#sorry im not good at explaining things but the tldr is that im insane and theyve never interacted once | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

attourney-at-lycan · 2 years

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OKOK hello again but i saw ur jesson post and OH MY GOOD GOLLY GOSH umm i think i shall add some forewarnings because this is alot and i didnt realise i wrote this much , the absolute biggest apologies i just love ur blog alot and sorry again ( yea i just talk abt grooming, the 14/15 -18 yr old dynamic and mentions in the pictures of jess talking and implying that canon aph and aaron at their ages getting sexual)

i literally have been doing just semi deep dives on their irl past because it helps explain smamsmsm of what we get in canon bith for MCD + Mystreet like its actually insane

whether its the whole freshman (14/15 yr old) with a repeating senior (= LITERALLY 18 BECAUSE SENIOR YEAR IS 17-18 SO HE MUSTVE HIT HIS 18TH BDAY OH MY GOD) its just jesson EVEN with the whole military school + meeting online AS WELL AS JASON because i hate him so much because ages ago i was doing a deep dive on his twitter because he's him /neg and its crazy... liek i dont know how to articulate it well but u can just see how abhorrent he is as a person for not only pursuing jess irl when he was abg to go into college and she was still in high school . i have some pics

LIKE ? if u want to display ur self insert ocs repationship (which OBJECTIVELY is disgusting as the age gap at 14/15 and 18 is fucking just wrong) like dont get mad at people for wanting CANON aph to not be with CANON aaron because ?3!,&39.&;£ JUST BECAUSE U WROTE IT TO BE A PERSONIFICATION OF UR GUYS DISGUSTING IRL RELATIONSHIP AND THE PORTRAYED IT AS HEALTHY ROMANTIC HIGH SCHOOL LOVERS DOES NOT MEAN THAT PEOPLE CANT FUCKING CRITICISE IT hjsbzjsjd

and and like CHILDREN LITERAL PRE TEENS are watching and being influenced by this age gap seeing it as romantic and goals, then go pursue this fantasized gross thing and LIKE ARE GROOMED BECAUSE ITS CRAZY to display that age gap as healthy ?37;8:&/

im sorry that this is so heated but as someone who literally thought they were absolute goals when i was younger it just makes me sick because i was so lucky my dumb non american 10 year old self didnt know what a sophomore or freshman was and didnt get their ages but others weren't

i have seen PEOPLE talk about how they saw pdh aarmau and thought it was okay and recount their grooming and abuse they experienced because fiction affects reality and thats what happens when u as a creator choose to display that in a healthy and idealised light

tldr : i hate jesson vehemently with a passion and their portrayal of hate on their aarmau as mean trollers is fucking annoying because it wouldve been so easy to just not have a 14/15 yr old and 18yr old shown as romantically involved but no they had to because its a personification of their irl selves and thus is shielded from criticism ...?

tw grooming and age gap

this makes me absolutely fucking sick. i feel bad for jess for being put in that position at a young age but putting it out there for literal children and pre-teens to see is different. because you are influencing them to believe this should be normal. i literally had a debate with someone who defended aarmau in pdh bc “it was normal at the time” a week ago.

and yeah, when you make yourself and your partner a character, make money off people consuming said characters, you lose any right to keep ppl from criticizing and from being ‘possessive’ over said character. sorry jesson you cannot have the best of both worlds.

ALSO JASON BEING “yeah it’s so sad that my wife is acting out being in romantic situations with block characters :(“ then maybe??? just dont??? do it? you guys chose to make aphmau and aaron personifications of yourselves so you shouldn’t be bitching about shit like this.

#i hope this make sense if it doesn’t im rlly sorry #i have a hard time putting a coherent argument together #aphmau #tw grooming #tw age gap

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bravelittleocelot · 7 months

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I am asking in the goodest bestest faith with my heart open trying to accept that there's an answer: how is bisexual polycule with Beronica the straighten endgame option for Riverdale just because they don't explicitly mention Jarchie? I mean, they could have not had Beronica? (Sorry if the post was old, I just was scrolling around the Riverdale tag). I also don't understand how Archie wasn't still canon bi, but that's harder to talk about I guess

Hey Anon! It's not that old, and as I mostly shoot my mouth off about RVD without much thought to how it comes across im absolutely happy to explain my jumbled half-baked thoughts lmao.

To be totally clear; I'm absolutely not erasing the bisexuality of the polycule nor am I discounting the fact that we absolutely had canonical bisexual archie even if he and reggie didn't kiss on screen/at all. None of these fools were straight at the end of the day. and for all my grievances with this show I do completely appreciate this. I didn't mean to imply that archie wasn't bi just because he didn't end up with jug in the polycule.

I complained about it being the 'straightest possible version of this' as in 'this felt very written by a straight person who has very specific views on queerness'. the tl;dr is; I felt like it was kinda fetishy and queerbaity to imply that only the women in the relationship are dating each other as well as the men, especially since they were the only ones who kissed on screen. We didn't get to watch archie or even jug have nearly the same level of queer exploration at all, and I think that's kinda shitty.

as a small disclaimer, i believe the writer is actually gay, im not trying to be like 'ugh a straight person wrote this' I'm trying to explain my feelings in terms that can be understood lmfao.

Now ofc, idk what was happening behind the scenes. Maybe KJ felt too uncomfortable to do a scene of kissing another man, maybe he didn't want to kiss cole, who knows. totally valid reasons.

To explain it bit more in-depth: It felt super queerbaity, or I guess bi-baity? to me to have a whole episode of archie figuring out bisexuality and never have him explore that more on screen, only to say that he was in a polycule that didn't include Reggie (who it was implied pretty heavily he had some feelings for) ((It should've involved reggie I'll die on this hill)) and only really seemed to imply that betty and veronica were dating. We got to see Veronica and Betty explore this side of themselves repeatedly and on screen, and I love that they did this, but I honestly think it kind of sucks that Archie didn't get to have that same level of exploration as well (even if it's lowkey implied he's gonna ride trains and fuck all summer until he ends up going to the farm instead). I really would've loved to see him figure out his feelings some more through dating Reggie or Jughead in a similar way Betty and Veronica got to explore that.

I haven't seen Every Bit Of Media OUt There, but growing up I always felt like the bisexual women on screen were always out having sex and kissing and being loud and proud while the bisexual men were always a bit more closeted and restrained, and never as loud and proud. This is a broader spectrum, but this is where that part of that annoyance stems from.

