#she's going to get K into this and MAKE A HUGE FUCKING DEAL AND I'M NOT READY FOR THAT MAN
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The Babysitter -- 1/?
Summary: Harley hire the Red Hood to look after her and Ivy's apprentice while they go on their honeymoon.
Thief!Reader x Red Hood
Words: 3.2k
Warnings: 18+ Only, Slowish Burn, swearing, weapons, man handling, alcohol consumption, bratty reader, stealing, mentions of violence.
"What exactly do you mean 'take care of her,'" Jason asks a surprisingly conservatively dressed Harley as she sits across from him at his meeting table. Well, he calls it a meeting table. But mostly it’s just the only table in the warehouse that isn’t covered in either guns, arrows or leftover takeout containers, "going to need you to be more specific Harley. Do you want me to kill this girl? Coz that'll cost more."
"Kill her? Geeze, what gave ya that idea? Me n Iv's are goin’ on a vacay and we need you to keep her outa trouble, k."
"That's it? Just keep one kid out of trouble for a week?"
"A week, a month, who can say?"
"You can."
"A week, then. An’ keep an eye on Boomer, he's been hanging around a lot lately."
"So the girl and the idiot, right.” he pretends to make a note of it on his imaginary notepad, “You know I take payment upfront."
"Yeah, yeah. Just make sure she gets her nap and her dinner, she gets annoying when she's hungry or tired."
"I'm sure I can handle it."
"Course ya can," Harley smiles, "Well I better get packin. You want cash?"
"Always."
Xx
“Little girl,” the Red Hood calls as he puts the key Harley gave him into the lock, “I'm here to watch you,” he takes a step inside, noticing how tidy the place seems to be, “While your mums are going on holiday.” he doesn’t hear anything, maybe they put you down for a nap before they left? He takes another step before seeing movement in the living room.
“My who?” Your voice is surly and confused. You wipe your eyes, rolling yourself from the couch and onto the floor. Your hand snaps out taking the gun from underneath and pointing it at the the huge guy in the shiny red target hat who is apparently just chilling in the entryway to your apartment, “who the fuck are you?” You click the bullets into the chamber, sitting up on your knees, “No, wait.” you tilt your head, taking in the dark leather jumper and the width of his thighs, “ I know you,” shutting your left eye, you try to focus on your aim, maybe the shoulder? You think, “Why the fuck are you in my house?”
“You're not who I was expecting,” he says, walking towards you with his hands up and seemingly just as confused as you are, “is there a child here?”
“A child? That what they told you? So fucking rude,” you stand, stepping away from him and pressing the tip of the gun into your temple to try and ease the stress, “I swear to God. They think I'm an idiot,” you start to pace, “can't leave her alone she'll do something crazy,” you wave the gun around, “can't let her into a club one of those idiots will get stabbed again,” you continue to ramble unaware of the Red Hood sneaking up behind you, “heaven forbid we leave her alone for a week, Jesus fucking- AH, WHAT THE FUCK!” You squeal as your gun is pulled from your hand and tucked into this dude's jacket, “excuse me! That's mine!” you reach for him only to stumble forward.
“Is it,” he eyes the piece, “says right here property of CF.”
“So I stole it.” you throw your hands up, “Whatever its mine now, give it back.”
“Sit down.” he says in what you assume is meant to be in some kind of bossy ass tone.
“Fuck off. Just because the girls paid you doesn't make you the boss of me.”
“Sit,” He points the gun at you, “down.” Checking the chambers empty, dropping a spare round on the floor, “Now.”
“Whatever, not like you'll get paid if they find me dead.” You brush him off, heading into the kitchen to grab yourself a drink, “you want one?” You ask, holding up the opened and definitely old bottle of vodka, “I think this one's from yesterday.”
“I don't drink on the job.”
“Spoil sport. More for me then” you smile, hopping up on the counter, “So what's your deal? Something wrong with your head? That was the helmet’s for? Keep ya brains from falling out?”
“No.”
“Then why agree to babysit me?”
“Money.”
“Lame, you need to come up with something more fun,” you cross your ankles as your feet swing into the cabinet, “Wanna teach me how to do a flip?”
“I do not.”
“Shame, so what's with the helmet? Can you even.drink through that? Does it come off? Is it molded to your head? Is it boobie trapped like Batmans? Is that real leather? Do you have a mask under your mask? I hear that people do, sometimes. What about-” you're cut off by a hand platersing itself over your mouth.
“Do you ever shut up?” You shake your head, darting out your tongue and licking at his glove, “Did you just fucking lick me?”
“Yes,” you laugh when he pulls back staring at his hand.
“What the fuck?”
“What the fuck?” You mock him, grabbing your bottle of booze and running off into your room, slamming the door behind you.
“Fucking hell,” Jason says, wiping his face down his helmet. From the corner of his helmet eyes he spots the pair of black leggings hanging out on the fire escape. “This is going to be the longest week of my life.”
“Byeeee,” you smile, waving at him as you slip down the fire escape and head off into the night.
Harley is going to have to owe me one for this, he thinks, if I knew she was a grown as brat I would've charged more. Descending the stairs over the railing he lands right in front of you as your feet hit the ground. “Inside,”
“Boo, you're no fun,” you try to move past him. But he anticipates your every move much to your frustration and when you turn to run he grabs a hold of your hand.
“Don't scream,” he says, tugging you behind him and leading you back up the stairs to your apartment.
“Help! Help! The Red hood!” You shout, but your neighbours just stare at you, shrugging as they pass you.
“Shut your mouth,” he pulls harder on your arm and you yelp in response, “get inside,” he says, opening your door, throwing you inside and slamming the door behind him.
“Wow, so macho, throwing helpless women around,” you roll your eyes as you get back on your feet, “am I supposed to be intimidated?”
“No. You're supposed to be quiet!” He says, his hands twitching at his side and his voice growing irritated, “and we both know you're not helpless.”
“Helpless, unless. Same, same,” you shrug, turning your back on him.
“Big mistake,” he laughs as you feel two cold metal rings click together around your wrists.
“Did you just cuff me?” You kick back into his shin, before jumping through your arms and bringing your hands out in front and nabbing your gun from the front of his pants, “I don't like to be confined.”
“I will uncuff you if you sit down and be quiet for 5 minutes.”
“Will you though?”
“Yes.”
“Ok,” You narrow your eyes at him, “I'm keeping the gun though.”
“Fine,” he huffs, keeping his eyes on you as he sits down on the coffee table. His hands collapsed together in front of him, “look, they've paid me a lot of money to keep you out of trouble. Can we come to some kind of agreement?”
“Like what?” you squirm, trying to tug your wrist from the cuff, “You wanna leave me alone?” huffing when you realise he’s got it on tight, “You gonna pay me to behave?”
“No. But, I think I have something more valuable to you than money.”
“Unlikely,”
“Skill. I can teach you.”
“Teach me what? How to throw people smaller than me about?”
“If you want or,” he eyes the fun in your hand, “I can show you how to aim properly and-”
“Oh! Can you show me the creepy snatch move?” you jump in your seat with excitement.
“The-” he sighs again, “yeah. Sure. So do we have a deal?”
“Yep,” you pop your p as you beam at him holding the cuffs out.
“Good, I'm going to take this so no one gets hurt in the meantime.” He takes the gun from your hands and puts it in the drawer. “It'll be here if we need it, until then it stays here.”
“Yeah, yeah. No touchy sure thing.” you jangle your cuffs again,“So has it been five minutes yet?”
“No and you haven't even been quiet for one. Let's practice, I'll put the timer on and you can sit quietly for one minute.”
“Sounds awful.” you roll your eyes, “Hey what are we going to eat?”
“What?”
“Did you bring any food? I forgot to buy any.”
“I'm not starting the timer until you're quiet.”
“Ok, well I'm vegetarian so, order me some dinner,” You say, sliding an imaginary zip over your lips and throwing away the key.
He rolls his eyes pulling out his phone, starting the timer while looking up delivery options in your area. “You've got 1 minute. After we can eat and you can tell me where I'm sleeping.”
Your eyes bulge, where does he think he's sleeping? Here? In your spare room? That's where all your shit is. Closing your eyes trying to sort through all the places, the balcony? his own fuckin house? Your bed? Your mind wanders as you wonder what he's packing beneath all those layers. He's got broad shoulders sure, and those thighs mmm. You'd love to sink your teeth into em, but what's under the helmet? Buck teeth? That would be cute. Big juicy lips? A two face situation?
“Times up and dinners on the way. You did a good job,” he says, unlocking the handcuffs and tucking them back in his pocket, “now. Beds.”
“I only have one, but there's a pull out in the spare room or the couch or you know.. your own bed, in your house.”
“Back talk is it? We'll try to work on that,” He says, standing and looking down his nose at you, “show me to your room.”
“You're not sleeping in my bed,” you protest, trying to block the doorway.
“No. I'm not.” He leans in real close to you and you feel all weird and tingly, like the first time Ivy exposed you to her poison to try and make you immune, “I only sleep with good girls.”
“Creep,” you step to the side needing to put some distance between you.
“Brat,” he mumbles as he walks up to the window and puts something on it.
“What are you doing?” you pop up beside him, trying to look over his shoulder.
“Safety measure,”
“What is it?” You poke at the little black round thing over your window lock.
“Gift from Batman, keeps the locks sealed. No more escaping out the window.”
“Whoa! That's so cool. Does it seal the whole thing?” you try to pull at it and it doesn't budge, “how does it undo?”
“You really think I'd tell you?”
“Eh, worth a try. Wait!” you spin, “What if there’s a fire?”
“There won’t be a fire. If there is I will handle it,”
“Sure,” you shrug, you'd figure it out while he was sleeping, “What?” He's staring at you all weird again.
“Somewhere to sleep? Did you mention a spare room?”
“Oh,” your eyes dart to the door, “Um, no.”
“Thought the ladies would've taught you to lie better,” he steps around you and into the hall eyeing the two other doors, “this one?” he points to the one on the left.
You dart under his arms and brush against the soft leather of his jacket. You lean your whole body in front of the door.
“So that one's the bathroom, which means.” he turns to you, giving you a strange look, “What are you doing?”
“Nothing, there's nothing in here, it's a false door, like a trick.” you knock on the wood, “Yeah a trick door. It just opens into a wall.”
“A very bad liar,” his hands close over your shoulders, picking you up and putting you behind him. The act of strength sends shivers to all the wrong places and you find yourself trying to shake some sense into your brain.
“Hey!” you shout, when the idea of his big hands drip from your ears, “Didn't we talk about manhandling?”
“No you talked,” he stares back at you with his finger on the door handle and you stare back at him. Your eyes dart down when the door opens, “what's all this?”
“It's nothing, you didn't see it, just shut the door and walk away,” you say trying to grab the door handle and close it but he's already stepping into the room. “Just turn around and go,” you try to push him back, your hands pressing as hard as you can into his chest. He peers down at you, shaking his head and pressing forward.
“Are these?” the lights on his helmet seem to scan the room, “Where did you get all this stuff? He starts walking around, his fingers grazing over all the weapons you've hung on the walls, “Is it stolen?”
“Some,” you shrug, eyeing the yellow umbrella you took from the penguin when he was an asshole to Ivy, “some I was given,” you smile at the large war hammer painted in red and white. “Oh, don't touch that,” you somehow managed to slip in front of him just as his hand reaches out towards the terrarium on the shelf.
“Why is it poisonous?”
“Yes, and it's Ivy’s so..”
“Right. Lot’s dangerous shit in here. Should really put a lock on the door.”
“Well, no one really comes here. So why would I bother? Also I wasn't really expecting to have some weird ass man storm into my house and tell me I'm being baby sat so…” you admit, kind of sheepishly. As weird as it was to have this guy in your house, it was even weirder when the word vomit spat out shit like that.
“Can you hear that?” He asks, turning his head towards the door, “is that the food?”
“Fuck.” You say hearing the incessant beeping of the downstairs bell, “you didn't order from Georgia's did you?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Fuck fuck fuck,” you take off, sliding down the hall, picking up your taser as your fling the door open and bolt over the railing. You can hear the man calling from behind you but you need to get down there faster.
You reach the door faster than ever before, slamming it open and you see Riza standing there, her legs trembling as she tries to huddle in on herself. “Hey Riza, sorry about this,”you say, placing your arm around her shoulders. “How you going? You ok? I’ve got a guest who doesn't know the rules yet.”
“Sssok,” she stutters, eyeing the man coming up behind you and flinching back towards the street. “Whos-”
“He's ok. I mean he's a dick, but he's mostly harmless. Right?” You turn to the Red Hood making sure to jut your head out. “One of those Batkids I think.”
“I mean no harm to you miss,” he says, coming up behind you but standing a ways back.
“Want me to walk you back to the store?” you ask, turning away from the man watching you, “I can. It’s no trouble.”
“No,” Riza shakes her head, “I don't want to be a hassle.”
“How about a cab?” you ask, slipping your taser into her pocket, just in case.
“I can’t afford it,”
“I'll pay for a taxi,” The Red Hood says, waving one down, “I didn't mean any harm,” he takes the food from Riza and gives you room to help her put her in the taxi and he slips the driver $50.
“Thanks, that was nice of you.” You say waving Riza off.
“You're pretty fast,” Red Hood remarks, as you both head up the stairs, “She didn’t even notice you slip that taser into her pocket.
“Have to be,” you shrug, “the neighbourhood isn't great, especially for women. Riza wasn't so lucky the last time she was here, hence the haste. Bet you live somewhere nice, lots of lights, heaps of guns and no one can get in without your say so.”
“It's nothing fancy.”
“You going to cuff me again?” You ask as you re-enter your apartment, “Coz you’re mad that I was quicker than you?”
“No. Sit down and eat.”
You want to bite back but the grumbles in your tummy tell you to oblige him.
“Good girl." Why does that make your heart patter? Strange. Like someone's set of a machine gun off in your stomach. You keep your face neutral as he continues, “Let me tell you how this is going to work. You're going to do what I tell you, when I tell you and in return I'll teach you some things."
“Yeah, whatever,” you yawn, “you going to keep this whole get up on for the week?”
“Yes.”
“Even when you sleep? Seems uncomfortable.”
“You going to ask me questions all week?”
“Probably.”
“Can you just go to your room?”
“Are you going to lock me in?”
“Do I need to?”
“Nup,” you bite down on your tongue trying to keep all the words in. Fuck, you have to spend a week with thus guy and he's kinda scary hot the last thing you should be doing is egging him to attack you. What if he gets you while you're asleep. Shit. “Actually yes, can I lock the door? Can I have one of those fancy do dads to lock it from the inside? Can you disable it yourself or is it a fancy trick?”
“Not gunna work. I'm not showing you how they unlock. But if you're worried about me getting you in ya sleep have this,” he pulls a door jam from his pocket, one that goes over the lock, “this will keep me out.” He lies, but if it makes you feel safer about having a strange man in your home he'll oblige you. Fuck, there was no way he would have expected this. You’re not only not what he expected, but strangely hypnotising. The way you can just talk and talk and talk, fuck. At one point there he’s sure you didn’t even take a breath and fuck, you’re so quick and fast with your words. If anything he’s intrigued by you and your apparent weapon klepto habits.
“Cool,” you take it and run straight into your room and slam the door behind you. Placing the lock in, you pull out your lock picking kit from under your bed and start trying to break the lock on the window.
Jason cleans up the meal, still confused and intrigued by you as he snoops through all your things. He finds a blanket on the back of the couch and decides it’s probably best to sleep where you’ll be able to see him and where he can keep an eye on the gun. Though, he’s sure if you really wanted to you could probably just kill him with the apparently mostly stolen weapons in your house. He lays back, his head resting on his forearm, wondering if you’ve managed to figure the lock out yet.
Part 2
AN: I was meant to be studying today. Whoops. Pretty sure I'm meant to have an everything taglist? but my brains, like not working right now. So sorry
#jason todd fanfic#reader x jason todd#jason todd x reader#theif!reader#red hood x reader#red hood fanfic#reader x red hood#red hood#x reader
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What's Kairi been like since she returned to Stardom?
When she first came back, she said "I was Kairi Hojo, then I was Kairi Sane, and now I'm just KAIRI" and honestly I think that's proved to be a rather good encapsulation of who she's been since she came back.
She doesn't shy away from her past at all, referencing past relationships and events, and frequently drawing on parts of her character that are very identifiably what she was like before. Sometimes she's very visibly Kairi Hojo, an overwhelmed underdog babyface pushing herself past the limits of reason. More frequently she's visibly still Kairi Sane, a bit of a weirdo and a huge dickhead who loves getting under people's skin, not seemingly out of maliciousness but bc she finds it entertaining, particularly when she's teaming with Nanae Takahashi. But there's a new, added element on top of it it too.
She's experienced now, and she's ~world travelled~, to be frank, she knows she's a big deal. She's a little aloof, and seems to see herself as a lot above everyone. (Except for maybe Mayu, but that's a more specific relationship than this post needs to get into.) She uses the suffix -kun for nearly everyone, which is extremely overly familiar to the point of rudeness. It's like when someone goes around calling everyone "buddy" in a way that makes it clear they are certainly not actually buddies.
And then, more recently, she started losing. (She only lost like 2 matches but, given she only wrestles infrequently and kind of assumes she can take everyone, that had her rattled.) Stardom is progressing and she looks around at an increasingly unfamiliar landscape that is catching up with her. The more she gets involved, the more clear it is how disconnected she actually is. When she first came back she quickly buddied up with Mayu, who was happy to team with her for a big return pop. But later last year, once they were set to actually face each other, Mayu was like, to paraphrase, "Yeah I can't fucking stand her. I think she's a bigshot who doesn't work for it anymore and picks and chooses her spots to look good and doesn't deserve the hype." So that's certainly not someone she can rely on to have her back. Her biggest ally so far had been Nanae Takahashi, based on a return to their tag team from like 8 years ago, and Nanae seems genuinely very fond of her, but also has her own stuff going on, and Kairi lost with her, so she's prioritizing that relationship a bit less after that.
