#see the thing is when im not in school i get depressed bc im bored

[aropride]

i shouldnt have to go to classes in college i should just get to lie in bed all day and they should pay me $7,000 per semester. To do this.

#text #im so exhausted not physically just. brain #dont wanna get out of bed dony wanna go to classes. but i have to #might wntirely rewrite creative writing pronect. not sure what about #maybe i should email heather. say hi heather i need my paper work. also this school stuff is very overwhelming #see the thing is when im not in school i get depressed bc im bored #but when i am i get depressed bc im overwhelmed

[dckweed]

Hey! So I thought of something a little different.. could you do a billy Hargrove x female! hopper reader (Byers/hopper family dynamic hopper and Joyce are together) where the reader has been feeling a little bit guilty for losing her virginity to billy so she’s been very down lately. While having family dinner, el and Jonathan have been sensing that something might be wrong with the reader and ask her if she’s fine and ofc she just snaps at them, but hopper honestly just thinks it’s teenage angst which just makes the reader more upset so she abruptly leaves the dinner table, then Joyce comes to talk to the reader and she tells her how she’s feeling, what happened and they have a heart to heart.

ahhhhh anything for my favorite requester! hope this is what you wanted, mwah!

p.s. im sorry if this gets really dark/heavy im in a really sad mood, someone called me a bad mom today and that bothers me in ways that no one can understand.

p.p.s did i open myself up for a part? probably. let me know in the comments if y'all want a second part to this lmao

warnings: SEX IS MENTIONED but safe to read for all ages as no actual smut is depicted. mama byers, clueless papa hop, sad reader, guilty reader, depressed reader? not too sure on that bc i write this before i even write the request lmao.pregnancy mention.

'..I JUST FEEL SO STUPID..' billy hargrove x hopper!reader, ft mama byers.

You made your way slowly down the halls of school, your head down, eyes averted like they had been for the past couple of weeks. You couldn't bring yourself to look at your fellow peers, feeling as if everyone knew your dirty little secret, especially when said secret so openly smirked and winked at you whenever he managed to make eye contact.

You don't really remember what possessed you to go and do it, maybe it was just how sweet he was to you when you were alone together, or how charming he could be when he really wanted something, and he had really wanted something, you. Or maybe it was his hair, or the abs..or the way his goddamn ass looked so sinfully delicious in those tight, tight jeans he liked to wear, fuck maybe it was just because his hand wandering your body felt so fucking refreshing and satisfying, or maybe you were tipsier than you thought.

Whatever it was didn't matter you supposed, because either way you had gone and lost your virginity to Billy fucking Hargrove of all the boys in the world that you could lose it to, you had honestly always imagined that it would have been Steve, the two of you had had a somewhat flirting relationship since he and Nancy had stopped seeing each other, and you always assumed it would lead to more, but Steve hadn't been at that party, nor had he asked you out when you had so desperately hinted that you were going to be bored and alone over the weekend.

Fuck, did you do it to spite him somehow?

No, that was stupid even for you.

That night haunted you still, the way that you had felt so fucking good during it, so blissfully turned on, satisfied like you never knew you could be, barely noticing the pain of his large, thick cock sliding in and out of you as he focused your minds on other things.

But you felt so used afterwards, so dirty and broken. Billy had spent a while buttering you up too, making you putty in his hands when he was finally ready and you hadn't even noticed it, the week he has spent finding every excuse to compliment or be alone with you, to flirt so unashamedly in front of everyone who could see, with you of all people.

And when he finally got what he wanted, his own personal gratification of conquering his next victim, he kicked you out of his car and sped off, leaving you stranded at the party that he had asked you too, and leaving you too drunk to walk, let alone drive.

Your father hadn't known where you were, and you couldnt remember anyone else's number at the time, so you called the Byers' house, hoping that Joyce wouldn't tell your father. Thankfully, Jonathan had answered, and he heard your voice, you were slurring your words so horribly that he knew he had to come get you before you could even speak.

He found you slumped on the front porch, throwing up in the bushes as you had started drinking heavier than you ever had while waiting for Jonathan, you had decided to drink away the night, hoping that your somewhat brother wouldn't notice your sadness, your disgust for your own self.

He hadn't, but he has figured that something was wrong. You passed out in the car, and the next morning you woke up in the living room, blanket over your head and an empty trash bin next to you. You didn't remember him coming to get you, you didn't remember anything past your third cup of tequila after Billy had kicked you out of his car.

God, it was all you could think about, Jonathan had come to make breakfast and saw the look on your face immediately. He furrowed his eyebrows, looking at you as he poured coffee. "Did something happen last night?" He asks, handing you a mug as you shuffled to the kitchen, he had let you wear one of his tshirts and a pair of his sweat pants.

You look up quickly, forgetting your migraine. "What? No. Why would you ask that?" You ask almost defensive about the question.

He shrugs, leaning against the counter, trying not to let you know that he definitely knew something was wrong now. "Because you were blacked out drunk when i came to get you, and i could barely understand a word you said on the phone." He says. "That's not like you, Y/N..'

You just shrug, taking your mug and heading back to the couch. This was pretty much your second home now. "Yeah, well, maybe i just can't handle my tequila."

He knew that that wasn't true, and for a couple weeks he watched you continue to be withdrawn and awkward, sad and tired looking, like you hadn't been sleeping. He knew something was eating at you, and as your somewhat brother, he was concerned.

He looked at you as he drove you home from school, you looked like you had lost weight too. He wondered if there was something physically wrong with you, because what could be affecting so badly mentally that you were losing weight?

You glanced at him as he drove, wondering what the hell he was doing. "The fuck are you staring at?" And then there was that, god you'd been so mean lately, towards everyone, especially your dad and Joyce.

You didn't know why you were so angry, so sad all at the same time. Was it the fact that he wouldnt even look at you unless it was to tease you with those stupid fucking eyes of his? Or maybe the fact that he wouldn't even speak to you anymore? Acting like you didn't fucking exist, like you were just some fucking random hookup in the big ole city of Los Angeles, despite the fact that this was fucking Hawkins, Indiana.

Jonathan shakes his head quickly, turning to look at the road. "Nothing..nothing.." He says, turning into the driveway of his house. You were all having a family dinner together tonight, there was no need for you to go home just to turn around again a couple hours later and drive across town.

You get out of the car, slamming the door before stomping up the porch, opening the door and flinging your bag and yourself into the couch.

Joyce peeks her head out form the kitchen, eyebrows knitted together. She cocks her head towards you when she sees Jonathan and the boy just shrugs, shaking his head as he walks into the kitchen to grab something to drink.

"No clue, she's been like this for weeks." He says, before sucking out and heading towards his room to get started on homework.

He didn't come out again for a while, but he could hear his mom cooking in the kitchen, it smelled good whatever it was and he couldnt wait to sit down and eat. It wasn't long before he heard Jim's truck pulling up, and a few moments later he heard the front door open.

"Hey, Y/N, how's was school?" Jim asks, looking at you as he shrugs his coat off, it was starting to get cool outside these days.

You don't even look up at your father, ignoring him completely as you finish up some of your school work, quietly hoping that nobody would try to ask you anything at dinner. You hated that Jonathan was being so nosey, but you knew he meant well.

"What's with her?" You heard him whisper to Joyce, you don't hear her respond but you hear a beer can crack open and you roll your eyes. You thought it was funny how Jonathan had asked you what was wrong more times than anyone, your father barely saying two words to you the last couple weeks. You assumed that he probably thought it was your period.

God, he could be clueless.

Not more than half an hour later, Joyce was calling everyone for dinner and Eleven and Will were walking through the door, Mike's mom having dropped them off. You gave your little sister a half assed smile and ruffled Will's hair before sitting down across from the boys, next to Joyce and Eleven.

Dinner starts off quiet for a bit, and you push your food around in silence, taking a couple bites here and there, keeping your head down, not even paying attention to the conversation. You didn't notice anyone had spoken to you until Joyce nudged your knee with her own, giving you a concerned smile when you looked up startled, a quiet "huh?" escaping your mouth.

"Sweetie, are you okay? You've barely touched your dinner." She asks, glancing down at your plate. Her voice was gentle, sweet even and you felt so horrible for not eating her food because god it smelled good, but you just couldnt bring yourself to, so intensely upset with yourself that everything made you throw up if you ate more than a few bites, though you were starting to wonder if you were pregnant because you couldn't remember if Billy had used a condom or not, and you had thrown up a couple mornings in a row after a fitful couple of nights of sleep. "Y/N?"

You snap out of it, and nod your head, giving her the best smile you could manage. "Yeah, im okay Joyce," You say, looking at everyone to make it believable. "I've just been really side tracked these past couple of weeks, busy at school, ive been stressed and not really hungry.."

Jonathan scoffs from across the table, and you snap your head to his direction, glaring at him as hard as you could muster, putting all of your anger as of late in to it. If it scares him, he doesn't show it because he opens his mouth to speak and you damn near vault across the table to maul him. "If side tracked is moping and flat out ignoring everyone then sure, she's been busy at school."

You see Eleven nod, and you turn your gaze to her. "You have been really sad lately, i heard you crying the other night." She says, looking at Jim and you. "I just assumed it was your period.."

Will nodded. "Me too, Mike says Nancy gets really mean when she's on her period too." He says in agreeance, rubbing his shoulder as Jonathan reaches out to punch it lightly.

"that's my girlfriend you're talking about!" He says defensively, though he wasn't too far from the truth. She did get a little mean, but he knew that that wasn't what was happening with you.

Your father clears his throat. And you turn to look at him. "Yes, well, im sure she'd like to deal with her period without us asking about it so.." He quietly goes back to eating his food and you glare some more, feeling the familiar sting of tears welling in your eyes as you realized that your father didn't even care enough to ask if it was true or not.

