#so my mental state has improved somewhat

[koimethehorizon]

Adventure Time and Fionna and Cake Theory: The Victimhood of Simon + How the Series Might End

Prerequisite Watching for this Theory:

Adventure Time: Temple of Mars, Betty, Come Along With Me, Broke His Crown, I Remember You, Holly Jolly Secrets Part II

Gonna start this loaded theory with a bit of a hot take. I’ve never liked how Simon and Betty’s stories concluded in Come Along With Me.

For Simon, I’ve always had trouble considering Simon and the Ice King as the same person. Holly Jolly Secrets and I Remember You, the pinnacle of depicting the dichotomy of the two characters is built on us seeing Simon as suffering irreversible memory loss and how his loved ones can grow to accept that. The context is most apt when viewed as a metaphor for dementia, Alzheimer’s, or simply old age.

The scenes in which Ice King reacts so superfluously to characters desperately wishing for his old self to return are striking because of the cruel finality of his condition. Alternatively, the ones in which his loved ones hang around with him despite his condition are sweet in their own right.

One of my favorite Ice King scenes is in Broke His Crown where Marceline invites her girlfriend to meet her surrogate father.

Bubblegum: What's this?

Ice King: It's a present, to bribe you for coming over!

Marceline: You don't have to bribe us silly, we're here because we WANT to hang out with you.

Ice King: No one has ever said that to me before.

*snatches present*

Ice King: You didn't say no takebacks.

There was a real poignancy to depicting an old man with memory-loss slowly having people come to accept him and realize that he’s still a swell guy to hang around. It may be depressing to see this good person who was once so unconditionally caring into a buffoon who could forget your name so easily and turn on you in the flip of a coin.

But even he deserved love from others. And in time, as a result of that love, he did improve.

Which is why, even in Fionna and Cake, I find myself still disturbed seeing Simon in his normal state and Ice King completely erased from Ooo. It kills me that Betty and in extension, the show itself could not accept Ice King as he was and felt that his best course was to undo it all.

All of his experiences for 1000+ years all of a sudden no longer matter, and the acceptance of his peers no longer mattered as well. He's just back to who he used to be in a world where everything he's known is gone.

Happily ever after

Even worse, however, is remembering the wish that allowed Simon to be cured. The person who sacrificed her individuality to get that good person back, because she couldn’t accept reality as it was.

And I’m going to put a second hot take. A spicy one. Simon needs to take the fault in Betty's fate and Fionna and Cake (the show not the characters) seems aware of this.

Throughout Adventure Time, Simon Petrikov was never developed as a character. As far as the audience and the characters within Adventure Time knew, the only traits about Simon that mattered were: that he was intelligent, he was a kind man, and he loved Betty.

This wouldn’t really be a compelling character on its own, but when juxtaposed with the Ice King it’s a tragedy that he lost these traits. The compelling part of Simon was his victimhood to the ice crown and not really him as a person.

It’s why Obsidian’s version of Simon feels somewhat empty, he’s back to his intelligent, kind self but there’s no real hints to how he’s mentally adjusting other than that brief glimpse in Ice King’s robes again.

And he looks really weird in this special too. Color me surprised when Simon Petrikov reads out the problems I've had for years about his ending while also making Simon into his own person. In many ways it just completely redos what we see of him in Obsidian.

He's still a kind man but even he can't handle being so maladjusted to a world so beyond his time. He's still intelligent but his passions aren't reciprocated, and that seems to have always been the case even in the past. Rather than a guy who doesn't take shit from guys like Marceline's ex or a first responder to his daughter's problems, he's a normal guy unable to handle the threats of Ooo's world even after 12 years of living in it. Rather than singing to large communities in bliss, he's a lonely alcoholic who can't even relate to his fellow humans anymore. He loves his adopted daughter but there are even some days he can't muster the courage to be honest with her. And most importantly, he doesn't seem to know how to live beyond his curse or his loneliness.

His mutual obsession with Betty is the only character trait of his that's ever had some distinct flaw and with this new show, the writers must have finally found a way to tackle the subject further. Betty is ultimately a greater victim than Simon. She ends up in a far worse fate than Simon has ever been in. Perhaps more disturbingly, she willingly chose to strip herself of her individuality.

Fionna and Cake brings a contradiction to light about Simon and Betty’s seemingly perfect relationship. Simon and Betty's love is real and they do make each other happy. But there does exist a co-dependency that has worsened throughout the series as a result of their insecurity of letting a bad memory conclude their relationship. Betty's patterns are pretty clear throughout her tenure as Magic Woman but not too much with Simon. Not until now.

In Jerry, Simon stops Betty from pursuing her dreams because he didn’t want her goodbye to be his last memory with her.

In Betty, Simon rewrites history and inadvertently summons her to Ooo because he didn’t want Betty’s look of contempt to be his last memory of her.

And through all of Fionna and Cake, Simon has turned into a suicidal man willing to resummon GOLBetty regardless of the reasons she can’t see him again. All because he didn’t want her sacrifice to be his last memory of her. Despite the fact that Betty’s final wish was to keep Simon safe.

There's also this uneven power dynamic between the two. Simon was far more accomplished as a professor with PhDs even if no one took him seriously. Betty was just a student offering some help, knowing she wouldn't take any credit for helping.

I’ll preface that Betty is a consenting adult in the relationship and made many self-determined rash choices that Simon would never approve of with full context. We’ve enough scenes to show that Simon actively refuses Betty’s help if it means endangering her.

However, Simon’s perception of Betty and his own inadequacy did influence her personality for the worse. Fionna questions Simon on two occasions about how strange it was for “someone she just met to drop everything to go with you”. Even within the flashbacks Betty verbally describes her internal conflict between her individuality vs. her infatuation with Simon and the guy never picks up on it.

Whether he’s aware of it or not, Simon always ends up becoming the center of attention during Betty’s greatest life-changing events because he’s always suffering in some way. And sadly in-character, Betty always prioritizes him first because of how sorry she feels for him.

Simon: Just hold my hand to your face, this will be my… last sensation.

Betty: Don’t be a wimp, Simon!

I don’t want to be too hard on Simon, his suffering is cosmologically depressing. An undeniable tragedy that no one deserves to be alone on. It would be unfair to say he’s being dramatic about something most if not any human would ever go through. He’s not a leech for desiring help, especially from his significant other.

But I do think it’s important to point out that he does have a major flaw in not reflecting on the consequences of Betty’s choices.

Fionna: Damn, that’s romantic. So, you got on the bus with her?

Simon: Yup. Uh what? No. No. Why would I-

This is the reason this post exists. This is the show explicitly telling us that Simon has never really thought about what Betty lost because he thinks his love was greater than the passion Betty once had.

Let's go back to Betty once again for what is honestly the most justifiable takedown you could make of Simon's character prior to the miniseries.

As stated earlier, Simon opens a portal to ask for Betty's forgiveness with a few seconds on the clock. And in that time, he essentially just unloads a giant drama bomb, trauma dump of his suffering leading Betty to ask what she can even do without him. And if the plan went as it was, Simon would've just left her a hundred questions that she'd never have answered for the rest of her life.

Simon: Just know that I love you and I forgive you for leaving me. Author's Note: I dunno, isn't there something a bit off about how he worded this?

Now Simon didn't ask for Betty to jump into the portal, but he certainly was asking for it subconsciously. How else would he have expected a person who loves him dearly to act after this?

Taking any measures necessary and finding a way back together obviously. That's what he's doing too!

And reiterating again, this is the reason why Betty goes on her ego-suicidal quest. This is Simon's greatest mistake, his greatest moral failing as a person and he doesn't seem aware of this.

He’s not wrong that Betty lived happily with him. In spite of losing her dreams, Betty and Simon did love each other unconditionally. But he’s missing the bigger picture about how he could’ve been self-centered in deciding Betty’s fate for himself.

And maybe to stretch somewhat, I think even the quest to become Ice King again is somewhat motivated by his inability to live as anything more than a victim. Some of it is because the citizens of Ooo were being a bit inconsiderate about how much they liked Ice King yes, but Simon should be perfectly aware that Marceline, Betty, and now Fionna would be extremely concerned about him for doing this. Yet, he doesn’t really consider their feelings too much on the matter. He’s too used to the suffering.

Please have one scene with Marceline, I'd be sad if we don't get to see at least one.

This leads me to how I believe Fionna and Cake may rewrite Simon’s ending.

The key is in the episode Temple of Mars.

Upon rewatching the episode, I’m convinced that the Adventure Time cast had a greater plan with the Betty and Simon arc that just never came to be due to production constraints. A lot of Betty’s history and the deconstruction of her relationship with Simon in Jerry are surprisingly details that have already been told.

I thought it was an animation error that Betty’s glasses were different in Jerry but it turns out the continuity director is just that good.

The trip in six months, Simon stopping her, and the realization that Simon superseded her identity. Seeking independence from Simon is the lesson that Normal Man was trying failed to teach her.

Betty: I’ve spent so much time dedicated on Simon that I’m not even sure if there’s any “me” left anymore.

But the most telling detail is how Betty passes Normal Man’s test.

Finn: Even if you are a lost cause, she is not!

Betty: No, Finn’s right. You’ll thank me for this later past Betty.

In an alternate pocket reality, she changes her trip to the day before, preventing Simon from stopping her. And I think Simon will have to change fate once again to do the same.

If Simon comes to realize that he was the one who set Betty to her terrible fate, that all this time his rose-colored lens of their relationship had been detrimental then he could give her identity back. But it can’t be as simple as changing the moment Betty turns into GOLB or Magic Woman or even bringing her through the portal in Betty.

He needs to let Betty go on the bus. Alone.

It’s the only way for Betty to have her life back. If not for his Betty, maybe at least to save one in the multiverse doomed to the same fate.

They both need to cherish their time on the Enchiridion trip back when it wasn’t too late for Betty to go on the trip. Back when they were both equals and not tied to Simon’s needs.

Jerry is absolutely setting up something big with Simon and Betty’s relationship for next week and now that we’re going to the GOLB dimension, we’ll see how he remembers these moments again.

