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i-mean-yeah-whatever · 2 days

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Every time I read an anti-Bucktommy take it's like they don't understand what they're watching. Like, no understanding of how fiction works at all and a criminal lack of media literacy. And also unable to follow a simple story.

A tv show like 911 will never be like their favorite friends to lovers fics where everything they want to see on-screen is made into words, every little thought, every gesture is described in a flowery way, every single line is doctored to fit the fandom's expectations, using very specific tropes. This is fanwork, this is our business, we love it, we cherish it but this is our stuff.

911 is a tv show. It'll use many types of tv writing techniques to get to the point while having to deal with budgetary constraints, marketing needs, political restrictions and more. Could they have done a better job with reintroducing Tommy? Absolutely. Does it work as it is? Of course, if we're actually looking at what and how they tell on-screen.

A (long) BuckTommy timeline.

🚁 7x03 - Tommy and Buck meet on the day of the rescue, even before we see Buck, Chim and Eddie in the chopper. They first meet off-screen. We don't know what happened then, we don't know how they looked at each other, if they smiled at each other, if they even talked directly to each other. But they met before we see them in the chopper.

We know by what happens later that Tommy makes a strong impression on Buck (who is already in the middle of a real life crisis). We can also assume that Tommy is attracted to Buck based on his looks (and probably also affinity, they do the same job, never underestimate the homoerotic power of male camaraderie), something we also understand later, so it works (but also, the way he looks at Buck at the end of this episode is a subtle hint.) Don't forget that writers know in advance things we don't, that's why we can go back and find the breadcrumbs we didn't notice before or couldn't make a connection with yet.

🔥 Buck wants to know more about Tommy and his work. This is where you, as the audience, should fill the gap based on what we saw before and what comes next. This is where you should be able to do that instead of wanting everything on-screen the same way you put everything in a fanfic. This gap you fill because you're supposed to understand how average tv storytelling works leads to the following point.

🚁 7x04 - Buck contacts Tommy, he gets to visit Harbor. At this point, we can clearly see Tommy is acting flirty in a very subtle and respectful way, because he doesn't really know what's the deal with Buck, but remember the way he looked at Buck in 7x03? Then there's Buck acting... weird. What's his real purpose here? And this was before he even knew Tommy and Eddie were BFF, so Buck was already attracted to Tommy whatever his connection with the 118 crew, even if the real reason was blurry even to Buck himself.

🔥 7x04 - Tommy is now someone they interact with regularly. Tommy is now slowly working his way (back) into the 118 group. He finds a good friend in Eddy (strangely I don't see anyone questioning that. How is that easier than having a simple, passive crush?), apparently spends a lot of time with him, and knows Christopher because he went to Eddie's house 3 times. Eddie definitely knows more about Tommy than Buck at this point.

🚁 7x04 - Buck is clearly troubled by Tommy. Then there's this whole jealousy circus going on, Buck is a mess, his insecurities are breaking the roof and he's more troubled than ever. Is he jealous of Eddy or Tommy? Or both? (it's both) He wants to be the center of the attention. If he feels he's losing this, people will discard him. So he does some stupid shit. And you can see his feelings are also all over the place. But there's more than just fighting for attention, and that's probably why he's slowly starting to be angry. Because what he feels is different and he can't put his finger on it.

The discussion with Maddie clearly shows how he's chewing on his own heart. He didn't want what he had to change and he acted like a kid with big feelings and little control of himself.

🔥 7x04 - Tommy, who's having a passive crush on Buck, takes the matter in hands and kisses him. Tommy having a crush is not less normal than Buck flirting with basically any cute girl showing interest in him. Being more mature, he meets Buck to set things straight, after having talked about it with Eddie. It's not out of nowhere. Eddie and Tommy are not stupid, and Eddie knows Buck. He saw something was wrong. Tommy, being the new addition to their dynamic, thought it was his fault (I think Eddie and Tommy really felt guilty about going to Vegas and leaving Buck just like that lmao That was so bad for Buck's confidence, I felt it in my bones). Excuses turn to clearing the air turn to let's go for it.

Tommy really took a gamble there. If Buck wasn't what he thought he was, it could have been so bad. So, so bad for Tommy and his job. Imagine Buck accusing Tommy of assault? But he took the risk of kissing him because he has more experience and knows how to read the signs. He's not 15, he has experience with men, and closeted men for sure.

And you know, this is a beautiful scene for Buck as a character. The way he realizes why he did all that, what it means about him, for him. I mean, he knew, in a way, but he didn't know. And Tommy was suddenly everywhere in his life, overwhelming while doing nothing. You have to understand that everything is happening in Buck's head and he needed just a little push to open his eyes.

Buck's queer path: unlocked.

🚁 7x05 - First date, first mess but also first lesson. At this point, you can't even doubt about Tommy's intentions anymore. Buck might still be in a blurry phase but Tommy is not sending mixed signals at all (not with that choice of shirt, let me tell you this. My man was set to hit that night). Buck panicked, Tommy even tried to keep him on tracks for the evening, but between meeting Eddie and what it made Buck say... I mean, Tommy could have had a stronger reaction. Why accept the date if you can't deal with it?

But Tommy knows why, he's been there. Buck liked the idea of the date, but once you're there, everything becomes real. So once again, a little push: Tommy is honest and prefers to part ways, but not without saying why. He's not even mad. At this point, Buck really needs to take another step. It's difficult to drag someone else into your own fog. He has all the rights to be troubled, to doubt, to be scared, but you don't drag someone else in this with you. Tommy protected himself from that, also protected Buck from doing something he'd regret, and he did it with guidance.

🔥 7x05 - Buck talks with Maddie about his date and comes out to her, but more importantly: Buck comes out to Eddie. Look. This is canon, and I know we can choose to ignore canon but both scenes are great. And it's still canon. Maddie is obviously accepting and happy for Buck, and we expected no less from her.

With Eddie, I honestly expected at least some discussion like are you sure? or something like that but I think that at this point, everyone at the 118 knows that there's more to Buck than meets the eye. I'd have loved this scene to be longer with more exchange between Eddie and Buck but it is what it is, and Eddie is supportive of his best friend (yes, sorry, their canon relationship is best friends and I love their friendship, even more now that Buck is out).

And yes, this is even more important to show not only a strong friendship between a supposedly cishet man and a bisexual man but also, and we'll see that later, Eddie still trusts Buck around Chris. Nothing changed. So many people associate queer people with predators, we need to see queer people, and especially queer men, being trusted around children, and being safe. This is the right representation.

I know bvddies are trying to find any reason to make this storyline choice look like shit, because they want their ship to sail (and I completely understand wanting that), but accusing the people who like Buck and Tommy together of being homophobes because they cherish the canon beautiful friendship between Buck and Eddie?? We're not talking about headcanons here, about reading between the lines, or being "coded" a certain way (sorry, for me Eddie is not gay-coded. He's a-spec for sure, and I'm going for being demi, but gay? I don't see it anymore at this point of the show). It's about the canon. You know, at this point, things are already moving into place, even if you don't like Buck and Tommy together. This is where canon is at, this is the story. It's not a personal attack against anyone in the fandom.

🚁 7x05 - Buck wants to apologize to Tommy for the failed date, and for his behavior. Oh, accountability, my beloved. We love to see Buck working on himself. This is the real start of whatever will happen from now on between Buck and Tommy. Buck knows he's ready to embrace this new part of himself and he feels like Tommy is the right person to do that with.

Tommy being Tommy, he makes sure Buck knows what all this means. Buck is not a teenager, Tommy treats him as an equal but he also knows how it feels to be in Buck's shoes.

🔥 7x06 - Tommy, a responsible adult, makes time for Buck (and Chim!) even when he clearly could, and maybe should, just decline. This part was used way too often against Tommy by BoBs. Tommy is a fire pilot on call the night of the bachelor party. A FIRE PILOT ON CALL. Do you think his main goal that night is to have fun? Or is it to be a responsible adult who could well be saving lives (while risking his) the same night? Do you know what it means to be on call? You're basically working without being at work, the second your job needs you, you have to be 100% ready. Again, he's a fire pilot (even if he's also sent on ground work that night). His first job would be to pilot a freaking helicopter and accomplish tasks that requires skills, precision and to not be half asleep. You don't play with that responsibility.

So Tommy showing up is indeed huge. He does it for Buck, and for Chim, but definitely for Buck in the first place. He could have stayed home to get some sleep while waiting. Instead of that, not only he doesn't sleep but he ends up fighting a fire for hours. And the first thing people used against him was that he didn't follow the dress code?! No, you guys need to grow up and live a bit more of real life.

And then we have The Kiss (please someone draw them as The Kiss by Klimt, every fandom needs its Kiss fanart). And once again, it's Tommy making time for Buck, and Chim, when he could be home, take a good shower and be in his cozy bed after working on a fire for more than what, 14 hours? This is a man who knows his priorities. And responsible men are sexy as hell, even when it means they can't have fun like everyone else.

Now, if after all this, and mind you, this is all canon, you still think Tommy is a fraud in this storyline, that his budding romance with Buck has no foundation or that he doesn't care about Buck? And don't even get me started on the "but he was a racist and a misogynist before". Yes, he was. And yes, he changed. Like I said: learn to know his character, but also trust Hen. The fact is that at this point of the story, Tommy is great for Buck. He's kind, he's safe, he's trying even when there's no expectations. Be happy for great representation.

Oh, and don't use your hate against the ship or Tommy to be a nasty little shit with the actors and writers. Decency is free.

#911 #911 abc #bucktommy #tommy kinard #evan buckley #did i miss anything?#pushing tumblr's limits with this post #i'm tired and not in a good place recently so don't get me started with your ship war and your bs behavior with actors and writers #i just can't with bullies

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shebsart · 2 days

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this isnt gonna be coherent but thinking about Sandor and his relation to death..

he calls his horse stranger (just alone him identifying with the stranger, the seen-as-a-monster god of death and outcasts), constantly talks about how many people he has killed and how it gives him joy, keeps this "butcher" persona that thinks killing is necessary to survive even when its innocents, talks proudly if his sigil that was based on three dogs that died trying to protect someone,fights and kills a literal undead man-gets burned in the process- only for him to come back again lol (ok this ones kind of a reach but worth mentioning for the undead gregor parallelisms) , shows arya how to give the gift of mercy "that's where the heart is, thats how you kill a man" and he denies to dig him a grave.

and after arya denying him the gift of mercy(and goes on to train to become a death giver no less lol). and then "the hound is dead" but he is "revived" by a monk-like figure and becomes a literal grave digger.. almost like hes digging graves for all the people he has killed before, maybe its also like hes serving the stranger in a way. death has become from a violent act to a quiet state of being for him at this point of the story

also i like that he dies and starts over with a different identity figuratively while his brother dies literally and comes back with a different name( if you can call it coming back)..

i dont exactly know what to make out of this as a whole because i was having seperate thoughts but i love that its there and always loved the The Stranger part to his character.

bonus from his wiki because they remind me how much i love these books and how every character connects to each other and the story so seamlessly:

#this isnt meant to be meta bc i dont say anything new or i dont analize anything just my random thoughts #bc i was thinking of sandor again while working on a piece and listening to a song about death and people #asoiaf #sandor clegane #not art

