#still am in certain ways

[a-bored-writer]

“What happens in the house stays in the house” “Our business isn’t anyone else’s” just say you’re a bad parent

(Vague tw for tags)

#I’m fucking livid over the fact that nobody was concerned about me #i was in a room weekly with a fucking child psychologist at age 8ish #because I wrote right to left on a test instead of left to right #but somehow wasn’t dyslexic don’t ask me what happened there #this lady basically said I was impulsive and couldn’t focus #meanwhile I was sitting still and fucking bored and scared #like I’m sorry someone who’s supposed to be able to read body language should see that I’m. yk. afraid of adults #and not a single teacher questioned a thing #not one #small town school teachers who knew me from age 5 to 14 couldn’t figure it out #I’m so fucking angry #like I can count on one hand which teachers supported me #and I adored some of them #bc they took me under their wing #but I absolutely can’t stand most of them #because nobody Fucking saw #i was a perfect Fucking dolly for so long #let my dad parade me around #i was an object #still am in certain ways #i mean Holy shit I genuinely can’t describe myself #I was who he told me I was #and I fucking protected him! i destroyed friendships Bc my friends hated him! #and granted they were shit friends outside of that but #like I hate my younger self #i hate her with a passion I wish she would’ve gotten her fucking shit together

[sysig]

Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)

Bonus:

He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain #I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha #It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling #Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out #Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling #Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment! #Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha #But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha #I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥ #And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe #They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol #I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨ #''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol #Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute! #Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol #Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done #Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude #Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl #To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™ #I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I notice is the idea with transmasculinity and transmalehood is almost this idea that we had beauty that transition has vanquished, and I honestly never related to this pretransition.

Beauty was never afforded to me as somebody who was obviously neurodivergent and traumatized and weird. I was never seen as beautiful pretransition, and I knew that. Conversations about how desirable we "used to be" never rang true for me personally because I wasn't even given the opportunity to be "beautiful." I was never going to be included in that even if I were not trans, you know? Since transition, I know I'm desirable now, even if it is not in a conventional way. It's interesting how my masculine features are now embraced because people can actually register my maleness, when before, they would never.

Desirability is often used as a tool and a weapon on trans people. The idea of not being "desirable" is a punishment. It's just weird when you're the trans person who was never desired in the first place, and you know it.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #i specify transmasculine and transmaleness because it can be really overt that transphobes often interact with us with the idea that we... #...killed our 'female beauty'. i definitely don't think it's exclusive to us but it's something i take note of because i'm a trans man #it's just funny because i KNOW the transphobes who whinge about my lost beauty would have bullied me for my nose because it's not 'feminine' #or they'd mock my broad shoulers and the fact that i'm asocial and awkward. like it is very transparent #i read a friend who was saying that their beauty was used against them in an abusive way and it's something relatable... #...but it's Complicated at least for me. on one hand - i absolutely get that. on the other - i don't know what it'll be like to be Desirable #or Desirable like that. i find that even though i am desirable after transition people still interact with me in certain ways #part of me appreciates that but part of me is embittered that this is something i just can't ever shake #i think these conversations are interesting and sometimes important which is why i talk about it #i've just been thinking about this since reading what my friend went through (and my heart goes out to them - it was harrowing to read)

[benetnvsch]

I think that they should kiss when they reunite

#:thumbsup: #kite draws #kite watches bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd #kunikida doppo #Dazai osamu #kunikidazai #if they do not at least hug I will bite someone and not in the sexy way #yehehhh #may have taken it way overboard with the blur effect whooops- #I don't really like this but lakhdkjsadksd adhaksjdhsd askjdha I finished it so might as well post it- #blegghhh #wehhhh #I redrew kunikida entirely #I finished this last night but hated it even more then so I Didn't Post it and waited for today to change it lol #still am not certain but uhhhh feel like I need to post it cuz thats what ppl are provably following me for :Sweats: #ignore this all I am just Entering an Art Block again I think-

