#really im sorry

[thegreyj]

You were my hardest goodbye, now my favorite hello

A/N: OK, so uhh.. this idea has been plaguing me for literally forever - I haven’t been able to write anything since this has been bugging me, so I finally found my writing inspiration and came up with this. Posting it on a whim, did not check the grammar or spelling or really any mistakes, so yay! If you do see any mistakes, be kind to inform me and I can do something. Also published on ao3.

I have an idea for a sort of prequel for this, but I don’t know if I will write it yet. Anyway, here’s this one-shot that most likely will have you in tears - it did make me cry a lot as I was writing. 

Uh, just go read it. Or not. *slowly hides under a blanket*

----

You were my hardest goodbye, now my favorite hello

Aelin was enjoying the nature in silence, sitting on the porch in her favorite spot. The spot where she could swear, she saw the entire world. Her entire world at least. It was the spot where, for many years, she had watched the seasons change slowly, coloring the world, each time making a new masterpiece. Every color, Aelin hoped would be the most incredible deep pine green with a special spark. Her favorite color since... well, since forever really. Ever since she first looked into the beautiful eyes of the love of her life, she knew no other color would ever be better.

The summer was changing to fall, you could see some of the leaves turn into beautiful yellows, shades of orange and brown. A wonderful new painting to add to her memory. Going through her memories, some hurt more than others. For example, Aelin missed seeing the little feet run around in the short grass, the giggles the tiny humans made when someone chased the kids. Fleetfoot, her loyal companion had passed a long, long time ago, but she hadn’t taken on a new dog. She couldn’t. Just as she hadn’t... never mind.

Aelin was softly humming the song of her first dance with the love of her life. Rowan. That was a memory that hurt most, still after all these years. But at the same time, they were the best memories, both bringing tears to her eyes and a smile on her face. Many things had brought smiles on her face during the years, but not so many tears, which she was quite glad of. She just hoped that she could’ve shared some of the most beautiful memories with her love, but that hadn’t been a possibility in this life. Maybe the next one, as Aelin was sure Rowan would be her one and only in each life she was given. Soulmates, someone might say.

A soft breeze tickled Aelin’s face, making her graying hair blow around slightly. Aelin smiled, remembering when Rowan used to wake her up with a soft blow on the face, following with the tiniest kisses. Or her kids waking her up with a not-so-soft raspberry in the ear. Both instances so different, yet some of the most cherished moments of her life. Oh, what she would do to get even just one more moment like that.

But alas, Aelin had been living by herself for quite some time now. Aedion and Lysandra visited occasionally, but they were old as well, so staying home was more of a comfort these days. Calls were more likely to happen between the trio. Aelin’s children now had children of their own, so visits weren’t too easy to make happen, but she didn’t mind. She loved getting to see pictures and see them whenever they did visit. Nana Aelin still couldn’t cook at all, but all the grandkids thought she baked the best cookies! No one needed to know the cookies came from frozen dough, where Aelin simply added a pinch of ground cardamom. Rowan probably would’ve laughed at her and whipped up some incredible concoction with healthier values.

It wasn’t often Aelin felt lonely. She quite enjoyed the quiet and being alone. Reading under a blanket in her favorite spot, with no distractions – what a way to spend time. One of the grandkids once asked why she preferred that one spot to all the others on the porch. Nana Aelin had a heartfelt answer at the ready.

“It is because from this spot I can see the beautiful garden we have, where you love to play and I have finally found my green thumb. But more importantly, I can see the wonderful rowan tree on that hill as it blooms every year, as it grows bit by bit becoming a magnificent being. That tree is a special tree, for I planted it myself. I visit it often too. But I like to admire it afar, so this spot is perfect. The tree calms me, brings beautiful memories forward. And one day, you will think that too.”

--

The air was getting cooler as the sun was setting slowly. The wonderful colors somehow now were shining with gold too, almost like the golden circle in Aelin’s eyes. Or the gold her hair once was. Aelin’s gaze found the tree once again. From where she was sitting, the sun was in perfect angle going down right behind the tree. Almost as if it was the beginning of a story. Or rather, the end. The most perfect end to that first day of fall.

Aelin didn’t turn her gaze even when she heard the soft steps getting closer. Many times, she had imagined the steps, she knew that gait by heart. She closed her eyes, could almost feel his arms going around her, and hear his whisper in her ear.