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flyingfabio · 3 days

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le mans thoughts dump!!!

sorry it’s gonna be a picture-less dump because i wasn’t prepared and i only had only my phone with shitty camera quality… also this going to be a mess. first general remarks and then a fabio special part of course… under a read more because i think it’s gonna be longgg

general remarks about the event

well not a surprise but le mans is CRAZY. so many bikes so many people and the atmosphere… you don’t need beer or anything else to feel PUMPED there

the weather was GREAT and i felt it made the experience so enjoyable. i wore long jeans and big tshirts and applied sunscreen and spent time in the grandstands away from the sun and yet my face is red. i have a sunburn on my chin. MY CHIN.

i didn’t feel unsafe or witness anything gross during my time there. important to mention that i was with my brother and didn’t camp on site so the experience can definitely be different for others. there ARE overly drunk people at the circuit and some entitled people smoking weed with families with kids nearby…

as for the camping sites you could see them from the circuit and HEAR them from afar and it is WILD. never in my life i think i would be capable to camp there lmao

so many things to do at the venue: the village, fanzones, a stunt show, fireworks… you can feel how this gp is organized as a whole experience for the fans

did i mention a lot of people?

obviously some things to improve especially the management of the entrances/exit points of the circuit but with so many people at a venue that is not that big i can understand the struggle. maybe they need to think about implementing a limit for the attendance at some point

i had grandstands tickets and it was really enjoyable to have a place with shade to sit down at any moment though i LOVED going to sit on the grass trackside to watch the bikes, especially with the warm weather. sad that we only had time to watch from only a few places at the last turns of the circuit (raccordement, “s” bleus, chemin aux boeufs). would have loved to sit at garage vert for example.. we only did this on friday and saturday because we thought sunday would be too crowded. people literally come at 6-7 am to get the best spots!

the NOISE. thank god i brought my earplugs with noise reduction. the bikes are very loud on their own obviously, but if you are trackside you can watch without ear protection easily. but in the grandstands on the straight? HELL NO! i think it’s very special to le mans where the place is acting like a “soundbox”, amplifying the sound

where we sat in the grandstand we could see the canal+ booth from the other side of the straight. at some point i was like wait a min… isn’t that maverick and rivola out there? and i was right, my bro was shocked i could recognize them from their backs and so far away… also guessed raul, miguel and lin jarvis. maybe i’m too deep in the motogp hole? also recognized the back of a fabio cut-out that people had installed at the bottom of our grandstand but this is a given i guess

idk where to put that but i saw pecco’s mascot so many times i’m starting to think there are actually two of them

also the speaker at the circuit was shit. he flopped so many times

the races

overall good races!

moto3 was good, especially because they were close and there were overtakes for the win at the end

moto2 was meh, some good battles in the pack but the race was over after lap one... probably was the only one looking for tony at every lap and cheering for him. rude speakers saying how he was fighting for the championship last year and how he is struggling this year. bitch it's not his fault that speedups are suddenly rocketships 😭

motogp sprint… it’s better that i don’t talk about it. thank you acosta for the overtaking crumbs

motogp race!! i thought it would be a repeat of the sprint, but it turned out to be such a good battle at the front! the crowd went NUTS when martin and then marc overtook pecco. obviously it’s so nice to get battles like these at the front for the win, but this doesn’t erase the fact that it’s still ducati only. and for me motogp CAN'T be at its best unless it’s different brands fighting it out

you know my distaste for the sprints, but i have to admit it adds something to the experience at the track, especially for casual fans like my brother. for me i really enjoyed friday, seeing the different bikes go around the track and observing the different riding styles. my brother much more enjoyed saturday and sunday when there was more “at stake”. this sprint was shit though

my grandstand was… something lmao. a mix of marc truthers and booers. pecco haters who had beef with the pecco grandstand next to us lmao. pecco grandstand started to cheer for pecco after people clapped when the speaker announced martin as the poleman… you can imagine they weren’t as loud after the race lmao 😭

the japanese bikes… it’s so depressing to see irl you have no idea. this weekend basically all of them (except fabio) were hanging out at the end of grid with augusto fernandez...

the marini case is even worse man. it’s so bad that i think i had left my grandstand before he even crossed the finish line on sunday and i’m not even kidding (many people were leaving just after the winner arrived to try to get out of the circuit quickly)

pedro acosta was probably the most applauded after the frenchies and marc

that jorge martin guy is REAL fast on a ducati i’m afraid

marc marquez is a showman

weird personal observation but i was less stressed before the race start than i am when i’m watching on tv

FABIOOOOOOOOO

as i said last year, he really is his people’s DARLING

but first about his performance this weekend. INSANE. straight to q2 with an insane lap. with fellow fabio truther lady sat next to me we held our breath until the very end of the session… then during q2 i remember thinking well let’s see fabio qualify p12 now and then when he pushed that tractor and it got him to p6 at some point? my jaw was on the floor and everyone around cheered

the sunday race… man. i felt it IN MY BONES that fabio would crash at some point. i knew it when he was just in front of aleix and he was manhandling that bike in every direction just to stay in front. then i saw that he had managed to make a small gap to aleix and i thought “he wants too much and he’s overriding it too much…” next when the yellow flag alert appeared i knew…

it was clear that he wanted to give his everything this whole weekend, no matter how shit the bike was. it was no coincidence that the cross necklace was back this weekend…

even my brother who is the casual of casuals noticed the difference of riding style. said that it was obvious how much fabio was fighting the bike compared to others

the special livery. my god it was SO beautiful on camera and irl… the bike looked so good on the track and fabio looked radiant in those leathers. i tried the special le mans cap but it was a flat brim which i don’t like very much and it looked ugly on me so i bought this baby instead

i was pleasantly surprised not to hear any fabio slander during the entire weekend. when you look at the comment from moto french “fans” on facebook it’s always full of hate (he only thinks about money, he is too “feminine” or whatever bullshit, homophobic shit etc.) even with his special livery (shit like omg can you believe he is a MAN and likes to wear PINK???) i heard nothing. probably for the best or i was ready to throw hands

rins didn’t come with fabio on stage in fanzone for the “meeting with riders” event and it’s understandable poor guy probably wouldn’t have had any question for him

it’s crazy how fabio’s voice sounds different to me irl. at some point i thought he sounded like mbappé 😭

when asked who was his favorite rider (the question didn’t mention past or present, but then the host said well let’s go from the current riders) fabio answered marc marquez is a legend of the sport. also joked don’t worry valentino fans lmao

got asked if he thinks there are too many ducatis on the grid. you can imagine the reaction of the crowd lol. then said that “yamaha and myself are working hard to have two more yamahas on the grid… and two less ducatis smirks”

someone asked him the obvious question of why he stayed at yamaha. answered how he understands why people don’t understand his choice right now, but that they will in the coming few weeks and right there i believed him. this man could sell me the moon

hardcore fans who take this rare opportunity to ask fabio to sign their fabio related tattoo will never fail to make me cringe but what’s way worse is the man who thought himself entitled to ask fabio about his private life in front of everyone and how “we never see the many women who are after him” posted there (do you get the gross implication there?) anyways. the cunt got booed and fabio got applauded when he answered that he has the right to keep some parts of his life private while he already shares many things with the fans

maybe i will conclude on this but going there you understand why yamaha had to do everything to keep fabio. going beyond the performance element which is obvious, fabio’s marketing power is insane. when fans were asked about their favorite brand, yamaha got the most applause. i didn’t count but i think the yamaha/fabio merch was the most worn among fans (maybe alongside with vr46 lol). and like yeah we’re in france so obviously it’s more visible but having managed to keep the face of their brand is essential in rough times like these. take honda for example, it’s like they weren’t even there this weekend, even with zarco riding one…

probably forgot many things but i think that’s enough lol. i’m already missing it (thank god i took this day off to recover) and i will certainly go again in the future!! (maybe not every year because it’s A LOT though)

#motogp #fabio quartararo #elie at le mans #elie.txt #tagging fabio because there is a strong focus on him obvs #then going back to work tomorrow... what if i kms

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altocat · 10 hours

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FFVII EC: FIRST SOLDIER CHAPTER 7

We're heeeere. After months and months of waiting, we get two chapters in one sitting! I'm breaking them down individually here. How will Miniroth's story pan out? What's Rosen's fate? Have a look below!

We open on the helicopter entering Rosen's island. Glenn reflects on how they've killed so many people and are now risking everything to save Rosen. Sephiroth muses that maybe Glenn isn't cut out to be a soldier.

They land on a hill on the island. The Mako torrent is going wild and the bailoirs are everywhere. The chimney smoke is red. Rosen is furiously piling logs into the chimney to signal his people. All of whom are dead.

Glenn tells Sephiroth to stay by the chopper where it's safe. Sephiroth refuses. They get attacked by filler monsters. Sephiroth says he's going to clear a path for the group.

The island is quaking all over the place. Glenn says they need to get to Rosen FAST. The ground is opening up from all the rumbling. Hopefully the chopper won't fall in and prevent them from escaping.

With the ground opening up, Lucia wonders if they'll make it out alive at all. Glenn says it's okay--they have Sephiroth! Sephiroth says this is out of his hands. So Glenn says to rely on HIM instead!

They find Rosen and Refu getting attacked by monsters. Rosen is confused at the group being here. Rosen says he needs to stay to warn everyone. OOF.

Rosen sadly says there's no point--all the Rhadorans are gone. Rosen is in hard denial, shocked. Glenn's excuses are weaksauce. Rosen tells them to go away and leave him alone. He runs ahead to get away from them.

With the island starting to LITERALLY SINK and fall apart, it looks like they're not going to get Rosen in time. Glenn still wants Sephiroth to go back to the chopper. Sephiroth blocks Glenn's path and insists he'll go get Rosen--he'll be much faster. He and Rosen are the same age, as well as outcasts. Glenn reluctantly agrees. AND THEY FISTBUMP AWWW. BROS.

Seph runs ahead, Glenn's team trailing behind at a slower pace. Lots of filler monsters. Glenn wants to catch up to Sephiroth. They regard the mana torrent, reflecting. This is apocalyptic shit. Glenn is pissed. This is SHINRA'S fault! Glenn is ashamed of his actions under SOLDIER. To hell with it! Glenn is taking responsibility for his own actions from now on. Matt and Lucia agree.

Refu shows up. He wants the group to follow him--Rosen might be in trouble!

Monsters block Rosen's path to the chimney and Seph shows up to save him just in time. Seph tells him the smoke is meaningless--he has to leave. Rosen still doesn't want to go, even though he knows it's all pointless. Sephiroth asks him what he wants to do and holds out a hand before slowly lowering it and hanging his head.

Refu leads the group over to the boys at a distance but they are blocked by another filler monster. Rosen and Sephiroth can't hear them. And they can't clearly hear what the two boys are saying to each other either.

Suddenly, they see SEPHIROTH PULL OUT HIS BLADE AND KILL ROSEN FUCK FUCK FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Glenn screams out NOOOOO and then some eldritch wtf monster shoots up from the ground to attack the group. It's like an angry mana spirit or some shit. Pretty sick design tho.

