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#so i just grimace/smile at them and stfu about it
performing-personhood · 3 months
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Other people: Yeah, prioritizing yourself can be a struggle, self care is hard. :(
Also those people: covered in tattoos, own nice new clothes, going on vacations, getting regular haircuts, can regularly be found with takeout coffee and sometimes at breweries.
Me: Prioritizing myself is a real struggle. Self care is almost impossible without concerted effort.
Also me: has been planning three tattoos for 15yrs, buys new clothes from fast-fashion only when the old ones stop being wearable in public, has not taken a trip longer than a weekend that did not involve interpersonal labor (wedding, new baby, graduation etc.) in nine full years, been drinking only coffee and water for two weeks because 12pks of soda weren't "a need."
This is not a flex, i am a broken human.
But we are not the same.
And until I know for a fact that at least one of those other people has made sure to carefully request a birthday gift under $25 shipped - so that they could experience the rare, indulgent pleasure of getting something they wanted while also being careful to make as minimal an impact on reality as possible -
I wish people would stop pretending they know what this fucking feels like.
#i stopped reaching out to people for connection about this bc i got so tired of people unconsciously lying to my face#they genuinely believe they empathise#it is hard to fault them#but i also can't correct them without sounding like i'm trying to win the Suffering Olympics#so i just grimace/smile at them and stfu about it#i wonder what it was like to have parents that were interested in you growing up#i had loving parents but they were too distracted by their own unhealed generational trauma to notice they didn't care#which is a very weird flavor of childhood neglect to conceive of for oneself much less explain to others#i just became an adult who wants nothing and has no interests bc it has never mattered if I did#if i wanted smth i probably couldn't have it and if i was interested in doing it I'd have to do it alone#having human connection was contingent upon others getting and doing what they wanted and me tagging along#actually#it is still that way bc i have accidentally structured my life around this dynamic#and now I am a 38yo with no wants or interests and no framework for self-prioritization and no clue how to start#after 6y in therapy i can now identify that this exists#thats as far as I've gotten#being alone in this is bad but its WAY WAY WORSE when people pretend I am not#it feels insulting invalidating and like i am as invisible as i feel#can you tell my birthday is in two weeks#seasonal depressive disorder#spring seasonal depressive disorder#seasonal affective disorder#spring edition#mental illness#actually mentally ill#actually neurodivergent#cptsd vent#just cptsd things#living with cptsd#actually cptsd
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songmingisthighs · 3 years
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Hooked
introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii
ch. lvii - another movie night
<< previous | masterlist | next >>
??? × reader, ateez × reader
A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?
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At exactly 7.45, the boys gathered together in the living area. You came out of your room in your own rainbow-haired white unicorn onesie to a screeching Wooyoung, "twinsies!!" he yelled out before wrapping you in the biggest, tightest hug he could muster.
You giggled and hugged him back, not as tight but still enough. When you both took a step back, you look at Wooyoung up and down with a large grin on your face, "you look very adorable in that, Woo," you said as you tugged his tail.
Wooyoung turned his back and shook his butt at you, "I know, you think you wanna ride this horsey?" he asked, pumping his eyebrows suggestively at you. But instead of jumping on his bones, you opted to jump on his back and make him carry you to the couch.
He dropped you directly on top of San which made him groan but after recovering, he wrapped his arms around you and nuzzle his face on the back of your neck.
"Out of all the seats in this room, you chose my lap. I'm honoured," he joked.
Soon, everyone got into their seats and you and San had somehow slid down onto the floor. You were seated on San's lap but your back was resting on Yunho's chest, Wooyoung had your legs in his lap whereas Jongho had his head on yours. Mingi, who laid on the floor in front of you, had his pinky finger wrapped around yours, Yeosand laid between Mingi and Jongho with his head near your tummy on Yunho's leg, and behind you, on the couch, Hongjoong and Seonghwa watched the movie as they played with your hair absentmindedly.
The impromptu cuddle pile made you feel warm and tingly, it felt like you belong there with them. You weren't even focusing on the movie at that point, you were so engrossed with the boys and their reactions.
How San and Wooyoung would cringe and complain, how Yunho's chest shook every time he laughed, how Jongho would nuzzle into your lap each time he let out a soft chuckle, how Mingi would tighten his pinky's grip on yours when something gory happened on screen, how Yeosang would look up to smile at you from time to time, and how comforting Seonghwa and Hongjoong's touches were and how you could easily differentiate their touches.
Your heart swelled with love for them because you genuinely do love them. They and their unconditional love for you had kept you going so far and you couldn't think of being without them.