You stand up from the table, your chair falling over as you slam your hands down onto the tablecloth, your plate and silverware rattling in response as everyone turns to look at you. "Gee dad, thanks for caring enough to ask if anything is really even wrong, how fucking stellar of you!" You yell, your voice thick with tears. He looks up with you with wide eyes, his mustache twitching as he starts to speak but you beat him to it, your gaze on the boy across from you. "And screw you Jonathan for even bringing it up in the first place, mind your own damn business because it didn't fucking concern you!"

You leave, taking off briskly down the hallway, opening the door to Joyce's room and throwing yourself face first onto the bed as you cry, overcome with emotions that you didn't even realize you still had.

Everyone looks after you in shock, and Joyce clears her throat, giving Hopper a dirty look. "Shame on you for not trying to talk to her about it, she's clearly been upset for a while now.." She says, before turning her eyes to her son. "And shame on you for just putting her on the spot like that."

She stands from the table and follows you, she had seen you slam the door to her room. She hesitates at first, heading you crying. She wants to knock but she figured you'd tell her to go away so quietly she opens the door, closing it and locking it behind her so no one would interupt. She had a feeling you needed a mom right then, and a mom is what she wanted to be for you.

She walks to the bed, sitting on the edge of it tentatively. "Y/N.." She says, her voice soft, calm and gentle. It was almost soothing and you sniffle, trying to wipe your eyes. You weren't facing her, but you weren't going to tell her to leave, she was the only one who seemed genuinely concerned and not just wondering why you were being mean. "sweetheart, you can tell me what's going on, whatever it is..it will stay between us girls if that's what you need okay?"

and damn it if your walls don't break immediately.

You roll over to face her, a fresh set of tears streaming from your eyes as you speak, some of it sounding completely like gibberish as you tell her about Billy and how he had essentially fucked you and dumped you. "I should have seen it coming and i just feel so fucking stupid because how could i let that happen to myself?" You ask her, your voice calmed, the tears slowed. You feel her reach out and wipe them from your cheeks, caressing them softly. You subconsciously move your head into her lap. "Why am I so upset about it? It's Billy fucking Hargrove for Christ sake.."

She continues to caress your face, smoothing your hair as she listens to you speak. No wonder you had kept it so pent up for so long, there was no way your father was equipped for this without breaking down into to tears himself, and Jonathan was just as clueless.

"Sweetie, i am so sorry that he did that to you, that was absolutely awful of him," She says, trying to muster the best motherly advice that she could think of as she looked down at you, giving you the softest smile she could. "Boys your age are complete and utter menaces, they're clueless to the hurt that they cause others, and even more clueless about other people's feelings, and Billy Hargrove is no exception, except from what I've heard, he's the type of boy that sets out to intentionally hurt people, he just doesn't realize how bad that hurt can touch someone."

You sniffle again, letting out a shakey breath as you listen to her, her words washing over you as you cling to her pants, relaxing at the feel of her hands in your hair. Where was your mom when you needed her, huh?

"And I learned a long time ago that the best way to get back at them, is to make them think that they haven't hurt you as much as they have, make them think that they didn't hurt you at all, because that's what's going to get under a boy like that's skin." Joyce continues, looking down at you matter of fact ly. "He expects to see you, and every other girl he messes with like this, it's part of the game because he knows that you eventually confront him, wanting his approval and then he'll get more out of you, and maybe if you're lucky he'll treat you like a queen for a while, until he gets bored and moves to the next girl.."

"You think?" You ask, rolling into your back to look up at her, a few stray tears still rolling from your eyes. "I didn't think about that..Dana Watson was the girl he was with before..i know they went out once..and she seemed down for a bit until one day they started coming to school together, acting like a..couple..oh my god he's doing the same thing to me!" You sit up, your sadness wiped away, replaced with the tiniest twinge of anger. Your voice is still thick with tears.

Joyce hums. "There's always going to be that one boy, Y/N, and there's always going to be the next girl..and there's always going to be some kind of heart ache caused by his hands and those smooth talking, pretty words of his." She says, looking at you with the tiniest smirk. "The only way to beat him at his own game is to act like he doesn't bother you, act like you were the one using him..walk into that school on Monday and act like he's nothing but the dirt beneath your shoe..guys eat that shit up, you'll have his full attention, and he'll chase you, begging you to give in..but you won't, because by that point, you're so over him that you couldnt even begin to care about it anymore."

You smile a little, wiping your puffy eyes. "You sound like you've been through this before." You says, looking at her. She shrugs.

"I've had my share of teenage dirtbags back in my day.." She says, and you can't help but chuckle, already feeling infinitely better about the situation, until your stomach lurches a little and you remember the other thing that you had been upset about.

"Um.. Joyce?" You asks, your cheeks flushing almost in embarrassment. "That's..that's not um..i feel even more stupid about something else actually.."

She looks at you, eyebrows furrowed. "What, sweetie?" She asks, her voice still gentle. You knew out of everyone she was the one you could trust to keep it a secret, to help you through it if it was what you thought.

"Um, okay..you can't tell my dad yet until i know for sure but..i think..i think i might be pregnant.." You say, and her eyes go wide, her face pale. You give her a nervous smile. "Told you that there was something more stupid.."

#stranger things #stranger things s2 #billy hargove smut #stranger things smut #billy hargove x reader #hopper #hopper x reader #billy hargrove #joyce byers #billy hargove imagine #billy hargrove x hopper!reader #hopper!reader #billy hargrove x reader imagine

[sphericalbee]

bro if either of my irls see this i will look crazy pahtetic idk maybe ill delete iti should probably just leaves this ini the drafts

im pretty pathetic irl anyway i think lol wo who carse

im thinking ab my middle school best friend and i miss her so much it isnt even funny

idk if i was her best friend but i always loved her so much and i think about her almost every day even 2 years later

ik she wasnt doing well and she didnt come from a good home and was awful at managing her emotions and didnt talk to anyone and she would sh (i only know ab bc of some complicated secret poetry thing but she never knew i had seen that but i think she meant me to) and i think she cared about me? i kinda hope not bc i want her to be happy

but i would genuinely give anything to go back in time and talk to her again for just a few hours

i want to text her and tell her everything but idk its too weird after 2 years

i think she deserves to know how much i care about her,, right?

i had to pause twice writing this bc i was crying too hard i worry about her so much

its good im godo at crying silently lol no one can even tell so sneaky

i saw a girl with the same hair as her last week and i teared up in the middle of the hallway because it hit me how much i dont know what shes doing or if shes even alive bc i KNOW hse wasnt fucknig donig well

my cat was trying to comfort me but i think he got bored and left he's so cute lmfoa my brain made it into a very angsty analogy b4 i had the chance to stop it 💀

im this close to cracking and spam texting her

i googled her just now and found her linkedin profile of fucking course shes on linkedin thats so inc harecetr where she says she wants to go to medical school and she uses fucking stupid old words like candor and idk i hope she gets into her dream college

im sure she can she was always so smart i thknk shell do rly well and maybe one day shell perform open heart surgery on me lol that would be baller

"I believe in honesty because it creates an environment that permits integrity. Allowing for candor leads to an honorable work space. Integrity is an essential value to have as it holds all to a high ethical standard. Integrity adds trust, which is necessary for professionalism. I plan to enroll in a four-year college for a master's degree to study biochemistry. I then intend to go to medical school and earn a doctorate."

she fucking talked like that even at 13 yeah and she liked running and read all the time and she loved gamed of thrones and i still own one of her shitty books and we met when she was challenging classmates to race and she was so tall and had pretty hair

sophia im sorry for crying i think it would make her uncomfortable haha

i have fucking snot on my face now shed forsure be uncomfortable lmfaoo

ill go watch some tv show and try not to burst into tears again in 10 minutes ugh maybe it would be better if i had stayed depressed having this many feelings is driving me crazy why r u here bro : /

i should make a secret vent account LMFAO my followers r here for ohshc and mq not sob stories sorry sorry

[wasntmeanttobe64]

Maybe I'm a bit of that gay meanie character in pop culture..

I stopped taking anti deps cuz they made me into a zombie, and kinda depressed if I’m alone. Now I have anxiety talking to algerians, maybe bc of the language or whatever, I’m just rly shy ig, sometimes mean. I have anxiety when I’m hanging out with a group of people, and i don’t rly talk anymore, like in the office or something, unless I’m one on one with someone. I think i’ve been like this in middle school too, so I’m used to it. During quarantine, no one really called me or checked up on me that much, probably because I’m too much, and the people I did have I stopped being friends with bc i thought they didn’t care about me that much. I just didn’t know how to fill my own time or be by myself. After quarantine, I moved back to lebanon, and I’ve been pretty much lonely, so I learned how to fill that time, but my social anxiety was bad, i m,anaged and had people to hang out with eventually, but I’ve always felt I don’t know what to say most times, like idk how to respect group talking without interrupting or being awkward, so i just sit and listen, and my medications helped me be comfortable just sitting and contributing when i can instead of always thinking about how awkward I am. The meds don’t work like that for me anymore, not like in leb, but I still manage. I guess I just have some learning to do, and I’m learning… Never rly felt comfortable with people, I like to listen, and not say anything, and that can be boring or mean. When I am myself and I react as Id like, my anxiety is huge, because I say things that make me look dumb, I interrupt, Im awkward cuz i always feel like I’m hurting someone by not acknowledging them in the group. I hoard conversations if I had the power. I’m not comfortable sharing anecdotes or jokes anymore with a group, I’m more comfortable with one on one but i still prefer to just listen bc I’m .. scared? Ig? Bc the moment I start to be myself, I’m impulsive, random, i don’t make sense, I deflect and never rly open up. But the reason I’m awkward is bc I’m very judgmental to people and what they tell me or tell each other, and I genuinely just think “this guy is a loser, I don’t want to talk to him, i want to talk to that other guy” or “oh my god that’s so cringy everyone must hate this person so I hate him too” and it’s so obvious i can’t hide it so i get awkward. I genuinely think I’m mean spirited, judgmental, devalue people all the time, selfish, etc. I can’t control my impulses, which include sexual impulses. My go to in every group dynamic is to judge people out loud and make them feel lesser, cuz everyone reminds me of a part of me i don't like. And I don’t like myself.

