#sadly in light of the situation rn i don't

[weirdcat1213]

Conventional weapons and queer acceptance

I'm going through it rn so here's a really long post on a queer interpretation of Conventional Weapons.

Notes:

-Yes, I will talk about every song. No song is safe from me.

-No, I don't think it is the only/correct interpretation but its one that I've been thinking about for ages so leave me alone :D

-I know these songs were recorded separately and they don't have a linear story (like revenge or tbp) but for the sake of angst, I will treat the whole album as a queer journey where the speaker is the main character, also I will use they/them for them because the album itself talks a lot about gender.

-"Some of these are more about the system and protests rather than queerness" guess what? those go hand in hand even though it's 2023, life sucks.

-I will use "queer" instead of LGBTQ+. That debate does not belong here but I'm just giving a heads up.

TW: homophobia, transphobia, conversion therapy, unhealthy coping mechanisms (?), aids crisis, society just being shitty in general

Let's start :3

Album context: CW is not a concept album (sadly). The band had ideas for these songs since their TBP tour and didn't think it was fit for Danger Days so they only released them because Frank thought they were cool (bless his soul he was so right). Therefore, these songs' messages/perspectives/feelings may vary.

Boy Division:

*The first two songs have a handgun on the cover. This weapon is a small and distant weapon, portraying the distance the speaker wants to have with queerness since they're still in the closet*

From a queer perspective, this song is about the speaker's closeted life as a queer person. The song asks people close to him how would they react if they were to find out about they are queer. The speaker already knows the answer, people would be disgusted and reject them entirely, making the speaker mad. It can be assumed the speaker is at their last straw here and leave their home behind to live their truth.

"If all my enemies

Threw a party, would you light the candles?

Would you drink the wine while watchin' television?

Watch the animals and all the tragedies

And sell your arteries to buy my casket gown"

Enemies in this context are homophobic/transphobic people. If the speaker admitted to being queer, would their loved ones pretend the speaker is "dead"? Would they side with the homophobic/transphobic people?

"Well, it better be black and it better be tight

And it better be just my size

I'm stalkin' these metro malls and airport halls

And all these schoolgirls"

This may be a reference to the kind of stereotypes the speaker's loved ones believe about queer people. About how they stalk people in public and "try to convert minors"

"I'm not askin', you're not tellin'

He's not dead, he only looks that way"

The speaker not asking anymore if the people they know support queer people/if they would support them. The part about "him" not being dead could be how their relatives see the situation from the outside. The speaker is apathetic because of their situation but no one knows.

"Out nowhere, take me out there

Far away and save me from my

Self-destruction, hopeless for you

Sing a song for California"

They're in the middle of nowhere, and they wish to be in a more accepted place, putting California as an example (is this true? idk I don't live there)

"I bought my enemies

Rope to hang me and the knives to gang me

You can watch them stab me on your television

Stomp the halls, because the bathroom walls

Would have a lot to say

About the lines you're puttin' down"

This is the speaker's way to say he is one of the queers their loved ones hate so much. The speaker "bought" the rope by admitting their queerness and they might as well be the ones on the TV getting ganged up on because of their identity. When they mention the bathroom it could be a reference to how there are worst things happening that transphobic gatekeeping bathrooms, such as people doing drugs.

"Well, it better be white and better be cut

And better be just my size

Until my capillaries burst of boredom

I'll be waitin"

Instead of funeral attire, now they want to use wedding attire because they feel alive by coming out, hence the white. If we assume they were rejected by their loved ones, the speaker will wait for them to come around until they get bored. The speaker's capillaries are a symbol of their patience.

"I'm not laughin', you're not jokin'

I'm not dead, I only dress that way"

The speaker dresses as if they're dead not only because they could be at any time due to harassment but also because they feel dead being in a place they can't be themselves. It could also be a reference to gender expression and the speaker experimenting for the first time.

"'Cause we got the bomb, we got the bomb, let's go!

We got the bomb, we got the bomb, let's go!"

This could mean queer people (we) are fighting back society (the bomb) and the speaker feels inspired.

"Say a prayer for California"

A prayer for California so it can stay as a place the speaker can run to and be free.

Tomorrows Money:

This one is about the speaker's views about capitalism and taking a stand as an activist against corporations and rainbow capitalism. The speaker knows queer people aren't welcome and yet they're still used for profit, however, we could say the song's pov is from the speaker and the corporations. The song also makes an argument about how capitalism actively makes queer people's lives even more difficult.

"You fell in love with a vampire

Do you wanna get it for free

In this song, vampires are associated with queer people and their experiences (just like many movies about vampires and other monsters have done in history). Getting one for free would be to get to live the experience of a queer person instead of seeing it externally (in a movie, show, book, etc)

"Then say hello to the brush fire, baby

You gotta take it from me, I’m gonna take it from you

Say hello to the good times

And burning up in the sun"

According to corporations, the speaker can live out as a queer person, but they will have to face conflict against capitalism, a model that is mostly known for taking things away from people.

They’re sitting back on an empire

While the world lays back, puts a kid behind that gun

This is the speaker's view about capitalism and the world. Corporations and their owners are living comfortably while they leave the most vulnerable minorities to deal with the dirty work.

"If we crash this time

They got machines to keep us alive

When the mixtape plays

Choke down the words with no meaning"

This refers to how queer people can't seem to escape capitalism. If they get hurt while protesting or get sick, they will still need to get (most of the time in most places at least) private health insurance to get good medical attention. When talking about the mixtape, it can also be referring to the multiple products corporations do for queer people (see the "pride merch" on june). But when you analyze the final products, it is clear that it lacks meaning and it was only made for profit.

"I stopped bleeding three years ago

While you keep screaming for revolution

Me and my surgeons and my street-walking friends

We got no heroes, 'cause our heroes are dead"

Here the speaker is personally calling out corporations for their meaningless support. While they and other people have been protesting and taking care of themselves within their community, corporations keep shouting out their outdated "love is love" slogan and keep repeating their empty promises about equality. The speaker, the "surgeons" (people who focus and live to take care of the queer community as volunteers/nonprofit organizations), and more activists keep protesting for a better future but also for the people who came before them and died for the cause (for example multiple people during the aids crisis)

"Say hello to the program

We’re gonna give it for free

Hook up the veins to the antibodies

Got it with the disease, we’re gonna give it to you"

This verse could be considered queer representation in media and how it helps queer people even if it ends up being queerbating. Corporations give queer people the content and even if there are no official queer people in it, subtext and further readings into the media help people to see themselves in the story and/or characters, they work as antibodies against society.

"Say goodbye to the good times

You’re loaded up with the fame

You’re dressing up like a virus

But the words get lost when we all look the same"

The most popular and famous logo (and stand) corporations take in pride month is the rainbow. They don't specify anything and just keep it open to appeal to most people as possible. Although queer people have taken the rainbow as a general symbol for everyone when corporations use it is because there is no interest in other people who aren't the "classic" cisgender white gay male, there's no meaning on their rainbow. All the rainbow logos in June end up looking like a virus taking over for a month rather than support.

"You fell in love with a vampire, torch up for the empire

Say hello to the brush fire, the microphone's got a tap wire

You fell in love with a vampire, torch up for the empire

Say hello to the brush fire, the microphone's got a tap wire!"

In this verse, the speaker is possibly talking to a multitude. They make a reference to the vampire analogy but also says that if they want to live free queer people need to get rid of the corporations. No matter how many problems they face they have to be careful since they're still under capitalism and being watched.

"Because rebellion's not a T-shirt you sell

You keep your money, and I’ll see you in hell"

Many queer people have that reaction when companies don't support queer people's rights but sell queer products on pride month. The speaker rejects rainbow capitalism and will see the company in hell since, according to religious fanatics, that's where queer people are going.

*I find this topic (capitalism vs the queers) really interesting but I honestly don't know much about it but this is a cool video I recommend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xQVFYWvd3o&t=1449s)

Ambulance:

*The second disc has a picture of a small knife, a weapon of short range that requires the user to get really closer to the opponent. This represents the speaker's change from their involvement with the queer community; they went from keeping their distance to putting themselves out there as an activist*

Ambulance, under a queer context, is about the queer community and the love the speaker has for them since they have helped after they cut ties with their family in "Boy Division."

You don’t know a thing about this life, and we are up for

Everything it takes to prove we’re not the same as them

The speaker could be talking to someone new when it comes to activism. They want to motivate the new recruit but also be honest about what is like to constantly be on the line. The queer community will never be like the people who can easily thrive in a heteronormative society because the queer community looks out for every minority (let's ignore dumb organizations like lgb for this, they suck)

"And we will wear our masks again, out after dark

'Cause we are up for everything it takes

and we are not the same

'Cause we are not afraid

And we are not ashamed"

This part is about how they protect themselves while defending themselves and how they are not ashamed of fighting for what's right publicly.

"And if you save my life, I’ll be the one who drives

You home tonight

And if I ever let you down, I’ll be the one who drives

You home tonight"

One of the things that the speaker appreciates most about the queer community is how they take care of each other. If one of them gets hurt, they will help each other. No matter what happens everyone looks out for everyone.

"Remember once, you walked this kind of life quietly, I’ll sleep

Behind the wheel, and passing every face you see the first time

Singing every piece as you walk by proving that with

All of my mistakes, that we are not the same"

The speaker is comparing themselves to other people in their group who have been in their position but also have had a completely different experience. Other people may have cope in healthier ways than the speaker, which makes them feel kind of guilty.

"'Cause we are not the same

And we are all to blame"

When it comes to protesting or activism is it always is the activists' fault if something bad happens. According to conservatives if anything goes south (police brutality, hate crimes, etc) is the queer people's fault for not being closeted, for "indoctrinating people".