And like it's all well and good that we got to hear about the polycule, but it felt like an afterthought and a meatless bone thrown to the queer audiences out there, we didn't really get a chance to explore that side of things at all ((because we were too busy learning chic was playing bury your gays with kevin's dad and archie's uncle??? like wtf?? I guess we were going for a bit of a gritty ending but cmon)) and they kind of immediately break up on screen? It just felt like one last middle finger from the cw. And yknow, time constraints, endings are insanely hard to write, etc. But not one person was like "hey shouldn't we... explore this a little bit?" cmon,

tldr part 2: The should've done more or had a longer ending so that more stuff could be fit in.

anyway, I just think it would've been nice if we could've seen more of that whole deal, but at the end of the day it's just my opinion, sorry for the huge jumbled ramble its nearly 1 in the morning lmao.

#ask #anon #riverdale

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majoringinsarcasm · 2 years

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TLDR I got into Hannibal via a friend but have never watched the show aside from clips online and him and explaining the seasons like a year and a half ago. So here I am, just bought season one on YouTube and I’m gonna rip my head off.

Anyway here’s S1E1: Aperitif (an alcoholic drink taken before a meal to stimulate the appetite) did NOT know this word before now but wow is it fitting.

Opening with the sound of sirens cool cool cool we love that

HES JUST STANDING THERE

THE PENDULUM STOP

I can’t imagine filming this. It must have been so fun or so frustrating. Possibly both. I know they probably filmed it all and then rewound it but it’s such a fun sequence.

Can you tell I took one film class in college

oh the door kick. the music for this is working oh boy

Mr. Marlow the poor bastard FLEW down those steps Rest In Peace sir that was sick

THIS IS MY DESIGN HE SAID IT HE SAID THE THING

I get it now. I though i got it before but no. No no no no oh but do I understand on a primal level just how attractive this Will Graham is. It’s been 4 minutes and I want to. God he’s so smart and a freak but also Interesting. No wonder Hannibal wanted him Immediately he’s right stop booing him

Oh no oh hi Jack oh it gets really sad for Jack fuck I’m sad now fuck

Damn if he’s not handsome though

……. IM SORRY????????????

Jack did you just “may I?” and fixed Will’s glasses. On his face. Alone in his lecture hall?????

Gonna think about that later alright then

CAN I BORROW YOUR IMAGINATION THEYRE SAYING ALL THE LINES

Can I just say how sad I am for Abigail? All those victims looked like her. They were meant to be her. All she wanted was to be normal and go to college and live a life but her father couldn’t let her have it. And I’m jumping the gun but the fact that she died in a kitchen at the hands of a parent who was loving up until he wasn’t while her other parent lay on the floor. I’m so sorry honey

God the parents oh it’s so sad already

Oh Beverly Katz my beloved (mentioned)

Oh god the cat no I hate this

Oh Mr. Nicoles I’m so so sorry

Will’s profile here? Like minute 11? Gorgeous

The visual of the pendulum gives me chills it’s so good

BEVERLY KATZ MY BELOVED

WINSTON

Man his car is ugly

Oh the biceps in that white shirt

YALL DIDNT TELL ME HE TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF after a nightmare that makes him sweat like a pig but HE TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF EPISODE ONE IS A GIFT

He’s sweating so bad he has to sleep in a towel. The poor man

Oh what a lovely color for the bathroom. Would look great in a children's hospital

I know what Jack is saying is very serious but the line delivery of “there was no Semen, there was No Saliva” is sending me. It’s too late I already know Hannibal NBC is a morbid comedy it’s too late

BKMB BEVERLY KATZ MY BELOVED

Tho I think she should tie her hair back. She is beauty and grace but why didn’t she tie her hair back. Maybe she doesn’t need to in this particular lab idk

Oh Abigail honey

Miss Bloom!!!!!! What’s up you complicated work of art!

WHY DOESN'T SHE TIE HER HAIR BACK AU where Bev fits a killer profile and Jimmy finds her hair on the victim and Will asks Hannibal to help him find the real killer so his bestie doesn’t go to jail TIE YOUR HAIR UP PLEASE

I can’t imagine being in a room with your coworkers and a dead body and this new weirdos who speaks like every word is a painful poem. Irl I would not be ok with Will he speaks like a tortured ghost id be scared. Snarky Will I can handle. Profiler Will I cannot

Ok. Ok. Hold on

So I know Hannibal is a cannibal. I know Hobbs was eating his victims. I know we as the audience know more than the characters.

What I find buck fucking insane is that Will met TWO CANNIBALS in the span of like. A week, four days??? He was in a house with two (three counting Abigail) cannibals. I don’t think we see many others in the show who eat people outside of Hannibal feeding them but it’s. It’s not common to eat people or at least I don’t hear about it often. It’s not a big number but it’s way higher under one roof than one would think

There he is ladies and gents! King bitch of simp mountain before it all began what’s up loser!

God he’s kinda hot tho I hate it

That lean forward filling the frame. He’s the lion in the room god I want to bite his face

The blue suit makes him look like a little sailor boy. It’s the kind of powder blue that makes me think of Alice in wonderland but also just. TROY BOLTON FROM THE HSM PROM SONG OH MY GOD

LOVE the tie tho

Hate that all my pictures have to be on my PHONE bc it won’t let me screenshot the colors are not being done justice

What. Happens to his secretary for real though?

Jack. I know he’s not flirting but man he is. Wow

Oh god they’re meeting oh fuck this is the beginning of the slow end

I want to bite Hannibal’s cheekbones

“Who’s profile is he working on!?”

I. Love. Jimmy.

Ok but for real I want to know what Hobbs was thinking. Bc if he was as loving as Abigail said then surely he would know Abigail would come home to visit during long weekends and breaks?? Did he think she would leave forever? Bc if that’s the case she could’ve run away at any time. Why did he think he needed to do this. Why did he have to kill her to keep her

You can’t keep showing me this man without his shirt. You can’t Timestamp 31:26 it’s bad for my health

If someone woke me up in a pitch black room with an aggressive ass knock I would turn them away

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If I made someone as attractive as Will laugh Like That while he was eating the food I made him I too wouldn’t stop until we were intertwined. I get it.

The lighting of this scene is so crazy. Shadows eating shadows and then just. Small amounts of light hitting the lips and hair and nose!! The noses!!

“How do you see me?” Sir can you deliver that line with 80% less flirtation please

“What are you smiling at?” I hate them so much already there’s how much more of this

OH WILL’s OUTFIT??????? THE SHIRT???? i need to stop hyping up white men I can’t do this again James McAvoy was already one thing don’t talk to me about IT that’s another movie I refuse to see but got stupidly invested in. Don’t ask how

“They know.”

Gaaaaah the transition!!!

Did you need to show me a closeup of his mouth????

(Thank you)

This man. Shoved his dying wife out. Why not just leave her in the house why would you push her out what the hell

Lmao Hannibal just watching rhejdbdndjdnd Will hon you’re not doing anything but panting above her cmon man

“GARRot jacob HOBbs! fb-EYE” the line delivery please idk why it’s funny

STOP HES SO GOOFY LOOKIN MR HOBBS FBDJDBNDNF

This episode was shot so pretty wow.