I’m genuinely a mean person, like I don’t have common decency, I don’t see people as humans, I don’t say thank you to waitresses, i ignore them and make them feel like shit for interrupting my friend. It’s like, I want to make whatever person I’m with like me most. I get jealous very easily. If we’re in a group, and I just talked with you, and then you go talk to someone else in the group, I get jealous and I make it obvious. It’s rly bad.

—

im just a bad person with people lol that’s why I get anxiety and be awkward, it’s from hiding my judgmentalness and jealousy with people

[justkeepdancing-nemo]

Failing Nemo || Romo Texts

Summary: On the last week of the term, the stress from uni becomes too much for Nemo.

Part One of Finding Nemo: Uni Arc

tw: anxiety, depression

DECEMBER 13

Nemo Bae

hey heeeeeey hi what r u doing rn are u studying? [deleted] pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee [deleted] im losing my mind haha

Robbie

Hey Yeah, I'm studying for my anatomy final which is kind of boring but I swear they added more parts to the human body since I last learned this Nemo Bae

ahahh there are like a tonne of bones thats so weird tho ur a vet student shouldnt u learn about animal parts

Robbie

I think that comes next when I get into more specialized stuff ugh so many bones though you're right how are you though

Nemo Bae

missing youuuu come hang out with me

Robbie

How is studying for finals going? Last time I came to see you we didn't study at all. I failed you

Nemo Bae

thats bc i dont wanna study lol its pointless but hanging out with uuuu isnt

Robbie

Studying isn't pointless Why do you think it's pointless

Nemo Bae

i just cant do it lol i try and i cant pay attention and my back always hurts too much to like sit in one place but if i lay down i fall asleep bc its so boring my grades suck anyway

Robbie

aw that's probably not true I'm sure your grades don't suck I could come over and help you for real this time I can quiz you and stuff

Nemo Bae

they do robbie im not smart like you. i cant write like you. my grades are really bad and ive gotten incompletes in my fellows class because i havent even turned in stuff

Robbie

Hey you're smart don't say that

Nemo Bae

but its true im not smart okay im not cut out for this i dunno i feel like it was just a mistake and im gonna fail anyway so

Robbie

like going to school was a mistake? Nemo you're smart and you can do it. I know you can. You just have to keep trying. it sounds like you're giving up

Nemo Bae

yeah i am ahah ive TRIED ok i keep trying to study for my finals and i cant do it  i tried all semester but all i did was hurt myself so i couldnt even dance i have to write final papers in my ballet and contemporary classes now thats two more papers im just gonna go back to the hollow

Robbie

Nemo I can help okay it's not the end of the world and it's going to be fine

Nemo Bae

no its not you dont get it because tis easy for you

Robbie

it's not easy I still have to study like everyone else That's just how school is And if it looks easy it's because I had a lot of years to learn a lot of things But those were years where I had to try and study hard and put in the effort it doesn't just happen for me

Nemo Bae

well i shouldnt distract you from studying then

Robbie

Nemo

Nemo Bae

what? thats what you're saying you say you gotta study and all im doing is getting in your way you dont have time to help me anyway esp when it doesnt matter and its too late Robbie

We can talk about it more don't just pull away. That's not what I'm saying it's not too late we can work on it together

Nemo Bae

and then when i fail anyway????

Robbie

then you pick yourself up and try again You can replace those grades if you really think you're going to fail You can retake the class

Nemo Bae

i dont want to. i DONT. its too much and too stressful theres a reason not a lot of fairies go to uni esp not from a hollow im so tired of sucking this much

Robbie

You don't suck

Nemo Bae

how would u even know how much i suck robbie youre not in my classes do u want me to send u pics of all my shitty papers lol then youll realize im a lost cause

Robbie

I will never think you are a lost cause

Nemo Bae

i dont even see why we're arguing about this its not even your business

Robbie

Oh its not? im not supposed to care?

Nemo Bae

i just dont see why you do this much

Robbie

You don't see why I care about you and your life this much

Nemo Bae

i dont see why you care about whether or not i go to school if you cared about me then youd say ok nemo i love you but apparently i have to be a freaking genius for you too

Robbie

Because you wanted to go to school? Because you want to take all those dance classes?

Nemo Bae

but i was wrong okay? and it sucks and i spent my appa's money and he's gonna be disappointed in me and clearly you're disappointed in me

Robbie

im not disappointed I just think you're being too hard on yourself

Nemo Bae

i feel like quitting is actually finally letting myself chill but ok

Robbie

im just afraid you'd regret it and I really don't think it's as much of a lost cause as you think it is But I can butt out I guess im sorry

Nemo Bae

its my fault its fine i'll let you get back to studying [deleted] this conversation felt really bad, im sorry i was.. i didnt mean to make it sound [deleted] maybe we can try it, you helping me deleted] im sorry, robbie

Robbie

Yeah, if you wanna talk later just text me

Nemo Bae

okay

DECEMBER 13, SEVERAL HOURS LATER 

Robbie

hey i just wanted to check and see how you are doing and say i'm sorry for upsetting you

Nemo Bae

 you really dont have to apologize. im the one. i know i lashed out at you and took a lot of my frustration and stress out on you and im really sorry about that. i shouldnt have said a lot of the things i said. i know youre just caring about me. im feeling a little better now though

Robbie

That's good! If you want me to come over I can. I want to see you

Nemo Bae

oh im actually uh i kinda left lol i'll be back in a couple of days though! i wanna see you then

Robbie

You left?

Nemo Bae

yeah i think i needed to get out and clear my head and i already feel a lot better

Robbie

Oh okay that makes sense. Did you go to the hollow

Nemo Bae

no im going camping with tae

Robbie

camping?

Nemo Bae

yeah there's this campsite we went to in the summer its got little cabins too tho we might just sleep in the car

Robbie

aren't your finals and stuff...are you gonna miss them?

Nemo Bae

probably? i told you though, im gonna fail anyway and seriously as soon as i decided to go it was like a huge weight off my shoulders i'll work on my papers maybe a little while im gone idk

Robbie

okay I love you be safe please

Nemo Bae

we will! i love you too robbie i really do wanna talk when i get back

Robbie

ill be here

#romo #text #eek

[snapplec]

Ok, just listen to me, before I start i am not trying to be a “not like the other girls” person, i just want to vent out how I feel.

Ok 👍🏿

So before stranger things came out I had a really big obsession with the 70s,80s, and 90s, I would go to my local library to read about the events that happened in the time period,I like to ask questions to my parents who grew up in the 70s and 80s , my dad got his car at 19 in 1989 and my mom graduated high school in 1991, yes you can do the math idc if they are old. So they were basically adults in the 80s and 90s so I loved to ask them what it was like. I’m not trying to be “quirky “ or “unique by saying this so I’m sorry if I sound like I am, I don’t like to use my self-phone, I want to talk to people, I get depressed so easily and I have no one to talk to, everyone is always on their phones , yes I know people like to just be alone on their phones and yes, I know that phones are so amazing and helpful when it comes to emergencies and Google but I wish people could control their usage, I wish phones were something that we weren’t able to customize so people did get to attached, just a simple way to call and search things, no tik tok or YouTube or things like that, and yes I know I’m typing this rant on Reddit so I can’t say that I’m an angel or something, but I know how to control my usage. I really like 80s music, unlucky me though bc my mom had a lot of walkmans my aunt bought her back in the 80s and 90s but she left them in her home country, so unfortunately I don’t have any to use, but I listen to my radio. I wonder if maybe I hate they year I’m in bc I hate myself? Could that be why? I always worry like I’m trying to be unique when I’m ready just a boring person. Or if people think that. I know that the 80s weren’t all neon, rock music , side ponys and wind breakers. I imagine my parent’s teenage/ adult years realistically. The reason I dress in clothing that were worn in the 80s and 90s is bc it’s what I like, not saying that stranger things fans can’t do this to, I don’t want to take away someone’s happiness bc I feel like they shouldn’t do what they like, that isn’t nice. I like shows from the 80s and 90s bc it’s what brings me close to my parents and I just enjoy they more than today’s shows. I love 2022, it’s not like I want to live in 1990 . I get real happy when I see someone in my local store or in town who dresses just like people did in the 80s and 90s , not saying that people have to, I just made happy . I do a lot of research on the 70s, 80s and 90s at my library and I’ve been doing this before stranger things became popular. Im not trying to say that people cant like the 80s but some TikTok’s i see from stranger things watchers are just romanticizing it toooo much? I’m sure it was amazing to grow up the 80s but why do they just to a little research on events that happened during that time?Maybe it’s just me? I sound agressive in this post? I’m sorry if I do, I didn’t intend to.

Also tell me what u think abt this, on bye !!

