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#she's doing school work and i'm doing research for this fic i wanna write

thetenamongstthesethrees · 11 months

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TW: REFERENCE TO SH AND RELAPSE OF SH AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT

Ok so ik ive been inactive for a *WHILE* and im srry for that but like i have a buncha things that happened these past 3 months that I NEED To share SOOOO....

First things first, the one im most excited abt: I DID MY FIRST PERFORMANCE!!! My school was doing little mermaid jr and I got Scuttle! I was really happy to get my first role and getting at least one solo, and Im just happy overall on how it went! I think I did really good on my first try! Only bad thing was that now im kinda going through my lil mermaid hyperfixation and have been looking up fics where Sebastian and Ariel kinda have a Father/Parental Figure-Daughter or Older Brother-Younger (stupid but ultimately well meaning) Sister dynamic and have started to write a fic on that bc no ones done it before apparently😒(im going cray cray, bonkers mayhaps)

Might've gotten my eye infected(I live in the east of the us, new york to be more specific and woke up the day after the "live vintage (BLAME CANADA/j) filter" with my right eyes nerves slightly more irritated and haven't gotten that checked out so thats fun)

FINALLY finished that one drawing ive been making for 3 MONTHS.(well, technically....)

Almost done writing my passion project, AKA the one I originally wanted to make into an animated series but have settled for a book just in case that can't happen! I still need to work out some kinks, design more outfits, get all their personalities in check, make sure the world and magic is fully fleshed out, ect.

I also do band, and while I originally thought that I would have a problem bc of both band and theatres close scheduling(i originally had dress rehearsal on june 2nd, AND my band concert on June 2nd) but it all worked out in the end! My band concert went great, and while the dress rehearsal was a mess, we at least got through it! :)

Unintentionally quit SH! I was originally only meant to stop until AFTER performances, but ive been bettering myself and learned that if I ever want to forgive myself or at least move on I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself and not forget nor forgive, but remember, i just can't let it haunt me. I know I'll relapse, I always do eventually, but I want to enjoy these few moments of mental "clarity" while I can. I've also learned that for some reason i tend to become a more terrible person and despicable person the more time I spend at home with my mother, so that's fun. God, I hate America's education system, its messed me up BAD. AND the foster care system. I just tried to kms 2 times today, and she didn't even notice, or care. How sad is that?

On a lighter note, yes, as the rest of yt and TikTok, I got a minor lil hyperfixation on the Lorax and really think ppl should make more [PLATONIC] Lorax and Onceler dynamics, mainly the type where they're like some really annoying pair of bickering siblings or a father whos sick of his adopted child's shit, like there is so much on the table for platonic fluff and angst and most of what I've seen is romantic smut and fluff like CHANGE IT UP A LIL

Also, Ive been going to karaoke centers on Tuesdays and have become a lot more confident to performing in front of ppl! So far, I've performed "All You Wanna Do", "The Ballad of Jane Doe", "Heart of Stone", and am gonna do "What the World Needs" the next upcoming Tuesday, where I'm gonna try interacting with the audience while singing!!

(Also, before I end this....I may have ADHD??? my teacher who has ADHD says some of my behavior is "similar to hers"(i feel like thats just her way of saying i reek of neurodivergency) and I also did some research and I display similar/exact behaviors listed, have taken online tests from doctorate confirmed sites and basically all of them said to go get a diagnosis. I also found I do a few behaviors similar to stimming! Also also, I kinda suspect a lil more bc my mom has Autism and apparently sometimes neurodivergency is biological (i forgor the word) but my mom is kinda in denial abt my Depression diagnosis and thinks I got anxiety "biologically", so if I tell her I wanna get tested for ADHD shes just kinda gonna gaslight me into not believing that and i already told the school therapist and basically she just told me that I'm probably just imagining things or copying behaviors from my mother and that "kids like to give themselves all these titles nowadays" so I just did what I always do which is to keep it shut and act until they think you fell in line)

So yeah, thats all! Thanks for reading, now that my schedule is clear again ima start posting more frequently again, so be aware :) <3333

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gojonanami · 3 months

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Hi Sab!

I remember you mentioning that you were currently writing four(?) books?

What sort of fiction do you usually write outside of jjk?

(If you'd rather not share plot points/etc. in case you end up publishing them in the future, I understand!!)

this is so sweet of you to ask! i don't mind sharing some information about what i'm writing -- i have like three novels i'm working on currently and then one i wrote in high school that i finished but needs...heavy rewrites lmao

romantic fantasy / enemies to lovers (sort of) / arranged marriage / sci-fi/fantasy

this is a newer project - based on a concept for a fic au series i had that i thought would be better as a novel.

a princess married to a prince - the thing of fairy tales, neither having ever even had laid eyes on each other until the wedding day, and both married to the other for the advantage of their kingdoms on their respective planets. except, the prince wasn't a prince -- not really. adopted by the queen, he was the second son, in everything -- except his queen's eyes. and the princess wasn't a princess - she was a killer in disguise, perfectly poised with the empress keeping her in check with a threat to the only person she ever cared about.

but when people start dying that she didn't kill and she starts falling for the prince that she was supposed to hate, how will she navigate her way through on an unfamiliar planet where she doesn't know who to trust?

fantasy / adventure / found family / multiple povs

this is my big project - i've rewritten this book three times - i started writing it...oh my god, 12 years ago (fuck). i'm on the third draft, and its...90K - and i still have a good third of the book left lmao.

rebirth -- a burgeoning leader that falls from grace, a mage with almost everything to hide about her past, and a young girl trying to find her place after her home was burned away to ash.

this leader nearly lost himself in the war ten years before - when he was far too young to be fighting in it, and now with the enemy rising again, right as he's about to be handed the leadership of his guild, he loses something much greater - himself.

the mage has shed her identity far too many times to the point where she nearly has forgotten the name given by her parents. but after her home is attacked, she's forced to confront she ran away from -- after she had killed the man she was being forced to wed.

this young girl had grown up away from the world, on a town on the outskirts of nowhere - her father leaving everything behind after he had lost her mother and his wife. but that world comes pounding again at her doorstep, and doesn't stop, until it's taken every part of her world - including one of the people she held the dearest. and now she's forced to find her place in a home she never knew - surrounded by people who don't trust her.

revenge story / assassin / based on 15th century france / england / joan of arc inspired

this is just a concept i had come up with when researching joan of arc in high school for a project. it was essentially what if joan of arc wasn't believed and her home was taken from her -- what lengths would she go get revenge? and then kind of evolved from there. i won't give a whole summary because i don't really have a ton about this book - i wrote like 12 pages of it, plotted a bit, and then never got back to it lol. but i do wanna write it at some point

chosen one / with a twist / middle grade fantasy

this one i won't give a summary for because it's a mess lol. i wrote this book in high school with no plan - i just wrote it - and therefore its a mess. i was really good at bullshitting. but essentially, its about a girl who loses her mom at a young age, her father is emotionally distant, and then disappears -- she's attacked, and realizes that her parents are from a world of magic that exists parallel to the real one. and she has to travel there to find out what happened to her father.

#sab [asks]#sab [anons]#sab [novels]#i guess i'll make a tag lmao #maybe i'll share snippets if anyone cares lmao #i wrote these summaries on the fly so i apologize if they are not the best lmao

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fluffypotatey · 11 months

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hi, i'm late for the wip thing (grr busy, unfortunately) but can u tell about the 11 to 20, please? 🥹

hooooo boy you sure you wanna open that can of worms, deary 👀

i mean, I’m totally sharing just…it’s gonna take some time 😅

*coughs* sO

11. Yassifying Chick Flicks: Neither the First Nor the Last

happy pride 💅

As the title says, nothing about this story is hetero it is all homo. it’s a trope subversion on le old teen high school Chick Flicks. literally, the character’s initials tells you what their roles are (MC = main character, LI =love interest, RH = red herring, TBF = toxic best friend)

Can be interpreted as a character study on teen girls and internalized misogyny tho and i fully intend to expand on it.