Final Thoughts: Though some line deliveries made me laugh this episode was beautifully shot, the introduction of the characters is great, it mentioned all the key players and I’m even more in love with Will Graham than before which I didn’t think was possible. The beginning of the episode is my favorite part. The entire reconstruction during the lecture gave me chills. Super excited to be emotionally torn apart as things get messier.

#Hannibal #nbc hannibal #major watches Hannibal #hannibal crack #I’m not ready but also I am but also it took me two hours to watch one episode #in it for the long haul baby #will graham #just wanted to get him in here I am attached I love him

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sanstropfremir · 3 years

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i really liked ur long post re. kingdom! and agree with ur points; when i was watching the clips, i didn’t really consider the production design and camera set up but the points you made makes a lot of sense why i felt the 4th gen groups were so awkward to watch.

(also, i read ur post once and haven’t fully digest so i’m sorry if i mix things up!)

and GAH, thank you! whenever i read ateez’s comments, they praise jongho for being the only 4th gen vocal but like... ya he sings live yay but also it sounds like he’s hurting his throat and it isn’t very pleasant. i’m not familiar with technique or any of that but as a casual listener, i’ve always been drawn to seonghwa’s vocals and think he has potential if given great training!

also, yes to bobby! he was the only one who looked happy during the stage (and the rest of ikon when they weren’t performing). maybe it’s because it’s their FOURTH competition show and they’re just over it (but hey, it’s better than not working at all). i feel like 4th gen bgs have adopted so many ‘dark’ concepts to be considered ‘good’ or whatever but it all blends for me. they keep giving me blank stares and i don’t feel anything lol i hope as the show progresses, they play with different concepts (pls i hope btob doesn’t feel pressured to mimic the same things as 4th gen to win).

ah thank you!! part of the reason why i decided to do these reviews in the first place is precisely because there are SO few people talking about the production design+staging in kpop. designers are the last rung of people in the performance hierarchy to get properly acknowledged and paid for their work (in canada for example, there is no union for theatrical designers), and this is me doing something to give credit where it’s due and to bring up an INSANELY important element of kpop that like....never gets talked about.

hanya’s vocal technique primer and breakdown does a really good job of explaining the flaws in ateez’s performance, much better and in more detail that i did, so i’d recommend reading that if you're interested in learning more about technique! seonghwa and wooyoung have some of the most promising potential because they do actually have the ability to switch between head and chest, whereas jongho is trying to force the ceiling of his middle without making the jump. i think he actually might be able to switch to head because there is a clip somewhere that i saw of him doing a semi-passable ‘parody’ queen of the night aria from magic flute, but i have only seen it once and my memory is garbage. long story short is there would be a lot more ability in all of these 4th gen boys if the companies paid for vocal lessons instead of tricking.

i often equate dance and acting because dance IS acting. yes, they are uniquely different skills, and not everyone who is good at one is good at the other, but they both have the same core motive of trying to communicate. what one is trying to communicate and its authenticity is another question altogether and i have some real weapons-grade hot takes about that, so i will leave that alone for now, but there is an overlap of skill between dance and acting that often gets overlooked, especially in commercialized hiphop dance (which kpop is).

in the case of 4th gen performance face, there’s two common causes. the first is ‘focus face,’ where the dancer is so focused on actually dancing that they just don't do anything with their face. yunho from ateez is a good example. he's very sweet and i know he has a personality somewhere but as soon as he steps on stage his face absolutely shutters. not technically a flaw, since he is a talented dancer, but that’s the difference between him and san. san knows how to work his stage charisma, and yunho doesn’t. this is super common among even professional dancers, but it can also be unlearned. the second is ‘serious face,’ which conversely, is a product of overthinking. this is extremely common within 4th gen boy groups because of the uptick of ‘dark’ concepts. there isn’t anything wrong with dark concepts as a whole, but because there has been a huge glut of them in the last couple of years and especially since rtk, they've lost some of the visual punch but also a lot of them in the first place don't have a strong underlying theme. for a dark concept to work there needs to be very clear visual intent and narrative. ‘look at me im wearing all black and looking serious’ isn't a concept, it’s a cardboard standee of gerard way. obviously there’s been a general geopolitical trend towards ‘dark and gritty’ things that's been happening over the last...since whenever man of steel came out, but within kpop specifically there’s the hole that vixx left and the new groups are scrambling to fill it, but they don't have the experience or stage presence or frankly the stones to pull off what their ADs are trying to get them to do. the only group that’s come even close to pulling off a vixx level concept is oneus with to be or not to be and i stand by my decision. more shakespearean concepts please and thank you. this got derailed from me talking about serious face but tldr of that is that because the dark concepts have become mostly aesthetic rather than emotionally or narratively fueled, it means that performers don't really have much material to work with, so it manifests especially in inexperienced performers as ‘im going to look serious because serious is sexy.’

this got way too long but unfortunately that is just how i am as a person. i agree anon i do hope that btob (and every other group tbh) doesn’t fall under the dark concept/4th gen pressure, and that we see more creative stages in future episodes. if i have to look at another royalty concept i will scream.

#kingdom #should i make a tag for kpop questions? maybe i should make a tag for kpop questions #kpop questions #i have many more things to say about all of this but i will stop for now because this is already so long #again im super happy to discuss questions and opinions so if you have any feel free to shoot me an ask #Anonymous #i can make longer posters elabourating on certain points if people want to hear more also #just lemme know #kpop analysis #text #kingdom review responses #answers #kingdom asks

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ivemadeanopinion · 4 years

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Hello! This is my first post on this account. I recently posted about something political on my other account, and thought that I didn't want any politics on there really :)

I'm a 14 year old girl who really wants to formulate her own opinion and break away from my father's. He's a strong republican, prolife, doesn't believe in climate change, and thinks liberalism is a mental illness, or something along those lines. He basically assumes everyone from the other side is stupid. (Though, it wouldn't be infactual to say I've seen Democrats say so too about republicans.)

I hate sitting in my house, hearing my dad rant on and on about these things no one in my household cares about, and I thought, why not care? Why not care and begin to formulate my own opinion???

The amount of times I've embarrassed myself in school. Like I said, my father doesn't believe in climate change. I have a huge personality. So I've said it before. Tried to discuss it. And people look at me as if I'm insane. I didn't know better.

Whether you're republican, a Democrat, whatever you are, I'm open minded to any information, articles or anything you have to provide.

Please, although people can be assholes, not ALL people are assholes. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. On this blog I will try to avoid saying anyone is dumb, or say things negative about them. Discussing opinions is okay. There is no need to take it further than that.

I'd appreciate having a civil discussion. I might give you information my father has told me, and I wouldn't mind if you explained why he is wrong.

