#so maybe she never knew

[watchingwisteria]

listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded psychopath happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know #im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie #or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them #snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow! #but then shes gone…. for a while…… #and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book #that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss #the hunger games #coriolanus snow #tbosas #lucy gray baird #not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration #but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause #like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not. #snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time #he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets #and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets #he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved #but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall #he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires

[carolperkinsexgirlfriend]

Steddie Upside-Down AU Part 96

Part 1 Part 95

Mom makes him go home when he starts dosing on Steve’s hospital bed. But it’s okay because she kisses Steve’s cheek before she leaves, and Eddie and Wayne stay parked by his side. 

The connection’s easier now. It’s like all that time straining for Steve has snapped something into place. He can feel them all the time, a warm buzzing in his chest. He wonders if he runs hot now. If the warmth will diffuse through his whole being, make coats obsolete even in the dead of winter. 

Hopper is waiting for them in the waiting room, El burrowed into his side. She looks wan, and tired, drooping into her extravagant coat, eyeliner running down her cheeks like she’s been crying. Something inside him twists when he looks at her.

Before he can untangle that knot of emotion, Hopper stands up, both hands slapping against his knees first the same way Mike’s dad does before he gets up from his recliner. “You ready to go?” he asks, not looking away from Mom. 

When Will glances up, Mom’s smiling up at Hopper in a way he doesn’t want to think about. The adults talk quietly in front, leaving El to stumble tiredly along beside Will. She’s staring at the side of his face. Will can’t bring himself to look back. 

“Steve,” she says, sounding the word out and making it longer like it still tastes foreign on her tongue. “He is okay?”

When Will gets up the courage to look over, her eyes are big and worried. He smiles at her helplessly. It’s almost funny how innocent she looks; like she’s a bunny dressed up in punk clothes. “He’ll be okay.”

She smiles, small and close lipped, but it still beams out of her like the sun. Will tilts his head to the side and tries to see what Mike sees in her. He wants to hide her in Castle Byers, build a fortress around her, and keep her away from all the lab people for the rest of her life. 

Is that howMike felt, hiding her in his basement, giving her frozen eggos and keeping his mouth shut? 

But then her lips thin and she looks forward again. The feelings vanishes. It’s just El, hia friend, despite how much of Mike’s attention she’d snapped up just by being herself. 

“I’m glad,” she says, looking at Hopper’s broad back as she takes two steps for each one of his. 

It’s quiet after that, the way it always is after; all of them too brittle and bruised and bone-deep tired for conversation.

Hopper’s truck rat-a tat-tats itself to life in the hospital parking lot. The radio croons out something quiet and thrumming until Hopper reaches over to shut it off.

El’s heads smushed into the window, vibrating against the pot-holed roads of Hawkins.

Will’s so tired he’s wide awake. 

He watches the familiar buildings of Hawkins flicker by. It's been a long time since knowing his surroundings brought any comfort. 

Monsters could live behind every door, every tree, every smiling face.

He’s not sure any of them will ever feel safe again. 

Will closes his eyes, locking the scenery out so he can focus on the bundle of warmth in his chest. They’re still huddled together, two sparks merging in his chest. 

The past couple days have been a necessary violation of Eddie’s private feelings. He’d bared them all with love confessions and grasping hands, trying to pull Steve back from the edge of immolation. 

He’s not even sure Steve knows, hopes he does. Steve deserves to hold that love delicately between his palms and choose what to do with it. 

He won’t crush it, even if it’s unreturned. He’ll hold it gently like he always does.

Will doesn’t realize he fell asleep, or that they’d arrived home until he’s in free-fall. It feels like one of those falling dreams where you wake up solidly in the middle of your bed, but this time he really is tumbling, only Jonathan’s arms keeping him from hitting the gravel. 

“Are you okay?” he asks shakily as he pulls Will into his chest, holding him tight enough to hurt. “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Mom murmurs, wrapping them both up in her arms, chin landing solidly on Jonathan’s shoulder, sandwiching Will between their bodies. “Everyone’s fine, right Will?”