12. Sunglasses Quiz

ok so this is just a cute little story of these two girlfriends who are trying to buy sunglasses, and you know how some have it where you take a quiz?

yeah, so these girlies are trying to take the quiz and end up getting……ahem, distracted 👀

anyway, the little description i write for this was “i was feeling sappy so i wrote some sappy queer love” so 🏳️‍🌈 happy pride🏳️‍🌈

“As a renowned researcher yourself,” Laura exclaimed, ignoring Pen’s comment, “it is shameful”— Pen rolled her eyes— “you, who have published many scholarly works into the world, should know better!”

Pen would have definitely shoved her girlfriend. She definitely would have if it were not for that sweet, “innocent” smile on Laura’s face. That’s what she tells herself anyway.

13. Witch boy

Repeating myself -> “LISTEN: i know this one also complete when you go to Ao3, but that's just because the 3rd part is being fucking slOW, so i said "fuck it ends nice at ch2 anyway," but i do want to add more. but yeah, to summarize: fic was inspired by a Halloween fanart i saw and i just ran with it.”

basically, it’s a modern au of bbc’s merlin but there seems to be magic leaking into “our” world every Halloween. and our lovely band of misfits (Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, Morgana, Lancelot, Gwaine, Elyan, Percival, and Leon) have taken it upon themselves to put a stop to it every Halloween. Also, slow burn romance between Merlin and Arthur bc i can never help myself. the 3rd installment is still in the works T^T but I do want to complete this one day. but yeah, here’s a snippet:

14:27 HighPriestessofthemStilletos: ARTHUR ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE L'Oréal Hair: oop arthur’s in trouble!!!HoodieReigns: oh good so he’s not just doing this to me AngelQueen: He didn't even pick-up when you called? HighPriestessofthemStilletos: @HighKing_Wart I WILL BLOW UP YOUR PHONE HighPriestessofthemStilletos: DON’T TEST ME HoodieReigns: it seems he did not, in fact, pick-up when she called gwen

14. Emrys Shrine

this one is essentially a continuation of the Shrine of Emrys fic I wrote months ago but it is still in the works. Here we have Percival’s pov of the aftermath of the fic

Percival often wondered if Merlin was like him. Someone who had lived in the Druid camps as a child, but then he heard Arthur tell the tale of Merlin’s home Ealdor and his kind-hearted mother. He even met her sometime after Arthur had secured his throne from Morgana once again, and she had explained how the village has been her home since birth, how she spent her days living in it, how she had raised her darling boy in this place before he left for Camelot.

15. Lucky’s Timeline @ Beacon Hills

SUPER, SUper self indulgent fic where i insert my OCs, Lucy and Nick, into the teen wolf universe and how they interact with it. for example:

“But this is Coach’s car,” McCall said with a frown. “Is it?” Nick replied nonchalantly as he twirled the keys in his free hand, unlocking the car doors.

16. THE everchanging STORYLINE

ahaha…. so i named it that bc i’ve been writing this one for 2 years and almost every month i would change the plot. which meant i needed to reorganize the chapter list and where which scene went 🙄 (i am my own bane) this still happens and it’s been 3 years now T^T

anyway, this wip is my dc/batfam wip, aka the origins of Lucy and Nick lol. plot’s a nonchronological mystery with switching pics to outsider, minor characters, and Nick

17. Lucy Elliot: She Be Descending

literally just the previous but if Lucy was adopted by an abusive douchebag (douchebag being Thomas Elliot) and if she had a corruption arc (ngl i like corruption arc Lucy more she’s unhinged). assassin instead of vigilante and self-made leader of underground elites who “run” Gotham (killed the previous one and he was so impressed by her underhanded moves he placed her in his will instead of his son lmao)

anyway, snippet of Lucy and her (future ex) husband:

“Why darling”— she let out a scandalized gasp— “do you really think I would stray from you?” He merely gazed at her, eyes blank and cold. Lucy stared back, not one to be challenged. She knew he was just riling her up. Not that she was surprised in the slightest of his behavior. Lucy knew this was because of his alleged rivalry with a dear friend of hers. A dear friend whose father was the host of this gala. The gala said dear friend was said to be attending. “I would never doubt a woman who gave me a solemn vow.”

18. Mob Boss Lucy, Basically

remember what i wrote for 17? now let’s shift it to the right again! it’s me taking plot from 16 & 17 and trying to give Nick and Lucy an original story. Lucy still becomes a self-made mob boss but there’s no Gotham, no vigilantes.

the story here is that Lucy and Nick are building their power whilst evading the law and destroying any evidence that would lead to them bc their being hunted by a detective (who’s also Lucy’s childhood friend) and a private investigator

19. Dandelions

explained here

20. not really a sequel but it happens after

so this one is a continuation/sequel to 16. Lucy and Nick are happily married and adopted a really sweet kid (Caleb) but— oh no! horrible mercenaries attack Lucy and Caleb on their walk to the park! It leaves Lucy in critical condition and caused a magical outburst from Caleb and— whoops, there’s now a rift in time and space 🤷🏻‍♀️

i don’t really have much written and it’s self indulgent anyway so yeah

AND THERE YOU GO 🎉 phew that took me a bit but it was fun talking about them so thanks for the ask @thiamsxbitch 💕💕💕💕💕

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inkedtae · 2 years

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Color themes in RAC (4)

Even though I said I’d focus on the colors, I noticed this along the way !

There seems to be a few fairytale-y thing in RAC and i love it.

Moonlight Becomes You - Sinatra

Idk what the entirety of this song means lol. I mean, obviously it’s a sweet love song but there were so many things I didn’t understand in it as English is my third language and I have yet to master it 😭. So I did some research and apparently it’s from a movie (the first version of this song at least) and man sang it to serenade a princess under her balcony lol. I then thought that Taeddy could be the one serenading Angel (ofc)?? Also Angel says that Taeddy looks like a prince in D-D-D-Dim Sum and that she wishes she were his princess. Idk, just speculating (I’m looking for crumbs atp).

“With the way he holds your feet, like fragile flowers, worried they’ll be crushed in his hands, you almost feel like you’re in a fairytale. Sometimes he feels like he’s born from one… even when he’s upset. In a perfectly tailored tux and hair swept back, Taehyung looks like a prince.

Oh, how you wish to be his princess.” (Geraldson Residence).

“…It looks like a castle that’s been repurposed as a museum…” (Geraldson Residence) again princess themes lol. We know that Angel is insecure about her inexperience and the fact that Taeddy has seen so many women, so I find it really funny that you describe Anna’s house as a castle, maybe implying that she’s a princess, and then one chapter later tell us that Angel wishes she were Taeddy’s princess. 😭 Maybe Anna is everything Angel is not, or maybe she’s someone Angel wishes she could resemble. I mean, she has fucked Taeddy lol.

“A copy of The Canterbury Tales finally lays in your hand” again fairytale theme. Don’t know what this find symbolizes though as I’ve not read this book 😭.

I just thought it was adorable!

Anyway, I’ll now leave your inbox (finally)

Have a nice day/night <3

PS: I read the first chapter of your new bang Chan fic and it’s amazing as usual !

Ah! You picked up on my fairytale references! This is so exciting!

Okay so, for the most part, Rotten Angelcake is my way of working through my personal trauma. Writing a very sexy, plus sized woman who is inexperienced like me and so desperate for a sexy man (taehyung) to befriend and be close with has been my therapy lmao. With that being said, a lot of my personal wishes and life experiences tend to bleed into the story. I grew up loving fairytales so a lot of the fairytale references are a direct projection of my wants. I have always felt like a some aspect of my experiences reflect Cinderella's. I wanted to make some vague references, for Angel's context, of a rags-to-riches kind of story.

Since you mentioned a lot of examples of it, I will further break it all down. To start, Moonlight Becomes You just encompasses a lot of the atmosphere between Taehyung and Angel when they go out together. You're all dressed up to go dreaming. Now, don't you tell me I'm wrong is like the first line in the song (if I remember correctly). Do with that lyric what you wish 👀

Taehyung being a prince to Angel is more so like him being a saviour. He funds her life and keeps her company after that lull you have when you finish school and have no idea what you wanna do and all your college friends have moved on to other things. (Again, a nod to my life lmao) This is also a little nod to a Cinderella-type of fairytale since her prince saves her from her own misery as well.

The references of the Geraldson mansion being castle are simply pointing towards a world Angel does not feel very comfortable in since she does not come from a place like that. Taehyung, though is not born into riches, comfortable blends and fits in. Angel does not.