"'Cause you don’t know a thing about me

, you don’t know a thing"

This is from the speaker to the people who have helped them in their life. They don't know who they were before but the community still took them in as family.

Gun:

Honestly, there's not much that this brilliant thread hasn't already said. La (the twitter user) suggests that "the song's main theme is obviously a young person entering the military, which is known for having a strict structure and very precise rules to follow and roles to fill. in this case, I believe the military could represent the cis, heteronormative society"

See the rest of the thread here :D

https://twitter.com/zhongmcr/status/1560384799101124614?t=emxookpnkny0c5iYV4fmdw&s=19

Please read it and send @/zhongmcr some love for it.

The World is Ugly:

*The machine guns reflect more intensity as an attack. The speaker is going deeper in being vocal about the queer community on this disc.*

The world is ugly is, of course, a romantic song. When analyzing it through queer lenses, however, it can be about the speaker getting strong feelings for someone but still being afraid of confessing their feelings, even if the other person is also queer, because are traumatized by past experiences while in the closet.

"These are the eyes and the lies of the taken These are their hearts But their hearts don't beat like ours They burn 'cause they are all afraid"

The speaker usually gets that feeling of "them against the world", but it is different with the person they are interested in. The speaker feels they have a connection and they are together while being against the world.

"For every one of us There's an army of them But you'll never fight alone 'Cause I wanted you to know"

Conservative people are "afraid" of queer people and it has made their lives difficult but when they're together it doesn't matter.

"That the world is ugly But you’re beautiful to me Well are you thinking of me now?"

The heteronormative society is a pain for the speaker and the love interest but the speaker wants to make clear that their love interest is beautiful no matter what society says.

"These are the nights And the lights that we fade in These are the words But the words aren't coming out

They burn 'cause they are hard to say"

This part is more personal for the speaker. They reminisce on all the nights they have spent with their love interest and how on those they have tried to tell how they feel, but the speaker cannot say it out loud.

"For every failing sun, there's a morning after Though, I'm empty when you go I just wanted you to know"

The speaker comforts themselves with the fact that they can try the next day, but at the same time, they keep living with the pain of their love interest not knowing.

"That the world is ugly But you're beautiful to me Are you thinking of me Like I'm thinking of you?"

The speaker wonders if their love interest thinks about them the same way or if they have another kind of relationship.

"I would say I'm sorry, though Though, I really need to go I just wanted you to know

I wanted you to know I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you Every night, every day"

In this verse, the speaker implies they usually focus on activism and things that will help their community rather than their own feelings. They have to go and keep helping others but still wants to let their feelings come across.

"These are the lies And the lives of the taken These are their hearts But their hearts don't beat like ours They burn 'cause they are all afraid But mine beats twice as hard"

Because the speaker is really focused on others but also wants to be with their love interest, they are passionate about 2 things.

"Stop your crying, helpless feeling Dry your eyes and start believing There's one thing They’ll never take from you"

The speaker goes back to their "mentor mode" and inspires their love interest to believe in a better future. However, they also reference how the world can never take their love interest's beauty away.

"One day, like this We'll never be the same Never, forever Like ghosts in the snow Like ghosts in the sun"

This is the speaker dreaming of what their life could be only with their love interest. They would just be people exploring the world.

The Light Behind Your Eyes:

This song is about a guide saying goodbye to people or a person whom they have helped in the past. Under a queer interpretation, it could be from the point of view of an elder queer passing away who was really important to the speaker.

"So long to all my friends Every one of them met tragic ends With every passing day I'd be lying if I didn't say That I miss them all tonight"

The elder queer is possibly passing away and is thinking about the friends they got to make within the community. By saying their friends met tragic ends it could refer to the aids crisis or hate crimes.

"And if they only knew what I would say If I could be with you tonight I would sing you to sleep Never let them take the light behind your eyes"

Just like the elder queer, their friends used to help people in the community, and they would approve the last reassuring words of the elder. The elder wishes they would be alive and well to see a better future but for now, they can only hope people stop harming queer people.

"As we fade in the dark Just remember you will always burn as bright"

The older queer people may have passed away but they want the younger generations to have a good life.

"Be strong and hold my hand Time, it comes for us, you'll understand We'll say goodbye today And I'm sorry how it ends this way If you promise not to cry Then I'll tell you just what I would say"

This shows the elder was really appreciated in the community since they have people with them in their final moments. They wish they would not be leaving that way (probable aids) but they still think younger generations need to learn about the problem and be strong enough to face it.

"I'll fail and lose this fight"

The elder already knows their own fate.

"Sometimes we must grow stronger And you can't be stronger when I'm gone When I'm here, no longer You must be stronger and"

The elder knows it will be hard for future generations who still feel like they need guidance to survive, but they hope the people they leave behind get stronger.

"I failed and lost this fight"

The elder queer couldn't avoid their future, as if from the beginning, it was meant to happen.

When the outro keeps repeating it could reflect how those are actually the last words (or at least sentiment) of the elder, and it will stay present in the community for a long time.

Kiss the Ring:

*This disc has two axes on the cover. Additionally, from here on out there are 2 weapons on the covers, which means the speaker is not alone anymore, but with someone who shares their "them against the world" feeling.*

Kiss the Ring is another song about the speaker's feelings against the system. However, this one and the next song in the disc have more rage on them. The speaker starts to lash out at authority and politicians who keep failing queer people.

"We kill the girls to get paid And put the whole damn room on the edge of the blade You'll get far, stay clean"

The speaker is mocking society's standards for people. They set dangerous beauty stereotypes only to get women to buy their products, reject measures that could help queer people (hormone treatment, counseling, etc) even if they know people could die because of the lack of it, and attribute failure to substances such as alcohol and drugs. Some queer people will turn to those substances because of the lack of support because society keeps making it hard to live, but big institutions don't care.

"And if the world stops believing, I'll keep believing

That the world could make a change (All I know is I won't stop believing) And put the suicide dolls as the last ones to mate (All I know is I won't stop believing)"

Although the speaker still has faith in a better future, they are angry about society putting queer people in a complicated position. Queer people create their own communities because they are pushed by the people who refuse to let them live. They insult and make everything more complicated up to the point of giving queer people trauma and mental health issues. The queer people affected by this are the only ones left to help themselves and others. Queer people are left at the back where they find each other.

"Come hard, stay clean (You're the next if you don't stop your creeping) And singing songs for the damned now (You're the next if you)"

The line on the back "You're the next if you don't stop your creeping" could be the authority's opinion about queer people: you will get in trouble if you are out/"explicit". Additionally, the songs for the damned could be a metaphor for people who think praying/conversion therapy will work as a "cure" for queerness.

"Hail! Hail! 'Cause the king is gone And if you don't stop believing, we'll keep believing"

This part could mean how conservatives celebrate when something bad happens to a politician or anyone famous who is in favor of queer rights. They tend to believe that there is a leader (like the people who believe there is an ANTIFA leader), but queer people will keep protesting and believing in a better life for everyone.

"You put the record on And live the life that you're making, shots that you're taking"

"So grab the cash and run And let the suits watch each other kill one another"

This is the speaker starts to get reckless. For them, it has become a matter of taking back at society. They want to live their life the best as they can, so they let themselves enjoy music, drink, and commit crimes since they will end up in trouble anyway for being queer. They steal money because they need it but also to get a sense of power over their life. The "suits" in this case would be politicians, the ones who say they want to help queer people against the ones who want them dead. Even if someone is fighting the good fight the speaker doesn't care for them anymore.

It doesn't matter if the words don't mean a thing You gotta kiss that ring"

The words could be the empty promises some politicians do to queer people. Many of them beg them to vote to protect their rights only to back off when it really matters. Kissing the ring means the absurdity of respecting people, authority figures, and institutions (the government) who don't want to be held accountable for queer people's rights.

"Move like the wolves, keep the faith There ain't a dry eye left in the back of the place Is it hard to stay clean?"

The speaker warns their community about the government since politicians don't have empathy for them (dry eyes)

"And if you all keep believing, I'll keep believing That the world drives the saints (All I know is I won't stop believing) And put the shotgun shells in the hills it makes (All I know is I won't stop believing)"

In this verse, the speaker mocks how authority loves to praise "pacific protests" but will still kill them. Most of the time when queer people organize a pacific gathering, they are met with violent repression.

"So come hard, stay clean (You're the next if you don't stop your creeping) Because they don't give a damn, now (You're the next if you)"

The speaker believes after so many failures that no politician cares for queer people.

"You got your leather on And live the life that you're making, shots that you're taking"

This could be referring to what kind of clothing queer people "tend" to wear. The idea is to just wear whatever you want and live your life.

"Hail, hail 'cause the king is gone Hail, hail 'cause the king is gone Hail, hail 'cause the king is gone Hail, hail 'cause the king is, the king is gone

Hail! Hail! Hail! Hail! Hail!"

Queer people celebrate a supposed leader that never existed because it is not about leaders, but the community.

"Fist up, head down Hail, hail to the king"

In this verse since the king is not "gone" it could mean the community is celebrating itself. They will keep fighting even if there's the risk of something bad happening, which is why they put their head down as a sign of being prepared for the worst.

Make Room:

Make Room is mainly the speaker setting the people who do not accept queer people or pretend to be allies as zombies. Queer people are most of the time used for gossip, instead of being treated as real people. The people who only care about gossip and getting to know who came out just to be disrespectful about it are people who do not have reasoning skills, making them zombies.