Glenn angrily storms over and screams at Sephiroth that he wanted this--he didn't even TRY to talk to Rosen. Sephiroth is in a state of guilty shock. To everyone's surprise, Sephiroth's FUCKING LOCKET lands in the middle of the fight and Glenn angrily KICKS THE FUCKING THING into one of the fissures. Oh fucking wow.

They get back to the chopper. Lucia gets a call from Shinra saying that all this work was for nothing since Rhadore is so unstable, and their insubordination was noted. Sephiroth brings the dog to the chopper and doesn't meet their eyes.

They fly off to safety. Sephiroth faces away from them, silent.

Fuck.

#sephiroth #ff7 #ff7ec #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #glenn lodbrok #first soldier #ffvii first soldier #ever crisis #young sephiroth #ffvii ever crisis #ff7 ever crisis #recaps #sephcanons #matt winsord #lucia lin

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skitskatdacat63 · 2 days

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Happy 5/14!!!!

Aaaaahh not sure if this is my best work 😭 I just really wanted to draw smth for vettonso day but my brain hasn't really been functioning well LOL so I kept dreading working on this, especially bcs its so important to me, y'know? I hope it's good????? I'm happy with the concept, but I was just so unsure on so many of the angles and it was killing me. I did the color thing bcs I thought it'd add something interesting to it :) since I didn't paint it as I usually would

Anyways! Process!

Now I will explain all of them:

Boy king au is where it all starts of course. I think their relationship is the most developed in this compared to the others, but at the same point, they just start from such a different point, especially affection-wise. All of these kinda have a power dynamic, except the last one, and this is the most imbalanced. Fernando is being subservient, the only part of Seb he may kiss(in public lol) is his hand.

Matador au next. They hurt themselves when they try to be affectionate, because they live in the culture of a sport of violence and death. The sword separates them, their love for the sport keeps them apart, in fear that they hurt each other. Seb, yet again, looks down upon Fernando. Seb haunts Fernando's whole career, the constant overhanging presence. Also aside from that, shame that you can't see his three musketeers look bcs of the black background 😔

2012 core!!! I think this one is pretty easy to understand. Both of them often kiss their trophies, more so than any driver. So they're both trying to claim the wdc trophy by kissing it. Maybe you guys should just get rid of the trophy altogether and claim each other! But yes, just like the sword in the matador au one, the trophy and their ambitions divides, keeps them from ever bridging the vast gap between them, at least at that point in time.

The conclusion! Aka what I wish we will get at Imola 2024- kidding kidding. But it is 2024. Finally there is no conflict between them, there's no big thing keeping them in conflict, they can finally come together. Finally they can touch, there is no gap to bridge, they can appreciate each other, and appreciate what they failed to in years past.

The thesis is basically that they always have their aspirations between them, and their aspirations happen to be basically the same thing. Until those are resolved, the gap between them is too vast for them to recognize and/or find any commonality. How do you get along with someone when you're both fighting for the same thing? How do you get along when it feels like one of you is winning more? How do you get along when there's such a vast gap?

In boy king au, it's going to take a while before they both feel settled about the issue of the throne. That's what makes that au interesting, they're trapped in this state of non-closure and they have to actually solve their issues without the matter of one of them simply removing themselves from the equation. They have to find a way to get over themselves and their aspirations, because like it or not they're stuck with each other. I think with the hand kissing, it represents how Fernando, at that point, is only willing to play along with the game if it's tradition, and he often won't budge in other ways. Yes, I will show subservience, but only in this detached, formal way that I don't connect personally to. He's still holding his own bitterness over meaningfully appreciating Seb. Though it's not like Seb isn't at fault. It takes a while for him to not hold things over Fernando, and constantly humiliate him. One day they will meaningfully show affection, and it won't be some sort of power play.

I think matador au is pretty similar to real life, and the 2010s era(it's basically just their actual plot line but in the context of bullfighting.) They're forever going to have this big elephant in the room, and it only really gets resolved when one of them leaves the sport. Once they're not fighting directly against each other, they realize what they've been missing out on and what they were not appreciating for so many years beforehand. They finally come together because they can't just rely anymore on the sport keeping them together. They actually have to make that step to be in each other's lives, rather than just taking their presence for granted.

Also the text on the comic. "We keep missing, and missing, and missing, and finally kissing." It's basically: we keep missing the point of it all, we keep failing to appreciate each other presence in our lives and in our own individual grand stories. But when we're not forced together anymore, we have to make the choice to come together again ourselves. We keep missing what we actually need to do. Missing each other in favor of our aspirations. Etc etc. One day we will finally embrace and there will be nothing keeping us apart.

#hahaha im more proud of what i wrote under the cut so make sure to read that!#im happy w the concept but the art hurt my brain so its not my best work i dont think #i also never draw kissing #so please take my token of actual shippy affection for once #VETTONSO DAY!!!!!!!!!! AAAAHH #man im glad i realized that last wk bcs i think i wouldve never recovered if i didnt draw smth for it #tho thsts why i think i kinda dont like this drawing 😭#the process was rly stressful to me bcs im like I HAVE TO FINISH THIS #its my national holiday and i must pay my dues 🤧🤧#but im happy abt the plotline of this all :)#sigh. when will vettonso truly stop missing and actually start kissing #i rly hope 005's art and mine works as some sort of sacrifice so we get pics of them together from imola #like PLEASE guys if theres literally one thing you could do for me. it would make my year. genuinely #i just need that shock again of japan 23. just the completely unexpected pictures #cmon lets have a meetup of aston failboys as they look upon the amr24 and commiserate #^ see exactly the point of this art. they have this bridging them together.#conflict that keeps them together and that they can relate to rather than dividing them #conflict is not man vs man anymore. it's man vs car 😔#f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #vettonso #catie.art.#catie.rambling.txt

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witheredoffherwitch · 15 hours

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Alicent tries to stop Aemond even after B&C sorry but he is right. Rhaenyra gaslighted Alicent in Driftmark and didn't care about her feelings, she killed her husband to marry Daemon to their knowledge so Alicent is just delulu.

Hey nonnie,

It doesn't matter to me if you like/dislike either Alicent or Aemond. What bothers me is how people are acting surprised by the "sudden development" in the trailer.

I'm not blaming Aemond here; he certainly deserves a good ass-whooping, but it's completely understandable why he would be frustrated with Alicent here. From his perspective, he's once again being overlooked in favor of his older sister - and this time by a mother who has always stood by him and defended him when he needed her most. To him, her hesitation may seem like an ultimate betrayal. However, Aemond doesn't have the same history with his sister that Alicent does, and he wasn't present when the lords of the Seven Kingdoms swore their oaths to Rhaenyra as Viserys declared her his heir. He's always known his family to be a fractured mess and has been preparing for a war ever since the tragedy that took his eye.

Now coming to Alicent's point here: she isn't betraying either of her sons, and even the makers and actors have confirmed it time and again that both Alicent and Rhaenyra will stand by their respective sides while understanding that further escalation will only lead to more pain and death for both sides. Rhaenyra's closing line in the trailer is a clear admission of this: "War is coming and neither of us may win." In the show, Rhaenyra isn't just fighting for her claim but also to fulfill Aegon's prophecy. However from Alicent's viewpoint, she is fulfilling her king's dying wish and isn't driven purely by ambition. Understanding these motivations is crucial in comprehending where each character is coming from.

Now looking towards the future of the story, Aemond and Alicent's conflict in season 2 is just a stepping stone to their eventual divide in later seasons. Remember how we all spent so much time speculating why the son never returned to his mother after Rhaenyra took King's Landing? Well, this may be the reason why. Ultimately, this story is a tragedy, and this relationship between the mother and her son is one of the most intricate and complex dynamics we may get to see in season 2. In many ways, both Alicent and Aemond are quite similar: duty-bound and fiercely loyal, yet both have deep-seated mistrust due to their pasts. And yet, their loyalty for each other is discarded as an older Alicent understands the true cost of war and can see what is coming from a mile away, while a younger militant Aemond is determined to seek revenge for the long-awaited justice he was once denied.

That's all!

#inbox asks #aemond targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #alicent hightower #hotd season 2 #hotd fandom #house of the dragon

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pointycorgiears · 1 day

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"Dad, why do you grow flowers?"

Mihawk raised his from tilling the soil while on his hands and knees. He looked at the winged boy. "Because it is good to have flowers and plants in your home, Talon."

He went back to digging, but noticed the confused look on the seraphim's face from the corner of his eye.

"But I thought we were pirates?" Talon continued. "Pirates are supposed to be mean and tough. Flowers don't seem very tough."

Mihawk motioned for Talon to hand him the bag of seeds with his hand. The child did so, understanding the gesture without a second thought. "What happens when pirates fight other pirates, and they get injured?"

Talon tilted his head. "They have to get healed."

"And what happens if their wounds don't heal?"

"They get sick. The wounds become infected."

Mihawk poured some seeds into his hand and held them out to Talon. "And how do we treat infection?"

"With medicine," Talon answered, holding his palm out as Mihawk dropped the seeds into his hand.

"Precisely. Sometimes, medicine is expensive, or can't be found. This type of seed right here will produce a flower that is used to make many different medicines. Which I will show you how to do once it grows."

Talon crouched next to Mihawk. He delicately dropped the seeds into the ground and Mihawk covered them with soil. "Okay, so these grow into medicine. But what about those ones over there?"

He pointed at little yellow blooms not too far away.

"Those are good for seasoning, so your food is to your liking."

Talon pointed again. "And those?"

"Those draw insects, so the fruit trees on the island make fruit, and the bees make honey."

"What about those ones?"

Talon was pointing at something behind Mihawk. It was a cluster of shrubs near the edge of the garden, beyond its boundary, growing out of the hillside. The plants bore tiny white flowers with pale yellow anthers in their center. Mihawk gave a small smile. "Those I did not plant. They were growing before I ever got here."

"So, they don't do anything?"

"Oh, they do indeed have a purpose. But it's not like the others."

"What is it?"

Mihawk sat back on his heels. "That flower reminds us to have hope."

Talon sat next to him in the dirt, looking puzzled. "That's not doing anything though."

"Are you sure? Remember when you had a bad dream, and it was so cold that night, you wanted nothing more than the sun to come up? I told you to be brave and patient. That the cold nights would be over soon with spring arriving. And they did."

"Yeah. It's not cold anymore, just as I hoped."

"Just as you hoped. That little bell flower blooms before the winter is even over, because it knows spring is coming. The yellow birds on the island sing when they see it, so they know to begin their nesting. It reminds all of us that the cold and dark will always come to an end somehow," Mihawk brushed a strand of white hair out of Talon's face, "and that we must always look forward to the future."

"So it's like a guide star?"

"Yes, you could say that."

Talon's eyes lit up. "I see now. It tells you where to go! Or, tells your mood where to go…"

Talon scrunched his face trying to make sense of it. Mihawk just patted him on the shoulder.

"Your grandmother used to sing a song about that flower. Do you want me to teach it to you?"

Talon fluttered his wings kicking up a little swirl of dust. "So I could sing it like Captain Buggy's songs? Yes, please!"

****

Buggy hurried down the hall. He needed to retrieve Talon and bring him to dinner. Mihawk was busy putting the last touches on their meal and asked him to go fetch the child.

He arrived at Talon's door which was not far from Mihawk's own quarters. Just as he was about to knock on slightly ajar door, he paused his hand, hearing a soft voice coming from inside.