[sevenmikento]

Hello! May i please request a jjk hc or imagine where the mc is yuujis childhood friend that can see curses and has a powerful curse technique?? Yuuji knew since they were kids but kinda forgot about it cuz he didn’t really understood and mc never tried to bring it up again to keep him safe. And after coming to tokyo when the sukuna thing happened- yuuji recommended his bestfriend to gojo so they could study together. Thank you so much!! 💕💕

A/N: omg okay so i distinctly remember receiving this request while i was in bed reading angsty haikyuu fics and then i was hit with such a big brain idea for this that i made a draft of it bc i knew i would forget otherwise. also omg im so sorry but i made this a lot angstier than expected but it has a happy ending!! ;––;

genres: angsty with a fluffy ending, hurt/comfort; 1.5k words

come with me [Itadori Yuuji X Reader]

“You’re moving?” you repeat the words just spoken to you, unafraid to let the disappointment in your voice show as you feel your bottom lip begin to quiver and the back of your eyes burn up in tears. “To Tokyo? So suddenly?”

As if the news couldn’t get worse: first you learn that Grandpa Itadori passed away and now your only friend is leaving. Not to mention the fact that in between all of this, your high school got wrecked in some kind of freak incident–though you know better… the school had always reeked of cursed energy. You’ve even had to deal with some cursed spirits on your own volition before morning practices just because you could never stand them staring at you from the corner of the volleyball court.

“Wow, is it just me or did it get a lot less stuffy in here?” you overheard your senior saying once. You wish you could brag about it, about your heritage and your accomplishments as a Jujutsu Sorcerer but you can’t, not without putting yourself and the people–the person–you love in danger.

“You’re my only family left,” you can’t help but blurt out, hanging your head in shame. Ah, you think to yourself, this is bad, I’m starting to beg, aren’t I? This is dangerous territory. “I thought we promised… we…” You stop yourself from completing the sentence but you both know each other well to understand exactly what you’re referring to.

Your parents had always told you to keep your emotions in check, to ensure everything you feel is always under your control. Cry if you must, be angry if you cannot help it, but never allow your heart to rule your head.

At least that’s what they used to say a lot before they ended up cremated in urns too heavy for you to carry together at the same time. You were ten.

‘I’m the only (L/N) left,’ you thought to yourself, unaware you’d spoken out loud. You were also not aware of the boy who’d just entered the room, dressed in a black shirt a bit too big for him, his cheeks covered in dried tears.

“No,” he huffed, sitting down beside you. “I won’t let you be alone. You aren’t the last (L/N).” He said, completely misunderstanding what you’d meant. He wasn’t wrong but ultimately, you were more worried about your Jujutsu heritage linked to the name rather than the name itself. “When we get married, I’ll take your surname.”

You said ‘okay’, too young to understand the significance of marriage. All you cared about was that he was there and you weren’t alone.

Yuuji remains silent, an immense wave of guilt washing over his body, leaving behind a sensation that is both hot and cold at the same time. Although you continue to cry silently, your arms still move, helping him fold his clothes and place them neatly in his luggage. Your hands tremble in a way he hadn’t seen ever since that fateful day so many years ago–the day of the promise… The one he will have to break.

He wishes with all his heart that he can tell you about the events that have occurred over the past two days. He wants nothing more than to just hug you to his chest and spill all the secrets he’s been burdened to keep: the existence of cursed spirits, the attack on the school… his transformation into the vessel of Sukuna. The execution. The compromise Gojou sensei made for him. The hell he’s chosen for himself.

When the white-haired Sorcerer offered the two choices to him and asked Yuuji to choose his hell, he very ignorantly assumed that hell was knowing when he was going to die. But now, as he watches you bid him a tearful farewell while you wear the sweater he left behind for you–knowing that, even though he promised to visit, he probably will not have the chance to–Yuuji realises this is the real hell.

“Yuu-cchi, there’s a monster!” you cried, hiding behind the boy who was merely a few months older than you, your small hands clenching tightly onto the sleeves of his shirt. He gazes around and sees nothing.

“Where?” he asks, his own arms held out in a defensive stance, ready to take any hit from any monster coming to hurt you.

“There! There!” you continued to sob in such genuine fear that even though Yuuji himself couldn’t see the monsters, a part of him knew you weren’t lying. Though, to be frank, even if you weren’t scared, he would’ve believed you anyway.

“Don’t be afraid, (Y/N)! I will keep you safe!” he declared, waving his fists around madly. “Where is he! I’ll beat him up!”

Huh.

“What’re you so deep in thought about?” Fushiguro Megumi’s voice snaps him out of his reverie, the defeated cursed spirit’s corpse dissolving into ash right before their eyes.

“Yeah, what are you thinking of?” Gojou butts in, wrapping an arm around Yuuji’s shoulders. “You looked all happy and dopey for a second then became all sad and depressed the next. Friendship problems? Or–OH! Relationship troubles?”

“No, it’s just…” Yuuji mumbles.

“I can’t sleepover this weekend.”

“Huh? Why not?”

“My parents want me to train.”

“Train?”

“Yeah, they’re teaching me Juju—Judo.”

“Eh? That’s too bad.”

“Just?” Gojou pushes, realising he’s very likely on the cusp of discovering his new student’s deep, dark secret. For a second, he thinks it’s to no avail but before he knows it, Yuuji’s grasping his arms and looking him dead in the eye (eye? blindfold?).

“I think there’s someone I need you to meet.”

“Oh?”

You curse under your breath as you hear footsteps echo from the floors beneath you. Right now? The stupid local delinquents want to explore this stupid building right as you’re on the edge of exorcising a stupidly strong cursed spirit? You can’t help but laugh humourlessly at your luck nowadays. It seems as though ever since Itadori Yuuji left your life, you’ve been doing nothing but exorcise spirits. Maybe you’re just bored and have nothing to do or maybe you’ve become a magnet for spirits with your increased levels of cursed energy.

“I’ll visit you when I have the time,” he said. But you knew he was lying. Just by looking at his dumb face you could tell he never intends on coming back.

A bitter taste crawls up the back of your throat and the cursed spirit cackles, elated by the frustration emitting off of you. You just know that if you could read its mind, it’ll be thinking of how powerful it could become by consuming you.

“Not a chance, you fuck!” you snap, feeling the familiar sensation of warmth crawl up your body as you harness all of your cursed energy to both your hands. Blue flames ignite from the centre of your palms, as you utilise your cursed technique: “Hinokagatsuchi!”

You charge towards the cursed spirit, ready to melt its skull into nothingness when a familiar voice calls out your name.

“(Y/N)!” Yuuji’s fist reaches the spirit before your technique can, the force of his punch so immense that it slams the corpse of your foe into a wall, forming a crater of shattered concrete.

“Hinokagatsuchi, huh?” A man with stunningly white hair walks into the room. “Haven’t heard that one in a while. “Are you from the (L/N) clan, by any chance?”

Before you can respond, a pair of warm hands clasp your face firmly but with a notable tenderness. The same hands that Itadori Yuuji used to kill a cursed spirit with a single punch now cradled your head, his thumbs carefully caressing your cheeks.

“Are you okay? Did you get hit? Are you injured anywhere?” he frets, his fingers combing through your hair before he pulls you close, hugging you to his firm chest.

From behind you, the white-haired man whispers: “actually I think your friend had it very much under control.” But he goes ignored.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve realised it sooner. I should have told you everything.” Yuuji presses his lips to the crown of your head. “I… I should have come clean and it would have spared us both the pain.” He laughs humourlessly. “I feel like a real dumbass, not realising what you’ve been hiding all these years even after I get dragged into the Jujustu world myself.”

Everything is happening so quickly, you find yourself rendered utterly speechless. Is he really here? Did he just kill a cursed spirit with a single blow? How did that man know about your family?

Your hands slowly creep up his back as you wrap you arms around him and close your eyes, relishing in the warmth of his body and the familiarity of his scent. He hasn’t even been gone for more than a week and yet you feel as though a lifetime of loneliness had been cured with just his return.

“I love you…” you can’t help but admit, though you have a feeling it wasn’t very much of a secret to begin with.

“I love you, too,” Yuuji replies, kissing you on head once more. “Come with me. Come with me to Tokyo, to the same Jujutsu school. Teach me everything you know and become stronger with me.”

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk #itadori yuuji x reader #itadori yuuji #yuuji x reader #scenarios #imagines #fluff #angst #happy ending #hurt/comfort

[metalheadcowboy]

just saw this pic from earlier this month and i can't stop thinking about tommy walking in to family video, not realizing that steve works there now and getting all flustered bc tommy hasn't seen him all summer and he thought he had gotten over the crush he had on steve

HOLY- YES YES YES YES YES THIS IS GOLD IM LIVING !!!!!

Tommy’s summer, well, there wasn’t really any other word to describe it other than utterly boring. It wasn’t his first one without Steve, but it was his first one without anybody.

He was nineteen now, and he should be living it up, partying like he had all the previous. But, now that he had graduated and had no ‘king’ to cling onto in hopes of popularity he had been knocked off his pedestal and right into reality. The reality that after high school he was nothing. Nothing but a leech that had depended on someone to tell him what to do for so long that without that he felt like he didn’t even know how to live.

The first part of Tommy’s bummer summer was spent in his basement watching shitty daytime TV or chauffeuring his younger siblings around, embarrassed to be jealous of a twelve and fourteen year old having better places to be than him himself did.

It went like that for weeks, well into June and almost into July until his mom told him he couldn’t mope around the house anymore because seeing him so down and depressed was making her depressed. So, that’s when he finally started going out and doing stuff. Well, if you could call driving up to sit in his car at the quarry stuff.

He couldn’t count the amount of times he’d gone up there, saw a group of upcoming seniors or juniors living it up and could only think of how good times were then. How good things were when it was him, Carol, and Steve, against the world. But now Carol was focusing more on colleges and Steve was just plain out of the picture, so now it was him against the world. Tommy against a world he wasn’t ready to enter alone.

He’d cried over it a lot, spent more nights awake thinking about how life would have been if him and Steve had never gotten into that fight than he did sleeping, really. And honestly, he hadn’t hated Steve until he had all the time in the world to think about what happened, now he was sure he 100% did.