So she reaches out to basically her only remaining connections at this point - Natsupoi, who is obsessed with her, and Saori Anou, who along with Natsumipoi showed up to save her from being shortstaffed years ago, when they first established their connections to Stardom, to challenge for the Artist belts. And sidenote, but even the connections she draws on sort of show how out of the loop she is. Like, this is stuff going back 6, 7, 8 years. Ancient history in joshi time.
They both agree to team together, obviously, but it's not just some perfect team that immediately comes together with everyone loving each other. Poi likes Anou, but is sceptical about teaming with such a major rival of hers, about even having her around. And, what's more, Kairi is her idol, but once she gets this opportunity, she needs to sit and think a little bit, because she realizes she's kind of just sad she's not teaming with Tam for it. And Saori seems perfectly content to team with them, but pretty quickly, the way I see it, tips her hand that she's actually there to be beside Tam again, and Kairi is almost more a means to an end for her, with how quickly she stepped up and told Tam she would join Cosmic Angels, before she'd even had her first match back in Stardom. (There's plenty of room for her to reveal herself to be much more selfishly motivated than that but this is how the story reads to me so far and I'm going to stick with that until they tear that interpretation from my hands.)
So anyway, bringing it back around to Kairi that is the most recent development of her story. REstart did win the Artist titles, so Kairi got the win she was looking for, but she also finds herself much, much more closely tied to Cosmic Angels than she perhaps intended or expected, and that's after herself admitting an interest in and similarity to Tam when she first came back. She pulled a team around her out of probably the last two people she figured would be totally devoted to her, only to immediately find they're actually more devoted to someone else. They're happy to be Kairi's teammates, but they already have a leader. So the question now is if after so many years away, and so much time seeing herself as kind of above the day-to-day goings on of Stardom, if she can make herself treat her teammates as equals and learn how to play nice again as a member of a team.
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Haah, funny thing... I was just seeing another post on Tumblr calling you out (struck-thru vowels and everything) for "propagating racism" on AO3. I think it was some years old, but it did drop something interesting. Apparently, the "real" mass-exodus to AO3 happened because too many writers on LJ were getting into fights over racism-in-writing?
--
Oh, I'm sure there are many. People often make me the posterchild, which I suppose is somewhat justified now that my tumblr is so much more popular than before but was pretty dumb in the past when I was no longer working for OTW and not yet popular with randos. (TBH, I sometimes wonder if people spreading my name around pointlessly and advertising me is what made me popular. If so, congratulations, I guess?)
I've been criticized by at the very least Rukmini Pande for not talking more about Racefail. She's an academic who talks about racism in fandom but who mega sucks on the topic of Asian media and who conflates a lot of things I don't, including ye olde SF book fandom and fanfic fandom.
It's true that Racefail was a huge deal on LJ, but it was "fandom" in the 1960s sense where the word sans modifier means WorldCon type SF book spaces. When I say "fandom", I don't mean that community because, like most fanfiction fans today, I was never in it.
I don't even come from K/S fandom, actually. I come from X-Files fandom (one of the first "digital native" fandoms that made up its own rules) and (US, English-speaking) anime fandom. Those are my actual cultural forebears, and I haven't wasted my time on the racist, sexist, homophobic oldschool SF book publishing world since I was like 13. I do consume sff canons, but they're TV or movies or manga or self-published m/m novels that are also sff.
Why would I waste my time on trying to fix that community that isn't even mine?
Anyway, when people try to tell you that fandom left LJ over something to do with race, they're talking about a massive wankfest called "Racefail" or "Racefail 2009", which enveloped all of SF fandom on LJ and inevitably spilled into lots of more fanficcy spaces because we were all adjacent and overlapping. It largely consisted of clueless white liberals going "But I'm one of the good ones!!!" and being shocked and appalled that anyone could find them racist. People spent a lot of time "defending" their friends in unproductive ways. There was a lot of self-righteous stupidity on all sides, but it was the culmination of years of completely justified anger at the SF establishment being hella fucking racist. (So the two sides were most certainly not equal. A lot of the racist stuff being pointed out was indeed extremely racist.)
Racefail was deeply unpleasant, like any wank that rips through supposed ~civil communities of friends~. In reality, of course, a lot of the people who were pissed had been pissed about micro and not-so-microaggressions for years. It was something like one of those plays or movies about suburban morality where all of the simmering tensions boil up towards the end, destroying the façade of middle class propriety. It's deeply traumatic for people who did not realize the tensions existed, but it's hard to have much sympathy for their feelings if you've been the one suffering all that time.
It is not, however, the reason people moved to AO3. AO3 had already been in the works for a couple of years by the time Racefail was everywhere in 2009 and 2010, and AO3 was not popular at that point and continued to not be popular.
What popularized AO3 was FFN fucking up in 2012.
You know why LJ fic writers moved to AO3 in 2009? Because that's the first time it opened to users.
Moreover, while Racefail certainly affected many individual fans who like fanfic, it was primarily about oldschool US SFF publishing, a thing that 99% of AO3 users could not care less about. A far higher percentage of old LJ users care, of course, but even there, it's a mistake to think fandom=fandom.
"Fandom" in the supposedly-unmarked "book SF" sense and "fandom" in the also supposedly-unmarked "fanfic fandom" sense have never been the same thing. In the early days of Star Trek fic zines, they largely overlapped, sure, but by the early 90s, they had heavily diverged, and by 2009, they were completely distinct.
The reason they keep being conflated is that some of the loudest meta writers are in both and care deeply about that SF-->K/S zines-->AO3 history.
It's fine that they do, but it is not my history, and I see no reason to pretend it is.
The people who spread this lie about AO3's origins have an agenda, and it is not to educate the current tumblr masses about Racefail.
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You are honestly the most reasonable blog on here (that believes in PR). Some of the others I've seen used to be respectable but now are veering scarily/dangerously towards Qanon, which is a shame, bc it's discrediting a lot of good blogs who understand PR in HW is hardly an abnormality.
PR stunts/relationships are supposed to make the audience confused as to whether or not it's real or not. That's kind of the point.
Back in 2020, I remember seeing Ana De Armas and Ben pop up and for months, I went back and forth wondering about them. On the one hand, they were doing pap walks daily and annoying literally everyone with how seemingly out of touch they were (not staying inside, not wearing their masks correctly, just being extra all around), but it just went on, and she kept getting involved in things with him, and she showed up places with him and I honestly just wondered if "she was the new one" after his divorce with Jen Garner. Then they broke up and I look back thinking, oh yeah, that was a stunt that lasted too long.
I don't follow Sebastian or Henry's careers/lives, but I did follow a Tumblr blog that posted daily about their relationships. Sebastian's thing also gave me Ana/Ben vibes bc at times I was like, is this real? Then it felt fake with all the pap walks. But then every time the blog would post more updates about "sightings" from DM - and there would actually be candids of him/her at a park or walking somewhere (blurry from the back). I think Celeb-as-fuck was the blog detailing everything because she was a fan of him, but anyways, they had a lot of tracking on this and everyone was riled up EVERYTIME something would happen. It also seemed to last on and on and they didn't appear to be breaking up, so I was like, hmm. Maybe it is real. They eventually broke up so it's not a big deal anymore, but their relationship, as many ppl have said, at times very much reminds me of this CE/AB situation.
On the flip side, CE/Lily James def felt like a one-and-done PR stunt but what was weird was him appearing in the UK a month after and seemingly being near her, and there was some hotel that followed them both at the same time and that got real weird. We all know how that ended so it seemed like it was just a fluke situation. Though, NGL, I remember thinking: "If Henry/Sebastian/Ben Affleck are in these relationships, I wonder how long it'll be before it happens to Chris Evans?"
I REALLY regret thinking that LOL...but I did wonder. I just had a feeling it was going to happen to him as well bc he was the ultimate internet BF for so long, and perpetually single to the public. I had weird thoughts that celebs were going too off the rails during peak COVID for it to just be a bunch of privileged ppl acting out of touch. Something was in the water and it wasn't just COVID-19. The industry was floundering and they needed to make some huge commotions to stay relevant.
Again, none of this really matters. But I really stand by my thoughts that in HW, nothing is really what it seems. And I DO think that celebs will go as far to PR engagement and marriage (RE: Kim K and Kris Humphries) if they need to prove a point. I know some other blogs on here keep spouting out that stuff doesn't happen anymore, but I'm not terribly convinced that these charades can't still happen. I do also believe that celebs can be in a PR relationship/marriage while having secret/private lives BTS. Anything is sadly possible in this industry, which is exactly why you continue to hear celebs go on podcasts, write memoirs, even do-tell 2020 style interviews where they all mention, "This industry" in cryptic ways. They're all alluding to the shit that goes on but they can't necessarily say it out loud. But you know if they could, they would.
I've always thought his interaction with Lily was to be his PR rs. That sighting with them was around the same time as Seb and Ale.
Also, thank you for kind words. I try to be level-headed by I certainly have my moments, too and have to rein myself in.
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rant beneath the cut
I just feel so. mentally exhausted. like I thought I looked forward to my internship being over but then I had a couple of days off this week and I just noticed that without work occupying me/my mind 40hrs a week I'm just deteriorating. I just feel sad all the time and I don't know why. and like I know I have to let myself feel my feelings to get through them but whenever I try to they just drown me out like logically my body should be made to be able to deal with all kinds of emotions but mine just. can't. and then I met up w my best friend for the first time in two months at the beginning of the week & she's really stressed out and has been for the past two years and I get that she has a huge exam coming up in the fall but it's like. it's been two years since I've genuinely told her how I'm feeling & I can't cope without her support. and I wanted to tell her how crappy I've been doing but then she said yeah I've got no emotional capacities for other ppl's struggles at the moment which again I GET but I've repeatedly told her, even without making self-deprecating jokes, that I'm feeling crappy and she never asks me why or what's going on. or even worse she says stuff like "everyone just gets diagnosed with depression nowadays" (when I told her that's the diagnosis I got from a licensed therapist) or "everyone has a life crisis at this age" (when I told her how I'm struggling with one) and it feels so dismissive like at this point what am I supposed to do so she takes how crappy I'm feeling seriously??? k-word myself???? and like I see how she keeps showing up for all her other friends who are struggling mentally, and she listens to them and takes them seriously so I just don't get why she constantly dismisses my feelings?? and this has been going on for two years and I just feel so fucking alone because I don't have anyone to talk to, all my close friends don't live close to me, and my best friend doesn't have time for my feelings and I don't have any fucking real friends in this town and I just don't know what to do anymore
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So… What do you think about Susan Calvin? And do you have any recommendations for people who like to read robot stories (assuming what everyone knows about Asimov already.)
I LOVE Susan Calvin, more so because I'm pretty sure her appeal now (or in the early 2000s, when young me first read I, Robot) is mostly unintentional. I truly love Asimov's writing, I think he had a lot of fascinating ideas, and even his nonfiction essays are worth a read, but he was, as many science fiction authors of the time were, Not Great Towards Women. He designed Susan Calvin to be brilliant...but unattractive and brusque and unpleasant, while the recurring male characters like Powell and Donovan get to be cool and brave. And yet, by making a woman who was in defiance of what a sexist man would find attractive he made one of the most compelling women in classic sci fi. She is married to her work. She is a huge asshole. She's real and complex because he actually had to put thought into her as a character rather than being like "ah yes the woman scientist is a blonde bombshell who echoes all of my own feelings", and I love her and honestly, a lot of my thoughts about Dancer are probably influenced by Susan Calvin - a weird, smart loner who is horrible at interpersonal relationships but actual has a great deal of respect for robots.
The thing is...the part of robot stories I love is more the society around them and how this responds. I'm not actually that invested in robots as the main characters, so the robot stories beyond Asimov's positronic brain stuff/The Bicentennial man that I know of (that was what I was referencing in my tags, incidentally; if you read a bunch of Asimov you will be fine) are mostly also really popular: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (and Blade Runner); Battlestar Galactica (everyone should watch the 2003 BSG because it's fucking phenomenal and it's also a very good companion to everything I've said about pacing, lately, namely, you can have utterly fucked pacing as long as the characters are deeply of this world and given enough space to breathe); The smattering of Star Trek: TNG I've seen indicates that's pretty good. But yeah, it's not actually an area I tend to personally explore.
[this is directly related to the above but it is not what you asked, letting you know so you can bounce if you're not interested.]
What I do think people should do though is 1. Read a shitload of Octavia Butler and Ursula K. Le Guin specifically and 2. Go to their local library (might need to make a trip to the central one, actually, for this) and find the battered sci-fi short story anthologies from like, 1972. I read SO MUCH OF THAT as a high schooler, and on the one hand this means that I'm cursed with many memories of stories I will probably never be able to find again (shout out to someone on a weird forum who was able to identify The Silk and the Song from my fragmented memories); but on the other hand I think it just gives you a grounding in classic sci fi you cannot otherwise get. Science fiction meant short stories for a good portion of the 20th century, and a lot of the most interesting and weird stuff that really engaged with modern and near-future technologies is in there.
TBH that is what I'm getting at with recommending classic sci fi short fiction just...in the abstract. I think a whole lot of it tried to engage with the idea of "what happens to our society if this happens" in a way that modern sci fi sometimes does not (for a huge number of sociological reasons and because the immensity/political implications of nuclear and space technologies being obvious in a way that the internet was not). I brought it up in reference to FCG because...look, there's still a lot I feel could have been done better, and that's a separate post, but FCG's presence in the world is fascinating. It's asking the question of "imagine a world where no one even has a proper conception of artificial intelligence - and where you can summon a low-level fey or celestial and require they do your bidding - but there's a bunch of mindless automatons. Ok imagine one of them has a soul now." The people who react most normally to FCG are the people most ignorant of automata! Anyway, I think reading a shitload of shortform classic sci fi is the most efficient way to rewire your brain to automatically go "ok but what is the baseline of this fictional society and what is the change this story is exploring and how would people of various types respond" with speculative fiction in general, and I think it's such an important part of analysis! Also it's fun! If you come across a moderately humorous story from the 60s or 70s where people keep messing with the timeline and keep not realizing they've done so please send me its title because it pops into my mind now and then and I haven't been able to find it in like 15 years!