"Make room! Make room! Down on the coffin,​ there's a coffin or two Dead chic, so cool The cannibals are starving when they're looking at you"

This verse is about how dead queer people are seen just as numbers. The cisgender straight people's main concern most of the time is the funeral (what will people say, how to present the dead queer person etc), reflected on the line about the coffins. The dead girl represents dead queer people who attracted attention, making the zombies (society) wild to get the news and learn about everything that went wrong. They just want the gossip.

"Tank tops, jet stream Karate lessons with a killing machine White lines, nose bleeds I know you get excited when the cameras go Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta"

The speaker refers here to the kind of people who talk and treat queer people as means for gossip. They can be relaxed in their summer clothes with their private jets and do questionable things (drugs as mentioned with "white lines"), people with privilege. They get excited when a famous person reveals themselves to be queer and are able to get every single detail, however, they don't know (or don't care) that the spotlight can be stressful and harmful for famous queer people who come out. This is reflected by the "ratatata" the cameras make.

"Me and you, and all of this living dead Burning up in the sun, where the bodies add Sitting here with you, in misery Anybody gonna come and rescue me? La la la"

Here the speaker is talking with another queer person about how stressful people can be. They have to endure their questions and actions but even if they are miserable, they are together. The speaker's petition for someone to rescue them is mocking how some people "became" queer because the community pressured them into being queer.

"Make room! Make room! One day, you're gonna have explaining to do

Drag star, so cool There's only room for one man and the one is you, you, you"

This verse is just multiple wrong arguments that people make about queer people. A popular argument that homophobic/transphobic people use against queer people is how are they "going to explain" their identity or sexuality to others such as kids, elders, etc. Those kinds of people also have problems with drag artists. They may say they are letting drag artists live their lives, but they pressure them and their gender expression, reminding drag artists they are men and have to act like it. This argument is not only wrong because not all drag queens identify as men, but also does not consider drag kings.

"Got a taste for the cash and androgyny Anybody wanna come and rescue me?"

Androgyny is considered the combination of man and woman. This combination seems fashionable for multiple people and companies have decided to adopt it for profit. If it looks pretty it will sell. Multiple companies will present an androgynous person/model and show it off as their "queer representation".

"Well alright, well alright She's alright Everybody in the room is alright"

This could be a reference to the dead girl first mentioned in the song. Most people just want to pretend nothing bad is happening and that queer people are okay if comparing these times to years ago.

"Everybody wants to change the world Everybody wants to change the world But no one, no one wants to die!"

"We are never gonna change the world We are never gonna change the world 'Cause we are never gonna die!"

I see this as what the speaker thinks about activism after being vocal about queer issues during the whole album. They know protesting and being an activist is important for the queer community, and if they want society to change there will be sacrifices that no one wants to do. However, they also want to be happy and have a life of their own with the person they like. Maybe the change will be delayed and they will keep fighting for it, but not to the point of putting their happiness on the line anymore.

Surrender the Night:

*These last two songs have grenades on the cover because these ones are the tipping point for the speaker. They are done hiding their emotions and will explode at any second. It's a more aggressive weapon than the rest. The songs still talk about how society sucks for queer people, but the main focus for the speaker is the person they like and showing their feelings.*

Surrender the Night is a continuation (kind of) of The World is Ugly. If on The World is Ugly the speaker was afraid of confessing their feelings, on Surrender the Night they decide to be selfish and take control of the situation, take control of what makes them happy for once.

Everyone's a passenger, tonight Just another accidental on the freeway of this life

This night is important for the speaker, anything else doesn't matter.

We'll drive on and on and on and on We'll drive on and on And I'll remember this night when you're gone

The speaker and the love interest will leave everything behind, and the speaker wants their love interest to remember that night forever.

You surrender your heart I surrender every dream

Every weapon you've got Every secret that I keep

This is a deal the speaker proposes as a way to confess their feelings. If their love interest accepts being with them, nothing else will matter to the speaker. They will protect the love interest and will be completely honest with them.

You can fight this, all you want But tonight belongs to...

The love interest can fairly reject the speaker, but just for that one night, they will have to listen to what the speaker has to say.

Just another surgery, tonight Well, if you amputate the loneliness Anesthesia dims the lights

This is the speaker's opinion about their love interest. They are a complicated person who ignores their own problems by distracting themselves as if they wanted to disassociate from life and the pain. The speaker tells them they can do that, they can ignore their problems but by rejecting their emotions, they will also miss the good moments.

So dream on and on and on and on So dream on and on And I'll remember your eyes when you're gone

In this verse, the speaker encourages their love interest to follow their dreams instead of disassociating from life, and even if they don't end up together the speaker will remember them.

And I'll watch you in your sleep 'Cause tonight belongs to me You can fight this, all you want But tonight belongs to

The speaker will watch the other person sleep as a way to protect them and make sure they don't run away.

Sparks against the railing Distant phantoms wailing Through the windshield, sailing With these airbags failing

Here, the speaker is honest about how their lives will be if they're together. There will be chaos, people will talk, and they won't be able to control some situations.

But tonight belongs to me But tonight belongs to me But tonight belongs to me

The speaker reassures this to their love interest, expecting an answer.

Burn Bright:

And finally, we get to talk about my baby, the creme of the gays. This song in general is about finally accepting who you are, living as you want, and loving whoever you want; even if you know people are against it. If following the story from the previous song, this song is where they get together with their love interest and start a relationship. The speaker knows it won't be easy but they don't care.

So give me all you've got

I can take it

We walked alone in your city lights

Did you make it?

We lit the fire and it's burning bright

Did you take it?

Kissed all the boys in your city lights

Did you make it?

Left all the stars in your city nights

Can you fake it?

I lost my way in your city lights

Glad you made it

We stole the fire

And it's burning bright

Fire/stars/light is represented as strength the queer person has found in their identity, and it burns so brightly at the end of the album that they won't hide it anymore. Now that they have met another queer person and they are both out, the speaker trusts that it is possible to live as who you truly are, and they are not willing to hide anymore.

Not ashamed of what I am

I took the pills

For these empty nights

'Cause it makes me who I am

The speaker is not ashamed anymore of being queer but they still remember how it felt. How they had to cope with unhealthy copy because of the suffering of being against the world.

"They always told me that

"You never get to heaven"

With a love like yours

Well if you're lost little boy

The cameras pull you right back down, yeah"

Social/ expectations opinions are a heavy theme in the album, and it continues in the last song. It is not uncommon that society to treat queer people as little kids who don't know what they want or at least "should" want. Society will tell queer people that the way they want to love and/or exist is wrong. If a person dares to do something not straight or gender not conforming, society is there, like cameras, to judge that vulnerable moment and show it as a mistake. The speaker reflects on religion telling others "you won't get to heaven based on the things that you do" because people still use religion to discriminate against queer people.

"It's like a chemical burn

I'm peeling off your skin, yeah

And when you see your face

Well you'll never be the same again, yeah"

Queer people have to hear bad news, insults, misinformation, etc. every day. It takes a great toll mentally that can make people and that can be manifested physically, to the point that it hurts and/or to the point that people start noticing. Sadly, it's a kind of pain queer people have to live with for now until who knows when.

"Cause if you just stop breathing

I'll stop, stop my heart

I'll stop breathing too

[...]

Not ashamed of what I am

I'd trade the world for your city nights

'Cause it makes me who I am"

Queer people rely on each other, and the speaker relies on their significant other. The speaker would give up everything for the experiences they will get to share together.

"And though I missed the chance for this

I confess that I can't wait

Until it's gone

No I mean this every single day

Don't go if you got more to say

'Cause the world don't need

Another hopeless cause"

The speaker makes a small confession here. They are tired of society, of hiding, of fighting. They want the whole world to disappear just so they can be happy. They don't want to be part of "the fight" to make things better but they don't have any other choice. For them, the world cannot afford people doing nothing.

"Though it makes me who I am

'Cause it makes me who I am

And you made me who I am

And you made me who I am

Be afraid of what I am"

Although the speaker is done with people who don't do anything to fight against a society that doesn't accept them, they recognize that's who they were for so long. But now their significant other gives them the strength to leave all doubts and fear behind. The speaker is warning the world to be afraid of them because they are done being afraid of the world.

"We walked around in your city lights

'Cause it makes me who I am

I burned it all but im doing fine

'Cause I'll never fade away

If I steal the fire from your city nights

'Cause it makes me who I am

Who I am"

The speaker borrows strength from their significant other to go against the world, and in doing so they burn (jeje) relationships with other people, but they are okay with it. They will survive now that they are strong enough to stand up for themselves.

Conventional weapons sets someone in multiple stages of queer life and use weapons to portray life as a war with oneself, expectations, and society.

