#someone pointed out the concept of scratch suddenly being loved and being shown that through | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

slasherscream · 3 years

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hear me out crazy ass boy gang with a s/o that writes them songs but has never shown them. randomly the guys find them knowing them some are gonna be insufferable with the amount of arrogance they now possess and some of them have no clue what to do with the concept of someone loving them and verbalizing it 🥺

A/N: oooh my gosh i'm obsessed with this concept

billy loomis: Was waiting for you to get back from school/work, and couldn’t keep his hands to himself. He wasn’t necessarily trying to find anything, but the book was on your desk- you were asking him to read it, at this point. He’s only halfheartedly looking until he realizes the words are lyrics. It doesn’t take a genius to realize the love songs are written with him in mind. At first it makes him smirk. But he can see the evolution of your relationship through the lyrics. General feelings of infatuation melting into the deeper connection of being in love with him, as opposed to being in love with love itself. It’s an ego boost, for sure. Mostly it’s a relief. Here are your feelings, written out on page, clear as day. Your every unfiltered thought. He doesn’t tell you he read the book. He just walks around with a knowing smirk on his face that you’re very suspicious of. You’re easily distracted from this onset of smugness by his sudden romantic nature. He’s never been a bad boyfriend, but he’s certainly never been so downright doting. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, you decide to just enjoy this random streak of tenderness.

josh washington: You two were moving in together and he was just trying to unpack some of your boxes for you. He’s honestly just setting up your desk for you. All the boxes are marked so that either one of you can unpack anything inside with at least a vague idea of where the stuff should go. Something about the unmarked notebook that doesn’t look like its for school makes him take a look inside. When he realizes how personal it is he wants to put it down. Then he spots his name... and well, he isn’t a saint.

He melts as he goes through the pages. He knows the two of you love each other. You have to love each other, with all the bullshit you’ve been through. But he knows it’s not easy to be with him. Sometimes he worries that you’ll wake up one day and be done with him. Be done with all the problems that come with being with him. He wouldn’t blame you but the thought leaves him hollow. He doesn’t know what he’d do without you. He doesn’t know if he could handle you being gone. You love him though. It’s inked into the pages. Some songs written out slow and careful, and others written out sloppy and fast, like you had to get all the feeling out of your chest because it hurt to have it all trapped inside. You’ll walk in carrying takeout and find Josh crying. You nearly drop the food to run and comfort him. When he tells you what’s wrong - or really, what isn’t wrong, you won’t even have the heart to be angry. He looks somewhere between overwhelmed and awe. All he can think to do is pull you into his arms. He holds you so tightly you wonder if he’s afraid someone will come and take you away.

stu macher: He was just going through your stuff because he was bored, honestly. He wasn’t expecting to find anything juicy. The minute he realizes he’s holding onto a notebook full of songs he’s giddy. It’s practically a diary! You'll come into your bedroom and see him poring over your words without shame. He won’t even have the decency to stop. “Hey babe!”, will be his absentminded greeting as his eyes stay glued to a far-too-familiar book. You’ll have to literally snatch it from him. “Didn’t know you felt this way about me.” His teasing will be relentless. You’ll have to threaten to break up with him, and give him a bit of the silent treatment too. Eventually he’ll ease up on you, his grin going soft around the edges. “You should show me them on your own next time. Else I’ll have to go hunting for ‘em.” It’s not an idle threat. Now that he knows the book exists he’ll really tear up your entire house looking for it. Don’t bother trying to hide it. It won’t be worth the headache.

jd: His first instinct is to become insufferable. As he reads more of your lyrics, he starts getting overwhelmed. Even as he holds the proof in his hands, he can barely wrap his head around you feeling so strongly about him. He traces over your handwriting and relishes every word. You'll catch him in the act but you won't have the chance to get angry. He kisses you like a man starved. Whispers every thought of love he's ever had against your lips, uncaring if he sounds obsessed. He was allowed a glimpse at your soul. It's only fair that he bares his in return.

kevin khatchadourian: Honestly was indifferent at first. He was going through your things because ‘why shouldn't he?‘ when he found all the songs. Page after page he reads. Slowly but surely it starts to get to him. The only person who's ever loved him is his father, and that love is built upon an endless tapestry of falsehoods and manipulation. His father loves someone who doesn't exist. His mother knows him, always has, but she despises him. Celia loves him, but it's pathetic. The hopeless and unthinking love of a dog. And now there's you. When he's with you he drops the act of normality he puts on for everyone else. You were around so constantly that he couldn't stomach wearing the mask 24/7. Beyond that though, there was something about you that made him want to show you everything. At first he thought he wanted to scare you. Now he doesn't know what he really wants from you.

As he reads through the pages he's sifting through your words, finding the deeper meanings. Watches as you stop writing about his mask, and start writing about him. Jagged and malicious and apathetic as he might be. You're infatuated maybe you even love him. You've written out the words in a hundred different ways. He can see it every time you look at him, reach for him, follow him, talk to him. Reading it is different, somehow. You probably never wanted him to see these words. To know the depth of how you feel. You were probably afraid he'd mock you. A few months ago he would have. Now? He puts the book back, exactly where he found it.

He won't tell you about reading it, but the words are always on his mind. You'll think you misplaced the book one day and be beside yourself over losing it. Eventually you’ll find it again, out of the blue. Something is off about it though... but you’re not sure what. You’ll never know that what you have is a replica of the original book. A good replica, granted, but a replica nonetheless. Kevin thought about the songs too much, and committing them all to memory hadn’t scratched the itch. The constant cycle of the words running through his head. The irritation he’d feel when he forgot a part of a song, or mixed lyrics together. Having the book itself? It quieted his mind. He’s uncomfortable with the fact that he keeps it under his bed, tucked away inside a lock box, just so no one would be able to look at it. He’s never felt so protective over an item before. He tries not to think about it too much.

nathan prescott: He actually looked at your song book on accident. He needed to borrow some notes for a class and you told him he could just go to your room and grab them. He would never go searching for something like that. Saying he values his privacy would be an understatement, so he'd never disrespect yours. As soon as he realizes these are songs he wants to stop reading... but he's desperate to know what you think of him. People lie so easily, but here's a chance to see the raw truth of how you feel. He's terrified as he starts to read. Then he's just shocked. He'd hoped you weren't like everyone else around him. Wanting him to fail, to lose it, waiting for some sort of pay-off or trickle down. Even if you were, he wanted you so badly he was willing to have you any way you came, as long as you stayed. But here you are, your deepest feelings written out in ink, and you love him. You don't even pity him, you ache for him, want him. The next time he sees you he tells you he loves you for the first time. You'll never know that he read your songs, you'll only notice how much your relationship seemed to change over night.

sebastian valmont: Has to deflect. The only reason he’s being such an asshole about your songs is because he’s trying to deflect. He’s the only one here who has also written about you. Maybe not in lyrics, or in poetry, but he’s written about you. His diary is full of you. He started writing about you the moment he met you. Not unusual for him, considering absolutely everything is in his journals. But from the start there’s been something different about the entries that mention you. All his words suddenly become electric, leaping off the page. His descriptions of you, of the time you spent together, nearing obsessive in their detail. As if you were a puzzle he was trying to solve.

If there’s anything Sebastian is good at its manipulation. He knows he has you. He can have anyone, if he puts his mind to it. He’s made people fall in love with him before. There’s a long line of people who wants his head on a platter for that very reason. You’re the only prize that’s ever mattered, though. He has you now, sure. But what about tomorrow? Or the day after that? It’s easy for eyes to wander, for the heart to turn fickle. Sometimes he watches you and tries to imagine what you might want from him. Tries to figure out what he could do to keep you interested from moment to moment. If he ever shared his worries with you, his worries that you could just get bored with him and leave, just like that - you’d tell him you don’t want him to be anyone but himself. And Sebastian doesn’t want to be anyone but himself, he doesn’t. But people contain multitudes, are more than a single face. He’d rather be a version of himself that captivates you then a “true” version of himself that you can grow tired of.

But here’s written proof that you love him. As he is. All the long nights you’ve spent talking to one another, side by side. The conversations where you traded barbs and philosophy, and everything in-between. The dinners, and picnics, and phone calls, and rooftops. He was so busy observing you, and trying to create a version of himself that you could love, that he forgot that there was something real for you to fall for. Didn’t even know how much of himself he was earnestly offering to you. Now he can see it in ink, and it’s scary, even with how much he loves you, to realize how much of the real him you know.

So he’s an asshole for a few days. When you confront him he falls apart like a wet sandcastle. You won’t have time to get angry before he’s pushing his own journals into your hands. Sebastian has never played fair, but something about you seeing through him despite all his masks made him want to show you more. As scary as it had been, it was also a moment of pure connection. The most electric, addicting thing he’s ever felt. He wants to feel it over and over again.

#billy loomis x reader #stu macher x reader #jd x reader #kevin khatchadourian x reader #nathan prescott x reader #sebastian valmont x reader #josh washington x reader #crazy ass boys gang #heathers #scream #scream imagine #until dawn imagine #i am not proofreading this if you see an error no you didn't

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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Not sure how I feel about anon bringing Yang not showing Salem empathy in that moment as a bad thing. Like if an immortal witch was trying to murder/kill all of my friends my reaction probably wouldn't be "how do you feel though"

That's been my response too, anon, though I understand where the previous anon is coming from. Though Salem started out as a generic Big Bad with no redeemable qualities, Volume 6 showed us a captive woman who was later tortured by the gods and sought death, only to find herself changed instead, thereby raising the question for the audience, "How much of the Big Bad's action is Salem and how much of it is the evil grimm magic acting upon her?" Just as important, Volume 8 gave us Cinder's backstory and a scene of her crying on the rooftop, alongside the forgiveness of Emerald and Hazel. I could go on another rant about how this sympathy didn't extent to Ironwood and, in a different way, didn't extend to Ozpin either, but outside of that there's been a very strong message of, "Abuse victims and people who have just generally suffered - lost a sister, lived on the streets - should be shown compassion and given a second chance," which becomes a problem when we consider that the most prominent villain with an abusive backstory since Volume 6 has not been extended that compassion. Gender dynamics aside, it's the same problem fans have with Adam's ending considering that his brand was revealed right before he died. The go-to explanations of, "But Adam was his own abuser who stalked Blake" and "Salem is literally trying to destroy the world" fall a little flat when pit against "But it's okay for Emerald to manipulate Pyrrha into killing Penny?" and "Hazel has also knowingly helped Salem try to take over the world. And also murdered countless huntsmen. And also was torturing a kid." It's not so easy to go, "The story shouldn't show them compassion because they're The Worst" when the story is already showing compassion to people who... are also The Worst. I say all this not as a way to excuse any one character's actions - I'm not in the business of going, "[insert horrific choice here] is fine actually!" - but rather to acknowledge that RWBY lacks a clear divide between what actions are forgivable and what actions are not. Fans aren't wrong to go, "If you expect me to feel for Cinder after everything she's done since Episode 1 and you expect me to laugh along with the cast after everything Emerald has done, why isn't Salem Adam Ironwood Ozpin getting that same sort of work?" Given the "trust love" message and the strong push to sympathize with/outright redeem heinous characters, a lot of fans are wondering why our cast hasn't even mentioned all the shit Salem went through. It's been months now since they watched Jinn's vision and they're accepting former villains into their ranks now because Life is Hard and they deserve that chance, but no one cares to even mention everything Salem went through and debate her own responsibility. Surely if they can forgive Emerald for willingly working with her, there's at least some room to discuss the question of Salem's morality in the context of two Gods' manipulations and a magical pool having some kind of impact on her. There's a disconnect here. The story can't go, "These heinous people are Good deep down, actually" without extending that to all our villains, Salem included.

