#so im just. frustrated

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[frostedpuffs]

does anyone else hate that work takes up like 90% of your life and you literally are always working and have to form plans and important things and even seeing friends or eating meals around work. it's always just work. im spending my life just being At Work. i don't have time for hobbies or for seeing friends bc it’s always Work. like two days off a week isn't even enough because my days off aren't consecutive so i just spend those days exhausted or doing errands or house chores. there is not enough Time. all the time goes to Work. WHY IS LIFE THIS WAY. humans were not meant for this

#literally so frustrating how im always at this damn job LMAO #working full time is a joke. you spend most of your life at work just to not even be able to make enough money to live #bullshiiiiiityee #text post

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[999999999inadream]

toby fox needs to add like a bit of narration in deltarune abt kris like "they themmed they/themily down the stheirs" cus i cant go on seeing them constantly get he/himmed in yt comment sections

#this is my punishment for actually looking at yt comments isnt it #deltarune #kris dreemurr #maybe im looking too much into things but... #it also feels sorta. misogynistic when ppl default to he/him for androgynous/non binary characters #like ive seen multiple ppl use “well its understandable that ppl assume kris is a he when they have such masculine behaviours/hobbies” #the masculine behaviours and hobbies in question are being a prankster #i shit you not #like they called pranking... masc?? huh #can girls and others not get their silly on anymore?? #also like i said before with the exception of like frisk and chara like almost every nb character is masculinised #like napstablook monster kid #god there has to be more but my memory is shit atm and i also have to go eat dinner #but i wanna talk more abt like why it feels so misogynistic to me #i thinnk it has to do with the fact that defaulting to he/him just makes women feel like an afterthought. ig like unless its confirmed then #they must be a guy to be relevant or smth #and also like how much they gender entirely non gender specific things (see: pranking) #ofc it wouldnt be BETTER per se if they imagined these characters as girls but its smth ive noticed and i just get frustrated cus #it feels sexist but i cant FULLY articulate why #i feel like i had the answer a lil while ago but i forgot #i might come back to this who knows #wow ok rant over #for now

[miwtual]

im so fucking tired of the disrespect gifmakers get on the gifmaker website

#kai.txt #negativity tw #(sorry these are gonna be a lot of tags. i have a lot of feelings and i dont know where else to put them) #we make gifs and nobody reblogs them #when they do get reblogged all people want to tell you is that your gifs arent good enough to them and rip it to shreds #'you're missing x' 'why didnt you do y' 'if i made this i would have abc' 'hey op ur wrong and this is why' 'i dont like this op' #reposters dont even reblog your fucking gifset but they'll save your gifs to repost later asking for how to do something #that they could have asked you how to do in the fucking first place #we reblog ourselves constantly because nobody else will and maybe to make our work look like it has more notes than it does #to make ourselves feel better about the lack of interaction we're getting #and then when we TALK about this frustration we have. people who are too afraid to say it to our faces #go on anon in our askboxes and tell us how we're somehow selfish for wanting people to interact with the sets #that we spent time on. hours. days. WEEKS in some cases #or we get anons who tell us the reason we dont have notes are because we arent good at gifmaking in the first place #but this is all on anon. because they're too scared to tell it to our faces #they're too scared for us to see that they ARENT a gifmaker and that they dont know how to do it any better either #they dont see us as people doing something we love as a hobby. they see us as content machines that dance like court jesters #im just so fucking tired of the disrespect #and this sentiment goes for more than just gifmakers. graphicmakers. artists. literally any creative hobby shared on this site #we get treated like shit and for what? literally for fucking what.

[wis-art]

Not a big fan of capitalism

#i do not want to charge people to see my art #i have a job on top of doing this little art blog #every time i show this little project of mine people tell me i better find a way to monetize it to make money off of this #its just very frustrating to constantly have to explain that i want people to just see and cherish my drawings #i dont want to be reliant on making art to make my money i think that'd not work with what im going for #and it would turn art into a deeply frustrating experience i try to constantly optimize to get the most amount of money from #rendering experiments and trying out new artstyles something that could legit put me out of eating food 👍 #but really #the job is not good for me i am always do exhausted #it really takes so much effort to draw sometimes

[bugbuoyx]

i hate that "TMRA" is an insult used against transmascs, not only are you saying an oppressed group of people don't deserve to fight for their rights, but you are at the same time equating that oppressed group to a group of men who literally hate us and would assault us given the chance. are you aware of the statistics of violence against trans men & mascs? the rates of assault, rape, and suicide and how they are extremely high and extremely underreported? or do you not care because you think were gender traitors were men?

