out the window.

"Quiet!" The man with her said as he shoved the gun farther into her head.

"Brett, brace yourself." Cassie says before head butting the gun out of the man's hand and kneeing him in the face. Quickly kicking him in the groin after, Cassie moved over in the seat she wasn't buckled into and kicked the driver in the side of the head. Keeping her foot against his throat, this caused the driver to spin the wheel uncontrollably, inevitably crashing into a random scrap yard and making contact with a trailer trapping them inside.

*6 hours later*

Eventually finding the car, Jay and Cruz immediately get out to check it out. The thoughts running through Jay's head have him trembling more than he ever has on any case he’s worked before.

"Hey, this is Detective Halstead of intelligence, I'm gonna need you to run an Illinois passenger tag." Jay says into his phone watching Cruz check the car.

"Halstead...We got nothing. Car's empty. Looks like everyone made it out." Cruz says making his way back to the Detective.

"This happened hours ago. If Lullo's got them, they're dead!" Cruz says spinning out.

"Don't assume anything." Jay says trying to cover up his anxiety so he doesn't freak Cruz out any more.

"The hematoma's recollecting!" Cassie says looking at the driver's wounds.

"I thought you fixed him!" The other man says pointing a gun at the two.

"He needs medical attention." Sylvie says with attitude.

"Isn't that your job!?"

"Hey, we're paramedics, not doctors. You need to get him to an ER now." Cassie shouts back.

"This is your fault anyway, with that smart-ass stunt. Fix him, or i'll put a bullet in your head." The man says pointing the gun at Cassie again.

"This lump on your buddy's neck is due to internal bleeding. As it grows it presses on his trachea and that's what's causing the difficulty in breathing. It's only going to get worse!" Cassie says back to the man.

"So cut it open again!"

"That's only a temporary fix!" Sylvie now says butting herself into the conversation.

"Look. He's going to die unless we get this bleed tied off. We need to get to the hospital." Cassie says to the gunman.

"Might as well waltz into a police station!" The gunman says turning away from them.

"No hospitals." The driver on the make shift table mutters.

As his phone starts ringing he hands it to the other gunman.

"Don't answer it. Not if we're giving him bad news." He says obviously in pain.

"C-can't you guys tie off the bleed?" The very stressed out gunman asks.

"No," Sylvie says but not before Cassie says maybe.

"What? Cassie that's surgery."

"Look, if we do this, will you let us go?" Cassie asks looking at the guy.

"Okay. Deal." The gunman says walking off as he answers the second phone call.

"So this is what we think Cassie and Brett were in?" Gabby says looking worriedly at the car Cruz and Jay found.

"Yeah." Matt says sorrowfully as he opens the very, very, torn up door.

"Jay." She says as Detective Halstead made his way over to where she was standing.

"Gabby." He greets back.

"We gotta find them." She says looking at Halstead.

"We're uh, we're trying." He says almost breaking.

"Guys, I got some blood here!" Severide yells out pointing at the driver seat.

"Okay, at least one occupant is injured. Maybe they didn't get too far.” Jay says taking a step back to think.

“Okay, come here, everyone. Now!" Jay yells gesturing at the surrounding cops and firefighters.

"I want a tight perimeter, I want a K-9 unit, and I want a door to door search of the entire neighborhood. If you see anything that you think might be out of place, I want to hear about it." He says sending them off to their assigned tasks.

"Jay." Gabby says approaching him again.

"Hm?"

"She's my friend too. We'll find her." She says squeezing his shoulder reassuringly getting a tight lipped nod in return.

"Knife." Cassie says taking the blade from Sylvie and pressing it to the driver's neck.

Quickly pulling a gun on her she takes a step back.

"Hey! If you want me to do this, set the gun down now." She shouts a little startled.

As the other gunman takes the gun from the driver's hand, he sets it on a nearby surface.

"Okay. This is going to hurt, a lot. But I'm gonna do it fast. Kay?" Cassie asks getting a nod.

As Cassie made the incision on the driver's neck, she quickly turns around to set the blade down and grab something to use as a clamp.

"Hey, hey, that was the easy part okay?" Cassie says coming back and looking at the incision as he passed out from the pain.

"Hey, hey! What the hell did you guys do, what happened to him!?" The gunman yelled earning glares from both the paramedics.

"He passed out from the pain." Sylvie said now looking back down at the patient.

"Clamp it right here." Sylvie said looking at Cassie as she pointed to his carotid artery.

"You do realize what that will do right?" Cassie whispers with wide eyes.

Glancing down at the bloody table, Sylvie wrote 'Let him die.' in the man's blood.

After deliberating for a few seconds, Cassie shakes her head no and clamps the bleed. Looking back at Brett who scribbled out the words, Cassie gave her a specific look.

"Why so quiet?" The gunman asked.

"I uh, I'm clamping it off now." Cassie says as she took the blade out of the exacto knife they had and handed it to Brett.

"Okay, we're going to need to find someone to suture him up but he should be fine. Cassie says stepping away.

"You. Come here." The gunman says grabbing Brett's arm and taking her across the room.

"Hey! Wait! We had a deal, I need her!" Cassie says yelling at the man.

"I need to make sure he's okay first." The gunman says as he zip ties Brett's hands together.

As the man starts waking up, Cassie finishes putting some gauze his wound.

"See? All good." Cassie says looking at him.

"We'll see." The gunman says.

"The deal was, we fix him up and you let us leave!" Sylvie yells. Loud enough for Detective Halstead who's outside the door to hear. Something they're unaware of.

"I know what the deal was!" The man yells back.

"We gotta go now and the doors bolted, can you guys get us in!?" Jay yells at Casey who is already radioing for Severide.

"You said you'd rein in your partner, so how about it?" Brett yells as she secretly cuts the zip tie off her hands.

"Will you shut up!" He yells as he gets ahold of Cassie and holds a gun to her head.

"I knew we couldn't trust you two." Sylvie mutters as she finishes getting the zip tie off her hands.

"Drop the gun." Sylvie says catching the driver's , the gunman's, and Cassie's attention with the driver's gun in her hands.

"I said drop it!"

With a nod from the driver, the gunman shoots at Sylvie but not before Cassie moves his arm out of the way so the bullet catches the floor. As he fights back and fires again, Cassie is still holding his arm so his aim is off.

With his other arm that had a hold of Cassie, he lets her go to elbow her in the nose. Once he drops his elbow, Cassie punches the guy in the face. She then knocked him on his ass after he catches a kick in the balls.

As Cassie gets away to grab Brett, he continues firing at the paramedics.

Fleeing into another room and locking the door, Sylvie looks around to see that they're trapped.

"Shit." She mutters as Cassie blocks her from the bullets flying through the door.

"Stay behind me." Cassie says as she grabbed a metal pipe, preparing for when he breaks into the room.

Once he does the door flies off the hinges, and all of their attention's turn to the next sound.

"Chicago PD! Don't move, drop your weapon! Do it now!" Jay yells as they charge into the warehouse.

Watching as the gunman put his hands up surrenderence, Jay continues making his way to the gunman.

"Put your weapon down, get down on the ground. Now! Hands up behind your head!"

"Voight! Brett!" Casey yells as the girls make their way back to the other side of the door.

"We were in here." Sylvie says making her way through the door first, Cassie quickly following behind as she dropped the pipe and clutched her nose up. Probably broken.

"Anyone hurt?" Casey asks.

"Not me, Cassie got an elbow to the face though." Sylvie says breathing heavily.

"Sylvie!" Cruz says running up to her and pulling her into a big hug.

"Cassie," Jay says softly looking at his best friend once he got cuffs on the bad guy.

Basically falling into Jay's arms, Cassie quickly forgot about her nose.

"Hey, hey, hey, you're okay. Shh, you're okay." Jay said brushing his hand through the back of her hair as she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Hey Cass." Gabby said making her way over to the girl.

As she pulled away from Jay's chest, she didn't leave his grasp as his hand still rested on her hip.

"Hey," she said pretty nasally as the Gabby pulled her into a hug of her own.

"Some pretty good partner bonding, huh?" Gabby asked making her chuckle.

"I'm glad you're okay." Casey finally says patting her on the back.

"Thank you, guys." Cassie said turning back to Jay.

"You need to go to the hospital." He said looking at her eyes that are already turning black and blue, along with her swollen nose.

"What? You calling this ugly?" She asked teasingly as they started walking out of the warehouse.

"No, no, just. Colorful?"

Playfully hitting him in the chest with a shocked expression, Jay quickly told another cop to take the perp in to the station and that he was going to go to the hospital with Cassie.

"So, your nose is pretty broken. If you look here, there's a slight fracture. We're gonna tape some gauze around it. Make sure you keep it on for the next 12 hours and rewrap it every 8-12 hours, for the next 48. It should heal in no time, make sure you ice it and take some pain meds." Doctor Rhodes explained to both Jay and Cassie in the trauma room.

"So i'm good to go?" She asked a little impatiently.

"Uh, yes. Maggie is getting your discharge papers now, but I do want to take a look at this hand." He said lightly grabbing her hand and examining her swollen knuckles. Sending butterflies through her stomach too.

"Oh, no, it's fine. I just ice it with pain meds and the swelling usually goes down within 24." Cassie said smiling and making a fist and opening her palm a few times in a row.

"Hm. Okay," Connor said sighing and looking between Cassie and Jay. "I'll get those papers to you. It's nice to see you're okay Cassie. Really." He finished with a warm smile and walking out of the room.

Jay quickly looked at Cassie's blushing face and starts laughing.

"You like him!" Jay teased making her blush harder.

"I do not!" She yelled back hitting him lightly.

"No, no, you like him like him, don't you?" Jay continued earning an eye roll.