Personally, as someone who has been skeptical about Simon's peace for years, Fionna and Cake's second episode was like a sigh of relief. Simon hasn't found his ending yet, and my hope is that this epilogue will help me see the man happy without having to relive Betty's sacrifice for the rest of his life. Just like the rest of Adventure Time, it'll have to end with him cherishing the time he had with Betty regardless of the inevitability of losing that relationship.

PS. Isn’t quite strange that at one point in time, Simon sought after magic objects that ostracized him from the normal world and now, he lives in a house full of 1980s-1990s objects that ostracized him from the magical world? Maybe he was never really satisfied with where he was in the present.

PSS. I really wanted to write something on Fionna for the Ep 3-6 releases, and I still have the idea, but I couldn’t make it coherent due to how much my brain overthinks everything to the point of cognitive collapse. If there’s enough interest, I’ll go back to write it again.

#fionna and cake #adventure time #simon petrikov #betty grof #fionna and cake spoilers #adventure time spoilers #animation #art #hbo max #fionna campbell #theories #character analysis #discussion #petrigrof #golbetty #simon and betty

[bugs1nmybrain]

Shigaraki's Psychological Conditions Headcanons - (a long ass post)

So, I'll preface this by saying I am NOT a psychiatrist and am not qualified to diagnose shit. I do however have a history of personal mental health disorders and am going to school for mental health work. This is mostly just for theory sake. My word is not absolute

Let's begin

warnings: mental illness as title suggests, not proofread and probably has typos

Antisocial Personality Disorder / Conduct Disorder

This one sort of goes without saying cuz duh he's a villain or whatever. I want to specify that in terms of Antisocial Personality, he likely is a sociopath, NOT a psychopath

I hear people call him a psychopath all the time and it's infuriating because people throw around labels without understanding what they mean. Psychopaths are more cunning and charming, and very manipulative. This isn't to say that Tomura is none of those things. Psychopath, however, applies to people like All For One. Almost diplomatic and very persuasive.

Tomura is a sociopath because he's known for recklessness and abrasive behavior. Psychopaths often pretend to have feelings, but for sociopaths aggression is a key emotion that's visibly displayed. They are also able to feel remorse in some cases, and I run this back to Shigaraki because he spent years in what was implied to be repressed guilt regarding the death of his family. Tomura admits it himself in his flashbacks, but ultimately decides to let go of that guilt (that he still fucking feels and is in DENIAL but that's another post). Hence, his forgiving nature toward his mother and sister when he's dreaming during surgery.

Even after Tomura let that burden go, he has no desire to be cool and collected, he just fucks around and finds out. Overall, though, he disregards people's lives and doesn't have remorse for what he's done because he throws his trauma and desires over it as a bandaid. He does show care and consideration to people in the League, though.

The conduct disorder part of it is self-explanatory. He's a violent criminal, lol.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Duh.

Trauma is pretty much all Tomura has known. I won't reiterate his backstory, but being physically abused and rejected as a child, the murder of his family, being blatantly ignored by people on the streets, and AFO's upbringing? That's a lot

His PTSD is so dehibilitating that it took hold of his body language and behavior. Before the end of s5, Tomura was rigid and hunched over. In the MHA video games, he's also seen as very restless and moving his body around (until s4 era in One's Justice 2). I'll attach a video below.

He's also just very irritable and easily set off at the reminders of his trauma and rejection. "I HATE YOU" is a key example, as up to that point Tomura had been improving his rash behavior, but he's very unsettled by his past and continues to be now.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

His case of OCD is connected to his trauma and emotions. You'll find that a lot of his conditions feed into one another. For him, he has a variant of dermatillomania (often known as the skin picking disorder). For him, that is in the form of scratching rather than picking. But he does it compulsively and without thought, and he does it in attempts to self soothe. I believe he does it occasionally as a self injurious behavior, resulting in itching himself rather than lashing out. He even just does it when he's only moderately anxious or irritated.

Depression

While we don't see Shigaraki slumped in bed or feeling sad in the ways we see in many cases of depression, his "I hate everything" mentality puts him here. Actually, it's safe to say he experiences anhedonia, which is the lack of enjoyment in anything. He seems to somewhat enjoy video games, but his bio states "nothing" as his likes. I'm inclined to believe he feels no personal joy or happiness, and tries to attain that through murderous rage. Never works tho, does it Tomura?

Bipolar Disorder and Unspecified Psychotic Disorder

This one might stir some debates, but I do genuinely think he has a mood disorder. I don't want to feed into stigma that bipolar and psychotic people are "evil," because I myself have these conditions, so maybe I'm projecting lmao. He's definitely not medicated, and so I'd say his case is Bipolar Type 1. This type is characterized by intense manic symptoms, though depressive symptoms can be severe, too.

Tomura has manic tendencies, and he's impacted by mania in that he seems to get spontaneous motivation, but he also will stay stagnant for some time. I saw this as the case when Spinner literally went at Shiggy for putting the League in a complacent stage, but he's done this before, such as when he was in a slump about Stain. When his motivation surges, though, he goes above and beyond and doesn't put extensive thought into it. He just lunges into his desires in pursuit of satisfaction. He also has delusions of grandoisity to some degree and has a moment where he treats himself as invincible. He fought Gigantomachia for almost two months, and kept fucking going at him. Surely, he could've asked the doctor to call him off, but Tomura wanted that power so bad. Tomura also went into his surgery without asking many questions about it. He makes very impulsive decisions, even after people insist that he "matured." He also gets flicked into motivation like a snap of a finger, and proceeds to be lead mostly by endorphins and gratification.

When Tomura experiences what he perceives as a "positive" emotion, it overtakes him. He becomes pretty much engrossed in his bodily sensations. Through maniacal laughter and taunting language that's charged in a hate induced fuel. When Shigaraki has "voila" moments, he has a surge in neuroactivity and gets into aggressive mood stages, but I guess that could apply to most of the villains. I saw this when Deku told him the difference between him and Stain, and Tomura had a surge in manic-like bliss and drive.

I'm not sure if Tomura hearing the voices of his family before his epiphany was just intrusive thoughts, but I thought they may have been auditory hallucinations. Tomura admits to hearing things that aren't there and seeing visual hallucinations, too. Evidenced by:

I hate how the dub translated this into "when you're this tired" as a broad statement. The manga gives this more personal association to Shigaraki, and he says that it happens when he's sleepy, and doesn't specify if it's only when he's extremely sleep deprived or just tired. Also, him staying up for days on end and smiling his ass off reeks of mania. He has delusional sprinkles in his thinking process, but they're not of bizarre nature, and are usually tied to his trauma. At this point in the manga he's very psychotic, though. That has a lot to do with him being fueled with adrenaline and also just breaking out of AFO's control.

I think he is either bipolar type 1 with psychotic features or has a mild case of schizoaffective disorder. Probably the first one, but I'm not sure.

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder)

This one is more of a gut feeling for me, but I see Tomura as being easily distracted and aloof to his surroundings at times. He's fidgety and does shit on whim.

Also, look at his room.

I'm not saying that everyone with ADHD has a messy room, but from what I can see, he goes from one task, drops it entirely without picking up, and goes to the next. Some could argue that Tomura simply doesn't care, and that's true, but he's at least got some decency to put the shit in trash bags. Trash bags that he HASN'T EVEN TAKEN OUT. I think he gets too caught up in the shit he's focused on that it slips his mind to do simple things like that.

He has spontaneous interests from what I can tell from the many books and toys he has that seem to have gone untouched for some time. He also hyperfixates, and I don't mean interest wise. I mean that when he's dwelling on something, it doesn't leave his mind for DAYS, until he gets some gratification. All Might in s1 and Stain s2 for example.

-

In conclusion, this boy has a grocery list of conditions, but I love Tomura. I love my beautiful prince with a disorder, and he is so dear to me.

I'm open to discussions about this, but please keep them respectful.

#shiggy #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki tomura headcanons #shigaraki headcanons #tomura shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #shimura tenko

[liauditore]

2023 art review! thoughts and such below the cut

2023 has been a really wild year for me in terms of Life Stuff both good and bad and i think it.. definitely shows through my art.

I've had this thing for years where I always felt my art was.. kinda mid? Not Bad by any means (I'm not delusional about my own skill level. I think) but definitely not good enough to stand out or make an impact. And I think I became somewhat comfortable in that "good enough" state for awhile.

this year though I think at some point I kind of sat down with myself and said I was going to Get Good and I think it somewhat paid off? I spent a lot of the middle of the year revisiting colour since that was always something I was confident in and started tackling stuff that scare me like anatomy/perspective/basically anything technical nearing the end.

there's definitely still room to improve but in general ive noticed my character's faces being less wonky and my illustrations feeling more "focused" overall.

I must also mention that the mcyt brainrot became my entire personality sometime in March and being active in a fandom for the first time in forever has definitely played a part. I have met so many amazing ppl and I have kind of an issue with getting competitive, so being surrounded by really skilled artists all the time online might've done something to me mentally lmao (and thank you all for being friends with me i still don't feel like you are real people sometimes where did you come from)

SO UM YEAH here's to another year of getting better at doodling :D

past years:

#my art #2023 art summary #cw blood

[idkaguyorsomething]

Two personal preferences for the Jojolands: it does not end on a downer note and that the author does not play Jodio's mental illness for horror.

definitely gonna agree with you on the second one, though slight disagreement on the first one. part nine could very well be the last jojo’s we’re ever gonna get, so it makes a lot of sense that people are gonna want it to end on a happy note. and traditionally, every part has ended with the characters at least reaching some level of satisfaction and personal fulfillment, but there has ALWAYS been casualties along the way, ranging from that one side character to the entire core cast minus a literal child. the happiest ending we got was in part four, which definitely had a more relaxed slice-of-life vibe to it than part nine, which already parallels part five, a story where literally half the cast gets killed off as they brutally slaughter all their enemies. having everyone in the main cast survive to the end seems unlikely, and tbh, i do enjoy the fact that in a lot of jojo stories, anyone can die. even if i love these characters with all my heart, it is an effective narrative choice to kill them off in order to raise the stakes. nearly every death in this series feels like an emotional gut punch without sidelining the actual agency of the character being killed (rip george jr, the least important joestar). depending on what kind of story araki wants to tell, a bittersweet ending could be more effective than an unconditionally happy one. but hey, if it’s his final outing in the world he created, ¡he might actually feel like being merciful to his characters for once! and if it’s not, well, i’ll look forward to all the fix fics everyone writes where everyone lives.

