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#so i want you to see it because it's one of those ambitious stories where everything's bigger than life
corpsentry · 1 month
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breaking the law and outing myself on the internet because i'm showcasing my senior dance thesis on april 28 at 6:30 and 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time and i want You to see it
we don't have a livestream link yet but we will. in the meantime look at these cool posters and this cool blurb. ok now save the date SEE YOU SOON
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billfarrah · 1 month
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One of my favourite things about Young Royals and its characters is how much it romanticizes being utterly ordinary.
Stories often focus on characters who are exceptionally good at something or who are more ambitious than the average person. Even in the teen shows I’ve watched, these young characters always seemed to have their dream career and dream university figured out at a young age and I could never relate to that because I had none of those things figured out as a teen. It always felt like pushing this narrative that teenagers need to have their entire lives figured out before their brains are even fully developed.
None of the characters in YR seem particularly ambitious and in fact, the main character’s journey is a story of anti-ambition. When he is introduced to Simon, it is precisely Simon’s ordinariness that draws Wille to him. Sure, Simon is a very talented singer, but it’s never indicated within the series that he has dreams of being a pop star. It’s just something he likes to do. Simon is motivated by very ordinary things - he wants to do well in school so he can have better opportunities for himself, he wants to take care of his family, he wants to hang out with his friends and play video games. He’s a dedicated student but not necessarily valedictorian. It’s not his ambition that Wille is drawn to but his integrity and kindness and warmth.
Wille had a chance to be extraordinary - to be Sweden’s first gay king - but being extraordinary has never been Wille’s ambition. Wille’s ultimate goal and dream within the series’ narrative is to be free to make his own decisions and live his life as he pleases. He just wants to kiss his boyfriend and get drunk at parties and live his life one day at a time instead of spending every moment of his life preparing for an inevitable future he doesn’t want. In the end Wille is extraordinary not for his ambition, but for his bravery to reject the expectations thrust upon him and throw himself into the unknown and see where it takes him. Wille had a whole future in front of him as crown prince and future king - he’d never have to work a day in his life and would have people advising his every move - and he rejects that. This lack of ambition is not portrayed as a moral failure, but a necessary step in Wille’s journey to personal self-discovery and fulfillment of his own desires. His desire right now is simple - be free with Simon, but that doesn’t mean his dreams end here forever. He deserves peace and tranquility after all the trauma he’s been through without having to worry about where or who he’s gonna be in a few years. He deserves time to just exist.
None of the characters know where they’re going when they drive away at the end. We as the audience don’t know what careers if any these characters will find themselves in, but that’s also not important to this story. The series is saying you don’t have to have everything figured out when you’re 17 and you don’t have to do something just because your parents think they know what’s best for you and even if you don’t know exactly what you want to do, that doesn’t mean you don’t have the agency to know what you don’t want.
It’s not a moral failing to want the simple things in life or to be ordinary, and I love that Young Royals celebrates that. It shows the beauty in simple moments that feel revolutionary to a person - touching the person you love, forgiving someone and making amends after a hardship, whooping with your friends in a car as you drive into the summer and celebrates them. Ultimately these are the moments that make life worth living.
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manicpixiefelix · 2 months
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This is going to sound so pretentious to say, but I think that one of the most incredible things Emerald Fennell did with Saltburn was give it's audience both everything and nothing all at once. But which I mean that every moment we see on screen is so carefully chosen and wonderfully detailed. Every second of the story that Oliver chooses to tell us is perfectly crafted to give us the exact story he wants to create, nothing more and nothing less. Saltburn's narrative lives and dies in Oliver's obsessive recollection, his confessional. Its why these characters who are so clearly and wonderfully rich below the surface can, at a glance, come off as shallow. Oliver didn't care!! And the one he did care about, he gatekept so jealously (I saw someone else's meta discussing this and I absolutely agree) to the point where we as an audience barely know who Felix was. We don't even know who Oliver was, at the end of the day; he was manipulative and ambitious and obsessive and - I could not tell you a single thing he genuinely liked that wasn't Felix. Because that's it, isn't it. That's the story of Saltburn. Everything revolved around Felix, and Felix was everything, and so Oliver's story only focuses on the absolute tragedy of having everything and then losing everything in that one Summer.
And nothing else.
Emerald gave us the gift of Oliver's everything, and the vague, nebulous nothing that he cares about just behind it. The hints of more, jumping off points of intrigue and imagination, things we can extrapolate from and speculate about. There is so much room in this world around it's implications and offhand remarks for us to all build upon. We don't even know if Venetia is Felix's older or younger sister???? There is limitless space to play in this world, both before the events of the film, but also between the few moments Oliver chooses to show us. We see twenty minutes of Oliver's Full First Year at Oxford before he goes to Saltburn, so much of how he falls for Felix and becomes his friend goes so unsaid and unseen, little more than a montage, and Barry and Jacobs's phenomenal chemistry selling their closeness, so we don't have to know each detail.
But that's the thing, that's just bliss; the falling in love is a given in this story, he opens with that. These moments would simply be nothing on the road to everything.
Its like Emerald Fennell is kissing me directly on the forehead and giving her blessing to fill in the blanks. She knew we would; she literally said she knew Saltburn would be a hit on Tumblr, she knew what she was doing. This film was made for those of us who like to over analyse media and also create vivid and intricate headcanons and sometimes both at the same time.
Tumblr, and creatives especially, love Saltburn because it deliberately lets us play in its world, in that sweet spot between everything and nothing, all at once.
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lizzaneia-elizalde · 4 months
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What if... yan prince, with knight apprentice reader? Reader's father was the army cheif and she's the daughter who is ambitious, wanting to become just like her father in future.
Where does the prince comes in the story. They are playdates. But instead of playing house they play with swords, bows and arrows. As they grow up, the reader is assigned as his personal guard, but after a near death experience for reader while saving the prince, he realizes that how much more precious his knight is to him. Like a rare treasure. One he wishes to keep himself only.
Ps: the prince was originally very mischievous and childish, dragging reader everywhere with him and getting into trouble as well.
-🌼
Yandere! Male! Emperor x knight! fem! Reader
Finally! This yandere ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
If you've read Eros' story, you would know that there is an Imperial family, and that there is a crown prince which is Yuno, but if you've read Aeron's, there's a new bloodthirsty emperor in town. And, in an ask, I confirmed it's not Yuno. So who is it?
Also, thanks for the other asks, 🌼anon! Even those which are not requests. I've read them all and appreciate them ৻( •̀ ᗜ •́ ৻)
BY THE WAY, HAPPY NEW YEARS! This my gift uwu
Well, let's see, shall we?
Yandere! Emperor name: Callisto (yes, name is from Villains are Destined to Die manhwa (´▽`)❀.)
TW: Misogynism, literal pet names (dog)
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Callisto.
Quite the arrogant kid. A brat, someone who thinks highly of himself because he's a prince, and a smug piece of--
Anyways...
Born as the Emperor's fifth child and the third son, he's always faded into the background. That's why he acts up in order to get into his father's radar.
His mother, a travelling dancer, got pregnant by the Emperor when they met at the fare. She immediately rose to become a concubine, and due to her ethereal beauty, Callisto inherited her looks.
And despite not being the crown prince, Callisto is favoured by the Emperor due to his mother being the apple of the Emperor's eye.
So other than being an arrogant mama's boy, what are his redeeming qualities?
Well...
He's smart, and actually politically intelligent. Even though he's still quite young, he grasped the way a monarchy run and how the state is affected by the aristocrats and the Imperial family's decision. He sometimes pipe up to say opinions and queries that even adult nobles cannot comprehend.
Why is this guy not the crown prince yet?
Callisto, having a rivalry with the current crown prince, Yuno, always bullied the boy.
Due to the current Empress being out of favor due to the Emperor's new concubine, Callisto, despite being younger than Yuno for two years, eagerly pushed down Yuno down. Somewhere he apparently belongs.
Everyday, whenever they meet at the academy, Callisto always finds a way to humiliate the boy. Tripping him, ripping his uniform, dumping dirt or bugs, anything.
This created a weird superiority + inferiority complex inside Yuno as he runs to his fiance.
Well, Callisto doesn't care.
His mother asked the Emperor to not give Callisto a fiance yet, saying that he "needs to find true love like how they met each other". When in reality, His mother is cunning, and wants to find a fiance for him personally. Someone easy to rope into their side and not be a perpetual spy for the other princes, princesses, and concubines. Especially the Empress'.
And so, even though Callisto doesn't have a fiance, he does a companion.
From the rigorous trickling of numerous proposals into one, you emerged victorious.
Someone who serves the Imperial Family, but is known to be quite the strong opposition to the Emperor who keeps him checked, the Captain of the Imperial Knights. He's married, and had a family with you as the daughter.
Strong, upright, and righteous, you inherited your father's sense of duty yet the strong sense of camaraderie and service to the people. Same as Callisto, despite being young, you had quite the righteous view of the world. Someone so helpful yet to nihilistic towards the Imperial Family even in a not so direct way.
The first time you two met was unfavorable.
He immediately tossed a sword to your way and without a moment of hesitation, tried to stab you. You parried quite well, making Callisto smirk in arrogance as he hopped back.
He found you interesting. A girl, wanting to be a knight? Preposterous!
Yet, admirable.
He liked seeing you scramble to keep up with lessons.
Sure, you're talented, but that made people hate you more due to your gender.
So, why not help, right?
Callisto would always watch you practice. His eyes never leaving you as you struggled to fight with the misogynistic teacher, the arrogant teammates, and the pressure burdening you.
And, when it got too much, he would interrupt the lessons by tossing a sword to you again and sparring.
It did stop the bullying momentarily, but god did it put you in trouble.
Drills upon drills, they punished you for interrupting the lessons despite Callisto doing it! The reason why it's you? It's because he's a prince, and the son of the beloved Concubine.
Of course.
This made your relationship with Callisto wonky. More like an enemies forced to be together for politics. But in a platonic way.
And years passed...
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Callisto, now 22 years old, finds himself watching his stupid crown prince of a brother fumble his fiance as he dances with a random girl named Elisia.
Sure, she's pretty, but he always thought Yuno is head over heels for his fiance.
"Pfft. Such a fucking disgrace." He cracked his neck and got off the pillar to go to his father, the Emperor.
The Emperor is rightfully angry, seeing his son humiliate him over and over again.
"Father, I think you should really reconsider his position now." Callisto whispered, watching as Yuno pull Elisia to the balcony to do god knows what. "Hell, i'd rather have that weirdo of a hero who suddenly appeared one day to be the crown prince."
Callisto frowned as he remembered the man who suddenly appeared in the throne room. Now a Marquis, Aeron is steadily becoming a powerful man, and Callisto intends to bring him to his side once he...
He looked at the Emperor who shivered in fear from the mention of Aeron. He remembered how the Emperor sent that man to a suicide mission. It was honestly disgusting, but Callisto can't do anything other than try to send him party members.
"Yet those fuckers continue to betray him. What the fuck." He mumbled to himself before clearing his throat. "Father, what do you think? I even think Duke Eros is good for the position."
Duke Eros also, an eccentric man. Cold blooded and someone sharp, yet invents these infrastructures and weird devices that pioneers technology. A term he coined. An odd fellow, but Callisto likes the Duke due to being one of the people who can oppose the Emperor without that much backlash and resistance due to his own power and authority.
He's also someone who Callisto needs to look out about.
Honestly, the Emperor is never a good man. He's a greedy man, creating enemies left and right due to his pride and his habit of stealing money from the coffers of the people. Tax money? Pocketed. Jewels? Stolen. Government? Corrupt. Everything is fucked up in his reign that Callisto is having a hard time thinking of what to do.
So, why not usurp the throne?
His mother, who rose to be the Empress, has laid down a path for him. And all he has to do is to follow diligently.
His eyes scanned the ballroom to find his sweet little playmate.
There you are, eyes scanning the crowd for potential threats and assassins.
He felt bad, not letting you know of the plans. But he needs to do this. If he wants you to survive the usurpation, keeping you in the dark is what he needs to do.
The Emperor grunted, finally relenting to his son's will.
"Alright. I'm taking off Yuno from the crown prince position." The Emperor said, rubbing his temples.
Callisto secretly smirked, one of his plans finally bearing fruit.
"Thank you father. That will be enough. I don't think Yuno is qualified to be the next Emperor. He's too... Impulsive, and doesn't see the path you laid down for him." Callisto praised him, fueling the Emperor's Ego and lowering Yuno's reputation more.
"Yes yes... Go forth and call my Prime Minister. I need to discuss Yuno's abdication as soon as possible." Callisto nodded before going away from the ball to call the prime Minister.
Of course, you're diligently following him like the puppy you are.
And yes, you became his personal guard after graduating from the Knight training. Sure, you could have joined the ranks, yet Callisto here asked his father to make you his personal guard.
Not able to reject an order from the Emperor, you had no choice but to comply to his wishes.
"Hey, you're on my side, right?" Callisto asked, suddenly stopping in the middle of the long hallway. The moonlight filtering through the giant windows made an eerie yet despondent shadow on Callisto as you cleared your throat.
"Yes, your highness." You muttered.
"Then, let this be a test if you are actually on my side."
Suddenly, the windows broke, shattering the glass and the protective barrier placed on the palace.