The Canterbury Tales is just a reference to my degree. It is a classic work and Taehyung is a classic, sophisticated and intelligent man. It seems like something he would pick up and read for the sentiment and not really the context. That's really why I mentioned it.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share all your thoughts and observations with me! I really enjoyed hearing them all and am so excited by all this things you pointed out! I can't wait for the story to further unfold and for more of these to make sense.

Have a wonderful day/night too!! 🥰💞

#letters #blipbloopiwannaeat #rotten angelcake kth #red string theories

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flwrkisses · 5 months

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faq.

hello! i'm mari. the writer of this lovely blog. here i will be answering the most reoccurring questions that come to my ask box to better help you all understand not only me and my blog.

Q: how old are you and where are you from?

well, i'm an 03 liner from puerto rico. this means my first language is spanish, so i apologize in advance for any and all grammar mistakes. i'm only human after all.

Q: who do you currently write for and whom have you written for?

i currently write for enhypen & tomorrow x together only.

i used to write for bts, seventeen, exo and a couple one shots for random groups here and there. they are all accessible through my archive. i have retired these groups from my blog and will not be writing for them anymore.

i still stan and enjoy these groups, however as inspiration comes and goes i would prefer to write about my current hyper fixations.

Q: what pronouns should we use for you?

gender is very weird and sometimes hard to understand but i use she/her primarily.

Q: who are your biases and the groups you stan?

i'm sunghoon's gf ... you can ask him he'll confirm. and i'm yeonjun's baby mama but tbh— i'm ot. 7 and ot. 5.

i stan lots of groups like p1h, ateez, skz, theboyz, new jeans, twice, seventeen, (g)idle, kep1er, le sserafim, and of course exo and bts. probably more that i can't think about right now.

Q: do you have a posting schedule?

i do not, i just write as inspo hits and as requests some in.

i will be posting for member's birthdays and anniversaries while in my active periods.

sometimes i go inactive for long periods of time with school and work.. so i apologize in advance for any i consistency.

Q: what is your favorite thing to write?

to be very honest, cheesy slice of life shameless self insert things.. but i also am really into angst. it's the pain that makes a story so much better... ig i just love to suffer.

Q: do you have anons/mutuals?

i used to, however after a year and a half of being inactive i'm not too sure if they're still around. but i'm always open having anons/mutuals or usual requesters or whatever you guys wanna call yourselves.

Q: is there anything you're not comfortable writing?

i don't have any hard triggers. i actually really like stories with harsher more dark topics. like i said earlier i love angst and slice of life fics and life isnt always sunshine and rainbows... and well that's perfectly okay!

sometimes i have requests about things i am not too extremely familiar with... if i do not know much about something i try to research before writing it. if even after research i don't understand it well i will not be writing it.

i will not write smut. this is not a smut account and i will not be making a side blog for smut. i just personally don't think i could write it. plus thats just not what i want this blog to be. there are lots of very good smut writers out there please check them out if thats what you're looking for.

i will also not be writing anything glorifying things like self harm, suicide, eating disorders, and other extremely serious mental health issues or health issues im general.

i will also not write anything i deem to be insensitive, offensive, or creepy.

Q: is there anything you wish to write more about?

i wish to write a lot more for enhypen in this upcoming year. and hopefully dive into some supernatural topics with them especially because of their vampire concept.

i want to write much longer fics, and further improve my fic/drabble/oneshot writing skills so lets see how it plays out!

©flwrkisses ; please do not copy, translate, repost and/or reuse my work without my permission. (2023)

#flwrkisses.faq

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snarky-badger · 2 years

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💭

Alright, since you already know all of my Ultron ideas, and I'm kinda out of Venom ones (beyond all the prompts I still have to write *headdesk*), I shall torment you with a Gargoyles one.

Takes place after the main season ended. We know, by the Avalon travel eps, that the world is full of mystic and magical creatures, beings, etc. But what, New York just has Gargoyles? I think not!

Turns out, someone made a big 'oops' in not sending a representative to give a meet and greet to the Clan when they became public knowledge.

I would take some of the stories from the "Goliath Chronicles", like the Quarrymen, and Margot vs Macbeth's televised bitchfests. (But that's about it because the "Goliath Chronicles" kinda sucked. Sorry/not/sorry)

New York has an underground of weird. Werewolves, were-people. Sorceresses, mages, wizards. Vampires that stick to strict codes to not harm innocent people. Not all dogs are really dogs, some are smaller dragons or gryphons. Some cats know more than most people do.

Isabelle and her niece Kathryn (Izzy and Kat respectively) are my main OCs. (Obviously there will be more since I have to build a whole mystical neighbourhood, hence why I haven't written this yet).

Izzy is the owner/mechanic of 'Screamin' Motors Auto Shop', a garage in one of the less 'affluent' neighbourhoods of New York. (Again, I need to research all of New York to pick a place. Or maybe I'll just make one up I don't know yet). Basic car/motorcycle repair shop. She owns the building, which is a three story - Garage on main floor, living space for her and Kat on the upper two.

Anyway, starts off with Kat finding the Quarrymen cornering Lexington in an alleyway on her way home from school. They'd lured Lex in with a fake 'person in distress' act. Lex holds his own, but sledgehammers that are electrified hurt like hell. Kat half-drags him to the Garage, where Izzy is working on a car. Lex is coherent enough to tell Izzy the number to call. Quarrymen gather outside the garage as Kat calls the number while Izzy goes to fight.

It's gonna be fun to write because Izzy? She isn't human. No where close.

Naturally later on I want to have her and Kat interacting with the Clan. Izzy is their new guide to the Mystic side of New York - to the underground bars that only accept non-humans, to the hidden stores and restaurants that only cater to the 'others'.

I honestly wanna have a Brooklyn/Izzy friendship/potential romance? Goliath was always a fav of mine, but he belongs with Elisa and I'm not going to change that AT ALL.

The kicker is that Izzy is afraid to tell the Clan what she is. Her kind and Gargoyles (in this fic anyway) weren't exactly 'friends'. So she and Kat struggle to keep all that hidden while still being friends with the Clan.

This would be such a huge fic, with so much world-building to do. I honestly don't have enough time, despite all the ideas and 'ready to write' scenes in my brain... I wish I did. I really do.

#gargoyles #what i would write if i had time #snarky answers #god i would love to write this #i need technology that takes fics from my brain and puts it onto a computer instantly

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fantastic-nonsense · 2 years

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hi noticed your post about meticulous writing process and i think thats rly cool as hell of you and now i wanna read your stuff

*nervous laughter*

Okay, so here's the thing: I haven't actually published any fic in the past like...8 years, and what fic I have published desperately needs major overhauls and rewrites, because I was in high school the last time I seriously looked at them. Everything that I have published is on my old FFN profile, and the newest fic on there? I wrote when I was 16. So...meh. I'm proud I wrote them, but they are absolutely not reflective of my current ability to craft a story or write.

In terms of Batfic, I've got a collection of half-written fics and outlines, some of which are research minimal and some of which are these long, sprawling works that will never see the light of day to anyone except me unless I manage to get over halfway through them (because I have a personal policy not to post any long fic unless it's already halfway done, so as to give myself proper spacing and motivation to actually finish it). So while you can't read any finished work, I'm happy to post an excerpt or two for you (and maybe it will compel me to actually finish and post them).

So...UNEDITED excerpt from a funny but ultimately rather sad fic I'm doing (tentatively titled 'Leave Me and Live') about Jason and his accidental mother/mother figure acquisition habit, written because the boy canonically collects women who want to mother the shit out of him but also loses basically all of them. Each section of the fic is designed to explore Jason's relationship with one of his moms; this excerpt is a tiny bit from near the end of the fic, from a section that takes place within the DC Bombshells universe:

There is only this: Jasón, proudly waving the flag of the Republic, running down a burning street with determination in his stride and a thrilled defiance in his smile.

There is only this: the cruel report of gunfire, eyes widening in shock, and a faint gasp of pain. He’s propelled forward by the force of the bullets, his cap knocked clear off his head as he falls to the ground, quiet and unmoving.

There is only this: a woman clad in cheetah print, a cruel smile on her face and a rifle in her hand, looking Kate directly in the eye from across the smoke-filled street as she and Renee stand stock-still, struck dumb by the shock of watching bullets hit their son’s chest. The world stands still, breathless for a single moment, before the sounds of battle again sound in her ears.