as for jodio’s mental illness, this one has me a bit worried. araki has made a lot of dubious writing decisions in the past on sensitive topics like this (overuse of sa, “curing” johnny’s disability, side characters that come off as dated ethnic caricatures) but he has made a consistent effort to include a lot of demographics that don’t show up in a lot of manga, and his writing of characters from said demographics has considerably improved over time. tracking the women in his stories, from erina to lisa lisa to trish to jolyne to yasuho, and how they’re treated tells a fascinating story in and of itself. johnny has a lot of emotional depth and character beyond his disability. this series honestly has more black characters than any other manga/anime i can think of (though i haven’t watched afro samurai yet). there are absolutely problematic elements here to critique and pick apart, but i kinda prefer this flawed approach to representation than the nonexistent state of it in other similar stories. but getting back on track, araki has written a lot of shit in the past, so he could definitely fumble the ball again here. however, i personally think there’s currently more setup in the story for jodio to become more of an antihero in line with giorno or johnny. he’s on good terms with at least two of his family members, an achievement hitherto unheard of in this series, and he’s depicted as more of a goofy teen who makes bad decisions somewhat in line with the criteria for antisocial personality disorder than an irredeemable monster. it’s far too early in the story to tell where this is headed, though, so overall we just have to cross our fingers and hope that araki goes for a more sensitive, nuanced portrayal of a protagonist with aspd instead of going all “lol he’s joDIO what did you expect”

#please please please this kid could honestly be one of my favorite protagonists ever if he’s written well #the first chapter did such a fantastic job of establishing jodio’s character and these later ones have been carrying that momentum #don’t fuck it up araki #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojolands #the jojolands #jodio joestar #antisocial personality disorder #if anyone with antisocial personality disorder wants to comment on this i’d be super interested #hirohiko araki

[tadpolesonalgae]

hey! it's been a while, tbh. i still read your works and check your profile pretty regularly, but i don't think i've sent an ask in a while. i think you complimented my writing style last time(that it was fun to read, i think?) so thanks for that. i've been rereading cbmthy once again, at least the starting parts, and it seems i'd forgotten how much of an asshole az'd been in the beginning.

anyway, you've heard about this from multiple people, me included so i won't rehash it, but like before i think i'm particularly interested to see how he mends that relationship, and how justified reader is in being ok with it. anyway i do find myself wondering what their relationship would look like in the future, if you've already decided on it? if you're fine with talking about it, ofc. i understand if you don't wish to spoil it or take away from how surprising it might be.

anyway i think it would be interesting to explore what feelings az would feel once everything actually sinks in, and that he needs to actually apologize. admittedly i think it would be fun it it came about because of him being jealous or something, but i know it's more realistic for it to be bc of the confrontation(perhaps during the one you've been talking about for a while?).

i think of all i'm most interested to see how everything az said in the beginning affects reader once they have a cordial relationship and/or a romantic one, where i think it's most likely that az just doesn't make up for the words he says because he's sure that r knows they're false and that he'd only said them in the heat of the moment and because he'd already vaguely apologized before and then having to deal with the fact that r's internalized it, at least somewhat. (admittedly this might be me projecting what i think i would do in the situation. praise kink go brr?).

oh! i'm also curious how you'll mend the comparisons to elain part tbh. quite a thing that's usually make or break in a relationship where i think i would be quite concerned if someone stayed in a relationship after that tbh. unsure how one would come back from that, but perhaps it is a personal thing.

feel free to talk about this stuff if you want!

(if you're fine with it, i would like to be * anon?)

Hello hello!!!

‘i've been rereading cbmthy once again, at least the starting parts, and it seems i'd forgotten how much of an asshole az'd been in the beginning.’

Honestly same, I’ve been recapping since I’m working on part 13 and i’m looking back and realising he has to be on perfect behaviour from now on or reader’s going to turn her head the other way 🫡

‘but like before i think i'm particularly interested to see how he mends that relationship, and how justified reader is in being ok with it.’

So, someone has definitely mentioned the fact that if he starts acting better around reader only once her mental state begins improving, there’s the concern of “you only love me at my best” scenario, which is definitely not what we want! Anyhow, we’re getting closer to the main turning point in the story which I hope will be a relief to hear, so there’s going to be a lot of reconsideration on past decisions and adapting to new developments that arise as the story goes on, which in turn, will allow Az and reader’s relationship to evolve to something better and healthier :)

‘anyway i do find myself wondering what their relationship would look like in the future, if you've already decided on it?’

Honestly it’s not going to change dramatically, I don’t think? She’s still going to be nervous when entering new territory with him, because I feel that’s a quintessential part of who she is 😭 what will change is likely how she manages the nerves and how Az interacts with her worry, learning how to work around and with one another and sync up their habits so they can coincide :)

‘if you're fine with talking about it, ofc. i understand if you don't wish to spoil it or take away from how surprising it might be.’

Thank you for including this 🧡💛

I think for the most part, it’s only the points of interest outside their relationship I’d like to keep quiet on, since those are more plot related and i’m honestly kind of excited/anxious to learn what people think when those Events happen! Also some of it, reader will also be learning on her own, so I’d like your experience to be as close to hers as possible, which includes for the most part not knowing if her life is changing for the worse or for the better :)

‘anyway i think it would be interesting to explore what feelings az would feel once everything actually sinks in, and that he needs to actually apologize.’

This part I haven’t yet gotten around to fully thinking through. It’ll probably be something like getting some segments from his perspective where we see him connecting reader’s actions to things that have happened in the past and understanding some of the things that need to change or be addressed to progress?

‘(perhaps during the one you've been talking about for a while?).’

I’m think the actual scene might have to be in a longer chapter, just because I would like to keep people immersed, and with how long it sometimes takes me to update cbmthy, I don’t want people having to wait to see what happens until it’s passed 😭

‘cordial’

Such a tangent but I love this word so much 🤌

‘…and because he'd already vaguely apologized before and then having to deal with the fact that r's internalized it, at least somewhat.’

I think this whole issue might be addressed over the course of a few discussions? Again, I haven’t fully figured out how it’s going to unfold so it’s certainly subject to change, but I think because self-doubt is an integral part of reader’s thinking process, it’s not something that would be remedied in one talk. Either way, I’ll do some more thinking about it and see if anything comes to mind :)

‘oh! i'm also curious how you'll mend the comparisons to elain part tbh….’

This will most likely also be included in those discussions, since it’s not just Elain but also Mor reader compares herself to. I think with Elain, that’ll probably be a topic that comes up with Az? I think? 🤷 Then with reader’s subconscious comparisons with Mor, I think that might just be a relationship she needs to fix on her own? Seeing Mor as her own person rather than someone Azriel loved is likely going to be something she has to unlearn and overcome :)

‘(admittedly this might be me projecting what i think i would do in the situation. praise kink go brr?).’

😳🫣👀🤝

‘feel free to talk about this stuff if you want!’

I love getting to talk about it, thank you so much for being interested ☹️

I really hope the story continues to be enjoyable despite how long the chapters take to write and how it sometimes takes a while for things to happen :)

#* anon <3 #* #cbmthy

[lets-try-some-writing]

You got any hurt/comfort Headcanons for the bots or cons? I'm kinda down in the dumps right now.

I am so sorry it took me so long to get to this! I will try to make it up to you with my writing! I hope this makes you feel somewhat better! (also sorry that this is all about Optimus, he was just on my mind when I thought about angst and comfort... also semi sentient Matrix has been living in my head rent free for a while soooo)

Shifts and Changes

The Matrix is a mysterious relic, one which very little is known about save what the previous Primes have revealed. It was always strange to Orion that each and every one of the Primes to take up the mantle seemed to fall into madness after a time. Orion also never understood this or why the Primes kept knowledge of the Matrix and its secrets to themselves. But after coming to bear the Matrix himself, Optimus understood. Sometimes he wished he didn't.

The Matrix is more than a container for ancient knowledge, it is an artifact infused with part of the sparks and wills of all who have wielded it. Because of this, it is in a sense... alive. It has a will, an animalistic desire to see Cybertron and its people protected, by any means necessary. As such it has no issues changing its chosen champion to better suit its needs. It doesn't just remake their frame, it latches onto their spark and slowly but surely begins to connect to it, gaining a greater influence over the Prime with time. It molds their mind, giving it's Prime the same drive and desire, and it whispers to them, changing their very code, making the Prime become something... other.

Optimus is no exception to this.

In the beginning, the effects were minimal, in fact, he felt better than ever. His frame was powerful, his spark was enlightened, and he had all the knowledge and wisdom of his ancestors to guide him. However as time passed and the Matrix's bond with him grew stronger, he started to change. At first, it was small things, like feeling disconnected from the world around him in a way he couldn't explain and feeling the urge to nurture and protect the few remaining sparklings. It was off-putting but not detrimental, so Optimus chalked it up to the stress of the war and overactive parental protocols.

After a few vorns, he found himself seeing the world differently, from a more apathetic point of view. Things that seemed so important, so urgent, felt less relevant, instead, his thoughts started to drift away from his personal connections and toward the health of Cybertron and its people as a whole. He began to pull away from others, cutting himself off in a way that was not noticeable to his friends and companions. He still comforted, listened, and connected to others, at least on the surface. But he found himself looking at it as a duty, a function, and an instinctual part of his being, not his own desire.

His acquisition of Bumblebee both improved his mental state and simultaneously increased the Matrix's hold over him. For a time he stopped drifting away from others and his slowly growing apathy screeched to a halt. He devoted himself entirely to teaching and nurturing Bumblebee, almost to an obsessive degree. However once Bumblebee grew to be somewhat independent, the agreement between Optimus and the Matrix ended, the latter of which quickly renewed its efforts to change Optimus to better suit its purposes.

By the time Optimus arrived on earth he was practically a dead mech walking. His only desire, his only purpose is to fight and die for his people, nothing else matters. Any cost is acceptable if it means possibly defeating the enemy and protecting his people. In his mind he is only one part of a greater whole, a singular piece in a grand eternal plan. He is one part of the Matrix, an incarnation of Primus's will and one voice in the grand chorus. His own belief is that he as an individual does not matter, he is but a vessel and the Matrix's latest attempt to make things right. He could care less about his own wellbeing, only his people matter.