[idliketochill]

My Oberon Summon Experience, where I kicked him off the Border and he immediately came back in the first 10-pull, the first card

I know this is late (his banner ended like 2 days ago) but this was unbelievable(y funny to my 3 am sleep-deprived brain) so I drew it… and colored it…

Slight spoilers for the end of LB6 and his summon lines, but that can’t be helped :)

I like to think mash and habetrot just looked on like this

#fate go #oberon vortigern #oberon #fate grand order #digital art #my art #lb6 spoilers #ritsuka fujimaru #gacha summons #my luck and sq gone #f2p btw #I saved until pity and the BASTARD. #I can’t really be mad at least he came home #unlike a certain space probe child #still smad about voyager >:/ #I gave up shading and coloring half way #it’s like 4 am #habetrot #mash kyrielight

[uter-us]

radfem help !!

2 of my little cousins (14yrs and 15yrs) are both girls dating boys right now, and together we are coming up with a "dealbreaker list" of things they will never put up with from their bfs! and also we are including positives, like so they aren't just looking for the absence of bad things, but actual positive things

what do yall think are the most important things to add? (i put extra info in tags)

Thank you so much!!!

#I dont want it just to be “he doesn't hit me” as that's super important but they could end up with awful boys who don't hit them and still #mistreat them. there are certain vulnerabilities that make me worry the most for them. Ive been writing under the deal breakers like exampl #of how it would manifest like things they might say or how they might behave so that way in the moment there will hopefully not be as much #time spent questioning if it counts as a deal breaker. we want to do positives too so like I said in the post it's not just like "he doesn' #put me down“ but also ”he roots for me and encourages me and verbalizes it“. #they are 14/15 so I'm less focused on stuff related to like splitting domestic labor for example but I think a good translation could #be like “he spends as much time as I do planning dates” and “it's clear to me that he put a lot of thought into my birthday gift” or the li #anyway I know they are safer without dating boys (and for the record they both know I do not date men (and only one knows I am SSA) but #they ARE dating and it's much more practical and realistic to reduce harm here since they are doing it! #also this is obviously not the extent of my effort in making sure they are safe and well and not reliant on boys/men; #this list is just one small part!!! #thanks so so much! and if you don't know please share bc maybe someone else has advice! ty!!! #radfem #radical feminist safe #radblr #sex based oppression #mvawg #question tag

[tdicksupreme]

i'm v happy to discuss my partial & conditional male privilege as a trans guy. my frustration is that people are never asking this question in good faith.

by good faith i mean genuine curiosity and expansion of our shared understandings as people: these discussions never seem to be about how my experience can help illuminate the oppression of being a woman or what that consists of, where the line is, what our lived experiences are like. i have never seen people ask/assert "trans men have male privilege" in ways that weren't v obviously trying to give people permission to not think about us. trans men have male privilege i'd argue can be partially true, depending on contexts, but it should be pretty blatantly bad-faith that such a complex topic is treated as a settled issue.

we have male privilege, it's settled, that's it, and you never have to think about effeminate trans men, flamboyant gay trans men, the complexities of how we move through the world, what it means (in my case, for example) to be a guy who's generally seen as a guy, but has not had top or bottom surgery, has long hair, & what that means for how i get treated in different contexts.

what are we talking about? the privilege to not be seen/treated as a woman on sight? reproductive freedoms? respect in the workplace? economic security? etc.?- so many trans guys, even guys who have passed for quite some time, never experience so many of these things, and instead of having genuine curiosity about our unique experiences you want to slot us all categorically into the cis-het-white-man box so you don't need to think of us as people who can ever have power leveraged against us

people seem to have two settings, either "trans men are women and don't know what it's like to be a guy" or "trans men are cis men and never experience their own unique challenges," even though i think it's pretty obvious that we have a mixed/complicated gender experience simply by virtue of being trans