I don't believe that all Republicans are bad. I don't believe that all liberals are bad. I don't believe that a whole entire group of people is bad. Just certain people inside it. Yet every day I see posts bashing entire groups of people, defined by their gender, looks, race, sexuality other than what they believe in. There are always nice people in a bad group, and bad people in a nice group. (Of course, depending on how vague you go. If you say pro life, you arent saying that they're pro "you have to always give birth even if it's a child from rape." That isn't every person in the pro life community.)

Though I understand how posts go, and when you say "republicans" and stuff. It makes sense. I'm probably gonna say "most republicans" in my posts though, when it ever comes across, because it's a preference I guess. My whole family is republican and seeing the ones who aren't super terrible like my dad be grouped up in there just bothers me i guess.

That's the main opinion I stand for, and here's why (huge rant ahead. TLDR at the end of the lines. I reccomend you read, but it's alright if not.);

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When I began going to school, out in Florissant, Missouri, as early as kindergarten, I was bullied. Practically everyone in that school was black. I grew up in the hood area, I would say. Not as bad as some places, but still quite bad. Soon enough, I was bullied for being white. I've had people tell me that there's no way that's why I was bullied. Well, kids saying i should 'go to hell for being white', probably is an indicator, but what do I know? I was terrified. I kept to myself. My only friends became the special ed kids. Rachel and Summer were my best friends. Summer passed away in 2016. I wasn't informed till late 2017, by seeing my friends yearbook.

Nevertheless, I was called racial slurs, I was literally 'the plauge'. I blocked most of it out, it's trauma, but I can just remember trying to play a game with people and they say "the white girl is infected!!! Don't touch her!!" And, well, I didn't get to play with them. I played with Rachel instead, but she thought they were just playing tag. She didn't understand why they were running away. (They ran from her because she was special ed. She wasnt white.) It all got worse after the Ferguson riots. I was about 9 then.

I made my first friend in 3rd grade. His name was Kenan. He was outcasted because he was a crybaby. We became friends, but I still didn't play many games. Then Cayl'E came along in 5th grade. She was friends with everyone. She ended up becoming my best friend. Now she is family to me. She made everyone actually realize, that I might not be a terrible person just because of how I look. people still didn't touch me for a while. (not letting me be involved in house, no one picking me for heads up 7s up, etc, not like some weird stufd) but it soon got better for a few people. (Definitely not all. I can still name 3 kids that made my final weeks of 5th grade TORTURE. Yes, I cried really loud during the date ceremony because this kid was purposely overstimulating me)

Most traumatic time at that school? This might sound like the most fake part, but no, this is real; My 5th grade brother calling a 1st grader short, and a bunch of middle school kids (they looked tall) running up and beating the shit out of him. I was in 3rd grade. I had to run to find help. I couldn't help my brother, from getting beat up by like 20 guys. In hindsight, it probably wasn't that many, but I was in 3rd grade, I over exaggerated a lot.

I moved in 6th grade. Out to a better school. I was scared of the loud kids. And soon enough became used to it. Now I have a huge personality. I'm open, and today even walked in on my brothers zoom meeting to say my armpits smelled like burritos then walking away. Im not scared anymore. Most of the time. Sometimes I have flashbacks, but we don't need to discuss that.

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TLDR: I was severely bullied because of my skin color. I have some post traumatic stress from it it was quite bad. Yet through it, I made friends who helped me, despite the color of my skin. So through every bad there is good.

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What I'm trying to say from that is, not all white people are bad. Not all black people are bad. Just the certain people who made me so hurt much today. They didn't mean it though (I hope. A couple kids apologized about two years after moving.)

Not every group is bad just because you've had a bad experience with a few people. There are always kind people out there.

Whether I'm one is your decision, and whether you want to discuss some politics about like climate change, abortion or whatever, is also up to you.

Sorry for going on and on. Hope to hear back from anyone! (In a hopefully civilized discussion, I'm 14, not 54.) Oh and!! Don't be shy due to my age. I know way too much, I'm on the internet! I might be impressionable and stuff, but what's more impressionable? An opinion I can hear the facts to, or whatever the hell my dad is going on about? I've been stuck with this nutcase for forever, I wanna be able to say something about it.

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nerdgul · 4 years

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Could you explain the brain receptor thing and unmonitored internet usage?? I wasn’t monitored either and now I’m gay but like what else this shit do

i certainly can

first off ill start by saying the internet didn’t make you gay. it may have opened you up a bit and gave you more info on the subject, but thas you own shit my dude. good shit, but yours

and secondly, its way to late for me to be scouting academic articles n shit so this is gon be more of a long winded rant than anything proper. and even simplifying it down this is gonna get long and be badly spelled so sorry in advance (especially to mobile users who don't gets a keep reading break)

*** now for the tldr; you may not have been monitored but things are significantly different than it was a decade ago. internet addiction is a much more prevalent and real problem. addiction of any kind fucks up how your brain chemistry. today’s tech is essentially heroin for kids and children do not understand the concept of self control.

so children brains are not fully developed when they come out, but we’re learning and making connections from day 1. thing is is that when a connection is made it pretty damn hard to sever. even as an adult unlearning shit is a lot harder than learning it and when ur a kid your learning shit constantly and it gets cemented way faster. so essentially what happens to your brain in childhood will be pretty damn hardwired into you forever. (there exceptions of course but were talking habits and brain chemistry here)

which means it’s super fucking easy to get a toddler addicted to shit. like stupid insanely easy. they're little fucking suckers for some sweet sweet pavlovian conditioning.

but what qualifies as an addiction? a lot of people debate whether or not things like video games/internet can qualify as a legit addiction cause they aren’t chemicals that directly impact the brain but are instead things that cause your brain to produce its own feel good chemicals that still fuck up your brain. but they cause all the same reactions in the end.

basically the internet make you feel good. you want to feel good all the time. you fuck up your dopamine receptors by overloading them with cat videos. it takes more internet to get the same good feel. you start avoiding other less pleasurable parts of life (school, family, sunlight). bam, addiction.

i’ve seen toddlers that had symptoms compared to actual meth junkies, the only difference is that when a toddler has a screaming crying raging fit over not having their fix its seen as ‘kids just being kids’ and many parents will roll their eyes and to get them to shut up will just let the kid have 5 more minutes of screen time… or 50. but thing is, that shits not normal. sure tantrums every now and then happen but it is the responsibility of the parent to help their child regulate screen time because children are not yet developed enough to self regulate shit.

this is especially bad for video games. it might seem harmless enough to hand over some phone game to your kid while your busy running errands to keep em quiet but mobile games are designed to be colorful busy give constant achievements and keep you playing (so you’ll watch more ads or pay more money). its overstimulation and the child doesn’t even realize it, instead they see anything outside the game as being the ‘too much’ and lash out at the parent trying to get their attention instead.