The team can see this, and while they don't understand his self sacrificial tendencies or why he refers to himself as 'we' on occasion and talks as though he were present in some ancient era, they still try to help him.

Ratchet tries his best to draw out bits of Orion, mainly by discussing old times in an attempt to pull Optimus out of his own head. It works sometimes and for a little while Optimus is just Optimus, not the Prime and not the newest attempt to fix Cybertron by the Matrix. Ratchet knows it is the Matrix screwing with his oldest friend and he hates the fragging thing even if he knows it has goodish intentions. He does everything in his power to give Optimus what little reprieve he can get from his primely duties. He tries, he really does, but he can't do it all alone.

Bulkhead, Arcee, and Wheeljack are not anywhere near as close to Optimus as Ratchet, but boy do they try and help their Prime anyway. Random acts of affection, pulling him into games with them, or simply doing their best to engage in conversation are their best attempts. Movie nights are also a good way for them to get Optimus out of his own head as the Prime tends to get distracted by a good story.

Ultra Magnus also does what he can by emulating Optimus's own methods for dealing with others. He will sit with his commander and talk, not about anything serious, but trivial things. It forces Optimus to think outside of his duties, at least partially, and engage with others. This in turn leads him to be more expressive, to separate himself from the conjoined mind that is the Matrix in order to respond appropriately.

Smokescreen doesn't even know he is doing it, but by being his fanboy self he forces Optimus to act like more of a living being. He reminds Optimus of Bumblebee when he was young and brings up emotions that are usually well hidden. The Prime becomes concerned for and affectionate towards the rambunctious elite guardsman rather quickly after his arrival. Optimus got attached and now he is physically incapable of being stoic and mystical when Smokescreen is trying to do something stupid.

Bumblebee does what Bumblebee does and gives his caretaker love. This in turn wakes Optimus from his state of resigned duty and gives him a chance to be himself. Sometimes Bumblebee will act younger than he is on purpose when he can sense Optimus has fallen deep into his trance. On those days Optimus can't help but want to be expressive and interested. He wants to watch his sparkling grow and change, and the Matrix is equally interested in the events. And so for a brief time every now and then Optimus is completely unburdened and allowed to simply be himself when Bumblebee gets involved.

The human children also help Optimus return to awareness and often don't even realize it. They are just so unpredictable and alien to both Optimus and the Matrix that both can't help but focus on the children. Optimus wants to express himself and the Matrix wants new information to feed to its future wielders, and so the Prime is capable of being emotional, compassionate, and inquisitive around the kids. The Matrix even purposefully pushes forward more of Orion's traits when around the children so that it can gain more data.

And lastly, weather Megatron knows it or not, he keeps Optimus from fully succumbing to the Matrix. His taunts, his behavior, and his constant callback's to his and Optimus's shared past make the Prime feel. He forces Optimus to feel. Not even the Matrix can stop Optimus from feeling rage, sorrow, and regret in overwhelming quantities when battling Megatron. It is the most awakening activity for the Prime and usually leaves him expressive and open for weeks afterwards before falling back into the Matrix's grip yet again.

-

(So not really hurt comfort but this is what I have right now... sorry if you don't like it)

#maccadam #transformers prime #transformers #tfp optimus #the matrix of leadership #its kind of sort of alive #I really do headcannon that the thing is semi sentient #how can it not be after spending so long picking up pieces of its primes? #team prime #megatron

[scienceandstorytelling]

I would love to hear about your experience as a park ranger! I'm trying to shift my work into park stuff (and nature stuff in general) and I don't know much about park rangers

Aaa hello!

So I was an interpreter at a state park, it was a small park with nothing too dramatic happening (@wild-west-wind is a ranger at a National Park and has more experience than me and talks about it in their park ranger tag). The best part about my park was that it was in a fairly suburban area, about an hour away from a major city, so I feel like it was really valuable for people to find this area of nature that was preserved right here near their homes. One of my goals was to show them that some of the nature there could be found at their own homes as well.

Idk what kind of things you want to know and whether I have the experience to answer it, but I want to say that my main goal was to connect people both to nature in general and, as I said, the nature around them at home. The suburbs can both feel like and actually be somewhat of a wasteland sometimes (this is a main theme in the book of short stories I’m working on). But nature cannot be erased entirely. People’s lawns are made of manicured monoculture grass, but that grass is still a plant. There may be a small group of trees on the corner, but they’re still trees. Butterflies, bees, and other pollinating bugs still come to the exotic and ornamental flowers they plant in their yards. Coyotes, raccoons, and foxes sniff around their trash cans at night. Birds, squirrels, moss, lichen, and countless bugs live in those few trees on the corner. Hawks sit on the backyard fences, and ospreys and herons fly overhead, commuting from fish pond to reservoir. And that’s only the life we’re capable of seeing. The local ecosystem may not be healthy, but it’s always there.

I want to connect people to that kind of thing. I want them to pay attention to the plants and animals that share their neighborhood. They don’t even have to learn species names, it’s enough just to notice that there’s moss on that tree or that there are multiple types of weeds in the crack on the sidewalk or that that one bush is always full of birds in the morning. And the start of that journey might be having me point out wildlife in a slightly more wild setting, teaching them to notice and think about and wonder about various different things. If I point out how the male dragonflies are guarding prime egg-laying spots if you only stop to watch, maybe they’ll wonder what else they can notice if they stop and pay attention to the bugs in their yard. If I show them the little spring flowers under their feet that they didn’t even notice, maybe they’ll look for them as they walk to their mailbox at home. If I teach them to listen to the alarm calls that birds make, maybe it will unlock a whole new soundscape in their backyard.

Connecting to nature is important both for conservation and for our own physical and mental health. The more we care about something, or at least understand it, the more we protect it. People don’t need to come away from my hikes loving vultures, but if they come away understanding that every living thing is connected in our ecosystem, that’s what’s important. They don’t have to like vultures to see the importance of that interconnectedness and consider their own role in it (although liking vultures is always encouraged). And not only is our health linked to the health of the planet, we are also a species that evolved in nature like every other and it is genuinely good for our health to engage with it. Exercise is one thing, but then also just being in the sun improves the quality of sleep you get and increases the production of dopamine and serotonin in your brain. Exposure to nature makes you more relaxed. Being aware of the living things around you is mentally stimulating and makes you feel less alone, and more engaged with the passage of time and the things going on around you. This is why nature accessibility is so important, both in terms of having natural spaces available to people of all income levels and in a way that works with our capitalist work and life schedules and in terms of making it accessible to disabled people, especially those who can’t leave the house. (Side note, I really admire how @geopsych gets people that nature exposure and connection through their photography)

So idk, that’s my mission as a nature educator. Yes, I love infodumping and getting to show people coyote pelts and baby bugs and all the little nature secrets. But that’s the larger goal I carry beyond the self-satisfaction of talking about nature facts. It’s a very big goal but like everything in an ecosystem, little impacts add up, and I hope I’ll be able to make lots of those little impacts throughout my life.

#Ask answered #nature education #nature #park ranger #Cave life #Nature connection

[emptifylie]

i broke my fast friday night at 14 days with 2 egg whites and some fruits and veggies. i’ve been fasting again since then, im now on the 2nd night of my fast. i plan to break it no earlier than the end of the week or next week.

anyways, i threw up into an empty bottle of diet coke today cuz it’s all i had near me in that moment and i don’t if it scared me or relieved me. i’m relieved cuz at least i’ll be thinner but it scared me cuz what the fuck? i just threw up into an empty bottle and then hid it in my desk…. that being said my mental state has actually improved a lot within these past few weeks, mostly because i am losing a little weight which is better than nothing. oh and sadly i got my period for the first time in months last night but at least that somewhat explains my insane bloating. i also had a doctors visit and found out i am severely vitamin deficient so i’ll be trying to take some more vitamins since i won’t be eating for another week or two. my body is covered in bruises and although that’s a product of my starvation and deficiencies i find comfort in it. at least i know it’s doing something. it’s 11pm which is late for me but i have to stay up much, much later studying for my medical exams. i’ve started putting more effort into other aspects of my life as well. time to go study until i know im fully prepared!!!!!!!! :/

#eating diary #ed vent #tw ed diet #only pro for tags #tw ed sheeran #4norexi4 #tw ana diary #pr0 ana diary #pro a4a #annarexya #ana vent #ana rant #pro 4na #ed diet #4na diary #4n0r3x14 #4n0rexic #4n4rexia #4na fast #4na vent #4norexla #4narex1a #not pr0 4na

[fan-mans]

The Suchong rant/theory/speculation

So, I know that a vast majority of the Bioshock fandom fucking hates BAS (Especially on here) for very good reason. But, I will say that, when it isn’t being racist, destroying canon, and insulting all the characters- it does bring a few interesting things to the table. This is especially true for Suchong’s character, his motivations, personality, and his relationship to Jack and Tenenbaum.

Ever since I read the note Tenenbaum left Suchong, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I’ve gone down a bit of a wiki rabbit hole, investigating Suchong and Tenebaum’s characters to answer all the questions that came up. I mean, if Suchong was really as much of a soulless bastard as people like to portray him, why would Tenenbaum try to appeal to his emotions? It makes no sense to me that Tenenbaum would try to appeal to the sensibilities of a man who has given no indication of compassion or remorse.

So, I posit a theory: Suchong and Tenenbaum both began to feel remorse for their actions at roughly the same time, leading to Tenenbaum writing the note to save someone she was friends with and could possibly aid her.

Now, I know this may sound ridiculous but, after applying a little bit of logic, Suchong showing some remorse but going on with his work makes more sense than Tenenbaum appealing to someone she knows doesn’t care about the kids and that she doesn’t care about either. And before I get into my evidence, I am using what is present in the games only as I have not read the novels, nor do I care to.

So, why would Tenenbaum even begin to care about Suchong? Well, one could argue that she just wanted help with the little sisters, but there are plenty of good people in rapture so her bothering with Suchong in particular feels important. Of course, he did do the mental programming on them, but Tenenbaum herself states that the children can grow out of it and forget, so Suchong would really only speed up the de-conditioning process.