But the thought of Sunhee's threats surfaced in your mind. You suddenly felt dizzy, you could feel your heartbeat quickened and you were squirming in your seat.
Realizing this, Yunho leaned down to whisper in your ears, "you okay there, pumpkin?" he asked lowly to make sure he didn't disturb the others. You smiled up at him and drop a peck to his cheek, "I'm okay, Yuyu, just need to grab a coke from the fridge," you pat his thighs before wiggling yourself off of the bodies that had somehow piled themselves on you and off to the kitchen.
In the kitchen, you stood over the fridge.
That's it.
You stood over the open fridge, staring at the contents inside, the coke you were going to get just stared at you from inside the fridge.
"You okay, baby?" a voice called out.
Your head snapped towards the source of the voice to see Hongjoong smiling and walking over to you. You immediately took the coke can and close the fridge, "yeah, I'm totally okay, why?" you smiled back at him.
Hongjoong wrapped his arms around you and peck your head, "you seem distracted, pretty sure you weren't even watching that movie," he said. You pursed your lips and shrugged at him, "I'm pretty sure I'm okay, Joongie," you mumbled.
The man behind you lifted you up, making you squeal, before setting you on the countertop, "you know you've got eight guys who are practically head over heels for you, willing to do and give you anything just to make you smile, right? You could always tell us if something's bothering you any time at all," he said, nestling himself between your legs with his hands on either side of you. You wrap your arms around his neck and nodded, "I know, Joongie, and you all can also tell me anything at all,"
At the mention of 'anything at all', Hongjoong's eyebrows raised suggestively. As his fingers danced on your thighs, he leaned his face close to you, "anything... you say?" he asked, lips ghosting over yours, breath fanning, making you giggle.
Just as you were about to answer, Jongho came in and stopped in his tracks. He sighed at the image before him, "really, you two? Where we make our meals?" he grimaced.
A groan left Hongjoong's mouth at the interruption. "Dude, privacy?" Hongjoong glared at the younger. Jongho didn't even care, he only rolled his eyes at Hongjoong, "This is a communal space, YOU both should go get some privacy,"
Instead of walking out, Jongho walked over and snatched you into his arms. Or more like threw you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
You squealed in surprise while Hongjoong yelled out in protest, but Jongho had ran back out before Hongjoong could even catch him.
The commotion you three caused caught the attention of the other boys as they immediately snapped their heads at you three.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Be careful with (Y/N)!!!" Seonghwa yelled out, sitting up in his seat with arms opened wide, ready to catch you if you were to fall. The other boys also chimed in on how the youngest frat member should be careful when carrying you around. But the fact was, you were laughing your ass off.
Soon enough the movie was abandoned and suddenly a blindfold game commenced.
Begrudgingly, Yeosang agreed to be the one blindfolded as the eight of you hid and mess with him. You chose to hide behind the couch, far from Yeosang's reach but you were still able to watch everything and everyone.
You watched as Yunho and Mingi played monkey in the middle with Yeosang, somehow managing to snatch one of his slippers and toss it over his head at each other. You watched as Wooyoung snatched the slipper and was about to threw it to Jongho but he aimed wrong so it smack Yeosang right on his face. You watched as the two oldest and San mess with Yeosang, calling him names due to his pink unicorn onesie.
Not long after, Yeosang began chasing people around more furiously. He managed to scare Seonghwa and Jongho to run for their lives and somehow managed to rope you into the mess.
With the loud movie in the background and all nine of you screaming (and one Wooyoung screeching), it was amazing that no one had came to threaten filing a noise complaint to the police.
At one point, whilst trying to evade Yeosang, you bumped into Hongjoong which then bumped into San who fell whilst holding onto Mingi, all three falling down like dominos. Yunho tried grabbing Mingi's hands but the weight of two people overpowered him and he ended up toppling over them hard. Both Wooyoung and Seonghwa tripped by the legs sprawled on the floor, making them land on top of the pile on the floor.
Hearing the crash, Yeosang took his blindfold off and smirked, "if I grab onto you all, would that make me the winner?" He asked. "Nope," Jongho said, appearing behind him only to push him onto the human pile on the floor.
"Jackass!" Yeosang called as he tried to get up, but Wooyoung's arms were fast enough to hold him, assuring that he wouldn't be going anywhere.
Seeing as you and Jongho were the last two standing, Seonghwa reached forward and grab both of your and Jongho's arms, pulling you both down onto the pile.
