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genshinluvr · 11 months

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Pictures of a Shining Star

Pairings: Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader

Summary: Nanook's sudden disappearance has left you feeling sad. To cheer you up, and without your knowledge, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, Caelus, March, and Himeko decided to get you a phone! March appoints herself as your unofficial official photographer and decides to take pictures of the littlest things for you and sends them your (and the men's) way.

Note: This took me a while to post because I was distracted by HSR. I made a new HSR account and was finishing up the quest in Belobog. So, yeah, that's why it took me a while to continue, finish, and post this fic 💀 This fic is longer than the first two fics I posted in the HSR series, so I hope you all enjoy this fic 🥹 After posting this fic on Tumblr and AO3, I'm heading to bed. I'll make and post the mini-fic for the Isekai Genshin series when I wake up because I've been lacking sleep. I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo).

Warnings: Kind of starts off depressing in the beginning

Word Count: 9.7k

You expect to see Nanook when you wake up in the abyss, but unfortunately, you do not see the tall figure that once towered over you when you woke up in the void. The same tall figure you first met in the state of unconsciousness when you first arrived at the Xianzhou Luofu not long ago. This was the fifth time you didn’t see Nanook in your dreams, and the last time you talked to Nanook felt like ages ago.

Now, here you are, sitting at the table in the Astral Express, shoving a spoon full of cereal into your mouth before munching it glumly. From a distance, March, Himeko, Dan Heng, Mr. Yang, and Caelus look at you worriedly. If the others had to be honest, you look like shit. You have bags under your eyes, your hair is unkempt— you did wake up from your sleep not long ago and didn’t bother to change out of your pajamas or brush your hair before leaving your room— and you look very upset.

Himeko clears her throat. “Does anyone want to speak to [Y/N]? They look upset. Did something happen?” asks Himeko, looking at the four people beside her.

March sighs, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. “Ever since [Y/N] regained their memories, they’ve been a little bit off. I’m not sure if it’s the lack of communication with the Aeon or if it was because they’re not in their universe,” March replies before letting out another sad sigh.

Dan Heng opens his mouth to comment, but a porcelain bowl scraping and squeaking across the table cuts him off. You push the bowl to the side, laying your head on the table and closing your eyes. You weren’t sure why the lack of Nanook was hurting you. Perhaps it’s because Nanook was the first…. Person (being?)…. You met in this universe.

That, and because Nanook told you that the both of you will meet face-to-face soon, only to disappear without a trace. Gosh, you want to be mad at Nanook, but you can’t get yourself to be upset. Plus, you have another can of worms to deal with, and that is learning how to survive in another universe without accidentally getting yourself killed.

Footsteps approach your table, and the chair in front of you slides out from underneath the table. You open your eyes and turn to see Mr. Yang sitting across from you. You blink at the older man before sitting up, running your fingers through your unkempt hair. Mr. Yang leans in his seat and clears his throat, sliding the chair closer to the table.

“Do you want to talk about it?” asks Mr. Yang, pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose.

You shake your head, resting your chin on the table. “Not really. I’m afraid that if I talk about it, I’ll start crying,” you mumble, letting yourself stare off into space.

You and Mr. Yang sat in silence. Dan Heng, March, and Caelus slowly make their way toward the table where you and Mr. Yang are sitting. March sits beside you, while Dan Heng and Caelus sit beside Mr. Yang.

March rests her chin on the table before pressing her cheek on the cool tabletop. “How are you feeling, [Y/N]? You woke up late today,” says March, poking your cheek lightly with her manicured nails.

You hum, closing your eyes. “I couldn’t sleep last night. Too many things were occupying my mind, and it kept me up most of the night,” you reply.

March gives you a sympathetic smile. “Oh, cheer up, [Y/N]! We got something that’ll cheer you up!” says March, looking at the three men sitting before you and her. The three men stare at March blankly, making the girl laugh nervously. “I saaaaid, ‘We got something that’ll cheer you up!’”

Again, the three men continue to give March a blank stare. You look between March and the three men sitting before you, confused about what’s supposed to happen. March lets out an exasperated groan, throwing her head back out of frustration. In the distance, Himeko is giggling in the corner with Pom-Pom beside her, shaking his head with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Were we supposed to do something?” Dan Heng asks, raising an eyebrow at March.

March nods rapidly. “Yes! When I said that we have something that’ll cheer [Y/N] up, that was supposed to be your cue!” March exclaims, throwing her hands in the air before rubbing her throbbing temples with a frustrated sigh.

Caelus laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his head. “In case you haven’t noticed, we weren’t informed of this so-called cue of yours,” Caelus interjects, puckering his lips while staring at the fuming pink-haired girl in front of him.

You reach for your bowl of cereal to slurp the milk, but March unintentionally smacks it out of your hand, sending the bowl in the air before it shatters into a huge mess. You, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, March, and Caelus stare at the mess on the glossy tile floor. Pom-Pom waddles to your table, glaring at the pink-haired girl.

“You made a mess!” exclaims Pom-Pom, crossing his arms over his chest with a small growl. “Do you know I work tirelessly to make sure the Astral Express is in tip-top shape!?”

March laughs nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. “Sorry, Pom-Pom! I-I didn’t mean to smack the bowl from [Y/N]’s hands!” March apologizes.

You get up from your seat, grab a napkin from the table and begin cleaning up the mess. Pom-Pom grumbles under his breath before waddling off. While you’re cleaning up the mess, March is giving the three men an earful while making sure you didn’t hear the conversation. While you’re wiping up the mess, someone walks up to you, stopping in front of the shattered bowl. You look up to see Caelus, who kneels in front of you and holds a box out to you. You stare at the box before grabbing it from Caelus’ hand.

“What’s this? You guys didn’t need to get me anything,” you murmur, unwrapping the box while Caelus watches you with eagle eyes.

Caelus clears his throat. “We got it for you because it’s the best way to communicate with each other while we’re far away. In case you’re on the Astral Express and we’re at Belobog or the Xianzhou Luofu, you can reach out to any of us,” replies Caelus.

Your heart sinks into your chest. “Oh, no. You guys got me a phone?” You ask, looking at Caelus and the other three with disbelief.

It’s not like you were opposed to getting a phone, but you didn’t think they would buy you a phone themselves. Especially since they bought it without your knowledge. You hand the box back to Caelus before picking up the broken pieces of the bowl, placing them on the napkin, and tossing them away into the trash. You grab a broom and begin sweeping the tiny pieces into the dustpan.

Dan Heng looks at you quizzically. “Did you not want us to get you a phone? If we didn’t get you one, how would we be able to contact you while we’re far away or end up getting separated?” Dan Heng asks.

“Plus, when we go Trailblazing together, you can make new memories with us! I volunteer to be your photographer!” March says proudly, raising her hands in the air with a big smile.

You stroke your chin, staring at the ground. “New memories, huh?” You murmur. “I’m not opposed to making new memories with you guys.”

March perks up and cheers loudly before bouncing over to you and throwing her arms around your shoulders with glee. You snort and wrap your arm around her, making sure not to drop the broom on the ground. After cleaning the mess on the floor, March dragged you to the nearest chair and had you set your phone up while Dan Heng, Caelus, and Mr. Yang hung around in case you needed any assistance with setting up your phone.

“Oooh! You know what we should do after [Y/N] officially sets their phone up?” March asks, clapping her hands with excitement.

Mr. Yang stares at March, raising his eyebrows at the pink-haired girl. “And what is that?” asks Mr. Yang.

“We should take pictures! Lots and lots of ‘em!” exclaims March. “And as [Y/N]’s unofficial official photographer, I will be the one to take all of the pictures!”

Once your phone is officially set up, March begins passing your phone around so other people can start saving their phone numbers into your phone before adding your number to their phone. Once your phone returns to you, you put your phone in your pocket, but March stops you.

She holds her hand out in front of you. “Ah, ah, ah! Don’t put your phone away just yet, [Y/N]! We still need to take pictures! I am not letting you walk around without a background for your home and lock screen!” says March, propping her other hand on her hips.

You stare at the girl in front of you. “We can do that after I’m done getting ready? I don’t want to look like a mess in the pictures,” you say.

“Pfft! It’s okay! It’s not like the photos are leaving your phone anyway!” March says.

You shake your head. “Still, I want to look decent,” you mumble.

Realization hits March a few seconds later, and her eyes light up. A smile stretches across her face, giving you a knowing look. You stare at March, heat rushing to your cheeks. You’re hoping no one aside from March notices your change of demeanor. Plus, if March is going to be your unofficial official photographer, you might as well try to look your best in the photos, right? Especially when other people will end up in the pictures soon.

March pretends to let out an exasperated sigh, slumping forward. “Alright, alright! As a professional and your unofficial official photographer, I cannot have you look terrible in your pictures. You may go get ready and freshen up for the pictures…. As long as you give me your phone before getting ready!” says March, holding her hand out.

You shrug your shoulders and hand your phone over to March without questioning her. You walk to your room to get ready for the day after multiple delays before breakfast. After getting ready for the day, you return to where the others are waiting for you, only to see March take a selfie with Dan Heng, Caelus, Mr. Yang, and Himeko. March looks up from your phone, and she beams at you with excitement.

“You’re back! And don’t you look cute! Trying to impress a certain someone?” March teases, poking you when you stand beside her.

You huff and look away from March, snatching your phone from her hands. “How many pictures did you take on my phone while I was away?” You ask, scrolling through your gallery.

March giggles, swaying to the side while watching you search for your gallery. The way you’re scrolling through your phone and searching for the gallery reminds her of Mr. Yang. She wonders if you know how to change profile pictures, unlike Mr. Yang. Poor guy couldn't figure it out and tried to message Caelus about it, only for Caelus to be no help at all. After two minutes of searching for the gallery, you finally found it. Once you clicked the gallery app, your eyes nearly popped out of your head.

“Two hundred?! How are there almost two hundred pictures in the gallery already, March?!” You screeched, turning to look at March incredulously.

March holds her hands up defensively. “Hey, hey, hey! Taking pictures wasn’t the only thing I did, alright? I also added you to our group chat!” March says, clicking through your phone and showing you the group chat she added you to.

The Astral Express Family. That’s cute.

March claps her hands. “Okay! Now that [Y/N] is finished with cutesy-ing up for a special someone, let's take pictures now!” March announces.

“Oh? Who’re you ‘cutesy-ing’ up for, [Y/N]?” asks Mr. Yang, approaching you with Dan Heng and Caelus at his side.

Your eyes widen, and you squeak, “Uh! Me? Cutesy-ing up for someone? I’m not cutesy-ing up for anyone, Mr. Yang! I just want to look decent in the pictures in case someone,” you look at March with a glare, “sends the pictures around!”

Mr. Yang raises his eyebrows at your response, a faint smirk appearing on his face as he gazes at you with amusement. You feel your face heat up as you press your lips into a thin line before nudging March’s side. March snickers and guides you to the front of the three men before standing beside you. Himeko stands beside March, and the six of you take a group selfie. The following picture was of you, March, Dan Heng, and Caelus. Then the next was of you, Dan Heng, Caelus, and Mr. Yang.

This went on for a while, and the next thing you know, as you had expected, March has you send the pictures to the Astral Express Family group chat for everyone to save on their phones. You didn’t think March was going to have you send the images to the group chat, but boy, you’re glad you decided to, and you quote from March, cutesy up for the photos. You sure as hell did not want any of them to have an awful picture of you on their phones. You’re okay with sending the photos to each person individually if they wish to have the images. Still, March suggested sending it through the group chat to save some time.

While in the midst of sending the last ten photos to the group chat, March skips up to you and loops her arms around yours, diverting your attention from your phone.

“So! Are you ready to go to Belobog? Gepard and Sampo kept pestering Caelus about wanting to see you,” says March, wiggling her eyebrows at you with a teasing smile. “Right, Caelus?” March asks, leaning to the side to look at the silver-haired male.

Caelus approaches you and March with Mr. Yang and Dan Heng at his side. “I wouldn’t say that. Both Gepard and Sampo talked about wanting to hang out with us again before we go to the Xianzhou Luofu. I think it’d be nice to hang out with the two of them before we visit the Xianzhou Luofu,” says Caelus.

You blink at Caelus, March, Mr. Yang, and Dan Heng. “Wait, we’re stopping by the Xianzhou Luofu today after we stop by Belobog?” You ask, cocking your head to the side.

Mr. Yang looks at the time before sighing. “That is if we have time. Who knows how long we will be at Belobog,” replies Mr. Yang.

Everyone walks to the Parlor Car and begins taking their seats after Pom-Pom announces the Astral Express is taking off soon. You sit on the couch beside March and close your eyes, resting your head on the back cushions, bracing yourself for take off. You still weren’t used to the feeling of the Astral Express traversing through space, and it sometimes made you feel nauseous and dizzy.

You poke March’s arm to grab her attention. March looks up from her phone and scoots close when you gesture for her to come closer. “I’m going to take a nap. Can you wake me up when we arrive at Jarilo-VI or Belobog?”

March nods before looking back at her phone. You close your eyes and relax against the cushions. Your eyelids grow heavy as you slowly drift to sleep. When you open your eyes, you’re back in the abyss. The stars glimmer around you, and the void is silent. It’s so quiet that if you were to listen closely, you would’ve been able to hear your heart beating against your chest.

“You’re here,” says a familiar voice.

You turn your head and see Nanook towering over you. Nanook gazes at you with glowing gold eyes as you take a step closer. You weren’t sure if Nanook was okay with you getting any closer, but since you didn’t see any negative reaction, you stopped in front of Nanook’s towering form.

You give Nanook a smile. “I should be the one to say that. After all, you’re the one that completely disappeared after that incident,” you say, sitting on the ground. “Where did you go? Were you upset with me by any chance?” You ask, hugging your knees to your chest.

Nanook hums, refusing to look away from you. “That, I cannot answer. But what I can tell you is that we will be face-to-face in person very soon. I apologize if I made you worried. That was never my intention,” says Nanook, smiling at you.

You pucker your lips before turning around, having your back face Nanook’s direction. Nanook blinks at you quizzically, staring at your back while you stare into the void. Nanook’s lips twitch, trying to fight back a smile that’s forming. Even though Nanook has known you for a short amount of time, Nanook can tell that you’re sulking.

Nanook pokes you. “Are you upset with me? You’re not upset with me, are you?” asks Nanook, poking your back for the second time.

You huff in response, letting yourself fall over on your side, still hugging your knees to your chest. Nanook lets out an amused laugh before gently sliding his hands underneath your body and lifting you. Nanook stares at you while you continue to have your back facing his direction. Nanook sighs and caresses your hair while you continue to sulk in silence.

Nanook looks down at you, his face a few feet from your body. “If I made you upset and worried, I apologize. Will you forgive me?” Nanook murmurs.

Nanook hears a faint sigh coming from you. You roll over to face the towering silver-white-haired figure before you, staring at him while lying in the palm of his hands. You and Nanook stare at each other without saying a word. You weren’t mad at Nanook.

But you were worried to the point where you’d try to take as many naps as you could just so you could see the Aeon, making sure you could still communicate with each other. Each time you don’t see Nanook, you can’t help but feel discouraged. And since there wasn’t a way for you to communicate with Nanook outside of your dreams, and Nanook is the one that can make it happen, you feel helpless.

After all, Nanook is the first being you talked to, and Nanook did bring you into this universe. You and many people around you have no idea how the Aeon was able to take you away from your world and plop you into their universe without warning. You grab Nanook’s finger and hug them to your chest.

“I’m not mad at you. You did, however, make me worry about you. I thought I did something to upset you, causing you to ignore me for weeks!” You say, frowning at the Aeon before you.

Nanook blinks at you. “Little one, I wasn’t ignoring you for weeks,” replies Nanook, a smile gracing those gorgeous features.

“Well, to me, it felt like weeks! I….” you trailed off with a sharp intake of breath. “I was hoping to see you after you disappeared all of a sudden, but I couldn’t reach out to you. There wasn’t another way for me to talk to you.”

Nanook strokes your cheek, frowning. “I really do apologize for disappearing out of the blue. It wasn’t my intention to make you feel this way. Can you forgive me, little one?” asks Nanook, brushing your hair from your face.

You wanted to play hard to get, but you can’t. Not when Nanook is giving you what looks like puppy dog eyes. You sit up and nod slowly. A wide smile appears on Nanook’s face. You press your lips into a thin line when you see Nanook’s smile. Nanook puts you on the ground suddenly, disappearing before your sight.

You blink, getting up from the ground, and begin searching around the void for the Aeon. Oh gosh, why did Nanook disappear out of nowhere like last time? Last time Nanook looked upset, but before Nanook put you on the ground, he was smiling. While you are occupied with searching for Nanook, you feel a tap on your shoulders. You turn to see Nanook standing behind you, no longer the once towering figure above you.

Before you can scold him for disappearing so suddenly, Nanook grabs you by your wrist, pulls you to his chest, and wraps his arms around you, resting his chin on your head. You close your eyes and relax in Nanook’s arms, wrapping your arms around his waist. Despite the open wounds on Nanook’s body and gold blood flowing from the wounds like water, you let Nanook hug you tightly against his chest.

“It feels nice to have you in my arms,” you hear Nanook whisper, feeling Nanook press a kiss on your forehead.

You close your eyes, relaxing in Nanook’s arms. It really does feel nice to be in Nanook’s arms. Being in Nanook’s arms is so comfortable compared to sleeping on your bed. The world around you slowly becomes dark, and before you know it, you wake up to someone shaking you awake. You groan and try to swat the hand away, hoping it’ll make the person stop shaking you.

You hear an obnoxious laugh. “Oh, wow, Gumdrop! You really are a heavy sleeper like what March said,” the person laughs.

Sampo.

“Come on, Gumdrop! I know you can hear me! If you had those foxian ears, it would’ve been twitching right now because you love the sound of my voice, don’tcha, Gumdrop?” Sampo asks teasingly.

You feel, you presume, Sampo brushes your hair away from your face before caressing your face with his large hands. You hear someone let out an annoyed sigh. You weren’t sure who it was exactly, but it was either Dan Heng, Gepard, or Mr. Yang.

“Your failed flirting tactic isn’t going to wake [Y/N] up from their slumber,” Dan Heng mutters.

You can hear the irritation in his voice as Sampo continues to caress your face and stroke your cheek with his thumb. You want to continue to sleep. You’re so tired, and your limbs feel like lead. You hear a faint click.

“Why are you taking a picture of them sleeping in your arms, Sampo? It’s a little creepy for you to do that,” Gepard mutters.

You hear Sampo let out a scandalous gasp. “What? It’s not creepy! [Y/N] looks so cute when they’re sleeping! How can you not want to take a picture of their cute face when they’re sleeping?” Sampo asks.

March makes a ‘meh’ sound before drawing out a sigh. “Gepard’s right on this one, Sampo. As [Y/N]’s unofficial official photographer, even I wouldn’t do something like this,” says March.

You grumble in response and slowly open your eyes. As your eyes gradually adjust to the light around you, you see Sampo grinning down at you through your blurry vision. You bring your hand up to your eyes, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You look around to see people circling around you, watching you regain consciousness.

Gepard gives you a tiny smile. “You’re awake. You were sleeping for a while,” comments Gepard, sweeping your hair away from your face when the wind blows it onto your face.

You adjust yourself to sit up in Sampo’s arms, stretching your arms while Sampo wraps his arms around your waist, snuggling up against you. While you’re trying to force yourself to be awake, the others around you are glaring daggers at Sampo. Mr. Yang subtly smacks Sampo’s arms from your waist while glaring at the merchant.

Gepard holds his hands out for you to take. You smile at Gepard and grab ahold of his hand before standing up. Sampo pouts and crosses his arms over his chest when you get off of his lap. Still feeling exhausted and disoriented from your nap, you rub your eyes with your knuckles really hard.

Gepard grabs your hand to stop you from rubbing your eyes any longer. You stare at Gepard sleepily before looking around. You’re in Belobog now, and somehow you didn’t wake up to the sound of bustling crowds or to the feeling of someone picking you up and carrying you out of the Astral Express. You turn to look at March, Dan Heng, Caelus, and Mr. Yang.

“How did I end up here? I thought you guys were going to wake me up before we got off the Astral Express,” you say, running your hands through your hair.

The crisp air of Belobog sends chills down your spine, making you visibly shiver while rubbing your arms. The brisk air nipping at your skin, causing goosebumps to prick on your arms. Noticing your slight discomfort with the temperature of Belobog, Mr. Yang takes his coat off before draping it over your shoulders. You’re immediately engulfed in warmth, making you sigh with contentment.

You smiled at the brown-haired man and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to the stoic man. Mr. Yang nods, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. At that moment, you hear a faint click of a camera but ignore it. You feel the cold nip at your nose and cheeks, making you press your cold hand against your face. Everyone around you seems unbothered by the chilly air of Belobog while you are shivering in your shoes and Mr. Yang’s coat.

Gepard crosses his arms over his chest and gestures to Sampo. “When the Astral Express landed on Belobog, Sampo entered the Express to greet all of you. You were sleeping on the couch in the Astral Express, and March 7th was trying to wake you up. Of course, you didn’t wake up, and Sampo volunteered to carry you,” replies Gepard.

You turn to look at March, who waddles up to you before linking her arms around yours. You yawn and nod, not questioning why they didn’t leave you on the Astral Express if you weren’t waking up. March nudges you lightly to get your attention. You look at March, blinking at the pink-haired girl owlishly.

March leans to whisper into your ears. “While you were asleep, I put Sampo and Gepard’s number into your phone while they added you to their contacts list. Was that okay?” asks March.

You nod. “Yeah, that’s fine with me! As long as you didn’t take any unflattering pictures of me while I was napping,” you reply.

March stares at you with wide eyes before looking away sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck with a nervous laugh. You narrow your eyes at March’s strange behavior. You unloop your arms from March’s arm, crossing your arms over your chest while staring her down.

March puffs her cheeks and points at the others around you two. “I’m not the only one that took unflattering pictures of you, you know! They did it too! In fact, Sampo was the first person to do it!” March exclaims, sticking her nose in the air with a loud huff.

You sigh and run your hands through your hair. There are too many people to scold, and you’re too hungry to scold anyone individually. Your phone chimes, and you look at your phone to see a new text message from Sampo. It was a picture of you knocked out in his arms while he was smiling widely at the camera. You groan internally, covering your face with your hand. You can feel the blood rushing to your cheeks, and you can’t tell if it is from the cold or if it’s from embarrassment.

Sampo struts over to you and throws his arms over your shoulders, pulling you to his side. “I think you look adorable when you’re asleep, Gumdrop! I hope you don’t mind that I made it my home screen background,” says Sampo, patting your head.