Instead, I want to bring forward the idea that Suchong and Tenenbaum were good colleagues, and maybe even friends. Listening to Gilbert Alexander’s audio diary “Improving on Suchong’s work”, it’s easy to hear the sadness in Alexander’s voice, which can imply a lot of things, most prominently that there was some level of camaraderie between them. Other cut audio diaries from Alexander similarly imply a strong amount of sadness about Suchong’s death, furthering this point. Okay, Suchong probably had friends- so what? Well, it means he could’ve easily have had a positive relationship with Tenenbaum! Since we don’t know the date of Suchong’s audio diaries “Mozart of genetics” and “Plasmids are the paint”, we can’t say for sure how long ago those thoughts about Tenebaum were, though both are implied to be early in their relationship. Even while looking down on Tenenbaum, Suchong still very much admired her skill as a scientist, which at least to me, indicates a clear avenue for solidarity and mutual respect between them. 

As there are no audio diaries mentioning Suchong and no radio messages giving her clear opinions on him it’s a little tough to gauge her perspective on her colleague. However, Tenenbaum being outright friends with Suchong, I feel, makes much more sense when you take her note into consideration. Tenenbaum’s note being an not only appeal towards someone who can make saving the little sisters easier, but an appeal to a friend, a man she respected, who she raised multiple children with, makes the effort of writing it and putting it in his secret lab make so much more sense! It makes the appeal at all make more sense as well. Tenenbaum is a very hopeful woman, yes, but if she was talking to a friend, someone she knew even somewhat intimately, over a man she barely knows or actively dislikes, then her confidence in convincing him to her side skyrocket.

Now, speaking of kids, let's talk about Jack and the little sisters. I don’t think people really acknowledge that Suchong had put just as much, if not more, work into raising Jack as Tenebaum. I personally think that though Frank was present, he did leave most of the work of raising and training Jack to those two. The little sisters, on the other hand, he had no care for other than funding. Suchong, however, is directly addressed by the girls as “papa’ multiple times, indicating that he is their father figure like Tenenbaum is their mother figure. 

Alongside this- there doesn’t seem to be much outright hostility between him and the girls. Of course, in Bioshock 1, there is the ghost scene of the little sister crying about not wanting to be ‘put on the table’ and the infamous ‘protection bond’ audio diary where he slaps a child, but nuance can put those instances in a new light. First, the ghost scene has no context other than the words spoken by the girl, so, this could easily be a case of Suchong turning an orphan into a little sister- still bad, but expected of both him and Tenenbaum. The audio diary on the other hand, as well as the real time version in BaS, does require a deeper analysis.

So, prior to the event, we see Leta and Masha rescue and befriend a big daddy, creating the protector bond, the girls disappear and later re-appear, as we come across Suchong venting to his audio diary, trying to figure out his massive problem. The girls enter and enthusiastically try to get his attention. Now, let’s pause here and ask a few questions. First; why would kids he’s very cruel to regard him with such enthusiasm and second why are they trying to get his attention? My conclusion to answer these questions is as follows; Suchong was NOT as cruel as implied and he communicated his problem with the protection bond to the girls. 

If Suchong was super abusive, why would the kids actively seek his attention? Would they not fear angering him if they bother him, especially at work? The enthusiasm the girls have and willingness to approach him (As well as Suchong allowing them to roam around freely) indicates a more relaxed relationship. Despite what he says about children sometimes, calling the girls brats, and generally regarding children as stupid and unruly, there is room to plausibly infer that he didn’t hate them 24/7. Even more so, as evidenced by both of the coded notes, the problem with the protection bond is on the Big Daddies, not the little sisters, their conditioning is well in effect at this time. With the added detail of the girls jumping to find him after the bond is made, then it stands to reason that they understood the problem and were going to tell their papa the good news. I figure that they either sensed a change in his behavior or he outright told them the problem and to find him if there was a change, leaning toward the latter explanation.

Okay, now let's go back to Suchong's death scene. So the girls bug him a bit, don’t take the hint to leave him alone, and he loses his temper and slaps Leta. The girls not taking the hint to fuck off tells me that him telling them to scram is pretty rare. What seems just as rare is slapping one of the girls- Masha rushes to Leta’s side and both seem pretty shocked at the turn. Suchong gets killed by the big daddy and the girls rush to said big Daddy’s arms once he becomes docile again- which one may say implies that they didn’t like Suchong or were happy to see him die. However, I would argue this is mostly the mental conditioning. The girls easily changed their minds about the injured big daddy, going from fear to willingly helping him in an instant. This happens again during the death sequence- what normal child would watch something that violent happen, even to someone they hate, and jump into the perpetrator’s arms? The answer is in the strong mental conditioning- so powerful it overrides any form of logic.

With that out of the way, let’s look at his relationship with Jack. Again, if he really hated the kids, why would he let Jack and the sisters call him papa? Logically, he’d want to distance himself from any kind of parental role- but he didn’t. With Jack especially, he lingered in the old baby room- likely often enough that Tenenbaum knew he’d see her note there. Hell, his damn sandwich is still fresh! I also can’t find any instances of him insulting Jack. He never calls Jack by name, but neither does Fontaine or Tenenbaum, which makes me believe he was only given a proper name after being sent topside. There is also the matter of the puppy Jack had- but we aren’t given enough context on how Jack obtained her to know why she was killed, she could have very well been killed on Fontaine’s orders. Like with the little sisters, I don’t think Suchong was outright cruel to Jack- at least not most of the time. If anything, he gives Jack more respect than the little sisters and potentially prefers him to the girls.

Now, how about Suchong’s personality? I think his personality, other than ‘cruel evil doctor’, and ‘coward’ gets overlooked by the fandom. I’d argue that Suchong isn’t a coward per se, but rather that he won’t pick a fight that he doesn’t think he’s got a chance at. He’ll really only fight people he sees as equals or underlings- caving only to superiors. This is why he made himself useful to the Japanese rather than fight them and it’s why he easily transitioned to working under Ryan after Fontaine ‘died’. He’s smart, he knows when he’s got a chance and when to pick a fight- though he clearly isn’t afraid of bitching about his circumstances or spitting sass. It’s clear that he is greedy for money like a lot of rapture characters, outright stating that it was good that he was the only one who knew about the little sisters after Fontaine and Tenenbaum went down, as well as scientific progress.

I would even go as far as to say that he may have regretted his actions after Jack left or had some weakening towards Jack specifically. I have two reasons for this, first being Tenebaum’s note and the ‘send to Ryan’ note. The verbiage of Tenebaum’s note strikes me as odd- specifically the line ‘It is in your power to be a different man’-  that line screams to me that he has shown some sort of remorse for his actions prior to Tenenbaum leaving. The line ‘They are children… and yes, they will forget’ also strikes me as Suchong not wanting to Kill the sisters and having some kindness towards them. Now the big one to me is ‘What can Ryan take from us that we have not already sacrificed…?’ That tells me Suchong is afraid or hesitant to change because of Ryan. There’s also the note Suchong left for himself.  He clearly planned to send the evidence of Jack to Ryan but something made him chicken out. What event exactly is unclear, perhaps Fontaine's ‘death’ or Tenenbaum's disappearance or the overtaking of his job. Whatever it was, something made him feel brave enough to start a whistleblower plan and something else made him stop.

So, with all the evidence (A.k.a. me pulling at threads) together, let’s set up a very rough timeline for Suchong. He enters Rapture, meets Tenenbaum, and begins working with her on plasmid tech. Initially the two don’t get along and he retains a low opinion of her, but slowly they begin to warm up to one another and some level of respect for each other if not outright friendship blooms between them.

Fontaine then entrusts them with the Little Sisters program, putting them in charge of children for higher ADAM production. With the addition of children, things get complicated. The more immoral side of their work begins to be less excusable as before the little sisters, they really only experimented on adults. The kids are hard to care for but a necessary evil to continue producing Adam to meet customer demand. They cannot sedate the girls so Suchong attempts to alleviate some of the struggle of working with them, as well as encourage his ‘Adam recycling’ by implementing mental conditioning in the girls. This works to an extent, but they nevertheless remain children, in both mental capacity and physical strength.

Fontaine, seeing this mental conditioning, then entrusts the WYK program to Tenenbaum and Suchong. The girls at the orphanage already referred to Suchong and Tenenbaum as ‘papa’ and ‘mama’ respectively, but now they have even more responsibility and intimacy in raising this child. In an attempt to stave off the growing softness for the child they are now raising as a killing machine, Tenenbaum and Suchong don’t name him, only calling him ‘baby’. They recognize the growing instinct they have for the children both in themselves and each other, but do not discuss it, likely because of Fontaine’s eye over them.

Suchong breaks first, giving baby Jack a level of affection that he does not show the girls. Tenebaum sees this but does not say anything, intending to protect her colleague. Fontaine begins to notice Tenenbaum going soft, however, and sets Suchong up to keep lot 192 a secret from her. Project WYK wraps up and they send the baby to the surface, Suchong and Tenenbaum shoving their feelings back down and returning to work on the sisters. Still, Suchong cannot get the baby out of his head, often returning to the child’s secret room to the point of Tenenbaum noticing. Nonetheless things are normal. 

Tenenbaum has a change of heart and her actions become far gentler with the girls, which gives Suchong the strength to re-asses and begin a whistleblower plan. That is until Tenenbaum disappears, sapping all his confidence away as Fontaine becomes increasingly erratic. The civil war breaks out and Fontaine vanishes. Suchong is the only person aware of the sisters now, without an employer and needing somewhere to go until Ryan forcefully takes his job over.

At the same time things get bad in Rapture, the Little sisters need protection from being harvested. Suchong can build the big daddies to protect the girls but cannot get them to imprint. The girls are too terrified, despite their mental conditioning, to interact with the big daddies. He explains this problem to the girls, hoping some level of self-reporting may give him a leg up. Mind still stuck on baby jack, he returns to the secret room and finds a note from Tenenbaum, encouraging him to change his ways. Suchong, perhaps feeling betrayed by her simply leaving, rejects the letter and leaves to figure out the big daddy problem angry, leading him to lose his temper at the girls when he normally wouldn’t. Or, perhaps he is stricken with fear, knowing Fontaine is still alive and watching his back. Either way, he dies at the hands of his own creations, at least knowing the girls will be protected now by the big daddies.