and every tguy i've ever seen say "i have male privilege all of the time" never brings up all the things he had to do to get & retain patriarchal power. having- idk, been a guy, it's so fucking disingenous to pretend like being a man doesn't involve a performance of ten thousand different choices & behaviors to make sure other guys continue seeing you as a dude. it's not just "having facial hair" or w/e, and if that's what you think then you are literally by definition a transmisogynist lmao. it's the high-and-tight haircut, the gym shirt, the workouts you did to build those arms, the ways you learned to socialize with straight-acting men so they feel comfortable, the things you don't express & feminine mannerisms you stopped using because it would get you clocked. IMO, participating in sexism is a system men participate in so they don't become targets of it.

like, insisting trans guys universally attain male privilege isn't an innocent statement, it's one that in my experience gives dudes a skewed idea of their own safety. what do you think happens when i have a scruff, deep voice, and people realize my boobs are not cis guy moobs? why do so many people think that i'm seen unilaterally as a cis straight man, rather than a mostly-man sort-of-woman you're allowed to condescend to & also physically fight?

#and it's funny because as a guy with a chest and facial hair- whether i am seen as Passing As Male or not is a moving goalpost #depending on whether or not people want to be allowed to be mad at me in a certain way #like i'm a Privileged Cis Passing Trans Guy until i talk about how you can be passing and still subject to frequent harassment & violence- #and then suddenly people's tune changes to 'oh well that's because you didn't get top surgery so technically you don't actually pass"

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.” #and that made sense to me i think. #but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing. #and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much. #and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology. #i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now. #and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be?? #i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe. #will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore?? #maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know. #i don't know what it'll mean for me. #but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed. #because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people. #peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing. #there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing. #it's a product of all of his things. #just like me! just like everyone. #so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways. #a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be. #i don't think it's something that can be simplified. #sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags. #i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual. #sci speaks

[brachiocephalics]

princess

#disasterpiece.png #true detective #s1 e5 #s1 e6 #the secret fate of all life #haunted houses #rust cohle #wife tag #world's most princess girl of all time. 2002 rust is like a wife to me #do not come at me talking about her hair by the way it's perfect. it's ugly. it gets mussed after she fucks. it's castration metaphor. #it's rust getting cut down to size so he can fit into something adjacent to normalcy. it's rust having his edges softened so he can be in a #(most likely loveless) relationship. it's him wanting to say no... being forced to say yes... if her life was the leather tanning process #this would be the bating or pickling. that haircut is so painfully average. my sweet princess. something about her is so sun-dried. #there is an animal trying to get OUT. all this over some hair. but still. i am right. #it's like when dogs are sheared in certain places to have surgery done on them #i wonder what they took out of her

[stuckinapril]

At a point in my life where coming off as racially ambiguous is bothering me bc I want to be proudly Arab more than ever before

#like I get how w my name (which I love & would never trade for the world but I still get that it’s not an Arabic name) #which is fine bc it doesn’t have to be for it to fit me. cianna is so delightful and pretty and unique no matter the origins. #& w my looks. which I recognize are not the stereotypical way ppl would perceive arab people maybe #that ppl would be thrown off. but people have projected every race ever onto me before guessing I’m Arab and I think that’s insane #I don’t get why people are always surprised bc I genuinely don’t think it’s that hard of a conclusion to arrive at #my sister is LICHERALLY a redhead. #my mom is a blonde. #not all Arabs look a certain way it’s not that deep #I would never change my name or how I look like. all these things suit me like nothing else #but I’m not white I’m not mixed I’m not Latina. I’m Arab. period #it also feels like Arab erasure lowkey but I’m trying not to interpret it aggressively #I don’t want people to argue w me about my arabness based on how I look like or what I was named. I’m Arab bc I am?? that is all. #ANYWAY I relate to Nancy Ajram bc English first name and Arabic surname gang. and racially ambiguous. n yet she’s still THE Arab pop queen #p