All of you were left a laughing, giggling mess, nudging each other at how ridiculous the situation was. A bunch of college students acting like eight year olds at their first slumber party.
But you didn't mind. You didn't mind one bit.
Because when the morning comes, you know you had to do what you had to do.
And as heart-wrenching as it is, at least you had that night to remember.
taglist :
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cloudytamaki · 3 years
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hiii! If you want can I maybe get a bnha matchup?? ty!
I don’t label my sexuality. all i know is boobies. im INTP Aquarius tho. I have brown hair, brown eyes, freckles, and I’m thin. Like super underweight. Lol ); and my favorite animal is a cat 🐈 purrrr and my favorite color is green
personality-wise I’m the most giggly mf on the planet I assure you. i was examining the crusty piece of an old bagel on my dresser and laughed way too goddamn hard. it’s a health risk. so that makes people think I’m super optimistic but like fuck no I wanna die all the time. Maybe it’s because i never stfu. Whatever.
I’m also low key known around my school for handling other bitch’s business. If somebody got drama, they come to me. I either A. Talk that shit out between them two or B. Cuss someone out. I’ve kicked ass before, when shit gets wack.
my love language is psychical touch. im so very touch deprived like the last time anybody touched me it was the doctor when he was pulling me out of my momma’s womb.
my style is just straight baggy ass t shirt with baggy jeans. idk. my makeup is always on point though so it just has the illusion of style. Plus my hair is always well done so idk maybe call me Bella Hadid.
in a s/o I want a bitch who’s wholesome as fuck. Listen, I have such a soft spot for like really dorky ass dudes. It’s my mf kryptonite. Dudes that r just so like...adorable. You just know they aren’t douchebags or fuck boys. And I also value someone who’s loyal, being cheated on seems fucking horrific so if it happens to me say bon voyage or sum.
things I don’t like are whiny needy hoes. Guys that act like they deserve so much of your time like you ain’t got shit to do too. Men that, if you don’t answer their call, will yell at you about for no reason. Like damn chill i was shitting. That gets annoying real fucking quick.
some of my likes are sleeping (napping 🛐), watching Emma Chamberlain mid-mental breakdown, sitting in IKEA for no reason, and playing with animals. My hobbies are walking dogs for people for extra cash, lacrosse, and reading encyclopedias for fun. I hate myself too.
viv’s notes: AFASHNSJ 😭 i wheezed so fucking hard at this i swear. i get real impatient with whiny/needy people and i laugh my ass off at everything. you’re hilarious,, thank you for sending this in <3
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i pair you with denki kaminari.
you probably met at a skating rink. you were there on the sidelines doing something when you saw him and his friends gliding around but then he slipped and crashed into the wall/border thing in front of you
he’s pretty mellow and in the middle between a lot and a little bit of affection. he’s pretty laid back and doesn’t jump on your ass about everything; he gives physical affection but doesn’t overdo it
sleeps with you for 2-3 hour naps,, insists on cuddling
ikea dates; you’ll get a dog or something in the future
this kid man is a total dork but an adorable one for sure
tbh he laughs with you. cannot control the smile that appears on his lips when you laugh
tells you that you’re a “sexy badass” every time you finish cussing someone out
“this is actually a really nice couch.” you pick up the price tag on the yellow sofa, grimacing at the $2600 printed in red.
“how much is it?” denki takes the tag from you and his eyes widen. “that’s too much!”
you roll your eyes, sitting back down on the couch. “that’s the standard price for furniture.” you grab him and pull him down beside you, laying on his shoulder.
“let’s just enjoy it here.”
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channiekyun · 6 years
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bête noire//wanna one//jihoon
pairing: park jihoon/reader  genres: fluff, cafe au!  word count: 1237  summary: what really made you two pissed off was each other. but why? a/n: possible pt 2 maybe idk??
flower boy cafes: jinyoung//jihoon//jisung
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bête noire: (n., french) a disliked person
people had their preferences on everything
like some people like their routine the same every day
You would say you were not like this, even though others may disagree, you couldn't blame them for thinking this though
(Y/N) (L/N), your residential girl-next-door type, flower girl
the girl you’d see walking the corners of the street and, with a single look from her, would make your heart drown in a pink, foamy mixture called love (cheesy, but it became your slogan anyway)
in the heart of the country, Seoul, it was known that you worked at a trendy cafe
and no, not any ordinary cafe, but a flower cafe which found itself plastered on tabloid magazines
your visuals were everywhere, even making you a near obsession
fans became regulars at the cafe and profit was booming
it was a routine for you for people to come in asking for pictures and autographs
there were frequent requests for you to do your aegyo
“is your heart drowning in my love yet?”