That was until the day his mom sent him to return a tape she’d rented from Family Video for his sister. He was pretty sure he hadn’t stepped inside that place since freshman year at least, but when he got there it looked like it hadn’t changed a day since. Same old sign, same outlying colors, same everything, and honestly it was kind of refreshing.

The same could be said for the inside too as he opened the door, his eyes ran over the rows and rows of neatly placed tapes, green accented walls, pale linoleum floors and-

Tommy almost choked on his own spit, actually, scratch that, he did choke on his own spit. Eyes burning as they felt they might pop out of his skull, face turning red as he heaved to relieve his throat.

“Tommy?”

He wasn’t sure if the voice was Steve being concerned or Steve being equally as surprised to see him, but he knew that it was Steve and he wasn’t ready for it. He wasn’t ready for all the memories that it brought back, but more importantly the feelings as suddenly there was a warm hand on his back, as he stood doubled.

“Christ, breath, dude,” and Tommy wanted nothing more than to yell at him that that was such a stupid thing to say because if he could, why would he be making this big of a scene?

Thankfully as Steve‘s hand began moving in comforting circles around his spine, that was enough to knock the spit right out of his throat and send him standing straight up again.

Tommy took a big step back, looking at Steve like he was the one in the wrong, “Hands to yourself, man,” he sneered, quickly trying to wipe the tears lining his eyes away. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, that this is what caused their downfall last time, but he couldn’t help himself.

He wanted to punch the surprised look off Steve’s face so bad in that moment. He wanted he sock him right in his stupid perfect jaw and watch blood run from his stupid pink lips. Hell, maybe he was the one that needed the punch in the face to set him straight for thinking like that again. But how could he help it when Steve had somehow gotten better looking since the last time they saw each other, highlights only enhancing his beauty-

‘Tommy stop!’ He thought to himself, probably looking like a total idiot lost in his own world, waiting for Steve to say something else. He shook himself out of it just in time for Steve to stammer.

“I was just trying to help-” and Tommy laughed, honest to god cackled, looking over at Robin who was just staring on with wide eyes, the same expression held by fellow customers alike.

“Help? Why would you wanna help me?” It was an honest question, but of course Steve gave some bullshit answer which made him think that maybe Nancy was right all along, all he knew how to do was spew bullshit.

“I don’t know, maybe because I’m not exactly gonna get employee of the month with you dying on the floor of my store.” And something in Tommy snapped.

“Steve, Steve, Steve, it’s always about Steve!” he exclaimed, motioning to the boy in front of him, “That’s what it’s always ever been about because you don’t know how to focus on anyone other than yourself!”

“Tommy-” Steve tried, only to be interrupted,

“No, y’know what? This time it’s not about you, it’s about me. And how stupid I was to ever think our friendship would last past high school, much les turn into anything more.” Tommy could see the way Steve’s face changed into something more soft, more vulnerable, more sad.

“I didn’t-”

”Goodbye Steve,” And with that Tommy left before he broke down, forgetting completely about the movie and frankly not giving a shit.

He felt like after that he should feel more liberated, more free. But if anything, he just felt even more like shit. And he can’t believe he let it happen again.

#Steve Harrington #Tommy H #Stommy #Stranger Things #Angst #it was gonna be fluff but- 😭😭

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag???? #aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘 #love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop. #my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me??? #or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘ #imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so) #i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀 #sentencessss*

[teddybeckham]

charles melton, cis male, he/him, silver hey have you seen TEDDY BECKHAM ? HE let me borrow his PAINT BRUSHES . oh, you know them! they’re 27 and they’ve been at Roy G. for THREE YEARS. They are known to be a total SCORPIO. no wonder they’ve picked up the nickname THE BLACK SHEEP ! i’m surprised you haven’t heard them blaring STACY’S MOM BY FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE all night. they remind me of PAINT SPLATTERED JEANS, A LONG TIRED SIGH AND GETTING HIGH AT 3 AM. anyway, let me know if you see them ! (rachell, 23, she/her, mt, n/a).

ok hello omg im rachell and this is my lil shit teddy who just needs love ok? i haven’t gotten to play him in awhile and i’m really excited to play this new kinda version of him here?? this whole thing maybe kind of all over the place cuz we’re kinda figuring it out as we go lol but yes pls love us, this whole post is a lot so i apologize im--

tw cancer, tw death, tw depression, tw alcoholism

teddy was born november 3rd, 1993, as an only child, and though a sweet and happy kid he had always struggled with school, being diagnosed with adhd dislexia at a pretty young age causing him to learn at a different pace than the rest of the kids at his class

tho this was pretty hard on him and caused him to grow frustrated at his assignments more often than not, his mom was always there with the patient and supportive smiles, ready to give a hand wherever she could 

things were ok with his dad for the most part the boy was just easily more attached his mother, it being as clear as day to anyone who knew the beckhams

it threw everyone in the small family for a loop when his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer by the time he was six, soon growing familiar with the visits to the hospital and seeing her in a way he never wished he’d have to

as the years went by and his mom now practically stayed in the hospital, the small boy was completely at a loss on how to cope, one day he had to put together a creative piece for school, and being completely fed up with everything, he just painted out everything he was feeling, not giving a shit on how it looked or what he was supposed to have done instead, completely caught off guard when his teacher absolutely loved it, saying she saw great potential in it and him, it being the first time he had actually felt good about smth in school

his mother passed away by the time he was 10, causing teddy to be a lot more closed off and withdrawn from his peers at school, growing frustrated a lot quicker, with art being the only thing that really kept him going as he even pushed his dad away as well, the pair never having been good at talking about their feelings

the death took a big toll on his dad as well, soon falling into a depression that costed him his job, at times not being fully capable of caring for teddy on his own, bringing in the boy’s aunt to help out when she could as he spiraled into borderline alcoholism....that is, until jasmine’s mother came along, slowly helping him come out of his dark place with each moment they spent together, supporting him through therapy and alcoholics anonymous 

teddy found it difficult to be as happy for him as his aunt was, considering how it felt as if his mom was somehow getting replaced, let alone the seemingly perfect young daughter this new woman in his dad’s life had along with her. his dad never really took his love and passion for art all that seriously to begin with, now he had someone else to compare his son to, despite the age gap between the two and he couldn’t really stand it, causing him to give the new people in their life a difficult time at the beginning of them all getting to know each other that was pretty difficult to shake

by the time jasmine’s and teddy’s parents officially got married, the boy was around a freshman/sophmore in high school, at this point warming up more to his new step mom, able to see what his dad saw in her and over all grateful for all that she’d done for him, tho his new step sibling was still smth to adjust to, teddy being too awkward and feeling too much like he was living in her shadow to open up too much, on top of their differences with her as pretty much the golden child and him still not caring much for school and more throwing himself in his art instead of really socializing or getting to know others

fast forward to now with the 2 siblings having been in florida for 3 years, living together and still struggling to understand each other while also getting on each other’s nerves in between. their family at this point is a real one in teddy’s eyes, despite how much he feels like the black sheep when they facetime. call jas his step sister and he’ll sock you. over all there’s sm love there despite how difficult it can be to admit out loud or in general really

about him

takes meds for his adhd

there is nothing that he loves more or is more passionate about than his art, it’s his escape and his way to let out his emotions he doesn’t know how to communicate otherwise

his and jasmine’s place is filled with wips that he’ll just start cuz he got inspo, was bored, or was stressed out

kind of hard for him to sit still and can be pretty anxious but usually puts up a hard exterior so it’s kinda hard to tell 

he is tired all the time, stays up too late to work on his art and relies on coffee to keep him going, someone stop him

is pretty hard to warm up to i wanna say but he’s such a lil shit and has chaotic dumbass energy but like...lowkey lol, very loyal tho, he kinda keeps others at arms length but will appreciate you sm if you become one of his ppl

can be reckless if he’s comfortable w you and around the right ppl

swears too much

extra awkward once finding out he likes someone, will be gruffer than he means to bc he’s just like ew why?

projects this sort of intimidating, confident kind of aura but is actually v insecure

trust issues *finger guns*

usually has paint stains on his jeans but he couldn’t really care less? and he’d dare someone to say smth to him about it

actual name is theodore but he hates it sm call him that at your own risk

stubborn AF and can be pretty judgmental of ppl who come off as snobby and entitled??? hates those kinds of ppl

is so so protective of jasmine despite usually being a pain to her, that’s his baby SISTER

where does he work? idek man maybe at like a tattoo place or smth, ill figure it out

#roygintro #🎨 // intro #not this taking me so long

[thenbkim]

Ok WHY YOU SHITHEADS KEEP SAYING KORRASAMI WAS RUSHED?!?!?!

Sit down, imma tell u a story.

So i was 18, still thinking "straight", dating a boy and let's call him the Dude™. I started dating him bc i felt like something was wrong with me, bc i was 18 and had never even kissed no one.

I had this friend (a girl). We met through a mutual friend from school and then started talking. We became very close and started cosplaying together. She managed to get a boyfriend when i got mine too and we talked about it and stuff.

We talked Every. Single. Day. There were days where i didn't even talk to the bf (bc he was boring af) but i couldn't go without her.

Eventually we both ended our relationships (after a year or so) and unfortunately our paths took different ways.

After 5 years (more or less) i came out. We haven't spoken in all those years, but I've found her on tumblr again, bc i missed her so much (losing her friendship felt way worse than breaking up with The Dude™ and i didn't know why). So we started talking again, both of us had some shitty depression and anxiety issues and then she invited me to this little party in her home.

Oh boy, seeing her again, yikes! And she still had the giant Tiger plush i gave her (that was some gay shit and i didn't even know)... Well turns out, SHE'S GAY TOO!!!! YESSSSSSS...

We had a great time, lots of fun, she rly smol so i tease her a lot, that's fun...