[think-queer]

I've been thinking about why in so deeply bothered by people saying that afab enbies who don't look trans are less oppressed than other trans people. Part of it is just that it is either based in enbyphobia/misogyny (seeing afab enbies as women and seeing women as attention seekers with a victim complex) or it's erasing amab enbies (because if 'looking trans' is such an important part of the trans experience then why wouldn't the same apply to amab enbies who aren't visibility trans)

But I've realized that it's also because it reminds me of one of the most common acephobic arguments I saw back when asexuals were the targets of the "discourse" (aka the main target for bullies in online queer spaces) The argument was that no one can tell you're asexual unless you tell them. That mlm and wlw can be clocked in public by homophobes and thus are the targets of violence but asexuals aren't going to be holding hands with the wrong person so clearly we don't experience any type of oppression. At it's heart it's the same argument I see against afab enbies. It's this idea that going through life hiding your actual identity is a privilege, that somehow staying in the closet all the time is fun and easy, it's the idea that the only meaningful form of oppression is random violence from complete strangers, that non-violent bigotry doesn't really matter, and that violence from people you know is somehow less common or less important. It's people acting as though the only reason that someone might seek out queer spaces is to avoid that violence from strangers, and that seeking out queer spaces for emotional support or to form connections is somehow "taking up resources" or an "invasion" of a space where they don't belong. It's the same oppression olympics that I hate with every fiber of my being, that does nothing but turn us against each other and distract from our actual oppressors.

Afab enbies wanting to exist and be acknowledged no matter their gender presentation is not an act of violence against other trans people.

It took me years to come to terms with my asexuality because of the way asexuals were targeted when I was a teenager, and I hate to think that there are going to be people growing up now that struggle to come to terms with their gender identity because of the way enbies are being talked about.

#aromantics were also targeted along with asexuals but the arguments I'm thinking of i remember being directed towards asexuals specifically #aromantics faced lot more erasure if i remember correctly #i am also aro but i mostly see hatred specifically towards alloaros which im not #tqlk #I've just really been thinking about why these things bother me #I'm nb and not visibly trans but thats because I'm still mostly closeted except in certain situations #it bothers me how much people define enbies based off our agab #and that no one ever seems to acknowledge that sometimes people aren't visibly trans bc we're closeted #but i know that when people complain about enbies who 'look cis' they are usually thinking of people who want to present that way #since otherwise those things would apply to all closeted trans people not just nbs

[karamazovanon]

i think the recurring theme of dostoevsky's that will always destroy me the most is when despite how much a character wishes and yearns for it, they continuously refuse pure and unconditional love when it's offered because they don't think they're worthy of it (and then hate themselves even more for turning it down). it will ruin me EVERY TIME

#and yes ofc theres a ton of theological implications there but i think its way more powerful as it stands between characters #its most obvious in raskolnikov denying the love of Literally Everyone In His Life and nastasya & prince myshkin #(<- im only like halfway thru the idiot still SORRY I HAVE NO TIME TO READDD) #you can also see it in lise smerdyakov and ivan to a certain extent #hell even ilyushas dad rejecting the money #like this recurring cycle of self loathing and self isolation that are ENTIRELY SELF IMPOSED DESPITE THEIR LONGING FOR IT. ohhhhhhhhh my god #it gets me SO BAD EVERY TIME #maybe its just the larger theme of self destruction in general bc that also always makes me lose my shit #throwing myself into the abyss head first and heels last and am even glad that ive fallen in such a degrading posture and consider it #flattering to myself etc etc #boy i die. #anontalks #the self hatred in ruslit goes fucking HARD!!!

[pinksilvace]

I really do wish that the Owl House had managed to stick with its original goal of being subversive for so many reasons, but right now I'm thinking about the finale again and how Belos was framed as a downright evil dude. A lot has already been said about this decision, from how it hurts the development and arcs of multiple characters to how it neglects a lot of the subtext that made Belos such an interesting villain to begin with, but it also just generally falls into common tropes from a character design standpoint.