or
“does the sight of me make your heart drown in pink?”
you were literally internally dying every time but that’s okay lol
you were teased for this by coworkers but you took it lightly 
many fans were surprised by your behavior when they met you, how you were somewhat mature and held a cute aura, and it did not disappoint
people were fascinated by you and adored you, which made you happy
through the clear glass windows of the cafe, you could see the clean white walls with strung up lights holding polaroid pictures of employees and aesthetics. bookshelves carried books, potted plants, petite trinkets, and products. splashes of color put emphasis on the white walls. a delicate aroma of coffee and flowers filled the store
and every day, you would come in at 7:30 AM and get ready everything, starting from the actual food to the music coming from the speakers
you started the first hour by yourself, which made the cafe an even greater attraction
but before the doors could open, you would always see the resident flower boy enter the cafe across from yours.
there was a cafe across from the flower girl one, which mostly catered to the male audience. this other cafe was a flower boy cafe, which catered to the female audience
the cafes had a sister-brother like connection and for this reason, the street was called ‘flower plaza’
both stores were insanely popular, which made them also rivals
there was a boy who worked there who made all the internet rage, Park Jihoon, which made him some sort of rep for his shop
so let’s just say you were the rep for your own shop too
both of you were always compared to for some reason?
like, you get you both had the ‘visual’ title and all, but other than that, nothing else was there rlly
you both got to your respective places at exactly the same time, making some awkward ‘hellos’ and smiles happen, but there was always some underlying feeling
whenever you would glance up across from you before opening time, you would see jihoon and his light brown hair, the round glasses which were sometimes there placed on his nose, and his perfect, pink lips formed into a dainty smile
no, you are not admiring him from afar stfu
you kinda hated him in a way
the way he treated female customers (or customers in general) seemed fake, almost sickening for you
you aren't jealous, get out
whenever he did his signature ‘jeojang’ aegyo or wink, it made you have a sick feeling in your gut
no, you aren't in love, of course not
but you had this sick feeling in your gut everytime you saw him anyway
nope, you’re not in denial either, nope
“I want you outside the store advertising today.” your boss had said to you
“wait, why?” you questioned
“I know you’re an extraordinary worker here and you bring, like, half the customers in, but I’d like to see your charms work outside,” she replied
and that’s how you ended up outside the store
the street was bustling and crowds of people were the only thing you could see 
you waved and greeted people before they went in
you sighed with content with your hands on your hips when you could finally catch your breath
and that’s when a small space opened up on the street so you could see across the road
was this to be expected??
jihoon was right outside of his cafe advertising like you were doing
that’s when you figured this was your boss’ way of getting back at the other shop
jihoon must’ve noticed at the same time as you bc his p e r f e c t eyes widened and you knew he was as displeased with this as you were
he grimaced, and quickly went back to what he was supposed to be doing
but before he got back to work, the last thing he saw was a sneer on your p e r f e c t face
and that’s when he knew the game was on
it was a couple minutes until you saw a couple of girls with their phones out at jihoon’s “I’ll capture you in my heart”
you scowled
jihoon then peered up to see you weren’t where you were for the last hour
did you leave work? were you working inside now? what??
let’s just say he was upset at this
and he would never admit it but you were strikingly lovely to him
the way you served customers were unique, which was different from other’s who usually put up a huge act
in the mornings when you said hi to each other he always noted that you even looked even though your probs only got up 20 minutes ago
this is a secret, but he looked across to your store a lot just to see you, i’m not crying u are
you remember when I said that there was always an underlying feeling whenever you had small talks with him? just guess
you treated him so cold and he did the same
jihoon was completely infatuated with you, but he saw you as a rival at the same time
but he saw you slightly less than a rival
you had gotten out of the cafe with a tray full of glasses of strawberry milk 
and with a crowd watching you, “does the sight of me make your heart drown in pink?” you winked, making fans swoon
your aegyo was top notch and shameless
(did I hear some screaming?)
and the glasses on the tray were all gone
his eyes were blown wide at your performance
he wanted to walk over there and tell you that you were cute and were killing him inside
tell you all about how he loved you from first sight
and jihoon was still watching from a distance
and as you turned to the door to the shop, you glimpsed and smirked at the shock written on his face
he smirked lightly and winked and you huffed, walking to the door
and if you wanted an answer to your aegyo: yes, his heart had already drowned in that pink, foamy mixture called love from the moment he saw you
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shirtlesssammy · 6 years
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8x21: The Great Escapist
Well, we made it, guys. This is the last Ben Edlund recap! Thanks for reading along!