So yeah. TL;DR: Suchong, though not the best person, wasn’t entirely evil either and may very well have had the same revelation as Tenenbaum but no chance to act on it/may have backed out because of Fontaine. The way the girls and Tenenbaum act display a certain level of complexity to his character, a hidden softer side where he may have acted much better than his audio diaries initially let on.

One last thing: I want to point out that applying any sort of soulless/heartless characterization to an Asian character like Suchong (The only Asian character in Bioshock 1 and one of four Asians in the entire series) comes with some very nasty racist baggage. Now, it’s no surprise to any of us that Ken Levine is a racist bastard, so his writing characters of color as racist stereotypes is expected. However, I’m disappointed to see no one has directly addressed the fact that the portrayal of Suchong as ‘cold and heartless’ is in and of itself a very old racist stereotype. Everyone seems to only shit on BaS and Infinite’s racism (For good reason) but no one seems to point out the inherent racism in the first Bioshock game. So, my first instinct is to break that stereotype, even if it goes against canon. Because, in the end, when it comes to keeping the integrity of a racist canon versus breaking it and fighting stereotypes in fiction as well as what resides in the racial consciousness of the society I live in, breaking canon will always be the better option. A canon that is shitty should be improved upon by fans, not upheld.

#yi suchong #tbh he deserves a more nuanced characterization #even if its through my crack headcanons/theories #idk i just like the idea of him having the capabiloty to be kind like Tenenbaum #like i think them starting down the same route and going through the same journey #of slowly being affected by their descisions #but going down different paths in the end #would've made a much more interesting character dynamic and foil setup #bioshock #idk but thats my opinion #please dont take this too seriously tho #i know its flawed but im having fun okay?

[lysol1201]

💖Valentine's Day in the Safe Zone💖Lawrence x GN!Reader

THIS TAKES PLACE AFTER THE TRUE ENDING SO IT WILL INCLUDE SPOILERS!!!! READ AT OWN RISK!! THANK XX

wrote this for Valentine's Day but never ended up posting, besides on the Dangerous Fellows discord server (can ask for link) and on Amino. enjoy ayooo

this was also one of my first attempts at a GN!Reader which really isn't a very hard thing to do, I just struggled with valentines day Korean traditions and fitting it together with the game. sorry if it's not the greatest!

Word Count: 1888

++++

A cure was finally taking place, but due to the severity of this virus and how it would spread day by day, it was taking a while for things to improve. Still, things were looking up for everyone. Everyone was nothing but happy for the turn of events.

It was Valentine’s Day and MC was getting prepared to give gifts to all of their friends. Ethan, Zion, Eugene, Harry, and Jay. They wanted to wait until White Day for them and the other girls to get gifts from the boys, which everyone expected, and already prepared their arguments if they didn’t receive anything.

At this point, it was pretty known of Lawrence’s plan and his mental state. Which, wasn’t stable. He was very good at lying and manipulation but due to the group and MC putting everything together and what he did to attract the zombies, it was known that he wasn’t one to trust. So, he didn’t hang out with them anymore. Plus, he was also in a different area of the safe zone to be watched and away from others as he was known to be of possible harm to the zone.

The group hadn’t talked to him in a long while. Occasionally they’d talk to each other about Lawrence and think about maybe visiting him, but in the end, they never do. It wasn’t until Lawrence was finally given some kind of freedom around the Safe Zone. He still wore a tracker around his ankle as if he was on some kind of house arrest. He would sometimes try to reach out but it was always difficult for everyone to not be awkward or try to be there for him when they knew he wanted to get them all killed. That he did attempt to get them killed but failed. They were afraid to get close and possibly trust him again when he has proven that he cannot be trusted in a very severe way.

Every time MC went out to find some zombies to give them the cure, they would secretly look around for gifts like stuffed animals or goofy watches as well as chocolates and candies. Hailey, Sue, Judy, and even Scarlett did the same.

Finally, when Valentine’s Day rolled around, the girls and MC put their gifts together. MC made separate little baskets for each boy with an even amount of gifts and candies. Yet, they had an uneven amount left over so they decided to just keep it on the side and keep it for themselves as a small gift. They did have somewhat of a sweet tooth.

Though, they turned to the side and saw one teddy bear they had grabbed. They knew why they did, their heart ached because of it, but they decided to just keep it by their bedside table.

MC smiled at the thought of sharing chocolate bars with Ethan at the school and continued to smile knowing that they all made it. They’re all alive and they’re happy.

Well, all were happy but one.

MC and the group all met up at their usual gathering spot which was near a field in the safe zone. Ethan, Harry, Zion, Eugene, and Jay all sat down unsure as to why the rest of the group brought them there, but when the others pulled out little baskets of treats the boys all smiled remembering the day. It was Valentine’s Day.

When this first began the group of ladies and MC did a bit of rock paper scissors to see who got who to get gifts for. After some arguing, slaps, and some compromising, they figured out who was giving out gifts to each person. Scarlett got a gift for Zion, because why wouldn’t she. Sue got a gift for Harry. Hailey got a gift for Ethan. And Judy got a gift for Eugene. MC got Jay but also took the initiative to get a gift for everyone else as well. They loved them all dearly, they didn’t want to leave out a single person.

“What d’ya think?” Judy cheered and clapped, excited for Eugene’s reaction while the others were opening their gifts and thanking the other girls.

He rummaged through the gift that both Judy and MC got him and found two small chicken plushies, one from MC’s basket and the other from Judy’s. “Why the chickens?”

“Because you look like one.” MC and Judy spoke in unison. Eugene tried to retaliate but no words came out, only gibberish which caused the entire group of friends to laugh.

The other boys thanked MC for their gifts. Especially since MC got a plush for each boy that reminded them of the boys. Zion got a red little fluffy bear, Harry got a white bunny, and Ethan got a little baseball plush that MC was lucky enough to find. Lastly, Jay got a chihuahua. “Why did you get me this?” He asked.

MC chuckled. “Because they’re annoying.” They smiled.

“Dude, what the fuck!” Jay spoke with offense, yet laughed along as well. Over time Jay happened to get used to the all of them and turned out to be a really fun person. Weirdly enough, he spent the most time with Zion and Eugene.

They all expressed their happiness to MC, Harry with physical affection, Ethan with comfortable silence, a nod, and a small smile, and Zion with pretending he didn’t like it as much as he really did.

They were all giggling together, happy at that moment. Scarlett was arguing with Zion because he didn’t give her the reaction she wanted, Hailey and Ethan were silent as usual but chuckled along, Sue was trying to inch away from Harry as he tried to hug her, and Eugene continued to try and defend himself saying he looked nothing like a chicken. Jay just accepted the fact that he indeed was, a chihuahua.

All seemed to be fun and games for the group until one more voice spoke.

“Okay,” The voice called out catching the attention of the others. “This is the part where I get a gift too, right?” He let out an apologetic smile and a small chuckle trying to lighten his appearance with a joke.

Lawrence.

Everything went silent as everyone’s heads turned to the source of the voice. As soon as he saw their faces or confusion, awkwardness, and even a hint of fear, the corners of his lips quickly fell.

Lawrence sighed. “I’ll see myself out.” He went to turn around but before he could fully make the spin, MC spoke.

“Wait,” MC called out, causing Lawrence to turn around and face them, his eyebrows furrowing. “I got a gift for you.”

Lawrence looked shocked and confused while the others looked at MC with the same expression with almost betrayal as well. At least, from some. Ethan’s face seemed more forgiving, along with Judy and Harry.

“Wait here,” MC instructed, running away from that field and heading back over to their tent.

They gathered the leftover candies and chocolates they had and put them in a small box that was laying around. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a pretty basket like the others, but it was all that they had. To make it look better though, they added a bow on the top of it. Then MC let out a breath they didn’t even know they were holding in to turn to the teddy bear that laid on their bedside table. They quickly grabbed it with the box and ran back out to the field in which everyone seemed to be in awkward silence.

They found Lawrence seeming sad and forgotten, Ethan, Judy, and Harry seeming apologetic and forgiving, Zion, Eugene, Sue, and Scarlett looking almost furious. Jay and Hailey just sat there indifferent.

MC quickly went over to Lawrence and stuck out their arms with both the box and the bear sitting on top. Lawrence passed a bright smile with seeing the items. Especially the teddy bear on top.

A brown bear with silver round glasses. Even if they were cheap plastic, he couldn’t feel any happier with the sight of it.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” MC spoke, heart, beating fast with nervousness. Not only with the fact that this was their longest interaction with Lawrence since the school, but they also had to deal with the looks that they were receiving from the rest of the group who was standing and sitting next to them just staring at what was going on in front of them.

Lawrence grabbed the two, stuffing the bear to the spot in between his arm and chest to hold it, and opened the box. What laid in there were chocolates and candies, the same as the others. Nothing special, but nothing different. The same. Treated the same as the others. He liked that.

Lawrence smiled down at the box. When he looked back up he adjusted his glasses with an empty hand and just let out a small chuckle. “I know you didn’t plan to have this for me,” He spoke, making MC feel guilty. “But thank you for this. And the bear. That, I wasn’t expecting.”

MC smiled once again at his words. They leaked of genuinity, a different kind than what she heard at the school. They sounded like they were genuine at the school, and now they are genuine.

“I thought of you when I saw it,” MC confessed. “So I took it.”

“Thank you,” Lawrence thanked again and then turned his head to give his attention to the others. “I know you guys didn’t exactly enjoy my appearance, but thank you for not screaming at me either.”

Ethan nodded in response, which caused Judy to hum with a joyous tone to agree. The rest slowly nodded as well, with a quiet “Of course” coming from Harry.

“I’ll let you guys be now,” Lawrence spoke. “I overstayed my welcome.” Lawrence nodded for his goodbye due to full hands and went to turn around. Yet, the unexpected spoke.

“Wait,” Hailey piped up, everyone looking at the shy and quiet girl in shock. “Do you want to stay?”

The rest wasn’t sure of why she asked, some wished she didn’t but others appreciated her gesture.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to bug anyone,” He responded.

Hailey looked at the others with a small frown and some great puppy dog eyes. Everyone softened at her expression and all turned back to Lawrence nodding. “Stay.” The other quiet one in the group spoke, speaking a small bit louder than he usually did to make sure what he said was clearly heard.