(All of which, btw, is tied up in the frustration that the group hasn't discussed the vision at all. The question of Salem's morality is tied up in the question of her defeat. For example, if they decide they're not comfortable with killing her, that might lead to theories on how to contain her instead...)

So ALL OF THAT is churning in the back of fans' minds. I agree 100% that the group's capture was not the time to extend any sympathy for Salem and I've got posts out there saying the exact same as you, anon: "You really expect Yang to be compassionate after Salem was torturing Oscar, captured them, was planning to kill them, is attacking the city, and just reminded her of her dead mom? C'mon." The problem lies in the fact that we haven't gotten this kind of work anywhere else, the cast has barely mentioned Salem anywhere else - outside of freaking out over her arrival - so when a member of our main group is suddenly right next to her and they're discussing the concept of loss, some fans are like, "AHHHH TALK ABOUT WHAT SALEM HAS LOST TOO GODDAMMIT." It's putting an unfair expectation on Yang and the scene because, again, I don't think that was the time or place for discussing the nuances of morality in a fantasy setting, but because everything else around Salem has been so badly written, and Yang's scene was the closest we've ever gotten to scratching that itch... fans get frustrated that it didn't happen, no matter how unfair or ridiculous that frustration might seem. Really, I don't think fans, in a general sense, actually want Yang to sympathize with Salem then and there. That would be a whole other, messy can of worms given the context. But they want something and at this point "something" has become accepting even really bad versions of what they're looking for. Since no one discussed the vision at the farm, or at Argus, or any time in Atlas, fans are metaphorically throwing up their hands with a, "Well, if we have to delve into Salem's character only when she's doing the most damage in the entire series then fine! You didn't do it earlier when you should have, so this is just what we're left with! Better then nothing! I'm sick of watching Cinder cry and Emerald make quips and Hazel go out in a blaze of heroics and we still haven't even mentioned that our primary antagonist went through more shit than the three of them combined. Am I supposed to be compassionate towards the bad guys or not? Make up your mind, RWBY."

RWBY is a hot mess and the mistakes the story has made, sadly, are not easily separated from one another. Frustration over Yang's scene is prioritizing one problem over another. Namely, the problem of Salem's characterization over the problem of having your hero go "How do you feel though?" while the bad guy is about to kill her. RWBY has backed itself into a corner, both problems exist, but we can only easily discuss one at a time. Similarly, if someone goes, "Ugh they really need to work on Emerald's redemption in Volume 9" people are correct to go, "But if they do that then Volume 8 will look even worse since they've already forgiven her" or "But that's going to be so messy if they're flip-flopping between Vacuo and the island world. Should they even redeem her without the main girls around?" And it's like yes! Exactly! None of these are good options. RWBY has written a situation where ANY choice is going to be a problem on some level because none of this story has been well thought out. So it comes down to which problem an individual fan considers to be, well, more of a problem. In Yang's case it's going, "I will gladly sacrifice the integrity of this scene to get some acknowledgement of a theme that has existed for Salem since early Volume 6 and is now being heavily pushed on other characters in Volume 8. If a stupid moment where Yang is kind to Salem while she's captured is what it takes to start this conversation then fine. I'll take it. Especially when Oscar was kind to Hazel while captured and tortured. You already gave us the stupid scene - just do it again and actually get something out of it this time!"

It is, as said, a twisting, turning mess.

#rwby #rwde #mymetas

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enviedear · 4 years

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that damn american ᶠᵒᵘʳ

you seem different

DESCRIPTION ⌙ in which draco shows y/n the room of requirement, and she realizes she likes him more than she thought

PAIRING ⌙ draco x fem!reader

WORD COUNT ⌙ 1.6k

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four

chapter four, i hope you all enjoy! let me know if you do :) also gonna rec some some songs from the playlist

f**kin’ love songs - awa and 505 - arctic monkeys

“i’m a slytherin prefect y/n, if we get caught, i know how to lie. but flitch is an idiot squib so don’t worry. now shut up and follow me.” draco grumbles.

your newest friend has proved to be surprisingly fun. in the last three weeks he’s taken you on countless adventures and tonight is no different. this evening, he’s showing you the room of requirement.

for the whole day, he’s been impatient and ready to show you this room. you can’t blame him, you were practically bouncing off the walls all day too. it left april and sophie a little annoyed as you refused to take them along. but you’ve found it was best to hang out with draco alone, or else he gets moody.

“here we are. now, think about the room, envision it, be specific in what you want.” draco tells you.

you do as you’re told and after a minute you see a door form in the stone.

“this is amazing..” you mutter, tracing the handle.

draco grins, “well, go in.”

you open the door and step into the room, draco right behind you. you’re amazed, the room is exactly as you thought. exactly.

“is this your room? really? you could have made it anything and you make it your bedroom. i knew i should’ve picked.” draco chides.

“oh shut up. i thought you’d like it. you’ll probably never get to see the real one. and now we could do what all friends do, have a sleepover.” you say, hugging his arm.

“fine, but i expect to be shown around.” the boy retorts, stiffening a little at your touch.

you nod and let him go, making your way to the far left of the room.

“this is my desk, where i cry over summer work, mindlessly scroll through twitter, and read. i once snuck a boy over and he begged to fuck me on this desk. of course, i couldn’t do that to her, and i told him to leave.” you chuckle, stroking the wood.

“i didn’t need to know that.” draco grimaces.

you shove him, “next is my shelf of plants. these are my babies and i swear to god if they’re not being watered while i’m gone i will hex my mother. which reminds me, i should text her.”

“right beside it is my picture wall. it’s kind of embarrassing, i have super old pictures up there. i should warn you, april used to dress like a farmer.”

draco pauses at the pictures, looking at them all.

“who’s that?” draco asks, pointing to and old picture of your grandparents.

“my grandma and pa. i think they were seventeen in this picture.” you reply, looking at your grandparents smiling young faces.

“that’s cute that they were together even then. my mother thought that pansy and i would be like that, but pansy is too, well, pansy.” he mumbles.

you smile at him, “whatever you say draco.”

he sits on your bed, “i’m being serious, i have someone else in mind.”

your eyes bulge and you look at him with a smirk, “and who might that be?”

he rolls his eyes, “i would love to tell you, but i’m not ready the tell the loudmouth american.”

“i can keep a secret!”

“i’ll tell you when the time is right. for now, i want to learn how to google.”

it takes an hour. a full hour just to explain the concept of google to draco. throughout the process he keeps asking stupid questions.

‘you’re sure there’s no magic involved?’

‘you can learn anything from this?’

‘what do you mean i can’t search that?’

like you said, stupid questions.

but it didn’t really bother you. it was nice seeing the platinum haired boy learn about modern living. and it was even nicer to see him begin to enjoy yet another muggle invention.

you stare at him at he types in a search, his eyebrows furrowed and hair unkempt. he looks different than the boy you first met. almost happier and more carefree. his pale complexion has some sun from the countless hours the two of you have spent at black lake. his fingernails are also now coated in a layer of light green polish.

“stop staring at me.” he grins, turning his face toward you.

“i can’t help it.” you say, fighting back a smile.

his cheeks turn a light pink shade, “and why is that, l/n?”

“you seem different.”

“is that bad?” he asks.

“no, it’s actually really nice.”

draco bites his lip and looks back down to the computer, “i think we should head to bed, don’t you think?”

you nod your head and close the laptop, placing it on your nightstand.

“did you bring pjs?” you ask him, reaching under your bed for your own bag that holds your sleepwear.

“um, no. why would i have brought them? i didn’t know i was sleeping here, l/n.”

you stick your tongue out at him, “i think i have some of quinn’s old clothes in here. hold on.”

you rummage through your drawers, trying to find clothes to fit draco, until you finally come across an old wampus annual bake sale tee and some black and orange flannel bottoms.

you turn around, only to find your friend shirtless.

your mouth opens, ready to tease him.

“oh please, i can’t sleep in a shirt.” he groans.

and you can’t help but to look at his chest and torso. he’s so muscular and lean. but before you let yourself be sucked into fantasizing about your friend, you throw him the pj bottoms.

“i’m gonna change in the closet, you can stay out here. just let me know when you’re done.” you say, rushing into the closet.

you change quickly, but stay inside for a bit longer, thinking about draco.

your sweet, sarcastic, quidditch loving, spontaneous dickhead of a friend. and it’s then you realize that draco is not just your friend.

you actually like the guy.

and you’re about to share a bed with him.

this should be great, but you’re too scared to ruin the friendship between the two of you. the one you’ve worked so hard for.

when draco shouts that he’s done changing you quickly compose yourself and slip into your bed, right beside him. he turns off the lights with a simple flick of his wand and eases next to you.

“you don’t snore, do you?” he asks.

you feel his legs, wrap between yours and for a second you forget to answer.

“oh um, shit, i don’t know.”

he huffs and pulls you into him, pulling your curls away from his face and onto the pillow.

“goodnight draco.” you whisper, suddenly deathly aware of the close proximity between the two of you.

he rubs your back, “goodnight l/n.”

when the you wake up, draco is still beside you, arms around you and face nuzzled into your neck.

it takes a few minutes but he finally wakes up, separating from you.

you miss his flushed face as you go to the closet to change, and he doesn’t pay attention to your stuttering each time you look into his eyes.

“i have to study for charms today. i’ll see you after lunch though, i think blaise wants us all to head to hogsmeade.” draco says, as the two of you slip out of the room of requirement.

“alright, sounds good. i’ve been meaning to try butterbeer.” you smile, avoiding eye contact.

when the two of you enter the common room, you’re greeted by april and blaise, who are playing a game of wizard chess.

“hi y’all! did you have fun last night?” april asks, staring down blaise’s king.

“um, yeah. it was really cool. i’ll have to show you and soph sometime.” you say, taking a seat on the armchair.

“merlin april, hurry up, you play like my grandmother.” blaise chuckles.

the dirty blonde smirks at him before making a move, “checkmate, zabini.”

blaise gives her a smile.

“come on zabini, let’s head to the library. i have a bloody charms essay due.” draco tells him.

blaise rolls his eyes, “sure, but i don’t know why i need to come.”

draco scoffs, “if you want to do your essay with crabbe then be my guest, i was just trying to be nice.”

blaise looks over to the fire, where crabbe is burning the tip of his wand. the brown eyed boy scratches the back of his neck before getting up and following draco out of the common room.

“he’s so cute.” april breathes out, staring at the door the boys left out of.

“zabini?” you ask, confused.

“yes girl. and he’s so funny. and sweet. i told soph last night that i wanted to take him out on a date. and i think i’m gonna,” she looks at you, eyes begging. “will you pretty please double date with us this evening at hogsmeade. sophie said no.”

you furrow your eyebrows, “i’d love to but i don’t have anyone to take along.”

she gives you a deadpan look.