"Okay so what if I do. I see him when I bring patients in sometimes...drop it." She said looking away.

"Okayyy." Jay said all sing-song-y making her roll her eyes again.

"Knock knock." her father said walking into the room.

"Hey, thanks for staying with her but you can leave now. Brett is down at the station but i'm gonna need you to question this Anthony Lullo when Cassie gets down there." He said looking at Jay earning a nod.

"I'll see you later." Jay said with a tight lipped smile as he walked out.

"You okay?" Voight asked making her nod.

"Yeah, all good. Fractured my nose, but I think I did the same to him plus some manhood damage." Cassie said making them both chuckle.

“I apologize for not being here sooner. Alvin and I were picking up the guys from the warehouse and finding Lullo. I have a question for you though.”

“What is it?” Cassie asked.

“How about you come stay with me for the next few weeks. You know, until this whole thing blows over and we know you’re safe.”

“What? You’re kidding right?” Cassie said laughing at his offer.

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” Hank asks crossing his arms over his chest.

“Thanks, but no thanks.” Cassie says hopping off the trauma bed and grabbing her things.

“Look, you thought this thing ended what, three? four weeks ago? Then look at what happened today. Just until it blows over? Okay?”

Without saying anything Cassie just looks at her father and stares.

“Okay?” He asks again.

“No, not okay. Jay literally lives across the hall from me. If anything happens, I’ll be fine. I know self defensive, I can hold my own.” Cassie says defensively walking out of the trauma room.

Signing the discharge papers at the nurses desk, Cassie walked out of the hospital with Voight quick to follow.

“Can you please just listen to me on this?” Voight asked opening the passenger side door for Cassie.

“No.” Cassie then said slamming it once she got in.

“I’m gonna go downstairs with Alvin, I’ll meet you guys upstairs with Jay and Anthony. You and Sylvie will be on the other side of the mirror.” Hank said kissing Cassie’s temple as they both walked into the 21st.

“Who’s downstairs?” Cassie asked knowing what he’s going to do.

“Guys who like holding female paramedics hostage in a warehouse.” He said walking off.

“Cassie. Nice to see you again.” Trudy said greeting Cassie.

“Hey sarge. So since i’m a civilian now aren’t you supposed to have someone walk me to the interrogation room?” Cassie teased once she got to the sergeant’s desk.

Sighing, Trudy removed her reading glasses and looked at the girl.

“That was supposed to be your father’s job. I’ll do it though. Yo chump! Watch the desk until I get back.” Trudy says coming around and showing Cassie to a room she knew all too well.

“We have numerous witnesses saying they saw you make a serious threat against Peter Mills. Then showed up again to talk to Cassie Voight.” Cassie heard Jay say once she walked on the other side of the glass.

“My son was dead. I was upset.” says Anthony.

“Yeah, that certainly squares with the eyewitness statements. ‘Mr. Lullo was livid.’ , ‘Full of rage.’ , ‘Frothing at the mouth.’” Jay finally said setting the paper down in front of Lullo.

“Look, I went over there and I apologized to Peter Mills, and he accepted my apology. He’s a good kid.”

“But what about the part where you visited Cassie Voight? Multiple times, even after Peter Mills had stopped working at Firehouse 51.” Jay asked.

“I don’t understand what’s going on here. I thought you caught the men that took those paramedics?”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Jay said smiling at the man.

“Cassidy ignored my invitation to talk. Nothing happened since.” Lullo says sitting back into his chair.

“But why did you want to talk Cassie? I thought your issue was with Mills?” Jay asked trying to agitate him.

“Yes, but Cassie knew more.” Lullo muttered.

“What do you mean Cassie knew more?” Jay pressed.

“Nothing.”

“Oh c’mon Anthony. What did Cassie know?” Jay asked trying to poke the bear further.

“Cassie knew how slow she drove killing my son. Cassie knows that she is the cause of his death.” He admitted

“Your son was already dead by the time we got to the scene. We just prolonged how long it was before the inevitable happened, which was his heart stopping due to blood loss.” Cassie yelled as she bursted into the interrogation room, startling both Jay and Lullo.

“I don’t think she’s allowed in here detective.” Lullo said looking at Jay.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”Jay said covering for Cassie.

“Your son died due to his injuries. There was nothing we could do, but you need someone to blame. Is that it? Pointing a finger at someone that’s not you, or your kid?” Cassie asked trying to piss the man off.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lullo said chuckling and looking away.

“I think I do. Because if I didn’t, you wouldn’t be deflecting right now. If I didn’t you would still be pretending that you’re content with the fact it wasn’t one person’s fault that your kids dead.” Cassie said matter of factly.

When she didn’t get a response she scoffed.

“So you’re okay with that? That no one killed your son, and it was just his injuries? Oh c’mon. You need someone to blame. To fill your urge and get revenge. That someone killed him and they need to pay. Right?” Cassie asked.

“You killed him! If anyone killed my son it was that bitch! She was the one driving!” Lullo yelled surprising everyone.

“Your son was already dead before we even arrived at the hospital! It had absolutely nothing to do with my driving, and everything to do with the fatal injuries he sustained.” Cassie yelled back at the man not knowing how many times she could repeat herself over this matter.

“You all say that, but if you drove faster, he would’ve made it to the hospital, and he would’ve lived!” Anthony said standing and pointing at Cassie.

“Is that why you stalked me then? It was never about Mills was it? It was about the fact that I didn’t drive fast enough. So you stalked and harassed me, then hired someone to take me out?” Cassie pressed causing him to basically fume from the ears.

“Yes! You deserved to know what it was like to ride half alive while the person who was supposed to be helping you couldn’t care less about getting you help!” Lullo yelled.

“So you ordered a hit on me?” Cassie asked again. Waiting for the confession.

“Yes!” He seethed earning a content smile from Cassie.

“Jay, I believe you can handle this from here.” Cassie said walking out of the room.

Later on once they officially arrested Lullo and everyone was gathered in the bullpen, Cassie decided to stay behind and talk to her father.

“Hey, we wouldn’t have gotten him if you didn’t intervene. Good job, Cass.” Jay said patting her on the back.

“Jay, Cassie, my office.” Hank announced earning a confused look from the both of them.

“Uh oh, principal’s daughter called to his office?” Antonio joked getting an eye roll in return.

“I watched what happened.” Hank said as they shut the door.

“What do you mean?” Cassie asked confused.

“I mean I saw you get the confession from Lullo. I want you to know, I get that you didn’t like being a patrolmen. But, when I give you this offer you need to think about it from a detective’s perspective. You have all the training, you would even be able to start tomorrow. You have the balls. We need you. Cassidy, do you want to join intelligence?” Hank asked making her jaw drop.

tagging: @rockyhayzkid

#one chicago #chicago fire #chicago med #chicago fire oneshot #chicago pd series #chicago pd fanfic #chicago fire imagine #chicago fire fan fiction #matt casey chicago fire #connor rhodes chicago med #chicago #chicago pd x oc #chicago pd one shot #chicago pd #mouse x reader #greg mouse gerwitz #connor rhodes one shot #cassie voight #hank voight daughter #hank voight #jay halstead bff

[sunshineyuuji]

Hi I’m glad you’re feeling better. I was wondering if you could write a Dazai x a gender neutral MC where he finds out the reader has depression but also finds out the reader has healthy coping mechanisms and they talk and teach him about it.

Thank you

❤️❤️❤️

"I want a happy ending with you..."

Characters: Osamu Dazai

Warnings: depression, overthinking, insecurities, coping with depression, mentions of reader not eating, gn!reader, mentions of suicide (Dazai's death), maybe bad English?, idk if Dazai will be ooc but just in case, brief mention of panic attacks, it's quite long, ngl;

Notes: hello, Nani~! Thank you so much for worrying~ ♡. I'm happy that you requested, though I must say you caught me by surprise with this request. Personally, as someone who deals with depression, I don't know if I have a coping mechanism for depression? I just try and distract myself from overthinking? (Never ignore your feelings, please. Look for someone willing to hear you) But I'm glad I can talk about this. Also, I'll be speaking from MY experience dealing with depression so I want to be clear that not everyone deals with depression the same way just in case anyone gets confused, ok? Well, I hope I can do this without fucking up. And sorry if it's too long for your liking and uhhh maybe the end is a bit rushed?? Idk, I'm sorry. And sorry for posting this so late!

Osamu Dazai isn't only known for his amazing and shocking books, but also because of his tragic ending. He died by committing suicide with his lover, Tomie Yamazaki, on June 13, 1948. But an opportunity came and Le Comte de Saint-Germain gave him the chance to continue living as a vampire moments before his death... And he accepted.

It is well known that Osamu Dazai battled with depression most of his life, attempting suicide more than once. His decision of living as an immortal is still a mystery.

But he doesn't regret being an immortal being, not now that he met you. You were the most beautiful and extraordinary person in his eyes and nothing could change his mind. You were gorgeous and deserved to be treated like royalty. You were his light.

But he was no fool. Though he always seemed silly and loved to tease, that didn't mean he was a fool, on the contrary. Of all thr guests in the mansion, he was the most observant and attentive to any physical or emotional change in other people. And he knew damn well what you were thinking or feeling.

Depression. You were battling with depression, just like he was.

It all started with the panic attacks you started to have when you arrived at the mansion. I mean, who wouldn't be anxious? You were all alone stuck in another century in a mansion full of men. And if that wasn't scary enough, those men were vampires. You had all the right to be anxious.

He didn't pay much attention to it at first. I mean, he helped you to accommodate in the mansion and was always there to get a smile out of you, but he didn't really think anything else about the panic attacks.

That was until the sudden episodes started.