Then:
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Cas is on the run, Sam is in bad shape after the second demon trial, and Kevin is really broken. Good times all around!
Now:
Sam and Dean interrupt Kevin’s slow slide into death with the second part of the demon tablet! They ask if they should reunite it with the other half, but Kevin has all that he needs and sets to working on the translation immediately.
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Sam and Dean take off, and once free of the houseboat, transform into demon minion #1 and #2. Ah, Crowley is playing director to get the ins on what the real Sam and Dean are up to --the three trials to close the gates of Hell.
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Meanwhile, at the bunker, the real Sam looks like he could commiserate with Kevin a little. Yeesh. Dean is in full Mother Hen mode, making Sam special soup (The John Winchester Cure-all Kitchen Sink Stew, so it’s loaded with guilt, grief--and Dean probably made it up himself since he was Sam’s primary caretaker growing up anyway.)
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The boys argue about what the trials are doing to Sam before they get an email from Kevin. It’s a video message. Kevin made an auto-send video in the event of his death --yeah, something’s not right. He included all his notes in the email as a parting gift.
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Cas is on the lam, drinking coffee and doling out fun facts to Biggerson’s waitresses.
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His coffee cup rattles and Cas notes, “They're getting closer.” And in a blink, he’s gone. (Ah, he still has his wings. Sigh, for never having seen them, I miss his wings.)
Angels are tracking Cas, but can’t quite catch him. One reports back to Naomi with their ill luck. It seems that Cas is staying one step ahead of the angels by zapping in and out of various Biggerson’s all over the country. They’re all the same, and they’re legion.
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Back at the bunker, Sam notices a symbol that keeps popping up in Kevin’s notes. He remembers it from ONE class in college a bazillion years ago. (I know, I know, photographic memory, but man, I wouldn’t want that curse for anything.) Well, the petroglyph that Sam found translates to “messenger of God”, so Sam surmises they should find this messenger -Metatron. They can start in Colorado where the tribe this symbol originated is from.
The angels eventually catch up to Cas. Back at the first Biggerson’s, he finds blood on his table, and the waitress on the floor, eyes burned out, muttering “You have to stop.” Effectively creepy, show. An angel blade appears at Cas’s throat.
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Sam and Dean make it to Colorado and check in at the motel. Sam’s not doing too well, guys.
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At the Biggerson’s, Naomi appears, killing the waitress, and dropping some plot-fixing bombs on Castiel. I do love this for making it clear that Cas has been on Earth before the Winchesters, but because he came off the line with a crack in his chassis, and his mind was wiped so many times, he doesn’t remember. Naomi wants the angel tablet. Cas isn’t giving it up, so she order the angels to keep searching.
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Kevin continues to work for Fake Sam and Dean. He ask for food a one point so they head out to get his grocery needs. (Ah, remember when Kevin was a vegan? I know he lives off of hot dogs in another episode as well, but it’s just so heartbreaking to see how far down the very bad path of prophethood he’s gone. I guess Chuck doesn’t count? But this show has been pretty consistent with how awful is it to be a prophet.)
Back at the hotel, delusional Sam recounts a story of the boys visiting the Grand Canyon that never happened (because it was established in a prior episode that they’d never been to the Grand Canyon.) Dean goes along but clearly the Kill Bill siren in his head is on full blast. He tells Sam to get some rest and heads to the hotel’s museum.
While at the museum, he learns about the sacred messenger, and how he wanted people to tell him stories. He also notices the front desk attendant in an old-timey picture. Hmmm.
Sam, meanwhile, has hit peak fever crisis, eventually calling Dean before passing out on the floor.
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At Biggerson’s, Crowley and his ingenious angel-killing bullets arrive.
Sam wakes up in an ice bath. (Me: Pulls this blanket tighter around my shoulders.) He learns that Dean had to dunk him in ice because his fever had spiked up to 107. (Dude. Dean. Why did you submerge your brother completely? He’s not a fish.) Sam tells Dean that Metatron is in the hotel - he’s sure of it. He wildly tells Dean that he found a bunch of boxes of books in a hallway and that’s surely got to be the place where they’ll find Metatron.
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Crowley, meanwhile, is extremely pleased with himself over his angel-killing bullets - made from a melted down angel blade. “I’m the daringest devil you’ve ever met,” he tells Naomi. Accurate. She gets her glow on but Crowley aims his pistol at her. Naomi flaps away and Crowley smirks at Castiel. He tells him that Ion the angel is on his payroll and then he shoots Cas in the stomach. NOT cool, bro.