“what?” you question.

“you’d take draco. i know you’re just friends, but if you talk to him i’m sure he’d be fine with it.” she says.

you sigh, “i’ll ask, but no-”

she interrupts you, “oh thank you honey! i love you y/n.”

you don’t tell her about your crush on the grey eyed boy. even though you’re dying to get it off your chest.

but it’s probably for the best. he said himself last night that he has someone in mind. and what good would it do telling him, it might ruin the friendship. even if he did like you, there’s only so much time in a year until you’re back in american. i just couldn’t work.

even if you really want it to.

‘fucking great.’

#—myfics !#Draco Malfoy #draco lucius malfoy #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco x y/n #draco x female reader #draco x you #draco malfoy series #draco x american! reader #draco x ilvernmorny! reader #draco malfoy x slytherin #draco x reader series

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ymiwritesstuff · 4 years

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Hey, I was wondering if you could do a Kakyoin x female reader who has just obtained her Stand and doesn't know what it is and he teaches her about Stands. Thank you.

Aww this one is super cute!! Just something about Kakyoin being a helpful lil angel makes me sOFT. Thank you for the request and I hope you like this!

It’s You Who I Want to Protect

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 3: Stardust Crusaders

Noriaki Kakyoin x Fem!Reader

Summary: Having absolutely no idea about stands made everything a bit more difficult during the trip to Egypt. However due to unexpected events you one day develop a stand of your own, though it’s anything but easy to access afterwards.

The sudden awakening of such power was something you had never experienced before. It all happened in a blink of an eye, before you had even had the time to process it. You remember getting caught in a fight between Jotaro and an enemy stand user. You hadn’t been much help offensively along the trip so you had intended to just flee from the scene, allowing Jotaro to finish the enemy off. However your plan was quickly denied as you noticed the enemy charging at you, ready to strike. You remember feeling extreme fear as you had no idea what to do or how to defend yourself. You were unable to see the spirits called stands but you knew Jotaro and his own spirit were too far away from you to be able to defend you.

Everything around you felt slower in the moment. In real time it all had happened in an instant but everything was like in slow motion. And suddenly you felt something. A sudden surge of energy flowed through your body and before you knew it, your attacker was thrown back with a force seemingly rivaling the power you’ve seen Jotaro utilize. You remember breathing heavily, seemingly tired from the blow you- or something else had delivered. Looking to your side and coming face to face with a spirit of your own, eyes wide with awe. Jotaro had a similar expression and now, for the first time you could see Star Platinum and all the stands of the other crusaders in all their glory.

Of course, the very first blow you dealt was subconscious, most likely caused by the intense situation. After the awakening you hadn’t been even able to summon your stand, let alone use it for anything. Stands were an unknown concept to you, only hearing the crusaders talking about them, but never actually understanding them. It was frustrating as it just seemed like nothing about you had changed after all. Like the whole awakening was all for naught. You only wished to be useful but you knew that wouldn’t be possible if even summoning your stand was proving to be challenging.

Fortunately for you, Kakyoin was there to help you. For the past few days he has been assisting and teaching you about stands so you’d have a better understanding of them. At first he had shown you his Hierophant Green and its abilities. It was exciting to finally be able to witness his Emerald Splash in action as you had only seen the aftermath of said attack. For Kakyoin the excitement you expressed when he summoned his stand was something he cherished. The way your (E/C) eyes practically shined in excitement made his heart fill with joy. He was extremely patient with you, wanting you to take your time and not to rush the learning process. Even when you grew frustrated at times Kakyoin made sure to let you know that he was there to help you figure it out.

“Let’s try it again (Name), I think you’re getting closer” Kakyoin said, giving you a reassuring nod. It had been a long day of trying to summon your stand. You had felt little progress but had promised to yourself that today you would make the spirit reappear. You would be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t exhausted from the constant trying. Kakyoin seemed to note your exhaustion and looked at you with slight worry. “Or.. Do you need to take a break? We could go get something to eat if you’d like?” You shook your head. “No, I can do this, Nori. It’s just..” A heavy sigh escapes your lips, your gaze falls on the ground. “I really don’t know how to do it..” You shrug slightly and return your gaze to him.

He has his hand on his chin as he tries to think of words of advice. Summoning his stand came naturally to him and he really couldn’t explain the action with words. It was just something he did subconsciously without thinking. However Kakyoin understood that he was a born stand user and you had just obtained yours so it was inevitable that you’d have difficulties with your stand. But still, Kakyoin wanted to give you some kind of advice in order to ease your stress. You had been working so hard and seeing your determination slowly fade away made Kakyoin feel extremely bad for you.

He thought of different situations where he had been forced to use his stand. Usually these situations were battles with other stand users which wasn’t the ideal setting for someone like you who barely had any experience. These battles involved so much violence that he so desperately wanted to protect you from. Protect you. Protect. Then something clicked.

“(Name), I think I know how you can summon your stand” Your eyes immediately lit up at his words that gave you hope. Kakyoin managed to crack a smile at your reaction, hoping that his advice would work so your hopes wouldn’t be crushed.

“Try to think about something you want to protect. Something you’re willing to fight for” Your head tilted at his words. Something you wanted to protect? You pondered for a moment, humming quietly whilst thinking. “Okay,” you finally said, preparing yourself.

You focused all your energy on one thing. The one thing you cherished the most. The one you wanted to protect. It seemed effective as you already felt much more confident in this attempt. Kakyoin noticed a change in you too, you looked much more focused and collected. Breathing slowly you raised your hand in the air, already feeling a presence within you, desiring to be let out. It was so close, your stand was so close. The power was building up inside you, your stand almost manifesting beside you. So this is what it felt like to have such power within. Just a little more then your powers would be unleashed. Just a little push-

And then, it happened. The flowing energy inside you burst out, materializing into your stand. It appeared! And didn’t fade away! Your (E/C) eyes widened in shock and amazement. Taking a quick glance at Kakyoin and pointing at your stand, you noticed his expression, almost identical to yours. “I did it, Nori! I did it!!” Your laugh reached his ears which caused him to smile and let out a small laugh of his own.

Before he had time to respond to your mirth, you crashed into him, hugging him tightly. Kakyoin was surprised at your reaction, wobbling a bit after the impact, but soon re-positioned himself. “Thank you so much, Nori” You lifted your head so you could see his red-tinted face. “I couldn’t have done it without you” Your words flattered him and he sheepishly scratched the back of his head. “You did most of the work (Name). I’m extremely proud of you” He embraced you once more, enjoying the intimacy.

“What did you think about? What do you want to protect?” He asked rather out of the blue. You only smiled and gently kissed his cheek lovingly. “It’s not ‘what’ Nori, but rather ‘who’” He blinked a couple times as if in disbelief, his hands around you. You then elaborated with a soft, loving voice:

“It’s you, Noriaki”

#jjba #jjba x reader #noriaki kakyoin #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo #jojo x reader #jojo's bizarre adventure x reader #noriaki kakyoin x reader #kakyoin x reader

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bananashemmo · 7 years

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When We Collide (Part 33)

Authors Note: To celebrate my 20th birthday which is today (July 31st) I’m sharing another update of When We Collide. This isn’t just a normal update but a special once since this is written in Luke’s point of view! I hope you will enjoy this chapter as it was a bit different from my normal style and thank you so much for the birthday wishes! I’m happy to wake up every single day to your messages, your positivity and your kindness! Happy birthday to me!

Pairing: Assistant!Y/N/CEO!Luke

Rating: NC-17

Masterlist: Here

Summary: He is the definition of high class smart ass, swimming in Dom Pierre Pérignon champagne and has never seen the shadow of poverty. She is underprivileged, lives in a messy dorm room on sale and struggles working as an assistant after being thrown out of college. But how will they collide when Luke makes Y/N pregnant after a drunkenly one night stand

When We Collide on Wattpad

“Great Luke, great. Just seriously great. What a way to pick the straw.”

I shook my head in disbelief and sincerely tried my best to not stumble upon my long legs. It was like they had turned into jelly and I had no idea where they were carrying me.

The biggest failure of the new year so far.

Ask me all you want, I can’t give you a proper answer. What happened? How did this happen? Did I have control of my words? None of it, and if you ask me god how I just wished I could rewind everything back.

It was like my legs knew where they were dragging me but I had no idea how to cope with it. I knew just exactly well where I was heading and it was a luck that I had a plan because it was too cold to just stay outside. It would only take five minutes for me to take the drive and within seconds I would be in the heat again.

My already rosy cheeks were met by the cold wind as I headed outside. Had it always been this cold? Everything seemed so warm inside but it was like it was not appreciated enough. I could have sworn I had a scarf in the car but I was left with disappointment.

Speaking of disappointment? Who was the biggest one tonight? Definitely me.

Call it all the ugly words you wanted, I would take them all in. Not because I was ignoring it but because I felt every single insult sink in. Letting it spread from my mind and down to my stomach to form that knot that always seemed to arrive once I had done something that wasn’t right.

Wasn’t that what life was about? Trying to figure out what to do and what was right and wrong. I was always trying to find the limit but this time I had crossed the line.

Sure saying that banging Holly was the worst one to date but there was only one mission for it. I was trying to trying to realize what was going on in my head because the days up to the event, it was all cloudy and not properly thought through.

I was aware that it was a stupid choice to do it, the alcohol was definitely affecting but it was never an apologize to anything. People saying that the alcohol was the blame will always be the worst in my book, not only because it’s the lamest excuse ever but it’s only a coverup for something you’re not proud of.

I knew of my actions, I knew just exactly well what was going on. But at that point it wasn’t about Holly, it was about realizing what in the world was going on with myself.

The last couple of weeks, actually months I had been feeling weird. Sure, everything had changed since the announcement of the pregnancy but now we were close to the third trimester and it wouldn’t make any sense if I still had that weird pit in my stomach.

I was trying to block out the feelings, the things that were going on in my head because I wasn’t used to them. I wasn’t used to the sudden commitment, I wasn’t used to suddenly caring because that was how easy my life had went so far.

How hard was it to try finding someone as a CEO? Pretty easy if you ask me but not someone who would truly love you.

With all the perks and what else good to offer it wasn’t hard finding someone to love you. But the question always was, would this be true love or would it just be someone to use you for the benefit? You can always say that you love someone without meaning it and to be that thing suddenly had much more importance than to others.

I was always trying to come across someone that would take my mind off anything else. Trying to find someone that wouldn’t just be there for everything that I could offer, but to meet someone who actually preferred to see the actual side of me.

But that also meant suddenly showing a side I had never shown before. The sensitive one, the one that’s suddenly vulnerable and not obvious to the crowd. I had never showed this side of myself because committing to someone meant showing all the different sides, even the horrible and nasty ones.

It was a part of my life to push people away. It was the reason why everyone left and I’m sure as hell aware that Y/N thought of that too. Even if she wished it so sincerely she would never survive one moment in my mind.

Because I couldn’t think of nothing else but her.