Well, at least in this world, you’re someone’s phone background. You smile at Sampo and shake your head. “I don’t mind it as long as it’s not an embarrassing picture of me,” you reply.

“Are we going to do something, or are we going to stand around all day and do nothing in Belobog?” asks Dan Heng, raising his eyebrows at Sampo and Gepard.

Gepard clears his throat, nodding. “Ah, yes, right. Please, follow me as I show you around the Administrative District,” says Gepard, gesturing to you all to follow him while casting a glance in your and Sampo’s direction.

The tour around the Administrative District would have been even better if it wasn’t for the cold. While there are heaters around the area, it’s not enough for you to warm up, and not even Mr. Yang’s coat can keep you warm from the bitter cold. It could be worse. At least it’s not in some mountain surrounded by five feet of snow.

The flower shop, from a distance, grabs your attention. It looks inviting and very warm. Oh, you bet the flower shop is nice and warm on the inside compared to the outside. Without looking away from the flower shop, you grab the nearest person’s arm and tug on their shirt sleeve, pointing at the flower shop.

“Can we go into the flower shop?” You ask, continuing to tug on the sleeves.

The person hums. “Do you want to look at the flowers?” asks Caelus, gazing down at you and then at the flower shop.

You blink at Caelus and slowly nod. “Yeah! I also want to go in there because it’s really cold, and my hands are freezing,” you reply, pressing your cold hands against Caelus’ warm cheeks.

Caelus flinches and grabs your hands while you’re trying to get warm by pressing yourself against his side. Caelus chuckles and wraps his arms around you, rubbing your hands with his to create heat for your freezing hands. You shiver, pouting while sniffling dramatically. Caelus stifles his laugh, shaking his head.

While you were pouting and huddling close to Caelus, letting him rub your hands together to create heat, March pulled her phone out and snapped a picture of the two of you. Caelus walks over to the men with you waddling beside him, your hands remaining in his grasp.

“Hey, so [Y/N] wants to go into the flower shop to warm up. Is that okay?” asks Caelus, continuing to rub his hands with yours.

Mr. Yang nods. “That’s fine with us. Is my coat not keeping them warm enough?” asks Mr. Yang as he crosses his arms over his chest.

You stare at Mr. Yang with your mouth agape. The man isn’t wearing the coat he gave you, and yet he’s not freezing or shivering like you. Heck, you don’t even see a single goosebump on this man’s arm! Then again, he’s wearing a long sleeve shirt, so you technically can’t tell if he’s cold or not.

You press yourself against Caelus’ side. “Are you not cold, Mr. Yang?” You ask.

Mr. Yang shakes his head. “No, I’m not cold. Maybe you’re not used to the weather here,” Mr. Yang answers.

After getting confirmation that you can go into the flower shop, you pull your hands out from Caelus’ grasp before jogging to the flower shop without hesitation. Caelus sighs, tucking his hands in his pockets before following after you. March skips up to Caelus happily, showing him her phone. Caelus pauses in his steps and presses his lips into a thin line.

“Can you send that to me?” Caelus asks shyly.

March grins at Caelus, wiggling her eyebrows at the silver-haired man before nodding. “Sure! Would you like for me to send it in the group chat or just to you?”

Before Caelus can reply, Sampo, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, and Gepard walk up to them. Caelus clears his throat, signaling to March that they’ll continue the conversation another time. March sighs and rolls her eyes, walking up the steps of the small flower shop. When everyone walks into the Eversummer Florist, the first thing they see is you taking pictures of the flowers while Vaska is explaining to you what each flower symbolizes.

“So! Has anyone ever bought you flowers, dear customer?” asks Vaska, gazing at you curiously.

You blush and tuck your hair behind your ear. How do you explain to Vaska that no one has ever bought you flowers, whether as a gift or in general? The sound of the bell chiming alerts you and Vaska of new customers, only for you to realize it’s your friends and not random customers.

You clear your throat. “Oh, uh, no! No one has ever bought me flowers before, Vaska. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to look around!” You say.

Vaska smiles and nods, walking away to other customers that call her over for assistance. You sigh in relief and take Mr. Yang’s coat off, handing it to the brown-haired man while looking around the flower shop.

Sampo grabs your hand and presses a kiss on your knuckles. “May I be the first person to buy you flowers? A person as beautiful as you deserves to be spoiled with the prettiest and most vibrant flowers to exist in Belobog,” says Sampo, winking at you.

Dan Heng raises his eyebrows at Sampo. “Are you sure you’ll be able to buy every flower in the flower shop for [Y/N]?”

Gepard hums, crossing his arms over his chest while looking around the flower shop. “Flowers can be expensive depending on what type of flower you want and how you want them to be arranged,” Gepard interjects.

March raises her eyebrows at the Captain of the Silvermane Guards, propping her hands on her hips while leaning on one leg. “And how do you know that, Gepard?” March questions, tapping her foot on the ground while waiting for the blond man to reply.

Gepard goes quiet and looks at March sheepishly. If you were to look closely, you could see a faint blush on Gepard’s cheek. Gepard clears his throat, looking away from the pink-haired girl before continuing to admire the flowers in the flower shop. You chuckle and nudge March while she gives you a devious smile, wiggling her eyebrows at you teasingly. You roll your eyes and walk to the other side of the flower shop, admiring the beautiful flowers while taking occasional pictures of them.

A specific flower captures your attention. You let out an audible gasp in awe, admiring the beautiful flower. You’re contemplating buying yourself a flower to put in your room back on the Astral Express. You look at the Ball Peonies in front of you, admiring their beauty and color. Gosh, it’s so pretty! How can you not buy one for yourself? You lean down, searching for the price of the flower.

After what felt like ten minutes, you finally found the price tag. You reach for the label, flip it over and let out a choked gasp, dropping the price tag and letting it dangle. You know that flowers can get expensive, but not that expensive! Noticing your shock from afar, Vaska walks up to you and gazes at the Ball Peonies.

Vaska giggles and adjusts the flower. “The Ball Peonies are very expensive, but not as expensive as the Marquis! The Marquis is our most expensive flower,” says Vaska.

You give Vaska a fake smile, rubbing the back of your neck. “The Ball Peonies are beautiful! Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be able to buy these. Maybe in another lifetime,” you joke.

Vaska chuckles and walks away, shaking her head. You sigh for the umpteenth time and walk to another flower before pulling your phone out to scroll through your gallery. You begin sorting your pictures, putting them in different files. While you’re occupied with putting the group pictures in appropriate files, your phone chimes.

‘3 Attachments from March (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ’

You click on the notifications, waiting for the messages to load. Someone taps on your shoulders. You turn your phone off and turn around, only to see Gepard standing before you with Ball Peony in his hands, his cheeks and the tip of his ears crimson red. Your eyes widen, gazing at the blond man speechlessly.

Gepard clears his throat and looks away from you before holding the Ball Peony out toward you. “I saw you looking at the Ball Peony. I also saw how shocked and disappointed you were when you saw the price of it, and I didn’t want you to be disappointed,” says Gepard.

Heat rushes to your cheeks, making your face feel warm. “Gepard, you didn’t have to get me the Ball Peony. They’re expensive,” you whisper, gazing at the ground.

Gepard looks at you. You didn’t see the soft look Gepard had on his face while smiling at you shyly. Gepard clears his throat. “It doesn’t matter to me that they’re expensive. I wanted to see you happy, and…” Gepard trails off, “I wanted to be the first one to buy you flowers.”

Your face is aflame as you grab the flowers from Gepard’s hands, admiring the Ball Peony. You look up at Gepard, smiling widely before throwing your arms around Gepard’s shoulders, hugging him tightly. Caught off guard by your actions, Gepard stumbles back slightly while wrapping his arms around your waist with wide eyes. If Gepard’s face isn't red already, it’s probably almost as red as Himeko’s hair. March squeals softly, pulling her phone out while snapping multiple pictures of you and Gepard hugging from different angles.

Sampo huffs and looks away, flicking his bangs from his eyes. “I wanted to be the first one to buy [Y/N] flowers, but Mister Captain of the Silvermane Guards had to be the first one to do it!” Sampo grouses, his face pinching up with annoyance.

You pull away from the hug and thank Gepard shyly. Gepard smiles and brushes the stray hair away from your face. Your phone begins chiming over and over, ruining the sweet moment between you and Gepard. You give Gepard an apologetic smile before pulling your phone out from your pockets to see a ton of attachments from March.

You raise your eyebrows and look in March’s direction. March looks at you with a wide smile while holding her phone behind her back, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet while feigning innocence.

Dan Heng clears his throat. “So, now that you’re warmed up. Do you want to continue the tour around the Administrative District, or do you want to return to the Astral Express?” asks Dan Heng, approaching you and Gepard.

You hum, tapping on your chin with one hand. “I don’t know how much longer I can handle the cold. People here are used to the weather, but I’m not. I would like to return to the Astral Express, but I feel bad for wanting to leave so soon,” you say, looking over at Gepard and Sampo.

Sampo smiles at you and props his hands on Gepard’s shoulders. Gepard’s smile falters for a split second before giving Sampo a fake smile, brushing the merchant’s arm off his shoulders. Sampo clears his throat and adjusts himself.

Sampo ruffles your hair with a big smile. “Oh, come on! Don’t be sad now, Gumdrop! I know you’re going to miss the amazing Sampo Koski, but no need to worry! I, and maybe the Captain of the Silvermane Guard, will be accompanying you on the Astral Express heading to, uh, what’s that ship called again?” Sampo looks at Dan Heng, Caelus, Mr. Yang, and March with a questioning look.

Mr. Yang sighs, closing his eyes. “We’re heading to the Xianzhou Luofu next. General Jing Yuan wanted us to stop by and visit,” Mr. Yang answers, pushing his glasses up his nose bridge.

You nod, holding the Ball Peony close to your chest. The trip from Jarilo-V to the Xianzhou Luofu is going to take a while, and that means you can take a nap! But knowing March, she will try to find a way for you not to take a nap. According to her, you take too many naps. You dread leaving the flower shop because you’re going to get cold again, and you refuse to borrow anyone’s jacket because you feel bad if they let you borrow their jacket.

After what felt like ages, you all arrive at the Astral Express. Instead of borrowing someone’s jacket like last time, Dan Heng lets you share jackets with him. Of course, March took a picture of that and sent it to you and Dan Heng separately instead of sending the photo through the group chat.

You sigh in relief, stretching your arms in the air. The first thing you’re going to do is get a vase for the Ball Peony. After that, you go to your room and take a nap. Well, sneak off to take a nap because March is going to find a way to stop you from napping.

You scurry to find a vase for your Ball Peony, leaving the others in the Parlor Car. You end up finding the prettiest iridescent vase for the Ball Peony. You fill the vase with water and stick the Ball Peony into the vase, wondering if the Ball Peony is going to survive in a train that’s traversing through space.

You walk to the Passenger Cabin, holding the vase carefully, making sure not to spill any water. You weren’t sure where you were going to put the flowers, but you were debating on putting them close to the window or on your nightstand beside your bed. You opted for the nightstand and set it down in the center before plopping down on your bed and pulling your phone out to look at the messages March sent to you throughout the day in Belobog.

You save all of the pictures to your phone, feeling your eyelids grow heavy as you slowly succumb to sleep. Your phone falls from your hands and lies beside you as you drift to sleep. You weren’t sure how long you fell asleep, but you’re rudely awoken by the sound of your phone buzzing uncontrollably and your bedroom door slamming open.

“Why did you burst into [Y/N]’s room like that? You know they were sleeping,” you hear Dan Heng scold someone.

You rub your eyes, tempted to go back to sleep.

March huffs loudly. “Oh, no, you don’t! Get up! We arrived at the Xianzhou Luofu! General Jing Yuan and the others are waiting for us at the entrance!” says March.

March walks up to your bed and yanks your blanket off your body. You groan, stretching in your bed while reaching around for your phone. You look at your phone to see three messages from three unknown numbers.

The first message reads, “Hello, [Y/N]. This is Jing Yuan! In case you’re wondering how I got your number, March informed me, Luocha, and Blade that you have a new phone. She gave us your number. I’m looking forward to seeing you soon!”

The second message is from, you’re assuming, Luocha. “Hello, [Y/N]! I hope you’ve been doing well since the last time we saw each other. March informed me that you got a phone, and Caelus sent me your phone number! If you ever need anything, please let me know, and I’ll try my best to help you. Also, this is Luocha.”

And finally, the last text you received on your phone is from Blade. “This is Blade. Are you still talking to the Aeon?” That was the only message Blade sent to you.

You blink at the message on your phone before unlocking it. You quickly type out a reply to all three men before getting off your bed, running your hands through your hair. You shove your phone into your pocket before following March and Dan Heng out of your bedroom.

You step out of the Astral Express, yawning for the umpteenth time within the span of five minutes. March nudges you, giving you a worried look. You shake your head as if telling her not to worry about it. After all, it’s not like it’s out of the ordinary for you to feel tired. You did arrive in their universe from another world. You’re still adjusting to everything. Plus, it’s not like there’s a timezone since you’re constantly going to different planets and fleets.

“And there they are,” Mr. Yang says, smiling at you, March, and Dan Heng.

Caelus snickers and looks at Dan Heng and March with an eyebrow raised. “Was it really that hard to wake [Y/N] up from their sleep?” asks Caelus, propping his hands on his waist.

March and Dan Heng glare at Caelus while you walk to the nearest bench on the Xianzhou Luofu and plop on it. Luocha sits beside you. You lay your head on Luocha’s shoulders, closing your eyes.

Luocha smiles and caresses your hair. “Did you not sleep well while on your way to the Xianzhou Luofu?” asks Luocha.

You shake your head. “I haven’t been sleeping well recently. I’m not sure if it’s because my body is trying to adjust to the constant change of environment or if it’s because….” you trailed off, opening your eyes.

Luocha peeks down at you, looking at you worriedly. “Because what?” Luocha murmurs.

You sit up and pull your phone out, mindlessly rubbing your thumb against the smooth screen. “I don’t know if I want to say it. I’m hoping it’s not true, but who knows,” you shrug your shoulders.

You have a theory that your lack of sleep could come from your and Nanook’s ways of communication. Nanook speaks to you in your dreams, and you’re very well aware that you’re dreaming. But are you really asleep when Nanook communicates with you through your dreams? Or is your physical body unconscious, but the mind isn’t?

Luocha leans back and gazes at you with his gorgeous green eyes. To Luocha, you do look visibly exhausted. If he were to look closely, you have bags under your eyes, and the little sparkle in your eyes is dim, almost nonexistent.

“It’s because of that Aeon, isn’t it?” asks Blade as he approaches you with Jing Yuan beside him.

You blink at Blade owlishly. It’s possible that it’s because of your communication with Nanook, but you didn’t want to make assumptions. Plus, prior to March and Dan Heng waking you up from your slumber, you didn’t see Nanook. In fact, you didn’t have a dream, nor were you in the very same void whenever you and Nanook communicated.

Blade chuckles bitterly, shaking his head. “You don’t have to answer my question. I have a feeling that your loss of sleep is due to your interaction with Nanook,” says Blade.

As much as you want to agree with Blade, you feel guilty for placing the blame for your lack of sleep on Nanook. All Nanook wanted to do was to see you and speak to you through your dreams because there was no way for Nanook to be there with you physically. Yet. Is it even possible for Nanook to be there with you physically outside of your dreams? Nanook is massive and covers the sun and sky.

You let out a long yawn and cover your mouth.

Someone chuckles. “Aw, it seems like the little one is tired. Aren’t you adorable?” the voice coos into your ears.

You stop mid-yawn and look around, searching for the source of the voice. Luocha, Blade, and Jing Yuan look at you worriedly as you whip your head around to look for the voice of the person.

“[Y/N]? Are you alright?” asks Jing Yuan, kneeling before you. “You look startled.”

You stop looking around. You clear your throat, nodding before resting your head on Luocha’s shoulders, sighing. You realize the voice is coming from inside of your head and that it’s most likely Nanook. If the voice inside your head is Nanook, you’re going to be speaking to the Aeon about it when you’re asleep. Nanook can’t pop in and out of your mind so suddenly without scaring you like that.

“So, March has given you guys my number. She didn’t inform me about it, but I did wake up to a series of text messages other than March slamming my bedroom door open,” you chuckle.

Luocha stands up from the bench and squats in front of you, gesturing for you to get on his back. You blink at the blond man before getting on his back, wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. Luocha stands straight and adjusts you on his back before walking over to where the others are standing, with Blade and Jing Yuan walking beside him. You tighten your grip around Luocha’s neck and rest your head on his shoulders, closing your eyes.

“I was going to say that I was hoping our texting you didn’t disturb your slumber, but you already told us that you woke up to your phone chiming,” Luocha sighs, tightening his grip on your thighs.

You hum, snuggling against Luocha’s back. “It’s fine, really. I would rather wake up to text messages from you guys than March storming into my bedroom to wake me up. She said I take way too many naps,” you chuckle.

“I can hold your phone for you if you’d like. I worry you might drop your phone while holding onto Luocha,” Jing Yuan comments, reaching for your phone. “We wouldn’t want you to break your new phone, now, would we?” Jing Yuan asks, raising his eyebrows at you while poking your cheek.

You hand Jing Yuan your phone, continuing to hold onto the blond man. Blade peeks at your phone and takes it from Jing Yuan’s hands, tapping on the screen to see a group picture of you and the Astral Express crew smiling at the camera. It’s a cute picture. But when Blade unlocked your phone (your password was predictable), a picture of you with Sampo and Gepard was the background for your home screen.

“Who took these pictures?” asks Blade, holding your phone up to your face.

You squint and look at the home screen background. “March took the pictures! She’s my unofficial official photographer.”

Blade hums and begins scrolling through your gallery, narrowing his eyes at each photo that wasn’t a group picture. Most pictures look candid, while others look like it was taken without your knowledge. Especially the images of you sleeping in the indigo-haired man’s arms. Your phone buzzes, and a notification appears at the top of the screen.

‘1 Attachment from March (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ’

Blade clicks on the notification without thinking, and it takes him to the messages between you and March. The attachment was a picture of you getting a piggyback ride from Luocha. The photo was taken a few seconds ago. Blade looks up from your phone and makes eye contact with the pink-haired girl. March’s eyes widen, and she gives Blade a sheepish smile, hiding her phone behind her back while trying to act casual. Blade hands the phone back to Jing Yuan.

Jing Yuan huffs with amusement. “If you don’t mind, would you perhaps take pictures with us as well? I see you’ve been taking pictures with your traveling companions and friends from places you stop by,” says Jing Yuan.

You nod. “Of course we can! We can find a good place to take a picture. We need to let the others know about it first. After all, March is my unofficial official photographer!” you reply.

When you, Luocha, Blade, and Jing Yuan approach the group, the others give you a questioning look while March has her hands crossed over her chest while staring at you. You give March a sheepish look and wave at her from behind Luocha. Mr. Yang walks up to you and hands you an Immortal’s Delight, causing you to perk up and grab the drink from his hands after saying ‘thank you.’

Luocha squats down, and you get off his back, sipping on the sugary drink. You’re really hoping the drink will keep you up for a little bit before returning to the Astral Express and calling it a day. You tapped March’s shoulders and informed her about wanting to take pictures with Jing Yuan, Blade, and Luocha. You and March were trying to think of places to take photos with the help of Dan Heng and Caelus giving suggestions. Sampo and Gepard walk up to Blade, Luocha, and Jing Yuan, eyeing the three men from head to toe. Blade raises his eyebrows, sizing the two men up.

Blade points at Sampo. “What’s your association with [Y/N]?” Blade asks. “You seem quite close with [Y/N]. Do they mean anything to you by any chance?”

Jing Yuan laughs and pats Blade’s shoulders before giving Sampo and Gepard an apologetic smile. “I apologize for Blade suddenly interrogating you about your association with [Y/N]. While we have met a few times, we’re curious about your relationship with [Y/N],” says Jing Yuan. “Well, Blade is more direct about it. As you can see.”

Gepard and Sampo look at one another, staring at the three men in silence. Were they supposed to tell the three strange men their association with you? If those three men (specifically Blade) are curious about it, they will talk to you about it.

Luocha interjects, getting between the four tense men. “Gentlemen! Let’s save this conversation for later, shall we? I believe [Y/N] has picked out a place for the pictures,” says Luocha, laughing nervously while gesturing over in your direction. Luocha turns to look at Gepard and Sampo, bowing to the two men. “I apologize if they’re causing any hostile environment. I hope we can all get along.”

Jing Yuan blinks at Luocha, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not the one that’s creating a hostile environment. I believe it’s this one over here,” Jing Yuan says, gesturing toward Blade.

You and your traveling companions walk to where the five men are standing. In your hands, you’re holding two more Immortal’s Delight. The men raise their eyebrows at you while Sampo points at the sugary drinks in your hands.

“Picture time! We have decided to take a picture in this one area of Central Starskiff Haven! Close to where they sell Immortals Delight!” You say, waving the drinks around before taking a sip from one of the cups.

Blade stares at you and then at the cup in your hands. “You’re not going to buy any more of those drinks, are you?” Blade asks, raising his eyebrows at you.

You pursed your lips and slowly walked away. “I can’t promise you anything! If you want to start blaming someone, blame someone that introduced me to Immortals Delight,” you said.

Upon arriving at the Central Starskriff Haven, you, Blade, Jing Yuan, and Luocha stand beside each other in front of the railing. Well, Luocha, Jing Yuan, and Blade are standing beside each other while you stand in front of the three men. March begins taking many pictures of you and the three men on your phone.

In the middle of the photo shoot (is it even a photoshoot?), Blade takes your Immortal’s Delight and begins drinking it. You turn to look at Blade with your mouth agape. The dark-haired man looks away from you and continues slurping the sugary drink without care. Your face pinches up with irritation before chasing Blade around Luocha and Jing Yuan. Jing Yuan and Luocha chuckle and try to get the two of you to stop before causing any more issues.

“This is perfect! It captures their dynamic perfectly!” March says, continuing to snap many pictures of what’s happening.

Jing Yuan sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Blade, give [Y/N] back their drink. It’s rude to drink something that doesn’t belong to you,” Jing Yuan chides.

“Yeah, Blade! Don’t be a jerk and give me back my drink!” You say, glaring at the dark-haired man and stopping in your tracks, placing your hands on your knees and panting. “If you make me chase for that drink, I will make you pay for it.”

“Oh? And how are you going to make me pay for it exactly?” Blade asks, raising his eyebrows at you.

You hold your hand out in front of you. Blade stares at you before holding your hand. You stare at your hands in Blade’s grasp. You drop his hands and huff. Luocha chuckles, giving Blade a teasing smile.