Will murmurs his affirmation, feeling groggy and confused in the light of day. 

“I was with Nancy,” Jonathan whispers. “I was just with Nancy, and you were–I almost–”

“Shh,” Mom cuts him off, reaching up to cradle his face and smile up at him. Will barely catches the edge of his watering eyes from his restricted vantage point between them. “Everyone’s fine.”

“I should have been he–”

“Jonathan,” Mom interrupts again, sharper this time. “Everyone is fine. You deserve a normal life.”

“But Will–”

“I’m fine!” Will cuts in this time. 

Jonathan pulls back, looking down at him with worried, droopy eyes. “And Steve? Mike said he was possessed.”

Will feels that bundle of warmth in his heart, lets it shine through his smile as he looks up at his brother. “He’ll be okay.” As Jonathan droops with relief, Will feels his smile turn cheeky. “Eddie will never let you forget that you were on a date while we were fighting monsters, though.”

Jonathan closes his eyes, pained while Mom laughs. 

It��s not until they’re walking toward the front door that Will notices the lack of demo-dog bodies. There’s still puddles of black oil-slick blood, but everything else looks normal. Who covered their tracks? The lab? Hopper?

He settles down for the debrief, pillowing his head on Jonathan’s shoulder as Hopper’s even tones flit through his brain. 

Maybe familiar places no longer hold any comfort, but Jonathan’s bony frame is enough to lull him into a peaceful sleep.

Part 97

Taglist: @deany-baby @estrellami-1 @altocumulustranslucidus @evillittleguy @carlprocastinator1000 @hallucinatedjosten @goodolefashionedloverboi @newtstabber @lunabyrd @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @manda-panda-monium @disrespectedgoatman @finntheehumaneater @ive-been-bamboozled @harringrieve @grimmfitzz @is-emily-real @dontstealmycake @angeldreamsoffanfic @a-couchpotato @5ammi90 @mac-attack19 @genderless-spoon @kas-eddie-munson @louismeds @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @pansexuality-activated @ellietheasexylibrarian @nebulainajar @mightbeasleep @neonfruitbowl @beth--b @silenzioperso @best-selling-show @v3lv3tf0x @bookworm0690 @paintsplatteredandimperfect @wonderland-girl143-blog @nerdsconquerall @sharingisntkaren @canmargesimpson @bananahoneycomb @rainwaterapothecary @practicallybegging

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #will byers #steddie upsidedown au #my fic #Steve pov: I'm a wretch and a monster and everything is my fault #will pov: steve's so comforting :) #also Jonathan freaking out because he missed everything is something that is so fun to me. He's like. I'm a terrible brother! #Meanwhile Nancy only has low stakes in the whole thing. And she never got involved so by the time she knew to worry about Mike. #She already knew he was fine. so her main reaction is feeling left out. #Nancy is so fun in this AU because her inciting character incident (Barb's death) shapes so much of who she is #that we have like maybe one episode of characterization to work off of wrt what she was like before #anyway I'm sick so we'll see how much writing I can actually get done while feverish!

[spielzeugkaiser]

there are currently two wolves inside me, one that wants geralt to meet omega!jaskier's and his child while the kid is still young so they'll have both their parents (plus 1 mom if yennefer doesn't resent jaskier) as they grow and another who wants to stick to the show's canon of geralt and jaskier not seeing eachother for 22 years and then one day geralt finds this person with a scary ressemblance to him who says they need help rescuing their dad, a bard who doesn't know when to shut up (besides would be kinda funny to see geralt's reaction to jaskier being basically a dilf lol)

[First Part]

Oh my God in my mind it was the baby version but this also has me at the throat.