It was weird at first but as time started to grow the more she was a part of it. I couldn’t recall or think how it had happened but it was like no matter what I did she would always be there. She was there when I would sleep, when I would hover over my desk in confusion or obviously sitting at work and looking at her sit more than ten meters away from me.

It was like no matter what I did I couldn’t brush her off.

It was hard to call it something because I never know what the feeling of love will be. I didn’t want to believe it in, specifically because I had never actually explained the reason for it.

No matter what I did she would never fully understand the concept of why I was acting like I did.

Being young and in love was not something huge. It was something that was so common and I was also in that state of mine. Falling in love with someone is so dangerous because they have you wrapped around your finger. They have your heart and they can do anything they want with it.

I had only been in love once and it was completely ruined for me.

You know that feeling where you believe you can take on the world. That nothing can stop you and you just know that the person you’re with love you with all her heart and that is it going to be the two of you forever.

That was the feeling I had. That was the feeling I was carrying day for day to realize that it all in the end came to the money.

I was left in disbelief. I was left to realize that the first girl I had ever loved was a cheater, someone only using me for the benefit and simply just letting me carry her around without knowing the truth behind it.

To me, it showed that girls were snakes, just as worse as the boys could be.

It made me distant myself from everything and everyone. Sure I could be pooling in a wave of girls but none of them would ever proper speak to me. Not because I wasn’t interested but because I knew with my profession you wouldn’t see the truth in people.

It’s so easy to lie nowadays and that’s what I’m carrying with. Even if I know it will destroy me in the end.

I was so nervous to knock on the door but I knew that I had too. It was late at night but I knew that the person hiding behind the door would be awake. It was a part of his job to always stay awake when I needed him.

I almost felt small when I had finally done it. It was like my fingers were bruising by the otherwise small touch against the wooden door frame but it was only because I was shaking so much. I wasn’t sure if this was the right idea, I could easily run and hide but not this time. I knew I had fucked up and the only person I knew who to talk to was-,

“Luke?”

The confusion was written on Ashton’s face, his curls were sticking to every direction possible and he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Of course he wasn’t expecting visitors to arrive and he seemed pretty tired but once he noticed it was me his eyes widened.

“What is wrong? Is it Y/N?” He asked fully awake and scratched the small bit of sleep that had spread in the corner of his eye.

“I’ve fucked up. Big time.”

It was like I didn’t need to say more. Ashton was quick to open his door and invite me in to the apartment that was not really familiar to me.

I had heard Y/N describe it a few times, how she had managed to make a small cut in the wooden floor but never actually admitted it to Ashton. She was pretty embarrassed by her small clumsy failure but had never dared to tell him. She was only admitting it to me because the guilt was almost biting her up.

“Yeah, Y/N owes me a new floor.” Ashton suddenly said, noticing how I was staring like it was what I was searching for and I was trying not to smile.

“I’ll pay for that.”

“Just like everything else you do for her.”

I knew he wasn’t trying to sound bitter but neither did I want to comment on it. I could imagine how much she must have been backtalking me, explaining how much she hated when I spoiled her because it wasn’t something she stood for. She loved her independence, she loved doing stuff that she earned her own way.

“Is that why you’re here? You ran out of money?” Ashton asked and walked into the kitchen while I slowly leaned against the couch not really knowing what to do with myself.

“Ashton listen I’m not here to have a battle I’m here to talk about Y/N. I know she’s probably said some horrible things about me and she has the right to it but now I’m asking you for forgiveness to actually make up for my mistakes.”

Ashton stopped in track from standing in front of his kitchen counter and looked down at his hands for a second. I wasn’t sure if he was going to continue the insults or change his mind but he sighed heavily.

“I know. It always takes two to a fight and despite I know that you’re one hell of an ass I also know you have a heart. It just takes some time to bring it out from you. Tea?”

I nodded my head in agreement and fell down to his couch. I wasn’t sure what kind of brand it was, most probably IKEA but I was find with it. It had a very comfortable and it had a blanket that I could recall to be egyptian. More maybe just IKEA again. I wasn’t sure.

“I’ve actually got something fancy for your ass. I think it’s from Elizabeth Arden or something green tea.”

“Elizabeth?” I asked just to hear if what I heard was correct and he nodded his head in agreement.

“Would you like some sugar, milk, anything?” He asked while opening a drawer and I nodded my head in agreement.

“Sugar would be fine.” I replied and considered I should stand up and held him but he seemed to not need it.

While he finished boiling the water over the stove and prepare the tea I took a look around his room. It wasn’t large and there was clothes scattered everywhere I assumed it was after his week with his siblings. They could be kind of rough at times and to try clean your clothes would be a hard task when something happened all the time.

“You play drums?” The words seemed to fall past from my lips without realizing and I looked at him with a quivered eyebrow.

“Oh yeah… It’s just an old hobby of mine.” He shrugged and lifted the two mugs from the counter, “I play when I have the time, when I feel inspired and when I know my neighbors are being to annoying. It’s kind of a way to have a sweet escape.”

“I know how it feels.” I nodded my head in agreement and this time it was his turn to quiver an eyebrow.

“I play the piano and guitar. Occasionally sing. Only in the shower mostly. It’s kind of a hobby of mine as well when I don’t yell at people for not doing what I say or buy helicopters.” The last thing was said with a wink in the eye but it wasn’t my intention to be rude or anything which Ashton caught easily.

“Funny Hemmings.” He commented and took a seat on the opposite couch of mine.

I silently laughed but it was replaced with a frown when I came back to reality. Ashton noticed my face expression change and so did his, he was very quick to ask again.

“Please remind me again why you’re here.”

“It’s about Y/N..”

It was an obvious statement and I quietly fiddled with the mug between my fingers. It was a very hot surface but with all the mixed emotions I had it was the last thought I shared. I was almost numb to me.

“I said some stupid things earlier on. Or more likely I’ve said some stupid things but it’s all because I’m scared of everything it was like everything hit me at once after the lamaze class. And no I don’t regret it because I needed this wake up call and I’ve been walking around for weeks preparing for everything but it wasn’t until the end of that class that it hit me hard.”

“That you like Y/N?”

It was silence that fell upon the room by Ashton’s words, but he was straight forward with his attitude. I almost clutched onto the mug with hot liquid and looked at him with wide eyes but I didn’t say anything.

“No becoming a father.” I tried to remain calm in my voice but it was hard because of the coughs.

“Luke there’s no need of denial. I know that you love her and it’s scarring you that she might not like you back.”

I swore if I could be the most confusion person in life this would be it. It was like I was driven onto a road I had no idea where was leading and even though I had just taken a sip of my tea my throat felt more dry than ever. It was almost burning.

“That’s not the point.” I shook my head and needed to change the subject. This wasn’t something I wanted to talk about right now.

“The point is that I disappointed her more than I ever have today. I wasn’t supposed to say the things, I didn’t mean all of them but I was so scared they ran past my mouth before I got the chance to control it. I know that I can’t take words back but you’ve seen her in her most vulnerable state and I’m begging you to help me out with this. I know we don’t always get along and I’m not here to say that I will pay you more I’m here because I’m more desperate than ever and you’re the one who can save me.”

I could tell that Ashton did not expect what I was saying. He didn’t even need the full story to understand what was going on. This was the edge of messing everything up and somehow he was the one to change it all, only if he wanted to.

“I’m not pressuring you to anything but this is something so important I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried doing anything I can to prove everything to her, I’ve even started doing the cleaning in the house to make it proud but even though I know it has worked to make us grow closer it’s not something she will she as me asking for her forgiveness.”

“But what do you need help with?” Ashton asked carefully and scratched his light stubble that reminded me I hadn’t shaved mine for days.

“I don’t know! Proving to her…” I didn’t know how to finish the sentence because it wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have right now. It was something that was in the back of my mind but i didn’t want to think about it, it was just pushed away.

Ashton looked down at me carefully but he was having something on his mind. Either he thought that I was being a mess and completely stupid right now or he thought that I was just really not taking the hint. I was, after all, lacking in a bit situation awareness when it came to her.

“You don’t need to prove anything to her, you don’t need to tell her everything you know about her neither do you need to buy everything that she needs. The only thing you have to do is show that you’re there for her. That you’re there for the baby, that you’re there for when she needs you because she is in one of her most vulnerable states and she can’t do it alone. She cannot do this without you, Luke.”

Living a life where things were so easy to buy I was always taught that less was never more.

But hearing Ashton say these words changed my mind completely. I knew always doing the simple things was what pulled me forward with Y/N and somehow I was always there when she needed it but I wasn’t there to actually let her feel I was there.

“You know Ashton I always believed that you hated me after figuring out that I was the father of Y/N’s baby.” I managed to say after some thinking and he nodded his head in agreement.

“I did.” He honestly said and we both looked down at our feet.

It was the first time it was actually spoken out loud between us. He had known for months that I was the father while I had walked around not being aware that someone besides Y/N knew it. When she told me that she had announced it to him it wasn’t even because I could become sad or angry. I understood her situation and trusted that he would keep her by the word.

Of course that didn’t change my feelings for Ashton, on the contrary. I knew he was hired to protect her of all costs after getting the diamonds because I never knew what would happen to and in the case she needed protection.

I was aware that their friendship had grown to the point of most probably falling for each other but I actually surprised to see that it didn’t go any further after they lived together. And also that she hadn’t changed her thought about him when she moved back to my place.

“I thought you were horrible I thought that she deserved nothing else but to get away from you. You treated her terribly, you didn’t understand the concept of taking care of someone else and the only one on your mind was yourself. You were too self-centered and along with Holly you didn’t cause anything else but trouble. I didn’t think she deserved any of that you treated her.”

I listened carefully word by word and couldn’t avoid the pit in my stomach. God how much she have felt so horrible I almost couldn’t bare it in my heart.

“But you know what? I’ve always listened to what Y/N says I’ve always taken her side and always taken her word over my own. So I learned that even a jerk can have a heart. It just takes some time to pull it out from him. And it takes the right person to prove that there’s love inside of someone. And that’s the thing with everyone, we all have flaws. You’ve been raised differently, you’ve been raised into the man that doesn’t need to show love. You do the opposite when you’re scared because you’re scared of ruining how you’re feeling only based on my bad experiences. But let me tell you something Luke. Don’t be the reason that’s she’s crying. Be the only reason why she’s smiling.”

By those particular words I looked up at blinked twice. The twist in my stomach was gone and the urge to stand up was like a craving. I was tripping on my feet.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to say thank you or not but the hug I gave Ashton seemed to be enough. He was a bit disturbed at first but when I felt him politely hit me twice in the shoulder I moved away with a small smile.

“I can’t change the world, I can’t change my old actions but I can change her mind?”

“Just do the right.” Ashton said as the last thing and followed me towards the door.

I didn’t even get the chance to finish my tea but it was long forgotten. I wasn’t sure for how long I was out but it had almost felt like five minutes. The ride back to the penthouse apartment seemed to take forever even in my fast car.

It wasn’t even with fear I took the long ride up the elevator. In fact I was so impatient I almost considered taking the stairs. But that also meant I would be completely out of breath when I showed up and I couldn’t let that happen.

Not that I had anything planned to say. I had no idea what I was about to do but the only thing that was on my mind was to get back to her as fast as I possibly could.