FIN

tldr: cw is gay af argue with the wall

#mcr #my chemical romance #conventional weapons #burn bright #surrender the night #kiss the ring #make room #the world is ugly #the light behind your eyes #boy division #tomorrows money #ambulance #gun #queer #lgbtqia

[tonyglowheart]

lmao okay I decided the star headband was a bit... hm, like, both simpler than I wanted and like, not sophisticaed enough of a look. so now the concept is, like, sun? crown? to lean into Icarus iconography that makes sense to me and other Tony aficionados.

but arguably it's also very "art deco-inspired," so it still tracks right? lol

Anyway so here's the current moodboard:

right right side accessories are an option but I think they still perhaps they skew a bit junior for the look I'm starting to envision. In which case, leaning towards the set on the left - though undecided about earring options. (the sun one has a pearl for the stud and I'm not sure about that. the fringe one is cool but might be a bit long. but I haven't found a fringe one I like better)

for shoes, I'm still... torn amongst options lmao. These 5 are my current top contenders, I've actually considered & discarded many. And have a couple more that are sort of circling around as options, but anyway these are my main ones rn. I think 1 + 2 are the top contenders, with 4 and 5 close behind.

okay I know I said I wasn't doing stars anymore (mostly bc I couldn't find a headpiece I liked) but omg look at these vintage Avon earrings (left), and also this extra-ass sun crown from Aliexpress (middle) - which I decided was too much/too costumey. Conversely, I think the other headband is... too simple though I do like the embellishments.

there's this one, but I'm not convinced about the moon. but I think this would be very fun with the Avon earrings...

also actually, if I add in the arc reactor, then suddenly the stars 2.0 options don't not make sense... like if I don't do a light-up arc reactor, then the sun accessories are the way to go I think. but WITH the light-up arc reactor... it gives me more leeway to go costumey without it being like, "halloween costume" if that makes sense?

debating if I get a bag, but if I do, here are the options I'm considering

bag 1 is the top contender, I think it looks best on the moodboard. But I was v tempted by bag 2 bc my friend who is going with a Cap-y look is maybe doing a quilted pattern blue acrylic purse, and the red glitter would match. I'm not entirely convinced by it bc it's like one of those ones where the glitter inside moves, so your stuff would be visible. and I don't like that. also, a potentially breakable/leakable situation is also not gr8

the bottom two are very art deco, with that last one almost too on the nose I think.

also lol, I was like. do I want a cape for extra drama. (yes I do). But I'm not convinced the cape (first left) would work with the look. the studded shawl on the right might be okay? but it would be more of a "shawl for warmth" situation. Which I'm not sure I strictly need. I mean, it's SD, which can get a bit chilly at night, but it's also July...

two other shawl/capelet options would be these guys - which are definitely "safer" options/for a bit of extra warmth options

I also sadly really like this off Shein, but it's NOT a cape, it's a cape + jumpsuit set. Although. If I'm doing sun accessories instead of star, then the star would no longer go with the concept... (I do kind of still like it, though, just like, in general...)

anyway. god I still need to decide on the shoes. and. I'm leaning towards 1, I think?? but I have wide feet which is also why I lean towards a pump sometimes (like, where the shoe has sides lmao)...

anyway here's option 1: https://us.shein.com/Metallic-Detail-Point-Toe-Stiletto-Heeled-Ankle-Strap-Pumps-p-13687807-cat-1750.html?mallCode=1

option 2: https://www.aliexpress.us/item/3256803883007046.html?spm=a2g0o.cart.0.0.10a738dareWPiK&mp=1&gatewayAdapt=glo2usa

option 4: https://us.shein.com/Faux-Pearl-Decor-Point-Toe-Stiletto-Heeled-Ankle-Strap-Pumps-p-10762292-cat-1750.html?mallCode=1

.....I still need to. decide on shoes....

#hellfire shopping #as always - if anyone has any opinions pls feel free to reply/tag/whatever

[kabira]

manx you seem really low have a nice day/night so this is for you :) take care of yourself and watch compilations of jeonghan cheating pls ily

#sadly in light of the situation rn i don't #think #that svt compilations are gonna help rn since they are also a big reason behind this #thing #askd i'm so sorry i ruin everything for everyone :( #but thank you for this #it did make me smile #<3 #submissions #submission #shawtythatsyou

[nkhrchuwuya]

✨ hello! I've never interacted before but I've read all of your posts! I really love your version of chuuya, can't get enough of it! :D I hope you're all better now uwu thank you for this event I'm so excited :D

first of all I'm smoller than chuuya hehe

I consider myself an extrovert who can be very shy at first. if i manage to somehow feel comfortable w someone (as in they are warm and open to me), I become super chatty and bubbly, but I can be very quiet and reserved when I'm among a bunch of people or with someone I haven't really connected. in that case i need to warm up a bit first.

altho I love hanging out with my loved ones, I need "just-me" moments too. I like joking and making people laugh and this goofy and "witty" side of me is best seen when I chat or post insta stories, rather than irl.

I can be quite awkward when I talk with people irl. I'm super affectionate with the people I love and actually I can be quite clingy. I need constant attention and love or I start feeling insecure.

I have lots of interests (too many to keep up), that are somehow linked: animanga, asian dramas, webtoons, fantasy, books, insta poetry, linguistics and language learning, graphic design, fiction, history, sociology and whatever is grabbing my attention at the moment.

I also suffer from maladaptive daydreaming, have short attention span, but lots of focus when I shouldn't have, lots of dreams, anxieties and hopes. I often sign up for too many things at once (and regret it) but stillll there's so much to dooo and no timeeeeee

for all my easygoing attitude, I have high uncertainty avoidance: scared of talking to people I've interacted w before, hesitant of like asking informations to a stranger, worried about uni exams I'm not fully prepared for, deeply anxious about a new part time job etc.

I usually procrastinate a lot (and also a mild perfectionist, what a curse) , am disorganised and am a bit of a scatterbrain, often sleep late but! I'm doing si much better now! After I started physically attending uni, moved out and got a roommate I'm doing much better: I wake up in time, I try to study regularly, Im learning how to cook, I clean after myself uwu

I think this means that when I'm somehow in a situation where I should be responsible (got a roommate, living away from home) I really try to do my best. so proud of myself rn! I'm also in this w my bffs so we helping each other become better

sadly for chuchu I don't drink at all! I would also wait a long time to do the full snu snu, until I feel like this person is here to stay. light snu snu is okay hehe. I'm also a bit lazy and while I like visiting new places and all I get tired of traveling and I don't like "being a tourist" (as in, walking a lot, going from one place to the other, taking lots of pictures, guided tours and all that jazz). I like to do things at my own pace and feel cozy :D

I hope this helps!

:D anon

hi dear!! ✨ thank you so much for taking part in our little event! it's lovely to hear from long-time readers like you🥺 i'm doing much better than before, although still not quite well, thank you for asking!

here's a little bit of your chuuya for you!

i won't even get into detail about how much chuuya loves that he's the slightest bit taller than you. it activates his protection mode- and he sure loves being in that mode when he's around you.

chuuya isn't quick to figure out your innate need for attention/affection- he just thinks you're clingy for a bit and would indulge you while he can and then he's gone off to work again. it would take you opening up to him and having a genuine conversation for him to actually get it in his head, but after that don't worry, he's at your side as much as possible. when he can't, he's texting or calling you. there's never a day you'll feel once that he doesn't care about you.

he absolutely loves your humor! granted you did say it comes out mostly when you chat or on your insta stories but he definitely has an appreciation of it even beyond the screen. especially if it’s derived from all the varied interests you have? you’ve got chuuya hooked. you've just got a spark of joy in you that's hard to find in other people that draws chuuya to you.

if you need him to catch you at times when your uncertainty avoidance gets too much, don't fret because he won't mind doing it for you. but chuuya's more of a proactive person hismelf, so there are occasions where instead of fully taking the responsibility, he'll be, instead, by your side and making sure you don't feel alone as you face your own anxiety on your own!

chuuya has absolutely no idea at first what to do with your maladaptive daydreaming. but once he figures out the ropes he's there for you all the time. need to be more engaged and grounded in reality? he's there, holding you down. need to go to therapy for it or would rather talk to a doctor? he's bringing you to the clinic himself. he'll learn your triggers (if any) and make sure to keep you out of them when possible. it'll take a bit for him to figure it out, but once he does, he's your best ally.

he watches you work on yourself and get better and handling the daily routine, and is super proud of you for every step you're taking in the right direction. he's there to help you whenever you stumble, but for the most part he just loves being able to sit back and watch you slowly get better at avoiding procrastination, studying, sleeping, etc. etc!

related to that, he's definitely going to be super thankful once you've moved in with him and can help him with that kind of regulation. it's not that he can't do it on his own, just sometimes he also deeply struggles with it, especially with mafia work, and to be able to have someone by his side who can help him is a big plus for him.

he'll be fine with you not drinking, he's always got a bottle of a nonalcoholic drink for you to enjoy while he's getting tipsy. but this is only for when you're at home! if you're outside, say, on a dinner, he'll refrain from drinking because he'd rather not have to be a burden on you when he gets drunk. don't worry, it doesn't dampen the experience one bit, because he loves just being with you to begin with!

your extroverted side matched with a tendency to pull back when you're around others you aren't close with is something chuuya deeply appreciates- some dark part in him enjoys that he can have you all for himself in certain situations. but i think the two of you will still be a great match because chuuya absolutely needs someone to ground him as well, and also to stop his little alcohol problem 😂

#:D anon #chuuya's special someone event #nakahara chuuya #bungou stray dogs #chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #bungou stray dogs imagines #bsd imagines #bsd x reader

[soldiermom1973]

Um, hello! I was reading a post on how to write US military characters, where I saw your comment! I am working on a piece which revolves around Military and Romance, so I had some questions if you don't mind answering? (The only resource I relied on was wikipedia, but I would really love some answers from someone who have seen if first hand!)

Can officers/soldiers get transferred from air force to Army/Navy or vice-versa?

(It's okay if you don't answer this one, cause maybe it's pretty obvious) Are romantic relationships among the officers considered unprofessional, or is it just, "as long as you give your best on the field, you're good to go"?

Is PTSD a common thing in ALL military people?

I have read about the separate divisions in the military, from military intelligence to Special forces, can officers be part of more than one division at a time?

Do the military higher ups select random people with some exquisite talents to offer an important position in the army/air-force/navy ?

Can there be field missions where people who are non-military can be/need to be involved?

I have some more questions but I can't remember them rn! (Also sorry for this list) but thankyou if you're answering!

Hi! I'm more than happy to help however I can. Full disclosure, though - I've been out for about 10 years now, so I'll let you know if there's something that might be different.