There would be a few things at play here like

1. I imagined the baby did not inherit mutant traits (besides some gold specs in his eyes, like, Jaskier had confirmation and once you know it's obvious) and you could hold Geralt at gunpoint he does NOT know how he looked as child anymore. It's absolutely not obvious to him, especially since it's impossible in his head. Only Vesemir would probably go 'oh' at the resemblance because the kid looks exactly like the little one he picked up on the side of a road, over a century ago.

2. Jaskier didn't say something for the last 13/14/15 years of his life, the kid will not go and tell Geralt when his Papa went out of his way to keep this knowledge secret.

In my mind this has the perfect road trip vibes. And timelines are messy - like Jaskier went down the mountain pregnant it's not 22 years later but who knows what happened inbetween - but Geralt definitely already had all the teenage angst experience with Ciri. He's already a dad!

#geraskier #geralt of rivia #the witcher #jaskier #geraskier lovechild #listen the poor kiddo is nervous af - and we all know how Jaskier starts to behave once he's nervous #SAME HAT #but also: kiddo knows things have been messy between them and that Geralt didn't treat Jaskier gentlemanly (so to say) but! #I firmly believe he has no idea #and Jaskier wanted him to be cautious but he never ever implied Geralt was anything but honorable at his core #Jaskier would have been sure he was 'shoveling shit again' but he would also have been sure that Geralt would treat his son amiable #even if he only does this out of duty #if he even kept Jaskier around for that long while secretly hating him- #(I think some serious miscommunication happened there because Jaskier maybe could have distanced himself more from Geralts anger if not #full hormonal himself - maybe he even thought Geralt knew #he did try to tell him the night before! when borch died and Geralt went to Yen instead #so he thinks Geralt rejected BOTH of them? ohhh. But the kindness point still stands. Jaskier is petty but not when it costs his son) #ALSO also last side fact: YEN KNOWS. She definitely knows because she Jaskier with a newborn in Oxenfurt #in this scenario she just promised to keep her mouth shut #became auntie yen instead #omegaverse

[rainedroptalks]

Everyday I think about Penelope Everpetal and feel like ripping my hair out

#ramblings #d20 #dimension 20 #fantasy high #penelope everpetal #SHE WAS A TEENAGER. SHE WAS 17. #and yes. she did do that shit. I am not denying that she did all that #but it just drives me crazy that her life literally ended before it started #she was used as a pawn by a man who didn’t care less if she died and then she did #and she’s in hell for it. forever #wearing a mockery of the crown she died for #she delights in pain I suppose… #and when Sam was having her… weird symbolic grave hallucinations in ep 9 of the seven #the Penelope she saw in there. the one she told that she didn’t love anymore. wasn’t the real Penelope #BECAUSE IT NEVER IS IS IT??? #it was just the idea of her #Penelope has spent so much time curating this person so far removed from the middle schooler with braces and a clumsy smile #no one ever really knew her. maybe not even herself #not her parents obviously #her dad was too busy being a bad husband and her mom was too busy picking up the slack #not Sam who was clearl devestated by her betrayal #definitely not dayne #and now no one ever will. it’s too late #she’s just some concept now ig #a villian the bad kids defeated. a shitty friend in sams life. nothing else #she’s not a good person. but she’s never treated like a person either #anyway what I’m trying to say here is that she would’ve done numbers in jawbones office. by which I mean he’d be so concerned #(this rambling was brought to you by that bit in house of leaves where it says ‘you die at fifteen’ and talk about how karen died at 15) #(so Penelope Everpetal coded) #also I haven’t watched the seven in a bit so if any of this is wrong feel free to hunt me for sport

[arkiwii]

very sad still see the saria/silence divorce headcanon still going around

have you ever tried to consider that they never dated before lone trail because it would be unrealistic with the timeline and the events and also because it would be overshadowing the actual truth of why they couldn't get along