#in all seriousness I credit reading compass rose by le guin like 5 times through in high school#with why i have good opinions about the kryn dynasty#i have a short fantasy anthology out of the library now actually and I am going to go read it this evening thanks anon for reminding me#tbh when i'm home for thanksgiving might go to my old library and be like. i have no card i just need to look at your books for 3 hours
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vivacious posts when it's 9am after i finish rewatching andor and feeling extremely regular, which is to say i did get to catch / better follow things that you could catch the first time around if i wasn't particularly bad at it, but it wasn't like a huge deal b/c obviously the first time around was like "dear god this fucks" and so too it went this time around like jesus christ. The Everything. like every element. my god. thee politics. i am. thinking about like various moments even now as i type and it gives me pause b/c i'm getting caught up in "ugh yeah that single moment was so fucking good. and that, and that" like recalibrating to being In It and jeez like the sense of being so grounded in this very [the scale and life of these various individuals] and it's feeling very real with this sense of like "yeah these are the way their day to day lives are" and how that works so perfectly in tandem with Everything It's About. the smaller pieces and the way they come together, yet without ever zooming out to leave any of the people involved behind for like "okay now for the overall grander stuff" b/c it's all about any & all the ordinary people and how Everyday it all is
anyways i could go on with like, a bonus 5x length of just my Saying Things to work out thoughts & observations lol but it's like. luckily it's difficult lol like it'd just be running commentary to cover things. but much more distilledly, then i Again followed it up by watching rogue one which is also a great time, yet of course different despite it being like [yeah ofc like everything andor is about and everything about it is an extrapolation / further exploration of elements found in rogue one, then of course executed differently b/c it's a different format, different story, different entire creative project etc etc] like. i will now simply be going "just a few screenshots as illustrations of getting riled and thus taking screenshots" and making a half past 9am post b/c it takes me like two to three times a movie's runtime to watch it at least, and b/c it's vivacity and expressiveness time
i took these b/c i was laughing at how openly jyn is like :/ to herself when k-2so says cassian thinks it's a bad idea for her to come along. there's so many reasons for her to do so but it's also just inherently funny when they met 5 sec ago in a meeting room question like, i thought we were tactically getting along (which, fr why wouldn't she think so lol. like, he was there to raise concerns if he had them....but it even also plausibly sets up the plausibility in turn like, cassian not always necessarily feeling fully aligned with the Official Meetings / Decisions stuff or share his thoughts w/them all openly. and even more immediately is surely setting up especial reason for jyn to be like, well what other Misalignments don't/won't i know about with this guy, and everything.) anyways and as tagsingly discussed it's like, jyn's really pretty expressive and a bit like Yes That Was Funny Of You, and beyond that it's like ah the wariness / [not so Warm or Bold as perhaps ppl would expect from someone who's not Trying to be closed off exactly] makes entire sense like not just for the character but to me personally like, well, Right lol. we love our characters who just aren't expressing or comporting themselves in perhaps whatever ways are Usual enough that other characters or audiences know what to do with them....i don't know what's going on out there and i'm not asking but seems like [issues w/jyn as protagonist/character] isn't one of the most uncommon weaknesses or issues or dislikes or w/e that ppl can take with things, and to be the Complement of that i'll just be like yeah i'm so hype actually. like, well i'm not Not, i've always liked her / certainly not felt any particular issue, and it's all in the direction of like, any repeat viewing (i've had many, the [rogue one] enthusiasm has simply been latent / something i haven't posted about) or just further attention/consideration of her character is a shift for the "right on, i like her more / am further enriched"
i have to be all the more concise or we'll be here forever. luckily repeat viewings / further consideration also is a shift for the I'M CONSUMED re jyn and cassian as FOILS(tm) like ohhhh my god oh my god they're FOILS they're not only FINDING EMOTIONAL RESOLUTION through that so well i'm like they Do have the rights to kiss if they wanna, b/c there is A Whole Dynamic to provide context for caring, but they're also ones who are doing that who KNOW THEY'LL DIE like not only last minute but that nobody can even do this shit knowing they may well even probably die about it, it's all extrapolated in andor like i'm So Fucking There w/the [ordinary days of ordinary lives and everyone's Wariness is ordinary the proximity / immediacy of violence certainly even such that there's a constant relevance/presence of mortal danger to varying degrees] and that cassian and jyn are Scrapping Around For Survival foils who have definitely dealt w/the awareness and relevance of their and others' mortality before like, they're like hello my wary hurt but boldly putting yourself out there even in terms of completing tactical missions w/someone Kindred Spirit type foils and i am like LOOK it affects me so much. the "this whole time mortality has been pretty immediately relevant" the "we know we're both dying" the "we're kindred spirit foils" the "and we're finding so much of our emotional resolution through that which so enhances what resolution we still may have found alone otherwise" like god achilles and iphigenia (crash land falls etc) just like well i'm fucked up about this always now and I'm Fucked Up About This Always Now
i mean it about its only being a few screenshots, despite the fact that if something's anything to me i can talk endlessly about it and i'm FUCKED UP....took these b/c i was like "it's tfw: Dosidon't Do This To Me" like i hate it. i can't even possibly screenshot the "YES close the doors and lock everyone i the rumble room of biting killing like i Love when the [being foils] is going so well that Your Fighting that everyone else can get a little bit in on b/c we're also def a larger ragtag team is so Fun even when it's like [aaaah] because it's like yes Yes work (or simply air) out your issues with Yourself as part of scratching and kicking at your Foil out here" like this scene does so much i'm obsessed w/how well it works that this is where they leave off and it's sure not like "well good thing all that's settled" but then Suddenly things are resolved after a scene that cassian's reacting to but we don't even see him in but it's like dear god it Works. their fight is about Them not about like, oh we needed not to have this, we needed to resolve all this right here....that it has to be a bit in favor of cassian b/c if not then the audience can't feel he can be embraced, he's the deuteragonist we as well as jyn have been figuring out and obviously clashing w/the protag and even being a bit of an antagonist re their conflicting goals makes him Difficult and Ambiguous to us too, but i definitely distinctly remember going "Ah. yeah it's just like. yeah" re cassian during this argument the first time i saw the movie b/c jyn getting in a figurative punch that he gets riled about is so perfectly executed in like, despite again his fighting w/the protag it's like "here he is, this is about him" and so perfectly executed so that the Intensity is just enough for the occasion, You Know It's Real but it's also not like, too much so as to threaten jyn or something like oh you've been in this fight since you were 6 years old you're not the only one who lost everything etc and it's like, well he's not wrong that jyn has to take things out somehow at someone and this is like [you're foils you're foils you're foils] broadcasting for them both, it's not more important that they walked away like, well that argument resolved ideally for us all. cassian doesn't Have To work with jyn but next time we see him he's choosing to do just that and that means something b/c of it, here's jyn with the pieces ready to embrace going all in on an attack here b/c like, again where cassian's character is we need to hear more from Him in that argument, and it's not important like "after that jyn couldn't Possibly feel in conflict w/him ever again" vs what info we actually get, and she gets it too, she doesn't have to be More Correct b/c she's the protagonist, and cassian's the one more liable to take relevant action out here so for that story structure reason alone it's helpful for her to move in his direction, but also like, it makes sense that she could actually listen to criticism about like "yeah i am & i've Been doing shit out here for a cause" when she explicitly was saying she wasn't interested in doing [just that] earlier, and now here's a revisit where like. cassian Didn't follow orders or pull the trigger, his doing so is a matter of further alignment with jyn, they're foils, she can take issue w/him here to be sure, but he can take issue with her certainly as well, and the issues with Themselves, they both do listen to each other here even if we don't see it play out until jyn's quoting cassian (when he's not even there, that she or we see. god) and cassian's going from "i'm the one you've gotta convince" not outright answering if he believes her to outright saying that he does, and oh btw like we all already understand the stakes and how mortally doomed we all may be, and yet :)
like cassian being able to see jyn bringing the [you don't have to compromise yourself when you know what's right] when she's had to be so focused in keeping herself alive and this not changing in the face of whatever anyone else is doing, and jyn able to see cassian bringing the [and when you know what's right you commit and you do something about it] when he's been somewhat sacrificing himself to this cause and not prioritizing his sense of what he'd necessarily find otherwise ideal / to his detriment....like we're foiling we're foiling and of course they can both be right and this doesn't have to be about "it's bad that we Can fight, and are doing so" such that it's okay still being mad abt it at the end of the scene / not even really having a resolution beyond "we don't have to work together actually" so that choosing to do so b/c they're Aligned and Understand each other Is so clearly a choice and not simply a begrudging tactical alliance. i'm sure you could do like a whole essay of media analysis re writing here, and hopefully i do the equivalent, certainly don't feel like i can put into words this (even by my standards) clear and concrete analysis like, here's everything going on....but boy do i pick up on the Emergent Effect like feeling the [aaaaughhh foils] and [i love Conflict b/c like, of course when the foiliness is successful then it's gonna be conflict where everyone's also grappling w Themselves so it's enriching for them and for us] and like it makes sense that in between scenes jyn's takeaway is like "grr what now. well i've already had cause to shift more towards the rebellion (her father dying for it when that family relationship / the memories of it has been the most meaningful thing she's ever had) and here's cassian who clearly Has been operating in this like direct rebellion involvement, as someone who can also completely understand the [since you were 6 yrs old, losing everything] aspects of her existence b/c they're relevant to him too and that's been a part of him doing everything he's ever done, including up till just this moment, making points about how this is something bigger and you gotta turn Caring into joining the fight," while cassian can be like "grr what now. well we've been shown i'm genuinely sympathetic towards jyn / actually want to support this person as a partner in [their various adventures already] and clearly i'm not exactly proud for her to know i Was gonna yesscope her dad up until i decided i actually wasn't or of everything i've ever done and here's someone who i Get / who's had this similar life but Doesn't operate within this framework of like, being someone who'd see this from the strategic angle and 'yes i too feel i've been there done that re: compromising myself for the cause' so she'll be just straightforwardly upset w/him about it which ties into him being upset w/himself now or ever & Can He Justify It To A Past Self Who Hasn't Yet Done These Things / say that it's definitely worth it" so that next time they see each other jyn's more All In for taking action for the rebellion than these other official delegates for it and cassian's ready to disobey the official rebellion choice of [Not going to scarif to fight] that was made against jyn's arguments b/c he believes her, which he doesn't have to, and still doesn't Have to successfully talk his way around something as his only recourse, but he doesn't want to avoid anything here b/c jyn's Already like, aligned their foilship, again just like directly quoting cassian's dialogue abt Hope even to argue her point about the rebellion and show that her understanding of it now has ofc been affected by her interactions w/him, and in turn, his understanding of it....if everyone else is willing to compromise so hard there's no rebellion, she's bringing the Ideal Version Of What We Do Despite It All, while cassian moves away from being the [necessary compromises even when you v much aren't exactly happy with it] figure here towards like, this is why we ever made those compromises in the first place
OH AND. edited to add like jyn seeing herself in cassian and fighting w/herself that way: being guided by her own survival as thee rule even being its own path of "there's what you just have to do but might not be happy about" and like that only now she's invoking that either side of this Conflict as worse versus [both have been hurting me & i'm just trying to make it out here] like let's also fight about whether either of us feel we can change or question things now
and i hit the block character limit again. And it's like, you're you and you're also me and i'm me and i'm also you and we're both the warier one but also not and the more open one but also not, cassian with the Way Of Being and just like [no, he has the face of a friend] holistic inherent encompassing appeal, but ofc he has all his secrets, and jyn being more Openly Closed Off, yknow, but when she's being expressive what you're seeing is what you're getting. FOILS you never go wrong like god yes this successfully enhances both characters and makes them shine so of course it's now inherently valid if they want to kiss about that or have whatever kind of dynamic wherein they're both just clearly more attuned w/themself and what they want for operating together / being relevant to, & knowing each other.....and I'M. the dosidon't do this to me like WHAT a couple of lines of dialogue like i'm not used to people sticking around when things go bad / welcome home like OH YOU KNOW. just some small talk. just some "even if we know we might die doing this we feel like / are prepared to just keep sticking around" like just regular chill casual things you decide about someone while closely semicircling them all =) like you always are
oh, nice, beta editor blocks are really letting me go ham, i appreciate this filmed on a laptop w/a separate camera Specifically This Foils Fight Epic Wins recording like i love violence. truly like the art of this simultaneously wrapping up "Only conflict w/cassian???" issues Through More Necessary Conflict (this [hell yes lock everyone in a room let's fight] instance) and in bringing things out for real making it like, okay i'm serious, time to have our journey having a dynamic / knowing each other thus far affect the choices we make for the journey going forward, even when we both have to think about that some more b/c this Is an elevated immediate reaction zone for everyone and why even argue about it even this much if we really don't care at all about hashing it out and what the other has to say and why. while also they know they've Already been learning real things abt each other and really figuring out how they operate together rather than this violence session being Everything. jyn with a callback to something cassian said way earlier....anyways like i said, before i get even further here:
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epic of them to trade places like that, i.e. jyn leaving off a bit more Contained for having been given more to consider than she gave, since she Is more so starting out just needing to be pissed here and confront cassian on as much while he's not really Theoretically surprised by her reaction here but Is, in practice, actually having to confront it, so he can land more points but, naturally, has to get more outright upset than "grr ugh i'm i'm chill though. And i'm having one of my soaking wet moments" somewhat playing it cool, bit chilly even. absolutely crucial like a tiny outburst of unequivocally genuine emotion at the [since i was six years old] instance that's like i said ideally balanced like, as much emphasis as you need to go "ah. i see" about cassian in that moment, not letting it spill out so much it gets confused that this is more a Show of [I'm Pissed] than of very real relevant emotions for him too so that jyn's like, for real not now the only one who's lost everything....but also cassian maybe wanting to talk hs way around it even if he doesn't have to and then leave for the upper floor b/c, re trading places as mentioned, he's Not more contained in the end....this recording cutting off before the last few seconds' ending of him going "anyone else" and baze lying back like Thunk....everyone else having that connect / stake / relevance to this fight, but it's still to be left up to the foils lol....
and i'm Noticing fun little parallels thank you like cassian's first excursion into rebellion(tm) things involving his having the kyber crystal necklace tying him to it, supposedly as an embodiment of the cash money mercenary (without too many other options) angle, vs jyn's more straightforwardly like, it's sentimental and symbolic and the force(tm) kyber crystal necklace....but in the end also cassian's last interaction w/the necklace is one where it's more about trust / Integrity, if he was really just after the money why give it back, why not just leave with it all, why would nemik insist [cassian who he even knows is probably using a fake name] get his life's work most important thing here, why would cassian take it at all, and b/c nemik insisted vs that he'd just automatically love to have it....mixing and matching like, cassian not able to tell maarva he was involved in the aldhani situation which she'd be so proud of him for but is also now motivating her to not leave ferrix with him, that part of his message for her when he escaped factory labor torture/execution forever prison was that she'd be proud of him, that her message for him involved anticipating him blaming himself and was essentially that she was already proud of him, despite her still not knowing about the prison break or aldhani, cassian telling jyn her father would have been proud of her, cassian going to visit the equivalent of clem's grave and noticing like ah the sole time we break out [outright crying] huh
speaking of Not the sole time breaking out outright crying: that was me w/rogue one yet again. frankly the most Concentrated [aughhh] it's been packed into '"i knew the elevator shots were coming but i forgot about it because i got distracted by the Them and also then when i even outright parsed 'ah getting on the elevator huh' i started thinking abt [stairs vs elevator] considerations in that scenario and then i was like WAUGH and i cried. and then i was like 'augh kill me. again' a couple of times & died" and into "they hug through it" like oh i'm sorry epic [we've all been there] wary kindred spirit foils who've been facing their mortality all the time on their own doing so, & dealing with doing so, together??????????????????????? i'm so. i can't even tell you
anyways it's being half past 1pm now helps throw off me off track here lmao like oh i could Never go on and on about something, and surely i wouldn't, much less w/a lot of enthusiasm and [aaaaaaAUGH] to get across. or correct, scintillating insights that i'm just so regular about. i can regularly say that andor is off the shits like they made this That good huh. fucking society if it was one of those [first ten minutes available on youtube] deals like my god the "one of the things the opening scene is saying about the entire work through xyz elements? well through all the scene's elements it Does tell us all the series will fuck like hell" thanks so much
one "great that it's on youtube then" thing being the banger EDM track just dropped into things for your "just totally chill sexy beach episode living i swear (it's not)(quite)" scene change but then also dipped into (diegetically?) briefly and more muted during that first scene while going "just totally chill sexy bar visiting i swear (it's not)" location entering....the Whole score doesn't have to be excellent but is, love how like a sonic motif or what have you is [being in sync vs slightly not] and/or [isolating / distinguishing certain elements] like, a bunch of different Parts / Elements converging and being in sync or not, huh....just dropping this on us and like, [in episodes] the track section used being the immediately dramatic one starting at 1:13 rather than fading in like Oh Whoa like ok then ummm its Lit
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while i'm putting everything in a post and just going wherever with it, inadvertently went "oh didn't even realize the one season end post credits scene showing the death star construction also specifically showed that the [factory labor produce these things or be tortured / killed] prison products are confirmed death star components. i see it now" but the article i had to open to see abt that was also talking about like [and this brief clip rectifies some lore misalignments across however many installments] like ok sure i wouldn't know but nice, but then also opened with "still doesn't explain why they'd use human labor instead of droids esp since we see droids (in the vacuum of space) assembling parts here :)" like i am going to mcLose it the direct quote "melshi's right we're cheaper than droids and easier to replace" so (: what could explain that
anyways in conclusion: until any next spontaneous burst of a post. things that happen when you saw rogue one many times in theaters b/c it was a perfectly regular experience and then consider watching andor b/c of it despite watching fuckall, then with a [and the Politics, my god] mention crossing my path like, right, let's try it, and my god so fucking true and so fucking excellent and so my [rogue one] experiences are only charged, and would enhance every time anyways, so here we are. oh also shoutout to the friendly acquaintance whos rogue one posting at the time jokes that are also for real like "i know that robot is gay" right on
#well seems to be one of those longer posts. which i sometimes even tag idk i just improvise#long post ///#star wars ///#and i will be graced w/the yewtwo tag as the cost for betaeditorposting....#at the moment i'm not caught up in the AUGH of any threads here which is how i can wrap things up w/relative ease lol#two pm so nocturnal it's diurnal chaos hours resulting in some distractability. beyond the usual....will i take a weird little nap? maybe#sure did get thoughts more together w/new thoughts springing from that by Writing It Out. [foils] scholar out here def. they're themming...#Youtube#rogue one#andor
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September 30th: 5 K (the prequel)
Rainy days have a folksy ambiance to them in beach towns. The sky is a bright grey with slivers of white gold sun bouncing off the ocean.
They also happen to be my favorite days to run as I hit a completely doable 5 K today, exactly a week before the race. I cried staring into the ocean that was so hauntingly beautiful it looked like the setting of a lesbian period piece. You know, if there weren't so many stoner surfers bobbing around with their stupid waterproof watches.
Two days ago I was only able to get to 2.6 miles, with stops, due to my shin splints. I was worried I wouldn't even be able to run next week and have to admit that I couldn't hit a pretty reasonable goal.
Today I went non-stop at a faster pace.
I promised myself it would be an easy run, and on my body it was. My head wouldn't shut up. That's what I'm working with and against.
Holy hell if that hasn't been a metaphor for everything lately.
I thought I was going too slow at multiple points, sure that I was going at a 12-minute pace when I was actually going 9. Going 9 felt really slow. It still required effort and conscious relaxation. It required fortitude, love, and a sense of humor.
It did not, nor will it ever, require "PUSH PUSH, GRIND YOU LITTLE BITCH, KEEP GOING, KEEP GRINDING".
I do not grind. I flow. Too much screaming and I want to sit poutily and light a cigarette (and I don't even smoke).
Instead, a voice that didn't belong to a mean P.E. coach (or let's be real, my dad), pulled me forward instead of pushing. "You can absolutely do this, just keep breathing and moving through it. Relax your shoulders, breathe into your stomach, you can jog, just keep going. If you go slow, that just means you ran for longer."
Is 3.1 miles in 25-30 minutes a big deal? No. But it's a huge fucking deal to me. My royal blue "Pacific Beach 5 K and half marathon" tank top and placard came in the mail and they're mine. I'm just a regular running chick. That's exciting.
I also hit 39.1 (because the .1 counts more than you'll ever know) miles this month. 63 K. Over 6 hours of running. I'm going to be proud of that. I have to let myself be proud of that or what's the point?
At 23, I would have taken a knock and cried in bed, hurting and hating myself. At 28, I stretch and exercise before crying and then pay for my own Outback Steakhouse LIKE A WOMAN.
My mind keeps circling back to my therapy challenge for this month. Why do I feel like a certain level of self-compassion is self-delusion? 23-year-old me deserved to be held and told she could handle things in smaller steps, and that it's human to feel overwhelmed and unworthy. She needed the voice to pull her forward into little tasks and goals instead of the scary coach making everything into a race that felt impossible to win.
Standing under the gorgeous pier with actual tears in my eyes, I saw a family of four, two little girls, taking photos. Passing the condos I saw a truly iconic MILF in her late 40s sipping red wine with a tasteful taupe poncho off a tanned shoulder, sitting at a marble table with long nails and blown-out hair.