Immediately, you unsheathed your sword and dashed to attack the intruder who crashed through the window. Cloaked with a dagger in hand, he tried to reach Callisto who's only leaning on the wall with his arms crossed.
"Your highness! Please run!" You yelled, pushing back the assassin as you prepared for another collision.
"Nah. I actually want to see this." He chuckled and watched your body move and glide across the hall to fight off this unusually strong opponent.
Callisto's eyes was enticed by the way your form flexed under pressure and under the force of such a strong oponent.
Seeing you struggle and not complain was enough for him.
"Okay, big girl. Come on let's stop this. Just kill the man."
But before he could come up to you and help you stop the assassin, he saw you kill the assassin and look at him in a shocked stare.
It happened so fast.
He felt you grab his body as you shielded him with yours.
Then, a warm liquid spilling onto him.
His eyes zeroed on an another cloaked man with a dagger, stabbing your shoulder.
You slumped down on his.
You felt soft, warm, yet he oddly felt lightheaded.
When he came to his wits once more, he's cradling your body with the cloaked man's body mangled on the floor.
Carrying you, he ran to the royal hospital. He's soaked in blood, your blood.
He felt helpless for the first time as he demanded for one of his servants to call for his mother.
Yeah, maybe his mother would know what to do as you fought for your life.
It felt like a blur as he saw his mother run to him, carrying her heavy gown as she kneeled to him. Oh? Callisto is kneeling? When did that happen?
He felt his mother brush away his tears. Tears? When did that happen too?
Once more, a blur as he fainted.
He feels like he's floating on the sea as he confronted a man. He also looks the same age as him, maybe a bit older. The man looked at him with a smile.
There and then, the man, who proclaimed himself as god, told Callisto that he's the protagonist of a "media". He forgot if it's a novel or whatever a videogame is, but he knows that he's the most favored character of this god.
He scoffed.
"So, if I am the favored one, then why..." His voice shook. "WHY IS MY BELOVED FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE FOR ME?!"
It took almost everything inside of him to admit that he loves you, but he doesn't care anymore.
The god whispered that it's the part of the plot, and that he should just let fate run its course. He assured Callisto that you will be okay.
Callisto nodded, heaving a bit before giving the god a cold glare.
"So, if I am this protagonist, this ever so important character..." Callisto murmured. "I can get away with anything... Right?"
"Right?"
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The sheath of a sword, and a heavy, wet plop on the carpeted floor became the backdrop for the sound of victorious yells.
Callisto sighed, cracking his neck as he got out of the castle, and out of the Kingdom to their East.
"Emperor Callisto! What shall we do with the captured servants?" One of the knights asked, and Callisto cleared his throat, thinking.
"Put them in the dungeon back in the Empire. I still have to think on what to do with them."
With the knights bowing, they dispersed as Callisto immediately teleported back to the Palace.
After learning that the previous Emperor was the one who sent the assassins, he almost broke his facade.
It seems that the Empress didn't seduce the Emperor enough to make sure he didn't doubt Callisto.
Yet, he doesn't care about that.
He only cared about the fact that the Emperor almost killed you.
With the guarantee that he won't have any dire consequences due to being the "protagonist", he immediately went to Marquis Aeron to assassinate the Emperor with his sprites.
Aeron gladly did it, giving two sprites to Callisto as they phased through the walls and kill off the Emperor in his sleep.
And, while the chaos of the sudden death of the Emperor, he challenged Yuno to a duel for the throne. Yuno, who just got his engagement annulled and watched as his fiance became Duke Eros', he's scrambling to bring back his pride and dignity.
Yet, the "protagonist" cheat proved right as he won by landslide. Beating Yuno black and blue and becoming Emperor.
His mother, proud as her son finally took the path she intended for him to have, became Empress dowager.
Where are you in this situation?
You were in a coma like state. The dagger, having poison, took a toll on your body. So, you did not witness the way he avenged you and took the throne for himself.
And when you woke up, you only heard of the assassination, and knew he's behind it.
"Callisto! You killed your father?!" You confronted him, appalled. And Callisto, surprised by your anger, only laughed in disbelief.
He avenged you, and you're angry? "Yeah, I did."
"You know that all of the people in this Empire knew you're the one who assassinated the Emperor." You glowered.
"How do you even know that?" Callisto smirked, shrugging as he took a seat on the throne. "They don't. You're deceiving yourself, big girl."
"Do not call me that." Your jaw tightened, eyes in anger and annoyance. "They will know. I just feel it."
Callisto frowned. How dare you say that when he's the protagonist? He's practically invincible.
"Are you threatening me, y/n?" He stood up. Suddenly, he didn't feel like the childhood friend you have. He feels imposing, too far for you to reach, a wall so thick you can't even comprehend.
"I avenged you. I killed my father for you. Those assassins? He ordered for them to kill me." He laughed, eyes wide with annoyance. "And you, a mere woman dares to not see the grace I gave?"
You laughed in disbelief.
DId he just...
"And I do thank you y/n for shielding me. It made me realize something. Your loyalty is something I need by my side."
He held out his hand, holding out for you to grab.
"Be my Empress. You're my most loyal dog. And you have a good eye for politics." Callisto proposed. "I can spoil you greatly, give you riches beyond your dreams. Just be my pretty, loyal, dog, or doll. If you're into that."
You gripped your hand into a fist, eyes ablaze with anger.
"I will not. Women are not mere dogs, nor do I need to say yes to your proposal." You spat out. "And I am not going to be yours. Never yours."
When did he become such a deplorable man? Someone so full of himself? He already was, but at least he's logical and never demeaning.
But this?
"I will correct myself. I knew that the people will know that it's you because you're the only one who is close to Marquis Aeron and Duke Eros, two of the well known opposition to the Emperor before, amongst the Imperial children. And you used Marquis' sprites, which only those who defeated the demon king can wield. And, Marquis Aeron is not the emperor now, but you. HIS FRIEND." You smirked bitterly.
"What? People are stupid! They won't realize that!"
"HAH!" You rasped out. "Even still, it will instill doubt in them. Other than that, I will abdicate myself as your personal guard. Fuck. You. Callisto."
Callisto's eyes widened as you turned your back to him, marching outside with a slam.
When he came back to his wits, he seethed in frustration and decided to take a breather. Anger is riddling him.
But once he calmed down and tried to summon for you, he just heard from your father that you ran away.
He scoffed.
As if you can run away from him.
But you disappeared. With such a meticulous way to vanish, nobody can track you at all.
As if you never existed in the first place.
He felt his body run cold.
Where did you go?
Where did you vanish to?
"Y/N!!"
He went mad trying to find you, tirelessly combing through the Empire without stopping.
It was only a year later that a lead was given.
You're out of the Empire. That's it.
Manic, Callisto decided to do the extreme to scare you out.
Now known as the warfreak Emperor, he reigned fear and blood onto other territories as he decimated every place just to find you.
His blood running cold, his time running out, and his patience running thin,
Once he finds you, you know you can't escape from his shackles. Literal or not.
And he will continue the bloodshed for you.
And this heavy burden and sin will be on your shoulder the longer you don't return to his arms.
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hello-vampire-kitty · 5 months
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Servamp chapter 136 spoilers
I only read the chapter once so I haven't understood some parts because I haven't looked up the meaning of some words, that's what I'll do when I get to properly translate the chapter, but in the meantime, I'm just going over a few pages so you can get an idea of what's going on.
Oh my God, this chapter reveled so much!
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I haven't talked about this, because I still have a few chapters to work on, but the previous one ended with Lily saying that everything was done in order to make the revived Count become the 9th Servamp with Mikuni as his Eve.
If that's the plan, could it mean that Mikuni will break his contract with Jeje or will it be possible to also keep him too?
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Lily reveals to Misono that initially he wanted to put Kuro in Mikuni's path, but that would have been a great risk if Tsubaki went after Kuro, so instead he chose Mahiru.
"As someone from a family of magicians that could be easily monitored and who didn't posses the combat skills of a magician...And most of all, he was the son of a certain man"
Lily tells Misono about Touma being Mahiru's father, who was a hindrance because Touma was close to the realization of the Count's reincarnation. Lily thought that if Tsubaki would target Mahiru, Touma would be dealt with if he tried protecting Mahiru.
Lily didn't think that Touma would try shooting his son, but he was wrong.
"Love is the most difficult to read."
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Lily tells Misono about his mother and what we knew about her was a lie. To start off her name was Tatsunami Hokaze which is so weird and perhaps it was a mistake because it happened before that some character's name were misspelled, like it happened with Pisca (it was even brought up by Tanaka on Twitter) and I recall one time where Tsurugi's name was written Rurugi xD
So, I looked up Hokaze (歩風) and it seems to be a boy's name and I have found the readings Ayuka or Honoka for girl names, so maybe one of those is actually her name?
Well, if it won't be mentioned by Tanaka if it was a misspelling, for now she will be called Hokaze.
Moving on, I noticed that in the first panel on the left, if you look closely at the book she's holding, it most likely "Jane Eyre" written on the cover, so we have a literary work that's associated with her.
Alright, so she was one of the orphans Lily brought to the Alicein house, like Dodo and Mitsuki.
Lily described her as ambitious woman and he encouraged her to get into Mikado's good graces. If she became his mistress, she could control him from the shadows.
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The letters from his mother that Misono read were censored by Mikuni and crafted a beautiful story. In Japanese it specifically says検閲 which means censorship, so that seems to imply that he didn't fabricate the letters entirely, some things that were written in them might have been left unchanged.
Poor Misono :((
Man, the drama of this family...
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So, we get to see Lily's past and I'm assuming (because it doesn't say) that he was selling his body? That's the impression I get from that image with the old guy who's giving him money...
Alright, moving on to Kuro's fight against Tsubaki!
It's awesome how Kuro made the candlestick into a sword! It looks cool!
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Tsubaki says that demon Kuro was apparently sensei's "something", that he called things such as friend or brother and the demon was sort of like a familiar.
Kuro wants to hear from Tsubaki why is he obsessed with the Count, but Tsubaki isn't reluctant to tell him.
Kuro uses "Elpsis" to try looking into his memories and it's so cool that he can use Mahiru's ability, like he even changed the sword into a staff like Mahiru's!
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Tsubaki had a little sister :(
So, apparently the reason he wanted to revive sensei isn't because he cared about him. He wants the ritual to be fulfilled because he awaits what comes after. Tsubaki made a promise with sensei, the latter telling him that he would make his little sister happy.
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What could that mean? If she's dead, could it mean that he will bring her to life? It doesn't mention what happened to her...
Oh boy, so, I feel sorry for Misono because of how much he was deceived and we also find out that Tsubaki wasn't actually looking forward to be reunited with sensei because they had a deep bond or something, he even admits in this chapter that he's probably just a means to sensei's objective to be united with Kuro, because sensei was only interested in him.
So yeah, that's about it. I want to end the post by saying that I thank you for the patience with the scanlations, I still have three more chapters to finish until I start working on this one.
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yuurivoice · 14 days
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Laying in bed having a think.
As I try and tackle three intertwined (four? fuck) narrative stories more meticulously than I've crafted any of my narratives thus far, I find myself making several realizations.
BitterSweet is a product of me being at several mental low points but failing upwards. BitterSweet wasn't even intended to be a real narrative, but rather an introduction to Seth then sort of a choose you own adventure, listen to either "path" type thing. When the story revealed itself to me it was very exciting, but I was just going episode to episode and seeing where I'd end up.
Chapter 2 had more planning, a pretty defined outline, and was executed just about to perfection. I think 2 is probably the strongest in terms of knowing wtf was going on and seeing it through.
Chapter 3 is one I feel deeply conflicted about. Plans had to change on the fly multiple times. The scale got out of hand. I was on the struggle bus and only managed to write an episode two at once. It was a mess. We hit some high marks, and some of my favorite performances are in there, but there's this dark cloud over it for me. It's a shame, but it got done.
I can see really clearly how my struggle with my mental health, ADHD, etc. played significant roles in hindering me. So on one hand, I'm thrilled that I was able to make something cool that so many people appreciate and enjoy despite how challenging it was. On the other hand...there's a lot I wish could have been different.
Those wishes have informed many of the choices I'm making now as I tackle Shattered and Echoes, as well as BitterSweet and the unnamed thing. I'm not hitting the big red launch button until it is complete. I've never done that. But I want my writing to be tighter and more cohesive. I'm lucky that making shit up as I went and hitting the broader strokes I knew were there worked out as well as it did, but also I've tripped over myself a time or two.
As ambitious as I'm trying to be with weaving these stories, I want to make sure that when you step back and look at the big picture, it makes sense, but is also really fucking dope.
That's my hope.
This next batch of work is going to be special for me. I'm in my medicated era, but I'm working with a lot of the bones put in place by a version of me that was operating well below capacity.
Reading those first drafts I wrote last year was humbling. God they were bad. Frustratingly so because when I took a hammer to it, what I cooked up in significantly less time on the second draft was so much better than what felt like I had to pull teeth to accomplish before.
I try and tell myself not to look at all of my work through that lens of "I could have done so much better" but it's frustrating. I've gotta cook with the groceries that version of me brought home lol.
It boils down to this. When these next projects launch and the dust settles, I don't want to be glad it's over. When I finished BS3, I breathed a sigh of relief because it felt like I just got out of a year long brawl.