There is only this: Jasón, bleeding out on the street as one mother cradles him in her arms and the other sobs brokenly while standing guard, determined even in her grief to protect her loved ones. There are no last words or comforting hands in this moment, only the shades of red that fill their tunneled vision: the blood dripping from Kate’s fingers, the gloves decorating the Cheetah’s hands as she walks away, triumphant, the tangled mess that is Kate’s hair…and the ever-present red cap, dirtied and bloodstained as it lies on the ground beside its fallen wearer.

There is only this: a gravestone in a cemetery on the outskirts of Zaragoza, bearing the name Jasón Kane-Montoya, the words “Beloved Son,” and an inscription in honor of a boy who refused to leave his country behind: “But Who Would Be Left to Fight for Her?”

In this universe, Jason Todd loses two mothers not because he is left behind, but because he himself leaves them behind. For Kate and Renee, it's a loss from which they never recover. Renee throws herself into her work, her face a stony mask of grit and determination and guilt. Kate spends the days afterwards in a haze of grief, only moving because she must and only rising out of bed because Renee forces her to. What good is fighting Franco if Jasón will not be around to see their success? Whether they win or lose, the stubborn Basque boy with a heart as big as the sea will remain cold and still, buried quietly in the dead of night while on the run from Nationalist spies. Their relationship does not survive the loss, and Kate returns to Gotham City alone and empty-handed…but not without a new cause.

When Commander Waller inducts The Batwoman into the Bombshells three years later and sends her off to Berlin, offhandedly noting that she has “more reason than most to hate the National Socialists,” it is not the safari Kate thinks of. It is not her broken relationship with Renee or the ruined dig in Egypt or the pathetic man selling the names of Jewish refugees to the Nazis that she hunted down in a warehouse three nights ago. No, she thinks of a bright-eyed boy in a red cap, curling up against her side that night in Huesca and making her laugh as the bombs rained down from the sky.

The Bombshells section wound up being in a bit of an experimental writing style, and I also inadvertandly ended up doing a frankly ridiculous amount of research on the Spanish Civil War for a section that's ultimately only around 2.5k. So...look forward to this fic being published some time around Christmas, if I can get my act together and re-read some of Jason's pre-Crisis stories to get the Nocturna section right!

#asks #my writing #jason todd #batfam #long post #fic: leave me and live #op I would like you to know I have an 'Issue References and Historical Notes' section in this fic‚ if that's of interest to you

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crazy4myself · 4 years

Text

No Harm List Pt.4

Word Count: 7.2k

Summary: You live in a city where crime runs rampant. One day, you save a young boy's life, not knowing that he is the most powerful crime lord's heir. And you have just been put on the no harm list.

Trigger warnings: DESCRIPTION OF PANIC ATTACK!! I really took my time with writing this, trying my hardest to convey these feelings without being triggering. I also tried to make it as comforting as possible, but if you are feeling a little anxious maybe save this fic for a better day. Mental health first!

Additional warnings: mentions of violence, explicit language, mentions of death,

Genre: Romance, angst, violence, gang/mafia AU,

Rating: 18+ (bc of mentions of violence there’s no sexual content)

<- Pt.3

"Hobi, I don't wanna be mad. I just wanna know the truth,” you pleaded, voice wavering. And that was the truth, you felt like you could care less if he was in a gang. It was Alcorn, you had to be in a gang to survive if you weren't rich.

Upon seeing your eyes water and your lip tremble, Hoseok instantly wished you would scream at him. He didn't want to hurt you. He didn't mean for it to go this far. For you two to get so close after his sister's death, or for him to lie to you for so long. He told himself he kept you out of it for your safety, but really it was just too easy for him to live two lives, for you to look at him like he wasn't a murderer and for him to pretend for a few hours that he wasn't.

He sighed, sitting on the couch, and you plopped down next to him and waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts.

"I guess it's best to start at the very beginning, which was when I was around 16," he started.

"I lived in the same neighborhood as these two guys RM and Suga. They had actually served some time for getting busted with another gang, the Dime Lions, they're long gone now but basically, some shit went down during some kind of gang raid, and RM and Suga ended up taking the fall for it. Instead of the Dime Lions busting them out of jail, they left them there and basically disowned them afterward."

You nodded along to let him know you were following.

"Anyways RM and Suga, they had a rough start when they got out of the gang, both were bastards, street rats on the Westside they never had anyone to look out for them. So they did the only thing they could do at the time to survive, which was breaking it to cars and shit and cleaning them out. I don't just mean personal belongings of these guys took engine parts, piping, tiers they took it all, and sold it to any scrap shops they could find. At the time, I was working at my uncle's scrapyard. I knew RM and Suga when they were in middle school before they joined the Dime Lions. They stayed with the foster family that lived in my neighborhood. I knew they had been kicked out of the house and were basically living with the Lion's, so when I saw they were working alone, I got curious. For a year or so, I convinced my uncle to continue buying from them even when he started getting a little suspicious about the guys stealing. The guys knew I looked out for them, and we were cool for a while. Then my mom got sick," he paused for a moment looking away from you.

You reached out and placed your hand on his leg knowing how hard it was for him to talk about his mom and Dawon.

Collecting himself, Hoseok went on, "So I asked for an in with the guys, I needed money and I knew cars. I could remove the parts more effectively than they could. I also knew some clientele who were always coming by and buying parts because they flip cars for fun, those guys were easy targets. So I guess the three of us were a little gang of misfits for a while, I used the money to help pay for mom's treatment. They used the money to survive.

Then we started taking some younger ones under our wing. RM and Suga got their own place and opened their doors to some kids in a rough spot like they were. But as we got bigger, we started getting sloppy. We had been at it for about a year at this point. The guys started taking on some other jobs, but I stuck to what I did best. I wasn't really interested in broadening my horizons. Like I said, we had been at it for a while, and I got cocky, I guess. We had a few scuffles here and there, but we always got out of them okay. Then one night, we got busted scraping a car at some guy's house, and he shot me in the leg, and the cops got me. RM ended up bailing me out of jail, and Suga, Suga got me a gun."

He shifted in his seat and looked at you nervously, "I wanted out at this point, mom was basically on her deathbed, and I was all Dawon had. I couldn't risk going to jail, ya know. I owed RM money for bail, but my uncle got me a job as an actual mechanic, I thought I could earn money the honest way, pay them back and then Dae and I could just go back to our lives. But then the doctors told us about some experimental treatment that could possibly cure mom. How the hell could I pass that up? I would have done anything to help her get better." his brows furrowed as he tightened his fist into balls.

"So I stayed. At this point, BTS was growing, it was an official gang, tattoo and all. We had recruited Jin, who came from money, he used some of his trust fund to fund BTS and help us grow, and RM was starting to get a little ambitious. He wanted territory, he wanted me to take the tattoo and be his third." Hobi squeezed his eyes shut as he let out a sigh, he felt like he had to force the words out of him to confess his sins to you.

"I told you Suga got me a gun after the arrest, and it ended up I'm a really good shot, so good I didn't even have to kill a guy for a long time. I researched where to shoot to keep someone down for a long while without it being fatal, so that's what I did. I worked a few more jobs for RM, we did a big heist. Actually, that was our big break. A team of six other guys and I broke into this old rich dude's mansion, nearly cleaned out his safe when we split the money most of the guys put a percentage into my pot. I walked out that night with almost enough to pay for mom's treatment in full.

I told RM I wouldn't be his third, and he offered me an out, I just needed to take one more job for him, and he would pay out the rest of mom's bills, so that's what I did. I killed for the first time, and then I was free. I wouldn't have to do any of it again. Well, that's what I intended," he paused, his voice growing softer.

You tried to keep your face neutral as he revealed the horrors to you. Not that it mattered Hoseok couldn't even bring himself to look at you.

