The Darkling this, Sankta Alina that, why is nobody talking about Sankta Neyar?
“‘Weakness’” “Hundreds of years I closed my heart, as if that was the solution to ending all pain” “what a safe way to live, and what a small way” “you guard against pain, you guard against joy” “two worlds make a universe”
“He’s not my weakness, he’s my universe.”
Fuck whatever mess those two have over there, I want a love like THAT. He may not be her last or her first, but that doesn’t mean their time loving each other was meaningless, even in the grand scheme of things, because some people are worth losing.
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No, but like, there was no way Inej was ever going to say, yes, okay, I'll stay in Ketterdam with you instead of looking for my brother. And Kaz knows this.
He literally just gave her the lead on where to start looking for her brother. He knows this has been her whole purpose for so long, just like avenging Jordie has been his. And she may actually be able to find some peace and happiness by achieving her goal, unlike Kaz, who is left adrift after completing his revenge.
Four times over the course of this season he sends her away. Her response to each one shows her own character development as well as the arc of their relationship.
The first time is when they first arrive back in Ketterdam and find out that Pekka Rollins now owns everything, including Inej. Kaz tells her to get out of the city and says, "This isn't your fight anymore," which, honestly is totally ridiculous to say that her own indenture contract is not her own business. Her response: "I'm not leaving you." Matter-of-fact, knee-jerk, and he doesn't argue. This feels like a well-worn routine for them.
Then we have the "bathroom scene," where her resolve and energy are refocused by Kaz telling her Pekka killed his brother. Before the main event, Kaz again tells Inej, if things go awry, get out of the city, find your brother, and never look back. Once again, she refuses to promise this. "I can only promise you that Pekka will beg for his death."
Then she makes the choice to get the trafficked women off the boat instead of being there in the shadows to watch over Kaz. I think he genuinely was upset that he didn't know that she was okay, and genuinely upset that she wasn't there to watch over him. But he uses those genuine emotions to push her away a third time. He has finally secured her freedom. He can finally really keep her safe, and the safest thing is for her to leave the city, because also, in securing her freedom, he has shown Pekka his hand, revealed his true "tell," which is his love for Inej. So he pushes her away again, this time more forcefully, by really hurting her. But, she gets drawn back in by the quest for the Neshyenyar. "You have your freedom. Why would this be what you choose to do with it?" "I'm not here for you. I'm here for Sankta Alina." It's a half truth.
Then we've got the toxin trips, which move both of them forward, but kind of in opposite directions. Even though for Inej it's her really confronting what she wants from Kaz, it's also confronting the reality that she is not going to get that from him, where he is right now. Just hours ago she saw him have a serious flashback / breakdown just from bumping into someone. And though she understands it, because of her own trauma, she also understands she can't save him from it.
So by the time we get to the end, Inej has made some kind of peace with this. She is leaving the phase of her own healing journey where she needs him to lean on as a fellow traveler, and where taking care of him serves as a way to avoid taking care of herself. And he, meanwhile, has had Inej rescue him from his trauma nightmare in reality at the teashop, in his toxin dream where she pulls him out of the water (oh, not to mention, literally saves his life by forcibly touching his face and making him eat the butterfly). And then he's had the philosophical talking-to from Ohval about how loving someone isn't a weakness, it's what makes life worthwhile. He is opening up slowly, confronting his feelings for her and how that vulnerability fits in with his life philosophy.
When he comes to say goodbye in the chapel, he is finally sincere. Finally him pushing her away isn't because of what he wants or needs emotionally, it's about what's best for her, which is being able to follow her own path to completion, the way she has enabled him to follow his Jordie path. And it's because he's in this place where he can finally, authentically let her go, that he can finally, authentically ask her to stay, out loud. All the other times he told her to leave, he was really asking her to stay. And now, when he is really ready to let her choose to leave, he is able to ask her to stay.
And she is also ready to say, yes, I am going to leave, for real this time, on my own path. Because I know that I actually need and deserve more from you now, and I know that you can make it without me, I am asking you to stand on your own two feet.
And of course he understands that too. Even with all the vulnerability and hope he allows himself in that moment, if she had said yes to staying with him, it would have felt wrong immediately.
She's not rejecting him, she's laying out her terms, which she's finally able to do because they are finally able to voice their true wants, both of them. (Yeah they both still have a looooong way to go, with healing and with not communicating via riddles and omissions).
It's also a narrative parallel to Alina letting Mal go on his own path. Both stories are about allowing the one you love to choose their path, be the main character in their own story.
So, I think this is a beautiful, if heartbreaking, end to their arc this season. Growth! Being together is not off the table, but they are one step closer to laying out what it would really look like for them to be together.
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