When I finish these projects, I want to be proud. I think that's the conclusion I reached. I was not proud of my work, because it was tainted with compromise and frustration that outside factors fucked with several aspects of it.
So I'm trying to prove to myself that I can do better than that. For myself. I've shaken off the frustration that I'm an entire year behind schedule. I've committed myself to completing it all before it sees the light of day. I've streamlined the process. I really tried to set myself up for success.
When I was struggling I'd cut every corner, I'd phone it in, I'd toss out ambitious ideas for the sake of just being able to call it done.
There's a lot less of that happening now. I'm able to at least try and hold myself to something resembling a standard. Now I just hope I can execute.
Thanks for reading. Sorry about all of whatever that was.
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berryhobii · 3 months
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Late for Work couple has become my #1 comfort couple and i always come back a read their stories cuz they're just so in love and passionate abt each other and OC/reader is so me coded. ur writing literally makes me weak in the knees i get so emoooo 😭😭💜 can i request a New Years (resolution) drabble with them? either OC or JK wants to work out more or tweak their habits at the gym for New years and i wonder if you could incorporate THIS REEL somewhere cuz i thought this was so them?!!? fluff or smutty smut smut!!! ty ty ty 💜💜
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C1BLk1PIu-j/?igsh=MWZ0YWRtcnd4Zndwaw==
even tho i feel like both of them are the type to NOT wait for the "New Year" just to get started on their goals i thought it would be cute!!!
Hi! Wow, I’m so happy you love that couple! I try my best to make them as lovey dovey as possible. Thanks so much for your request as well! I pondered a few ideas but then landed on this one! Also, that reel is so adorable and overprotective Jungkook is equally as adorable. Enjoy and please tell me what you think!
~
Super cute gym bag? Check. FitBit to monitor your heart rate? Check. Your ONE Stanley cup because you didn’t need a thousand? Check.
Alright. You were ready to hit the gym.
Truthfully, neither you or Jungkook were the types to do resolutions. Both of your perfectionist and ambitious ways made it so if either of you wanted to do something, you’d do it. And you’d do it to the best of your ability.
You started working out a little bit during December, enjoying early morning jogs before work in the crisp air to get you pumped for the day. However, you haven’t really dedicated yourself to a complete workout regimen.
That’s where your husband came in.
He didn’t make resolutions either but he did want to start spending more time with you and the gym was a great place to start. So you suggested you two start working out together and he could have broken something from how fast he catapulted himself over the couch when you brought it up.
Since your husband was a certified gym rat, he was very excited about your interest in working out. It was no secret that he was obsessed with going to the gym; he always dedicated at least 2 hours a day to pumping iron and if he couldn’t go to the gym, he’d go jogging or do some exercise at home. He was dedicated to keeping his body fit and healthy, mostly for himself but also for you. He knew how much you loved his body and it definitely stroked his ego to see how you drooled over him.
While Jungkook drooled over you regardless, you still wanted to work out and maybe even spend some extra time with Jungkook. A couple’s workout sounded like a lot of fun to you, honestly.
“Ready to go, baby?” Jungkook asked once he entered the living room where you were tying up your braids into a ponytail.
You smiled at him, nodding your head. “Yup! How do I look?” You gave him a little twirl, showing off your new leggings and the matching jacket.
Of course, his eyes went straight to your ass which looked extra plump in those pants. A part of him didn’t even want to leave the house, contemplating just bending you over and fucking you against the wall.
You looked so excited to go though and he didn’t want to rain on your parade. Pushing down his desire, he flashed you a smile.
“You look adorable.”
“Thank you. Now let’s go! I’m totally going to bench more than you.” You teased as you two walked out of your apartment.
He bellowed a laugh. “Yeah right. You get winded walking up the stairs.”
Pouting your lip, you playfully pushed him. “That was only because my legs were tired from riding you.”
His lip piercing sparkled as he flashed you a wolfish grin, one that sent shivers down your spine. You seriously thought about getting in a quickie in before leaving.
“Guess we’ll have to work on your stamina then.”
“Oh yeah? I’ll show you my stamina when we get back home.” You childishly fired back sticking your tongue out at him.
“I’ll hold you to that.”
When was leg day again?
The drive to the gym was quick and checking in was even quicker. After putting your things away in a locker, you and Jungkook found an empty space to start stretching in.
“Let’s start with toe touches.” Jungkook instructed with a clap of his hands.
“Okay!” Inhaling a deep breath, you bent over to touch your toes. Easy enough. Then you felt a hand on your back, urging you to straighten it a bit.
“Don’t hold your breath.” He said, his warm palm sneaking up the back of your jacket. Heat spread across your body. Damn fat ma! Not right now!
After enough of that, you two moved into more stretches: arm circles, lunges, jumping jacks and a few more. Jungkook stretched alongside you, only stopping to guide you through whenever he saw your form was off.
Overall, exercising with Jungkook was a bunch of fun. He was an attentive workout partner, reminding you to stay hydrated and motivating you whenever you wanted to give up. Not to mention, watching him get all sweaty was a bonus. He had abandoned his hoodie a while ago, leaving him in a tank top that showed off those muscular arms and bulging pecs.
You were gonna swallow his cock like a python when you got home.
For now though, you were focused on getting in some good squats while Jungkook moved just a few feet away to go fill his water bottle back up. He made sure you remained in his eyesight at all times, heart warming at the sight of you being so focused. He was so happy you had come with him to participate in one of his favorite interest. It really showed him how invested you were in his life and his hobbies. He hoped this could continue and you two would spend even more time together.
Also, your ass looked fine as hell in those leggings. It jiggled everytime you came back up and it made him want to rip those pants right off you.
Oh yeah, you were definitely coming to the gym with him more often.
Just as he finished filling his water, he turned around to start his walk back to you, only to pause when his eyes caught something.
A man was coming from the other side of the room, walking straight towards you, his eyes focused clearly on your ass as you bent forward.
Jungkook knew you were gorgeous which meant people often tried to approach you. His overprotective nature never allowed people to get too close, however. You could handle yourself and he knew that, he trusted you completely and never doubted your loyalty to him.
That didn’t mean he trusted others though.
Quickly walking towards you, his feet taking long strides to get to you faster, he stopped at your side just as you were coming back up from a squat. Jungkook immediately wrapped his arm around you, leaning down to place a kiss on your lips. Never one to turn down a kiss, you reciprocated, laying a few more on his lips for good measure.
His eyes locked with the man who was approaching you, brow furrowing and eyes sending a message that said:
Try it if you want to
The man’s eyes widened, turning back around on the heels of his feet to scamper off somewhere else.
Ever so unsuspecting, you turned around to see what your husband was looking at, only to find nothing. You placed your weight down, removing the AirPod from your ear to ask him what was wrong.
He just squinted his eyes before finally looking at you, sending you his sweetest smile.
“Nothing baby. Let’s just finish up so we can go home.”
And because you trusted him so much, you just shrugged and nodded. “Okay. Let me do this final rep and then we can go.”
“Sure. Let me help you.”
Getting behind you, he ‘guided’ you through the squats. Although you didn’t really need the help, the feeling of his boner pressing into your ass was telling enough.
“I wouldn’t call this helping, coach.” You smirked, making sure to rub your ass harder against him when you went down.
“I would. 5 more.”
~
“J-Jungkook!” You moaned, your hands slipping off the wall where you were bracing yourself as Jungkook pounded into you from behind.
He barely let you cool down from your workout before he was forcing you into the gym showers, pushing you into one of the spaces and turning on the water. It was obvious you didn’t come in here to wash yourselves, judging by how quick he was on his knees and attaching his greedy mouth to your clit. Both legs thrown over his shoulders and your back pushed against the cold wall, he devoured your cunt like it was the last time he’d ever taste it.
Since it was so late at night, the gym was practically empty which meant no one was there to disturb you. Then again, it was only 35 minutes until closing so you didn’t have a lot of time before an employee came to check for any stragglers.
But that was all the time Jungkook needed.
Hands digging into the juiciness of your ass, he forced you back and forth on his cock, the tip hitting you so deep that you were sure he was rearranging your guts.
Your knees shook from the force, still a little weak from the orgasm he just ripped out of you from eating you out. Now another one was steadily building, ready to spill over like a full glass.
He couldn’t take his eyes off the recoil on your ass. He didn’t know if immediate results from squats was a thing(you sure acted like it was) but for some reason, your ass looked even better as it clapped against his pelvis.
“Fuck baby. This ass….” He groaned, swiftly bringing his hand down on it. The water caused it to sting even more but you loved it.
“Make me cum, Kookie.” You whined and who was he to deny?
His hips continued his rough pace, hands molding and squeezing at your ass as if it was a block of clay. As his head rolled to the side in pleasure, his eyes saw something, a mischievous grin that you couldn’t see spreading across his face.
Grabbing your body wash, he flipped open the cap. You were so lost in the sauce that you didn’t even hear it, too focused on the feeling of his cock jabbing into your soft spot.
Then you felt the cold gel hit your skin, a squeak of shock coming from you. You tried to turn your head to see what Jungkook was doing, only to drop it when he readjusted himself to start hitting your spot repeatedly.
“Ooooo…fuck!”
Jungkook’s wet hands rubbed the soap all around, lathering it up all across your ass until the brown of your skin was covered in soapy bubbles. “Throw it back, baby.”
Using your arms as leverage, you tossed your ass back on him as hard as you could, the clapping noises drowning out the pounding water against the tile. It was too hot and hard to breathe but neither of you cared enough to stop, those delicious highs just over the hill. Your legs burned from your workout and you knew you’d be properly sore tomorrow but the feeling of Jungkook’s cock was just too good. You’d pop some IcyHot patches on later.
“I’m bout to cum, baby.” You cried, reaching a hand back to grip one of your soapy ass cheeks. Jungkook’s hot gaze followed the bubbles as they dripped down the crack and around his cock.
He was about to cum. Hard.
Reaching out to grab your shoulder, other hand still on your ass, he drove his cock into you so fast that the seat of your ass actually hurt from how hard his pelvic bones were hitting it.
Your orgasm hit before his, your mouth dropping open in a drawn out moan as fervid pleasure rushed down your back. Jungkook still didn’t stop as you came, a second orgasm hitting you right after the first. Your knees buckled inward from the pure force but Jungkook kept you balanced, thrusting a few more times before he reached his own peak.
“Ahhh….” He groaned, filling you to the hilt as his creamy cum painted thick ropes inside you.
After regaining your breaths, Jungkook helped you stand on your weak knees. You turned around to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck to place a smooch on his lips.
“My legs hurt.” You sighed.
“Told you you have bad stamina. Ow! That hurt!” He cried, rubbing the spot where you pinched him.
“Don’t push it, Jeon. Now let’s go home so I can rest my legs.”
“But I thought you said you’d show me your stamina when we got- ow!”
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yuri-is-online · 3 months
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I can get why yutus so afraid of azul. He's heard a hundred stories about a suave, smug, but clingy octopus and then he meets him and hes this possessive little swinderler who's trying to get him to sell his soul to him and fuck his parent lmao
referencing the tags on this ask about this au
Tako Yutu didn't have the easiest time as a kid.
He was a chubby little thing raised by a single parent who didn't have the clearest memories of his father, or of their past at all really. I wrote Yuu and Yutu as being a sort of outcasts in the community because people thought they were strange, and were skeptical of Yuu's amnesia. Azul! Yutu was really bothered by that, much like his dad he got bullied and sought solace in books, but unlike him Yuu decided to enroll Yutu in some martial arts classes and hey. He was pretty good at those, his submission holds are real bad news, even won him some competitions. But he's not some muscle head even if he sort of looks like one (he didn't really drop his baby weight so much as he did bulk up) so when he gets his first real look at his father... everything in him is screaming that this guy is sketchy. He knows that Azul and the twins are watching him even if he can't see it outright and to make matters worse, when he asks his parent about him they make a face. A face Yutu knows well that he thought was reserved for the annoying nosy couple who lived next door to you and not his father. His father who Yuu's few memories had made sound wonderful; his father who was supposedly talented and hard working, smart and proud of it, but so desperately in love with his parent they still longed for him with broken memories in a completely different world. His father who Yuu had said he was so much like.
"He's not a bad guy." Yuu says and Grim huffs.
"Don't listen to them Henchuman 2." Yutu has no idea how he feels about Grim calling him that. "Azul's reeeeeeeal bad news. If he's interested in ya' it can only mean one thing, he's after your tuna and he's after your magic."
"That's two things." A smooth voice says at the same time he does and for once, Yutu sees surprise on Azul's face when he tries to make eye contact and not carefully calculated confidence.
"Well they do say great minds think alike." His father says and extends a hand. "But I must say you didn't strike me as the shy type, it is Yutu right?" The way he says it, the way he shakes his hand, Yutu knows he at least suspects him. So he smiles and makes sure to make his handshake just a touch too firm when he responds.
"That's right." Yutu is impressed that Azul doesn't flinch even slightly when he pulls back his hand, if anything his little action makes his smile wider. "And not so much shy as just curious and knowing better than to poke my nose where it doesn't belong."