My heart skipped a beat once I was into the apartment it was like silence hit me at once. I had been running on the adrenaline and the noises around me it all became quiet when I walked inside and saw her.

She was sitting right where I had left her with tears streaming down her eyes it was like she had never stopped. She was clutching onto a white blanket on the couch but she almost dropped it to the ground when she weakly turned around by the sound of the door opening.

None of us said anything for a full minute as I took her all in. It was almost as if she didn’t believe I was standing there like she was just imaging it in her mind.

“L-,Luke?” She could barely let the question out and I swore under my breath I could feel my heart getting shattered.

She didn’t get the chance to say anything before I filled in the steps between us. She was still sitting on the couch stunned, her eyes were red and puffy but I still thought she was more beautiful than ever.

I could tell that she wanted to ask what was going on the confusion was written on her face. But I didn’t say anything. There wasn’t a proper word for this, there wasn’t a proper apology because things couldn’t be cured by words.

When we collide things break. But it’s time to pick up the broken pieces.

“I’m here.” I whispered as I sat down on the couch and wrapped my arms around her.

She was shivering but I in doubt if it was if she was cold. She was quick to press her cheek against my chest I had expected a bit of resistance but this was where she needed to be. It was what she had been needing since the long minutes I had left her.

“I’m right here.”

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koalas-koalas-everywhere · 6 years

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Wow, I just saw a giffed version of the therapy scene (at least the part where Dean tears off the kiddy gloves and goes after Sam’s whole life).

First of all, Jensen’s life during all of it gives me life.

Second: “you just upset your brother so much he had to leave the room” but he wasn’t so upset he couldn’t yell a bit before, right? Also, even though it’s just an act, they tried to give the impression that it was Sam’s idea to go to therapy, but he wasn’t expecting to have an outburst?

Third: the therapist’s reaction? I’d like to talk about her reaction towards the patient who had just been prodded and responded by getting angry and prodding back. Am I talking about Dean or Sam? I’m talking about the person who stayed so the “conversation” could play out. If I was a therapist, no scratch that, because that would require knowledge of a field I don’t have, if I was witnessing that argument, I would assume, because of their reactions, that this was the first time they said those things to each other. They were communicating. That’s progress, even if it’s ugly. She condemned one of them for doing the same thing the other did, only because Sam ran out of the room (after giving his own shot [btw, that looked like he was overwhelmed by his own confession, not what drove him to it]). She called him out in front of Jack, which has the same effect as a parent favouring/targeting a sibling while they’re having a row. It was a terrible reading of the situation and a not too better handling of it. I mean, “don’t deal with your anger if you don’t want to, but don’t make it other people’s problem”? Paraphrased, but accurate. Also, with that face? And that tone of voice? (I watched the scene on youtube while writing this) Talk about a safe space.

And going metatextual! She was supposed to be the mouthspeak so the audience. We (or you, I don’t watch anymore) were supposed to listen to her and say “Aha! So that’s what’s wrong with Dean!” But the situation she faced was completely different to what was going on. She saw three brothers whose mother had just died. One of them went so far as to say she hadn’t, but the little one contradicted him.* Then they went in and they started talking and Dean wasn’t cooperating, which is contrasted with Sam’s therapy vocabulary. (”I hear what you’re saying...” “I wish...” “I threw up a little in my mouth”- oh no, that was just me.) Nicely ignoring how Sam is just pushing everybody, first to therapy, then by talking about Dean’s issues before even touching his own, even an “I’m sad that...” (where’s your therapy vocabulary now?) And then, the patient she just saw and thought “this one’s gonna be trouble” is... trouble. He refuses to let his brother puch him to the front line (like cannon fodder) and returns the favour, with the added bonus of acutally taking a shot by not only pointing out that Sam has issues, but by explaining them, making him confront them. Nicely ignore how Sam admitted to having those issues and expounded on the resons for them, including some blame towards Dean (which was weird, because first he accuses Dean of having an easier time than him with her death and then says they had a deeper relationship, like, okay). This also might have left her with the opinion that a) Dean had been a bit of a momma’s boy and/or b) Dean was hit the hardest because he was closest to her. He who denies there’s a problem and might but seen as lashing out. Hmmm. Then, Sam walks out. We’re left with Dean and Jack (who hasn’t talked yet). Well, I’ve talked about what bothers me here, picking at one of the hurt parties only because he’s the one who stayed. (hey, season 1 Sam!) She thought that Jack was scared of Dean. (I’ll talk about this later.) It all points to something, violence, most likely, even if it might not be physical. This is what she reads.

The truth is that they’re hunters (and the devil’s child) who are there to solve a case. No matter how real some of the accusations and feelings are, they are there on a lie.

Their mother did die, suddenly, but she got her goodbyes and her resolution, even if the expected outcome of that wasn’t her death. Yeah, it was probably a life where they were all together. Guess what? It wasn’t Dean who kept Sam from that. In fact, he was quite free to go for it, by working with the BMOL. She would’ve paid them attention then. But, hey, guess they decided betraying their values weren’t worth that. (And here I use they with a pinch of salt.) The reasons Sam didn’t have a relationship with Mary were 1) Mary herself avoiding them, at least at first and 2) none of them reaching out except for Dean. Dean and Mary weren’t even on the same side, the way she was with Sam. And let’s not even analyse the last ep, with Dean’s speech (which would supposedly solidify their bond) ending up being about Sam (I mean, if anything, his beef abt being made to take care of him was with John, that was on him) instead of all the ammo the season gave him, then this fight where they aknowledged they were both killers (??? ? ?????) and a hug for Sam and not Dean because (??? ? ?????). Sure, okay. Relationship.

So, they go there, the whole narrative manipulation- er, I mean, Dean being rude and a just plain bad hunter happens. Sam says they’re brothers. Understandable for the lie, but for the audience it reinforces the “we’re family now” crap, which Dean has been rejecting so far, while Sam has been puching, and pushing and paushing at him. As many other people have pointed out, this is him reinforcing the parentification he has already been through, ironically, with Sam, making him completely responsible not only for another life but, because this is a nephilim, countless other lifes. Jack not even being a relative. All this to say: no, they’re not family, Dean wants nothing to do with Jack and, at the moment, probably not much to do with Sam. Aside from all of this, he’s grieving (as the showrunners love to point out). Instead of being allowed to deal with it, he has to deal with the Jack dilemma even though he doesn’t WANT TO, AND HE MIGHT BE FEELING EVEN WORSE BECAUSE HIS BROTHER IS TELLING HIM THAT IF jACK IS SCREWED UP IT WOULD BE HIS FAULT.

Anyway. They’re not a family, at least not all three of them. The show is already painting Dean in a bad light for rejecting Jack, i.e. the concept of family wich, supposedly, is what the whole show is about (forget actually treating your family well, just collect as many members as you can, right?). Then they go to therapy, where Dean behaves like a caveman despite everything we’ve known of him. They play their act, where Dean looks even worse because the only thing we see as a reaction from him is his “attack” on Sam (see paragraph 3 of this post which is turning out to be a lot longer than I first thought it would be, which, typical) while Sam uses his therapy talk and conciliatory manners and actually gets to talk about how he’s feeling and then walk away and be validated for it. (Which, yeah, if you don’t want to talk about something, you shouldn’t have to. I mean, if you go to therapy, it’s because you know you need to talk about it, even if it makes you feel wretched, so the therapist shouldn’t have reacted like that. Within the context of the lie, though, Sam probably wasn’t planning on and didn’t want to talk about it. Like, I’ve said before, walking out of the room seemed to me to be more about realising what he’s been feeling than what Dean said.) How is he validated?, you say. You mean besides the tragic music going on in the background?, I respond.

No, but really. The therapist’s response is what validates him. (Besides the writers and their manipulation the rest of the time.) Everything from what she says to how she says reeks disaproval. And because she’s a professional (and let’s face it, this sort of reluctance we have about going against a black woman) we’re supposed to take it at face value. Yes, Dean just upset Sammy, completely unwarrantedly. Yes, Jack, a nephilim, the son of Lucifer, who has been shown to be dangerous (even if his intentions aren’t malicious), is scared of him, and that makes Dean such an asshole, because look how tiny and smol he is. (Like I’ve said, I haven’t been watching, but really? What does he think Dean is gonna do?) Yes, he’s angry and taking it all out on everyone else. Yes, he should stow his crap, again, because Sammy’s right, of course, as always. (Btw, is this the episode when Sam says Dean supported him when he was drinking demon blood and everythign turned out okay because of that and not literal divine intervention? Just curious.)

It’s a method they’ve used before: tak someone who knows more than the boys (maybe even make them more scary because they know so much) and make them say what they won’t admit to themselves or others/what they don’t know/what they should know and the writers/audience wish they could tell them. Does Marie in Fan Fiction ring a bell? (Miss Scarlett in the ballroom with a fucking bulldozer?)

The thing is, what the therapist sees? What she says? That’s what the show’s trying to tell, but it’s ahowing a completely different story, which would be much more compelling if it was the one they were actually trying to tell. Instead, they’re trying to erase it through a manipulative narrative and shitty retconning, which wtf? I may be biased, because I love Dean, but I dare you to tell me where I got it wrong.

*(Btw, Dean’s attitude the whole while? Completely unprofessional as a hunter. We’ve seen him screw up a little [in The Purge, which, btw (I’m using a lot of btw, but there’s a lot to say that isn’t completely necessary but helps understand where I’m coming from when I say all this) was also meant to show him in a bad light textually], but that was going too heavy with the lie, too enthusiastic, and that was when his brother had disowned him. Here he’s just uncooperative in a hunt, which could get them all killed. And so blunt! Tose were rookie mistakes, which we can recognise as such because Dean had to deal with them when Cas and Charlie made them. We can say that he’s depressed and reliving past trauma, but the fact that he’s still kicking goes to show that he’s good at what he does, and this is just insulting him.).

#I don't even go here anymore #I know this will probably show up in the tags even if I don't tag it but I don't feel like going back and censoring all that so #deal #wank for ts #I tried not to make it #Sam hate #if you think I did remember that it could have been so much worse #I was mostly critizising the show runners #not the results of their mistakes

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oikyskau · 7 years

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The night was laden with electricity, cracking over the asphalt. The air heavy and burning, still reeling with the screams of the dead as darkness encroached the world and their lives. The battle was still going strong, circle members littering the long walkways within the garden. Charred flowers were left in its wake, and Magnus couldn’t help but mourn the destruction of such beauty.

Still, he thought as his fingers sparked and the skies roared, there was no time to dwell on the concept of mortality. Raising his hands, he threw the approaching circle member, a man slowed by the arrow sticking out of his leg, against a low barricade, satisfied by the sound of breaking bones. Another arrow flew past him, the sound somehow loud despite the screams of pain all around him. Magnus knew that Alec wasn’t supposed to be here, having been assigned to the other shadowhunters within the building. A smile played at his lips when he imagined Alec’s glare as he listened to Imogen’s words, the ever present war of head against heart raging fiercely. It was clear which one had won this time.

Jace had been here too, a moment ago. Throwing a thankful nod in Magnus’ direction after they had briefly fought together. Jace’s words were still ringing in his ears, the boy standing in his loft with guilt ridden eyes. I know nothing I say will make this right. But I’m here if you need me, Magnus.