“Beautiful.” The word was louder than she usually imagined but didn’t open her eyes. Such a wonderful, deep voice, just like the last time she heard it from the man’s mouth. Her brain immediately searched for that memory, the last time when they had woken up together. She had been pregnant with their third child, her small baby bump showing already and her hair a mess, but Rowan still liked to remind her of her beauty – even when she looked scary after she’d just woken up.

“What, you are going to ignore me now? Not very much like you, love,” the voice was now getting louder, as if the memory was somehow closer. But Aelin couldn’t remember that said in any specific memory.

That fact made Aelin’s gaze snap open. It couldn’t be. Slowly she turned her head and she saw it. Her favorite color. Still the most incredible, wonderful, magnificent deep green she had ever seen. A tear slipped down her face.

“You look like you haven’t aged a day,” Aelin started with a sob. “It’s been sixty-five years.”

“I know, love. You, however, look just as beautiful as the day I first laid my eyes on you,” Rowan replied with a sappy smile.

Aelin couldn’t help but cry, he couldn’t be here. She hadn’t seen him ever since he left when she was just 26 years old. Sixty-five years without the love of her life beside her. Only watching the rowan tree grow. That tree had been growing for those sixty-five years.

“Are you real?” Aelin had to ask. Either she was losing her mind or…

“Yes, love. I promise I’m real.”

“Why are you here now?” Aelin sounded a bit mad, tears still falling down her face.

“I think you know why,” Rowan said, sounding now more serious. Still with a small smile, but very serious. “I’ve been waiting for you all these years. I knew we’d be together once more.”

“I… I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“It’s okay, love. I’m here now.” Aelin could feel the love take over her heart, a smile creeping up on her face. She got one back, the most blinding smile ever. So beautiful. That smile was worth everything to her.

“I missed you. Every day I missed you. You were always the one I loved. I lived my life content, happy even, but you were always in my heart. The love of my life,” she said.

“I know love. I missed you too,” Rowan responded. He didn’t need to say anything more, simply gazed at the gorgeous, glowing teal eyes.

“It was hard, doing it on my own. But I managed, did my best,” Aelin almost sounded apologetic.

“Love, you did wonderfully. You raised our beautiful twin princesses and such a wonderful son. I’m so proud of you. So proud.”

With a new smile, Aelin gazed at the rowan tree up on the hill. She knew why he had come now.

“I- I think I know why you came, Ro,” she said without looking at him.

“Yes, love. You do know,” his voice was now even closer, coming from right next to her. He was standing by the porch steps. Aelin’s chair was at the top of those steps. She brought her eyes to the man she once loved, still loved so much.

“Is it time now?”

“Yes, love. Are you ready?” he asked and offered his hand to her. Aelin rose from her chair, with more ease than she was used to, almost like she was young again. Slowly she brought her hand to his, feeling the warmth he was emanating. He smiled, looked into her eyes and saw her nod. He squeezed her hand tightly and helped her down the steps. Aelin was smiling with Rowan. Together they walked towards the hill, where the sun was almost set now, still showing a few golden rays behind the tree. As the sun dipped entirely below the horizon, you could see the couple take their last steps, until they were gone.

--

The next day, Aelin’s family found her on the porch, still seated in her favorite spot with a smile on her face. She did not wake up anymore, but everyone knew she was happier now than she had been for decades. She was now with Rowan.

-

link to this story on ao3

#rowaelin #tog fanfic #fanfiction #rowaelin oneshot #i cried writing #sorry not sorry #really im sorry #prepare tissues #also on ao3 #rowan whitethorn #aelin galathynius #throne of glass fanfiction

[james-p-sullivan]

the older i get and the closer i am to reaching 30, the more the people around me try to deny me my age. it’s a constant ‘oh you’re just turning 29 again teehee 🤭’ or ‘dont tell your SO that, he’ll leave you for a younger model 😉’ and i just???? hate it?????????

i spent my entire teenaged years fighting for my life. i crawled through the deepest pits of my depression to cling to the promise of a life beyond that pain. i was so convinced that i was going to die young, that i would never see the grace of my age starting with a 2, let alone 3.

so im going to turn 30, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me from loving it.

#anyway it’s still a couple years away #but man im so fucking excited for my 30s!!!!!!!!! #i made it!!! #i survived!!! #so many people never got the opportunity to be 30 #im gonna enjoy every fucking second of it! #sulley speaks #sorry my coworker said something really rude to me lol #it struck a nerve

[ot3]

i dont like the idea that kids these days are doing their fandom rps with ai chatbots. that's how you're supposed to make lifelong friends as a weird really online teen.