"Not until you've asked anyway." Azul really isn't content with letting him remain ambiguous, he thinks nervously glancing back to Yuu. "But still there really is no need to bother the prefect over such trivial things, if you have questions about me you can just pay me a visit at the Mostro Lounge. My door is always open to poor unfortunate souls such as yourself." Azul smiles at him and adjusts his glasses and Yutu is... impressed even if the thought of being alone with this man terrifies him. But he's going to have to be eventually, Azul really wants to talk to him for some reason and Yutu finds himself wondering if he's going to find it possible to lie, or just what price he will be expected to pay to have the privilege of keeping his secrets.
But when he looks at the way Azul talks to Yuu... he isn't sure if he likes it but he does find it funny. Azul is so horrendously down bad and Yuu is so unaware of it (there's a part of him that thinks Azul might be a little bit jealous of him which he finds really funny). And Yutu understands why Yuu likes Azul so much. He is everything they remembered him being: smart, ambitious, and motivated. It makes him a little more secure in his existence even if he doubts that Azul will like having a son like him. But that's ok too because a son like him is exactly what's needed to make sure his parents get to stay together in this timeline.
now if only he can convince him to stop bugging him for his real name
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alicentsgf · 1 year
Text
Let's talk in depth about book Alicent. because even though i read the book 3 years ago I didn't engage online about it until the show's release and um. wow. some people have a very different interpretation of her to me. and also... some of those interpretations show a fundamental misunderstanding of the text, a tendency toward indulging the misogyny present in Fire and Blood, or both.
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People are saying the writers changed a lot about Alicent's story and 'made her a victim'... they didn't. It was always possible to read the book and perceive that she was in many ways a victim. Honestly the biggest thing they changed was her age, probably to assist the interpretation they'd chosen, but the larger elements all stay the same; in both versions she's worked in service of the crown since she was young (as a type of companion either to Jaehaerys or Rhaenyra) and she and Rhaenyra initially have a good relationship (according to one source in F&B - this supposedly changes when Aegon was born and not named heir). So making it Rhaenyra we see her close with just makes the emotional tethers that might have been there anyway more visible. After all, Rhaenyra Does spare Alicent's life in F&B, and whilst she says it's for Viserys sake, Alicent at that point had been at the very least complicit in the deaths of most of Rhaenyra's children. Rhaenyra having such a strong former bond with Alicent is going to give this event in the show a lot more weight. It's not hard to see why they made this change, because it adds to the tragedy of the story immeasurably.
The fact is everything we see of Alicent in F&B is up for debate to some extent. Like, for example, did she seduce Viserys? of course certain sources tell us yes, but Fire and Blood is brimming with asoiaf-typical misogyny; it all reminds me somewhat of the story of Anne Boleyn, her story molded into something unrecognisable by history in order to make her the instigator. In truth, we have no way of knowing if Alicent wanted Viserys or not, but we do know she probably didn't have to seduce him. She was widely regarded as being the most beautiful woman - it wouldn't have taken a lot for Viserys to notice her. People, characters and readers alike, assume that because she wasn't a good political match he must have been persuaded, but Viserys was a selfish man, (that is indisputable, we see it in many of his provable actions), so it fits with his character to choose a slightly unsuitable wife on the basis of his own lust. The age gap in the show only serves to demonstrate visually the power imbalance that was at least somewhat present in the book anyway. And yes, this like most things in the book is up for interpretation, but I will say this: I seriously do not respect people calling her 'evil'.
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The text never presents Alicent as evil. Even in the worst of her actions she is never legitimately shown to revel in the pain and suffering of others. At most you could argue she was ambitious, but I don't even believe that on the basis of one specific thing: it was her, not Otto, who asked Viserys to betroth Aegon to Rhaenyra. This was not a crazy suggestion in the book, as it was presented in the show; they were only a decade apart, and it was the Valyrian custom that the eldest son would marry his eldest sister, as Aegon the conqueror married Visenya. Alicent wanted this without stipulating the expectation that Aegon would rule instead of Rhaenyra. Viserys reportedly dismissed Alicent on the basis of believing she only wanted Aegon a step closer to the throne, and it can be read that way, but personally I don't think so. I think she was exhausting options to try to protect him after she realised Viserys was never going to name him heir.
Ultimately, Alicent would have been stupid to ignore that her children's lives were at stake. Especially in Fire and Blood where she was much less familiar with Rhaenyra. Nothing in Rhaenyra's actions suggested she wouldn't be capable. She reportedly had no affection for her brothers where she doted on Helaena, suggesting she already saw them as threats. She had demonstrated herself willing to accept physical harm to them in favour of her own sons. She was later thought to be at least complicit in the death of her husband Laenor, who had by all accounts been a good, kind husband to her… and then she married Daemon. Even before this he had been an obvious threat to Alicent's children; a violent man who'd always lusted after power, with a known hatred for Hightowers and who'd never been kind to his nephews by Alicent. Even if Alicent didn't believe Rhaenyra capable of murdering her sons, she would have been stupid not to believe Daemon able.
The truth is even in the book this crisis was set in motion by Viserys. Once he'd refused to marry Aegon to Rhaenyra the bomb was built and ticking away, it was only a matter of time. Even if Rhaenyra's heirs had been indisputably trueborn, Aegon and his brothers and any descendants they had would have been symbols for those who wanted to oppose the Crown to rally behind as soon as Rhaenyra or Jacaerys disappointed them, no matter if Alicent's sons had personally bent the knee. The situation only became more dire when it was clear that Rhaenyra's heir was not trueborn.
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Fire and Blood isn't even really quiet about Rhaenyra's first three sons being bastards. To me it read like Rhaenys' Baratheon blood allowed those who wanted to believe otherwise to delude themselves, as Viserys does in both versions. After all, in the book Laenor being gay is an open secret. But the thing is… it doesn't even really matter if they were or not. With so many people believing they were bastards, they were pretty much as good as. Eventually, and most definitely after Rhaenyra's death, there would have been some form of conflict. Because if Jace, an assumed bastard, ascended the throne it would throw into question the claims of almost every lord in Westeros, many of whom would have older bastard brothers. and if a bastard who didn't even look targaryen could sit the highest seat in the realm over a trueborn silver-haired son of a king like Aegon, what's to stop the bastard brothers of any lord from laying claim to their seat? Aegon would have become a rallying point for that dispute whether he liked it or not, and Jace would have been forced to dispose of him if he wanted to maintain power.
In light of this, it's really no wonder Alicent repeatedly voices her animosity over Rhaenyra's sons questionable births. It's very telling that in F&B every cruel comment she reportedly makes about or to Rhaenyra references it. and I say "reportedly" because one of the worst of her quotes, her saying 'mayhaps the whore will die in childbirth' about Rhaenyra, people quote as fact… if you do this I will laugh in your face and ask if you read the book. because Alicent did not say that. or rather, if she did, Fire and Blood would not be able to tell us either way because the quote is attributed to her by Mushroom, one of Rhaenyra's supporters who (apart from being a famed liar) was with Rhaenyra on Dragonstone at the time.
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The other two quotes used to argue her supposed evilness are from slightly less questionable sources, and honestly, yeah, it does seem likely to me Alicent implied to Rhaenyra her bastard sons' blood was worth less than that of her own trueborn sons'… but at that point, with the horror she'd experienced on account of Viserys upholding Rhaenyra and her sons' questionable claims, her reacting in this way is perhaps cruel and prejudiced, but not evil. And almost justifiably cruel in my opinon; for all she knows the woman she's talking to directly ordered for her six-year-old grandson to be brutally murdered in front of her, her daughter, and her other grandchildren, directly leading to her daughter's madness and later suicide. Was she going to be respectful? Is it fair to expect that from her? This focus on the term 'bastard blood' overshadows the rest of the quote: “Bastard blood shed at war. My son’s sons were innocent boys, cruelly murdered. How many more must die to slake your thirst for vengeance?” Why is Alicent being a bit of a bitch treated as a worse sin than Rhaenyra ordering the brutal murder of a toddler, or at the very least excusing it.
The last quote mentioned to back up claims of alicent's 'evilness' is her telling her granddaughter Jaehaera she should slit the throat of her husband Aegon III in his sleep. By this point it seemed to me Alicent was no doubt consumed by bitterness and would have attacked Aegon herself given the chance, but even without condoning her words or actions we can see how she became like that; all of Alicent's sons are dead and she wants all of Rhaenyra's gone too. Wasn't it "an eye for an eye, a son for a son"? - Rhaenyra's side set the precedent, the idea that it is justifiable to take one innocent life in exchange for another, no matter if its the life of a child who just happens to have been born on the other side of a war.
Alicent by the end of her life had certainly been driven to cruelty in her grief, twisted into something ugly by the world and locked away to rot.
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And yet her final words weren't steeped in bitterness or violence. When the fever sets in she accepts death, even welcomes it. She speaks of seeing her children again, and King Jaehaerys. So doesn't that say she was never driven by hatred at all? That there was never any kind of innate evil nature? At least that's my interpretation. This is the same girl who spent her youth reading to a dying king for no clear reward, and felt such affection for him that she mentioned him at the end of her own life, perhaps pining for the time before her marriage. (No doubt in the show she will mention Rhaenyra instead). This is the woman whose daughter and grandchildren visited her with such reliable frequency her grandson's killers knew to wait in her rooms for them.
So what was so evil about her? That she quite understandably saw Rhaenyra and her sons as a threat, and preemptively acted to protect her own? As much as people like to project ideologies onto these characters, neither Alicent nor Rhaenyra's motivations were ideological, that much as clear.
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I may have many reservations about House of the Dragon's execution of it, but the decision to present Alicent as a victim of the world she inhabits was not only the right choice, but also kind of the only choice. HotD is presented as objective truth, where F&B is a collection of biased accounts dripping in the misogyny of the men relating them, and so HotD had to be a critique of its own source material. I admit to having my own bias, and my analysis is at least slightly skewed in Alicent's favour because I'm responding to the most negative interpretations of her. And they are all just interpretations. But in my opinion, those adapting the text looked at Alicent and saw her, where clearly many readers didn't. They asked "what if this woman is misunderstood?", "what if this woman had no real choice?", "what if the men of this world just chose to ignore her complexity, because she was a woman?" and those were absoutely the questions to ask.
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riddler-green · 8 months
Text
Tea for three. Prologue
Summary: You have been a patient/prisoner of Arkham for several months since you were charged with a crime you did not commit. But what happens when you meet Batman's latest enemy? the man of the hour? In which you help Batman on his cases, you're Edward's new favorite person, and Jonathan is part of your past that you want so badly to return to.
Edward Nashton x reader, Bruce Wayne x reader, Jonathan Crane x reader.
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A/n: Holaaa everyone! here I am posting another story that I thought of in a sleepless night, I think it's one of my most ambitious fics that I've been planning but that makes it cooler! I should clarify that this fanfic is mixed with the 2022 movie with the Nolan saga (but in such a minuscule way that it's barely imperceivable). I'm back from my vacation so I'll update my other work soon! ♡
I also want to clarify that English is not my first language, so an apologize for the spelling mistakes. ✧˖°. (My English is rusty :´p).
(Also this fanfic is published on AO3) ✿
Warning: Fluff and angst, Obsessive Behavior, Canon Compliant (the flood occurred, sorry) Movie spoiler (Batman 2022) if there is another warning I did not put, please let me know.
Words: 5,400
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You stroll as two guards lead you to a room, you don't know where they are taking you but it's not like you could complain either. The guards behind you ignored you all the way chatting with each other as if they were not watching an Arkham patient, they let you into the individual visiting room. Still, you nicknamed it the interrogation room because you only come here when that person requests your presence.
You sit down without a problem in the stiff metal chair, the approving noise of the iron partition sounds throughout the place, and you hear one of the guards closing the door leaving you alone with him.
At first, it was tedious, even traumatic in a way to come to this room to talk to the person who captured you and brought you to Arkham without hesitation. You couldn't refuse to see him, not when the caped man is a colleague of an important commissioner. No matter how many times you told him, how many times you yelled at him that you were innocent, he either didn't believe you or just wouldn't listen. You got tired of telling everyone around you that it wasn't your fault, none of them listened to you.
The metal partition rises completely, and little by little you see the almost imperceptible figure of the knight of the night. He kept silent without sitting down, standing in front of you analyzing you as everyone does nowadays, but you no longer care what he thinks of you, you are practically a hopeless case for him.
"Hello?" your greeting sounded confusing, you were not expecting a visit from him, but you have an idea why he comes to you, on certain occasions he shows you cases of different indoles, also that he has found some clue of the…
"I'm looking for the Riddler" He doesn't greet you and moves closer to the glass that separates them, you can take a better look at him, he's still the same since the last time you saw him, his attire nor his face have changed at all, but you notice something different in his voice, is it tiredness you hear?
"The Riddler?" you look at him unclear as to what he means "Who is that?".
"A serial killer" he informs you, you often hear those terrible words from him, how often does Batman chase killers like that, it's like there's one every week, it's cruel but it's the truth, Gotham is the cradle of evil, hell on earth, some would say.
"And what have I got to do with him?" you ask hesitantly.
Batman leaves a gray folder in the crack that connects the two rooms as if it were a mailbox "I need to know your perspective".
For a moment you thought about rejecting whatever is in that folder, but your curiosity won you over, you slowly grabbed the folder somewhat heavy because of the many sheets stored, on the cover of the folder you can see a CLASSIFIED in capital letters, that fuels your interest even more and you open the folder.