1. Service members absolutely can transfer between branches.  Usually, though, this can’t happen until their current contract is ready to expire.  My oldest son was a Marine and when he was ready to get out, he decided he wanted to be a nurse.  I tried to talk him into switching branches & going into the Navy and becoming a Corpsman - same training and everything - but he’d had his fill of the military (he graduates college in a few weeks and will be an RN). 2.  Relationships between OFFICERS are ok, depending on the situation.  If they’re in the same command, no.  If they���re in different commands, then it would probably be up to their leadership’s guidance.  If it’s enlisted/officer, absolutely not ever regardless of where they’re stationed.  I can give you more information on that, if you want. 3.  PTSD is more common than most people think, largely in part because we’re shedding more light on it.  I wouldn’t say EVERY servicemember has it, though.  Everyone processes trauma differently and what might completely devastate one person might barely faze another. 4.  When you say ‘division’, I don’t think it’s the word you’re looking for.  Military Intelligence is an MOS (Military Occupational Specialty.  Basically a servicemembers job, but I think each branch calls it something different.  MOS is what the US Army uses).  There are hundreds of MOSs out there - from programming to finance (payroll) to supply and some of those get more specific, too.  Things like the SEALs, Special Forces, etc. usually conduct more highly specialized and covert military missions.  So someone can have an MOS of Military Intelligence and then go through SEAL training and be both. 5.  Military brass can and do select certain people to fill important positions.  I wouldn’t say it’s random, though.  Usually the people they select have distinguished themselves in some way - going above & beyond during a combat mission, extremely high test/class scores, etc.  Usually.  The military is rife with what’s called ‘the good ol’ boys club’ and doing favors for friends.  Nepotism is alive and well, sadly. 6.  Definitely.  Civilian Contractors are used more and more by the military.  Local people can be used as translators and guides.  Security could be bolstered by the civilian sector.  When I was on my last deployment in Baghdad, most of the security was run by a British security company called Aegis. I hope I answered your questions ok!  If not, or if you have any others, feel free to drop me an ask!

#military info #tw:ptsd #tw:ptsd mention

[whereconfusionisarhyme]

First Reactions To Logan’s Playlist

K first song let’s do this

White and Nerdy-Weird Al Yankovic

Wtf this song was definitely Joan’s idea I mean who else would think of ‘White and Nerdy’ for Logan

Is this like canon he listens to this stuff or like songs about him???

Not Perfect-Tim Minchin

TIM MINCHIN

Bo Burnham better be on Logan's playlist

#deep

Is this about the mindpalace/inside of Thomas’ head??? Cause like???? Ouch???? I think????

Lol nvm it’s not sad lmao

I take back my take back it is sad

So this could be literally “in his mind” or it could be figurative and it’s really messing with my funky flow

Streaks-ANIMA!

Cool instrumental

Love the voice sounds a little like MARINA and Regina Spektor

Oh no I’m two lines in and I can tell it’s gonna be sad

OH NO CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST AHHHHH

Wow Logan is just out here being relatable isn’t he smh 😔👊

"Cause you're a smart kid, but you're still a kid" LOGAN REALLY BE OUT HERE BEING RELATABLE ON MAIN

The Elements-Tom Lehrer

Sounds like what piano class would sound like if I took piano class

Something you would listen to in science class

Bop

Medicine-STRFCKR

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out vibes

Lmao nvm

Gonna go look up the lyrics rn brb

A sad bop

Philosophy cool

Human-Tank And The Bangas

Logan playing this to comfort himself because this singer is the only person who has ever told him this

WHO HURT LOGAN WITH THEIR WORDS

LOGAN THE HEART SKIPPING COMMENT ARE YOU OKAY IM GIVING YOU A HUG

GUYS LOGAN IS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE MATTERS IM NOT OKAY

Last???? Relationship???

Okay I'm not a shipper BUT my theorist analysis obsessed brain is just SCREAMING about Roman and Patton

Observation: Logan is probably atheistic and this song covers God a lot. I don't have a conclusion or anything just pointing that out

This woman do be calming tho like yes I'm beautiful yes I'm special thank you

Okay so I already knew Logan wasn't okay but he 100% isn't okay

Fittet Happier-Radiohead

K two words in and I can tell this is gonna be sad here we go

Employees? Or maybe…other sides?

Minor key ok

SELF HARM ISNT OKAY

"WILL NOT CRY IN PUBLIC" NONONONO

So I heard of a good therapist just downtown-

The Watchtower-The Dø

I paused it cause I need a second after the last one

Guys as someone who dissosiates a lot I think Logan might be dissosiating

Dissosiating to protect himself from his emotions

Y'all just trust me in this one

Coming for the TØP brand I see

K ready to start again here we go

Fire beat I'm vibing with it

Is he trying to distance himself from his emotions to try and perform his tasks better like watching from a Watchtower???

This is the first character I've seen that might dissosiate which only means one thing

I'm gonna be projecting an unholy amount in my fanfiction

"No one in particular" hon who hurt you

City Lights=Emotions (which he considers distractions)??? Maybe??

I'm a William Finn fan come on this isn't my first rodeo

Art Is Dead-Bo Burnham

BO BURNHAM I WAS RIGHT

We all love some good Imposter Syndrome (tm)! :D

This gives Learning New Things About Ourselves' a whole new meaning

Ngl this is the first time I heard the degrading of the piano at the end and I'm here for it

In My Mind-Amanda Palmer

Oop we LOVE setting up impossible expectations for yourself to the point you have a cripplingly horrid self esteem! :D

Logan I've done this before and trust me it isn't worth it the mental breakdowns are too taxing

I'll do it when I'm older=I'm never gonna get around to it

I don't wanna be the person I wanna be either

Why do I perfectly understand every lyric am I ok

Live!!! While you!!!! Can!!!!

At least there's a happy ending

Okay so I've decided that once I'm done I'm gonna make a list of songs I think would fit in the playlist

Algorythym-Childish Gambino

K its spelled incorrectly get ready for some metaphors my dudes

Intro is cool definitely very very Logan WOAH OKAY CHAIN SMOKER

Gonna go look up lyrics I don't understand shit

The chorus sounds like Thanksgiving at my Aunt's house where like 100+ African American relatives blast house music and dance until their feet falls off

Nvm no it doesn't

GO OFF

ELPHABA BETTER WATCH OUT CHILDISH GAMBINO IS COMING FOR YOUR BELT

Adlibs are everything

Letter C-Zach Sherwin

This gives off the same vibes as that one pickle video by Charlie Puth

Roman vs Logan rap battle but it's this

I don't really see why this is related but sure

Time Adventure-The Marcus Hedgehog

Nostalgiaaaaaa

Okay Logan has too many songs talking about one (1) person who is it

I have a gut feeling that it's about Thomas and how Logan used to be enough "back then" but now he thinks he's not cause like let's be honest when was the last time someone gave Logan a strong sincere thank you for all that he does????Excluding DWIT (which doesn't really count in my opinion cause they said he was cool, not like an integral and arguably the most important and powerful side) nobody really appreciates Logan???? Hugs???

Anyway plz ignore this is just how my brain works

K next song

The Breach-clipping.

OKAY SLOW DOWN IM GONNA LOOK UP LYRICS

Is this Daveed Diggs???? I haven't listened to Hamilton in like forever is this Daveed Diggs???

LITERALLY PERFECY PARRALLEL TO LOGAN AND THE SIDES

Sound effects

Really just gonna fry my eardrums like that huh

What I Do For U-Ra Ra Riot

Okay scrap anything and everything I said about it being the sides Logan is 100% talking about Character!Thomas

Erase Me-Ben Folds Five

Ooh this intro reminds me of this one particular musical songs but I don't remember which one

Wait have I listened to this before????

I've listened to this before!

Okay I need to stop being distracted

NOOOOOO don't Erase Yourself!!!!

Logan really just do be having no Self Esteem don't he

Okay so theory: Logan didn't pop up in person in the last video because his eyes were too red from crying

I have 0 evidence so it's not a very good theory but…

Just throwing it out there

One More Time with Feeling-Regina Spektor

Oh no it's Regina Spektor

Oh no I'm gonna cry

Okay so Logan doesnt wanna block of all emotion, only permit some to show???? But most of the time block everything????

Did I get that???

Nobody!!!! Thanks!!!! Logan!!!!

Awww he just wants love and recognition

Tbh this sounds a lot like Roman they have so much in common despite their constant arguing

Galaxy Song-Monty Python

Ooh Monty Python

I haven't listened to Monty Python so I sadly don't know the context

Really just dissing all of the other sides aren't we

Can't really blame him tho

Very scientific

"Yeau~"

Sweet with dark undertones. Love it.

Equation-Hans Zimmer

Later I'm gonna check the equations if they're correct XD

Sunrise-In The Heights

!!!!!!

WHO???!!!!!

K to this is one of my favorite love songs ever it's just so sweet and as someone who's bilingual the concept is just amazingly wonderful so yeah I may be freaking out

Also because WHO??!!

Okay I said I wasn't a shipper but let's be honest this is probably about Roman not romantically but like

OR MAYBE JANUS???

IM SO CONFUSED

But Logan is definitely Nina in this situation it just fits so well with her character for the same reasons I really wanna play her (but never will cause I'm exactly 0% Latin American smh) yeah the pressures to be the smartest and then it backfiring horribly and oh God what if Inùtil is also in the playlist ahhhh

Okay moving on

Lifeboat-Heathers

WHAT

NO

NO

CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST LOGAN STOP BEING RELATABLE AHHHH

IS THIS CAPTAIN THOMAS??? THE OTHER SIDES AS A WHOLE??? AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT???