“It seems like you don’t understand what [Y/N] is implying. They want you to give them credit for the Immortal’s Delight, not you holding their hand,” Luocha interjects. “One drink costs about 3600 credits per drink. It is a bit pricey for one drink.”

Blade stares at Luocha with disbelief before handing you back your Immortal’s Delight. Your eyes light up, and you stick your tongue out at Blade before turning to look at your traveling companions standing across from you. You nearly drop your drink when you realize how many people had their phones out.

“Don’t mind us! We’re making sure we get good angles!” says March, holding both your and her phone up while continuing to take pictures of you and the three men.

Unbeknownst to you, the men before you took many pictures of you chasing the Stellaron Hunter. They made sure not to include the three men in the pictures because they were focused on capturing the moments when your eyes light up when Blade returns your drink. Who knew that the brightest star in the universe has tiny specks of stars in their eyes when they’re happy.

Note: This fic is almost 10k words, and I'm surprised because I didn't think I could type this much with little to no sleep 💀 Since my finals are in three days, I will be posting mini-fics for the Genshin series and for the HSR series! I also realized that I had forgotten about Luka. Hopefully, I can post him in the next upcoming fic. Since I don't know much about him, I'll have to wing it. Also, if there are any errors, that is because I did type the fic half-asleep and while sleep-deprived 🥲 Taglist should be coming soon after finals week! Also, please look at an important note regarding posting works that are "inspired" by the fics I have posted [Important Notice]! To my new and/or returning readers, please keep in mind that I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!

Read more of my works on my Masterlist | Maybe support me by tipping me on Ko-Fi or by reblogging my fanfics! ^^ I will also be posting exclusive fanfics on Ko-Fi as well very soon! I might post all of my stories on there too, but who knows. You can also tip me on Tumblr if you'd like as a way to show support! ^^

#Honkai Star Rail x reader #Honkai Star Rail imagine #Honkai Star rail fanfiction #Honkai Star Rail fanfic #HSR x reader #HSR imagine #HSR fanfiction #HSR fanfic #Dan Heng x reader #Gepard Landau x reader #Sampo Koski x reader #Welt Yang x reader #Blade x reader #Jing Yuan x reader #Luocha x reader #Caelus x reader #Nanook x reader #genshinluvr

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kelocitta · 7 months

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In honor of the @rw-ship-showdown I wanted to write about Artihunter as someone who jokingly slapped them together pre-downpour and still thinks they are actually very compelling. Just not in the super soft love wins kinda way (Although I get why people like that more) And the only way I know how to do that is talking too much so heres a far too long slug essay-

Obviously the slugcats don't offer a ton of characterization but theres not nothing to work with. Their stories, whether by their roles in it or the overarching themes do provide a backbone to work with. Even gameplay itself can provide a bit. (for some more than others) Hunter, to me, is ultimately a story about selflessness. The goal is to revive Moon, which is very much an act of kindness from both Hunter and NSH. But the weight of that action is much more significant for Hunter- Hunter is deeply sick. They're on the clock, and for all their skill in combat none of that will ultimately help them to survive longer than their body can hold out. Moon is a close friend of NSH but that means little Hunter- Hunter really gets next to nothing out of helping them, and ultimately pays quiet a bit spending their limited time alive fighting to deliver that neuron so that someone else can live.

To spend ones limited days on helping another, in a game that very much stresses the unwavering cruelty of the world and nature- is pretty notable. (And you could even say that Hunter being the Hardmode of Rain World adds another layer to this)

And then we have Artificer. A storyline that very much stands out to people as more… villainous (so to speak) than the other slugcats. Artificer's story covers a lot of things. Trauma, violence, revenge, etc. Revenge is a bit of a selfish desire- That need to see someone hurt as they have hurt you. A punishment that ultimately does not fix whatever harm was done- but feels good to see because you were hurt and now those responsible share that pain.

Artificer's actions are founded in that need for revenge, their pups killed for overstepping boundaries they didn't know existed. Is it not fair for them to be angry at that, to punish the scavengers for their violence with their own? Why should the scavengers ever be forgiven when they and their pups were not? And that's how you get that loop- Harm for harm over and over.

The original action has been lost in a spiral of violence for violence. And here stands Artificer- their very spirit scarred. Not just because they sought revenge, but because they never ceased trying to scratch that itch for violence as an answer. Artificer only has two paths for their story- killing the scavenger king (Someone who, really, has little to do with the original 'crime' of the scavengers, but represents an important individual to them- as did the slugpups to Artificer), locking themselves as karma one for good and spending the rest of their life chasing creatures that no longer even fight back in a warped sense of closure- or to dissolve themselves in the acids of the void sea because they're too far gone to find any real peace.

They can't meaningfully recover from that state, not alone, twisting in on themselves. Even if they halt their actions, they've been using violence as a feeble defense against their own pain- violence that no longer has any real direction or basis. Artificer gets no real closure from killing the scavenger king. All they can do is continue the cycle, or try to scrub it away. No real peace in a prison of their own making. So you have a creature, who even with a strict timer on their life- a body that will crumble to disease, spends its last bit of time on saving another. And another who was so caught up in the pain of loss that were eaten alive by their own anger, poisoned their own soul on such a deep level even self-proclaimed gods have no solution for them. What peace can they offer each other? For Hunter, its only a fleeting moment of happiness- of selfish love, before their own body fails them. A bit of indulgence in something for themself. For Artificer, its a single, comforting thread to ground them again, something tangible to protect and care about again. But thats a thread that will ultimately be snapped under the cruel indifference of the world. Hunters timer will tick down regardless of if it takes another with it. Its a tragedy- its doomed to end badly. Whatever good it offers to either of them to find each other will only provide the fleeting comfort of a band-aid that will be ripped away too early. But all that can be worth indulging in anyway, if only for the moment. It doesn't change the ending, but the ending was never going to be happy. Its can so yuri

#rain world #rw shipping #tagging that just cause this is explicitly about that even though I usually dont do shipping stuff #with that said i dont even think this particular interpretation of a possible dynamic needs to be romantic its just kinda #about companionship in general. companionship thats going to absolutely shred an already unstable slug emotionally but thats #the point. friendship and love in spite of the unavoidable ending #just noticed this is like 80% theme analysis and 20% 'these go together just trust me'#but also theyre both girls because i want them to and also because im channeling hornet from hollow knight #who made me so deeply ill that my rain world tags still havent outcompeted my Hk tags because i drew her so much. so so much.#hunter is hornet coded to me and artificer is like if angela and gebura from lc combined into a deeply fucked up ferret #also i did tag the poll because they kinda inspired this but also. i wasnt gonna put all this out here WITHOUT a readmore thats embarassing #but i guess this is propaganda for a ship already seen as popular but like... idk i think theres something to it even as someone #who did literally slap them together originally because they were both red slugcats i considered girls. predownpour so we didnt have anythi #anyway hi tag readers i have so much work to do im being bad by writing about gay slugs. i need to get myself together #its so late this might just be nonsense bwaaaaaaa

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matan4il · 3 months

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Today's daily update is going to be on the results of the Interenational Court of Justice's interim decision.

Over here, I wrote in advance about two things:

That the decision today is NOT about whether the war in Gaza constitutes a genocide.

That the likely outcome will be to grant provisional measures, but not the most important one South Africa was asking for, which is to instruct Israel to stop the war (meaning, surrender to Hamas).

The second part was fulfilled completely, but here's a bit more on the outcome we witnessed at the ICJ today:

-> Something that really stood out to me (and to several analysts I listened to) is that in its decision, the court mainly addressed the situation in Gaza, not whether or not Israel is responsible for it. Its decision to grant the provisional measures is based simply on the fact that the situation there is bad, while not addressing everything Israel has been doing to make it better.

-> A really interesting point that was brought up by an analyst who specializes in military law, was that none of the ICJ judges has any background in military law, and therefore they did not take that into account in their decision. In other words, they were sitting there, and judging the situation in a war zone, as if there was no war there. The analyst said that if the judges on the case had any knowledge of military law, there is no way this would have been the outcome (meaning, the ruling would have been far more favorable towards Israel, if the people who wre judging the situation, were the ones with the tools to properly understand it).

-> In order to file the lawsuit, SA had to prove that it is in a state of dispute with Israel over the countries' definition of "genocide," as both are parties to the convention to prevent genocide, giving the court the power to decide in the matter that caused the dispute. Israel argued they were not officially in a state of dispute, and showed that SA's official, diplomatic communication to indicate a dispute, was insufficient. What the court did, in order to grant itself the authority to decide in this matter, was to ignore the official, diplomatic communication (indicating that it was indeed insufficient) and relying on public statements as indicators of dispute. The problem with that is, that countries will often say publicly something different than what they tell each other behind the scenes, which the court ignores. There are several Middle Eastern countries that were officially not recognizing Israel, but behind the secenes had a good r/s and even collaborations with us. One example is Jordan, a country that we now have peace with. The other thing is the court didn't refer to a dispute over Israel and SA's definition of genocide in general, it relied on Israel and SA publicly giving different statements regarding whether the situation in Gaza constitutes a genocide. This doesn't seem to actually fly legally, but the ICJ judges are human, and when have humans ever willingly given up social power? Getting to judge the hottest topic in the world right now IS social power.

-> The most important thing is that the provisional measure instructing Israel to stop the war was not granted. Instead, a provisional measure instructing Israel to supply humanitarian aid, when Israel is already doing so, is laughable. The same goes for the one instructing Israel to avoid harming people, when Israel is already doing that. Most of the ICJ's decisions today were meaningless. That said, you can still count on Israel haters to distort them, and claim that the provisional measures being given is proof of genocide.

-> The court has also instructed Hamas to release the Israeli hostages within 30 days, which we all know is not going to happen. Since it won't, one analyst suggested that all of the court's decisions (the ICJ has asked Israel to file reports within 30 days, showing it has complied with the provisional measures) can be treated as null and void, once Hamas doesn't follow the ICJ's instructions.

-> Two or three analysts and interpreters suggested that Israel should file a counter lawsuit against the countries supporting Hamas, and who are a part of the axis that enabled the Oct 7 massacre, including South Africa, Iran, Qatar, Lebanon, etc. Hamas is genocidal in the very purpose for its existence, and it could do what it did only thanks to the support of those countries. It's Hamas' atrocities that caused this war and the situation in Gaza that the judges referenced. Those countries should be the ones having to defend themselves.

-> The ICJ is the judicial arm of the UN. As such, the court did what many UN organizations do, which is rely on what was said by other UN organizations. So this is an important thing to remind everyone: the UN has been consistently biased against Israel. The UN has been complicit in Hamas crimes for 16 years in Gaza. The UN is NOT trustworthy when it comes to Israel.

-> The ICJ also granted a provisional measure, stating Israel must prosecute those who are guilty of incitement calling for the genocide of Palestinians, which as an idea, is fine. The issue is that the court also quoted several sayings that were about destroying Hamas, not about destroying the Palestinians. That the ICJ can't make that distinction, that it might limit the freedom of speech of Israelis to call for the destruction of a genocidal, antisemitic terrorist organization, is unheard of and is another example of the issues with this court.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #israelunderattack #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #resources

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mikareo · 5 months

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“ ࣭⸰ ★ GARDEN SONG . . . ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ブルーロック ; itoshi rin x fem reader (6.8k)

⊹ ⠀⠀ rin's never been in love. he's never had the right to fall in love. so when sae is betrothed to a foreign princess, he doesn't bat an eye. you're just like every other girl who's attempted to marry his half-brother; yet, for some odd reason, he can't seem to shake you off. his heart aches thinking of you, despite how heated you make his head. he hates you. no. he loves you. no. rin doesn't know what he feels.

contains; royalty au, e2l, sfw, bastard prince!rin, princess!reader, reader is betrothed to sae, slowburn, rin calls reader names (like lowkey sexist sometimes), lots and lots of worldbuilding (bear with me please), forbidden love, swearing?, some sexual innuendos, kind of like...medieval dialogue??, tw rin literally calls reader a breeding ground like..., reader is very princess kaguya coded, some princess kaguya references near the end author's note; literally dropping this out of nowhere sorry lol :3 i think this is my best piece of writing i've like ever produced so pls give it a chance n enjoy it! i rewrote the whole thing today in present tense,, so there might be tense errors

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀this part of the fic is about 2 1/2 years old ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀originally a keiji akaashi fic,, lmk any name errors ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀extremely descriptive worldbuilding writing,, (heads up) if it's not ur thing then u likely won't enjoy reading this ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀will have a second part titled swan song in the future!

It’s humorous to Rin— the perception that titles and notability have complete control over one’s life, obligations, and status. The pure and blind belief that every problem or issue can be solved with a man on the throne; a man whose birthright has always stated that that is where he belongs. Where he’ll rule and live out his days, utterly unhappy and self-sacrificing all for the benefit of people, his people, that he doesn’t even know. Strangers. Where he’ll wear a weighted crown encrusted in sapphires and jade, bound to strands of hair that’ll be ripped out if he dare defy his solemn promise to protect his kingdom. The crown must always be worn with pride and honor— the two things in the unspoken king’s code that every man of status is expected to follow— two simple things that seem impossible in Rin’s eyes.

Yes, he’s been raised according to the precept of manners and fulfillment of duties, but there’s something of the way his own father seems so distant and disconnected from the world around him— from the connections and relationships that he should be closer with— that makes the idea of being emperor completely disheartening. It’s completely and utterly horrid to Rin when he compares a life of golden chains to his dreams of travel and adventure.

It’s for the best that he’s nothing but a bastard child, then.

Prince Rin of the Itoshi family is nothing if not a black sheep. He’s a man who gentlemen aren’t envious of and whom women never lust for. He’s simply a royal with no drive, no meaning to motives or dreams, and no purpose to carry him onwards. Fortune and prosperity have never and will never be the necessary materials for his happy ending— but freedom and individualism, two contrasting colors amidst blocks of the same shade, speak his language. For in his situation, there’s no point in slaving away his natural qualities in hopes of gaining an ounce of respect from his parents.

The second born bastard child is but a shadow of a man when he stands behind the true heir—his half brother, Sae. The golden child, the pure-bred son of the true royal bloodline coming from their shared father’s genes. Sae, the future Emperor of Japan.

An emperor who’s bound to be married off to an unsuspecting princess who’s just recently come of age, and live happily ever after with their countless children. It sounds positively dreadful, doesn’t it? A life that’s been bestowed upon all of the men that have come before Sae— a life void of real love and connection, one that pleasures the theory of bountiful rulings in retrospect to genuine happiness. A life that Rin has never wanted for himself, and has been lucky enough to avoid.

But as his brother stands opposite to him, with his head held high as he’s about to meet his betrothed for the very first time, Rin feels pity.

It’s a sorrowful sight for Sae and the predicament that he’s been cornered into, but Rin knows his brother does not want his comfort. Their broken bond has been laced with new threads of sadness after years and years of competition— yet, everyone still deserves a choice in their future, in their loved ones, and that choice is being taken away from the crowned prince with every second ticking by.

Tick.

The time is now.

As the courtroom doors burst open, gold and silver accents vanish from sight. Five guests gracefully enter the palace— that of two guards, a handmaiden, a king, and the most important arrival…you. You, the princess of the neighboring royal family from the South. The royal family that will be merging with Rin’s father’s in a legal binding between you and Sae— the infamous royal wedding of the century.

“What an honor it is.” Emperor Itoshi greets your father with a firm stare.

The two men analyze one another, squaring out in a power strike before stepping forwards for a decisive handshake. As their palms clap together, Rin can see that this king is much different than his father— seemingly gentle, showcasing a non-plastic smile that’s true and bright whilst his daughter stands behind him— and Emperor Itoshi smiles back. “It’s truly spectacular to finally meet you; well, you and the princess, of course.”

At his words, your father grins and extends his arm out to you, encouraging you to step away from your trusted handmaiden and towards your future father-in-law— the man who’s retiring his lifelong title in a mere two months for the sake of passage that’s occurred for centuries. A sacred passage between fathers and sons, full blooded fathers and sons.

“Your majesty,” you bow your head.

As you curtsy in respect, your skirt drapes to the floor— the gown’s extravagance dusting the marble tiles, shimmering beneath the dense candlelight, and reflecting off the mirror and shined surfaces scattered across the ballroom. Despite the perception of beauty and grace that his father and brother seem to share for you, Rin peaks through the cracks of your facade. He can tell this regal persona you’re displaying is nothing but an act. Your stoic expression speaks all he needs to know, that everything about you is princess protocol and lacking personality, and proper folk have never been his usual cup of tea.

While he’s been ordered to entertain ladies of the court and women in the social ring for years-on-years, there wasn’t one occurrence where he actually obeyed his father’s demands— rather string along every maiden sent his way and bid them farewell after a night or two of endless, droning conversation; that and perhaps a few turns in and out of his bed chambers, which is a fact that is infamous among the palace staff. Rin disregards them, though. Tuning others out is his speciality. He uses it in daily conversation, diplomatic meetings, as well as other important matters such as the one happening now, right in front of him. Just a few feet away.

This is pointless.

Why is he being forced to be here?

It’s not like you're his bride.

Rin doesn’t even bother to tune into the presumptuous meeting of you and Sae. They don’t involve him in any way nor does he care for either of you. Typically, most others don’t give him the time of day, so who’s to say that they deserve it from him? The only thing he owes to others is his mere existence as the kingdom’s greatest mistake— all to remind the ton that there is a good and gracious prince, and they should be grateful that he is to be their ruler and not Rin.

Rin, whose birthright is to stand still and respond to his father’s wishes with no choice other than to agree.

So, as the decadence concludes with the bowing of heads and nods of approval dispersing amongst royals and servants, Rin thinks nothing of the way you and Sae stand beside one another in light conversation.

It’s desperate. The sight of you attempting to find a sliver of mutual interest or some sort of connection that binds the two of you other than royalty, makes him look in disdain. He’s grateful that he won’t be the one spending the rest of his already grey life with you, ruling the kingdom.

You aren’t really his type.

“Rin!” Sae’s voice rings through the courtroom, his eyebrows raise in expectancy as he ushers his half-brother towards his bride-to-be, wanting to introduce the two that’re going to be living in close proximity for the weeks to come. “Do come close, I’d like you to meet my bride. Perhaps you’ll find something in common and make a friend for once, for this girl can’t be another one of your whores.”

Typical Sae.

Whether the dig was intentional or unintentional, Rin grimaces at his brother’s words—pursing his lips into a tight smile and closing his eyes in an attempt to disguise his disdain with faint exhaustion.

“Apologies, my brother. I’m afraid I’m rather tired and would prefer to return to my quarters.” Rin nods towards the two of you in respect. “Do enjoy her company, yourself. I’m sure the two of you will be sharing personal physical matters in the near future— best to be comfortable.”

With a quick turn of his heel, he carries on, making his way towards the exit of the throne room, to his grand living quarters— quarters that are fit for a bastard prince such as himself. However, his rancid suggestions aren’t left unanswered, instead contemplated by you as he hears your light voice speak to his brother. Rin hates first impressions. Not because he gets anxious or worried about being disliked; but because he already knows whoever he’s speaking to already knows his history. They know the truth of his bloodline, and they’re never afraid to step on his already small ego. You’re no different.

“So the rumors are true then?”

You speak aloud in a low tone, deciding the best words to use, and phrasing your statements in the most respectful manner you can muster— not wanting to offend Sae in any way, shape, or form while you address his little brother.

“Your brother is not the royal he’s made out to be?” As your voice trails off, regret immediately overcomes you as the subject of conversation stops dead in his tracks.

A scoff escapes his lips, head tilting to the left as your remark settles beneath his skin— hitting that special little spot that enrages every buried emotion, feeling, and reaction in his heart.

Rin spins on his heel with a manic look on his face as he analyzes the regret hidden in your weary posture; which is in great contrast to the confidence and poise you’d displayed a mere seconds before— poise that appears to be only a facade, a mystery that he’d gladly uncover if he actually cared just an ounce about your wellbeing. Taking long strides towards you, ignoring the words of concern from his half-brother, he stops to a halt at your feet— giving you nowhere to avert your eyes, gaze being forced to rest on his anger and distaste only. The rage bubbling in the pit of his stomach is like an over-boiling copper pot, scorching water taunting the brink of the lid, causing it to fly off and wreak havoc elsewhere.

“Tell me, princess.” He ponders mockingly, finding great humor in how tense he was able to make you with three simple words.

“What is it that you make me out to be?”

There’s a shit-eating grin at the tip of his tongue, a taunting aura to his spite. Perhaps there’s a part of him that hopes your response will be genuine, positive to the darkness that’s held to his head on a daily basis— but no matter. He already knows what your misconceptions contain. He knows that you’d already filed him away in the troublesome cabinet at the back of your brain. It’s almost like he’s looking at an average cavern girl with great beauty. You’d be nothing without the small tiara on your head, that’s clear after determining the lack of assertiveness you assume.

…but perhaps, for once, Rin is wrong.

Not a single response emits from your mouth, the silent stare down between glaring eyes being intimidating enough; there’s absolutely no way you were going to anger the bastard prince any further. Yes, he’s considered to be nothing but a brute, but there’s something in his sparks of blue that makes you believe otherwise.

This man is an underestimated enigma, and you sure as hell aren’t going to be one of those common fools who blindly thinks otherwise.

“Your brother tells me you are a good man.” you speak enunciating each word to ensure that it gives its intended effect, that being of a derogative nature masked with falsified kindness and fortitude. “He says that your people adore you, that you are one in the same. Grounded. Of level head.” Bullshit.

Sae would never say those things.

The people would never say those things.

Rin scoffs, listening to the meaningless and unoriginal acclamations being brought to his attention, tired of having to hear them day after day by not only his fellow royals, but staff and peasants— and every other person who’s ever been fortunate enough to cross paths with the royal family, always being disappointed that he is the one to be met.

As he steps closer, wanting to see just an ounce of fear in your eyes, a frown is brought to his beautiful features. What?

In no way are you intimidated by his presence. There’s no shudder, no wince, no flinching whilst his steps grow closer and closer to your position. Just a blank stare of nothingness at his furrowed brows. You aren’t reacting like the other princesses that’ve come to attempt to wed Sae; all princesses who have come and gone due to Rin’s dark intimidation. You have spirit, a fire that’s not willing to be doused by his ocean of hatred.

“Are these your words?” he interrogates.

One of his hands reaches out to brush a stray strand of hair behind your right ear, noticing the tomato red of your cheeks. Smirking, he thinks to himself how dismantled you likely are beneath your stoney stance. “Or are these all of the things my brother has told you? Do you have any thoughts of your own, princess?”