and beyond the part of addiction too much screen time has also been linked to lack of sleep, delayed speech development, and poor social skills.

babies literally need to be touched or they’ll die. lack of eye contact at a young age can fuck up their sense of self and connections to others. so if your a parent looking at your phone instead of your kid it already is teaching them the phone is more important. and when they finally get to the screen they will also start prioritising it over socialising and i cannot stress enough how fucking important regular social contact with children is. they need it to develop right. seriously just look up ‘feral children’ and see what happens (granted those are worst of the worst cases but even self inflicted isolation still isn’t good for anyone).

so what does poor social skills and a fucked up domaine receptor get you??? DING DING DING, LIFELONG DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY!! a slu of mental health issues just waiting to feed on them poor deep fried serotonin nuggets.

now im not saying internet gives people depression. that would be a gross oversimplification of the subject. and in many studies its been shown the correlation (wich is very high btw) between internet usage and depression is because internet attracts people with pre-existing depression but when talking specifically about children who dont already have these issues its a different story.

however if you were born in the 1990s to early 2000s you have a different story than children today. so far i’ve been talking about mostly toddlers who use modern tech (phones, kids tablets ect). millennials and early gen z era were a little special having grown up with this technology but in such a way it was much harder for us to abuse it. sure there were some kids who would play webkinz for 5 hours a day and live in front of the TV, but there would also only be a single computer in the house which the whole family shared, and the internet was probably slow so it was a lot harder for this generation to have these kinds of issues. TVs also had to be shared and had regular commercials and reruns so your get bored and go outside sometimes. no constantly continuous streaming of any new content at your fingers. things just.. didn’t need to be monitored as closely back then.

thats not to say it didn't need to be monitored at all, but more so issues with technology were less likely to happen or developed to a far lesser extent. it’s also why i see a lot of millennials defending the internet. making memes about overprotective moms being worried about video games n shit. They dont relize just how different things are and what that means.

but the reality is technology as it is today is much different. everything wants your attention all the time and growing up in a world where you get your very own touch screen device at a young age to do with whatever you please, that opens the door to a lot more potential issues and they’re things we shouldn’t ignore.

and thats not even getting into the specific types of content children could be consuming or the effects of social media and internet culture has on older children and teens. but thats a whole other rant.

anyway if its requested ill make a more informed fully sourced post to tackle any particular subject with more depth, lord knows i’ve still glossed over about a million other parts of the topic, but for now hope this helps. ps; if anyone wishes to add on/correct me/phrase something better please feel free to doso

#applesauc-y #internet addiction #nerdstuff #asks

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prorevenge · 5 years

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Guy Flips Me Off, Parks in Handicapped, and gets sweet karma.

The Cast:

- JC = Jerk Customer

- MOD = Manager on Duty

- Me = Me

(TLDR at the bottom)

ME: Hey! MOD, How are you today?

MOD: Doing Great how about you?

ME: Great thanks for asking.

ME: Hey! You see that green truck parked in the Handicapped spot?

MOD: Yeah!

ME: He is parked there illegally. Don't we enforce that by towing people?

MOD: Yeah we do but I'm not going to worry about it.

ME: Well I think we should.

MOD: Why?

ME: *Explains that he passed me and gave me the bird*

MOD: Says she will deal with it and proceeded to call the towing company.

I don't hear anything for a while and clock in and head to my register.

Then I hear screaming from the from door. JC Is screaming and running toward his truck which is about 75% loaded onto the Tow Truck. He then comes back into the building where he starts cussing out MOD and saying that we had no right to do that. ( The whole time I'm sitting there with a Shit eating grin on my face and enjoying the front row seats to the show.)

��

MOD: Im sorry but you did park illegally and we reserve all right to tow vehicles parked illegally on our property.

JC: F*** You!

MOD: Well Next time don't flip off my associates.

I don't think he got the idea of what he did and that I was the guy he flipped off but he defiantly learned his lesson about parking illegally, I hope. I later heard that he called the store demanding that the associate that reported him was fired immediately but they dismissed his call because it was "Not directed toward his experience" and was "A result of his own actions".

TL;DR: Guy flips me off while driving, I find him parked in the handicapped where I work, he gets towed, and I get to watch the whole thing unfold.

(source) story by (/u/Arrowheads844)

#prorevenge #by /u/Arrowheads844 #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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6ad6ro · 5 years

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im watching the projared explanation vid rn n i'm gonna keep adding to this as i watch. think of this as like real-time commentary? even tho it’s not real-time at all like i’m just pausing the video to make lil comments. here’s vid btw. but geez it'd be weird if all he did was cheat (like it's icky i’m def against cheating... but how would that matter to you if it doesn't involve u personally?).

TLDR (this was written after the fact): i’m rly leaning towards believing him about not doing the underage stuff. and i wished i had listened to my initial gut on that. i could care less about exchanging nudes with fans if they were 18+. i also could care less about any relationship drama. anyways i watched all of it and wrote a LOT. it’s kinda interesting (not rly) to see my opinion change over the course of the writing? i was really tearing into jared at first ahaha. but i’m putting it under a readmore. it’s not written well at all so read if you dare...

just started watching. first of all i will say it feels very scripted (is he lying/acting/performing? or is it just well thought out??) idk and LOL at him purposely looking unshaven and like a mess... like THAT was at least on purpose and makes me immediately not rly trust him? but idk i can't actually judge him based on this rly... then again what a sappy fucking thumbnail.

aw geez IT'S LIKE HE'S DOIN A REG COMEDY VIDEO like stop acting dude? i know he's... well he’s weird and seems like a very “scripted” person if that makes sense? but... it's just a rly weird move to try and make a "here's the real story/apology" video this way. not how i’d do it at all (and i’ve been there to a much lesser degree so)...

oh and i know he's SUPER mad at the two (at the time) underage ppl? and justifiably so if they lied. but idk his claim that the only reason for them to remove their accusation posts was "bc they held no water and they knew the timing was right to safely do the most damage"? uh dude you're one of the more well known youtubers like IMAGINE all the ppl that were harassing these guys? well at least they were both lgbtq etc and the gaming community has a traditionally open mind about that (sarcasm).

btw i kinda hate the term "the tea" too? soo much. but just bc it's another appropriated term white kids overuse... but even still i probably wouldn't have opened up a vid like this... well i'll just say it... was he straight up pointing the finger at gay ppl etc for harassing him n bein shallow n only enjoying the drama etc? like idKKK it just felt like he was calling out sassy gay ppl ONLY like why did he even say that??

yeah bc straight white gamer dudes NEVER gossip about drama. they NEVER act shallow. dude ur fanbase is like... some of the most shallow, gossipy ppl out there. i can't TELL you how many AWFUL videos i watched of your fans n other youtbers talking about you. and how... INSANE? it was? that they only rly called you out for "cheating on your cute wife" bc the accusations of underage shit n manipulation yeah nbd! but god forbid you cheat on your "attractive cosplay wife".