#transandrophobia #like im just so frustrated #“youre not oppressed” statistics say otherwise mfer!!! #also tell that to the people whove told me theyll “fix me” amongst other shit #just aaaaaaaaaa!!!!! yknow

[tenvishund]

F I S S I O N - Why the hell do you hurt yourself for this?

#wake up babe new tenvishund art just dropped #very very rusty but inspired by a recent album and general life experiences/interraction #im coming to the end of my degree and trying to find A Real Proper Grown Up Job #and the industry I am in can be really sneaky - you think you've found something good but if you speak to the right people #then the truth comes out #which is frustrating #but here i am alive and well and probably doing better than i ever have been before #even if sometimes i do want to tear my guts out and die like a dog #such is life i guess all about balance #i also wanted to colour the guts red but i cant work this new fancy gimp system so i gave up #enjoy!! thank you for viewing!

[koszmarnybudyn]

Arthur Lester doodle because he's in my brain like a parasite but drawing him is hard so hopefully this will break my artblock in regards to drawing him.

#malevolent #arthur lester #my art #he looks a very specific way but i cant capture it yet so im just here getting frustrated #i have basiclly binged malevolent in a week lol it was very very good

[skeletalheartattack]

#was talking to a friend and she was talking about how she didnt like how disruptive the tutorial of the demo was #since she wanted to look at the pretty environments without the distractions #and this is what popped into my braine #ive had the gumby pokey format in my brain since the demo but i didnt know whod fit the gumby slot #sorry collin. #i personally didnt mind the tutorial (from watching a stream of the whole demo) but i can see how it could be frustrating #:) i like oatchi #edit: for further clarification im not shitting on collin. i just didnt have much other choice. collin im so so sorry.

[thcbolter]

(No "see results" option because I find that more non-gifmakers than actual gifmakers will engage with the poll if there's an option like that. If you aren't a gifmaker, this poll is not for you.)

#angel.txt #commentary on creation #polls #making this poll bc im genuinely curious about the mindset regarding the frustration over lack of reblogs and poor ''ratios'' #cause the vibe i genuinely get from some ppl is that they would rather have people not engage with their set at all #than have somebody engage by only liking it #ik the engagement stuff effects all artists but the reason this is for gifmakers only is bc 1) thats what this blog is for #and 2) people who create with other mediums have plenty of other sites to post to and curate engagement #but gifmakers really only have tumblr. so if their engagement desires aren't being met here they have no other options #of these my personal answer is somewhere between reblogs with comments and total note count #i could have a 5:1 reblog to like ratio but if all those reblogs are blank or just filled with ppl's organizational tags i get discouraged

[crisp-art]

shuake doodl

#i wanna draw so many things but im getting real frustrated with my art skills 😭😭😭 #i just noticed i left a little mushroom creature doodle in the bg egdkehdoek #my new watermark ig LOL #posting here and not twitter bc i promised a sephiroth wip and i actually hate it so far bruh art block SUCKS #shuake #akeshu #akira kurusu #ren amamiya #goro akechi #persona 5 #p5 #persona 5 royal #p5r

[lbhslefttiddie]

youve heard of sex flowers get ready for the flower that makes you into a celestial shoujo herione complete with particle effects you cannot turn the fuck off and creates a wifebeam so powerful it can incapacitate and maim and keeps making you burst into tears and fall on your ass which makes the wifebeam More Powerful and you also cannot turn this off either. and is also still, sort of, a sex flower

from one of my favorite fanfictions, Celestial Afterglow by elanor_pam, a fic that defies description in the best possible way