After that party, i told our mutual friend i wanted to ask her out. Why not? we both gay and she made me feel rly comfortable, even when we were just friends (U SEE HOW KORRASAMI GREW? DID U GET IT? DO I HAVE TO DRAW IT?)

Thing is...

I never had the courage to ask her out. We went separated ways again and now (4 years later) she's in a relationship. I glad for her, she probably happy, but I couldn't do what Korra did. Just ask "wanna go out with me?"... i know i know, she said vacation, but you know the meaning u shitheads, open your fucking mind.

Now... can U UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HAVE REPRESENTATION TO ENCOURAGE YOU BEING YOURSELF AND MAYBE, JUST FUCKING MAYBE, DATE THE GIRL YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW U WERE IN LOVE WITH BC THE FUCKING SOCIETY AROUND YOU NEVER TOLD U COULD BE SOMETHING BESIDES STRAIGHT?!?!?!?!?!

Btw, she still doesn't know i liked her and not just as a friend.

Yes, im a bitter gay.

STAPH WITH THE "IT WAS RUSHED" BULLSHIT!

That's it. You can leave now. Have a great day.

#korrasami #lok #legend of korra #personal story #u shitheads gotta learn #Korrasami wasnt rushed #im done with all of u shitheads #i say shithead a lot #the bitter gay™

[aidenoes]

Im kinda bored so this is a little story time about a toxic best friend i had for many many years

Tw : s*lf-h*rm, s*icid*l thought, forced coming-out

To make the story easier let's call her Fish.

So... it started in primary school, i had moved out into a new city when i was in 3rd grade. That's when i first met her and we never really talked much. Then came 5th grade when we actually became friends.

And middle school happened and that's when everything went downhill real fast. In 6th grade i was still friend with her and i tried to get along with her other friend who was a bitch at that time, and i was too, so we never got along (even tho she is now my best friend bc we realised how much Fish was toxic lmao). So i had made new friends and she had too but we still made up over time and the other girl wasn't hanging out with us anymore.

Moving on to 7th, there was a new girl that came at the school at the beginning of the school year (who is also my bestfriend, props to her for staying with me all these years) and Fish immediately started talking to her. Eventually we have a group of 5 friends :me, her, our boyfriends and the new girl. The thing is that there was a trend of s*lf-h*rming yourself just to pretend to be depressed and sad, and Fish was one of the people who followed that trend. Me, being an absolute idiot, had no idea of the gravity. Well, i mean, i knew it was bad but my bestfriend was doing it so it's fine right ? No, it was not and i almost gave in to but i was afraid to harm myself so i never did. And that example is just to show how much i copied her, i destroyed my relationship bc i wanted to be like her and my ex-boyfriend was so good to me. Her relationship was like an light switch, you never knew when they were back together or not. We also had a skype group and messenger group of just three people: me, her and the new girl. Me and the new girl would badly roleplay and she would tell me, and only me, that i was cringy and leave the group chat like that. And i had no right to tell her i didn't like something about her, but she could though ? I let it slip anyway. I thought i was really happy, then came the worst year of my school life.

8th grade. At this point, Fish and her boyfriend had broken since he apparently abused her (im not sure since she is prone to lying) but i was still in good terms with him. Well we were not the best of friends but i wouldn't punch him (now i would bc he became such a fucking dick). But Fish started to become distant, as if she didn't want me around anymore but i ignored it thinking it was all in my head. One day, our teacher assigned us new places in class and i was next to her ex-boyfriend. We of course talked in class and laughed together. But out of nowhere, she started doing the sign where you slit your throat with your finger, y'know ? I thought she was doing it for kidding and i was just really confused, it was break after that class anyway so i can ask her wtf that was. She came to me and thought i was plotting against her with her ex-boyfriend and just told me to go fuck myself basically. I waited for my now ex-boyfriend and my friend to come-out of their class and explained to them what happened while containing my tears. They tried to go to her and try to understand wtf went wrong and funfact: nothing went wrong and she was just being a bitch and i later learned she just wanted to move on and discard everything from the past year, including me. But i didn't know that, i thought i broke everything, i thought i broke our group friend, i felt guilty and i felt, alone. My boyfriend that got out of school just before me went to my mom that was there to come pick me up, that i wasnt really well and he went away when i got out. My mom did ask me what was wrong and i told her that i'll explain when we're home. At home i explained everything and broke down in my moms arm, i dont know if i cried out of anger or sadness, but seeing me cry was enough for my mom to hate her with all her guts. I've felt so lonely after that. I had no one to eat lunch with, i had no one to be in group in class with and i had no idea of how to occupy my brain when i had no one to talk to, i read in the morning waiting for the friends i had left, i would draw whenever i had to wait alone and i would eat fast to get out the fastest possible. I also lost everything i was since at that time i was like a sponge of personality and just squeeze out whatever the personality people wanted out of me. I had lost everything and i didn't want to be here anymore, i just wanted to die honestly. And i think i wouldve if i didnt think there was my family and my friends. However, it does not end here ! Bc my dumb ass made so many more mistakes ! Bc one day in our technology class i had to work with her for an assignment and we gradually made up until we became friend again, but i was still wary of her and my s*icidal thoughts were still very present. So i was still very toxic and pushing the people that were there for me away. My boyfriend broke up with me. I didnt know what to do, but looking back this was such a good decision for him and for me. I am so thankful for him to have broke up with me, but at that moment i was a bit hurt but at the same time i saw it coming so i had so time to grief about it. A month later my mom decided to bring me to Mauritius (where she is from) bc she thought i had a hard time no having her around for the first time which is kinda true but not all the truth. I had no wifi and no way of contacting anyone. That was so refreshing ! That's when i started to understand that i had the right to think for myself first and not be a fucking carpet for everyone to walk on. I was not out of the shit but i started to understand how to get out.

9th grade, was my savior. This was the best year of my life with nothing to worry about except an exam at the end. You remember the girl in 6th grade that was a bitch ? Yeah we became close friends during that year bc i realised she was a bitch bc she was badly influenced on in 6th and 5th grade. And the new girl remember her ? That's also the year when we got close, the year where we became best friends, when i learned to be and love myself and the year when i started to stand up for myself. I have some bad daddy issues and i have almost always shared my problems with Fish but i started sharing less toward the end of 8th grade. One day i was complaining that i had to be basically the messenger bird of my parents and she looked at me annoyed and tell me 'why don't you go to the police ?'. Like we didnt ??? Like she thinks that my dad was harassing my mom and we didnt ?? That's basically saying 'don't be' to someone who is sad. And i explained that to her and she was like 'don't complain to me if you're going to flip off like that when im giving you a solution', excuse me bitch... what ? I was hella mad. She came fake apologising like a few weeks later. And one day she came out to me as pansexual, great for her, and i was also questionning my gender and thought i was genderfluid so i came out to her. She was like 'oh ok' and i sent her some memes about genderfluidity and she was like 'stop this is annoying'. So i shut my trap. I also learned that during a school i didnt went she faked some anxiety and was being a bitch bc her friend wouldnt come to a shop with her even so another one was ok with going with her. I eventually started to understand that she was bad for my mental health, so i just started ghosting her bc i just didnt want to talk with her anymore and i didnt know how to confront her. She came up and grabbed and pulled me by my backpack that was full of shit just to ask me why i didnt answer to one of her text. I was so scared i just told her i wasnt feeling well and just told her i needed time. The year went by it was great and i didnt want to be in cold with Fish but i also didnt want to be her friend, i wanted to just be classmates, however when she was told this she understood : 'they want to be friend again'. So she clung with us next year.

10th grade, was last year and was full of drama. And we only had 6 months of school. 10th grade is the first year of highschool and the only year where we don't have an exam. I also had a forced new friend that we're going to call Taz so we don't get mixed up. She was also very clingy and it felt like having a leech stuck to me. And Fish was being very, let's say embarrassing and making us feel uncomfortable. She would make ton of sexual joke and we told her it was making us uncomfortable but she would apologise just to do it again the week later so we just gave up. She also outed me in class, thankfully the class was really noisy and only my bestfriend heard it but this fucking bitch just asked outta nowhere 'so you're still on this whole thing about being genderfluid or what ?' And she wasnt talking low, she was talking loud and clear. I felt so embarras and i hoped that no one else heard it. I answered as very quietly 'no.. i think im genderqueer now' and she just said ok. That's also around when i discovered im bi so i was so glad that i didnt tell her about that. And a few months later there was some shit going around about bullying and Fish was one of the targets. And let's say that our english teacher held up a trial so i opened up my big ass mouth to talk and defend Fish. And guess what, Taz just blurted out that i and my best friend were bullying her. Excuse me ? I defended her ass and when i talked to her about it she told me 'no you didnt, you just yelled at me once in physics'. So bc i yelled at her bc she wouldnt listen to me when we had to work i bullied her ? What a thank ! And when i tried to talk it out with Taz, she fucking ignored me and left. I was enraged. I was crying out of fucking rage and still aced a test in english. At the end i explained everything to my crush while i was walking home with her bc she lived next to my moms restaurant. When i stepped into the restaurant, there was my moms friend, which im kinda close to, and my mom who asked me how was my day i cried out of anger. They comforted me and supported me. At school, one day the assistant director called me and my best friend in his office. And told us that in highschool there are no bullying only misunderstandings (i dont really agree with that but anyway) and asked us our side of the story. We explained that we didnt get along with her anymore and made it very clear that we were uncomfortable with her but she wouldnt take a hint. And we left the office just like that. The assistant director probably told Fish our side and she never went to talk with us bc of covid.

Now, im in 11th grade, we do not talk anymore and this feel so much better. Now i'll just drop some bonus drama

She accused me of drowning her when it was her ex-boyfriend that did and made her scared of water, while i was there to support her when she was dealing with her phobia.