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Crowley zaps Cas to his office where they can speak uninterrupted. Cas insists that he’ll never reveal where he hid the tablet. But Crowley looks at him with a smile. “I was thinking to myself, ‘Self, if Cas got away from her by touching the tablet, why would he ever stop touching the tablet?’ And then I thought to myself, ‘Self... he hasn't stopped touching the tablet, now has he?’” Cas grimaces at him and then screams as Crowley plunges his hand through Castiel’s gut and fishes the angel tablet out of his body. (nooooo Cas bby) Crowley flaps away, tablet in hand, leaving Ion to guard Cas.
Back with Sam and Dean, Delirious!Sam rattles on down memory lane. He remembers that Dean used to read to him from a comic (me: weeps) and the story was about King Arthur and Sir Galahad. “I remember thinking,” Sam says, “that I could never go on a quest like that...because I’m not clean.” (me: weeping intensifies) He tells Dean that the trials are purifying him and cleaning the demon blood from his body. (me: gives up watching and just wails and combs through meta about Sam’s quest for purification)
Dean follows Sam through the hotel to the room where all the books were stacked. The door to the room is slightly ajar and they head inside. Towers of books fill the room.
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A gun snicks and they stumble across...Metatron! He’s an older dude, short and squirrely, and he’s got a shotgun trained on them. They exchange words and learn that Metatron is still afraid of Michael and Lucifer. He...doesn’t get out much.
Back with our angel, Cas asks Ion why he’s betrayed Heaven. “We aren’t machines for them to program and reprogram. This wasn’t what it was meant to be,” Cas insists - ever the idealist. Ion, however, is of the opinion that they’re all just meaningless cogs in the cosmic machine. While Cas listens to Ion, he digs his fingers into his gut and drags out Crowley’s angel bullet. YIKES
On the prophet sound stage, Crowley breaks down the door and confronts Kevin. Kevin is chill, relaxed in front of his barbecue dinner. He tells Crowley that he grew suspicious the moment the fake Winchesters forgot the secret knock, but the kicker was when they got him a special dinner. “So…” puzzles out Crowley, “my demons were too polite?” Lol, yes, awesome.
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Sam and Dean fill in Metatron on the fate of all the archangels when Sam asks if Metatron can turn down the horrible ringing. “Oh, you’re resonating,” Metatron says. He realizes that Sam is doing one of the trials. He’s resonating in the proximity of the word of God - or Metatron. Metatron reveals that God hired him to write a bunch of stuff down before he flapped off to nobody-knows-where. He loosens up, shotgun waving around, and begins to chat more freely.
Metatron tells them that when Heaven started to get shitty, he hid himself away and buried himself in stories. That is a legit life choice, I don’t care what anyone else says.
With Cas, Ion complains about getting “reset” by Heaven. It hurt him each time. Cas uses his distraction to attack, shoving that single bullet into Ion’s eye and killing him.
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DAMN CAS.
Metatron, meanwhile, continues talking about the power and beauty of stories. Stories are the wonder of creation. “What you brought to his Earth, all the mayhem, the murder. Just the raw, wild invention of God's naked apes... it was mind-blowing. But really... really, it was your storytelling. That is the true flower of free will. At least as you've mastered it so far. When you create stories, you become gods, of tiny, intricate dimensions unto themselves. So many worlds! I have read... as much as it's possible for an angel to read, and I haven't caught up.” Yes GOOD.
Sam and Dean are tired of his little tirade, though, and tell him to stfu. Dean tells Metatron that the prophet Kevin has had a shitty time of it, no thanks to him. How’s that for a story?
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Cut to Kevin who’s still taunting Crowley about the tablet and his failed ruse. Crowley loses patience and starts to choke Kevin when the room fills with a ringing sound and red light. Kevin gets zapped away and Crowley is left severely burned. Back at the hotel, Metatron looks down on Kevin - safe and sound - and then heals him. Yaaay!
Dean asks Metatron if he’ll join the fight to seal Hell. Well, Metatron says unhelpfully, it’s a choice isn’t it? They’re saved from further introspection by Kevin waking up. He pulls out the second half of the demon tablet and tells them he knows the last trial. It’s to cure a demon.
Driving back to the bunker, Dean shout-worries at Sam about the last trial. Suddenly, Dean sees a figure lying in the middle of the road and stops the car. It’s Cas! Cas looks up, teeth gritted, and asks grumpily, “A little help here?”
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Ah, that’s our angel.