IM NOT OKAY

Bohemian Groove-Will Connolly

Okay I'm still not recovered from the last song but I need to continue or else I'm never gonna finish this playlist

Eeecccchhhhhoooo

Your friends haven't surpassed you Logan you belong with them okay????

Emptiness despite success??? Millennial who???

Vibing with it but also are you okay

Nvm I know the answer already

Hug All Ur Friends-Cavetown

Okay so Logan is a Cavetown gay noted

Self validation??? Who's she???

Lies. You care so much about what other people *sides* think about you

Maybe Logan listens to this song to remind himself to not care too much

But it doesn't work and it's getting to him more and more

Oh

That took a turn

Breathin'-Thomas Sanders

Good move

Don't really have much to say on this

The Bidding

Spoopy

Alchoholic!Logan

New idea for us fan writers

The pronunciation of beurgoise

Okay I'm like pretty certain at this point that all of the songs that mention a someone else is about Character!Thomas

A Better Version

OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS MUSICAL ITS SO UNDERRATED I HAVE LISTENED TO THE SOUNDTRACK AND UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TIMES YESSSSS

But also since I know the song in terrified cause the feels are gonna come in I just know it

Wait so is Jayce supposed to be Thomas???

I am suddenly feeling much more uncertain about my certainty

Okay let me unpause and just listen to it (even though I already know all of the lyrics)

Okay so I'm a dumbass and apparently this song isn't even part of the playlist

Okay so I'm an idiot and the last few songs have all been "related to playlist" and not in the actual playlist I'm big dumb.

Anyway here's my list of songs I think would fit. (BTW, I only went off of lyrics for these ones. I realize that there’s a general sound and vibe for the playlist, but I decided not to follow it.)

Oh No! ~ MARINA

Hug All Ur Friends ~ Cavetown

Bohemian Groove ~ Will Connolly

Guiltless ~ Dodie Clark

Lifeboat ~ Laurens O’Keefe

The Bidding ~ *idk who*

I Am Not A Robot ~ MARINA

Inútil - Lin Manuel Miranda

Through The Eyes Of A Child ~ AURORA

Community Gardens ~ The Scary Jokes

Let me know if I should do this with the other playlists as well! :)

#sander sides #ts sanders sides #sanders sides #thomas sanders #tss #logan sander angst #logan sanders #ts logan #logan’s playlist #first reaction #self harm mention #tw self harm

[allgodschildrenlgbtchristian]

A few months ago I came out to my friend that I'm bi. She told me she is bi too. We came out to the rest of the friend group together. That was a few months ago. Since then she had lost contact with us because her phone was taken away. When we regained contact we began talking again. I was talking about how I was scared of my family's reaction for when I later come out. She started on how I don't really know that I'm bi. That it's just a choice and that God cant be around sin in heaven. Part 1

She started on how nobody is really gay or bi. They are just confused and lost. How the reason I think I'm bi is I just want to be liked. I feel betrayed rn. I though she understood. She is my friend and I love her but this really hurts bad.

I am so sorry you are going through this love. Honestly, it sounds like you friend has been internalizing some homophobic messages likely given to her by family or other adults while she was out of contact with her friend group. Those messages can be strong and persuasive and make you doubt your reality. It’s gas lighting and it’s sadly something a lot of young queer people in religious circles are put through. I know you are worried about your friend and hurting. If there is an adult in your life that you trust being out to, maybe think about sharing the situation with them. It could be a trusted teacher, a family member, the parent of a friend. Know that you’re friends love and support you. I know it’s easy to feel scared and betrayed right now, but I promise you there is nothing wrong with you. You are not a bad or sinful person because you are bi. The world is a scary place and I know there are a lot of people telling you otherwise, but you are just as God meant you to be. Honesty isn’t always easy but I promise you, in the long run, it’s worth the hardship, because you will know who you are. It sounds to me like you’re friend might be struggling with that herself. I know it’s hard but all you can do at this point is stand your ground and let her know you’ll be there for her if she needs you. But remember, you do not have to hide yourself for someone else’s comfort. God made you exactly as you are. 

#Anonymous

[hoopdiddies]

I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 8)

A/N: Ayoooo. Hey guys, here's part 8 and I'm so sorry if the previous chapters kind of frustrated you. I didn't really mean for it to but I hope you enjoy this one. I'll be posting 9 tomorrow or the day atfter. Thanks again for your feedbacks, y'all motivate me a lot ^^ ♥ (My Wi-Fi has prejudice against tumblr rn)

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: Angst, bois. ANGST (I cried like a sucker during one part I wrote 😔) mention of blood, yet again drinking, some speckles of fluff, and unnecessary dialogue if you look closely enough :^ I feel like a terrible writer today

WC: 4k I think?

Tags: As always my taglist is always open uwu

@haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

@hardzzellos

"You look...beautiful." Ben's comment is indeed one thing to start the night. It's not like he's never told you that before–it's just the tone in which he has said it in is...different. A foreign tone never been released from his lips until you. You look up at him through your lashes, giving him a slanted smile accompanied by a bubbly chuckle. "Thanks. You smell nice too."

The corner of his eyes crinkle as his curving lips push them up. As expected, Rosy chimes in between you and Ben almost too quickly, the blurry speed in which she has arrived in making you gasp. "Excuse me, babe. You got interviewers on your tail and I- oh," her brows shoot up upon seeing you, seemingly haughty eyes flicking up and down your outfit in mild contempt.

"Surprised to see you here as well." The smile plastered on her face couldn't be any more forced than it is.

Girl, chill. Anti-aging soaps are not easy to manufacture these days. You begin holding your breath to prevent yourself from bursting into a fit from hearing that thought ring in your head. You shrug, garnering the guts to shift on your heightened stance and lean in an inch close.

"You're not the only one with a celebrity date."

You turn around too early to gauge her reaction, finally exhaling from holding your breath too long. You can finally conclude that she's had an effortless transition from being benign to far from being benign. The smoothest one-eighty you've ever witnessed. You remember her clearly being downright considerate of you the first time you met her yet now is a whole different story. You wonder if she was actually ever considerate.

As the boys and Lucy indulge in brief interviews, you stand behind the scenes and get the first-class chance of conversing with Brian. He's readily the coolest person in the house right now, bantering with you every once in three, fascinating topics. How fortunate are you to be in the spot a million Queen fans would die for but of course, you don't want to leave out Roger who - by a landslide - makes you wish you could wheeze and snort all you want if you weren't in a luxury event such as the Oscars. He seemed intimidating for you at first but as he joined in your talk with Brian, things escalated real quickly.

With the pre-ceremony interviews and the clinking of champagne glasses dampening, you begin hunting for your seats in the theatre.

Before you know it, you are informed that only a specific line of people are given exclusivity for the seats. And it shocks you that Joe, Allen, Ben and Gwilym are not given that card when in fact they were part of the very film that brought forth a new generation of fans.You shake your head disappointingly albeit contented that Rami, Lucy, Brian and Roger and their wives are part of the exclusivity.

Utterly determined to know the results - by Joe's 'sovereign' vote - the rest of you hang around in the waiting area, focusing on the ceremony rights shown on TV. Quietly sitting through the results, you all whoop and applaud at the mention of Bohemian Rhapsody obtaining three awards straight– your cheers amping up a notch as Rami brings home the 'Best Actor' award. Joe begins filming your reactions for Instagram, zooming into Gwilym, Ben and Allen's faces for most of the video. You throw your head back in laughter at how goofy the boys look; a bunch of men in their 30's bouncing up and down with one of them documenting the entire episode. At one point, Gwilym yanks as you in for a group hug, mercilessly crushing you in between their muscles– the disorienting experience now being something you wish you would never undergo again.

As Rami's thank you speech unfolds, you pay attention closely. The sentimentality of him lovingly thanking Lucy for being his anchor after dedicating his award to Freddie Mercury is just overwhelming and you wish you could tear up but your mascara would be waste. You're certain that made Brian and Roger emotional as well.

An hour after the ceremony, you all head down to the Vanity Fair after party in the same limo you had arrived in with every single person in the group eager to get the night progressing. Regardless of saying that these type of parties are not up to your speed, you try to get along with the evening and revel in what you know would be your last night with them. Sadly enough, Roger and Brian had to skip out on this with rough schedules on their hands. The moment they walked out of the place, they spent nearly half an hour congratulating the boys and having other celebrities congratulate them.

As you are seated across Ben and Rosy, you can't help but notice him acting a little distant from her. She's all nuzzled up against his arm and he is nowhere close to returning the favor. He's just...lost in thought, staring out the tinted window. It's still early to assume that in all the hours you were within a close range to them, Ben only ever acted aloof, giving her attention when the situation required it.

Perhaps a lover's tiff took place?

"Yeah, I'm wondering the same thing too." Mimicking your position, Joe calling you back to Earth makes you gasp a little. You close your eyes and look at your fingers blankly after recovering, sighing. "I think we should end all this pretending. It was simply a cop-out in the first place."

"I know," he whispers audibly enough for only you to hear, running his fingers through his fiery, red hair, "you should probably come clean soon enough before you leave."

And that you will. At least, you'll try.

In your defense, you thought the after party would host a fancy banquet but seated around with celebratory drinks -considerable with something classy - and attendees breaking down on the dance floor is a rather okay scene as well. As long as you don't end up like the night you were invited out for a drink with your colleagues, you should be fine for the most part.

The boys and Lucy have fully immersed themselves in the beat of the music while you've decided to remain stationary with one glass of wine, the only glass you'll be having for the rest of the party.

The entire time you gawk at them amusingly as they break out their dance moves, your eyes always find their way to Ben, who makes you snort painfully from all his antics as he moves along with Joe. They're a mess with their ties and buttons undone from all the movement and the sight inspires you to stay put.