MC smiled at the scene of the accepting friends, whether they had forgiven him or not, they were letting him stay.

Lawrence smiled brightly and went to sit down with the others as everyone sat down in different spots, almost in a circle to be able to view each other. MC sat down next to Lawrence as they were the most comfortable with him, while Ethan sat on the other side of Lawrence since before the Safe Zone he was the closest with him.

The awkwardness soon faded away and the group returned to the giggling and smiles they once had before.

#dangerous fellows #dangerous fellows lawrence #lawrence x reader #lawrence x mc

[orionsangel86]

Figured I'd continue this as an ask so we don't keep debating on that poor person's post! Anyways, regarding Neil's edgelord tendencies:

What also throws me off about The Sandman Companion's rape interpretation of both Morpheus' marriage to Calliope and his relationship with Nada (it states that the women's story must be WORSE not better, than the version men tell, and pretty much the only way it could get worse is rape...) is that Neil... isn't shy about SAYING "rape" in the text. He doesn't hide what Madoc does to Calliope, nor what the book version of Desire did to Unity (which thankfully got changed to consensual in the show). So why this roundabout stuff with Morpheus? If the character being evil and abusive is supposed to be a core character trait, why relegate it to an obscure, if still canon, guide text?

My hope is that these particular edgelord interpretations are the work of the other co-author, Hy Bender. Alternately, I wonder if Neil was trying to retcon his own work at the time. I have no idea how the grimdark "Morpheus killing himself was good, actually" ending was received at the time, but I could easily see a situation where, like now, the fans look at the ending and go "yikes". Perhaps Neil was doing his best to cover and go "um well ACTUALLY you should be glad he finally offed himself, see how horrible he was!" even when it went against his original intent for those previous issues.

Like now, he might be able to look back and realize the nasty implications. But I could easily see younger-Neil as an author who just released their long-planned ending to a text scrambling for cover when it doesn't get the expected reception.

That's a TOTAL GUESS though. Like I said, I have zero idea how people felt about the ending in the 90s.

Ooof every new thing you tell me about that book makes me shudder and recoil.

Honestly I have no idea what Neil's intentions were with signing off on those interpretations, and I still struggle with understanding his intentions for the ending of the Sandman, other than the obvious being a "what NOT to do if you are feeling depressed and incapable of improving your life", which sometimes gets a bit lost amongst all the misery and angst with zero pay off throughout the Kindly Ones. Do we know what the initial reception was to the ending of the Sandman when it was first released though? Because hasn't it always been critically acclaimed highly praised and considered one of the all time best graphic novels ever published? It's Neil's Magnum Opus.

I think we have both now mentioned more than a few times that the 90s were a totally different era with a totally different mentality to today. A lot of the stuff in the Sandman comics are eyebrow raising because the different mentalities of the era are so obvious to me. The general portrayal of women in particular is pretty um... outdated and on my first read of the Calliope issue I visibly recoiled at that panel where she is raped by Madoc - because I legit had never seen something like that depicted so graphically before in that artform. But you are right to point out that if Neil wanted Morpheus to be viewed as an abuser and a rapist, then he would have just put it in the comics. Desire is a rapist, and yet people still love Desire.

The show is a much better indication of where Neil's intentions currently lie. The removal of any graphic scenes of sexual violence towards women was absolutely the right decision. Dream is a far more likeable character in the show (and I still like comic!Dream even with his somewhat cold demeanor!) I could scream all day about the absolutely brilliant changes in the Calliope episode which come across so romantic and soft that fans are legit shipping them together (which I don't think anyone can possibly do with their comic counterparts). I think the change in the Dolls House to Desire and Unity's whole situation also has huge implications for Desire's character which fascinates me. In the comic it is literally a one time thing where Desire rapes her while she sleeps and probably never considers her again outside of keeping an eye on their child as part of their scheme. The show however indicates that Desire took the time to get to know Unity, to woo her, and to enter into an apparently long term relationship with her in the Dreaming.

I 100% believe they are going to change the story in Tales in the Sand and I think that they left it out of season 1 because it's going to be a huge indication on how the show will deviate from the comics further. I hope they do away with all that stupid virginity stuff (because I'm sorry but shoving a rock up your vag to break your hymen is NOT losing your virginity and that particular part always baffles me. Dream doesn't care about virginity? Well good for him but like, she's still a virgin anyway? Otherwise you are legit stating that this poor girl lost her virginity to a slightly sharp dick shaped rock? Come on people I thought this was obvious? There are better ways to indicate to your audience that your main character doesn't have a virginity kink. Sorry for ranting about that but it really pissed me off when I first read it because it was SO STUPID).

Basically, whatever the Sandman Companion stated is gonna be forgotten about completely when the show releases its new episodes and we see show!Dream be even more the romantic hero. I think we can be confident that any modern interpretations will do away with these 90s edgelord interpretations and thats the best thing we can ultimately hope for. I won't let it tarnish my opinion of comic!Dream though, because there is more than enough evidence in the comics that contradicts some bullshit interpretation that makes no sense.

#the sandman #dream of the endless #the sandman companion #the sandman comics #sandman comic spoilers #rape mention for ts #sandman meta #sandman speculation #asks

[thesoulbox]

hihihi!! just wanted to post a goofy positive rant here because i feel like I'm going to explode.

I just wanted to state how happy I am over just being here. Maybe this is far fetched but this site has actually helped my mental stability quite a bit. I spent so much time alone and isolating myself before joining this site due to unfortunate situations that popped up earlier this year that totally threw me off my balance unexpectedly.

Being here is like a breath of fresh air and it's just awesome, I dont know any other words to describe it. People are so much friendlier here than they are on other sites, and there is always someone interested in what you have to share regardless of what it is and thats just amazing to me 😭🧡🧡 this site has improved my mental state quite a bit since coming here and for once, I finally feel somewhat content after everything.

And I don't think anyone understands how much the little things mean to me, someone likes my post?? Holy crap my eyes are bulging out of my head, they reblog it with tags?? You best know that im about to cry tears of joy from the fact that someone actually did something like that, for little old me of all people?? It genuinely makes me feel so warm and happy inside and I wish I could smash into people's dms and thank them all personally because it means so much to me even if it's just a small thing.

I wish I could give each and every one of you a bunch of silly warm hugs, you're all so cool and you all mean a lot to me even if I don't know you personally. You all give me the zoomies in an awesome way and I love you all sm 😔

Im not good at making wholesome posts but I genuinely wanted to express just how happy I am over merely existing on this platform with all of these amazing people, thank you all so much for being such cool beanz /pos 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

#positivity #positive rant #I wish I could give you all hugs #But I can't :( #I love you guys so much though regardless #I apologize if I come off as a bit hyper and loud but I don't know how to express my excitement properly sometimes 😭 #🧡🧡🧡

[clouds-of-wings]

Last year I got diagnosed with heightened insulin resistance. Not diabetes level, but higher than it should be. One of the consequences I took was to drastically decrease my sugar intake. Which, BY THE WAY, was already below average for my country. Not that my doctor would believe me. Anyway.

Some observations, since what actually happened is so different from what articles on the internet will tell you:

Starting in November was a bad idea. It went well until Christmas. Starting again in March was more successful. Sorry for posting this now lol. Not keeping this in my drafts until spring.

You get used to less sugar over time. Sweet things start to taste more sweet. Things easily taste too sweet.

Eventually sugar isn't as desirable anymore as it was. I started noticing this after about 5 months, so it took a while. It's not like YouTubers claim "Oh my life changed within a month, I feel so different!" I think that's probably a placebo effect tbh, but maybe their metabolisms adapt more quickly? Idk. I feel like I make more of a conscious decision if I want to eat something sweet now, because my brain doesn't have the "OMG YES HAPPINESS IN THE FORM OF A COOKIE!! YOU SHOULD TAKE IT!" response anymore but rather an "It's an option" response.

Having one day a week where you're allowed candy helps. I make a little ritual out of it and look forward to it.

In practice I usually eat candy 2 days a week. In July it was down to 3 days a week, so maybe I'll reach "1 day a week" eventually.

I have also started mixing whole-grain rice (expensive! Whole grain long grain is a bit cheaper than whole-grain basmati though) into my usual rice and baking bread with somewhat darker flour (type 550 instead of 405 ). It tastes and looks literally the same, but apparently it's better for you.

I do kinda "have more energy", as advertised. I get more done and feel less foggy mentally. Also, my blood sugar feels more stable. When I can't get food at my usual time, it's not as big a deal as it used to be, but I don't really know if that's because of the sugar thing or due to something else.

I obviously haven't lost any weight lol, because only lucky people whose genetics and hormones make "thin" their default state think it's that easy. My skin also doesn't look better. Really I have noticed no cosmetic effect at all.

I have to pee less often at night, often not at all

My migraines are rarer than they used to be, but again, it's hard to tell if the sugar was the reason. A lot of things have changed over the last 1 1/2 years, and the migraine frequency started going down before my sugar intake did. But things have also improved markedly over the past half year, especially the last 2 months. I think this is the biggest benefit I have noticed.

I haven't been back for another blood test so far, so I don't know yet if this was effective in the first place. But at least it should be good for my teeth and for anti-cancer protection, right?

The general tl;dr is that it did change some things when I started eating less sugar, but the change was slow and non-dramatic. It didn't all become completely different after a few weeks. But now, after half a year, I look back and see that it has probably improved my life to eat less sugar.