Quotes are the Wonder of Creation:
Keep your nose to the godstone.
Watch the patois in there. Your slang. Special K, nose to the God-stone, that's the way Dean speaks. Sam is... more basic, more sincere. Remember, I want two distinct, authentic characterizations.
Screw you! Screw God and everybody in between!
The folk tale’s true, by the way. You learned it from the goats.
You're not really supposed to say Indians…
I'm gonna follow the hotel manager, Dr. Scowley-scowly. He's like a villain from Scooby-Doo.
I got me an angel on the payroll. It's that kinda universe, these days.
In the words of a— good friend... bite me.
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camdallasfanfics · 7 years
Text
What now? - Chapter 11
Cameron Dallas fanfic - Sequel to I’m not that kind of girl
Word count: 1′698
Previous Chapter
two months later - February
I was back in New York. My semester is about to start again. Jen was over at my place. We were both working on our stuff for class. „So what’s up with Danny?“ She asked out of the blue. I shrugged. „Nothing. Why?“ I looked up to find her staring at me. „I don’t know I was thinking because of you and him hanging out so much lately.“ I smirked. „Aww is someone jealous?“ I chuckled as did she.
„Sure I am. You know I always dreamt about you and me! Us!“ She cried out over dramatically. „But for real though. What’s up between you two?“ She asked after our laughter died down. „I don’t know. It’s not really a dating thing. It’s more like a friends with benefits type of thing right now.“ I sighed.
„What about lover boy?“ She smirked and caught my attention yet again. „First off please don’t call him that. He is not my lover boy. Second there is nothing going on.“ I tried to focus on my work again but Jen wouldn’t shut up. „So you got it going with two different sugar pops.“ I glared at her. „ Shut up Jen.“ With that she left the topic and I went of wondering.
Flashback
Christmas morning
I was woken up by my sister jumping on my bed. „Lia!“ I groaned. „Get the fuck off!“ She stopped jumping around. „Come on! It’s time for presents!“ She squirmed. „Okay. Just shut up already.“ I pulled my duvet over my head. „Merry Christmas to you too!“ Lia screamed when she pulled the duvet away.
I finally gave up and made my way downstairs. We spent the morning opening presents and eating breakfast, telling stories and all kinds of stuff. It was pretty chill, how people nowadays would call it. We were just sitting in the living room when we heard the door bell. „I’ll get it.“ I immediately said getting up.
I opened the door and was face with his face. „Merry Christmas.“ He said grinning. „Merry Christmas to you too!“ I replied quite confused. „Nice outfit.“ He said pointing to my goofy pjs. „Thank you.“ I grimaced. „You wanna come in or…?“ I raised my eyebrows leaning against the door. I was tired.
„Uhm I just wanted to…I-“ He stuttered. „What did you want I ain’t getting the picture at the moment?“ I teased him. He sighed. „Look. I wanted to see you and maybe treat you to lunch but it was a stupid idea. I’ll just go home and you can forget about this.“ He quickly rambled on. „Hold on. You know I won’t say no to a free lunch, right?“ He immediately had a big grin on his face. „How long do you need to get ready?“ I shrugged and opened the door further. „Come in and see.“
With that he stepped in. „Mom! Dad! Cameron is here. We’re upstairs.“ I informed them. „Lock your door this time hun!“ My mom shouted back. „DOOR WIDE OPEN HUN!“ My dad immediately shouted. I just laughed at them as did Cameron. We went up the stairs when I heard Cameron chuckled behind me. „What?“ I stopped and turned to look at him. „It’s just… This is so familiar and yet so strange.“ He smirked. „Shut up.“ I said and quickly went up to my room.
He sat down on my bed and looked around. „Didn’t change at all.“ He mumbled leaning back onto his arms. I simply shrugged and went to my closet. I picked out a simple ACDC t-shirt and some ripped jeans. I turned to him. ���Mind to turn around?“ I raised my eyebrows and he shrugged. „Nothing I’ve never seen before.“  He smirked and sat up again, his elbows leaning on his knees. „What if I’m not wearing any underwear?“ I challenged him. „Even better.“ He chuckled. I huffed and took my clothes going into my bathroom.
I just got in the bathroom and put on some fresh underwear. Matching. You never know if you need it. I just put on my shirt when the bathroom door opened. Of course he would do that. What did I expect. „Cameron. Come on. You still pulling the same shit like when we were in high school?“ I turned to the door and faced a smirking Cameron.