Belos is designed, inside and out, in such a way that ensures the viewer KNOWS he's the villain based on pre-existing stereotypes prevalent in media. He's not young or conventionally attractive; I've seen fans go so far as to call him ugly because of what is essentially a skin condition. Season 3 confirmed that he has OCD and psychosis. The curse is shown to give him some sort of chronic pain (+limited access to relief medication, which loses effectiveness [note that Eda will likely always have access to elixirs while the same can't be said for Belos and palismen]). He has a foreign accent. He was given a rough childhood (that the audience is expected to disapprove of) to "explain" how he got to where he is.

Something about it feels really rotten. He's a villain, no doubt about it, but a lot of his traits - many of which are heavily stigmatized - are not present in any other cast member (the closest I can think of is Hunter, who has facial scarring and undefined trauma symptoms potentially (?) including psychosis [the big difference here is that Belos is shown to have had episodes repeatedly while Hunter was shown to have one moment of non-possessed hallucinations for what looked like the first time]). It would have been nice to see a show shooting for subversion not use such commonly villainized attributes for the villain, or at least, for the villain and only the villain. It especially stinks considering how the showrunners pressed the message that he's evil through and through.

#the owl house #“but English accents aren't stigmatized in the US” okay but it still denoted him as an Other compared to the American main cast #“he wasn't confirmed to have OCD” he literally did what he did because of scrupulosity #toh critical #philip wittebane #emperor belos #yes I am once again sore over the stigmatization of OCD #I fully believe that there had been other plans for his character before the shortening #potentially including a different ending (this is PURE CONJECTURE) #but the way that season 3 treated him made it seem like the show just... stopped caring? #idk man when you build up a character a certain way it's nice to at least see some follow-through #belocd

[sesamenom]

no living man may hinder me: The Gilded Wraith of Numenor

from the Reverse Gondolin AU, based on @who-needs-words's idea for Ar-Pharazon's fate! (they also wrote a ficlet for it, check it out here!)

#silm #silmarillion #lotr #lord of the rings #witch king #witch king of numenor #ar pharazon #eowyn #reverse gondolin au #ooh i need to do this pose for fingolfin and morgoth #the parallels though! eowyn facing pretty much certain death #but being brought back by hope in the Halls #while fingolfin faced morgoth because he lost all hope #also: in the au sauron & pharazon took a bunch of numenorean tech with them before the Downfall #bc nobody attacked valinor so all the airships and engines and stuff were still on the island #so we get Steampunk Tech Numenor #(perfect symbolism w industrialization too!) #which means of course the witch king of numenor gets a Gun Sword #which is frankly terrifying #his face is still visible here bc the tiny bit of maia/peredhel ancestry (still like 20x more than aragorn tho) protects him from the rings #enough that his fea & hroa haven't faded; just been corrupted #also in the au bc of Prince Elrond's involvement in numenorean politics ar pharazon is way more aware of potential loopholes #in the 'no living man' thing #aka arwen and galadriel #and honestly he expected to be slain by arwen #so he still overlooked eowyn (and merry) #just for very different reasons #less hubris in a 'i am invincible' way #and more hubris in a 'you arent nearly important enough to bother paying attention to' way

[lucabyte]

I am literally obsessed with everything you do that involves sifloop you are THE sifloop artist to me

thank you!!! it means a lot to hear that haha

I've been like... near exclusively an OC artist for like 8 years at this point so every time i post fanart and ESPECIALLY ship art i feel like i have to fight every screaming cell in my body to post it because i feel like... RUDE? for projecting my own thoughts onto another creator's characters LMAO... so it's reassuring to know people actually like what i'm contributing!!

as for sifloop as a ship. i really should draw more isiloops because . rotates all three of them in my mind. but yeah. I think the thing I like most about the dynamic really is the like... way Siffrin and Loop canonically aggress each other despite an extremely persistent undercurrent of caring about the other not suffering.