"Mom ended up passing that night." he laughed, a bitter sound that felt foreign to the kind man you knew, "I swear whatever cruel god is out there pulling all the strings did it to punish me. To let me know, they saw what I had become and that I didn't deserve to have people I love in my life. I wasn't good enough to feel love in this world,"

"Hobi, that's not-" he cut you off with a bitter laugh as he looked upwards to hold back his tears. The motion made him seem as though he was searching for the fates he mocked. "Don't y/n, I know what I am,"

"Dae was a senior when mom passed, and it absolutely broke her. I had to fight to get her to go to school for those last few months. Hell, it was a fight to get her out of bed for her graduation. Her exit exams were a disaster, and the councilors at the college were understanding, for the most part. They still admitted her to the school, but not a drop of financial aid was offered to her. She deserved so much more," Hobi's voice was laced with bitter disdain, his eyes looking far off.

"So I did everything I could to give it to her. I borrowed from Namjoon, enough to cover her entire admission at Alcorn University."

"Hobi, that's so much," you couldn't hold the comment in. It was near impossible for an ordinary person to buy their way into Alcorn if they didn't get scholarships, the tuition at the prestigious school was over $20,000 a semester for admission alone.

"And I did it, I had Jin make up a fake scholarship for her, send her a cute little letter telling her about the award. She thought that she earned a full ride, and I let her believe it. I even borrowed enough so she would stay in the dorms, I figured it would be safest to keep her out of the house. I didn't know what kind of jobs RM was going to have me do."

"I took the tattoo, and killing became more of a normal thing for me. It started to get easier, I kept my distance and tried my hardest to not even see their eyes.

There was a big turf war that year. I don't know, the city was on the brink of a recession, a lot of big players in the city were changing the rules of the game. Business owners fought to take down other businesses simply so theirs could stay open, the market was a disaster. I never cared about the politics of any of it, I just did what I was told, and because of that, I'm still not totally sure all I did that year. What lives I took. Who all I hurt. I did everything I could to forget those nights and the blood. I told myself I was doing it for a good reason, ya know.

I didn't want to know, I thought I would save that for the day I'm standing outside of hell, and they list off every single one of my evil deeds before they sentence their judgment." Hoseok's vacant eyes started to shine with tears.

"And that was the stupidest fucking thing I could have ever done. I had no clue who had it out for me, I had started feeling invincible. I didn't even consider that someone would want to take their revenge, I had killed Kim Martin Sr.'s son."

Your blood chilled at the name, and he didn't look at you as he continued.

"He was some big business owner or something, I was supposed to kill him, but there was a mix-up, and I got his son, Kim Martin Jr. instead. Whoever made the call decided that killing his son was just as effective because the grief practically destroyed him. A few misguided stock investments, while he was grieving, crashed his empire. He lost everything and had to move to the Westside in the aftermath.

Suga kept good tabs on the guy, but then he fell off the grid. We figured he left town or hell maybe he died. We didn't consider him a threat, he showed no interest in coming after BTS, so I didn't even think to keep an eye out for Dawon."

You felt hot tears roll down your face as you realized what happened. The media painted Martin as the bad guy. They accused him of losing his business after his son died due to extreme drug abuse. The city officials wrote him off as such a pathetic low life, that come the time of his death that his murder was barely investigated. It was simply declared a drug deal gone wrong. But he was a father, a father who lost everything to a hitman and wanted to return the favor.

Hoseok believed he didn't deserve love. Whatever higher power that was calling the shots took everything away from him as punishment.

You think of your best friend now long passed, her beautiful smile and contagious laugh. The way she could always read you and knew exactly what you needed, whether it be your favorite ice cream on your period or a trip to the botanical gardens in the middle of the night when she knew you were missing home a bit more than normal.

There was a loose glass in the greenhouse that hosted the plants native to your home. You would both scale the fence to the gardens late at night and push that glass panel in and carefully crawl into the greenhouse. The air would be filled with the floral scents you grew up with, and you would just walk the rows of plants and run your fingers over the velvet petals and waxy leaves.

Until Dawon would play music, a playlist the two of you made of songs in your native tongue. You would dance around the humid greenhouse singing on the top of your lungs while Dawon would laugh and clap along, excitedly shouting with you when she recognized a word or two.

You thought about the way you and Hoseok both carried a burden of guilt after she passed. Until now, you had felt like you failed her as a best friend and roommate.

For three years, you had tortured yourself with thoughts like if you hadn't procrastinated so much on your assignments that week, you would have been home when she decided to make a late snack run. You told yourself the robber probably wouldn't have stopped her if you were together. You reasoned that two of you would have deterred her as a target.

Or maybe he would have just shot you instead. Dawon would have recovered from the loss so much better, she had Hoseok to comfort her and family and friends to support her. You were merely an exchange student in a city with no morals, loved by no one, but taken in out of guilt by her brother. It would've been a better trade.

You tortured yourself with these thoughts day and night consumed with feelings similar to survivor's guilt.

You never understood Hoseok's guilt, until tonight, you felt like there was nothing he could have done to make that night play out differently. But now you realize he could have anything, and it might have made a difference.

"Y/n, I understand if you hate me," Hoseok said softly, watching the tears that dripped down your cheek as you processed everything he told you.

"I wanted to honor Dawon's wish. I didn't expect you to do so much for me, for you to become my best friend and for you to make me feel normal. I kept this from you because you were the closest thing to her I had left. There was a time where I thought I would distance myself from you when you moved out. That I would just become another hazy detail to the tragedy, and you would move on completely with your life, but y/n you were so sad, and you needed me too.

When you moved out, I was terrified of something happening to you. I couldn't stop myself from checking up on you. I couldn't let us grow apart." Hoseok's voice broke off as you looked at him, the pain and betrayal in your eyes.

"Y/n, you're the closest thing I have to redemption, protecting you, being your friend is the last thread of humanity I have left, I can't lose you," he pleaded.

"You watched me blame myself," you whispered accusingly, your eyes shining with betrayal.

"You watched me tear myself apart, and used comforting me to make you feel better about yourself?"

He flinched at your words, "I tried everything I could to convince you there was nothing you could have done," Hobi argued feebly.

"Everything but tell the truth," you hissed as hot tears rolled down your cheek.

You got up as a sob escaped you, your face red and snot running from your nose. Hoseok stood with you, but you flinched away with a broken no.

"I need time, Hoseok," you begged.

You swallowed thickly as you did everything in your power to keep it together, "I don't want to hate you, but please, I need time to think about everything," you assured. Even knowing what he did, he was right. You needed him too. If you lost him, you truly didn't have anyone in the city who cared if you lived or died tomorrow. And maybe settling for that made you your own kind of monster.

It was funny how he claimed such a tarnished person could be his redemption.

You secure your bag to your shoulder, stepping out into the night air and pulling the door closed behind you. You couldn't even bring yourself to lock the door behind you, afraid that if you stopped moving for one second that you would completely break down and be unable to make it home. You only hoped Hoseok was smart enough to check the door behind you and make sure to lock it.

You counted the stairs as you made your descent and into the parking lot, making an effort to take in your surroundings. You tried to list off the colors of the cars as you passed them, and while some distant part of you did the action, you still felt like the effort wasn't reaching whatever corner of your brain you were hiding in.

You got a lot better with controlling your anxiety attacks as you made it further in college, even going as far as taking advantage of the university's free therapy sessions to get professional guidance in your junior year. You defaulted to your go-to grounding technique as your feet moved of their own accord to carry you home. 5,4,3,2,1 was an exercise that made you aware of your surroundings and tether yourself to this world when your mind felt a dimension away.

The technique walked you through your five senses, making you list off 5 things you could see, 4 things you could feel, 3 things you could hear, two things you could smell, and one thing you could taste. Even in your most anxious moments, you were a slut for making a good list. You always found this exercise more soothing than any breathing technique.

Your eyes searched without really seeing as you tried to find five things you could see around you. Straining yourself to really take in your surroundings, you settled for a yellow fire hydrant, a car parked on the side of the road, a penny on the ground, a drainage inlet tucked into the curb, and finally your own yellow shoes pacing down the concrete sidewalk.

You were going to be okay, you reminded yourself as you took an intentional breath.

Next, four things you can touch, you focused on your breathing as you reached an arm out to graze your fingertips along with the rough brick of the building you walked by.

You shifted a little more with each step, concentrating on how the fabric of your clothes moved across your skin and curling your toes into the padding of your shoes. You didn't count each feeling, your wandering mind struggling to really take in each sensation, but you were sure you touched four things by now.