It was the first time he'd ever heard Talon sing.

"It makes its home in the rocks and the rills, where the snow lies deep on a windy hillllll…."

Buggy peaked his head in the door. Talon had small vase in his hands with two stems of cut white flowers, their leaves intertwined.

Talon raised it in his cupped hands, gazing at it with admiration. His voice was a little louder now as he sung to it. "And it tells the world, why should I wait? This ice and snow is gonna melt away…"

He carefully set the vase on his window sill. The last rays of sunlight caught in the water and cast a glowing prism on his hands and into his eyes.

"So I'll sing the yellow bird's song, for the troubled tiiiimes…will soon be gone…"

He folded his arms and rested his chin on them, continuing to stare at the flowers while humming to them.

Buggy had to take a second to compose himself and brush away several tears before properly knocking on Talon's door.

🌸🌸🌸🌸

Just playing around with Talon some more as a warm up thing for all the writing I have to do today. This was inspired by one my favorite songs from Gillian Welch.

Acony Bell by Gillian Welch

#dracule mihawk #hawkeyes mihawk #buggy the clown #talon the seraphim #cross guild #one piece #one piece oc #s-hawk #seraphim one piece

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self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2 · 1 day

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Beautiful Spouse’s Thoughts S01x01 The Case Of Crystal Palace

“How is Netflix going to fuck this up?” “There’s only 8 episodes? Goddammit. How am I supposed to consume one year of time with this?” “What is this British thing? Are they trying to pull some Harry Potter shit or what?” “He’s really gotta a fist in that bag” “hello” “What’s with the fkn gas mask anyway?” It’s like WW1 dude

“That transition was fkn awesome” “ghosts huh?” “Oh yeah for sure” “That just fucked that lady’s whole year up” “So all ghosts can travel like that?” “That had to be fun to take” “Is he going to explode?” “So they’re kinda in the real world? Because ghost things? I guess so” “Please let it be Bille. Dammit” “So they all can travel through mirrors, but the characters we’ve met so far are from the same region” “What’s in her pocket?” idk dude

“What a fkn intro. It’s such a jokey intro for what seems to be a serious topic and go right back to the heavy drama” “Detective agency” “how do you advertise to ghosts?” “unhinged, eh?” “huh” “what the fuck are we watching?” “If nobody can see them fighting….” She’s the psychic lady

“Yeah that’s not going to draw attention immediately. I suppose regular people can’t see them normally” “American demon” “What are those called? A demon trap?” “are they going to smoke out?” “oh” “what the fuck” “that’s cool. I like it” “that was supposed to be funny?” “I’m going to have a really hard time with the sarcasm in this” “so she can see him? Is he visible to everyone else right now?” “I see…they do answer my questions” “she should walk around with a selfie stick. It would be a good masking trick” “they really messed with the audio a lot with this scene” “how many copies of Clue do you need?” “They can travel through mirrors! Why the fuck did they do this? I suppose the psychic lady can’t” “They really go hard on the bloom effects” “So they’re manifesting, and the other people can see them?” “Isn’t that the same thing?” “this is my kind of music” “what? I gotta watch that twice” “depends on the witch I guess” “is it the universe’s most powerful witch, Rowena?” “Mmm. Rowena doesn’t steal kids” “Is he going to pop his head through the fkn mirror or what?” “nice” “This show is pretty wild” “huh” “Is this some weird part of hell?” “selfie stick time” “I mean you gotta protect your own, right?” “We gotta go all the way back to 1916 to go to a 4:3 aspect ratio?” “You’re just another brick in the wall” “At this point, don’t bother with the mask” “I don’t quite understand the humor” It’s British

“I mean I like it, but it would be just as good without it” “you couldn’t just give him a fish and ask him the real way?” “There’s a surprising amount of VoiceOver in this” “The way they mix jokey topics with serious stuff is kinda weird” “so we’re deep-throating demons in this show too?” “you’d never leave the meat sign on at night. That light has got to take more power than the rest of the lights combined” “I want to talk to cats” “don’t bother waiting for her to explain” “really? Wtith the fkn jacket in the door and everything?” “It would be a Miata” “It’s not a car I would have expected” “what a fkn asshole” “so Crows can see ghosts then?” “uh sure let’s go with it” “were we supposed to laugh at the gulp?” “I’m still not sure on the humor” “except he’s already dead so what’s it matter?” “just throw a mirror down? Oh no she can’t” “this is how you fuck it all up” “that’s a lot of effort to not move the pots and pans around” “move your legs dude” “that was a neat trick” “I didn’t know the psychic lady could do tricks or whatever” “Where did she go?” “oh we’re all inside her mind now” laughter

“What the fuck dude” “just let them away that easy” “hit by a bus” “no bus” “oh shit” “it’s like the most wanted list or what? Ghosts they can’t find?” “that was pretty good”

#dead boy detectives #dead boy detective agency #dead boy detectives spoilers

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freakadr0id · 2 years

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ROTTMNT Character Fighting Style Analysis - Part 4: Donatello

Hey! I’m back with my fight-style analysis! Sorry it took so long but we’re back in business!

This is a continuation of my first post about analyzing each of the Turtles' (+April's) fighting style, their strengths and weaknesses in a fight, and how Rise uses that to highlight different aspects of their character. I highly encourage you read that first before hopping into this one for full context. There is a bit of a TL;DR at the end.

[Part 1: Leo] [Part 2: Raph] [Part 3: Mikey] [...] [Part 5: April]

[Addendum] (Small addition to this analysis)

Next up on the stand is our dear Othello von Ryan aka Bootyyyshaker9000, aka...

Donatello: Striker/Support

Fighting Styles:

Categorizing Donnie's fighting style in Rise was surprisingly difficult as Donnie doesn't appear to have an easily identifiable pattern the way his brothers do. However, after I watched all the fights he's in several times over I've come to quite an interesting conclusion:

Unlike his brothers, Donnie doesn't have a specific fighting style - he has two.

Parry and Counterattack

Donnie's primary fight style in the show utilizes a more traditional combat approach (or as traditional as Donnie can get), utilizing his bo in combination with his tech to battle the enemy at close range. This fighting style is an interesting fusion of offensive and defensive techniques to create a style that caters to Donnie's strengths. It involves Donnie goading the enemy into attacking him with a series of swipes and jabs, then using a number of blocks and parry techniques to defend himself until he can find or create an opportune moment to create an opening and hit his foe with a devastating counterattack. While Donnie might not be the strongest turtle physically, his tech and proficiency with his bo make him a force to be reckoned with in his own right.

Glass Cannon

Donnie's secondary method of fighting is one I would best describe as a "glass cannon" fight style. For those of you unfamiliar with it, the term 'glass cannon' comes from video games and TTRPGs and is used to describe a character that can deal a lot of damage, but has very little health and defense in return (think of wizard or ranged classes). "But wait, ‘Glass Cannon’ describes the attributes of a character, not their fighting style,” and yes, it does. However, in Donnie’s case, his fighting style changes in such a way that he becomes a glass cannon With this fighting style, Donnie tends to forgo the close-range, technical combat, instead more ranged attacks that rely solely on his tech. This is Donnie when he is fighting at his most offensive as these attacks can be VERY powerful and can deal a significant amount of damage, but they also leave him rather vulnerable. Donnie puts all his focus on dealing strong singular attacks, but if those fail, he ends up being more exposed to the enemy as his tech has very few defensive capabilities.

Strengths and Roles in a Fight:

Striker

Donnie is the team's striker. His role in a fight is to deal powerful, precise hits against the enemy that are intended to quickly and efficiently defeat a foe. Both of his fight styles play into this role and both his Parry-and-Counterattack and Glass Cannon method are built to deliver strong, finalizing attacks. He is often seen entering a battle after his allies instead of charging right in (although he does sometimes do that - especially early on), choosing to be a bit more precise in who he fights, or joining an ally in order to provide that finishing blow if need be. His battleshell gives Donnie an aerial advantage, allowing him to swoop in unexpectedly and strike an enemy, or boost his speed and increase the strength of his attacks. While he is seen, on occasion, fighting outside of this role, he is at his strongest when filling the Striker position.

Support

Donnie also fills the role of the team's Support and assists his brothers, April, and other members in a fight with the use of his tech (ha, get it - he's tech support). This is different than how Mikey supports the team as Mikey directly affects the enemy by disabling them, while Donnie supports the team by directly affecting those he's fighting alongside. Donnie provides numerous helpful gadgets with his tech that has a seemingly infinite number of configurations and uses in battle. His tech-bo had almost every tool under the sun and his goggles can give tactical information in a fight by pointing out weaknesses or additional information about an opponent. He also helps in moving allies around the battlefield using his hammer/tech-bo and battleshell, giving them a stronger advantage in the air and providing aerial assistance if needed. There are times when Donnie supports his allies by inhibiting the enemy, but more often than not his support is provided directly to his team.

Utility:

Donnie's Parry and Counterattack style is, arguably, his best fighting style as he can utilize his tech while fighting without being overly reliant on it. When used properly he can go up against many types of enemies and it allows him to be a bit more adaptable in a fight than he is when he is using just his tech or just traditional fighting techniques.

His Glass Cannon fighting style should not be discredited, however, as it is incredibly strong, but it is more situational than the Parry-and-Counterattack method. There are times when it is useful to have that one powerful attack that can be used to finish off an enemy to deliver an immense amount of damage, but it needs to be done in tandem with his team. When Donnie fights as a Glass Cannon by himself, he becomes incredibly vulnerable and, without anyone to back him up, puts himself at huge risk when his attack fails. Having the others nearby help weaken the enemy, making his attack more effective, or can help defend Donnie should he need it.

Donnie's fighting styles are best suited for short battles against a small number of enemies while he tends to have a hard time in long, drawn-out fights or against a large number of opponents. Donnie's strengths lie in his ability to deliver strong individual attacks, which work best when he is fighting against just a couple of enemies where he can properly focus his energy. However, the longer the fight goes on, the more Donnie begins to struggle - the longer the battle drags on, the more likely Donnie is to get hit. Despite the fact that he does very well on the defensive when using his Parry and Counterattack style, once Donnie gets hit it becomes very hard for him to recover.

Donnie's role as the Striker can conflict with his role as the Support, resulting in him often having to prioritize one over the other. If Donnie plays a more aggressive role in the fight, both his fighting styles don't give much opportunity for him to use his tech for anything but his own attacks. When Donnie needs to fall into his Support role, this means he has to significantly "back off," so to speak, so he can fully deploy and utilize his tech to help his team.

How it plays into his character:

Donnie’s fight style and roles reveal a surprising amount of information about his character, including the complexities of his personality and how his strengths and flaws are demonstrated in the way he fights.

Donnie's Glass Cannon style is the direct result of his arrogance and overconfidence in his tech. Donnie takes pride in his tech and inventions, which isn't inherently a bad thing, however, this tends to feed into Donnie's arrogance, causing him to assume that his inventions could never fail. When he does this in battle, he puts so much emphasis on his tech and his confidence in its success that he doesn't consider the possibility that the attack may not work. However, there are times when the Glass Cannon fighting style is needed, which is when Donnie has to find a balance between relying on his tech for a powerful attack and having the humility to recognize when it may not be the best option.