#arts #shen qingqiu #svsss #listen im not saying that ive spent a cumulative half a year reading this fic and then trying to make an arts for it #and then getting frustrated and stopping because i couldn't figure out how to make sqq shimmery enough #but like. im not NOT saying that #this is the FOURTH time ive started something for this bitch it haunts my fucking dreams and yet the opalescent glittery sqq evades me #perhaps you o unlearned fool look at this and say hmm that's too many colour layers and glowy effects but oh how wrong you are #if it doesnt make you literally fall over yourself at how otherworldly and radiant he is then there is room for improvement yet #perhaps you look at this and you think Wow!!! this gives me literally NO ideas what this fic is about #well Let Me Tell You. i have no fucking idea how to summarize this fic #its not often the tags in a fic give me pause but i saw this and as i read the tags i was increasingly just like What #but i have no idea how to describe it. the tags arent NOT accurate but i was SO unprepared for what happened in like an extremely pos way #if i were tagging this i think i would give it the no archive warnings apply label if that matters to you #the author seemed they wanted to leaned towards over caution rather than risk missing anything re tags because This Is A Weird Fic #but oh my fucking god #i am gripping you by the shoulders i cannot stress enough how charming it is #brilliant characterization especially with airplane in the first scene #and also so much fucking funnier than i thought possible for the general setting summary tags and buildup #its just. ough. its good

[bbnibini]

I find it so painfully heartbreaking that Solomon just...laughs off all the derision, the name-calling, and possibly even did "evil" things on purpose because it's expected of him at this point. (He had not always been like this as Thirteen pointed out before). There was a time when he was "innocent". When his soul sparkled. When it resembled the kind of soul everyone in these god forsaken (pun intended with spite) three realms seemed to associate with the ever loved MC. He's just...worryingly carefree. And because he's like that, he feels even more of a tragic character to me.

Sometimes it even seems that he himself would seemingly make up excuses on why he's hated. Oh, it's because I'm a sorcerer this. I might have won a war against Devildom single-handedly this. I have forgotten. But maybe, I did something bad, that. Hon, you were doing that to SURVIVE. You don't have to be a faultless person to deserve compassion. You don't have to be MC to deserve to be loved.

#rant #the more i play and read about nb solomon the more it feels like he's a worst case scenario foil to MC #and it's ridiculous maybe to feel this way but seeing how everyone dotes on mc and just panders to them without question no matter #especially with meaner dialogues #make me dislike the mc to some extent #what good will raising up one character do in exchange of dehumanising another? #i couldn't put a finger on this feeling before #but i think that's also why im so burnt out with this game #the more everyone loves me as the mc the more it becomes so apparent how unfairly solomon was treated #and how everyone ESPECIALLY HIM just rolls with it #sweetie please be angry. please complain. please hate me in some way #but no he just keeps loving and supporting the mc #in game in fandom this man can't catch a break #wanna gatekeep him fr /s #this has just been brewing in my mind for a while. i don't really wanna hear discourse or arguments that's why i put it in the tags #I just need a place to vent my frustrations with this game #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me solomon #spoiler mention #he's imperfect and flawed as all humans are and he deserves to be loved irregardless

[sleepy-edits]

#inuyashaedit #oldanimeedit #anisource #allanimanga #inuyasha #kikyo #anime gif #old anime #inuyasha character #inuyasha requests #im still working on the ep 147-148 request im just so flooded with work #im frustrated i cant get enough time to watch the animes i want #not bc of requests but bc of work

[arcanegifs]

"I spent so many nights in that shitty prison. On the freezing floor, hungry, bloody, counting the hours. The only thing... The only thing that kept me going was the thought of getting back to you."

#arcane #arcaneedit #vi #vi arcane #arcane vi #arcane league of legends #league of legends #netflixedit #showedit #media: arcane #type: gif #s1 ep8 #well this was an ASS to color #it ended up looking fine i guess lol #can we look at this scene bc god the composition is beautiful like #vi STILL cant decide whether shes still going to join powder or stay with cait here #THE LAST PART SHE LOOKS SO FRUSTRATED BC SILCO JUST TOOK JINX AND LEFT WITH HER EVEN THO SHE REALLY WANTED TO FIND JINX UGH #but ultimately she chooses to stay with cait in s1 i guess #well to be fair she didnt have a choice skdfjsfsfsf #im so curious on how shes gonna be a cop bc the show did say this will be how she becomes into an enforcer #ANYWAYS LOOK AT HER MY TINY SKRUNKLY MY BLORBO ILY #VI U DONT DESERVE ANY OF THIS