They started out of nowhere. The night before you could be giggling and dancing with all the guests in the house then the next day in the morning you were oddly quiet. The forced smile on your face when any of the guests were talking, but as soon as they took their eyes off of you, your smile would disappear and you would remain silent again while you stared into space.

When you two started dating, he noticed more about you that just screamed what you were going through. You were always overthinking about the most simple things and were constantly insecure, asking yourself is you were good enough for him or if you could ever make him happy. Then he noticed that you barely slept at night, but always felt sleepy during the day. But what made him step in was when you refused to eat your meal once when you clearly didn't eat all day.

Dazai knew what was going on inside your head and, while he didn't know how to help himself, he wanted to help you because if he helped you he could be better. So he decided to talk to you about it.

"Oh, that..." you whispered, not knowing how to talk about it. "Yes, I'm aware that I did wrong on skipping my meal today... That's why I'm going for a walk."

Anyone else wouldn't have thought anything of what you said, but not Dazai. Dazai felt his chest sink as you said the words "go for a walk." He didn't know if you also had those thoughts and, although he had resorted to double suicide on multiple occasions, he tried to ignore those thoughts and if he dragged you along with him he would lose you forever.

"I'll go with you." he offered, hiding his fear in a smile. "How impolite of me it would be to let you walk alone at this time of the afternoon, don't you think?"

You stayed a few long seconds in silence, contemplating if nothing would happen if he went with you. In the end you agreed to his offer with the thought in mind that maybe, just maybe, this walk could help him too.

"But eat something first." he ordered, his tone still soft and gentle. "I won't let you leave until you eat something."

Although little, you were able to eat the delicious dinner that you had helped Sebastian make. You ate quickly because you wanted to go out and clear your mind. You didn't want to, you had to.

"Can we please go to a walk now?" you pleaded and Dazai had no choice but to go out with you. Using the door, of course. Through the window it was going to be difficult for you.

Dusk came and the sky was painted a set of orange and purple colors. The atmosphere was perfect for a date like those you two used to have from time to time, but today was going to be an exception.

You both walked in silence without any exact destination. Dazai expected you to say something to him, but you only admired the beautiful surroundings. What distracted you was a quiet and lonely children's park. You looked at Dazai, and without waiting for an answer, you walked over to the swings and began to swing.

"Come sit with me." you called out to him while smiling softly.

He quickly sits on the swing next to you and rocks with you. You both enjoy the relaxing atmosphere, the afternoon breeze, and the soft laughter that you both let out. For a moment, you both forgot the real reason you had come out. You felt happy to be able to enjoy this moment with him, even though you knew that this joy would vanish for the moment, but you didn't care. At this precise moment, you didn't care because you knew that the reason for your happiness was Dazai.

But... You stopped. You stopped because even though you were happy with him, you had to talk to him. You continued to rock, but your laughter stopped.

"Dazai, love." you called, causing him to stop.

"Yes?" he answered.

"You know... I know that you better than anyone can understand what's happening to me. These sudden mood swings and so on..."

Dazai stopped swinging on the swing and looked at you. He didn't know what to answer you, although what you said was true: Dazai could understand you better than anyone.

"Sometimes I go out to distract myself." you continued talking. "I'm always looking for something to distract myself and try not to get consumed by it. I'm trying, I swear."

That piqued his curiosity. Distract you? Did that work? He personally never knew how to deal with his depression, since he lived in other times, but he was interested in knowing how you managed to deal with it.

"What things do you do to distract yourself?" Dazai asked interested.

"Oh! Well... I sometimes sneak to hear Mozart playing, which relaxes me." you started to explain a little embarrassed. "Or I bake too. Sometimes sleeping helps."

"That's... I didn't know there were ways to help deal with this." Dazai admitted, fascinated. "So you do things you like to distract and relax yourself?"

"That's correct." you gave him a small smile.

"I see... Can I try something like that too?" Dazai asked.

"Of course! Just look for things that can relax you." you recommended.

"Writing works... And spending time with you."

You blushed when you heard what he said and lowered your head, smiling.

He loved you. You both loved each other. You might have your problems, but you loved each other deeply. Your wish, his wish, the wish of both of you was to overcome whatever life threw at you and be together... For eternity.

#headcanons #cybird ikemen #otome game #cybird otome #ikemen series #ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikemen vampire dazai #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp dazai × reader #ikemen imagines #ikemen headcanons

[rin-and-jade]

Okay, so we've tried several times to write an ask, and each time we just..stop ?? So this time instead of explaining in detail n shit and saying how much we're sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, I'm just gonna write :/

So, we're kind of stuck, in the sense that idk if I'm/we're(both pronouns feel wrong lol) a system anymore and,wdk what to do about it.

Because basically 5-6 years ago, when we were around 10(i think, but at this point i only know the story through the "telephone" of our retellings) our brain tried to just.. get rid of most of the DID. I'm not even ducking kidding, i think it tried to lower barriers and smush most of us together, to the best of it's ability. From what I've gathered, it planned on shoving all our trauma deep down in the innerworlds, and hiding them from the main kid. Like, getting rid of thousands of fragments, banking them in little crevices of our brain etc.

That procedure was supposed to make it so the main kid could have more of their life for them- without access or even knowledge of the sheer size of the abyss and pain in background, and thus being less affected by it till they were old enough to deal with it. Idk how to explain really, especially since i myself barely understand.

In any case, it went wrong. I don't know why much, as our memory has increasingly deteriorated since to the point i have nearly no knowledge left. I'm not sure even all that ever happened, because maybe I'm just inventing stuff and creating a story were there is none, and I'm scared that what i know isn't real and just my imagination or smth

And what's left is..me i guess. I kinda feel like a fragment in the sense that i have limited consciousness and just..person-space(if that makes sense ?) I'm not sure if I'm several people, one person, an eldritch entity of kinda seperate kinda not glued together entities.

Idek what i want to be. I want to be a full person, that's for sure, but other than that ? Idk. I'm lost, I'm a mix of tons of different opinions and vague, weak, feelings, and flashes of blurry memories and desires that don't belong to me.

So.. i know you probably can't help, but do you have.. any idea on what I could do ? Or if others have been in similar situations and if it got better ?

This is a very long ask x knows, and it's desperate, and you aren't our/my psychs so I shouldn't just dump this and hope you have answers, and I'm so sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, but yeah.

I'm sorry.

Dissociative disorders do the job, but not perfectly, what you're explaining from the words of "nearly no knowledge left" sounds like retrograde amnesia, where it is near to impossible to remember anything from the past.

I also get a bit on what you mean with not knowing who you are,, that is usually close to a blurry moment? Because everything feels jumbled, its not clear, it is hard to discern wether there's multiple or not, etc. That could sound like it;

Have you been exposed to stress? Especially long term? Has anything awful been happening? Many factors can affect memory and recognizing who you are that can stem from basic needs that are neglected like sleep or rest if you're working for long periods, or deficiencies on vitamins/minerals/nutrition because they also play a part on fending off brain fog which can cause many issues like memory recall or trouble focusing,, or it can be to even deeper issues like stress as i said before, or if it is related to trauma, or any sustained physical injuries but it could be anything really.

Im guessing this is something that didn't happen in such a short time, but i do can give you some stuffs to do for starters:

Write down everything you can notice those feelings, those lingering sense of identity, or vibes, or thoughts, they are truly jumbled and it helps you organize and recognize your situation better if you have a physical record of what you're experiencing

Find the cause of problem If you can, try digging up anything you can find that could be the culprit, maybe before things get too foggy to remember that could serve as clues, and by checking with your current health (physically and mentally and emotionally) and see what could be fixed.

For sense of fulfillment It is overwhelming to know which or where you have to start from if you want to learn more of yourself, while you can do number 1 to jot down things you don't align with, this also gives you some ideas on what could be yours. Start somewhere small, like, how you like your daily morning, or preference in eating food, or the colors you think it looks cool.

It would also be great if you can leave out the tiniest bit of context next time, so my answers for now are rather vague and less pinpointed/specific. Though atleast still can suffice as a starting point to tackle your issues.

You can contact me anytime via ask box or DMs, let's see how things go for you okay?

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #janswersask

[lanawinterscigarettes]

A Natasha scenario you could do is the reader's car stalls in a snow storm and our lovely Russian woman comes to the rescue with her own warm car ! Who knows, hope this helps your want to write :)

This actually helped with my writer's block a lot <3 I dont have my driver's license yet and I have very little knowledge on how cars work so I kept putting it off to get this finished because I'm worried something I wrote was inaccurate but oh well (also I'm literally posting this during spring. Really wishing it was still cold enough to snow right about now sigh)

Car Trouble (Natasha Romanoff x reader)

Warnings: swearing, mention of snowstorms, car trouble ig?? (Idk if those could be considered as warnings but better safe than sorry)

"Shit," you said as your car suddenly stopped, not wanting to go any farther no matter how hard you slammed your foot on the gas. "Oh, come on." You turned your keys in the ignition a few times, trying to get it to work, but it was no use. Your car sputtered before giving out a sad, strangled choking sound, and that was it. It was clear at that point your car was dead, and you were screwed.

"Well, that's just great," you muttered. You thought about maybe using the jumper cables you usually kept in the trunk of your car to give it a well needed boost of energy before remembering you'd taken it out the day before, needing the extra space for the groceries you'd needed to pick up. Of course the one time you needed it was the one time it wasn't there.

Sighing, you pulled out your phone to double check the forecast for the day. It was currently 30° and dropping, indicating the snow storm you weren't expecting to receive until next week was going to be arriving early.

"Wonderful." You were stuck in your car, about to be hit by a massive snow storm, groceries in the back, no jumper cable, and your phone was at seven percent. No one you knew would have the time to just drop everything and come pick you up, except for maybe one person; your girlfriend.