Donnie's Parry-and-Counterattack fighting style exemplifies how skilled Donnie can be when the best parts of his character come together. This fighting method requires Donnie to be skilled, patient, and tactical; while also demonstrating how Donnie can use his intelligence and engineering in battle without being overly reliant on it. Donnie can be rash and overeager in a fight, especially when it comes to using his tech, but when he uses his Parry-and-Counterattack style he is forced to address that in order to succeed. When Donnie uses his greatest strength, his intelligence, all of these pieces fall into place, making him a very strong fighter.

Donnie's role as a Support may not be very obvious since he tends to fight more offensively, but the way he supports his team in a fight aligns very well with how Donnie expresses his care and affection for his family. Throughout the show, Donnie repeatedly tells us that emotion and affectionate gestures are difficult for him, which could make it seem that he has little care for his family. However, this is far from the case, Rise demonstrates time and time again that Donnie deeply cares about his family, but instead of expressing it outwardly, Donnie's affection comes through in his inventions. We see several instances in the show where Donnie makes upgrades to his tech to cater to his family's needs and interests - and he does the same thing in battle. He has several gadgets specifically designed to keep his family safe, and we see how he modifies his tech to accommodate the needs of others in a fight. The love Donnie has for his family translates into every part of their lives, including battle, even when it isn't immediately obvious to anyone else.

In a Team Fight:

In a combined team effort, Donnie is the best option to go last in a team attack. Given Donnie's role as the Striker and his fighting style that is heavily geared towards singular heavy strikes, it makes sense for him to be the one to deliver that finishing blow. This is where his Glass Cannon style works best as his allies have already worn the enemy down enough to make his final, tech-heavy particularly devastating.

With the mobility and the assistance he can provide with his tech, Donnie can help set up a follow-up attack, but this means he has to take a more passive role in the fight and he doesn't get much of a chance to attack. This can be beneficial when going against weaker opponents, but less so when fighting stronger enemies.

Donnie doesn't work as well as an attacker in the early positions in a team attack as his skills as a fighter are not suited to properly set up a coordinated effort. Even though his Parry-and-Counterattack style can create an opening in the opponent's defense, it also needs a very quick attack to follow up on that, which is difficult to execute without another person nearby. Attacking first or second may also require Donnie to fight his foe for a longer period of time, which increases the chance that Donnie will get hit and won't give him the time needed to recover from it.

~-~-~-~

Donnie's analysis was definitely the most difficult one of the bunch. Whereas Leo, Raph, and Mikey all have instantly recognizable roles and fighting styles, Donnie's was much more complex. You know he's the tech guy in and out of a fight, but trying to find where he fits into battle beyond that was challenging. Interestingly enough, it mirrors how his own character is presented, where you know Donnie's general shtick early on, but it can be difficult to understand his character beyond the surface level if you don't pay attention.

~-~-~-~

[TL;DR: Donnie has two distinct fighting styles in the show - one that prioritizes close-range Parrying and Counterattack techniques and one where he prioritizes his tech and becomes a Glass Cannon. These both feed into his role as the team's Striker, where he functions best as the final attack in a team battle - while also acting as the team's Support by assisting his allies with less combative tech. His roles and fighting style are all very indicative of Donnie's overall personality and the complexities of his character.]

Oh it’s good to be back doing these again. Sorry again for taking so long, but college be college and college be a bi- well, you know. Next up is our girl April O’Neil. I really will try to get it out tomorrow but I won’t make any guarantees.

#damn this one was hard #but super fun and interesting at the same time #he’s just such a good character and that translates over to his fighting really well #I try to give each character their proper dues and equal treatment in these #but I feel like my bias kind of shows with this one #hopefully it isn’t too obvious #I really do love every one of them #(I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t)#but I’m rather partial to this nerd child #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt donatello #rise donnie #rise donatello #there’s surprisingly little to work with when it comes to Donnie fights #there are many points in the show where the others will be fighting #yet we sometimes don’t see Donnie fighting on screen #plus Donnie never really fights alone in Rise #he doesn’t get a proper ‘solo mission’#which makes it kind of hard to analyse how he fights by himself #analysis #character analysis #rottmnt analysis

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astrobei · 1 year

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every byler creator who has ever felt unappreciated or has never seen their work on a rec list or has stayed awake for hours working on something for it to get no interaction or has had their work passed up in favor of the big fandom favorites or has never been taken a chance on or has ever come last in a poll they didn’t ask to be on or has felt self conscious about posting or about calling themselves a creator if what they’re posting is not a magnum opus or has created something for themselves and still hoped deep down that people would love it: get behind me. i’ll protect u

#i’m five foot three and terrified of confrontation but i’ll go down swinging #andi would like me to add that she and i are standing on top of each other in a trench coat fighting for u all #thea is also wearing a trench coat but it’s just her and tutter in there #u all better fear thea’s fully developed frontal lobe and streamlined leadership experience (her words)#but seriously guys like #maybe i’m taking fandom too seriously or whatever but i know how scary it can be to put urself out there #especially in fandom spaces where the whole point is u want to enjoy urself and be accepted and not be judged #i’d be lying if i said that luck and timing wasn’t a huge part of why ppl enjoy my fics #and i’m flattered that my name shows up in rec lists a lot but. there are so so so many talented writers that go unnoticed when ppl fixate #on the same 5-6 names #and i know bc i’ve been them for other fandoms!#especially in this community there is such a big issue with putting big creators up on a pedestal #expecting them to be perfect and to keep churning out high quality stuff for free on demand #twt is something else too . like i’m not even talking abt that rn #and people always saying stuff like #‘atp i refuse to read fics unless they’re by _ or _ or _’#just know that even if u are not one of these names u are so so valued and appreciated #get behind me fr #ok Bye <3333333 #🫂#byler #/astro posts

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variousqueerthings · 9 months

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*sighs in post mildly broke containment again* there's nothing wrong with reading willow as a lesbian, this is a piece of fiction, and the post I made took on a jokey tone for a reason and is ultimately more about underlying bi-erasure on tv than anything else kaybye ✌

#im watching btvs #jeepers creepers but btvs is bringing out the *taking it all very seriously in a very morally high-and-mighty kind of way* crowd #and i dont mean about shit that matters such as discussing racism or misogyny in fandom #just about whether you agree or dislike someone's read of a situation - move on my friend if you dont agree #i mean i could go on a rant about HOW the show portrayed willow-the-now-lesbian #(and while im at it why i hc buffy-the-apparent-heterosexual as bi too but nobody has disputed that part oddly enough)#but that would be an effort im truly not interested in expending on this day and possibly never and has been written before #im mostly just live-blogging and moving on #if im writing anything fanfic-wise it'll be about kendra and that'll be my full fandom contribution #ok but the ONE thing i'll mention is the fight willow has with tara which is one of the rare Ls for tara #where she basically admits that she's afraid this is a phase because willow has loved men/been with oz #and that's just an interesting fight from a meta perspective because the idea that bi women have to *choose a side*#and are consistently questioned and doubted by their lesbian partners #is a core element of biphobia within a gay relationship that many people can attest to #hell it's a big part of bisexual rep that is conscious of itself that at some point there's a plotline where the person is questioned #about their true loyalties and asked to take a side #btvs ofc is NOT conscious of this underlying tension and in fact i would argue is agreeing with tara that this is what needs to happen #for several other reasons as well #but literally people have WRITTEN about this im not saying anything bold and controversial here AND it doesnt take away #from lesbian willow reads to acknowledge the flawed approach of the show to her sexuality like come on #willow rosenberg

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waterbearable · 5 months

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hwhite dnd game fandom insufferable all around whyyyyyy do you think. that it is. subversive/transformative. for the vast majority of fanfic works to center around the white male characters, when the majority of the player base focuses on romancing the women in-game? like. yes. i am sure that is probably because of a substantial player base of straight males. i do not think that you are necessarily being radical here. esp when y'all like to talk about these white men to the exclusion of all else. please.

#ari speaks #i say. again. as a fan. there's too many of yall that think you've transformed a space meanwhile the one black character #is fighting for crumbs on a good day??#and you think it is. subversive. for you to be obsessing over two white men compared to the other women and black man?#where's the transformation. point. show it to me. i beg.#sorry i'll stop griping i'm just. cmon now.

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drchucktingle · 4 months

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THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION TELLS CHUCK TINGLE TO STAY HOME BUT WE PROVE LOVE ANYWAY

just when you buckaroos thought 2024 would be a break from book drama, here comes chuck tingle in the mix. recently i was asked to be a featured speaker at the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION annual conference. a few days ago they rescinded my invitation. here is what happened.

(EDITED TO ADD THIS LINK. if you have a hard time reading this on way of tumblr you can also read for free on chucks patreon)

i would like to start off by saying it is not my intent to start a fight, and all those reading this should know that the actions of a few misguided folks do not speak for the whole TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION. i am sure there are many involved who will be very upset to learn what others at TLA have done in their name. there are many individuals here, so please do not paint them all as villains in your mind. besides, chuck loves the dang library everyone knows that.

the point of writing this is not to vilify. i am writing this is because MOMENTS OF DARKNESS are the best places to SHINE A LIGHT AND PROVE LOVE IS REAL. this is a perfect time for learning and growing and for us talk on some very important things that queer buckaroos and neurodivergent buckaroos face every day. this is an unfortunate moment that WE can turn around and use to prove love is real.

i am also writing this to understand some of my own personal feelings on the matter. for something that seems very simple on the surface, the trot is complex, and i am still working out my emotions on the whole dang thing. i am learning in this way.

PART ONE: BAG OF LOVE

a few months ago chuck was asked to be a featured speaker at the 2024 TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION ANNUAL CONFERENCE. i have been asked to do things like the before and it is ALWAYS a fun time to meet bookseller and librarian buds. trotting around face to face and talking about my story of conquering chronic pain and overcoming my mental hurdles is VERY IMPORTANT to me. i say YES to these things whenever i can. (here i am with authors at CALIFORNIA INDEPENDENT BOOKSELLERS ALLIANCE conference. they are a WONDERFUL group and they proved love with their OWN invitation to chuck. this was such a moving event with so many amazing authors and stories. got very teared up during this photo)

ANYWAY BUCKAROOS i get the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION invite and say 'YES BUD LETS TROT'. we are then confirmed.

months pass. a few weeks ago i get a call from my manager and agent and publisher saying ‘the TLA have rescinded their invitation.’

turns out some things had been going on behind the scenes

at some point the TLA asked chucks INCREDIBLE HEROIC BAD ASS PUBLISHER if chuck would be okay with not wearing the mask, to which tor/nightfire/macmillan said ‘what the heck are you talking about of course chuck is going to wear his mask. this is how chuck presents himself’ (NOT EXACT QUOTE)

as you all know, my pink bag way is a VERY IMPORTANT SPACE. as an autistic buckaroo it is a boundary that allows me to express myself freely and relieve my chronic pain from neurotypically masking all day. i have talked about this for years, and it is why i consider my private identity a SACRED THING. it is literally a health issue.

fortunately THE PINK BAG is never really a problem when making appearances. i have spent years going on television shows, doing interviews, speaking at other conferences and conventions, hosting book events on tour, and even MEETING WITH LAWYERS in my pink face covering. it is always respected and that is very validating to my way.

when arriving anywhere i always take precautions. i always warn buckaroos ahead of time that there is a masked man coming. i always have someone go in ahead of me JUST IN CASE. again, there has never been an issue. at a big conference where i am a special guest there is ESPECIALLY not an issue because my face and bio are printed IN THE DANG PROGRAM

SOME FUN TIMES AT BIG EVENTS BELOW:

CHUCK ON TV SHOW NAME OF 'AT MIDNIGHT' BACK BEFORE I WROTE LOVE IS REAL ON MY HEAD:

well, there has never been an issue.... UNTIL NOW.