This was a mistake you often caught yourself making when counting down like this. Sometimes you were in such a rush to reach the end and get to one as if identifying one taste would magically make all your anxieties go away that you forget to take it slow and really center yourself.

Three things you can hear, it was at the time, as you strained to let the world in through the all-consuming pounding of your heart in your ears, that you realized you were whimpering to yourself slightly. The awareness of your own vulnerability made you stumble as your mind spiraled, and you struggled to find something to tether you back to the earth.

You began walking faster before realizing you're not certain you were going the right way. So you came to a halt, realizing you couldn't bring yourself to focus enough to take in your surroundings. You stared at the street sign for a long time, repeating the letters to yourself as you made them form a word finally settling on Gardenia.

Your breathing hitched as you realized you had wandered off the main streets and into a neighborhood in your daze. You were lost, but you couldn't bring yourself to care about it, and the lack of fear flashed an alarm in your mind that let you know you were too far gone to count away your anxieties.

You struggled to breathe as you tried to come up with a decision. You needed to ground yourself to calm down. You needed to list off 5 things you could see, fourth things you could feel, three things you could hear, two things you could smell, and one thing you could taste. You knew the only way to bring yourself back to the world was to become aware of your settings.

But it felt as if the part of your brain that knew all these things didn't even touch whatever part of your mind was controlling you now. You were better off giving directions to the light pole you stood under.

You felt your breathing get harder as you desperately gasped in all the air you could. Your arms and legs began to tingle as your body over oxidized, and your head began to spin.

Slowly you slumped to the ground, wrapping your arms around the light pole you had stopped under as you spiraled.

What were you even doing before this moment? How did you even get here? You forced your eyes open wide, hoping the action would make you actually see and register what you were looking at to no avail.

What were you doing, what were you doing, what were you doing?

You struggled to reign in your thoughts of your laughing best friend and her crying brother. Or was it your crying best friend and his dead sister?

You were supposed to find three things you could hear. Your crying doesn't count. A more logical voice seemed to get through to you.

You strained your ears to hear past your own breathing, you could hear a frog croaking in the grass nearby, you felt the earth beneath you to confirm you had in fact settled in a patch of grass. You smiled to yourself proud of your progress as you continued to listen as you continued to listen. You heard the electricity buzzing in the light pole you had wrapped your arms around, you felt almost childlike as you opened your eyes. Actually, seeing this time as you looked up at the pole, you were around.

You needed one more sound, you strained your ears, expecting to be met with something like a far off car driving by. Instead, you heard your name being called. You blinked as you turned away from the street lamp and towards the repeating sound of a familiar set of syllables coming from a familiar voice.

Jungkook jogged up to as he saw you curled around a lamppost. Even from a distance, he could see the rapid way your chest was rising and falling in that familiar chaotic rhythm he only saw when he found Taehyung or Yoongi having a panic attack. You looked up at him with a tear-stained face and saw the confusion of his presence take you off guard and snap whatever control you had over yourself.

Your face crumpled as a sob broke from your chest, and you turned away from him and curled yourself around the light pole a little tighter.

Jungkook felt such a rush of guilt and panic at the sight of you so broken that he ignored the dull ache in his knees as he instinctively fell down in the grass next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you from the cold metal pole, trying to position comfortably in his chest.

Jungkook shifted as he uncurled his legs from beneath his body and stretched them out next to yours in front of him, trying to touch as much of his body to you in comfort. You didn't resist, but the jolting motions did seem to make you more upset for a short moment. Jungkook realized he forgot to ask for permission to touch you before he acted.

He knew Tae preferred physical comfort to calm down, but sometimes it could act more as a trigger when unwelcomed. He loosened his grip hesitantly, and you wrapped your arms around his middle, hugging him closer to you in response.

Physical contact is. He thought to himself as he began stroking one hand up and down your back and rocking you both side to side slightly as if he was trying to calm a baby from a tantrum.

Which he basically was doing, you thought bitterly to yourself as you accepted the comfort.

You were too far gone to calm yourself down. You had ridden the river of upsetting thoughts that triggered your attack all the way down, and now you risked floating out to sea and losing yourself forever. Not actually forever, just until you would cry yourself unconscious and wake up to start anew. But you supposed accepting comfort was better than sleeping outside in a neighborhood you didn't know.

Jungkook whispered to you, not the sweet nothings people typically say when they see people break down like 'it's going to be okay,' or most annoyingly 'breath.' No Jungkook simply told you, 'you're safe,' 'take your time,' 'you're stronger than you give yourself credit for' and in your case most importantly, 'exhale.'

When people see you having a panic attack and hear the loud gasp you make as you fight to breathe, they instinctively tell you to breathe as a way to calm down. But it's your failure to let the air out that keeps your body over oxidized, making it harder for you to feel in control of yourself.

Slowly, you regained control of your body, and your desperate gasps for air morphed into shallow panting. Your shallow breathing morphed into soft whimpers and sniffled. Jungkook held you as your continuous knit itself together, and you faced the pain your mind was so desperate to escape.

He rubbed you back as you let out soft sobs as you reopened wounds that had healed into jagged scars. You cried for Dawon and her undeserved death. For Hoseok and the guilt you knew, he carried every day. You cried for Kim Martin, who died at the hands of the killer that stole his son. You cried for yourself, over the fear of the future as you saw it grow intimately tangled with a notorious gang.

You don't know how long Jungkook waited as you reeled yourself back together. He waited long after you finished crying, knowing just because you had control of yourself physically didn't mean you were mentally ready to face the world, so he wrapped you in his warmth and hummed to himself as he rocked you both slowly.

You loosened and tightened your grip on his shirt and curled and uncurled your toes as you tried to become more aware of your body. You were basically sprawled out on the grass with your upper body twisted and pulled into Jungkook's middle. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but you weren't willing to risk losing his warmth to move.

You licked your lips, and the jarring taste of your salty tears pulled you from your self pitying thoughts, deciding to work your way up the list you once again started to count.

One thing you taste, salt.

Two things you smell: you inhaled deeply and took in the smell of laundry detergent that clung to Jungkkook's shirt. "Detergent," you mumbled into his shirt, and the sound of a coherent word leaving you made Jungkook's humming stop as he looked down at you, nuzzling your face deeper into his chest. He held in his chuckle as you stiffed the air again, and confidently said, "and grass."

You finally pulled yourself away from him only slightly to turn your face away from him, your cheek still pressed against his chest.

"I can hear frogs, cars nearby, and.. your heart," you listed as you looked up at him from under you thick lashes still clumped with tears, "it's louder than mine," you observed as you listened to the hammering in his chest.

He was from a different kind of nerves.

He recognized the countdown and realized you were working to ground yourself, "What can you feel?" he prompted eager to get you to move on from his pounding heart.

"Your t-shirt, it's soft, the grass poking at me through my jeans, my bra digging into me" you wrinkled your nose as you became aware of the discomfort.

"And?" Jungkook prompted. A smile curled your lips as you looked up at him mischievously, "You're abs," you giggled as you sat up, finally pulling away from him. Jungkook felt the heat crawl up his neck as he turned away, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully.

"And what do you see?" he asked gently, looking everywhere but you.

You smiled at his bashfulness as you look around, "I see the street sign, the green grass," you pause as you squint, "I think that's either a rock or some dog poop over there," Jungkook let out a startled laugh. You smiled to yourself proudly as you continued.

"Our shadows from the street light, and,” you pause realizing how close the two of you are, "the little mole underneath your lip."

"Good," he whispered, and you watched in fascination how his lips formed the words, "Are you ready to get up now, or do you need a few minutes?" he asked. It was the way his mouth twisted into a smile at the end of the sentence that made you realize you were still staring at his lips. You blinked before looking up at his eyes, which was alight with a teasing glint.

"I can stand," you answered, flustered as you pulled your body away from him. Maneuvering your feet beneath you to get up. Jungkook offered you a hand once he was up helping pull you to your feet, before bending down and grabbing your purse for you. Your feet still tingled in that pins and needles feeling. You wiggled your hands to wake up your fingers as well, but other than that, you felt like you recovered from the physical toll of the panic attack quite well.

"C'mon my place is at the end of this road, let me grab a car and drive you home," he offered.