You quickly dialed her number and sat there anxiously as it rang. When she didn't answer the first time, you called again, hoping she would pick up. Then, on the third ring, she did.

"Hello?"

"Nat! Oh, thank God," you breathed out a sigh of relief. "Look, my phone's about to die, so I don't have much time to say what I need to say, but my car's being a dick, I don't have the jumper cables on me, and I'm pretty sure the snow storm predicted for next week is coming early. Please send help," you fake pleaded, only half joking.

The other end was silent, causing you to think maybe your phone had already died until you heard shuffling and the distinct sound of jingling keys on the other end. "I'm on my way. Text me where you're at if you can, if not, Friday has GPS systems installed in our cars for a reason."

"Oh my God, Nat, you're the best. Thank you."

You could hear the smirk in her voice as she gave her response. "Don't thank me yet."

Less than twenty minutes later, you heard the familiar rumbling of a car engine as Natasha's car pulled up beside yours. "Hey stranger," she said as she got out.

"Natasha!" You felt a tremendous amount of relief as she got out the jumper cables and made her way over to you.

"I'm gonna pop the hood so I can get this done and we can go home."

You watched as she tinkered with the stuff under the hood of your car for a couple minutes before giving you the go ahead to try to turn it on.

You gleefully honked on the horn as your car suddenly roared to life, causing Natasha to shoot you a dirty look. "That was my ear you just honked in."

"Sorry babe, my bad." You gave her a sheepish grin as you got out of your car and went to stand behind her. You wrapped your arms around her waist and squeezed. "Thank you so much for helping me with this today."

"Of course, I couldn't just leave you out here to freeze." She turned around to face you after shutting the hood of the car. "I've got to get back, but make sure you get home safe, okay?"

"Don't worry, I will." You gave her a quick kiss before getting back in the car. "I love you," you called out before shutting the door.

Waving to her as she drove away, you put on your seatbelt and got started on the drive back home.

~

Taglist: @anxiously-sad @iloveentrapta @ghot-girl @taecube @blkroyalty1 @nevilleismywhore @multiyfandomgirl40 @xxromanoffxx @your-next-daydream

#mcu #mcu imagines #mcu imagine #mcu x reader #mcu fic #mcu fluff #marvel #marvel imagines #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #marvel fic #marvel fluff #marvel cinematic universe #natasha romanoff imagines #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff fic #natasha romanoff fluff #avengers #avengers imagines #avengers imagine #avengers x reader #avengers fic #avengers fluff

[keii]

SORRY I JUST GOTTA VENT ABOUT THIS REAL QUICK LOL

Oh you GOT to be fucking kidding me?? LOOOL GOTTA PAY TO SEE THAT PHOTO?? Okay look. I don’t care if there are answers that you have to use batteries on, and that his private account is behind the subscription… but this??? What is even the fucking point. I don’t like that in part of the actual game, there are choices related to stuff that we HAVE to pay for in order to get the context. WHY GIVE US OPTIONS THAT DIRECTLY INVOLVES A PIC THAT FREE USERS CANT EVEN SEE??? Cheritz COME ON NOW??? Let subscription users have their features since they paid a shit ton for it, but at the same time don’t take away the experience from the free players??? This really is just penny pinching at this point… in MM it was so generous… and because I enjoyed the game and characters so much, I was MORE THAN HAPPY to support and buy stuff from Cheritz… for this game, just the thought of putting money into this… where idk if I like Teo or not, actually infuriates me… what tf happened LOOL Also I’m still trying to find out the correlation between the Labs and Teo’s story. Right now the premise isn’t clear to me??? But don’t tell me, I’ll figure it out eventually… it’s hard to not compare this game to its predecessor, but in both characterization and story-wise… I was EASILY much more invested in MM. Simple and straight to the point. Plan a party, fall in love. This game is… talking to some rando… and idk space exploration via forums… 

The micro transactions in the game is such a buzz kill. I know Cheritz wanted to make this game “immersive” with Teo taking breaks between messages and this game being more of a steady pace, in terms of getting to know the character... But to have the constant reminder that if I want Teo to come back faster, I have to pay, if I want to see Teo’s fucking same face selfie, I have to pay, if I want to call Teo, I have to pay, if I want to choose a certain option, I have to pay, if I want him to type faster, I HAVE TO PAY. Do you realize HOW MUCH THAT TAKES AWAY FROM THE IMMERSION LMAOO??? The constant ads, and reminders that for the cool/convenient features in this game… I have to pay. 

When I played MM bc it wasn’t riddled with ads and the characters were so full of personality, it felt SO immersive. I can see into their world and it’s easy to FEEL INCLUDED within the group. Easy to feel for all the characters and their struggles, their joy— whereas Teo… he falls SO short in terms of connecting with me as a player. It’s like I’m stuck on awkward small talk for the past week and it makes it very hard for me to care as much since he’s not really funny, nor expressive, it’s hard for me to gauge what kind of personality he has bc convos are short and usually just about whatever BS he got going on. This is such a long vent— idk why I got set off when I saw that that pic was behind a paywall and all the options were related to that locked pic LOL like I’m not dreading my experience in this game because I GENUINELY want to know what this game is about, but at the same time, it’s not something where I’m highly anticipating when I get to talk to Teo next. Unlike when I go into the MM Chatrooms and I never know what kind of thing to expect— the conversations with them could either go super deep or plain ridiculous where I’m laughing my ass off. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED!!! 

#like i'll still play bc as i said... i wanna know #BUT I AM JUST FLABBERGASTED AT ALL THIS OK #doesn't even feel like a game... it's just an app that's just there in my phone that i check a few times a day... #i hate the fact that there are times where he takes 20 minutes to reply #like... i got shit to do teo... hurry ur ass UP!!! #anyway ya my second report on this game LMFAOO #cheritz if u still read tumblr posts... i got lotsa thoughts #keiissum

[fierceawakening]

ceanothusspinosus Oh! I did not at all mean to imply that competing access needs are necessarily solvable. They really truly may not be, and when that clash prevents a good relationship, it sucks. It also takes skill and practice to sort out what your own needs _are_ and it sounds like she is… not good at that. Possibly not interested in becoming good at that. Possibly ashamed to look at it too closely and see where she can and can’t compromise. Who knows. At some point it doesn’t matter for your purposes. :/

ceanothusspinosus I think that the existence of ableism provides a lot of context and imposes a lot of constraints on the whole situation. I imagine that in a less ableist world she’d maybe have different expectations of you and tbh of herself. But it’s not ableist to notice that different people have different abilities, and in your situation it makes sense that you’re really sensitive to concepts like expectations around “ability” used without failsafes.

ceanothusspinosus And in ~abusive/very unbalanced situations “ability” and motivation is commonly, idk. Complicated. Unclear. It comes down to “even if the most generous reading is true, I don’t think it’s going to change and I don’t want to live like this.” I’m thinking of you wondering if she’s copying some of your own ND traits/habits - I certainly can’t know from here, that’s definitely not the sort of thing you’re likely to get a straight answer on if so, it _could_ just be her own stuff...

ceanothusspinosus …so where does that leave you? Looking at the situation more carefully while you do your best to be what you consider an ethical person with no obvious answers, unfortunately. :/ And it’s clear you are trying to be careful.

ceanothusspinosus Also btw, thanks for being clear about the kind of answer you wanted.

No problem! I think part of the issue is, like... social justice types of framework, where you taboo certain phrases, really don't port over well when someone is dealing with an abusive situation or a situation that's leaning that way. Like, it's useful when my therapist says something sounds narcissistic not because she can or should diagnose anyone who isn't me (and I don't take her to be doing that), but because we have a somewhat shared understanding of the word. She's telling me she thinks that behavior is unfair, and the sort of unfair that stays that way and you don't fix with a clarifying conversation, because the kind of person who is often unfair in that way is the kind of person who isn't psychologically ready to have that clarifying conversation and is going to lash out.

It's the same way (and the same situation, I think, painted different colors) I eventually decided I felt about gendered slurs. No, I don't technically HAVE to call my abusive ex a bitch, and I actually wouldn't see much use in calling her that now. But at the time, when I was angry and hurt? Trying to police my own ways of thinking about what was happening were what got me stuck in the being abused in the first place. It was only once I could trust that I wasn't revealing some deep evil going "fuck that bitch" that I could get the distance I needed to rethink whether that was a phrase I wanted to use once the experiences were sufficiently behind me.

Which is I think the problem with a lot of those posts, especially online, that exhort people not to use certain terms to analyze the behavior of someone mistreating them. What that comes across like to the person trying to understand what the fuck happened is "you're mean for processing this in your mind, and if you want to do that you need to choose from the approved tools."

Which I think is why those posts got my goat so much. (I hope they wouldn't as much now that I've thought through this, but they might still bug me, I can't promise the berserk button is totally deactivated.) Survivors need space to be mean and aggro and messy, and just because we feel it this second doesn't mean we endorse it forever. People who are injured scream. This does not mean screaming is appropriate behavior most of the time. It means that it's normal when someone is injured.

Like with my ex. Reading books on BPD actually helped a lot! Not because I came out of it thinking "all people who have that are abusive;" I can think of several friends current and former who I don't think are abusive and who I certainly don't think would ever do the things she did that traumatized me. But because a long careful description of behaviors and psychic distortions helped impose some order on what I experienced as a maelstrom of desire and need and rage and hate.

I'm not even sure I'm going to come out of this thinking narcissism is the problem. I might even decide I think she's neurotypical when all is said and done, I don't know. But I need to be able to shut the social justice framing down at least long enough to sort out what I need, why what I have is not that, and whether (as my therapist has also said) the right thing for me is no contact or less contact.