And her mom thought that i was a bad influence for her sweet sweet daughter when she was the one to incite me to c*t myself like paper, wow ok.

This is just a personal share and just maybe a way for others to recognise the toxic behaviors of fake friends.

#story time #toxic friendship #toxic friend #have fun reading this #i am still mad sometime #but only sometime

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

#long post #hinatalks #we live in a society #fr fr #when i die....if god is real..i´ll end this once and for all. all of it #i am left with nothing but pain and anger.... i cant even feel anymore. i think i forgot how to

[enthusiasticmusicalquotes]

QUESTION OF THE DAY #6: Send me your most unpopular theatre opinion. Something that might make someone want to fight you. Please don’t be offensive (racist, misogynistic, etc.), but other than that…go as hard as you want. Spill all the tea.

MY ANSWERS: 1) The Pretty Woman score fucking slaps idek, 2) Come From Away (or even Bandstand...) should’ve won the 2017 Best Musical Tony, 3) I prefer the West End Heathers cast album to Off Broadway, 4) Shows shouldn’t sweep the Tonys just because they’re Best Musical worthy...shows that aren’t too critically acclaimed but have really impressive elements should get recognition too.

SUMMARY: Out of 37 responses: 5 were about Dear Evan Hansen, 3 were about Hamilton specifically, 2 were about: Rent, ALW, Wicked, In The Heights, Be More Chill, etc. etc....if your favorite musical is one of these and you get easily offended i wouldn’t read these.

NOTE: I agree with some of these, I highly disagree with others. I do not endorse any of the things that were said, I am simply sharing them with you all. These were what was sent to me. I’m going to number them so if you want to complain about or agree with one you can send me an ask with the number you’re referring to. 

1. howmuchchildrens said: unpopular opinion: i really liked the 2012 version of les mis. i liked russel crowe as javert.

2. Anonymous said: Unpopular opinion: Bootlegs harm to local theatre communities, though I do not believe anyone intends for that to be the case. While it's possible to bootleg responsibly (and I might even say it's beneficial to do so), those who may not know the intricacies of theatrical copyright law or who haven't heard the horror stories from a theatre that's been hit with legal action DUE to a bootleg may record or watch a show irresponsibly, which can greatly harm other routes of theatre accessibility.

3. Anonymous said: Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals are mostly terrible. He only got and stayed popular because a lot of other musical creators and taste makers died in the AIDS epidemic

4. Anonymous said: Almost all musicals using the songs of one artist are cash grabs with no plot or point.

5. Anonymous said: If your musical only has 1 woman OR the women only get sad/romantic songs you need to do something else with your life.

6. nerdshrimp said: Unpopular opinion: Next To Normal does a better job of portraying the effects of mental illness than Dear Evan Hansen does. N2N also doesn't romanticise mental illness & excuse shitty behavior like DEH tries to

7. Anonymous said: Hadestown is a lesser show on Broadway. I fell in love with the live album, and I was so excited for it to come to Broadway. I was so disappointed to see the changes they made. Orpheus and Eurydice's relationship is less interesting and more generic. The changed lyrics are often sloppy and not as good as the original. They fucking wrecked Epic III. Also, no hate to R/ee/ve, but he's just not a good enough singer to convince me that he could soften the heart of Hades. His high notes are awful.

8. Anonymous said: opinion: we are the tigers deserves a broadway run or at least a proshot

9. bimystique said: e/c is NOT A GOOD FUCKING SHIP. the ENTIRE PLOT OF PHANTOM OF THE OPERA is christine trying to escape erik's abuse. WHAT FUCKING PART OF THAT IS ROMANTIC TO YOU PEOPLE.

10. Anonymous said: unpopular theatre opinion(s): Dear Evan Hansen is Very Bad for its handling of mental illness, Hamilton is overrated and praised too much, and high school/college musical theatre programs can be just as good as Broadway. (also, musical movies would be better if they hired broadway actors, but that's not an unpopular opinion)

11. Anonymous said: I don’t like Lin Manuel Miranda and Hamilton is overrated

12. Anonymous said: I don’t like dear Evan Hansen..... at all. I think it’s kind of boring and really overhyped.

13. Anonymous said: unpopular opinion: in the heights is far better than Hamilton. both are good but ith hits different yknow

14. Anonymous said: The bring it on and legally blonde musicals are BAD! The movies are 100 times better

15. Anonymous said: unpopular opinion? wicked is the epitome of white feminism. it's preached as super great for representation but we literally got the first black glinda in 2019?!?!?!? and before that woc could only play elphaba who's villainized and deemed evil by the whole city

16. Anonymous said: Not so much an opinion as a reaction, but of all Lin's works (ITH, Bring it On, 21 Chump Street, Hamilton), 21 Chump Street gets the biggest emotional reaction of all the cast recordings. The second Justin is like "I don't want your money" (And then later on with the "...what the heck did you.... dooooo", I am a complete goner. Worse than Abuela Claudia and Philip Hamilton's deaths combined

17. Anonymous said: Whenever Je.ssie Mu.eller hits certain notes, she sounds like Tommy Pickles from Rugrats.

18. Anonymous said: aotd6: not everyone knows what im talking about, but the cats 2016 broadway revival choreography was WAYYYY better than the original. the original had a lot of creepy uncomfortable moments and the new one looks way cleaner and up to date

19. Anonymous said: raoul is better than the phantom in every conceivable way

20. Anonymous said: I hate Anastasia so much. it's such a boring show and the music is uninteresting. I wanted to like it so bad but GOD is it boring.

21. Anonymous said: In the Heights.... Overrated.

22. Anonymous said: I do not know if this is an unpopular opinion or not, but here is my opinion: Musicals that are entirely or nearly entirely songs (Hamilton, Hadestown, In The Heights, etc) are the most valid bc I can understand the plot without using wikipedia (I'm looking at you, Jagged Little Pill, I love you but what is your plot????)

23. Anonymous said: I'd rather have a bad film adaptation than no film adaptation

24. Anonymous said: Rent sucks and while it was a stepping stone for more ""controversial"" topics to appear on Broadway it's actually biphobic and features several generally terrible people doing generally terrible things and doesn't actually address the real crisis at all; it's all performative wokeness. The only real good it did was cast a bunch of "nobodies" for the time and make theater somewhat more accessible.

25. stardust-and-seas said: Dear Evan Hansen doesn't properly address mental health despite being about mental health and resolves nobodies character arcs satisfactorily. It's another show that reaches its hands around the throats of marginalized teenagers saying "look I'm relatable!!" The songs taken out of context are significantly more powerful than when placed in the context of the show, which gives us exactly zero evidence of Evan's work to improve and also never resolves Evan's u healthy goals in the first place.

26. stardust-and-seas said: Be More Chill is a raging dumpster fire and the only decent song from it, Michael in the Bathroom, reads as a whiny rich white boy whose potential social anxiety and depression is left ambiguous, which is exactly what it is. When taken out of context it better exemplifies the othering that happens to marginalized groups but lets be real here: bullying/cliques don't happen to "just anyone"; it's the marginalized groups that are othered and abandoned for not being "normal"

27. stardust-and-seas said: There's a difference between shows that don't take themselves seriously because they're meant to be fun and light and shows that pretend not to take themselves too seriously but want to be taken seriously by the audience and the latter always ends up mediocre at best

28. redueka said: i think that dear evan hansen handles every issue it presents badly. i also think that beetlejuice was badly directed

29. Anonymous said: Well I don’t EVER condone cheating, I’m team Jamie in the last five years. He tried so hard to make their relationship and life good, and Cathy gave him nothing in return

30. youcanlolyoucansayohwell said: The answer of the day- I don't get the BMC hype. I'm out of the age bracket it's meant for that might it be. I enjoy it but I don't think it's the greatest thing in the world like some theatre fans do.

31. Anonymous said: i like the rent 2005 recording better than the obcr

32. Anonymous said: unpopular opinion ? : the music of wicked just like isn’t that good. like it’s good but it’s not like, Good, yknow. it’s pretty standard it doesn’t stand out to me. kinda boring

33. Anonymous said: mari.ah r.ose fa.ith is not a good regina george. everything she says sounds monotonous and while i understand she's trying to play off the ""whatever"" teenager (she does this a lot with her teenage characters), 90% of the time she sounds and looks like she doesn't want to be there; her voice is great but most songs feel unnatural and forced and she changes them too much. she's just not selling regina to me as a believable character (this is all from a technical point of view)

34. Anonymous said: Unpopular Opinion: as much as i like musicals based on movies (like waitress), i think not every movie needs to be a musical.

35. Anonymous said: Unpopular opinion (?) the emojiland musical Kinda Slaps

36. Anonymous said: as one of my high school tech theatre teachers once said: "Andrew Lloyd Webber is overrated"

37. Anonymous said: sorry to whoever likes it but Seussical is an absolutely nonsense crackpot plot disguised with okay-to-good music, like I don't even know where to start. I was in the show and didn't even know there was an entire secondary plot line featuring sending children to war until we were halfway through rehearsals

#qotd #not a quote #in some places i put dots in the name so it didn't show up in the tag by accident

[axclfms]

hllo demons n space cowboys !! i’m sage  comin 2 u live frm the est tz with a v red dash icon tht i can’t be bothered to change atm .   anyways  ,  shimmies shoulders  im v v excited to be here with my child axel  so let me just diiiiive right into her ! pls hit me up or spank tht lil heart if you’d like to plot and i’ll come runnin. 