#i'll elaborate #firstly it's ok if you headcanon this i don't want to invalidate what people think #it's just that I think it's a fanon joke that have been going around for way too long #and I can't help but shed a small tear when I see people really headcanoning it #I personally think it's way more interesting if we consider that they never had something going on before Lone Trail #mostly because it's weird that they started dating in like some months when they barely knew or saw each other #but also because it adds nothing but just makes things even more harder for them #my personal headcanon is that Silence was maybe having feelings for Saria but like #you know these very premature feelings #like just “oh wow she's pretty and nice” #but nothing like really deep #but they never had anything going on before the diabolic crisis #and after lone trail after they made up and saw each other's true person #they start to actually get real feelings #I'm just complaining but I've been still seeing it around somehow and it's sad to me that this joke became a fact for many people #there's still a lot of fanfics about how they had been dating and now they're on bad terms #I think that going on the “they're exes” route is way too easy and actually hides the potential and interesting reason #of why Silence was mad at Saria #it's not because she hates Saria or blame her #it's because she's mad at herself for being so weak #really making them appear as exes just hides this really interesting truth and makes it all seem to be a sad love story #consider that they never had any of this and that this tension between them is because they blame themselves!! #their story is not a love story but above all a story about self love and acceptance #just my two cents enjoy my rambling i go back to bed now #(not putting this in the main tag I don't want to start a war I'm just rambling)

[incorrectsibunaquotes]

#joke post but also not entirely #bc I think that she did know on a certain level that there were things like the tunnels and about the cup being hidden there #I mean we DEF know she knew the cup pieces were hidden there bc she tells Nina that immediately #but I don’t think she knew WHERE everything was #and maybe she did later in life but we’ll never really know I guess #if it was number 2 it’s so sad she got dementia before she could get her gotcha moment #anyway stan sarah #house of anubis

[janitorpostman]

I kinda disagree with how the Casper and Nova's adventure suggested that the ending - Casper facing two equally bad options - was somehow Casper's own fault, and that things came down to those two options solely because of his neglect of Nova.

I can't pinpoint my exact thoughts on it right now, but it just *intuitively* feels wrong.

Edit: of course I end up unraveling in the tags.

#maybe it's the fact that #betty was happy #she was never pressured neither by simon nor by others around her #to give up everything for simon #it was her choice #so her being entagled in this tragedy is just as much the consequence of her actions as it is of simon's #and neither of them knew of the curse #thus cannot be 'blamed' for facing those two options #it's all about the decisions they made when they faced that choice. and betty's choice is absolutely on her. #she has her own damn agency dammit #everyone in og adventure time was against betty's idea of 'fixing' simon #the all suggested the right path was for her to accept her loss - like marcy did like normal man did etc #betty literally swam against the current plowing her own path despite all the resistance #and you say she is a passive victim of someone else's narrative? #she's a victim of her own madness and sadness and absolute radness #don't diminish that fact #fionna and cake #betty grof #petrigrof

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[crazy-fangirl2524]

Seeing people reacting to tsc and them getting shock over things I thought was obvious and I was getting annoyed until I realised maybe not everyone reread aftg like a million times and have read most of the analytical posts and yeah maybe I am the problem instead

#I’m so pretentious about aftg lmao #like people be like Neil is feral?! not just uwu baby?? #or be like omg Kevin and Jean friendship surprise surprise and I’m like ???? #or people shocked by jeans trauma and I was like hello the EC ?! #and people talking about not knowing the foxes or usc winning for the next match and I was like babe it was in the EC #and people talking about why Kevin was sticking to Andrew and was because the nest buddy system and not for Andrew’s benefit/deal #and I was like WASNT THAT OBVIOUS?! #then I realised I’m just crazy and obsessed and yeah hi I’m the problem it’s me #I forgot people could casually enjoy the series yk #I thought it’s either all or nothing like wdym not everyone get entirely consumed by aftg and remember and know every single thing??? #my friend literally called me the EC in a human form because any question she got she just ask me and I can answer it like it’s the most #common sense question and that’s why she said she never even bothered to read the EC because I can just tell her eveyrthing #okay maybe I have some slight issues but anyways #anyways it’s just cuz seeing the post going over things I thought everyone knew I was just like 😭??!!! #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #aftg series #aftg fandom #aftg incorrect quotes #the sunshine court #tsc #aftg shitpost #aftg textpost #aftg thoughts #tfc textpost #tfc shitpost #incorrect tfc #tfc meme