It was really no surprise that he had found both brothers at his side when the battle had begun. Another unsurprising thing had been Alec’s concerned look, coupled with the respect he had always shown him, as they had stood together, a single sphere of calm. Alec hadn’t touched him, but waited for Magnus to press his lips to Alec’s cheek, a be safe whispered into the air. With a sigh, Magnus had turned away, only for Alec to gently grasp his fingers.

“I love you,” he had murmured, gaze heavy.

“I know,” Magnus had answered, “I love you, too.”

Now, chaos was raging, and this had always been a place which made Magnus feel more than welcome. At this point, he was hanging on by a single thread. Emotions kept spilling over the edges of the walls he had built anew after regaining his own body, pretending to all that he was fine. But his past was catching up to him, his reflection blurred in all mirrors he passed. It was inevitable really, his own breakdown. Nevertheless, it would come on his own terms. And thus, he built and built just as the magic built in his hands as he stood on the burned grass. This was the one thing he could do, channel his emotions into power until only wrath remained.

Without preamble, he slammed his hand onto the ground. Black smoke rose from his body, encircling the three people who had the audacity to attempt an attack. It scratched at their legs, moving up until it could bury right into their hearts. Soon, only ash remained, and Magnus moved on.

He could feel his magic snap at its next opponent, just as outraged as him. It had been violated, used in ways it didn’t want to be used, and now it was ready to destroy all those who had made that happen. The air turned thick, the temperature rose. Magnus was prepared to fight every single person standing in his way until he reached Valentine himself. They dared to challenge him? Hell was his kingdom, and they would feel its presence in their souls. He wanted to make sure that no one would ever suffer the way he did, and if this meant punching a few circle members? All the better.

Suddenly, an arm grabbed his and promptly let go, the smell of burned flesh strong in the air. Magnus turned, and stopped the oncoming seraph by the blade. He saw his opponent’s eyes widen, but before she could comprehend his powers, he drove the sword back, burying it in her shoulder. Blood spattered, and he delivered a kick, but his advance was stopped by an arrow hitting her face.

Alec’s presence was felt in his bones. Just as the presence of half a dozen circle members following him. Sensing his boyfriend at his back, his head turned slightly in his direction.

“Have you brought me a surprise?”

“Yes.” Alec’s voice shook with the thrill of battle, “I hope you like it, babe.”

“Alexander,” Magnus scoffed, “we’ll have to talk about your gift giving skills when we get home.”

Before Alec could respond, their opponents moved. Magnus heard Alec’s seraph blade being activated behind him, their energies feeding off one another. With a shout, Alec charged, and Magnus threw his hands forward at the same time.

His magic filled the air with static, its red colour bleeding into everything it touched. Still, Alec moved between its destruction, the sparks dancing around him, settling on his skin when a circle member came too close. Magnus was stunned momentarily by the easy way they fit. He had always known that Alec and him were two parts of a whole, but feeling his magic accept this as truth was something different, something more. The well of emotions within him threatened to overflow once again, and Magnus intensified his magic, hoping to distract himself from the revelation burning in his veins.

Soon enough, they were left standing alone. Blood was pooling on the ground, the grass black and wet. With a frown, Magnus turned his gaze to the bodies lying on the grass, and it only cleared slightly when he noticed Alec moving to his side.

“Are you alright?” Alec’s hands hovered over his body, clearly revealing Alec’s need for an answer. Magnus gave a nod, and Alec breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Don’t you have to report back?” Magnus asked, and the scowl on Alec’s face almost made a laugh spill past his lips. Almost.

“Jace already knows where I am.” There was bitterness coating his tongue, one which Magnus knew just too well, “He’ll tell Imogen what she needs to know.”

“I don’t think that will help your standing with the clave, Alexander.” It was one thing for Magnus to swear off the clave’s judgement, but Alec had always wanted-

“I just-” Alec cut into his thoughts, his jaw tight, “I don’t care about that right now. I don’t- They’ll never stop hating me because I’m-, well, I’m too gay for the clave, after all.”

“And your boyfriend is too much of a downworlder.”

“And my boyfriend is too much of a downworlder,” Alec echoed, “It’s just.. I’m the most qualified person to lead this Institute, I was raised for this, and still.. it’s not enough. I don’t even know if I still want it after all this. A part of me just wants to tell them to go fuck themselves and let them figure out how to keep anything together without me.”

“Sometimes, things like these seem hopeless, and you don’t know what to do.” Magnus could feel his words running ahead, saying more than he wanted to, and his heartbeat hammered against his chest. “There will always be people who hate you, but in the end all that matters are those who don’t. Maybe you want to show those who do that they’re wrong, work twice as hard and swallow the disappointment when even that is not enough, just to prevail, bloody but victorious. But if the goal is not want you want most in the world, is pretending really worth it? It’s not an easy decision, and it requires a lot of introspection.” Taking a deep breath, Magnus forced an easy smile onto his face. “I suppose you have to follow your heart, Alexander.”

Alec’s eyes were piercing, even as a small smile grew on his face, “You’re right,” he said, “we have to do what we want, what is best for ourselves. Thank you.”

Magnus felt too hot suddenly, like the smile on his face was burning his skin. Was pretending really worth it? There was a choice, lying heavy on his mind, one that was still his to make. He could pretend, hide everything away until he forgot again, let the hole in his chest grow, but was that what he truly wanted? Magnus felt the ocean within him rise, up his body, up his throat, up and up and up until it lay right on the edge, and this time he opened the lid.

“I don’t want to pretend anymore, Alexander.”

Alec’s eyes snapped back up to him, all attention on Magnus. His hand was still hovering over his arm, and Magnus leaned into it, allowed himself to lean on Alec in a way he hadn’t before.

“Okay,” Alec said softly, hand slowly running over Magnus’ skin, “whatever you want.”

“Let’s go home.”

Moving away, Magnus caught Alec’s hand in his, and opened the portal.

Telling him about his past would not be for Alec after all. It had to happen for Magnus himself, be a way for him to finally work through it without simply forgetting, he knew that now. And maybe, hopefully, he had finally found someone who would simply listen and hold his hand while Magnus did just that.

Hold my hand, Magnus thought with a smile as he intertwined their fingers, and lend me strength for the journey ahead.

#malec #shadowhunters #sh fics #mlmshadowhuntersource #magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec fics #malec fanfiction #magnusxalec #pure-magnus #patronusmagnus #hufflebee #alecsagitta #daddariossmile #my writing

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lipsasredasblooddd-blog · 7 years

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I’ll Love You Forever xxx [Snow Queen]

In which Snow arrives at the manor after having opened the Gates of the Underworld and become human again...

[tw for like idk bloodsucking, weirdo vampire things]

@darkqueen-eva

SNOW: Snow had a heart that beat.

And lungs that breathed.

And flesh that was easily torn.

She’d forgotten about that part, when she’d stepped triumphantly from the gates, waiting for her magic to flow into her again. Her body still felt--empty without it. And when she’d announced it to that damn bird he’d gone into such a tizzy he had scratched and clawed and snapped at her beautiful face.

Snow had laughed. She’d laughed because each spike of pain had been so beautifully human. She had fallen to her knees and she’d laughed and cried, until her eye was gone, until she had long claw marks down her beautiful face.

The hospital had been shocked at the damage and her wounds had been cleaned. There was nothing they could do about her eye, but she was unsurprised by that. They’d put gauze over it and given her a gaudy eye patch and sent her on the way the next morning, after there had been no sign of infection. (A surprise, that dirty, ugly bird.) She’d been given antibiotics and painkillers of all things and had to stop by the pharmacy to get a prescription filled. As long as she did not look in any mirrors, she was delighted by all this mundanity.

She had Ubered back to the estate and hopped out of the car late the afternoon after her plan had gone awry. Her heart was beating loud and fierce in her chest. She was nervous. And she knew that Eva would be able to tell. Still, she tossed her matted, unwashed hair (she would have to take a proper bath, maybe Eva would wash her hair, if she wasn’t so angry) and flounced up the steps.

Frou Frou greeted her first, padding up to her silently and sniffing from a few feet away. Her lip curled up in a warning growl.

“Frou, my sweet, it’s mummy,” she cooed at the big cat, whose ears flicked in confusion. Not even her voice sounded the same, hardly as melodic. “Come here, my sweet.” She wiggled her fingers and crouched down, unafraid of her pet.

Frou prowled towards her, swishing her gigantic tail across the marble floor, but she nudged her nose against Snow’s good cheek and Snow put her fingers in the leopard’s fur as the cat began to purr.

Her eyes flicked up when she sensed someone watching her and saw Eva hovering at the top of the stairs.

“Hallo, mein für immer,” she smiled softly and stood once again.

EVA: Eva knew what had happened the moment Snow stepped back into town, and that sweet, spicy scent of her blood wafted and Eva’s hand curled on the pages of the book she had been reading, her head snapping up as if hearing the cry of a baby from across the room. The page tore.

Eva was not stupid; she had heard whispers around the town, especially after those hounds had wreaked havoc. There were ways one could change back from being a vampire, but Eva had not thought Snow so utterly foolish as to actually do so.

Surely Snow knew that she was not going to become a sorceress again--vampirism destroyed any and all other magic within a person. Should they shed that virus, that curse, that blessing (the nomenclature shifted from coven to coven, from country to country, from time period to time period), somehow, with Dark Magic, with a portal to a different world, with an ancient artifact older than the concept of writing (there were rumors, many, of how one could go about doing so), one would only revert themselves to a blank slate of no magic. A Mundus.

A boring, pathetic, powerless Mundus, who had nothing special to offer the world except sweet blood to spill.

Eva stood on the top of the stairs, hands folded across her chest, watching Frou Frou hesitate at Snow’s feet.

Eva could hear Snow breathing, she could hear Snow’s heart beat, the rush of blood through her veins. And Eva would be lying if she did not find the idea of sinking her fangs into the side of Snow’s neck tempting.

“What have you done?” snarled Eva, but then Snow lifted her face and Eva saw the eyepatch, the jagged lines of red across the still beautiful porcelain skin and at once, she dropped her arms and in a moment had glided down the steps. “Who did this to you?” she said, her voice suddenly soft, but then she steeled herself again, pulling away. “Look at what happens,” she said, her voice a blade again, ready to cut, slice, stab, “when you meddle in things you should not.”

SNOW: Snow did flinch a bit at Eva’s snarl.

She knew that her lover would be angry with her, which was only--fair. And, she knew that Eva would really never do anything to hurt her, but in this fragile new body, face still sore from the fucking bird, she was just a touch jumpy, could you blame her?

But she stood, and she lifted her chin proudly, like nothing was bothering her, even if she knew the fluttering of her heart betrayed her. She would stand tall anyway, because she was going to be firm in her decision. She would not let Eva guilt her out of a beating heart again. She would not be fooled. She was no longer naive and foolish, she had lived (even if she had been dead) for three hundred years.

Scoffing, she moved her face back from Eva outstretched hand (though, part of her wanted to feel the coldness of her against the warmth of her skin.)