#i was never really an rper of any kind it just did not do it for me #im like im sorry actually i cant do this collaboratively i need to be controlling all of the little dolls myself. #however homestuck rp deck epicmafia. now that was another story

[callisteios]

Hi, feel free to take my new uquiz to discover what kind of vampire you are!

#NO IM NOT TALKING ABOUT CHESS THE MUSICAL I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IS. I AM TALKING ABOUT THE ANCIENT BOARD GAME:CHESS #uquiz #vampires #twilight #because let's be honest there are a fair few references #and maybe this is my twilight quiz which has been in my drafts for nearly a year! #and i was tired of it sitting there #maybe! #quiz #werewolves #mention #you can get human in this im really sorry #it's a bit of a mean result #oh if anyone has an actual picture of the vampire that killed dean winchester please send it along #i could not find it with a cursory google search but i rememeber he wore a clown mask #so maybe one of those guys is the guy?

[spencer-is-dead]

I love YouTube shorts because if you wade through all the slop you'll find art

#Me posting this: yeah this will hit with the queer squid people #Splatoon #transgender #trans #this guy’s shorts are really funny lol #im sorry but this needs to be shared

[taikova]

for the anime watchers, dungeon meshi spoilers for character appearances i guess.

this came to me as i was drawing other characters like this,,, is this meme relevant, am i hip.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #laios touden #kabru #dunmeshi manga #meme #sketches #wip #because i really did not finish or make an effort with the monsters in the bg im sorry #i only cared about the mandrake heads #dungeon meshi spoilers #taiart

[nonomives]

More smiling critters

#sorry im just really obssessed rn #im possessed #idk #poppy playtime #poppy playtime chapter 3 #poppy playtime smiling critters #smiling critters #smiling critters craftycorn #craftycorn #smiling critters catnap #catnap #digital art #nomi arts #my art

[i-mode]

silly

#really needed to screencap this sorry theyre so cute #what the hell did he do all that for. #my middle aged divorcee so cute and moe im gonna throw him off a cliff #dungeon meshi

[shootingstarrfish]

happy boop day!!

asmo getting flustered over shows of genuine affection hrngnngn im physically ill i love him so much

inspired by this post!!! so cute!!! i think everyone should do this with their fave hehe

#sorry i got really lazy when i got to the backgrounds i wanna sleep lmao #im going to hate myself in the morning for not sleeping enough but its worht it for asmo <33333333 #obey me #my art #omswd #digital art #obey me nightbringer #obey me art #asmodeus #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo

[enderscribbles]

Dunmeshi request, Chilchuck and Marcille interacting? 🥺 Or standing next to each other that works too. Could be hugging, or sharing a meal/food, or…

Got a bit out of hand with the prompt XD I ended up doing a scene inspired by this fic! Based on that time Marcille Izutsumi and Chilchuck were sharing a bed in chapter 47. It felt very memorable so I tried to recreate it but I kind of went offscript because I was basing it on my recollection of the fic lmao

^Obsessed with this guy and how he lets Izutsumi use him like a hot water bottle bc it's comfier.

I think he'd hardly ever act this soft + tolerant of physical affection unless it's situations like this: When the others are too sleepy to remember it LOL

#dungeon meshi #ダンジョン飯 #chilchuck tims #chilchuck #marcille donato #fullertom #izutsumi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #also i ended up drawing his dottirs whenever possible #idk if i like the values for the colors all that much but it's been around too long #so i really just want to post it LOL #uncaptioned #<- ill do this later when im not sleepy asf. or if you want to caption for me ill credit you and add it in alt #january 2024 #my art #sorry i havent stopped drawing chilchuck sorry for being a chuckhead. #except not sorry. you will see more of him

[babydarkstar]