And in order to sort that out, I need to be able to try on ideas like "No one cares that you're disabled. I care that you don't stop, whether that's won't or can't."

I can sort out whether that's too harsh *later*, when I know my own decisions and their results better than now.

Does that make sense?

[writeouswriter]

hiiii sorry if this is Super weird !!! but i know some people look at their past writing n cringe a little yet also still love it a little but (n this goes out to anyone tht wants 2 answer too!) have u ever cringed at like. recent writing? bc i cannot 4 the life of me look at smth i wrote even seven months ago bc im just so embarrased..... do u or anyone else have advice on how u could overcome smth like this? i know cringe is dead be free n live ur life !!! but sometimes i cannot. help but just. Explode

Not weird at all! Though I'm not great with the advice personally, (clear and concise answers? Idk her), maybe someone else can help a little more as I have lots of lovely brilliant people following me!

But I definitely have cringed at some of my recent writing. I'm always going to cringe at some of my writing and be like what was I thinking, I can't write, while other times I'll be like, wow I actually can write. It's forever in flux. Sometimes, that's just how it is because even in the smallest intervals of time, you're constantly growing as a writer, learning new things every minute, every second, and with every new thing taken in, every new experience or reading or etc. under your belt, you see further into how the gears of writing turn, and occasionally that means you start to perceive more flaws in your own writing, whether real or imagined, because you're looking for them now, you're looking at the embroidery from behind with all the loose strings and stitches, you're looking at the clocktower from between the gears on the inside, watching them shudder and jolt a little unnaturally when most other people just see the face.

For recent writing, it's an especially tough beast because unlike writing from the further past, you're not far enough removed yet, so you still can't really look at it objectively, you're still stuck inside the clocktower, unable to see the view as an outside observer. So, maybe everything is going to look a little wonky regardless of whether it really is or not, and there's not much to do but keep learning and improving from it in the meanwhile, step back for a second, give it time and space, and be kind and patient with yourself as you take a walk around back to the front of the tower and see whether you can still see the gears and everything from there.

My analogies tend to get out of hand and may not be the most solid or helpful, so I'll drop that... but you feel me? Maybe you will still be cringing at it later, but that means you've come further as a writer and can pinpoint how to fix it/improve it or use the experience and observations for your new work, honing in on what exactly about it is making you cringe, maybe it's something with an easy workaround, or maybe with fresh eyes, you'll see it's not as bad as you thought and there's some good in there after all, maybe a mix of both.

Usually, it really is a matter of time. When I posted my first ao3 fanfic last year, I couldn't bear to look at it again, the thought of it made me sick. I had reread it multiple times at various stages to the point where I was just like if it's bad, it's bad, it's out there and there's nothing I can do now, and the thought of it haunted me, like people are gonna think the style is weird, it's ooc, it's this, it's that, etc., aah, but I reread it finally again last week and... it was fine. It was totally... fine. Meanwhile, another story I had been working on, I came back to it after a while and realized the dialogue was stilted and the prose repetitive, so I had to rework it, but that's fine too, no shame in that. It takes a while to find what works.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble and repeat myself, and my keyboard keys are all sticking because I spilt milk on it the other day, rip, so yeah! That's all I can tell you personally, but if anyone wants to jump on and add something else, feel free! And I wish you all the luck in your writing quest! Take care.

#writing #writeblr #ask #writer things #my w key is in the worst shape i'm so sad gaah #s and a and e too are not doing great also caps lock why did my clumsiness forsake me #long post #i guess #writing advice #somewhat

[strawberry-crocodile]

I LOVED Three Houses characters, I feel like they were all distinct and had very clear ideals and motivations that made them fit together in fun and interesting ways. With all that being said though I really wasn’t a huge fan of running around the monastery and doing meal prep. It was fun the first play through, but I felt like by the third I was just rushing through it to try and get it over with. The gameplay also just felt kind of dry to me as well, even on hard mode I still felt like my units were too strong even though I wasn’t doing any grinding or anything.

I’m excited to get a fire emblem that’s a bit more gameplay and a bit less social sim and I feel like we haven’t really gotten that since like fates (sorry echoes). The 3ds era definitely had some quirks, but I think they had incredibly solid gameplay all things considered.

I'll be honest the monastery did get dry eventually but I stuck around for the characters.

Personally I think that of the FE games I've played, it's awakening that actually had the worst gameplay? The pair-up system meant that the correct way to play is to pair up two units and turn them into supersoldiers, so it was less of a trpg and more... idk, a normal rpg where you have a handful of characters and enemies you can just mow down? Plus a lot of the maps were just open spaces, the arena was definitely the worst.

#dalucaray

[jeblum]

@moon-o-magic here's the actual answer to your question; i have a bad habit of not reading things carefully 🙏put it under a cut in case it's long as i have many many ededd thoughts!! you are drinking from a fire hydrant

anyway

ededd moments! i'll preface this with a disclaimer: ed and dee's relationship can often be interpreted as platonic as well as romantic. i think there actually comes a point where the lines between platonic and romantic are blurry with them so where they don't have Explicit Romance you can interpret their interactions as a blurry line

i don't want to be that person who's like "friends don't do this 😏😏😏😏😏😏" because nobody likes that person so 🤷 ultimately ededd is what you make of it

ok so you know how they hug all the time

we all know that this show has no concept of personal space but ed holds dee A LOT and it seems like pretty much only dee (with the exception of jimmy in that one episode where they became friends) seeks out ed's comfort in turn

this is where i think the lines between platonic and romantic are blurry since yeah this can be interpreted as romantic but you can also read it as friends who seek each other out for comfort. i choose to read it as gay or queerplatonic or just A Vague Warm And Fuzzy Feeling That Does Not Need A Label

and another point: dee makes his feelings about ed's hygiene very clear so the fact that they're making this very personal contact, overriding dee's otherwise raging superiority complex! he loves ed! ed loves him! anyway all 10 of those screencaps are gay examples in my opinion

ok so there's this Thing that ed does, and i can only think of a couple examples but it itches the brain and makes me think that something lgbt happened in that scene i can't really explain it:

you remember the end of little ed blue where the pebble falls out of ed's shoe and he just holds dee while eddy's on the ground laughing and goes "looks like someone had a good day, huh double d?"

this appears again in the christmas special where he's like "just a couple of guys wearing dresses on christmas eve, huh, double d?

this reads as gay to me and i hope you understand what i am trying to communicate telepathically!!! i don't know if ed ever had a moment of realization of being gay for dee i think he just went along with the intrinsic queerness that is embedded in the fabric of their relationship- yes i believe that there's an inherent queerness about eene but that's a separate rant

but i definitely think dee starts warming up to the idea around s5: especially that scene where dee gives ed a poinsettia in the christmas special. i like this scene i think it's extremely gay; i know that the act itself is not necessarily gay but it's about the principle. i think it was eene fangirl's analysis of this scene that said that dee knows what ed likes but he still chooses to do this anyway!! a flower for his flower if you will

i like when dee tries to show ed Parts Of His World even though ed doesn't really understand it; can be read as romantic or platonic but i just enjoy the vibe overall of them sharing parts of each other's world and maybe something lgbt happens along the way

either way it's a win-win

some honorable mentions include:

whatever the fuck was going on in the entirety of the cheese chunk episode; dramatic gays in the house tonight! idk if it's a realization of feelings or anything but i do like how when dee gets stuck in ed's jacket ed just goes "comfy??" as if dee hasn't been verbally attacking him all day over a chunk of cheese

i like how dee makes a real effort to cheer ed up in little ed blue; you can tell that he's very protective of his friend

the fistful of ed scene. you know the one

that episode where eddy had a pimple on his head and dee chews everyone out for laughing at eddy and ed's like "bye double d" and dee has to go [exasperated sigh] not you, ed. i love how ed reacts to any perceived rejection by dee in the worst way possible before dee has to be like "wait babe come back" it's very funny

that part in bps where dee is clinging onto ed's jacket in a little ball; again i think they're each other's refuge so this makes perfect sense to me

i can't really think of much else but i hope i answered this question well, again sorry for the misreading

#ededd

[maryellencarter]

I posted 2,277 times in 2022

That's 918 more posts than 2021!