“You don’t get to do that,” she snapped right back, with a pout. “Be concerned and angry at the same time. Choose one. I chose what I wanted. Admittedly, it did not go quite as planned.” She huffed, and loved the feeling of air in her lungs, how her snort purposefully emphasized her point.

EVA: She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Three hundred years, and Snow still acted like a bratty adolescent at times. Snow, clearly, did not understand the implications of what she had done, did not understand a mother’s love and how one could be so utterly filled with concern and adoration and love, yet to the brim with anger and frustration.

“Why did you do it?” said Eva, simply, though her voice was still sharp. “Your flesh can be torn so easily, your bones broken, your hair ripped. Your skin will age and your vision weaken. Is it worth it, in the end, so that you might feel sunlight and air?” She drilled her gaze into Snow White.

“I am worried, for you mein liebling,” she said, and now her voice was softer. “The world may be softer now, but there are still dangers lurking at every corner. As a human, you are weak.” She scoffed, but her eyes lingered on the vein in Snow’s neck. She could hear the blood rushing through and felt a twinge of thirst lick up in her.

Snow’s blood had been the sweetest she’d ever tasted.

She flicked her gaze back to Snow’s icy blue eye.

“Now, who did that?”

SNOW: Snow wanted to lift her hand up and do that thing where you open and close your fingers and your thumb to look like a mouth as Eva went on and on about all the things that could happen to her now that she was human, like Snow was a child, like Snow had not thought of that. Of course she had. She knew what being human was like, remembered better than Eva. That was the problem--she had missed it. Being invincible was only fun for so long.

And, to her credit, she had been planning to have her powers back. Her powers were enough to protect her, she was confident.

At the mention of her wound again, Snow did lift her hand, still pouting.

“A damn raven,” Snow pouted. “His name’s Diablo. He was cursed. I told him I would help him if he helped me. As soon as I realized I didn’t have powers, he attacked me like a spineless bastard.”

Snow’s hand clenched into a fist. She didn’t need vampire strength to snap a little bird’s neck.

“I was supposed to have my powers,” she added, by way of explanation, voice still whining.

EVA: Eva clucked her tongue in disapproval. Supposed to have her powers, ha. A little foresight would have warned Snow of this. Vampirism wiped the body clean--of magic, of life, of blood. Reverting it would give one a clean body--no powers.

But pretty little Snow always got what she wanted, sometimes losing sight of what that could mean in the long run. And this time, it seemed, was no exception.

Eva could scold Snow. She could pull back her teeth and snarl and scare off Snow White, and Snow would run off into the woods and likely trip and fall and twist her ankle in such a precious human way. And it would be a cold, bitter end for Snow White, lost in the woods.

That could happen.

Instead, Eva sighed, a breath of air that she did not need, and held out her arm, gesturing for Snow to come closer.

“Of course, mein liebling,” she said, softly. “We can deal with this bird later. You can enjoy your little human indulgences; the world is not as dangerous now, it seems, perhaps you will be fine. I will be here should anything happen, should you change your mind once more. Come, child, let me hold you, I’ve missed your heartbeat so.”

SNOW: Snow as feeling very much the petulant child right now, her lip jutted out and her eyes welling up with tears. She was just so annoyed. Diablo had betrayed her. Her beautiful face was a mess, and what was worse: she didn’t have her powers back. The thing she yearned for most in this world.

The second thing she yearned for? Right in this moment? Eva’s embrace.

She was no fool in thinking that Eva wasn’t extraordinarily pissed at her, but, she wasn’t afraid of her. She’d never been afraid of Eva, even when she’d first shown up on her apothecary doorstep, looking heartbroken and so beautiful and feeling like something dangerous.

When Eva opened her arms, Snow didn’t hesitate to skitter into them like a frightened animal seeking its burrow.

Eva was cold, but even her cold and Snow’s warmth wasn’t unfamiliar to her--just lost, like a distant memory. It came back to her quickly now, and she pressed her good cheek into Eva’s shoulder, wrapping her arms around her love’s waist. She felt safest here, safe and warm, even if Eva’s temperature made her shiver slightly.

“You’ll take care of me, though, won’t you?” Snow asked, tilting her head back to catch Eva’s eye. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

EVA: She cupped Snow’s chin in her hand, stroking the pale cheek. Snow’s skin was no longer the stark white of a vampire--still pale, though there was color, there was blush, a flush of blood flowing through her veins. It would take a trained eye to notice, an eye familiar with every curve of Snow’s face.

“Of course I will,” Eva murmured. She could feel Snow’s heartbeat, smell the sweet, spicy scent of her blood. Oh, how precious this little one was now. So easily broken. All the more to protect.

She pressed her cold lips to Snow’s forehead, and the scent of blood filled her nostrils. Eva inhaled deeply, overcome with emotion. She wanted to taste Snow again. She wanted to hold Snow close. She wanted nothing to happen to her beloved. She wanted to find that bird and crush him. She wanted to kiss her darling, as if it were the first time.

And she did. Tilting Snow’s face up towards her, Eva leaned in to kiss her, softly, gently.

And she felt Snow’s heart beating quickly, like a little rabbit and Eva smiled into the kiss.

SNOW: Snow sighed, a real, honest to god sigh, at Eva’s words. It felt weird, the air swishing in and out of her lungs, but she loved it all the same. She loved that a sigh was satisfying now, that it made her feel warmer and lighter all at once. That was what she had missed the most (besides her magic), she had missed feeling.

Vampires feelings were duller. Yes, emotionally, they had the same capacity. Eva still loved Snow immensely. But, Snow knew that when she kissed Snow now, Eva’s heart did not flutter like Snow’s did. She couldn’t feel the emotion rushing in her head and down through to her toes.

It felt big and wonderful all at once, like the first time again.

Eva’s lips had been cold then, and Snow’s had been warm, and she’d never felt such warmth before, despite Eva.

It had thrilled her and it thrilled her now, as she shivered, delighting in the way that the feeling fluttered through her, made her feel so, so light, like she was going to float right up to the ceiling.

“I love you,” she whispered when they broke the kiss. One of her hands was over Eva’s cold, still heart, but it didn’t matter--because she loved her anyway. Snow smiled brightly. “I love you, I can feel it.”

EVA: She had not seen a smile on Snow’s face so bright and so brilliant in a very long time. In their past few meetings, though they would always crash together again in a violent fervor, there hadn’t been that level of joy that Eva had once seen across Snow’s face. That had been one of the reasons she had fallen in love with Snow, all those years ago. She was the brightness in a dark, lonely world that Eva belonged to.

Three hundred years later, Snow was still her light, but perhaps her brightness, her warmth, had been stifled. Perhaps it had been Eva’s fault (though she would not admit that--she was just trying to keep her little flame safe).

But now she shone. She burned. She was warm and her heart beat, and Eva held Snow closely to her body, feeling that warmth.

If Eva could still cry, she knew that there would be tears trickling from her eyes right now.

It had been so long, though.

“I love you so,” said Eva, bringing her lips back to Snow, kissing her deeper, then pulling away. “After all these years, my heart only stirs at the thought of you.”

She leaned forward to kiss Snow again, her hand curling in Snow’s long dark hair. Eva could hear Snow’s blood rush, and her own thirst grew stronger. She pulled away abruptly.

“Forgive me, darling,” she said, her voice breathless. “It’s been a long time since I’ve smelled your blood.”

SNOW: Snow smiled into the kiss again, it took her a moment to rein in her unbridled joy.

This was all she had wanted. This spark, the passion blooming warm in her gut at Eva’s words, at her touch, at her kisses. It made Snow want to bury against Eva’s strong chest. It took her back to when she was just 21, really 21, so young and wanting to see the world. Her heart so caring and gentle, and Eva had molded it. She made it smile, she made it stronger. Snow’s heart had never beat so surely until she’d met Eva.

And even now, she remembered that feeling. It had not gone far, even if she could not conjure it up until now.

Snow chuckled when Eva pulled away. Chuckled and pouted, swaying her hips some. She was--after all--a little high on painkillers.

“You can have a taste if you like,” Snow offered, shaking her hair out of the way. “Though, I must warn you, I did lose quite a bit of blood last night.”

EVA: She ran her fingers down Snow’s pale neck, feeling the blood pulsing in her aorta. It had been so long since she’d tasted blood as sweet as Snow’s. Eva flicked her eyes to Snow’s, her thumb on Snow’s throat.

“I will be careful with you,” she said, her voice soft, and she leaned forward to press her lips against Snow’s. She kissed Snow deeply, then pulled slightly away, trailing her kisses across Snow’s sharp jawline, the curve where it met her neck, and then down even still.

Her thirst was growing stronger, Snow’s scent filling her with each kiss. She ran her tongue across Snow’s neck and nearly trembled, the blood so intoxicating.

Slowly, she bit down, and at once nearly moaned in pleasure, gripping onto Snow tightly.

SNOW:

Snow knew that she would, be careful, that is. She trusted Eva, which was funny, seeing as Eva, at times had made her life a living hell. Even then, though, Eva had never hurt her. Not physically anyways, she’d never even come close. She’d always touched Snow like she was something precious, which was what had Snow coming back time after time, even amongst the lies and the hurt and the jealousy.

And now, her heart thrummed in anticipation. There was a little prick of pain, but it just made Snow shudder and she sucked in a breath of air. Eva pulled her closer, tight enough that she would leave bruises, but Snow didn’t care.

She tilted her neck, let Eva drink her fill. It made her head rush, dizzy with arousal and blood loss. This was what she had missed, this was what she had wanted. Being human meant she felt all these sensations so--realistically. It no longer felt like there was a film screen between her and the rest of the world.

She was alive.

#bdrpeva #snow queen #i'll love you forever #dun dun dun

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pika-kip · 5 years

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I can understand why so many people are angry about the homestuck epilogues, especially when some of their favorite characters seemed to get thrown totally out of whack and were perceived as ooc.