The showers where I normally wash the sand off my toes were broken so I held my Asics in my right hand and walked bare-foot and red-faced up the pier. Were men staring at my abs or judging me for being barefoot? What's delulu and what's trulu? (If you're reading this in the future that's a super trendy joke FYI. I am a woman of the times.)
Either way, fuck 'em.
Then it started raining. It cleaned off my feet and ruined an already pretty-fucked up ponytail. I didn't care. It was warm rain, the kind that sprinkles you with kisses and hides the occasional tear.
I felt like I had done something right. And often oh god I feel so wrong.
Of course that was therapy question number 2.
Who would you be if you didn't believe something was wrong with you?
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get to know the author!
name: carmen / moop
pronouns: she / they
preference of communication: discord ! tumblr ims are fucked and discord is the next best option lol. (if u want my discord hmu..... 👀)
most active muse: lowkey my boy nicky (@yxkanna). i haven't been active on his blog in like three years i think for a variety of reasons but i still write him a lot over discord and i love him and miss his dash presence (especially now that there's a lot of 911 muses he'd love to interact with ugh). otherwise, these two obviously are pretty active, i have a hankering for writing jhin from lol, i have so many other little wretched muses i'd like to write although they're a bit quieter. lots of muses and not enough time lmao
experience / how many years: i've been rping since 2010 LMAO what the hell. my writing experience is in the weird middle school phase of its life now tf
best experience: i like making friends and sending stupid muse related stuff back and forth ! there's something kinda fun about seeing a meme or whatever and thinking of someone else :)
rp pet peeves: untrimmed threads, huge gifs, people who make a big deal of being suuuuuuper selective. like it's fine if u only wanna write with people u already know, nothing wrong with that, but constantly bragging about it feels like watching a weird high school clique unfold.
fluff, angst, or smut: more or less all.....? in order i'd say fluff, angst, and smut LMAO smut is def my weakest genre bc i'm like :| idk what to do to make this sexy....... fluff and angst are more interesting to me generally speaking !
plots or memes: i'm soooooo bad at plotting LMAO i get the worst brainlock when i'm trying to figure stuff out with folks. like i might as well just write it in the moment and have things happen organically, which memes are great for !
long or short replies: i usually do longer replies bc i get carried away, but shorter ones are nice too !
time to write: i usually end up writing at night which is fine until i've taken my melatonin and suddenly have the inspiration of the gods at my fingertips >:|
are you like your muses: a lil bit ?? more like cad imo, given the Everything. but there's a part of me that wishes i was a bit more like k so ! here we are lol
tagged by: @fcllederage <3
tagging: cannae be bothered to tag people in stuff tonight so !! if u wanna do it go for it, happy munday 👍
#ooc#moopisms#gonna do a bunch of these bc i don't feel like doing other stuff right this second lol#dash games
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tw: csa / sa
I haven't felt safe in a non-platonic relationship w a man ever, then this goofy goober waltzed into my life, and I don't throw up when he gets near me, and the butterflies are just that butterflies, no warning bells, safe
I really appreciate how kind and patient he's been, that being said my body feels safe enough to let me process certain things now and over the last couple of weeks I've been coming to terms with being molested as a child
it hit me in the shower a while ago after I had spent the night at cooper's for the first time. that night he asked to kiss me and I panicked because it was never just a kiss, every time someone has kissed me they take it further regardless of how I feel and I started to get really scared so I said no (I said no! that's crazy), he respected my wishes and we practiced me swatting/moving his hand away from me so I could get comfortable doing that- this blew my mind, he was so focused on me being comfortable and respecting my boundaries that we literally practiced just in case I couldn't get words out, like I get the bar is in the floor but I did cry :)
that whole experience shifted something inside of me, (he talked to his therapist abt it and his therapist said that it gave me a missing experience which I agree with), my brain was then like: u now have access to this traumatic memory
I've avoided thinking about it for 22 years, every time it crept up, my spine got tingly and I would start to get anxious. it was a family friend, there was a birthday party, everyone was outside, I just wanted a balloon and he was the only one inside the house, my family doesn't know, we lost touch and don't talk to him anymore, I was 6
for the longest time that memory was blocked, I've always been super uncomfortable with s.a. scenes in movies and books, a lot more than my classmates or friends and could never place why but it makes sense now
I know there was another incident with another person but I'm going to seek EMDR therapy with a trauma specialist to deal with that one because I'm worried abt what I don't remember
I want to tell my mom, I don't know if she would believe me, I think maybe she would, I think it would help her make sense of my actions, I think it would break her a little so I don't think I will, I don't know
I was just a baby
then k*llan happened, and my body just went into shock, I remember caitlan telling me that after him I didn't let them hug me or sit beside me, I didn't even realize that I was doing that, that i hadn't let anyone touch me for nearly 2 years
then jerome, sweet jerome, I remember the first time he tried to kiss me and I threw up, and proceeded to throw up every time he came near me for the first week-ish that I knew him, huge red flag friends, listen to ur bodies!!! this boy also didn't really respect my boundaries
I'm pretty happy with where I am now, I hug everyone, I kiss and hold my loved ones' hands, I lean in to the fact that I love physical touch, it's been wonderful
I will continue to grow and get more comfortable in my own skin, get more comfortable saying no and maintaining my boundaries, I will set fire to anyone who tries to fuck with my body
I deserve to feel safe, always
with love,
arson out <3
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OC TIME!!! (almost forgot a tw: abuse , suicide mention and drug addictions)
Added a read more because this is huge sorry
K so dude fucking hell I hate drawing Henry. Litrally how the FUCK can I even draw him??? "Ethereal beauty" i write on the story, having no clue how tf I can draw that. He's like... a blond twink, Dorian Gray like. What am I supposed to do here.
In case u dont know Henry: he's an usamerican that is currently studying aboard in Brazil (where the story is at) and he's a perfect person. He's innocent, kind, smart, strong, pretty... he's everythjng. Thing is, he's actually a piece of shit (woah!). Since hw was a child, he used his appearance to deceive peopl3 to get things. He'd hurt other children and start crying because the blame would be passed to them. He was always praised as some sort of angel and so, some sort of angel he is.
The story is by the end of the third year of high school (senior year), and about the insecurities of Hector blah blah I won't go into detail rn. Henry is not really a villain of the story... but he is not one of the good guys either... hes p evil lol. "What does he do?" in the story, he basically is there for money, bc he knows that the school he's in is from a poor location and full of, guess what, possible drug addicts. He goes for all the 3 protagonists (ok theres only 1 protg but these 2 r also v important).
Hector he kinda fails to get to him but he does convince him for a good time that he was inhumane and that he simply shouldn't exist, so he should just deal with it and hide it otherwise everyone would hate him. But Henry wouldn't, he'd keep his "dirty secret of being unnatural". He fails to get to the bit he actually sells him drugs lol bc Hector sees what hes doing bc one of his victims was his friend. Both of them actually. (Explained this one kinda badly byt its because he mostly failed lol Hector already thought this abt himself before Henry even met him)
Marcos is more simple, I think. Henry just threats to out him. Not directly, it's more complicated. Marcos is this very "heterotop" kind of guy, he's a fucking himbo. He's stupid, no one likes him, he already was a cigarette addict before he met Henry, he's basically pathetic. The only person who just... tolerated him, was Hector. He puts this strong and though persona just because he thinks he'll have more friends with it, but he's a very emotional guy. Okay back to Henry, Marcos fell in love with him, because *woah!* he's gay(!). He secretly confesses to him and is very visibly terrified of anyone else knowing. Henry sees him and goes "oh well easy money". So besides just pretty much "kindly" demanding constant cash or gifts (most of which Marcos can't even afford), he basically makes Marcos believe he, well, does't deserve that love, and is a disgusting human being for thinking anyone could ever love him. He basically offers "free" drugs to Marcos. "Free" because he asks for absurd amounts of payment later. As Marcos is Hector's... only friend for a good time, and even if Hector is bad at emotions(tm), he DOES realize something is fucked up and that's why he doesn't fall for Henry's shenanigans.
Okay! Last one is more simple because she's a newer character, her name is Sofia! Sofia is more insecure about........ well, to simply put, being a woman. She feels like she could never be a woman in the way she is, and that she is too "bland" and "unemotional" for all of that. She is very pressured by her family to be perfect, and a kind emotional good lady who can play violin and be amazing. She feels odd and all of that adds to the fact that she is of very strong asian ancestry, which makes her feel like she "stands out too much" around everyone else. She's, differently from Hector, incredibly suicidal too. There' a lot of parallels between her and Hector, (that lead to moments like "I'm nothing like you" etc) but that's not relevant rn. Thing s basically that Henry made her persue a relationship with Hector, because that woud "fix" her, knowing very damn well it wouldn't work and it'd make the situation worse. When it doesn't work he just makes her believe that, well, then, she really is useless and deserving of nothing. He basically puts a little teather of pity and offers her his products but she, although very sensible and unable to barely talk, she sees though Henry's plans, pushes him to the floor nd runs away. She disappears from school for some time, but she's okay.
Okay then -- what about it? What happens to Henry when these people realize what he did to them and many other people who just were unable to get him punished for his actions?
They fucking steal his money lol. They steal EVERYTHING they can get. Henry freaks out and gets really aggressive and irrational, ends up ruining his entire reputation from freaking out like that, call of of them slurs nd well... yeah, everything is ruined for him. His reputation and his money were everything he had, and they stole it.
That's not the main plot but AAAA I LOVE IT SOOO MUCH. Itz real fun to think abt and I spent hours writing this mess here. I love Henry, he's the worst human being ever, and I find that amszjng. It's probably kinda hard to understad why he's one of my favorite ocs because of me sucking at describing things (I'm better at just. Writing than telling akjaks) but yeah!!! Hope someone read this lol.
Edit: FORGOT TO MENTION!! Yeah, his themes are very obvious. It's probably very easy to tell what I was going for here, what I was angry about when I made this, but I still love it a lot, because it envolves a lot of things :3
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Goes grrr at my mother because I can't sleep a long time and I'm doing nothing wrong by conforming to my natural sleep schedule
#not art#she walked in and just told me 'this is not a joke. go to sleep right now' and im just#I was in a call with a homie because I'm literally just waiting for the good time™ to sleep#and now she's going to rag me all week for it like holy shit woman I'm NOT LIKE YOU#I can only sleep like 4-6 hours and any more than that makes me really tired so its just???#I knew I shouldn't have gotten in that call because I KNEW this was going to happen and I'm just#I'm not having a good time bro#I was vibing and having a good time and then I wasn't because I'm not like her which is apparently illegal#idk I'm just mad now#she's going to get K into this and MAKE A HUGE FUCKING DEAL AND I'M NOT READY FOR THAT MAN#I'm gonna get my shit taken for no FUCKING reason all because she can't FUCKING handle having a child that isn't like her#like SORREE ma'am that I'm neurodivergent and you adamantly refuse to believe I'm FAR more than just anxious and depressed but I AM#and its YOUR fault for not believing that; not ME- YOU#so do NOT rag me for something that I cannot control and do NOT get mad at me for being DIFFERENT because you're a selfish FUCKING person#who only EVER thinks about yourself and makes HUGE FUCKING DEALS out of everything
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Peanut Butter and Extra Jelly [T.H]
Summary: Tom’s long time crush on you becomes painful when you and Harrison are cast as love interests in a movie.
Paring: Tom Holland x Actress!Reader
Word Count: 5.8k
Warning: Suggestive themes, fake smut (very light), jealousy, probably some typos, swearing
a/n: i have no idea how filming a movie, or auditioning for one actually goes so don’t crucify me for this. i’m pretty happy with how this turned out, especially considering that this is the most i’ve ever written for a fic. also, Burt Kreisher is one of my fav comedians in real life, he has 3 shows on neflix and a mini series.
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Tom was not a jealous person. At least, that's what he always told himself. He prided himself in thinking he was a very level headed individual who didn’t let his emotions get the best of him. That worked best for his job anyways; always being able to control his emotions and not get in his own head. That simple, pacifistic mindset seemed to change when it came to you.
You were one of the many actors Tom got the pleasure to help hone their technique and work closely with. You were new to the lifestyle of Hollywood and the only roles you had before were in small indie films that never garnered too much attention. The first major role that you landed, which also happened to help kickstart your career, was in the MCU. You played the secondary villain in the third Spider-man movie.
Meeting the cast was a dream come true; they were all extremely helpful and they provided tons of tips and tricks in navigating the hectic schedule required for such a huge production. By the time filming wrapped up, you were considered part of their little Spider-man family.
Tom was easily the most helpful. Whenever he saw you struggling with anything, he offered to help. You two spent hours upon hours together in his trailer, ordering take out and practicing lines. Some nights you two planned to work through your script, but inevitably ended up falling asleep binge watching The Office, and laughing about crazy shit that happened on set that day.
When the movie wrapped up and you went home for a month before the press tour, you were completely unsure and nervous about what direction your career was going in. You auditioned for a few new movies, but had yet to hear from any of the directors about casting decisions. You kept in touch Tom during the month you were apart and expressed your concerns.
“I don’t know, Tom. I’m just so sick of waiting around and hoping that some director out there throws me a bone, ya know’?” You said on facetime, while making cookies.
“Yeah, I totally understand that, (Y/N/N). I had that issue a couple years ago before the Marvel movies. Trust me, you did outstanding in that role and once it gets noticed I’m positive you’ll have directors calling you, begging for you to audition.” Tom smiled warmly into the camera as he walked around his apartment in London.
“Yeah, easy for you to say, movie-star.” You giggled, turning your face away from the camera in hopes that Tom wouldn’t notice the blush his compliments painted onto your cheeks
“I’m serious! You were outstanding! Like in that one scene where you—”
“Tom! Tessa chewed a hole in my trousers again!” A voice came from outside of the frame, “Mate, you gotta get her to stop doing that somehow.”
Tom sighed, and waved his hand dismissively at the figure, “Okay, sure. I’m busy right now.” Tom looked back to the camera, “anyways, as I was saying, don’t stress about not having a new project yet, (Y/N)—”
“(Y/N)?” The other voice whisper-yelled. “Let me say hi!”, suddenly the phone was yanked out of Tom's hands and the video shook around a bit as Tom wrestled to get it back. Finally, the camera stilled and Harrison was on the other end smiling. “Hi, (Y/N)!”
“Oh, hi Harrison!” You smiled back, laughing. You'd met Harrison a few times when he visited Tom on set. “How are you?”
The camera started moving around more as the background behind Harrsion whizzed past. You assumed Tom must’ve been chasing him to get the phone back.
“I’m good! I just auditioned for a new movie. You should audition too! The main female lead’s description looks just like you.” He exclaimed, running past the kitchen to his room.
“Oi! Give me my phone back you div!” You heard Tom yelling in the background, no doubt in hot pursuit of Harrison.
“I don’t know, I'm not sure I’m prepared for a lead role.” You sighed, “What’s the movie called? I’ll look into it.”
“It’s called ‘Collateral Damage’, it’s a spy movie.” Harrison said, shutting the door to his room, while Tom pounded on it from the other side. “Yeah, it’d be really fun working with you. Tom constantly talks about how much fun you are on set.” Harrison wheezed out, trying to catch his breath.
“Aw, that’s sweet of him.” You laughed. “Well I’ve got to go. Just tell Tom he can call me tomorrow or something.” You waved at the camera. “Bye!”
“Yup, bye.” Harrison said right before the video cut out.
Harrison finally opened the door to a seething Tom. Tom grabbed the phone back from Harrison and noticed that the call had ended.
“Dude! Why would you do that?” Tom whined.
Harrison just patted Tom’s back, “Sorry, mate. She said she had to go, though. I was about to give the phone back.”
Tom huffed and sulked for a moment. “Whatever, I’ll just call her later, I guess.”
Harrison nodded and smirked at how whipped Tom was. “You should just ask her out if you’re so desperate for her attention.” Harrison teased.
“Shut up. I’m not desperate for her attention, I just like her voice and her personality, and the way she talks, and her funny sayings, and how her hair looks when she just woke up.”
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It was only a few days later when you received an email from the director of the movie Harrison told you about, asking for you to audition. You were ecstatic, Harrison must’ve already sent in some things about you since the director seemed adamant that you were of high interest for the role.
You called Tom immediately to share the good news.
He picked up after the third ring, “Hello, darling! How are you?” he beamed when he answered your call. He usually was the one to call you so he felt a sense of pride knowing that you were calling him for once.
“Tom! The director of the movie Harrison auditioned for just emailed me asking for me to audition!” You squealed excitedly.
“Really? That’s wonderful, love! Harrison just got the part of the lead too, so you’d be filming with him if you got it.”
“That’s so exciting, I’m flying to London for the audition in two days. Are you still there?” You pulled the phone away from your ear and switched it to speaker. “I’m booking the flight right now.”
“Yeah, I’ll be in London for another week and a half. Then we have the press tour starting in Japan.” Tom said, also switching to speaker phone to look at his calendar. “You can stay with Harrison and I while you’re here. Since we have to go to Japan together anyways.” Tom offered nervously. He really wanted you to stay in his flat with him. It’d be all cute and domestic, and maybe, just maybe, he’d spend enough time with you to not feel nervous about asking you on a date. If he was lucky, that is, but awaiting your reply he was a jittery ball of nerves.
“Yeah, that sounds wonderful. I won't be intruding though, right?” You said, smiling from ear to ear. Thank god you weren’t on facetime and Tom couldn’t see the stupid smile adoring your features.
“No, of course not. Harry will be so excited to see you. And Tessa too, she really misses you.” Tom shuffled around with his phone, shooting a quick text to Harrison letting him know you were coming to stay for a week.
“Ok, thanks so much, this is really thoughtful of you. I absolutely can’t wait to see you!” You gushed, finalizing your purchase of a one-way ticket to London. “K, the flight is at 2:30 pm here, it’s about 9 and a half hours, but you’re also ahead of me, so I’ll be in around..5?”