PART TWO: RESCINDED

a few days ago TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION suddenly messaged my publishers and said that chuck tingle is no longer invited. my invitation was rescinded. the reason given was that people could possibly be uncomfortable with my mask

right out of the gate i would like to say this: it is absolutely the right of the texas library association to disinvite someone from their conference. it is their event, after all, and they can ban anyone they would like, for any reason.

of course, that doesnt mean other folks HEARING THIS NEWS wont have their own opinions the TLA choices. if the TLA disinvites someone, their reasoning for doing this can be discussed and analyzed. whether or not they follow their own guidelines can be questioned, and certainly their kindness and tact can be considered

there are a few BIG POINTS to make regarding this choice from the TLA

first and foremost, i just gotta say buckaroos, it is incredibly rude to invite someone to be a guest speaker at your event, have them confirm and mark off their calendar and turn down other offers, then rescind their invitation. this is maybe the simplest of the points, but it is an important one.

second, (DEEP BREATH HERE WE GO BUCKAROOS) i personally do not think of my autism as a disability very often, but i also KNOW that despite these feelings it ABSOLUTELY IS. autism is important to be listed as a recognized disability because of the help some autistic buckaroos need regarding government programs and things like that. ALSO just because my neurodivergence has helped me in some ways (hyperfocus and a unique artistic sensibility for example). i personally need to step back and remember my battle with stress and chronic pain from having to neurotypically mask all the time. for as much as i love being autistic it has made some things very difficult.

in other words, i am perfectly capable of speaking and interacting with folks without this pink bag on my head BUT WHEN I AM IN THE CHUCK TINGLE SPACE I REQUIRE IT. i can ONLY use this space while covering my face. is not a want. it is a need. holding this boundary is more important than i can ever say. i will not, and can not, let these spaces cross.

TLA not letting an autistic author wear the face cover theyve set up to express their neurodivergence in a safe, healthy way is--for lack of a better term--NOT A GOOD LOOK.

i cannot fathom them disinviting another author for using a disability aid. i cannot fathom them saying that a buckaroo who hears better with a hearing device cannot use it during their panel because it would make others 'uncomfortable'.

but here we are.

PART THREE: WHAT DOES A BUCKAROO GOTTA DO TO GET BANNED AROUND HERE?

this is the TLAs official stance on disability issues according to their website:

when poking around on the TLA website i noticed a few other things. i noticed a previous guest speaker wearing a niqab, and i was left wondering if the religious significance is what make that okay but chuck tingle banned. that made sense until i looked deeper and saw mascot buckaroos dressed up on the exhibition floor, and saw some kind of spiderbud in a costume contest. nobody around them seemed to be all that scared. their invitations REMAINED INTACT.

it should be mentioned here that AT ONE POINT during the discussions an email was sent from TLA saying chuck is allowed to come and wear his mask in the exhibition halls and smaller panels, just not at any of the big PAID PANELS i was once supposed to participate on. this was a confusing offer, but their explanation was that people who paid for something should have the option to not see chucks 'scary neurodivergence aid'. i tried to wrap my head around WHY they would make a distinction. maybe the exchange of money (rather than time) causes some kind of philosophical adjustment that i just cant grasp?

i wonder, would the author who wears a niqab ALSO be banned from the paid panels? i hope not

my answers trotted up short until i investigated deeper and found this quick moment from one of the TLA help videos. while some events DO require additional buckaroo cash, it actually appears that THE ENTIRE CONFERENCE IS TICKETED AND COSTS MONEY.

at this point i realized there is clearly no actual official policy about not covering your face (other than one from a few years ago saying that you HAVE to cover your face), and the addition of 'money' is a red herring. these excuses make no sense

PART FOUR: CLOSE THOSE GATES

it appears that my neurodivergence is 'scary' enough to get me uninvited, REGARDLESS what their disability and mask policies may say

BUT WHY? why is chucks preferred physical presentation valued SO little by the TLA that a THEORETICAL complaint is worth more? is my neurodivergent expression so awful? is my own safety as a queer activist such an afterthought?

is a pink bag with the words 'love is real' scrawled across the front REALLY going to frighten someone when the posters and pamphlets on the way into in panel would have a photo of my masked face saying THIS IS LITERALLY WHO IS ABOUT TO APPEAR BEFORE YOU.

if THAT accommodation is too much, would it really be so difficult to have someone trot out beforehand and make an announcement? to say 'there is someone on this upcoming panel who needs a mask to express this part of himself, if this makes you uncomfortable then this panel might not be for you'.

and really, i have to heckin ask, is this physical expression of my raw inner truth really so hideous and frightening that fear of making someone uncomfortable is a REAL problem?

(a terrifying display of autism. apparently)

i cannot imagine what kind of precautions they need to take before a stage play featuring costumes and masks.

you MIGHT think chucks queerness and left leaning politics could be the issue with this organization, but they have had drag queens as past speakers (also featuring some GLORIOUS makeup and hair that covers almost all of their faces. VERY CURIOUS). regardless, the TLA do not seem like a conservative bunch.

if you are bisexual or an autistic person who is good at 'passing' you probably already know where this is headed, your dang spiderbuckaroo senses are tingling at FULL ALERT. i will say i do not KNOW the real reason why i was uninvited, and i do not have enough information to make any concrete statement of the real answer. there is only evidence that masks have been fine at TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION events in the past, but not much else to go on.

so the FACTS part of our discussion ends there, but i think it opens us up to talk about some very important feelings that bisexual and autistic buckaroos know well.

THIS is where we take a unfortunate, hurtful moment and turn it into a discussion. this is where we prove love is real.

as someone who is constantly doubted and put through purity tests because of my unique way, we are pushing up against a subject i know well. thats right buckaroos: we are talking GATEKEEPING

AGAIN, i do not know if this is the answer, but someone in my position might be VERY STRONGLY INCLINED TO THINK that a few well-meaning left leaning buckaroos think i am a joke and that this is a character, and that there is something problematic about my work because i am not really a real person.

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a neurodivergent buckaroo with an unusual visual presentation, an autistic buckaroo who conquered his chronic pain ONLY by creating this important space... but what about a FAKE autistic buckaroo?

any upstanding left leaning organization would OF COURSE allow a mask for a queer LGBTQ activist standing up for gay and trans rights against a torrent of scoundrels hunting for his legal identity. its a matter of safety... but what about a FAKE queer activist?

let me be very clear for the 100th time: i am a real person. this is not a joke. i am not playing a character. i am really autistic and bisexual. tinglers are sincere and they are not ‘so bad theyre good’. they are just good. camp damascus is not ‘my first serious book’ because my queer erotica is serious. my art is important and real.

when people tell me to unmask they often do not know WHY they want it, and of course one very good reason is innocent curiosity. but there are SOME cases where i start to get THAT feeling--that tingle all of us ‘passing’ buckaroos get when we can sense the real intent behind the poking and prodding. that is the feeling of stumbling into a gatekeepers crosshairs.

if i was to take off my pink bag, what about my face would you analyze to tell if i was REALLY queer. my eye color? my ear shape? if you learned my legal name, would you see if it sounded autistic? is my voice neurodivergent enough?

or is all of that utterly absurd? i am curious what the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION thinks.

PART FIVE: GENDERED

this will be the shortest of parts, but it has to be said. i have a very complex relationship with gender, as written about at length here and here. i understand these things can be difficult to parse for some, but i ask that you trust me when i say that the ONLY reason i have been able to talk about my gender and sexuality and learn these things about myself is because of this pink bag. this outward appearance is a direct expression and reflection of my gender journey.

if the texas library association does not care about my appearance as an expression of my autism, then i cant imagine them giving a dang about it as an expression of my gender and queerness. that being said, it is personally very important to me and i think it should be mentioned

PART SIX: SO YOU WANT TO REMOVE AN AUTISTIC QUEER AUTHOR FROM YOUR EVENT BECAUSE PEOPLE MIGHT FIND THEIR DIFFERENCES SCARY

there is a question to be asked here: how could the TLA have done this correctly?

i have one very big piece of advice i would like to shout from the rooftops. please, for the love of sweet barbara, DO ENOUGH RESEARCH to know if this appearance will be a problem and, IF SO, dont extend an invitation in the first place. unique buckaroos with different presentations are constantly left in this place of limbo because we are bombarded with careless actions like those of the TLA. before you consider extending a branch to an artist who might need more accommodations than usual, think to yourself 'CAN WE MAKE THESE ACCOMMODATIONS?'

putting all of this on the shoulders of a single 'buckaroo with a difference' is exhausting. as the TLA has shown, we currently live on a timeline where a buckaroo like myself never really knows if an invite is SOLID without doing a deep dive history lesson on how often a group discriminates and against who.

i did not want to spend my whole family holiday worrying whether or not i should say something publicly or just lie down and shut my dang mouth. i had to consider HOW i should say it. i had to worry whether or not its worth standing up for myself in the face of the largest state library association in the country. i think buckaroos with differences are with me when i say: WE ARE SICK OF HAVING TO DO THIS WORK TO COVER FOR THE POOR BEHAVIOR OF LARGE ORGANIZATIONS WHO TREAT US BADLY

another option would just be to use kindness and common sense and happily accommodate artists with unique presentations to your conventions

PART SEVEN: LOVE IS STILL REAL

i would like to close by saying THANK YOU to my publisher nightfire and editor kelly for standing up for me. they immediately stood firm and had my back. they are the real dang deal. THANK YOU to my management and agent buds dongwon and gino for trotting along beside me. THANK YOU to the folks at the texas library association who initially invited chuck with goodness in their heart and then likely got bowled over by someone else, and maybe even got knocked to the side by a big closing gate.

i hope there are librarians in texas who are still interested in carrying BURY YOUR GAYS when it comes out (which is ironically about someone who creates a space through art to express their queerness where they cant otherwise). libraries prove love is real and what they do IS SO IMPORTANT. it was SO IMPORTANT TO ME as a young buckaroo and i cannot thank you enough. i am not sure if me writing all of this will hurt my sales in some way, but this opportunity to speak about the reality of disability awareness and queer gatekeeping is too important to stay silent. (if you have not already preordered BURY YOUR GAYS then give it a preorder to make up for some texas library losses i guess.)

which leads me to my final thank you. THANK YOU to the buckaroos reading this. yes YOU. i am in the position to stand up and speak my mind against scoundrel forces ONLY because i have the might of you buckaroos by my side. the buckaroo trot is ALL OF OUR TROT and we are ALL HERE TO PROVE LOVE. i cannot tell you how much i appreciate the way you have created a space for me to express these important parts of myself. you have seen this pink mask over my face and saying YES, I ACCEPT YOU, you have literally saved my life. for that i am so thankful.

if you are UPSET by what youve read here, then turn it into something positive. you can support autistic creators, or make a donation to the AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK

and besides WHO IS REALLY MISSING OUT? this is what it looks like when you invite the worlds greatest author chuck tingle to your event and treat their identity as valid. WE HAVE A DANG GOOD TIME

youtube

KEEP TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE. KEEP KICKING DOWN GATES WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. KEEP PROVING LOVE IS REAL AND PROVING IT TOGETHER. lets go buckaroos - chuck

UPDATE AN HOUR AFTER POSTING:

true buckaroo TJ KLUNE was set to be another author on panel chuck was removed from and has informed me he has now chosen to decline his invitation in support and solidarity with chuck. i am so deeply moved by this. thank you from bottom of heart buckaroo

to be very clear TJ has a huge platform and DOES NOT NEED TO DO THIS. these conferences are great for book sales and he is taking a hit out of pure solidarity. this is queer buckaroos standing up for eachother. i am floored by this kindness and love

please consider checking out his books if they are not already covering your dang bookshelf. chuck blurbed IN THE LIVES OF PUPPETS and i was blown away i heckin loved it

MOST RECENT UPDATE:

here is more

#love is real #chuck tingle #tingleverse #texas library association #actually autistic #lgtbqia #Youtube

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ibtisams · 21 days

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The student protests for Palestine have been an amazing show of solidarity and support and seeing the way that so many young people are willing to stand up for their values is admirable when so many others stay silent. But this is all to say that we are entering a pattern of glorifying these white “martyrs” from the global west to put all of this effort and resources and media coverage into instead of the actual cause they are fighting for.