But oh dear lord, can Ben dance like an uncle.

Keeping your attention on them, a descending weight sinks down next to you. You pay no mind to whoever it is but do as her voice interrupts your thoughts. "I hope your eye is on the right person, honey." You click your tongue in exasperation, turning your body towards Rosy and her developing, bitchy tendencies, scoffing as you place your drink down to set things straight with her. "First of all, what did I ever do to you to deserve this kind of talk?"

She smacks her lips together at you, simpering. "You didn't think I'd notice?"

"What are you talking about?"

Her almond eyes narrow as if she's trying pin you down with a warning. "Please, don't act like I never noticed. You're overstepping that boundary between you and your best friend- my fiance." Okay, so she's noticed. But your neutralized expression is not going to be giving away anything.

You incline your head to one side in hopes that the facade you're pulling would decompress her suspicion. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Ben is like my brother. "

Grabbing her drink from the table, she sighs and stands up, hands firm on her hips and face silhouetted under the beaming light nevertheless giving you a transpiercing glower in the manner of seeing through the makeshift barrier you've pulled up. "He better be. Try backing off every once in a while when I'm around."

To your dismay, you snap inside, whipping your head up at her and replying sharply to make the message crystal clear. "Rosy, you have no idea." Unable to withstand the atmosphere you're in, you put great emphasis on your words and snatch your drink, walking out to the mini garden to finish what's left of your wine without having to bear being around her.

The question is unadulterated and obvious– bold and italicized if you wish to give it a stretch and clarify it.

Why is Ben still with her?

Is he that clueless not to realize it?

You don't want to pry the answer out yourself but ruminating on it, Rosy pulling off a full one-eighty only when Ben's at an appropriate distance for her to squeeze you between her fingers is just about good as a reason as anything. Your unwavering feelings for Ben are clearly perceived by her– from the way you had reacted the day he introduced you both to each other to not so long ago.

You wonder if Ben ever took heed of her growing attitude towards you.

Finishing your wine in one, immediate, swig, you place it down on the marble surface before you with your fingers cradling the stem of the glass– relishing the spicy liquid flushing down your throat.

At the extent of overexerting themselves, Joe and Gwilym flop down back on their seats like jelly, tuckered out from the unconventional combination of alcohol and unsteady movement. Panting like a dog who had just participated in a marathon, Joe shrugs out of his blazer and tosses it over his shoulder, silently wishing the ice in the bucket that held the bottle of wine would save him from the grinding heat of the wine he had just about five minutes ago.

"Mate, you're deep in the heat." Gwilym comments as it is followed by a gentle laugh on how Joe's glistening in sweat under the dimming lights. He hands him a partially bland look before wiping his forehead with his handkerchief. Lucy and Rami are situated at other end of the place enjoying a chat with another party of people meanwhile Ben and Rosy are nowhere near any of them. Until, of course, they reappear from God knows where and Ben suddenly asks Joe where you've gone.

"I-I don't know." He says after a hefty sigh. Somewhat eager to find you, Ben begins excusing himself from Rosy whom which he has spiked a bitter reaction from for sharing his supposed time for her with you. Fed up and jealous in the slightest, Rosy snaps at him.

"Okay Ben, why do you always have to skip in between minutes to hang out with her even when we're together?"

He pauses from turning around completely and sighs. "She's my friend, babe."

Unwilling to accept his statement, she claims. "Well your friend is getting in the way of what was supposed to be our time together! Can't you set aside a limited time for her?! " This has alarmed Joe and Gwilym but it isn't their business to butt in and stop a quarrel from breaking out. Unless it turns physical, which is doubtful to happen. Ben, a little frustrated but still tolerant of her ongoing skittish behavior, tries to reassure her. "I know that, alright? But something's been bothering her for days and I just want to make sure she's doing alright."

"Can't you leave the worrying to Joe? He's her bloody boyfriend anyway!"

Wagging his forefinger at Rosy, Joe grumbles as he is not having any of her talk, scrunching his brows at her.

Grabbing her shoulders gently, Ben tries to relieve her of tension and assures her once more, but with a well-known fact she obviously still doesn't accept. "Joe's a little drunk. She's like...a sister to me," it really took him an abrupt pause to say 'sister', "besides, you're my fiancee. There's nothing to be jealous about."

"Why does she still have to be a part of your life? Our life?" Now that's a question that has just shifted Ben to a farther side. His brows knit together in momentary disbelief, unable to take her words in a good light. "God, Rosy! She's been around for so long! At least make an effort to accept her!" Like a slap to her conceitedness, Ben turns on his heels and walks out to find you. Leaving Rosy a steaming mess of insecurity.

However slightly drunk, Joe mutters to himself as he makes sure neither Gwilym or especially Rosy hears his words stumble out in a whisper. "You've grown a pair, Ben. You've grown a pair."

You've been outside for nearly half an hour; wine glass empty and your hair, along with the skirt of your dress, drifting along the harmless breeze and the waning moon spilling some light from behind the shaded clouds. Though there were a couple of people that found their way here to get some respite not too long ago, you're just glad to have this space to breathe in from the draining background of the party.

As you lose yourself in thought, a certain voice brings you back to reality.

"Nice night out, huh?"

Turning around slowly, you are met with the cool, forest green irises that you've grown to never tire of seeing. "I'm surprised you're still well-kept in that suit despite the scene back in there. " You give in to a chuckle, your smile pulling Ben to approach your side leisurely. "It's my Oscars suit. Something worthy of protecting."

"Hah!"

As he rests his elbows on the surface next to you, the distance between your skins makes you a tad bit anxious. Comfortable silence falls upon you both– for Ben at least, it's tolerable however you're not taking it well, not even in the slightest. You rub your hands together and sigh, prompting Ben to finally ask you.

"You alright? You've been tensing up lately."

You nod, closing your eyes and opening them afterwards. "This dress is just depleting me of bodily warmth." Half a lie told by you. Acting on his thoughts, Ben begins taking his blazer off but you stop him mid-shrug. "Keep it on. You look better with it on."

"This would look better on you, you're obviously freezing." He's really keen on keeping you warm but you're just as so in letting him keep it on. "I'm serious. Keep it on. I'm fine."

What can he do but just give in? When you're serious, you're serious. He lifts his shoulder in half a shrug, ducking his head as an idea flickers in his head like a bulb. He wants to relive something that has been lost through the years and it's only right that he does...now that you have less than a day to disappear from his life completely.

"Y/N..." He muses gently. You raise your brows at him in question, taken by surprise that he has his hand held out to you. Bewildered, you raise your finger to ask what on Earth he's doing. "What- what are you doing?"

He licks his bottom lip and the smile on his face becomes bashful but certain. "What else does it look like I'm doing, silly girl? Asking you to dance."

You're sorry that you couldn't keep a snort at bay. "Pfft. Ben, I think you're asking the wrong girl."

"Just let me dance with my best friend."

"Wow! That's noble of you," your chuckles can not be contained, even so much as restraining yourself from letting the blush spread throughout your face. But he has the fragments of what was once your heart, so why wouldn't you? You slip your hand in his and the grin on his face widens. "There we go. Easy does it." He breathes out, his voice getting gravelly. You hit him softly on his chest for cooing, at the same time realizing that his voice becomes that way only and only when he's nervous– something uncommon between you both. As his hands find home on your waist, you throw your arms around his neck, laughing at how awkward yet funny it feels. What a huge nod to how you danced with him on Homecoming.

"You're so weird sometimes. You got your fiancee, why don't you dance with her?" Getting used to the sting of referring to Rosy, you question anyway. He initiates with a sway before responding. "I already have. But, " he diverts his heavy-lidded eyes from staring off the distance to yours and suddenly, it feels like you're home, "I want to finish that Homecoming dance."

You find yourself speechless as you shift your unflinching gaze at him and he at you, your bodies swaying along the concrete and in perfect sync, coincidentally to the sudden change in music from inside, compared to the bittersweet night you had before the day that parted you both. Thin silence hangs in the atmosphere but only because you are looking at each other in a way you never have in your entire lives.

Instinctively, you break your gaze from his and rest your head on his chest, your hair falling into your face as your eyes screw shut. You hear his heart skip a beat, unusually in the same manner yours always has. Feeling your head follow the rise and fall of his chest tickles you inside– temporarily making you forget about the pain of soon letting him go and producing a sense of safety.

Maybe it's because of exhaustion? You wonder. He doesn't hesitate to stroke your hair and revel in the moment as well, easing you in closer to his body without breaking the sway. "You'll be there on my wedding day, right?" He asks nervously, his question pulling you back to the harshest reality.

You open your eyes slowly, your lips trembling as you let out the saddest sigh, feeling your chest tighten from the anxiety of soon telling him the truth.

"Y/N?" Your tensed-up body alarms him and so he breaks away and lifts your chin up lightly, being met with glossy and regretful eyes. His messy brows drawing together in slight worry. "What's wrong?"

Everything.

However uneager to push him away, you do, escaping his warm embrace. "Ben, I..."

He's dreading for your answer, painfully anticipating for the best or the worst to the point where his hands are lubricating with sweat.

You swallow the lump that has hardened in the back of your throat, pressing your lips together to prevent a sob from escaping and shunning his prying stare. "I can't..."

Joe's half-assed predicted, worst case scenario is slowly unfolding.

"What are you saying? You're not- you're not going...to be there?"

You bite down on your lip hard enough to make it swell, shaking your head and casting a sideways glance.

"Why?"

Tell the truth. Just tell him and you're either getting a support or another jab to the heart.

"Y/N, please! Tell me why!"