“No need to answer that. I already know what you think of me.” Continuing on, deaf to the attempted precautions from Sae, he leans in— his lips just ghosting over yours, and whispers his final remarks.

“You’re an open book, beautiful— and I can’t say that I'd ever want to read you.”

So, as Prince Itoshi Rin’s steps recede, the distance between you two grows with every second; and you feel a bright, red, rage bubbling deep within your heart. It’s a hot and heavy anger simmering within your soul for the sly man with dark hair— knowing full well that he will be one of the many, if not the biggest, challenge you’ll face in your newfound kingdom.

And never before, have you felt more ready to take on a challenge.

Annoyance is the most prominent emotion Rin has felt in the past two weeks.

Utter disdain at the sight of you and Sae conversing through the courtyard, picking flowers in the rose garden, and taking romantic boat rides in the nearby lake. It’s one thing to fall in love, feel your heart begin to swell at the physical presence of that one special person— but it’s another to have to witness first-hand with no relation to the budding romance at all. Having no need to be involved in the newfound relationship, yet still being forced to interact as a third party member. It’s absolute madness.

He’s somewhat happy for Sae, he truly is. There’s a sense of pride in his soul at the sight of his half-brother stepping up to the position that he’s been in preparation for for all of his life— but with that promotion comes you.

With the rise of power comes your completely lethargic presence.

Oh how he cannot stand you.

You’re just insufferable. You’re unapologetically and unequivocally insufferable to his mind. The mere sound of your voice sends him into a downward spiral. The mere thought of your existence ruins his day with ease. The slightest mention of your life-lasting role in the kingdom he’d grown up in ignites the most powerful feeling of disgust he’s ever known. The weight of his conscience burns with every snarky remark, dig, and insult that flies from your throat; your trained grace never falling scarce in melody, although your words could be considered crude by any proper lady. Words that allow you to terrorize his brain in the midst of night, keeping him awake whilst the moon becomes one with the sun.

He fully believes that you were created to be the bane of his existence…the hell to his heaven…the demon behind all corners in the everlasting game that he has the misfortune of living.

“You’re looking a little grey today, Rin.”

Oh no…

“Perhaps it’d be wise to freshen up a bit!”

Please, just shut up.

“I’m sure the servants won’t mind spending a few hours by your side in an attempt to make you look handsome!”

He hates that damn sound.

There it is. The dreadful sound of your sing-song voice ringing through the hallowed halls, emptying the painfulness of your personality in the wake of the morning dew— as for some god awful reason, you always insist on being the first person to the dining hall, wanting to mark each new day with a classic and large Japanese breakfast.

“As I’ve said many-a-times before, princess.” His head swivels to face you, eyes rolling at the skip in your step. “You are to refer to me as Prince Rin, it is what I prefer.”

“Is it your honored title or is it what you personally enjoy?” you challenge, looking over your shoulder with a mocking pout, having the knowledge that he has certainly come to despise you in the short time you’ve known one another. “Greatest apologies, my liege; but it wouldn’t be proper of me, a woman, to call you, a man, a name that isn’t of great decadence.”

“Surely you can see where my true intentions lie?”

A pained grin comes to shine on his features, shooing away the rain clouds and allowing sparse rays of phony sunshine to shower you. His teeth bite his bottom lip as he struggles to keep his curses imprisoned between his heart and his tongue. You had to have been born of a despicable nature. In no world that is right, in no paradise would anyone deserve the punishment of having to know you— as Rin believes all tyrants belong with the street rats. Not to insinuate you’re a tyrant, but to express that you’re equivalent to a sickly rodent.

“I’m not a fool, you know.” he spits, striding towards your retreating figure and grabbing you by the forearm and stopping you in your tracks. Rin smirks as his touch forces you to become overwhelmed in shock. “I see you, princess. I see through your poise and ladylike mannerisms. I can see what a lonesome and sorrowful shadow you’ll inevitably become. No wonder you’re going to be nothing but an objectified woman, an accessory to Sae’s power— a dull little doll of a woman who perhaps had moxie in her past— yet still became a lifeless puppet beneath a bejeweled tiara, stuck with the hands of judgment up her arse.”

You’re a fool to go toe-to-toe with him, of all people.

Rin doesn’t think he’s ever seen such fire behind your eyes. Fire that burns hot, raging with seething anger and humiliation. If the world were to be supernatural, there’s no doubt in his mind that you’d have set it aflame in response to his vile predictions; the castle crumbling in ash with you standing alone in its wake atop his lifeless corpse that’s burnt to a crisp.

“You are entirely incorrect, never have I shown servitude for the sake of reputation—”

“Really?” his snarling voice interrupts you, refusing to let you get a single word in amidst his long-winded attack. “Then what is it that you’re doing right now, at this very moment. No princess with a functioning brain would ever find herself working with kitchen servants to prepare breakfast for two royal families. She’d simply order them to do it on their own. Every single thing you do is in order to gain likability from those who shouldn’t ever matter. If you had a backbone of any sort, you’d understand that— and you’d understand that titles are of nothing. They’re of no relation to any true purpose or meaning.”

“Then what are you?” you retaliate, ending the lengthy trail of hurtful words and confessions spewing from his mouth. “What are you but a sorry excuse of a prince…of a son?”

“You say titles are rubbish, yet you continue to wear that horrendous crown atop your hair. You choose to take it off of your placid vanity and wear it with honor; although you aren’t much of an honorable man, are you? If you were, then perhaps you’d have a grain of respect from your people. Perhaps you would spend your days in the throne room, being in the advisory alongside your brother— your splendid and valiant brother who has done nothing but serve for the greater good— instead of dallying away with mundane and useless tasks that no one cares to notice! As why would anyone bat an eye at a mistake, when they could be focused on someone like Sae. Someone of the sun’s decadence?”

The face opposite to yours is almost unrecognizable; with his red skin, flared nostrils, and dead-set eyes, Rin looks as if he’s just murdered a man out of spite and grief. He looks as if he’s just induced a homicide and is preparing to start anew, find another victim…that victim undoubtedly being you.

He tips his head downwards, breath grazing against your upper hairline whilst his dark crown shifts in his hair— nearly falling off the front of his forehead, the large arches seem ominous and unwelcoming along with the deadly ocean depths of his eyes. The usual gem-like blues holding a more dangerous tone than a tsunami.

Rin knows he’s frightening…

…and he’s enjoying it.

“You speak on things you know nothing of.” Rin fakes a straight toothed smile; his outside appearance looking completely opposite to the growing pit at the bottom of his stomach. If the peasant’s freak show has come to the kingdom, he’ll be the opening act—a fraudulent performer behind a mask of stoney emotions. “I have freedom and opportunity. If I so wanted, I could order a horse to be prepared, ride through those gates, and never look back. There is nothing holding me here— not my father, my brother, or the people. When will you realize how little your beliefs matter to me.”

He’s boiling with rage, as are you whilst his words ring truer than you’d like to admit; each one hitting the most insecure corners of your heart. “Your meaningless and unimportant opinions in relation to my kingdom— when in reality, you’re simply another black plague that’s washed upon its shores. Another person who’s crawled out of the local sewers and weaseled their way into the generous hands of the royal family. It’s just so unfortunate...”

“...that in the end, you’re nothing but a breeding ground for my brother.”

On instinct, without a coherent thought in your mind, you feel your arm swing out— open palm flying through the air, only to land against the dark prince’s swelling cheeks— leaving not only a bright, red mark, but also an expression of identical shock on both of your faces.

Taking a step back, he reaches upwards to cup the bruise only to realize that you’ve done far more damage than a measly purple wound. You’ve managed to produce a cut, one that seeps through his scarlet blossoms and runs from the corner of his eye to the bottom of his chin; displaying the path of your anger whilst your ring-studded hand has directed itself across his face.

Raindrops of ruby pour from the injury as you stare in horror at your blood splattered engagement ring.

The shimmering diamond turns dark as the tide of rouge rolls in, encasing the notion of property beneath your outspoken and unintentional hatred for Rin; and before you’re given a chance to respond, a second to apologize, the man has already stalked off towards his living quarters— not wanting to see the look of expected satisfaction on your face at the sight of his uncontrollable winces. You don’t deserve to smug as he rests in pain— despite how you are, in truth, regretful of what you’ve done.

Though, not that he’ll ever come to that conclusion.

As why would you, someone in the same likable ranks as a weathered gargoyle have any intent of remorse. Why would you, a woman who would soon have all the power in the world to hold over his head, care about a lasting scratch; no matter how deep.

You’re a tyrant, and oh-how he loathes a tyrant.

A garden of statues would perhaps have more purpose than Rin in his current predicament— standing between his father and half-brother, listening in on the up-and-coming preparations for the royal wedding; whilst even the breaths he takes are ignored, lost in a sea of ignorance and invisibility. Emperor Itoshi gleams with pride, his mindset focused on the change of power— the crown on his head that will soon be worn by his eldest son, the one of pure royal blood. Yet, with the happiness in his heart, his smile only reaches so far; never shedding light on the tundra that consumes his bastard child.

“Rin!” The man hollers beside him as he grasps Sae’s shoulder in a love-bound strength; his god-given touch of a father being miles-on-miles away from the fragile prince who needs it most. “Look at the life your brother’s going to make for himself! Witnessing him amidst the coronation will be splendid—”

“Remind me again, father.” Rin interrupts, not wanting to hear a minute more of the relentless doting. It’s night and day, a never ending string of praise and compliments, all for the great, Sae. “Where is it that I am to be for the duration of these wondrous festivities? I don’t believe I’ve heard spoken word of that as of yet.”

A wave of ignorance acts upon itself through his father’s careless hand, dismissing the trivial concerns of his youngest son; his heart only having enough room for one soul other than himself. “I suppose you’ll stand with the castle staff, it’s likely we have a limited space at the head of the church due to the size of our friends' traveling blood.”

The castle staff?

He’s to stand with lowly servants?

Rin doesn’t know why he feels so shocked, after all, he should’ve been expecting to be cast aside with those of low status. While his title associates himself with the royal lineage, he’ll never truly be accepted into the upper class— that divide has always been inflicted upon him by his own father.

“So, I am not to be in our primary aisle? I am not to have a sliver of sight at Sae’s crowning?”

There’s a hint of spite in his tone, a spite that was usually hidden from the eardrums of others, revealing itself to the people who’d known it was lurking for decades. While Sae simply disconnects himself from the conversation, a privilege that he’s lucky to have, refusing to meet his younger brother’s eyes— their father pushes further. He’s well aware of the growing insecurities his bastard child has, but he also knows how to obliterate the subject in its entirety.

“You aren’t pure.” His voice is stoney and directed at Rin whilst gesturing to Sae, as he shakes his head at his least favorite son. “I can’t possibly have you, a boy I conceived with a gutter whore, stand at the equal sides of neighboring royalty. It would be seen as disgraceful.”

This isn’t the first time Rin’s heard these words.

“You are a disgrace.”

His father tells him these things often.

“All you are is a physical representation of my shame, boy. You’ve already embraced the darkness—it’s about time you allow the shadows to consume you whole.”

That doesn’t lessen the pain, though.

With that, Kyohei turns away and grasps Sae’s arm, leading him towards their higher chambers; ones that Rin has never been honored to walk upon. There are no glances, no solemn, not a single look back by his father to perhaps ensure that his son is somewhat okay or devastatingly upset— though, neither one is true. The only emotion racing through the thick blood in his veins is emptiness. Just the familiar feeling of being worth absolutely nothing in the eyes of the man who should see him as the world. From the beloved emperor that cares for nameless peasants and civil servants, his father is seen as just and valiant— his true nature of disdain and cruelty only being known by his immediate family.

So as he walks alone, with no council weighing down on his heart, no angel on his shoulder, and no devil in the ranks— Rin is blind to the world around him. He chooses to maintain blindness in relation to any matter that seems regal and of importance. Since, after all, who is he to state a claim on that significance…

…when he, himself, has no significance at all?

His feet move on autopilot, like a white pawn at the match’s first mark. As if there’s a knife at his throat, forcing him to play down the chessboard— across the bi-colored tiles and towards the blackened queen. Him being a simple sacrifice; one of many to ensure a victory, no matter the underlying consequences. No matter the fact of how he’ll never hear the final calling, the call of wind inducing the fallen king and victorious player— as he’ll be far too acquainted with death to rise back from the shattered stone. A small sense of relief overcomes him as he steps into the courtyard. His soul is satisfied and alleviated at the location his muscle memory has taken him. While the twilight moon is nearing, his mind is awake; fully conscious and stormy of his own self-doubt and insecurities. Two things that can typically only be dissolved by his favorite location on the castle grounds.

The secluded lake amidst the willow trees. It shimmers and glistens beneath the draping branches, and acts as a hub of life and growth. His secret spot is possibly the most beautiful feature in the kingdom, at least Rin feels so; with its evening flowers and low-light critters, the soft grass and blossoming lily pads, and the perfect view of Andromeda— it’s his safe haven.

A safe haven that he prefers to keep to himself.

A place that no other person has stepped foot in for as long as he’d known of its existence.

A place that has just now been infiltrated by the disguised cockroach that is you.

“You torment me day and night within the walls of my own home; yet you still find it necessary to follow me as if you’re a lost duckling during ungodly hours.” he deadpans, shaking his head at the sight of your furrowed brows and taking a seat at the bay. Rin sighs deeply as his calloused skin comes in contact with the grassy fibers. “A proper princess would be in her chambers by the time midnight struck. It’s nearly 12:30, princess.”

Why are you looking at him like that?

The strange look on your face is laced with some sort of emotion that he’s never seen before. It's buried beneath the layers of organic makeup and skin. He can only assume it’s something similar to discomfort, and despite your intentional mask being well kept— he can see through anyone. He has the rare ability to understand the thickest of thieves, as he, himself, is the biggest phony of them all.

The sparse shadows soften your usually antagonized features in his mind, a more human appearance alleviating in its wake; and Rin swears he sees a tear drip from your right eye, swimming down your cheeks, and dropping off at your chin into the dewey land— becoming one with nature’s true beauty. The earth embraces your unexplained sadness with open arms, blowing the willow branches around your body. In a strange way, Rin thinks this is the first time he’s truly seen you as what you are. A princess. You’re beautiful beneath the moonlight, but perhaps it isn’t your physical beauty that’s catching his eye…but your emotional vulnerability.

“Dearest apologies, my liege.” you mutter, voice droning on with not a sliver of spite in your tone; only exhaustion. “I’m afraid that I’m not much of a proper princess, tonight. If you’d prefer it, I’d be more than welcome to leave you be— perhaps I’d regain some of my lost dignity in doing so.”

He studies you for a moment, his eyes grazing your posture, the physical habits you display on the daily are missing beneath the moon’s kisses. All that’s left in its disappearance is a small-spoken and sadness-consumed girl. A girl that’s tired and painstakingly sick of the expectations and predecessors that she’s been forced to live up to by birth…and as much as he hates to admit it, even just to himself, he’s found a similar identity in you. A familiarity he’s never quite noticed before.

“Stay.” His voice is so faint that even he is surprised at his statement.

“Perhaps we’ll both freeze to death.” he continues on, feigning the annoyance he typically spits in your direction. “I’d quite enjoy seeing your ghastly face covered in ice.”

While Rin believes his offering to be nothing out of the ordinary, your expression tells otherwise. It’s clear that you’re able to read through the misconceptions he’s trying to give you; looking straight into his eyes with an amused gleam and giggling softly in response. He’s never made a princess laugh before— usually the only girls he spends one-on-one time with are the tavern girls who wish to sleep with a prince— and he’d be a liar to say he didn’t like the sound. You have a beautiful laugh and Rin hangs onto every second it continues to carry through the wind. Perhaps he’s been misjudging you just as you misjudged him. Perhaps you’re not like the others.

“I’m sure you would, Rin.” you smile, sitting down next to him on the plush comfort of uncut grass. “But I have had such an awful day, that I don’t think there’s anything you can say to me that will make it worse.” An awful day?

“May I ask what happened?” Why does he suddenly care?

“Yes, you may.” Why do you want to tell him?

A sigh breathes out of your lips, whistling in the wind and getting lost in the space of stars. “I’m a lousy princess.”

He chuckles, shaking his head and nudging your shoulder. There’s no way that you, little miss prim and proper, are a bad princess. You’re practically the model that every father bases his daughter on when raising her in a royal setting; he knows because he’s met his fair share of truly lousy princesses. “No you’re not.”

“Yes I am.” you’re not looking at him anymore, rather at the constellation ceiling above you. The stars reflect themselves in your eyes, and if you weren’t a princess on earth, Rin would think you were a gift from the moon himself. “I could barely keep up with Prince Sae today. We had dance rehearsals for the wedding, and our instructor is so strict that I can barely breathe around her without being reprimanded. I couldn’t even memorize the basic steps, I don’t know what is wrong with me. I have practically been training for this duty for my entire life and I can’t remember a few dances? I’m not fit to be a queen. I just turned eighteen, I’ve barely lived at all. How can I protect an entire kingdom, when I cannot even fend for myself?”

“Prince Sae is perfect. He’s amazing. I can’t possibly be enough to be his wife. I can’t live up to those standards. It’s impossible.”

Suddenly, all of the broken pieces seem to come together. They’re swept by a broom, one that the moon king holds above the two of you, as your shattered stars of insecurities collide into one pile of stardust. Rin sees himself in you. He sees himself from a perspective that he’s never known before. Never in his life has he met someone who understands and agrees that royal duties are impossible; usually common folk and other royals tell him what an honor it is to be of a royal bloodline. They don’t care or consider his feelings on having to be held to a higher standard, while also being at a disadvantage as a bastard child. You are different. He knows you won’t judge him for these fears he has; a small part of him trusts you now.

“My brother is a golden boy.” Rin smiles at you, and it’s the first genuine smile he’s ever given someone. “Please do not take it too personally if you cannot live up to his excellence.”

You gaze at him in appreciation, scooting slightly closer while keeping a healthy balance that wouldn’t ensue romantic implications. “Thank you. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you, though. How do you handle all of this? I can barely keep my head above water.”

Wow…you’re the first person who’s ever asked how he feels.

“It’s difficult,” he explains, “but manageable. I’ve only ever known this life, so I’m quite used to being at the end of the line so-to-speak. My brother— I’m not sure why I even call him that, he’s not my brother, I’m sorry. My half-brother is the kingdom’s blessing. He’s my father’s blessing. He’s perfect like you said; but his destiny isn’t his own. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Your head shakes in confusion, not quite understanding where his story is going.

“I’m sorry, I’ve never spoken of these feelings before; at least not out loud to someone other than my own mirror.” His human instinct shuffles himself closer to you, wanting that physical comfort whilst knowing that he can never have it. “I’m not unhappy that I am not the one to be emperor. I would rather be a bastard, because at least I have freedom to run away one day without worrying about feeding the masses and avoiding war. I can leave this kingdom and not have to think about my father or Sae ever again. That’s the one luxury I have always had— and it’s the one thing that I look forward to. I’m so sorry that you don’t have that same privilege.”

Nothing comes as a response and Rin feels a little concerned, that is until your soft voice reaches his ears.

“I’m sorry for being so difficult towards you.”

You’re apologizing?

“I don’t regret anything, though.”

That makes more sense.

Another laugh bubbles up from the pits of his soul, setting off the volcano of amusement that’s been dormant for so long. “You’re a tyrant princess, my kingdom should be more weary of you.”

You giggle beside him, “Tyrant princess sounds more fun than disciplined empress.”

Maybe he’s gone mad or maybe the chilling breeze has gotten to his brain and made him delusional, but Rin feels his heart pounding— and not in the familiar way of anger and aggression. This rapid heartbeat is something warmer…fonder…gentler. If he’s not mistaken, he believes it to be the warmth that comes with falling in love; something that he’s only read about and wished for when he does eventually run away from home. However, he never believed he’d find that feeling within the palace walls— especially with you, whom he despised prior to this night. He promised himself he’d never fall for another royal, but his destiny is shaping itself in ways that are unpredictable.

He should thank the man in the moon.

Rin stands, dusting off his pants, before offering you a hand. It’s an earnest gesture, one that you cannot ignore, and he’s vulnerable with his sincerity. “I can’t promise that I hold any skills near to my brother, but I swear on my soul that I won’t push you into that lake if you give me one dance.”

“Just one?” your tone is teasing, yet you accept his offer. The feeling of your hand in his sparks flickers of jealousy in Rin’s mind. Why is Sae the one who gets to hold you? It isn’t fair. “If you push me in that filthy water, I’ll give you a matching scar…”

“...right there.”

One of your fingers softly grazes his cheek, the spot underneath his right eye and flicks upwards, brushing against his thick eyelashes, before you lace your hands around his neck. You sway together, with the moonlight showering its stars down upon you, blessing you with well-wishes from the galaxy— and drift away from the worries of royalty and betrothals. Rin is miles from the anger that nestled itself inside of his heart, freezing it and shrinking it until he no longer knew what the emotion felt like. You’ve melted that ice. You’ve found a crack and broken the cycle of rage he’s so accustomed to…and he’s grateful.

For this is the first time he’s ever felt loved…

…if only you were his…

…but you aren’t.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀thank you for reading! reblogs are greatly appreciated! ⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀will have a second part titled swan song in the future!

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old-school-butch · 6 days

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Hello again <3

I sent you an anon that you replied to on April 1st, which was me asking how ex-TIFs are received back into womanhood. Your reply gave me a little foothold which ended up very comforting as I started coming out rapid-fire to all my friends as detrans. this is primarily a message for other people in my situation, who are afraid and might want a template of what you might expect will happen once you do come out with it.