srry i'm rly tearing him apart here... i'm not meaning to. almost every gaming personality has shit fans. even i? me. a nobody. have to double check new followers to see if they're nazis etc? it's so common... anyways i'm not actually damning him in any way yet even if i'm bringing up so many lil issues i have w this vid lol srry?

btw i used to follow his tumblr. there was WEIRD shit going on, esp right before it shut down. like the "i got hacked" thing seems really convinient? IDK srry it's just my gut but he reminds me of sociopaths etc i used to be friends with. how he explains things and talks... like they all sound a lil like dennis from always sunny? idk my gut is tellin me he's full of shit i'm sorry. gonna keep watching. wait he really WAS hacked? i mean i guess i believed he was hacked at first bc the guy posting awful shit and claiming to be a pro-hacker was... well he was too crazy to be made up. a real fucking maniac loser.

as time is going on, unless all of this stuff is fabricated? he seems ro have found a crazy amount of proof that he didn't do the underage stuff. like... maybe the weird vibes he gave off is this stuff drove him insane? like... i’ve been friends with/dated quite a few fucked up, gaslighting assholes? trying to figure out what the fuck is going on can drive you a little nuts. he's kinda winning me over here a lil... again if the underage/manipulation stuff is untrue? i could care less about the other stuff. and i LOVE ross? but srry... who cares about that other stuff...

to explain what changed my mind: most ppl that he reminds me of are sociopaths etc. or rather, people that really fucked my life up. so i have a lotta baggage regarding them? and they're bigger in my mind than the other types. i won't lie the way he explains things and argues points REALLY bugs me? but i know ppl like that who are good people. or at least not psychopaths. immature, basic idiots at the worst (not that im callin HIM an idiot). anyways that alone doesn't make him guilty. watchin more now.

i was about to bring up that its actually really... cool? that he's focusing on the underage shit rather than the cheating/drama? bc thats all that needs to be explained rly? but LOL he just got to the "game grumps" part n in losing it. am i rly about to drown in this drama? fuck dude lol noooooo....

okay finished it. fuck man idk i feel stupid. right at the start i even was like "noooo he couldn't have!" but the underage stuff is like... like that shit makes my brain boil n stop working n go into “ill kill him” mode. and jared was so silent and so i figured he was doing damage control (ignoring it until it went away) rather than research to show people this was all fake/getting legal advice?

i kinda think he didn't do any of the real icky shit. i still get a vibe he might be a weirdo. and i don't think heidi necessarily made ALL of that stuff up? and i could care less that he was getting sexually involved w his fans like even I have been flirted with due to running a game gif blog (god knows why). and like FUCK it's so normalized for ppl in bands to sleep w fans? so why on EARTH would people think youtube gamerz are “too good for that”? anyways...

my point is, i think i mighta been wrong about him n the underage stuff. idk what to believe about the other stuff? the only thing i know for sure is that ross o'donovan is a very sweet n nice guy. and i'm so glad the drama between him and jared was imagined. it was prob just shitty to have fans ask him about it over and over...

okay lol if you just read all of this please go do something more fun and interesting now lol! i'm gonna put this all under a readmore and put a tldr on it! and... go to bed bc fuck its 2am OOPS!

#DONT reply or message me if you wanna fight about this #projared

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noidsome · 7 years

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Digimon tri: Loss rant aka butthurt

So there are things that bothers me a lot about these Digimon tri movies and this movie, well lets just say its teh drop that tipped the glass. I dont really like rewieving things..but i am very passionate for digimon, so i suppose this will do.

So what is there to say about Digimon tri? or spesifically... loss? hehe loss..more like loss of my intrest in these movies..

TLDR; the movie is long, boring, little action, meiko is shit as always, the conflict with sora, tai and matt doesnt exist, some scenes go nowhere and are more filler then plot, still questions left unanswered, 02 kids are dead and gone and nobody cares at this point, and shitty, limited, boring, bland and dissapoiunting animation.

Anyhow where do i even start? first i suppose i should start off by saying the things i DO like about this movie. I did enjoy seeing tai more in the spotlight, and it was nice seeing tai, matt and sora talk again. And not to mention, digivolutions! Where most of the digis became ultimate! hell yeah! and my boi machinedramon, i always loved that fella. And more digi kaiser?? YES PLS FUEL MY NEEDS FOR FOOTAGE!! and of course, the animation was well done with the fight scenes and the action was really neat! My favorite part of the movie was the last part.

and now, onto the... MANY many problems these movies had, with none other then shitty animation, awkward scenes, bad art styles, scenes that go nowhere, meiko, and FILLER!! clench your asshole because this is going to be a long one...

Ok so we start off the movie strong. This flashback goes well with me because its this old timey wimey film effect, and we get to see the backstory of himekawa and black hair teacher typography mcgee, i forgot his name..anyway thats cool, we get plot! and then cuts to meiko being left out with her dark evil special digital device. GOOD. she has no way to enter now. she should be left out like the shitty written character she is. im glad shes out.. but would i be like this for long?? NOPE, NOT HERE IN DISSAPOINTMENT LAND I WONT!!

So then we get tehse cute bonding scenes, which are just very nice. its good they take their time with these, and boy....do they take their time :))))) the shitty happy music desu comes so abruplty that you just sit back and say “nice here it is.” so the rest of the digimon get along just fine with the kids again, which is nice i guess....except for pyokomon or whatever. For some reason she is the ONLY CONVENIENT one that wont like her. now, im fine with this, because things never happen the same way twice. however, she is THE ONLY ONE, and the others open very fast, so why?? eh whatever wont bother explaining too much about that ;))

so after this kawaii desuka moment, after toei “””””””””””””””animation”””””””””””””””” show us a slideshow of their best drawings of the kids just sitting there, with no movement, we get on with it.