It's a lot to take in at once, you open your eyes from the initial shock, you haven't seen so much blood since your clinical internship days, you close the folder for a few seconds to recover, and you look Batman in the eye with a frown, he didn't even warn you how grotesque the case could be. 
Batman looks back at you completely seriously, he looks immutable and silent. You open the folder again and are greeted by the same disturbing images "Wow, it's something " you comment uneasily.
You see the evidence, black and white photos of the murders stapled to the autopsy reports, it is amazing how this man can have such information. the more time you spend reading the events and the evidence the more disturbed you become. 
Mayor Don Mitchell Jr, mayor of Gotham for several years, you saw him once at a social event done by Gotham University, he was happy and smiling maybe because of the excess alcohol in his veins. but now you look at the crime scene, his face completely wrapped in duct tape.
"No more lies..." you whisper reading the message on the corpse of the mayor, then that was with an already established motive, to give a statement.
On the other hand, Commissioner Savage's body is barely recognizable, the cage on his head says it all.
This is no ordinary killer.
What have you gotten yourself into, batman?
"why are you showing me this?" you manage to ask him even with the murders fresh in your mind, you don't think you will sleep tonight.
The already-seated masked man repeats to you "I need to know your perspective".
"As a patient or as a psychologist?" technically you can no longer practice your career since they took away your degree, but he doesn't correct you, you peruse everything that was offered, the riddles, the pictures of all the letters he has left for Batman, descriptions of the crime scene, write-ups of the witnesses who found the bodies.
"Both" he declares.
The handcuffs on your wrists do not give you much freedom to move your arms but do not prevent you from handling the documents in the folder, if Batman thought this might interest you he was right, for better or worse you did not stop seeing file after file.
"How extravagant," you say your first impressions "Brusque with his victims, he really is angry" You turn the page to see the pictures of his riddles "But he is also ingenious, this is not prepared from one day to another, he has been planning this for a long time, I would say years".
"Angry at who?" the man in front of you asks but you don't answer him instantly, you take your time carefully reading all the research, it's a lot for only one killer and few victims, but it's nothing that can be used to find him.
"With the world" you turn the page to see Commissioner Savage's crime scene photo "The pattern is evident, the mayor...the commissioner...does not kill ordinary civilians." 
"Do you think it's political?".
You barely smile at the mere idea that this is just politics "No, this is too intimate for him, riddles are an essential part of his life that he knows how to use to his advantage...and I only come to one conclusion..." you shut up and rearrange the documents to close the folder. 
"What is it?" batman questions you with intrigue in his voice.
You see him again, he must be desperate somehow to find this Riddler who asks for the opinions of third parties, of "crazy" people like you, something he dislikes, he prefers to work alone, that's his emblem. Deep down it angers you to no end, he hasn't caught your living nightmare and he's already looking for another asshole.
"That" you passed him the folder through the crack in the partition between rooms, and he retrieves it in his hands "Is revenge, Batman, and a very wicked one."
"Give me a diagnosis" he speaks faster, and the anger starts to seep into his face and it satisfies you to sometimes see him like this, frustrated Batman...yeah that's a first.
you smile and relax in your stiff metal seat "You should ask Dr. Crane for that, he's more prepared than I am, don't you think?".
"He refused" You'd know he'd turn it down, he's not like Batman or you, he doesn't even like to play Clue.
"yeah, he doesn't have the hobby of playing detective" you shrug your shoulders "I can't give you a diagnosis because it's little, he has left only what he wants us to know, maybe he includes you in this because he admires you or because he wants to kill you, who knows" you blurt out everything you think without any shame, in your mind you are already putting together a criminal profile with only what he gave you, but you won't tell him that, he doesn't deserve your help.
The masked man's posture tenses and he begins to clench his fists, your smile grows. 
"all that, all those little clues he leaves you make me think this is all a big riddle on his part" You pointed to the folder held by one of his gloved hands.
"I don't think he's going to stop until he sees everyone on his list dead."
What you told him seemed to affect him, because he suddenly gets up and goes to the door without looking at you, and he found no news "I can't waste time" he whispers with disdain, he leaves the room and you stand watching the door where he left.
So it's a riddle against the clock, huh? you think.
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The sky in Gotham looks like a landscape worthy to take a picture of, from here you can see the buildings of different heights, the traffic between highways, and the bridges, even if you force your sight you can see people walking.
"Do you like the view?".
You continue to look through the window reinforced with bars and tempered glass, the bars cover part of the landscape but you can still admire the beautiful gray sky full of clouds ready to rain.
"yes..." you say putting your hands between the bars without stopping to think how happy you would be just to be out of this abyss. you didn't appreciate the beauty of the freedom you had before you were here.
"What do you like most about the view?".
You take a few seconds to respond, the handcuffs on your wrists started to itch on your skin, that itch so normalized on your skin that you don't do much to get rid of that itch, you didn't look away from the window, this simple reinforced window brought you comfort for all these months.
"Everything."
"You hear the voice of your therapist repeat your answer and nod, will your cafeteria still be open? The Gotham Library will have finally added new books? the university will have already changed that horrible lamp in one of your favorite classrooms? 
Batman already caught the Riddler?
"What a good answer actually, but I need you to sit down for a further conversation, soon the session will be over" The doctor's professional tone makes you tense up, you feel like you are not talking to a human but to a fucking robot, that's how you have thought them since you were imposed to this therapist.
You listen to what you say and sit in the other chair where you are supposed to be for the whole session, however, Mr. M has let you have the sessions while you watch from the only window, you are grateful for that, even if you didn't like him at all.
"I have been informed about your good behavior this week, if you continue like this you can be given more access through the hospital" Mr.M speaks calmly looking through several documents held by a wooden board.
Fuck you, you thought but didn't tell him, you don't have the luxury of being rude to him. you'll never get the same freedom you got when you were still an average citizen of Gotham and it saddens you, it makes your blood boil to remember every moment of your existence that you're here unjustly.
"Thank you" You speak as little as possible because you know you would break down in tears just remembering that you are another day of your life wasted locked up among so many criminals.
"But" Mr.M stops looking at his documents to turn to look at you "I was also told that you refuse to take your medication, why is that?".
"Why don't I need them" you speak cuttingly again, the itch in your wrists grows and you scratch with your fingernails without realizing it.
"you have to take his medicine...it will make your recovery process more enjoyable" he grabs his tablet with documents and writes again, Mr.M does not scold you but you perceive it like this, you want to go back to your cell, you feel so ashamed that your skin gets hot, how did you come to this? How did you fall so low that you are the one they have to medicate? 
"Fine" you lie to him, you dislike the taste of the medicine they force you to take, you know perfectly well what they prescribe you, you studied for it after all.
But everyone seems to forget that.
Only Batman can recognize your abilities, but he does not help you at all in your case.
And well, you paranoidly believe that Jonathan is only talking to you out of unconscious guilt.
"Okey" Mr. M gives a soft smile "Just one last question before our time is up" he checks the time on his wrist watch "Have you made a new friend? Have you managed to get along with anyone?".
You avoid the gaze of your therapist "No" you denied, another issue you don't want to address, your notorious loneliness in this hospital. If it weren't for your unique best friend who works here, you would be all alone.
"Why?."
You don't answer him, you also question the same thing, you haven't had an interest to socialize with the other patients since you arrived, and there are still things that are not clear to you.
Mr. M sighs dropping his papers in a file cabinet near him "Well, I'll leave it as homework for you to start seeing new people, making a friend sounds excellent."
"I'll try" You don't lie to him.
"Perfect."
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It's been a day since Batman visited you and you had your weekly session with Mr.M, you haven't been able to sleep due to the tremendous curiosity of the new assassin the bat is looking for.
Just when you thought nothing could surprise you in this city since your accident, along comes a man with a question mark and puts the whole city in check, that's the city to him, a colossal chessboard, the DPGC, the Gotham elite, the citizens, they are all pieces in the game, and Batman and he are the only players.
Batman said he didn't have time, Does that mean that he has to catch him these days? how curious, with the Joker, it took months to find him, you were only intercepted in a couple of hours, and the Scarecrow...
no, you don't want to think about him.
You get distracted thinking about the Riddler again, you do your daily service arranging books in the small library of Arkham, your safe place where few or no people stop around these parts, here it is not necessary to use your wrist and neck cuffs, but your uniform is still on, and the plastic bracelet with your information identify you as a patient.
You yawn as you place a couple of worn-out books on the shelf, you felt like a bookstore worker, sometimes you usually fantasize that you are one to take away your boredom, but others usually burst your dreamy bubble.
Today, one of the guards decided to turn on the old-fashioned TV set in one of the upper corners of the library, you stand near a bookcase to see what channel they put on this time, usually they only put on the sports channel to watch the game of the moment.
But on this occasion, the guard put on the news channel, and you immediately put down the books you have to accommodate to concentrate on what is shown on TV.
The guard is still standing and so are you, both watching a live breaking news broadcast. The news anchor reports a new Riddler attack.
He bombed a prosecutor at the mayor's funeral.
The guard's face looked more and more frightened, you watched the news with morbid curiosity. Batman's new opponent seems more sadistic than you thought, that detailed report confirmed it.
But seeing their repeated acts on TV was shocking, you even heard the guard who put on the news say in a low voice " We are doomed. "
You silently agree with him, for the first time you are relieved to be locked away from all the chaos going on right now.
You saw how the explosion managed to reach Batman, surprising you as the guard, the man takes off his distinctive security guard hat when he sees the video, on the other hand, you are still stunned, not believing it, somehow you forgot that this man dressed in black and wearing a cape is still a human of flesh and blood, he simply can't die like that, not when he has things to save, people to capture.
He hasn't found your living nightmare yet.
Before you pull your hair out in frustration the news anchor states that Batman is still alive, the guard satisfied by the information puts his cap back on and returns to his guard position which is the entrance to the library.
You are still looking at the report, and suddenly the image of the man who calls himself the Riddler appears. You hadn't seen him in such detail until this moment, the photos in the Batman report were extremely blurry images, but this time he is in HD, he is completely wrapped in green clothes, and the only thing you can see of him, is his eyes. 
His voice is altered but you can notice that venomous tone of his he asked prosecutor Gil Colson some riddles, but in the end, he couldn't answer what Riddler wanted.
You sigh while grab another couple of books and start arranging them one by one. If Batman is still alive it means this isn't over.
"I knew I would find you here".
"It's not like I can go many places" You smile slightly turning to look at the man who spoke to you. 
Jonathan Crane, the living legend of the hospital, with tailored suits, no wrinkles in his coat, and a well-made tie that matches the sweater he wears under his coat. There isn't a single time you haven't seen Jonathan without his perfect appearance but maybe it's just you idealizing as usual. 
Jonathan gives you a polite smile "Right" Just by hearing that you know he won't stay to chat for long, he tends to contradict you most of the time just to annoy you and agree with you when he's busy.
"Are you coming to get a book?" you ask him the first thing that comes to mind.
"No, I wanted to talk to you before I left," he says adjusting his glasses "I'm going away for a couple of weeks to blüdhaven University to give lectures, it will be a simple thing" Your smile doesn't falter, you are touched that he lets you know when he won't be able to see you, and how he manages to keep the conversation so casual. 
As if they were still colleagues.
"Is that so? What will you talk about?".
"Childhood traumas" he reveals looking at you without any shyness, he has a barely perceptible smile but you notice it. 
"why am I not surprised?" you resume your work in arranging books "Although you know how to pick interesting topics, I wish I could attend" You recognize that Jonathan has been too devoted to his work and student life, he is that kind of strict professor who gives his students nightmares from the assignments and exams he gives. His lectures are fascinating, to say the least, you attended many.
"I'll tell you about it when I get back, in the meantime" From inside his suit he pulls out a  flyer in half "It's something extremely summarized but it'll do" You take the piece of paper and stuff it in one of your pockets. It's not the first time Jonathan smuggles things to you, god, you can even be sure he gives you something every time you see each other. 
"Thank you" you thanked looking at his face, he also remains silent looking at you, the eye contact between you is not something out of another world either, on your part, it's a habit that started when you were still studying, you can't help but want to observe everyone around you, analyze them somehow, see their behavior.
Jonathan does the same, but more rigorous and practical, he is direct and not afraid to say it, you see his hair combed to his liking, his glasses clean without any smudge, his eyes examining you. 
You leave your admiring mode when you diverted your gaze a little to the old TV that is still on, the news keeps showing the latest events of the hours, repeating the most recent crime of Riddler.
Your smile dims as you recall the video of the explosion, the prosecutor begging for mercy and the bomb stuck in his chest.
"Did you see what happened at the mayor's funeral?" you whisper to him in a low voice trying not to let anyone hear them, you look with your eyes for the guard on duty but you can't find him, Jonathan must have asked him for some privacy time, at times you forget the influence that the man in front of you has generated with years and effort.
He turns his head for a few seconds watching the news on TV and turns to look at you again with a sensible and neutral face. 
"yes, I saw it, I was there when it happened".
"What?" you utter with surprise "You were there?" there was no sign of a lie on his face to make you think he wasn't telling you the truth.
"Some teachers from the university we went to give condolences when the show happened" Jonathan clarifies simply, you approach him to talk closer, he doesn't seem upset "So it's true? Riddler attacked that prosecutor?".
"He killed him."