166 posts created (7%)

2,111 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tigerkat24

@bookshop-cryptid

@justherefortheheists

@dying-suffering-french-stalkers

@jigensass

I tagged 1,300 of my posts in 2022

Only 43% of my posts had no tags

#jigen daisuke - 288 posts

#arsene lupin iii - 132 posts

#lupin iii - 127 posts

#goemon ishikawa xiii - 58 posts

#yes - 41 posts

#zenigata keibu - 20 posts

#fujiko mine - 19 posts

#it me - 18 posts

#laugh rule - 15 posts

#correctly prev tagged as - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#a samurai who has canonically never had procreative sex but is very blushy about tiddies and also that time he gave the gunman mouth to mou

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I fucking love Lupin’s handwriting here, especially how you can tell it’s not a font. Look at the different shapes and sizes on those R’s! Somebody *wrote* that. I write a fairly similar hand myself (a bit loopier, which I’ve heard is accurate for English-language cursive teaching versus French-language cursive which is pointier). idk this is just really cute

also where does he order his embossed Lupin III calling cards, and has Zenigata ever tracked down his print shop

70 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

#4

okay so i'm going back and rewatching "the target is 555 meters away" because i did not really manage to talk about that episode at all because part 2 was being such a slog but oh god it has ALL THE FEELS EVER

spoilers ahead

okay so the episode starts with a lovely moody scene where lupin is like "jigen, let me see your aim" and puts a sticker on his forehead and has jigen shoot at it with a sniper rifle from like half a kilometer away, and like. THEM! jigen's complete lack of hesitation! it's not made obvious before the shot that lupin is standing behind bulletproof glass, but jigen just trusts lupin so much that it doesn't matter. he'd take the shot if lupin wanted him to, whether he knew any of the rest of the plan or not.

and the way jigen takes the shot and the music goes totally silent while the bullet travels, and then it lands dead center and jigen's theme ("tornado") starts to play while he rides his lil bicycle over to lupin

and fucking THEN! they talk about the bulletproof glass, how the bullet barely went deep enough in to get stuck, how the real target will be three times as thick and 555 meters away... and then Lupin asks him "Can you do it, Jigen?" (or "Will you do it"... this is why anime peeps start learning Japanese istg), and Jigen asks "If I say no... *pause, more subdued* what will you do?" And Lupin just sticks his hands in his pockets, shuts his goddamn eyes, and with this little absolutely trusting peaceful smile on his face says "You won't say it" and starts walking away. And Jigen just mutters "Then don't ask" and bikes after him as the music fades down and it's just the wind blowing again.

like. everything! about this scene! they know each other so damn well! they fucking trust each other so damn much! they both know jigen is the only person in the world who has a hope in hell of pulling off what lupin is asking (which is gonna be WAY harder than this scene makes clear, we'll get there), and they both know jigen will ALWAYS be there for lupin.

but lupin asks anyway, doesn't just assume jigen will do it. and jigen *knows* that if he can't or won't do it, there's nobody else on earth lupin can turn to who has the skill level he needs. but he asks anyway, because that's the shape of the relationship between them. because he needs to hear that lupin knows he can do it. and they just... they fucking trust each other so much and they don't ever have to question it but sometimes they do just to hear the shape of their faith in each other around the answers. BAAAAABIES! *smishes them*

So anyway, the heist target is a diamond exhibition in a Space Needle looking tower building, although luckily it doesn't rotate. The floor and ceiling will both be electrified enough to kill Lupin if he touches them, and the walls are ridiculously thick bulletproof glass which can't be broken even with dynamite. We'll see at one point that it even takes Goemon several minutes to hack through one with Zantetsuken, which has been able to slice anything else in the entire show so far except sticky yam paste. (It was a thing.) Lupin disguises himself as Zenigata to get the details of the security plan, and also places another lil dot sticker on the window for Jigen to aim at when the time comes. Luckily, nobody notices the sticker, because we need it for Jigen to be a badass.

So then we start getting the actual setup for the sniping job Jigen is going to do. He's on top of an abandoned warehouse, on top of a CRANE, which is constantly swaying in the fucking wind. The sticker Lupin placed is so small and so far away it's barely visible even through his sniper scope. "So that's the target. I should just quit now," he grumbles to himself. Of course he doesn't quit, because Jigen has never willingly let Lupin down in his life, but he's sweating (he always gets sweaty when things are stressful, which honestly is one of those tiny things that make me very fond of him), and the grim way he sounds really sells just how damn impossible this stunt is going to be.

(Kiyoshi Kobayashi, Jigen's Japanese voice actor for fifty years, is a fucking *legend*. I may find Richard Epcar's gravelly Jigen voice sexier, but there's nobody like Kobayashi-sama for quiet emotion. I don't do open canons, but part of me is super tempted to watch at least some of the currently-airing Part 6 just to see how his handpicked replacement, Akio Otsuka, can possibly measure up.)

Anyway, then we get MORE of the details of this impossible fucking sniper job. Jigen has four boxes of bullets with him, plus a special bullet with an adhesive inside it and a zipline attached. His job is to shoot the bulletproof glass repeatedly in the same exact spot until he fucking DRILLS A HOLE through it. With bullets. Oh, and he's shooting against the wind (which he tests by tossing up little scraps of unlit cigarette and seeing which way they fly). Did I mention the crane he's on is swaying?

There's more to the heist, of course -- Lupin and Goemon have their work cut out for them getting Lupin into the elevator that's the only way inside the room with the diamonds -- but this episode is really Jigen's showcase and I'm here to squee about him. So after a little bit of plotty stuff with the others, we see that Jigen's down to his last box of bullets, hasn't made a crack in the glass, and is starting to worry he'll run out of bullets before he can get the job done. The wind's changed, too, just to make it a little harder for him to hit the same spot every time.

Lupin makes it into and up the elevator, and asks "How's it going, Jigen?" and because these two are also little shits who just happen to love each other deeply, Jigen snarks "don't rush me, I'm doing more delicate work than you are". In the meantime, Zenigata notices the growing pile of still-warm bullets on the ground below Jigen's target marker, and hollers for the elevator to be brought back down -- remember, Lupin has no survivable way *out* of the elevator until Jigen gets the zipline placed for him.

Just then, one of Jigen's bullets finally sticks in the bulletproof glass. Once there's a weak spot, Lupin says "You did it, Jigen!", but Jigen knows it's not over yet. He's sweating like hell, because *finally* one of the bullets stuck and gave him the opening he needs, but Zenigata is calling the elevator down and they're out of time. Lupin is trying to physically hold the door open to keep the car from moving down -- we saw that elevator door squish Zenigata earlier, so we know it's strong and has no safety function.

Little noodly monkey Lupin promptly gets squished as well, and the elevator starts down. Jigen, because he is the best fucking sniper in the world and because he trusts Lupin to be the best thief, doesn't panic, just makes annoyed Jigen noises (which are very adorable) and starts the next part of the process, which is where he has to drive the stuck bullet the rest of the way through the glass using more bullets as a hammer.

Lupin manages to drop Zenigata out of a hole in the elevator floor that Lupin made earlier, and heads back up. One of Jigen's bullets finally goes all the way through the window and falls on the floor, where it promptly gets disintegrated by the electricity, just to remind us why Jigen was vital to this plan. "I've done it, Lupin!" Jigen says, paralleling Lupin's earlier "You did it, Jigen!" when his first bullet stuck, because how gay is it really if you're not bookending each other's statements in a thematically appropriate manner. :D

Jigen pretty much hasn't been talking this whole time except to infodump about the wind conditions and tell Lupin to be patient, but now that the hard part is over and all (all!) he's got to do is thread the needle with one more bullet, he starts telling Lupin a little story about his childhood. Apparently when he was a tiny Jigenlet, he used to go to the shooting gallery at the fair and shoot for prizes, but he always came up a bullet short for the prize he wanted to win. We see the almost empty bullet box by his hand while he's explaining this.

"What were you shooting for -- Pernod [absinthe]?" Lupin asks, because he's inextricably French and also apparently is picturing a rather older Jigen at a rather different type of shooting competition. Sometimes I wonder if Lupin was ever actually a kid or just a little jungle monkey.

And Jigen, and this is one of the lines *everybody* gifs because it's fucking amazing no matter how you interpret it, Jigen just says "A pink-dressed French doll" and fires the zipline bullet. There's that long second of absolute silence while the bullet flies, goes through the hole seamlessly, and sticks to the far wall with a splat of adhesive.

Lupin just fucking STARES, and it's unclear whether he's shocked that Jigen wanted a doll or that he just made that shot so perfectly, or both. "What's the matter, Lupin?" Jigen jokes, tightening up the zipline so it'll hold Lupin's weight. "Even the guys at the shooting gallery would say 'hey, good shot'."

We cut back to Lupin's face, and now he's grinning like hell. "You did it!" he cheers. "Jigen, you are the number one sniper in the world, and when we get home I'll buy you a French doll." And Jigen just sits back on top of the crane and lights a cigarette -- the first one we've seen him actually light all episode, rather than just shred for wind direction -- and gets this absolutely fucking adorable little smirk on his face.

And I just. I JUST FUCKING CANNOT EVEN. THEY ARE SO GAY. If I was a person who did academic queer studies and shit I would have essays about symbolism and god knows what all. Even just as a person who just has watched a ridiculous amount of Lupin III recently, I can tell you that cigarettes in the Lupin/Jigen relationship are very often a metaphor for sex/romance/whatever it is they have going on (not always, because Jigen smokes like a chimney and sometimes it's just a cigarette, but when they're holding a lighter for each other's cigarettes or god forbid doing the lil thing they do in fanart where their cigarette tips kiss while they light one from the other, it's *always* a metaphor for the relationship), and oh god Jigen my heart that little sit back and relax and light a smoke and that little self-satisfied GRIN are absolutely, abso-fucking-lutely a metaphor and not a subtle one either. You enjoy that cigarette, baby, you've earned it.

Oh, and then when Jigen's packing up (because there's still the second half of the episode to go with the rest of the heist, but Jigen's *koff* shot his load *koff* finished already *koff* okay pick your own damn metaphor then ^_^), we find out he made it with ONE bullet to spare. Like, damn, baby. Lupin's luck and Jigen's skill, they are un-fucking-stoppable together.

(And then he uses that final bullet to kill one of the spotlights so Goemon can do the back half of the heist aka getting Lupin an escape route. Because Jigen, man. He's not out until he's out.)

So yeah, that was approximately the gayest fifteen minutes of television I've seen lately. Then once they've all three gotten away and they're on their yacht splitting up the haul (because the key to marital happiness between thief husbands is definitely separate bank accounts), there's an adorable little coda where we discover that Goemon fucked up his wrist so bad carving Lupin's escape route that he's wearing a sling, and Jigen's trigger finger is also janked up and he doesn't even want to look at a gun for a while. But at least they get to keep the loot, which is honestly pretty rare in part 2.