Predictably, most of my friends dropped me; I've 3 friends left. Two of which continue to support trans people but can accept that i have different opinions (as long as i'm "not mean") and one of which has seen the gender critical arguments, accepted them, and agrees. So, heavy losses, but not total losses. My two siblings seemed to sigh in relief and reveal that they never believed in genderism at all, which is odd, because in my 10 years of being trans not one of them challenged me on it. my mom fell into heavy guilt over "letting me" do all this, although i was 18 when i took testo and 19 when i got surgery, so she really could not have stopped me, legally. i suppose she mainly grieves knowing that had she had the right arguments she could have saved her kid this, but i've told her she is not to blame and i hope she recognizes that.

i haven't received any real harassment, not from anyone that i PERSONALLY know, though my family has received... harassment targeted at me? my sister had a classmate begin sending her copious pro-trans propaganda (contrapoints videos) which she instructed should be sent onward to me (sis did not comply). hilarious how my 10 years of direct experience is suddenly null and void and i'm assumed to know nothing about transness.... 6 months ago i was helping people sensitivity-write trans characters. now, i'm told i can't speak for the trans experience at all, and that i do not know what it's like to be a transmasc person. told that i need to listen to the arguments more carefully, that i don't LISTEN, when i literally lived this for 10 whole years. girl, on god? they tell me i don't get it and need to educate myself. and have empathy of course.

but in general, detransing, i've discovered that there are PLENTY of people who do not actually believe in genderism but who will play along simply out of fear or social pressure. my friends aside, who i knew through "queer" circles, everyone in my family (expect my mom) has revealed they never actually believed in it. i think this might contribute to why trans people bully dissenters so badly. they know this is the truth, that no one really buys it. i think, subconsciously, i have known that too. i never downloaded grindr, i never went into the men's bathrooms. i knew that despite testo and surgery and pronouns i could never challenge men as an equal in their eyes.

interestingly, making new friends is not that hard. I lead with the fact i'm detrans and "don't believe in all that shit" and people are VERY eager to be able to, suddenly, voice their real opinions without being called transphobic. they begin with probing questions, uncontroversial statements like "i agree they shouldn't put males in women's sports..." but if you continue to agree and not punish this daring on their part, they will reveal, with much relief and enthusiasm, what they really think. most people, normal people, really do not believe it all? i'm a brash person and can take irl confrontations quite well, hence i feel safe putting myself up as a transphobe off the bat. and people are very into this. so. the old ass saying, just be yourself.... normal people will not volunteer anti-genderist opinions on their own but when i continue to state thing after thing they open up and agree and eventually feel safe enough to admit their own thoughts. making friends, especially with non-gendie women, hasn't been that hard.

i'm going to write another message about same-sex attraction in the genderverse, but it's also a can of worms so i will make it separate from this one. again, thank you so much, for having anon on and listening, and letting us listen to each other without fear. i would hug you. to be continued

Thanks for the follow up!

My only comment is that I think most people play along out of kindness, it's not all bullying and fear, but that does impose a silence on everyone so everyone feels quite alone with their doubts.

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 2 months

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On The Topic Of Eddie.

First of all, he’s completely fucked. He’s screwed. I’ve said it a thousand times and I’ll say it again: I’ve never seen a character more doomed by the narrative.

Second, Eddie’s halloween costume was Frankenstein’s Monster. And pray tell, what was the Monster’s whole thing? That he’s betrayed by his own creator, rejected / attacked by the town, deeply misunderstood & interpreted as a violent beast despite being well-read and helpful/benevolent. There are some interesting ties there - especially with the Misunderstood Despite Being Well-Read (switch out violent beast with forgetful klutz and it’s a perfect fit). That, plus Eddie’s description of “...brought back from the dead… by the scientist… stitches… a deathly pallor… a bit of a moral conundrum…”

Take that and add it to how Eddie resembles the “night” side of the clocks (this will be expanded upon with Sally in a different post), and how @/theneighborhoodwatch once pointed out that the color purple is only shown in relation to Eddie & may represent secrets, how in livestream trivia it was implied that Eddie doesn’t sleep at night as he is a “busy guy”, and how Sally’s “monster” only comes out at night and likely isn’t a monster at all - she is dramatic, an embellisher, and said to present things that she herself doesn’t know / is uncertain of As Fact, or at least present them as if she knows exactly what she’s talking about (even when she doesn’t and knows it).

Another tidbit that I may have mentioned but I’ll bring it up again: Eddie’s eyelashes match the scalloped trim under Home’s windows. Three round curves.

As an additional tally in the “Eddie is soooo fucked <3” scoreboard, Eddie is the mailman in a story where one of the first things we knew to be actually happening was the WHRP receiving letters of Welcome Home media (now I’m not saying Eddie sent them, certainly not. He may or may not have had a hand in helping with the delivery, but what I mean with this is how it ties in symbolically/abstractly/thematically.) That plus the red envelope, the general unfolding delivery theme… Eddie even has a holiday explicitly associated with him - Mail-In Time Day.

Then there’s the fact that Eddie tends to express Knowledge and a more worldly disposition, in a way. Despite Frank being mentioned as the neighborhood “intellectual”, and he is so with facts, Eddie seems to have a deeper well of… let’s say cultural know-how. Pair that with how his bio is the only one to say/imply that he comes from elsewhere, that he’s been Around. Everyone else came from their family or don’t have a stated before, but Eddie? He was strongly implied to have delivered to a lot of different places - this is made into a running gag, but we all know a running gag for the Show has deeper implications and meanings.

And the fact that his genuine knowledge as well as his past are consistently dismissed and/or played off for laughs…

IMPORTANT NOTE FOR THIS NEXT BIT: I CANNOT FIND THE OG ASK OUTSIDE OF SCREENSHOTS SO TAKE ALL OF THIS WITH A MASSIVE GRAIN OF SALT, AS THERE IS THE POSSIBILITY THAT THE ASK WAS FROM PRE-2021 AND SO - ALONG WITH THIS SPEC CHUNK - IT MAY BE NULL & VOID. BUT IT ALSO MAY NOT BE! SO I’LL TALK.

A while back - this is related I swear - there was an ask Clown answered where they talked about some of his notes on Eddie. The first part that I want to point out is how apparently Eddie is a good source for information (specifically How-To), but despite being talkative he doesn’t share unless prodded for it. This directly relates to the above points.

Then there’s the one I really want to talk about - how Clown says that “He [Eddie] has a great deal of precision for someone who presents themselves as a semi-clumsy busybody!”

That single line made me insane, personally. First, the wording. The choice of saying presents themselves as instead of something like for someone who is. There’s an obvious discrepancy between his precision and clumsiness. Now I don’t doubt that he may be a tad accident-prone, but what if Eddie is dialing up the clumsy nature to disarm his Neighbors / craft a specific reputation for himself / give himself leeway in other areas.

On one hand, this is suspicious as fuck.

On the other hand, this is so adhd of him.

One of the things rarely mentioned about it is how sometimes we adhders will play up our more “useless” traits in order to create a bit of a social safety net. Admittedly, I will sometimes play up my forgetfulness so that a) if i do forget things (truth more often than not), people aren’t surprised. b) when i remember things, people are pleasantly surprised. I mean, if people start thinking we’re competent then they’ll start Expecting things from us, which is never a good thing!

And another thing that relates to it that that ask said - Clown says in it that Eddie is slow to anger, but he gets frustrated more easily. Which is fascinating and very relatable. They also said that he can’t talk about it without wandering too far, which - if the post is viable - has… implications.

Anyway I am very confident that Eddie is in fact adhd. List of reasons (refer to the wiki trivia Eddie Dear section for sources):

He’s forgetful

He gets so involved with a task and cannot break away until it’s finished, thus often making him late

He’s particular

He has a watch - likely to help him keep track of time, implying that he has difficulty with the concept (time blindness!)

He is very talkative and rambley

& seems to have slight difficulty with picking up on social cues telling him when to / when not to speak

He’s slow to anger but more easily frustrated

Beyond all of this I don’t have much to add that I haven’t already talked about in a previous post! I’m sure even so I’ve restated some (or a lot of) things - it Happens!

In conclusion: bbg is so screwed & also adhd <3

#ok next up is the eddie & sally post #then it's the sally post bc mmm i have some Things to say about her #then frank & julie - i might combine their Own specs into the same post since there's not quite as much there and it very much intersects #then i'll give us a break with some Reality Mechanics spec-#IM SORRY BUT IM GOING TO BE POSTING LATE AT NIGHT!#you may have to come back to my blog & refresh if you want to read them all #much to say in so little time...#its a hell of my own making! i still have that last thing to draw & a stream test to do...#oh but this is the sort of crunch i enjoy...#crunching on something im passionate about is rarely a drag!#homebogging #wh speculation #welcome home speculation #not much to say in tags... im getting more Thorough with the post itself #leaving more meat there! less scraps to hide!

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nayatarot777 · 10 months

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what strengths do you have that are not acknowledged by you?

subscribe to the patreon if you’d like to :)

• pile one •

it seems like in situations of complete chaos and disaster, your independence immediately kicks in. you know what to do and operate from your intuition which influences your actions and how you approach dealing with messy situations. i’m also hearing that you yourself will burn some shit down if you need to lmao. sometimes you don’t even know why but it’s because whatever it is has been keeping you in the dark, away from your own strengths. you intuitively pick up on that and know when connections with people, things, and places need to go. you know how to cross a bridge and acknowledge any illusions and truths that may have been hidden prior. you guys do a whole lot of self work too, and i don’t think that you realise just how much you invest energetically into yourself. this tearing shit down might be in relation to yourself - you know when aspects of you gotta go 😂. you use chaos as a tool to push yourself forward (you could do well with chaos magic for my witches and practitioners out there).

you’re not someone with control issues. if something is clearly crumbling, you don’t try to cling onto it and prolong your pain unnecessarily. you understand that nobody’s holding you at gun point to settle for chaotic people and situations, so you move accordingly. period. you’re extremely nurturing, caring, etc - but that doesn’t mean that you allow yourself to act like a fool in the name of love or caring about someone. you know how to also implement your own boundaries and do what’s best for you. because you have unconditional love for yourself - or more love for yourself than for the people and situations that cause a ruckus in your life. when things go wrong, you put yourself into a state of acceptance and receive the lessons that you need to from these situations. you take responsibility and accountability for the part that you play in the crumbling of connections and situations. meaning that you’re not someone who acts like a complete victim to life and to everyone around you. you know that certain things in your life wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t play a part and allow them to develop when they clearly weren’t built on stable foundations in the first place. even if someone else does you wrong, you will still ask yourself “wtf is wrong with me and my actions/mindset/standards that helped aid in this bs happening? why did i continue to feed into this? why did i settle for this?”.

you hold onto stability internally for yourself, therefore that reflects in the physical in some way. whether that be through your finances or some other area of your practical life. you listen to your intuition that helps to protect everything valuable that you’ve already accumulated for yourself already. you also don’t over-extend. mfs may have tried (and failed) to make you feel selfish for this but you understand that they’re just mad that you won’t let yourself be used as a charity case for leeches. you’re receptive to your higher self when it steps in to protect you from certain people. even if they’re people who your ego doesn’t want to necessarily let go of, you’ll let it happen for the sake of your own self-preservation, which is how it should be. you’re loving and caring and nurturing but not out of desperation for love and acceptance. not to receive that back for yourself in order to fill a void. this isn’t self-serving love and nurture for others out of a state of lack. this is out of pure genuine intentions. you’re fulfilled alone and you’d like to fulfil others where possible. however, if you ain’t getting wtf you deserve back, you dip and go back to just focusing on yourself. you don’t let your energy be easily accessible to energetically vampiric people.

• pile two •

your strengths are related to your belief systems and your life philosophies. you know how to be your own mentor and how to give yourself the knowledge that you need - mostly about yourself. this seems to be how you maintain your internal peace. you don’t gain much peace from knowledge given to you from outside of yourself, and that doesn’t mean that you can’t find valuable information from others, but you know that you have a direct connection to the divine of your own. you also know how to manifest and persist in manifesting whatever you want over the course of a long time. and whereas other people would grow impatient, you stay balanced and understanding that what you want is in the process of being given to you. you don’t let much in your external life fuck with your internal state of being. and there’s a repetition of patience throughout this whole spread. you don’t force anything. i’m also hearing that you know how to navigate traditional expectations and structures in society through your own methods. it’s like you don’t fit into society and what they want, but it seems like you do from the outside, so you go under the radar or something like that.

you value your own beliefs and morals over what other people may try to enforce onto you, and this results in a very stable sense of self. you know what you stand for based on your own viewpoints and opinions, so you’re not prone to easily falling for feeding into other people’s expectations of you. you’ve also made your own safe space according to how you want your life to be structured and it’s not easy for others to have influence over this or to even be let in. you guys could also allow your shadow as an energy of protection. you could have lilith or pluto in the first house or something like that. but your shadow is clear to see to other people, especially to those who try to take something of yours that’s quite valuable to you (whether that’s money, time, or something else). thanks to this, you see what you need to and i believe that people view you as someone who people can’t really get anything past. also, when you’re tending to your work (whatever that may be) you’re able to redirect your path to one with less challenges when you encounter blockages on the path that you’re on. it seems like this is quite easy for you, or like it’s easy for you to maintain momentum + motivation with what you invest energy into.

you’re able to learn a lot about the physical realm and how to feel complete within it. even when others would expect you to feel some type of lack, it seems like you understand what’s truly valuable to you. your version of abundance may be heavily different to other people’s version - your abundance is felt metaphorically - and you could reject what the world tells people regarding what to prioritise and what’s important (like earthly riches). you could find more value in your family, teachings from family members like your grandparents for some of you in particular, and that’s what has you feeling like you always have a stable foundation in your life. where other people would only ever feel stable through finances, you feel stable through the faith that you hold. you also know how to dissect your mental state when you’re dealing with some mental conflict, leading you to single out the mindsets that actually serve you and discard the rest. your mind seems to be constantly changing for the sake of becoming more grounded in reality, so maybe that’s something that you feel like you struggle with usually. but you’re doing it! a lot of you could have earth signs in your big three.

#psychic readings #pick a card #pac #pick a photo #tarot reading #pac reading #pick a picture

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the-broken-truth · 8 days

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Al'akh Al'ashghar - Jamil Viper [Platonic Yandere] [Male Yuu][Part 2 of 3]

Summary: After the accident, you awaken in a room at Scarabia Dorm while recovering from your poisoning. Jamil has taken the responsibility of taking care of you, but there's something mysterious behind those silver eyes of his. You can't shake off the feeling of unease around him. What is he hiding, and what could be the reason behind your discomfort around him?

Notes:

Al'akh Al'ashghar means 'Little Brother' in Arabic; considering Jamil's Name means 'Handsome/Beautiful' in Arabic, I thought this would be fitting to use. (I don't speak Arabic - I used Google Translate)

This story will be told in the Second POV.

Jamil will refer to the reader as 'Yuu' - if you so choose, replace Yuu with your own name.

PARTS: ONE | TWO (YOU ARE HERE) | THREE

Your body was warm - almost as if you were sleeping in the sun or under a large heating lamp for reptiles, but the lack of light hitting your eyelids made it clear to your awakening mind that there was little to no light around you. Your throat was dry and begging for water. Your body was relaxed and laying on something soft, almost like a cloud while something with a decent amount of weight and warmth was pressed against your chest and up to your next. You wanted to wake up but your body wasn't allowing you to - leaving you to stand in the dark void of your mindscape.

You stood in the endless void, thinking about how you ended up here and everything that led up to this moment in...whatever time it was in the waking world.

You remembered the invitation to Scarabia for a Grand Dinner, personally written by Jamil as he stated that you were going to be his personal guest during the party; what he meant by that, you were not entirely certain.

You remembered getting dressed, leaving Ramshackle with Grim, and arriving at Scarabia a few minutes before the scheduled time on the invite before being stopped by Jamil himself, who asked if you had any consideration to his offer of joining Scarabia Dorm as a permanent resident. However, you told him that you were not interested in joining Scarabia and left him standing there when Kalim arrived and pulled both you and Grim from the Vice Prefect of Scarabia.

Dinner soon came after that and everything was going well until the food actually came; Jamil served you and Kalim personally, even gifting you a custom cup made of silver with your name on it as a thank-you for everything you had done for Scarabia and himself.

You talked.

You ate.

You drank.

And that's when everything went to Hades.

You could feel your life slipping through your fingers as the poison started coursing through your veins and stealing your breath away until Jamil took you into his arms and poured the antidote that he happened to have on him down your throat; he held your and caressed your face while cooing you into calming down and slipping into an unconscious state of mind.

You were lying in a comfortable bed, wrapped in warm blankets that were helping to thaw your cold body. Your vision was hazy, and you could barely make out the ceiling of the Scarabian Room. You wanted to move, but your body felt incredibly heavy, and you could barely lift a single finger. Suddenly, you heard the sound of the door opening, and the light from the hallway briefly illuminated the ceiling before the door closed once again. You then heard the sound of glasses gently clinking together, followed by the warm glow of a lamp on the nightstand hitting your face. You summoned all the strength you had left to turn your head towards the source of the light, coming face to face with Jamil Viper, who had a concerned look in his eyes and was holding a serving tray. The tray included a small water pitcher, a glass, and a bowl of soup with a piece of bread sticking out of it. As you tried to speak, Jamil shushed you and placed a warm hand on your cheek.

"Shhh, Al'akh Al'ashghar. Your throat is too dry due to your body being dehydrated from the poison in your system." Jamil grabbed the glass off the tray and filled it with the water from the pitcher before using his other hand to lift your head gently and placed the glass to your lips, "Drink slowly. Can you do that for me?"

With a nod from your weakened head, Jamil slowly fed you the glass of water; the refreshing liquid soothing your cracked throat. Once the glass was empty, your throat was still sore from being dry for so long but you were able to speak softly.

"What...happened?" You asked.

"I have inspected the food and drinks, and everything appeared to be fine. However, upon examining the cups that the drinks were served in, I found traces of a quick-acting poison on the rim of your cup. I am unable to comprehend why someone would poison you and not Kalim. The only assumption I can make is that the intention behind poisoning you was to get you out of the way so that the perpetrator could have an easier chance at getting to Kalim." Jamil exhales before lowering the hood on his head. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to protect you, Al'akh Al'ashghar, I should have been more careful."

"G...Grim?" You asked in a hushed voice.

"Don't worry, I contacted the Adeuce Duo and had them pick Grim up and return him to Ramshackle; they are going to take care of him until you get better. From what I learned, the poison is going to remain in your system for about 2 weeks." Jamil reached into his pocket and pulled out a pill bottle, opened it, and took one pill out before holding it up to your lips, "This medicine is going fight the poison, but it's gonna make you sleepy. Here, take this and I will feed you your dinner and you can go back to sleep."

You look at the pill before opening your mouth and allow Jamil to place the pill in your mouth and follow it with another glass of water before he feeds you the soup, bread, and one last glass of water before he makes sure you are comfortable before leaving the room. You looked at the ceiling for a while before the effects of the pill took hold and you closed your eyes and drifted off into an unconscious state of mind.

Every day, you wake up when the sun rises, and Jamil brings you breakfast. After feeding you, he helps you take a shower in the attached bathroom, dresses you in fresh clothes, and gives you another pill to take. You fall asleep again until your classes are over. Kalim and Jamil then come to visit you, telling you about their day. Jamil later forces Kalim out of the room and stays with you until dinner time, when he brings you food, feeds you, and gives you another pill. You fall asleep once more, and the cycle repeats itself the next day. Despite this routine, you have not gotten stronger, and you know that the time frame of Jamil's estimate of the poison remaining in your system has passed.

While your body has not improved since the night you were poisoned, your mind has become sharper and you know how to count. Since your time in this room, you have counted 14 sunrises - 14 days - 2 weeks.

Even if your count was off, a conversation that you overheard yesterday confirmed your count and made you even more suspicious about what really was going on here:

Your eyes were closed as you attempted to fall asleep without the aid of the pill since Jamil was taking too long to get back in the room when you heard two people talking outside the door; you slowed your breathing and tuned into conversation.

"They came back again, today." A Member of Scarabia said.

"You made sure to send them away, correct? I don't want them around my Al'akh Al'ashghar." The sound of Jamil's Voice came in response.

"Yes, Vice Housewarden. We explained that the Prefect was rested and should not be disturbed... Sir, they get getting angry with the delays; other members of different dorms have been coming to see him and we have been turning them away per your request, however, they are getting annoyed and we even had to stop a possible fight. They are starting to say that we should return to Prefect to Ramshackle and..."

"No." Jamil cut him off, "My Al'akh Al'ashghar will remain here, with me, where he is safe. Soon enough, those annoying insects will forget about him and will stop coming here. Once everything is put into place, I will move on with what I have planned. Now, you are dismissed and let me know if Kalim needs me. I need to tend to my Al'akh Al'ashghar & I do not what to be disturbed if it's not important."

As per your recollection, that particular day kept playing back in your mind, leading you to contemplate other things. It all started with the night you were poisoned. Jamil, the one who invited you, had informed you that the poison was found solely on the rim of your cup, which was different from everyone else's. While others were served drinks in golden cups, yours was silver, and it was easy to distinguish it from the rest. This struck you as odd since it was the first time you were served in a different cup while attending parties and dinners in Scaraba. You couldn't help but wonder why Jamil had given you a silver cup while everyone else drank from golden ones.

The second strange thing was the fact your body was still in the same condition from 2 weeks ago, showing no improvement and still weak as ever; you needed someone to aid you and Jamil refused to allow you to see anyone else who were not him or Kalim, even then, he barely allowed Kalim to see you.

The third issue that concerned you was the disappearance of your cell phone. A week after your poisoning, you asked Jamil if he had seen your phone. He explained that he had kept it in his room because he did not want the constant ringing to disturb your rest. However, when you asked him to return it to you so you could talk to your friends, he dismissed your request. He said he had already informed everyone that you were okay and refused to give it back. After that conversation, every time you asked Jamil to return your phone, he refused to discuss it.

Upon analyzing all the available information, you arrived at the conclusion that Jamil was intentionally keeping you weak to prevent you from leaving Scarabia and maintaining control over you. However, you lacked evidence to support this claim. You had some time to ponder on this when Jamil arrived with your breakfast and a glass of water, with the intention of making you take a pill. Jamil assisted you in sitting up, served you breakfast, and instructed you to open your mouth to take the pill. He placed the pill in your mouth, but before you could drink the water, there was a knock at the door, prompting Jamil to leave the room to attend to it.

This was the moment you were waiting for.

After spitting the pill out of your mouth, it landed on your bed. With the limited strength you had, you managed to hide the pill between the mattress and the headboard under your pillow. Just then, Jamil walked back into the room and made you drink some water and swallow the pill. Fortunately, he didn't notice that you didn't actually swallow the pill. Jamil smiled at you and gently laid you back down before taking the tray and leaving the room again. You closed your eyes and allowed yourself to drift back to sleep.

You woke up after an hour or two to find that Scarabia was still empty of other students. You realized that your body felt lighter than before and you summoned the strength to lift your hand from under the blanket, which worked. This confirmed your suspicion that Jamil was using pills to keep you weak and tired so that you couldn't leave him. It was clear to you that your mission now was to pretend long enough to regain your strength and escape Scarabia when everyone was asleep. However, it was easier said than done. Then again, as the Prefect of Ramshackle, you had to find a way to get back to your life and away from Jamil.

It had been a week since you embarked on your mission, and by some means, you had managed to avoid taking any more pills. This was either because Jamil was constantly distracted or you had tricked him. As your arms grew stronger, you began throwing the pills out the window into the vast sea of sand. However, you held on to the very first pill that you had spat out, as you intended to give it to Progressor Crewel for analysis. Your body was now strong enough to execute your final plan, but for that, you needed to wait until nightfall.