“Yeah, that sounds right to me,” Tom chuckled, “I’ll come pick you up. I’ll wear my incognito disguise.”
“If you mean that stupid t-shirt you got that says ‘I’M NOT A CELEBRITY’, then maybe I’ll ask Harrison to come pick me up…”
“That’s cold (Y/L/N).”
You giggled softly, “I’m sorry, Tommy. If it makes you feel better, that shirt isn’t as bad as that stupid blue beanie that you never wear correctly.”
“How the fuck would that make me feel better? You’re killing me, (Y/N/N).”
You laughed at his over dramatic reaction, “Sorry that you’re a sensitive babe. I gotta go now, see you soon!” You hung up before Tom could respond with a sassy quip. Then immediately after you received a text:
Tommy: The second you get here I’m bout to 👊
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Tom called Harrison up after you got off the phone, he needed to make sure his best friend wouldn’t say or do anything to embarrass him in front of you.
“Tom, don’t you think this is a bit obsessive? I mean, she’s only staying with us for a week and you already know her so well from spending all that time filming with her.” Harrison sighed, sick of listening to Tom ramble about every possible embarrassing situation he could be put in, in the coming week.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. It's no big deal. But don’t mention that time I accidentally shit my pants at the club, or that time I got hit in the head with a golf ball ‘cus I got distracted by a flock of geese, or that time a got chased by a flock of geese, or—”
“Geez, mate. At this point we might as well not even talk to her.” Harrison chuckled, thinking of all the stories he could bring up about Tom around the dinner table with you. Tom really was just a walking ball of embarrassing moments.
“Stoppp ittt,” Tom whined, “when we were on set it was usually just the cast and Harry around, but you? You could do some real fucking damage to my love life, Haz.”
“What love life?” Harrison barked out, laughing.
Tom then hung up and began praying to whatever god was out there that this week could go by without a hitch, and then you and him would be on your way, together, to Japan.
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The whole week spent in London actually went really well, especially the audition. Tom and Harrison both accompanied you for moral support, well Harrison actually had to be there to be your scene partner, but it was still nice knowing he supported you.
The director shook your hand and you went through the normal formalities before beginning your scene with Harrison. It was a quick scene with a monologue in it. The main premise of the movie was all about choosing love over work, especially in dangerous, life-threatening scenarios. The scene you used to audition with Harrison was the scene where the main character, Lincoln, and his lover interest, Mallory, were arguing, trying to push each other away to keep each other safe. The scene had a lot of raw emotion that you were able to tap into, and the directors gave your performance a standing ovation once the scene concluded.
They said that they’d get back to you within the next few days, but they also mentioned how the chemistry between you and Harrison was off the charts, leaving you hopeful. Tom and Harrison both gave you hugs and pats on the back. Tom had watched the whole scene unfold and he was in complete and utter awe of your talent. Part of him was annoyed that he didn’t audition for the movie and a chance as your love interest. But Harrison deserved this big break and so did you, so he was hopeful of the outcome being something that benefitted both of his best friends.
After the audition the rest of the week went by nearly perfectly. The real kicker was when Tom’s family invited you and Harrison to join them for dinner. Tom had not anticipated his mom asking you to come to family dinner, so he wasn’t able to stop the embarrassing anecdotes his mom told on his behalf.
“Tom had the cutest little tush,” Nikki exclaimed, placing the old homemade scrapbook in your lap and flipping through a couple of pages. “See look,” she happily pointed to a picture of Tom as a toddler in a bath, surrounded by bubbles, his little bum poking through them.
Tom sat uncomfortably on the sofa next to you, cringing at the now 21 year old photo of him. He expected you to also cringe along, or worse case scenario, get up and make a flimsy excuse to leave his crazy family, but you just chuckled along with Nikki and continued making your way through the scrapbook, making little comments here and there.
“Oh, and this one,” Nikki said, pointing to a photo of Tom crying and Sam holding up a superhero action figure triumphantly, “that was Tom’s favorite toy, but when Sam saw how much Tom liked it, he made an effort to always be playing with it when Tom came into the room and he wouldn’t share.”
You giggled at the little whiny face Tom made in the picture, and turned to him, replicating it on your face, making fun of him. Tom laughed along and playfully shoved you. He adored how well you seemed to fit in with his family and his feelings for you only multiplied.
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The week in London was one of the best in your life. You didn’t realize how much you missed Tom until you got to the airport and he was there waiting for you, unfortunately in his stupid blue beanie, and no, it wasn’t on right, his big ears poked out of it horrendously.
The last day you had in London before you and Tom went to Japan, you finally received a call about the audition. The director called you to congratulate you on getting the part, and he sent you numerous emails about scheduling, where to be, and when. Harrison was elated to have a familiar face playing his love interest on screen, and Tom was over the moon excited for you, this on top of the Spider-man movie coming out, you were certainly becoming a force to be reckoned with.
You spent the night celebrating at a club, Harry and Sam also showed up to party with you. The night was still young and the club was already packed and in full swing. Tom ordered two shots for each of you to start off the night before he was whisked away by a few fans to sign autographs. When he didn’t return you took it upon yourself to have his shots, giving you an extra edge to help spice up your night.
Harrison found Tom in the corner of the club talking to some fans. But throughout his whole time taking pictures with them, he couldn’t help but glance at you every once and a while. You looked so carefree and beautiful, dancing around in your shiny silver top and leather leggings.
“Tom.” Harrison interrupted Tom’s gawking and directed his attention to the small group of fans Tom was with.
Tom nodded and finished up his pictures and autographs before wishing them all a good and safe night. Once he reached you, you engulfed him in a bone crushing hug.
“Thank you for such a great time in London, Tommy.” you slurred, already feeling the impact of the four shots you took. “I had the best time of my whole life.” You pecked his cheek and pulled him close to dance with you.
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The following month or so on the press tour was a once in a lifetime experience. You travelled to more cities than you even knew the name of and you had all of your friends by your side. More so, you had motivation to remain approachable and well liked by fans considering that you were moving up in the industry. Some interviews were mostly for Tom, Zendaya, and Jacob. Your role in the movie was big enough for you to be needed for some interviews, and most people were genuinely interested in getting to know you, but there were also a handful of press activities that you weren’t included in, which you didn’t mind.
When you didn’t have anything to do for an hour or so, you would text Harrison and send him funny memes. He was quickly becoming one of your closest friends; you had already created a surplus of inside jokes with him just over the phone.
Tom noticed how you were always laughing at your phone or rapid fire texting. Even when you were being interviewed, Tom could faintly hear the buzz of your text message notifications going off.
“Tom,” you snapped in front of his eyes, “did you need something?”
“Huh?” Tom blinked a few times, “Uh—no, sorry.” Tom’s cheeks flushed pink, embarrassed for having been caught staring at you. He couldn’t help it though, you were dressed so pretty that day. You had your hair done up in two bubble braids and you wore his pink sweatshirt over your yellow sundress.
“Okay then.” You smiled at him. You went back to your phone, reading what Harrison had just texted you. “What was the name of that comedian we watched the other night?”
“The one on Netflix?”
You hummed out a yes, tapping away at your phone.
“Burt Kreisher, why?” Tom asked, leaning over to your chair to try and catch a glimpse of who you were texting. When he saw the contact name “Hazzy”, he couldn't stop the little angry pit of jealousy that started in his stomach. Sure, you were here with him now, not with Harrison, but when you two were apart you also texted him nonstop, and the texts seemed to all be inside jokes, which was something you also shared with him that he held near and dear.
“I made a joke referencing him to Harrison and he didn’t get it. Fucking nerd.” You chuckled, texting Harrison a link to the skit you were referring to.
Tom chuckled along, but he couldn’t help but frown slightly at how bright your smile was when Harrison replied.
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The press tour and premiere of the movie seemed to go by lighting fast. You’d never been to a premiere for a production this big, and your nerves for the red carpet were starting to get to you.
You and Zendaya were stuffed into a hotel room with both of your respective teams, both trying to rapidly get both of you ready for the event.
“So when do you start filming for your next project?” Zendaya asked, she sat in front of a broadway-equse mirror, bright bulbs of light giving a luminescent glow to her already near flawless complexion. She hadn’t even finished her makeup yet and she was so pretty.
“In a month, I have to go back to London next week.” You said, sifting through the opinions you brought for dresses. You brought three options, just in case you changed your mind after seeing yourself in the dress. “Harrison and I are going to go over the scripts together and we were also told to go out in public a few times; for press and whatnot.”
“That’s exciting!” Zendaya mused, she glanced at the clock and gave her hairdresser some instructions about how much time she had to do hair. “It’s a good thing you guys are already friends. I remember when I filmed ‘The Greatest Showman’ I didn’t know many of the actors personally, so we had to go out together and do press all while being almost strangers. It was a bit nerve wracking.” Zendaya smiled at you fondly, she was like an older sister to you during this whole movie-making process, she constantly had your back.
“Yeah, I mean I’ll probably be in a situation like that at some point, but for my first lead role it’s nice to be working opposite a friend.” You smiled back, finally deciding on the red, sequined dress.
You both sat and worked through the makeup process in comfortable silence.
“So you and Tom…” Zendaya broke the silence and looked at you with a smirk on her face.
“What?” You looked at her with a dumbfounded look, before nervously laughing, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t play dumb, (Y/N/N).” She poked your arm and laughed, “He’s literally obsessed with you.”
You laughed at how ridiculous that sounded. A movie star, and very famous movie star at that, obsessed with you? You? Impossible.
“Yeah no, sorry but you got the wrong girl, babe.” You sighed, pulling out your phone to snap and selfie with her for your instagram story. You quickly snapped a pic of the two of you, her kissing your cheek, leaving a small, faint lipstick mark. “I mean it’d be nice,” you back tracked, “but I’m sure that’s just my wishful thinking.”
“What wishful thinking? I thought you were a pessimist?” Zendaya chuckled, taking her own photo with you to post later.
“I am, but I can’t help but indulge a bit.”
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Before you knew it, you were back in London, staying in a rented out flat for the next three to four months. Harrison was kind enough to come over to help you set up a work space, but he also offered you to spend most of your time at his place. Since Tom was in New York, doing interviews about the new Spider-man movie and having meetings with the Marvel Cinematic Universe team to try and gauge his future in the MCU, he wouldn’t be around for almost a month, so Harrison offered up Tom’s office when you needed to go over a scene by yourself and wanted a place that was already set up.
The days of filming seemed to go by in the blink of an eye. Most of your scenes were with Harrison, and he was the perfect scene partner. He rarely messed up, but if he did then he was quick to use it as an opportunity to improvise. His skills weren’t as well honed in like Tom’s, but it was obvious that their style ranged from a similar source.
The main thing about this movie that you were excited, but extremely nervous for, were the two sex scenes. The first one is at the beginning, where the two leads give in to each other for a night, then there's some implied stuff in between, and the last one is when the two leads part ways for the final time at the end of the movie. The first one had to be rough, fast, and needy, whereas the second one was direct to be more slow, thought out, and sensual.
Both were extremely stress-inducing to film. Harrison had also never done any scenes like this before, so he was on the same boat as you. Thankfully you had an amazing director and stunt coordinator to work with and with the help of other crew members, the scenes were mapped out so that it wasn’t too much improv or guessing on your part.
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The first intimate scene you shot actually happened to be the one at the end of the movie. That scene was more tame and dealt with more emotional subtexts than physical. Since you filmed that one first, you went into filming the next one with more confidence. It only took a few days to get the first scene down to perfection, so with this newfound confidence, it shouldn’t take too long to get the next one done.
On the days you shot intimate scenes, you only needed to wear the costume you wore before the scene and then you changed into a robe with nude underwear underneath. The bits with the outfit on before were already shot, so the director called a 30 minute break until you could begin shooting the actual sex part.
You were standing by the snack table, eyes scanning the table for any more muffins leftover from breakfast. The robe you wore made your skin prickle whenever a draft came onto set.
Just as you had found the muffin you were looking for, a pair of warm hands covered your eyes.
“Guess who!” An all too familiar warm, British accentuated, voice called.
You turned around in his arms, effectively nudging his hands from your face, and soon you were met with the warmest hazel eyes. Eyes that you missed so much this past month.
“Tommy!” You squealed and thrusted yourself into him in a hug. He immediately reciprocated it and wrapped your body in warmth. “What’re you doing here?” You asked once you let go of him.
“Harrison gave me the location so I could come watch you film. I just got home, like, two days ago.” Tom eyed you up and down, not realizing what little you had on. “Um—are you wearing anything under that?” He pointed up and down your figure.
“Nope, today and tomorrow we’re scheduled to film the sex scene.” You said casually, doing a silly twirl. Tom gulped.
“A s-sex scene?” He choked, “I didn’t know you guys had one.”
“Yup,” you smirked, “two actually, this is my first one ever, Haz’s too, I think. Well actually, we filmed the sex scene at the end of the movie last week.”
“Yeah… t-that’s cool.” Tom smiled weakly.
Right as you were about to continue your conversation with Tom, an arm swung over your shoulder and pulled you close. Harrison smiled at the both of you. He wore a similar robe to yours, except he left the front open. His plaid boxers on full display.
“Don’t listen to her, Tom. She’s a natural.” Harrison pinched your cheeks. Tom clenched his jaw at the comment. He knew Harrison hadn't meant to imply anything with it, but he couldn't help but hear the hidden meaning behind the otherwise innocent compliment.
You giggled and pushed his hand away, “Only ‘cus my scene partner is so darn cute.” You retaliated, poking and tickling his pecs.
This kind of goofy banter was normal between you and Harrison, but Tom hadn’t seen either of you in so long. He also had never seen you two interact so fluently with each other. He watched the interaction with a tight-lipped smile, nodding along and shrugging every once in a while to seem like he was paying attention. In reality though, he couldn’t pry his thoughts away from how close you were to Harrison.
“Ok everyone! Places! Let’s wrap this scene up and put it to rest today!” Your director called. You and Harrison smiled and waved goodbye to Tom. Harrison pointed to a chair in the room that had a nice view of the set where Tom could watch. Tom nodded and walked over to the chair, enthusiasm for watching you work completely dissipating.
The scene started off rough right off the bat. The second the director said ‘Action!’ you and Harrison were practically pouncing on each other. Harrison had you pressed up against the wall and you were both breathing heavily. He was leaving sloppy, wet kisses down your neck, then across your collar bones. Your moans, which Tom always imagined to sound like music to his ears, sounded too real for his liking. But no matter how much he tried to look away, his eyes were glued to the two bodies moving fluidly with one another.
“Cut! Cut!” The director yelled, effectively ending the scene. You and Harrison pulled apart and he gave you a peck on the cheek, as in saying ‘good job’. “That was good, but Harrison,” The blonde nodded, awaiting further instruction. “You gotta be a little rougher, hm?”
Harrison nodded along with the critique. “(Y/N)?” the director moved his attention to you, “would it be okay if Harrison marked you up? Just a few hickeys to really sell the illusion. We can do without, though, if you feel uncomfortable.”
Tom overheard the interaction and internally hoped that you were too uncomfortable for that, but deep down he knew you would do it. You were never the type to stray away from a challenge.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” You nodded, chest still heaving from the scene. You looked at Harrison. “Is that okay with you?”
Harrison nodded, a shy smile tugging at his lips. Yeah, you guys have been working at this scene for days now, but he’d never been rough enough to leave marks. He’d be lying if he said the thought didn’t invigorate him.
So the scene started from the top, you pressed up against the wall, all your weight shoved between the flimsy wall of the set and Harrison’s strong arms. Harrison did exactly as the director required, leaving noticeable dark spots across the top of your chest. Unlike your previous moans, which had just been for show, this new roughness in his actions tore real moans from your lips.
Tom sat uncomfortably in his chair, wishing he picked a different day to visit you on set. He shifted around, watching twin moans pull from both you and Harrison’s throat. He watched as you nipped at Harrison's ear as he faux thrusted into you. The jealousy that had pitted itself in his stomach soon turned to self-loathing. You looked really into the scene, he couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding. He knew you were a great actress, but he couldn’t believe that this was all acting. In his eyes, he believed that some part of you must wish that this was real. And part of you did like this scenario, but you wouldn’t have picked Harrison to be opposite you in this little fantasy.
Your moans and Harrisons both grew louder, leading up to the climax as scripted. Tom, not wanting to watch anymore exited the set quickly before he could watch the scene end.
You and Harrison finished up, gaining applause and praise afterwards from the director and crew members on set.
“Where’s Tom?” You asked, scrambling back into your robe and smoothing out your now roughed up hair.
Harrison, now noticing the absence of his best friend, began to feel a bit guilty. He knew Tom had a thing for you, maybe he should’ve told Tom not to visit set today.
“Um, (Y/N)?” He mumbled, pulling you aside slightly.
“Yeah?” You still looked around for Tom a bit, heart sinking when you realized that he must've left without saying goodbye.
“I shouldn’t be the one telling you this,” Harrison began, drawing your full attention, “but Tom really likes you. He always downplayed it, so I didn’t realize how much, but I think watching this scene might’ve upset him a bit.” Harrison looked towards the exit, no doubtedly where Tom left through, out into the parking lot.
“Oh—oh!” You gasped, feeling terribly for having put Tom in such an awkward position. “I didn’t know he felt the same.” You whispered, smiling softly to yourself. Guess Z was right after all. You pulled away from Harrison, “I’ll go talk to him.”
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Tom didn’t go far. He still wanted to be there to support you; he didn’t want to come off as a jealous prick, but he couldn’t keep watching that intimacy between you and his best friend. He sat on the curb outside of the building the set was built in. A few people passed him going to their designated buildings on the lot, but he didn’t pay any mind to them, too lost in his thoughts. He needed to tell you sooner rather than later how he felt. No time to be a pussy anymore.