74 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

#3

Okay, Part 3 continues to have some delightful moments. This is from p3e27 "Codename is the Star of Alaska", which has already been pretty epic -- Jigen has a dead ex-boyfriend *and* a kidnapped ex-girlfriend so far. Just before these shots, he was captured and tortured in an electric chair by some idiots who didn't even know who he is or why they should be worried about getting Lupin mad at them.

(It sounds wrong to say it was a delightful torture scene, but it really was. He's extremely sassy. Also extraordinarily gay, even for Jigen. Listing off half a dozen mid-century male Hollywood heartthrobs for Reasons while getting electroshocked is definitely on a level.)

ANYWAY! So then Lupin comes charging in with a giant mech to save his boyfriend, as one does. I'd seen the first screenshot, where there's an entire fucking mob with machine guns and Lupin's just shielding them both with the mech, and he takes the time to give Jigen (still in the electric chair, by the way) a cigarette and light it with that lil flamethrower doohickey. I figured this is basically just, y'know, the cigarettes are always a metaphor, it's a cute gay little moment.

What I had NOT seen is the second shot, where Lupin produces a bunch of dynamite and has Jigen light the fuse with the cigarette Lupin just lit for him! (Also, god, Jiji, that is a Mankatsu-quality "I love arson" evil grin. *heart eyes*) I just. I JUST CANNOT. Like. How. Lupin could just light the dynamite with the flamethrower, but instead... man, ways to give your boyfriend agency in his own rescue, and a little bit of arson as a treat, while still leaving him conveniently strapped to an electric chair so you can rip the whole thing out of the floor and bridal carry him away with your giant mech. (I couldn't get a good shot of that part, but trust me, Jigen's smug little smirk while being carried is amazing.)

HOW EXTREMELY GAY CAN YOU GET is what I am fucking saying here! Also the orchestration of the main theme playing over this scene is all violins and flutes and sounds exactly like a love theme. HOW. GAY. CAN. YOU. GET.

92 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

#2

Oh, update on the AO3 elections situation with Tiffany the pro-censorship pro-VPN fandom newbie: the elections were held August 12-15, 2022, and neither Tiffany nor the other relative OTW newbie, Noémie, was elected. It's unlikely that one board member would have been in a position to make any major changes to the OTW/AO3's direction anyway -- the biggest impression I came away with about Tiffany is that they thought they were running for a position with a ton more power than OTW Board Member actually has -- but y'all can stop panicking now.

However, if you've got ten bucks to spare and would like to be in a position to vote about the OTW board *next* year, it's not a bad idea to toss them a donation. Remember to ticky the "become a member" box if you want to be able to vote. I hear a fair amount of "anti" chatter in some of the circles I move in, and "we should volunteer / run / take over in order to make AO3 censorship-friendly" is a lot more common of a talking point there than, y'know, "we should do a fork of AO3's open source code and actually spend any of our own time or money to create an archive with rules we like, which nobody would post in because we'd wind up blocking them all over minor differences of opinion, like Calvinist theologians or French Revolution demagogues".

Uh. Sorry, it's 4am (I've been wrestling with Windows updates) and I'm a bit punchy. Anyway, point is, in order to encourage new blood, the only tenure/screening requirement for a Board candidate is nine months' OTW volunteer work -- Tiffany was a tag wrangler, for instance. (You have to be 18 or older and willing to put your full legal name publicly on the list of Board members if you win, also.) So it's certainly possible for some misguided group to look at this whole situation and go "clearly Tiffany was onto something, we need to put up another candidate with pro-censorship goals" and have time to get someone in place.

Sooooo long story short, I'm definitely planning to donate and become a member, having finally had it brought to my attention while I have some money to spare. Once I'm awake enough to figure out where the donations page is, because I always get lost looking.

179 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS ACTUALLY MASSIVE

so okay the biden administration is cancelling either $10k or $20k in federally-held student debt (i.e. if you've been getting letters from the department of education about the loan pause you're probably in that category) for people making under $125k a year while single or $250k a year as a household

you get the $20k forgiveness amount if you had pell grants, which for instance i did (for my non us based peeps these are the main non-loan way that poor people get college/university cost help here, so doing a higher amount for pell grant recipients is an efficient way of saying "you were / probably still are extra poor, have some more help"), and the $10k amount if you didn't have pell grants

if you're already on an income based repayment plan and fit the other qualifications, they're just gonna go ahead and do the thing, no extra action from you needed. if you're in default like me, or if you're not sure if the department of education currently has the proof of income paperwork they'll need (probably either your latest tax return or, if you didn't file taxes recently, some pay stubs or, if you don't have an income, a notarized affidavit stating that you don't), then there's going to be a government website to upload that information and apply to the program. you can subscribe to dept of education emails about student loans (link is at the bottom of the page when you follow my link to the fact sheet at the top of this post) to be notified when the webpage goes up.

FURTHERMORE, though, and to my mind this is actually bigger -- they're making major changes to how student loan payments and forgiveness are calculated going forward! for income based repayment plans, they're adjusting the income qualifications so that (roughly) no one making under $15 an hour will have to make payments, anyone who makes above that amount will only have to pay half the percentage of their income above the amount that they used to (5% of the amount you make over $31k instead of 10% of the amount over $19k, rounded and slightly sloppily calculatd, but which ADDS UP), you can get your remaining amount forgiven in 10 years instead of the previous 20/25 if you make your payments on time (including if the payments you're making "on time" are $0), and. AND AND AND.

NO MORE INTEREST IF YOU'RE MAKING YOUR PAYMENTS.

I borrowed about $12k for college. I owe about $20k now, because of student loan interest. I haven't been arsed to get out of default for five years, because the interest every month would still have been accruing if I was on an income based payment plan, so my amount owed would actually go *up* every month. NO MORE. If I'm reading this right, and I think I am, the government is going to cover your interest for as long as you make your payments -- again, even if the "payment" you're making on your repayment plan is $0.

This is the biggest fucking thing for poor people's finances since, I don't know, I literally don't even fucking know. The friggin New Deal maybe, I literally don't know. $10k/$20k is eyedropper amounts compared to the sea of student debt, yeah (although for me personally it might knock out my entire amount owed), but this? Having payments that are both halfway affordable AND ACTUALLY LOWER YOUR REMAINING DEBT? I... I don't know what to fucking say. I didn't even imagine -- it did not enter my head that they might cover interest on more than the tiny piddly amount you can get in "subsidized" loans. And for the life of the loans if you make your payments? And for that being 10 years max instead of 25? *falls over*

Anyway you can read all the official verbage at that link up there in case I'm misreading anything. but HOLY FUCK *runs in circles and falls over again*

384 notes - Posted August 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[heartfucksmouth]

can't sleep. I find it hard to get comfortable lately and I'm kind of dreading not being able to lay on my stomach or back bc my hips are so shitty. I'm so glad I already have a body pillow but dang.

moreso, I woke up to pee and then was wide awake because I was thinking of the painful and stressful overtone in the house when it comes to myles mom. I don't want my partner to be in distress like this. and my mom offered for us to go stay with her and maybe we could save to buy a house (i really do not want to get stuck in the housing system as well, esp bc myles wouldnt be able to live with me from what ive read), but that brings its own problems with boundaries and I'm not speaking to my dad (definitively and with no end in sight) but my mom talks to him every day and sees him weekly. so it would be a relief bc we wouldn't have daily beratement and feeling like we (but mainly myles) can't exist and take up space and that im put on a pedastal bc im ~female and all men are disappointments and fuck ups or something, but I'd be inviting other potential chaos and confrontation - unless my mom really truly gets that she needs to keep her relationship with my dad separate. and I'm not her daily sounding board... I need my space. it sucks so much to feel like im stuck in this again, but it's not surprising either.

I also briefly freaked out about how we would file taxes after the baby is born. I don't even file bc of my ssdi income, but having a child might change that. and then we can't get married or I lose my ssdi payments - to get the tax breaks of having a dependent/child... so I'm just like... what is going to happen with that?

the stigma and, essentially political position, of being disabled and pregnant is ever-present in my mind.

also myles mom was like "if it's a girl, ill try to soften" and I'm like lmao but if it's a boy?? you'll continue your legacy of emotional abuse and calling the men in your life retards and making them feel worthless and flawed?? no fucking thank you...

like, fuck parents like these. I can't wait to raise my kid conscientiously and intentionally so they turn out to be a compassionate human with emotional regulation skills.

also, the whole "mother" and gendered stuff isn't usually super present in my mind, but since I'm awake and ruminating, that came up too. I do feel more female and womanly being pregnant, its hard not to, and i dont think i should be ashamed of it bc any femininity i embody tends to be both soft and strong, and i think thats empowering? I chose nonbinary to describe myself bc I really don't care for the binary we have of gender, but I don't think that negates having a more fluid relationship with gender. everyone basically calls me she/her, but I feel very clear on defining myself as nonbinary. I don't usually care how people refer to me, I think it's just too tiresome for me to bother with personally. I know how i feel, and I get that it's confusing for people to understand . I still get caught up trying to explain it, but to me, it's simply an authentic feeling and allowing myself to .. accept where I'm at every day is very self-compassionate. idk if this makes sense, it's almost 2am lol

plus everyone's question is when we find out the gender of the baby lol. me and myles talked about having the main baby clothing color be green bc I hate how clothing colors are gendered. we talked about possibly a gender neutral name, but we'll see. small things like that feel really supportive to me!

I felt some weird guilt or something after sharing the news and ultrasound with more people. everyone is so so happy for us, but . idk I almost felt shame for being happy - or like it's gonna get taken from me etc. I think it's a very vulnerable position bc there is so much attention on me and judgements are always being passed. maybe it's trying to control people's expectations of me or something, and I'm sure it's internalized stuff I still have to work through.

I just want to sleep.