The sun was finally gone.

The Halls of Scarabia were cricket silence empty.

It was time to move.

Removing yourself from the bed, you grabbed the hidden pill and placed it in the pocket of the Scarabia Outfit that Jamil placed you in earlier in the day. Shoeless, you crept over to the door and placed your ear on it it make sure no one was in the hall before you slowly opened the door, slipped through the crack, and closed the door behind you softly before you started looking around to see where you were in Scarabia. The door should not be too far away but you knew if you broke out into a sprint right now, Jamil or someone else was going to find you.

Exhaling, you started silently stalking through the halls of Scarabia like a phantom when you stopped in front of Jamil's Room; you knew that your phone was in there but you knew it was too much of a risk; Jamil was Kalim's Protector and he had better hearing that you. If you tried to enter his room, he was going to catch you and only Sevens know what he would do to you after finding out you caught on to his plan. You needed to get out of Scarabia, you could come back for your phone later.

You kept moving until you were right next to Scarabia's Main Opening, that was when you booked it down the path and through the mirror, ending up in the Hall of Mirrors before you took a sigh of relief. You turned your back on Scarabia's Mirror before you made the long trip back to Ramshackle: Sleeping in your own bed, Seeing Grim and the Ghosts, Talking to your friends again... That is all you want at the moment.

If only you knew the reaction of a certain Vice Dorm Warden when he found that you were gone when the sun rose.

[TO BE CONCLUDED IN PART THREE]

@universallyweaselwobblermuffin - Outro? Please?

#twisted wonderland #yandere jamil viper #platonic yandere #male yuu #scarabia

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blueberry-lemon · 9 months

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Shouting into the Void about Palia, which has begun its open beta.

Palia is a "cozy sim MMO set in a fantasy world", as pitched by the developers at Singularity Six. If I had to set it up in one sentence, I would pitch it as something like "what if an MMO didn't need to have combat?"

Which is something I'm really excited about.

To clarify, I think the MMO term is slightly misleading. When you log on, you're sent to an instance of around 25 players or so, similar to how Sea of Thieves works. For what it's worth, I think this is actually a preferable experience versus being a "true MMO" with hundreds of people crowding around the town area. I think they made the right call.

Although I have some small critiques and some reservations about recommending Palia during its open beta state, I'm having a really fun, relaxing time and I'm really looking forward to how the game grows. Full thoughts below.

--- I'm sure people will be quick to compare Palia to Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing. This is valid, and probably something the developer wants you to do. Like those games, Palia is about relaxing and having a good time in a simple town with charming NPCs.

That said, I think the closest analogs to how Palia works are actually Disney Dreamlight Valley and Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles. Dreamlight Valley I think is the most direct competition, so to speak. It's funny to see that another developer got to the multiplayer pie before Disney's teams were able to fully add multiplayer, lol.

In Palia, you dress up your character and you customize your home. I think the art is really great, and the animation has really impressed me. There's a great variety of outfits (although to be clear, 30% of clothing options are available from the start and the other 70% is, for now, premium currency only.) There's unfortunately only 2 choices of body type in the Open Beta, although the devs claim that more are coming.

There's a shocking amount of customization for your house and your lawn. At least, picture Animal Crossing: New Horizons but with better controls for dragging and dropping where you want everything. People who like setting up their plot of land will have a good time. You can even expand your property to make it larger.

The core of Palia's loop involves you hopping around between progressing the Main Story and progressing 8 different skills: Cooking, Hunting, Bug Catching, Gardening, Foraging, Fishing, Furniture Making, and Mining. In addition to this, you're progressing your friendship meter with the different NPCs and, if you'd like, selecting one to Romance.

There's some really smart innovations in Palia that I like.

For example, your Mining skill only increases when you PICK UP the ore loot that drops from destroying a vein of ore. Why is that? Because you're supposed to work together with friends and strangers. If the skill increased for each time your pickaxe struck the vein, then you'd get annoyed if your friend helped you, because working together would destroy the vein in less strikes. If the skill increased for destroying a vein, then only the person who got the "last hit" would reap the exp reward. In Palia, so long as a player strikes the vein at least once, the loot will drop for them when it's destroyed. This way, anyone around you can "get their hand on that ball" by helping strike the vein at least once. This encourages working together, sharing the loot, etc. The same goes for chopping trees: anyone who contributes at all will get the wood that drops. This naturally encourages people to work together. There's no reason not to, because you're not "stealing" the loot from anyone else or "stealing" the exp.

Cooking is the most fleshed out co-op experience from what I've seen. Recipes require ingredients and a stove or prep station. Then, when you start the recipe, you do minigames to chop ingredients and stir them. So long as any player contributes an ingredient or does one of the minigames, they get the full exp and the finished dishes from cooking, even if that contributing player doesn't have the recipe. So if your friend loves cooking, and has a bunch of recipes, they can initiate the cooking and then you can bring the mushrooms and do the chopping. Then you all get to level up and get the dishes.

Even activities like Fishing are more fun to do together. If you fish near someone else who's fishing, you'll both get a buff that makes the fish bite your hooks much sooner. It stacks higher the more you fish together.

Another smart innovation: a rework of the infamous "stamina meter." This time, it's a Focus Meter. If your Focus Meter drops to 0, nothing happens. You don't pass out, you don't starve, nothing. However, if you DO have Focus, you get a Exp Gain Multiplier. This encourages you eating dishes to stay well-fed without punishing you too strongly if you ignore it.

And then, lastly, the core conceit of the game: there's no combat or danger. Although there is a Hunting Mechanic, it's completely one-sided, like hunting deer (which the game is quick to tell you are overpopulated in the area.) You can't die, you can't get hurt, you don't take fall damage, you don't even have health, period. I think this is great at trimming the unnecessary parts of a game like this and keeping it truly relaxing.

Although I'm having a fun time, I can't wholly recommend the open beta of Palia for everyone. The game is still early in its life and is missing a lot of important UI/UX and central features. The Pause and Settings menus are pretty sparse. You can only have 1 character so far, there aren't multiple character slots. You can't even change your characters name once you've made it, so choose carefully. In addition, you might feel like there "isn't enough to do together" if you play with friends, which is similar to a complaint I have about Animal Crossing multiplayer. It's mostly a chill hangout game about fishing next to each other.

There are a lot of things in the game that still need to be fleshed out, but I'm really happy with the core structure they've set up. Once this game leaves Open Beta, I think it'll be an easier recommendation, especially for folks who have enjoyed Disney Dreamlight Valley. I think these devs are smart about how they're handling the core desire here: wanting to play a game like Final Fantasy XIV or Stardew Valley without having to worry about combat or stamina.

My partner and I love to play these relaxing zone-out types of games. While trying Atelier Ryza recently, my partner said: "I just want a game where you zone-out and pick stuff up off the ground." My friends, we finally found it. It's called Palia.

You can find the Palia Open Beta on PC, and the game is slated to release on Nintendo Switch.

#Palia #Palia game #Disney Dreamlight Valley #shouting into the void #sitv #blogofkylelab

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hypnoticpo1s0n · 9 months

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A shifting/ void method.

I use this, so I know that it works. It works for me. Whether or not it works for you is completely upon you.

This is an awake method.

1. I journal to get out all my thoughts and worries.

2. I meditate for about 10 to 15 minutes.

3. I lie down in a starfish position usually on my back.

4. I focus on my surroundings for 15 seconds then I focus on my body for 15 seconds. I repeat this like 4 to 5 times.

5. Then, I count to a hundred an say an affirmation between each count. I try to count to a hundred, but I usually get into to the void by like 30.

6. Thats it, and boom you're in the void state.

Tip- Avoid getting excited or thrilled when you feel yourself start to float. Try not to focus on that the floating but your affirmations instead.

#hypnoticp01s0n #loassumption #manifestation #how to manifest #self concept #affirm and persist #neville goddard #the void state #mindset #law of manifestation #th void state #the void #void state #void #void success #void method #shifting #shiftinconsciousness

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envies-writing-corner · 9 months

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Hello, Stranger

Genre: (F, A)

Includes: Mysta, Kyo, Shu

Word Count: 650

TW: mentioned Death, Meet-Cute cringe?

Concept/Title explained: Soulmate AUs

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Mysta Rias: Red String

Mysta would not believe you if you told him he would wake up to find a red string attached to his pinky and it would lead here. He wouldn’t believe it for a second. Maybe that’s why it was so difficult to grasp the fact that it was true.

As the detective stepped out of the car, he looked towards his hand, the string growing tighter, leading into the graveyard in front of him. Every fiber of his being was begging that it wasn’t what he thought, that his soulmate was just visiting someone. Everyone knew soulmates were something important, that only one person was meant to be with the other end of the red string. He’d heard of how it’s supposed to be a magical moment when you meet your forever partner for the first time, his own friends Fulgur and Uki having tried to explain how it felt when they met in person. This moment was anything but a joyful fairytale scene as his string went taught, pausing in front of a grave.

Shock pierced through Mysta as he fell to his knees, unable to comprehend the words on the tombstone in front of him, desperately trying to pull the string from the packed dirt, giving up as it wouldn’t give. This was reality, his soulmate was dead… and he had found them too late.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry you died without me...”

Kyo Kaneko: Colorblind

For as long as Kyo could remember, the world had been dull and void of life. He had believed it to be because of his illnesses, that because of his constant hospitalizations the world just didn’t seem as it once did to him. When he was accepted as a member of Iluna, he quickly realized that wasn’t the case. His friends bustled with life, joy and excitement, just to make their fans and each other feel happy. They had always spoke of the colorful world they’d lived in, how Ren’s world was all black and blue, how Aster seemed to shine in his purple outfits, how soft Maria looked with her pink accents. Kyo wondered if he’d ever experience the beautiful world his friends kept gushing about.

Nothing prepared him for that day though, when a new student had joined the Iluna institute, his world bursting into color like an explosion, his eyes immediately landing on you and your beauty.

"That stranger...”

Shu Yamino: Timer

Shu’s timer always confused him. It never seemed to tick down, not by a second, minute, hour, or day. The clock on his wrist never changed. It didn’t help when he was thrown years forward into the future. In fact, when he did get transported, he forgot about the timer, not once checking it since he joined Luxiem.

When the topic of timers came up on stream a year later during a Zomboid collab, everyone had revealed what their timer said. Some, like Nina’s and Ren’s had already gone off, while others like Alban’s and Wilson’s had years to go. Shu could feel his heart in his throat when he noticed his only had a few more minutes. He wracked his brain, trying to think of who was part of the collab he hadn’t met, who was running late. His answer came a minute later, his timer down to under a minute when his doorbell rang. Muting his stream and running to the door, he saw you. You hadn’t noticed your timers going off as you looked at your phone, seemingly confusing the house with your friends as you look up, slightly annoyed.

Everything was in slow motion when you looked up, eyes locking with purple as your phone fell, quickly looking at your wrist then Shu’s as everything became clearer. He smiled, picking up your phone and handing it back to you, a teasing tone to his voice.

“Hello, stranger...”

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A/N: thank you for your patience regarding new fics, I would like to state that due to recent news regarding Mysta Rias’ graduation, I will no longer write for Mysta unless requested, similar to how I write for Yugo. Until his graduation date, please support him and the rest of Luxiem through this difficult time, and stream Detect My Love. ~Iris

#luxiem x reader #mysta rias x reader #mysta rias #kyo kaneko x reader #kyo kaneko #shu yamino #shu yamino x reader #Iluna #luxiem #iluna x reader

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coraoropherion · 10 months

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Alive [Thranduil x Reader]

A.N: This is my first fanfiction, I hope that you enjoy! Please let me know if there is anything that I can improve on or if you have any requests. I will be taking requests for any LOTR/TH characters or Harry Potter characters. More options to come! (Gif originally posted by blackheart-beauty)

Request: n/a

Pairing: Thranduil x Reader

Summary: Y/N, Thranduil’s second wife, is assumed to be dead after The Battle of the Five Armies, causing Thranduil to begin to fade.

Word Count: 633

Warnings: Mention of major character death, heavy angst, fluff

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The Battle of the Five Armies had left the Woodland Realm in a state of somber mourning. Although the battle was won, there was no celebration, only the whisper of an elven lament for the dead. Thranduil, the Elvenking, stood alone in his chambers, his heart heavy with grief. The news had reached him, an agonizing blow that shattered his world—you, his beloved wife, was lost, presumed dead, amidst the violence and destruction. He had tried to search for you after the fighting was over, but it was to no avail.

The weight of grief settled heavily upon Thranduil's heart, consuming his every waking moment. After his first wife, Calathiel, passed on from the mortal realm, it was a miracle of the Valar that he survived, and his spirit did not fade away. You became the new and only reason for him to live, other than his realm. After all, Legolas had left for his own adventures in the North.

Days turned into weeks, and Thranduil's grief consumed him. His regal façade waned, replaced by a mere shell of the once-proud, brazen Elvenking. His subjects watched in sorrow as their ruler, burdened by loss, began to wither. The light in his eyes dimmed with each passing moment, mirroring the slow decay that befalls all elves who lose their life’s purpose.

Within the confines of his chamber, Thranduil allowed his tears to flow freely, his sobs echoing through the empty halls. He clutched onto memories of your love, your laughter, and the warmth of your embrace, but they provided no solace in the void left by your absence. Tears stained his fair cheeks, and his blue eyes glistened– his voice choked with anguish as he whispered your name into the emptiness of the night.

It was then, when all seemed lost, that you returned—a week after the battle—bathed in the radiant light of the Valar. The wounds that had once threatened your life were now healed, and you stood before Thranduil. Alive.

His eyes bore into your own with an unbelievable emptiness. It was as if he was staring past or right through you. Suddenly, his crystal vision widened with disbelief, his voice a mere whisper. "Y/N, meleth nín... Is it truly you?"

Your arms enveloped him, holding him close, as tears streamed down his face. His cries were mournful, an outpouring of the anguish that had consumed him in your absence.

"Oh, my love," you whispered, your voice a gentle melody. "I am here. I am alive. Let me share in your sorrow and mend your wounded heart." Thranduil collapsed into your embrace, his sobs wracking his entire body as he struggled to breathe.

"I thought I had lost you," Your husband's voice cracked with desperation. You caressed his long golden hair, your fingers weaving through the strands with tenderness.

"You will never lose me Thranduil. Our love is stronger than the darkest of shadows. I have returned to you. Your heartache has been my own. But together, we shall find solace. Your love has given me the strength to return, and my love will guide you through this darkness."

Thranduil buried his face into the crook of your neck, his heartbreaking whimpers of relief intermingling with the beating of your hearts. You held him, pouring your love and strength into his wounded soul. With each passing moment in your embrace, Thranduil's spirit revived. Alive. The color returned to his cheeks, his eyes regained their vibrant gleam. The darkness that had threatened to consume him was chased away by the light of your presence. Slowly, Thranduil's sobs subsided, his grip on you loosening as he pulled back slightly. He pressed his forehead to yours before whispering,

“Gi melin, Ilmarë nin.” (I love you, my starlight.)

“And I love you. Always.”

. . . . . . .

Meleth nin = my love

#thranduil x reader #thranduil #the hobbit x reader #thranduil x you #angst #lord of the rings #the hobbit #lotr fanfic #thranduil fanfiction #thranduil hurt #legolas #thranduil oneshot #thranduil imagine #thranduil one shot

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otto-apocalypse · 10 months

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Basically, Otto is the main antagonist of HI3. I said antagonist, because while a villain actively wants ill for the main characters, he doesn't want that. He was born in the XV century in Austria, and was the most frail and sickly kid, fifth born of House Apocalypse. He then mets Kallen Kaslana, who instead compliments him and believes in him, and from then on he idolizes her. When they were teenagers, they witness Kallen'a father die to save them, and since the oath of the Kaslana family states to protect the weaks, Otto is then terrified that Kallen will also die the same way. It's then that he unlocks Void Archives, trying to sacrifice his live to resurrect Kallen's father, but she stops him.

Ten years pass and Otto is willing to do anything, even less… ehtic things, to protect her. He also SINGLEHANDEDLY CURER THE PLAGUE. In the XV century. Then she finds out he's doing questionable things and that th Church of Schicksal, founded by the three noble familie Apocalypse, Schariach and Kaslana, is also very sus, nd she flees. In the East she meets Yae Sakura, and they fall in love. But Sakura become sort of a Herrscher (powerful emissaries of Honkai, the main threat of the world) and Kallen has to kill her. She then returns, and sends a letter of excuses to Otto (who never received it) stating that she was wrong to criticize him for what he did for her, when she did the same for Yae. Once back, Schicksal sends her to death, Otto tries everything to stop it, asking her in marriage as last resort (he's always been in love with her, but never confessed because he knew she didn't feel the same, and only wanted her happy). But she refuses, saying that she doesn't want to live if it means being someone else's puppet. So Otto, as the very last resort, asks for help his older sister Risa, who with their newphew was aiming at gaining power over Shicksal. She help, by releasing Honkai beasts during Kallen's death sentence. She tries to protect the people, and ends up dying.

Otto kinda loses it for a while, goes around opening orphanages and taking care of kids, helps the rebellion take Schicksal back from Risa (who was doing even worse experiments), and ends up travelling to the East, to seach for that Immortal who defeated even Kallen, the strongest valkyrie, hoping to find a way to revive Kallen. He mets Sushang, stuff happens, this is the untranslated, unfinished Seven Swords visual novel (where he gets called Raksha and has an outfit similar to HSR) Thanks to VA, he's pretty much immortal himself, but can't revive the dead

For 500 years he protects the world from Honkai. Valkyries exist thanks to him. If humanity managed to fight off Honkai it's thanks to him. All the technologies that allows Valkyries to fight are thanks to him. In the fifties he tries to clone Kallen, and has the clones fight each other, and one refuses to kill another. This clone is Theresa Apocalypse, which he adopts as his grandaughter, and the other is Amber (his secretary). At the same time, the First Eruption happens, and Welt Joyce is the Herrscher of Reason. This is the plot of the Anti-Entropy visual novel. In summary Welt Joyce (welt is literally the german word for "world") is on the side of humanity, but Void Archives does some tricks, and Otto ends up killing Joachim Nokianvirtanen's father, who inherits the core of the Herrscher of Reason from the dying Welt Joyce, thus becoming Welt Yang (Yang is from his mother). Yes, our Welt Yang.

Fast forward in the '90s, the Second Eruption happens, with the Herrscher of the Void, Sirin. They fight, yadda yadda, stuff happens, Welt dies but then resurrects, and not without difficulty humanity manages to kill Sirin. Otto keeps the cores of the Herrchers, because he tries to find a way to make Herrshcers on the side of humanity. At this point, his plan is still to be able to capture the power of the future Herrscher of Death and use it to resurrect Kallen. But an encounter with the Will of Honkai, suggest that this is not the way.

Meanwhile a few years earlier, a descendant of the House Kaslana, Siegfried, has met Cecilia Schariac, they end up together and have a kid, Kiana. Cecilia ends up sacrificing herself to save all Siberia from Herrshcer of the Void, and while she was conscious of this, it was literally her choice, Otto made Theresa, her great friend, think that he killed her with a nuke. Otto tries to find a way to control HoV powers with clones of Kiana, and one of these clones succedes. Little Kiana, of roughly 10 years, decides this clone in a tube must be saved, so her and her father sneak into Schicksal to steal it. Things go horribly wrong, and Kiana gets left behind, almost dead. Otto saves her, and since she doesn't remember anything, gives her the name Bianka Ataegina, aka Durandal. Meanwhile Siegfriend is with Kiana clone, and he gives her the name Kiana, grows her for a while and then leaves to avoid her Sirin personality to emerge. She then goes to school to become a Valkyrie and meets Mei and Bronya. When Sirin ends up awakaning, Otto kidnaps her to Schicksal flying HQ (had she awoken at the school, it would've been a massacre).

She fights, and Himeko's sacrifice awakens Kiana's humanity. She hides away for a while and other stuff happens to other characters. Meanwhile Otto has discovered, also thanks to Su from Previous Era and Durandal, what he has to do to resurrect Kallen. You see, he witnessed many, many parallel universes, and Kallen ALWAYS dies (this is a nod to GGZ).

But to enact his plan he needs HoV powers, and Kiana won't help him willingly. So he devises a plan: in Kolosten, the old Schicksal HQ, he calls everyone. He sends a threat: he's going to reverse time, everyone who's currently in Kolosten will be safe, but everyone else outside will simply cease to exist as time gets reverted back to when kallen was alive. He taunts them all to come and stop him. This is actually a bait, and also his plan B. If the girls couldn't stop him, they'd have no hope against Honkai and future dangers, so 500 more years would be needed. His main plan is to trick Durandal and Kiana to kill him using theyr powers, so he could trascend existence itself.

All the "traps" he devised were actually personalized to each girl and her power, a sort of training. They fight, he gets killed, and manages to reach the Imaginary Tree. There, at the cost of his existence, CREATES new braches of possiiliy to let Kallen live.

His morally grey character has the best writing I've ever seen. His love for Kallen is something so… wonderful, it doesn't fit into romantic nor sexual, he doesn't want her for himself, heck, he doesn't even get to meet her once she finally has a new chance at life. He just wants her happy and safe.

#otto apocalypse #honkai impact 3rd #honkai star rail #luocha #hi3 #hsr #honkai impact

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somejazzinthemorning · 1 year

Text

tightrope. 09

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Original Female Character Warning: Mature content. Word Count: ~11K

If you gaze into the void for too long, you will quickly realize that it seems to grow. The sight of the sea at night, both mesmerizing and frightening, is the perfect demonstration of this. There's nothing. It’s nothing. Just an endless void, a vast expanse of blackness that seems ready to swallow you whole.

The boat was moored and the sea danced under and around us. Carlos breathed quietly against my neck and his arms, warm and heavy, were wrapped around me. His gentle breathing and the lazy waves against the yacht lulled me into a half-waking state, where I felt myself float through the boundaries of sleep and wakefulness.

My body was anchored there, but my mind drifted away.

What were we doing? What was I doing?

I shouted these questions into my conscience, and the only answer I got was the warm feeling of being held, the bliss of feeling his breath against my skin, and our scents fused into one.

It was good. It was right. I had no doubts about that.

But what was next? What was going to happen after this?

I had spent the last few years looking back, wanting to go back, and now I couldn't face the future. Old habits die hard, Nonno always says. Despite feeling the present in my skin, my mind was stuck in the past, on the unpleasant goodbyes and the unanswered calls. The hard reality we had to face.

I had to face.

Alone.

A nagging ache ran from the small of my back to the curve of my hip, jolting me back to the moment. Sharp pain. I moved slightly, and Carlos pressed me closer.