Like. the back and forth between Loop constantly talking past/through Siffrin to really painfully insult the pair of them, and things like the [Forgetting Mirabelle's Name] event being so astoundingly gentle. just as a general example. (RNG event that only triggers after certain actions so you may need to look it up)

THEN adding the element of throwing them in postcanon with neither of them wanting to upset the party and thus having to keep a lid on it... I like the potential dynamics of such a painful and conflicted relationship having to be almost hidden and downplayed so as to try and not worry anyone, and thus becoming softer and introspective while still keeping a bunch of the more insidiously toxic behaviour.

Both of them acting with genuine best intentions in mind but still understanding each other to have way *way* more sadness and anger and guilt than they let on, and thus being able to clock it. Both for good and ill. Neither of them enjoy confrontation, but it's almost unavoidable when they KNOW the other knows what they're probably thinking.

. but yeah i just think they're neat! also a bunch of stuff related to asexuality but . shh

#also since. well. i dont know where else im gonna put this. because its CERTAINLY not going in the body of the text #an early way i worded my reading of Loop's characterisation when talking to my friends was: #'Loop is sexually frustrated in the same way as a poorly kept parrot' #WHICH SOUNDS INSANE but hear me out. if you know things about parrots you know they'll imprint on their owners. and it ruins their brains #parrots like this will see humans as potential mates and get AGGRESSIVE when nothing is happening! because... they aren't human. #the 'sexual' part of my reading is a bit of shock hyperbole but i basically mean they are socially/romantically/etc frustrated in this way #they are asexual obviously (... as am i for the record). but yknow. they and siffrin are both still ravenous for physical touch. #and loop... no longer being human. having that disconnect. BEING human FEELING human. but not being. #as well as literally physically lacking the ability for certain things. (staunch 'loop has no mouth and cannot kiss' truther here) #+ i think this is FASCINATING in context of both Siffrin and Loop's asexuality. its something i like thinking about. #two freaks who want intimacy but not in the 'normal' way. again as an ace myself. i think abt it #lucabytetalks #isat spoilers #sifloop

[saltydoesstuff]

Every Universe

"I love you." She uttered, barely above a whisper. "I love you in every universe." "Do we end up together in every universe?" He asked. "No," She replied, and the painful memories of those life times flashed behind her beautiful eyes as she reflected to the 'back then's. Yet, she smiled, "But I love you anyway, how could I not? My soul yearns for you, even before it had come to know you. It remembers, I remember." "Does it hurt?" She was silent for a moment, "A lifetime without you hurts more then a lifetime when we are not together." "I love you." He blurts out unthinkingly, desperate. He reaches out for her hand, taking it and holds it in both hands in a grounding grip. She looked down at their hands and smiled, relishing in the bitter sweetness. "I know." She confesses quietly. She held his hand tightly, trying to ignore the buzzing within her body- threatening to tear her apart atom by atom. "But you aren't mine. Not this time."

#rottmnt x reader #could be any turtle here #all up to you all :) #it's nearly 4 am but i had to write something down #the angst be angsting #may i make a proper thing out of this? #i have no clue- but i love the idea #like mc is able to travel between universes or something- or sees the future #basically some doctor strange shit #they have lived through countless timelines/lifetimes with the turtles #some good some bad- but one thing is for certain is their bond #context to this would most likely be soulmates #but not a love at first sight soulmate deal- like they are aware of the pull but the relationship still progresses naturally #but mc knows how it ends- in some way or another she loses the love of her life and now she has to do it all over again #she remembers everything but they don't- she has to live through the pain of loss while they are right in front of her- #just they are not what she had before #MMMMM I love this kind of trope #an endless cycle of loss and pain- yet beauty and love #i'm very sleep deprived #hopefully i can start getting actual requests done soon kjfds