honestly no wonder harrow forced ianthe to lobotomize her so she could save gideon. listen…LISTEN…if i was a secret-war-crime cult nunlet princess worshipped by my entire planet and the only person that (barely) kept me in check was my childhood nemesis—a butch a year older than me, towering over me in stature and physical prowess, and so hot it made my teeth hurt from how hard my jaw clenched in her presence, who wielded a two-handed seven-foot sword and had irritatingly huge biceps and told very lewd stupid jokes and also learned how to wield an entirely new weapon and be my bodyguard with startling accuracy in three months—only to have us finally learn to trust each other because we got invited to a magic murder mystery and then before the bubble burst i spilled the worst secret about myself that i was born because my parents murdered an entire generation and tried to Kill Her along with them and she just wouldnt die, and i told her this expecting a swift death i believed i deserved, only for her to fucking cradle me in her big butch arms and kiss me on my forehead with her soft butch mouth and just. forgive me for a shameful weight ive carried my entire life and then MAKE AN ACTUAL NECRO/CAV VOW with me despite every evil thing i have done to her……to have her tell me, in the end, bleeding and broken after putting up the most beautiful and glorious fight of her life, that she understands purpose and she understands duty and she knows loyalty more fiercely than ever now, that she knows who she is to me, that there is no her without me….to have her backed into a corner and make the ultimate sacrifice…..for me…..to recite scriptural wedding vows of eternity to me in her last wisps of soul-consciousness…..if i thought there was even a snowflake’s chance in the pyre that i could save her by turning myself into her very own locked tomb, i’d be begging ianthe tridentweirdius to crack my skull open and turn me to mush too, goddamn. i understand you harrowhark girl you don’t have to explain a thing to me. god said you couldn’t undo the lyctor’s bond bc it’d kill you. you told god and his angels that not even a lyctor’s bond could outshine the power of female spite and lesbianism and they didn’t listen. they didn’t believe you. but i heard you loud and clear and i was 17 and hormonal and hopelessly romantic not too long ago unlike those fucking dinosaurs and i’m saying it’s valid it’s what i would have done and really everyone should be thanking you for not being worse and more wretched about it, all things considered

#i think about gideon nav every day #she makes me want to eat drywall #shes so jesus shes so her own thing shes so god and savior It Is Finished divinity of love and sacrifice #honestly so much of harrow is so so relatable to me shes so real for everything she does #her little griddlehark meetcute au her little divine highness au #ive already waxed poetic about the harrow nova au #sorry to keep waxing poetic about this but i really am rotted about them #like im going insane. tamsyn muir when i get you tamsyn when i catch you #griddlehark #tlt spoilers #harrowhark nonagesimus #i am you as you are me we are one and two and two and one #i cannot conceive of a universe without you. #should i forget you let my right hand also be forgotten; add more also. if aught but death part me and thee. #I FELL INTO THE WATER AND NOW IM FREE

[l-cereta]

i think honestly the craziest thing abt transmisogyny isn't like the active moments of hate but the complete unwillingness and uninterest in anything we have to say — this assumption that if a trans woman is talking it's not worth your time and you can just scroll past. and then you'll have fuck terfs in your bio like nothing happened! wild

#if any of yall reblog that f1nnster post im gonna be heated for realsies tho #sorry! it actually was really shitty of her to perpetuate 'trap' narratives! that sucked a lot actually! #glad he's genderfluid now genuinely like good job but the amount of videos she put out that are like. just. spot the Fake Woman #like PLEASE respect tgirls even a little bit

[biomechabird]

Despite everything, it's still you.

#kieran #pokemon #sorry i know this is badly formatted but i only really made it for personal reasons but then thought hey maybe someone else might need this #yes im sorry the first image having a different outfit bugs me so much but it's the only one i had in my screenshots with that expression #why am i even saying sorry JUST TAKE THIS IF YOU LIKE IT and if you don't... bye #hello if you're reading the tags

[jazzkolart]

This was basically his companion mission, right?

#honkai star rail #hsr argenti #argenti #velite #stelle #caelus #trailblazer #hsr #argenti hsr #honkai #hsr art #doodles #i just wanted to(finally) figure out how to draw Argenti in my style #and things took a turn from there #im really sorry

[s0fter-sin]

people are acting like we’re saying creators shouldn’t be paid for their work; they absolutely should. and watcher already is. they have a patreon, they get sponsors, their videos regularly get millions of views which gives them ad revenue, they sell merch; they are getting paid. feeling indignant and disappointed that they’re asking us to pay for content we were already getting for free isn’t entitlement, it’s expected. ​they wanted to make bigger produced shows and now their budget can’t sustain it, that’s not on the viewer to make up for

#im not going to feel as sorry for the company as iam for an artist working out of their bedroom #they went too big and now expect us to make up for it #its normal to feel slighted by that #im not paying over a hundred dollars a year for a guy to eat food another to walk around a house and a puppet to tell a story #im just not #their shows are entertaining theres no doubt about that but can you really say its worth that fee when we are in a cost of living crisis #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #watcher #watcher tv #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim #hey there demons it’s me ya boy #ghoul boys

[peachiiwren]

ep 6!

#spy x family #anya forger #loid forger #sxf fanart #my art #sorry im just playing catch up for the episodes i missed aklhdsg #edit: took the 'war' our of 'war criminal' cause i've already had 2 complaints abt it hehe #i realise the 'my fave is a war criminal' joke doesn't really work in this context