I tapped his arm slightly. “You’re squishing me,” I whispered, my voice shaky and tired.

A soft moan escaped his mouth when I got out of his arms. Immediately, as I stood up, the soft breeze became a cold wind, and my whole skin turned to goosebumps. Naked and cold, and under his attentive gaze, I walked to my dress and, after sliding it over my head, I put on my sweater.

When I looked back, Carlos was already up, sliding up his trunks.

“Oh, that face…” he said huskily, walking towards me. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Reality hit me in small waves as I took in his request, and felt the words start lining up in my throat, pricking me like thorns.

“Do you want me to be honest?” I asked.

“Always.”

“You’re gonna hate me for this,” I said in a whisper so low I thought he didn't hear it, but he just shook his head. “I can’t help but think we messed up. I can’t help but feel this…” I paused, not sure how to put into words what I'd been saving inside. One of my hands hovered above my chest. “This…hole in my chest…In less than 48 hours, I'll be back in Madrid, and real life will just do its thing, and…” I looked up. “You know how it goes.”

He nodded, gentle, almost imperceptible. But there it was, a hint of insecurity and vulnerability in his eyes, peeking through a thick wall of self-assurance and confidence. His gaze swept across my face, eyes taking in every one of my features like he was trying to memorize them. I felt trapped there, between his eyes (for the first time not so full of hope) and my restless mind.

He buried his hand in the nape of my neck, navigating to my hair. His scent intoxicated me, nullifying the pain in my throat. My mind was taken by radio silence when our mouths collided.

From then on, every touch, every kiss, every time our eyes met felt like a desperate attempt to imprint each other onto our memories. Deep down, I suspected he felt the same I was feeling. Perhaps he knew exactly what was going through my mind; There was a time I truly believed he knew and understood me even better than I knew myself; maybe that time was coming back.

Or maybe his intense gaze could truly read my thoughts.

For a fleeting moment, as our lips parted for the last time, it felt like a goodbye. But then, as we gazed into each other's eyes, gasping for air and trying to contain the intensity of our emotions, I realized it couldn't possibly be the end.

“Does this feel wrong?” he asked, his nose touching mine. “Does this feel like a mistake?”

I shook my head in response, unable to form words.

“Does it, for you?” I asked, searching his somber eyes.

“No, Eva," he replied, his hand still cradling my neck.

The sadness and sincerity in his voice, when he spoke my name, sent shivers down my spine. The way he pronounced it—with a sweet blend of his deep Spanish accent and a light Italian twist, and with a subtle movement of his lips, tugging up in what seemed like a smile… I wondered if it was just the particular way his lips moved naturally, or if just saying my name made him smile.

“And even if it was,” Carlos broke the silence, again, “the only way I’d wish I hadn’t done it, would be just so I could experience it again for the first time.” His words etched themselves into my skin like a tattoo. I could feel the weight of them settling inside me. “How…" he hesitated, his thumb tracing my lower lip. "How could this be a mistake?"

My fingers wrapped around his fist, feeling the frantic beat of his heart against my skin. I slid my fingers up to his palm, taking his hand in mine, and pulled it away from my lips.

“Because it's you," I murmured, feeling the weight of his hand on mine. "I searched for you everywhere. In every man, every… race… every city I visited.” I paused, taking a deep breath. “I thought about you all the time. I wondered if you thought of me, too. I just wanted that, you know?" I slowly looked up, almost afraid of meeting his eyes. He wasn't frowning, he was patiently listening. "I—”

"Eva—"

"No, let me..." I interrupted him before he had the chance to speak, or the words I was desperately trying to find disappeared from my mind. "You showed up when I thought I was okay with you not being in my life. And you shifted everything. Both literally and figuratively. Rio is leaving. My team is gone. And for the first time in what seems like forever, I'm seeing a version of me I forgot existed. Every time you look at me, I feel like I'm being seen differently. And that doesn't make any sense, I know," I rushed to say, "but that's what your presence makes me feel. You make me remember why I loved waking up at 6 am on Sundays to go karting in the pouring rain until my hands went numb and my lips turned blue."

"And isn't that good?"

"That's so good," I said, exhaling. A hint of a smile showed up on his lips. "But I don't feel like... I mean—I need to be this person. I need to see this version of me when I’m alone. I'm so afraid of going back home and losing all this hope you awakened. I don't want to stop seeing the person you make me want to be the second I find myself alone just because you're no longer around.”

Carlos frowned. "I'm not going anywhere."

"No, that's..." I took a deep breath, and both my hands held his, almost like I needed to be reminded that he was still there. "Rio is leaving and I can't trust you to stay. And now there's no way I can pretend I can deal with the idea of not having or not feeling you again. So, yes, this could have been a mistake."

"You can't trust me to stay?" he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper.

"A week isn't remotely enough to heal whatever is going on inside me. This... this didn't help."

"Did it make it worse?"

"No," for some reason, I felt sort of defeated. I took a small break, trying to sort the thoughts rushing inside my mind. "It's just that now, more than ever, I understood I can't fight this."

Carlos looked down, and a quiet chortle came through as he took a small step back. My hands didn't leave his. My eyes followed his face, looking for his gaze. The moonlight brought a new colour to his eyes and softened the shadows on his face. Vulnerability spread over his features.

"We've done that before, Eva. We've done that for years. Fighting this, pushing each other away.” This time, it was him who needed a break, to take a deep breath. I waited. There was fear and pain in my blood, and I was not sure why that was. “Eva, if you knew how many times I wanted to act on this, how many times I waited in front of your door, gaining the courage to ask you out." He paused. "That damn dinner, taking you out for dinner, driving you around the town, making fun of Rio because that's the only way I wouldn't freak out for being out with you alone for the first time…"

I only noticed I chuckled when he did it too.

"You knew it then?" I asked him.

"That I wanted to be with you? That you were just not a friend? Yes, I did."

"And why didn't you act on it?"

He took a deep breath before answering. "Because I was scared. The same fear you're experiencing right now, I felt back then. Our friendship was too important, and I was afraid that if I told you, it would ruin everything. And… my career, your career… And Rio… Then, you started dating someone from your class, and I thought you could never see me in the same way that I saw you. Even when you were single and before I moved away, I didn't have the courage to act on my feelings. I fucked up. Then I moved away, and I was thankful for a while. But I quickly realise there’s not a place in the world that would make me forget about you. And from that realization to realizing that I couldn't force you to settle for less than what you deserved… It happened too quickly. I tried so hard to push those feelings away that I ended up pushing you away.”

"And why now? Why did you show up now?"

"I—I realised I couldn't wait any longer," he said softly.

His voice was barely audible, but it made my heart race. I could feel my pulse beating in my chest, and a mix of resentment and longing filled me.

“I was a coward before,” he continued. “I didn't act on my feelings for you, and I didn't ask you about yours. I thought that you would be better off without me and that I couldn't make you happy. I believed that pushing you away was the right thing to do, but now I know I was wrong. So, I will ask you now: What do you want? What do you need from me?”

Once again, I looked down at his hand, which I was holding tightly. It was what I needed—him. Anywhere in the world, at any given time. To know he will see in me what the dense fog hides inside my being.

“I don't know,” I said, shaking my head. “I really don't know.”

“Love, you can't just leave it at that. You have to give me something to work with here.”

Love.

I could use some of that too.

"Just—" I looked up and met his gaze, and for a moment, I lost myself in the depth of his eyes. They were like diamonds on a dark night. "I just need to know that you still have hope in me. No matter where we are, I just need to know you believe in me. I can’t ask for more.”

Without any hesitation, Carlos pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me.

"I have all the hope in the world in you,” he whispered into my ear. “There are amazing things waiting for you. And I've lost enough of them."

With a low thrum of the engine and the sound of glass clinking, we turned back towards the shore. The shoreline emerged in front of us, and the lights along it grew brighter and larger until the mass of light patterns on the dark ground became an array of perfect lines, perfectly arranged in the cliffs.

As we approached, the house that had once been just a blur of light out at sea slowly materialized into a perfect drawing. The engine died down, and the sea breeze mingled with the scent of pine and freshly cut grass. Strong Hispanic and Italian accents, along with the sounds of laughter and banter, wafted down to us with the wind.

It was like something out of a movie scene.

The lights. The sounds of nature and men. The man by my side.

I couldn't take my eyes off him.

Any other day, I would be capable of drawing his face from memory, but that night it all felt so new. The way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, the way his nose scrunched up when he laughed, and the way his lips curved when he spoke certain words. My name, especially. The way his hand always finds the perfect spot on the small of my back, like it was meant to be there.

As we climbed the steps, one after another, our friends' laughter and voices became more distinct. They were sitting around the table, plates and glasses of wine scattered all around; candles and fairy lights flickering in the darkness. As we emerged from the stairwell, all heads turned to us.

"Oh! Look who decided to join us!" My brother's voice rang out. "Getting bored out there?"

As we approached the dinner table, Carlos's hand remained on my back, sending shivers down my spine. I could feel the warmth of his palm through the fabric of my clothes.

"Just very cold, mate," Carlos replied, giving me a subtle caress before letting go of me and landing the basket on one of the chairs.

"The sunset looked amazing from here," Ana said, her eyes darting between Carlos and me. "It must have been even more amazing out there."

"Yeah, it was beautiful," I said, stepping closer to the dinner table and reaching out for a slice of bread. "But Jesus it was so cold—I'm still shivering. I really need to change out of these clothes before I freeze."

"Go on," Marjorie said. "I think we'll stay home for the night. You've got time."

"Movie night or—?"

"God, no," my brother interrupted me. "Poker. I'll get the chips. Chili, go get the Brandy."

"Ana, can you take care of that?" Carlos asked his sister, motioning to the house with his head. "I need a shower and to rest. I’ll pass tonight.”

"No problem," Ana replied with a nod before she stood and stretched. "What about you, Evita?”

I exchanged a look with Carlos, as subtle as I could. “I think I’m going to pass, too. I need to enjoy one last night of peace. Heard we’re going clubbing tomorrow.”

“Damn yes, we are!” Marjorie exclaimed from her place. “For your information,” her finger traced a line over the men around the table. “No boys allowed, tomorrow.”

Carlos’ thumb moved on my back, pulling my attention to him. One last look and he gave a small nod. “Yeah, we’ll see you guys tomorrow. Have fun.”

“And behave with the drinks,” I completed. “G’night.”

As we turned to head back into the house, I could feel the eyes of our friends following us. The silence became a melody of messy whispers, getting louder as we entered the house. I couldn’t help but wonder what they were thinking, what they were saying.

We'd been dancing around each other for our whole years, and even if we were not totally aware of that, they were.

The inside of the house was quiet in comparison to the boisterous atmosphere outside. After I took the first step up the stairs, I turned to Carlos, walking two steps in front.

"What do you think they think we did out there?"

He stopped for a second, brows furrowing. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. Just… trying to prepare for what to expect, I guess."

"Well, nobody can really know what happened," he said, resuming his walk. "But they probably think we did exactly what we did out there."

“Even my brother?”

“Especially your brother.” I stopped in my tracks, and Carlos, who was a few steps ahead of me, turned around to face me. “Does that change something?”

“I don’t know. Especially my brother? What does that even mean?”

Carlos shrugged. “He’s your brother. He knows you. And he knows me, probably even better than my own sisters. Does that bother you?”

I rested my hand on the railing and leaned my body against it. “It’s not that it bothers me, but…” Carlos nodded, giving me his undivided attention. “It’s just that the expectations… He’s going to work with you. Also…. He’s your best friend. I’m his sister. Don’t you guys have a code for that stuff?”

“I don’t think he cares about that code, Eva,” his lips were trying to suppress a smile. “And even if he does, he’ll just have to suck it up.”

“Right. What about the rest?”

“The rest?”

“Your sisters… Marjorie—”

“I think they noticed I’ve been spending the last few days staring at the office door,” he said softly, extending his hand in my direction. “What if they know?”

“You didn’t know, certainly.”

Carlos chuckled and led me up the stairs, walking in front of me. When we reached the first floor, he let me walk ahead of him. As I looked over my shoulder and caught him still standing near the stairs, he spoke again.

“I didn’t think I deserved it just yet,” he said, walking over to me. “But I can’t say I didn’t think about it.” The confession sent shivers down my neck. “Now go take a shower before I make sure that no one has doubts about anything tomorrow.”

My heart skipped a beat and I turned to face him; his lips were slightly parted and his eyes big and dark. A shower was the last thing on his mind, and suddenly all my worries and concerns dissipated too. I opened my mouth to say something, probably some incoherent mumbling that would get me nowhere, but before I could, his lips crashed onto mine.

And just like the first time, it was desperate.

His hands were everywhere, pulling me closer, pressing me against him. It was passionate and intense. That strange feeling of longing for someone who was right there.

“I really need my shower,” I whispered, trying to pull away from his hands, to no avail. His hands only grabbed me closer.

“Is that some sort of invitation? Do you need help dressing your pyjamas?”

“No,” I giggled. “I can do it alone, you know? I’m not like a certain someone.”

“Certain someone? I wonder who.”

I laughed. “Though night, the other day. I really thought I would have to carry the three of you upstairs.”

“Well, I would have loved to see you try,” Carlos stepped back, crossing his hands over his chest. “But curious about your pyjamas. Do they still have unicorns on them?”

“Negative. Corgis.”

“Corgis?”

“Aham,” I nodded. “Any problem with that?”

“Eva DiMaggio,” he paused. “Will you ever get less weird?”

I rolled my eyes. “Says the guy finding excuses to see me naked. It’s not been an hour. Are you that needy?" I teased him.

Carlos chuckled. “Maybe,” he said with a smirk. “But it’s not like you’re complaining.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. He was right, I wasn’t complaining. In fact, I was enjoying every moment we had together, even if it was just stolen moments like this.

“Go on,” he said, motioning towards the door. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

"No," I said, just as he was about to turn around and enter his room. "Feel free to visit in about 20 minutes. To see the pyjamas."

Carlos' smirk grew wider as he turned back to face me. "I might just take you up on that offer."

My pyjamas were neatly folded and placed under the pillow. As I approached the bed, the calming scent of lavender filled my senses. Few things have the power to soothe me as lavender does—yoga, music, the roar of a V12 and my recent rekindling of Carlos' presence are the other things on that list.

A tingling sensation hits my skin as I’m enveloped by the soft, freshly laundered fabric of my pyjamas.

I felt comfortable, at peace. Body and soul.

It was an odd feeling. Too strange to ignore.

When I entered the bathroom, the reflection staring back at me looked almost as perplexed as I felt. The slight redness in my cheeks, probably caused by the alcohol or the sun, popped up when a knock on the door cut through the silence.

“In here!” I called out.

The sound of the door opening and closing and slow, lazy steps followed. In a matter of seconds, Carlos joined me, standing beside me in the mirror, leaning against the bathroom door. The fluorescent light from above illuminated his chiselled abs. I couldn't help but notice how revealing his sweatpants were.

"Are you going to stare at me all night?" I said, my mouth full of toothpaste, focusing my gaze on his, through the mirror.

He smirked, his eyes flicking down to my shorts. "Not at you. At the corgis. Adorable.”

I scoffed, spitting out toothpaste into the sink. “Very smooth, Sainz, very smooth.”

The sound of water hitting the sink filled the room, and Carlos's laugh mingled with the sound. I just smiled and splashed the cold water over my skin while he watched me intently, analyzing every gesture of mine. As I picked up my cleanser and pumped the foam into my hands, his eyes and hands travelled to the small array of bottles on the sink.

“These are all for your face?” he asked, intrigued.

“Almost all of them, yes,” I replied.

“At once? All of this?”

I nodded, laying my finger on top of my toner. “This one always comes before any of these,” I explained, as my finger made a circular motion over all of my serums and oils. Carlos nodded, intrigued by the information. “These have rules. More complicated, but… They don’t matter. In the end, always, moisturizer.”

“And this one?” he reached out and touched my face, taking out a bit of the foam from my cleanser.

“Just some cleanser,” I said, giggling. He nodded, but the expression of a confused golden retriever didn’t leave his face. I could feel myself melting. “Just to clean the skin,” I completed. “Wanna try?”

Carlos extended both hands towards me, and soon both of our hands were filled with foam. We turned to the mirror, each one focusing on our own task. As he closed his eyes in pleasure, I couldn't help but watch him. His full lips were parted, and the way his long fingers lathered and moved over his face was so gentle. My fight-or-flight response was about to kick in. A siren blared in my mind. I wasn't ready for this. I didn't want to get to this point: lowering my walls and welcoming him inside. And yet, I found myself doing just that, each time allowing him to go further and stay longer.

As he opened his eyes again, he caught my eye in the mirror, and I could tell he noticed my look. He raised an eyebrow, a teasing smile forming on his lips.

"You like what you see?" he teased.

“Yes, I can’t resist men who do skincare, especially if they’re half-naked in my bathroom,” I picked up my serum. “It’s my weak spot.”

Carlos laughed, the sound deep and rich. “Good to know,” he said, rinsing off the foam from his face. “Maybe I’ll have to make this a regular thing.”

I shook my head, trying to hide the smile on my face. “Don’t get too comfortable.”

He chuckled. “It’s a bit too late for that.”

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't deny the warmth that spread through me at his words. Maybe I was getting too comfortable, but that thought was pushed aside as I focused on the familiar routine of my skincare. Carlos let go of the towel he was using and leaned against the counter, looking at me. There was a mischievous glint in his eye, and I knew he was up to something.

"What now?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Can I try some of that too?" he asked, a sly smile playing on his lips.

“Ahm…” I wasn't sure where that sudden interest came from, but I couldn't deny such a request. “Yeah. Sure. Why not? Sit down.”

He complied, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. I squirted some serum into my fingers and walked towards him. As I got closer, he opened his legs inviting me to stand between them.

“This one is for fine lines and wrinkles. You don’t actually need this,” I said, bringing my fingers to his cheeks.

Once again, he closed his eyes. “I think I do. My face is an important asset, you know?”

“More important than skill, these days,” I teased.

He chuckled. “Like you would know.”

“I’m still a fan.” I paused. My thumbs massaged his forehead, tracing a line above his eyebrows. I couldn’t help but notice the line of his eyelashes, casting a shadow under his eyes, the curve of his lips shaping a tender smile. “And I’m on social media. I know what people say.”

He opened his eyes, his gaze meeting mine. “Oh, if half my followers knew what I’m doing right now.”

I smiled. “Half of them would probably be jealous.”

He chuckled. “Well, yeah. To compensate for half that would think I’ve lost my mind.”

“Balance, right?”

He nodded, smiling. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my belly through the buttons of my shirt. It felt oddly intimate but comfortable and familiar. I had barely any more product to massage into his skin, but the softness of his cheeks kept me hostage. He had a strong presence. Masculine features, and strong lines on his face, yet he had the prettiest eyelashes and lips any girl would die for. He was pretty.

So pretty.

"So, how does it feel?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Amazing," he replied, his voice low and husky. “You’re good at this.”

The silence grew deeper, and with it, the need to fill the air with mindless chatter slowly disappeared. His presence alone was enough to calm me down. I reached for the moisturizer from the counter and squirted a dollop into my hands. As I began applying it to his face, I could feel the tension in his forehead begin to ease. His breathing had evened out, and his skin glowed under the soft bathroom light.

"You're all done. Ready for bed," I said, breaking the peaceful silence.

"Not yet," he replied softly, standing up to grab the moisturizer from my hand. "Let me return the favour," he added, motioning towards the seat I had just occupied.

I couldn't refuse his offer, as my body moved on its own accord. The sense of intimacy and tranquillity was overpowering any other emotion rushing through me. As I sat down and leaned my head back, I watched him pick up the tube and squirt the product in his hands. He smelled good, fresh and warm, and I closed my eyes as his fingers touched my skin. With a sigh, I let go of any tension.

"You need to be cared for too," he said, his voice low and gentle, running his fingers over my cheekbones.

His touch felt like feathers, so soft and gentle. As he neared my lips with his thumb, he stopped, and I opened my eyes. I knew that feeling too well. The weight of his thumb near my chin, slowly approaching my lips. Tempting.

"Can I kiss you goodnight?" he asked in a whisper.

A nod was all I could manage. "Please do," I replied.

Satisfaction and relief flashed in her eyes, and her lips curved into a smile. God, this man had me in the palm of his hand. How could he think I would say no? How could I say no when his kisses taste and feel like a storm fading over the horizon, like waves inside ceasing existence, emptying the tide and revealing parts of me I wouldn't previously claim as my own?

We stood there in silence for a moment, the tension between us palpable until Carlos cleared his throat and pulled away from me.

"I think it’s time I let you sleep," he said, his voice a little rough. But instead of letting me go, he held me closer. "You're joining us for golf tomorrow, right?"

"To days in a row?" I protested. But then again, when had Carlos ever not gotten what he wanted? He gave me that special look of his and suddenly I found myself nodding. "I'll bring my Kindle."

"You wouldn’t dare,” he stepped forward once more, just to kiss my forehead. “I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight then," I said, barely above a whisper.

"Goodnight," he replied, giving me a small smile before turning and walking away.

The silence of the room was almost deafening, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of loneliness as I collapsed onto the bed.

I reached for my phone, and before I knew it, I was scrolling through social media, mindlessly absorbing every post and photo that came my way. It wasn't until my phone vibrated with a message that I looked up from the screen.

My dad.

We will talk once you’re in Madrid.

And then it was all back.

As I moved my head, the refreshing breeze greeted me, relieving my eyes of the tangled locks of hair that had been obstructing my view. The day was relatively cooler than the previous ones, and the sky was painted with a mix of grey and white clouds. It seemed like the island was getting ready to say goodbye. Even though, the sight of the lush green grass of the course stretching out before me, with its scattered sand traps and water hazards, composed a breathtaking view.

I looked around once more, taking it all in. I was not ready to let the sunshine go.

On my right, Carlos was getting ready to take his last shot. The morning had been pleasant. Rio and Marjorie were now to the side, distracting one another. Marjorie was a pile of anxiety, that morning. She missed her kids and the kids missed her.

I never saw Olivia cry as much as she did when we called my mother during breakfast. Not even Rio’s antics made the little kid smile. That had put a toll on Marjorie’s mood for the whole morning.

My dad had put one on me with the text he had sent me the night before and the conversation he had that morning. The conversation didn’t move on from the “We’ll talk later, enjoy the time out.”

My mind was elsewhere, clearly.

Anxiety resided in my gut, craving a huge hole in my stomach. Surprisingly, golf had helped.

Carlos swung his club, the hush it made cutting through the air and the mutated thumb of it meeting the ball made me turn to him once more. Gracefully, the ball curved in the air, landing not too far from the hole. It would be my job to seal the deal.