You walked with him obediently, your hands brushing past each other twice before Jungkook's hand finally snatched yours mid-swing; you looked down and watched as your fingers intertwined with his effortlessly. You looked to him to see a change in his expression, but he looked straight ahead as he walked, acting as if nothing happened.

You smiled at yourself, thankful for the affection. You always did get a little clingy after panic attacks, relying heavily on skinship and the feeling of someone taking care of you as a way to feel calm. You were surprised how easy it was for you to let Jungkook fall into that roll despite barely knowing him. But you suppose in the handful of interactions the two of you shared, he's always prioritized your comfort and safety.

"This is your house?" you asked as you took in the massive white art deco house behind the gate you stopped in front of. The gate buzzed and rolled open for the two of you of its own accord and rolled open for the two of you.

Jungkook smiled sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, kinda," he said with a shrug.

You raised a brow, "kinda?"

"It's complicated, c'mon let's get you home," he said with a tug reminding you that the two of you were still holding hands. You flushed but followed obediently as you made your way to the garage.

You squinted as your eyes were met with a flood of fluorescent light upon opening the door. A row of vehicles lined its way down the length of the garage, varying from sports car, to jeep, to a large black truck at the end of the row. A line of 4 motorcycles along the furthest wall.

"J-Hope sells Namjoon a car any chance he gets," Jungkook chuckled as he took in your awed expression.

"J-Hope?" you questions, and Jungkook's smile faltered.

"That's what we call Hoseok," he clarified.

You nodded in understanding, "Like how Taehyung goes by V?" you asked, and he nodded.

"Hoseok, does he sell drugs like V does?" you asked curious of what all Hoseok's gang involvement entailed.

Jungkook opened his mouth to answer but was cut off as the adjacent door slammed up from what looked to be inside the house, revealing a man in a black t-shirt with a mop of platinum blond hair.

"There you are," he practically growled as he stormed in the room.

The man was dwarfed by Jungkook a good bit, but somehow Jungkook seemed to cower and appear smaller as the man approached, dropping your hand as if he were caught doing something he shouldn't.

You looked at him curiously and wondered if he was.

"Yoongi hyung," he greeted as he tried to force a smile, "I was just about to-"

"Save it," he snapped, "I have half the army out looking for you, ya know," he turned his fury to you much to your surprise as he added "both of you."

Your mouth fell open, shocked by the confusion apparent on your face as he continued, "Do I need to babysit both of you, because believe it or not, she's taking up a lot of my time. I really can't handle you getting flakey on me Jungkook, we need to know that you're safe,"

Jungkook looked down as he lectured, murmuring a small apology.

"And you" Yoongi turned to you, "That goes for you too, the Black Tips are still on your tail, I can't do much for you if you go running off,"

"Hyung," Jungkook hissed. "Not now, please."

Yoongi blinked at his younger in surprise, turning to you and making a point to really look at you, and take you in. Your red-rimmed eyes and splotchy face, the way you seemed to lean into Jungkook. He recognized that far off look in your eyes like you had to concentrate on being present in the moment, and Yoongi remembered the warning in Hoseok's earlier message when he told him you had run out.

"Yeah, okay, get her home and come straight back when you're done, we still need to talk," he said dismissively. None of your questions were answered, but you didn't resist as Jungkook put a hand on your back and guided you towards a nearby car.

"Good night, princess," Yoongi called over his shoulder before closing the door behind him. Unlike with Jimin, you felt like you were being mocked when Yoongi called you that.

"Who was that, your brother, and why did he say he needs to babysit me?" you questioned as you both settled into the fine black vehicle the windows were so deeply tinted on the outside you wondered if it was safe to drive at night, but upon getting in the car, you noted that you could see through the windows clearly.

Jungkook waited until after he put the key in the ignition and backed out into the driveway before he started talking."That's Yoongi hyung or Suga, he's head of surveillance for BTS. He was the one who sent out a message to go escort you home when J– Hobi Hyung told him you were upset and left his apartment so late. I was on my way in that direction when I ran across you on our street," he said, breaking at a stop sign and turning on the blinker.

You looked out the window as you took in everything he's told you, noting that you were stopped again by the light pole you had a panic attack under. Suga was one of the original members in Hoseok's story. You thought to yourself as you connected the dots. Your head still felt a little foggy as you recovered from the literal mental breakdown. The sudden change of lighting earlier had started to make your head throb. You were ready for bed.

"Hobi sent people to look for me?" was all you could manage, not entirely understanding the emotions stirring in your chest.

"Well yeah, I mean, I was supposed to escort you home after work, and you kind changed plans, so we had to roll with them. I figured Hoseok would have taken you home after everything, so I didn't wait around. And then when Suga did send out the message I didn't notify them that I found you it was dumb on my part," he clarified.

You leaned onto the console between the two of you, propping your cheek upon your hand in a way that squished your lips into a slight pout. Jungkook tried not to stiffen as you got more in his space. Peeking down at you through his peripherals he saw your brow furrow as you processed everything.

"Why do you care?" you finally settled on asking as you still struggled to pinpoint why so many people would be worried about your safety.

Hoseok, you understood, to a certain extent, you even understood why he called in the favor. He knew your patterns and signs, you were probably shouting you were about to have an attack with your body language as you walked out the door. He knew he could never comfort you, not when he was the trigger. What you didn't understand was why BTS would listen.

"Because you're still not safe, and BTS took responsibility for your safety when I did," Jungkook said, simply turning to look at you as he stopped at a red light.

If you were in the right state of mind, such a comment would have triggered an immediate fight. You had been on your own for far too many years to suddenly need a whole gaggle of men to tend to you as if you were some helpless girl. You were a grown-ass woman. But you weren't yourself as you searched for a response in the fog of your mind.

"You're not responsible for anything about me?" you said softly as you shifted to rest your hand on your chin.

"Y/n what all did Hoseok hyung tell you?" Jungkook asked, confused, you weren't rejecting his protection, you just seemed oblivious. He assumed the cat was out of the back as soon as you learned what BTS was, who they were concerning you.

"Just how he joined BTS as how he ya know," you stuck your pointer finger and thumb in the air making soft 'pew pew' sounds. You couldn't bring yourself to talk seriously about the subject. Too much of this night had been severe for your liking.

"Y/n, you saved my life last week," Jungkook said, trying to look in your eyes and convey all his gratitude. You shifted under his stare.

"I wouldn't call it that," you murmured, turning away, "The lights green," you added flatly trying to turn his attention from you. He ignored you and placed a warm hand over yours.

"I would, and because of that, I and all of BTS owe you a life debt. We want to protect you as best as we can, especially since you're not totally safe from the guys you saved me from," he emphasized.

You looked up at him owlishly as you thought over everything he said. But whatever you were going to say died on your lips as a car honked its horn behind you. You both jumped startled, and the intensity of the moment evaporated slightly.

After a few moments of silence, you decided he didn't require a response. You can't imagine you would give a correct one anyways. You looked down at your hand, his larger one still resting atop your own and turned your wrist quickly and intertwining your fingers.

You rode in silence the rest of the way home, and you were fighting your eyelids as you pulled up to your complex.

Jungkook wondered if you always fell asleep in the car even with dangerous men. He wondered if that's why he never sees you take the bus at night.

"You really should consider living somewhere safer," Jungkook muttered under his breath as he shut off the engine.

You bit your tongue holding in several comments and gave a noncommittal 'mmm' as you unbuckled and stepped out the car to see he planned to walk you to your door again.

You grew embarrassed as you climbed the stairs and scrambled to think of parting words dwelling on everything Jungkook had done for you that night, "Thank you," you finally forced yourself to say. Jungkook looked down at you as you came to a halt in front of your door. "For earlier, with the crying and the counting," you offered awkwardly your eyes looking everywhere but his as you breached the sensitive topic.

"Oh, it wasn't a problem, really. I'm glad I could help" he laughed nervously, and you smiled, reaching for his hand before he could bring it to the back of his head, a nervous habit you were quickly picking up on him having.

"I'm serious Jungkook, a lot of people freak out and make the situation much worse for me, and I get it seeing someone crying like that it's never an easy thing to react to, but you did—" you hesitated as you searched for the right words, "You were good, comforting."