[d-parade]

School shooters and mental health

warning: idk. just a warning.

i actually empathise with school shooters. this is actually one of the most extreme things ive ever said. i’ll explain.

i used to be in a very, very dark place. a twisted depression stemmed out of loneliness and hatred i had towards my environment. i struggled with work, had no friends to lean on, teachers disliked me, etc. when i tried to get help, i would get dismissed time and time again. when i suffered, no one helped me. i cannot stress how miserable i was, to the point it made me lose all logical thinking. the only way i could calm down temporarily from all the pain was by distracting myself with homicidal thoughts. and then i had a thought. that if i actually went through with it, i would stop suffering.

here’s part of a letter i wrote to myself.

i would describe it as an almost sort of delusion. something you have no control over yet believe to be true. you’re pushed to your edge, forced to think a certain way beyond your control. the only reason i didn’t go through with my thoughts is because of my parents, who i knew would be devastated. plus, no guns in my country. which is why i advocate for strict gun control.

think of it like an intrusive thought, except due to your vulnerable state of mind, it lingers and lingers till it fuses with your normal thoughts and thinking. at the end of the day, it’s still unwanted.

no shooter should be forgiven. BUT, they shouldn’t be called evil, apathetic, spat and shit on for showing regret for their actions and wanting to improve. while i believe if you take life away, your life should be taken by either life imprisonment (show genuine, delipidating remorse) or death sentence (somewhat little to no remorse).

what’s important is to access the persons mental state at that point in time. their actions are driven by delusion. it’s not even a choice to think logical, as everything seems logical to you. back then i wrote this:

which perfectly describes how i felt then. as you can see, it’s just brimming with hatred. while i could understand people had lives, the same thing just couldn’t apply to the people around me, leading me into viewing them the same way one would do with flies. it’s that sort of logic that you lose.

i’m rn in a better place. would i say this period of time represents me accurately? hell no. would i even consider that person, who felt that way, me? hell no.

the whole reason i wrote this is because of the immense backlash a creator on tiktok is reviving due to him admitting he was a school shooter. he mentioned working with law enforcement to better understand shooting cases, which i think is extremely good and applaudable.

the key to stopping school shootings is by understanding what exactly led someone taking the extreme action. sometimes, shooters and people who harm others aren’t evil, but mentally unwell and NEED help. you can tell this is true when the person has lived a good well life up until the shooting occured. the moment one repeats criminal offences, is when you know it’s more likely just lower empathy levels rather than poor mental health.

if someone had showed care to me back then, it would’ve prevented me from indulging so much in harmful thoughts. similarly, i believe that some shooters just need that helping hand in order to snap out of their delusion.

this is why i empathise with school shooters.

#mental health #i don’t really wanna tag this #sensitive #tw #cw #school shootings #school shooters

[bijoumikhawal]

Okay I've read the main body of SVSSS. I think it's really good as a meta parody and gives some interesting insight into MXTX's mind- I think some of the criticism of her work is unfair and this book is a pretty good example in parts (the running commentary about misogyny in stallion novels is a lot more unambiguous than her accurately depicting misogyny in others wirks like MDZS, though I don't understand why the latter gets read as an indication of her as a person).

However I don't think it works well as a romance story. There are main two problems; one,that while all of MXTX's main characters are people that have gone through the wringer and lashed out on others because of it, sometimes in really grusome and reprehensible ways, we get to see who they are not just before it goes to shit, but after they've acted in a such a way and either by intentional choice or just the passing of time, behave in a kinder and more upright manner. SVSSS's main story ends right after LBH isn't being an antagonistic force driven to the pits. Additionally, LBH is (understandably) a very misanthropic character which makes the way you'd show him learning how to be a person not driven by grief, fear, and anger different.

The other point is SY/SQQ's internalized homophobia is handled in a way that distracts somewhat from his feelings for LBH, and this combines with a lot of the things taken as romantic by other characters being misinterpretions of his internal world. Some of the latter seems to be him bullshitting himself though- "I'm not crying because I'm facing down my beloved student who I've failed horribly and hates me before I off myself without knowing for sure if my contingency plan will work, the sun's just in my eyes", sure Jan. Given how WWX acts its clear that MXTX now knows how to balance internalized homophobia with the character falling in love even if he doesn't realize it, and TGCF doesn't really have internalized homophobia on the protagonists part as far as I've read, he's just a sworn virgin. (However one could argue HC had some issues when he was human depending on how you read the Land of the tender scene).

SVSSS is short compared to her other works, and while I'm not sure how one would do it, having us spend some time with LBH and SQQ after they've gotten rid of his evil sword and SQQ is helping him work through his misanthropy, desire for control, and abandonment issues would improve their relationship from a story perspective, especially because of how obsessive and unhealthy LBH has spent... 8 years of his life regarding SQQ. There's already a foundation with LBH taking SQQ back to his home peak to be taken care of after his near death experience and leaving alone when he gets chased off, and SQQ choosing to go with him with no pressure on him to do so other than LBH's wellbeing (which is no longer tied to things like the apocalypse). I just think there needs to be a bit more between that and what I'm reading in the extras so far.

And it is needed because of how much LBH's dark behavior was directed at SQQ. WWX's dark behavior wasn't so targeted, LWJ's had an instance of targeting but a large part of the novel has been about him doing his best to respect WWX's boundaries and not repeat his parents relationship. I'm not up to snuff on what happened after XL's first banishment yet so I'll keep quiet on that. LBH is so desperate for this one person's affection that he almost destroys the world to ensure he has no other choice but him (and they have terrible fuck or die sex that no one enjoys about it). Evil sword possession making him decide this was a good idea or no, to work as a satisfying romance story, you need to after of all that. Especially because the evil sword had the ability to push him that far because of how chaotic and wrecked his mental and spiritual state were. They're still wrecked.

#Cipher talk #SVSSS #Just thoughts. Overall I like the novel- I think SQQ's internal monologue is hilarious and the comedy is decent #But the romance aspect needs workshopping #I think one way to work this in with a Main plot might be to revisit SHL's father causing trouble #Like that didn't get dropped exactly but you could have him trying to take advantage of the post 'oh gods we're all still alive' mindset to #Cause chaos at the borderlands or have him trying to take advantage of LBH taking a power hit from not using his evil sword anymore #Have SQQ accompany him while dealing with it #Maybe have it be a campaign where we see more of LBH's other aides and have part of it be LBH learning to actually have relationships with #Them and not suspect everyone 100% hates him for being half human half demon. The value of not acting like a monster even if it's expected #Hell maybe have his relationship with SHL improve so they're not romantic but he's not holding her in such contempt #Or make her turn traitor because of his contempt for her #Thereby expanding the theme about women not just being harem collectibles by having her have a platonic relationship with him or by having #Her take logical actions instead of just sticking to LBH like glue for ??? Reasons #I could write this but I have several wips already and I don't feel well versed enough in Chinese culture to write fanfic for it #(Or any of MXTX's works. It's not about feeling not allowed to its about wanting to pay respect to the work #And wanting to do it in a way I'll be satisfied with)

[borgchip]

"emh transfeminine swag" anon here. now that you've watched "body and soul" i can go ahead with my explanation.

to start at the beginning, his early arc revolves around getting the rest of the crew to recognize his personhood and finding his identity with the help of kes. (kes also reads as trans to me but that's more of a vibes thing) because he was modeled after a man, he assumes that gender by default and puts himself firmly in that box, not thinking that there's an option to be anything else. becoming "he" instead of "it" is an improvement, but not entirely fulfilling. he searches for a name but limits himself to masculine ones, never finding one that fits, eventually settling on the neutral "doctor".

later on, he creates a holographic simulation of a home life, casting himself as the stereotypical patriarch. he tells his friends that he wants to better understand his patients, but in the process he reinforces his position as a man. the family he creates is perfect, but hollow. every word they say is so positive as to sound forced. they have "the most wonderful husband and father in the quadrant", an admiration that hinges on his masculinity.

then we meet dr. zimmerman, the man who created the emh and who he views as a father. he states plainly that he wants his father to be proud of him. zimmerman has a complicated relationship with the mark 1, after putting so much of himself into it only for the program to be essentially discarded by starfleet. the emh proves his worth (and to an extent, zimmerman's own) to zimmerman and succeeds, but the process was long and difficult. after all that, he doesn't want to make any changes to himself, other than what can be explained as technological improvements, in order not to betray zimmerman's intentions for him and lose the admiration he worked so hard for.

the only time he allows himself femininity is out of necessity, when he must download into seven's implants to hide from hologram-hating aliens. this leads to him possessing her. he spends much of this time giddy, trying to have as many experiences in his new body as possible. in the episode, he also befriends one of the aliens and another becomes romantically interested in him. he leans into these relationships and seems to enjoy the social aspect of being viewed as female. however, as he's experiencing this gender euphoria, he has to contend with the knowledge that if they find out that he's really a hologram, ie "really a man", they will be disgusted by him. not only that, they will actively try to kill him. in the end, he isn't killed, but his new relationships never recover from that discovery.

the fallout from that experience pushes him further back into the closet, as he doesn't experiment with gender again for the rest of the series. the subtext that this reading stems from doesn't give us the happiest ending, but unfortunately i think it's one many trans people can relate to, and it means a lot to me.

🥺🥺 this is so sweet... well, ok, maybe not sweet considering the sort of ending we're talking about but... to be honest anon, I can COMPLETELY see where you're coming from. And how well thought out !! I always sort of saw the doctor as somewhat agender but like I'm really starting to consider the opposite direction. I feel like the timeframe that voyager came out was such a waste in terms of exploring things like this. Imagine if the writers actually noticed this trend and actually discussed it/explored it IN episode !! And actually getting to see the doctor figure themself out!! I mean. tbh idk if they'd even explore it NOW considering all the dudebros that go mental over star trek doing anything "liberal" but. WE can explore it... that's the best we can have considering snfjsjg. I MEAN IN TERMS OF DECODING SUBTEXT I THINK YOU'RE DOING A HELL OF A JOB ! I love this... TYSM FOR REMEMBERING ANON?? AND SHARING?? I LO V E META LIKE THIS ESPECIALLY ABT GENDER/SEXUALITY AND. MY FAVE CHAR IT MAKES ME SUPER HAPPY 🥺🥺 U remembered to come back ,,

I genuinely wish he still had kes around cause I can imagine her helping with stuff like this so much and being so supportive :'( but that's only me

Also does give rlly new meaning to in that ep the sort of bitterness when he says "there's NO women like me..." like...ouch.

ALSO I DEFINITELY ALREADY AGREED W THE SORT OF...STARTING OUT AND JUST ASSUMING THE HYPERMASCULINE ROLE. Because that's like. All he knows. It's all he's seen. And yk...trying to be seen as a person as a hologram is hard enough, maybe he also doesn't wanna "rock the boat" by asking to be seen as a woman too, as sad as that is.

#I. definitely think that they and renick would've had a real sorta relationship #yk. if the writer's werent COWARDS. #ch.mail