#personal #puppy #insomnia ramblings #long post

[enchantechante]

Hi,Tae!'m a CNA.I have no children but I do help with family.My friend who's a real estate investor was coming down on me hard today.She was saying I'm stuck in the rat race and need to quit my job to start a LLC, I'm behind,I should've been own a house by now,married with kids etcetera.I'm proud of her and her accomplishments but I don't understand putting me down.All she talks about is investing,real estate and so on. There is nothing wrong with that at all and little do she know,I've been taking the information and applying it on the low.She thinks she's better than others because now she has money and apparently shamming me makes her feel superior?And she feels like if you don't tell her what you're doing/show her proof then it's not happening. I agree with some of what she says but to put me down for being a CNA is shallow,I think. Not realizing that...just because I'm not doing what she's telling me to(so she thinks)then I'm beneath her.

I'm currently taking investing classes,have a mentor and also taking real estate courses.Already in talks with two people who are multimillionaires who want to help me with purchasing my first property.I'm also paying off student loans (will be done this year),working out and just working on myself.I understand nothing happens overnight and I'm thankful for where I am now.I prayed for what I have now so I know if I continue to work hard + keep God first,there's no way I can fail.I'm just taking the rest of this year to really get my money right before I get into real estate. I don't want to jump in head first,you know? I'm definitely on the right path,I just don't want her in my business since she's been so critical in the first place trying to rush me and tear me down.She can keep thinking I'm just a dummy with no future who doesn't want more out of life. 🙄

I love her dearly but right now I'm just not feeling it.I was always there for her, pushing her and being patient for years when she use to stress about her life, cheering her own...but now since she's up and got more than me(materialistically)she thinks she's better.It's just weird energy and she swears my energy has changed because she doesn't hear from me much.Not realizing that she's the negative one who's always insulting others and I love peace. I don't like to feel like I'm being interrogated EVERY time I speak to someone. Or when I answer her questions about my life and job she acts like it's boring and frustrating.

Should I let the friendship go or just love her from a distance?

Hi, Anon! 👋🏾

It seems like the relationship is expiring. She cant uplift you personally or professionally because of how you're ascending.

It doesnt make her a bad person. However you deserve supportive friends. Period. They should be helping you feel confident and grounded. Remember if youre *both* in real estate she may see you again, so careful how you release her.

Ive outgrown friends like this.

We always do ourselves a disservice when we ignore our joy de vivre draining and stay. idk why youve stayed w this friend until this point but it seems like the time to release your friend or suffer the consequences. 👋🏾

Wishing you great success clearing space for the girlfriends you deserve! 💐

#anon #friendship

[inhuman-obey-me]

not a request, but do any of the mods have opinions on Raphael in game?? I’m really hoping the devs are hinting to a new character but 👁👄👁 idk. He seems to have a chip on his shoulder regarding humans and Beel described him as “sarcastic”. I just (grabby hands) want some conflict

We got a lot of various tidbits about Raphael in Season 3, and it certainly seems like he’s being set up as a more major character for Season 4! From what we've seen so far, it seems perhaps less that he has a chip on his shoulder about humans in particular and more ... that he gives us yet another look at how the Celestial Realm operates/behaves. 

So yes, let’s talk about ✨ Raphael ✨.

(spoilers for everything below, of course)

We’re first introduced to Raphael after Solomon’s cooking does some weird dream time-travel shit and wake up to Angel!Asmodeus finding us in the Celestial Realm. 

One of the first things he does is check to make sure that MC isn’t with Raphael, as he’s currently avoiding him since he went to a human world party. And what does Raphael think of an angel sneaking off to go to a human world party?

Raphael thinks it’s a wicked and immoral thing to do. Interesting. 

As you meet the other brothers as angels, Raphael's name is mentioned a few more times, all basically around the fact that he's going to get on their case -- especially on Asmo's. Mammon mentions that he saw Raphael walking around looking for Asmodeus and he had his spear on him, which Asmo is not too happy to hear. Asmodeus also mentions that Raphael has probably been badmouthing him to Lucifer, and Lucifer later tells Asmodeus to take care of the situation lest he find himself "at the pointy end of Raphael's spear".

So, we get a pretty clear picture that Raphael is pretty strict and enforces the angel ways by, well, force.

( Fun Fact: There is a probably a reason Asmodeus in particular seems to be the one shown getting in Raphael's crosshairs -- in the Book of Tobit and the Testament of Solomon, Raphael is the angel that thwarts Asmodeus and his demonic, dastardly plans. )

But Asmodeus isn't the only one who didn't get along with Raphael. During the test to get your first star for your sorcerer's license, Beelzebub makes a mention that Lucifer and Mammon used to go and gang up on Raphael together, arguing with him. This is the first hint we see that Lucifer didn't actually get along with Raphael either.

Later, during the second Celestial Realm "trip" (the fairy trick), this is reinforced by a bit more direct information from Lucifer in regards to Raphael. When Satan and MC run into Angel!Lucifer, he starts complaining about how Raphael is dumping a bunch of work that is not Lucifer's responsibility on him, probably as harassment since the brothers are always getting into shenanigans. Truly, he never got a break huh. It's Lucifer who says that Raphael always has something snide or sarcastic to say to him.

A bit later, Lucifer also talks about how he doesn't really have many angels to ask for advice, listing the other seraphs and noting that Raphael in particular is "generally snide and unpleasant".

So, pretty safe to say -- Lucifer did not like Raphael and the two did not get along.

The next tidbit we get about Raphael's personality and who he was is when going to the amusement park with Belphegor to meet Diavolo, and this one is slightly different. Belphegor recalls a moment where he got lost in the Celestial Realm and ended up stuck in a tree. Who came to save him? Surprisingly, Raphael!

When you ask Belphie if he liked Raphael, this is his response:

Belphie seems to extend the most grace in regards to Raphael, but mentions how he always looked sullen & irritated and that at times, he seemed like he could be a demon in disguise. He basically is constantly bossed around by Michael and looking after his every need and whatever he says.

So! We've gathered that Raphael was/is a snide, sarcastic, unpleasant, irritable, and overworked high-ranking angel. The brothers for the most part did not get along with him, and he seems to strictly adhere to the Celestial Realm's way of things.

So, that brings us to Raphael's role in the story . . .

When Barbatos visits Luke at the Angel's Halo to pick up some coffee to take over to Serenity Manor, Luke mentions that he's been worried about Simeon. He says Simeon has been spacing out a lot, and seemingly avoiding Michael.

That's when Barbatos asks if Michael made the request for Simeon and Luke to come to the human world in person, and surprisingly, Luke responds no -- it was Raphael who said it. Or at least, it seemingly was, as Luke cuts himself off due to his cupcakes being ready to take out of the oven.

The subject is dropped and the scene moves on. We see a text conversation between Barbatos and Lucifer (in the Fantastic Three chat) afterwards, where Barbatos mentions he has something he'd like to discuss with Lucifer while he's over. Presumably, it's about his suspicions on what's going on with the Celestial Realm.

From there, the rest of season three plays out, and then we get to the after credits scene.

And lo and behold who shows up? Raphael. And Simeon is ... not thrilled to see him.

Given what we know of Raphael's personality, plus Simeon's expression here, we can safely assume he says that line rather mockingly. "Brother" seems to be a general term angels use with each other, like brethren of an order, but it almost seems to sound like a threat here. Remember your place kind of vibes.

Simeon puts on a polite smile and says he's so glad Raphael could stop by, and then we get an ominous text conversation between Diavolo and Lucifer to end the season. Diavolo has received troubling news from the Celestial Realm, news they should be concerned about, news about Simeon.

Now, Season 3 has had numerous scenes showing that Simeon is feeling a bit distant from the Celestial Realm. We have:

Luke's concerns earlier, about him spacing out all the time and avoiding Michael

Simeon's mysterious meet up with someone that Belphegor thought he recognized

Simeon's confession that his happiest time in the Celestial Realm was when the brothers were still angels

The fact that Simeon was demoted -- he used to be one of the highest-ranking angels as a seraph, but was demoted to archangel at some point (you can read our two fics here and here which expand on our headcanons and thoughts around this)

Simeon's PTSD-like reaction to seeing God/Father during the boogeyman incident, which shows someone's biggest fear, and is convinced that the boogeyman was showing his fear and not Lucifer's (which we agree with)

We also saw in Season 2 that Simeon has no issue talking back and being snarky to Michael. All in all, we can pretty confidently conclude that Simeon is on thin ice at best, and at worst? He's very likely in some real trouble.

So Raphael showing up at the Angel's Halo to greet Simeon in such a manner certainly makes it seem like he will have a much bigger role in Season 4, and if you're looking for conflict, he's probably come to deliver.

He is the strict, snide, sarcastic, unpleasant angel that does all of Michael's dirty work. He upholds and enforces the Celestial Realm's ways, which we know includes looking down on demons and certainly doesn't seem very forgiving to misbehaving angels either.

Raphael isn't here to be Simeon's friend.

Lesson 60 Hard Mode shows that Michael has sent a sealed envelope listing the next two exchange students that will be arriving in the Devildom from the Celestial Realm, and Asmodeus and Mammon both express shock at the two names they listed. They obviously recognize them. Could one of them be Raphael? Maybe, but it's not clear. Guess we'll just have to wait and see when Season 4 comes out.

Either way, we too are certainly looking forward to some conflict and major stuff going down in the new season. 👀

#obey me #obey me swd #obey me! #obey me shall we date #obey me raphael #obey me simeon #obey me lucifer #obey me asmodeus #obey me analysis #obey me theory #ask and ye shall be answered #ask and ye shall receive (essays) #obey me season 3 #( took a break from prompts to get this out because really wanted to answer this before new season!! )