The problem is most of those characters have reasons for being who they turned into. That’s not to say if things happened differently that they would have turned out more well rounded and less.... unhinged.... but the fact of the matter is that if you look at everything that has happened to any specific character from the beginning of homestuck through the context of each epilogue, it’s possible to see how they ended up the way they did- ESPECIALLY if you start with Dirk. You know, the guy who has only really ever had one version of himself wind up not being a total piece of shit? The guy who has part of his personality manifested in a psychopathic AI, which then was used in the creation of Doc scratch, and thus existed partially in Lord english? The Dirk Strider who explains that he has achieved his Ultimate Self- which is then explained AS HAVING EVERY EXISTENCE OF YOU MANIFESTED IN THE SAME CONSCIOUSNESS AT ONE POINT, EFFECTIVELY RENDERING YOU A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON? That’s not the same Dirk. It’s Dirk, Bro, Hal, Scratch, Lord English- and every other splinter or alternate version amalgamated into one singular consciousness. So of all the Dirks, only one of which was close to being a decent person or having any sense of redemption- are now one person. all that bad is going to overwrite the good. So now to Jane right. The character raised by the Condesce. The character who- from a young age- used technology that was deliberately designed to indoctrinate her and install subliminal messages in her brain? Who was later shown to be fully controlled by the condesce via that technology? In the Epilogues Jane doesn’t see what she’s doing as being wrong. She is initially TERRIFIED at people thinking of her being a bad person. She wants everyone to love her. She doesn’t think the Trolls are bad, but she was literally raised by a witch who was trying to groom her into ruling via subjugation and domination by FUCKING WITH HER BRAIN. Jane starts out as doing what she legitimately believes is the right action from a logical perspective. She knows her people are terrified of the Trolls, she knows that if she doesn’t do SOMETHING the situation is going to get worse. so she does what she (mistakenly) believes to be a merciful compromise. Limit their breeding until they can prove as a race that they aren’t the violent race they once were. That way the humans can feel at ease, and the Trolls have a chance to thrive once tensions are settled. But Jane is so concerned with how she’s being seen by her people as an Heiress that she doesn’t understand how she’s being Xenophobic. She starts out misguided and then falls for her own psychologically suppressed lie. Add in the fact that Dirk has been fucking with the narrative offscreen for fuck knows how long and has likely been manipulating her as well, and it’s not hard to see how she became so twisted. Add in the power of control and rule for a few years and we see it corrupts her completely. The Jade one is a reach, but she grew up alone and isolated on an island and suddenly has her own freedoms and wants to explore the world and see everything. surprise surprise along the way she discovers sex. The Caveat, as (disgustingly) implied in the Candy route is that her having Parts of Bec extended to other parts of her as well.. I’m not going to sugarcoat it they imply she has a dog dick. It’s weird. And then I guess they took the Male dogs humping everything trope, added in a sheltered girl who finally gets to experience a world without the apocalypse looming and swings for a bit? Jade... didn’t necessarily deserve the way she was written, but I can see how it would have been possible to arrive at this point which was the purpose of this original word vomit. Take this girl who travels around the world experiencing red(and black) purely-sexual relationships, who doesn’t know how a real relationship works, how actual love and romance works and inject her in between the two people she cares about the most. She’s promiscuous, she’s flirty, she uses all the things she’s learned from her world experiences(including her blackrom flings) and tries to apply it to these two- not understanding that she’s being manipulative and selfish. It was bound to be disastrous. Karkat and Dave don’t know how to stand up to someone they care about in a way that would hurt. So they say nothing. It sucks. DaveJadekat sucks. Shit ain’t healthy. John’s Depression isn’t exactly unexpected or unrealistic, so we’ll skip that. (though if you want my thoughts on the characters I skip just ask and I’ll word vomit some more) John’s Candy route is so ridiculous and tough to deal with in a lot of ways. Vriska implies that he has way more control over this black hole bubble than he seems to think- which implies that Muse!Callie doesn’t have complete control. When he chooses Candy the world seems to adapt itself to the happiness he THINKS he and everyone else wants. The people still have their own thoughts and volition, but everything is saccharine and off to John. He basically has a mental breakdown and ignores the people around him and how they’re changing in this ‘inconsequential’ world, because he starts to believe there’s not a point. That none of this exists. Dude has an existential crisis in the midst of the readers’ third existential crisis (or like, 7th if you read meat first I guess) Meat Rose gets Mindfucked by Dirk and doesn’t have much of a character, but is otherwise on point in Candy. Kanaya is probably the most normal character here. Roxy, in spite of being closeted as a trans individual in Candy, finds their own definition of self that sheds the concept of Gender. He’s also probably the most well grown character in Meat (Since Dirk can’t affect him) Terezi Is pretty on brand, definitely struggling with Vriska though... Vriska is of an undetermined age and admittedly it’s kind of creepy in human terms with what happens with Gamzee- but I have no idea how old Vriska is after her whole journey leading the ghosts to find the Juju to kill LE so.... I’m not gonna touch it with a 50 foot pole. Calliope sadly doesn’t get enough time to shine in either route. Dave is Pretty much how I’d expect him to be Same with Karkat. and Honestly? Jake has always been a somewhat dull pushover. It isn’t offbrand, but I do hate everything that happens to him in both routes. He doesn’t deserve it on either end :/ And that’s everyone really worth talking about.

#homestuck #upd8 #I liked the epilogues but I can see why people didn't #I definitely think some people are overreacting a bit and seeing these characters as the way they WANTED them to be #which is understandable I guess #Point is they're telling a story #Not catering to the fanbase that has- on multiple occasions shat on Hussie and drove him away

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juvenileevasion · 7 years

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Documentary helps manage aftermath of shootings

By Patrick W. Shaver Director, Officer Involved

My wife looked at me funny when I told her that I thought we could make a movie. I was a police officer in a big city and she was a nurse, but neither of us were filmmakers.

What she said next I’ve rebroadcast when we’ve shown our film across the country: “It’s probably not the most expensive idea you’ve ever had.”

I had watched one friend go through an officer-involved shooting and then had another friend ask me about shooting the tires off a car instead of having to shoot the driver. “Let me find a documentary and we’ll watch it together,” I told him. My intention was to find something on film that showed the reality of what officers experienced in the line of duty, offering to translate what I had seen in one friend to the next.

In my search for a film that adequately captured the spirit of the American Law Enforcement Officer while presenting the realities of the aftermath, I was in disbelief that nearly every documentary I could find related to “police use of force” cast a negative light on policing.

This was before the events in Ferguson that catapulted the debate of police use of force to the most hotly contested issue in contemporary American history. This was 2013, and I didn’t know it at the time, but I was about to begin the biggest and most important journey of my life. One that would have me traveling 24,000 miles to conduct interviews and another 50,000 miles to present my findings.

I was interested in capturing raw conversations. Over the course of two years, I was able to do just that.

A combination of word of mouth and social media brought me to meet scores of men and women who had experienced one or more officer-involved shootings and were now sitting before me speaking about things they hadn’t told even their loved ones.

After conducting the first 10 or so interviews, we were acutely aware of the big responsibility that was being placed in us and that’s when events started to unfold, beginning with a little known town outside St. Louis, and spilling over into nearly every facet of daily life in the United States.

Everyone suddenly had an opinion on police use of force and American law enforcement officers were quickly becoming demonized. All the while I was firmly attached to my work to bring a human perspective to the profession being bashed — not just in mainstream media, but daily conversations between friends and strangers.

Perhaps the biggest frustration for us was that the film wasn’t ready, but we were. We were ready to talk and share the lessons we had learned. As time went on, the animosity toward our profession didn’t wane. It became more pronounced.

When our film was finally ready, we took to the road and showed it across the country, presenting to audiences from seven to 400 police officers and family members.

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Our findings were met with resounding agreement. This list is by no means exhaustive, but it is a place to start and presents a brief overview of what we saw in our work on ‘Officer Involved’ and presents information that is helpful to the officer and when steering our conversations with the general public. For the Administrator Lack of Preparation for Shooting Aftermath In the police recruit’s training to become an officer, it was common for the officer to spend hours in and then have easily recallable memories of intense firearms, criminal law and tactical training.

It was, however, rare that officers had any exposure to the concept of shooting aftermath.

Of importance was that, if the officer was untrained in what happens after the smoke clears, the family of the officer was completely in the dark. Family being the officer’s most important support system, dealing with the aftermath of a shooting was made much worse when families felt the effects.

Management’s Response is Critical to an Officer’s Well-Being Those officers who expressed to us that they had the support of their departments while they were going through the investigatory phase of the shooting expressed more satisfaction with the process, whereas those officers who were openly treated as suspect or blatantly ignored often reported negative feelings to commanders and the department as a whole.

It is important to note that, in several of our cases, communication or lack thereof was the only difference between “My department was great” and “I felt like I was thrown under the bus.”

For the Civilian

Officers Involved in Shootings are Cleared by Caselaw, not Corrupt Administrations Graham V. Connor is the landmark caselaw that established that a police officer who uses force may use that amount of force which is reasonable and necessary as judged by a reasonable officer under the totality of circumstances at the time of the incident.

This means that a shooting can take place in a matter of seconds and new information may come to light in the moments after it happens, but the legality of the officer’s actions will be judged by what was known, seen and experienced at that time. This is a difficult concept, especially when new information enters the arena and the advent of bodycams has allowed viewers to process the details while witnessing incidents from the safety of their home computers or cell phones.

A Common Factor in Police Use of Force is a Non-Compliant Subject

Nearly every officer we interviewed presented circumstances where there was a move from non-violent to confrontational behavior initiated by the subject, which then escalated the officer’s response from verbal communication to deadly force.

The officers’ actions were thereby reactionary.

An officer also has a job to do when responding to an incident and, apart from limited circumstances, is not at liberty to disengage from a combative subject.

Many of the incidents involving the officers we interviewed presented ample opportunity for the subject to cooperate or, at the very least, not escalate an already tense situation.

For the Officer

Becoming a Suspect Many of the officers with whom we’ve spoken have talked about what it is like to find out that they are the suspect in the shooting.

Remember — if you are involved in a shooting and the subject dies, that death will be deemed a homicide. Seeing those letters on a report can have an impact on the officer.

However, the officer should be aware that cause of death and legal justification are two completely different concepts. The investigation leading to that justification can take days, weeks, months, and, yes, even years to be made by whichever body makes that determination. During the investigation, the police officer will have the same rights as anyone else who is accused of or investigated for a crime.

Not Everybody Gets PTSD, But Some Do The study of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is vital to the future health of our profession and we are barely scratching the surface on what our men and women are experiencing after the cumulative effects of a career spent under stress.

Managers and co-workers who ignore the obvious signs of PTSD in an officer may miss a vital opportunity to address a devastating issue.

However, not everyone who goes through a shooting will develop it and not everyone who has PTSD will show outward signs.

A large portion of people who experience a shooting will report recurring thoughts, issues with sleep, anxiety, and increased emotions for a period of time. For a large percentage, that drops off over time. For another percentage, it becomes an issue.

If that issue is ongoing, know that you are not abnormal and help is no more than a phone call away. Speak with someone you trust or seek a qualified professional. In this profession, we need to remind ourselves that taking care of our minds is equally if not more so important than taking care of our bodies.

It is important to point out that not every officer we interviewed had negative reactions following their shootings. Some were supported by the community, supported by commanders, and have full confidence that he or she had acted appropriately. Some had varying degrees of support and never had a doubt. Others felt abandoned and forgotten by the same departments who trained them to go out and do the job.

Having begun our work on ‘Officer Involved’ in 2013, we had a unique vantage point while things unraveled in our country. However, the law enforcement profession can’t rest on laurels knowing that the truth is now out there.

Over the next few years, departments can strengthen their community relationships by drawing attention to realistic portrayals of what happens in our profession and better explain how the law works and how police officers make decisions.

What took us nearly four years to finish is instantly available worldwide with the click of a button. And it is just a drop in the bucket.

Patrick W. Shaver is the director of the groundbreaking documentary ‘Officer-Involved.’ He has a bachelor’s degree in sociology and master’s in conflict management. His work on ‘Officer Involved’ was inspired by his experience as a police officer in Georgia.

NOTE: To see the film, order the DVD here or, for go here a list of platforms for instant viewing. Perhaps the biggest recent development is that ‘Officer Involved’ can be brought to theaters across the country by initiating an event here.

from Police Foundation http://ift.tt/2wsHO6X

#Police Foundation

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