You shut up for a moment because of his statement, it's true, Riddler killed him, and almost Batman too.
"And Batman? Did you see him in action?" at this point you sound like first-rate gossip, but still Jonathan answers your questions, but is no longer as pleased doing so, the moment you mention Batman. 
"He arrived when most of the people had already been evacuated."
"Wow" you blurt out surprised, if you didn't know him better you would have been uneasy with his calmness when talking about the experience, he says it without any fear because that's exactly what's so special about Jonathan in your eyes, he's not afraid of anything.   
"Batman looked you up, didn't he?" Jonathan changes the subject quickly and you nod your head, you move away from his side to reach for a cart full of books to be arranged "He wanted my opinion on the riddler, can you believe it?" you laugh "I told him to look you up better, but you turned him down."
"That's right" he assures leaning on one of the bookcases for comfort, he looks at you picking up a book and you place it among several other books on another bookcase "I don't lend myself to that sort of thing".
"I know, killjoy Crane" you scoff boldly.
"Whatever you say" he sighs "I have to go, there will be a meeting at the university" Before you could say goodbye properly, he approaches you to give you an extremely momentary hug, it was so fast that you couldn't return the hug because he had already separated from you. You swore you could smell some of his cologne.
"uh yeah, see ya" You are barely able to utter the words without getting over the small contact they made, he has said goodbye to you like this, but you are still not used to it.
Jonathan smiles at you picking up his briefcase that you didn't see in the first place, walks to one of the tables where the TV control is, picks it up, and turns off the TV "I don't like you watching that" he tells you already heading for the exit where the guard re-enters the library.
You wrinkle your forehead due to irritation. Sometimes you don't understand Jonathan.
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You genuinely thought your head was going to explode from the pain. 
Being in Arkham meant being cut off from the outside, you had no idea of the chaos that erupted overnight, the perverse game of Batman and Riddler was so forceful, that Arkham unexpectedly came into the spotlight when the green-masked man was captured. An alert in your head went off when you heard from a very nervous guard. You thought it was almost impossible for Batman to catch Riddler, and that he's here being processed to this hospital gives a lot to suspect.
The report Batman showed you are not wrong, the madman of riddles is too elusive to be caught in such a short time.
Why? You ask yourself, why did he let himself be defeated?
The hospital was in chaos with the arrival of the new patient in the middle of the night, nurses running around, and security guards moving patients to different cells temporarily, you were taken out of your small cell to another one just as small and almost the same.
Even with suspicion in your being, you don't understand what all the fuss was about, not even when they paraded the Joker through the main hall in a straitjacket as if he were a villain from some movie did they get as upset as they are now with Riddler.  
You sat on your new bed just as hard as the one in your previous cell, not wanting to catch the social panic you try to meditate, Mr. M advised you to do so and since then you put it into practice.
Maintaining a state of relaxation is difficult but you have practiced it for months, you started the breathing exercises, and as you slowly inhale and exhale your thoughts begin to melt one after the other, calming you down, and making your anxiety about all the fuss disappear.
You exhale again and inhale hard again, you could be doing this all day, you have nothing to worry about, you're in your world, locked away from society, and must be recovering from whatever Riddler did as his closing snap.
You open your eyes and stop doing your breathing exercises, you hear a laugh. But not just any laughter, but a loud and annoying laughter, you instantly get up from your bed and run towards the door with a small glass window. The laughter was not your imagination, and you can recognize it now that you are closer to the door.
You don't see any guards guarding this section of cells, how strange. The laughter continues unabated. It must be some neighbor of your cell because of the proximity of the noise and you have an idea of who it might be but you ignore it for only a few minutes, you can't take it anymore and yell "Can you shut up for once?".
Your cell neighbor stops laughing and you can finally feel at peace, but instead starts a conversation.
"Scarecrow?" you close your eyes just hearing that horrible nickname he gave you at some point during his hospital stay. relatively the two have been in Arkham for a similar amount of time, both trapped by Batman and calling them the dark knight's worst enemies. 
But you could never compare yourself to someone like him Joker. 
You had a chance to get to know each other when you let him participate in common activities, you don't want to remember the first time you spoke to each other, it ended badly, period.
"Don't call me that, asshole" you insult him and he sounds pleased with your response.
"Ah! Are we sensitive today? It's a holiday! Let's celebrate!" 
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"our guest of honor has arrived, only his final trick is missing!" he continues to speak in that animated voice that irritates you.
When you talk to the Joker you get that feeling that he is speaking in another language, but he is not, you understand what you are saying but at the same time, you don't. You also realized that he knows too much to be just an Arkham patient. 
But everyone at the hospital can assure you that your neighbor is not an ordinary patient at all.
This time you managed to understand his words, Riddler still has an ace up his sleeve, how could the Joker find out about that?
"Did Batman interrogate you too?".
"Of course he did...I'm his favorite!" he replies in the same arrogant manner as always "but I don't forgive him for being so crude on our anniversary."
"So you saw it, huh? I don't think this is a coincidence" You suppose the Joker must have seen it too, of course, he may be reciprocally insupportable but he's not stupid.
The clown laughs, but you don't, you didn't say anything funny in your opinion.
"Poor little Riddler, he thinks he can be just like him."
You ponder what he says, returning to your bed as you sit up again, the sky begins to clear and you can see it through the tiny barred window.
What if this assassin wanted to imitate Batman in some way? 
"What a bizarre introjection you've made, Riddler" you whisper.
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First, there was an explosion.
You felt the whole cell rumble, you woke up instantly and got up from your bed to run to the door even with your eyes swollen from sleep, naively you thought it was some kind of earthquake. You stuck your face to the glass of the door in search of a guard or nurse, whatever it is that will help you get out of this cell, you don't want to die here.
However, the section was still empty, there was no one in the guards' small surveillance cubicle, and you could only perceive the monitors on, showing the news. 
You heard a completely strident noise, there was no earthquake. You turned slowly to the window, the color was changing from gray to orange.
It can't be.
you rush to see what's going on, you grab a piece of your bed to climb on it and reach the high window of the cell, you level yourself by holding your hands on the rusty metal bars, and you catch a glimpse of what caused such a noise. 
You saw the light of an explosion, the combination of yellow and red colors coloring the sky, the smoke, the fire. The explosion happened far away from Arkham, but you can still see it in detail, then the noise became present, and you grimace at the impact on the walls, but it was not over yet.
Explosion after explosion went off all over the city, from bridges to seawalls, a scene so hard to believe if you weren't watching it right now.
The sight takes your breath away, you are so stunned that you almost fall to the floor witnessing such an act, this is what the Joker is referring to? the Riddler's final trick?
not even the scarecrow did so much damage to this city, you underestimated the man with the riddles.
You could not take your eyes off the explosions, there were too many and well-armed to generate so much destruction. The second thing was the water, the waves and drains getting out of control and flooding several streets.
You grip the metal bars tighter, not believing this is real, but it is. Not just bombs but a flood, was that what he had under his mask? Is Gotham drowning with innocent people? 
It makes sense now, his cooperation when caught, the guards' restless attitude, and Batman's uneasiness.
All.
Suddenly you focus on the bustle of what seems to be your cell neighbors, you didn't notice when they put the other patient in the cell next to yours. The noises came together to form a horrifying atmosphere. The laughter of the Joker, the excited laughter of your other neighbor, and the explosions that went on and on. Even with your breathing exercises, you could not relax in the face of this horrifying event.
Slowly you let go of the bars and stop looking in the window, slowly you understand one thing.
Someone beat Batman.
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Thank you very much for reading! And sorry for the mistakes!*:・゚✧*:・゚✧.
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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 1 year
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Pride
Reader is a cheerleader and wants Eddie to go to one of her cheer games before the year ends but Eddie puts his own pride/ thoughts before her. And hellfire club is the same night as the game so they get into a huge argument and reader is telling Eddie all the cheerleaders boyfriends are there for them and cheering them on and giving them their jackets while she’s just there all alone. And after the argument reader is left sad while Eddie is just in his thoughts. Then the game/hellfire night comes up and Eddie just goes to the game and Eddie gives reader his jacket and they are all good at the end
Warnings; Angst with a happy ending.
I don't give anyone permission to copy my work.
If you enjoyed this story pls consider giving it a reblog, etc. It's very much appreciated 😘💞
💞💞
"Eddie please" yn begs her boyfriend who folds his arms and avoids looking at her.
"No, I can't make the game sweetheart. You know Hellfire is in a crucial stage for this campaign. I can't skip it. I'm the DM''
"Every game all the cheerleader's boyfriends are there, they cheer their girls on but I'm always alone because you and your stupid pride"
Eddie scowls.
"Sweetheart, I hate those assholes. They are bullying fucks and I refuse to be in the same room as them and the cheerleaders can be just as bad! "
"Eddie! This is the final game of the year. Is it so bad that I want you to be there for once? technically you should hate me too but you don't, you never have"
He softens.
"That's different. I never expected to fall in love with you or for you to fall in love with me. For you to be such an angel. Falling for you completely blind sighted me"
She moves closer to him
"Eddie all the cheerleader's boyfriends will be there, they give their girlfriends their jackets at the end of our performances and are with them to support them. This is a big game and the most ambitious routine that we've done as cheerleaders, it's important to me"
"I've been with you during some Hellfire meetings, remember the Vecna Campaign? This is the one time I've asked you to put me cheerleading over Hellfire, and now you won't even look at me"
"Because you're doing that look, you know the look I'm talking about. It's the look that's had me wrapped around your finger from day one and you know I can't say no to that look, baby this is the most massive D&D campaign Hellfire has done. I have to be there"
She sags and feels tears pool in her eyes and blinks them away furiously.
"Fine" she responds and Eddie finally looks up at her.
"I'm so sorry princess" she steels herself and shakes her head.
"I know" he looks so torn and he strokes her cheek.
Gareth comes in with Dustin looking excited and she moves away from Eddie.
"Come on man, we gotta set up" Gareth urges him and Eddie looks at her with those big brown eyes but she's too disappointed and sad to respond to him for a minute.
"I'll see you later Eddie, I hope your campaign goes well" he steps forward.
"Princess...
"It's fine Eddie, you can't miss the meeting. I know that. I don't want to guilt you into going to the game either, that's not fair. I'll see you later" she walks off trying to unsuccessfully fight off tears.
Just once she would like her cheerleading to be as important to Eddie as Hellfire was.
💖💖
Eddie felt sick. He and yn had a few arguments before but nothing this bad. She looked so disappointed, so sad and defeated, and his stomach was churning with guilt.
She had been there for him through Hellfire meetings, they spent nights where he would teach her all about it and she did it happily, excited to learn about what he loved.
He knew that she was the best thing that ever happened to him and he didn't want to lose her because of his stupid pride.
"Eddie... dude?" Dustin whines and he notices all the guys looking at him confused.
"Change of plans boys, I gotta go and support my girl tonight"
There is a small uproar and he glares viciously at them and they all fall silent.
"I had an argument with my princess because she asked me to come to this one game to support her, she told me that it makes her sad when I don't go to the games because all the other cheerleader's boyfriends are there and she's alone and as much as she tried to make it seem like she wasn't upset when I had to turn her down again! She was obviously fucking upset"
"Yn has been nothing but supportive of all of us for months now, she's learned about D&D because I love it and she wants to know all about what I love"
He takes a breath and then continues his rant.
"Yeah, no shit I have no clue about cheerleading but it's fucking awesome and it's something my girl loves and it's about damn time I support her because I love her and I want my girl to be happy"
With that being said he is met with shocked silence and then Dustin pipes up.
"If we hurry we can get good seats!"
💖💖
After her argument with Eddie she was really sad but got on with preparing for the game. Chrissy was very supportive and cuddled her as she got her emotions under control.
It was time for her game face now then she could eat a shit ton of ice cream later and maybe have a cry then.
As she heads out she does a double take. Eddie is in the crowd with the rest of Hellfire.
He spots her and winks at her and she can't stop the beam that takes over her face and blows him a kiss.
He came!
That knowledge and the fact she's so excited to do the routine make her performance even better and she does her performance to perfection.
Eddie is cheering her on and shouting that hes so proud of his Princess and yn can barely keep the smile off her cheeks, she's beaming so much.
By the end of the halftime show and the game she is anxious to get to Eddie and the minute that he is on the pitch she rushes to him and kisses him, planting happy, tender kisses on his lips.
He's beaming and shrugs out of his jacket wrapping it around her.
"You were amazing princess" she cuddles into him.
"You came!" he nods and presses a gentle kiss to her forehead.
"You've always supported me through Hellfire, performing with Corroded Coffin, I wanted to support my amazing, beautiful girl and her cheerleading. I got too in my thoughts and worried about my pride more than you ans I am sorry for that sweetheart"
She accepts his apology and ignores the glares of the basketball team except for Lucas who is smiling at both of them.
"Come on princess, let's go back to mine and properly celebrate" he whispered in her ear and she agreed eagerly.
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no because, supernatural is absolutely a train wreck. it's a colossal accident that is happening in front of you that you can't look away from. it is homophobic and non-sensical and downright laughable at times but you know what? I love it. I absolute love it.
season 1 was absolutely beautiful. you don't understand, really, you don't. they had a piss poor budget, you can see that in every frame. but does that stop it from being fucking beautiful? no. it is stylised and ambitious and a fucking visual treat.