“Tom?” You walked up next to his sitting figure, still only in a robe, tightly wrapped around you. He looked up to acknowledge you, mumbling a soft ‘Hey.’ before looking back down, trying to collect his thoughts and courage. It’s now or never.
You sat beside him and rested your head on his shoulder. “Harrison told me something interesting in there,” You paused for a moment before continuing, “about you.”
Tom’s head shot up, and he looked at you with frantic eyes, only imagining the worse. There were too many things Harrison could’ve told you about Tom to sully your image of him.
“Whatever it was, he's a lying prick!” Tom rushed out.
You giggled, lifting your head up to look him in the eyes, his dark hazel eyes boring into yours.
“That’s a shame then,” You shrugged, “considering I like you too.”
Tom breathed out a sigh of relief, before looking back at you, doing a double take.
“Wait, what?”
“Mhm, yeah.” You said casually, standing up. “But since Harrison’s a liar then I suppose he was wrong.” You teased.
“No!” Tom grabbed your wrist and pulled you back next to him, but his aim was a bit off and you ended up in his lap. “He lies about a lot, but not about this.”
You smiled at him, “I should hope not, considering I’m crazy about you.”
Tom couldn’t help the smile that beamed across his face, but then he noticed the marks left on you by Harrison. Remembering why he was insecure in the first place, he looked away.
“What about Harrison?” He asked. You looked at him utterly confused. Tom caught on and explained further. “You looked like you were really into that scene with him.”
You giggled and pinched Tom’s cheek, turning it red. “I’m an actress, you idiot.”
Tom scoffed, “I know that. It’s just— I didn’t realize you could fake that kind of love.”
You looked at Tom’s downcast face. You leaned in and kissed his neck, just under his jaw. You nipped and sucked softly, leaving a nice, dark pink blotch that would go away in a few days under his jaw and he whimpered softly.
“I’d never fake that kind of love with you.” You grabbed his face, holding it gently in your hands. “I’d never have to.” You whispered, pulling him in for a kiss, soft and sweet.
Tom pulled you closer, resting a hand on the small of your back, kissing back fervently.
The short make-out session being cut short by the door to the set bursting opened. Harrison rushing out, now dressed in slacks and a white button up for the next scene you needed to shoot that day.
“(Y/N)! Hair and makeup need you.” You lugged yourself off of Tom’s lap, promising to talk to him after you finished for the day. You went back inside, jokingly blowing a kiss to Harrison on your way.
Harrison stayed outside and sat next to Tom.
“Did she confess first?” He asked after a moment of silence.
“Yup.” Tom smiled happily, licking his lips, tasting the strawberry chapstick he saw you put on earlier.
“You owe me 10 pounds then, you wimp.”
“Oh, fuck off.” Tom groaned, promptly pulling ten pounds out of his wallet and handing it to Haz.
#tom holland x reader#tom holland x actress!reader#tom holland angst#tom holland fluff#tom holland x y/n#tom holland oneshot#tom holland fanfic#tom holland smut#harrison osterfeild fluff#harrison osterfield#platonic!harrison osterfield
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London Calling - 1
Yes, I'm still in my August phase and I'm not even sorry...I just can't stop thinking about the sexy mf and so this idea crossed my mind and turned into a storyline. I have to admit I'm even more nervous about posting this than usual because it's a little different from what I've written before and I really hope it's not going to bore the shit out of you. If you like this although the tension between August and my ofc builds slowly, please let me know. I appreciate every single comment, reblog and/or like! Thanks 💜
Pairing: Augut Walker x OFC (Lu Johnson)
Words: ~3.0 k
Summary and A/N: This story plays with the thought of "what if…" What if August Walker had taken another road? What if he had turned into John Lark for completely different reasons? What if he had found love before becoming a bitter, disillusioned man?So the events of "London Calling" take place about ten years prior to MI:Fallout and August Walker hasn't joined the CIA yet, he's an FBI Agent and his new mission in London that lies ahead of him is going to be a challenging one. Maybe it's even going to change his life.
Warnings: 18+! This story deals with the topic of a toxic/abusive relationship, gaslighting and problematic behavior of one of the protagonists in general. Please don't read if these topics trigger you or make you feel uncomfortable. Luckily I've never been in any kind of toxic or abusive relationship, so I lack personal experience but I hope still do this sensitive topic justice.
English is not my mother tongue but the lovely @sillyrabbit81 was so kind to be my very helpful and patient Beta! Thank you so, so much, bunny 🐇💜 You have no idea how much I appreciate your support, your encouragement, your help and the fact that you took the time to proofread this. (Edited by me, so there might still be mistakes and they're all mine)
📖 You can find my other fics on my Masterlist 📖
Credits: I don't own August Walker or anything related to MI:Fallout. Pics for the moodboard from pinterest, face claims: Lu - Hannah van der Westhuysen, Adam - Freddie Thorpe. FaceApp helped me with making August look a little younger
Taglist
@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @artandotherdelights @notabronte @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @liliumdream @enchantedbytomandhenry @greensleeves888 @witcherfanfics101 @margauxmargaux07 @radaofrivia @m07belzen @a-little-counter-esperanto @starstruckkittyangel @mary-ann84 @sillyrabbit81 @emelinelovesjc @wheretheriversrunintothesea @lam0ureuxq @kingliam2019 @pandaxnienke
So...now...off we go...story under the cut!
1
"London? Are you kidding me, Kyle?"
August Walker stopped pacing the room with an incredulous frown. He raised his eyebrows, his blue eyes fixed on the other man's face.
"Absolutely not," his superior and close friend of many years said slowly, drawling both words more than necessary to stress that he wasn't joking. "They want you in London."
"What about my promotion? You gave me your word. You wanted me to finish Operation Old Bridge and that's what I did. You wanted Tony Salerno's head on a silver platter, that's what you got."
August's voice was surprisingly calm, his expression blank but his gaze was blazing with anger and frustration. His hands were balled into fists and he only opened them to lean on Kyle's wooden desk, which was very tidy, except for the piles of case files that slowly grew larger than him.
"Damn, Kyle, I risked my life when I went undercover and joined this Mafia mob."
"I know, August, but unfortunately my hands are tied. Interpol wants our best undercover Agent and that's you. Just this last job and afterwards you can happily join the CIA." SSA Kyle Langdon leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands behind his neck with a sigh and an apologetic shrug.
"That's exactly what you said last time. Do you expect me to believe you?"
"As I said, it's not my doing. Manchester contacted Bill because the NCB needs help, blue notice, August. You know that we cannot say no and that means...London calling, man," Kyle pointed out with a smile. "You should be grateful, it's a great opportunity. So just do your job there, return and get your promotion."
"Why don't you just send someone else and I get my promotion right now? We have many great undercover agents. Craig for example. He's crazy about British pussies. He'll love London." August straightened his tall body before crossing his arms in front of his broad chest that was forced into a white button down shirt and a black suit jacket.
"No, Craig cannot go because they want you in this operation. They asked explicitly for Agent August Walker. That's a huge appreciation of your work and a big compliment. You're only 27, August, not many FBI agents are this well known and respected at such a young age." Kyle sat up straight, mirroring August's body language.
"I don't give a shit about their respect and appreciation. I know my worth and I know I'm your best agent. I've worked very hard to get where I stand now... just one step away from becoming a CIA agent," August said angrily, his brows furrowed, his eyes dark. "Fuck, Kyle...why use an American agent in a purely British matter in the first place? They could easily…"
"Listen, August," Kyle cut in and he got up and walked around his desk to face his friend, "the thing is, I am not asking you to do this, okay? It's not a request, it's an order. There's no room to negotiate."
He gave him a friendly smile to temper his words before placing a hand on August's shoulder. "No hard feelings. It's…"
"It's the job. Yeah. I know." August took a step back and nodded his head slowly, curling his lip. He had heard his boss say these words so many times and he hated that line although he was perfectly aware that it was the truth. That was the way it worked. They got orders, they did the job, no matter what. He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes for a moment, feeling a bad headache brewing behind his forehead.
"I have already talked to Sloane about this. Erica seconds the motion by Interpol because she wants you to prove yourself in another operation abroad. If you are successful you will be part of her team. It's simple, Walker. Just don't fuck this up."
"I've never fucked anything up,” August snarled, clenching his teeth, his jaw grinding.
"See, that's exactly why they want you,” Kyle answered with a triumphant smile.
****
"Lu!" Adam Mayfield knocked impatiently on the bathroom door. "Get ready. We're going to be late." He glanced at his Rolex with an annoyed sigh before he straightened his tuxedo jacket and adjusted his bow tie for the umpteenth time. "God damn, this meeting is important." He banged his fist against the door again and rolled his eyes when he heard her muffled voice behind the bathroom walls. "Just a minute, Adam."
Although he was really a little angry that it took her so long to get ready, they weren't actually late, in fact there was more than enough time to meet up with his clients at The London Opera. He had just said that to make her hurry up. Lu had the tendency to dawdle around, she got easily distracted and it was his responsibility to help her with that bad habit and usually it worked well.
Compared to the woman she was when they had met at a party more than five years ago, she had improved her behavior a lot, thanks to his efforts and his strict education. She had been common as muck when they started dating, an ordinary working class girl, smart but not a bit sophisticated, pretty but with no sense of fashion or taste, ambitious but without any connections. He had changed that, he had moulded her into the beautiful, stylish, refined and cultured woman she was now. She was his work, his success, his pride...she was his.
When the door of the bathroom that was adjacent to the master bedroom finally swung open, the welcoming sight of his fiancee interrupted his thoughts and picked up his spirits immediately.
"Wow, this was worth the wait." He eyed her up and down with a smirk and leaned in for a kiss but she stopped him with her hands pressed against his narrow chest.
"No, you're gonna ruin my make-up, darling." Lu smiled at him and spinned around to present him her dress. The black, belted Burberry gown was elegant and classy. High-necked on the front but with a low back that showed off lots of her perfect, lightly tanned skin. Chaste and sexy at the same time, just the way Adam liked it.
"That dress is stunning, baby. You look wonderful." He grabbed her by her waist and pulled her close to leave a sensual kiss on her slim neck while his hands wandered to her ass where they rested for a moment before they squeezed her firm cheeks. "I really hope you're not wearing any panties."
Lu freed herself from his embrace with a frown and stepped in front of the large wall mirror opposite of their king-size bed to check her reflection one last time, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.
"Of course I'm wearing panties. We're going to the opera with your VIP clients." She walked to her dressing table and took the diamond-encrusted, leaf-shaped brooch Adam had given her for their five years anniversary on New Year's Eve. "Would you help me with this?"
Adam took the piece of jewelry from her slim hand and pinned it carefully on her dress, right above her heart. He kissed her tenderly but his expression was stern when he spoke. "Strip it off."
Lu's eyes grew wide. "What?"
"You heard me. Get rid of your thong. I know you're wearing one of these slutty, tiny g-strings to make sure your look is flawless and your underwear doesn't show under your dress." His face hardened slightly, yet his voice remained soft and smooth.
"But…"
"Don't test me, Lu,” he said slowly, still smiling but screwing up his beautiful grey eyes. "I want you naked underneath that dress in case I want to have a little fun with you tonight. I mean, we both know Rigoletto is gonna be boring as fuck, we may need a little distraction." He gave her a lewd smirk and with a tiny frown and a raise of his brows he motioned her to be obedient. "You don't want anything to get in my way, do you? Not even a little piece of lace, right?"
"Of course not, Adam," she answered softly with a smile she had to force onto her lips. Lu reached under her dress with shaking hands and pulled down her panties till they hit the floor so she could step out of them carefully, making sure they wouldn't get tangled up in her stiletto heels.
"Good girl," Adam said with a wolfish grin and with a sly smile he added, "you know what, baby? I think I'm going to have a little fun with you just now. My clients can wait."
Lu didn't even try to argue with him, knowing exactly that she was in a no-win situation. She closed her eyes and turned around, lifting up her dress, when she heard him unzip his fly.
****
While Adam Mayfield was fucking his fiancee in front of a mirror in one of the most exclusive penthouses in London, August Walker was having a bad coffee, sitting at a table in the plain and pretty ugly meeting room of their FBI department at the J. Edgar Hoover Building in Washington DC, listening to the explanations of Kyle and the lead of 'Operation Brutus', Christine Carpenter. He didn't like her much but he respected her competence and her leadership qualities and most of all he trusted her with giving him the perfect fake identity for the job in London.
"So, what do you have for me, Chris?" August looked at her with a smile, but his eyes gave away that he'd rather be somewhere else.
"Well, let me just explain the background first, okay?"
She pressed a button on her laptop and the handsome face of a young man appeared on the screen behind her.
"This", she nodded at the picture, "is Adam Arthur Clive Mayfield, 27 years old, only son of Alfred Mayfair and his late wife Erica, heir of the immense family fortune and the private bank Mayfield & Holmes, that was established by his ancestors more than 200 years ago. He is one of the most eligible bachelors in the United Kingdom, and one of the richest, too. His father officially still runs the family business but he isn't in the best state of health, so in fact Mayfield junior is the one who's at the helm. Unlike his father he's not a man of integrity, he's been on the radar of the British authorities for years. From dealing drugs and other minor crimes in his college years to insider trading, investor fraud, misappropriation and money laundering nowadays. He is a big fish, has connections all over the world, drug rings, gun runners, human traffickers, you name it."
"And the Brits are not able to catch him without my help?" August couldn't help but smirk cockily.
"Don't be so full of yourself, Walker. The problem is, he is a damn genius. IQ score beyond 150, very clever, very cautious, a strategic mastermind, always ahead of the authorities. They tried to infiltrate his business a few times but they failed miserably, so now they want to concentrate on his private life."
"And this is gonna be my part?"
"Exactly," Kyle said, getting up to join Christine in front of the screen. "He has a few bodyguards he always hires from an American agency. They are known for their discretion and loyalty and the bodyguards they place with their clients are the best of the best. Unfortunately one of his bodyguards died in an accident a week ago and now he needs a new one. Luckily, we have the owner of the agency by the balls for several major crimes. He cooperates or he will end up behind bars for the rest of his life."
"To cut a long story short, he will place you with Mayfield and you can become part of his daily life. Your job consists of monitoring and collecting information and data. I will give you an exact briefing later," Christine finished Kyle's explanations.
"So I will just be his lapdog?"
"Not his," Kyle grinned, "hers."
The picture on the screen changed, now showing a young, blonde woman. The second he saw her, he judged her.
He could tell what she was like, just by her looks, by the way she jutted her chin in the picture, by her perfectly manicured fingers, by her flawless make up and the expensive clothes. He knew women like her, a walking stereotype, the blond, beautiful Trophy Wife Barbie that's always by Millionaire Ken's side. Pretty on the outside, boring on the inside. Lame bimbos that only lived for showing off their designer clothes and it-bags, tripping around in high heels that cost more than he earned in a month, finding self-fulfilment in stupid things like designing overpriced furniture, running a yoga studio or doing charity stuff. Useless, needless but still blueprints for millions of girls who would literally give the shirt off their backs to catch themselves a rockstar, a famous actor, a hyped football player or just a rich heir.
"This is Mayfield's fiancee," Kyle said, pointing at the photo, "you're gonna be her personal bodyguard."
"How am I supposed to monitor him, when I have to be on her heels all the time?"
"You're gonna live with them, there will be lots of opportunities. Just make her trust you, we need her to open up, get her to talk. They've been together for years, she should know what he's involved in," Chris explained and she made it sound easy when in fact it wasn't only hard to gain a stranger's trust, in this case it was even dangerous.
"Alright. Tell me about her."
"Her name is Lucretia Johnson, 24 years old," Kyle started reading the memo.
"Lucretia?" August let out an amused snort.
"Yeah," Kyle grinned, "her mother seems to have a preference for strange names, her younger sister's called Petronilla."
"What the fuck?" August laughed out loud. "Is she some kind of Latin professor or something?"
"Well, first of all she's dead," Christine took over with a serious look on her face, she was notorious for her lack of humour, "and secondly, no, she was not a professor. She was an alcoholic and a complete mess. An irresponsible, uncaring mother who spent too much time fucking around and too little time taking care of her daughters. Petronilla was taken away from her when she was 15 and was handed over to youth welfare. Lucretia was 18 at the time and lived on the campus of the Chelsea College of Art and Design."
"So she's an artist, huh?" August knew the ridicule in his voice wasn't very professional but he just couldn't help it.
"Maybe, at least she has a master degree in curating and owns a little gallery in Covent Garden. Well, actually Mayfield owns it, she just runs it."
"So, to sum it up, she's made it from the daughter of a drunkard to the fiancee of one of the richest heirs in the kingdom. She's fucked her way to the top. I guess that's all I need to know about her."
"Don't be so sure, August. She seems to be smart," Kyle threw in, "I think there's more to her than the pretty face. It's just a gut feeling but I guess you'll find out soon enough."
August took a deep breath, rolling his eyes at Kyle. "Sure. She's the saint that sleeps with the devil."
"That's not what I said, mate. But whatever she is, you'll have to deal with it."
"What's my cover, Christine?" August wanted to know.
"Well, your alias was born in 1981, just like you, but on the fifth of May. Born and raised in Portland, Maine. Only child, mother deceased, not on speaking terms with his father, a mechanic who still lives in Portland. You can find the details of your early life and your family tree in the memo," she waved the file above her head before she continued. "Careerwise...ex military, ex cop, had some problems following the rules and respecting the law. Single, no ex-wifes, no kids. We kept it plain and simple. They will not dig deep anyway. According to the agency boss, Mayfield expects his bodyguards to be disciplined, always on duty, quiet and discreet. There's three of you. Benjamin Garner is Mayfield's watchdog and his personal assistant, Edward Landow was Johnson's guard you're gonna replace, Andrew Brown is the back-up. You and Garner live with them, Brown lives nearby with his girlfriend. There's other staff of course, a housekeeper, a cook, cleaners. No chauffeur, no butler, no assistant, that's all part of your job."