You didn't give yourself time to question it as you stood on your tiptoes, deciding to convey your gratitude in a way that your stuttering mouth wouldn't botch, and grazed a small peck aiming for his cheek. Unfortunately, the height difference and your own lack of balance had you landing more on his jawline. Jungkook gasped only slightly at the feeling of your soft lips on his jaw, the heat of your body radiating off of you in your nearness. You smiled at him again as you turned towards the door to unlock it.

"Haha yeah, happy to hear that," he responded, his voice crawling in pitch as he ordered his heart to beat, and you gave him another warm smile as you pushed open your door.

"Good night, Jungkook."

"Good night, Ella."

Jungkook's face split into a grin as you closed the door, a hand reaching for his jaw and pressing against where you kissed him as if it would simulate the feeling. His steps seemed to bounce as he made his way down the concrete stairs and back to his car.

A/N: Thanks so much for reading please tell me what you think! Your comments make me eager to write more :)

Pt.5 ->

#bts fic #jungkook x reader #bts mafia au #btsghostie #bangtanhq #btsbookclub #btsguild #bangtanscenery #bts gang au #gangster jungkook #gangster yoongi #gangaster taehyung #gangster hoseok #jungkook au #bestfriend hoseok #no harm list #crazy4myself fic #drug dealer teahyung #jungkook fluff

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quicksilverconnoisseur · 4 years

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To celebrate the return of QS on AO3 with a huge new fic by @weconqueratdawn

TheSeaVoices Drawing Playlist

A mixture of drawing moods, themes and favourites, not necessarily relevant lyric-wise but all very carefully selected for zero frustration - maximum flow, and perhaps an element of sexiness?

If you want a 43 track playlist for drawing or painting to - this works :)

1- Wallowa Lake Monster, Sufjan Stevens

Fucking love the fucking lyrics! Beautiful story and atmosphere and voice. I hadn’t listened to Sufjan much before watching Call Me By Your Name and just caning Visions of Gideon for weeks after.

2- Experiment In Terror, Henry Mancini

From the 60’s noir thriller of the same name - so stylish and cool - what a soundtrack sir! I love the slow threat and slinkiness.

3- My Body, Perfume Genius

Similar slink here, dirty kind of glide. Have seen PG a couple of times live and just ABSORBED it into my soul - he dances up there like a beautiful table-dancer and the crowd is moving with him - always good albums to paint to.

4- Danke Schoen, Wayne Newton

Turn this way up! 21 year old Wayne blasts this out like a genius - his voice is amazing and so feminine. I know it from Ferris Bueller's Day Off originally where it is put to very good use.

5- My Little Brown Book, Duke Ellington, John Coltrane

I can listen to Duke Ellington all day every day, those brushy cymbals in this are so lazy cool. That’s the third sixties song so far.

6- One More Kiss Dear, Vangelis

Bladerunner, one of my favourite films. WHAT A FUCKING SOUNDTRACK! This song was an accidental recording sung for the demo by Don Percival (not the intended singer) and the weird spooky vocal just worked for the mock vintage sound.

7- Verbarhemiopia, Ed Dowie

Released through Lost Map Records. I know these people and they always have great acts - I had a lot of exceptional experiences on the Inner Hebridean island of Eigg with them. This track is just a beautiful, pulsing moonbeam.

8- Just Like Honey, The Jesus and Mary Chain

Such a sleazy, druggy, sexy song - dirty guitar and sensual drums - the opening drum intro, borrowed from (another 60’s track), Be My Baby by The Ronettes coming up on this list at number 38.

9- Grid, Perfume Genius

I rec the video!

10- Here, Pavement

Oh Pavement - a big part of my identity! - Live, they are a fucking dream! This song is a regular ear worm.

11- Demon Host, Timber Timbre

Great lyrics, great album

12- Animal Friends, P-ano

The only song I’m into on this album, the atmosphere is great. A sad little song.

13- Sleepwalk, Santo and Johnny

1959 so lets call it 60’s again XD. A great instrumental - that slide, steel guitar sound is lush and the asmr trigger of my dreams

14- Hang Out The Stars In Indiana, Al Bowlly

MY FAVOURITE SONG OF ALL FUCKING TIME. I can and do listen to this on repeat all through a drawing even if it takes a day. Withnail & I introduced me - one of my favourite films. And, of course Bowlly is on The Shining too.

15- Wasted Teens, Monoganon

Lost Map records again, excellent and crazy live performance from these on Eigg.

16- The Alien, Ben Salisbury, Geoff Barrow

Such dark foreboding anticipation. From the Annihilation soundtrack - brilliant film and score. I love Portishead too.

17- Life Is Just A Bowl Of Cherries, Al Bowlly

Hey cheer up everyone - fuck it!

18- Wanna Sip, Fever Ray

I do! This is from their live recording at the Troxy - I WAS THERE —- oooooooooooof fuck WHAT A SHOW honestly!

19- Lipstick Stains, Jay Som

“I wanted to musically capture the immediate and intense but beautiful feeling of infatuation.” —— yep!

20- Heat Wave, Snail Mail

Yes! They are brilliant - saw them live at End Of The Road and the tent was CRAMMED!!!!!! The atmosphere was amazing - she is so young and so great.

21- I Love How You Love Me, The Paris Sisters

Hello 1960’s! The creamy Spector sound and that spoken word is amazing.

22- Shadow, Chromatics

Loved this on Twin Peaks The Return, it’s a gem and perfect for drawing/painting to.

23- Bankrobber, The Clash

I always sing ‘Daddy was a vampire’

24- Do Your Best, John Maus

Slo-mo beauty.

25- Canadian Girl, The Walkmen

Nice vintage-tinged weirdness and soul.

26- Wave of Mutilation (UK SURF) Pixies

I love Pixies, only seen them live once but it was very, very, very special. Beautiful, laid back b side version that I prefer to the album track.

27- Fell An Ox

There was a time where all I would listen to was King Creosote - it was an obsession! I have lost count of KC gigs I’ve been to.

28- Slow West, Django Django

Love the film, love the soundtrack, loved Django Django up till the last few releases. There is a live version of this on KEXP from four years ago which is the one I usually listen to. Fucking brilliant live - got to see them on Eigg one time too. I rec the Slow West film if you haven’t seen it.

29- Withnail’s Theme, Jack Hallam

Great film and soundtrack - a big favourite.

30- Portofino 1, Raymond Scott

60’s! Ha - I hadn’t realised this at all till writing all this.

31- Lady Gaylord, Raymond Scott

From Manhattan Research Inc a collection of his advertising jingles and snippets from the 60’s

32- The Pink Room, Angelo Badalamenti

Filthiest song ever? From Twin Peaks Fire Walk With Me

33- Goodnight Felicia, Chris Bear

From the score to excellent TV show, High Maintenance. I do love Grizzly Bear anyway and cried at their last gig I went to - I always cry at gigs though so….

34- Plainsong, The Cure

My teenage self was a massive Cure fan and I dedicated my record player, school books, wardrobe and bedroom to them! Saw them live only once (the LIGHTS!!!!) because I was too young, obsessed over Robert Smith a lot! This song and the whole album were a big favourite. Beautiful.

35- A Reluctant Hero/Betsy/End Credits Taxi Driver, Bernard Herrmann

I love Herrmann and I really love Taxi Driver. This is just…. ooof!

36- I Fall In Love Too Easily, Chet Baker

Jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 1954- what a pretty little voice.

37- Looking Back I Should Have Been Home More, Richard Swift

Just lovely, so sad about Swift.

38- Be My Baby, The Ronettes

The best opening song use ever- MEAN STREETS - turn this RIGHT up please.

39- Go, Sparklehorse, Flaming Lips - Daniel Johnston cover

Doubly sad because of Sparklehorse and Daniel Johnston. I have seen The Flaming Lips many times throughout their career - from small gigs to radio telescope gigs! What a fucking show!

40- Every Night, Perfume Genius

Just nice stuff. Like I said - live he is so sensual- his moves are amazing.

41- Fireflies Made Out of Dust, Happy Jawbone Family Band

Great track. Love the lyrics.

42- Sleeping Lessons, The Shins

Richard Swift again, on keyboards. I really enjoy the historical references and atmosphere on this.

43- Smoke Rings, Les Paul, Mary Ford

1952 - ssssso ssssssspooooky

#hannibal #hannibal playlist #Quicksilver Will #theseavoices #art playlist

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