"Ah," he grunted, holding his club loosely. "Nearly missed it.”

“It looks nice,” I remarked, walking towards the cart and expecting him to follow me. However, Carlos didn’t respond, his attention diverted elsewhere. "You’ll get your hole-in-one next time—Are you listening?"

"Sorry,” he turned to me. “I'm just—Can you see that?" he asked, pointing towards the horizon.

Following the path from his index to the horizon, I approached him. Nothing. I squinted my eyes, trying to figure out what he was referring to. “What, exactly?”

"There's something there. Moving," he replied, his excitement palpable.

I followed him down the hill, holding my club. "A mole?"

"Probably," he said, his strides becoming longer as he approached the hole. Peeking its head out of the hole, we saw a tiny ball of dark brown fur, looking up at us with its beady black eyes. It seemed out of place amidst the immaculate green grass, as if it had crawled from a completely different world. I couldn't resist taking out my phone and snapping a quick photo.

"Look at it," Carlos said, grinning widely. Adorable. How can a grown-ass man be this adorable? "It's so cute!"

He took out his phone as well, and I sat down on the grass, watching him. Wide grin, big eyes, the long hair curving over the brim of his hat… a kid. And then, his voice—that goofy voice I hadn't heard in years.

"Hello there, Mr. Mole," he said, looking at me over his shoulder. I couldn't help but laugh as he carried on a one-sided conversation with the tiny animal. "Welcome to the golf course! Do you like it here? Are you planning on staying?"

I giggled, shaking my head as I leaned back on my arms. "I can’t believe I’m witnessing this. You're ridiculous."

"Don't listen to her, Mr. Mole.” He grinned at me, pocketing his phone, and then turned his attention back to the mole. “She's just jealous of your adorable little nose."

“Should I be offended by that?”

“Eh…” he leaned his head, shrugging. “I would pick my battles better if I were you.”

I chuckled, feeling the tension of my worries slowly dissipating. The moment of lightheartedness made me momentarily forget about my concerns. It was nice there. Easy. And yet, he never stopped being an enigma to me, even having known him since we were kids. There were moments when he seemed like a completely different person.

Like now.

He looked so intense, so focused. His eyes never left mine, and I found myself struggling to maintain eye contact.

“Are you okay?” he asked, sitting down near the hole.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, averting my gaze and focusing on the little animal, already hidden in the dirt, only its bottom visible. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You tell me,” he replied, the corner of his lips curling up in a small smile. “You’ve been distant all morning. Not a good look on you.”

People always tell me I’m not a great liar—something about my too-bright eyes and how easy they are to read. Carlos was one of those people. He had a way of seeing right through me, even when I didn’t want him to.

“Too many long nights in a row. I need a good night of sleep,” he didn’t seem convinced by my excuse. Carlos licked his lips and got up, offering me a hand. As soon as we were standing in front of one another, he raised his eyebrow. “And my dad,” I admitted. “He’s been… strange.”

“Strange how?”

“You know how he is. Lately, he’s been worse. More distant. And I don’t know if I'm imagining things or—” I trailed off. “The point is that he’s being weird and making me anxious.”

“Is this about the email from last night? The one Rio mentioned?”

I nodded. “Yup. Racing stuff.”

Carlos tried to hide his smile, but a fragment of it lay on his lips, tainting his eyes and making them shine. “What racing stuff?”

“A meeting with Deborah Mayer,” this time, his grin expanded wide. “Don’t get your hopes high, Sainz. Just a talk. And I don’t know if I’ll get it.”

“I’m just happy to see you acting on it. The idea of you in an office doesn’t make sense to me,” he shrugged, walking towards the ball. “Racing shouldn’t be a hobby.” He pointed his club to me. “Not for you, at least.”

“Let’s finish this hole, shall we?” I mumbled, taking my stance and aligning my club with the ball. “Can’t fail this one. I rather eat the ball than lose to those two.”

Carlos looked up towards the hill, where Marjorie and Rio waited by the cart. I felt the weight of his gaze when he looked back at me.

“Yesterday you told me I make you want to be better,” he closed the distance between us and stood in front of me. His fist grabbed his club with a strength that didn’t reflect itself in the light and adoring gaze of his eyes. God. I wanted to fill them with pride. “Let me help you do it.”

“No—” I shook my head, raising my hand and shaking it too. “No. Don’t—I don’t need that.”

“Don’t be so proud.”

“It’s not pride. Or stubbornness, before you go that way,” I tilted my head to the side. “I’ve done it alone until here, I can do it from here.”

“But you don’t need to. You’re not alone.”

Silence.

Three seconds of peace and utter tranquillity, and then anxiety hit me in the chest, like the waves against the shoreline. A feeling way too familiar. Way too powerful to ignore. My heart hammered in my chest, my blood rushed in my ears.

I glanced at him for a second, he was looking at me. Waiting.

What did he want me to say?

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I can’t focus if you keep talking.”

“And I can’t help you if you keep ignoring me,” his voice was soft and soothing. Like a music box winding down.

I looked up. His shadow covered me almost completely.

“I forgot how fucking annoying you are.” Carlos offered me a smile but his gaze remained serious. “Can we finish this up and talk after lunch?”

The shadow over me didn’t move, and Carlos didn’t make any sound until I heard a long exhale and the ruffle of his sneakers walking over the green.

“Sure. Go ahead.” Deafet and tired, he walked to my right. “Easy on those wrists,” After repositioning my hands, I looked up for approval. He was smirking, “I know I test your patience, but we don’t need that kind of strength right now.”

"Is that so?"

"The hole is less than 10 meters away,” Carlos pointed like it was obvious and I couldn’t not chuckle at his answer.

“I was talking about the I know I test your patience part.”

It would have been hard not to smile at him at that moment. His eyes were wide and pleading, although a small curve of his lips suggested that he wanted to smile as well. It was impossible not to smile when Carlos Sainz smiled at you with such genuine affection in his eyes and his heart that you might even believe that he would do anything for you.

“Go ahead, Eva. Hit it. We’ll talk later.”

“As you say, professor,” I said, swinging my club and hitting the ball towards the hole. The ball rolled slowly across the grass, falling into the hole with a soft plunk. "See?! This is what happens when you don't bother me about emails or my posture.”

"Eh! Come on..." He moved his hands dramatically and it was clear that he was spending too much time with my brother lately. "If I hadn't, you wouldn't have been able to hole this one out."

"Admit it," I said, moving forward in mock indignation. "It was all an excuse to grab my hips.” I winked at him coyly. “I won't judge."

“Always a flirt, aren’t you?”

“Look at you,” I said, leaning on my club, again. “Can you blame me?”

There was a thing about Carlos Sainz I'd completely forgotten. How easily his expression shifts. A small shift can change the atmosphere around him. The dark strands of hair that fall over his eyes make them seem impossibly deep, the perfect setting for a pair of long lashes to rest against. His eyebrows are slightly uneven, but they fit with the rest of his face perfectly. As if he's been sculpted out of clay and left to stand beside me like a sculpture in some museum garden. It takes as much time for him to take a step and blink as it does for my heart to go out of rhythm.

And that's exactly what happened there. I could feel the tension grow inside and around me, my chest imploding at the same time.

But with a shake of his head, it all went away — his face softened and he shook his head before picking up the ball from the hole and sliding it into his pocket, "You're a bad influence," he joked, before extending his hand to me and signalling to follow him. "Let's go distract them."

Under the slim shadow cast by a palm tree, Marjorie observed her husband. Rio was a couple of steps away, ready to teed his back and take his last shot. Carlos sat down on the driver’s seat of our cart and attentively observed my brother. The ball flew off down in an awkward arc. Before it even hit the green, a dissatisfied grunt was heard.

“You can start celebrating,” he said, walking back to us. “Fucking wind.”

The afternoon and the night flew by as if they were minutes and the clock had no patience to wait for us to find time to be alone. That day, Marjorie and Rio joined us in our snorkelling attempt and later that night, Ana did not take no for an answer when it came to going clubbing. With each passing second, the reminder I would leave soon and the bubble would burst.

Nevertheless, he was always around.

His gaze was on me when I was cooking lunch with the girls. His arms protectively wrapped around me as we rode the jetskis around the house, almost like he was begging me to not leave. On that night, his eyes lingered on mine one more second than necessary before I got up off the couch and headed to the club with his sisters and Marjorie.

I wanted him, just one last time before reality hit, and reality was a couple of hours away.

Just a night of sleep, breakfast and a short ride to the airport away.

So, I fell asleep thinking of him and tracing with my fingertips all the places he had kissed and adored, replaying his tender touch in my mind, wishing for him to be there when I opened my eyes, to take over and replace my desperate caresses with his passionate touch. The memories blended into a dream and a restful, peaceful sleep.

Like all mornings in Costa Del Pins, my room was taken by the sunlight when I woke up.

The expectation was that this time, I was awakened by the yellow hue of the Mediterranean summer, not the ring of my alarm. I remembered dreaming about Carlos. I remembered the too many glasses of sangria and all the shots Ana had brought to the table.

I had missed this. This was summer just like I remembered it.

Wine and laughter and long dinners by the sea, that stretch until the night and the sleep take the best out of us. Ana and her darling smile. The sun and the salt and the sweat.

The thin white sheets were twisted around my legs, holding me in place. I stared at the white ceiling, enjoying the shadows of the waving curtains drawn on it—the movements as soft as the sea waves. I didn’t want to leave.

Everything seemed to work in the same way in Mallorca. Everyone seemed to vibe at the same frequency. And Carlos was there. He wouldn’t be in Madrid.

My phone vibrated on the nightstand. I kicked off the sheets, trying to pry them from my legs.

“come here when you wake up”

And despite not wanting to leave the bed, my limbs moved alone. My bare feet touched the cold floor when they slid to the floor, barely touching down as I rose from bed. And still drowsy from sleep, and feeling in my body everything that had happened the day before, I walked over across the hall.

His door was slightly open. All the other doors of the hallway were closed.

I knocked, nonetheless.

“Hi,” I whispered, entering his room.

Laying in bed, he gave me a lazy smile. It was impossible to not feel my entire self melting at the view. Arm underneath his head. Puffy eyes. The stubble. The hazy morning light accentuated his features, making them ascend to the category of a classic painting.

“Morning,” he replied, slowly sitting up.

The sheet crumbled at his waist, revealing his naked torso. I sat at the foot of his bed. My silk shorts contrasted against the white bed linen.

“No morning run today?”

“No…” He shook his head and then yawned. “I mean—yes. I was waiting for you, but I think I fell asleep waiting for your alarm.”

“You hear my alarm from here?” He nodded, dragging his hands over his face, stopping to rub his eyes. “That’s why you leave the door open?” Once again, he nodded. “I turned it off, today. I needed to sleep.”

His hardened body softened as he eyed me up with a faint smile grazing across his lips.

“At what time is the flight?”

“Around four.”

He nodded. “And when will I see you again?”

“I don’t know…” I crossed my legs and tilted my head. “Monza? I’ll be there, for sure.”

Instantly, the man in front of me shook his head. “Monza? That’s in almost a month.”

“I know. I mean—” I paused. “We can try to meet before, but you have your stuff, too. Monza is the only promise I can make.”

“Zandvoort,” he suggested. “For my birthday.”

His birthday. The 1st of September. Amanda’s event was in September, around that date if I was not mistaken. Carlos squinted his eyes, probably because I was already giving him a negative answer with my expression.

“I think I have a work thing. In Berlin.”

“Berlin is not that far…” He raised his eyebrow, the corner of his lips tugging up. His pretty face was on the verge of making me give in. “Come ooon... You can get from one city to another in less than two hours.”

I dropped my shoulders. God, this man.

“But I can’t promi—”

“I don’t need you to promise me anything,” he interrupted me. And then, his voice softened. “I need you to try.”

Fighting him had no use when he smiled that way.

“Fine. I’ll try.”

“See?” He smiled and called me closer with his hands. “That’s all I need to hear.”

Crawling over the sheets, still warm from his body heat and smelling like him, I made my way closer. The aroma of his skin lingered in the air and my nostrils flared as I took it all in. I could live in his embrace forever. I could live wrapped in one of these sheets. His arm wrapped around me, pulling me closer and mitigating the gap between us.

Inches apart, his eyes locked onto mine. My heart pounded against my chest—a reminder that I hadn’t yet learned how to deal with this man’s antics. Deep down, I wished to never get used to it.

“Here’s another thing…” he said, in a soft whisper.

I brought my hands to his chest, feeling the rise and fall of each breath he took. “What?”

“I’ll be flying over Europe. And so will you. Madrid, Maranello, Milan… and for the races. Tell me where you are, and I’ll get to you.” He paused. “I once expected you to be the one to drop everything and follow me around. It was not fair," he admitted with a sincerity that caught me off guard. "But now, I know what not to do. I can drop my stuff off once in a while and go to you. And you’ll need to let me do it. Okay?"

With those big brown eyes staring back at me, all I could do was nod. "Okay," I managed to whisper.

“And that’s something I want you to promise.”

“What?”

“That you will let me get closer.” Carlos leaned in, his lips hovering over mine. “Physically, mentally, emotionally.”

Breaths mingling, hot and heavy, tension building between us. I closed my eyes and succumbed to the moment, letting his lips capture mine.

Sleepy. Slow. Kinda sloppy.

“I can promise to try,” I said, eyes closed to savour the sensation of his lips down my jaw.

“Good enough for now,” he murmured; his hands roamed over my body, tracing the curves and lines of my skin. Every touch felt electric, sending shivers down my spine.

I moaned softly against his lips, feeling his smile against mine.

“We need to stop,” I put both my hands on his chest. “I need to go pack.”

He let out a low groan, his hands still roaming over my body. “Right,” he said, his voice husky. “We need. But because we're going out for breakfast. Go get dressed before my sister catches you awake and steals you away once more.”

The melody of the waves washed over my senses the second he opened the car door, carried by a tiny breeze that made my hair dance against my neck. Before moving away from the car, he looked back at me, his sleepy eyes squinting to battle the bright sun. We were parked not too far from the market and I could sense the aroma of fruits and flowers.

We walked together, feeling the morning sun warming up our skin, the rhythm of our feet pounding against the pavement in perfect unison. The world around us began to blur, and all that was left was the sound of our voices and the rhythm of our conversation, light and carefree, about rocks, flowers and the two wild cats sleeping on a bench.

Reality seemed a foreign concept when he was involved.

Eventually, our steps brought us to the bakery. Two clay pots with brightly coloured flowers were placed outside, on both sides of the door. As we stepped through, we were met with a cosy atmosphere, with three families sitting around, enjoying their breakfast and a lazy dog snoozing away underneath the fan. On the counter, near the register, were three carton boxes with familiar purple ribbons.

The bakery. The croissants.

“Do you wanna sit, or—” he asked me, looking over his shoulder.

“We can sit,” I didn’t let him finish the question. “I appreciate the air conditioning.”

He chuckled, turning back to me and placing his hand on the small of my back. I walked to a booth in the corner of the bakery, sitting on the sofa facing the window. The view was breathtaking—the sea was a bright blue that expanded itself until the tenuous line on the horizon. Sharp cliffs surrounded the beach in front, framing the crowded sand. I moved my eyes to Carlos when he sat in front of me, a smile being automatically drawn on my lips as he took off his hat and passed his fingers through the sweaty strands of his hair.

“It’s terrible, no?” He asked, making me immediately frown. “I just cut it before France.”

“And it was an absolute crime,” my words came wrapped in a small laugh.

“Do you like it long?” Once again, he passed his hands on his hair, the locks easily followed the lines his fingers were drawing.

“I do,” I nodded. “And I like your beard, too. It’s a shame you shaved it today.”

He chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind for the next time we meet,” he said, his eyes meeting mine.

From my right, the figure of a round lady appeared. Her silver-grey hair was meticulously braided over her shoulder and tied with a delicate purple elastic at the end, a perfect contrast to the vibrant blue and yellow tie-dye apron that draped over her beautiful floral print dress. When she spotted Carlos, her face lit up in recognition and a warm smile spread across her lips. Her hands clasped together in front of her chest, beaming with joy as he turned to her.

“Buenos dias,” her voice was gentle, kind and inviting. “What should I get for you two?” She asked. “Despite the croissants Carlitos usually chooses of course.”

Carlos gazed at the woman expectantly, and asked, "What would you like?" He added with a hopeful smile, "The cinnamon rolls I brought you the other day were good too, no?"

The woman nodded thoughtfully, her heavy gaze studying me. “It’s a new recipe,” she said, her voice full of anticipation. “I’m still trying to perfect it.”

“Oh, I—” my gaze shifted from one to the other, both of them looking at me expectantly. “I loved them, I wouldn’t change a thing. You can bring me one for now, actually. And an espresso, por favor.”

The woman nodded, her eyes glistening with pride from my compliment. “And you for? The same thing?”

He smiled and shook his head. "Yes, that can be. Just bring me a water bottle, too."

The woman nodded and made her way to the kitchen, humming a melody under her breath. Carlos and I exchanged a smile, and soon the scent of freshly made croissants and cinnamon rolls filled the air.

“Rupert is gonna kick your ass when he finds out how much sugar you’ve been eating,” I said, my fingers fidgeting with the napkin.

He chuckled, his eyes still on the kitchen door. "Maybe," he said, his voice low and almost inaudible. "But I think I'm allowed one last splurge before I head back home."

“One last splurge? You’ll spend, at least, five more days in here.”

Carlos leaned back in his seat, his fingers fidgeting with a sugar pack while he looked at me. “My dad can be a bit controlling. He says I won’t fit my seat, otherwise.”

“Well, if you keep eating croissants for breakfast, I’m afraid he’s not wrong.”

Carlos laughed, his gaze flickering out the window before returning to me. “Well, then I guess I’ll have to make the most of it while I can.”

I leaned back on the sofa, feeling the cool air of the air conditioning caress my skin. “You know, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in a place like this. No worries, just the sea and the sun.”

Carlos leaned forward, his eyes intense as they bore into mine. “That sounds too easy for you. You would get bored.”

It was not a lie. I would get bored. I needed the challenge, the compressibility but... These last few days? The bubble we had constructed without noticing? I needed a bit of that, too—the slow living I never thought would be a fit for me.

“Don’t you wish for this, sometimes? I know you love your job and everything it implies but… don’t you wish to be home, sometimes?”

“Of course,” the woman returned with our drinks and pastries, placing them on the table with a gentle smile. Carlos broke his sentence to thank her, and then his attention diverted to me, again. “Of course, I want to be home. I love Italy and I feel welcome in Maranello, but it’s not home.”

“And Ferrari?” I heard a confused “hm?” coming from his lips. I moved in my seat until I felt the words lining up correctly in my throat. “How do you know you’ve made the right choice? At first, how did you know it was right to join McLaren?”

He looked at me, surprised by my sudden question, and then back at the croissant he was pinching “I didn’t have much choice, to be honest.”

“Okay,” I paused. “What about Ferrari?”

"It was my dream," he said quietly. Right. "You will never know, Eva," he said, his gaze meeting mine briefly before his expression became unreadable again. "I guess you just have to trust your gut. There’s no right or wrong, and you can think a certain team is right for you and your goals, you can dream about that team for years, but you can never be sure if you are stepping into a dream or a nightmare until you are too deep into it."

My grandmother used to often tell me that condemnations can be disguised as blessings, and I couldn't help but think of her words at that moment. No matter how much you plan, God has already something sorted out for you.

"You know what they say," he said. "The only way to know is to take a leap of faith."

I nodded, the words resonating deep in my core. I let out a deep breath, my gaze fixed on the passing landscape, the big stain of blue appearing interrupted between the branches of the trees planted between us and the sea.

“But why the sudden doubt?” Carlos asked. I turned my head to him. “You seemed excited yesterday, talking about Mayer.”

“All this wait is making me second guess myself," I said, the words coming out almost involuntarily. "I mean, what if it’s not the right move?"

Carlos shook his head. "You can't do that…. Second guess yourself like that," he said. "Iron Dames is an excellent fit for you. Explore the field, try new stuff, meet new people. Test things.” He paused for a second. “If it’s not right for you, you step out.”

“Okay, but—” I could see his forehead crease and he slowly tilted his head. “Won’t I be losing a year if it’s not right?”

“No, you will still learn something.” I relaxed my body against the comfortable seat; Carlos kept going. “But if it’s right and you run away from it because you’re afraid? It’s just a lost opportunity.”

For a brief moment, the bakery seemed to go silent, his words lingered inside, ricocheting on the walls and meeting me. “Thank you.”

He smiled. “No need to thank me.” I couldn't help but smile back, the warmth of his presence acting like an elixir and calming my nerves.

We kept talking about the possibilities, about faith and about trusting our guts. Carlos filled me up on the things I had missed, brief stories about race weekends and vacations I did not witness with him.

He was eager to share.

To fit me in his stories.

Carlos told every story with a tenacity I hadn’t felt in a while, sharing even the smallest detail, as if he wanted to bring me there, to take in the sights and sounds of the journeys. Even though I appreciated it, and it brought me joy to hear him talk, it filled me with a longing for the days I used to be able to witness it firsthand.

The thrill of the race weekend, the tensions of the hours before the race and the joyful hugs at the end. The smell of his cologne mingled with the rubber. The vision of his sweaty hair moulded by the helmet. The way his arms tightly wrapped around me in a hug after the race, like since the moment we last saw each other in the garage for a quick goodbye, he had been scared that he would never be able to do it again.

It didn't surprise me when he mentioned golf at least three times, and Lando even more times than that. He told me about his burgers and the ongoing competition amongst Team 55, the people in Maranello and how I could actually be a good help to bring some life into his apartment.

I told him about my recurrent work trips to London and Milan, the amazing trip my family had done to Scotland and how excited I was about going to Fuji with WEC, just a few weeks from then.

Between all that, the thought that I wished I had met him differently, or that we could just be different people.

Two strangers in London. Or Madrid. Two strangers who bump into each other on a street or a crowded bar, find each other in a city where the cobblestone streets are lined with pubs and cafés and double-decker buses drive by. See our reflections shining against the wet asphalt. Kiss him in a crowded bar and dance with him under the frenetic lights. To be as anonymous as anyone else dancing around. To feel the earth rumble under our feet as we walk down dark alleys, taking a shortcut under the cover of darkness.

To go through all the motions and emotions and fall in love again, in slow motion, slow enough to take in every detail I let go of.

And, this time, to not let go.

So, I'm baaaack! I'm alive! I really want to apologize for the time it took me to post this one, but the last weeks were really difficult. I'm going better, now, but I can't promise to be back next with with another chapter. I'm so sorry for the wait. Hope you still remember me. All the love! 🤍

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