"Great," August let out an annoyed snort, "so basically I'm gonna be her servant."
"Basically," Chris fixed her gaze on August, "you're not gonna leave her side unless you're told to. Just be professional, stay in the background, prick up your ears, listen closely and be careful. No obvious nosing around. Their penthouse is a high tech fortress, including video monitoring, so just…"
"I know how to work undercover," August cut in impatiently, "just gimme that fucking file and let me do my job."
Christine gave him a pissed look but she handed him the document with a shrug and without further comment. August grabbed it from her hands, staring at the data of his new life, his new name and the composite sketch of his new look. He would have to stop shaving.
*****
tbc
#henry cavill#cavillry#henry cavill fandom#henry cavill fanfic#henry cavill fanfiction#august walker#august walker fanfiction#august walker x ofc#slow burn
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A villain is always a villain.
LISTEN. THERE IS SO MANY TRIGGER ON THIS THERE IS NO HAPPY ENDING OR NO FLUFF I SWEAR IS PURE ROTTEN ANGST DONT READ IT.
"I'm sorry sir. But even with your quirk, your wife would suffer immense pain over the procedure and die on the bed.... and... my sincerity apologizes... but she's got only one week."
He couldn't exactly describe what he felt when those words from the doctor left his mouth and arrived to his ears. He didn't had even know when he had overhauled his gloves and the chair he was in making him fall on the ground and come back to his senses...
Everything... was falling apart. If he was only fast enough to get the symptoms appearing... he could have prevented, it would have caused you an huge amount of pain but at least you would've have survived.
Why hadn't he noticed it?
Because he was living his dream.
Because you two married. Had beautiful moments together... and just about one year and a half ago had a son. A health kid.
He was happy. He even talked about it with Pops, and the old man suggested for him to leave the Hassaikai for a while to raise his kid on a peaceful environment, but he refused. Knowing Pops hadn't had any contact with that good for nothing daughter of his neither the possible granddaughter he had. So he could give the man some of his immensely gratitude towards him.
But suddenly... everything was falling apart.
First it was the frequent coughing, even your baby was worried but soon you waved them off saying it was just a cold. Chisaki fooled himself on believing on that.
After all he was so happy.
Then, your voice started to change to a more forced and rough one. He started to worry but no, no... his perfect wife, such a angel, couldn't be on any danger... it was just a flu. He would take care of her.
Despite having germophobia, his love for you was just as strong. He wore masks and gloves, sure, but he still was willing to spend time on the same room and give you the comfort you needed.
Then it happened... one day on his office... he heard the coughing fit and suddenly a loud crying from hsi son made him storm out of his office to find you on the ground, a paper close to your hand covered in blood.
He never drove so fast on his life to the hospital.
And now... there he was, staring at the ground as he clinched on his wife's weak hand on the bed with the machines attached to her. His son, as innocent as ever was playing with his mother fingers.
The chemotherapy wasn't enough. The quirks from teh doctors couldn't help her, he couldn't help her...
The nurses came in and told that visit time was over... he had to drag his sobbing and crying two years old out of the room.
His tears were falling as well, but he had to be strong. He had to be the oen who had to be a pillar for his own child.
Pops had to be the oen explaining to Kan the situation and why his father seemed so sad and distant. The kid entered his office at night, sniffling and looking at his father's eyes with his (E/c).
Kan cried himself to sleep on his father chest, and Kai didn't mind it the snot or tears on his messed up black dress shirt. The documents on his desk were soaked with his own tears anyway.
"You're making a big deal about this." Your weak voice interrupted his memories and he scowled at your weak serene expression and smile.
"Dont. Not with this." He murmured as he watched his son give his painting to his mom... he wiped your tears away as you hugged your Kan, kissing his dark brow hair as the little boy murmured his love for you.
At the next day at the evening you let out your last breath and he cried and screamed on the bed until his voice was gone.
.
.
.
"You have to sleep boss." He heard Chrono as he blinked, the bags under his eyes were huge as he sighed.
"I can't. I need to go after those debtors of the drugs and then take care of Kan. He hadn't been eating very well since..." he couldn't help but almost choke up at remembering.
"... how about this? I go after them? Spend time with my favorite nephew."
"... you have some of my gratitude Chronostasis. Dont let the old man know about this, he would never stop talking about it. We need the money and the respect we need."
"Got it."
"And dont call my son your nephew. Is disgusting." He spoke while exiting the office as Kurono snorted.
"I am his godfather though."
He sighed as he hot upstairs and found Kan with equal sad and depressed eyes as his starting at a frame he held with his tiny fingers.
"Kan." The kid gasped and put the frame back and bowed to his father with a sniffle "... come on. I guess, both of us could use some rest."
Kan simply nodded and followed his father but was surprised to see Kai picked him up and brought him to sleep by his side.
.
.
.
He felt something stiring on his side and saw his son leaving the bed.
"Bathroom." Kan muttered as Kai nodded and got up only to stop at hearing "No da. I go, you sleep."
This kid reminded him so much of you with this goddamn kindness.
He waited a few minutes until he got up and followed the kid, enough to not make a appearance and give his son some confidence but he still had only two years.
... or maybe he just didn't felt like leaving his son alone.
But just as he entered the hall he felt something hitting the back of his head hard enough to make him fall face plant on the ground.
"Restrains his hands! His quirk can kill you with one finger of his on your skin!" He heard a voice and immeditaly recognize one of the debtors, and also someone caging his hands on a manner he couldn't even move them.
Must be some sort of dicease.
"Now, mister sucessor." A man with a missed tooth crouched down to his level and grabbed his hair to lift his head to his eye level "We could use some of negotiating eh?"
He only glared at the man before he muffled his scream of pain when the guy slammed his face on the floor hard enough to make a bruise.
"Cooperate with us and then we will get out of here. You give the drugs and leave us with our money with a bit of yours, and no one gets hurt."
"Go.. to hell-ARGH-!" Something pierced his abdomen hard enough to blood to spill and land on the floor.
This had to happened when Chrono had to get all the guards to collect cash and Pops on a damn convention, of course.
"Wrong answer yakuza. I'm gonna make it simple for ya, where is the money you all have?"
"If you think I will give you information..." he hissed at the knife piercing more "Then you must be just as dumb as your parents on the thought of making you, you sick bastard."
His head was slammed on the ground and it was enough to break his nose... just as the guy was about to slam it again a sound of a door creaking open made his eyes snap wide open and look at the figurine with equal wide eyes and clutching the door at seeing his father layed on the ground.
"K-K..Kan...." he eyed his son in fear as sweat and hives started to appear on his skin.
"Daddy?" Kan muttered in fear and the man was smilling widely at the sign.
"Oh? He is your daddy?" Kai started to throw his body around and tried to move but only could scream at his son to run but it was to late since the guy grabbed the boy by his nape. "My, those eyes you have.. are they from your mother?"
Kan trembled as Kai shouted profanities at the man as his helper held him down.
"..Hm. I heard that your wife died man.. rough. Being a single dad and the future owner of this big hellhole you got here." The man made two of his finger fuse and form into a sharp kinda like knife and cut the cheek of the boy, making the boy flinch and whimper.
"LEAVE MY SON OUT OF THIS. DONT TOUCH HIM WITH YOUR DIRTY AND INFECTED HANDS!"
"Then let's make a deal?" He holded the kid down and aproached the object to the boy's throat. "The life of the son of the woman you loved is more worth than some couple of cash eh?" He chuckled darkly.
He was about to agree until Chrono opened the door with the eight precepts and saw the scene.
"Fuck-"
"KAN GET DOWN!" Kai manage to shout at his son the house was filled with shooting and the eight precepts attacking the subbordinates of the debtor who had held his son captive.
Chrono shot the guy who was holding him down and he quickly activated his quirk to kill the man and get up only to his eyes to widen at seeing his son being dragged down by the debtor and some other muscular guy as the kid screamed for him and kicked his legs to try to get away.
He ran out and was about to slam his hand his hand on the ground without any gloves until he heard the shout to stop and his eyes widen at seeing the man holding a grenade up and his son caged on his arm.
"PAPA!"
"One more movement and your kid gets turned into pieces along with us OVERHAUL!"
He panted in desperation and raised his hand up.
"G... Give my son back." The man laughed as his sunglasses, in the middle of the night using sunglasses what a idiot, fell down.
"LOOK AT THE DESPERATION IN YOUR TONE OVERHAUL! IS PRICELESS!"
The sound of his laughter dissapeared when all four them heard sirens and sounds of heroes coming.
"Boss, I prefer to die than to go to jail." The muscular man mumbled as the debtor gave a little sick giggle before tilting his head at Chidaki, looking him dead in the eyes as he hugged Kan close to his chest and pulled the trigger of the grenade.
"See ya in hell, Overhaul."
"KAN-!" He shouted and ran but teh explosion made him his body slam back on the house, losing his conciousness and hearing only the buzz on his ears and the sound of.. Pops? Kurono? Calling his name as he blacked out.
.
.
.
He woke up with a groan and immeditaly put his hand on his face, feeling a nasty scar but then repairing it but soon widening his eyes.
"KAN!" He screamed and burst out of the room only to be found at the hospital he was starting to hyperventilate until he felt a old and familiar hand grab his shoulder.
"Kai you-"
"WHERE IS HE?!" He grabbed the man's shoulders as tears fell from hsi golden eyes "WHERE IS MY SON?!"
"Chisaki please-" the moment the elder went to speak Kai eyes dropped on a a gurney, small with a sick person dragging her to the morgue... with a tag wrapped around her wrist that looked like a child's... written his son's name on it.
"No... No. no no nO NO NO THAT IS MY SON YOU FUCKING IDIOT DONT!" he was about to kill the poor nurse until Pops grabbed onto him and made him calm down by force as the man howled like a terrible and horrendous beast.
.
.
.
"Kai... stop with this. We dont deal with drugs."
"Chisaki we have rules to follow. That's not how we work around here."
"Have you lost your humanity?"
... yes.
Yes he did lost it. The moment his wife and son were taken away from him...
He wasn't a human anymore.
He had one goal now, and he would make it real.
Even if it meant the yakusa, the heroes, Eri... everyone suffered just as much as he had.
#overhaul x reader#chisaki kai x reader#bnha villains#overhaul#chisaki kai#kai chisaki x reader#bnha villains x reader#zuffer writings
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URS| J.JH
Fluff, smut
wc: 5k
synopsis: One thing led to another, and you didn’t meant to fuck up, majorly.
warnings: smut, smut with plot, unprotected sex, manhandling, swearing.
"Come on. I promise you it will be fun."
You rolled your eyes for god knows how many times as you scan through your biology book. You have an essay due tomorrow and you're idiotic of a brother is asking you to come party tomorrow Friday night.
"Oppa, Really. I have so many papers piling up, and I can't afford to slack off. Ask Taeyong or Johnny Oppa or someone! I know for a fact that you have tons of friends, why are you bothering me?" You brush the strands that poke on your forehead and continued with what you're doing, you're one blunt girl but your brother isn't having any of it today. You heard your Doyoung lets out a sigh and you almost dance in victory assuming that he's gonna kiss your head goodbye and let you have the peace you deserve.
"They are going! Don't you want to come? Everyone's coming including your friends." He pleaded once more and your eyes instantly shoot up at him.
Did they just bail on you on a Friday night? You asked yourself— Maybe, They did.
You continued typing on your laptop while scanning the book placed on your right side. "I don't know, Oppa. I have tons to do. But I'll let you k— fine! I'll come! Okay!" You surrender once You saw that he won't back down from talking and You just need your own sweet peaceful time back. Finally, Doyoung kisses the side of your head "It's a deal, Here is your fav, caramel macchiato," He hands you the drink with a shit-grinning smile that makes him a look like a bunny beading you goodbye before reminding you that's it's a settled deal.
Seriously, he won't last a second with you once he spots his brothers from his damn frat house. You decided to call Seulgi and ask if they really are coming and that imbecile brother of yours, practically lied to your face without blinking. But since it's a Friday night, Seulgi decides to ask the others to come.
On Friday night, the others basically made you a living doll, pampering you here and there, applying cosmetics, and choosing an outfit for you.
"You can't do that, Sooyoung-ah! Y/N's very conservative in that area!" Joohyun shouted at Sooyoung for choosing a black off-shoulder that clings on your shapes like a second skin and deeps lowly in your chest area, the material is thick enough to keep you from the cold air but it leaves you with bare shoulders—still, you don't think it's a good idea, It was already getting cold. "Yeah, that's my main purpose. She has the biggest boobs in this room, why not be proud and parade it? Yah, don't be embarrassed by God's gift, a lot of women want big boobs, especially someone like yours, It's not small but it's not that big to look awkward either, plus, women pay loads of money to have that kind of boobs," She stated.
"I can't believe we're talking about my body parts," you muster all the courage not to punch this Unnie for blabbing nonsense but everyone agreed, either way. "Please don't let me wear that," You begged, already hating the idea. "Unnie, that's too low, just one accidental pull and-" you were cut off from talking when Wendy smirks at you. "Who's going to pull your top? Unless if you're going to have a productive night and let someone pull it down, then yes, definitely. You're going to parade your boobs,"
She's in the fashion department together with Sooyoung and nothing or no one is stopping the two of them when it comes to deciding someone's attire and their opinions are always validated especially when it comes to clothes.
"You gotta be kidding me!" You move out of Sooyoung's hold when Seulgi showed you a nipple tape. "Yah! Kim Y/n! stop acting like a Goddamn pre-schooler and use this already!" Sooyoung Shouted grabbing your arms again and caging you using her arms around your neck.
Fuck your life.
Fuck growing up as a conservative chick, it was hard when you grew up with two older brothers, basically growing up wearing varsity shorts and not the colorful skirts like a normal girl would do. You did go with that off-shoulder top pairing it with a white tennis skirt. Totally parading your cleavage and shoulders not to mention the lack of shorts for protection under your skirt making you want to turn back and walk your way out of this goddamn house. "Hey, look guys I have big boobs." Written in your forehead. Seriously, they won't let you live a peaceful life.
Upon arriving at your brother's frat house, you heard someone whistle "If it isn't our baby Y/n!" Yuta hollered when they spotted Sooyoung and you walking in the foyer towards the inside of the house. It was already packed, empty vodka and beer bottles are already scattered at the side of the kitchen, there was a huge container at the center island that contains different kinds of beers placed in a stack of ice cubes. Your mouth watered. You wouldn't mind a good cold beer.
"Cut it out Yuta, She's not a baby anymore," Seulgi retorted already chugging her second bottle down her throat "I know! It's just that it's my first time seeing her with a skirt and not her brother's pants on." Yuta received dirty glances from the others and a hard punch from Jungwoo who hugged you— his baby sister protectively. You felt Jungwoo's knuckles hit you on your head and you pout your lip at him, "Yah, what are you wearing?" he asks you,
"I know I look ridiculous," you say as you rolled your eyes at him. Jungwoo doesn't think that you looked ridiculous, it's just that, he wasn't used to seeing you wearing girl clothes and not the usual ones where he and Doyoung don't need to protect you from prying eyes around.
"Fuck you, That's my sister you're talking about." Doyoung gives him a playful nudge and Yuta only smiles wickedly like a perverted mad man, you were used to him, though. He was just being himself and teasing you. You were thankful, for hyping you up, so you felt a little confident as you grab for a beer after Donghyuck gives you your first shot of tequila for the night, your throat instantly heats up as you take the liquid in, the night is long.
"Yeah, I'll remember this you fucking moron," you joked, probably ignoring him for the rest of the evening, jokingly. "So this is the famous Phi kappa house," Wendy says looking around, spotting Eunwoo in the process from the living room walking towards your group with Jaehyun in tow, walking behind him while holding a beer in his hand and his phone in the other.
You actually don't know him that very well since you're still a freshman, and you just heard he's from the Architecture department, one of your brother's new frat brothers, Sooyoung mounted that Jaehyun was in an exchange program and was originally from the states, you see him for a few times around campus but that was that. You never greeted each other, unlike the others, or even acknowledge one another.
You scan the living room where everyone is getting wasted from every corner of the house. "Where's Johnny by the way?" Irene asked no one in particular scanning the area. "Getting laid," Eunwoo said pulling Wendy to sit on his lap. There was a brief emotion in her eyes that you can't decipher but you ignore it anyway.
"But Mark said he's with him, though?" Seulgi commented while Eunwoo only shrugged. Yuta and Donghyuck handed each one of you your drinks. Another strong scent of vodka makes it way up to your nostrils, your head spins just by smelling it, Sooyoung grimace at the smell, "This is basically; Vodka with a drop of juice in it."
"Watch out, Noona. The Juice is probably for color only." He whispers and she winces more. "Who the fuck even mixed this?" She asks as she took a sip at her drink. Jaehyun laughs at her.
"Jung fucking Jaehyun!! you little shit," She hollered. "Sorry, Noona." he winks at her and you watch the both of them in the sides. You wished socializing was that easy. You hate how awkward you get sometimes.
"Y/n's not good at drinking." You heard your older brother says and you look at him. "It's fine, let the girl cut some slack besides we have tons of people in the group to take care of her later," Johnny says after suddenly appearing at your side with Mark hugging you. "My favorite human being- Girl, What the fuck are you wearing?!" Mark's hands stayed on your waist and Jungwoo watched as Jaehyun's eyes linger on where Mark's hands was placed around you, he only smiled wickedly as he watches his Hyung chug on his bear problematically.
You gather the courage to drink the vodka in just one gulp. The strong taste leaving a trace in your mouth down your throat. It leaves a cool sensation but at the same time drawing a burning line down your throat. You accidentally made a weird sound and you sounded like a drowning piranha. The others only looked at each other and then bursting out laughing after registering the weird sound you made. Donghyuck hugged you after shouting "My Noona, so cute!!" at the top of his lungs while hugging you tightly.