[basofy]

god this was so cringey shut up all you've ever seen regarding women has been a smelly rat in the mirror and distorted photoshopped images of women with big boobees you know nothing

#first of all #spoilers #lisa spoilers #sorry for bullying buddy in this fine afternoon i know it's not her fault but i was thinking about this in the kitchen and laughing #but it feels so out of place cuz buddy's relationship with her gender is nowhere near positive she doesnt even know what gender is #she has the same concept of gender and sex as a cat where it's merely reproductive #all she knows is she is different from everyone cuz of her body #she has never talked to another woman in her life she doesnt know history of feminism #and i doubt so much that anyone told her about it when most people were just thinking about her womb #i think the concept of buddy familiarizing with her gender is AWESOME but we never see this happen we dont see the process #imagine if she said this before saying any opinion #as a woman...i can tell you milk goes before the cereal #god feminism is crumbling #why dont you say something you actually know about like #as an abuse victim. or anything that sounds more casual #which is another thing you can relate to lisa with if you care #(idk if she actually knew lisa's lore or was just messing with buzzo lmaoo) #lisa rpg #also as an additional i like nonbinary buddy...she is just buddy #put buddy in a conversation with queen roger and maybe i'll take this line seriously #lisa ramblings

[sunmoontruth-stiles]

I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.

#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her #and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura #he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life #deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was #he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means. #when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial. #the best he can do at least #he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times. #often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship #but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost. #22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way #Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless #he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it #she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes. #he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone #he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home. #can’t bare to see another shell of a home #he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes #Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon #but promises feel costly these days #he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura #someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here #his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long. #Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place. #clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them #but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here #he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention #he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves. #he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods #he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.

[whoblewboobear]

Kristen shouldn’t be class president bc of the responsibility-? Guys, It’s such a nothing position that maybe lets you plan prom. What responsibility? I heard about class president like one time during junior year, they announced it on the loud speaker and then proceeded to never mention it again. It’s notoriously a nothing position with no power. Kids campaign by saying stupid shit like they’ll get Fetty Wap to preform or they’ll get the water fountains to have soda in them instead. Let miss Applebees pad out her transcript 👊

#granted this is aguefort and class president might become principal real quick but uhhhh #when the campaign started it had nothing to do with principal so I digress #I knew one of the girls that ran for it in hs. she won and when I tell you she never brought it up again lmaoooo #maybe it’s a bigger deal at other high schools idk I graduated 7 years ago 🤢 #Jesus that’s.. six if I don’t count this year bc I graduated in June 2018 #ugh god I feel old now #I graduated college a year and a half ago #buck wild how time passes #I’m gonna throw UP #fhjy #dimension 20

[arolesbianism]

I am once again being haunted by "a paradox" holy fuck Olivia what the fuck is going on here what did you get yourself involved with and what did you do after it speak to me Olivia I can't keep living like this