I saw the same thing happen with Aaron Bushnell, when his self immolation was being talked about more than the actual genocide in Gaza (which went against everything he said he was self immolating for in the first place).

And again this happened with the prisoner from the US who worked 136 hours just to be able to donate his $17 check to Palestine aid efforts. In response to this, people wanted to help him and ended up raising over $100,000 in a gofundme for him. This feels almost satirical, as every gofundme to help Gazans evacuate Palestine and get to safety has a goal of less than $100,000 and most of them are not even close to reaching it.

And now, there are more and more posts on how to get aid to the college student encampments, and the “urgency” of getting enough bail funds for the students who have been arrested during them. Talking about Palestine itself and getting resources to Palestine has almost been put on the back burner in favour of making all Palestine related news about college students in the United States.

It think it is valuable to recognise the selflessness and importance of these protests, and getting these students resources but what is MORE important, and what these people are truly fighting for, and protesting, and make a statement about is PALESTINE. We have unsurprisingly reached the point where there are people who care much more about the white people fighting for the cause from the comfort of living in the global west than they care about the Palestinians undergoing a genocide in Gaza. It’s become almost blatant racism, the way people begin to drop everything the second a white/usamerican person does something in regards to helping Palestine, but will not put the same effort into a Palestinian IN Gaza who is telling their story or asking for help. I respect anyone who has done absolutely anything to help Palestine, but I hope people are starting to see the pattern of how the media gravitates towards the “white saviour/perfect martyr” instead of the first hand accounts coming from those in Gaza.

Anyway FIND A GOFUNDME AND DONATE TO HELP FAMILIES IN GAZA ESCAPE GENOCIDE

#if you read all of this thanks #if you read all of this and didn’t unfollow me thanks x2 #👍

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osaemu · 5 months

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GOJO SATORU: ❛❛ IS IT OVER NOW? (IT ISN'T) ❜❜

.ೃ࿐ streamer!au: all good things come to an end, including your relationship—but don't worry, broken hearts can be mended, but only if you're both willing to try.

contents: fem!reader. you two break up and make up! you guys fight/break up over something that coulda been resolved with better communication. kinda suggestive ending, maybe i'll drop a part two if this does alright. satoru announces your break-up on his stream. longest fic i've posted so far, 4k words (kms).

author's note: the long awaited angst has finally arrived.. big thank you to @screampied for beta-reading!! tagging @yunymphs who read it early and @sutorus + @kentopedia who i both miss very much!!

ever since you first joined satoru on his stream, it’s gotten way more popular than either of you could’ve ever expected. before he brought you onto his live, he was averaging about eight thousand views per stream. now, his average was well over fifteen thousand—and that wasn't even including the publicity he got from other websites. when satoru accidentally left the camera on while you two made out, you two went viral on twitter. and when another user tried to swipe him away, the clip got over a hundred thousand views on youtube.

at first, satoru didn't mind the change his stream was going through—in fact, he welcomed it. but lately, things have been… different.

last week, while satoru was playing in some competition, he won first out of hundreds of equally proficient players. had it been anyone else, their comments would've been filled with congratulations and good job's, but in his case, all satoru got were messages asking where you were. that wasn’t the first time—ever since that very first day, when you showed up on his stream, satoru’s audience has entirely shifted. and honestly, if you were in his position, you'd be a bit annoyed. anyone would be.

but you had never expected that it would be so big of a deal that you and satoru—the "cutest couple on the internet"—would break up over it.

you walk along the chilly, suburban sidewalk up to your boyfriend’s house. satoru had just sent you a message asking if you could come over, and like always, you answered with an immediate yes. a flock of crows fly by, raven feathers providing a stark contrast between them and the pale gray sky around you. it’s gray and gloomy, but not unpleasant.

a sweet, romantic song plays in your ears as you knock three times on satoru’s front door. his familiar voice calls out “coming!”, and you can hear his footsteps grow louder and louder until he swings open the door. satoru smiles down at you, cheeks already rosy from the cold winter air. “hey.”

you tilt your head and smile back at him. “that’s all i get? hey?” you huff, walking into his living room behind him as the door closes behind you. “d’you have any hot chocolate? i’m freezing,” you say, licking your lips. satoru turns and pauses, an unreadable expression on his face. “satoru?”

after a moment, your boyfriend snaps out of it. “oh, yeah, sorry,” he says ruefully. satoru rubs his eyes with one hand and uses the other to open the door to his bedroom, and as you follow him in, you’re hit with a blast of warm air. “i’m just kinda tired, but yeah, i have some hot cocoa in here. c’mon.”

“anything i can do for you?” you offer, sitting down on the corner of his bed. you’ve been to his house so many times that it feels like home—maybe even more so than your own place. everything about satoru’s room is comfortable, from his plush chairs to the faux-fur blankets draped over every single piece of his furniture. you could probably fall over at any given point and it wouldn’t actually hurt—you’d just land on something soft and/or fluffy.

but that wasn’t all that made you so in love with his home. it was just the way it felt—words couldn’t describe the way everything was just so right and just so perfect, and you really did hope that you’d never have to see a time where you wouldn’t be able to spend time with your boyfriend here.

it really is a shame that all good things had to come to an end. at least, that’s what you kept telling yourself as satoru finally told you why he called you over. unlike nearly every other time, it wasn’t because he missed you or wanted to cuddle—it was quite the opposite, really.

“i don’t think this is working.”

six words that shattered the life you had come to know and love.

“is this a joke?” you try, an unnerved smile spreading across your lips against your will. he doesn’t reply instantly, which is so out-of-character for him that it makes you stiffen up. “satoru, this isn’t funny—”

“i’m not kidding,” satoru murmurs, looking away. he refuses to meet your eyes, and some part of you is still desperately trying to find reason in the chaos that’s slowly taking over your mind. how could it be that everything was just fine two minutes ago and now it’s anything but that? did something happen? did you say the wrong thing? did you—

“it’s not funny,” you insist, still somehow clinging onto your slowly-dwindling hope. maybe you’re in denial, but still, you were sure that everything was fine—no, that everything is fine. there was no past-tense, right? how could the glass home you’d built with your bare hands just crash down at the throw of a pebble?

satoru finally meets your eyes, and your breath catches in your throat. there’s no amused glimmer in his eyes, no “just kidding” in sight, and even worse, you can’t even see an ounce of the love or adoration you’d come to grow so attached to in just a couple months.

“what happened?” you whisper, miraculously managing to keep yourself together. you’d never forgive yourself if you just started crying over a breakup you weren’t even sure was happening—what little’s left of your pride is holding on. you allow yourself to wrap your arms around your chest, curling into your own embrace.

satoru doesn’t reply for a long second. right when you’re sure he just won’t reply, he does, and it all comes spilling out in a messy stream of words. “it’s just… i can’t do this anymore. i can’t keep going online and seeing everyone on my stream talking about you. i love you, i really do, but it’s just—” satoru shakes his head frustratedly. “i don’t know how to say it, but you know what i mean, right?”

your eyebrows furrow and you shake your head. “you’re breaking up with me because you’re tired of seeing me?”

“no, fuck,” satoru groans, running a hand through his hair. his previously cool and collected demeanor starts to fall apart as he takes a step back. “i don’t know how to explain it, but— shit, you wouldn’t understand.”

you swallow and start to stand up, still willing to try. “then help me understand, satoru, i—”

“you’ve seen the comments, and you’ve seen all the posts on twitter,” satoru says, tilting his head back and glaring at the ceiling. “it’s not your fault, but i really just can’t stand everyone disregarding me and turning my own stream into a youtube channel starring you.”

his words sting like alcohol in an open wound, and you fight the battle of your life to prevent the thousands of tears hiding behind your eyes from being visible. even so, your voice wobbles ever so slightly as you say “that’s a bullshit reason to break up, satoru—”

your boyfriend—is he even still your boyfriend?—scoffs and shakes his head, stumbling back and falling into his chair. "for you, it isn't. you wouldn’t understand. for me, it's like everyone's just... invalidating the three years i've spent on this shit. and i can't do it anymore, i just can't."

you blink slowly, backing away towards his bedroom door. "what does that mean?"

satoru exhales a bitter laugh and turns away, the back of his chair facing you. you think you can hear him take a soft, shaky breath as the room falls silent. neither of you make a sound before satoru turns back toward you, a blank look on his face.

he looks up at you, azure eyes devoid of the sparkle you've become so familiar with. satoru smiles sadly, but to your dismay, there's no real emotion behind it. it's almost like he's already accepted it when he says, "it means we—" he pauses and looks away. "this is over."

you reach out toward him, desperate to hold on to him—to the invisible string that ties you and satoru together, but he's just out of your grasp. "satoru, it isn't even that big of a deal, why are you—"

satoru turns and fixes you with a stern glare, and just like that, the string that kept you and satoru together for months, maybe years snaps, and you're left with a limp strand of what it once was. taking the hint, you walk out of his room in a daze, hardly noticing the way he says "i'm sorry".

and the worst part? he said he still loved you. but apparently that wasn’t enough.

satoru has every right to be annoyed that his stream is only growing because of you—his stream was the way he made money, and after all, it was never meant to be about you.

and maybe he was never meant to be for you either.

the walk home is cold and lonely. you slip a hand into your pocket—the pocket of satoru's hoodie, which you should probably return to him—and extract your earphones. it probably isn't a good idea to wear both outside as you walk home, but you do it anyway—this day can't possibly get any worse.

a soft voice murmurs words of sorrow and encouragement in your ear as the music takes you to another world. maybe this—the breakup—was meant to happen. maybe it was a mistake to date a boy with thousands of fans.

as soon as you get home, your phone dings softly. you pick it up and frown when you see it's from toru. you'd have to change that name later.

toru: idk if u blocked me already but i still have a lot of ur things, do u wanna come pick them up later?

toru: or i can drop them off tmrw ig

you miss the way he used to text you—with an obnoxious amount of exclamation points and an even worse amount of emojis. now, it's like all of the flavor's gone from his words, and it hurts. that's when it actually settles in, that this is really over. it hurts like an icicle being driven straight through your heart, and it stings like one, too.

satoru's texts are left on delivered for five whole minutes before you reply, and it's only with an "i'll come by tmrw". he likes the message less than a minute later, and you're left to wallow in your misery alone until you finally drift off to sleep.

the next morning, you open your phone to a notification alerting you that satoru’ll be live on stream in ten minutes. curiosity kills the cat, but in this case, maybe it’d be worth it to see what he tells his viewers about your breakup. after all, there’s no way he wouldn’t tell them—he always had something to say about you, and he’d probably rather tell them for sure rather than let them come up with ridiculous theories on their own.

so you hastily make a new account using some email account you haven’t touched since middle school, trying a couple different passwords until you remember the one that works. the website hits you with a hundred questions, asking you about your favorite games and who’d you like to subscribe to first. you choose satoru, albeit after a second of hesitation. two minutes later, sparklingzebra672 joins your ex-boyfriend’s stream. you wait a second, holding your breath as the live loads. a brief moment later, satoru’s painfully familiar face appears on your screen.

