Cluemaster: Hey, bro, I know I never call...
Kiteman: You did drunk call me that one time.
Cluemaster: I already said I was sorry for spreading around that you were in love with your kite and calling you to brag about it. As you said I was hella drunk and angry your weird ass podcast somehow now has the same level of fans as my old gameshow. Who the fuck cares that much about kites? Or C list vilany?
Kiteman: Did you just call to remind me why I hate you?
Cluemaster: Of course not, Chucky boy, your my favorite lil bro.
Kiteman: Arthur... I'm your only brother.
Cluemaster: Yeah? You're still my favorite.
Kiteman: Okay. Fine. What do you want?
Cluemaster: You're good with kids right?
Kiteman: Oh do you want me to babysit little Steph? I haven't see her since she was a baby! That'll be soo much fun!
Cluemaster: Oh, no, no. She is too old for a babysitter. I kindda called 'cause I need your advice.
Kiteman: Sure. Go on.
Cluemaster: How would you stop a prank war between your teen daugther and your bussiness partner that happens to be living at your house?
Kiteman: Woah. Define prank war?
Cluemaster: Like they just being annoying with each other... like non-stop Shrek music and painting one of her walls green?
Kiteman: Are you working with a child, Artie?
Cluemaster: No. Childrem are not really good at puzzle robberies.
Kiteman: So who the hell is in a prank war with your fourteen year old daugther? Is it that Polka Dot weirdo?
Cluemaster: ... Riddler.
Kiteman: Be honest, Arthur.
Cluemaster: I am!
Kiteman: Why the fuck would he work with you? Didn't he like was brought on to one of your trials and tried to sue you for being a copycat?
Cluemaster: No idea. I don't really remember all my trials.
Kiteman: Fair. Still isn't he like an actual treat? Like Batman actually tries to be always involved in his crimes instead of just sending a Robin or a cop kindda treat? Or hangs out with Cooblepot and Harley Quinn and fucking Catwoman and even Scarecrow and Joker kindda treat?
Cluemaster: Yes, so what?
Kiteman: He is waaay above your league. How the fuck do you got him to work with you?
Cluemaster: He is working for me because he recognizes my genius.
Kiteman: *sarcasm* Yeah, sure. At least it explains why I've been hearing that your plans don't totally suck anymore.
Cluemaster: Will you help me or not?
Kiteman: Anything for little Steph. But seriusly bro, the guy is a mentally instable killer, he is real Arkham loonie, A-lister and all this shit are you sure is safe to have him living with you? Specially if he and Stephanie are fighting!? She is just a kid! What if this prank war thing escalates and next thing she is in saw type death trap or something?
Cluemaster: Well than help me not to! I can't just kick him out, do you know how much I've been proffiting later?
Kiteman: And also he is an instable killer that used to hate you and wouldn't react well to being kicked out?
Cluemaster: Yeah, this too. Look I think you're overestimating the guy. He is smart and all and he can take a punch but I could take him out real easy in a one on one. He screamed like a little girl when he found a roach in the kitchem. I think I'll be fine.
Kiteman: Sure, you do you.... Maybe.... you could just.... help them find something they have in common? A TV show they like or something. It used yo work with us. They will bond over the thing and forget they hate each other for a bit.
Cluemaster: See was it that hard to help me?
*Chuck hangs up*
[Three months later]
Cluemaster: Chuck! I need help!
Kiteman: Can you call in another time? I'm bowlling with the guys, Calendar Man and Condiment King cannot win a second time, one weird rap about their love conquering all was ENOUGHT.
Cluemaster: Is about the whole prank war between Nygma and Stephanie thing.
Kiteman: Oh. So I guess my advice didn't work.
Cluemaster: No, no, it did. It worked way to well actually.
Kiteman: *worried* That sounds bad.
Cluemaster: Yeah... it happened that the thing they had in common was that they really hate me.
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Extended family is so funny to me, like here's some people you don't know. Treat them with respect cause they married someone with a tiny bit of your DNA. But also if you don't like them don't worry cause chances are you won't see them all that often. I really didn't like the people who my dad's parents married after they got divorced (long before i was born) so i never considered them grandpa/grandma. Its grandma and granpa, and the people who they're living with who i have to put up with when i visit. BUT my cousin who is dating a guy who participates in Scottish highland games? Who can open a beer bottle by sticking the cap in the flesh of his arm and flexing? The only person who used my pronouns during a family reunion, which was also the first time i had ever met him? That guy is my cousin. He's my favorite cousin, in fact. No, he hasn't married into the family yet, but he's my favorite cousin. He will continue to be so even if they break up.
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