There is one thing i learned in animation class, and that is that YOU NEVER HAVE ONE STILL FRAME in animation, and these movies have a lot of them, and so fucking shittly placed as well. Just sometimes to save time, or just because lazyness, the animators just pan a akward still filler frame. i know things are hard, and horrible in NEY-HON, especially with animation, but for gods sake i cant help but go “animation is hard XDDdDdDD” whenever watching these movies....because sometimes....SOMETIMES.......

anyway so onto the story, “special super powerful” meikoomon appears, crying because she is adult and remembers meiko. why, you ask?? WHY??????? WELL who cares stfu. so she runs away and jumps into a distortion. did she make it? did the digital world provide her with some? will we get answers??

so then, PTaiSD starts doubhting if we can save the special boy cat, and Yamaha has to of course get angry about every single little thing tai does, and walks off in a huff. Was this scene forced like all hell?? is yamiffedo being a bitch for no reason?? Yes. yes he was. at this point, it feels like they just put this here to give matt a reason to be angry because they have nothing left to bitch about to eachother, or yashitto just wont let up. either way, it is so frustrating..but i digress.

we also cut to black haired crocks wearing mcgee again, in and out, of him saying “i cant figure this out” and we get told this 2 times. ... ANYYYWAYYYY then the kids remember their personalities again and tai suggests we do something now, and the digimon digivolved. HURRAH!”

byomon is still not trusting sora, which is fine i guess bonds take time, and they did take their time, which was fine. so they keep cutting to this trolly, the one they slept in in digimon adventure. HEY GUYS, REMEMBER THE TROLLY???? REMEMBER DIGIMON 01?? WASNT THAT SERIES COOL???

special OP baby cat meikomon just sits and laments because she cant find meiko, so she gets all infected and fucks up everything again, making the reboot for NUFFIN if she keeps this up. BUTT WAIT, why does she still have this infection?????? OH NO SHE TURNED EVIL AGAIN!!!! but does the movie explain??

so here we are with the blank kids club as izzy expositions the shit out of the other kids, which is nice. its nice to get plot... BUT ITS NOT THE PLOT WE ACTUALLY NEED, just...just a little bit of it. just a little bit.......... anyway everyone cuberbullies meiko and basically says that she is a shit and wont fit in here because all she would do is cry or fuck up something beyond repair. that is what she would do.

so then sora walks off and sits by a trunk and is sad because her tamagotchi doesnt like her anymore. BUT.......and this is a big but...Taishit and Yaman come to the rescue. BUT...they are both stupidly blank and doesnt know waht the fuck to do or say, but they try. how will they tackle this point??

So basically sora is suprised to figure out that tai and matt cant read her mind, and just runs off and is understandably angry about the situation. so as tai and matt is visibly upset they cant fix this, which you couldnt tell because their expressions are about as vibrant as a piece of wood, Taichi basically says something good for once. Sora spends her times worrying about other people and doesnt say anything about her own worries. which is....good??????

im sorry but to me thats not good at all. if you fix everyone elses problem, and you shut your own problems inside, you are going to suffer. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING HOLY FUCK WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT??!?!?!?!? unless i am completly misunderstanding this kind of behaviour but to me, this is not good. fuck that shit. so that scene ends. nothing gets resolved. then finally, after fucking FOREVER with filler scenes and awkward crappy animation, machinedramon finally appears and is here to fucking kill this second hand emberassment. they run from him, and the others see whats going on. so then they try to do something and fails, and then meikoomon isnt evil anymore...........????? and then something which i think is one of the biggest, STUPIDEST cop puts of all time happens.

macinedramon shoots them at point blank, and really hard and long too, like so long the camera makes sure to show ALL of their faces as they slowly burn to death by the giant super death cannon...and so they all get fucking obliterated and die... EXCEPT THEY DONT!!!!!!!!!! A DISTORTION PORTAL APPEARS AND JUST... TROWS THEM ACROSS THE ENTIRE ISLAND!!!! AND THE KIDS ARE ALSO UNHARMED!?”!?”?!?

WHAT THE FUYCK IS THAT SHIT?!?!??! WHY DID THE DISTORITON APPEAR??? WHO MADE IT?? WAS IT MEIKOOMON??? EXPLAIN!!! EXPLAIN FOR FUCKS SAKE IM TOO AUTISTIC TO UNDERSTAND THIS DEEP LEVEL OF STORY TELLING!!!

oh and we get a cute flashback to actually knowing what himekawa wanted. she just wanter he digimon back.......which is why she acted this way all along? so she could get her stupid digimon back=??? thats why she had to act like she was secretly the one fucking everything up?? ....eh idk ANYWAY

byomon sees sora cry and decides wew lad....that changes everything.,..so that scene ends, and what does byomon find?????? WELL WOW ITS MEIKO WHO JUST FELL INTO THE DIGITAL WORLD JUST BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was at this point i got really upset with this crappy movie. The scenes drag on for too long, scenes just end and go nowhere, and GOD DAMN IT IM SORRY FOR SAYING THIS BUT MEIKO IS A FUCKING MARY SUE. she is such a classic example of shittily written self insert characters that it fucking hurts. if i wanted to read your shitty digimon fanfiction from 2008 then i would of done that. Its fucking insane to see this level of writing from a professional writing team, holy fuck.

and then........this.......this takes the cake.... fucking tai and kari are together. finally, they get to talk a little about things, like for example bringing up whats bothering tai all this time, or why he has to be such a tittybaby with yamato, or maybe have a little chat about character development. but no we dont get none of that. shitty sad music plays and....no tai just says “oh man im so angry i didnt make it” and kari says “its ok” and then tai just looks down.... AND THEN THATS IT!!! ....OK??

so then a whole lot of fucking nothing happens for a while, and i mean, they just.....dont say ANYTHING worthwhile. tai goes all “man i wish tai would read my mind and not be an asshole. my name IS MATT AND I JUST CANT TALK TO MY FRIENDS SO I WALK AROUND LIKE AN ANGRY PISSY BABY BECAUSE THATS MY TRAIT, WHICH IS NOT FRUSTRATING AND TIRED AT ALL”

and byomon being a little warmer, going to meiko just because shes a cunt at this point, like now shes just being a dick, and generally everyone just walking around having a grand ol time. i guess its nice, and cool and all...but it drags ON FOR TOO LONG WE DONT NEED THIS LEVEL OF CALM WHEN YOU HAD ONE ACTION SCENE TROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!!!! and just generally....just stuff that goes NOWHERE!! like that train scene???? literally filler. was it a trowback to 02 where agumon came back on the train after being with the dark master?? i dont know!! fuck!!

then expositionmon comes, and its vague, and leaves. and then whatever anyway

meikomon cries and when she gets back to meiko again she tries to slit her troat, and meiko supringly tells her that she isnt good.....wow..thats nice. but they reuine and FINALLY gennai arrives again. in his kaiser disguise. why does he have that avatar to go back and forth troughout the world? why did he chose to use kaiser?? my guess is just to be a dick to the others, because thats the only good explanation at this point.

and sora does say “oh hi ken please dont” but thats it. im sorry but at this point, the 02 kids are oficcially dead and gone. there is no logical explanation to why they act like this anymore. none that are actually good. forget about them, the others have. just....forget about it.

so distortions appear again and everyone reunites again, because hell we needed SOME explanation to them meeting again. so action happens, and everything is nice and fine and then gennai just

hes so insane im kind of liking it..... ANYWAY stuff happens and so they run away while gennai talks to them about some answers to our questions, which they might not hear because of the BIG HEAVY STOMPS AND ROARS from the digimons but whatever... yuggrasil i dont remember who is and at this point i just wanted the movie to be over, so this last part, there isnt much to say because i liked it.

however sora getting BTFO by a giant mountain and machinedramons claw should have killed her, but nah whatever. and the scene with tai and matt drowning??? i jsut... dont understand it. what the fuck happened??? why did they just not drown anymore?? what?????? did the power of magic save them or somethin? I DONT GET IT!! and i mean...they should have drowned at that point jfc

then half the movie is the digimon digivolving and now im so god damn sick of writing, but meikomon fucks everything up again and NOW IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER!! REEEEEEEEEEEEE

SOOOO yeah thats it...the movie was slow, boring, fun, and overall awkwards. the kids had ALMOST no personality, and the scenes that the movie advertized, like the conflict with sora, tai and matt was nonexistant, and just....i myself, and a lot of people, are fucking dissapointed.

if you read this far, thank you. but i have no big hypes for the rest of the movies anymore because the shitty animation, no facial expressions, crappy storytelling, boring character interactions, and MEIKO makes me hate these movies more and more...........and that makes me sad.