“hey guys,” satoru says, forcing a smile on his face. even from behind a screen, you swear you can feel his eyes on you. “how’s everyone today?”

the already unstable smile on satoru’s face falls when he opens the comments and gets greeted with a flurry of where’s your girlfriend’s. had you been anyone else, you probably wouldn’t have noticed the way satoru’s eyes dulled ever so slightly or the way he curled into himself, but being the girl who once knew him best, you could tell.

“oh, she won’t be back on here for… a while,” satoru starts, dancing around the topic. he leans back against his chair and tilts his chin up, azure eyes focused on the ceiling. “we broke up.”

nothing could’ve prepared you for the way satoru’s comments explode. it’s almost like you can hear the shocked gasps coming from all fourteen—no, twenty thousand viewers as the words nobody thought would ever they’d hear from satoru are spoken.

suguru-geto: holy shit im so sorry

toji-fushiguro: wait wtf r u kidding?? that's fuckin crazy

yuuji-itadori: omg i thought u guys were together forever :(

inumaki: chat is this real??

satoru shrugs, averting his eyes from the hundreds of comments pouring in, but you scroll through and read them all. everyone, even satoru’s haters, seems genuinely shocked. in fact, had this not been your own breakup, you would’ve been one of them, begging and pleading satoru for more details.

“yeah, we did,” satoru murmurs, eyebrows furrowing just enough for you to read his expression. now that you’re looking closer, you can see the subtle redness underneath his eyes—had he been crying too? and maybe you’re imagining it, but his hair seems a bit dishelved too. your ex-boyfriend shrugs, forcing his face back into his usual lighthearted expression, but it’s not fooling anyone.

satoru scowls at the new flood of comments asking him why you two broke up. some people are already hypothesizing—maybe it’s because you got jealous of his fame, or maybe he got sick of you. maybe you left him to go date some other streamer, or maybe—

“i’m actually gonna end the stream here, ‘cause i don’t really want to deal with all of this right now,” satoru says with a frown. his eyes are narrowed irritably as a couple users protest, still begging for more details. “you guys know that i’m a real person with my own life, right? fuck off.”

and just like that, the stream ends. you’re left with a blank screen and a message saying that satoru’s ended the live, so you shut your laptop. your stomach turns as you groan, just remembering that you have to go over to his place later to retrieve your things, and somehow, you’d have to pretend that you didn’t just stalk his stream to see if he’d say anything substantial about the breakup.

a couple minutes after the stream ends, your phone blows up—every mutual friend you and satoru have is messaging you about what he said, but you can’t bring yourself to open any of them. except for one.

suguru: r u ok?

you: yeah ig

suguru: do u want anything?

satoru’s best friend’s question catches you off-guard—there are a lot of things you want. you want this whole situation to go away. you want the world to disappear. and most of all, you want satoru back, without the online world attached.

but suguru can’t do any of those things, can he? so you leave him on read.

somehow, you fall back asleep, tossing and turning in your bed without satoru’s steady arms to accompany you. a couple hours later, you wake up again, wincing from the dim sunlight that pours through your windows and directly into your eyes. it’s just past five, so you figure that you might as well go down to satoru’s house and get your things. better to do it now than drag it out for an uncertain amount of time.

the walk is shorter than you remember, but maybe it’s just the absence of music pouring into your ears that makes it seem that way. you watch the wilted autumn leaves flutter in the wind, falling down onto the sidewalk like pieces into place. once upon a time, you had walked these very streets with satoru—it’s a fond memory you remember only all too well.

when you finally step onto your ex’s doorstep, the door opens before you even have a chance to knock. and there he is—the boy who’d once been the love of your life. satoru looks down at you with an unreadable expression. “hey.”

you think you’ve seem this film before, and you didn’t like the ending.

satoru spares you from having to reply by opening the door wider and beckoning you inside. “i already put most of your stuff into a couple boxes, but i thought you’d wanna check on your own. just in case i forgot something.”

you nod and walk past him, not trusting your voice to be steady. this was harder than you expected—much harder. in fact, you’re practically on the verge of breaking down when you step into satoru’s room and look around and see just how different it looks without the touches of you everywhere.

the fortnite poster you’d given him as a joke for the second anniversary of his stream was gone from his wall, and so were the two mini succulents that used to sit on the corner of his desk. the white cat plushie that used to rest on his pillow was gone, too—probably stuffed somewhere in one of the boxes outside his bedroom door.

after nearly a minute of looking around, you decide that whatever satoru possibly could’ve missed wasn’t important enough for you to have to stick around any longer.

you turn and start to exit satoru’s room so fast that you nearly crash into him when he suddenly appears in the doorway. “shit, sorry about that,” you mumble, trying to walk around him. but of course, because the universe is actually praying on your downfall, you and satoru both walk the same way at the same time. you awkwardly try to go around each other, and eventually, the humiliation is over.

“so, you got everything?” satoru asks, walking beside you with his hands in his pockets. you nod, bending over to pick up one of the two boxes. it’s pretty heavy, but not unmanangable. you just don’t really seem to know if you’ll be able to carry both back home at once.

“oh, uh, i’ll be right back,” you say tentatively. a flash of confusion appears in satoru’s eyes, so you clarify, “i’m gonna go grab my car. that’ll make it easier.”

satoru’s eyebrows furrow and he shakes his head. “no, it’s alright. your place isn’t far from here at all, i’ll just take the other and walk back with you.”

“no, really, it’s alright.”

“it’s the easiest option, ba—” satoru cuts himself off, stopping himself from calling you baby for the first time since you two had started dating. “sorry.”

“let’s just go.”

the walk back to your house is brutal. you walk side by side with satoru since the path is wide enough for you to do so, and you two just keep bumping into each other. had you still been dating, satoru probably would’ve dropped the box and scooped you up instead, kissing your cold face to warm it up. of course, that would’ve added five minutes to your walk, but it would’ve been better than the tense silence dividing you and satoru right now.

the wind whistles around you, brushing at your skin and making you shiver with every gust—there’s nothing more you’d like than to go home, plop on your couch and cry while watching the titanic for the hundredth time.

after what seems like three hundred awkward hours later, you and satoru finally make it to your house. “thanks,” you say quietly, setting down your box in front of the door.

satoru places his next to yours and slips his hands back into his pockets. he nods and replies, “no problem,” but still doesn’t leave.

you cross your arms, and tilt your head, meeting his eyes hesitantly. “umm, do you need anything else?”

satoru coughs tensely and shrugs. “oh, uh, not really, just—” his eyes drift down to your top, and your face grows warm when you realize you’re still wearing his hoodie.

“shit, my bad,” you mumble, internally cringing and resisting the urge to say every curse word you know. could this day really get any worse?

well, at least satoru looks equally as embarrassed. he shakes his head and gestures for you to keep it on. “it’s fine, it’s kinda cold anyways. keep it.” satoru hesitates, shuffling his feet before continuing, “if you want something… to remember me by.”

what you say next was done entirely against your will. “do you still love me?” you ask suddenly, not sure what otherworldly force prompted you to do so. you instantly regret it when satoru’s face goes even redder, and you can tell it’s not from the cold the way his blush spreads to his ears.

“i— uh, i mean—”

“answer me, satoru, i think i have a right to know.”

he looks away and mumbles something about needing to go back home, to feed his fish or something (he doesn’t have a fish), and you grab his hand just as he starts to turn away. “please, satoru, i need to know,” you breathe, squeezing his hand harder when he flinches.

ten silent seconds tick by, but you still don’t let go. so satoru sighs, a soft white puff of air coming from his lips. “yeah.”

your heart breaks again.

“then why did you—”

“because i don’t know how to do this,” satoru says, blue eyes darting all over the place. “i love you, i really do, but i just can’t— i don’t like having thousands of people thinking that i’m only worth looking at if i’m with you, it’s annoying and it pisses me off and i don’t want to accidentally take it out on yo—”

you cut him off with a kiss, ignoring the way he yelps a little in surprise. but thankfully, he doesn’t push you away—instead, his arms instantly wrap around you and pull you closer into his warm, warm chest. satoru’s lips are a little dry, but still minty as ever from the peppermints he’s constantly munching on. he kisses you back like a man starved of affection, and when you two finally break apart, his eyes are just as hungry.

“you idiot,” you whisper, trailing your fingers through his hair as tears prick at the corner of your eyes. “you shoulda just talked to me about it first.”

“i know,” satoru mumbles, looking down bashfully. “‘m sorry.”

“you should be.” you pause, watching satoru’s lips curve into a pouty frown. “i’m sorry too,” you murmur, and he looks up, confused. “i should’ve seen this coming.”

satoru shakes his head and presses his lips to your forehead, lingering for a couple seconds before pulling back. “i missed you.”

“i was gone for less than a day, satoru.”

“oh, so you didn’t miss me?”

“i did,” you admit, exhaling a puff of air when satoru smiles smugly. “shut up, it’s not a competition!”

“yeah it is, but fine, you win,” satoru gives in with a dramatic sigh, reaching down and twining his fingers with yours. his hands, which are significantly bigger than yours, instantly warm you up. “but only ‘cause i don’t want you to break up with me next.”

“i hate you, y’know that?” you grumble, leaning into his side and letting satoru kiss the top of your head. he hums in agreement, reaching out and opening your front door.

“i’m sure you do, baby. now c’mon, let’s get inside n’ warm up. i wanna make it up to you,” satoru says with a grin, bending over and scooping up both boxes.

“oh, yeah? how do you plan to do that?” you challenge, going inside first and holding the door open for satoru. once he’s inside, you close the door and instantly get pinned against it by satoru, whose hands are already creeping underneath your clothes. “satoru, your hands are col—”

he cuts you off by pressing his equally cold lips to yours, smiling against your mouth as he tugs at your clothes. “i know, baby. but i’ll keep you nice n’ warm for the rest of the night, i promise!”

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