"I'm leaving, Ben!" The words didn't seem to stumble or carelessly flop from your lips, in fact it speared through him clean thereby catching him off guard. His eyes have fallen gravely, lips parted due to shock.

"I got into a medical school I had previously applied for. And I'm leaving," you snap your eyes shut and open them in tears once you've looked up at him, "on your wedding day."

"Why didn't- why didn't you ever tell me?" He's pleading for your explanation, barely clinging on to the belief that you would always tell him things.

You don't answer as you are battling to muster up the courage to say it.

"Y/N, please! You never tell me anything these days! And this- this news, it's important! You're leaving on the day I need you the most, and you never bothered to squeak a word about it! Not a single, bloody word! Why?!" He's racked up with disbelief and apparently, anger. Eyes rimmed, clouded with mixed emotions and face full-blown red from the pressure.

He grabs you by the shoulders and pleads heartbreakingly, his lively voice reduced to but a whisper. "Why..."

"I-" You're still holding back.

"Say it! "

"You'd soon forget about me, Ben!" You inhale sharply as you add, croaks present in your voice while you take two steps further away from him as you lament. "I'm hopelessly in love with you, you idiot! I've always been. I try- I try to brush off every single prick that stems out every minute I realize that you already belong to someone else..."

"Y/N-"

"I figured not telling you would help me let go. And it's the only way I can...because screw you for being a clueless, irreplaceable bloke! I can't imagine my bloody life without you in it! I don't think I can ever love anybody else...but you, "

"Y/N..."

You don't let him finish and achingly throw your hands to your chest as a gesture, pounding your chest thrice as you're finally wearing your heart on your sleeve. "I can't blame you for being oblivious to my feelings. You're committed to Rosy...and as much as I want to see you happy, I don't want to stand idly by and- and feel this way when you've pledged your heart to her...I want to forget and for you to forget me," As the warm tears you've held back for so long roll down your cheeks, you hug yourself through the pain, "I want you to be happy without worrying how I'd feel. And disappearing from your life, is the only way I know how..."

"Y/N, please, don't say that- don't do this...you can't do this...you c-can't..." With hands shaking, he strides towards you to haul you in back into his arms but you take an agonizing step away, stopping him in his tracks. "I have to. I...I want to. It hurts so much, Ben. It always has but promise me," even if you have taken a step away, you take it upon yourself to take those steps close to him and cup his cheek with a cold hand, "promise me you'll revel in that happiness. It's going to hurt being away from you. But it's going to hurt even more if I stay. And watch...my best friend grow old with someone else." Finally rendering him wordless, you shake your head and whisk past him back into the party which has died down a bit, leaving him a pondering mess out under the bleak sky.

"How could I be happy without you..."

You'd gladly do anything to go back home right now. The weight of what just took place is crushing you and the need to escape is fuming. But the thing is, Ben was never one to let you go easy.

He never did and possibly never will.

He sniffles and inhales sharply, jogging in after you and calling out your name amidst the constant noise and chatters. "Y/N, wait!"

You reach your table just in time to see everyone still gathered around with drinks raised and laughs released but you have to excuse yourself deliberately. "Y/N? Where have you been? What's the rush?" Lucy notices your hastened movement and places her hand on your tense shoulder. You snap your head at her with your purse in your grasp, shaking your head and apologizing that you have to leave, forgetting to rid your eyes of tears; the sight of you amping up Lucy's concern therefore leading you into her embrace. "Oh my god, are you okay? What happened?"

"Y/N!"

Ben's distant but audible voice echoing through the place just sends you panicking inside. "I'm so sorry, Luce. I have to go."

"Y/N, wait! What's wrong?"

Just as the rest could react to Lucy calling out for you and Ben dashing past them to catch up, you've already disappeared into the crowd, headed out the theatre to take a cab ride back to the hotel. Relentless to let you go, Ben follows your trail, spurring a quick frenzy from the rest and having them pursue Ben in return. Once you reach the outskirts of the pavements, you don't think twice before crossing the highway with your focus hardened before you.

Gasping for air upon exiting the theatre, Ben glances around in haste and finally spots you marching down the street oblivious to your surroundings despite treading along the pedestrian lane. His eyes widen in dread and acting on a fight or flight reaction, he yells for your attention as he speeds down the street to pull you in or rather save you from a possibility of getting hurt with all the rushing vehicles and careless drivers. "Y/N! Y/N!"

The boys, Lucy and Rosy arrive outside just in time to witness Ben race towards your direction and in a moment of feeling time slow down, you feel your heart in your throat at the late flash of nearing headlights, to add a heavy force propelling you off your feet and onto the other side of the road. What gets you up from the ground are the mixed screams of a familiar bunch and the sight of a bloodied man in white laying unconscious on the cold surface of the road.

White noise suddenly fills your ears instead of your own voice as you scream out his name.

#borhap #queen #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #borhap cast #borhap cast x reader #borhap imagine #ben hardy fanfic #imagine #fanfic

[specsnsarcasm]

The Affair - “402″

Watching "The Affair":

Cole

Oooooh! Tension! Something must have just gone down btw Noah and Cole. Tbc...

Can I just say how extremely happy it makes me that the kid from Noah's story (Anton) is on their “guy's trip” to find Alison? I'm way happier than I should be! Lol. I guess it's because it kind of means he's not being used as a prop in just one story, but is one of the gang?

It's a "Cole" episode! (Yay!)

Grandpa? Who tf is he calling "grandpa"? This dude looks like a straight-up villain from an 80's movie, and about 40 himself. Ppl in glass houses...

Omg, the scene with the police officer was so tense! I hate that some people get to use their privilege to get out of these types of situations. Cuz it sure as hell doesn’t work for everyone. 👀👀👀

Aw, Catalina is so cute and bashful when speaking Mandarin!

JJ is left handed (twinsies!)

So here's my problem with last season: EVERYTHING ended up in sex. PTSD/Depression? Sex. Drug addiction? Sex. A damn cold? Sure! Sex it on up! It led characters to end up in bed together again, which felt inauthentic and rather insulting. Look — I get that people have sex. (Couldn't be me, but I hear tell...lol). I get that it can be comforting. But not every scenario calls for it. Especially not the urgent 'I need you now', banging on the kitchen counter kind. Sometimes when people are feeling vulnerable or want to be close, non-sexual forms of intimacy are enough!

Oh, no. Cole, baby, don't do it! Don't get drunk and belligerent and make a scene.

*Phew* crisis averted.

You hate wearing a suit and tie? Awww, poor baby. (Grow the f^ck up!)

Oh, NO! He did NOT just say that to his wife. Boi! if you don't-

Luiza’s speech about the fear and helplessness of being undocumented is absolutely heartbreaking! And this is happening to so many people in the U.S. right now! Sadly, with the current... political climate (*SIGH*) it's only going to get worse. Immigration reform now.

Girl, I said the same thing about him whining about the tie. Tell him!

Holy sh*t! Is that guy on the beach just casually smoking crack? Cuz...

Aw, poor baby. You wanna be 20 and a free spirit, and smoke weed and drink beer on the beach, and f^ck that cute blonde chick and have no responsibilities? Too. fucking. bad. You have a wife. A kid. And a business. You are 40!!! I reiterate: GROW. THE FUCK. UP. (So help me, Pacey Cole! Do NOT make me dislike you!)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA they drew on his face! They robbed him too? Man, those guys are dicks! The way they were talking, they’ll probably jack his rare surfbordt too! 

(Rubbing alcohol to remove permanent marker, dude! Not soap and water!)

I’m glad they’re laughing about gun violence. HA. HA. HA. Wouldn’t it be wild if she accidentally shot him rn? Cuz lulz, amIright? (What was he really going to do tho, I ask you!?)

It irritates me that both Noah AND Cole's version of Alison is a flighty, spacey, hippy chick, decorating the scene (like a manic pixie dream girl). She carries profound sadness, depth and has her own life. This illustrates how men often don't see women as complex, independently-motivated beings.

Alison

Oooooh! He touched her shoulder! (*tee hee*)

Yo! Dude got his head smashed tf in! Wasn’t that a little excessive? I mean- sure, he's a creep, but the guy lost his kid and is suffering from PTSD.

Great. Is Alison going to fall in love with her "saviour" now?

Wait- how did the guy get in, anyway? I thought the husband locked the door?

What did Alison’s patient hope to achieve by telling her husband what Alison said, if she had no intention of leaving him? And then she has the nerve to look all wounded at Alison as though she’s betrayed her trust!??!? Girlfriend just got choked tf out! Your husband is going through some things but at some point, you have to be real!  

Ben seems pretty healthy, mature and stable. Or at least trying (pretty cute too).

Cole, Noah, and this new guy? Alison? lol. Okay. 👀👀. Meanwhile, me: over here, single AF!

The way Jodie said “yes” to leaving the car light on reminds me of that fire-starting girl.

Dang, Ben Cruz! The way he asked her out was really smooth! Points! (Although, Skype? Really?)

Thoughts:

It’s interesting that in Cole’s version of events, the “kids” from the beach made him look like an old man when they drew on his face, whereas in Alison’s version, it was dicks and glasses and whiskers or whatever. It emphasizes that the “grandpa” comment and Cole's fears about getting older, and not wanting to become part of the establishment, are what resonated most with him. Also, it’s *really* cool that they took the time to make two different versions of the face marker. The show does this quite a bit. Attention to detail is what makes it so good!

Next week preview: Oh no! Dr. Vik seems really sick! Like... the kind of sick you don’t get better from. HO-BOY! 

#the affair #the affair showtime #402 #the affair 402 #spoilers #joshua jackson #alison bailey #cole lockhart #my tv review of