He simply nodded and stepped closer to me. „We are going to lunch you know that, right?“ He nodded again pulling me closer by my waist. „Cameron come on. Don’t be a horny piece of shit.“ He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. I didn't kiss back in hopes he would just leave it at that.
He pulled away. „I won’t let you get dressed unless you kiss me, Marshmallow.“ He winked. HE WINKED. WHAT KIND OF FUCKBOY FUCKERY IS THIS? I sighed and pecked his lip. „Can I please get some pants on so we can get this over with?“ I gave him a sarcastic smile. He chuckled yet again. „Sure.“ He let go of my waist. I turned around to pick up my jeans and all of a sudden I felt a stinging pain in my butt cheek. „Still jiggles the same way.“ Cameron laughed at his own comment.
„Get out before I slap the shit out of your face.“ I warned him. He put up his hands in defense. „Hey. We both know you like a little bit of spanking.“ He gave me a cheeky smile and finally left the bathroom. „Fucking douche.“ I mumbled to myself. „This fucking douche is paying for your lunch. Watch your mouth!“ I heard him say from my bedroom. I huffed. Fuck him... not literally.
Flashback over
My thoughts were interrupted by a text. I chuckled. Speaking of the devil.
Cam: What are you up to Y/N: nm you? Cam: having a break at magcon rn. what are you up to during this week (: Y/N: uuuhm. classes? I guess idk why? Cam: I have a few things to do in new york until my next show in philly Y/N: so?
I put my phone down and decided to ignore his next text for a few minutes. I looked up to see Jen already smirking at me. „Got a new dick appointment?“ I immediately laughed out loud and threw a pillow at her. „No. I don’t. I am not up for that shit. I won’t let him play with me.“ She threw the pillow back. „Didn’t sound like it when you hooked up with him here. Or in LA. Or back during Christmas.“ 

„Jen. Please just let it go. I really don’t want anything from him anymore.“ I sighed playing with the pillow. „Whatever you say. I’m just saying that you didn’t have a real relationship since you broke up with him and still you are here claiming you don’t want anything from him but you hooked up with him way to often for my taste of nothing to do with someone…“ She trailed off. 

She was right but it was non of her business either, right? It was up to me if I wanted to be with him or not. If I wanted casual hooking up or not. We left the topic and I picked up my phone again.
Cam: want to hang out while i’m there? Y/N: hm lets see… should I hang out with my ex once again although every time we „hung out“ we ended up hooking up? Cam: COME ON DON’T BE LIKE THAT Y/N: like what? Cam: just hang out with me. i can’t do anything about you not resisting my charm Y/N: stfu. we’ll see. maybe I’m too busy Cam: see you this week than marshmallow (;
I dropped my phone yet again pulling my macbook closer to edit some more photos. Without even noticing my thoughts went back to the last time we spent time together.
Flashback
He drove us to my favorite coffee shop. „What happened to lunch?“ I asked him. „Don’t worry I just want a coffee and than we’ll go eat lunch.“ He said before getting out of the car. I naturally stayed in the car. Why should I get out if he’s gonna get a coffee to go? Makes no sense.
Soon he returned with two cups. „Two coffees? The hell have you been doing last night?“ He chuckled and gave me one of them. „Here. A nice warm tea for you.“ I smiled. „Thank you.“ I took a sip. „You’re welcome.“ I couldn’t get the smile off of my face. I just love tea too much. And he knew me too well.
We had a pretty long car ride for a simple lunch. I started to doubt this lunch thing in general. The whole car ride Cameron’s hand was set on my thigh. I even tried to tell him to move it but he simply chose to ignore me on that one. „So tell me where the hell are we going for lunch?“ I played with the empty cup in my hand. „To the beach.“ He grinned at me. „The beach is two hours away, you know that.“ I turned to look at him. „That’s why I got coffee, duh.“ I sighed.
„Come on. It’s gonna be fun. I even have blankets in the trunk we can be all romantic and stuff.“ He was full of energy. He was so happy. So excited. I sighed yet again. „See that’s it Cameron. Romantic and stuff? We are not a couple anymore. You left me. You left me for good. I’m just a toy to you at the moment. We both know it. After all this you won’t even text me. Why are you doing this?“

He pulled into a parking lot. We just arrived at the beach. „Look. I know I fucked up big time. Just let me do this.“ He got the key out of the ignition and turned to look at me. „Why?“ I looked down to my lap and played with the hem of my shirt. „Maybe because I still have feelings for you?“
Flashback over
Next Chapter
A/N: Hi guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Tell me what you thought and maybe what you think where this story is heading? Hope you  are having a great ass day. Love you all :)
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