#digimon tri #digimon adventure tri #digimon adventure tri loss #review

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automatismoateo · 5 years

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I think that I'm going to kill myself via /r/atheism

Submitted March 17, 2019 at 04:50AM by -SENDHELP- (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2TaZ1MT) I think that I'm going to kill myself

Edit for anyone reading this post: I've read some replies and calmed down. I think I'm going to be fine. Life is just shit pretty much but it'll be over soon. I'll be able to get out and I think that I can do it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

This will be a long post. I'm sorry.

I just can't do it anymore, I can't deal with them for three more years it's too fucking much. I just need to fucking say something because I'm shaking and crying and I can't do it anymore.

My parents are super bullheaded. They do what they want and never listen to people or logic. I've spent the last three years of my life learning about and saving my money that I FUCKING EARNED to build and upgrade my computer. It's the only way I can talk to my friends and it's the only way I can have any fun, because I live in southern fucking Mississippi and I have issues overheating so I can't exactly go outside very often. This computer is my whole fucking life. If I didn't have my computer, I would have nothing but a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in.

I have issues getting sick. I get sick a lot. A few weeks ago I missed over 2 weeks of school from the flu (my mom is partially antivax and this was the first year I convinced her to let me get the flu shot- it sadly didn't do well for me) and pneumonia. The school I go to gives an absurd amount of work and people will literally come into school WITH THE FLU because they can't afford to miss a day. It's that fucking wacked. At one point a third of the school had the flu, people were walking around with masks like it was China or some shit.

This was the second time I've missed a large portion of school. The first was when I spent over two weeks in a psych ward because I was going to kill myself because of my parents. This understandably means that I have a metric fucking assload of homework to do and my teachers all enter zeroes until it's all turned in. I never have time in class to make things up like tests and before and after school I have to take the bus because of my crazy ass schedule and I don't have time there either. The third quarter ended last week and I had just finished turning stuff in for the second. It's fucking insane.

SO, my wonderful logical parents had taken my computer away 99% of the time because of my "low" grades and would not accept any explanation except I'm just lazy. This means that for 18 fucking weeks now I've barely been able to talk to my friends or do fucking ANYTHING to destress or unwind.

My grades have been going up recently because I've been spending almost every waking hour and fucking breath of air doing work and emailing teachers and organizing etc. I have all As and Bs, a C and a D right now. They were thinking about letting me have more computer time because of (you'll drop your damn jaw at this) how proud they are still the initiative that I'm taking and how responsible I'm being. 30 seconds later they say the computer has to come out of my room (which I've spent hours organizing to make it fit my computer and I can have this cozy cubby that helps me relax and calm down and I've also spent money making it nicer) because IM FUCKING LAZY AND NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO HAVE A COMPUTER IN MY ROOM. what the fuck????

So all this happens and we've cooled off etc, and I've finished moving 99% of my stuff back downstairs. (I say back because just a few months ago it was downstairs for their same fake bullshit reasons) the table downstairs is too small. It won't fit everything that I need. My dad goes to the attic and gets a table out except it's so fucking short that it creates this pocket of hot air with where the wall is and my desk and it'll overheat my PC and also just looks ugly as shit and will cause way more dog hair and dirt to get in my PC.

This is where the part comes in that's got me crying and questioning if I can really keep doing this. My parents know that I'm an atheist. They're die hard Catholics. I was arguing with my parents trying to explain all of the issues that that would cause and they weren't trying to help at ALL and eventually just fucking walked out of the room and started watching Netflix. Like seriously how immature (spelling?) can they fucking be?

So I've gone in where they are to continue trying to get this fixed and we're arguing more and my dad threatened to stick my computer in a box and get rid of it. This is not okay. That computer like I said is all that I have. I have nothing else physically that matters, really. He said that and I said, knowing that it's pretty much the only thing that will make him say anything, "well then I guess I'll just sell my everlasting soul to the devil or something" (which is really fucking stupid to say but I was literally saying it to hold my "soul" hostage to make him not even think about trying to get rid of the computer)

And here it is: his reply was a snark and then, "you have no soul." This man believes in souls. He believes that everyone has a soul. He just said that I don't have a soul and he was dead fucking serious. He literally said that I'm so fucking low that I don't matter to anything. This man is supposed to be my father. Less than twenty fucking seconds later he had the AUDACITY to lecture me on being rude and not being a proper good person. I called him out on it. He did a fucking 720° in that convo and completely changed the topic fucking Sarah Huckabee Sanders style.

After that some other stuff happened and I went back and talked to my mom who was just sitting on the couch browsing Facebook without s fucking care in the world. This is how the conversation went:

Me: "You knew exactly what he meant when he said I have no soul. Exactly." Her: "well you shouldn't have been so rude." Me: "are you seriously lecturing me on being rude when he said something like that to his son and you just sat there and watched?" Her: it was unexcusable but-" I cut her off because this is the point when I start tearing up and shaking Me: "inexcusable? That was beyond inexcusable. You sitting there doing nothing while he said that was beyond inexcusable." She never replied. I left the room to go move more computer stuff.

A little bit later I looked at her and asked her for help moving a really big table. She refused and continued to browse Facebook. Less than five minutes later she asked why I wasnt helping my dad move other desk stuff (tldr after him lecturing me on English after the morality lecture I finally got him to at least help me move my desk downstairs so that I would have room to put my things on) and I replied, "Are you actually asking me why I'm not helping when less than five minutes ago you refused to help me move this table less than 10 feet?"

She scoffed and went upstairs and said to my dad "we need to talk about this." Etc.

At this point I the tears were fucking ROLLING down my face and I was barely keeping it together in the chair I sat down in and I thought to myself what the fuck would it matter if I killed myself? So here I am. Suicidal as fuck. Crying. Alone. Fuck life. No loving God created a life like this. This is a fucking living hell and I can't take it anymore.

#reddit

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