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and this is like the first fucking episode. the shots have so much character! and that's nothing to say of the characters themselves. from the first fucking scene you can clearly distinguish sam and dean's character clear as day. their motivations, their dreams, their hopes, all of it. it's established so well. their dynamic is unmatched. does it also have a lot of garbage? yes for sure. because what in the name of hell was that episode with bugs? what glue were they sniffing when they green lit that one? no seriously... I wanna try some.
but then they recovered, cause they did faith. my god, what an episode. WHAT AN EPISODE. that motherfucking reaper haunts my every waking hour
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like yeah, I love me some baby dean and baby sam going on their small scale ghost hunts while learning deep lessons about who they are as people and what they want from life.
also that 'laugh I nearly died' needle drop? where sam sees jess? god tier editing, GOD TIER.
then they came back with season 2. and here is my most controversial opinion that should not be controversial at all, season 2 is the best season of supernatural to ever supernatural.
what is and what should never be, hollywood babylon, heart, nightshifter, and the whole fucking season actually. not a single miss in my humble opinion. and that finale? THAT FINALE. beautiful, magnificent. ground breaking character writing, everything comes full circle while simultaneously opening up new plot lines to explore.
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and my god, yellow eyes is an epic villain. he is a very viciously written villain like, he's... my god. it ain't a walk in the park writing villains, believe you me patient readers, villains are harder to write than the protagonists, always. well, at least the compelling ones are.
now season 3 suffered because of the writer's strike, but didn't miss much either. like yeah some of the hits don't hit as hard as the season 2, but hey, mystery spot, time is on my side, ghostfacers, bedtime stories are nothing to laugh about. those episodes are fucking solid, like most of the season. and there is so much raw emotion is sam's need to save dean, it just makes my weak winchester brothers loving heart throb a little too hard. also...
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need I say more?
does the show did look little more washed out and boring? yes. but it's cool, cause we're moving on to season 4.
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listen, I kinda just wanna leave all my season's critique at this. i mean, yeah this. this is it. this is the long and short of it; castiel. i don't think i need to get anymore into it
so season 5 is just—
i'm kidding. obviously i'm gonna talk about season 4, at length.
listen, being able to introduce angels this late in the game and then have them be a such perfectly hidden players is a masterstroke of genius. it just is. i am a writer guys... apart from the relentless fanfic as well lol. and when i tell you, introducing a new big player which is also (not so) secretly the next big bad and playing it off as smoothly as they did in season 4, is beyond hard. but the biggest home run these fuckers hit is castiel and the best part is they weren't aiming for a one lol. and oh oh, the way they use their very VERY limited budget to show wings with just flashing the fucking light? CINEMA! that's fucking cinema right there man. i work on film sets, i am telling you, this is the smartest filmmaking choice they make on the entire show. it adds so much visual intrigue while being so awfully easy to execute. BRILLIANt.
now i cannot talk about supernatural without talking about the deancas romance of it all, which i understand not everyone can see or wants to, which is fine. to each their own. you consume art the way you want to, i don't care much as long as you can acknowledge that castiel and dean's friendship was just some of the best written television that mankind has ever seen. is that too grand a statement? yes. does that make it any less true? no.
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they even brought back the moody lighting.
and then there's the episodes this season, most of which are home runs in their own regard. just like beautiful writing, the character development for cas, for dean, for sam, even the late john winchester is wild. anna is a wonderful addition, so is uriel, and alastair? they don't make villains like him anymore, they just fucking don't. AND THAT GODDAMN PLOT TWIST AT THE END? man! the finale was just... too good. Chuck's introduction is absolutely wonderful, even if they ruin him by the end but that happens a decade later so wtv, who cares? But,,,, Jimmy. Fucking. Novak. That's all. that's the tweet. yeah. i'm gonna end the season 4 fan fair with jimmy.
moving to season 5.
subjectively speaking, this is my fucking favorite. this season is a writer's dream while also being their goddamn nightmare. so many WONDERFUL characters to play with and such a grand plot but you get to see it all on a very small, consumable scale which is just... it's too smart for me to not mention. i won't start naming the plot points and neither will i name my favourite episodes because what even is the point? all of it was fucking perfect. you don't understand how hard it is to develop characters to such an extent that they become so familiar to the audience that they know their next move before you even put it on the screen. and supernatural had that. they tied everything together with so much care and consideration, just... AAAH so good.
a special shoutout goes to endverse!cas, crowley and death this season. you all know it in your bones that those three were just the absolute scene stealers. especially death's introduction... immaculate.
they did lose a few points for not being as aesthetically pleasing as the past few seasons but hey, gabriel was enough to make a smooth recovery.
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but this... this is the end of the road for me people. season 5 is where it should have ended. in no way shape or form am i saying that there aren't a few good episodes here and there after this, because there are. i think season 5 was so fucking solid, tied up so many goddamn lose ends and then just put a cute little hell shaped bow on top and i just... yeah. this was and should have been the end of the road. do not get me wrong, i love me some jack kline, charlie bradbury, kevin tran, rowena macleod and eileen lahey but were they worth the bullshit ending i had to sit through? not really.
i absolutely think if there weren't more episodes of supernatural I would never have become a destiel fan, because i started shipping them when dean made cas a mixtape in season TWELVE! but my god, the good times were so scattered amongst the horseshit that even when i found those hidden gems, they were so fucking drenched in the stink that they lost their value.
the worst of it all is that, i cannot explain to you what supernatural means to me in a million words, because it is a part of me, heart and soul. i fucking AM castiel. i am a gay little angel you hear me? i love this show. i do. i'm glad it went on for however long it did but i feel like once in a while i need to write shit like this or read shit like this to remind myself of the show that it used to be. of it's beautiful cinematography, of it's clever little storytelling techniques. of it's wonderful cast. of how epic their song choices used to be.
FUcking RENEGADE? iconic. wanted, dead or alive? cannot hear the song without hearing sam's off tune goat bleating that he called singing along.
i need to remind myself of how afraid i used to be of lucifer. of how much i cried while watching dark side of the moon; when dean and sam burst the crackers, and how i learnt the lyrics to knocking on heaven's door just because of that scene.
sometimes i just have to walk through memory lane and look back at gabriel's death, the good one, the only one. it was so fucking meaningful. i have to think of "we are making it up as we go" to be able to breathe properly because those moments were so fucking beautiful.
fuck the big ones, i even remind myself of the small ones, of dean's handwriting being in all caps, just like him. of sam's fucking huge laptop with that weird blue black sticker in the middle. of castiel's tie, that just was the right shade of blue, and hung all wrong but just naturally enough to add so much more to his character than any fucking dialogue could. every small little detail of supernatural that made it so damn supernatural. i miss it all.
idk. i'm rambling. whatever.
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david-talks-sw · 1 year
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Where do you sorta stand in terms of "Adhering to Lucas's" vision but also like "Well Lucas isn't making it so Star Wars is open to interpretation" Like don't get me wrong I don't like Karen Travesis's take on Star Wars for a whole host of reason and I think if anyone ever did a story and said "Well the Empire is right" then you are completely doing Star Wars wrong. But if someone legit wanted to do a story having a critical eye on the Jedi Order or IDK the Republic or even coming at Star Wars in a way that George Lucas wouldn't cover it cuz they are ideologically different, IDK, how far should that go?
I think the main thing to keep in mind is that it stays consistent with the spirit of what George Lucas was trying to say, if not the letter.
You can try alternative narratives, focus on certain characters, do it in different genres, but at the end of the day the message needs to stay the same.
And if you can't do that, at least try to be fair about your criticism of that message.
Different narrative, same conclusion
You can explore and certainly argue that the Empire brought about order and peace, and that it is better than the chaos and war present during the Republic.
You can argue that maybe, if instead of a Sith Lord who rules by fear, the Emperor was a benevolent dictator who lead by example, then the Empire wouldn't be as bad.
Legends stories have done this before.
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You can even argue that the Rebels are terrorists and that the attack on the Death Star was the equivalent of 9-11 for the Imperial citizens, like this guy does.
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But at the end of the day, that's a fallacy.
The previously-shown Empire storyline makes it clear that Moff Trachta is ambitious and greedy, as are his fellow conspirators. They're hypocrites who tell themselves "it's for the greater good" but really it's just so they can backstab each other to have the top job.
And the war the Empire's peace replaces was one orchestrated by the Emperor himself, so the entire regime is based on a lie, because really the only thing the Empire's system runs on is greed and fear, as shown in Andor.
Finally, while some of the Rebels' methods are hard and dark in nature... it's a war. And the narrative makes it clear that at the end of the day, the enemy they're fighting are space nazis. And 90% of the stormtroopers we're shown range from bullies to extremists. That one Imp pilot saying "millions died on the Death Star" also mocked Cara Dune for the genocide of her people, seconds prior.
The smaller narrative may take some deviations, it may question some aspects, but the larger one is consistent.
The moral of the story remains the same: the Empire is evil.
Different tone & characters, same message
When George Lucas made the six films, he had a very clear idea in mind, in terms of genre and style: imitating the Saturday matinee specials (think Flash Gordon), blend them with long standing psychological motifs derived from mythology, add dash of Buddhist philosophy: you get Star Wars, a movie for kids.
But I would fully expect a horror movie about a stormtrooper being hunted by an ice spider to go "fuck this 'we're all connected, we're all symbioms' bullshit. Die you creepy bastard!"
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Same goes for Andor.
It's not rated PG-18, but it's still very dark. This isn't a movie for kids, it's a movie for teens and older. It opens with the eponymous character shooting someone in the face.
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In Andor (and Rogue One) we see a side of the Rebellion we hadn't seen before. A darker one. But the genre of those productions demands a darker outlook on these concepts.
Cassian lives in a world where everything is nuances of gray.
He's the perfect kind of character to tell this story.
As is Dedra Meero. She is written as an underdog in the first half of the show. You're rooting for her. But then the series reminds you that: "hey, she's as much a nazi as the rest of them". She's willing to torture people to keep her job or get a promotion. The narrative frames her as ultimately evil.
Because at the end of the day the message is the same. The Empire is evil and it takes regular people to beat the elite 1%. Greed vs compassion, fear vs hope.
Now suppose there was a series opening on a "Gray Jedi" character, juggling between the Dark and Light Side with little to no effort or repercussion, sabering someone in the face.
That fucks with the message. Because it's okay for Cassian to do it, because Cassian doesn't need to deal with space magic, he lives in an un-mystical, cold and harsh part of the galaxy where you're either evil or less bad, rarely good.
But the 6 films make it clear that for Force sensitives, things are binary. They have to be or bad shit happens.
Gray morality works in Star Wars if we're talking about non-Force sensitives. In the case of a Force user, that's a darksider waiting to happen.
Criticizing the narrative via unreliable narrators
You mentioned Karen Traviss. For all my criticism re: her stance on the Jedi philosophy and their relation with the clones, I think her definition of Boba Fett is the best one yet (probably because she actually likes that character).
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As a result of this personality, an eventual Boba Fett film would have to be Jedi-critical, because if you ask him, the Jedi took his father away from him. And you can argue using logical points all you want, his pain is emotional, not rational. Him being right or wrong is irrelevant, his pain is real.
Same goes with the recent Tales of the Jedi.
Dooku's an unreliable narrator, he is a character notorious for lying to himself and to others, he's poisonous and deceitful.
Of course three short films shown through his point of view would cast him in a noble "free thinking" light and the Jedi as infuriatingly obtuse.
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The problem comes in when the author steps in and sides with the unreliable character with a subjective opinion and says that character is objectively right.
Okay, so now we have a situation where you've deviated from the established narrative.
You're having someone say the Jedi are asleep at the wheel and Dooku is the only one ahead of the curb when the movies and TCW show us the Jedi being just as aware and frustrated as Dooku is.
You're having someone say the Jedi can do more than what they're already doing, when Lucas' story shows us that there's really not much more that can be done, and Lucas himself confirms as much.
Which brings me to my final point.
Being fair with the criticism.
That's what it comes down to for me.
You can criticize the Jedi Order (I do so right here). But just be fair about it. And be informed.
For example, you can question whether the Jedi's rule of non-attachment is good or not.
But first you gotta know what attachment means, in the context of Star Wars. It does not mean "emotional attachments", aka "relationships". And it's not about repression.
So if you go into it thinking either of those things then your criticism isn't really 1) informed 2) done in good faith.
Because in Star Wars, the term "attachment" is used in the Buddhist sense. It's not about depriving yourself of bonds, it's about being able to let go and move on from who/what you love, when it's time.
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Other example: you can argue the Jedi "accepted" the use of a clone army bred for combat because "we don't see it in the movies"... but you'd be disingenuous.
Because Attack of the Clones takes place over a bunch of days. You're not gonna be shown every second of those days. That'd be like arguing that "we never see Mace Windu eat in athemovie, so Mace is unable to eat".
AOTC is a movie about how Anakin fell in love with Padmé and lost his mother, and how Palpatine rose to power by engineering a war, a storyline shown through his and Obi-Wan's POV. The film isn't gonna stop and touch on a point that isn't directly relevant to those two storylines.
In TCW, you see the Jedi, some Senators and some civilians are the only people to treat the clones like, y'know, people. To argue the above, you'd have to deliberately ignore the 12 Jedi we're shown caring for their troops and just focus on Pong Krell.