「charlotte d’alessio & cisfemale」⇾ medici , axel, the junior radcliffe student’s records show that she is a scorpio and 20 years old. she is studying fine arts & photography, living in noland and can be passionate, magnetic, heedless & addictive. when i see her i am reminded of catfishing passport photos, shoplifting out of pure boredom & empty film canisters used as pill holders . ⇽

alrite first things first HERE is her pinterest ,  feel free to skip all the junk below  & just vibe check her

BACKGROUND

born & raised in southlake, tx  to oliver & pearl medici

they were high school sweethearts who were voted most likely to get married and have a dozen kids running around

they stopped at 2 bc they just .. their kids were a handful  . . . but axel will tell you they stopped after her bc they hit perfection :~)

the medici’s come from a long line of politicians  &  are all associated with the political world in one form or another  

her father dreamt of becoming president  &  honestly was beginning to climb his way there

started off by getting elected as mayor  &  then from mayor went onto join the state’s senate & was working on his campaign for governor of tx

axel & her older brother adored their father & played their part , knowing that even the smallest mistake cld wreck their dad’s way to the top... even if it didn’t matter now, if he were to run his presidential campaign they would surely be digging for anything to take him down .  aside frm some partying & drinking , they never did anything too too wild

her brother ended up going to yale for college, not wanting to be too far from him but wanting a break from her parents  &  texas  ,  axel applied to radcliffe bc she knew the ivy life wasn’t for her

and something about radcliffe’s history drew her in

last year right before midterms , axel got a phone call tht turned her world upside down .  her dad had gotten into a car accident.  after getting rushed to the ER, he ended up dying from complications in surgery.  he was in the early stages of his campaign for governor & was on his way to meet his team.

it was ruled as an accident &  that seemed to be that on that. & everyone went ahead and moved on with their lives

axel still wants to believe that there was foul play in her father’s death mainly bc she wants to blame someone

frm her eyes her mom n brother have healed without any trouble. her brother had gone back to school, graduated from yale and jetted off to south africa with his new gf where they were working for a non profit . her mom had started dating someone new within six months.

PERSONALITY

the whole thing has taken an impact on her n she’s just ... a lot more darker or wilder nw. think bradley martin frm bates motel or marissa cooper frm the oc

was probably head of social committee and heavily involved in the school. was also a cheerleader but went to practice high as balls one too many times , and eventually got kicked off the team.

lost a bet & graffiti’d the school building , got ratted out and spent a month of her summer doing community service and picking up trash.

if you knew her during freshman year and half of sophomore year ,  she is probably a completely different person nw.

pops xanax like they’re vitamins , is constantly day drunk , always has a flask hidden in a designer purse. has low key developed a little bit of a coke habit

rly good at putting on a facade of perfection when she needs to but truly feels like she has nothing left to lose so she says whatever pops into her mind, likes to stir up trouble when she’s bored n has rly just turned into a firecracker n is jus kinda.. ruthless nw

wld hit on someone’s dad out of pure boredom 

uses sex as an outlet to feel in control, to feel good , to feel wanted

only thing that she’s still passionate about is art and photography .

photography inspo is probably sarahbahbah , where she likes to shoot things in series with a film vibe to it.

catch her walking around with hints of paint on her hands , not sleeping bc she’s trying to perfect her latest piece

always sketching or doodling , probably has a film camera slung around her neck or dangling frm her wrist

human embodiment of the cherry & wilted rose emoji

big on skin care and doing face masks and only says ‘self love’ ironically. usually after she spins herself into chaos

big aesthetic would b phoebe tonkin lookin sad and depressed at the farmer’s market carrying around flowers 

ok that is all i got .... ty for prowling thru this if u did. also she is a fairly new muse of mine so if ... she ends up changing once she hits the dash MIND UR BUSINESS alskslks jkkk

WANTED CONNECTIONS

we love angst & fictional toxicity over here! hit me w any & all of ur toxic wcs

a good influence for her

someone who she used to be bff’s with but shut them out when everything went down and now it’s just ... awkward between them

someone who she didn’t get along with before but now they’re pals

unlikely friends!

a ride or die friendship

a confidant .. hit me with those 12 am late night heart to hearts with no filter NO CAP!

someone who ratted her out for vandalizing

hook ups  wld be fun ! tinder matches, one night stands etc. 

someone who axel just completely fucked over in some way (romantic or platonic) 

truly anything i am dwn for ! thnk u and good night

#ruhqintro #ok.. srry this is truly a mess #feel free to skip this n im me and ill give u the spark notes version #tw: death #tw: drug use

[kindaline]

FANFICTION TROPES; tier list

since i just announced an almost 2 week hiatus on wattpad, i wanted to post something writing (fanfiction) related here!

(i saw a youtuber do this, here’s the link to that vid xxx)

also because i can’t explain the way she did why she put certain ones higher or lower, i’ll just write a lil explanation for every one of them!

let’s get it! (woah been a while since ive said that jsjdajdf)

‘i- pls no’ category: 

amnesia fic; i just don’t really like this plot in anything, so this ain’t really a surprise tbh

arranged marriage; this fits the category name very well, just don’t pls... it’s not a fun dynamic to create romance by forcing characters together

baby fic; there are a few exceptions, but i usually don’t start reading something for it - but will keep reading a fic if its introduced further down the line

body swap; that is just a NO. that creates awkward and perverted situations, and i honestly hate both with a burning passion. to feel second-hand embarrassment is not why i read ffs.

major character death; i already am depressed af so i don’t need this in my life

fairytale au; i just don’t enjoy the magic element, i grew out of it pretty quick. the last time i liked something magical fairytale-ish related was when i was like 6.

gen fic; okay i did not know what this meant, but my hopeless romantc soul ain’t about that life kjdsnfdks

magic au; same thing could be said about this one and the fairytale one.

time loop; it’s just idk, not something i would read - even in shows i don’t really like it, since i think it makes the story hard to follow

pregnancy fic; as someone who reads mostly taekook and a few exceptions but still mlm fics i think that speaks for itself, not an mpreg kinda gal

sex pollen; this concept started out well, then went down the drain with the alien-y vibezz, other than that it would be good ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

‘depends on the execution’ category:

abo; i don’t really read abo unless im there for the smut tbh... (i do be getting real comfy here tho saying that kdfskdjf)

crossover; same goes for this as for the pregnancy fic one, i read bts fics so the only crossover we gettin’ is other kpop idols showing up aka jackson wang lmao

dark fic; although this is what you could categorize the story im writing but not publishing as of my ocs, as i said before im depressed af and dont need to be even more

canon divergence; i mean as a taekook fic writer this be what im doing with everyone of my stories dkjsfdjs

established relationship; i put this in this category bc i can’t execute it without it being boring since i build most of my plots around the relationship that’ll be the end result, but i do read it if someone manages to pull it off

fix it fic; i mean depends what we are fixing, bc in my context i be just going au all the way lmao

miscommunication; again, awkward situations are my worst nightmare so-

unhappy ending; i guess depends on how bad it is, if it ain’t like character death i can bear it

‘sure ¯\_(ツ)_/¯‘ category: (this a mood tho jdksj)

angst; i can take some of it, it be making things interesting - or like i use it to make things that lmao

bang or die; tbh i was this close to putting it higher... but also by ‘sure’ i mean that i’ll read it 9 out of 10 times so...

crack fic; for entertainment porpuses and an easy read (for ex. insta/twitter au) it’s good ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

humor; all stories should have at least a lil in them!

fake relationship; it’s arranged marriage’s long lost sister who is the less toxic version of that 

high school au; i read a ton of it since most aus are set in a school environment, but usually its not the main focus so ended up putting it here

in vino veritas; aka drunk confessions - it’s good, something you can spin things off of or help build the tension with (saying that like im a professional lmao)

unrequited love; i don’t read a lot of it, but i’ve read ones that keep up with that through 90% of the fic and it was good so thats a sure

‘i like it, its okay’ category

college au; as someone who’s written more than one and mostly reads taekook fics set in college that’s a yes from me, not something i am actively looking for tho

fluff; i write and read it, sometimes i melt from it sometimes i don’t ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

first kiss; i’ve done this almost every time in my fics, sooooo-

historical au; IF ITS DONE WELL ITS GOOD AF!! (my hamilton phase having ass thrives off of it kjfdskfjsv)

missing scenes; i think as someone who writes taekook and includes actual moments of them in my stories i kind of have to fill up the missing pieces of said cute moments so i do this, and see others do so as well

royalty au; i don’t read a lot of it, but sign me up for some majestic beauty of a kim taehyung being royalty anytime

slow burn; don’t read much of it on wattpad, but all my fav ao3 fics are slow burn and like a lot of words ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

love triangle; i don’t openly say this or anything but i do read it from time to time and enjoy it those times so...

‘LUW IT’ category:

sharing a bed; if you look at my reading lists on wattpad you’ll know why this is here ksjfsjfk

mutual pining; i do be writing this each and everytime without even meaning to, so that also explains why this is here

coffee shop au; AS THE WRITER OF STUDY SESSIONS, no but really i do be writing and reading a lot of it lmao

enemies to lovers; read a lot of it, love it a lot - fav ao3 fics are almost all enemies to lovers soooo-

friends to lovers; all my favs are either enemies to lovers, friends to lovers or bed sharing ones i-

hurt comfort; my heartu we luw luw emotionally supporting others in this house

huddle for warmth; sharing a bed and this go hand in hand and we love to see it

pwp; i *cough* yeahhhhhh, just yeahhhh

soulmate au; we love soma-ultes lfjskdjfksdjf

and that would be it! <3 

until my hiatus ends on wattpad i hope to be more active on here, so the ppl who follow me with tumblr accounts can be happy lmao

#writing #bts #taekook #kindaline talks #wattpad #wattpad hiatus #hiatus #kindalinehydlon #fanfic trope #fanfic tropes #fanfic trope tier list #tier list #taekook ff #ffs #ff