#rat rambles #oni posting #the second half fills you with the horrors so you forget that the log opened up with that b111-1 bomb #for the record a paradox is one of my favorite lore logs of all of them because its the log that made me go Oh Shit and go reread all the #olivia logs I initially only skimmed through and begun the olivia brain takeover #the second part rewired my brain irreversably like its so fucked I love it #in particular one thing that makes me so fucking glad that the old olivia jackie logs were scrapped is that originally jackie was the one #who printing pod ified olivia to save her from the end of the world or smth #but the change to make it self inflicted? fucking amazing ten million times better and more interesting #especially because it implies she did it on purpose! #which opens up so many doors and I fucking Love it #because the teleportation technology was what she knew of as a method of doing this but either A shed have to have kept using teleporters #anyways and either just count on her not dying or counting On her dying #or shed have to know the link between it and the neural vaculators #which is very possible considering Stuff™ but does raise the question of how she used it #now the boring answer is that her brain map was already taken from the neural vaculator tests but god. that answer is boring. #the most interesting possibility to me personally is that she could have well. tinkered a bit with existing technology. #unlikely? maybe. fun to explore for my purposes? yep. #also I need the peace of knowing that jackie never got the satisfaction of knowing what happened with olivia's dissapearance #or if she did only after the fact #I need this to have been completely out of jackie's viewpoint at the top and I need it to fuck with her and shatter her worldview #I need to see the desperation and paranoia of a woman who is realizing that she has lost control over her technology #I need to see her try to cling onto her past ambitions and sense of control while falling apart at the seams #and I need olivia to have never thought jackie would give a shit until all else but her is dead and gone #do you see my vision do you see it do you see how much more fun it is if it was extremely deliberate instead of only lightly so

[battlefordreamdiner]

10. Bracelety

#bracelety #bfb bracelety #bfb #i wasnt 100% sure what to do with bracelety but i knew she couldnt stay the same #so i factored her personality in quite a bit making her an ice cube charm bracelet #with pearls and beads of a color reminiscent of her original design #i never really liked bracelety's design its so bland and in the show others are confused when shes not a ring #so i wanted to make sure that she really was a bracelet #i almost. however. made her a slap bracelet yk the ones #which would have been too similar to her original for me #but i did consider it... maybe in the future ill make an alt for her that IS an actual slap bracelet #oh! and happy halloween #team ice cube

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[dapperrokyuu]

Needing a Sua perspective from the ALNST auditions to Round 1. I never put much thought into what happens to the cast post-Anakt Garden graduation (do they immediately go to the auditions? Is there a period of time where they dont see each other until they recognize each other at the audition? Theres a considerable amount of time between the auditions and their Alien Stage season, did they see each other often between then or...? etc.), but regardless, imagine being her and having to choose being sabotaging your own audition so you dont have to go the the Sing, Win, or Die Show or putting your in your all in hopes of winning and spending just a bit more time with this girl you love because you know itll likely be the last time you see her. Imagine...

#dee p thoughts #alien stage #alnst #vivinos #like. not as if life wouldve been sunshine and rainbows if sua failed the audition and never went on alien stage hashtag Im a Pet to Aliens #but like. sua was definitely more in the know. Im not the type to believe mizi was completely naive but I think mizi may have bought into #the idea that dying Wasnt That Bad due to what she was taught and her trust in her owners...until round 1- maybe mizi was confident she'd #truly win and/or her owners praised and made her feel so. sua: ''My dream is Mizi's dream. (paraphrased)'' etc etc #maybe it was the dream of mizi's owners that mizi wanted to fulfill or mizi just wanted to impress her owners in return for their care... #but sua knew. she knew it would either be she never sees mizi again whether she dies or achieve such fame that sua could never reach her... #or sua can spend a little time with her. whatever they have left. whether it was her or mizi the likelihood of them ever seeing each other #again... because mizi is intent on this. she is going to join alien stage. she is going to pass the auditions because she is so dazzling. #...I need to be with her. #I think considering the ivan and sua comic anakt garden may be a pipeline to alien stage? its functionally a music school iirc so I think i #at least gives them a leg up and humans are put into anakt garden with at least some intention of having them try out for alien stage- #but nonetheless I imagine there was a liminal space where none of the cast really knew where their lives were going post-anakt garden. #not that they have much choice in the matter but still dalkjdalkbn- that liminal space mustve been a dark time for majority of them #because well. their owners. and they couldnt meet each other and may never meet again... #regarding the time between the auditions and their alien stage season I imagine its funnily a lot of. training. pr vocals visuals... #they have autographs despite them all potentially dying quickly they had them draft and practice and perfect autographs guys adjlkbnadlfkjf #the look mizi and sua shared in sweet dream when they both passed the auditions together...AUGH.....