Also, I think we've criticized the Jedi Order enough. Don't you think?
Different artists, mediums and tales have done it so much that the very clear, very obvious message of the Prequels has been twisted into something else.
If you look up any George Lucas interview between 1999 and 2021, he'll say it's about Anakin and the Senate's greed, it's about how a good kid becomes a bad man and how a democracy becomes a dictatorship. The Prequels weren't about the Jedi.
Instead of challenging the notion that the Jedi are good, which has been done baselessly for over a decade, I think it would now be fair to explore whether the Prequel Jedi were all that bad.
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Oh. We're not trying to be fair? My bad then. Let's keep misinterpreting the source material because we like it more that way then say it was how it was originally intended to be.
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alyss-erulisse · 6 months
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Morph Madness!
Fixing Exploding Morphs
Marik's Egyptian Choker is currently in production. It is the first accessory I've made that involves assignment to more than one bone and morphs for fat, fit and thin states. So there is a learning curve, and it is during that learning curve that interesting and unexpected things can happen.
As with my other content, I'm making the choker fit sims of all ages and genders--that's 8 different bodies.
Adding fat, fit and thin morphs multiples this number to 27 different bodies.
I'm also making 3 levels of detail for each of these. The number comes to 81 different bodies, 81 different bodies for which I need to tightly fit a cylinder around the neck and avoid clipping.
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That's a lot of work. I can see why most custom content creators stick with one age, gender and detail level. At least, they did in the past. Our tools are getting better day by day, and that may partly be because of creative, ambitious and somewhat obsessive people like me.
There are usually multiple ways to solve the same problem. Some ways are faster than others. This I've learned from working in Blender3D. You can navigate to a button with your mouse or hit the keyboard shortcut. You can use proportional editing to fiddle around with a mesh or you can use a combination of modifiers.
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If I am going to be creating 81 chokers, I don't want to be fiddling around on each one of them for an hour. I need something automated, repeatable and non-destructive so I can make adjustments later without having to start over from the beginning. I need to work smart rather than just work hard.
This is where modifiers and geometry nodes come in. After you develop a stack to work with one body, the same process pretty much works for the others as well. That is how it became easier for me to model each of the 81 chokers from scratch rather than to use proportional editing to fit a copy from one body to the next.
But I was about to confront an explosive problem…
Anyone who has worked with morphs before probably knows where this story is headed. There is a good reason to copy the base mesh and then use proportional editing to refit it to the fat, fit and thin bodies. That reason has to do with vertex index numbers.
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You see, every vertex in your mesh has a number assigned to it so that the computer can keep track of it. Normally, the order of these numbers doesn't really matter much. I had never even thought about them before I loaded my base mesh and morphs into TSRW, touched those sliders to drag between morph states, and watched my mesh disintegrate into a mess of jagged, black fangs.
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A morph is made up of directions for each vertex in a mesh on where to go if the sim is fat or thin or fit. The vertex index number determines which vertex gets which set of directions. If the vertices of your base mesh are numbered differently than the vertices of your morph, the wrong directions are sent to the vertices, and they end up going everywhere but the right places.
It is morph madness!
When a base mesh is copied and then the vertices are just nudged around with proportional editing, the numbering remains the same. When you make each morph from scratch, the numbering varies widely.
How, then, could I get each one of those 81 meshes to be numbered in exactly the same way?
Their structures and UV maps were the same, but their size and proportions varied a lot from body to body. Furthermore, I'd used the Edge Split modifier to sharpen edges, which results in disconnected geometry and double vertices.
Sorting the elements with native functions did not yield uniform results because of the varying proportions.
The Blender Add-On by bartoszstyperek called Copy Verts Ids presented a possible solution, but it was bewildered by the disconnected geometry and gave unpredictable results.
Fix your SHAPE KEYS! - Blender 2.8 tutorial by Danny Mac 3D
I had an idea of how I wanted the vertices to be numbered, ascending along one edge ring at a time, but short of selecting one vertex at a time and sending it to the end of the stack with the native Sort Elements > Selected function, there was no way to do this.
Of course, selecting 27,216 vertices one-at-a-time was even more unacceptable to me than the idea of fiddling with 81 meshes in proportional editing mode.
So… I decided to learn how to script an Add-On for Blender and create the tool I needed myself.
A week and 447 polished lines of code later, I had this satisfying button to press that would fix my problem.
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Here are the index numbers before and after pressing that wonderful button.
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My morphs are not exploding anymore, and I am so happy I didn't give up on this project or give myself carpal tunnel syndrome with hours of fiddling.
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Marik's Egyptian Choker is coming along nicely now. I haven't avoided fiddling entirely, but now it only involves resizing to fix clipping issues during animation.
Unfortunately, I'll have to push the release date to next month, but now, I have developed my first Blender Add-On and maybe, after a bit more testing, it could be as useful to other creators in the community as its been to me.
See more of my work: Check out my archive.
Join me on my journey: Follow me on tumblr.
Support my creative life: Buy me a coffee on KoFi.
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Evanescence, ‘Fallen’ | The Album Story
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RS: Listening back, it is striking just how bold and ambitious it is for a debut album. Not many bands come out with a full choir and string section on their first album. Did you have to fight for those elements at all?
AMY: “You know, it helps when you have something that you really want to do that you’re gonna fight for. But that you have the ability to do. If I had a crazy idea of Gregorian chants or an all-boys choir, something that I couldn’t actually make happen, it would be a lot harder, because we’re gonna spend all this money on finding somebody to create the sound and then find the team. At least with choirs, specifically, in high school I was the choir president. I loved choir, I was  inspired by a lot of that old Celtic and Latin hymn stuff. And I took Latin. So I was like ‘I’ll write it, I’ll do everything, all you gotta do is help me put together a small team of vocalists, it’s not gonna be that expensive’. We can make this happen. I think just having the moxie, or whatever it is, to go ‘I’ll put this all together, all you have to do is just trust me artistically’. It’s still a fight. It was harder to fight for real strings, because that’s just expensive. That’s just something that cost a whole lot of money. But to me, that was so key to what our sound was. The whole idea was that it was if a heavy band with riff-driven, pop hooks could get in a head-on collision with a dark film score. If it didn’t have that film score part of it, it would have felt like so much was missing. I do remember having a discussion with the label about ways we can make it sound real with pads and stuff – they’re better than they used to be. But I just always said ‘No, whatever it is, we’re on the hook for it. In the end, I promise we’ll get the money paid back. We have to have real strings. It has to be real’. And then we ended up with David Campbell who is one of the absolute best in the industry for that, and we’ve had a lifelong, career-long partnership now that I’m so grateful for.”
RS: The ‘Bring Me To Life’ demo was the first taste people got of this reissue. It’s remarkable how fully formed that track already was even at that early stage.
AMY: “There’s probably 10 demos of that song. The label had fixated on it and decided it was going to be the single we were going to focus on. So it was just constantly changing, we felt like we were in this demo forever. But they all happened over the course of just a couple of years. So the very first demo, before the chorus was what it was, I don’t even know where that is. I don’t even have that. It started without the rap but also the ‘Wake me up inside’ part wasn’t there. It was the verses and the chorus was like…I could sing it for you but that’s not going to translate into your magazine. But the one you heard that’s on there was sort of in the middle. That wasn’t the last one.”
RS: It is still the song we know, it just needs a few tweaks. It’s interesting to be able to see the process behind that.
AMY: “I always remembered that little sample in the beginning that became the piano part. That was always still in my head because we listened to it so many times before making the song. We wanted the piano so it would be like a film score starting out.”
RS: How big a role did your cinematic influences play in creating the album?
AMY: “We were really inspired by film and would go to the movies all the time. Part of that is just the age we were in high school. But it also felt like research – ‘Donnie Darko’, ‘Edward Scissorhands’. It was like I was really learning from it. My favourite part about film was the music, not so much the soundtracks, that’s great too, but the score is what makes you know how to feel. There is a whole sub story going on underneath. You are feeling things that are deeper than just the words and actions of the characters. So that’s when I started getting really inspired. I wanted to be in a band, but I would really like to score film and was going to school for that when we got signed.”
RS: ‘Everybody’s Fool’ is a track you have discussed a lot in the past. It seems to express some frustrations around the idea of fame and success but, again, it was written so early in your career. Once you found that success, did the song take on any new meaning for you?
AMY: “At the time, I was the teenager, a big sister, and my siblings were younger in elementary school. My two little sisters, who are very close in age, were in their boyband and pop girl moment. I was like ‘Oh my god, you guys are totally dumb. Listen to real music, I’ll show it to you’. I was always trying to influence them with Green Day, and Nirvana songs that didn’t have horrible things in the imagery. But at the same time, like they were going through this time where it was not just about the stars but school cliques and what you look like seemed like a really big focus. Who liked you, all that stuff, everybody goes through that. I think what I really wanted to say was that what I respect is authenticity. That should be the thing that we’re trying to win, not the beauty contest. Just be yourself. But then, strangely, soon after I found myself in the spotlight really fast in a really big way where you are on a stage for people to just look at you and talk about you like an object and that was hard. That was a weird time for me, because I was really young and really never bought into all that. But when it’s happening to you on a really large scale, you can’t just tune it out and leave the cafeteria. You have to actually face it – ‘There’s my career, how do I be the most of myself and show all the parts of myself that I really want to be seen and not be misunderstood?’ I just felt really misunderstood. But I think the lesson really is that you have to keep on, look at yourself, look at your real friends and the people around you that really know you. Remember who you are apart from it. It’s always been good for me to take breaks from this. I don’t think I need to anymore the way that I did. I know who I am. I know we’re gonna be here. But it was always important for me to step away and go ‘I’m not Amy Lee. I’m just Amy still’. I still have hold of my identity which is ever changing. It still has room to grow. I’m not stuck as that album cover picture forever, even though that is still a perception in probably millions of people’s minds. So you just have to give yourself the freedom to keep growing.”
RS: In terms of what may come next from you, how has looking back and reflecting on your early days affected how you want to move forward?  
AMY: “I think it’s always a positive thing to remember your roots, even if it just means you’re going to branch really, really far away for them and do stuff that you’ve never done. I think you have to know who you are and know where you’ve been, because this is just the next chapter in that story. I’ve been doing that all year to where I just kind of never want to hear it again. Not really, but it’s definitely a little bit of what I said before about recognising those innocent moments where I’m not trying to be ahead of somebody’s criticism or anything. Write something without feeling any fear. That’s really sweet. I don’t know how I could recreate that. It’s hard to say because I dearly, dearly love our band, my guys and now Emma (Anzai, bassist). I’m most interested to hear what her new dynamic brings into the situation when we get together. I’ve wanted to be in a band with her for a really long time and it just finally worked out.”
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copperbadge · 1 year
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[ID: A narrow white "privacy panel" from Target stands in front of an orange chair covered in a quilt; attached to the screen with binder clips, and taped together, are nine sheets of paper with calendars printed on them, the numbering and words not legible. Various parts of the calendars are color-coded.]
The Shivadh Romances began as a single romance novel in which I explicitly would not have to determine when or precisely where it was happening, and the only timeline was "eight weeks" (it was initially written as a Hallmark movie script which are by design somewhat evergreen). Yesterday during some downtime I had to sit down and make myself a whole-ass three-year paper calendar because I kept losing track of dates and I don't do well "switching screens" so I wanted to see the whole thing all at once. I also wanted to use up the very last of the ink before I replaced my printer toner. This is the result. I both hate and love it in equal measure.
The left sheets (to the left of the central binder clip) are 2021; the right sheets (to the right of the central clip) are 2022, and 2023 is attached at the bottom. The tan in the upper left is Fete; the blue below it is Infinite Jes, and the purple on the top right is Lady And The Tiger (there are also one-off squares which represent short stories or events -- the purple square below Fete represents Jerry's ADHD diagnosis date, and a few blue squares represent important events in Noah's school career, because I keep forgetting when he graduates). The light grey near the purple is Twelve Points, and there's some dark grey in various places that is various holidays.
The second set of tan blocks in 2022, plus random squares in 2022 and 2023, mark events in Royals/Ramblers, which spans almost a full year and is really what required the calendar (there are super date-dependent events, mainly the weddings and Monday's pregnancy, but also I have to pace out Ioanna's storyline and some continuity from Twelve Points) and then you can see the mint green down in 2023 marking where The Chicken Salad War will take place, because it culminates on Reclamation Day, which is always the 29th of Av in the Jewish calendar (August 16th this year, prepare your crockery).
Those last three darker-orange squares at the end of 2023 mark the tentative start dates for the Football novel (already written as starting in the fall of 2023), the Roman Ruin novel (not yet dated) and Pride and Presidents, Ofelia's novel, which can really start anytime but slots in well in late 2023; Noah's gap year novel would also take place starting summer of 2023, but I've just marked that with his graduation day, for now. Where The Oleander Grows, about legalizing Davzda, which I might bump up in the writing timeline, would start in 2024.
Phew. Ambitious, but then why not be, I suppose. And now that I've got dates hammered out, the rest of Royals/Ramblers should go easier. The completed work at this point is sitting right at 50K with another 35K in pieces, though some of those probably won't get used. This might be the novel I try out a different printer from Lulu, since the "price minimums" are getting a bit out of control especially for books above 50K words.
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