The night went by, the sound booming in the house as you jam to it in the corner with Jungwoo, Mark, and Donghyuck, Jaehyun tagging along. Sipping in your vodka now and then.
"I'm going out, it's too suffocating in here," I blurted clumsily. As I start to walk, you felt Mark's hands in your arms. "Why?" you asked.
"You're drunk. You don't really think I will let you go on your own. In a party- looking like that." Mark says protectively. "Come with me then." You asked. Mark looked in front feeling conflicted, you followed his gaze and you saw him eyeing a girl who was basically eye-fucking him in return. "Suit yourself." You turn to Donghyuck who were busily conversing with another girl in the side. "I can't believe you choose to get your dick wet first rather than keeping your best friend company." you turn to Jaehyun who was looking at you. "I'll come with you, I was thinking of getting a smoke either way," Jungwoo says.
You clumsily withdraw from Mark's grip. "Fine, I'll take my boring of a brother with me then." Mark nodded seemingly unaffected and Jaehyun only laughs at him as he shakes his head.
You decided to hang in the garden area. "Wait- hey," you turned to face him "Just a minute," Jaehyun leaves his bottle behind before grabbing his leather jacket. You stop mid-sentence a big what the hell is written on your face. "You're not my brother. Where the hell is my brother?" you asked your eyes unfocused. Jaehyun put his jacket on, his bubbly facade was completely gone as he turns to you.
"Well, for starters, you drag me here," Jung Jaehyun says "Oh- my bad. You can go back if you'd like." you sit on one of the chairs in the garden. Closing your eyes in the process waiting for him to walk away but you hear the clang of metal and a chair being dragged instead. You opened your eyes knowingly. Jaehyun, sitting in front of you.
"Well, fresh air isn't that bad, either," like you, Jaehyun closes his eyes for a moment, basking in the silence with the soft bass booming in the background "But it's your party, you should go back, Oppa." you watch him for a second but decides to close your eyes again, the fatigue drowning into your body suddenly, hearing you call him that does wonders inside of him, you honestly don't mind calling him that even though you both weren't in terms to have that kind of relationship yet but you consider all your brother's friends who are much older than you a close friend already.
Jaehyun was wearing his usual black t-shirt with his denim ripped jeans, with his white clean snickers making a sound as he tapped on the floor probably jamming to the music from the house. He always wears black shirts, If not black you sometimes see him wearing white, he was so basic when it comes to his clothes but still looks good that it's maddening. Not that you're checking him out on a daily basis, you had eyes, and you always see him everywhere.
"It's my house, but not my party." He says as you continued drinking from the cup you were holding, you tried offering him the cup you were holding and he reached out for it, you watched the way his Adam's apple move in fascination.
You blinked the thoughts away. The drink making you feel hot, "So why did you transfer here?" you tried making small talks just to ignore the unwanted thoughts about him. He smiled and cocks his head to the side, his smile becoming faint as he stares at your drunken state. you can barely keep your eyes open but still sip from the same cup the both of you were sharing.
"Okay, that's enough." He blurted messily. Even he can't form the right words to say. "Enough with the drinking." He added.
"Are you trying to babysit me?" you asked. Dumbfounded. You laughed at the idea. "You haven't answered my question, though." you sit with your legs crossed and you put your forearms on your knees leaning closer to him, Jaehyun sees the deep in your top, your cleavage showing more than intended, skin glistening under the lights, he moved his eyes away from your form, mentally cursing.
"I just needed the scholarship and the University offered one so I took it." He says, that made you confused for a second, "I thought your family is loaded?" you asked. "Were comfortable," he answered you. Disbelief was written on your face "Isn't that what super-rich Asian kids answer with that type of questions?" he laughs at you. "Both my sisters are also a scholar back at home, I had to be a little competitive, it runs in the family."
Damn.
"They do?" you asked. He shifted his gaze everywhere but you. For some reason you wanted his attention on you, there was a sudden change in his demeanor as the mood between the both of you change, "You're making this hard for me." He says with finality. You tilt Your head to the side. "Then, aren't you going to do something about it ?" you asked laughing. You stood up walking back to the house. He's head moving as his eyes study every move you make, you back up and turn to face him,
"Y/n, I don’t do one night stand," He blurted his lips forming a tight line after, Jaehyun walks to you, grabbing you by the waist, you grab at the back of his neck, taking your time and looking at his lips with the same want he gives. "Then, this is our day one." you say your last words before pulling him for a kiss.
Kissing Jaehyun felt- wet, You felt his arms circle your waist as he hoists you up to cradle him, making you break the kiss. "Won’t you regret this in the morning?" He manages to ask before you dig to taste his lips again. "I still think you’re drunk and will probably regret this in the morning,” He blurted out, you pulled him again lips meeting, “But oppa, that’s not the problem right now, and I really think we should think about that tomorrow.” you convinced him, Jaehyun was having the last bit of patience and he just want to take you to his room and fuck your brain senseless.
This kind of confidence is new to you, though, this wasn't your first time getting laid, it wasn't like you do this normally, either. You still remembered your first time, it was during your senior year, there was this one guy who acts like he swept you off of your feet but doesn't even last 5 minutes into the sex, his dick wasn't small per se, but it wasn't that big either, though, you can't really tell, it's not like you have seen lots of different male sex to compare, you remember it had hurt, and just, hurt in general. He sucked at sex and only minded his own release, penetrating you without getting you wet first. Your mind came back to Jaehyun when he sucks at the skin below your right ear and you shivered at the pleasure. You don't even understand the logic of you kissing Jung Jaehyun when you're not that close. What would Doyoung and Jungwoo think? or how would they even react? "What are you thinking?" Jaehyun broke the kiss once again, feeling that you're somehow distracted. His thumb draws small circles at the inside of your thighs and you cling to him as he walks through the back door to the basement of the house where it was exclusive for the members only. and I'm kissing him.
Once inside, he put you down, "Just thinking of my brothers," you answered. "Please don't tell me you're going to back out and leave me hot and bothered."
"Of course not." you pull him back down and attached your lips to his, Jaehyun broke the kiss once again and lead you to the stairs up to his room, the lack of people made you look at him questioningly but he just pulls at your hand, Jaehyun opened the door to his room, shoving you against it and kissing you desperately. You moaned at the pain shooting at your back, something flashed in his eyes; realizing how manhandling affects you.
He broke the kiss and study your reaction. "You can't keep doing this to me." He manages to say. You were so ready and wet for him, and he's not even doing anything to you besides kissing you. Jaehyun lowered his head on your neck just where your weak spot is and a soft moan escape from your lips.
You pushed him back as you kiss him, backing up until the both of you fell to the mattress of his bed with you straddling him. Tonight was supposed to be just a normal girl's night out. But, here you are making out with Jung Jaehyun, both of your brother's best mate.
You are so fucked up.
Jaehyun lowered his head and attached his lips to your neck, lapping on it just where your weak spot is as a soft moan escapes from your lips. Jaehyun, he can't even control his urges at this point anymore, seems like keeping his hands off of you would be a problem in the future, the heat in his lower body was already rising as he kissed your slightly parted lips. Your body was a victim of him, your sight getting blurry at the intensity of his kisses. Jaehyun run little kisses down your skin, removing your top in one go, as much as he thinks you look fucking good on it, he wants nothing to do with it.
Jaehyun's breath hitched when he saw your bare chest. You mentally pat your head for going against the nipple tape, it would be fucking embarrassing to get rid of it in this situation. He grabs your breast causing you to flinch, a sigh-like moan escaping your lips, His fingers painlessly kneaded the mounds of your breasts, distorting them erotically in his palm.
Jaehyun find your scent sweet, he was marking you inside his head,
Mine,
He was hooked with intense possessiveness and desire, palming you through your undies, making you ark your back against the bed and rubbing your heat against his hands for much better friction, you were so, so close. The heat in your core being unbearable.
"You keep surprising me with how dirty you are," he murmured against your ears when he realized you were just wearing your undies without a protective shorts. Jaehyun played with the hem of your panties before ripping them off you. "Let's keep the skirt, I want to fuck you in it."
"You're fucking unbelievable, Oppa. What am I going to wear later?" you ask while heaving, waiting for his next move that he'll do. Jaehyun took one breast into his mouth and sucked on it, his tongue lapped around your stiff bud, biting it lightly before repeating, something hot flowed from your already wet core, making the two of you stop at your ministration, "fuck, fuck, fuck." you chant like a mantra.
Jaehyun couldn't believe that you're coming just from that. Your body was so responsive that the idea got him rock hard in instant. You turn away when Jaehyun strips from his clothes, embarrassed to see him naked so suddenly, his cock springing up, your mouth watering at the sight, Jaehyun grabs at your ankles when you come down from your high, you turning limp but doesn't protest, spreading you apart and positioning his self between your legs. Then, an overwhelming force suddenly pierced through you in one go, moaning at the delicious stretch you felt with being filled by his cock.
You were a moaning mess by now, Your pupils dilated, choosing to breathe as Jaehyun rams at you anomalistically, you felt dizzy by the sudden intense pleasure of being overstimulated, your sensitive walls squeezed tight as if rejecting him,
Jaehyun growled against your skin, "Fuck, baby, loosen up, You're too tight."
One more thrust and Jaehyun already got you spasming around him, Jaehyun grunted lowly. "How obscene, I just put it in and your body likes it so much." your face heat up in embarrassment, body tightening on him causing him to let out a suppressed groan as he comes undone inside you.
You smirk at him, watching his expression as you flex your thighs around him, prolonging his orgasm, his eyes trembled holding down your forearm above your head, "You like it, Oppa?" you asked smugly at him, tired, and being over-stimulated also by him. "How fun," you wrapped your legs around his waist and tightly squeezed where your lower abdomens met.
"Y/n," He growled, seeing your eyes sparkling with mischievousness, Jaehyun's lips curved oddly, deciding to play the game you were playing, he smirked and grab at your thighs, pulling them apart, he pulled out and rammed back inside, hard. You screamed at the pleasure, you know it was the beginning of a fierce-long night of sex that's seemed to never end. Jaehyun's hard erect cock penetrating endlessly through you, tormenting at the same time pleasuring you.
you screamed against him, forgetting the party going downstairs and ignoring the phone chiming down the floor with all the worried text messages from your brothers and Unnies. Halfway through, the two of you lost your senses with how good the fuck is, you falling asleep as fatigue runs through your body after Jaehyun manages to pull four more orgasms in you.
Rays of the sun coming from the outside sipping through the curtained window were hot against your skin, making you come to your senses. You look at the unfamiliar vicinity, every piece of furniture was unfamiliar to you. A big flat-screen television hangs on the wall in front of the bed. You look down to see your clothes lying together with an unknown shirt and pants on the ground.
You moved slightly. Groaning because of the pain you felt. Horror strikes your face when you registered that someone's arm was draped in your bare stomach.
Holy fucking shit
You lifted your head to see someone sleeping beside you. A mop of brown hair greeted you, thinking hard to remember the past events of last night. Flashbacks of last night start to flood in your memory and you mentally slap your face. You wanted to scream your heart out in pure panic and stupidity but that wouldn't be a nice idea. Instead, you slowly lift his arm, got out of the bed, and pick your clothes up, Horrified at your ripped undies.
you ran to the bathroom as quietly as possible. Turning the faucet on as you see your reflection in the mirror. Red marks were all over your neck and chest. What the hell did you do last night? No, why did you do that last night?!
You quickly get dressed. You need to get the hell out of here before he wakes up and asks you questions even you don't know how to answer yourself, worst being rejected straight up and be doomed for the rest of your college life.
You left. Hopefully, without leaving any traces behind. When you got home Wendy was watching the television. Upon entering, she bombards you with questions, asking why you can't be contacted only then you remembered you don't have your phone with you. fuck, way to go on not leaving any traces behind. You borrowed her phone and tried to dial your number.
"Hello?" a man's voice answered the call and you instantly cut the call off. You know it's him. How can you forget the voice of the man screaming your name against your eras last night?
You change into more comfortable clothes after taking a long cold shower, if only you can remove every trace of what happened last night, the evidence is all over your body. It's already 3 in the afternoon, your headache isn't helping with the situation, and you self-pity yourself in your room.
You cried because of your stupidity. Goddamn that alcohol, You swear to never drink again. You heard a knock on your door. Wendy's head pocking from outside. "Can I come inside?" you manage to say a small yes.
"What happened to you?" She asked. You tried to form a suitable lie inside your head but Wendy bit you to it. "The last time I saw you last night was when you were dragging Jaehyun outside and you two never come back inside, again."
in fact, you did, using the back door.
You know you can easily dodge the question but Instead, the guilt it you out of humiliation. "Unnie, can we not talk about this?" you cried. Wendy left after consulting you once more, you were grateful that she didn't push you to talk about it.
The nect day, Jungwoo visited your apartment handing you, your phone back. "Jaehyun Hyung give this to me, says it was yours." you waited for him to ask you questions about your whereabouts but he didn't, still he didn’t let the opportunity slide to make fun of you and Jaehyun.
On Monday you were at a café near the University's entrance when you felt someone sit next to you, you look up from your book to see who it was and after hours and hours of hiding from that person; here he is sitting next to you.
He dared not to look at you, voluntarily pack your things, ready to escape when you heard him say "You know we need to talk things through." you looked at him in horror. Why can't he just let this slide? why does he care so much? I've been ignoring his calls, He probably put his contact number on your phone before Jungwoo came and returned it to you.
"Can we just pretend that it never happened?" you blurted. "That was a one-night thing. We were both drunk. Can't you just let it be? Just thank me for it. I won't add from all the girls you banged and probably want's your support or want something from you." you harshly retort.
"What?" he asked you frowning, both of you looked at each other before he breaks contact and looks away. instantly turning a bright shade of pink. "Just, forget it." you blurted and walk off.
You vented all your anger in your classes, putting all your focus on every subject, by the time you were done with your last subject, you spotted Jung Jaehyun outside your class waiting, both hands in his jean pockets, his hair looks like he'd been running his fingers on it all day, his white t-shirt was clinging to his body, his orange ID lace tells him from the architect department.
You lowered your head, hugging your books closer in your chest, trying your best to walk past him without him seeing you. "Y/n." warm hands grab your left arm, you jolted from his touch as if you were electrified. You reacted by moving away from him, giving him more space than you intended, Jaehyun on the other hand looks angry. This reaction made him think that you were disgusted with what happened between you two, when you're really not, Halting from your steps you stood face to face with him.
"Oppa, what are you doing?" you asked, looking around as he attempts to hold your arm again but you panicked when you saw some curious eyes on both of you and the last thing you wanted was for the student body's attention on you. You jerk from his touch "I told you to drop this." you whispered, walking away from him but being the tall guy that he is, it made no effort for him to walk up beside you. You fasten your pace but to no avail, was useless to him.
"We need to talk," he said as he drags you to the gym, both of them entered the locker room where the lights were off only the lights coming from the outside were your source to see his face.
His face turns into a frown. "Stop taking me as a joke," he blurted. If he thinks you're taking this or him as a joke, he was wrong. You just want this to never happen and you don't want to be one of those girls on the lists that he victimized, you beg to defer. plus, talk about being scared of the rejection, you don't want it happening to you to the point that you started pushing him away.
"Why? Do you think this is a joke for me? I won't waste my time searching or even waiting for you if I think of this as a joke." shocked was evident on your face and he attempts to touch you. "Don't !" I squealed, putting my hands in the air across his face to stop him. "You know, I told you I don’t do one night stand with just anybody.” he says, you racked your head searching for a specific moment and then you remember how you practically throw yourself at him even going to the lengths of saying that night was your first day as a couple.
"I feel disgusted by myself don't you know that? you want to talk? Fine, I don't want to be rejected, honestly, I'm saving my face from the humiliation, we had sex," you hysterically said. "Just because we were both drunk!"
you breathed some air in your lungs, a dumbfounded Jaehyun in front of you. "Don't look at me like that."
"You don't understand," he said seriously. “Im not taking no as an answer, you brought this up on your ownself.”
"What? don't understand what?" you asked. you ran your fingers through your hair, seriously getting tired of this. both of you were just running in circles. you couldn’t believe Jaehyun was like this, like a lost puppy, looking like a lost puppy, "If you think I don't understand the situation, then don't you think you should elaborate it more for me?" you asked. You both locked eyes, he's obviously thinking, finding the right words to talk you into this. He put his hands in his pockets. "This is different, at least for me," was the only thing he said.
"I don't believe you. and I don't need you to be responsible," you said. "Oppa, Just please forget it," you turn around and walk once again ready to leave him as a handgrip your arm but this time pulling you back harshly to be faced by him again.
You felt yourself collide with his rock hard body, his lips on yours as you tried to focus your eyes on him, you accidentally drop all the books that you have when you felt him put his other hand on the back of your neck, kissing you deeply and pulling you incredibly close, leaving no air to pass through you and him. Stuck in the same position, you did not dare to move.
He reached for your face and deepen the kiss. "What the hell-" you pushed him away but for some reason, your energy leaves the soul out of you.
He slightly nibbles at your lower lip and you automatically responded with the same urge his giving you, knowing this is wrong and that you should probably stop this, but your mind and body won't cooperate and you suddenly remembered the sensation he makes you feel back then, thinking about the situation, kissing in a dark place with only the two of you making lewd noises made you wet down there. A soft moan escapes your lips as his fingers slightly gaze at your skin just underneath your blouse.
"We both know what we want. And obviously, your body doesn't lie," he said, eyes the darkest shade as he gazes down on you with a smirk on his lips.
"Is this how you get to bed girls? because you totally got me."
"No, I'm telling you, I want you. In every way possible."
yeah, short fic for my bub so what :(((
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